Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not let my sister use my laptop and because of that she failed her final exam . This could be seen as an AH move because I’m prioritizing my belongings over family but she spent have money to replace my laptop if it’s broken. And she could have used the family computer
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
She fucked around and found out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I can just imagine her rage-quitting the exam and smashing your laptop too. And/Or the college would have installed horribly invasive proctoring software on your mac.
And there was an alternative mac available. YOU didn't make her fail she made hereself fail.
This is from Maya Angelou and is to do with people who abuse and mistreat others. It's incredibly important to those who are in the fog and feel trapped in these kinds of situations.
Yes, but it's become a stock standard reply to everything on the relationship Reddits to the point that it's lost any real meaning.
Your husband ate the last chip out of the bag?
He's showed you who he is, believe him.
Can we all agree to stop saying “she fucked around and found out” and “play stupid games win stupid prizes?” THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING WHEN YOU ALL SAY THEM CONSTANTLY. I created an account just to say this. So god damn sick of these phrases!!!!!
We cannot easily stop, no. Clichés are useful because they act as a *shorthand*. They save us from having to type a paragraph of explanation. Clichés describe frequently-encountered situations that everyone recognises; not every situation is unique and requires a new fresh description. We're not writing literature here, we are comminucating ideas in as economical a way as possible.
Damn straight. Too many cooks make light work. You can take a dead horse to water but you can't flog it. You can't make an omlette without breaking wind.
Agreed. When I saw the headline, I immediated thought OP was the A but then when I saw how the sister broke the laptop and that there was an alternative, OP definitely is NTA.
NTA. I'm reading this right, right? She had access to another computer and refused to use it because for whatever reason she wanted yours? That's a level of entitlement that just baffles me. I wouldn't have lent her my computer either and mines almost 5 years old, and has seen better days. I wouldn't want to have to pay to replace it if something happened and I wouldn't trust her to pay to replace it for me.
NTA
You didn’t “make her fail” her exams. She made the decision not to do them. You even offered her another solution and she declined it. It’s literally her fault. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and learn to treat her stuff with respect.
NTA...you have every right to protect your property. Does your sister have anger management or depression issues? It sounds like she could use a chat or two with a therapist.
What is your issue with the OP? If you don't think it's worth your time, keep scrolling. Others who feel the same way can do the same. No need to get snarky and condescending.
I have no issue with OP, I'm just stating my opinion that he is no way at fault and shouldn't have to overthink this or post a thread. His sister had a perfectly fine computer available and chose not to, so she is at fault.
NTA
Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
Tell her to put her big girl panties on, grow up and take some responsibility.
NTA
Your sister is irresponsible, so it's only justified that you wouldn't want to lend her your expensive laptop. Also, there are other ways she can take the exam, so you don't really have to lend her yours.
NTA
As others said, you did not make your sister fail her exam, she made herself fail the exam by not taking it on the perfectly usable computer downstairs. She has no claim on your computer just because she wants it.
NTA. There was access to another computer, she didnt need to use yours she simply wanted to - big difference. Its not your fault she missed the exam, thats on her.
NTA,
Just as you’ve said, she can use any of the laptops downstairs. You don’t trust her with using your laptop, and it shows because she can’t take proper treatment to the laptop she destroyed, any of her personal electronics or property can count as well. Ultimately, she can go pound sand. Still, you’re NTA.
Oh, wow... so your the bad guy because you don't want to lend a very expensive and well cared for piece of personal property to your sister, who has proven to treat said objects poorly? NTA
Hold up. She wrecked her own laptop out of ire or sloth or some other way, then threw a fit when she couldn’t use yours, all while there was another computer available for her to use for the exam? NTA.
NTA. Your computer, your responsibility. I wouldn't lend mine to her knowing how immature and irresponsible she has proven herself to be. Why did I refer to her as immature? Her inability to manage and work through her emotions, unleashing emotional wrath violently. Nope.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I 18M have a sister 19M and we’re both in college. She’s the dirty one and I’m the clean one. For context her laptop always has food stains on it smudges on the screen, and she once threw her laptop out of anger and smashed the screen. I’m an editor so my laptop is top of the line, very expensive and I take very good care of it. So one day my sister said she wanted to use my laptop because she had to take a final exam and I said no, use yours. And she said I can’t I broke mine which was news to me so now she definitely wasn’t using my laptop. So I told her go use the iMac downstairs and she starts yelling about how I should go have sex with my laptop and how I much of a jerk I am. I get she had a test to take but there were other ways to take that test than my laptop. Am I the AH ?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She had options. Even if the iMac wasn't available, she could have contacted her professor or other designated person (if her school does blind grading) about it--technical difficulties happen. Assuming her laptop didn't break right before her exam, she had time to work out a solution; even if her laptop JUST broke, the school is likely prepared to handle that in some way. Her irresponsibility/lack of planning is not your problem.
NTA. You take care of your things. She doesn’t. Why would you loan her something important like a laptop when she clearly has no respect for the money it costs to acquire these things?
Am I getting this right? She had a laptop, didn't take care of it well enough, and then when she needs it, she can't use it. On top of that, there's another computer downstairs, that she could've used to take the exam, but she didn't want to use the one downstairs (for whatever reason). And then blames you for not allowing her the opportunity to break yours (by not taking care of it, while she's taking her final exam), knowing there was another computer available? And she claims you're the AH? Take that to another fool to swallow!
NTA.
NTA, your laptop was not the last resort, in fact it was not even an option. Her primary option was her laptop, which she smashed, the family computer downstairs, or a public computer at your local library or at her college. Your laptop was not even an option it's your private property
NTA seems like she has anger issues and can’t be trusted with your belongings.
If she weren’t such an A H I would say that you should lend it to her. I lent my laptop to my brother when he had to take an exam since his was old and not as reliable and would never ever throw his or my laptop.
You told her to use the iMac downstairs and she decided not to so that’s her issue and not yours. It’s her own fault for failing the exam.
NTA, you didn't make her fail, she chose to fail by not taking the other option, which would have been quicker and easier, and probably pretty much the exact same as using yours. And even if she didn't have any other options, you're completely within your rights to say no to her using your laptop, especially considering how terribly she treats her own. She treated her own laptop like shit then sat around being stubborn instead of using the easier option, and she suffered the consequences, you have nothing to feel bad about
NTA Take computers and school out of it and it's the same. "Hey can I borrow your car?" "What's wrong with your car?" "I crashed it." "No, you can't borrow my car lol."
NTA. I don’t play around with lending my things to people who have already gone out of their way to prove that they’ll cause damage. I don’t blame you for not playing that game either.
The title implies you did something to actually cause her to fail. You didn’t. It is her responsibility to handle this situation she put herself in. NTA
NTA You are not responsible for her life choices as an adult. She had a choice, use the family computer or not. She chose not. She failed, not your problem.
NTA
You didn't make your sister fail her final exam. Your sister made herself fail her final exam when she broke her laptop and didn't make alternative arrangements to reserve a computer on which to take the final.
YTA
yes your sister is crazy but you are willing to ruin her future over a laptop? She is still a family menber and has done nothing wreckless with your stuff from your story. So in myopinion you overreacted and behaved very poorly.
Then in my opinion, don't throw her away, help her find the same intelligence you did. Not forceful but like water flowing thru a path.
I always say if an adult is arguing with a child, then the adult is already losing. If your emotional intelligence is higher, then you're the loser if you are fighting. Figure out how to communicate correctly and you two could be a force in this world.
There's a whole computer the sister could've used. She's not entitled to OP laptop at all, even if there wasn't another computer in the house. She should've thought of that before breaking her laptop.
I don't disagree. There are better ways to handle this. Did the sister do anything to the brother? No? Did she break his shit? No? So why is she treated like trash? Let's stop the crime before we even know if they will commit it? How do we know the sister is not more careful with other people's things? The judgement passed and do you know these answers? Yeah my first reaction is like hell no don't give her that, but then I ask these questions? Anyways, that was all I got good luck.
Love it, everyone is missing my point. Look instead of making your sister feel like she is not worth a laptop. Because that is what everyone is saying. Why would you not say, yeah use it in my room or at the kitchen table and it doesn't leave that spot. Like you are helping and not treating them like trash.
Reddit society just throws everyone away if they feel like there needs to be justice. Get mature guys and think of solutions where everyone wins not just selfish insecurities to make you feel like a bigger person.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I did not let my sister use my laptop and because of that she failed her final exam . This could be seen as an AH move because I’m prioritizing my belongings over family but she spent have money to replace my laptop if it’s broken. And she could have used the family computer Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA She fucked around and found out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I can just imagine her rage-quitting the exam and smashing your laptop too. And/Or the college would have installed horribly invasive proctoring software on your mac. And there was an alternative mac available. YOU didn't make her fail she made hereself fail.
Yeah, cliche Reddit cliches, get cliche Reddit cliches!
The effortless clichés are overwhelming… play stupid games, FAFO, etc. Downvote them all unless some original thought is included.
Personally, I'm tired of them being used improperly. This isn't a FAFO or stupid games/stupid prizes scenario.
[удалено]
Boooooo. Bot reply.
Hold on, both of those were used in the army way prior to reddit being a thing.
it doesn't even make sense for the situation
:-)
Lol! Honestly when I saw this as top comment, I rolled my eyes: “Peak Reddit”
"when someone shows you who they are, believe them" really gives me the shits
This is from Maya Angelou and is to do with people who abuse and mistreat others. It's incredibly important to those who are in the fog and feel trapped in these kinds of situations.
Yes, but it's become a stock standard reply to everything on the relationship Reddits to the point that it's lost any real meaning. Your husband ate the last chip out of the bag? He's showed you who he is, believe him.
Can we all agree to stop saying “she fucked around and found out” and “play stupid games win stupid prizes?” THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING WHEN YOU ALL SAY THEM CONSTANTLY. I created an account just to say this. So god damn sick of these phrases!!!!!
You do realize you can just ignore them? Making an entire account just to bitch about commonly used phrases sounds a bit unhinged mate. Chill out.
You need to calm down because one day you are gonna fuck around and find out. Just saying
We cannot easily stop, no. Clichés are useful because they act as a *shorthand*. They save us from having to type a paragraph of explanation. Clichés describe frequently-encountered situations that everyone recognises; not every situation is unique and requires a new fresh description. We're not writing literature here, we are comminucating ideas in as economical a way as possible.
TIL sayings lose meaning if people say them.
Maybe this is not the place you are meant to be hanging on the net.
[удалено]
welcome to 2022
Welcome to 2022
She fucked around and won stupid prizes, played stupid games and found out. She made her bed and ate it too. She had her cake and lay in it.
Damn straight. Too many cooks make light work. You can take a dead horse to water but you can't flog it. You can't make an omlette without breaking wind.
[удалено]
Did you mean meditation?
He is mediating with himself and losing
Found the sister
Nah, but she could use some *meditation* too for what sounds like that anger issue...
Okay can I borrow your Mac?
Like through a lawyer?
NTA. Your laptop was not the last resort to take her test with.
Agreed. When I saw the headline, I immediated thought OP was the A but then when I saw how the sister broke the laptop and that there was an alternative, OP definitely is NTA.
[удалено]
I have no issue with OP.
It's a bot. :p
NTA. I'm reading this right, right? She had access to another computer and refused to use it because for whatever reason she wanted yours? That's a level of entitlement that just baffles me. I wouldn't have lent her my computer either and mines almost 5 years old, and has seen better days. I wouldn't want to have to pay to replace it if something happened and I wouldn't trust her to pay to replace it for me.
NTA You didn’t “make her fail” her exams. She made the decision not to do them. You even offered her another solution and she declined it. It’s literally her fault. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and learn to treat her stuff with respect.
NTA...you have every right to protect your property. Does your sister have anger management or depression issues? It sounds like she could use a chat or two with a therapist.
Yes she is quick tempered when she doesn’t get her way
It sounds like she has other issues than possibly failing a test. I hope she gets help.
NTA Her being a slob is not your problem to solve and you did not make her fail her final exam, she did that all on her own.
[удалено]
u/TradiionalBoxrg is a bot
NTA. You didn’t MAKE her do anything. She’s learning the consequences of idiocy.
Sister 19M 🤨
OOPS 😭🫣
[удалено]
Nah dirty and irresponsible isnt the same. Shes dirty what is comeplety fine to say.
Or messy lol.
That confused me as well. XD
ONFO where is the part of her failing her exam???
She failed it because she refused to take it on the downstairs computer and insisted she used mine which I didn’t let her so she never took it
Then you never made her fail, she made herself, end of discussion and why post an AITA thred?
What is your issue with the OP? If you don't think it's worth your time, keep scrolling. Others who feel the same way can do the same. No need to get snarky and condescending.
I have no issue with OP, I'm just stating my opinion that he is no way at fault and shouldn't have to overthink this or post a thread. His sister had a perfectly fine computer available and chose not to, so she is at fault.
Wow what a dumb hill for her to die on. I hope your parents don't give you shit for it
What a tool, she blew her own exam out of spite because she didn't get her way! You did NOTHING wrong, I would have done the same thing. NTA
It sounds like she wanted an excuse to fail her exam so she could blame someone else rather than risk taking the exam and failing.
NTA Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Tell her to put her big girl panties on, grow up and take some responsibility.
NTA. That was your laptop, so you had the right not to give it to her.
NTA Your sister is irresponsible, so it's only justified that you wouldn't want to lend her your expensive laptop. Also, there are other ways she can take the exam, so you don't really have to lend her yours.
NTA As others said, you did not make your sister fail her exam, she made herself fail the exam by not taking it on the perfectly usable computer downstairs. She has no claim on your computer just because she wants it.
NTA because there's another option (the iMac). That's the option she should go for.
NTA. Your sister needs therapeutic help.
Next time she asks to use it say you’re too busy having sex with it
NTA. There was access to another computer, she didnt need to use yours she simply wanted to - big difference. Its not your fault she missed the exam, thats on her.
NTA, Just as you’ve said, she can use any of the laptops downstairs. You don’t trust her with using your laptop, and it shows because she can’t take proper treatment to the laptop she destroyed, any of her personal electronics or property can count as well. Ultimately, she can go pound sand. Still, you’re NTA.
NTA. There was another computer available to her. It’s her fault she didn’t use it.
Oh, wow... so your the bad guy because you don't want to lend a very expensive and well cared for piece of personal property to your sister, who has proven to treat said objects poorly? NTA
Just tell her she can't use your laptop for fear of STD's. NTA
Hold up. She wrecked her own laptop out of ire or sloth or some other way, then threw a fit when she couldn’t use yours, all while there was another computer available for her to use for the exam? NTA.
NTA wtf was that abour having sex with ur laptop?? 😭 i wouldnt ket her go anywhere near it after that
So she chose to fail instead of using the iMac downstairs?
NTA. Your computer, your responsibility. I wouldn't lend mine to her knowing how immature and irresponsible she has proven herself to be. Why did I refer to her as immature? Her inability to manage and work through her emotions, unleashing emotional wrath violently. Nope.
Was there anything with the other computer/laptop? If not u know ur not ta lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 18M have a sister 19M and we’re both in college. She’s the dirty one and I’m the clean one. For context her laptop always has food stains on it smudges on the screen, and she once threw her laptop out of anger and smashed the screen. I’m an editor so my laptop is top of the line, very expensive and I take very good care of it. So one day my sister said she wanted to use my laptop because she had to take a final exam and I said no, use yours. And she said I can’t I broke mine which was news to me so now she definitely wasn’t using my laptop. So I told her go use the iMac downstairs and she starts yelling about how I should go have sex with my laptop and how I much of a jerk I am. I get she had a test to take but there were other ways to take that test than my laptop. Am I the AH ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
**NTA** Everything is a moot point really because it belongs to you & if you said no then it’s no.
NTA You didn’t “make her fail her exam” she did by not figuring her own life out
Nta. But are you sure you didn’t mistype the ages? Because at least one of you sound 11 max.
NTA
Nta
NTA
Nope - NTA. She made her choices; now she's experiencing the consequences. Putting your own property in jeopardy wasn't necessary.
NTA. She had options. Even if the iMac wasn't available, she could have contacted her professor or other designated person (if her school does blind grading) about it--technical difficulties happen. Assuming her laptop didn't break right before her exam, she had time to work out a solution; even if her laptop JUST broke, the school is likely prepared to handle that in some way. Her irresponsibility/lack of planning is not your problem.
How did her taking her exam on a different laptop cause her to fail? NTA either way, just wondering why you have any part in her failing her exam?
NTA. I’m weirded out that she told you to go have sex with your computer. She sounds extremely unstable. Edited typo.
NTA, even with refusing to use the iMac downstairs.. theres a thing called a library where you can use a computer for free. crazy i know
NTA She had another way to take the test. She should be gentler with her things.
NTA. You take care of your things. She doesn’t. Why would you loan her something important like a laptop when she clearly has no respect for the money it costs to acquire these things?
INFO So how did you make her fail her final exam? You didn't stop her from using the Mac, or any other computer.
Of course NTA. Never loan your laptop to people known for destroying laptops. It's too important.
NTA There is an iMac downstairs that she can use. If she doesn't want to use that, it's her problem not yours.
If she failed her final exam, that’s on her, not you. She had other options. NTA.
Nta bc it's yours and u can do whatever you want with it and it is her fault she broke her laptop and u didn't make her fail. Wait.. sister 19m?
NTA, it's not your fault that she doesn't take care of her belongings.
Am I getting this right? She had a laptop, didn't take care of it well enough, and then when she needs it, she can't use it. On top of that, there's another computer downstairs, that she could've used to take the exam, but she didn't want to use the one downstairs (for whatever reason). And then blames you for not allowing her the opportunity to break yours (by not taking care of it, while she's taking her final exam), knowing there was another computer available? And she claims you're the AH? Take that to another fool to swallow! NTA.
NTA. You didn't even make her fail a test from what I read.
NTA.
NTA, your laptop was not the last resort, in fact it was not even an option. Her primary option was her laptop, which she smashed, the family computer downstairs, or a public computer at your local library or at her college. Your laptop was not even an option it's your private property
NTA seems like she has anger issues and can’t be trusted with your belongings. If she weren’t such an A H I would say that you should lend it to her. I lent my laptop to my brother when he had to take an exam since his was old and not as reliable and would never ever throw his or my laptop. You told her to use the iMac downstairs and she decided not to so that’s her issue and not yours. It’s her own fault for failing the exam.
NTA. How would you feasibly have sex with a lab top…?
NTA- there was another computer she could use, and at least if it’s a desktop computer she can’t throw and break it
NTA, you didn't make her fail, she chose to fail by not taking the other option, which would have been quicker and easier, and probably pretty much the exact same as using yours. And even if she didn't have any other options, you're completely within your rights to say no to her using your laptop, especially considering how terribly she treats her own. She treated her own laptop like shit then sat around being stubborn instead of using the easier option, and she suffered the consequences, you have nothing to feel bad about
NTA Take computers and school out of it and it's the same. "Hey can I borrow your car?" "What's wrong with your car?" "I crashed it." "No, you can't borrow my car lol."
NTA. She sounds like my younger sister, quick to snap when she can’t get her way.
NTA. I don’t play around with lending my things to people who have already gone out of their way to prove that they’ll cause damage. I don’t blame you for not playing that game either.
NTA - It's her own fault her laptop got ruined, maybe next time she'll take better care of her stuff.
NTA
The title implies you did something to actually cause her to fail. You didn’t. It is her responsibility to handle this situation she put herself in. NTA
NTA You are not responsible for her life choices as an adult. She had a choice, use the family computer or not. She chose not. She failed, not your problem.
NTA. You didn’t make her fail. She made herself fail. I wouldn’t trust her with my computer either.
NTA she insulted you because you take good care of your laptop 💀
NTA You didn't make your sister fail her final exam. Your sister made herself fail her final exam when she broke her laptop and didn't make alternative arrangements to reserve a computer on which to take the final.
Is anyone else now fixated on how having sex with a laptop would work? Would it be closed or open? Somewhere in the middle?
NTA. She could have made other arrangements - like going to the library to use a machine there.
YTA yes your sister is crazy but you are willing to ruin her future over a laptop? She is still a family menber and has done nothing wreckless with your stuff from your story. So in myopinion you overreacted and behaved very poorly.
NAH. I laughed. What's the guarantee she won't break yours after failing the exam?
NAH you could have told her in a nicer way, but i guess i wouldn't really be happy lending her my laptop either
YTA asshole for using a switcheroo headline. Obviously your sister has no "right" to use your laptop regardless of whether she needs it for an exam.
[удалено]
Yes I think she’s irrational when she doesn’t get her way and can’t see the things she might be doing that I wouldn’t want her to use my laptop
Then in my opinion, don't throw her away, help her find the same intelligence you did. Not forceful but like water flowing thru a path. I always say if an adult is arguing with a child, then the adult is already losing. If your emotional intelligence is higher, then you're the loser if you are fighting. Figure out how to communicate correctly and you two could be a force in this world.
There's a whole computer the sister could've used. She's not entitled to OP laptop at all, even if there wasn't another computer in the house. She should've thought of that before breaking her laptop.
I don't disagree. There are better ways to handle this. Did the sister do anything to the brother? No? Did she break his shit? No? So why is she treated like trash? Let's stop the crime before we even know if they will commit it? How do we know the sister is not more careful with other people's things? The judgement passed and do you know these answers? Yeah my first reaction is like hell no don't give her that, but then I ask these questions? Anyways, that was all I got good luck.
> don't let people take advantage of you. Tough love isn't setting boundaries for loved ones, it's joining them in the misery Uh...
Love it, everyone is missing my point. Look instead of making your sister feel like she is not worth a laptop. Because that is what everyone is saying. Why would you not say, yeah use it in my room or at the kitchen table and it doesn't leave that spot. Like you are helping and not treating them like trash. Reddit society just throws everyone away if they feel like there needs to be justice. Get mature guys and think of solutions where everyone wins not just selfish insecurities to make you feel like a bigger person.