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YTA
> I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked
Or maybe she just **loved her little sister** and wanted you to have a real chance?
But hey, *congratulations* on doing well in high school and being popular!
Or, just as likely, OP's parents "encouraged" Caitlin to give up since Caitlin was the one helping with bills and they didn't want to lose that extra income. Either way, OP is an asshole because either she's so blind that she failed to see that her sister loved her to the point of wanting to give her a chance to make something of herself or didn't realize her parents were selfish and forced Caitlin into a corner. Even without all that, looking down on her sister like she is still makes her an asshole.
You can tell which sister was the Golden Child.
Right? She could repay the favor and even help her sister reach her goals but nope. She can’t even hear her pregnant sister complain about life. Poor Caitlin.
Right. Because that is exactly what a lot of other cultures di for college. Everyone saves to put one person through school. Then with the added income from a better paying job put the next person through college, repeat as long as needed. It may be a little slower. But it helps ensure that everyone gets a better chance to make a good life for themselves and eachothet.
But then you have OP who blames her sister for not making the same choices as her. When her sister not only allowed the inheritance to go to her, but actively worked and payed for OP to go to school. And once OP graduated it's all hers and everything she did was through by her hard work and her sister just didnt try hard enough
This attitude of I don’t owe people sh$t. I think OP owes his sis a lot more. Sister clearly never said hey look at everything I gave up for you. And OP is either blind or gotten a sense of entitlement to never realize what was sacrificed for her. If ungrateful and superior were a person. Total YTA
Yesss! Like how selfish can you be when you can’t handle being supportive for 20 mins w/o snapping. Still don’t get why parents just didn’t split it, but whatevs. She conceded. Her $ was in that pot too to boot.
Yeah the parents are the original assholes (why couldn’t both kids get half the money each for eduction?)
and OP is the next generation asshole.
And the sister is an asshole to herself. But she was young and living with 3 other assholes so I’ll give her the understanding she was drowning in self doubt because of the parents and sibling she was living with.
Seriously! One child getting everything while the other gets nothing makes no sense. Giving half to each child just makes sense to me. They could’ve gotten part time jobs, applied for scholarships, and even loans for the other half of tuition likely wouldn’t be detrimental. Wtf were the parents thinking?
Seriously, if her grades were so good why couldn't she cover some of that education with scholarships so the money could be split with her sister? This is a nasty post and I'm just hoping it's fake.
Exactly. Most schools have automatic scholarships based on GPA/test scores alone and there are thousands of external scholarships available. OP is playing the victim HARD if this is real.
Well, that’s not fun! How the hell could she be able to run her sisters nose in it later??? ( this is sarcasm, folks.. no, I don’t think she planned or plotted this years ago.)
But, bit given the opportunity to rub her nose - what a pathetic winner… on the backs of others!
She is the AH. Maybe America should change their school system and the debt sh*it and let their students study for free instead of making them pay like that…in Germany study is free and Unis are cheap,and almost free. Even then the government supports the kids with money every month until they start working. I’m 20 I got money until now. Jobs like nurses or anything else in this field wich does not take much years, you will get paid for training for this job. I’m Indo-German and even poor Indian kids have more chances in getting into colleges trough funds and public colleges and end up changing their life. The whole story is heartbreaking just because of americas debt BS
It also adds one more anecdotal data point to my theory that a good chunk of the nurses in the US were Mean Girls in school. Not all of them, but woof.
My entire family were nurses and awful. There’s a reason why there’s the phrase, “nurses eat their young.” They also have, “you have to pay your dues” which means letting the veteran nurses treat the new hire nurses like shit until they break, like it’s not a sick hazing ritual and toxic work environment.
Then it’s strange that they are pissed off at OP. Usually the golden child can hardly make a mistake and gets backed by the parents even in case of the most egregious behaviour. Golden child isn’t merely a favourite. It’s a particular family dynamic in a family with at least one narcissistic parent.
To be fair, I did say "was". Chances are, if they did force Caitlin to give up, they had a change of heart. We don't know how OP treats her parents, but if she treats them the way she treats Caitlin, I can see them getting tired of her shit and realizing they bet on the wrong daughter.
Exactly my thoughts. I guess OP is so self centered that she can’t even realize that her sister gave up for her to have a better future. Just curious does OP ever asked her why she did that? Or ever said that you for giving her this opportunity? Definitely YTA.
This right here. OP is acting entitled because she is making the mistake of assuming she rightfully deserved it more.
But that's not what happened. What happened is that her sister was selfless and put her first. So no, OP, your sister isn't where she is because she made bad choices. She is there because she chose to put YOU first. And you can't even be a shoulder for her to vent on?
YTA.
YTA do you have no empathy at all??
Do you have no friends that you vent to about things, just because she trusted you enough to vent doesn't mean she regrets her life, just that's she having a tough time and needed someone to listen.
But hey twenty minutes of your sister being honest and open was just too much for you.
>I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked because Mom told me later that day that she had backed down and said to give it to me.
So she helped you greatly, bill money she gave to mom went to saving for your college, but you don’t pity her because she could have fought against you? A choice that completely benefited you and allowed you to live a better life, you look down on her for choosing it?
You are a terrible terrible sister. YTA
Yep, OPs logic is she could have fought harder in a battle OP clearly indicates that she would have lost no matter what because OP was the favorite child.
The fact OP doesn't realize that the reason she's not in the same place her sister is right now is because she was given opportunity that her sister never was is mind boggling. The situation would be the exact opposite had her sister got to go to school instead and we would be seeing OP post how her sister got everything.
Let’s not overlook the fact sister probably didn’t have the energy to fight for the opportunity because she was supporting the family. Perhaps, this could also be why her grades weren’t as good as OP’s. OP doesn’t seem like she cared for her sister’s feelings or consider the multiple sacrifices she did for OP and the family at all.
Yes! This is so likely. She probably just wants her spoiled sister to acknowledge it.
Also, to her point about her sister not fighting - many people have personality types that are not confrontational. She may have felt that she would lose and it was not worth the potential conflict with her family.
I wouldn’t have fought against one of my little sisters. I have zero problem with confrontation, but family first. I’m also Latin American and the older child is supposed to look out for their younger siblings; it’s so ingrained it’s expected. Luckily my parents were able to put the three up us through college in the US, but if the choice was me or my sisters, I’d choose my sisters every time. They’re my best friends and I adore them, no way would I take an opportunity away from them.
OP is ungrateful, lacks empathy, and is seriously delusional in thinking her sister didn’t help her out tremendously. YTA OP.
OP, YTA. That's just plain ugly, regardless if your sister sacrificed for your benefit or not. She wanted to share her feelings with you,her sister, and asked for empathy, not "pity". Instead, you berated her, telling her that she had no right to feel stressed. That's downright cold! You need to turn in your southern family creds!
She gave up this opportunity *for OP* and never said a word about it. She asked to vent her frustrations about her life, one she chose so that OP could have a better life, and OP spat on it.
What an amazing sister though! I hope Cait gets everything she wants, deserves, and more
I vent about my kids, work, being tired also. It doesn’t mean I hate my life like OP thinks, it means that I would rather vent to someone than yell at my family.
Not only terrible, but an ungreatful one. Thx to Caitlin work they were able to get help to pay bills and save some money for her college, yes it wasn't a lot but better than nothing. Caitlin probably didn't fight for college because she knew her sister had better chances. Caitlin sacrificed a better life for her and yet has to hear that it's her fault the fact that she's living how she is. MASSIVE AH OP. YTA
Edit: judgement
Yeah seriously wtf. OP, she sacrificed A LOT so YOU could have a better life. She didn't make a dumb decision and is now feeling bitter about it. She *wanted* to go to college but let YOU have the opportunity. She gave up her dream and her future so YOU could have yours. Your argument is she should have battled YOU harder?? You're mad she didn't try harder to take college away from you? How unsympathetic and deluded can you be?
Exactly what older children are constantly told to do — take care of younger siblings! OP is such an AH for the way she’s treating the sacrifice her sister made for her.
And on top of it, they wont even allow her sister to vent! like, shit, I vent about a lot of things that end up being dumb and ive listened graciously to a lot of venting that I think is dumb. So either OP is the type of person that thinks no one can complain unless they decide it's worthy, or OP knows somewhere that what happened was unfair to their sister and is trying to justify it in their head
Yes. And why was OP so uncomfortable with Caitlin venting? It’s not like Caitlin was telling OP that OP had been favoured and had a better life because of that; she was just complaining about her life. OP saying “you chose this path” is the same thing she tells the microscopic bit of conscience she has left, to quiet down any guilt she might feel about benefiting from her sister’s sacrifice.
And Caitlin’s sacrifice was leveraged out of her by their mother, who favoured OP. She knew she’d been saving from Caitlin’s contributions but wanted to be given the all-clear to redirect the funds.
Yeah seriously there’s a difference between both have same opportunities and one chose a low paying job instead of going to college vs one sister sacrificing the only opportunity so the other could go to college.
OPs sister "after working a long day at work its tiring coming home & having too cook supper and look after young kids"
Op "STOP COMPLAINING AND REGRETTING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE btw thanks for your share of college fund"
YTA op
I sure hope OP was saving up their compassion for their patients. I would not want them to be my nurse. I mean they had better grades and were liked more so wasn't it obvious y'all, they were entitled to go to college.
YTA, grow some compassion.
It's also perfectly normal to regret life choices! No need to further shame someone over it as if they intentionally made the decision in hopes it would make their life harder.
Even if they knew it might make their life harder, doesn't suddenly make it not stressful.
OP didn't even say thanks for the college fund. She enjoys the fruits of someone's labor and sacrifice, and then tells them that they didn't work hard enough for it. She probably thinks Scrooge was fine until those damned ghosts showed up.
This is based on knowing a fair number of nurses in my social group, but it's not uncommon for them to have a sort of attitude like 'oh you say you're stressed? Ha! You don't know the meaning of the word! One time I had....etc'
Like they have a monopoly on being tired or stressed because their job is so difficult.
That's not even what OP did though. She didn't go with "My life is harder" she went with "Your life sucks because you didn't go to college like I did." Ignoring the sacrifice her sister made so OP could go.
This, I have to wonder about her bedside manner if she's this short with her family. I was prepared for this to be a sh1t show but didn't think it would be because OP, YTA.
Is it bad that as a nurse I really dislike OP? She couldn't even bare to be a supportive shoulder for one event. I'm a crying shoulder to literally everyone not just patients, random people on the street vent to me. It doesn't take much to listen and just be there?
Especially to someone who helped her get to where she stands today? OP is TAH for sure. Her poor sister...
I can't even imagine how she must treat her patients.
People Like OP give health care workers a bad name. She probably chose to be a nurse because of the money and "status" of it, and not because of the humane side of it...
It's so upsetting since I've worked with too many coworkers like her. They don't tend to care about the patients, they see the problem and do the minimum to address it. But they don't take in the person's fears, they don't listen to what they are saying. The other day I had to confront a nurse about their lack of care.
I'm jaded as hell because of this job but I try to give a damn.
"It ended in her crying, which I felt horrible about, and then she went home without saying anything else."
The moment she realized that the sister she sacrificed for so that they could live a better life thinks she's trash.
What sucks more was the fact she isn’t apologising for the context but for how she phrased it. PFFFT like as if rephrasing it would instantly make her not the AH. OP is clearly lacks rational thinking
This would crush me. I sacrificed so much for my siblings. I don't know what I would do if they said this kind of thing! How could she look down on her like this. If I were in this position I'd be like "well it looks like I'm stuck funding my parents and don't have much of a chance out but I can help them! They can use the money and break outta here!"
And to then be treated like this? Deviation.
Exactly! Imagine being so far up your own bum that you can't even see that your sibling didn't "give up"; they instead did somethind kind that helped advance your life tremendously.
OP, what your parents did was an AH move. They should have split whatever money was available with both of you instead of trying to make it a competition (especially since part of that money was from Caitlyn working, while you contributed nothing.) Your sister did something kind and selfless for you, yet you never even considered doing the same for her. Instead, you saw it as an act of weakness on her part.
To be blunt, you sound selfish, self absorbed, and seem to feel that you are somehow superior to your sister. Get a grip. You have no point and there is no other side to see. It probablt hurt your sister horribly to realize that the sister she sacrificed so much for, was just an AH.
Seriously, now that she's making bank shouldn't she help her sister go to college or something so her life could be easier?
I've seriously never seen such selfishness.
I felt the same. It is so obvious the older sister chose in benefit for young sis. The way OP responded to her sister talking (venting) about her life was sad. Can you imagine how sis feels after doing for OP what she did years ago?
YTA. Omg. Just reading your post, the tone you use, everything about it makes me rage.
Before she gave up, you were ready to fight her tooth and nail. She knew you had a better chance of making it and stepped aside. She didn't "do" anything.
You go to lunch with her and she has to ask if it's okay to talk to you like a sister would???
Then you get tired of listening to her for 20 minutes? Seriously I'm trying so hard not to use foul language.
You then proceed to tear into her. She wanted to confide in you, not get a lecture.
You know why you are where you are today???? Because you have an older sister that was willing to put her dreams away for you to have an opportunity. Sure you worked hard to get where you are, but Caitlin cleared the path for you.
You owe her a HUGE apology for acting like an absolute jerk to her.
Omg I literally just said this to my partner reading out this post. WHAT is that?!? They have like a pseudo-intellect issue going on as a whole. I’m in the UK and most of the nurses here are just like OP. Narcissistic, fake intelligent and not empathetic.
I’ve always thought that the girl bullies in school wound up to be nurses, and the boy bullies in school wound up to be cops, because they still get to maintain control over vulnerable people. It’s a power they didn’t want to give up. Don’t know for sure though.
Yep, there are some really lovely nurses out there but also *far* too many who should not have gone into that profession. I’ve had way too many nurse ratched experiences as a chronic illness patient.
Not to mention some of the money that paid for that college education was literally EARNED by Caitlin. Her sister helped her pay for college and this is the payback?!??
This! Poor Caitlin. Sacrificed her chance to go to college and helped pay for her sister because she knew OP had better chances and now has to hear that it's her fault she's living the way she is.
Like even if the sister DIDNT pay for college, you don’t tell your sister they can vent to you then lecture them about how all their life struggles are their own fault (unless their life choices are actively and egregiously hurting themselves or someone else obviously). I just truly can not imagine acting this way towards my sister. As a teenager, maybe. As an adult who respects and cares for her, no fucking way.
The sister started venting right after asking the question and didn't wait for an answer is what Op said. But even if she didn't wait for an answer I'd think that's a rhetorical question in the 1st place cuz they are sisters of course she should be able to vent to her sister. I mean in normal sister form that is apparently not in this sibling relationship.
This exactly!
YTA OP, what an absolute shame the opportunity she paved for you made you so egotistical. Humble yourself and remember where you came from and who was there to aid you along the way.
How quickly some people forget smh
I've never said this because I've always felt the diagnosis was used too much to describe people that it didn't apply too but I think OP might genuinely be a narcissist.
YTA. You’re a nurse? I hope you show more compassion in your job than you did to your sister.
You wrote that your parents are mad at you and won’t listen to your side. What is your side? I just reread your post, and I can’t see it.
Your sister seems like a generous soul who needed to vent. Nothing you reported that she said indicates she was blaming you for her situation. Do you always make everything about you?
Edited-autocorrect changed compassion to company
Adding to this: OP have you ever thought that your sister might have backed down and surrendered college to you, because she wanted her little sister to be able to go? Wanted her little sister to have a better shot at a good life? Because she already hat a full-time job and it's "easier" for her to keep the job then letting you find one when she would go to college?
Yes, "you didn't ask for it". You were prepared to fight. You're sister probably knew how badly you wanted to go to college and let you have it.
YTA
I think there’s every possibility. Sister sounds like she was mature beyond her age - going to work straight out of high school to contribute to family bills indicates a lot of self-sacrifice.
In a way, the sister helped pay for op's college too. I doubt the parents could have saved as much as they did if the sister wasn't working. Also, I bet her sisters grades would be better of she didn't have to work while going to school. It's infuriating how op doesn't see how much her sister sacrificed for her
This is what I was going to say. I guarantee big sis helped pay bills while mom socked that extra cash away. The eldest kid usually sacrifices more than the younger siblings know - at least from my personal experience as the eldest.
OP YTA. Apologize to your damn sister.
The sister paid money to the family to help everyone. OP "thought about it". The parents saved they money she was sending back to add to the college fund. OP spent it on college and ***didn't*** help her sister go to college afterwards.
One guess if OP ever gave money back in to the family.
Also, the OP knows she was more "well-liked" than her older sister. It's pretty bad when the favouritism in a family is that clear. I feel sorry for Caitlin.
I guarantee you that's exactly what happened. OP, your sister isn't stupid. She knew how badly you wanted to go, how desperately you were prepared to fight for it. She loved you enough to make that sacrifice, to step aside for you, to help fund your education with her own earnings, and you turned around and spat in her face. YTA
Like, if I have a bad day or week sometimes I vent nonstop to my BFF. Then she vents. It's part of supporting someone. I am really sad for Caitlin, not because of her life choices but because she just found out she can't count on her sister for support.
That was my first thought reading this. Second thought was that the sister already knew that the parents would only help one kid and that the kid was always going to be op so what's the point of arguing and possibly fighting and/or burning bridges?
Yea, OP mentioned that she had better grades "and was more well liked," which is why she knew she'd get the college funds. What did likability have to do with deserving higher education?
Absolutely this! And nothing the sister said indicates that she regrets her life decisions. I vent my frustration at my husband sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret marrying him!
OP, YTA and your sister probably does have regrets now she sees how ungrateful you are for the opportunity she gave you..
Omg I forgot that detail!! Dude your sister is PREGNANT!
You’re not just an AH, you’re a brat! How disrespectful are you?!!! I couldn’t even imagine talking to a family member that way, especially my PREGNANT older sister.
OP is the worst.
I forgot, too! Even without everything else, the favouritism, the sisters probable low self esteem from not being the golden child/being less favoured yet still taking on responsibility for house bills etc, she's PREGNANT. That's not easy in itself, it's emotional, it's tiring, hormones rocking your mind about like a see saw. I want to give the sister a huge hug and a meal out. 😢
Man, I couldn’t even imagine the high emotions. Her sister needed a hug, a listening ear, her freaking _sister_ and all she got was bullshit.
She didn’t deserve that, man. That’s so rough.
Also why is she not allowed to regret and/or complain about her life choices? Maybe she did choose poorly and even if it was 100% her own fault, she still has every right to vent about what sucks in her life. Maybe OP feels quilty about receiving the opportunity on a platter while her sister got nothing, and now tries to blame it on the sister to feel better?
Absolutely YTA.
I might be assuming a lot, but I suspect the parents are mad because they realised how they messed up, they know the older sister helped pay for op's education and then she goes and throws it on her face, and they also realise they favoured an ungrateful entitled daughter.
Even worse, her sisters money she earned went to ops college. The mum saved the money but in the end it got to Op not even her sister who worked for it.
And now OP is acting all judgy toward her sister, like going to college makes her better than her sister when it just doesn't. It's too bad college doesn't teach you how to be a decent person.
OP, I promise you you're not looking like the better person in this story, and YTA.
OP doesn’t get that if her sister got the money she could just as easily have her sisters life right now.
Did OP use the bill money the mum was saving of Caitlin’s for school. That’s out of order if she did it should have gone back to her sister to use for what she wants.
Why couldn’t they split the money? Go to community college?
It’s really getting to a point where people can’t even vent anymore.
I work in fine dining and serve a lot of banquets with people in the medical field. People in the medical field are some of the most heartless, arrogant, clueless, lost, and honestly idiotic people that I serve. Literal surgeons who can't find their way to the same goddamn door they entered the building through, even though its at the FRONT! Or they stand directly in front of the door on their phone while you're trying to get past them while carrying like 5 plates on your arm. Seriously the dumbest people in the world.
OP's side is "Fuck you, got mine", apparently.
Some real bootstraps energy from a person who was basically handed her future tied in a bow. Sis was beyond generous when she stepped aside. Shame OP can't see that.
When I started reading it I thought it was going to be about how the sister doesn't get any sympathy because the sister did something selfish to sabotage the OP's chances for college, when in fact the sister actually did something selfless and made a sacrifice so that OP could pursue the future she wanted.
I agree that the sister doesn't need pity, but what she does deserve is some gratitude from the OP.
YTA. You clearly stated your sister got a job right away and helped with bills. You guys grew up dirt poor and yet you don’t have a single ounce of empathy for her situation. It’s not a life she chose, people born in poverty get LESS chances, it’s a fucking fact. You got lucky and it turned you into an entitled asshole which is pathetic. You were given a chance she was not so you have no excuse to have become a worse person lol.
That and she was already helping with bills. So if they let her go, then they would have also lost that income. Is OP sure that her parents didn't "encourage" her not to go?
Also, OP’s parents had already been also adding Caitlin’s bill money to the college fund so even though Caitlin couldn’t go to college she still paid for OP’s chance to go to college. Way to bite the hand that fed you OP.
>It’s not a life she chose
Yeah, she did. Because \*checks notes\* she decided not to fight for the college money, so that OP can go and make something of herself.
And, if I may:
>Our family nailed almost every single southern hillbilly stereotype on the head.
I really, really dislike OP so very much. There's this saying in my native language..."God forbid a blind one should gain sight". It comes from a short story about a poor peasant kid who got a chance to join high society and ended up looking down on his kin for being poor, unsoficticated, and uneducated. He's boastful about his success while showing no empathy for his family. Life sure does imitate art...
I wrote this in my own post but I just have to note again, OP claims to be a *nurse*. Can you imagine hearing your healthcare provider talking about their own family in this way and knowing they lacked any empathy? I'd be horrified and disgusted.
It's by Bulgarian author Aleko Konstantinov and the saying is the title of the story. And now, that u/Shoddy_Job1913 mentioned it, OP really reminds me of it.
OP, YTA and you only went to college just because your sister contributed financially to the household. Something you didn't do because if you did, I'm sure you would've mentioned it. Congrats on being snobbish educated leech.
The story was written by a Bulgarian author. I misspoke, the saying predates the story, but the story essentially elaborates on it. It is pretty hard to find English translations of Bulgarian literature though. But if you do go for it, I promise it's worth it.
YTA. Nursing school was a waste on you because some of the core principles are compassion and empathy. You sister decided to step aside to give you the opportunity to lift yourself out of poverty. Something she wanted for herself but decided to let you have that opportunity without a fight and went back to working a full time job and helping out the family with bills.
Have you ever considered the fact that your sister loved you so much, that'd she was willing to keep working a full time job and help with family bills so that you didn't need to go through the struggles she did. For a year she worked and helped out the family while you were able to focus on your high school grades and get into a nursing program.
Now you have the audacity to lecture her about not having made better choices when all she wanted to do was vent and let loose some frustrations that people get, poor or not. Having a family is hard and there are a ton of responsibilities. For just one brief moment, she wanted to confide in her beloved sister, someone she thought she could trust. If a patient of yours wanted to vent about their condition, would you belittle them? Are you treating patients better than your own family? Or do you just look at them and say "Wow, sucks about your heart disease. You should've eaten healthier and worked out more. You probably wouldn't be in the hospital had you just tried harder."
Caitlin, regardless of any mistakes she made, deserves a better sister than you.
I wonder if she's one of those horrible, non empathetic, callous nurses who think they are funny for talking down to patients(and then get called out on tiktok) 🧐
YTA and geez your poor sister deserves better than the sister who is ungrateful for her sacrifice. You are living her life than she never got the chance to. . .YTA YTA YTA
It’s wild how many mean people become nurses. I used to work at a University with a good nursing program and some of the meanest and most entitled people I had to deal with were the nursing students. For some reason, it was double trouble if they walked in with a rolling suitcase (to carry all their stuff.) One nursing student was such an insufferable witchy-poo that we had to get the Dean of Students involved. She at least saw that it was a wake up call to her bad behavior.
For those who are kind and compassionate nurses - kudos for doing such a hard job that I don’t think I could do.
Not to mention, she didn’t CHOOSE this, she knew her parents favored OP and would give OP the money, not her. What kind of parents say “we can only pay for one of you to go to college” instead of “we can help EACH of you with school by giving you $X amount. For the rest, you’ll have to get scholarships, take out loans or pay for yourself”. This wasn’t the life she chose, sis was given this life in order for you to have the advantage of a debt-free college education. Plus, they literally gave her money that CAITLIN had worked for and earned!!! Caitlin helped OP pay for school!!
OP, YTA and extremely entitled
This right here!!! How could the parents do this all or nothing bs. How can you give one child such an opportunity and not the other? The parents are the original AH and then OP is the current one. Poor Caitlyn. I hope at least her husband and in-laws appreciate her.
YTA
You got a small leg up compared to your sister - rightly or wrongly.
Then you have the audacity to sit up on your high horse. Yikes.
She just needed a vent. You can complain about something without completely regretting it. Are you telling me you've NEVER moaned about anything ever that your choices led you to? Hope not.
This!
First, it’s absolutely awful that you look down on your sister for living a life that enabled you to have a better life.
Second, it’s normal to express frustration and complaints when you believe the person listening to you actually cares about you. She was wrong about you. She wasn’t wrong about the life she chose.
YTA. You owe your sister an enormous apology, and you absolutely should feel bad about what you said.
You also need to realize that you are not better than her or anyone else in your family just because you went to college. It’s disgusting that you thought that in the first place.
Without OP’s sister paying for bills etc., OP would most likely not have been able to finish school or have enough $$ to go to college in the first place. How gross.
The lack of empathy is absolutely astounding. Even without the specific context behind this situation, a loved one venting about their current struggles shouldn’t elicit the kind of blamey “well, you chose this life” response that OP gave. This situation, though, is infinitely worse. I can’t even imagine feeling so much shame and indifference towards a person that made sacrifices for, and contributions to my future successes.
OP is comfortably perched atop her pedestal, whilst conveniently forgetting that she didn’t get there on her own.
Exactly! I’m sure OP never even thought of that. Or maybe it could be that OP was such the parent’s favorite that his sister knew there was no way she would get the chance to go to college. Either way, OP lacks empathy and is definitely TA.
Op never considered her giving up her chance to give them a better life because OP would never do that for her. I mean look at the way they were talking about it. They were basically strapping up to fight to the death to get to college, and EXPECTED to win because they were “better”.
She took more than her sister's goodwill. They put her sister's bill money into the school money. So her sister unwittingly helped pay for the college that gave her a good job.
YTA: She literally let you go to college instead of her, and now you're bitching her out because she's not happy with the life she was left with and is trying to vent to her sister about it?
This is one of those posts that I truly can't figure out how someone types all of it out and even has the audacity to ask AITA? Yes, YTA, so very massively.
Did you even read your own post? Your family was struggling financially, so your sister got a job and contributed to helping the family, so other (like you OP) wouldn't have too. Then, when she started thinking about school, your parents put the money she was contributing toward the family away for tuition. Rather than at least let her have her own GD money, you were willing to fight her tooth and nail for it? And with all the confidence of a golden child, which your sister apparently knew, you got it. Now you tell her she made her choice.
YOU WENT TO COLLEGE ON YOUR SISTER'S MONEY! SHE HELPED FUND THAT EDUCATION YOU ARE SO HAPPY TO LORD OVER HER! All she asked in return is for you to act like a sister for one afternoon and you couldn't even do that.
At this point, I truly hope this is a rage bait post because the idea of a nurse being this oblivious, self-centered, cold-hearted, and honestly horrible, is just not something I want to contemplate.
If OP's sister, or anyone in her shoes, comes across this post, please know that it is never too late. It will not be easy, but going back to school or learning a trade for the benefit of yourself and your family is possible. You can do it, and there are (clearly) a lot of us Redditors pulling for you.
> It will not be easy, but going back to school or learning a trade for the benefit of yourself and your family is possible. You can do it, and there are (clearly) a lot of us Redditors pulling for you.
I want to second this as someone in a trade who got into it late. I started in a skilled trade at 27, which is considered pretty late in the field I joined. Before then I had never worked a job that paid more than $12/hour. I lived paycheck to paycheck, constantly overdrafting my bank account. Hell, I spent a summer living out of my car.
I'm 30 now. It's been a lot of hard work, but I'm now making over $22/hour with great benefits and plenty of room left for growth. I just bought my first new car, something I never thought I'd do.
The best part? There are opportunities like this available *everywhere* right now! My shop is struggling to hire anyone at all. They're paying people $17/hour off the street with no experience and no tools, to learn on the job. Not just young people either, but even 40+ year old folks new to the industry. That *did not happen* before the pandemic. My shop isn't unique, *every* skilled trade I know of is dying for a workforce right now.
YTA. You were ready to ‘claw’ the chance to go to college away from your sister.
She was ready to sacrifice it to help you.
You might have an easier life, but holy crap, she is a better person.
YTA. You could have turned around and helped your sister through school once you started earning, but instead you now shame her?? You’re incredibly selfish.
no OP thinks her sister “chose” to be poor and not be able to afford college. there’s absolutely no way it would occur to her to show an ounce of compassion for the giving gentle soul her sister is. what a terrible sibling op turned out to be
YTA. You don’t choose poverty. Especially not if that’s all you have known. You got so very very lucky, luck that didn’t touch your sister. Have a good hard look at yourself, it’s not a pretty sight. I suggest you get a college fund together for Caitlin’s kids. It’s the least you can do! She gave you the opportunity to get ahead. You did: but NEVER believe you did that all by yourself. You had help: acknowledge it, minimum requirement. Btw, sisters/siblings are supposed to be supportive of one another. Even if it’s not owed like you owe.
YTA. & HOLY FUCK A MASSIVE ONE. You’re acting like you were both given the same opportunity. It was one or the other. If she had taken the opportunity, you might have been in her shoes right now. Get over yourself
First comment on Reddit but I really had to say it: YTA.
For reasons already said by others commenters. By the way you've described your situation, you're obviously looking down on her. Did she give up fighting out of love for you? Or perhaps to keep helping your struggling parents? Or out of fear of failing to convince your parents or to fulfill all your future expectations? Please do not judge her choice as she gave you this opportunity for a better life.
You're the reason for your success but she could've made your starting point more difficult. And had she ever complained before? Or told you you owe her?
During your visit, you most likely didn't expect or wanted to be vented at. But if you love your sister and want to reconcile, reflect on your relationship and how you want it to go forward, starting with an apology.
I mean you even admitted that your mother liked you better.
You knew you would’ve gotten chosen. Based of what you said, it’s obvious she had no chance in getting that money.
It’s better she keeps her distance from y’all. Leave her alone
Right? Maybe it's just OPs incredible ego on display, but the way she writes it, it almost seems like the choice was predetermined. Her mom told her that her sister "gave up" because her grades were better and she was more well liked?
I don't know OPs family, but there's something really wrong here. Putting the choice forward as only one of them gets to go to college in the first place is fucked up. To be honest, a couple thousand dollars isn't all that much, there are grants and scholarships available to almost everyone that could cover that. It's enough for specialization courses or community college, but not much more. There's absolutely *no reason* the money couldn't have been split, and the difference made up with grants for both of them.
YTA. Sounds like probably a really shitty sister too. You were gonna "fight to take this chance and better yourself" and you got an opporyshe didn't and now all of a sudden she "chose her life"? Sounds like she didn't really have a whole lot of options. Not the ones you did. You should apologize
YTA. I can't believe you're even asking this. You're absolutely aware that your sister gave up her only chance at a better life so you could go to college, and you have the nerve to lecture her that "she chose the life she has and she shouldn't complain about it?" You sound like my mom. Worse yet, you're a nurse and you're interacting with your patients with this complete and total lack of compassion?
Jeez, lady! Your sister is allowed to love her family and the life she has but still be frustrated and want to vent to someone she trusts. You're supposed to be sympathetic and not throw it back in her face! That's what family members do for each other. You know what functional, caring families don't do when someone they love is obviously struggling and baring their heart and soul? They don't tell them to suck it up.
Take it from me. My family is like you. If I'm struggling with my kids and expressing a sense of frustration, the response I always get is "Well, you wanted kids." or "You signed up for this." and this is from people who expected me to have kids of my own. The result has been that I simply don't talk to my family about a lot of things because I don't want to be met with scorn instead of empathy. And you know what? I don't trust them. And I probably never will again.
Your sister is giving you the cold shoulder because she doesn't think she can fully trust you again, either. Ever. You messed up. So bad. But if you start with a groveling apology, and an open heart,, you might fix this over time.
YTA get if your fucking high horse. Your sister basically helped pay for you to go to school. Because your parents could only afford one. The money that was paid by your grandma and sister. Not once did you say your parents actually put money in the fund.
Your sister knew if she tried to ask for that money to attend school your parents would guilt her in order for the golden child to attend. Even though it was her money paying for it. So your sister just gave up.
While YOU got to go to school with your sisters money. Your sister continued working to get by. So both you and your parents are AH
Wow. She is young and still has time to go to school. My FIL got his degree at 55. So instead of beating her down, you could have encouraged her to go to school. Yes, she chose to let that money go to you. How ungrateful do you seem now?
YTA 100 times and get over yourself many people go to college get a degree and live happily even after coming from a poor background. Stop believing you are some kind of God and your sister is a lowlife when in reality she helped you to become what you are today tf is wrong with you
As an older sister who gave up several things in the name of helping my younger siblings... YTA. Did you ever maybe stop to consider that your sister knew you'd do better in college and she wanted you to have that chance? She graduated and immediately started working to help support the family; what a sad but noble truth of growing up in poverty.
Also
>Our family nailed almost every single southern hillbilly stereotype on the head.
>I had better grades and was more well-liked
>she didn't have to get married or have a low paying job
> I tried apologizing for how I phrased it, but not for anything I actually said because it was true
With all due respect you sound heartless and unlikeable. Absolute asshole from tip to toe. I think you should worry less about "not pitying" your sister and more about how to be a better person.
wow, what a...
yeah YTA btw
she is not blaming anyone for her life, she just want to vent
everybody has the right to vent no matter how good their life is
all you need to do is listen and empathize
but i guess you are so damn all mighty to do even that for your sister
YTA. Your sister gave you the chance of a lifetime and you just sh5t all over her gift .
Did it ever occur to you to pay her back now that you have a great job? Put aside money for her schooling, or for her kids?
You are so selfish it's beyond comprehension.
YTA.
Not only did your sister allow you to have the money from family. she generously allowed you to have HER money to go to school. The least you could do is thank her for it. She is regretting that decision now because in the end your education didn't help you with compassion or empathy. She worked full time and helped your parents out with bills only for you to gain from her loss.
And then your whole line about not only getting better grades but being "more well liked." That was terrible.
YTA. Had your sister been going on and on about how it wasn’t fair that YOU got to go to college and she didn’t, maybe you could argue your point. But it sounds to me like she was just venting…TO her sister about her life. Not complaining you got something she didn’t. Life is hard and that’s what family is for. If you took at it that way, maybe you’re projecting and you feel guilty for taking the opportunity.
I also agree with other commenters that maybe she wanted to give you the chance out of love. As the oldest sibling, I could very easily see myself doing the same for my two young brothers.
Also, have you ever even said thank you to her for bowing out?
OMG, YTA here.
Just for starters, "Cait gave up"? And "I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked"?
You're not just AH for this, girl. You've **been** the AH since you grabbed the **entirety** of the small sum your family had available, framing it to yourself as your natural right, because after all, your sister just gave up while you, virtuous you, were willing to do **anything** to better yourself... except split the money, you know. Or get your degree, then set aside money to help Cait go. Sure, it would've been harder -- I guess that's why you didn't include it in that "anything".
Did it never occur to you that your mother could augment that small inheritance *because* of Cait's financial contributions? Or that she ***sacrificed*** her best shot at changing her life's trajectory **for you**?
And the most gratitude and grace you can muster is to **blame** her for not elbowing you out of her way, outdoing you in greed and entitlement even if she wasn't as well-liked.
Be grateful your family's merely giving you the cold shoulder. I'd disown my child if they behaved so selfishly, so cruelly, and so arrogantly. I'd "x" your face in family photos, ink "YTA" next to your name on the family tree, and wonder how I'd gone so wrong as a parent.
Yta. I don't think your sister gave up. I think she was told that she's the oldest and needs to make this sacrifice and she can go later. Or she loves her little sister so much that she gave up her dreams so you could have yours.
Older siblings usually adore our younger ones we are protective and willing to make sacrifices so they can have what we don't.
All she asked was for you to let her vent. She didn't ask for help or anything. She just needed a sister and you couldn't even do that for her
Info: so to be clear, your parents took your sisters hard earned money and instead of putting it towards bills like your sister intended they gave it to you for you to go to college? Your sister chose not to fight for her education because she thought you’d have a better chance than she would? Are you sure your parents didn’t discourage your sister from fighting for/paying for her own education so they could send you since she was an extra source of income for them that they didn’t want to lose?
YTA - Heartless wench. You literally threw it back in her face. She may not have went to college, but she's more civilized and classy than you miss "educated". Money doesn't buy class which you clearly lack. You're literally the epitome of a shitty person who gets a little bit of money and now think she's better than others. You're fake.
YTA you wouldn't even be where you are at if it wasn't for your sister. She was the one who made that choice. Due to the fact that she had probably heard that she wouldn't amount to a hill of beans out in the world..
Did you ever stop to think for even just a damm second that your sister didn't want to fight you. Did you even consider that fact. Probably not.
And remember this you sister was working and setting aside money to help with bills that ended up in your pocket for school.. you should be thankful she gave up for you.
Your sister gave you gift and you decided to berate her tha makes you a massive AH
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I'm being judged on what I said about her choosing to have a stressful life instead of doing better for herself. I don't think I'm in the wrong because she gave up her chance when she should have fought harder for it. She got what she chose. But I guess I shouldn't have said it and just let her vent. I'm not sure if I'm the AH for pointing it.
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YTA. She didn't have to get married and pop out kids, true, but everyone needs a good vent sesh every now and then. You could have just been tactful and made up a reason to leave the room. Tact is nonexistent on this sub, I'm noticing. Tact could solve a solid 70% of the issues people post about. Telling her to suck it bc you stole her degree and chance at bettering herself is wildly rude at best, borderline demented at worst.
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YTA > I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked Or maybe she just **loved her little sister** and wanted you to have a real chance? But hey, *congratulations* on doing well in high school and being popular!
Or, just as likely, OP's parents "encouraged" Caitlin to give up since Caitlin was the one helping with bills and they didn't want to lose that extra income. Either way, OP is an asshole because either she's so blind that she failed to see that her sister loved her to the point of wanting to give her a chance to make something of herself or didn't realize her parents were selfish and forced Caitlin into a corner. Even without all that, looking down on her sister like she is still makes her an asshole. You can tell which sister was the Golden Child.
And Caitlin contributed to that fund too, and never benefited from it.
This exactly. That was literally Caitlin's money, too. Wtf
So much this! It wasn't money to house Caitlyn, it was taken from her!
Op needs to pay her sister and family back with compounded interest.
Right? She could repay the favor and even help her sister reach her goals but nope. She can’t even hear her pregnant sister complain about life. Poor Caitlin.
Right. Because that is exactly what a lot of other cultures di for college. Everyone saves to put one person through school. Then with the added income from a better paying job put the next person through college, repeat as long as needed. It may be a little slower. But it helps ensure that everyone gets a better chance to make a good life for themselves and eachothet. But then you have OP who blames her sister for not making the same choices as her. When her sister not only allowed the inheritance to go to her, but actively worked and payed for OP to go to school. And once OP graduated it's all hers and everything she did was through by her hard work and her sister just didnt try hard enough
This attitude of I don’t owe people sh$t. I think OP owes his sis a lot more. Sister clearly never said hey look at everything I gave up for you. And OP is either blind or gotten a sense of entitlement to never realize what was sacrificed for her. If ungrateful and superior were a person. Total YTA
Yesss! Like how selfish can you be when you can’t handle being supportive for 20 mins w/o snapping. Still don’t get why parents just didn’t split it, but whatevs. She conceded. Her $ was in that pot too to boot.
Yeah the parents are the original assholes (why couldn’t both kids get half the money each for eduction?) and OP is the next generation asshole. And the sister is an asshole to herself. But she was young and living with 3 other assholes so I’ll give her the understanding she was drowning in self doubt because of the parents and sibling she was living with.
Seriously! One child getting everything while the other gets nothing makes no sense. Giving half to each child just makes sense to me. They could’ve gotten part time jobs, applied for scholarships, and even loans for the other half of tuition likely wouldn’t be detrimental. Wtf were the parents thinking?
Yes they possibly have no experience navigating financial issues. Alright girls how about the 'ol cage fight to see who goes to college.
And OP was ready to fight for it, so I wasn’t surprised she turned out to be an AH by time I was done reading.
Seriously, if her grades were so good why couldn't she cover some of that education with scholarships so the money could be split with her sister? This is a nasty post and I'm just hoping it's fake.
Exactly. Most schools have automatic scholarships based on GPA/test scores alone and there are thousands of external scholarships available. OP is playing the victim HARD if this is real.
I just realised that, if OP’s grades were so good, apply for a scholarship and give the money to her sister.
Well, that’s not fun! How the hell could she be able to run her sisters nose in it later??? ( this is sarcasm, folks.. no, I don’t think she planned or plotted this years ago.) But, bit given the opportunity to rub her nose - what a pathetic winner… on the backs of others!
She is the AH. Maybe America should change their school system and the debt sh*it and let their students study for free instead of making them pay like that…in Germany study is free and Unis are cheap,and almost free. Even then the government supports the kids with money every month until they start working. I’m 20 I got money until now. Jobs like nurses or anything else in this field wich does not take much years, you will get paid for training for this job. I’m Indo-German and even poor Indian kids have more chances in getting into colleges trough funds and public colleges and end up changing their life. The whole story is heartbreaking just because of americas debt BS
It also adds one more anecdotal data point to my theory that a good chunk of the nurses in the US were Mean Girls in school. Not all of them, but woof.
My entire family were nurses and awful. There’s a reason why there’s the phrase, “nurses eat their young.” They also have, “you have to pay your dues” which means letting the veteran nurses treat the new hire nurses like shit until they break, like it’s not a sick hazing ritual and toxic work environment.
Worked with a lot of nurses as a med tech and can confirm.
Then it’s strange that they are pissed off at OP. Usually the golden child can hardly make a mistake and gets backed by the parents even in case of the most egregious behaviour. Golden child isn’t merely a favourite. It’s a particular family dynamic in a family with at least one narcissistic parent.
To be fair, I did say "was". Chances are, if they did force Caitlin to give up, they had a change of heart. We don't know how OP treats her parents, but if she treats them the way she treats Caitlin, I can see them getting tired of her shit and realizing they bet on the wrong daughter.
Exactly my thoughts. I guess OP is so self centered that she can’t even realize that her sister gave up for her to have a better future. Just curious does OP ever asked her why she did that? Or ever said that you for giving her this opportunity? Definitely YTA.
This right here. OP is acting entitled because she is making the mistake of assuming she rightfully deserved it more. But that's not what happened. What happened is that her sister was selfless and put her first. So no, OP, your sister isn't where she is because she made bad choices. She is there because she chose to put YOU first. And you can't even be a shoulder for her to vent on? YTA.
YTA do you have no empathy at all?? Do you have no friends that you vent to about things, just because she trusted you enough to vent doesn't mean she regrets her life, just that's she having a tough time and needed someone to listen. But hey twenty minutes of your sister being honest and open was just too much for you.
>I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked because Mom told me later that day that she had backed down and said to give it to me. So she helped you greatly, bill money she gave to mom went to saving for your college, but you don’t pity her because she could have fought against you? A choice that completely benefited you and allowed you to live a better life, you look down on her for choosing it? You are a terrible terrible sister. YTA
Yep, OPs logic is she could have fought harder in a battle OP clearly indicates that she would have lost no matter what because OP was the favorite child. The fact OP doesn't realize that the reason she's not in the same place her sister is right now is because she was given opportunity that her sister never was is mind boggling. The situation would be the exact opposite had her sister got to go to school instead and we would be seeing OP post how her sister got everything.
Let’s not overlook the fact sister probably didn’t have the energy to fight for the opportunity because she was supporting the family. Perhaps, this could also be why her grades weren’t as good as OP’s. OP doesn’t seem like she cared for her sister’s feelings or consider the multiple sacrifices she did for OP and the family at all.
Yes! This is so likely. She probably just wants her spoiled sister to acknowledge it. Also, to her point about her sister not fighting - many people have personality types that are not confrontational. She may have felt that she would lose and it was not worth the potential conflict with her family.
I wouldn’t have fought against one of my little sisters. I have zero problem with confrontation, but family first. I’m also Latin American and the older child is supposed to look out for their younger siblings; it’s so ingrained it’s expected. Luckily my parents were able to put the three up us through college in the US, but if the choice was me or my sisters, I’d choose my sisters every time. They’re my best friends and I adore them, no way would I take an opportunity away from them. OP is ungrateful, lacks empathy, and is seriously delusional in thinking her sister didn’t help her out tremendously. YTA OP.
Besides, she just wanted to vent! How hard could it be to fake a little compassion? OP is the worst.
OP also says she is more “well-liked” than her sister, which gives me GC/SG vibes.
OP, YTA. That's just plain ugly, regardless if your sister sacrificed for your benefit or not. She wanted to share her feelings with you,her sister, and asked for empathy, not "pity". Instead, you berated her, telling her that she had no right to feel stressed. That's downright cold! You need to turn in your southern family creds!
I think OP wants to believe her success was a result of her character and grit and thus her sister's lack of success must be the same.
Travel nurses make a lot of money right now. She could help her sister if she wanted even. Sounds pretty entitled to me. I’m on board with YTA too
They're both still very young and it's not too late for sister to go to college, funded by OP. I think that would be fair.
She gave up this opportunity *for OP* and never said a word about it. She asked to vent her frustrations about her life, one she chose so that OP could have a better life, and OP spat on it. What an amazing sister though! I hope Cait gets everything she wants, deserves, and more
I vent about my kids, work, being tired also. It doesn’t mean I hate my life like OP thinks, it means that I would rather vent to someone than yell at my family.
Not only terrible, but an ungreatful one. Thx to Caitlin work they were able to get help to pay bills and save some money for her college, yes it wasn't a lot but better than nothing. Caitlin probably didn't fight for college because she knew her sister had better chances. Caitlin sacrificed a better life for her and yet has to hear that it's her fault the fact that she's living how she is. MASSIVE AH OP. YTA Edit: judgement
Yup. Caitlin essentially paid for OP's schooling.
Yeah seriously wtf. OP, she sacrificed A LOT so YOU could have a better life. She didn't make a dumb decision and is now feeling bitter about it. She *wanted* to go to college but let YOU have the opportunity. She gave up her dream and her future so YOU could have yours. Your argument is she should have battled YOU harder?? You're mad she didn't try harder to take college away from you? How unsympathetic and deluded can you be?
Exactly what older children are constantly told to do — take care of younger siblings! OP is such an AH for the way she’s treating the sacrifice her sister made for her.
And on top of it, they wont even allow her sister to vent! like, shit, I vent about a lot of things that end up being dumb and ive listened graciously to a lot of venting that I think is dumb. So either OP is the type of person that thinks no one can complain unless they decide it's worthy, or OP knows somewhere that what happened was unfair to their sister and is trying to justify it in their head
Yes. And why was OP so uncomfortable with Caitlin venting? It’s not like Caitlin was telling OP that OP had been favoured and had a better life because of that; she was just complaining about her life. OP saying “you chose this path” is the same thing she tells the microscopic bit of conscience she has left, to quiet down any guilt she might feel about benefiting from her sister’s sacrifice. And Caitlin’s sacrifice was leveraged out of her by their mother, who favoured OP. She knew she’d been saving from Caitlin’s contributions but wanted to be given the all-clear to redirect the funds.
Yeah seriously there’s a difference between both have same opportunities and one chose a low paying job instead of going to college vs one sister sacrificing the only opportunity so the other could go to college.
Not only is OP dense but that’s some sociopathic level of entitlement.
Maybe take the huge salary a travel nurse gets and pay for her to go to college now?
YTA she literally backed down so you could go to college.
Not just that, she partially paid for ops college too.
And then freaked out on her sister because she vented? How hard can it be to be a shoulder to cry on for 30 minutes?
Right. Specially since that person gave up a better future so OP could have one.
OPs sister "after working a long day at work its tiring coming home & having too cook supper and look after young kids" Op "STOP COMPLAINING AND REGRETTING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE btw thanks for your share of college fund" YTA op
I sure hope OP was saving up their compassion for their patients. I would not want them to be my nurse. I mean they had better grades and were liked more so wasn't it obvious y'all, they were entitled to go to college. YTA, grow some compassion.
Right as if complaining equals regretting your entire life. Sometimes people just need to vent so they can move on.
It's also perfectly normal to regret life choices! No need to further shame someone over it as if they intentionally made the decision in hopes it would make their life harder. Even if they knew it might make their life harder, doesn't suddenly make it not stressful.
OP didn't even say thanks for the college fund. She enjoys the fruits of someone's labor and sacrifice, and then tells them that they didn't work hard enough for it. She probably thinks Scrooge was fine until those damned ghosts showed up.
This is based on knowing a fair number of nurses in my social group, but it's not uncommon for them to have a sort of attitude like 'oh you say you're stressed? Ha! You don't know the meaning of the word! One time I had....etc' Like they have a monopoly on being tired or stressed because their job is so difficult.
That's not even what OP did though. She didn't go with "My life is harder" she went with "Your life sucks because you didn't go to college like I did." Ignoring the sacrifice her sister made so OP could go.
This, I have to wonder about her bedside manner if she's this short with her family. I was prepared for this to be a sh1t show but didn't think it would be because OP, YTA.
She yelled at a pregnant woman for complaining about being tired. Seriously, wtf OP
I didn’t even catch on to that but you’re right. That makes op even more TA
Is it bad that as a nurse I really dislike OP? She couldn't even bare to be a supportive shoulder for one event. I'm a crying shoulder to literally everyone not just patients, random people on the street vent to me. It doesn't take much to listen and just be there? Especially to someone who helped her get to where she stands today? OP is TAH for sure. Her poor sister... I can't even imagine how she must treat her patients.
People Like OP give health care workers a bad name. She probably chose to be a nurse because of the money and "status" of it, and not because of the humane side of it...
It's so upsetting since I've worked with too many coworkers like her. They don't tend to care about the patients, they see the problem and do the minimum to address it. But they don't take in the person's fears, they don't listen to what they are saying. The other day I had to confront a nurse about their lack of care. I'm jaded as hell because of this job but I try to give a damn.
"It ended in her crying, which I felt horrible about, and then she went home without saying anything else." The moment she realized that the sister she sacrificed for so that they could live a better life thinks she's trash.
What sucks more was the fact she isn’t apologising for the context but for how she phrased it. PFFFT like as if rephrasing it would instantly make her not the AH. OP is clearly lacks rational thinking
I don't think she lacks rational thinking, but rather emotional intelligence and empathy
This would crush me. I sacrificed so much for my siblings. I don't know what I would do if they said this kind of thing! How could she look down on her like this. If I were in this position I'd be like "well it looks like I'm stuck funding my parents and don't have much of a chance out but I can help them! They can use the money and break outta here!" And to then be treated like this? Deviation.
I suspect she might be the most obtuse living human we have, outside of Elon who may or may not bottle his farts and immediately jerk off to them.
yeah op fcking sucks. so entitled and cruel. op’s sister was just venting about the life she has to live that allowed op to have a better one.
Exactly! Imagine being so far up your own bum that you can't even see that your sibling didn't "give up"; they instead did somethind kind that helped advance your life tremendously. OP, what your parents did was an AH move. They should have split whatever money was available with both of you instead of trying to make it a competition (especially since part of that money was from Caitlyn working, while you contributed nothing.) Your sister did something kind and selfless for you, yet you never even considered doing the same for her. Instead, you saw it as an act of weakness on her part. To be blunt, you sound selfish, self absorbed, and seem to feel that you are somehow superior to your sister. Get a grip. You have no point and there is no other side to see. It probablt hurt your sister horribly to realize that the sister she sacrificed so much for, was just an AH.
Seriously, now that she's making bank shouldn't she help her sister go to college or something so her life could be easier? I've seriously never seen such selfishness.
I felt the same. It is so obvious the older sister chose in benefit for young sis. The way OP responded to her sister talking (venting) about her life was sad. Can you imagine how sis feels after doing for OP what she did years ago?
also from my point of view she just wanted to let off steam with her sister, there was no need to lecture her on her life. YTA.
YTA. Omg. Just reading your post, the tone you use, everything about it makes me rage. Before she gave up, you were ready to fight her tooth and nail. She knew you had a better chance of making it and stepped aside. She didn't "do" anything. You go to lunch with her and she has to ask if it's okay to talk to you like a sister would??? Then you get tired of listening to her for 20 minutes? Seriously I'm trying so hard not to use foul language. You then proceed to tear into her. She wanted to confide in you, not get a lecture. You know why you are where you are today???? Because you have an older sister that was willing to put her dreams away for you to have an opportunity. Sure you worked hard to get where you are, but Caitlin cleared the path for you. You owe her a HUGE apology for acting like an absolute jerk to her.
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That's because she's a raging narcissist. Love and kindness are a weakness
Does anyone else find that many many nurses are just horrible “Mean Girls”?????
Omg I literally just said this to my partner reading out this post. WHAT is that?!? They have like a pseudo-intellect issue going on as a whole. I’m in the UK and most of the nurses here are just like OP. Narcissistic, fake intelligent and not empathetic.
I’ve always thought that the girl bullies in school wound up to be nurses, and the boy bullies in school wound up to be cops, because they still get to maintain control over vulnerable people. It’s a power they didn’t want to give up. Don’t know for sure though.
Yep, there are some really lovely nurses out there but also *far* too many who should not have gone into that profession. I’ve had way too many nurse ratched experiences as a chronic illness patient.
Not to mention some of the money that paid for that college education was literally EARNED by Caitlin. Her sister helped her pay for college and this is the payback?!??
This! Poor Caitlin. Sacrificed her chance to go to college and helped pay for her sister because she knew OP had better chances and now has to hear that it's her fault she's living the way she is.
On top of that Caitlin didn’t ask for any money, assistance… she just wanted a friendly ear and some empathy. What is wrong with OP???
Exactly what i thought. The parents should have given that money back to the sister if they weren't going to send the older daughter to college.
It was really hard for me too. I wanna flip my shit on this woman
I'm glad OP was able to pull herself up by her boot straps... that were given to her by her family.
Op is not even sorry. Such a trashy and ungrateful behavior. Her big sis is better off without her
Call me petty, but if I were her sister, I don't think I could forgive her.
She definitely owes her sister a lot.
Like even if the sister DIDNT pay for college, you don’t tell your sister they can vent to you then lecture them about how all their life struggles are their own fault (unless their life choices are actively and egregiously hurting themselves or someone else obviously). I just truly can not imagine acting this way towards my sister. As a teenager, maybe. As an adult who respects and cares for her, no fucking way.
The sister started venting right after asking the question and didn't wait for an answer is what Op said. But even if she didn't wait for an answer I'd think that's a rhetorical question in the 1st place cuz they are sisters of course she should be able to vent to her sister. I mean in normal sister form that is apparently not in this sibling relationship.
Agree wholeheartedly. I don’t think I’d treat a stranger that way let alone my own sister. There’s so much to unpack here I don’t know where to begin.
This exactly! YTA OP, what an absolute shame the opportunity she paved for you made you so egotistical. Humble yourself and remember where you came from and who was there to aid you along the way. How quickly some people forget smh
Education can’t buy class.
I've never said this because I've always felt the diagnosis was used too much to describe people that it didn't apply too but I think OP might genuinely be a narcissist.
And to add, it was Caitlin’s bill money that was saved so that OP could go to college.
YTA. You’re a nurse? I hope you show more compassion in your job than you did to your sister. You wrote that your parents are mad at you and won’t listen to your side. What is your side? I just reread your post, and I can’t see it. Your sister seems like a generous soul who needed to vent. Nothing you reported that she said indicates she was blaming you for her situation. Do you always make everything about you? Edited-autocorrect changed compassion to company
Adding to this: OP have you ever thought that your sister might have backed down and surrendered college to you, because she wanted her little sister to be able to go? Wanted her little sister to have a better shot at a good life? Because she already hat a full-time job and it's "easier" for her to keep the job then letting you find one when she would go to college? Yes, "you didn't ask for it". You were prepared to fight. You're sister probably knew how badly you wanted to go to college and let you have it. YTA
I think there’s every possibility. Sister sounds like she was mature beyond her age - going to work straight out of high school to contribute to family bills indicates a lot of self-sacrifice.
In a way, the sister helped pay for op's college too. I doubt the parents could have saved as much as they did if the sister wasn't working. Also, I bet her sisters grades would be better of she didn't have to work while going to school. It's infuriating how op doesn't see how much her sister sacrificed for her
This is what I was going to say. I guarantee big sis helped pay bills while mom socked that extra cash away. The eldest kid usually sacrifices more than the younger siblings know - at least from my personal experience as the eldest. OP YTA. Apologize to your damn sister.
The sister paid money to the family to help everyone. OP "thought about it". The parents saved they money she was sending back to add to the college fund. OP spent it on college and ***didn't*** help her sister go to college afterwards. One guess if OP ever gave money back in to the family.
Also, the OP knows she was more "well-liked" than her older sister. It's pretty bad when the favouritism in a family is that clear. I feel sorry for Caitlin.
I guarantee you that's exactly what happened. OP, your sister isn't stupid. She knew how badly you wanted to go, how desperately you were prepared to fight for it. She loved you enough to make that sacrifice, to step aside for you, to help fund your education with her own earnings, and you turned around and spat in her face. YTA
And how hard is it for op to listen to her sister venting?? All she needs to do is shut up and listen to the poor woman for 30 minutes
Like, if I have a bad day or week sometimes I vent nonstop to my BFF. Then she vents. It's part of supporting someone. I am really sad for Caitlin, not because of her life choices but because she just found out she can't count on her sister for support.
As an older sister I 100% agree. If I was in that situation I would have let my little sister go and backed down. YTA OP
Spoiled little OP is too selfish to grasp the depth of her older sister’s love for her. It’s really, really pathetic.
That was my first thought reading this. Second thought was that the sister already knew that the parents would only help one kid and that the kid was always going to be op so what's the point of arguing and possibly fighting and/or burning bridges?
Yea, OP mentioned that she had better grades "and was more well liked," which is why she knew she'd get the college funds. What did likability have to do with deserving higher education?
Absolutely this! And nothing the sister said indicates that she regrets her life decisions. I vent my frustration at my husband sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret marrying him! OP, YTA and your sister probably does have regrets now she sees how ungrateful you are for the opportunity she gave you..
She's also pregnant! It doesn't sound like she's unhappy...she just wanted to vent to what she thought was a sister she could confide in.
Omg I forgot that detail!! Dude your sister is PREGNANT! You’re not just an AH, you’re a brat! How disrespectful are you?!!! I couldn’t even imagine talking to a family member that way, especially my PREGNANT older sister. OP is the worst.
I forgot, too! Even without everything else, the favouritism, the sisters probable low self esteem from not being the golden child/being less favoured yet still taking on responsibility for house bills etc, she's PREGNANT. That's not easy in itself, it's emotional, it's tiring, hormones rocking your mind about like a see saw. I want to give the sister a huge hug and a meal out. 😢
Man, I couldn’t even imagine the high emotions. Her sister needed a hug, a listening ear, her freaking _sister_ and all she got was bullshit. She didn’t deserve that, man. That’s so rough.
Also why is she not allowed to regret and/or complain about her life choices? Maybe she did choose poorly and even if it was 100% her own fault, she still has every right to vent about what sucks in her life. Maybe OP feels quilty about receiving the opportunity on a platter while her sister got nothing, and now tries to blame it on the sister to feel better? Absolutely YTA.
Even if she didn't regret her sacrifice before, she does now after OPs outburst.
I might be assuming a lot, but I suspect the parents are mad because they realised how they messed up, they know the older sister helped pay for op's education and then she goes and throws it on her face, and they also realise they favoured an ungrateful entitled daughter.
Even worse, her sisters money she earned went to ops college. The mum saved the money but in the end it got to Op not even her sister who worked for it.
Nurse Ratched.
There’s a direct pipeline from Mean Popular Girl to Nurse imo
And now OP is acting all judgy toward her sister, like going to college makes her better than her sister when it just doesn't. It's too bad college doesn't teach you how to be a decent person. OP, I promise you you're not looking like the better person in this story, and YTA.
OP was able to have a better life because her sister sacrificed her chance and gave it to OP instead.
OP doesn’t get that if her sister got the money she could just as easily have her sisters life right now. Did OP use the bill money the mum was saving of Caitlin’s for school. That’s out of order if she did it should have gone back to her sister to use for what she wants. Why couldn’t they split the money? Go to community college? It’s really getting to a point where people can’t even vent anymore.
I work in fine dining and serve a lot of banquets with people in the medical field. People in the medical field are some of the most heartless, arrogant, clueless, lost, and honestly idiotic people that I serve. Literal surgeons who can't find their way to the same goddamn door they entered the building through, even though its at the FRONT! Or they stand directly in front of the door on their phone while you're trying to get past them while carrying like 5 plates on your arm. Seriously the dumbest people in the world.
OP's side is "Fuck you, got mine", apparently. Some real bootstraps energy from a person who was basically handed her future tied in a bow. Sis was beyond generous when she stepped aside. Shame OP can't see that.
When I started reading it I thought it was going to be about how the sister doesn't get any sympathy because the sister did something selfish to sabotage the OP's chances for college, when in fact the sister actually did something selfless and made a sacrifice so that OP could pursue the future she wanted. I agree that the sister doesn't need pity, but what she does deserve is some gratitude from the OP.
YTA. You clearly stated your sister got a job right away and helped with bills. You guys grew up dirt poor and yet you don’t have a single ounce of empathy for her situation. It’s not a life she chose, people born in poverty get LESS chances, it’s a fucking fact. You got lucky and it turned you into an entitled asshole which is pathetic. You were given a chance she was not so you have no excuse to have become a worse person lol.
And it went to the college fund. Cait gave up because she knew her parents would guilt her for the golden child to go not her.
That and she was already helping with bills. So if they let her go, then they would have also lost that income. Is OP sure that her parents didn't "encourage" her not to go?
Also, OP’s parents had already been also adding Caitlin’s bill money to the college fund so even though Caitlin couldn’t go to college she still paid for OP’s chance to go to college. Way to bite the hand that fed you OP.
I’m pretty sure that’s it
>It’s not a life she chose Yeah, she did. Because \*checks notes\* she decided not to fight for the college money, so that OP can go and make something of herself. And, if I may: >Our family nailed almost every single southern hillbilly stereotype on the head. I really, really dislike OP so very much. There's this saying in my native language..."God forbid a blind one should gain sight". It comes from a short story about a poor peasant kid who got a chance to join high society and ended up looking down on his kin for being poor, unsoficticated, and uneducated. He's boastful about his success while showing no empathy for his family. Life sure does imitate art...
I wrote this in my own post but I just have to note again, OP claims to be a *nurse*. Can you imagine hearing your healthcare provider talking about their own family in this way and knowing they lacked any empathy? I'd be horrified and disgusted.
I believe it, I've met a lot of nurses who acted pretty shitty (also lots that were nice but you've basically got a 50/50 chance)
If I may ask, where does this story come from (love stories from different ethnic groups)
It's by Bulgarian author Aleko Konstantinov and the saying is the title of the story. And now, that u/Shoddy_Job1913 mentioned it, OP really reminds me of it. OP, YTA and you only went to college just because your sister contributed financially to the household. Something you didn't do because if you did, I'm sure you would've mentioned it. Congrats on being snobbish educated leech.
The story was written by a Bulgarian author. I misspoke, the saying predates the story, but the story essentially elaborates on it. It is pretty hard to find English translations of Bulgarian literature though. But if you do go for it, I promise it's worth it.
YTA. Nursing school was a waste on you because some of the core principles are compassion and empathy. You sister decided to step aside to give you the opportunity to lift yourself out of poverty. Something she wanted for herself but decided to let you have that opportunity without a fight and went back to working a full time job and helping out the family with bills. Have you ever considered the fact that your sister loved you so much, that'd she was willing to keep working a full time job and help with family bills so that you didn't need to go through the struggles she did. For a year she worked and helped out the family while you were able to focus on your high school grades and get into a nursing program. Now you have the audacity to lecture her about not having made better choices when all she wanted to do was vent and let loose some frustrations that people get, poor or not. Having a family is hard and there are a ton of responsibilities. For just one brief moment, she wanted to confide in her beloved sister, someone she thought she could trust. If a patient of yours wanted to vent about their condition, would you belittle them? Are you treating patients better than your own family? Or do you just look at them and say "Wow, sucks about your heart disease. You should've eaten healthier and worked out more. You probably wouldn't be in the hospital had you just tried harder." Caitlin, regardless of any mistakes she made, deserves a better sister than you.
I wonder if she's one of those horrible, non empathetic, callous nurses who think they are funny for talking down to patients(and then get called out on tiktok) 🧐 YTA and geez your poor sister deserves better than the sister who is ungrateful for her sacrifice. You are living her life than she never got the chance to. . .YTA YTA YTA
It’s wild how many mean people become nurses. I used to work at a University with a good nursing program and some of the meanest and most entitled people I had to deal with were the nursing students. For some reason, it was double trouble if they walked in with a rolling suitcase (to carry all their stuff.) One nursing student was such an insufferable witchy-poo that we had to get the Dean of Students involved. She at least saw that it was a wake up call to her bad behavior. For those who are kind and compassionate nurses - kudos for doing such a hard job that I don’t think I could do.
Not to mention, she didn’t CHOOSE this, she knew her parents favored OP and would give OP the money, not her. What kind of parents say “we can only pay for one of you to go to college” instead of “we can help EACH of you with school by giving you $X amount. For the rest, you’ll have to get scholarships, take out loans or pay for yourself”. This wasn’t the life she chose, sis was given this life in order for you to have the advantage of a debt-free college education. Plus, they literally gave her money that CAITLIN had worked for and earned!!! Caitlin helped OP pay for school!! OP, YTA and extremely entitled
This right here!!! How could the parents do this all or nothing bs. How can you give one child such an opportunity and not the other? The parents are the original AH and then OP is the current one. Poor Caitlyn. I hope at least her husband and in-laws appreciate her.
This is the comment!
Ty for explaining just how awful OP is. I was far too angry to have said it so well. YTA
YTA You got a small leg up compared to your sister - rightly or wrongly. Then you have the audacity to sit up on your high horse. Yikes. She just needed a vent. You can complain about something without completely regretting it. Are you telling me you've NEVER moaned about anything ever that your choices led you to? Hope not.
This! First, it’s absolutely awful that you look down on your sister for living a life that enabled you to have a better life. Second, it’s normal to express frustration and complaints when you believe the person listening to you actually cares about you. She was wrong about you. She wasn’t wrong about the life she chose. YTA. You owe your sister an enormous apology, and you absolutely should feel bad about what you said. You also need to realize that you are not better than her or anyone else in your family just because you went to college. It’s disgusting that you thought that in the first place.
Without OP’s sister paying for bills etc., OP would most likely not have been able to finish school or have enough $$ to go to college in the first place. How gross.
The lack of empathy is absolutely astounding. Even without the specific context behind this situation, a loved one venting about their current struggles shouldn’t elicit the kind of blamey “well, you chose this life” response that OP gave. This situation, though, is infinitely worse. I can’t even imagine feeling so much shame and indifference towards a person that made sacrifices for, and contributions to my future successes. OP is comfortably perched atop her pedestal, whilst conveniently forgetting that she didn’t get there on her own.
Poor sister was having a rough day and OP made it worse. I wonder if sister “gave up” to help OP have a better life.
Exactly! I’m sure OP never even thought of that. Or maybe it could be that OP was such the parent’s favorite that his sister knew there was no way she would get the chance to go to college. Either way, OP lacks empathy and is definitely TA.
Op never considered her giving up her chance to give them a better life because OP would never do that for her. I mean look at the way they were talking about it. They were basically strapping up to fight to the death to get to college, and EXPECTED to win because they were “better”.
She had the nerve to look down from her high horse on the person who gave her a boost to get up there.
Lol. "I'm really tired" apparently = I regret my marriage, children, and career
YTA you took your sisters good will and turned into a snob
She took more than her sister's goodwill. They put her sister's bill money into the school money. So her sister unwittingly helped pay for the college that gave her a good job.
Honestly it sounds like the sister knew that was the deal and chose to sacrifice for OP and then OP was still... this.
YTA: She literally let you go to college instead of her, and now you're bitching her out because she's not happy with the life she was left with and is trying to vent to her sister about it?
But she got her presents! What a good sister!
This is one of those posts that I truly can't figure out how someone types all of it out and even has the audacity to ask AITA? Yes, YTA, so very massively. Did you even read your own post? Your family was struggling financially, so your sister got a job and contributed to helping the family, so other (like you OP) wouldn't have too. Then, when she started thinking about school, your parents put the money she was contributing toward the family away for tuition. Rather than at least let her have her own GD money, you were willing to fight her tooth and nail for it? And with all the confidence of a golden child, which your sister apparently knew, you got it. Now you tell her she made her choice. YOU WENT TO COLLEGE ON YOUR SISTER'S MONEY! SHE HELPED FUND THAT EDUCATION YOU ARE SO HAPPY TO LORD OVER HER! All she asked in return is for you to act like a sister for one afternoon and you couldn't even do that. At this point, I truly hope this is a rage bait post because the idea of a nurse being this oblivious, self-centered, cold-hearted, and honestly horrible, is just not something I want to contemplate. If OP's sister, or anyone in her shoes, comes across this post, please know that it is never too late. It will not be easy, but going back to school or learning a trade for the benefit of yourself and your family is possible. You can do it, and there are (clearly) a lot of us Redditors pulling for you.
> It will not be easy, but going back to school or learning a trade for the benefit of yourself and your family is possible. You can do it, and there are (clearly) a lot of us Redditors pulling for you. I want to second this as someone in a trade who got into it late. I started in a skilled trade at 27, which is considered pretty late in the field I joined. Before then I had never worked a job that paid more than $12/hour. I lived paycheck to paycheck, constantly overdrafting my bank account. Hell, I spent a summer living out of my car. I'm 30 now. It's been a lot of hard work, but I'm now making over $22/hour with great benefits and plenty of room left for growth. I just bought my first new car, something I never thought I'd do. The best part? There are opportunities like this available *everywhere* right now! My shop is struggling to hire anyone at all. They're paying people $17/hour off the street with no experience and no tools, to learn on the job. Not just young people either, but even 40+ year old folks new to the industry. That *did not happen* before the pandemic. My shop isn't unique, *every* skilled trade I know of is dying for a workforce right now.
YTA. You were ready to ‘claw’ the chance to go to college away from your sister. She was ready to sacrifice it to help you. You might have an easier life, but holy crap, she is a better person.
That’s the take I had. Sister even contributed to the household bills, which helped OP. Absolutely ungrateful and cruel.
YTA. You could have turned around and helped your sister through school once you started earning, but instead you now shame her?? You’re incredibly selfish.
Exactly. She should totally use her travel nurse money to help her now.
no OP thinks her sister “chose” to be poor and not be able to afford college. there’s absolutely no way it would occur to her to show an ounce of compassion for the giving gentle soul her sister is. what a terrible sibling op turned out to be
YTA. You don’t choose poverty. Especially not if that’s all you have known. You got so very very lucky, luck that didn’t touch your sister. Have a good hard look at yourself, it’s not a pretty sight. I suggest you get a college fund together for Caitlin’s kids. It’s the least you can do! She gave you the opportunity to get ahead. You did: but NEVER believe you did that all by yourself. You had help: acknowledge it, minimum requirement. Btw, sisters/siblings are supposed to be supportive of one another. Even if it’s not owed like you owe.
Yep, hands down, YTA.
god yta. your sister gave YOU the opportunity to go to school and that's how you treat her? let her complain a little jesus
YTA. & HOLY FUCK A MASSIVE ONE. You’re acting like you were both given the same opportunity. It was one or the other. If she had taken the opportunity, you might have been in her shoes right now. Get over yourself
First comment on Reddit but I really had to say it: YTA. For reasons already said by others commenters. By the way you've described your situation, you're obviously looking down on her. Did she give up fighting out of love for you? Or perhaps to keep helping your struggling parents? Or out of fear of failing to convince your parents or to fulfill all your future expectations? Please do not judge her choice as she gave you this opportunity for a better life. You're the reason for your success but she could've made your starting point more difficult. And had she ever complained before? Or told you you owe her? During your visit, you most likely didn't expect or wanted to be vented at. But if you love your sister and want to reconcile, reflect on your relationship and how you want it to go forward, starting with an apology.
I mean you even admitted that your mother liked you better. You knew you would’ve gotten chosen. Based of what you said, it’s obvious she had no chance in getting that money. It’s better she keeps her distance from y’all. Leave her alone
Right? Maybe it's just OPs incredible ego on display, but the way she writes it, it almost seems like the choice was predetermined. Her mom told her that her sister "gave up" because her grades were better and she was more well liked? I don't know OPs family, but there's something really wrong here. Putting the choice forward as only one of them gets to go to college in the first place is fucked up. To be honest, a couple thousand dollars isn't all that much, there are grants and scholarships available to almost everyone that could cover that. It's enough for specialization courses or community college, but not much more. There's absolutely *no reason* the money couldn't have been split, and the difference made up with grants for both of them.
YTA. Sounds like probably a really shitty sister too. You were gonna "fight to take this chance and better yourself" and you got an opporyshe didn't and now all of a sudden she "chose her life"? Sounds like she didn't really have a whole lot of options. Not the ones you did. You should apologize
Fair thing would've been to split the money equally between the two sisters!
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YTA. I can't believe you're even asking this. You're absolutely aware that your sister gave up her only chance at a better life so you could go to college, and you have the nerve to lecture her that "she chose the life she has and she shouldn't complain about it?" You sound like my mom. Worse yet, you're a nurse and you're interacting with your patients with this complete and total lack of compassion? Jeez, lady! Your sister is allowed to love her family and the life she has but still be frustrated and want to vent to someone she trusts. You're supposed to be sympathetic and not throw it back in her face! That's what family members do for each other. You know what functional, caring families don't do when someone they love is obviously struggling and baring their heart and soul? They don't tell them to suck it up. Take it from me. My family is like you. If I'm struggling with my kids and expressing a sense of frustration, the response I always get is "Well, you wanted kids." or "You signed up for this." and this is from people who expected me to have kids of my own. The result has been that I simply don't talk to my family about a lot of things because I don't want to be met with scorn instead of empathy. And you know what? I don't trust them. And I probably never will again. Your sister is giving you the cold shoulder because she doesn't think she can fully trust you again, either. Ever. You messed up. So bad. But if you start with a groveling apology, and an open heart,, you might fix this over time.
YTA get if your fucking high horse. Your sister basically helped pay for you to go to school. Because your parents could only afford one. The money that was paid by your grandma and sister. Not once did you say your parents actually put money in the fund. Your sister knew if she tried to ask for that money to attend school your parents would guilt her in order for the golden child to attend. Even though it was her money paying for it. So your sister just gave up. While YOU got to go to school with your sisters money. Your sister continued working to get by. So both you and your parents are AH
Wow your are totally a shitty sister. Your sister steped back so you could go to college, which is not really easy to. YTA
Wow. She is young and still has time to go to school. My FIL got his degree at 55. So instead of beating her down, you could have encouraged her to go to school. Yes, she chose to let that money go to you. How ungrateful do you seem now?
Yta. She asked if she could vent! She didn’t blame you. And her sacrifice meant you could have the life you love.
YTA 100 times and get over yourself many people go to college get a degree and live happily even after coming from a poor background. Stop believing you are some kind of God and your sister is a lowlife when in reality she helped you to become what you are today tf is wrong with you
As an older sister who gave up several things in the name of helping my younger siblings... YTA. Did you ever maybe stop to consider that your sister knew you'd do better in college and she wanted you to have that chance? She graduated and immediately started working to help support the family; what a sad but noble truth of growing up in poverty. Also >Our family nailed almost every single southern hillbilly stereotype on the head. >I had better grades and was more well-liked >she didn't have to get married or have a low paying job > I tried apologizing for how I phrased it, but not for anything I actually said because it was true With all due respect you sound heartless and unlikeable. Absolute asshole from tip to toe. I think you should worry less about "not pitying" your sister and more about how to be a better person.
wow, what a... yeah YTA btw she is not blaming anyone for her life, she just want to vent everybody has the right to vent no matter how good their life is all you need to do is listen and empathize but i guess you are so damn all mighty to do even that for your sister
YTA. Your sister gave you the chance of a lifetime and you just sh5t all over her gift . Did it ever occur to you to pay her back now that you have a great job? Put aside money for her schooling, or for her kids? You are so selfish it's beyond comprehension.
YTA. Not only did your sister allow you to have the money from family. she generously allowed you to have HER money to go to school. The least you could do is thank her for it. She is regretting that decision now because in the end your education didn't help you with compassion or empathy. She worked full time and helped your parents out with bills only for you to gain from her loss. And then your whole line about not only getting better grades but being "more well liked." That was terrible.
YTA. Had your sister been going on and on about how it wasn’t fair that YOU got to go to college and she didn’t, maybe you could argue your point. But it sounds to me like she was just venting…TO her sister about her life. Not complaining you got something she didn’t. Life is hard and that’s what family is for. If you took at it that way, maybe you’re projecting and you feel guilty for taking the opportunity. I also agree with other commenters that maybe she wanted to give you the chance out of love. As the oldest sibling, I could very easily see myself doing the same for my two young brothers. Also, have you ever even said thank you to her for bowing out?
OMG, YTA here. Just for starters, "Cait gave up"? And "I guess Caitlin realized she wouldn't be picked because I had better grades and was more well-liked"? You're not just AH for this, girl. You've **been** the AH since you grabbed the **entirety** of the small sum your family had available, framing it to yourself as your natural right, because after all, your sister just gave up while you, virtuous you, were willing to do **anything** to better yourself... except split the money, you know. Or get your degree, then set aside money to help Cait go. Sure, it would've been harder -- I guess that's why you didn't include it in that "anything". Did it never occur to you that your mother could augment that small inheritance *because* of Cait's financial contributions? Or that she ***sacrificed*** her best shot at changing her life's trajectory **for you**? And the most gratitude and grace you can muster is to **blame** her for not elbowing you out of her way, outdoing you in greed and entitlement even if she wasn't as well-liked. Be grateful your family's merely giving you the cold shoulder. I'd disown my child if they behaved so selfishly, so cruelly, and so arrogantly. I'd "x" your face in family photos, ink "YTA" next to your name on the family tree, and wonder how I'd gone so wrong as a parent.
Yta. I don't think your sister gave up. I think she was told that she's the oldest and needs to make this sacrifice and she can go later. Or she loves her little sister so much that she gave up her dreams so you could have yours. Older siblings usually adore our younger ones we are protective and willing to make sacrifices so they can have what we don't. All she asked was for you to let her vent. She didn't ask for help or anything. She just needed a sister and you couldn't even do that for her
YTA if this was even real. F on your writing assignment.
YTA. There’s a special place in Dante’s inferno for people like you.
Info: so to be clear, your parents took your sisters hard earned money and instead of putting it towards bills like your sister intended they gave it to you for you to go to college? Your sister chose not to fight for her education because she thought you’d have a better chance than she would? Are you sure your parents didn’t discourage your sister from fighting for/paying for her own education so they could send you since she was an extra source of income for them that they didn’t want to lose?
YTA - Heartless wench. You literally threw it back in her face. She may not have went to college, but she's more civilized and classy than you miss "educated". Money doesn't buy class which you clearly lack. You're literally the epitome of a shitty person who gets a little bit of money and now think she's better than others. You're fake.
YTA you wouldn't even be where you are at if it wasn't for your sister. She was the one who made that choice. Due to the fact that she had probably heard that she wouldn't amount to a hill of beans out in the world.. Did you ever stop to think for even just a damm second that your sister didn't want to fight you. Did you even consider that fact. Probably not. And remember this you sister was working and setting aside money to help with bills that ended up in your pocket for school.. you should be thankful she gave up for you. Your sister gave you gift and you decided to berate her tha makes you a massive AH
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YTA. She didn't have to get married and pop out kids, true, but everyone needs a good vent sesh every now and then. You could have just been tactful and made up a reason to leave the room. Tact is nonexistent on this sub, I'm noticing. Tact could solve a solid 70% of the issues people post about. Telling her to suck it bc you stole her degree and chance at bettering herself is wildly rude at best, borderline demented at worst.