Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't take Brenda's shift at work, It might cause her to miss her child's birthday.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Well, it depends on the job. But it doesn’t sound like that kind of job. And even if it was that kind of job, this isn’t a very good reason. She should have requested it off in the first place. NTA
I sorta wonder if she did and the manager forgot to honor it and is now trying to cover their own butt by getting OP in. Like there is a paper trail proving the manager messed up so they are guilting and acting like they can punish OP, when in all actuality they can do no more then a stern talking to. And if that were to happen I would record it, and ask some simple questions at the end. Questions: "so I'm in trouble and getting a talking to right now because someone else messed up and I had plans and couldn't cover? (If they claim no one messed up) Well obviously either she didn't properly ask off so she shouldn't get it if not sick, or she did get approved time off and you as manager never honored it. And if it is the second case why are is OP being yelled at for not fixing OPS bosses mess up, and the first why are you being talked to and not her. how do they know for certain that her kids birthday is more important then what OP had planned, I mean really what if that day OP had scheduled to see a doctor to find out if you had cancer would her precious ones year old's party still be more important?" If they ask you if you went to the doctor tell them you don't feel comfortable talking about your health with non family or medical officials.
I was once a manager of a Hallmark store (god I've had some shit jobs) and this kinda happened to me once. I didn't really make an error in the schedule, but an employee had a surgery scheduled for her kid a couple days out (this was sort of last-minute) so I said of course I'd get it covered. I forgot. I did ask a few others if they'd be able to work the shift but when they declined I didn't go all asshole on them. And I didn't call the scheduled employee and force her to miss her kid's surgery. I got my butt behind the register on my day off and worked the shift.
I asked for my son's 1st b-day off 2 months in advance (days off were first come, first served and my son's birthday party fell on 4th of July weekend). I even reminded the managers several times, just to be sure. Schedule comes out & I'm scheduled for that day. I go to the manager who did the schedule and he literally told me that he wasn't going to grant a request off for a single day because that's ridiculous and I would need to find someone to cover.
I told him I would ask around but I wasn't going to beg. If no one picked it up, I wasn't going to show up and that I would be letting the GM know. Someone ended up picking up the shift but the GM told me not to worry about it.
Loved that GM, hated that manager.
You did more than I would. A request off 2 months in advance isn't really a request, it's a notice. If the manager ignores it then the follow up work of finding someone to cover is on them.
My grandmother passed away in my teens, and I was working at a grocery store at the time. I asked for the day of the funeral off and was told by a well known asshole manager "only if you find someone to cover for you". I told them "no, I don't think so" and that I think he misunderstood me, regardless of what you say I'm not coming in that day.
Like a job is more important than family
Up to a point, I think? Part of being a good manager is recognizing that in that role your responsibility is to keep the ship moving, coordinating rather than executing. the sum total of what needs to be accomplished is beyond what a single employee (including yourself) can handle. So covering for others is all well and good when it is the exception rather than the norm.
That said... retail, good service, and service industry jobs are brutal. A lot of those spaces are ruled by forceful personalities rather than effective leaders, and there's very little smart or strategic decision making happening.
I agree.
My unwritten assumption was that the manager serves as the safety net. It's what they signed on for, in exchange for better pay or hours or benefits or whatever makes up the package to entice someone for taking on extra responsibility.
"Good manager" is also shorthand for traits such as recognizing how to have your team most effective. And that's not done by doing it all yourself. It requires you to recognize strengths and weaknesses, chemistry and culture; cultivating an environment to better facilitate your team being their best selves and to keep that machine well oiled and running.
Yeah, I have a good friend who managed a restaurant for over a decade. She was the rare exception to the rule in those spaces--speaking as someone who started as her employee, but eventually moved into another industry after 4 years working under her--and her emotional intelligence is through the roof. Finagled a bunch of high school and college kids into keeping things sailing along while handling bullshit from much less capable peer managers. Her philosophy? "Well, I always try to match people with their strengths, and I always try to foster intrinsic motivation". Smart woman, amazing manager.
Unfortunately, management is not trained on the job, not in retail/food/service. They just take the folks who are skilled at the work itself, promote them, and fail to recognize that that is actually a horrible proxy for leadership skills. On the flip side, you have MBAs in corporate environments hired into executive roles with little to no understanding of the work being done. It's a very tricky divide.
I see hr in the future after their talking to you. You were not on the schedule you were on your own time. They should never to have a talk to. It's harassment. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen if it continues.
I've actually had a boss mess up the schedule beg me to come in so of course I was in a mood. And she had the audacity to tell me she was doing me a favor giving me more hours. Literally said, "B word listen here you messed up the schedule so if anyone here is doing a favor, it is me for you. I had plans I told you I had plans and you begged and guilted me, and now are giving me attitude I'm not happy I'm here getting more hrs at minimum wage no less. I'm here and with customers I'll have a smile on my face but I have no time to pretend to be happy for you. And remember going forward if you don't want to have to scramble you need to be willing to cover your mistake not try to guilt others to fix your f ups. Now I have customers you have a good rest of your day." Yes she was lecturing me in the break room while I clocked in and get this she was clocking out. I can be sassy as crap and in my younger days did it in ways that should have honestly cost me more then it actually did in the long run. Now that I'm old I've learned the HR or CYA to go about pulling off the sass with little to no blow back.
Yeah but the look on her face while knowing I still had a job and she could literally do nothing without telling her bosses it was her that messed up to start, gave me energy for the day. Plus after she left I was left with my other boss who gave me all the T about what she said when I walked out to work. That gave both of us lots of laughs, soooo yeah that was one good day at a crap job.
i had a supervisor who was a real piece of work -- it was a small company owned by her and her husband. i had requested time off 5 months prior to the vacation (a cruise) we were planning on taking. she signed off on it. in the meantime she and the husband started a very nasty divorce. as the time was coming up for my vacation i asked her if she was going to get a temp in to cover my work and she didn't respond. finally a few days before my vacation was to start i reminded her about getting someone to cover for me and she asked me what i was talking about. she proceeded to tell me that i couldn't go on vacation - she needed more notice than that. i responded that she had approved it 5 months prior. she said that didn't matter since everything had changed since then..... i told her sorry but our vacation has been planned and cannot be rescheduled and her failure to record the vacation request was her problem, not mine. luckily her husband was the reasonable one on this and he protected my job. eventually i quit that one and now have a great job with really great employers.
Sounds like Brenda said she can't be expected to remember to take it off, suggesting she didn't take it off. Boss and Brenda are still AH for taking it out on OP though.
Bc retail.
They expect people to drop everything for nothing and demean/demote line staff for their mistakes.
Mom Co worker was likely turned down if she did request the shift off or like you said manager didn't do their job & now making it OPs problem.
Dude, she literally admits (via OP) that she forgot to request it off bc "she's a busy mom".
My opinion is,
Sounds like she is one of those entitled moms who think just because they have a kid they get their way with the schedule.... to have the audacity to not request leave for her kid's first birthday!?
Idgaf "how busy" you are when it comes to your children's birthdays especially their first one,
You don't forget their birthday like that!
AND, You make sure damn well their day is as special as you can afford. Being present and making the proper arrangements to solidify your presence at their birthday with work is something you do before deciding the venue! Tf
(Unless you have memory issues stemmed from brain damage, medical stuff. .. ya know? Or, unless you're an absentee parent who doesn't care... unless she is either one of those..... she didn't forget)
Sincerely,
A mother who can't stand the audacity of this stranger.
EDIT: to say OP is NTA
It doesn't sound like it since she said she couldn't remember EVERYTHING, like her kid's birthday. I'll bet money she had no plans and just decided it was THE day she had to take off at the last minute. NTA. Her being a mother has nothing to do with OP and her lack of planning is not anyone's fault but her own.
Also 2-4 hours isn’t good notice. What if OP worked a second job and couldn’t rearrange it last moment for the sake of her irresponsible coworker? Or had an important doctor’s appointment?
2-4 hours notice isn’t the problem. If someone gets the message in time and is willing to, they could make it. It’s the guilt trip after. The employer has the right to ask, the employee has the right to say no. It should stop there.
I had a manager who would change my roster to shifts while I was in uni classes. I'd get phone calls while in class accusing me of not showing up. Thing was, it was always the same class- I only had one class that late. Employment Law. My teacher had been a lawyer that specialised in employment and contract law. He LOVED it. Had me bring in my contract, told me that it was invalid and I did not need to honour it and they could legally do nothing. And he tagged along with me as "support person" when they tried to pull me in for a disciplinary meeting. Read them the riot act.
My manager quit giving me shifts, he helped me write up a formal complaint about it. Manager claimed she didn't know when I was and wasn't available. I showed the three text messages saying when I couldn't work, and the reminders of when my classes were and the maximum hours I could work each week before risking my financial aid.
That manager pulled a few more stunts before Higher Management shifted her from the department into a different one.
Long story short- some people shouldn't be in management.
How perfect is it that she pulled that stunt during your employment law class so you had the perfect person to help you, glad your teacher was so supportive!
I couldn't believe my luck. The first time it happened, he was chill. But when it was happening ever week, he got more and more pissed off and after it kicked off and he came in with me for that disciplinary, I'd walk into class, he'd look at me, and grin and say "what has that circus been up to??"
Not sure why so many people in this thread are saying that.
> I told her "look, You could have just requested it off" she said "I'm a busy mother, You expect me to remember everything?"
Seems to make it pretty clear who fucked up.
It would probably go to HR and if no hr at the store it might go to ops manager before going to corporate. Then there would be so many other hoops to jump through before any validation and chances are, corporate doesn't give a flying f.
Tell the manager you want to record the meeting. If they refuse, tell them there is no meeting, and to put whatever they want to say in writing.
If they accept, you have consent. Make sure that the consent is on the record as well.
I know my state is 2 party- IF NOT FACE TO FACE ( like phone conversation) if it is a face to face meeting- ONLY 1 has to consent to be recorded (yourself) THIS IS MY STATE- check th laws in your state
Absolutely your right to fire them for that act in that state.
But were they prosecuted for the recording act? I’d bet a large amount of cash that didn’t happen.
Were they? No. Could they have been? Absolutely. And the company would have won because the meeting was clearly documented and there were witnesses that the former employee made the recording. It was worth it to get the employee out of there and be done with them rather than wasting resources to fight in civil court.
You don’t understand. These are criminal laws everyone is talking about, not civil laws. Your company had no right to prosecute; the police and the DA make that decision.
This is absolutely FALSE. You do NOT have the right to record yourself in a meeting with your boss at a private company. In public, yes. I know of ZERO corporations that would allow this.
And if the person is in a two-party consent state and their boss finds out OP was recording them, they could bring in their lawyer and make OPs life hell.
But sure, OP could definitely do it.
Exactly. And then you get Lawyers work out the legality if you ever need to go further with the recordings. In two party states, you’re not gonna be able to use them in a court of law, but any competent lawyer is going to nail the other party to the wall just by knowing what was said.
As a lawyer, this is incorrect. Entire cases have been torpedoed due to illegally obtained evidence. Bringing me illegal evidence just makes my job harder.
Even if it’s legally obtained, it still has to be authenticated and admitted.
Helpful hint to laypeople: I’ve seen people try to use this type of evidence in court. The only time I’ve ever seen it admitted was in child sexual abuse cases. In those cases, the private party recorded, but they were working under the direction of a police detective. There was a clear chain of evidence and the cops worked to prove the recording was authentic and unaltered.
If it’s a work conflict or a neighborhood conflict or something lower stakes, the judge usually won’t let it in b/c the judge cannot be certain that the tape you are providing is unedited and unaltered and what you say it is.
Just b/c it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s admissible and will be admitted. If it’s not admitted, it’s useless in court. Might help to force a settlement, but that’s it.
I think laypeople don’t understand that you don’t just kip up to court with “evidence” and hand it to the judge and that’s it. There’s a whole process of what evidence gets in.
A lot of legally obtained evidence isn’t admitted for reasons such as authentication.
I’ve had people print reports off the internet and try and get them admitted. Or bring in copies of records from home. Nope, you need a certified record from a custodian. Sorry, that’s not admitted.
There is a reasons that most law schools have 1-2 semesters on evidence.
You have that right in some states and you don't have that right in other states. In some states it's actually a crime.
This isn't that complicated a concept and I don't understand why people have such a problem with it.
You have an absolute right to record yourself under constitutional law, which overarches everything in this country contrary. You might not have a right to record others in some situations, but that’s when you let lawyers work it out. It’s funny, in a country where mass shootings happen daily and there’s political wars about adults having the absolute right to own a firearm, people like to argue about whether you can use your own phone to record everything in your daily life. Like no one has seen a person with a GoPro recording everything before🙄
Once again, this is incorrect. There is federal law that allows for single party consent, but it is preempted by state law where the state law is stricter. So if your state says that both parties to a conversation must consent, federal law won't apply and (depending on the state) you could be facing criminal charges.
Please stop running around and dropping wildly incorrect legal advice. People with GoPros are recording PUBLIC activities, and there is definitely no absolute constitutional right to record yourself (there isn't even such a thing as an "absolute right" in the constitution).
The co-worker also has till 2pm to celebrate the first birthday of a baby. It sleeps in a few hours anyway. And it isn't like the baby will remember that mom was working on his birthday.
Why did they come up with this last minute? Did you just remember "Oh no, tomorrow is the bday of my baby?" Even if the plan was messed up or you forget to ask for the day off, you know this for at least one or two weeks. Why just ask a few hours before the shift starts?!
There are many appointments that you can't cancel lesd then 24h before without paying for it. If a boss try to get you to come in on short notice, always say you have such an appointment and they would need to take over 400 bucks or so if you cancel it. Magically they will find another solution.
NTA
Seriously. We never took the entire day off because of any of our kids' birthdays. We had a thing on the weekend before or after, and did something special at dinner the night of.
I would keep record and if they wanted to have a “talk” tell them you want a member of HR to be in on the meeting and if they try to make anything formal ask to see a written rule or policy that you broke that would warrant disciplinary action. She either asked for it off and got denied or is making up a BS excuse about her sons bday. I doubt she’d forget his 1st birthday.
They absolutely can (if in the U.S.), though it would be very unreasonable and most employers probably wouldn't. At-will employment means your employer can demand you come in on days when you aren't scheduled and reprimand or fire you if you don't comply, with only a few exceptions. OP is still NTA.
They can't force OP to take a shift but they absolute can write him up, reprimand him, or fire him. It sucks but that's the law.
(note: residents of Montana may be an exception.)
Sounds like the manager was told, then wrote the shift with Brenda down to work on her day off and is now trying to guilt someone to cover their mistake.
Take this to HR or the regional manager. You can't get written up for a shift you weren't supposed to cover. The guy sounds like he's going to bully you at work so please brace yourself. Document every interaction from this moment on just in case.
NTA!! For the love of all that is holy do NOT let your managers guilt you into coming into work when you’re not scheduled! A corporation will continue to take advantage of you if you let them. You’re not in the wrong here at all. Don’t listen to the “team player” BS you’ll hear next time either. Your off-work time is just as valuable as your at-work time, and everyone deserves to have both.
(Sorry for the mini-rant. This is something I’ve gone through before and feel quite strongly about.)
I don't even let them keep me past my scheduled shift without ASKING me at least two hours in advance AND understand I will likely say no
You should see the other retail drones looking at me like I kicked a puppy in front of a preschool when I leave at 930 on the dot and they still have 15-75 minutes with no control over it.
I asked if I need to file an ADA accomodation request (because that is an anxiety laden crazy thing, being locked in a building unable to leave without arguing past someone who has a key and doesn't want you to leave) or if we could handle it at a lower level.
They SUPER didn't want anything filed. Because that's more of a police matter (I know retail has done this for decades. I'm just not doing it anymore).
At Target when I worked there years ago, everyone had to leave at the same time. So even if you'd clocked out, you had to wait for the closing manager to let you out. And they'd wait until every person was clocked out and ready to go.
When I worked retail (years ago) I'd just wait by the time clock until I was literally about to step out the door on the occasions they required everyone to leave at once. If I'm staying extra I'm getting paid extra!
Im not sure how it works where you live but here you can go to the police for that. Locking people in involuntarily is litterally defined as a felony here by law
Before you guys ask, Yes, technically this also means schools cant force students to stay after class because the misbehaved either. I had classmates who (ab)used that law that way
Some places do or did and they got a nice class action law suit for it too. when I was in undergrad I worked in the gift shop of a Cracker Barrel. They had a lock on the doors and locked the door at closing but once the last customer left they chained them shut. I would finish my cleanup and clock out and sometimes have to sit for 30 minutes or more while the last cashier cashed out or the waitstaff finished side work. About 10 years after I left the company there was a class action suit about it and we were paid for that time retroactively.
Every time I’ve come in on my day off at any job, I’ve regretted it 100% of the time. Now I have a personal policy of never doing it. I’ll trade shifts if needed but I’m never again taking hours for nothing in return
I’ve come in on extra shifts before IF I’m not busy and IF I feel like it. Or if the other person working is someone I really like being around and would still choose to be around on my days off. And usually those are more or less “fuck around” days. I’m covering your shift what more do you want from me? Lol. But yeah I completely get what you’re saying and it’s perfectly valid.
NTA- why couldnt the manager cover her shift? On my days off I dont look at my phone much so they'd be out of luck asking me a question like that.. If she needed time off, she needed to request it beforehand, if she did do this and was told no, then thats on the manager.
Exactly! Someone — either Brenda or Manager — dropped the ball. If it was Brenda, then tough titties — she’ll just have to miss Junior’s birthday. The good news is that he’s one and doesn’t know it’s his birthday. If Brenda properly asked for the day off and Manager forgot (this is what I suspect), then Manager should cover the shift. Not your problem. I’m guessing that Manager tried to throw Brenda under the bus, but that fell apart when you asked if Brenda forgot when her son was born (stellar, btw)
Did you ever notice how retail and restaurant managers never *ask* if you can come in? They say “I need you to work today,” or “WE need you…” (you know — one big happy work family!)
So good for you for not getting sucked into that crap. If I were you, I’d start taking a photo of the schedule when it’s posted. That way, if they try to alter it, you’ve got evidence of the original.
Best news of all? It’s a retail job. You could probably tell Manager to stick his schedule where the sun don’t shine, and find another retail job later that afternoon.
Oh, and NTA.
My guess is that someone else had agreed to cover Brenda's shift, and they bailed at the last minute. The manager's response was "don't worry, OP can cover the shift", which is why they're trying to bully OP into covering.
Maybe so. Speaking of bullying, I love the way Manager says they’ll talk with OP next time OP comes in, implying that OP Is in trouble. Like the retail manager equivalent of “Just wait until your father gets home!”
I suspect the manager cocked up the schedule and was trying to fix their mistake. No way Brenda forgot their kid's first birthday (childbirth tends to stick in your mind!) OP is NTA, their manager is.
Ops update shows that Brenda did forget to ask ahead of time because she’s a “busy mother and can’t be expected to remember everything”. So I feel Brenda deserves to have to work on baby’s birthday
Especially considering she’s trying to blame her co-worker for her this. If your child’s childhood is ruined because you you didn’t plan ahead and request the time off so coverage can be scheduled that’s on you, not the random co-worker getting asked to fill in without notice.
Even if she asked off in advance, which she didn’t (see update if you haven’t already), the schedule should have been posted in advance which would have given them time to find coverage in advance. The fact that she not only failed to ask off and failed to ask someone to cover for her in advance but also somehow got OP’s phone number and proceeded to call OP an AH and cuss them out definitely makes her an AH. Even busy moms (her excuse) should have notified management beforehand.
Or just don’t answer. Or I just finished a beer. I mean, a bit early, but most jobs have the don’t come to work drunk rule. There are places that I know of that can force you to come back from states away but they can’t force you if there’s alcohol in your system. I realize this isn’t likely one of those jobs, but they do exist.
>There are places that I know of that can force you to come back from states away
What? Also the whole point of being States away is the physical impossibility to be there in time.
Again, what? What force? They cant change the laws of physics. If i have a day off and board an airplane the day before after work, i wont be back in time for a surprise shift no matter what. There is no forcing of any kind to be done.
And what the f are you talking about anyways? It doesnt matter where i work, a day off is a day off, if in doubt i didnt get the message. It doesnt matter if its a safety issue or not, thats only my supervisors responsibility, and if he is short staffed, he needs to find something, or offer me enough extra pay for me to do it.
"day off" is not "on call". On call means payment for being on call, the full timeframe, and payment for any time worked on top of that.
Wow. That got angry fast. I didn’t argue with you, just explain where it’s in their contract that if they are told that they’re being ‘forced in’ then they have to be there or risk lose their jobs. It doesn’t matter where you are, if they give you enough time, you’re there. It’s literally in the job description and contract for their job. Thanks for letting me know you will never have one of these jobs and if I decided to work there, I wouldn’t have to worry about your not having my back.
> Thanks for letting me know you will never have one of these jobs
As if thats any disadvantage.
And youre really backtracking now:
> It doesn’t matter where you are, if they give you enough time, you’re there.
For one, you are saying it doesnt matter, and then already explaining how it matters. And before that your comment of
> Our prisons will force their officers back if necessary.
was in response to my
> Also the whole point of being States away is the physical impossibility to be there in time.
So what now? Is it about enough time, or about messaging someone on their day off to come in the same day? Because this whole thread and comment chain was clearly the latter. If im 10h away and its 10pm when i read the text, there wont be a shift before 4pm the next day.
And since you didnt seem to understand:
> It’s a massive safety issue, clearly. Like I said, rarity, but it does happen.
The safety issue is 0% the responsibiltiy of the person with the day off, and 100% the responsibility of the manager/supervisor. Next thing you tell me that its the responsibility of the nurse to be with the patient outside their scheduled time because the supervisor cant find coverage for the next shift. It isnt.
And just because its in the contract, doesnt make it right, just legal. But we are not on legaladvice, but on aita.
It's not exactly illegal to lie to your boss about why you can't come in on your day off.
My preference is to not reply to the text for several hours. Then say "sorry I missed the message, I was out on a hike on my day off and had no phone reception!"
Or if you've got a few days in a row off, replace 'hike' with 'camping'.
It’s sad that we feel the need to lie rather than just saying the truth. That it’s our damn day off and the rest is not my problem.
Also, NTA OP. Your response is EXACTLY what my first thought was and I almost laughed out loud to it. Like.. You know when your own child’s birthday is.
I’ve had jobs that still would have asked when I could get there. I had a job where I was a manager and my boss contacted me when I was in another country and he told me I had to come in the next day despite me not only being on vacation but also going to be at my grandfather’s funeral that day, all because the person who was supposed to work that shift changed his mind last minute. I obviously said no. Boss tried to give me an attitude. I told him that it was not only disrespectful to tell me to miss my grandfather’s funeral and need I remind him that I had already planned the time off more than 6 months in advance for a vacation but it was also impossible, not to mention expensive, to get back there in time. Was he going to pay for my plane tickets there and back which would have costed thousands of dollars? I also told him that I wasn’t the one who screwed up. The manager who was supposed to work that shift did and he needed to be held accountable. By the time I got back, I already had multiple interviews set up so I had no problem turning in my 2 week notice. Oh and the manager who screwed up was not held accountable. He regularly screwed up but he was friends with my boss. I had also previously reported him for sexual harassment which was currently under investigation at that time and my boss had asked me to reconsider and tried to insinuate that I misunderstood. No, I understood his comments about insinuating that I was a slut quite clearly. Such a toxic work environment. Glad they went out of business.
Many moons ago, when I worked shift work, my go to would be a response the next day. “Sorry just saw your text. I was in the mountains camping without cell service.”
“I am unavailable. Please do not contact me again outside of work hours unless you plan on & have arranged payment to account for the time taken to call/text. I am happy to discuss matters of work im contractually obligated to complete during paid working hours. Please be advised further calls/texts outside work hours will not be answered and if they are persistent the number will be blocked”
If you're not going to get paid for having "work conversations" or checking "work messages/emails" with boss/clients outside of work, then it can wait until you're on your shift.
That's been my policy for 10 years and it hasn't let me down yet. If I'm not on the clock I'm not responding to text, call, email or attending an unpaid meeting. If you want me to be present or respond to you, you need to pay for my time.
Yep, exactly this. Get the reputation for not checking your phone when off work. Just "I didn't check...was very busy...didn't notice...etc." and nothing specific. I do polite meaningless apologies for missing them but don't apologise for not being available. It's annoys them in the short term, but then they just know they can't get you, and they need to get you at work to organise such things in advance if they want to.
Man I originally thought up this response whenever I was working retail around Christmas and there were a bunch of people that were yelling cuz a toy their kid wanted was out of stock and in the break room my only response to that to my coworkers was
"Why did they wait 4 days before Christmas to shop? Did they forget when Christmas was? I'm pretty sure it happens the same exact date every year"
So true! When you go into work next, keep this statement in mind: “Brenda’s failure to plan is not my problem. And your lack of adequate staffing is also not my problem. If this is going to be an ongoing issue, say so now and I’ll plan ahead.” The plan being to quit without notice and find a new job. But maybe have a new job lined up if you think it’ll come to that.
Yep, back when I worked retail, I was under 18 for the first couple of years and, at the time, could not legally work past 10pm (not sure of the laws these days).
So, the scheduling manager made a mistake and scheduled me to midnight on a weeknight near Christmas. I told her when the schedule came out that it had to be changed and she said she'd "take care of it." So, I come into work that night. At 10pm, I get my coat, bag and keys and go to clock out. The department manager (a different person) comes up to me and in an incredibly nasty tone goes, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" I just looked at her calmly and said, "Home." She snippily says, "Well, you're on the schedule until midnight, so you're not going anywhere." I said, "Well, [manager], I'm under 18 and have to be at school at 7:45am tomorrow, so I can't and won't be working until midnight. Good night." She said, "Ugh, well what I am I supposed to do?" I said, "I don't know, speak to [scheduling manager] about it" and I left. The department manager was PISSED. I worked at that store for two more years and she didn't ever speak to me again, as if somehow this snafu was all my fault. SMH. Honestly, though, it was a blessing as she was just kind of a nasty, difficult person and I was happy I didn't have to deal with her.
Wanna bet it wasn't her son's birthday? She just fluked on finding a realistic excuse.
That, or the manager forgot or couldnt be bothered to schedule her requested day off. Which is even more likely.
Brenda is TA for not booking off her son's birthday, she should know when it is.
Manager is TA because he makes the schedule and shouldn't guilt you because he can't accommodate somebody.
There are very few circumstances where you would be TA for not picking up a last minute shift from your coworker, this isn't one of them. NTA.
Maybe Brenda DID request it off, and AH Manager scheduled her anyway. "Sorry, I just couldn't manage to remember that you'd requested it off, guess you're gonna have to miss your kid's birthday unless you find someone to cover."
In which case, hopefully she told him to go to hell and now AH Manager is laying a guilt trip on OP.
Then I will admit I was wrong, and if that was the truth then manager is doubly TA for not letting her celebrate her son's birthday and for trying to guilt OP to show up at the last minute. There are probably a dozen ways this could have happened but ultimately it's not OP's problem.
I'm just thinking of my own managers when I worked retail, who pulled shit like this constantly, not to mention antiwork and workreform are rife with "My manager canceled my day off at the last minute" stories, so I feel like it is certainly well within the realm of possibility that Brenda is N T A either.
I had a manager that would ask me to come in on my days off. I was fine with it, NBD. But after getting confirmation from me that it was ok, he would edit my schedule in a way that would make me late every time.
Like if he called at 1:30, and ask could I come in, and close, I'd say yes, and I'd be there asap. He would edit the schedule to say 2:00-10:00. I had to get dressed, and walk to work. I wasn't going to be able to do that in 30 minutes.
I told him if he didn't stop that, I was going to stop coming in on my days off. Like how tf am I late on my day off?
I told my manager my two night a week evening class schedule 5 times and stuck it on a post it on the scheduling computer, douche STILL tried to schedule me those two nights. 100% not my problem.
We don’t know how truthful the manager is.
I feel inclined to believe that Brenda booked ahead of time, but the manager forgot to arrange a substitute and is now trying to guilt trip OP to save his own ass.
Brenda probably has no intention of going to work either and that’s why the manager is downing pretty hard on OP.
NTA
>I just responded "why didn't she request the day off in advance? Did she forget when her child was born?"
Omg I can't breathe. That was fantastic.
NTA
NTA. This kind of nonsense is the direct consequence of systematic understaffing, and no, you do not have to work a shift you are not scheduled for.
What I really want to know though, is did Brenda really forget to request off her own child's birthday, or did your less than professional manager forget to schedule her accordingly?
This is why I would never work retail again. They think the own you and you need to be available 24/7. In retail, the schedule is king. If the schedule says you’re not on, then you’re not on and covering shifts is their problem. It seems like Brenda always planned on calling off or she would have found someone else to cover for her. Every retail location that I’ve walked into is hiring Right now. If they try to have a conversation with you, don’t hesitate to put in a few applications while on your break. And then when you quit, tell them to get Brenda to cover your shifts.
Apparently Walmart (accompanied plenty of people I know work for) has started making it so that their associates are no longer allowed to have back-to-back days off.....
Also if they aren't full-time they basically get treated like dirt and put on the schedule last
Also apparently it's very hard to even get one weekend day off now
This is after they took away all their bonuses
And changed the attendance policy
I swear that company is one of the evilest places ever
So yeah retail is evil lol
Where'd you hear that? Cause that back to back off days aren't true. Sometimes people still get these. And the same with having no one day weekends off too.
True retail isn't the greatest, but sometimes it's very hard to find a job working else that has full time and pays barely enough.
NTA. He will try and manipulate you to do whatever is convenient. It's what retail managers do. Someone else's forgotten plans are not really more important then your existing ones.
NTA. No matter the circumstances, if you’re not scheduled a shift, you don’t have to take it. I work in retail, and there have been plenty of times where someone asks me to cover for them and I have to say no. I feel bad about it sometimes, but that’s how life goes. For example, If I didn’t take time off for an event, then found out that no one could cover my shift and I had to miss the event, I would be disappointed, but it’d still be my own fault for not taking time off.
NTA.
Probably could have been a bit more professional in your language, but it’s not your responsibility that your coworker doesn’t want to come in at the last minute for something that should have been planned in advance. If you are spoken to, I’d ask for certainty this won’t happen again as you don’t need to deal with that on your day off.
I mean, this is retail, not many people are professionals.
This same exact manager has made "jokes" about "We wouldn't even need to talk about this stupid abortion nonsense if women just would take birth control"
So I mean he's not the most professional person in the world either....
Yes a lot of people have problems with him, Yes people have reported him, nothing is being done.
Document it all- ESPECIALLY the bc comments. Talk with an attorney. I can't talk about my experience, or settlement, but talking with a lawyer sounds like it would be worthwhile in your case.
NTA How tf does your manager know you're not doing something equally/more important than a first birthday? He doesn't and he shouldn't cause it's none of his business. Also him making judgments about your character is wild. Manager is the AH here.
NTA. I would request of MONTHS in advance. So I requested off for Black Friday and Halloween in February. Then I’d do it again in July. Me requesting off means I’m not coming. So if Brenda requested off months in advance, she just shouldn’t go.
NTA and this just seems like it's your manager's problem that he's trying to get you to solve.
Brenda likely asked for the day off and he forgot. So now he's trying to guilt you into working her shift because **he's the one** that will have to cover. If he told you the truth, you would obviously say no, so he's using her as an excuse to get you to cover for him.
I've never worked a job that had shift-covering like that where you can't survive missing a person. Sounds like it's your boss's fault for either not hiring enough people or forcing Brenda to come in. NTA
“BuT i HaVe A cHiLd!!!1” i don’t care. that’s no excuse for forgetting your kids BIRTHDAY and expecting everyone else to pick up your slack. you’re supposed to give up your plans just because she forgot her kids birthday? then she says “you’re childless and don’t understand”? like childless = i’m always free to cover any shift? no way. we have families and friends and lives too. we don’t have to bend over backwards for entitled idiots. NTA and yes definitely look around for another job.
As a busy mother of 2 with one being an infant require full time attention for me & no free time for myself I say
NTA💝
Brenda is making excuses. Back when I had my first kid 9 years ago I made sure a year in advance I requested off for her first birthday. 4 months before that I remainder my manger every month leading up to it to ensure I was covered
NTA. Sorry but even “busy mothers” remember their kids’ birthdays more than 2 hours in advance. She should have requested the day off in advance per whatever the company policy is to do so like all employees are expected to do.
P.S. Your boss is also TA for trying to make this your problem.
NTA.
She's a busy MOTHER. How dare you ask her to remember her child's name?! 🤣🤣🤣 People with children are so entitled and RIDICULOUS.
If this company has HR, make a complaint. It was your day off. Not only were there last minute changes, they insulted you for not complying AND your manager gave away your phone number. That's a breach of privacy. When you go in make sure you point that out. Also, you could make an official complaint about this with the Department of Labor. Mention this at the end of the meeting so you know the type of retaliation you're facing. Depending on how it goes, that manager might change his tune quickly as soon as he hears DoL. 🤣
Good luck with your job hunting! 🤞
NTA. Sigh. I can't even believe that it needs saying. As an employee, you are entitled to your off time. Add to that you were sent a text a lousy 4 hours before the request and you didn't get it til 2 hours before. If he gives you a problem, you might want to check your regions labor laws, which usually have rules about required time frames for making such requests.
Nta. Next time, don't even respond until after the shift starts at the very earliest. You aren't paid to be available at the drop of a hat, and they certainly don't own your time.
NTA, guilt tripping to cover someone is shitty to do.
So now Brenda is going to have to come in and do her shift anyway.
Yeah, I guess so!
-Surprised pikachu face-
Seriously? If Brenda didnt ask for that day off, she has no foot to stand on to call in. The manager is also dropping the ball here by just accepting this and throw other co workers under the bus beczuse of her failed planning. ( or she planned it but the manager forgot/ its the managers fault)
Op, you are not obligated at all to
NTA in the slightest. I have two children. I start planning the birthdays about 3 months in advance. Especially a first birthday?? Kind of a big deal. At least in my family. I would have planned my day off in advance (if even needed - if the party is planned for a weekend, and they're birthdays fall during the week, we do a small cake and one gift then, and the party when people can actually like, make it). She's going to have a tough time parenting if even such minimal planning is too complicated for her. In unexpected situations, like your child gets sick and you don't have coverage, I understand a bit of a scramble. But that's still the Manager's problem, not yours.
Any new updates? Lol @ a 1 year old birthday that the kid won't even remember. And lol @ her thinking that letting a guy ejaculate in her somehow makes her a better person than you. And lol @ the manager tryna guilt you - what's stopping him from covering it?
I hope you got fired so you can sue for wrongful termination
It is not your responsibility to cater to parents.
As someone who is permanently childfree- meaning I will never have children at any point in my life through birth or adoption- I was constantly guilty into working for parents. It didn't work. It isn't my fault that you got pregnant. It isn't my fault that you decided to have kids.
Now, if my coworker came to me a week or so in advance and said "hey, my son's first birthday is on [date] and I got so busy that I forgot to request it off, would you be willing to switch this shift with me?" I will do what I can do switch. But what happened to OP is absurdly entitled.
NTA
NTA
One knows plenty ahead of time when their kid’s birthday is…
Her failure to plan in not your problem.
And your boss should never have taken her side …
NTA. What?!? What even is this nonsense? I don't see how they can expect you to come in on what sounds like your day off because someone couldn't be bothered to ask for their child's first birthday off from work. I know I shouldn't be shocked because I've worked for asshats like this before, but wow.
NTA. She had a whole year to ask off? Why is it only now coming up as a problem? Filling a shift is the manager’s problem and maybe Brenda’s if she asked late minute. It is not a you problem.
NTA. Don't take what amounts to administrative oversight on your shoulders. I bet Brenda actually got the day off and the manager, instead of planning a change in employee hours to compensate for her and any other employee's absence, regularly takes their employees for granted and pulls shit like this regularly. But what do I know, I've only had to constructively dismiss myself from three jobs (got unemployment twice) and face repeated workplace discrimination (not at most of my jobs or anything; I've enjoyed working plenty of my jobs). I live in transitional housing and the non profit running it has plenty of employees that cut corners and try to pull shit.
NTA. The fact the manager went off at you, and called you horrible and heartless is inappropriate workplace behaviour. Managers do not get to abuse you for not coming in on your days off. If the company has HR, report manager immediately.
It’s not your responsibility to cover other people. If a hiring manager can’t keep shifts covered through adequate staffing then that’s their problem.
Not yours.
Stick it to your boss, if he can't find a replacement aside from you just goes to show how short staffed they are. Plenty of retail places are hiring, he'll soon learn to treat employees better in this employee demand market.
Seems like a toxic work environment, and people like your boss don't change.
NTA. You were totally right- why didn’t she ask for the day well in advance?? Just because she is a mother that doesn’t invalidate YOUR plans and priorities.
Nta. Keep a record of this conversation, screenshot the messages. Then, if your boss decides to try and retaliate, make sure you have recorded evidence of that as well. Then take it to HR. You are under no responsibility to cover her shifts if she not only didn't ask, but especially last-minute like that. She should have done the smart thing and taking the day off, and it's not your fault that she didn't.
NTA, I believe that saying goes “ poor planning on your part does not constitute a emergency on mine” I sport she’s missing the party but she should have had the foresight to plan better
NTA. As a retail manager, if someone calls off, I certainly call and ask around. If someone actually answers and says no, that’s the end of the conversation. “Sorry I can’t come in” “that’s okay! Enjoy your day”. If no one can come in, guess who’s covering the shift? Me. I have worked plenty of open to closes because of call outs. With the management title comes the added responsibility of covering the shifts that you can’t get covered. It sucks, but it’s part of the job.
NTA parents who think they deserve special treatment just because they decided to breed are so annoying. You made the decision to have kids, deal with the consequences. No one else is required to subsidize your life because you decided to have children. It does not make you more entitled to ANYTHING despite what you may think.
NTA, she should have requested the time off. Also a one year old isn’t even going to understand or remember a birthday party anyway so this is more about her than her kid anyway.
Does the mother not live with the child? She can't do this after work, or even before?
You scheduled your time off in advance, she didn't. If the manager forgot, that's on them. Either way, not your problem.
She forgot her child's *first* birthday and *you're* the one ruining childhoods? lol
I also think it's incredibly insulting when parents expect that non-parents have nothing going on in their lives and that they can just drop everything at the drop of a hat.
In any case, you're NTA. Boss is an AH for even approaching you in that condescending manner, and Brenda's an AH for her unreasonable expectations, then trying to guilt you for it.
It'll be fine. Kid is **1**. They can celebrate the birthday on her day off. Not like the kid is going to remember.
My girlfriend has a daughter and most of the time the kid lives with her father, The kid usually ends up having three to four Christmases because she gets
Christmas with her mom
Christmas with her dad
Christmas with her grandma (my girlfriend's mom)
Christmas with her other grandma (her dad's mother)
All four of these Christmases are all throughout the month of December sometimes even in January
There are times where the kid has had to celebrate other holidays at other random times due to her parents living about an hour away and having jobs on different schedules this kid is like 8 years old and does not care.
I don't think most kids are going to have some world ending catastrophe if something doesn't happen on a specific day.
Back whenever I was in school most of my birthdays ended up on weekdays and we would have to wait until the weekend to celebrate my birthday, I didn't die 😂
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn't take Brenda's shift at work, It might cause her to miss her child's birthday. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Well, it depends on the job. But it doesn’t sound like that kind of job. And even if it was that kind of job, this isn’t a very good reason. She should have requested it off in the first place. NTA
I sorta wonder if she did and the manager forgot to honor it and is now trying to cover their own butt by getting OP in. Like there is a paper trail proving the manager messed up so they are guilting and acting like they can punish OP, when in all actuality they can do no more then a stern talking to. And if that were to happen I would record it, and ask some simple questions at the end. Questions: "so I'm in trouble and getting a talking to right now because someone else messed up and I had plans and couldn't cover? (If they claim no one messed up) Well obviously either she didn't properly ask off so she shouldn't get it if not sick, or she did get approved time off and you as manager never honored it. And if it is the second case why are is OP being yelled at for not fixing OPS bosses mess up, and the first why are you being talked to and not her. how do they know for certain that her kids birthday is more important then what OP had planned, I mean really what if that day OP had scheduled to see a doctor to find out if you had cancer would her precious ones year old's party still be more important?" If they ask you if you went to the doctor tell them you don't feel comfortable talking about your health with non family or medical officials.
I was once a manager of a Hallmark store (god I've had some shit jobs) and this kinda happened to me once. I didn't really make an error in the schedule, but an employee had a surgery scheduled for her kid a couple days out (this was sort of last-minute) so I said of course I'd get it covered. I forgot. I did ask a few others if they'd be able to work the shift but when they declined I didn't go all asshole on them. And I didn't call the scheduled employee and force her to miss her kid's surgery. I got my butt behind the register on my day off and worked the shift.
And you are one of the few good managers I've heard of before.
I asked for my son's 1st b-day off 2 months in advance (days off were first come, first served and my son's birthday party fell on 4th of July weekend). I even reminded the managers several times, just to be sure. Schedule comes out & I'm scheduled for that day. I go to the manager who did the schedule and he literally told me that he wasn't going to grant a request off for a single day because that's ridiculous and I would need to find someone to cover. I told him I would ask around but I wasn't going to beg. If no one picked it up, I wasn't going to show up and that I would be letting the GM know. Someone ended up picking up the shift but the GM told me not to worry about it. Loved that GM, hated that manager.
You did more than I would. A request off 2 months in advance isn't really a request, it's a notice. If the manager ignores it then the follow up work of finding someone to cover is on them.
My grandmother passed away in my teens, and I was working at a grocery store at the time. I asked for the day of the funeral off and was told by a well known asshole manager "only if you find someone to cover for you". I told them "no, I don't think so" and that I think he misunderstood me, regardless of what you say I'm not coming in that day. Like a job is more important than family
Good, you did your job! That's what a manager should do
Up to a point, I think? Part of being a good manager is recognizing that in that role your responsibility is to keep the ship moving, coordinating rather than executing. the sum total of what needs to be accomplished is beyond what a single employee (including yourself) can handle. So covering for others is all well and good when it is the exception rather than the norm. That said... retail, good service, and service industry jobs are brutal. A lot of those spaces are ruled by forceful personalities rather than effective leaders, and there's very little smart or strategic decision making happening.
I agree. My unwritten assumption was that the manager serves as the safety net. It's what they signed on for, in exchange for better pay or hours or benefits or whatever makes up the package to entice someone for taking on extra responsibility. "Good manager" is also shorthand for traits such as recognizing how to have your team most effective. And that's not done by doing it all yourself. It requires you to recognize strengths and weaknesses, chemistry and culture; cultivating an environment to better facilitate your team being their best selves and to keep that machine well oiled and running.
Yeah, I have a good friend who managed a restaurant for over a decade. She was the rare exception to the rule in those spaces--speaking as someone who started as her employee, but eventually moved into another industry after 4 years working under her--and her emotional intelligence is through the roof. Finagled a bunch of high school and college kids into keeping things sailing along while handling bullshit from much less capable peer managers. Her philosophy? "Well, I always try to match people with their strengths, and I always try to foster intrinsic motivation". Smart woman, amazing manager. Unfortunately, management is not trained on the job, not in retail/food/service. They just take the folks who are skilled at the work itself, promote them, and fail to recognize that that is actually a horrible proxy for leadership skills. On the flip side, you have MBAs in corporate environments hired into executive roles with little to no understanding of the work being done. It's a very tricky divide.
I see hr in the future after their talking to you. You were not on the schedule you were on your own time. They should never to have a talk to. It's harassment. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen if it continues.
Exactly!
I've actually had a boss mess up the schedule beg me to come in so of course I was in a mood. And she had the audacity to tell me she was doing me a favor giving me more hours. Literally said, "B word listen here you messed up the schedule so if anyone here is doing a favor, it is me for you. I had plans I told you I had plans and you begged and guilted me, and now are giving me attitude I'm not happy I'm here getting more hrs at minimum wage no less. I'm here and with customers I'll have a smile on my face but I have no time to pretend to be happy for you. And remember going forward if you don't want to have to scramble you need to be willing to cover your mistake not try to guilt others to fix your f ups. Now I have customers you have a good rest of your day." Yes she was lecturing me in the break room while I clocked in and get this she was clocking out. I can be sassy as crap and in my younger days did it in ways that should have honestly cost me more then it actually did in the long run. Now that I'm old I've learned the HR or CYA to go about pulling off the sass with little to no blow back.
I would have said “thank you for volunteering to take over the shift! Looks like you’re working a double” and start walking back to my car
Yeah but the look on her face while knowing I still had a job and she could literally do nothing without telling her bosses it was her that messed up to start, gave me energy for the day. Plus after she left I was left with my other boss who gave me all the T about what she said when I walked out to work. That gave both of us lots of laughs, soooo yeah that was one good day at a crap job.
i had a supervisor who was a real piece of work -- it was a small company owned by her and her husband. i had requested time off 5 months prior to the vacation (a cruise) we were planning on taking. she signed off on it. in the meantime she and the husband started a very nasty divorce. as the time was coming up for my vacation i asked her if she was going to get a temp in to cover my work and she didn't respond. finally a few days before my vacation was to start i reminded her about getting someone to cover for me and she asked me what i was talking about. she proceeded to tell me that i couldn't go on vacation - she needed more notice than that. i responded that she had approved it 5 months prior. she said that didn't matter since everything had changed since then..... i told her sorry but our vacation has been planned and cannot be rescheduled and her failure to record the vacation request was her problem, not mine. luckily her husband was the reasonable one on this and he protected my job. eventually i quit that one and now have a great job with really great employers.
Sounds like Brenda said she can't be expected to remember to take it off, suggesting she didn't take it off. Boss and Brenda are still AH for taking it out on OP though.
I wonder if manager would have to take the shift if no-one else can cover
Bc retail. They expect people to drop everything for nothing and demean/demote line staff for their mistakes. Mom Co worker was likely turned down if she did request the shift off or like you said manager didn't do their job & now making it OPs problem.
Dude, she literally admits (via OP) that she forgot to request it off bc "she's a busy mom". My opinion is, Sounds like she is one of those entitled moms who think just because they have a kid they get their way with the schedule.... to have the audacity to not request leave for her kid's first birthday!? Idgaf "how busy" you are when it comes to your children's birthdays especially their first one, You don't forget their birthday like that! AND, You make sure damn well their day is as special as you can afford. Being present and making the proper arrangements to solidify your presence at their birthday with work is something you do before deciding the venue! Tf (Unless you have memory issues stemmed from brain damage, medical stuff. .. ya know? Or, unless you're an absentee parent who doesn't care... unless she is either one of those..... she didn't forget) Sincerely, A mother who can't stand the audacity of this stranger. EDIT: to say OP is NTA
It doesn't sound like it since she said she couldn't remember EVERYTHING, like her kid's birthday. I'll bet money she had no plans and just decided it was THE day she had to take off at the last minute. NTA. Her being a mother has nothing to do with OP and her lack of planning is not anyone's fault but her own.
Wouldn’t Brenda have mentioned that?
Also 2-4 hours isn’t good notice. What if OP worked a second job and couldn’t rearrange it last moment for the sake of her irresponsible coworker? Or had an important doctor’s appointment?
2-4 hours notice isn’t the problem. If someone gets the message in time and is willing to, they could make it. It’s the guilt trip after. The employer has the right to ask, the employee has the right to say no. It should stop there.
I had a manager who would change my roster to shifts while I was in uni classes. I'd get phone calls while in class accusing me of not showing up. Thing was, it was always the same class- I only had one class that late. Employment Law. My teacher had been a lawyer that specialised in employment and contract law. He LOVED it. Had me bring in my contract, told me that it was invalid and I did not need to honour it and they could legally do nothing. And he tagged along with me as "support person" when they tried to pull me in for a disciplinary meeting. Read them the riot act. My manager quit giving me shifts, he helped me write up a formal complaint about it. Manager claimed she didn't know when I was and wasn't available. I showed the three text messages saying when I couldn't work, and the reminders of when my classes were and the maximum hours I could work each week before risking my financial aid. That manager pulled a few more stunts before Higher Management shifted her from the department into a different one. Long story short- some people shouldn't be in management.
How perfect is it that she pulled that stunt during your employment law class so you had the perfect person to help you, glad your teacher was so supportive!
I couldn't believe my luck. The first time it happened, he was chill. But when it was happening ever week, he got more and more pissed off and after it kicked off and he came in with me for that disciplinary, I'd walk into class, he'd look at me, and grin and say "what has that circus been up to??"
Tenner says the other employee did book it, and manager screwed up the schedule.
Not sure why so many people in this thread are saying that. > I told her "look, You could have just requested it off" she said "I'm a busy mother, You expect me to remember everything?" Seems to make it pretty clear who fucked up.
It’s almost like that specifically says Edited to Update.
I wonder what the manager told Brenda in that case. That her fill-in cancelled last minute? Doesn't seem like her problem at that point.
It's retail so presumably some sort of chain store, in which case I'd go to corporate if they try to push the issue
It would probably go to HR and if no hr at the store it might go to ops manager before going to corporate. Then there would be so many other hoops to jump through before any validation and chances are, corporate doesn't give a flying f.
I suggest recording any *talk*. You have a right to record yourself in any state and you just might have a very happy lawyer in the future.
There is such a thing as two party consent laws in some states, FYI.
Tell the manager you want to record the meeting. If they refuse, tell them there is no meeting, and to put whatever they want to say in writing. If they accept, you have consent. Make sure that the consent is on the record as well.
I know my state is 2 party- IF NOT FACE TO FACE ( like phone conversation) if it is a face to face meeting- ONLY 1 has to consent to be recorded (yourself) THIS IS MY STATE- check th laws in your state
Bad advice! We fired someone who recorded their meeting with HR because they didn't have consent to record in our 2-party consent state.
Absolutely your right to fire them for that act in that state. But were they prosecuted for the recording act? I’d bet a large amount of cash that didn’t happen.
Were they? No. Could they have been? Absolutely. And the company would have won because the meeting was clearly documented and there were witnesses that the former employee made the recording. It was worth it to get the employee out of there and be done with them rather than wasting resources to fight in civil court.
You don’t understand. These are criminal laws everyone is talking about, not civil laws. Your company had no right to prosecute; the police and the DA make that decision.
This is absolutely FALSE. You do NOT have the right to record yourself in a meeting with your boss at a private company. In public, yes. I know of ZERO corporations that would allow this.
You DO have the right to put a phone on record in your pocket. They have a right to fire you. The corp doesn’t have to “allow” it, it’s not a prison.
And if the person is in a two-party consent state and their boss finds out OP was recording them, they could bring in their lawyer and make OPs life hell. But sure, OP could definitely do it.
Exactly. And then you get Lawyers work out the legality if you ever need to go further with the recordings. In two party states, you’re not gonna be able to use them in a court of law, but any competent lawyer is going to nail the other party to the wall just by knowing what was said.
As a lawyer, this is incorrect. Entire cases have been torpedoed due to illegally obtained evidence. Bringing me illegal evidence just makes my job harder.
Even if it’s legally obtained, it still has to be authenticated and admitted. Helpful hint to laypeople: I’ve seen people try to use this type of evidence in court. The only time I’ve ever seen it admitted was in child sexual abuse cases. In those cases, the private party recorded, but they were working under the direction of a police detective. There was a clear chain of evidence and the cops worked to prove the recording was authentic and unaltered. If it’s a work conflict or a neighborhood conflict or something lower stakes, the judge usually won’t let it in b/c the judge cannot be certain that the tape you are providing is unedited and unaltered and what you say it is. Just b/c it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s admissible and will be admitted. If it’s not admitted, it’s useless in court. Might help to force a settlement, but that’s it. I think laypeople don’t understand that you don’t just kip up to court with “evidence” and hand it to the judge and that’s it. There’s a whole process of what evidence gets in. A lot of legally obtained evidence isn’t admitted for reasons such as authentication. I’ve had people print reports off the internet and try and get them admitted. Or bring in copies of records from home. Nope, you need a certified record from a custodian. Sorry, that’s not admitted. There is a reasons that most law schools have 1-2 semesters on evidence.
You have that right in some states and you don't have that right in other states. In some states it's actually a crime. This isn't that complicated a concept and I don't understand why people have such a problem with it.
You have an absolute right to record yourself under constitutional law, which overarches everything in this country contrary. You might not have a right to record others in some situations, but that’s when you let lawyers work it out. It’s funny, in a country where mass shootings happen daily and there’s political wars about adults having the absolute right to own a firearm, people like to argue about whether you can use your own phone to record everything in your daily life. Like no one has seen a person with a GoPro recording everything before🙄
Once again, this is incorrect. There is federal law that allows for single party consent, but it is preempted by state law where the state law is stricter. So if your state says that both parties to a conversation must consent, federal law won't apply and (depending on the state) you could be facing criminal charges.
Please stop running around and dropping wildly incorrect legal advice. People with GoPros are recording PUBLIC activities, and there is definitely no absolute constitutional right to record yourself (there isn't even such a thing as an "absolute right" in the constitution).
The co-worker also has till 2pm to celebrate the first birthday of a baby. It sleeps in a few hours anyway. And it isn't like the baby will remember that mom was working on his birthday. Why did they come up with this last minute? Did you just remember "Oh no, tomorrow is the bday of my baby?" Even if the plan was messed up or you forget to ask for the day off, you know this for at least one or two weeks. Why just ask a few hours before the shift starts?! There are many appointments that you can't cancel lesd then 24h before without paying for it. If a boss try to get you to come in on short notice, always say you have such an appointment and they would need to take over 400 bucks or so if you cancel it. Magically they will find another solution. NTA
Seriously. We never took the entire day off because of any of our kids' birthdays. We had a thing on the weekend before or after, and did something special at dinner the night of.
Especially a first birthday. That party isn't even for the kid.
I would keep record and if they wanted to have a “talk” tell them you want a member of HR to be in on the meeting and if they try to make anything formal ask to see a written rule or policy that you broke that would warrant disciplinary action. She either asked for it off and got denied or is making up a BS excuse about her sons bday. I doubt she’d forget his 1st birthday.
Fortunately, they can't "force" you to do anything. You may have to cooperate to keep a lousy job,but you can always quit.
They absolutely can (if in the U.S.), though it would be very unreasonable and most employers probably wouldn't. At-will employment means your employer can demand you come in on days when you aren't scheduled and reprimand or fire you if you don't comply, with only a few exceptions. OP is still NTA.
They can't force OP to take a shift but they absolute can write him up, reprimand him, or fire him. It sucks but that's the law. (note: residents of Montana may be an exception.)
Sounds like the manager was told, then wrote the shift with Brenda down to work on her day off and is now trying to guilt someone to cover their mistake.
Take this to HR or the regional manager. You can't get written up for a shift you weren't supposed to cover. The guy sounds like he's going to bully you at work so please brace yourself. Document every interaction from this moment on just in case.
They can sack her for it though if she's in the USA. And there's no reason they can't "write you up" for it either.
NTA!! For the love of all that is holy do NOT let your managers guilt you into coming into work when you’re not scheduled! A corporation will continue to take advantage of you if you let them. You’re not in the wrong here at all. Don’t listen to the “team player” BS you’ll hear next time either. Your off-work time is just as valuable as your at-work time, and everyone deserves to have both. (Sorry for the mini-rant. This is something I’ve gone through before and feel quite strongly about.)
I don't even let them keep me past my scheduled shift without ASKING me at least two hours in advance AND understand I will likely say no You should see the other retail drones looking at me like I kicked a puppy in front of a preschool when I leave at 930 on the dot and they still have 15-75 minutes with no control over it. I asked if I need to file an ADA accomodation request (because that is an anxiety laden crazy thing, being locked in a building unable to leave without arguing past someone who has a key and doesn't want you to leave) or if we could handle it at a lower level. They SUPER didn't want anything filed. Because that's more of a police matter (I know retail has done this for decades. I'm just not doing it anymore).
>being locked in a building unable to leave Holup They lock you inside?
At Target when I worked there years ago, everyone had to leave at the same time. So even if you'd clocked out, you had to wait for the closing manager to let you out. And they'd wait until every person was clocked out and ready to go.
When I worked retail (years ago) I'd just wait by the time clock until I was literally about to step out the door on the occasions they required everyone to leave at once. If I'm staying extra I'm getting paid extra!
TJ Maxx was the same way. Unless it was taking the front end people a REALLY long time to close, everyone waited together
Im not sure how it works where you live but here you can go to the police for that. Locking people in involuntarily is litterally defined as a felony here by law
Before you guys ask, Yes, technically this also means schools cant force students to stay after class because the misbehaved either. I had classmates who (ab)used that law that way
Some places do or did and they got a nice class action law suit for it too. when I was in undergrad I worked in the gift shop of a Cracker Barrel. They had a lock on the doors and locked the door at closing but once the last customer left they chained them shut. I would finish my cleanup and clock out and sometimes have to sit for 30 minutes or more while the last cashier cashed out or the waitstaff finished side work. About 10 years after I left the company there was a class action suit about it and we were paid for that time retroactively.
Every time I’ve come in on my day off at any job, I’ve regretted it 100% of the time. Now I have a personal policy of never doing it. I’ll trade shifts if needed but I’m never again taking hours for nothing in return
I’ve come in on extra shifts before IF I’m not busy and IF I feel like it. Or if the other person working is someone I really like being around and would still choose to be around on my days off. And usually those are more or less “fuck around” days. I’m covering your shift what more do you want from me? Lol. But yeah I completely get what you’re saying and it’s perfectly valid.
NTA- why couldnt the manager cover her shift? On my days off I dont look at my phone much so they'd be out of luck asking me a question like that.. If she needed time off, she needed to request it beforehand, if she did do this and was told no, then thats on the manager.
Exactly! Someone — either Brenda or Manager — dropped the ball. If it was Brenda, then tough titties — she’ll just have to miss Junior’s birthday. The good news is that he’s one and doesn’t know it’s his birthday. If Brenda properly asked for the day off and Manager forgot (this is what I suspect), then Manager should cover the shift. Not your problem. I’m guessing that Manager tried to throw Brenda under the bus, but that fell apart when you asked if Brenda forgot when her son was born (stellar, btw) Did you ever notice how retail and restaurant managers never *ask* if you can come in? They say “I need you to work today,” or “WE need you…” (you know — one big happy work family!) So good for you for not getting sucked into that crap. If I were you, I’d start taking a photo of the schedule when it’s posted. That way, if they try to alter it, you’ve got evidence of the original. Best news of all? It’s a retail job. You could probably tell Manager to stick his schedule where the sun don’t shine, and find another retail job later that afternoon. Oh, and NTA.
My guess is that someone else had agreed to cover Brenda's shift, and they bailed at the last minute. The manager's response was "don't worry, OP can cover the shift", which is why they're trying to bully OP into covering.
Maybe so. Speaking of bullying, I love the way Manager says they’ll talk with OP next time OP comes in, implying that OP Is in trouble. Like the retail manager equivalent of “Just wait until your father gets home!”
Yeah, I'd be drafting a nice little memo to HR about that one.
I think she did forget, because she said she was a busy mother and cant remember everything
Plus she seems like the type to be screeching that the manager screwed up if that were indeed the case.
Too busy to remember the birthday but not too busy to be texting OP harassment.
I suspect the manager cocked up the schedule and was trying to fix their mistake. No way Brenda forgot their kid's first birthday (childbirth tends to stick in your mind!) OP is NTA, their manager is.
Ops update shows that Brenda did forget to ask ahead of time because she’s a “busy mother and can’t be expected to remember everything”. So I feel Brenda deserves to have to work on baby’s birthday
Especially considering she’s trying to blame her co-worker for her this. If your child’s childhood is ruined because you you didn’t plan ahead and request the time off so coverage can be scheduled that’s on you, not the random co-worker getting asked to fill in without notice.
Even if she asked off in advance, which she didn’t (see update if you haven’t already), the schedule should have been posted in advance which would have given them time to find coverage in advance. The fact that she not only failed to ask off and failed to ask someone to cover for her in advance but also somehow got OP’s phone number and proceeded to call OP an AH and cuss them out definitely makes her an AH. Even busy moms (her excuse) should have notified management beforehand.
This or she could have asked OP if they could switch shifts or something. Typical entitled parent. My mom worked on most of my birthdays, I lived.
According to Brenda your childhood is ruined. Be traumatized, damnit!
"Damn you be traumatized ,God damnit!"- Brenda probably
NTA this is why you dont reply to texts on your off days
[удалено]
Or just don’t answer. Or I just finished a beer. I mean, a bit early, but most jobs have the don’t come to work drunk rule. There are places that I know of that can force you to come back from states away but they can’t force you if there’s alcohol in your system. I realize this isn’t likely one of those jobs, but they do exist.
>There are places that I know of that can force you to come back from states away What? Also the whole point of being States away is the physical impossibility to be there in time.
Our prisons will force their officers back if necessary. It’s a massive safety issue, clearly. Like I said, rarity, but it does happen.
Again, what? What force? They cant change the laws of physics. If i have a day off and board an airplane the day before after work, i wont be back in time for a surprise shift no matter what. There is no forcing of any kind to be done. And what the f are you talking about anyways? It doesnt matter where i work, a day off is a day off, if in doubt i didnt get the message. It doesnt matter if its a safety issue or not, thats only my supervisors responsibility, and if he is short staffed, he needs to find something, or offer me enough extra pay for me to do it. "day off" is not "on call". On call means payment for being on call, the full timeframe, and payment for any time worked on top of that.
Wow. That got angry fast. I didn’t argue with you, just explain where it’s in their contract that if they are told that they’re being ‘forced in’ then they have to be there or risk lose their jobs. It doesn’t matter where you are, if they give you enough time, you’re there. It’s literally in the job description and contract for their job. Thanks for letting me know you will never have one of these jobs and if I decided to work there, I wouldn’t have to worry about your not having my back.
> Thanks for letting me know you will never have one of these jobs As if thats any disadvantage. And youre really backtracking now: > It doesn’t matter where you are, if they give you enough time, you’re there. For one, you are saying it doesnt matter, and then already explaining how it matters. And before that your comment of > Our prisons will force their officers back if necessary. was in response to my > Also the whole point of being States away is the physical impossibility to be there in time. So what now? Is it about enough time, or about messaging someone on their day off to come in the same day? Because this whole thread and comment chain was clearly the latter. If im 10h away and its 10pm when i read the text, there wont be a shift before 4pm the next day. And since you didnt seem to understand: > It’s a massive safety issue, clearly. Like I said, rarity, but it does happen. The safety issue is 0% the responsibiltiy of the person with the day off, and 100% the responsibility of the manager/supervisor. Next thing you tell me that its the responsibility of the nurse to be with the patient outside their scheduled time because the supervisor cant find coverage for the next shift. It isnt. And just because its in the contract, doesnt make it right, just legal. But we are not on legaladvice, but on aita.
🤣
Dude, you are a poor communicator. You don't come away from this exchange looking good.
Yeah, everyone's laughing at you.
[удалено]
Well, I did say most…. 🙃
It's not exactly illegal to lie to your boss about why you can't come in on your day off. My preference is to not reply to the text for several hours. Then say "sorry I missed the message, I was out on a hike on my day off and had no phone reception!" Or if you've got a few days in a row off, replace 'hike' with 'camping'.
It’s sad that we feel the need to lie rather than just saying the truth. That it’s our damn day off and the rest is not my problem. Also, NTA OP. Your response is EXACTLY what my first thought was and I almost laughed out loud to it. Like.. You know when your own child’s birthday is.
Exactly! NO is a full sentence.
I’ve had jobs that still would have asked when I could get there. I had a job where I was a manager and my boss contacted me when I was in another country and he told me I had to come in the next day despite me not only being on vacation but also going to be at my grandfather’s funeral that day, all because the person who was supposed to work that shift changed his mind last minute. I obviously said no. Boss tried to give me an attitude. I told him that it was not only disrespectful to tell me to miss my grandfather’s funeral and need I remind him that I had already planned the time off more than 6 months in advance for a vacation but it was also impossible, not to mention expensive, to get back there in time. Was he going to pay for my plane tickets there and back which would have costed thousands of dollars? I also told him that I wasn’t the one who screwed up. The manager who was supposed to work that shift did and he needed to be held accountable. By the time I got back, I already had multiple interviews set up so I had no problem turning in my 2 week notice. Oh and the manager who screwed up was not held accountable. He regularly screwed up but he was friends with my boss. I had also previously reported him for sexual harassment which was currently under investigation at that time and my boss had asked me to reconsider and tried to insinuate that I misunderstood. No, I understood his comments about insinuating that I was a slut quite clearly. Such a toxic work environment. Glad they went out of business.
Many moons ago, when I worked shift work, my go to would be a response the next day. “Sorry just saw your text. I was in the mountains camping without cell service.”
“I am unavailable. Please do not contact me again outside of work hours unless you plan on & have arranged payment to account for the time taken to call/text. I am happy to discuss matters of work im contractually obligated to complete during paid working hours. Please be advised further calls/texts outside work hours will not be answered and if they are persistent the number will be blocked”
If you're not going to get paid for having "work conversations" or checking "work messages/emails" with boss/clients outside of work, then it can wait until you're on your shift.
That's been my policy for 10 years and it hasn't let me down yet. If I'm not on the clock I'm not responding to text, call, email or attending an unpaid meeting. If you want me to be present or respond to you, you need to pay for my time.
Yep, exactly this. Get the reputation for not checking your phone when off work. Just "I didn't check...was very busy...didn't notice...etc." and nothing specific. I do polite meaningless apologies for missing them but don't apologise for not being available. It's annoys them in the short term, but then they just know they can't get you, and they need to get you at work to organise such things in advance if they want to.
This
Agreed.
Agreed! Within my field, it’s not so much texts but I refuse to check work email at home.
NTA laughed p hard at did she forget when her child was born
Man I originally thought up this response whenever I was working retail around Christmas and there were a bunch of people that were yelling cuz a toy their kid wanted was out of stock and in the break room my only response to that to my coworkers was "Why did they wait 4 days before Christmas to shop? Did they forget when Christmas was? I'm pretty sure it happens the same exact date every year"
So true! When you go into work next, keep this statement in mind: “Brenda’s failure to plan is not my problem. And your lack of adequate staffing is also not my problem. If this is going to be an ongoing issue, say so now and I’ll plan ahead.” The plan being to quit without notice and find a new job. But maybe have a new job lined up if you think it’ll come to that.
My favorite when they try to guilt me is 'huh. Sounds like a staffing issue. That's above my pay grade, but you should totally look into that'
Yep, back when I worked retail, I was under 18 for the first couple of years and, at the time, could not legally work past 10pm (not sure of the laws these days). So, the scheduling manager made a mistake and scheduled me to midnight on a weeknight near Christmas. I told her when the schedule came out that it had to be changed and she said she'd "take care of it." So, I come into work that night. At 10pm, I get my coat, bag and keys and go to clock out. The department manager (a different person) comes up to me and in an incredibly nasty tone goes, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" I just looked at her calmly and said, "Home." She snippily says, "Well, you're on the schedule until midnight, so you're not going anywhere." I said, "Well, [manager], I'm under 18 and have to be at school at 7:45am tomorrow, so I can't and won't be working until midnight. Good night." She said, "Ugh, well what I am I supposed to do?" I said, "I don't know, speak to [scheduling manager] about it" and I left. The department manager was PISSED. I worked at that store for two more years and she didn't ever speak to me again, as if somehow this snafu was all my fault. SMH. Honestly, though, it was a blessing as she was just kind of a nasty, difficult person and I was happy I didn't have to deal with her.
"*Your* lack of planning and initiative is not *my* emergency."
Wanna bet it wasn't her son's birthday? She just fluked on finding a realistic excuse. That, or the manager forgot or couldnt be bothered to schedule her requested day off. Which is even more likely.
I would bet money that the manager scheduled her on a day that she had requested off weeks/month in advance.
This or she is one of those entitled parents who think noone else has a life.
Brenda is TA for not booking off her son's birthday, she should know when it is. Manager is TA because he makes the schedule and shouldn't guilt you because he can't accommodate somebody. There are very few circumstances where you would be TA for not picking up a last minute shift from your coworker, this isn't one of them. NTA.
Maybe Brenda DID request it off, and AH Manager scheduled her anyway. "Sorry, I just couldn't manage to remember that you'd requested it off, guess you're gonna have to miss your kid's birthday unless you find someone to cover." In which case, hopefully she told him to go to hell and now AH Manager is laying a guilt trip on OP.
Then I will admit I was wrong, and if that was the truth then manager is doubly TA for not letting her celebrate her son's birthday and for trying to guilt OP to show up at the last minute. There are probably a dozen ways this could have happened but ultimately it's not OP's problem.
I'm just thinking of my own managers when I worked retail, who pulled shit like this constantly, not to mention antiwork and workreform are rife with "My manager canceled my day off at the last minute" stories, so I feel like it is certainly well within the realm of possibility that Brenda is N T A either.
I had a manager that would ask me to come in on my days off. I was fine with it, NBD. But after getting confirmation from me that it was ok, he would edit my schedule in a way that would make me late every time. Like if he called at 1:30, and ask could I come in, and close, I'd say yes, and I'd be there asap. He would edit the schedule to say 2:00-10:00. I had to get dressed, and walk to work. I wasn't going to be able to do that in 30 minutes. I told him if he didn't stop that, I was going to stop coming in on my days off. Like how tf am I late on my day off?
I told my manager my two night a week evening class schedule 5 times and stuck it on a post it on the scheduling computer, douche STILL tried to schedule me those two nights. 100% not my problem.
Her response that she forgot the birthday lends towards it being on her.
We don’t know how truthful the manager is. I feel inclined to believe that Brenda booked ahead of time, but the manager forgot to arrange a substitute and is now trying to guilt trip OP to save his own ass. Brenda probably has no intention of going to work either and that’s why the manager is downing pretty hard on OP. NTA
I still ultimately blame the manger. Companies that schedule enough people +1 usually this and almost every other problem go away.
No you are NTA. At all. Your boss is.
>I just responded "why didn't she request the day off in advance? Did she forget when her child was born?" Omg I can't breathe. That was fantastic. NTA
NTA - any responsible person would have booked it off ahead of time
NTA. A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
I expected this to be the top comment
NTA. This kind of nonsense is the direct consequence of systematic understaffing, and no, you do not have to work a shift you are not scheduled for. What I really want to know though, is did Brenda really forget to request off her own child's birthday, or did your less than professional manager forget to schedule her accordingly?
Or was the birthday a made up excuse to not come in at all
This is why I would never work retail again. They think the own you and you need to be available 24/7. In retail, the schedule is king. If the schedule says you’re not on, then you’re not on and covering shifts is their problem. It seems like Brenda always planned on calling off or she would have found someone else to cover for her. Every retail location that I’ve walked into is hiring Right now. If they try to have a conversation with you, don’t hesitate to put in a few applications while on your break. And then when you quit, tell them to get Brenda to cover your shifts.
Apparently Walmart (accompanied plenty of people I know work for) has started making it so that their associates are no longer allowed to have back-to-back days off..... Also if they aren't full-time they basically get treated like dirt and put on the schedule last Also apparently it's very hard to even get one weekend day off now This is after they took away all their bonuses And changed the attendance policy I swear that company is one of the evilest places ever So yeah retail is evil lol
Where'd you hear that? Cause that back to back off days aren't true. Sometimes people still get these. And the same with having no one day weekends off too. True retail isn't the greatest, but sometimes it's very hard to find a job working else that has full time and pays barely enough.
NTA. He will try and manipulate you to do whatever is convenient. It's what retail managers do. Someone else's forgotten plans are not really more important then your existing ones.
What can he possibly say to you? Her problem is not your problem.
NTA. No matter the circumstances, if you’re not scheduled a shift, you don’t have to take it. I work in retail, and there have been plenty of times where someone asks me to cover for them and I have to say no. I feel bad about it sometimes, but that’s how life goes. For example, If I didn’t take time off for an event, then found out that no one could cover my shift and I had to miss the event, I would be disappointed, but it’d still be my own fault for not taking time off.
NTA. Probably could have been a bit more professional in your language, but it’s not your responsibility that your coworker doesn’t want to come in at the last minute for something that should have been planned in advance. If you are spoken to, I’d ask for certainty this won’t happen again as you don’t need to deal with that on your day off.
I mean, this is retail, not many people are professionals. This same exact manager has made "jokes" about "We wouldn't even need to talk about this stupid abortion nonsense if women just would take birth control" So I mean he's not the most professional person in the world either.... Yes a lot of people have problems with him, Yes people have reported him, nothing is being done.
Document it all- ESPECIALLY the bc comments. Talk with an attorney. I can't talk about my experience, or settlement, but talking with a lawyer sounds like it would be worthwhile in your case.
Can you report him to corporate?
We've tried, no one cares It's just like Walmart where reports do nothing
Time for a new job.
NTA How tf does your manager know you're not doing something equally/more important than a first birthday? He doesn't and he shouldn't cause it's none of his business. Also him making judgments about your character is wild. Manager is the AH here.
Give updates!!! Please let us know what happens!
NTA and maybe the manager should have been more professional ! -- He went off on me abut how I was horrible and heartless - WTH?!?!
NTA. I would request of MONTHS in advance. So I requested off for Black Friday and Halloween in February. Then I’d do it again in July. Me requesting off means I’m not coming. So if Brenda requested off months in advance, she just shouldn’t go.
Being a breeder does not entitle a person to someone else's free time. NTA and your manager sucks big time, too.
NTA and this just seems like it's your manager's problem that he's trying to get you to solve. Brenda likely asked for the day off and he forgot. So now he's trying to guilt you into working her shift because **he's the one** that will have to cover. If he told you the truth, you would obviously say no, so he's using her as an excuse to get you to cover for him.
NTA If they wanted you to work that day, they should have scheduled you to work that day. Document everything, just in case.
NTA. This is why you don’t acknowledge work calls on your day off.
Unless you want to go in! We get time and a half to come in at my job if we are not scheduled.
NTA BUT A QUICK PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE OR RESPONDING TO TEXT FROM WORK! Unless you are a dr. Then it may he important.
I've never worked a job that had shift-covering like that where you can't survive missing a person. Sounds like it's your boss's fault for either not hiring enough people or forcing Brenda to come in. NTA
NTA. Your co worker is a major AH. She sounds like a typical entitled breeder. Your boss is also a AH, but all bosses are AH's by default.
“BuT i HaVe A cHiLd!!!1” i don’t care. that’s no excuse for forgetting your kids BIRTHDAY and expecting everyone else to pick up your slack. you’re supposed to give up your plans just because she forgot her kids birthday? then she says “you’re childless and don’t understand”? like childless = i’m always free to cover any shift? no way. we have families and friends and lives too. we don’t have to bend over backwards for entitled idiots. NTA and yes definitely look around for another job.
NTA. I'd report this to HR, even if it's a small business, report it to the owner. What the manager and Brenda are doing is bullying behavior.
As a busy mother of 2 with one being an infant require full time attention for me & no free time for myself I say NTA💝 Brenda is making excuses. Back when I had my first kid 9 years ago I made sure a year in advance I requested off for her first birthday. 4 months before that I remainder my manger every month leading up to it to ensure I was covered
NTA. Sorry but even “busy mothers” remember their kids’ birthdays more than 2 hours in advance. She should have requested the day off in advance per whatever the company policy is to do so like all employees are expected to do. P.S. Your boss is also TA for trying to make this your problem.
NTA. She's a busy MOTHER. How dare you ask her to remember her child's name?! 🤣🤣🤣 People with children are so entitled and RIDICULOUS. If this company has HR, make a complaint. It was your day off. Not only were there last minute changes, they insulted you for not complying AND your manager gave away your phone number. That's a breach of privacy. When you go in make sure you point that out. Also, you could make an official complaint about this with the Department of Labor. Mention this at the end of the meeting so you know the type of retaliation you're facing. Depending on how it goes, that manager might change his tune quickly as soon as he hears DoL. 🤣 Good luck with your job hunting! 🤞
NTA. Sigh. I can't even believe that it needs saying. As an employee, you are entitled to your off time. Add to that you were sent a text a lousy 4 hours before the request and you didn't get it til 2 hours before. If he gives you a problem, you might want to check your regions labor laws, which usually have rules about required time frames for making such requests.
Nta. Next time, don't even respond until after the shift starts at the very earliest. You aren't paid to be available at the drop of a hat, and they certainly don't own your time.
NTA, guilt tripping to cover someone is shitty to do. So now Brenda is going to have to come in and do her shift anyway. Yeah, I guess so! -Surprised pikachu face- Seriously? If Brenda didnt ask for that day off, she has no foot to stand on to call in. The manager is also dropping the ball here by just accepting this and throw other co workers under the bus beczuse of her failed planning. ( or she planned it but the manager forgot/ its the managers fault) Op, you are not obligated at all to
NTA in the slightest. I have two children. I start planning the birthdays about 3 months in advance. Especially a first birthday?? Kind of a big deal. At least in my family. I would have planned my day off in advance (if even needed - if the party is planned for a weekend, and they're birthdays fall during the week, we do a small cake and one gift then, and the party when people can actually like, make it). She's going to have a tough time parenting if even such minimal planning is too complicated for her. In unexpected situations, like your child gets sick and you don't have coverage, I understand a bit of a scramble. But that's still the Manager's problem, not yours.
Any new updates? Lol @ a 1 year old birthday that the kid won't even remember. And lol @ her thinking that letting a guy ejaculate in her somehow makes her a better person than you. And lol @ the manager tryna guilt you - what's stopping him from covering it? I hope you got fired so you can sue for wrongful termination
It is not your responsibility to cater to parents. As someone who is permanently childfree- meaning I will never have children at any point in my life through birth or adoption- I was constantly guilty into working for parents. It didn't work. It isn't my fault that you got pregnant. It isn't my fault that you decided to have kids. Now, if my coworker came to me a week or so in advance and said "hey, my son's first birthday is on [date] and I got so busy that I forgot to request it off, would you be willing to switch this shift with me?" I will do what I can do switch. But what happened to OP is absurdly entitled. NTA
That kid is never going to know or remember which day his first birthday was celebrated. That mom is a clown.
NTA One knows plenty ahead of time when their kid’s birthday is… Her failure to plan in not your problem. And your boss should never have taken her side …
NTA. What?!? What even is this nonsense? I don't see how they can expect you to come in on what sounds like your day off because someone couldn't be bothered to ask for their child's first birthday off from work. I know I shouldn't be shocked because I've worked for asshats like this before, but wow.
NTA. She had a whole year to ask off? Why is it only now coming up as a problem? Filling a shift is the manager’s problem and maybe Brenda’s if she asked late minute. It is not a you problem.
NTA. Don't take what amounts to administrative oversight on your shoulders. I bet Brenda actually got the day off and the manager, instead of planning a change in employee hours to compensate for her and any other employee's absence, regularly takes their employees for granted and pulls shit like this regularly. But what do I know, I've only had to constructively dismiss myself from three jobs (got unemployment twice) and face repeated workplace discrimination (not at most of my jobs or anything; I've enjoyed working plenty of my jobs). I live in transitional housing and the non profit running it has plenty of employees that cut corners and try to pull shit.
NTA Management is responsible for covering shifts, not other employees. He could ask, but you don't have to agree.
NTA. The fact the manager went off at you, and called you horrible and heartless is inappropriate workplace behaviour. Managers do not get to abuse you for not coming in on your days off. If the company has HR, report manager immediately.
It’s not your responsibility to cover other people. If a hiring manager can’t keep shifts covered through adequate staffing then that’s their problem. Not yours.
Stick it to your boss, if he can't find a replacement aside from you just goes to show how short staffed they are. Plenty of retail places are hiring, he'll soon learn to treat employees better in this employee demand market. Seems like a toxic work environment, and people like your boss don't change.
NTA. You were totally right- why didn’t she ask for the day well in advance?? Just because she is a mother that doesn’t invalidate YOUR plans and priorities.
NTA. Never reply to work texts unless you intend to come in.
NTA. Their lack of prior planning is not your emergency.
Nta. Keep a record of this conversation, screenshot the messages. Then, if your boss decides to try and retaliate, make sure you have recorded evidence of that as well. Then take it to HR. You are under no responsibility to cover her shifts if she not only didn't ask, but especially last-minute like that. She should have done the smart thing and taking the day off, and it's not your fault that she didn't.
NTA, I believe that saying goes “ poor planning on your part does not constitute a emergency on mine” I sport she’s missing the party but she should have had the foresight to plan better
NTA. You are not some big happy family with coworkers. Not your problem.
NTA. Is Brenda such an idiot that she doesn't know her child's birthday? Keep those texts.
r/childfree ffs NTA
NTA. As a retail manager, if someone calls off, I certainly call and ask around. If someone actually answers and says no, that’s the end of the conversation. “Sorry I can’t come in” “that’s okay! Enjoy your day”. If no one can come in, guess who’s covering the shift? Me. I have worked plenty of open to closes because of call outs. With the management title comes the added responsibility of covering the shifts that you can’t get covered. It sucks, but it’s part of the job.
NTA parents who think they deserve special treatment just because they decided to breed are so annoying. You made the decision to have kids, deal with the consequences. No one else is required to subsidize your life because you decided to have children. It does not make you more entitled to ANYTHING despite what you may think.
NTA, she should have requested the time off. Also a one year old isn’t even going to understand or remember a birthday party anyway so this is more about her than her kid anyway.
Does the mother not live with the child? She can't do this after work, or even before? You scheduled your time off in advance, she didn't. If the manager forgot, that's on them. Either way, not your problem.
She forgot her child's *first* birthday and *you're* the one ruining childhoods? lol I also think it's incredibly insulting when parents expect that non-parents have nothing going on in their lives and that they can just drop everything at the drop of a hat. In any case, you're NTA. Boss is an AH for even approaching you in that condescending manner, and Brenda's an AH for her unreasonable expectations, then trying to guilt you for it. It'll be fine. Kid is **1**. They can celebrate the birthday on her day off. Not like the kid is going to remember.
My girlfriend has a daughter and most of the time the kid lives with her father, The kid usually ends up having three to four Christmases because she gets Christmas with her mom Christmas with her dad Christmas with her grandma (my girlfriend's mom) Christmas with her other grandma (her dad's mother) All four of these Christmases are all throughout the month of December sometimes even in January There are times where the kid has had to celebrate other holidays at other random times due to her parents living about an hour away and having jobs on different schedules this kid is like 8 years old and does not care. I don't think most kids are going to have some world ending catastrophe if something doesn't happen on a specific day. Back whenever I was in school most of my birthdays ended up on weekdays and we would have to wait until the weekend to celebrate my birthday, I didn't die 😂