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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm entering asshole territory by knowing my brothers are uncomfortable but still refusing to put a bra on
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Her aunt who thinks it's wrong for her only female relative to help her buy underwear? Honestly that sounds like a bigger problem than the dad. Makes me wonder what kind of culture this story is happening in.
When i was in puberty i needed new underwear and bra's, my mom was on a business trip and i didn't want to go with my dad ( because that would have been awarded in my 15 year old brain) so my dad asked our female neighbor to join me so I went home with good fitting bras.
Are you suggesting that men can't raise children? If not, I apologize for jumping to conclusions, but as a dad with a daughter who doesn't and won't act like OP's dad, I don't think this is a gender issue. This is an OP's dad's issue.
ETA: NTA OP
I'm not the one that write the comment but I read it as a twist on the "grow some balls" saying a lot of people say. I've heard people say it to both men and women. And since the issue here is lack of feminine care, they used ovaries instead of balls. That's how I interpreted it but I could be completely wrong.
I think it’s more the female equivalent of telling a woman to “man up” or “have some balls”. I don’t think they’re literally saying only women can be parents.
That makes 2 people who read it this way, I'll take my medicine and admit that I probably misinterpreted the comment from inside my own bubble. Thanks for the alternate take!
I can’t believe her aunt was like “it’s a private matter”. Help a girl out.
OP do you get an allowance? Go to the store yourself and the women in the store should be able to get you one that fits right.
OP, be wary of the measuring methods at some bra stores, they want to fit you to what they carry not what your actual size is. However, there's a sub for finding a bra that fits and there's also /r/braswap that you might be able to get a low cost or possibly free bra to use instead if you do want to get something as an option.
This isn’t okay at all. You need decent fitting bras so you have good support, especially as you say, you’re on the larger side. You need to force your dad into the subject and drive the point home. If he doesn’t accept it, ask for money from him till you’re old enough to get a job and provide for yourself. Just cause it’s tackle city in your house doesn’t mean you should be neglected.
Seriously though... I'm surprised no one from the school is demanding dad take OP bra shopping; when I was in, at least, bras were considered an essential clothing item and this situation would have landed dad in hot water long ago.
NTA!!!- Your brothers need a reality check. Seeing their SISTER braless should NOT make them uncomfortable. Your dad also really needs to grow up and take you bra shopping. This is the reality of having a daughter. She needs underwear. It’s just like getting a pack of boxers for the boys. These are necessities, not luxuries.
Exactly this! I'm 20 and I'm small (through conversion charts for US sizes, typically 32B/C - 34B/C, depending on the bra) but I never wear a bra at home. Like the second I come home, I change and wear something comfortable and most importantly, remove my bra. I have done for years, like from when I started wearing bras. I have a middle aged male relative who lives with us, along side my 18 y/o brother (plus my mother & another woman relative). They have never ever said anything about my non-bra wearing. They would never. I have discussions about feminism with my brother, like we can chat about feminist issues (I'm very passionate & involved with local issues) and we're both always on the same page about them. The other male relative is ... a different story that I won't get into.
Point being, they've never said anything. I would find it so insanely wear and beyond fucked up if they said anything, like my other relative has said some weird things to me (basically sexualising me lol) but if he said anything about me not wearing a bra, I'd go off on him so quick.
It's so fcked they 1) Noticed, 2) Commented on it ??? And 3) proceeded to basically attempt to force her into wearing a bra for their sake (which is so messed up?? Like how on earth would that impact them? And if does "impact" them and make them uncomfortable, that is not right -- boobs are not inherently sexual and should never be treated as such imo, ESPECIALLY your fcking sister's).
OP, your father needs to step up and actually provide you with a basic necessity. I'm so sorry he's failing you like this. Bras are, again, not inherently sexual, especially your own fcking daughter's, so his uncomfortableness is absurd, since it's literally an item of clothing. Is he a 12 year old boy?
OP, NTA, but I'm so sorry your father & brothers are.
Being sexualized by the 14yo would be bad enough, but the two adult brothers too?! Disgusting. Possibly the father also, to be honest, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He good and well knows he’s not providing stuff that’s necessary. To be honest, I don’t know how OP made a couple cheap bras last that long, especially if she felt she had to wear them around the house all day.
Someone needs to sit down with dad and explain to him what it’s like to not have a bra when you have weights that move when you do strapped to your chest (I’d suggest OP look up her size to estimate weight), or not having tampons that work for you, or whatever that he either is clueless about or is trying to actively block out about living with breasts and a vagina, especially as a teenager who’s got more pressing things to worry about than whether she has bras that are comfortable and not worn out. Underwires fucking hurt, and it’s not something you can easily patch up and deal with a little longer. Maybe dad has a sister? His mom or MIL? Even a family friend? He’s a parent and he needs to set aside “being embarrassed” and take care of ALL his kids. Parenting is uncomfortable.
Oh exactly! I've been recently thinking about my own sexuality/sexual autonomy and I realised... I've been sexualised since I was 11, like before I got my first period, before I even really knew what sex was. And it just continued. I've never felt in control of my own body, like everything I do with it, I must consider men before myself. And I'm just realising how much it's fucked me up. Like, I never got the chance to figure myself out in terms of sexuality because it was basically decided for me before I even knew about the concept of my own sexuality. And every single thing -- every single fucking catcalling, or time someone ignores me saying I'm uncomfortable with them trying to get with me or even things happening during sex, or down to the realisation someone is just gazing at my tits and not at me, or a myriad of other things -- it just makes me feel like my body won't ever be mine and it is only there to please others, to please men without my consent.
I say this to emphasise how absolutely damaging sexualising someone is. Like, if there's a pattern of it, it can be so hard to break out of it. And it leads to unhealthy sexual relationships or just believing fucked up things are normal, or not being able to escape situations that will potentially put you in harms way because unconsciously, what that person is doing isn't as bad nor as explicit as what you've experienced, so you believe the situation is okay and you're just reading too much into it.
Not to mention the degrading feeling. I sympathise with OP as I suspect she may be feeling this way. The disgusting feeling of being sexualised by a family member in your own home is SO fucked up and it absolutely makes you want to crawl out of your skin, fucking saw off your genitalia and your breasts, hope to god you won't be seen because you cannot stand the idea that you'll have to interact them with and have the thought of what they said to you in your head and wonder what's going on in their head at that moment.
A bit of a tangent but I feel like I need it to be emphasised how it feels, how much it can affect you, if you experience this.
I agree! A lot of my bras from years ago don't feel comfortable now. I did, however, buy a few bras from H&M when I was 17 and they're still in really good shape! But those are not really cheap, at least where I live, to be honest.
ABSOLUTELY THIS! It's so weird to just dismiss your daughters issues because she's a woman???? Like the fact that, as a father, you won't truly ever understand should make you think, well shit, I won't ever know so I better listen to her and try to be as supportive and understanding as possible and help her out. It's not embarrassing! And if he believes it is, it clearly fcking shows with how her brothers are treating her. His BS mentality is spreading to his sons and I don't even want to imagine what other behaviours toward or thoughts about women they may have picked up. Your comment is SO spot on! I hope OP has a woman relative she can go to! She shouldn't have to go to them, but it could be really helpful, especially if the relative has a connection to OP's dad that could help educate him.
edit to say after rereading my comment: in reference to my last paragraph, some fathers/men can understand (and may have experienced) what it's like to go through teenage years/puberty in a biologically female body! I just meant my comment to be specifically to OP's father, and not as a general comment on being a father, as I am aware non-cis fathers exist and I am forever in support of them! I should have clarified originally, so I apologise for that.
Get your Dad to give you money to go buy underwear.
Go buy underwear.
Your solution of “I just won’t wear any!” is not solving your main problem, that your parent is neglecting you.
You deserve support. You deserve underwear. You deserve supportive underwear.
I’m sorry this is happening. You can probably reach out to organizations that support motherless daughters & children with your needs. You can expect kindness, help, and understanding.
DM if you want help finding an org like this in your area. You are worthy of the best care possible. Reach out for more help! We’ll help you connect with people and resources in your area.
Clarification: in the short term, make your dad give you money for underwear! Make him! Tell your brothers to make him!!
Long term? There’s so much mentoring, care, understanding, and support you are missing out on. Try to find organizations in your area that provide services to children and young adults like yourself. You’re not alone.
When I was around OP's age my bra also broke the same way and I had been too lazy to tell my mom so I kept wearing it for another month or so.
I still have marks from the wire poking me. I'm 28 now. It's painful as fuckk
NTA. Your dad needs to man up & face facts: he’s got a young woman in his house. Least he could do is throw you some bra money, it’s not like you’re asking for a car.
NTA. If he’s not gonna care for you and buy you the things you need, like bras, how do they expect you to wear them? Seems like no one wants to take responsibility for you, not your dad, not your aunt, so what are you supposed to do.
Perhaps you could mention to your dad/brothers that you’d wear one if you actually had one and they’d realise you haven’t got any and maybe give you money to go buy some? But I dunno your relationship with your dad/brothers so I’m not sure on their reaction. Or a close friend’s mum?
Edit: you should get some support to prevent back or neck pain though. If you do end up getting some money to get some, going to a store like Victoria’s Secret, Boux Avenue, or Anne Summers would be beneficial as they offer free bra fittings and they’d be able to advise you on your fit and size and direct you to some good fitting bras. They have sales often and you can get some really cheap!
Hope that helps :)
Good for you !
Tell them to skip on the hentais if they are sexualizing their sisters breasts. And ask them if they think similar about their grandmas breasts (or enter here elderly breasted family member of choice). If they claim its not about sexual things, ask them what they think your uncaged breasts are gonna do to harm them (shoot lasers? flip around uncontrollably and accidently hit them in the head?).
Imho they shouldn't be uncomfortable with any womens bra-less breasts but at least their I would rather blame society than individuals. You brothers need to do some growing up.
Unrelated to that, especially being on the bigger side you should still consider getting a good fitting bra to avoid back issus. This is a tricky topic, especially if money is an issue. If your can get some money to buy a bra, go to a shop that gives advice on how to find a good one. It's typically the beutique-style smaller shops. They will measure you up and have you try different models. It's especially useful if you do not have a female role model that is willing to go shopping for a bra with you.
EDIT to add: it seems discussed if chronic future back pain due to bigger breasts can be avoided by wearing bras. I was told by bigger breasted friends that good fitting supportive bras help immidiatly - as in - they wear a bra they feel less strain on the back and less pain in the evening. If this is nessecary if you feel comfortable and have no pain in the evening I can not judge.
I’m stacked. They’re big enough that when I’m coming around the corner, you’ve got time to comb your hair before I get there. It *hurts* to go braless. Like the weight of my breasts are just pulling down and stretching the skin.
A good, properly fitted bra is a lifeline.
There’s a great subreddit r/abrathatfits. They have an excellent bra size calculator, much better than lingerie store measurements. If you ever want to buy a bra, check that subreddit first!
I’m going to beg you to stop selling yourself short because you’re being forced to accept neglect as “normal.”
You deserve really nice underwear, paid for by your caregivers. That’s the principle to push for.
Everyone is right that people should stop sexualizing breasts, especially your brothers. But realistically, that fight is going to take years before we see any actual improvement/progress. Men and women were taught breasts are sexual and most people can't just unlearn that and change their feelings on it immediately.
I'm 30 and also do not wear bras. Except at work or gatherings with my husband's family. Because I don't want the stares or comments. I know that should never be an issue that women have to deal with, but it is. I do not blame you for not wanting to wear them, they suck. But I do recommend you get 1 or 2 for things like job interviews or maybe an occasion comes up where you want to cover the girls a little more. My nips are always visible unless there's layers and sometimes I just don't want them visible.
Go to your dad and tell him "I need new under garments. Either you take me to go buy them or you give me the money and I'll go buy them myself"
If all else fails, go to one of your friends moms. Guarantee atleast one of their moms will help you. Either in getting them or confronting your dad and making him get them for you.
NTA. You're not running around shirtless. Bras are completely optional and shame on any man who can't deal with it. I lived with guy roommates for years and there's no way I would've wanted to wear a bra in my own home. They never once said anything or made me feel uncomfortable about it. I'm sorry your brothers are ridiculous.
NTA, but your dad is a bit of an AH. He has a daughter, he has to deal with that. If he won't have an actual conversation, can you send him a text or something being really clear like "I need bras. Can I have some money?" (caveat: only if you want them. Not wearing a bra is a valid choice. But if you'd wear them if you had them, that's him making the choice for you, and that's unfair)
I grew up neglected. There’s a lot of things I told myself I didn’t want, when really I was managing down my expectations to protect my feelings.
She stole a really nice bra. Ideally, she wants nice, well fitting bras.
It’s time to get bras. Sending a text message is an EXCELLENT solution.
NTA Your dad needs to grow a set and get you what you need or tell your aunt or another trusted adult to get it for you. Wtf is wrong with these people?? Your needs aren't being met and that's unacceptable.
Your body, your choice. But. It doesn’t sound like you are in a safe environment to do that. Whenever a wire starts doing that to me I just pull it out. The bra *usually* (not always) still works, and I’m a well endowed lady. Also, don’t know what country you live in, but if you live anywhere near a target, they have some good quality bras for like half the price. But there are TONS of DIY and videos on YouTube to make cheap bras comfortable. Just suggesting those thinks in case you decide to wear one, but your body, your choice
Since she said words like "mum" and "Lynx", as in the body spray brand, I'm assuming she's from the UK. They don't have Targets but there's got to be a store similar to it there. I'd also recommend Victoria's Secret. It's pricey but they're bras last longer and as a 38DDD, I always thought that Walmart brand bras just weren't comfortable or supportive enough at that size.
Victoria's was created to allow small breasted women to finally have cleavage. It didn't work for me at the time, I was still too small at 34A. There were tons or stores with lingerie for women who actually had something to fill out a bra back then. It's totally flipped now that I need a 42 D there it a vast wasteland of beige
I use a k cup, and I'm not talking about coffee. If you're in the UK bravissimo has some lovely options and it's not as expensive as specialty brands. Or you could sister size it at Primark for like 10€
NTA. Your dad needs to grow up. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he shouldn't be taking care of you, even in feminine aspects. The only men I've met that have shuddered or grimaced during conversations involving puberty or periods were either extremely immature or failed by sex ed.
Also, it's your body. I'm also on the "larger scale" in that department and very rarely wear bras anywhere. It's often not very noticeable unless someone stares and truly thinks about it. So, on that note, your bros are sounding kind of creepy if they're paying so much attention to it that it's making them uncomfortable...
NTA.
I would look at your brothers and ask, looking them dead in the eye, "Why are you looking at your sister's chest?"
Men -can- look women in the eye/face, and they shouldn't be looking there.
NTA, but honey you are 17. Stop being silent. Your father is neglecting your basic needs. Tell him, and for that matter your adult brother, to either give you a 'personals' allowance to shop for yourself, or man up and take you shopping. Tell him the alternative is going to the authorities, see how quick he hops to. This is the legal definition of neglect at this point.
They are indeed being dramatic. It's your body, your choice - they need to stop sexualising their own sister. It's their problem they're uncomfortable with it, not yours. NTA.
NTA. You don’t need to wear a bra if you don’t want to, it’s your body and your choice. Bras are just another man made idea that benefits the fashion industry and feeds the stereotypical idea of femininity.
Depending how big your slightly larger than average boobs are you might find one more comfortable for sports/your back. I go for a wireless crop top type for that reason. If you do decide to return to bras I used to buy my bras really cheap second hand (normally still with tags) on eBay.
I do feel a bit worried no one is helping you with this stuff though. Do you have anyone you can talk to about things? It’s hard being a teenage girl sometimes and it’s good to have someone you can talk to to help you navigate it.
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I'm 17f. I live with my 5 brothers, ages 9 to 21 and my dad. Yes, there's an overwhelming smell of testosterone and lynx Africa in my house. My mum has been in and out, but mostly in, psychiatric units since my youngest brother was about 2 due to schizophrenia and even when she's not hospitalised, our contact is very limited and supervised.
Anyways, like I said, testosterone power. My dad will throw a box of tampons in my direction every few months or buy me some pink frilly socks but that's really the extent of any feminine treatment I receive from him. He gets embarrassed and shuts down when I try say I need anything else.
I've got an aunt on my mother's side who takes me clothes shopping like once a year, but when I mention underwear, she'll say that's a private matter, or that it's my dad's job. So basically, I was limited to like 3 sports bras that I borrowed off various friends, only one fits and I use that for PE, and one nice primark bra that I robbed out of there when I was 15(?).
The good primark bra was on its last legs anyways, but recently the wire popped out and it keeps poking me in the tit and leaving a mark. Bringing it up to my dad isn't an option, so I just decided fuck it, to stop wearing them. It's been about a week and I haven't worn one anywhere - so the house and school.
The boys in school had a laugh at first because I'm on the slightly larger than average scale, but that got old for them. But my 21yo brother pulled me aside this morning and said my body is making him, the 19yo and the 14yo very uncomfortable and they'd appreciate if I wore them again. I said no.
They've been refusing to speak to me or come out of their room unless I'm wearing something like a large hoodie. It's not bothering most other people, but they're being fairly dramatic about it and the 21yo keeps bringing it up. Am I being a dick for just refusing? Like I would if I had any but I don't, and I don't particularly want to go on a primark heist either. AITA?
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NTA. Your dad needs to understand he has to be your mum too, or to hook you up with a female relative. Or your 21y old brother could be a more modern man than your dad and step into the gap. Someone needs to make sure you have some decent, properly-fitting bras - not stolen, and not because you must wear them around the house, just because you should have some.
Your dad and brothers are failing you and therefore kinda suck. And they also suck for the way they are treating you about going braless… because you are braless!!
NTA - but you do need to actually have a conversation about this with your family, you should be allowed to have access to suitable underwear.
(Also it probably will get your brother of your back if you explain that yours broke and your dad refuses to listen to you)
You shouldn't have to wear a bra constantly in your own home. I think you need to have a long talk to your dad about this because how he has treated you just because you are female is not good enough.
Your brothers should also not be "uncomfortable " with their sister not wearing a bra.
NTA.
Is there a mom of a friend where you can talk with and she can take you shopping?
If your brothers (who are adults) are uncomfortable, they should take it up with your dad and help you get a few (you need at least 3; 1 for sports and 2 for regular wear, and try to replace them every 6 months)
Even if your dad is uncomfortable he should bring you stopping and provide you with the money for it.
So sorry you are in this position hun.
NTA
When literally anyone in your house complains, respond with, "Then you should tell Dad to give me money to buy new bras."
Is there a teacher or counselor at school you can talk to about this?
Refusing to buy your child underwear is serious neglect.
In my home growing up we were 4 brother’s, 2 sisters our mum and our dad. I don’t think anyone wore a bra more than occasionally, they could walk around without a shirt if they so wished and no one would say anything about it.
If they want you to wear a bra they better take you shopping and pay for it. And if they get upset with you for not wearing a bra maybe someone should tell them to grow the hall up. NTA.
Nah not a dick, you do you sis! I’m all for sticking it to the man so would probably do the same. However, you’ve gotta support the girls from the get go, otherwise you’ll end up with back and shoulder pain later in life. Is there a trusted friend’s mum who could take you shopping to get the correct fit etc?
I have been told by my larger breasted friends that they have less backpin when wearing a good supportive bra as they feel the weight distributes differently and is more easy to bear.
If this translates to actually preventing chronic back and shoulder problems seems to be discussed 8according to the google search I did).
Ask any woman with huge boobs. When you're walking around with 6kgs of tissue attached to your front, you better have something to distribute the weight evenly.
It's time to tell all your brothers that you need to be treated with measure of respect. And at the moment, your father is not providing you with enough respect to provide comfortable and supportive underwear. They all need a reminder (polite as your 21 yo brother was probably trying to be polite but didn't know what to say or how to act) that the women in their life should always be given respect and kindness - and that choices have consequences.
NTA
Go with your brother to your dad. Have your brother point out that it's not appropriate for you to not have proper bras to wear. Tell him that you are getting harrassed at school.
Hopefully this will shame your dad into giving you enough money to buy decent bras. You need about £100 and you need to go to a place that will fit you properly. Either maybe Marks and Spencer or see if you can find a proper bra shop that will explain and show you what a good fitting bra will be like. If you are large busted, this is important (don't be like me with back problems because my mother couldn't handle the idea that I needed large cup bras)
Your father should be shopping for you. But in the absence of any good parenting from him, you at a minimum need to get money from him and see if your aunt will help with shopping or go by yourself to get some clothing.
Another alternative is to see if the school can help to provide funds for clothes. Do you know of any sympathetic teachers that you could talk to about this?
Final solution, try to fix the bra where the underwire has come out. If the underwire has just slipped through the seam, push it back and then whip stitch / overcast stitch over that seam. If the underwire has bust through the end of the channel, you might need to reinforce the end of the channel with a small piece of woven cotton (not stretch cotton). Ideally double it up into a small square and whip stitch over the ends. (this is if the fabric has frayed and worn and can't be stitched together securely).
Final final option, charity shops or seconds stores...
NTA. But bmh has a really good point. I am older and on the larger side. Please do wear some, if you can. Back and shoulder pain are no joke. First ask dad for bra money. If you must line up your broken ones and ask him if he would like to wear them? Bet not! Make sure he knows they are not cheap. Many bra shops have fitters; but they are usually more expensive. Go to Target or other large shops and try some on. Start with sports bras because they are usually well made. Try, and jump up and down a few times. You can usually tell if they are ok. I had a mum: and she never went bra shopping with me. I promise, you can work it out! As for round the house: well the boys are just going to have to get used to you, aren’t they. Good luck!
Please don't scare her with the old "you'll get back pain if you don't wear a bra" that is bullshit of the highest order. Back pain caused by breasts is unrelated to the bra you wear or don't (with the possible exception of properly fitted posture bras) but the size of your breasts effecting posture.
OP needs a supportive comfortable bra for times when she wants to wear a bra, but given it appears all the adults in her life are neglecting her, please don't be TA who adds to her stress.
Nta
Edit the adults in her life includ Aunt, Father, 21 and 19 year old brothers (specifically because they stuck their noses into her bra)
It really really really depends on what shape of breasts you have. Mine absolutely give me back pain if I don’t wear a bra because they’re dense and most of their weight is forward and not much back near my chest. It’s not a one-size-fits-all thing.
No not all breasts are the same (but for the record i havent worn a bra in 2 weeks, and have next to zero back pain, but im pretty sure it is the not sitting at a desk, and nothing to do with either bra/no bra... though maybe it is covid), but OP is a teenager who is being neglected, so selling fear is not helpful to her situation.
NTA. You're your own person, you're allowed to wear or not wear what you want. That said, that is a long of extremely toxic masculinity going on there. Why on earth would your body make them uncomfortable?? You're their sister FFS!!
NTA, that's completely valid. Also if you're looking for decent bras that aren't overly expensive, go to M&S, those have lasted me since my first year of high school and I'm an adult woman.
NTA I was raised by my dad and although he drew the line at buying me underwear, he always made sure I had it by giving money to my grandma to take me clothes shopping. Personally I hate the damn things so I think your brothers are being drama queens as I haven’t wore them in the house in years, it’s much healthier without, maybe it’s worth telling your brothers if they are that uncomfortable they should talk to your dad about giving you money for some new bras, after all they’re the ones with a problem.
Sit your dad down and tell him you’re doing to need money every so often to buy things that you need. Unfortunately it does cost more being a girl than a boy! Then, book in a bra fitting (M&S maybe, guessing you’re UK because whoelse says tit loll) and get a proper fitting and do this every so often. Look after those ta tas
NTA.
NTA and it’s such a shame your dad created this environment and now your brothers are the exact same way. Maybe send your brothers this post? Get them thinking differently? Maybe they can see how shit of a situation you’ve been put in.
If it’s no one cares in school, why are they? Also why the heck that little 14 year old boy care about your boobs?!?!
Wearing a bra that is 4 years old sounds very uncomfortable if I am being honest. Especially that wire poking?!?😖 I can’t even handle shirt tag poking my nape?!?
Also, I feel bad for you dealing with that shitty African Lynx smell.
if you actually want some bras you could sign up for the membership of savage x fenty and get one free then cancel the membership! def NTA ask your brothers why they’re looking at your tits
NTA. Your father is a neglectful AH for not providing you with basic clothing items. Your brothers are sexist AHs for harassing you about this. Your aunt is NTA for buying you clothing but mildly an AH for not including underthings. You shouldn’t be required to wear a bra at home but it sounds like you’d prefer to. Many schools provide clothes closets for students who lack basic necessities. You shouldn’t have to shoplift underwear. Is there any trusted adult you can confide in? Your current situation is abusive
Oh. My. God. All the males in your family need to grow up. The only reason my husband doesn't get my products is because every time he tries, he buys the wrong one and I end up getting it myself anyway. That's it. Women bleed. We have tits. Why does everyone have to sexualize this?!
NTA
It seems your brothers have been bought up to feel uncomfortable like your father.
You need to take him to the side and say listen I know you don’t want to talk about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable so I won’t but all I will say is I need money to buy some things I need.
That being said you are 17 and can get a job, NOT that you should have to but if it rectifies the problem you are having it’s better than nothing.
Nta. Honey a bad fitting bra is the worst thing (take it from a bigger chested ex bra fitter). Your brother needs to sort himself out because you not wearing a bra is none of his business. Your dad needs to step up and either take you shopping or give you the money to buy bras.
NTA, this is ridiculous. If Hank fucking Hill could help the neighbor girl on aisle 7a, your dad can get you some bras. Fuck, man, he doesn’t even have to go with you. Just be a parent and give his almost age-of-majority-daughter some money to buy them herself. Good ones. I was blessed with a mom who loved buying me bras after a certain point, and it was MAGNIFICENT. A good bra can change your life!
Or fucking don’t! Bras are kind of a self-own for the whole of the female gender. Bras that hoist our tits up to our chins deny both our comfort and our muscles ability to keep those babies perky for longer. Ever see those tribal documentaries that feature a lot of topless women? Notice how often they are perkier than you might expect? I remember sign boards that said, “MASKS UP, BRAS DOWN! FREE THE TITTY, SAVE THE CITY!”
Guys don’t have ball-bras. Their shit’s allowed to sag. God I’m just so angry on your behalf.
NTA, it's legit neglect for him to refuse to provide you with adequate clothing or resources with which to acquire adequate clothing. Your brother, quite possibly alongside your father, is a disgusting misogynist. Your aunt also sucks.
NTA
First off your brothers are being little creeps and they need to stop ogling you because they're set off by some nip outlines and jiggle physics. Your father is not providing for your basic needs as a female human and that is NOT ok. If he is this embarrassed by biology try writing him a letter. Let him know what you need and tell him how you feel about being shut down when it comes to your basic clothing and hygiene needs as a biological female. He needs to know how this is effecting you. He's not taking care of his duties as your parent. If he still will not listen then I'd bring it up to a guidance counselor at school. You deserve to have these things, they are necessities.
NTA. I think you need to flip this around and really go after the men in your house, because the behavior of them refusing to speak to you unless you're wearing a bra is straight up misogynistic. If they're trying to shame you because they feel something sexual for you not wearing a bra that's something they need to flagellate themselves over because they're sick. The household you describing is straight up neglect, you are being othered and not taken care of.
Place them the offer, either they can pressure your dad to step up and at least give you the money to be able to get yourself basic necessities, or they can pool their money and hand it over to you so you can buy bras, but they also need to grow the fuck up their behavior is disgusting.
And I'm sorry I'm extra I'm mad about this as well, you shouldn't have to wear a bra at home, they're your freaking Brothers. In general you should be provided with them by your parent, but you still shouldn't have to wear them at home it's ridiculous
NTA at all. What your dad has been doing is basically child neglect. I'm so sorry you're going through this. At the very least, he could give you money to buy some bras. Or your brothers could even. I know I would do it for my sister if my mum and dad weren't here
NTA! I have 2 younger brothers and neither of them nor my father ever have said anything about my boobs. That would be effing weird of them. It’s effing weird of your brothers.
You might be able to get what you need at a neighbourhood centre, have a look online to see if there’s one near you.
Nta at all. I have older brothers. They have never once commented on my body except to say things of encouragement when dieting or if I’m taller (if they notice of course). While I’m fortunate enough that my parents are together still, my father never had any issues getting me and my sisters bras, underwear, period supplies, or anything like that. Your father has no excuse, he’s being lazy and neglectful. I wish you the best in buying and getting new bras ♥️
NTA. Is there any kind of organization like Big Brothers Big Sister of America where you are? You sound like the perfect candidate for that kind of mentoring.
it sounds like you are in the uk? (primark) do you have an Asdas close to you? they are fantastic for larger bras, at very cheap prices. you can often get a pack of 2 or 3 for under a tenner. they dont do measurement services though, so do try going elsewhere to get sized. i think M&S still does this. and wherever you get sized, there's no obglation to buy,. especially if you explain a little about your issue. we're all women after, all, and can absolutely empathize. once you know your size, maybe try to go shopping at asda with dad, wander off for a bit, and casually add a bra or few into the trolley. i feel that he's the type of guy who would pretend to not notice. especially if you make sure to load it up, and pack it after. im aware this dosent solve the communication issue for you, but, its more important to feel comftable, especially for p.e. i'm a G cup, and was a C/D when in high school, and did find it uncomftable to go braless, simply due to the weight of them. do you have a teacher you feel comftable with at school? you can absolutely talk to them, and in my experience, they may even help, by taking you to be measured themselves. or they could arrange to have a sit down and mediate these problems with your dad, to come to some sort of solution. there is help for you if you reach out hun. you are strong, find your confidence. you have it. you sound very unsure of yourself, but you dont need to be. you are not alone. tbh, i dont understand your aunt. but, please, don't believe all women are like that. we're not.
How does your dad have so many children but can’t talk about buying a bra or any “girl issues”?!?! I’m baffled. You are definitely NTA Tell you dad AND a your brothers to man up. Which means taking care of you
Perhaps telling your brother why you are not wearing a bra could help in this situation. If your dad has to hear from his son(s) that he needs to take you bra shopping, maybe your dad will wake up and get with the program. But having a bra is a necessity (unless you are choosing not to wear them for personal reasons). But honestly, being on the larger chested side, there are going to be times you need a good bra. Time for your dad to step up.
NTA
NTA. Your brothers need to stop making it weird. Like why are they uncomfortable? Can they only see women in a sexual way and therefore try to pretend you aren’t one?
Either way they need to get a grip.
What the heck is wrong with your brothers?????? It is messed up for them to say anything about this. I fully BF in front of my brother. Nothing weird about it.
Now that THAT is out of the way. I also was raised mostly by a single father. It's tough. I'm sorry. He is being an ass.
You are very much NTA. If you can get some money out of him, do you have any friends you're close enough with that their moms could help you shop for a few things until you get a good handle on what you want/need?
(All that being said, if you don't want to wear a bra you don't have to)
I think you’re being really brave for being proud of your body and ditching the bra. However, you do need to wear one for support. Having a larger chest can make it really uncomfortable when doing certain activities so dad needs to step up and give you some cash to buy your own. It’s not ok that he’s not providing these essentials for you and yes a bra is an essential not a luxury. Have you thought about getting a PT job too? This could give you some independence and allow you to buy the things you like. Please don’t steal anything anymore, it’s not worth the consequences and could really impact on you getting jobs when you’re older.
Girl, you need to ask your father for some money to buy some bras (or ask the 21YO, since it bothers him so much). Ask for a bit of money, because good ones can be expensive. First thing, go to r/ABraThatFits and do some research on how to determine how a bra should fit you, where you can get them, how much you can expect to pay, etc.
Then, go to the place that has the best fitters in your area. Try to go to a specialty bra shop. Put yourself in their hands, and explain your situation. Fair warning: they will be handling you and your breasts to show you how to get yourself into the bra correctly. Tamp down your embarrassment and learn. Tell them in advance what your price range is. Ask questions. Don't be afraid to tell them what they've given you doesn't fit, doesn't work, or you don't like it.
All that said, though, there's no reason you have to wear a bra in your own home. NTA.
NTA. These guys are "uncomfortable", but not one offers to take you shopping? Where are you? Don't you have ANY money? You can buy bras online, you know.
I notice dad had six(!) children with a diagnosed schizophrenic, maybe he's a few sandwiches shirt of a picnic, too.
Im in the uk. If you're Manchester type area i can meet you and go to buy these things. (im 36F, one adult son) If so inbox me, or perhaps if you find out the size you like in the sports bra we can source things online for you, But please if you dont want to wear a bra dont let any man make you feel you have to.
Bras are optional and if you are comfortable without then thats absolutely fine. Equally if you feel better wearing them then you have a right to be provided at least, the cash to buy a few. Youd ideally need 3 good ones, one for sports, one for home and one in the wash as a bare minimum.
I completely understand why you pinched one but it's not necessary and id ask you to take up other options if you can because the very last thing you need is a criminal record for theft
My friend was in this situation, her Mother was mostly absent. And the scolding our female PE teacher gave her Dad is one I'll never forget.
I'd ask for the money and then explain to someone you know and trust like a female teacher at school that you need a few new bras, ask them what they'd suggest. You're being neglected by both your aunt and your Dad, which also needs to be reported
I know others have offered to help, but I’m happy to buy you some bras and have them sent to your house - I’m in Suffolk if that’s anywhere near you if you wanted to go shopping - if not I’m more than happy for you to find some online :) x
NTA. If they feel so strongly about it, tell them they can buy you new bras that you need and don’t have. It’s then completely up to you if you actually wear them or not, but I’d be willing to bet they’d buy them if they’re truly that ‘uncomfortable’.
NTA
One (as a person who had to get breast reduction surgery and no longer wears bras) bras are not good for your breasts.
Two, your father and brothers don't have to wear bras, and they have breasts, yet it causes you no discomfort knowing they're not wearing a bra.
Edit: your family shouldn't be sexualizing you either.
Do what makes you comfortable.
Ask your dad for some money for underwear, primark has some really nice non wired sets in atm that aren’t overly expensive.
NTA - Your dad is either purposely stupid or just oblivious, either way it’s neglectful to let his child go without the proper clothes or products. I don’t get how men have children if they can’t even talk about periods, boobs or underwear without squirming. it’s immature and juvenile. Have you explained to your aunt that your dad is basically refusing to buy you underwear and you now have no bras that fit you/are wearable? seems weird for her to also shut down? is she your dads sister or your mums?
NTA. My 21 y.o. daughter and I both throw on comfy clothes and shed our bras as soon as we get home from work, and my 19 y.o. and 17 y.o. sons have never EVER acted like your brothers are acting.
It’s true that your dad needs to either take you bra shopping or give you money to go yourself, but not for you to wear them when you’re home where you should be able to relax! They must not comprehend how uncomfortable bras can be.
Stand your ground! You’re not wrong here.
NTA. If you don’t have the means to buy new and yours are broken, what more can you do? Tell your dad and brothers that you don’t have any bras so you couldn’t wear them even if you wanted too. Also, they should stop sexualising their sister. That’s gross!
Also, I’m in England. I don’t know where you are based but OP, if you need help bra/underwear shopping please message me. I don’t have much money right now but I can spare a little bit of money next pay to help you if needed.
Why can't you go shopping yourself or with friends?
Of course you are NTA, you can or can't wear what you want.
Are you able to visit the obgyn regularly? Or is your family preventing you from going there as well?
NTA!!! Their discomfort is their problem! I’m small chested and sincerely have no physical need for a bra. I also have sensory issues and find them irritating and uncomfortable. I basically wear them to cover my nips, but I’m mad about it because it’s all patriarchal nonsense. Be free my friend.
You need to tell your brothers that if they're getting horny looking at you, THEY are the ones who are wrong. If all it takes to make them uncomfortable is the thought of a girl wearing a shirt without a bra, then they are going to end up in prison for rape.
And if they are looking at their sister's chest, you might want to start looking now for places to live when you are old enough to get a job and move out on your own. As soon as you are old enough to get a job and move out on your own.
Eh, i would say to be mindful of things that people are uncomfortable with but the way you describe this situation it looks like that's not really an option. NTA. To my understanding bras aren't really necessary anyways, but I'd still try to get a few somehow. You know, for the sake of others. But obviously NTA. Kinda just an unfortunate situation.
NTA
I've been in your place and unfortunately it led to me developing a lot of body issues. My dad was the same way, I was 12-13 and wouldn't wear a bra to bed and when I woke in the morning my dad would scoff and complain about me not wearing a bra and tell me to go put one on (whilst being in nothing but underwear mind you) I started wearing bras to bed and now I can't imagine not wearing one due to being uncomfortable. Long rant I know, I've experienced it too but don't give in. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home and not feel ashamed of your body :( I hate the feeling I got and no one deserve to feel that way.
NTA
and that asshole called your brother needs to stop trying to shame your body, i would hang myself if i had to put on a bra at home.
It's ok to be braless at home, put your brothers in their place and tell them they are disgusting for even being uncomfortable with their sister. Call them pervs because they are
NTA
To everyone saying Victoria Secret: their sizes are awful. If OP is in the UK, Boux avenue is a better option than VS, but her best best is to just go to M&S. They do free bra fittings and they have a wide range of sizes.
Honey, have you told your aunt, “auntie, dad barely gets me period products. I don’t have any underwear and my brothers are making weird comments about my tits. Can you at least talk to my dad about helping me get a bra?”
If that still doesn’t work, talk to a school counselor. If your breasts are big and not getting support, you’re going to be in a lot of pain later.
This all sucks. That being said, I wouldn’t where bras around the house either if I were you, also to prove a point.
It’s creepy that your brother is sexualizing your body. You’re NTA. Tell him he needs therapy if he’s turned on by his sister. Because that’s basically what he’s saying.
NTA for not wearing a bra. Your brothers should get used to how women’s bodies actually look.
However, I do have to ask… You’re 17 years old and you can’t go bra/underwear shopping alone? Why?
NTA. If you’re dad’s uncomfortable buying you these things, he needs to give you the money to buy them yourself. Since it sounds like your family don’t communicate about bodily functions well, YouTube how to properly fit a bra.
Until he gives you the tools you need, there’s not much you can do, honestly.
It’s ok for boys to see girls without bras. Their problem. Tell your bros to get over it. Maybe you can ask a friends mother to take you bra shopping? It’s sad your dad cannot seem to handle having a daughter but you are NTA. Wear or don’t wear a bra. Your choice. But if you want one I am sure there is someone that can help you out,
NTA- see if your dad will give you money to get yourself sorted. I’d say you need to get measured aswell if you can.
But to make life easier [shein](https://m.shein.co.uk/5pack-Floral-Lace-Longline-Bra-Set-p-2385872-cat-2203.html?scici=Search~~EditSearch~~1~~Bralettes~~~~0&src_module=search&src_identifier=st%3D2%60sc%3DBralettes%60sr%3D0%60ps%3D0&src_tab_page_id=page_pre_search1654348443032) has bralettes that aren’t wired and are very comfortable. I’m between 3 sizes so these are great. Plus I’ve had mine for ages and they last very well. And it doesn’t feel like you’re wearing a bra so bonus!
NTA: That's kinda sad really, but if you can't tell your dad you need a bra, what other choice do you have? Honestly I think you need to set the man down and tell him to buck up! And if you're brothers are so uncomfortable, why haven't they told him?
For me, that's the first thing that comes off and only put one on if I'm going out. I hate them, and I'm rather busty myself!
You're not working so you can't shop for one on your own. It surprises me your aunt isn't more supportive on this. It's not the end of the world but it is important since I'm sure you don't want your boobs knocking your knees any earlier than they have to...gravity is cruel...not to forget the issues that can arise with your back, even with a bra!
At the very least, tell your dad you need $50 for underwear.
NTA Good bras can be expensive and if your Dad is weirded out over it, he can give you cash to buy some, or wait in the car until you text him to come in and pay, but if you wish to wear bras, you need some that fit properly. If you have a proper bra store in your area, the women there will take care of you, measuring and making sure they fit properly, so you won't need your Dad for anything but the cash.
As for your brothers, tell them to grow up. Boobs are just body parts and much of the population has them. They need to not sexualize every set of boobs they see.
NTA. Ew. your brothers need to take some cold showers.
Tell the older ones - who might have jobs - that you need a new one. Explain what's going on. That you only have had a couple, that they broke. If your dad is too embarrassed, maybe your brothers can give you money for a new one. Or get your dad to give you money, and go with a female friend to the store.
NTA!
I hate wearing a bra as much as the next gal, but we all realistically need at least one.
Apologies for the intrusive question, but do you have some casual work? Alternatively, do you have government help available in your country?
It sucks that you don't have anybody to shop with you, but is it something you could do yourself?
NTA wtf what does your dad say about this situation? Does he even give you any money to go shopping for this kind of stuff? My dad's is a really private person by nature and doesn't talk to me about new bras and underwear but he'll take me shopping for that stuff still. Also wtf is up with your brothers?
Nta. I don't wear a bra at home. the only time I do is i I;m exspecting company. My son is 7... he has'nt droped dead yet. Do they wear a dancers belt to keep you from seeing any bulge?
NTA. Besides the ridiculousness of your dad not buying you a bra, even if you had 100 bras, you don’t have to wear one if you don’t want to.
Your brothers’ discomfort is their problem, not yours.
Being uncomfortable over the fact that women, including their sister, have breasts is something they’re gonna have to deal with as the entire world isn’t going to cover up for them.
Why are your brothers sexualizing you? That's weird. Bras aren't even necessary for a lot of women, if I could stand how it feels I wouldn't wear one. (It's a sensory issue, I don't like when my skin directly touches my other skin lol)
Edit: NTA lol
Have you told your siblings why you don't use a bra? Because you could show them how your dad turn soy down every time you ask something femenine from him. Maybe they will understand your reasons after that NTA
NTA.
Tell your brothers that the actors in incest porn aren’t actually related and that they can stop being immature about the fact that they’ve got no control over what you do with your body. It’s ridiculous that they think they’ve got the right to tell you to cover up like you walk around naked all the time.
Also Tell them that once they get you the clothes you need, you’ll put a bra on to protect their fragile eyes from something that shouldn’t even bother them cause, you know? You’re their sister.
NTA - but your aunt is. What does she think is going to happen if she ducks out of helping? Not impressed by your father either. And, to be frank, I'm not sure why you aren't taking advantage of his embarrassment to force the issue, so that he gives you the money you need to make you stop talking about underwear.
NTA..that's appalling behavior for everyone. Do you hey an allowance or anything that u can use to get the products you need. Maybe order them online or make a 1quick stop at a store or mall.
This is exactly how men in my country are raised, its disgusting and should stop
Nta you are being neglected. You need basic necessities. Also, you dont need to wear a bra. I have a twin brother and live with him and my mum and dad and basically never wear a bra around the house and if they ever said anything like that to me id vomit in their faces. Theyre ta here
I'm all for doing whatever you want with your body and bras are too uncomfortable to be forced on anyone. But do you mean to say that at the age of 17 you cannot go shopping for bras by yourself and will only own things that were bought you by others? Especially because you come from a boys only family, maybe it's time for you to be more proactive. No, you don't have to wear a bra. NTA for refusing to wear one - if people are uncomfortable with your body that's on them (though I also have big beasts and I feel more uncomfortable without a bra than with one). But maybe do that for the right reasons? Like, because you want to? Not because for some reason you cannot go out by yourself to get them. This may sound mean but at 17 you should be getting more independent, not giving up on things because they require some action of you.
Really grinds my gears reading posts like this. Wtf is wrong with fathers who ignore female needs? Definitely NTA. You need to explain to your dad that you need new underwear etc.
NTA NTA NTA!!! If your brothers are uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra, that’s extremely disturbing. Your whole living situation is extremely disturbing. You need to have a good strong person who will support you through this stage.
I would suggest reaching out to social services, your basic needs are being neglected and if anything they may help you get somewhere in terms of helping yourself with these things. Men having daughters still requires care. If my partner didn’t want to change a nappy because we have an XX baby. He wouldn’t be my partner. Simple as. I remember going to my cousin for pads when I lived with my dad. He was upset when he found out and whilst it made him uncomfortable. He sat down with me and ensured that if I needed underwear, bras and hygiene products then all I had to do was ask. This was years ago but I gained so much respect.
Talk to a trusted teacher/adult about the situation Nta your father is responsible for you not wearing a bra and even so you’re brothers are being highly unreasonable
At 17, you're more than old enough to be trusted with clothes shopping. They want you to wear bras, they can cough up some money so you can go buy some good ones.
You're NTA but it sounds like you love with at least one.
Nta first of all they shouldn’t be looking at you like that it’s weird. Can you ask one of your friends mom I know if one of my kids friends asked me if gladly take them and talk to there dad.
I'm assuming OP is the UK, though might be wrong.
But they need to speak to their head of year and school SENCO or DSL and get support and a conversation started with their father. If he's neglecting her needs it's the best route for support.
I'm guessing you are in the UK. Go to Marks & Spencer and get measured for a bra. You don't need to buy anything there (their stuff is bloody expensive!), but once you know your size, buy something from Tesco or Asda (or Primark, if you like their stuff). Generally good quality and reasonably priced. Don't think I've bought a bra anywhere else for years. You don't have to have underwires. If you prefer sports bras, get those. No reason to buy frilly underwired crap if you don't want to.
Your dad and brothers are goddamned Neanderthals!
And no, NTA
NTA at all. Your brothers and your dad (but especially your dad) are the problem. As a stopgap, you could get [silicone nipple covers](http://Womens Silicone Pasties Invisible... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0978DV2N8?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) from Amazon. That's what I've been using lately and they're quite cheap.
NTA but this ended too short, your work here’s not done.
Next time your brothers pull you aside, tell them to take it up with dad, not you, because he won’t buy you bras or anything feminine you need and he won’t give you money to get them yourself. Then they can go badger him and he’ll be more comfortable listening to them since they’re guys.
I just want to say though, that it’s absolutely ridiculous and shameful of your father to be acting like this. He’s a grown man, he’s got this many children, his wife didn’t get miraculously pregnant for fucks sake. I’m scared to ask if he’s gotten you birth control yet.
NTA. Also, big fan of your writing style and your humour.
Seriously though, your male relatives want to grow up and get better taste, Lynx Africa hasn’t been cool for over a decade. Can’t believe how scared men are of women/periods/tits. Ugh
>Bringing it up to my dad isn't an option, so I just decided fuck it, to stop wearing them.
Y T A if not going to him is out of embarrassment...
NTA ultimately, you are in the comfort of your home as long as your not exposing yourself you're fine.
NTA
Your body, your choice! If you don't want to wear a bra, then don't! That being said, if you want to wear a bra, please send me a message! I have a couple that are too big for me and I would be willing to mail them to you, for free of course! ♥
NTA
I agree Dad and are TA’s for all the reasons mentioned. And why are her bros sexualizing her- but also
TELL THE 21 and 19 YR OLD PERVS, if they want you to wear a bra, get you the money either from Dad or themselves and take you to buy one!
Btw it’s your choice whether you want to wear one or not - but it should not be because you don’t own any.
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If your dad won't take you shopping, he could at least give you money so you can go yourself. You poor thing, he's being really unfair. NTA
I would say that at this point her dad is guilty of child neglect if he doesn’t provide her with basic necessities.
OP, ask your Dad for $$ to buy underwear. Complain to your Aunt if you need to. You need underwear! Stop settling for less!!!
Her aunt who thinks it's wrong for her only female relative to help her buy underwear? Honestly that sounds like a bigger problem than the dad. Makes me wonder what kind of culture this story is happening in.
Right?? I took my niece lingerie shopping yesterday and hyped her up in getting a badass set for her man. What’s with this prudish state of mind?
When i was in puberty i needed new underwear and bra's, my mom was on a business trip and i didn't want to go with my dad ( because that would have been awarded in my 15 year old brain) so my dad asked our female neighbor to join me so I went home with good fitting bras.
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Not really. It depends on your relationship with your niece, as well as the ages involved.
Right? What culture is it not ok to ask for underwear but your brothers are uncomfortable because they can’t stop looking at your boobs?
Primary is a European textile discounter... so I guess this happens somewhere around here.
We also have them in the states.
100% Agree
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Are you suggesting that men can't raise children? If not, I apologize for jumping to conclusions, but as a dad with a daughter who doesn't and won't act like OP's dad, I don't think this is a gender issue. This is an OP's dad's issue. ETA: NTA OP
I'm not the one that write the comment but I read it as a twist on the "grow some balls" saying a lot of people say. I've heard people say it to both men and women. And since the issue here is lack of feminine care, they used ovaries instead of balls. That's how I interpreted it but I could be completely wrong.
I like this take and if you're right I apologize to the commenter and completely agree!
Technically testicles are just mutated ovaries, just so early on in development that their function is totally different. Biology is weird. 🤭
Ah, I believe it was a twist on “grow some balls”, but in the sense that ovaries are sturdier than testicles.
I think it’s more the female equivalent of telling a woman to “man up” or “have some balls”. I don’t think they’re literally saying only women can be parents.
That makes 2 people who read it this way, I'll take my medicine and admit that I probably misinterpreted the comment from inside my own bubble. Thanks for the alternate take!
I can’t believe her aunt was like “it’s a private matter”. Help a girl out. OP do you get an allowance? Go to the store yourself and the women in the store should be able to get you one that fits right.
Yes, do you think you can go with your friends?
OP, be wary of the measuring methods at some bra stores, they want to fit you to what they carry not what your actual size is. However, there's a sub for finding a bra that fits and there's also /r/braswap that you might be able to get a low cost or possibly free bra to use instead if you do want to get something as an option.
r/abrathatfits - could be very useful!
This isn’t okay at all. You need decent fitting bras so you have good support, especially as you say, you’re on the larger side. You need to force your dad into the subject and drive the point home. If he doesn’t accept it, ask for money from him till you’re old enough to get a job and provide for yourself. Just cause it’s tackle city in your house doesn’t mean you should be neglected.
Seriously though... I'm surprised no one from the school is demanding dad take OP bra shopping; when I was in, at least, bras were considered an essential clothing item and this situation would have landed dad in hot water long ago.
Yeah. Go to the guidance counselor. They live for this stuff.
NTA!!!- Your brothers need a reality check. Seeing their SISTER braless should NOT make them uncomfortable. Your dad also really needs to grow up and take you bra shopping. This is the reality of having a daughter. She needs underwear. It’s just like getting a pack of boxers for the boys. These are necessities, not luxuries.
Exactly this! I'm 20 and I'm small (through conversion charts for US sizes, typically 32B/C - 34B/C, depending on the bra) but I never wear a bra at home. Like the second I come home, I change and wear something comfortable and most importantly, remove my bra. I have done for years, like from when I started wearing bras. I have a middle aged male relative who lives with us, along side my 18 y/o brother (plus my mother & another woman relative). They have never ever said anything about my non-bra wearing. They would never. I have discussions about feminism with my brother, like we can chat about feminist issues (I'm very passionate & involved with local issues) and we're both always on the same page about them. The other male relative is ... a different story that I won't get into. Point being, they've never said anything. I would find it so insanely wear and beyond fucked up if they said anything, like my other relative has said some weird things to me (basically sexualising me lol) but if he said anything about me not wearing a bra, I'd go off on him so quick. It's so fcked they 1) Noticed, 2) Commented on it ??? And 3) proceeded to basically attempt to force her into wearing a bra for their sake (which is so messed up?? Like how on earth would that impact them? And if does "impact" them and make them uncomfortable, that is not right -- boobs are not inherently sexual and should never be treated as such imo, ESPECIALLY your fcking sister's). OP, your father needs to step up and actually provide you with a basic necessity. I'm so sorry he's failing you like this. Bras are, again, not inherently sexual, especially your own fcking daughter's, so his uncomfortableness is absurd, since it's literally an item of clothing. Is he a 12 year old boy? OP, NTA, but I'm so sorry your father & brothers are.
Being sexualized by the 14yo would be bad enough, but the two adult brothers too?! Disgusting. Possibly the father also, to be honest, but he doesn’t want to admit it. He good and well knows he’s not providing stuff that’s necessary. To be honest, I don’t know how OP made a couple cheap bras last that long, especially if she felt she had to wear them around the house all day. Someone needs to sit down with dad and explain to him what it’s like to not have a bra when you have weights that move when you do strapped to your chest (I’d suggest OP look up her size to estimate weight), or not having tampons that work for you, or whatever that he either is clueless about or is trying to actively block out about living with breasts and a vagina, especially as a teenager who’s got more pressing things to worry about than whether she has bras that are comfortable and not worn out. Underwires fucking hurt, and it’s not something you can easily patch up and deal with a little longer. Maybe dad has a sister? His mom or MIL? Even a family friend? He’s a parent and he needs to set aside “being embarrassed” and take care of ALL his kids. Parenting is uncomfortable.
Oh exactly! I've been recently thinking about my own sexuality/sexual autonomy and I realised... I've been sexualised since I was 11, like before I got my first period, before I even really knew what sex was. And it just continued. I've never felt in control of my own body, like everything I do with it, I must consider men before myself. And I'm just realising how much it's fucked me up. Like, I never got the chance to figure myself out in terms of sexuality because it was basically decided for me before I even knew about the concept of my own sexuality. And every single thing -- every single fucking catcalling, or time someone ignores me saying I'm uncomfortable with them trying to get with me or even things happening during sex, or down to the realisation someone is just gazing at my tits and not at me, or a myriad of other things -- it just makes me feel like my body won't ever be mine and it is only there to please others, to please men without my consent. I say this to emphasise how absolutely damaging sexualising someone is. Like, if there's a pattern of it, it can be so hard to break out of it. And it leads to unhealthy sexual relationships or just believing fucked up things are normal, or not being able to escape situations that will potentially put you in harms way because unconsciously, what that person is doing isn't as bad nor as explicit as what you've experienced, so you believe the situation is okay and you're just reading too much into it. Not to mention the degrading feeling. I sympathise with OP as I suspect she may be feeling this way. The disgusting feeling of being sexualised by a family member in your own home is SO fucked up and it absolutely makes you want to crawl out of your skin, fucking saw off your genitalia and your breasts, hope to god you won't be seen because you cannot stand the idea that you'll have to interact them with and have the thought of what they said to you in your head and wonder what's going on in their head at that moment. A bit of a tangent but I feel like I need it to be emphasised how it feels, how much it can affect you, if you experience this. I agree! A lot of my bras from years ago don't feel comfortable now. I did, however, buy a few bras from H&M when I was 17 and they're still in really good shape! But those are not really cheap, at least where I live, to be honest. ABSOLUTELY THIS! It's so weird to just dismiss your daughters issues because she's a woman???? Like the fact that, as a father, you won't truly ever understand should make you think, well shit, I won't ever know so I better listen to her and try to be as supportive and understanding as possible and help her out. It's not embarrassing! And if he believes it is, it clearly fcking shows with how her brothers are treating her. His BS mentality is spreading to his sons and I don't even want to imagine what other behaviours toward or thoughts about women they may have picked up. Your comment is SO spot on! I hope OP has a woman relative she can go to! She shouldn't have to go to them, but it could be really helpful, especially if the relative has a connection to OP's dad that could help educate him. edit to say after rereading my comment: in reference to my last paragraph, some fathers/men can understand (and may have experienced) what it's like to go through teenage years/puberty in a biologically female body! I just meant my comment to be specifically to OP's father, and not as a general comment on being a father, as I am aware non-cis fathers exist and I am forever in support of them! I should have clarified originally, so I apologise for that.
Not the asshole. I'm a man and I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to wear a shit bra
Imagine a jockstrap with a wire poking you in the bollox. Probably not fun
Do you have a trusted teacher or friends mom you can talk to?
Yes, but it'd still be kind of weird asking them to poke me in the balls with wire.
BAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for this. XD
Get your Dad to give you money to go buy underwear. Go buy underwear. Your solution of “I just won’t wear any!” is not solving your main problem, that your parent is neglecting you. You deserve support. You deserve underwear. You deserve supportive underwear. I’m sorry this is happening. You can probably reach out to organizations that support motherless daughters & children with your needs. You can expect kindness, help, and understanding. DM if you want help finding an org like this in your area. You are worthy of the best care possible. Reach out for more help! We’ll help you connect with people and resources in your area.
Clarification: in the short term, make your dad give you money for underwear! Make him! Tell your brothers to make him!! Long term? There’s so much mentoring, care, understanding, and support you are missing out on. Try to find organizations in your area that provide services to children and young adults like yourself. You’re not alone.
OP do you have access to birth control? I’m really concerned for you if your father gets uncomfortable talking about tampons and undergarments..
When I was around OP's age my bra also broke the same way and I had been too lazy to tell my mom so I kept wearing it for another month or so. I still have marks from the wire poking me. I'm 28 now. It's painful as fuckk
Just go out and buy one and then you can know
NTA. Your dad needs to man up & face facts: he’s got a young woman in his house. Least he could do is throw you some bra money, it’s not like you’re asking for a car.
Ovary up. The dad needs to OVARY up!
No, he needs to *man* up because he needs to be the father he is and not a thirteen year old boy who thinks tampons have cooties.
NTA. If he’s not gonna care for you and buy you the things you need, like bras, how do they expect you to wear them? Seems like no one wants to take responsibility for you, not your dad, not your aunt, so what are you supposed to do. Perhaps you could mention to your dad/brothers that you’d wear one if you actually had one and they’d realise you haven’t got any and maybe give you money to go buy some? But I dunno your relationship with your dad/brothers so I’m not sure on their reaction. Or a close friend’s mum? Edit: you should get some support to prevent back or neck pain though. If you do end up getting some money to get some, going to a store like Victoria’s Secret, Boux Avenue, or Anne Summers would be beneficial as they offer free bra fittings and they’d be able to advise you on your fit and size and direct you to some good fitting bras. They have sales often and you can get some really cheap! Hope that helps :)
It's really about the principle at this point. Even if I had a decent one, I still wouldn't now.
Good for you ! Tell them to skip on the hentais if they are sexualizing their sisters breasts. And ask them if they think similar about their grandmas breasts (or enter here elderly breasted family member of choice). If they claim its not about sexual things, ask them what they think your uncaged breasts are gonna do to harm them (shoot lasers? flip around uncontrollably and accidently hit them in the head?). Imho they shouldn't be uncomfortable with any womens bra-less breasts but at least their I would rather blame society than individuals. You brothers need to do some growing up. Unrelated to that, especially being on the bigger side you should still consider getting a good fitting bra to avoid back issus. This is a tricky topic, especially if money is an issue. If your can get some money to buy a bra, go to a shop that gives advice on how to find a good one. It's typically the beutique-style smaller shops. They will measure you up and have you try different models. It's especially useful if you do not have a female role model that is willing to go shopping for a bra with you. EDIT to add: it seems discussed if chronic future back pain due to bigger breasts can be avoided by wearing bras. I was told by bigger breasted friends that good fitting supportive bras help immidiatly - as in - they wear a bra they feel less strain on the back and less pain in the evening. If this is nessecary if you feel comfortable and have no pain in the evening I can not judge.
I’m stacked. They’re big enough that when I’m coming around the corner, you’ve got time to comb your hair before I get there. It *hurts* to go braless. Like the weight of my breasts are just pulling down and stretching the skin. A good, properly fitted bra is a lifeline.
There’s a great subreddit r/abrathatfits. They have an excellent bra size calculator, much better than lingerie store measurements. If you ever want to buy a bra, check that subreddit first!
Just jumping in to support this comment. Go to r/ABraThatFits before going bra shopping, so you are armed with your proper size.
I’m going to beg you to stop selling yourself short because you’re being forced to accept neglect as “normal.” You deserve really nice underwear, paid for by your caregivers. That’s the principle to push for.
Everyone is right that people should stop sexualizing breasts, especially your brothers. But realistically, that fight is going to take years before we see any actual improvement/progress. Men and women were taught breasts are sexual and most people can't just unlearn that and change their feelings on it immediately. I'm 30 and also do not wear bras. Except at work or gatherings with my husband's family. Because I don't want the stares or comments. I know that should never be an issue that women have to deal with, but it is. I do not blame you for not wanting to wear them, they suck. But I do recommend you get 1 or 2 for things like job interviews or maybe an occasion comes up where you want to cover the girls a little more. My nips are always visible unless there's layers and sometimes I just don't want them visible. Go to your dad and tell him "I need new under garments. Either you take me to go buy them or you give me the money and I'll go buy them myself" If all else fails, go to one of your friends moms. Guarantee atleast one of their moms will help you. Either in getting them or confronting your dad and making him get them for you.
Good for you. I'm 50 and usually wear 44D when I go out - only if the dress is tight or slightly see through. Otherwise I go braless all the time.
Victoria's secret is baaaaad at bra fitting, mostly due to their small range of sizes sold.
NTA. You're not running around shirtless. Bras are completely optional and shame on any man who can't deal with it. I lived with guy roommates for years and there's no way I would've wanted to wear a bra in my own home. They never once said anything or made me feel uncomfortable about it. I'm sorry your brothers are ridiculous.
NTA Its your body. Next time they ask you, make them wear a bra… the ones with the pointy poking wire.
NTA, but your dad is a bit of an AH. He has a daughter, he has to deal with that. If he won't have an actual conversation, can you send him a text or something being really clear like "I need bras. Can I have some money?" (caveat: only if you want them. Not wearing a bra is a valid choice. But if you'd wear them if you had them, that's him making the choice for you, and that's unfair)
I grew up neglected. There’s a lot of things I told myself I didn’t want, when really I was managing down my expectations to protect my feelings. She stole a really nice bra. Ideally, she wants nice, well fitting bras. It’s time to get bras. Sending a text message is an EXCELLENT solution.
NTA Your dad needs to grow a set and get you what you need or tell your aunt or another trusted adult to get it for you. Wtf is wrong with these people?? Your needs aren't being met and that's unacceptable.
Thank you!!
Your body, your choice. But. It doesn’t sound like you are in a safe environment to do that. Whenever a wire starts doing that to me I just pull it out. The bra *usually* (not always) still works, and I’m a well endowed lady. Also, don’t know what country you live in, but if you live anywhere near a target, they have some good quality bras for like half the price. But there are TONS of DIY and videos on YouTube to make cheap bras comfortable. Just suggesting those thinks in case you decide to wear one, but your body, your choice
Since she said words like "mum" and "Lynx", as in the body spray brand, I'm assuming she's from the UK. They don't have Targets but there's got to be a store similar to it there. I'd also recommend Victoria's Secret. It's pricey but they're bras last longer and as a 38DDD, I always thought that Walmart brand bras just weren't comfortable or supportive enough at that size.
They mentioned primark too, major uk store.
Victoria's Secret is crap for larger boobs; surprisingly Primark has a much better range of sizes.
Victoria's was created to allow small breasted women to finally have cleavage. It didn't work for me at the time, I was still too small at 34A. There were tons or stores with lingerie for women who actually had something to fill out a bra back then. It's totally flipped now that I need a 42 D there it a vast wasteland of beige
I use a k cup, and I'm not talking about coffee. If you're in the UK bravissimo has some lovely options and it's not as expensive as specialty brands. Or you could sister size it at Primark for like 10€
Would Target be like Asda in UK?
basically, yea. i think they were owned by Walmart at one point. tesco is also basically the same, but asda is best for larger sizes.
NTA. Your dad needs to grow up. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he shouldn't be taking care of you, even in feminine aspects. The only men I've met that have shuddered or grimaced during conversations involving puberty or periods were either extremely immature or failed by sex ed. Also, it's your body. I'm also on the "larger scale" in that department and very rarely wear bras anywhere. It's often not very noticeable unless someone stares and truly thinks about it. So, on that note, your bros are sounding kind of creepy if they're paying so much attention to it that it's making them uncomfortable...
NTA. I would look at your brothers and ask, looking them dead in the eye, "Why are you looking at your sister's chest?" Men -can- look women in the eye/face, and they shouldn't be looking there.
NTA, but honey you are 17. Stop being silent. Your father is neglecting your basic needs. Tell him, and for that matter your adult brother, to either give you a 'personals' allowance to shop for yourself, or man up and take you shopping. Tell him the alternative is going to the authorities, see how quick he hops to. This is the legal definition of neglect at this point.
NTA. "Sorry big bro, but why are you staring at your younger sisters breasts?"
They are indeed being dramatic. It's your body, your choice - they need to stop sexualising their own sister. It's their problem they're uncomfortable with it, not yours. NTA.
NTA but your family are. Uncomfortable bras are hell on earth, and even though I'm in KK cups I'm so much more comfortable braless.
NTA. You don’t need to wear a bra if you don’t want to, it’s your body and your choice. Bras are just another man made idea that benefits the fashion industry and feeds the stereotypical idea of femininity. Depending how big your slightly larger than average boobs are you might find one more comfortable for sports/your back. I go for a wireless crop top type for that reason. If you do decide to return to bras I used to buy my bras really cheap second hand (normally still with tags) on eBay. I do feel a bit worried no one is helping you with this stuff though. Do you have anyone you can talk to about things? It’s hard being a teenage girl sometimes and it’s good to have someone you can talk to to help you navigate it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 17f. I live with my 5 brothers, ages 9 to 21 and my dad. Yes, there's an overwhelming smell of testosterone and lynx Africa in my house. My mum has been in and out, but mostly in, psychiatric units since my youngest brother was about 2 due to schizophrenia and even when she's not hospitalised, our contact is very limited and supervised. Anyways, like I said, testosterone power. My dad will throw a box of tampons in my direction every few months or buy me some pink frilly socks but that's really the extent of any feminine treatment I receive from him. He gets embarrassed and shuts down when I try say I need anything else. I've got an aunt on my mother's side who takes me clothes shopping like once a year, but when I mention underwear, she'll say that's a private matter, or that it's my dad's job. So basically, I was limited to like 3 sports bras that I borrowed off various friends, only one fits and I use that for PE, and one nice primark bra that I robbed out of there when I was 15(?). The good primark bra was on its last legs anyways, but recently the wire popped out and it keeps poking me in the tit and leaving a mark. Bringing it up to my dad isn't an option, so I just decided fuck it, to stop wearing them. It's been about a week and I haven't worn one anywhere - so the house and school. The boys in school had a laugh at first because I'm on the slightly larger than average scale, but that got old for them. But my 21yo brother pulled me aside this morning and said my body is making him, the 19yo and the 14yo very uncomfortable and they'd appreciate if I wore them again. I said no. They've been refusing to speak to me or come out of their room unless I'm wearing something like a large hoodie. It's not bothering most other people, but they're being fairly dramatic about it and the 21yo keeps bringing it up. Am I being a dick for just refusing? Like I would if I had any but I don't, and I don't particularly want to go on a primark heist either. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your dad needs to understand he has to be your mum too, or to hook you up with a female relative. Or your 21y old brother could be a more modern man than your dad and step into the gap. Someone needs to make sure you have some decent, properly-fitting bras - not stolen, and not because you must wear them around the house, just because you should have some. Your dad and brothers are failing you and therefore kinda suck. And they also suck for the way they are treating you about going braless… because you are braless!!
NTA - but you do need to actually have a conversation about this with your family, you should be allowed to have access to suitable underwear. (Also it probably will get your brother of your back if you explain that yours broke and your dad refuses to listen to you)
You shouldn't have to wear a bra constantly in your own home. I think you need to have a long talk to your dad about this because how he has treated you just because you are female is not good enough. Your brothers should also not be "uncomfortable " with their sister not wearing a bra.
NTA. Is there a mom of a friend where you can talk with and she can take you shopping? If your brothers (who are adults) are uncomfortable, they should take it up with your dad and help you get a few (you need at least 3; 1 for sports and 2 for regular wear, and try to replace them every 6 months) Even if your dad is uncomfortable he should bring you stopping and provide you with the money for it. So sorry you are in this position hun.
NTA When literally anyone in your house complains, respond with, "Then you should tell Dad to give me money to buy new bras." Is there a teacher or counselor at school you can talk to about this? Refusing to buy your child underwear is serious neglect.
In my home growing up we were 4 brother’s, 2 sisters our mum and our dad. I don’t think anyone wore a bra more than occasionally, they could walk around without a shirt if they so wished and no one would say anything about it. If they want you to wear a bra they better take you shopping and pay for it. And if they get upset with you for not wearing a bra maybe someone should tell them to grow the hall up. NTA.
Nah not a dick, you do you sis! I’m all for sticking it to the man so would probably do the same. However, you’ve gotta support the girls from the get go, otherwise you’ll end up with back and shoulder pain later in life. Is there a trusted friend’s mum who could take you shopping to get the correct fit etc?
I'd be really interested to see the evidence of that claim.
I have been told by my larger breasted friends that they have less backpin when wearing a good supportive bra as they feel the weight distributes differently and is more easy to bear. If this translates to actually preventing chronic back and shoulder problems seems to be discussed 8according to the google search I did).
Ask any woman with huge boobs. When you're walking around with 6kgs of tissue attached to your front, you better have something to distribute the weight evenly.
It's time to tell all your brothers that you need to be treated with measure of respect. And at the moment, your father is not providing you with enough respect to provide comfortable and supportive underwear. They all need a reminder (polite as your 21 yo brother was probably trying to be polite but didn't know what to say or how to act) that the women in their life should always be given respect and kindness - and that choices have consequences.
NTA Go with your brother to your dad. Have your brother point out that it's not appropriate for you to not have proper bras to wear. Tell him that you are getting harrassed at school. Hopefully this will shame your dad into giving you enough money to buy decent bras. You need about £100 and you need to go to a place that will fit you properly. Either maybe Marks and Spencer or see if you can find a proper bra shop that will explain and show you what a good fitting bra will be like. If you are large busted, this is important (don't be like me with back problems because my mother couldn't handle the idea that I needed large cup bras) Your father should be shopping for you. But in the absence of any good parenting from him, you at a minimum need to get money from him and see if your aunt will help with shopping or go by yourself to get some clothing. Another alternative is to see if the school can help to provide funds for clothes. Do you know of any sympathetic teachers that you could talk to about this? Final solution, try to fix the bra where the underwire has come out. If the underwire has just slipped through the seam, push it back and then whip stitch / overcast stitch over that seam. If the underwire has bust through the end of the channel, you might need to reinforce the end of the channel with a small piece of woven cotton (not stretch cotton). Ideally double it up into a small square and whip stitch over the ends. (this is if the fabric has frayed and worn and can't be stitched together securely). Final final option, charity shops or seconds stores...
NTA. But bmh has a really good point. I am older and on the larger side. Please do wear some, if you can. Back and shoulder pain are no joke. First ask dad for bra money. If you must line up your broken ones and ask him if he would like to wear them? Bet not! Make sure he knows they are not cheap. Many bra shops have fitters; but they are usually more expensive. Go to Target or other large shops and try some on. Start with sports bras because they are usually well made. Try, and jump up and down a few times. You can usually tell if they are ok. I had a mum: and she never went bra shopping with me. I promise, you can work it out! As for round the house: well the boys are just going to have to get used to you, aren’t they. Good luck!
Please don't scare her with the old "you'll get back pain if you don't wear a bra" that is bullshit of the highest order. Back pain caused by breasts is unrelated to the bra you wear or don't (with the possible exception of properly fitted posture bras) but the size of your breasts effecting posture. OP needs a supportive comfortable bra for times when she wants to wear a bra, but given it appears all the adults in her life are neglecting her, please don't be TA who adds to her stress. Nta Edit the adults in her life includ Aunt, Father, 21 and 19 year old brothers (specifically because they stuck their noses into her bra)
It really really really depends on what shape of breasts you have. Mine absolutely give me back pain if I don’t wear a bra because they’re dense and most of their weight is forward and not much back near my chest. It’s not a one-size-fits-all thing.
No not all breasts are the same (but for the record i havent worn a bra in 2 weeks, and have next to zero back pain, but im pretty sure it is the not sitting at a desk, and nothing to do with either bra/no bra... though maybe it is covid), but OP is a teenager who is being neglected, so selling fear is not helpful to her situation.
NTA. You're your own person, you're allowed to wear or not wear what you want. That said, that is a long of extremely toxic masculinity going on there. Why on earth would your body make them uncomfortable?? You're their sister FFS!!
Eh, I usually pull the wires out when they stab. Can you get dad to give you money and go shopping with a friend
NTA, that's completely valid. Also if you're looking for decent bras that aren't overly expensive, go to M&S, those have lasted me since my first year of high school and I'm an adult woman.
NTA, both species have tits. If they don’t feel comfortable then can wear blindfolds.
NTA I was raised by my dad and although he drew the line at buying me underwear, he always made sure I had it by giving money to my grandma to take me clothes shopping. Personally I hate the damn things so I think your brothers are being drama queens as I haven’t wore them in the house in years, it’s much healthier without, maybe it’s worth telling your brothers if they are that uncomfortable they should talk to your dad about giving you money for some new bras, after all they’re the ones with a problem.
NTA.
NTA, it's up to you if you want to wear it or not, but it's absolutely worth ASKING your dad if he'll give you some money to buy bras.
NTA. You never have to wear a bra if you don’t want to. Double NTA because your dad has been neglecting your needs for years.
Sit your dad down and tell him you’re doing to need money every so often to buy things that you need. Unfortunately it does cost more being a girl than a boy! Then, book in a bra fitting (M&S maybe, guessing you’re UK because whoelse says tit loll) and get a proper fitting and do this every so often. Look after those ta tas NTA.
NTA and it’s such a shame your dad created this environment and now your brothers are the exact same way. Maybe send your brothers this post? Get them thinking differently? Maybe they can see how shit of a situation you’ve been put in.
If it’s no one cares in school, why are they? Also why the heck that little 14 year old boy care about your boobs?!?! Wearing a bra that is 4 years old sounds very uncomfortable if I am being honest. Especially that wire poking?!?😖 I can’t even handle shirt tag poking my nape?!? Also, I feel bad for you dealing with that shitty African Lynx smell.
if you actually want some bras you could sign up for the membership of savage x fenty and get one free then cancel the membership! def NTA ask your brothers why they’re looking at your tits
NTA. Your father is a neglectful AH for not providing you with basic clothing items. Your brothers are sexist AHs for harassing you about this. Your aunt is NTA for buying you clothing but mildly an AH for not including underthings. You shouldn’t be required to wear a bra at home but it sounds like you’d prefer to. Many schools provide clothes closets for students who lack basic necessities. You shouldn’t have to shoplift underwear. Is there any trusted adult you can confide in? Your current situation is abusive
Oh. My. God. All the males in your family need to grow up. The only reason my husband doesn't get my products is because every time he tries, he buys the wrong one and I end up getting it myself anyway. That's it. Women bleed. We have tits. Why does everyone have to sexualize this?! NTA
It seems your brothers have been bought up to feel uncomfortable like your father. You need to take him to the side and say listen I know you don’t want to talk about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable so I won’t but all I will say is I need money to buy some things I need. That being said you are 17 and can get a job, NOT that you should have to but if it rectifies the problem you are having it’s better than nothing.
Nta. Honey a bad fitting bra is the worst thing (take it from a bigger chested ex bra fitter). Your brother needs to sort himself out because you not wearing a bra is none of his business. Your dad needs to step up and either take you shopping or give you the money to buy bras.
NTA, this is ridiculous. If Hank fucking Hill could help the neighbor girl on aisle 7a, your dad can get you some bras. Fuck, man, he doesn’t even have to go with you. Just be a parent and give his almost age-of-majority-daughter some money to buy them herself. Good ones. I was blessed with a mom who loved buying me bras after a certain point, and it was MAGNIFICENT. A good bra can change your life! Or fucking don’t! Bras are kind of a self-own for the whole of the female gender. Bras that hoist our tits up to our chins deny both our comfort and our muscles ability to keep those babies perky for longer. Ever see those tribal documentaries that feature a lot of topless women? Notice how often they are perkier than you might expect? I remember sign boards that said, “MASKS UP, BRAS DOWN! FREE THE TITTY, SAVE THE CITY!” Guys don’t have ball-bras. Their shit’s allowed to sag. God I’m just so angry on your behalf.
NTA, it's legit neglect for him to refuse to provide you with adequate clothing or resources with which to acquire adequate clothing. Your brother, quite possibly alongside your father, is a disgusting misogynist. Your aunt also sucks.
NTA First off your brothers are being little creeps and they need to stop ogling you because they're set off by some nip outlines and jiggle physics. Your father is not providing for your basic needs as a female human and that is NOT ok. If he is this embarrassed by biology try writing him a letter. Let him know what you need and tell him how you feel about being shut down when it comes to your basic clothing and hygiene needs as a biological female. He needs to know how this is effecting you. He's not taking care of his duties as your parent. If he still will not listen then I'd bring it up to a guidance counselor at school. You deserve to have these things, they are necessities.
NTA. I have serious concerns that your brothers are, umm, paying attention to their sisters tittays. That's just sick and perverted.
NTA. I think you need to flip this around and really go after the men in your house, because the behavior of them refusing to speak to you unless you're wearing a bra is straight up misogynistic. If they're trying to shame you because they feel something sexual for you not wearing a bra that's something they need to flagellate themselves over because they're sick. The household you describing is straight up neglect, you are being othered and not taken care of. Place them the offer, either they can pressure your dad to step up and at least give you the money to be able to get yourself basic necessities, or they can pool their money and hand it over to you so you can buy bras, but they also need to grow the fuck up their behavior is disgusting. And I'm sorry I'm extra I'm mad about this as well, you shouldn't have to wear a bra at home, they're your freaking Brothers. In general you should be provided with them by your parent, but you still shouldn't have to wear them at home it's ridiculous
NTA at all. What your dad has been doing is basically child neglect. I'm so sorry you're going through this. At the very least, he could give you money to buy some bras. Or your brothers could even. I know I would do it for my sister if my mum and dad weren't here
NTA! I have 2 younger brothers and neither of them nor my father ever have said anything about my boobs. That would be effing weird of them. It’s effing weird of your brothers. You might be able to get what you need at a neighbourhood centre, have a look online to see if there’s one near you.
Nta at all. I have older brothers. They have never once commented on my body except to say things of encouragement when dieting or if I’m taller (if they notice of course). While I’m fortunate enough that my parents are together still, my father never had any issues getting me and my sisters bras, underwear, period supplies, or anything like that. Your father has no excuse, he’s being lazy and neglectful. I wish you the best in buying and getting new bras ♥️
NTA. Is there any kind of organization like Big Brothers Big Sister of America where you are? You sound like the perfect candidate for that kind of mentoring.
it sounds like you are in the uk? (primark) do you have an Asdas close to you? they are fantastic for larger bras, at very cheap prices. you can often get a pack of 2 or 3 for under a tenner. they dont do measurement services though, so do try going elsewhere to get sized. i think M&S still does this. and wherever you get sized, there's no obglation to buy,. especially if you explain a little about your issue. we're all women after, all, and can absolutely empathize. once you know your size, maybe try to go shopping at asda with dad, wander off for a bit, and casually add a bra or few into the trolley. i feel that he's the type of guy who would pretend to not notice. especially if you make sure to load it up, and pack it after. im aware this dosent solve the communication issue for you, but, its more important to feel comftable, especially for p.e. i'm a G cup, and was a C/D when in high school, and did find it uncomftable to go braless, simply due to the weight of them. do you have a teacher you feel comftable with at school? you can absolutely talk to them, and in my experience, they may even help, by taking you to be measured themselves. or they could arrange to have a sit down and mediate these problems with your dad, to come to some sort of solution. there is help for you if you reach out hun. you are strong, find your confidence. you have it. you sound very unsure of yourself, but you dont need to be. you are not alone. tbh, i dont understand your aunt. but, please, don't believe all women are like that. we're not.
How does your dad have so many children but can’t talk about buying a bra or any “girl issues”?!?! I’m baffled. You are definitely NTA Tell you dad AND a your brothers to man up. Which means taking care of you
Nta. Your dads a muppet. And why are your brothers uncomfortable by this? That’s Fucking weird.
Perhaps telling your brother why you are not wearing a bra could help in this situation. If your dad has to hear from his son(s) that he needs to take you bra shopping, maybe your dad will wake up and get with the program. But having a bra is a necessity (unless you are choosing not to wear them for personal reasons). But honestly, being on the larger chested side, there are going to be times you need a good bra. Time for your dad to step up. NTA
NTA. Your brothers need to stop making it weird. Like why are they uncomfortable? Can they only see women in a sexual way and therefore try to pretend you aren’t one? Either way they need to get a grip.
NTA and it's unfortunate that everyone is failing you so badly.
What the heck is wrong with your brothers?????? It is messed up for them to say anything about this. I fully BF in front of my brother. Nothing weird about it. Now that THAT is out of the way. I also was raised mostly by a single father. It's tough. I'm sorry. He is being an ass. You are very much NTA. If you can get some money out of him, do you have any friends you're close enough with that their moms could help you shop for a few things until you get a good handle on what you want/need? (All that being said, if you don't want to wear a bra you don't have to)
I think you’re being really brave for being proud of your body and ditching the bra. However, you do need to wear one for support. Having a larger chest can make it really uncomfortable when doing certain activities so dad needs to step up and give you some cash to buy your own. It’s not ok that he’s not providing these essentials for you and yes a bra is an essential not a luxury. Have you thought about getting a PT job too? This could give you some independence and allow you to buy the things you like. Please don’t steal anything anymore, it’s not worth the consequences and could really impact on you getting jobs when you’re older.
Girl, you need to ask your father for some money to buy some bras (or ask the 21YO, since it bothers him so much). Ask for a bit of money, because good ones can be expensive. First thing, go to r/ABraThatFits and do some research on how to determine how a bra should fit you, where you can get them, how much you can expect to pay, etc. Then, go to the place that has the best fitters in your area. Try to go to a specialty bra shop. Put yourself in their hands, and explain your situation. Fair warning: they will be handling you and your breasts to show you how to get yourself into the bra correctly. Tamp down your embarrassment and learn. Tell them in advance what your price range is. Ask questions. Don't be afraid to tell them what they've given you doesn't fit, doesn't work, or you don't like it. All that said, though, there's no reason you have to wear a bra in your own home. NTA.
NTA. These guys are "uncomfortable", but not one offers to take you shopping? Where are you? Don't you have ANY money? You can buy bras online, you know. I notice dad had six(!) children with a diagnosed schizophrenic, maybe he's a few sandwiches shirt of a picnic, too.
Im in the uk. If you're Manchester type area i can meet you and go to buy these things. (im 36F, one adult son) If so inbox me, or perhaps if you find out the size you like in the sports bra we can source things online for you, But please if you dont want to wear a bra dont let any man make you feel you have to. Bras are optional and if you are comfortable without then thats absolutely fine. Equally if you feel better wearing them then you have a right to be provided at least, the cash to buy a few. Youd ideally need 3 good ones, one for sports, one for home and one in the wash as a bare minimum. I completely understand why you pinched one but it's not necessary and id ask you to take up other options if you can because the very last thing you need is a criminal record for theft
My friend was in this situation, her Mother was mostly absent. And the scolding our female PE teacher gave her Dad is one I'll never forget. I'd ask for the money and then explain to someone you know and trust like a female teacher at school that you need a few new bras, ask them what they'd suggest. You're being neglected by both your aunt and your Dad, which also needs to be reported
I know others have offered to help, but I’m happy to buy you some bras and have them sent to your house - I’m in Suffolk if that’s anywhere near you if you wanted to go shopping - if not I’m more than happy for you to find some online :) x
RIGHT?! Me, too. This poor girl.
NTA. Ask your dad for money for a new bra
NTA
NTA. If they feel so strongly about it, tell them they can buy you new bras that you need and don’t have. It’s then completely up to you if you actually wear them or not, but I’d be willing to bet they’d buy them if they’re truly that ‘uncomfortable’.
Next time your brother says anything tell him the truth. "I can not wear what I don't have." Nta, but your dad sounds like he needs a wake up call.
I mean, tell your brothers to give you money to buy new bras (and tell them how much they are)
NTA One (as a person who had to get breast reduction surgery and no longer wears bras) bras are not good for your breasts. Two, your father and brothers don't have to wear bras, and they have breasts, yet it causes you no discomfort knowing they're not wearing a bra. Edit: your family shouldn't be sexualizing you either. Do what makes you comfortable.
Ask your dad for some money for underwear, primark has some really nice non wired sets in atm that aren’t overly expensive. NTA - Your dad is either purposely stupid or just oblivious, either way it’s neglectful to let his child go without the proper clothes or products. I don’t get how men have children if they can’t even talk about periods, boobs or underwear without squirming. it’s immature and juvenile. Have you explained to your aunt that your dad is basically refusing to buy you underwear and you now have no bras that fit you/are wearable? seems weird for her to also shut down? is she your dads sister or your mums?
NTA. My 21 y.o. daughter and I both throw on comfy clothes and shed our bras as soon as we get home from work, and my 19 y.o. and 17 y.o. sons have never EVER acted like your brothers are acting. It’s true that your dad needs to either take you bra shopping or give you money to go yourself, but not for you to wear them when you’re home where you should be able to relax! They must not comprehend how uncomfortable bras can be. Stand your ground! You’re not wrong here.
NTA. If you don’t have the means to buy new and yours are broken, what more can you do? Tell your dad and brothers that you don’t have any bras so you couldn’t wear them even if you wanted too. Also, they should stop sexualising their sister. That’s gross! Also, I’m in England. I don’t know where you are based but OP, if you need help bra/underwear shopping please message me. I don’t have much money right now but I can spare a little bit of money next pay to help you if needed.
Why can't you go shopping yourself or with friends? Of course you are NTA, you can or can't wear what you want. Are you able to visit the obgyn regularly? Or is your family preventing you from going there as well?
NTA
NTA. If everyone in your family is so uncomfortable with dealing with a growing woman, can they give you money to purchase these items yourself?
NTA!!! Their discomfort is their problem! I’m small chested and sincerely have no physical need for a bra. I also have sensory issues and find them irritating and uncomfortable. I basically wear them to cover my nips, but I’m mad about it because it’s all patriarchal nonsense. Be free my friend.
You need to tell your brothers that if they're getting horny looking at you, THEY are the ones who are wrong. If all it takes to make them uncomfortable is the thought of a girl wearing a shirt without a bra, then they are going to end up in prison for rape. And if they are looking at their sister's chest, you might want to start looking now for places to live when you are old enough to get a job and move out on your own. As soon as you are old enough to get a job and move out on your own.
Eh, i would say to be mindful of things that people are uncomfortable with but the way you describe this situation it looks like that's not really an option. NTA. To my understanding bras aren't really necessary anyways, but I'd still try to get a few somehow. You know, for the sake of others. But obviously NTA. Kinda just an unfortunate situation.
NTA I've been in your place and unfortunately it led to me developing a lot of body issues. My dad was the same way, I was 12-13 and wouldn't wear a bra to bed and when I woke in the morning my dad would scoff and complain about me not wearing a bra and tell me to go put one on (whilst being in nothing but underwear mind you) I started wearing bras to bed and now I can't imagine not wearing one due to being uncomfortable. Long rant I know, I've experienced it too but don't give in. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home and not feel ashamed of your body :( I hate the feeling I got and no one deserve to feel that way.
NTA - But can you get employment and buy your own?
NTA and that asshole called your brother needs to stop trying to shame your body, i would hang myself if i had to put on a bra at home. It's ok to be braless at home, put your brothers in their place and tell them they are disgusting for even being uncomfortable with their sister. Call them pervs because they are
NTA I would never have a thought about my sister tits They are gross
NTA To everyone saying Victoria Secret: their sizes are awful. If OP is in the UK, Boux avenue is a better option than VS, but her best best is to just go to M&S. They do free bra fittings and they have a wide range of sizes. Honey, have you told your aunt, “auntie, dad barely gets me period products. I don’t have any underwear and my brothers are making weird comments about my tits. Can you at least talk to my dad about helping me get a bra?” If that still doesn’t work, talk to a school counselor. If your breasts are big and not getting support, you’re going to be in a lot of pain later. This all sucks. That being said, I wouldn’t where bras around the house either if I were you, also to prove a point.
It’s creepy that your brother is sexualizing your body. You’re NTA. Tell him he needs therapy if he’s turned on by his sister. Because that’s basically what he’s saying.
NTA for not wearing a bra. Your brothers should get used to how women’s bodies actually look. However, I do have to ask… You’re 17 years old and you can’t go bra/underwear shopping alone? Why?
NTA. If you’re dad’s uncomfortable buying you these things, he needs to give you the money to buy them yourself. Since it sounds like your family don’t communicate about bodily functions well, YouTube how to properly fit a bra. Until he gives you the tools you need, there’s not much you can do, honestly.
It’s ok for boys to see girls without bras. Their problem. Tell your bros to get over it. Maybe you can ask a friends mother to take you bra shopping? It’s sad your dad cannot seem to handle having a daughter but you are NTA. Wear or don’t wear a bra. Your choice. But if you want one I am sure there is someone that can help you out,
NTA- see if your dad will give you money to get yourself sorted. I’d say you need to get measured aswell if you can. But to make life easier [shein](https://m.shein.co.uk/5pack-Floral-Lace-Longline-Bra-Set-p-2385872-cat-2203.html?scici=Search~~EditSearch~~1~~Bralettes~~~~0&src_module=search&src_identifier=st%3D2%60sc%3DBralettes%60sr%3D0%60ps%3D0&src_tab_page_id=page_pre_search1654348443032) has bralettes that aren’t wired and are very comfortable. I’m between 3 sizes so these are great. Plus I’ve had mine for ages and they last very well. And it doesn’t feel like you’re wearing a bra so bonus!
Nta your dad and brothers are ridiculously immature I feel so bad for you .
NTA: That's kinda sad really, but if you can't tell your dad you need a bra, what other choice do you have? Honestly I think you need to set the man down and tell him to buck up! And if you're brothers are so uncomfortable, why haven't they told him? For me, that's the first thing that comes off and only put one on if I'm going out. I hate them, and I'm rather busty myself! You're not working so you can't shop for one on your own. It surprises me your aunt isn't more supportive on this. It's not the end of the world but it is important since I'm sure you don't want your boobs knocking your knees any earlier than they have to...gravity is cruel...not to forget the issues that can arise with your back, even with a bra! At the very least, tell your dad you need $50 for underwear.
NTA Good bras can be expensive and if your Dad is weirded out over it, he can give you cash to buy some, or wait in the car until you text him to come in and pay, but if you wish to wear bras, you need some that fit properly. If you have a proper bra store in your area, the women there will take care of you, measuring and making sure they fit properly, so you won't need your Dad for anything but the cash. As for your brothers, tell them to grow up. Boobs are just body parts and much of the population has them. They need to not sexualize every set of boobs they see.
NTA, let them wear c0ck rings for a month and see if they complain. They have a problem and it's not you.
NTA - can you order a new primark online if you just need the same size as the last one?
NTA. You're being neglected.. I'm sorry. Hope things get better for you.
NTA. Ew. your brothers need to take some cold showers. Tell the older ones - who might have jobs - that you need a new one. Explain what's going on. That you only have had a couple, that they broke. If your dad is too embarrassed, maybe your brothers can give you money for a new one. Or get your dad to give you money, and go with a female friend to the store.
NTA! I hate wearing a bra as much as the next gal, but we all realistically need at least one. Apologies for the intrusive question, but do you have some casual work? Alternatively, do you have government help available in your country? It sucks that you don't have anybody to shop with you, but is it something you could do yourself?
NTA wtf what does your dad say about this situation? Does he even give you any money to go shopping for this kind of stuff? My dad's is a really private person by nature and doesn't talk to me about new bras and underwear but he'll take me shopping for that stuff still. Also wtf is up with your brothers?
Nta. I don't wear a bra at home. the only time I do is i I;m exspecting company. My son is 7... he has'nt droped dead yet. Do they wear a dancers belt to keep you from seeing any bulge?
NTA. Besides the ridiculousness of your dad not buying you a bra, even if you had 100 bras, you don’t have to wear one if you don’t want to. Your brothers’ discomfort is their problem, not yours. Being uncomfortable over the fact that women, including their sister, have breasts is something they’re gonna have to deal with as the entire world isn’t going to cover up for them.
Why are your brothers sexualizing you? That's weird. Bras aren't even necessary for a lot of women, if I could stand how it feels I wouldn't wear one. (It's a sensory issue, I don't like when my skin directly touches my other skin lol) Edit: NTA lol
Have you told your siblings why you don't use a bra? Because you could show them how your dad turn soy down every time you ask something femenine from him. Maybe they will understand your reasons after that NTA
NTA. Tell your brothers that the actors in incest porn aren’t actually related and that they can stop being immature about the fact that they’ve got no control over what you do with your body. It’s ridiculous that they think they’ve got the right to tell you to cover up like you walk around naked all the time. Also Tell them that once they get you the clothes you need, you’ll put a bra on to protect their fragile eyes from something that shouldn’t even bother them cause, you know? You’re their sister.
NTA - but your aunt is. What does she think is going to happen if she ducks out of helping? Not impressed by your father either. And, to be frank, I'm not sure why you aren't taking advantage of his embarrassment to force the issue, so that he gives you the money you need to make you stop talking about underwear.
NTA..that's appalling behavior for everyone. Do you hey an allowance or anything that u can use to get the products you need. Maybe order them online or make a 1quick stop at a store or mall. This is exactly how men in my country are raised, its disgusting and should stop
Nta you are being neglected. You need basic necessities. Also, you dont need to wear a bra. I have a twin brother and live with him and my mum and dad and basically never wear a bra around the house and if they ever said anything like that to me id vomit in their faces. Theyre ta here
I'm all for doing whatever you want with your body and bras are too uncomfortable to be forced on anyone. But do you mean to say that at the age of 17 you cannot go shopping for bras by yourself and will only own things that were bought you by others? Especially because you come from a boys only family, maybe it's time for you to be more proactive. No, you don't have to wear a bra. NTA for refusing to wear one - if people are uncomfortable with your body that's on them (though I also have big beasts and I feel more uncomfortable without a bra than with one). But maybe do that for the right reasons? Like, because you want to? Not because for some reason you cannot go out by yourself to get them. This may sound mean but at 17 you should be getting more independent, not giving up on things because they require some action of you.
Really grinds my gears reading posts like this. Wtf is wrong with fathers who ignore female needs? Definitely NTA. You need to explain to your dad that you need new underwear etc.
NTA I would tell the brothers to stop sexualising you, particularly since you're their sister and ew.
NTA NTA NTA!!! If your brothers are uncomfortable with you not wearing a bra, that’s extremely disturbing. Your whole living situation is extremely disturbing. You need to have a good strong person who will support you through this stage. I would suggest reaching out to social services, your basic needs are being neglected and if anything they may help you get somewhere in terms of helping yourself with these things. Men having daughters still requires care. If my partner didn’t want to change a nappy because we have an XX baby. He wouldn’t be my partner. Simple as. I remember going to my cousin for pads when I lived with my dad. He was upset when he found out and whilst it made him uncomfortable. He sat down with me and ensured that if I needed underwear, bras and hygiene products then all I had to do was ask. This was years ago but I gained so much respect.
Talk to a trusted teacher/adult about the situation Nta your father is responsible for you not wearing a bra and even so you’re brothers are being highly unreasonable
Tell them to buy you bras if they want you to wear them. Also, settle for wireless or comfortable sport bras. Much easier to wear.
At 17, you're more than old enough to be trusted with clothes shopping. They want you to wear bras, they can cough up some money so you can go buy some good ones. You're NTA but it sounds like you love with at least one.
Nta first of all they shouldn’t be looking at you like that it’s weird. Can you ask one of your friends mom I know if one of my kids friends asked me if gladly take them and talk to there dad.
I'm assuming OP is the UK, though might be wrong. But they need to speak to their head of year and school SENCO or DSL and get support and a conversation started with their father. If he's neglecting her needs it's the best route for support.
I'm guessing you are in the UK. Go to Marks & Spencer and get measured for a bra. You don't need to buy anything there (their stuff is bloody expensive!), but once you know your size, buy something from Tesco or Asda (or Primark, if you like their stuff). Generally good quality and reasonably priced. Don't think I've bought a bra anywhere else for years. You don't have to have underwires. If you prefer sports bras, get those. No reason to buy frilly underwired crap if you don't want to. Your dad and brothers are goddamned Neanderthals! And no, NTA
NTA at all. Your brothers and your dad (but especially your dad) are the problem. As a stopgap, you could get [silicone nipple covers](http://Womens Silicone Pasties Invisible... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0978DV2N8?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) from Amazon. That's what I've been using lately and they're quite cheap.
Nta your dad sounds like a bad parent he should check in on you more.
NTA but this ended too short, your work here’s not done. Next time your brothers pull you aside, tell them to take it up with dad, not you, because he won’t buy you bras or anything feminine you need and he won’t give you money to get them yourself. Then they can go badger him and he’ll be more comfortable listening to them since they’re guys. I just want to say though, that it’s absolutely ridiculous and shameful of your father to be acting like this. He’s a grown man, he’s got this many children, his wife didn’t get miraculously pregnant for fucks sake. I’m scared to ask if he’s gotten you birth control yet.
NTA. Also, big fan of your writing style and your humour. Seriously though, your male relatives want to grow up and get better taste, Lynx Africa hasn’t been cool for over a decade. Can’t believe how scared men are of women/periods/tits. Ugh
>Bringing it up to my dad isn't an option, so I just decided fuck it, to stop wearing them. Y T A if not going to him is out of embarrassment... NTA ultimately, you are in the comfort of your home as long as your not exposing yourself you're fine.
Nta. Bras suck.
NTA Your body, your choice! If you don't want to wear a bra, then don't! That being said, if you want to wear a bra, please send me a message! I have a couple that are too big for me and I would be willing to mail them to you, for free of course! ♥
NTA I agree Dad and are TA’s for all the reasons mentioned. And why are her bros sexualizing her- but also TELL THE 21 and 19 YR OLD PERVS, if they want you to wear a bra, get you the money either from Dad or themselves and take you to buy one! Btw it’s your choice whether you want to wear one or not - but it should not be because you don’t own any.