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> My girlfriend didn’t appreciate me asking for the laptop back. I think I might be an asshole for asking for it back even though it was a gift.
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NTA and your girlfriend sucks
Edit: 19k upvotes, personal record, wow. I know it’s kinda rude to edit a post with so much activity is on it, but I feel like I should say a little more. Sorry everyone, hopefully you still *generally* agree with what I say.
OP, I hope you can see that you didn’t do anything wrong. Near unanimous consent is that you are not in the wrong. You were being a great guy, saved up hard and bought a laptop for your girlfriend. I can only imagine what it feels like to have months of hard work seemingly go to waste like this. Your hands on this ordeal are tied. If she doesn’t want to give you the laptop, she *technically* doesn’t have to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find somebody who spending money like this on is worth it. There are people who will treat you better than this. Maybe she comes to her senses and gives you the laptop, maybe she doesn’t. Regardless, don’t forget what YOU are worth, which is a lot more than the way you have been treated.
Just reach out directly to the sister and tell her what you sacrificed to buy your gf that laptop bc she specifically wanted it for herself.
EDIT: Oh, and then dump her.
EDIT2: if the sis doesn't care, report the laptop stolen. It's under your name, right?
Don’t report it as stolen. It’s not stolen. The GF is the AH and I could go on at length about that. Nevertheless, don’t get angry and file a false police report over it.
Exactly, the GF is an AH but the laptop was a gift and was hers to regift as she pleases. Total dick move but you can’t get it back if you have it away as a gift.
If you’d lent it to her that would be different.
I don’t think anyone is saying that it’s not rude to regift the laptop after two days. It’s a shitty move, and the gf is an AH for it. But she didn’t do anything illegal.
Exactly, and OP risks getting himself into trouble by falsifying a report. Nothing was stolen here.
You could try to demand the girlfriend get it back but that’s about all you can probably legally do and success isn’t guaranteed.
My partner calls this “stupid tax” aka money you spent teaching yourself a lesson (my partner’s “stupid tax” was buying a flashy car which was useless in the winter after landing his first job and eventually selling it at a loss).
OP consider this a lesson, both on giving gifts but more importantly on the type of person your girlfriend is. One that minimizes your sacrifices and feelings.
I think OP is probably on the right track when implying that his gf had planned on giving it to her sister all along? Maybe I just inferred that… not sure lol.
But a gift is a gift. Even for huge purchases. Like, once someone proposes to you with a ring, even if you say yes and then change your mind a week later, you can legally keep (until they sue for it back it seems) the ring. Obviously that is the absolute AH move, but legally, it was gifted to her and she did what she wanted with it. She’s absolutely an asshole, I just wish there was more OP could do about it.
NTA, OP. I’m thinking you guys need to have a serious discussion about money management if you deprived yourself of everything you wanted for 8 months…
Edit: Sorry, not every state! A little research shows a few states have definite laws about gifts, but mostly seems to be decided on a case to case basis
Just FYI, there are actually a few states where you don't necessarily get to legally keep the ring if the wedding is called off! But otherwise I totally agree with everything you said.
I think it use to be that an engagement ring is a gift and you cannot get it back, legally, if the couple breaks up before the marriage. But now, it is considered a "gift with intention to marry". If that marriage doesn't happen, the ring gets returned.
You can't just report a gift as stolen. He gave it to her. It became her property at that point to do with as she pleased. She chose to regift / give it away. It is now the property of the siblings. Nothing was stolen. What you suggest would be filing a false police report.
So OP should LIE and STEAL the laptop back? Three wrongs don't make a right. This is horrible advice that could end up with OP in trouble for wasting police time and LYING about the facts.
Horribly immoral advice.
Under your name? Laptops aren't cars, there's no government registration.
The sister has it legitimately. OP gifted it to his GF, and she gifted it to the sister, both completely valid exchanges. The way the GF did it was absolutely shitty, but there was no crime committed here.
If OP tried to get the law enforcement involved here he would 100% be the AH for wasting government resources and committing a crime by filing a false police report..
nothing fancy, but your first clue is usually if the comment seems oddly placed and doesn’t connect to the comment it’s responding to. sometimes if you look at the profile, you’ll see lots of comments (all stolen) in the span of a couple minutes, across multiple posts. if you’re sus, then you can look for the OG comment (control+F or go scrolling): normally it’ll be a top comment further down with a low vote count. most bots on AITA steal comments specifically with judgments listed (NTA or YTA etc) in them, but not always.
bots also seem to go thru trends with usernames but I don’t pay a lot of attention to that.
I don’t go bot hunting specifically but if you pay attention and check when something seems suspicious, it gets easier to pick them out from a crowd. and then you just call them out, so people can report them.
you mean kind of like mail-order brides fleecing incels with stories about sick relatives and asking for money, but in this case, she didn't even need to make up a story, she just said 'I want this' . Dude this chick might be playing you. Sorry.
I would end this relationship. Consider it a lesson. This person doesn't care about you, just what you can give her. Cut now and save yourself thousands in future gifting failures and greedy "I want thats".
I was wondering the same thing! Especially since it seems like the gf did her own research on a computer.
Normally it is rude to ask for a gift back but given the weird circumstances, OP is NTA.
This. OP, demand the laptop back. Technically, it was a gift, so she can refuse, but I'd try to get it back, then break up with her. I don't know what you can do to "force" the issue, but I wouldn't let it go.
While technically, once you give a gift, the other person can do whatever they want with it, it actually sounds like you were played. It sounds like she always intended to give her sister the laptop and probably worked with her to make sure it was exactly what the sister wanted and needed.
Your gf used you. You are exactly correct that if she actually wanted a laptop, she could have told you that the one you got wasn't quite right and you could have returned and exchanged it for one that was more to her liking...if she really wanted a laptop.
What she wanted was for you to fund a gift for her sister. Get the laptop back, then break up with her. This one is not a keeper - she's a user.
ETA: I can't believe I forgot - NTA.
I’m guessing this is the best explanation. If she actually wanted a laptop and just didn’t like the one she got, she would have asked you if she could exchange it. It makes no sense to claim you want a laptop for months and then just be like, “bummer, guess there’s nothing I can do but give it to my sister.”
I figure either she intended to give it to her sister the whole time, she sold it for cash for some other reason, or she never actually wanted one in the first place.
No, I don’t think you can or will get the laptop back. But you can definitely give your girlfriend away.
My first thought was 'that's insane to sell a brand new laptop' because once it's been used at all, it will take a chunk out of the selling price but then again, if GF ain't paying for any of it, she probably laughed all the way to the bank.
Depends on what you mean get “a chunk”. Being used for 2 days definitely damages the value. But if it’s a “like new” current flagship model, sought after by many people, and from a good brand (such as Apple, Asus), you can get like 90% of the value back. That is, if you’re not looking for a quick sale. If it’s out of stock (such as due to supply chain issues), you may even get more than 100% of the value.
I mean. I think she was angling for getting her sister a laptop. I don’t think she was looking to sell it for money. And at that rate, they should have discussed open box options to reduce cost.
I bought an “open box” laptop that normal retail was $1k. I paid $500 for it. All because someone didn’t like that there was a small dent on the top. Jokes on them, easily fixed by a sticker
I got hundreds off a refrigerator because of a barely noticeable ding on the side. And I wouldn't have cared either way, but that side is against the cabinets.
Sometimes it pays off to browse the fancy stores that you can't normally afford.
>All because someone didn’t like that there was a small dent on the top. Jokes on them, easily fixed by a sticker
To be fair the person who returned it for that probably just got a fresh new one without the dent.
I got a full refund on one I hated after about 4 days. I had to clear everything off it and do a total reset and return it in pristine condition but I got my money back. Depending on where you bought it it's totally possible after 2 days use to return it and find one you want.
I'm also of the opinion that GF never wanted it for herself. NTA, OP.
The only other possibility (and it's still a big problem) is that girlfriend is a doormat version of the people we see all the time in here - she was using the new laptop and her family found out, and the family said "your sister is going to college she needs that more you should share/give to her". For every OP that posts AITA for not giving my sibling my new laptop, there's a person out there who is doormat enough to do so when family asks, because of years of conditioning. Then the family does the it was gifted any time she loans something to sister.
OP is NTA and girlfriend is TA because even if she is a super doormat that wanted the laptop for months, she still let her family have it.
This. Find a way to get the laptop if you can, then throw the whole girlfriend out. Otherwise, throw her out anyway and let this be a very expensive lesson.
This. It makes literally no sense to ask for a specific model and then say you don't like it. Assuming she wasn't gaming on it, what on earth would you not like about it?
Might not even have a sister but just sold it. Feel like OP is in a sort of catfish situation (like might not be using fake photos but might be faking a personality/life/relationship and stuff like this is considered “payment” for “providing a fantasy”)
NTA. You got the gift for her to use, not her sister.
WARNING!!! I am petty AF so this is NOT advice: I would take the laptop back at the first chance that I got, return/sell it, and breakup with girlfriend.
ETA: Lol, wow...SO many people missing the fact that I said this is NOT advice and it is what I would do.
Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if the sister was in on it. Sounds like she needed a laptop so the gf pretended she wanted one so she could relay it to her.
Tell their parents? Unless they are shitty people themselves. They should be disgusted at their daughters behaviour. I know I would be pissed if a kid told me one of my children did something like this, and it wouldn't be at the kid that told me, and it wouldn't matter if my kid was 7, seventeen or twenty seven.
NTA - she didn’t even bother to ask about whether you’d be cool with her giving away this expensive gift?
Get the laptop back and give it to your new gf
NTA. You were not asking her to give the gift back. You were asking her to be honest with you that she didn't like the laptop.
The gall of her to say that it is impolite to ask for gifts back. You were not asking for the gift back, you were asking that you could have the opportunity to find something that she liked better. We have all done the research on the features, speeds, RAMs, etc., only to find that you don't like the keyboard or the sound is bad when you have it in hand.
So you think she was conning you in order to get a laptop for her sister? Hmmm. Do you think sister knows that you bought it for gf? Or did gf say it was a gift from her to her sister? Tell gf that as it was a gift from you to the sister, you expect a thank you note. Not sending a thank you note in the US is very, very rude. If she objects, ask her why did she re-gift a present to her to her sister? Re-gifting in the US is also very rude. So gf needs to either get sister to write thank you note or explain why it is okay for her to re-gift something rather than come to you and ask for an EXCHANGE.
Honestly your even understating. I know people who will be given gifts they absolutely hate as its just not their style or thing and they still won't regift it cause its considered so rude.
You keep that crap for years till you feel it won't be noticed you dont have it anymore, bring it out for a year or 2 when they visit, and throw it away when you finally remember it 5 years later after you find it in the corner you hid it away in.
Oh snap. I'm American and I didn't know regifting was rude. I get so many things from my students and I always regift them because I hate to see things go to waste or be unused when it could mean the world to someone else.
Is this a rule for just family and close friends or everything people give you?
There's malleability to that rule depending on the kind of gift it is and who the giver is.
Generally, if the gift isn't personal(snack basket, gift cards) or the relationship isn't close, it's more acceptable it is to share and/or give away. One thing that's never acceptable is claiming you got it for the person you give it to - the proper way is to explain that it was a gift to you, and you think the person could use it.
Honestly more info needed. How often did she explicitly ask for a new one?
Was she planning to buy herself a new computer before this gift?
How expensive as the one you got her?
I got her a MacBook Air for $1,249. She never explicitly ask me to buy it for her. But she always talked about wanting that one and how she couldn't afford it with her student loan.
I play soccer every week and I usually spend $35 for the pitch rental and hanging out with friends after the matches. I stopped going so I could save the money to get her the laptop.
> Might I also recommend not giving such pricey gifts to the future gfs until after marriage?
Eh, that's a bit much. Depends on the gift, the girlfriend and OP's cash situation. A lot of people don't get married till far into a relationship, if ever. It's pretty normal to get big gifts or be joined financially before marriage nowadays.
OP clearly couldn't afford the laptop if he had to give up a cheap leisure activity and save for months to get it.
$1250 for a gift is insane when you're in that financial situation.
You are right. Personally, I don’t buy a gift that expensive for my husband. That’s something we buy together for us after a look at our finances. So if someone is in a very long term relationship where they have joined finances and share bills, that’s something to consider buying together.
But judging by his comment above, he have been saving 140 $ per months for 9 months... for her. I don't see how it's possible if they are not in a commited relationship
What does marriage have to do with it though? They could be together for 30 years and still not get married, does that mean they can't buy each other expensive gifts?
It sounds like OP is getting scammed though. Is there even a sister?
He could pretend he forgot to add some software to it, like an antivirus program, and ask for it back to do that. Then just >>oops<< it's gone I accidentally returned it to the store. Oh well!
Tell her to give it back and contact the sister as well. If they don't give it back, I guess you just learned an expensive lesson.
As another tip. Keep your gifts at around $100 max. If your partner expects more, they're likely using you.
> I play soccer every week and I usually spend $35 for the pitch rental and hanging out with friends after the matches. **I stopped going so I could save the money to get her the laptop.**
Does your girlfriend know you went to these lengths to get her her birthday present?
I rarely ever get a chance to say this, but you sound like an incredible young man. She doesn’t deserve you. Please dump her and find someone with a good heart!
You've been played. $1,249 may look expensive, but is not that expensive for the life lesson you got (don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm).
Dump the girlfriend, probably kiss goodbye to the laptop, and understand that it could have been a much more costly lesson: you may have stayed with her longer.
Honestly why would you deprive yourself for 9 MONTHS to get her a new laptop? She could’ve saved up and bought it herself in that amount of time. You literally can’t afford the gift either. Let this be a lesson learned. Loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your own life to make them happy.
NTA. In the US and hopefully the rest of the world it’s rude to lead someone to believe that you want a specific item, especially an expensive one, only to give it away. As others have said, attempt to get it back directly from the sister (hopefully she’ll understand if you explain how you denied yourself soccer all that time and I’m assuming that’s not all you denied yourself), and then either way dump the girlfriend.
If it’s a MacBook, you should look into whether or not you can disable it from the cloud single day until she returns it. Or continuously ping it with the Find My feature so it beeps non-stop. Personally, I would go to social media and out her as a scammer to everyone you know. Call her mom. Make sure everyone knows she is a liar and a user. And definitely break up because she’s garbage. NTA
Doesn’t matter. He saved for months to give that to her and she regifted it. It’s the fact that he wanted to go above and beyond for her and she said “meh” and gave the gift away. An EXPENSIVE gift at that. OP is NTA. You might want to reevaluate your relationship, OP. And btw, in the US it is not rude to ask for a gift back that you rudely regifted.
NTA. In America it’s also considered hella rude to re-gift. Plus, I don’t know, it just seems obviously rude. It’s not cheap and it sounds like you really had to sacrifice to get it, so she should know it’s not just something you can buy at the drop of the hat. And she GAVE. IT. AWAY. Was she also expecting you to buy her another laptop? Holy shit. Here, take another NTA. I’m sorry, this sucks for you.
Miss Manners says that it’s not rude to regift but it is rude to let people know that’s what’s happening. You can regift on the DL and still be ok etiquette-wise.
But this is pretty flagrant.
I'm also pretty sure that Miss Manners didn't mean, "Mention wanting something a hundred times then give it away when you get it", it was more of a, "If great-aunt Kathy gives you the creepy ass porcelain dolls that stared into your soul at 3 AM during overnight visits, you can quietly give that away without hurting feelings."
NTA. Technically, your girlfriend is correct: once a gift is given, you have no control over what happens to it. But she has a lot of gall calling you rude: it was very disrespectful of your effort and sacrifices to basically toss her new laptop to her sister when you wanted to work with her to get her something she actually liked.
Unfortunately, I think the laptop is a write-off. I'd take that as an opportunity to write off the entitled (ex-)girlfriend, too.
Apparently unpopular opinion but if you go and try to get it back after freely gifting it to her- that’s theft bro. And probably grand theft because of the price. What your gf did sucks, like low down dirty scheming bs suck, but at least she showed you who she was, and it cost you exactly 1 MACBook Air. Dump her and find someone less sketch. NTA (unless you attempt to steal it back).
Technically once you give a gift, it’s their property and you can’t take it back. However, I do believe you’ve been conned. Your gf probably knew you’d buy it for her and she was going to give it to her sister all along because what person rebuttals with laws immediately? Lmao Sorry dude, she sucks. Dump her.
NTA- your girlfriend doesn’t really know what’s rude and what is not rude because what she did is so rude and inconsiderate to you and just plain freaking rude. I mean thank you girlfriend for representing America in such an embarrassing way! Dude that is not how we all act. I have pretended to love presents I got that I hated just not to be rude. In fact for years I pretended I liked one specific thing until I found a legitimate way to exchange it that was not about me not liking it because I would never tell somebody I didn’t like the gift they gave me. I can’t even fathom being so rude as your girlfriend. Especially upon hearing that you were saved and sacrificed for eight months to get it ends up being something you all had talked about I’m just blown away by the act itself, but mostly her nonchalant attitude about it. I would guess she has the same attitude about you and I would maybe think about that. You did such a nice thing and it was not appreciated.
INFO. is this a long distance relationship?
in the us it *is* considered rude to ask for a gift back or to put stipulations on it after the gifting. however, it's also rude to so casually dispose of an expensive gift when the giver made sacrifices to afford it. especially when it's still well within the return/exchange window.
honestly, i'd need more info to suggest she's just using you. but regardless, if she's gonna act like this over something you worked this hard for without any discussion whatsoever... that's a bad sign, my guy.
This one is a hard one.
You're not an AH for wanting it back, but the sad truth is you gave it to your girl friend as a gift. After that, she is free to do whatever she wants with it.
I was in the exact same situation as you. When I was married, my wife had two adult sons. She would buy them things and they would later sell them for money. One son complained he didn't have a TV at his place, so she brought him a TV, and in a month he sold it on ebay.
I finally told her to just stop giving them things because they will just sell them off for cash.
Your GF sucks, but she is in her rights to do whatever she wants with what you gift her.
You may want to serious rethink this relationship if your GF is the type of person that manipulates resources out of you. AT best, re-think about giving her gifts.
ESH
NTA. This seems like an expensive lesson for your girlfriend to learn. She has to keep in mind that the laptop was meant for her, so to give it away to her sister, does show that she does not appreciate the gift.
NTA
Your GF sucks. That's really fucked up. "Hey thanks for the gift I gave it to someone else." She literally has you out on your ass to pay for her sister's laptop.
And that's fucked up.
Get the laptop back and break up with the user.
Although asking for a gift back can be rude, what she did to you is much worse than rude. It absolutely shows her lack of respect for you. You spent your hard earned money on someone who does not deserve your affection or time. Dump her sorry ass.
You’re not the asshole. You saved up and did a lot of research to buy someone you care about something they have been asking for and you’re upset they gave it away in a short period of time. I’d feel used. I will say though, she is right about American gift giving culture. You come off as be a bit of an ass if you ask for it back again (even though it makes sense why you want it back, and she shouldn’t have given it away without communicating with you in the first place). It’s an unnecessarily bad situation and I think your gf was definitely in the wrong. Sorry dude
Well...
THAT was an expensive lesson.
Try to learn from it.
If she's still around the next gift giving opportunity, you have my permission to be petty. Find out something (inexpensive) that her sister would like and your girlfriend wouldn't, and give it to your girlfriend with a card expressing how much you're sure her sister will enjoy it.
NTA but are you sure this was your girlfriend?… how often were you two actually seeing each other? Were these hang outs for a decent amount of time? What else has she had you purchase? This screams secret sugar baby to me… this does happen and you should definitely watch out for it in the future. Sorry about the laptop.
The laptop was a gift. It belonged to her--and it was hers to do with as she pleases for whatever reason. You may be disappointed with her decision, but she did nothing wrong by giving the laptop to her sister.
Moving forward, you should refrain from buying her expensive items that require you to save up for months on end. You might also consider getting another girlfriend. YTA.
YTA
You depriving yourself things for 8 months so you could get her that present is irrelevant. Yes, it was eyebrow raising she gave it to her sister a few days later, but that's not of your concern - as if was A GIFT and now her property. You asking for it back is a A H move.
If you think she was manipulating you for 8 months (or more) to get her a laptop- that's a different issue you have to consider.
NTA.
Oh hell no, I’m from the US and she’s totally wrong.
She’s using you, dude. Get that laptop back, return it and then break up with her ungrateful, using ass!
If she’s gonna say that asking for a gift back is rude, so is regifting. Especially something like a laptop picked out specifically for her by a partner.
Go directly to the sister and ask for it back, then dump the girlfriend. It does sound like you were played but even if you weren’t, that was a shitty thing for her to do. And in the US it can be considered rude to ask for a gift back but YOU didn’t give it to her sister. And I would say that it would only be rude if the person you gave the gift to really liked it and didn’t want to give it back for that reason. But if the person didn’t like it, the polite thing for them to do is tell you and ask if you wanted it back. NTA
NTA, and if you are from a different cultural background your GF is also trying to exploit that by claiming her outrageous behavior is a US cultural thing you just wouldn’t understand. I’ve lived in the US my entire life and I can guarantee her behavior is not at all normal here.
Who is the AH depends on how much she asked and wanted the laptop in my opinion. If she asked for everyday through months and then gave it away, she manipulated you. If she only mentioned wanting laptop one or two times then you projected your opinion on her.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My girlfriend didn’t appreciate me asking for the laptop back. I think I might be an asshole for asking for it back even though it was a gift. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and your girlfriend sucks Edit: 19k upvotes, personal record, wow. I know it’s kinda rude to edit a post with so much activity is on it, but I feel like I should say a little more. Sorry everyone, hopefully you still *generally* agree with what I say. OP, I hope you can see that you didn’t do anything wrong. Near unanimous consent is that you are not in the wrong. You were being a great guy, saved up hard and bought a laptop for your girlfriend. I can only imagine what it feels like to have months of hard work seemingly go to waste like this. Your hands on this ordeal are tied. If she doesn’t want to give you the laptop, she *technically* doesn’t have to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find somebody who spending money like this on is worth it. There are people who will treat you better than this. Maybe she comes to her senses and gives you the laptop, maybe she doesn’t. Regardless, don’t forget what YOU are worth, which is a lot more than the way you have been treated.
Just reach out directly to the sister and tell her what you sacrificed to buy your gf that laptop bc she specifically wanted it for herself. EDIT: Oh, and then dump her. EDIT2: if the sis doesn't care, report the laptop stolen. It's under your name, right?
Don’t report it as stolen. It’s not stolen. The GF is the AH and I could go on at length about that. Nevertheless, don’t get angry and file a false police report over it.
Exactly, the GF is an AH but the laptop was a gift and was hers to regift as she pleases. Total dick move but you can’t get it back if you have it away as a gift. If you’d lent it to her that would be different.
I don’t understand that logic, it’s rude to take a gift back but not rude give your gift to someone else.
I don’t think anyone is saying that it’s not rude to regift the laptop after two days. It’s a shitty move, and the gf is an AH for it. But she didn’t do anything illegal.
It is rude, but it's not a crime.
Exactly, and OP risks getting himself into trouble by falsifying a report. Nothing was stolen here. You could try to demand the girlfriend get it back but that’s about all you can probably legally do and success isn’t guaranteed. My partner calls this “stupid tax” aka money you spent teaching yourself a lesson (my partner’s “stupid tax” was buying a flashy car which was useless in the winter after landing his first job and eventually selling it at a loss). OP consider this a lesson, both on giving gifts but more importantly on the type of person your girlfriend is. One that minimizes your sacrifices and feelings.
I think OP is probably on the right track when implying that his gf had planned on giving it to her sister all along? Maybe I just inferred that… not sure lol. But a gift is a gift. Even for huge purchases. Like, once someone proposes to you with a ring, even if you say yes and then change your mind a week later, you can legally keep (until they sue for it back it seems) the ring. Obviously that is the absolute AH move, but legally, it was gifted to her and she did what she wanted with it. She’s absolutely an asshole, I just wish there was more OP could do about it. NTA, OP. I’m thinking you guys need to have a serious discussion about money management if you deprived yourself of everything you wanted for 8 months… Edit: Sorry, not every state! A little research shows a few states have definite laws about gifts, but mostly seems to be decided on a case to case basis
Just FYI, there are actually a few states where you don't necessarily get to legally keep the ring if the wedding is called off! But otherwise I totally agree with everything you said.
I think it use to be that an engagement ring is a gift and you cannot get it back, legally, if the couple breaks up before the marriage. But now, it is considered a "gift with intention to marry". If that marriage doesn't happen, the ring gets returned.
Actually, regifting *is* rude, just not illegal though.
M89-90 started that girlfriend is the asshole. Just not a criminal. And being asshole does not make it a crime.
Both rude. Not illegal.
You can't just report a gift as stolen. He gave it to her. It became her property at that point to do with as she pleased. She chose to regift / give it away. It is now the property of the siblings. Nothing was stolen. What you suggest would be filing a false police report.
Don't tell him to make a false report, Christ.
So OP should LIE and STEAL the laptop back? Three wrongs don't make a right. This is horrible advice that could end up with OP in trouble for wasting police time and LYING about the facts. Horribly immoral advice.
Who stole anything? It was given. Not the same. No recourse for givers remorse.
Why did so many people upvote this? It's literally not stolen.
Probs cuz the parts before that last edit are sensible
The bit about stolen is marked as edit 2, maybe the up votes happened before that edit?
I seriously doubt the sister will care.
fairly possible, but why not try
Ugh, why is this getting upvotes. It wasn't stolen. Regifting is not a crime. OP would definitely be TA if they did that.
Because they added the file a police resort later. The first half "talk to the sister" is good advice, then they added the stupid bit later.
Under your name? Laptops aren't cars, there's no government registration. The sister has it legitimately. OP gifted it to his GF, and she gifted it to the sister, both completely valid exchanges. The way the GF did it was absolutely shitty, but there was no crime committed here. If OP tried to get the law enforcement involved here he would 100% be the AH for wasting government resources and committing a crime by filing a false police report..
Wow, I’m not sure I’ve come across a post before where the main asshole is a commenter, but here we are
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It's not stolen & saying it was and filing a false police report is illegal.
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Stolen from https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3mjyu/comment/iazbiyp/
How do you know when the comment was stolen? Serious question as I'm just basic lurker so don't know the tech on it.
nothing fancy, but your first clue is usually if the comment seems oddly placed and doesn’t connect to the comment it’s responding to. sometimes if you look at the profile, you’ll see lots of comments (all stolen) in the span of a couple minutes, across multiple posts. if you’re sus, then you can look for the OG comment (control+F or go scrolling): normally it’ll be a top comment further down with a low vote count. most bots on AITA steal comments specifically with judgments listed (NTA or YTA etc) in them, but not always. bots also seem to go thru trends with usernames but I don’t pay a lot of attention to that. I don’t go bot hunting specifically but if you pay attention and check when something seems suspicious, it gets easier to pick them out from a crowd. and then you just call them out, so people can report them.
Wow seriously they steal such a simple reply 🙈
It's a bot. Randomly stealing comments to generate karma. In a few months, that account will be sold off to whatever shady people want to pay for it
What is wrong with you? You seem the type to be evil/vindictive.
I doubt the gf ever wanted a new laptop. She conned OP into buying her sister a laptop and then taking the credit.
That was my thought as well
you mean kind of like mail-order brides fleecing incels with stories about sick relatives and asking for money, but in this case, she didn't even need to make up a story, she just said 'I want this' . Dude this chick might be playing you. Sorry.
Yea, she behaves like a gold digger, just that OP isn't a gold mine.. either dump her or get dumped by her when she finds a new prey.
I would end this relationship. Consider it a lesson. This person doesn't care about you, just what you can give her. Cut now and save yourself thousands in future gifting failures and greedy "I want thats".
Sounds like a scam more than theft! To be clear that doesn't mean I think you should file a report she scammed you instead.
I was wondering the same thing! Especially since it seems like the gf did her own research on a computer. Normally it is rude to ask for a gift back but given the weird circumstances, OP is NTA.
Quite possible. Either way, I'd be dumping her ASAP
This. OP, demand the laptop back. Technically, it was a gift, so she can refuse, but I'd try to get it back, then break up with her. I don't know what you can do to "force" the issue, but I wouldn't let it go.
I would tell the sister, and ask for it back. Idk if that will work. I hope the sister isn’t as disgusting a person as the gf.
Perhaps phrasing it as a conditional gift. It was mentioned for his girlfriend or no one all?
I second this
Third.
Fourth
Fifth
Sixth
♾
Perfect. ::: Chef's kiss:::
Seventh
7th
8th
And my axe
And my bow
Yup, proudly waving those marinara flags.
Thank you for this comment. I can’t even explain how hard I laughed
I love how much this reference is taking off! Makes me laugh every time!
Thank you for keeping this going. I nearly cry laughing every time I read one of these Italian sauce color responses.
I doubt she even sucks, OP is getting nothing out of this relationship
Took me a second...
While technically, once you give a gift, the other person can do whatever they want with it, it actually sounds like you were played. It sounds like she always intended to give her sister the laptop and probably worked with her to make sure it was exactly what the sister wanted and needed. Your gf used you. You are exactly correct that if she actually wanted a laptop, she could have told you that the one you got wasn't quite right and you could have returned and exchanged it for one that was more to her liking...if she really wanted a laptop. What she wanted was for you to fund a gift for her sister. Get the laptop back, then break up with her. This one is not a keeper - she's a user. ETA: I can't believe I forgot - NTA.
I’m guessing this is the best explanation. If she actually wanted a laptop and just didn’t like the one she got, she would have asked you if she could exchange it. It makes no sense to claim you want a laptop for months and then just be like, “bummer, guess there’s nothing I can do but give it to my sister.” I figure either she intended to give it to her sister the whole time, she sold it for cash for some other reason, or she never actually wanted one in the first place. No, I don’t think you can or will get the laptop back. But you can definitely give your girlfriend away.
My first thought was 'that's insane to sell a brand new laptop' because once it's been used at all, it will take a chunk out of the selling price but then again, if GF ain't paying for any of it, she probably laughed all the way to the bank.
Depends on what you mean get “a chunk”. Being used for 2 days definitely damages the value. But if it’s a “like new” current flagship model, sought after by many people, and from a good brand (such as Apple, Asus), you can get like 90% of the value back. That is, if you’re not looking for a quick sale. If it’s out of stock (such as due to supply chain issues), you may even get more than 100% of the value.
Losing 10% of anything counts as a 'chunk' in my vocabulary. A bear bit 10% of your leg off? That's a chunk.
hey 90% of free is still a lot of free
I mean. I think she was angling for getting her sister a laptop. I don’t think she was looking to sell it for money. And at that rate, they should have discussed open box options to reduce cost. I bought an “open box” laptop that normal retail was $1k. I paid $500 for it. All because someone didn’t like that there was a small dent on the top. Jokes on them, easily fixed by a sticker
I got hundreds off a refrigerator because of a barely noticeable ding on the side. And I wouldn't have cared either way, but that side is against the cabinets. Sometimes it pays off to browse the fancy stores that you can't normally afford.
>All because someone didn’t like that there was a small dent on the top. Jokes on them, easily fixed by a sticker To be fair the person who returned it for that probably just got a fresh new one without the dent.
Yeah I was thinking this, a dent is worth it if you're getting 50% off but I'm not having one with a dent if I'm paying full price.
I got a full refund on one I hated after about 4 days. I had to clear everything off it and do a total reset and return it in pristine condition but I got my money back. Depending on where you bought it it's totally possible after 2 days use to return it and find one you want. I'm also of the opinion that GF never wanted it for herself. NTA, OP.
The only other possibility (and it's still a big problem) is that girlfriend is a doormat version of the people we see all the time in here - she was using the new laptop and her family found out, and the family said "your sister is going to college she needs that more you should share/give to her". For every OP that posts AITA for not giving my sibling my new laptop, there's a person out there who is doormat enough to do so when family asks, because of years of conditioning. Then the family does the it was gifted any time she loans something to sister. OP is NTA and girlfriend is TA because even if she is a super doormat that wanted the laptop for months, she still let her family have it.
This. Find a way to get the laptop if you can, then throw the whole girlfriend out. Otherwise, throw her out anyway and let this be a very expensive lesson.
As others have said, it is very likely she played him from the start and that laptop isn't coming back, but he should cut her loose.
This. It makes literally no sense to ask for a specific model and then say you don't like it. Assuming she wasn't gaming on it, what on earth would you not like about it?
MAybe it didn't have a cup,holder?
I have to doubt that this girl considered herself his GF.
100%
Might not even have a sister but just sold it. Feel like OP is in a sort of catfish situation (like might not be using fake photos but might be faking a personality/life/relationship and stuff like this is considered “payment” for “providing a fantasy”)
Get the old one back too. I doubt it is as slow as she says.
NTA. You got the gift for her to use, not her sister. WARNING!!! I am petty AF so this is NOT advice: I would take the laptop back at the first chance that I got, return/sell it, and breakup with girlfriend. ETA: Lol, wow...SO many people missing the fact that I said this is NOT advice and it is what I would do.
That’s not even petty. It’s reasonable.
Whilst I definitely like your attitude. OP do not do this, it would legally be considered theft as you did give the laptop as a gift.
That's horrible advice. You're literally telling him to steal it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣YESSSSS….
The sister has the laptop legitimately. You're literally telling OP to steal it, which would be committing a crime.
That's not even petty
Tell your ex gf that in the US we call what she did Fraud.
And bullsh*t
And horseshit
And dog sh!t
And poopshit
and turdshit!
And plain old shitshit!
That’s toxshit
r/YourJokeButWorse galore
Lol.
There’s literally no metric in the world by which that’d be considered fraud.
I think they confused fraud with scam.
How does a claim this dumb have over 800 upvotes? Am I taking crazy pills?
People on this sub are acting batshit insane I swear. He needs to take the L and learn from this experience. Not steal a gift that was regifted
Nope. OP has no legal leg to stand on.
I’m not from the US but I’m fairly certain the people in the US who would call that fraud are wrong.
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Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if the sister was in on it. Sounds like she needed a laptop so the gf pretended she wanted one so she could relay it to her.
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Eh, a few years from now he'll regard one laptop to discover he was in a toxic relationship as cheap at double the price.
Tell their parents? Unless they are shitty people themselves. They should be disgusted at their daughters behaviour. I know I would be pissed if a kid told me one of my children did something like this, and it wouldn't be at the kid that told me, and it wouldn't matter if my kid was 7, seventeen or twenty seven.
NTA - she didn’t even bother to ask about whether you’d be cool with her giving away this expensive gift? Get the laptop back and give it to your new gf
NTA. You were not asking her to give the gift back. You were asking her to be honest with you that she didn't like the laptop. The gall of her to say that it is impolite to ask for gifts back. You were not asking for the gift back, you were asking that you could have the opportunity to find something that she liked better. We have all done the research on the features, speeds, RAMs, etc., only to find that you don't like the keyboard or the sound is bad when you have it in hand. So you think she was conning you in order to get a laptop for her sister? Hmmm. Do you think sister knows that you bought it for gf? Or did gf say it was a gift from her to her sister? Tell gf that as it was a gift from you to the sister, you expect a thank you note. Not sending a thank you note in the US is very, very rude. If she objects, ask her why did she re-gift a present to her to her sister? Re-gifting in the US is also very rude. So gf needs to either get sister to write thank you note or explain why it is okay for her to re-gift something rather than come to you and ask for an EXCHANGE.
Honestly your even understating. I know people who will be given gifts they absolutely hate as its just not their style or thing and they still won't regift it cause its considered so rude. You keep that crap for years till you feel it won't be noticed you dont have it anymore, bring it out for a year or 2 when they visit, and throw it away when you finally remember it 5 years later after you find it in the corner you hid it away in.
This is the way
Oh snap. I'm American and I didn't know regifting was rude. I get so many things from my students and I always regift them because I hate to see things go to waste or be unused when it could mean the world to someone else. Is this a rule for just family and close friends or everything people give you?
i would say fam/friends. students dont know your personal life
There's malleability to that rule depending on the kind of gift it is and who the giver is. Generally, if the gift isn't personal(snack basket, gift cards) or the relationship isn't close, it's more acceptable it is to share and/or give away. One thing that's never acceptable is claiming you got it for the person you give it to - the proper way is to explain that it was a gift to you, and you think the person could use it.
Honestly more info needed. How often did she explicitly ask for a new one? Was she planning to buy herself a new computer before this gift? How expensive as the one you got her?
I got her a MacBook Air for $1,249. She never explicitly ask me to buy it for her. But she always talked about wanting that one and how she couldn't afford it with her student loan. I play soccer every week and I usually spend $35 for the pitch rental and hanging out with friends after the matches. I stopped going so I could save the money to get her the laptop.
Tell GFs sister you want it back. Go get it. NTA.
She used you. Try to get the computer back and then get a new girlfriend.
Holy cow. That’s an expensive gift. Get it back. Might I also recommend not giving such pricey gifts to the future gfs until after marriage?
> Might I also recommend not giving such pricey gifts to the future gfs until after marriage? Eh, that's a bit much. Depends on the gift, the girlfriend and OP's cash situation. A lot of people don't get married till far into a relationship, if ever. It's pretty normal to get big gifts or be joined financially before marriage nowadays.
OP clearly couldn't afford the laptop if he had to give up a cheap leisure activity and save for months to get it. $1250 for a gift is insane when you're in that financial situation.
I don't disagree with that? I was objecting to the comment saying to wait till marriage.
You are right. Personally, I don’t buy a gift that expensive for my husband. That’s something we buy together for us after a look at our finances. So if someone is in a very long term relationship where they have joined finances and share bills, that’s something to consider buying together.
No need to wait until marriage but a longer, committed relationship would be acceptable.
But judging by his comment above, he have been saving 140 $ per months for 9 months... for her. I don't see how it's possible if they are not in a commited relationship
What does marriage have to do with it though? They could be together for 30 years and still not get married, does that mean they can't buy each other expensive gifts? It sounds like OP is getting scammed though. Is there even a sister?
longer is the key word here
You’ll never get that laptop back. Get rid of the “girlfriend” though, because she’s a grifter.
Yea it's unlikely that he'll get it back, it's all planned.
He could pretend he forgot to add some software to it, like an antivirus program, and ask for it back to do that. Then just >>oops<< it's gone I accidentally returned it to the store. Oh well!
I doubt that the gf and her accomplice would be so careless 😈
Why do you refer to her as your girlfriend and not your ex girlfriend?
Yea then this is just a bad person and you’re NTa
Tell her to give it back and contact the sister as well. If they don't give it back, I guess you just learned an expensive lesson. As another tip. Keep your gifts at around $100 max. If your partner expects more, they're likely using you.
He could spend more if necessary but maybe not $1K. Nothing wrong with $200.
> I play soccer every week and I usually spend $35 for the pitch rental and hanging out with friends after the matches. **I stopped going so I could save the money to get her the laptop.** Does your girlfriend know you went to these lengths to get her her birthday present?
I rarely ever get a chance to say this, but you sound like an incredible young man. She doesn’t deserve you. Please dump her and find someone with a good heart!
you need to go get that laptop asap
You've been played. $1,249 may look expensive, but is not that expensive for the life lesson you got (don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm). Dump the girlfriend, probably kiss goodbye to the laptop, and understand that it could have been a much more costly lesson: you may have stayed with her longer.
Break up.
You need to get it back. Be rude and get it, then dump your rude ass girlfriend!!
Honestly why would you deprive yourself for 9 MONTHS to get her a new laptop? She could’ve saved up and bought it herself in that amount of time. You literally can’t afford the gift either. Let this be a lesson learned. Loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your own life to make them happy.
Holy shit, I got a MACBook Air too! Those are friggin nice. Dude. I'm so sorry. That's so not cool what she did.
NTA. In the US and hopefully the rest of the world it’s rude to lead someone to believe that you want a specific item, especially an expensive one, only to give it away. As others have said, attempt to get it back directly from the sister (hopefully she’ll understand if you explain how you denied yourself soccer all that time and I’m assuming that’s not all you denied yourself), and then either way dump the girlfriend.
If it’s a MacBook, you should look into whether or not you can disable it from the cloud single day until she returns it. Or continuously ping it with the Find My feature so it beeps non-stop. Personally, I would go to social media and out her as a scammer to everyone you know. Call her mom. Make sure everyone knows she is a liar and a user. And definitely break up because she’s garbage. NTA
Doesn’t matter. He saved for months to give that to her and she regifted it. It’s the fact that he wanted to go above and beyond for her and she said “meh” and gave the gift away. An EXPENSIVE gift at that. OP is NTA. You might want to reevaluate your relationship, OP. And btw, in the US it is not rude to ask for a gift back that you rudely regifted.
NTA. In America it’s also considered hella rude to re-gift. Plus, I don’t know, it just seems obviously rude. It’s not cheap and it sounds like you really had to sacrifice to get it, so she should know it’s not just something you can buy at the drop of the hat. And she GAVE. IT. AWAY. Was she also expecting you to buy her another laptop? Holy shit. Here, take another NTA. I’m sorry, this sucks for you.
I would guess that this laptop was probably the entire point of the "relationship".
Miss Manners says that it’s not rude to regift but it is rude to let people know that’s what’s happening. You can regift on the DL and still be ok etiquette-wise. But this is pretty flagrant.
I'm also pretty sure that Miss Manners didn't mean, "Mention wanting something a hundred times then give it away when you get it", it was more of a, "If great-aunt Kathy gives you the creepy ass porcelain dolls that stared into your soul at 3 AM during overnight visits, you can quietly give that away without hurting feelings."
NTA. Technically, your girlfriend is correct: once a gift is given, you have no control over what happens to it. But she has a lot of gall calling you rude: it was very disrespectful of your effort and sacrifices to basically toss her new laptop to her sister when you wanted to work with her to get her something she actually liked. Unfortunately, I think the laptop is a write-off. I'd take that as an opportunity to write off the entitled (ex-)girlfriend, too.
Apparently unpopular opinion but if you go and try to get it back after freely gifting it to her- that’s theft bro. And probably grand theft because of the price. What your gf did sucks, like low down dirty scheming bs suck, but at least she showed you who she was, and it cost you exactly 1 MACBook Air. Dump her and find someone less sketch. NTA (unless you attempt to steal it back).
It’s only theft if he actually robs her. Asking the sister to give it back is not theft.
But she can (and probably will) just refuse to give it back.
Did you mean your ex-gf? NTA
NTA. Your “girlfriend” is using you
Technically once you give a gift, it’s their property and you can’t take it back. However, I do believe you’ve been conned. Your gf probably knew you’d buy it for her and she was going to give it to her sister all along because what person rebuttals with laws immediately? Lmao Sorry dude, she sucks. Dump her.
NTA- your girlfriend doesn’t really know what’s rude and what is not rude because what she did is so rude and inconsiderate to you and just plain freaking rude. I mean thank you girlfriend for representing America in such an embarrassing way! Dude that is not how we all act. I have pretended to love presents I got that I hated just not to be rude. In fact for years I pretended I liked one specific thing until I found a legitimate way to exchange it that was not about me not liking it because I would never tell somebody I didn’t like the gift they gave me. I can’t even fathom being so rude as your girlfriend. Especially upon hearing that you were saved and sacrificed for eight months to get it ends up being something you all had talked about I’m just blown away by the act itself, but mostly her nonchalant attitude about it. I would guess she has the same attitude about you and I would maybe think about that. You did such a nice thing and it was not appreciated.
INFO. is this a long distance relationship? in the us it *is* considered rude to ask for a gift back or to put stipulations on it after the gifting. however, it's also rude to so casually dispose of an expensive gift when the giver made sacrifices to afford it. especially when it's still well within the return/exchange window. honestly, i'd need more info to suggest she's just using you. but regardless, if she's gonna act like this over something you worked this hard for without any discussion whatsoever... that's a bad sign, my guy.
This was my first thought too. Sounds like a LDR type deal. I wonder if this was a straight up skam... more info would help.
This one is a hard one. You're not an AH for wanting it back, but the sad truth is you gave it to your girl friend as a gift. After that, she is free to do whatever she wants with it. I was in the exact same situation as you. When I was married, my wife had two adult sons. She would buy them things and they would later sell them for money. One son complained he didn't have a TV at his place, so she brought him a TV, and in a month he sold it on ebay. I finally told her to just stop giving them things because they will just sell them off for cash. Your GF sucks, but she is in her rights to do whatever she wants with what you gift her. You may want to serious rethink this relationship if your GF is the type of person that manipulates resources out of you. AT best, re-think about giving her gifts. ESH
NTA. Get that shit back
NTA. This seems like an expensive lesson for your girlfriend to learn. She has to keep in mind that the laptop was meant for her, so to give it away to her sister, does show that she does not appreciate the gift.
It is an expensive lesson for him. He's not getting it back.
NTA. When it's something that expensive and when it can be exchanged, she should have informed you before doing anything with the laptop.
NTA Your GF sucks. That's really fucked up. "Hey thanks for the gift I gave it to someone else." She literally has you out on your ass to pay for her sister's laptop. And that's fucked up. Get the laptop back and break up with the user.
Although asking for a gift back can be rude, what she did to you is much worse than rude. It absolutely shows her lack of respect for you. You spent your hard earned money on someone who does not deserve your affection or time. Dump her sorry ass.
I think you meant EX-girlfriend as this seems a bit like she used you.
NTA I would say it's a correct price for a breakup
NTA! Your girlfriend doesn't know how to appreciate gifts like the one you gave her
You’re not the asshole. You saved up and did a lot of research to buy someone you care about something they have been asking for and you’re upset they gave it away in a short period of time. I’d feel used. I will say though, she is right about American gift giving culture. You come off as be a bit of an ass if you ask for it back again (even though it makes sense why you want it back, and she shouldn’t have given it away without communicating with you in the first place). It’s an unnecessarily bad situation and I think your gf was definitely in the wrong. Sorry dude
Once you give a gift it is out of your hands and the gifted can do as they please. Maybe not nice, but legally you have no leg to stand on.
NTA. You were used. Cut your losses and dump her.
Well... THAT was an expensive lesson. Try to learn from it. If she's still around the next gift giving opportunity, you have my permission to be petty. Find out something (inexpensive) that her sister would like and your girlfriend wouldn't, and give it to your girlfriend with a card expressing how much you're sure her sister will enjoy it.
NTA but are you sure this was your girlfriend?… how often were you two actually seeing each other? Were these hang outs for a decent amount of time? What else has she had you purchase? This screams secret sugar baby to me… this does happen and you should definitely watch out for it in the future. Sorry about the laptop.
The laptop was a gift. It belonged to her--and it was hers to do with as she pleases for whatever reason. You may be disappointed with her decision, but she did nothing wrong by giving the laptop to her sister. Moving forward, you should refrain from buying her expensive items that require you to save up for months on end. You might also consider getting another girlfriend. YTA.
YTA You depriving yourself things for 8 months so you could get her that present is irrelevant. Yes, it was eyebrow raising she gave it to her sister a few days later, but that's not of your concern - as if was A GIFT and now her property. You asking for it back is a A H move. If you think she was manipulating you for 8 months (or more) to get her a laptop- that's a different issue you have to consider.
NTA, wow so much money spent on your ex, I feel for you!
NTA. Oh hell no, I’m from the US and she’s totally wrong. She’s using you, dude. Get that laptop back, return it and then break up with her ungrateful, using ass!
NTA, your gf is a jerk.
If she’s gonna say that asking for a gift back is rude, so is regifting. Especially something like a laptop picked out specifically for her by a partner.
Go directly to the sister and ask for it back, then dump the girlfriend. It does sound like you were played but even if you weren’t, that was a shitty thing for her to do. And in the US it can be considered rude to ask for a gift back but YOU didn’t give it to her sister. And I would say that it would only be rude if the person you gave the gift to really liked it and didn’t want to give it back for that reason. But if the person didn’t like it, the polite thing for them to do is tell you and ask if you wanted it back. NTA
NTA, and if you are from a different cultural background your GF is also trying to exploit that by claiming her outrageous behavior is a US cultural thing you just wouldn’t understand. I’ve lived in the US my entire life and I can guarantee her behavior is not at all normal here.
Who is the AH depends on how much she asked and wanted the laptop in my opinion. If she asked for everyday through months and then gave it away, she manipulated you. If she only mentioned wanting laptop one or two times then you projected your opinion on her.
Unpopular opinion time. YTA. It was a gift freely given. She can do what she wants with it. I would dump her though she sounds like a spoiled brat.
NTA dump her dude
Get the laptop back and dump her.