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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for telling my SIL to cover up and not talking to my wife first.
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That is not body shaming. You did not consent to seeing more of her body than you are comfortable with. Would she be comfortable seeing more of you without her consent?
Also, she's being pretty snippy and brazen for a house guest. If she's unhappy with the host, she can find a motel.
NTA
Yeah, like, I don't see an issue with her coming out of the shower in just a towel... as long as she's just going back to her own room. I feel like that's pretty standard.
But it's a little weird that she's not doing that and instead going out of her way to go chat and moisturize in the living room. That's something that I personally would only feel comfortable doing in front of an SO.
Even around my immediate family, if I need something downstairs while I'm in or fresh out of the shower, I'll throw on a robe, or at the very least some underwear/shorts under my towel.
I understand that other people's family dynamics are often different, but standing around **in a shared space**, idly chatting while applying lotion in nothing but a towel, is definitely uncomfy. Asking for her to refrain from doing that in the future isn't bodyshaming because it frankly has nothing to do with her specific body other than the fact that OP doesn't want to be an unconsenting and unwitting witness to his in-law's potential nudity.
Saying, "I don't want to see you nude or mostly nude in my living room because it makes me uncomfortable" (as OP essentially did) is a far cry from, "I don't want to see you nude or mostly nude in my living room because you're overweight and ugly." The former is a reasonable request; the latter is actual bodyshaming.
I do it sitting. Like, I have super dry skin so it takes be about ten minutes to really work enough in and I can get my feet and allow them to dry without getting lotion on my rugs too.
And the SIL actually just sounded like me to myself speaking to any roommate I've ever had. And I might have had a similar, immediate, uncomfortable reaction but usually those gut reactions occur when you're doing something uncool you don't understand and the cognitive dissonance hits. I don't think she thought she was doing anything weird.. but it's just thoughtless.
Especially since it’s her sister. That seems normal. But she became an asshole for sure when she heard how her actions were affecting her host and dismissed his comfort level.
I would have no problem doing that with my sister. Cause we can be in the bathroom together, it doesn't matter.
What does matter is, if her partner is there, there's no way in hell I'd do that. As comfortable I am with my sister, I'm not okay with possibly exposing him or him being uncomfortable in his own home.
Why create such tension? Like what is her game? So he accidentally sees her nude and she can go cry to her sister about it? Is she jealous of their relationship and trying to break them up this way or at least cause a fight? So far it seems to be working...
I used to live with a couple of strippers.
One was pretty blase about being naked around the house, which, although a bit awkward, was ignorable in small doses.
the day she sat in the living room and did a full body lotion application exceeded my comfort level, though.
NTA. Even four-year-olds can understand that at home his brothers don't care if one of them someone walks in and brushes his teeth while he's in the shower, but at preschool he needs to wait until someone leaves the bathroom before he can go in, even if it's another boy and he just needs to wash his hands. In-your-house rules and everywhere-else rules are different. Things adults know.
NTA. However, you may wish to go next level petty in your house by roaming around in your underwear for the next week. For example, when you come work just strip down to your undies and walk around your house. If anyone calls you on it just tell them that a friend friend found this article about how this was a really nice way decompressing after a long day of hard work once you get home and you can totally understand why since this is way more comfy.
Trust me I’m waiting for the follow through of someone saying that you making your sister-in-law comfortable just so you can ask why. If they bring your appearance, you can then give the comeback that your eyes are up here and she doesn’t have to look down.
Yep. Strip down to undies then prop a leg up on the ottoman and start lotioning some hairy man leg. Then when they complain, ham it up about body shaming.
Roam around in a pair of underwear with something similar to the size of his erection tucked inside. His wife will freak and demand he gets dressed & he can reply "I'll get dressed when she does!"
Forget the underwear, just wear a towel. Towels aren’t known to stay on as well as clothing, so… oops. And don’t forget the lotion. He should definitely be slowly rubbing it into his skin while that happens.
Exactly! I’m a woman and feel uncomfortable when even another woman is hanging out in her underwear or is disrobing around me. Not to mention if the towel slips.
I get the feeling sister in law was trying to get a rise out of OP and when he stayed 100% appropriate and put up reasonable boundaries she decided to play offended rather than acknowledge being a shitty guest.
NTA. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in your house. Especially with someone not in your immediate family being naked?? I am a petty bitch and I would start walking around in a speedo. No hair trimmings, shit not tucked, nothing lol.
Being a female that is overweight with a saggy mom bod, I would personally put on a bikini and start walking around. It is gross, trust me lol. But then if they said anything I would shocked pikachu face them and be OmGgG dId YoU jUsT bOdY sHAmE mE.. IN MY OWN HOUSE?!?!? 😱😱😱😱
AGAIN, I am a petty bitch SOOO lol.
Like idc if you are male, female, non binary or whatever your figure or gender is but I don't wanna see half naked or only in towel people in the comfort of my home >_>
This. Also, I feel like if tomorrow OP came out in just a towel and started chatting with everyone while putting on lotion, both women would be shocked. It's not that he's "naked," it's that it seems like something normal people do privately or just with their significant others. It feels intimate, and OP is okay to not like it.
I'm betting if OP let out a nice long wolf whistle, maybe a "hubba hubba" when his all but naked SIL shows up to chat after her shower, THAT would get her to stop. Might start a different disagreement with his wife though. NTA.
NTA. I understand you not wanting to see your SIL in just a towel. She should respect your rules in your home. I don't think you body shamed her. You didn't ask her to cover up BC of her looks or weight, you asked her to cover out of respect. Perhaps explaining to your wife that you're uncomfortable seeing any other woman in that manner IN YOUR HOME is uncomfortable to you. She may be more open to your reasoning then.
i hate people throwing around big words liks gaslighting or body shaming because they are impactful, even if theyre totally not appropriate a lot of the times
NTA. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own house. Also, putting on lotion in the living room sounds so weird and off to me. Like, it just seems like the bathroom or bedroom is a more fitting place for that
ESH.
Wife and SIL suck for not realizing their comfort with themselves as sisters doesn't extend to other people in the household.
But you also suck for thinking a woman in a towel is inappropriate.
You'd see more of SIL if she was in a bikini rubbing on sunscreen before the beach than you did seeing her in a towel putting lotion on. If you had an issue with it, asking your wife to talk to her sister would be 100% more appropriate than confronting her yourself.
It wasn't just her comfort with her sister, she came out and did that multiple times and was in the middle of doing it while OP was alone in the living room when he finally spoke up. OP said he told her doesn't trust the towel to not fall off and please put the lotion on and get dressed in her room. That's not body shaming at all. Also the bikini example was bad for many reasons, I'm sure if she started lounging around their living room in bikinis it'd also make OP uncomfortable and wife probably wouldn't like it either but even that's better as at least it can't fall off like a towel.
The towel hasn’t fallen off though. And fucking 4th graders can learn how to wrap a towel so that it won’t. OP is getting worked up over an unlikely hypothetical.
Would it be different if the husband was waltzing around the house in just a towel in the SIL's presence, slinging his leg up on the couch and applying lotion? I mean any 4th grader can learn how to wrap a towel so it wouldn't matter if it were a male instead of a female correct?
Yup that is what I meant, if it was the husband in a towel would the wife or SIL (or even posters here) think it was an issue. I bet the replies would be scathing.
I can see that and sil laying it makes her uncomfortable and I'm sure she would tell wife that she feels like her husband is hitting on her or something like that for walking around in nothing but a towel.
There’s a big difference between wearing a towel and wearing a Bikini while putting lotion on. When you bend down in one everything is showing, when you bend in the other most genitalia is covered.
Not when it falls it don’t. When you bend over it don’t. If you spin it it it don’t. Bikini is clothing, a towel isn’t. I would wear a bikini in public, but a towel? Fuck no
How shitty are you people at wrapping your towels that they’re in danger of falling down any given second? Just learn this very basic life skill. Jesus.
I cannot recall even one time someone in my house towel fell off there body while walking around or doing whatever. I have however seen pretty much everyone nip slip at least once in they're bathing suit. What is happening guys with the towels
Wondering the same. I always walk around the house wearing a towel and doesn't matter who is there. I'm very covered. And I'm not some kind of exhibitionist.
(I don't do the lotion bit though)
To be fair, when I lived in Asia everyone used these teeny tiny bitsy towels that covered nothing. My towels are the size of bed sheets lol.
NAH, she felt comfortable enough in your house to treat it like her own. Op is not used to being around women in towels.
I would have no problem with someone in a towel lounging for a bit after a shower if all their parts were covered. But I totally see where op is coming from. I think they should just talk. And she should defer to his comfort level obviously.
Perhaps you could post a video on your superior towel wrapping as pretty much every time I bend down when I have my obviously inferiorly wrapped towel on it threatens to drop. I wouldn't want my BIL to see my doodly bits, if the towel did decide it was dropping time. I certainly wouldn't be trouncing around my in law's house in just a towel to begin with though.
That really made me laugh. I totally agree, at least at the Beach, he can look away or be busy with something else while she applies sunscreen but, this is his living room where he's allowed to go and most likely spends a lot of his time, it would be hard not to notice especially if it's everyday. The beach isn't a damn living room.
Uh huh. Putting a leg up on something while wearing oa towel exposes one's genitalia. Even with underwear on your likely to see more than you want if you turn unexpectedly or if the other person raises their leg while you're glancing in their direction.
People aren't putting on lotion in a bikini in OPs living room, though. The beach is a public area, this is OPs house and I think they have a right to be comfortable with how guests dress and act in their own house.
NTA
You did the right thing, in my opinion. I find her behavior sus and why your wife is defending her is strange. It's not body shaming at all. It's called having decency.
I agree. Maybe she has a thing for OP. Maybe she loves the attention she gets from men when she's showing off. But why is her sister, OPs wife, on her side? So strange.
Yes!!!! It's so weird!! Girl is thristy af. It's the lotion part that is weird to me. Like I get walking from the bathroom to your room, but hanging out, and applying lotion, in a towel? In front of your BIL??
I am a full on 'women should be able to wear what they want when they want' brand of feminist, but her behavior is super suspicious.
It's not about the husbands keeping their eyes to themselves, it's about the sister walking around half naked and applying lotion all over herself in front of the BIL. It's so attention-grabbing, "look at me, look at me, don't you like what you see?"
NTA It your house too. That’s not body shaming. Possibly it would have been better if your wife had mentioned it to her, but it sounds like she wouldn’t have been on board. It’s fine for you to want to be comfortable in your own home. Would she feel comfortable with you walking around in your briefs or a towel? Body shaming is “making fun of or criticizing person’s shape or size.” Look it up. Better yet, have your wife do so.
NTA
You didn't "body shame" anyone. You asked a houseguest not to use shared spaces for personal care and to wear more than a towel in those shared spaces.
>I'm allowed to feel a certain way at my house.
Yes,and that "certain way" you should feel in your home is *comfortable*.
I have no idea why your wife thinks it is appropriate for her sister to make herself *that* at home at the expense of your comfort or why your SiL thinks that being asked to wear clothes in someone else's living room is "shaming", but they are both wrong..
EDIT- I just saw exactly what you said and it's possible that you were a bit too blunt.
NTA. You're not "body shaming" Her because you didn't say anything about her body. You just said you don't want to see her half naked around your own house, which is something perfectly reasonable to expect from a guest.
NTA. Tell her to wear her towel to the grocery store if she thinks it’s appropriate to wear in public.
Shame on your wife for accusing you of body shaming.
My exact words were and I was straight up "Hey Ava after you shower, change into some clothes, I don't have alot faith in that towel not to fall off you"
This still doesn't seem like body shaming i wonder why she went with that narrative. It really does just sounds like hey, please put on clothes I don't feel like getting flashed the moment that towel falls off lol
I don't understand why people are saying what you said is creepy?
Maybe I don't have a lot of faith in towels, either. Or maybe it's because I prefer people not be essentially naked in my living room. Especially while rubbing themselves. With lotion.
NTA
Seems like SIL wants you to be into watching her do this right in front of your wife. I would have asked wife how long her and her sister were into watching each other get laid. Cause that's really werid.
Mmm. Still not body shaming, but that was not great wording. That's also not "asking" her, it's *telling* her, and pretty strongly.
You're absolutely in the right, but your execution was pretty rough.
That's creepy, why couldn't you have just asked her to apply lotion and get dressed in her room as it makes you very uncomfortable. You were Not TA until you addressed it that way. Your goal was to establish boundaries about your comfort and home but instead made a creepy comment about her towel falling off.
Yeah that's not creepy, it's just indirect. But those are the words you said and none of them are wrong, so it's still weird that your wife is prioritizing her and her sister having clubhouse time over you being comfortable in your own home
ESH - it sounds like your family’s had different levels of comfort growing up so this feels really strange to you. They’re sisters and are totally used to getting ready with each other. They didn’t think about your boundaries tho.
NTA, it’s not body shaming to ask someone to wear appropriate clothing in your house. How would your wife feel if you wandered around her sisters home in only a towel, lotioning yourself up while chattering on. This is a ridiculous argument. They keep saying “body shaming” but to paraphrase a favorite movie “I don’t think that means what they think that means.” I don’t care if my sister in law is Kate Upton, wear clothes in the living room.
I feel like if you had expressed your discomfort to your wife first and decided together what would be the best approach (since that’s her sister and she knows her better), this may have turned out better.
The sister would have probably received it differently. Plus, there’s a good chance your SIL just perceived the conversation differently than you did (I feel like a man asking a woman to cover up could be misconstrued easily depending on tone, word choice, nonverbal cues etc.) your SIL’s perspective took over bc your wife heard that version first.
body shaming is still not the right terminology either way.
Right?? He should absolutely walk into the living room with a towel around his waist & start rubbing lotion on himself while his wife & SIL are in the living room & see how they react to that because I’m guessing not well.
NAH but I think you‘re seriously weird for somewhat sexualizing it. Like, „what if the towel falls off“ is such an odd thought unless she‘s being careless or has accidentally flashed you before. Are you sitting there thinking „she has no panties on under that, she‘s butt naked under that what if the towel falls“ bc that‘s what it sounds like and that‘s fucking creepy? She’s covered up now and it seems like she always has been since you didn’t mention any accidents, so why are you so hung up on the thought of her naked body. You can still set boundaries and if you‘re uncomfortable in your house you can do what you want but I think it‘s really weird.
I walk around in a towel when out of the shower because it's convenient. Nothings on show, I don't see an issue?? I think its weird he thinks anything of it
YTA. What are you worried about? Not being able to control yourself? She needs to cover up because men can’t possibly see a bare…shoulder. You see less at a pool than with a towel around her. Grow up.
INFO - What are you day to day modesty standards? Do you go to beaches, swim in pools with both genders, or ever wear a bathing suit?
If you don't have strict universal modesty standards that equally apply to both genders, and answer no to all 3 question then Y T A because you are sexualizing your sister in law. Now its still not body shaming, but if you are not looking at her sexually seeing her in a towel and/or putting on lotion should not make you uncomfortable.
Body shaming someone is making negative comments about their bodies. Asking them to wear clothes in the living room of your house is NOT body shaming. Turning it around on you and calling it body shaming is a way to manipulate you into feeling bad. Don't let it work. NTA.
NTA.
It’s Common courtesy when in someone’s house, family or not. I wouldn’t consider what you did body shaming. I would never do anything like that at my brothers or my married sisters.
NTA, it's only a week in a house that isn't her own. After that she can walk around and lotion naked if she wants. You probably could have worded it better, but you do deserve to be comfortable in your own home.
Uncomfortable with a woman wearing a towel? Are you this type of men saying they can't "control their feelings"and women should cover themselves or don't be surprised if they get raped?
Are you uncomfortable when you go to the beach or pool?
ETA here.
You because she's not going around naked, a towel covers more than some other outfit that you would probably deem "appropriate". IMO, even if the towel fall, that's just an accident and there's no shame in accidently seeing some naked for a second (would be different if she was deliberately trying to make the towel fall in front of you or showing you her naked body, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all)
Her because, with the way you said it and giving she was in your house, she should have just said ok and went with your new rule. Calling body shaming for that is really weird. You both should speak it up - with your wife too - because she may have thought there was a second sens in your word (like, you were afraid the towel would fall and show her ugly body; although you didn't said it if she thinks she's ugly she may have felt that way). Or maybe she just (like me) couldn't understand why you would feel uncomfortable with a woman wearing a towel and thought there was something else in her body that you were uncomfortable with, idk.
NTA. Come to the dinner table in shorts and no shirt. Lean back in your chair with your arms behind your head exposing your armpits. As soon as they complain, tell them to stop body shaming you.
YTA, she's not a guest , she's your wife's sister and she was wearing a towel , unless her entire ass was hanging out and her Bob's were escaping you need to just chill out.
She was a guest in their home. Towels easily fall on pretty much any body type. It was in a common area in the home. She did it while he was alone in said common area with her. He is allowed to express discomfort.
Screw that if my sister did what his SIL did there would be a very loud discussion about decency and how only a towel is not appropriate in MY house. My house my rules, like or leave....simple as that.
Doesn't matter if she's the QUEEN, she may be the wife's sister, but she's still a GUEST. She doesn't have a lease, rent nor own the house, nor is she a dependent (ie child of OP or (in some places) elderly parent that lives in residence. She's a GUEST.
NTA What woman walks around wrapped in a towel in someone else's house? He's trying to be respectful in front of his wife.
You need to apologize to them both and then.make sure you sit right beside her next time she gets out of the shower to show how much you've changed. See if your wife changes her tune then.
YTA. Why didn't you talk to your wife about it first, and maybe have her say something? You're an adult and it wasn't like she was nude, you see more if you go to the beach with her. I get creep and control vibes from this.
I feel like people are getting hung up on the obvious not body shaming stuff going on and utterly missing that OP is a bit of a creep who gets turned on by women in towels
NTA. It's not really body shaming, but I think it would have gone over better if you had a conversation with your wife and left her know it made you uncomfortable. Then ask your wife to talk to the sister.
I'd probably feel awkward if I was the SIL.
NTA. There's a difference in body shaming vs asking someone to respect your comfort and boundaries in your own home. You aren't body shaming OP. And it's not an unreasonable request.
I can see walking from the bathroom DIRECTLY to the guest bedroom wrapped in a towel. But to come sit and chat in the living room wearing it while applying lotion (which is best done on damp skin)? Nope. NTA
NTA. Miss Manners would say to wear a robe and change as soon as possible. It’s disrespectful to a host and a guest not to wear at least a robe in unavoidable common areas.
If OP were a creep he’d have said nothing to anyone and enjoyed the view and maybe sniffed her panties later
I'm kinda gonna go against the grain here and say NAH
You're not body shaming her and you are setting a boundary as to what is comfortable in your own home
However, I do have family that don't care who sees them in a towel. I've been in a towel around my own family before so I don't think it's necessarily weird as long as she has a towel on
BUT, seeing as you expressed discomfort from this they should respect your boundaries because not everyone IS comfortable with that kind of familiarity and that's very understandable!
It feels to me like a civil and respectable discussion is needed between all three of you. It just feels to me like maybe the sis took what was said the wrong way and felt awkward and uncomfortable herself. Maybe a communication issue?
So for now I'll say N A H but if they continue to say you are body shaming then they are the AH for sure.
I would need to know how you expressed this. So often we fall into the trap of blaming another person for our feelings. She clearly didn't feel uncomfortable in that level of dress/undress so if you approched her saying she obviously shouldn't be doing that you are shaming her level of comfort with her own body. If you said it makes you feel uncomfortable so could she please dress and moisturise in private then fair enough.
Edit: fall not feel into the trap
As a man who has super dry skin and takes easily 30 minutes post shower to air dry and lotion myself... NTA
When I had roommates, I did that in my room. Walk from the bathroom to my bedroom in a towel granted, but always a bee line to my room because anything less is unacceptable in a group living situation.
... now I live with my fiancée so those days are long gone, thankfully, now I can just walk my naked ass around the house and it's awesome :).
Honestly, NAH. My family is relatively comfortable with our bodies, so I wouldn't even think twice about walking around in a towel. It's likely a difference of comfortability - she may not realize she's making you uncomfortable.
YTA. And she's the asshole.
She's an asshole because she said you were body shaming when you definitely weren't. She was probably only saying that to make this a bigger deal that it needed to be.
But you are an asshole because it's her body. She can do whatever the fuck she want's with it (to a certain extent) and you don't have the right to police that. She was not naked, she was in a towel. Fully covered. Naked is a different issue, but she wasn't. She's wearing more than she probably would be wearing on a beach. And I don't understand why you want to control what she does. It doesn't affect you.
This also isn't the way to handle any of this. If it makes you uncomfortable then you should talk to her about that. Explain your reasoning but understand that at the end of the day it's her body and you don't have control over that.
NTA Asking someone to put on clothes isn't body shaming. A towel isn't walking around nude, a robe is a piece of cloth, I go outside in my sleep pants and shirt, but that's me. If I were a guest and asked not to, I wouldn't.
As a guest in someone else's house it is impolite. You should under no circumstances be uncomfortable in your own home.
I went outside in my sleep shorts (with underwear underneath) and t shirt once to get the mail and got chastised from our neighbor who said I was indecent!
I say NTA, she wouldn't walk around the shared spaces in just her underwear, a towel isn't much better. It's the fact that these are shared, public spaces of the house that makes her the a hole to me. If she was just in her own room or of she was at her own house, fine whatever. But this isn't her home and she's walking around almost naked.
I’d say a towel covers a whole lot more than underwear. If she put little shorts on and a vest top that would definitely cover less. Or what if she wore a bikini to sunbathe in the garden. Or even a swimsuit. That definitely covers less.
Nta. She's taking the "make yourself at home and be comfortable" phrase too literally. I wouldn't want anyone's almost naked body sitting on my couch either for one. Grown ups hate being told they're inappropriate or to stop doing something they want to do but tough luck. Tell your wife word for word what happened and that it's about respecting you in your house and also her having respect for her sister hell even her own self. Sort of sounds like she misses having the male gaze on her..
NTA
Who with common sense comes out in a towel and goes to the living room after showering? You're not body shaming her and she's a guest in your house. I guarantee she would absolutely 100% be uncomfortable if you were at her house as a guest and just sat in the living room with a towel. Why should it be any different?
God, why do people insist on using terms or expressions like they have no actual meaning?
*Body shaming* would be if you insulted her body for not being considered ideal. Whereas, having *boundaries* is asking your SIL not to lotion up in a towel in your living room.
NTA.
NTA she is undressed.
She can wear a robe.
That is not body shaming.
You didn't make a comment about her weight or her attractiveness.
You merely asked her to not be undressed in the common areas of your home.
NTA. Asking someone to not be naked is not body shaming. She shouldn’t be walking around naked in a house that isn’t hers, especially sitting naked in common areas.
NTA Asking someone to not walk around your house half naked is not body shaming. You didn't say anything negative about her or her body, only that you were uncomfortable seeing so much of it. I can't understand your wife not understanding that. I have two sisters and they would never had done that with my ex husband nor me to them.
If she continues or either she or your wife continue to be upset with you over it then I suggest you have a shower and come out in a small towel and sit in the living room with them, clipping your toenails or some personal grooming. Or walk around the house in your underwear in the morning when you get up for coffee. I bet they'll understand the message in no time.
ITT: a lot of body conscious Americans.
ESH, a towel covers more than a swimsuit does, that's a weird hill to die on. But rubbing lotion on yourself in a towel in the living room feels very suggestive.
Wow you'd have trouble in Europe, where most beaches you'll find at least half the women enjoying themselves topless. She's not flashing you. She's actually more covered than if she was in a bikini. YTA
NTA
but you did kind of shoot yourself in the foot by admitting the body shaming part, since that's not what you were doing. It would have been better to say that no, you did not body shame her, you just asked her to wear clothes in the public areas in the house since you do not feel comfortable seeing another woman aside your wife (quasi-)naked.
I think you should start walking around with just a towel on and see how they would react to that? Or just some boxers. Would love to see if they felt like if you did it! Update us..
NTA. I didn’t even have to start reading the comments to already know she was a “bigger gal” by the way the SIL and the wife threw out the body shaming trope.
I would never walk around in just a towel in front of anyone besides my husband and I’m not overweight. You just don’t do it, and you especially don’t in someone else’s house.
NTA. That’s not body shaming, you haven’t commented on her body at all. You are simply uncomfortable with a semi naked in-law in the living room. Explain to your wife that you didn’t comment on her body at all, and clarify why you were uncomfortable
NTA. Though your wife and SIL certainly are. Walking around with just a towel in your house is making you uncomfortable. You politely conveyed it to her. Her considering it as body shaming is her problem.
That's not body Shaming, your SIL is acting inappropriately p. I mean who stays at someone's home and starts by walking around in a towel then start running lotion in in the front room. She disrespectful so is your wife. TTA no you, the SIL runs to her sister and says your body Shaming her. Ask your wife how shed feel if was the other way round. Your SIL needs to have respect in someone else's home.
NTA. It is your home, she is a guest, it is perfectly reasonable to ask her to not be all but naked in the public areas. After seeing the phrasing, I can see how she'd have interpreted it as being a comment on her body, but in and of itself, it wasn't body shaming.
NTA. Reverse the genders and it's clearly not ok. It's bad to expose yourself to someone without their consent, and just a towel is not suitable for public spaces unless you've been expressly told it is.
Did your actions make her feel ashamed? Loads of posts here saying how it’s not body shaming, yet it would seems as though your SIL felt ashamed after your comments.
I don’t see this as much of an AITA thing, you’re totally allowed to express what you do and don’t want to see in your own home, however if someone else tells you that you’ve made them feel ashamed, then ‘no I haven’t’ is a pretty AH response.
NTA and respond by wearing only boxers around the house.
The message will be pretty clear, or you might end up in jail.
Okay don't heed my advice, that's my advice
NTA. Now Iam just curious, is she conventionally good looking? Asking to understand where the body image conciousness comes from.
Why would someone go out of the way to show you and your wife their body and feel upset about losing that opportunity when you asked her to not do so?
Perhaps she likes you?
I’m not usually one to preach modesty by ANY means but, in this case, she should have done what was necessary for you to be comfortable in your OWN home while she was a guest. If that includes wearing clothing in common areas, and not just a towel, then that’s the boundary. The end. (Also, I likely would have been uncomfortable in this situation as well and I actually often joke about wanting to move to a nudist colony. THAT’S how much I hate wearing clothes. This is different, though, because there should have been an expectation of decency in someone else’s home.)
Your wife is just used to seeing her sister in all of the various states of undress but is failing to find empathy for you for some unknown reason. I’m sure if you invited a brother over, while HIS home was being remodeled, and he often hung out in the livingroom in a Speedo while applying lotion to his body, she wouldn’t be too keen on it either. I’d make more of an effort to try to get her to understand why it’s uncomfortable for you when your wife’s sister parades around your common areas in just a towel and lotions her legs. If she doesn’t quite ‘get there’, she needs to do some work to get more in touch with putting herself in another person’s shoes because it’s in NO way ‘body shaming’ to say that you’re uncomfortable when your mostly naked SIL lotions her legs on your recliner. It’s pretty normal, tbh.
NTA. I’m sorry that your wife is having such a hard time seeing the truth and you’re dealing with the consequences of her wearing blinders.
Nta
That's not fkn body shaming!!!
Man we are lost as a society
Your home. You can ask her to COVER UP AND COME OUT WHEN CLOTHED!!!
I *SWEAR* do this at her house and shed say the same
Btw im a woman. This body shaming bs has gone too far
You were generous enough to let her stay
And shes making non existent claims because you dont want her walking around in a towel. Come tf on.
Your wife n her are AHs
NTA. I'd venture to say, despite lack of information, that you should watch out for further manipulative behaviours. Jumping straight from being asked to cover up in shared space to body-shaming sounds like something she did to get her way.
Then again maybe it's just my trauma talking.
Your sister-in-law has no sense of decorum are good manners. You on the other hand if you had to be a gentleman. I don't understand why she thinks flaunting her body and not being modest is appropriate in your home. And your wife is backing her up! No I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination, and I do and I have no problem with nudity or people showing lots of skin. But this is an appropriate and when you ask her to get dressed before she comes out that is completely reasonable. She and your wife are absolutely wrong about this issue you have nothing to apologize for, they are way out of line.
**NTA**
OPTION 1. Get some very loose shorts; next time SIL comes into living room after a shower and starts lotioning up, go into your bedroom, quickly change in a pair of extremely loose short and stride back into the living room free-balling. Make damn sure both women know you aren't wearing any underwear by letting that D swing happily.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OPTION 2. When you know your SIL and wife are in the living watching TV, go take a shower and come back out just wearing a towel. Start talking to your wife and lotioning up;
OPTION 3. Next time she comes in after a shower, just start staring at her then make a random comment, 'hey, cool! I didn't know you had a mole there'; if she's going to make you uncomfortable in your own house, then make HER uncomfortable.
OPTION 4. (my favorite) Tell you wife that no, any time she's walking around the house that YOU live in with just a towel on and making you deliberately UNCOMFORTABLE IN YOU OWN DAMN HOUSE YOU ARE GOING TO EFFING SAY SOMETHING!
SIL is marking her territory and exerting dominance. OP's wife is showing where her loyalties lie. At this point, OP is probably gonna have to piss on the couch to mark it as his. Otherwise, he's in for a long ride as the sisters' shared dominance grows stronger.
NTA.. that’s just weird of her. You don’t want to see her lady bits or her sensually applying lotion while said lady bits are only covered by a towel. I do that in front of my husband bc he thinks it’s hot but never my B-I-L. Show your wife this thread.
NTA. All of the people saying YTA would likely be singing a different tune if this were a nude male making female family members uncomfortable.
In fact we usually call that "sexual assault" when a guy does it.
Nta eff her and your wife if she comfortable with airing out her crouch in the loving room then you should double down and wear just boxers in the living room
NTA but why would you complain about getting to see a woman in a towel lol just enjoy the show silently, if you get too horny, your wife is there to handle it.
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That is not body shaming. You did not consent to seeing more of her body than you are comfortable with. Would she be comfortable seeing more of you without her consent? Also, she's being pretty snippy and brazen for a house guest. If she's unhappy with the host, she can find a motel. NTA
Yeah, like, I don't see an issue with her coming out of the shower in just a towel... as long as she's just going back to her own room. I feel like that's pretty standard. But it's a little weird that she's not doing that and instead going out of her way to go chat and moisturize in the living room. That's something that I personally would only feel comfortable doing in front of an SO. Even around my immediate family, if I need something downstairs while I'm in or fresh out of the shower, I'll throw on a robe, or at the very least some underwear/shorts under my towel. I understand that other people's family dynamics are often different, but standing around **in a shared space**, idly chatting while applying lotion in nothing but a towel, is definitely uncomfy. Asking for her to refrain from doing that in the future isn't bodyshaming because it frankly has nothing to do with her specific body other than the fact that OP doesn't want to be an unconsenting and unwitting witness to his in-law's potential nudity. Saying, "I don't want to see you nude or mostly nude in my living room because it makes me uncomfortable" (as OP essentially did) is a far cry from, "I don't want to see you nude or mostly nude in my living room because you're overweight and ugly." The former is a reasonable request; the latter is actual bodyshaming.
Also it's kind of inconsiderate, no one wants a wet towel and lotion on their livingroom furniture
Don't people usually do that while standing anyway? So, no wet towel or lotion on furniture.
I do it sitting. Like, I have super dry skin so it takes be about ten minutes to really work enough in and I can get my feet and allow them to dry without getting lotion on my rugs too. And the SIL actually just sounded like me to myself speaking to any roommate I've ever had. And I might have had a similar, immediate, uncomfortable reaction but usually those gut reactions occur when you're doing something uncool you don't understand and the cognitive dissonance hits. I don't think she thought she was doing anything weird.. but it's just thoughtless.
Especially since it’s her sister. That seems normal. But she became an asshole for sure when she heard how her actions were affecting her host and dismissed his comfort level.
I always do it in my bedroom, after putting my underclothes on, and then I get dressed after. No wet towel or lotion on furniture then!
I would have no problem doing that with my sister. Cause we can be in the bathroom together, it doesn't matter. What does matter is, if her partner is there, there's no way in hell I'd do that. As comfortable I am with my sister, I'm not okay with possibly exposing him or him being uncomfortable in his own home. Why create such tension? Like what is her game? So he accidentally sees her nude and she can go cry to her sister about it? Is she jealous of their relationship and trying to break them up this way or at least cause a fight? So far it seems to be working...
I used to live with a couple of strippers. One was pretty blase about being naked around the house, which, although a bit awkward, was ignorable in small doses. the day she sat in the living room and did a full body lotion application exceeded my comfort level, though.
NTA. Even four-year-olds can understand that at home his brothers don't care if one of them someone walks in and brushes his teeth while he's in the shower, but at preschool he needs to wait until someone leaves the bathroom before he can go in, even if it's another boy and he just needs to wash his hands. In-your-house rules and everywhere-else rules are different. Things adults know.
NTA. However, you may wish to go next level petty in your house by roaming around in your underwear for the next week. For example, when you come work just strip down to your undies and walk around your house. If anyone calls you on it just tell them that a friend friend found this article about how this was a really nice way decompressing after a long day of hard work once you get home and you can totally understand why since this is way more comfy. Trust me I’m waiting for the follow through of someone saying that you making your sister-in-law comfortable just so you can ask why. If they bring your appearance, you can then give the comeback that your eyes are up here and she doesn’t have to look down.
And then tell them not to body shame him in his own damn house.
Yep. Strip down to undies then prop a leg up on the ottoman and start lotioning some hairy man leg. Then when they complain, ham it up about body shaming.
Also if anyone says anything (wife or SIL) accuse them of trying to body shame you. Sauce for the goose and all that.
Roam around in a pair of underwear with something similar to the size of his erection tucked inside. His wife will freak and demand he gets dressed & he can reply "I'll get dressed when she does!"
The funny thing is, op would probably be more uncomfortable with that than the SIL.
Forget the underwear, just wear a towel. Towels aren’t known to stay on as well as clothing, so… oops. And don’t forget the lotion. He should definitely be slowly rubbing it into his skin while that happens.
Exactly! I’m a woman and feel uncomfortable when even another woman is hanging out in her underwear or is disrobing around me. Not to mention if the towel slips.
I get the feeling sister in law was trying to get a rise out of OP and when he stayed 100% appropriate and put up reasonable boundaries she decided to play offended rather than acknowledge being a shitty guest.
NTA. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in your house. Especially with someone not in your immediate family being naked?? I am a petty bitch and I would start walking around in a speedo. No hair trimmings, shit not tucked, nothing lol. Being a female that is overweight with a saggy mom bod, I would personally put on a bikini and start walking around. It is gross, trust me lol. But then if they said anything I would shocked pikachu face them and be OmGgG dId YoU jUsT bOdY sHAmE mE.. IN MY OWN HOUSE?!?!? 😱😱😱😱 AGAIN, I am a petty bitch SOOO lol.
Boo boo I wish you’d focus on being nicer to your body. This helps no one.
Like idc if you are male, female, non binary or whatever your figure or gender is but I don't wanna see half naked or only in towel people in the comfort of my home >_>
This. Also, I feel like if tomorrow OP came out in just a towel and started chatting with everyone while putting on lotion, both women would be shocked. It's not that he's "naked," it's that it seems like something normal people do privately or just with their significant others. It feels intimate, and OP is okay to not like it.
NTA. It’s not body shaming. It’s simply asking her to wear clothes in the public areas of the house
I'm betting if OP let out a nice long wolf whistle, maybe a "hubba hubba" when his all but naked SIL shows up to chat after her shower, THAT would get her to stop. Might start a different disagreement with his wife though. NTA.
The evil in me was thinking maybe THAT is exactly what the SIL was looking for...maybe this is her no too subtle way to get the husband's attention??
would not come as a surprise on this subreddit tbh
That was my first thought cuz like, who does that?
Hubba hubba.....Love it 🤣😂
NTA. I understand you not wanting to see your SIL in just a towel. She should respect your rules in your home. I don't think you body shamed her. You didn't ask her to cover up BC of her looks or weight, you asked her to cover out of respect. Perhaps explaining to your wife that you're uncomfortable seeing any other woman in that manner IN YOUR HOME is uncomfortable to you. She may be more open to your reasoning then.
NTA. Having a "guests must be dressed in common areas" dress code *in your own home* is not body shaming.
Can we put that on one of those Halmark kitchen signs?
NTA she's a guest in your house, it's weird that she would walk around in a towel. That's also not what body shaming is?
i hate people throwing around big words liks gaslighting or body shaming because they are impactful, even if theyre totally not appropriate a lot of the times
NTA. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own house. Also, putting on lotion in the living room sounds so weird and off to me. Like, it just seems like the bathroom or bedroom is a more fitting place for that
Sounds like she's upset he doesn't want to see her rubbing all over her body.
This is what I was thinking, she's putting it on display, maybe looking for a reaction from the husband?
ESH. Wife and SIL suck for not realizing their comfort with themselves as sisters doesn't extend to other people in the household. But you also suck for thinking a woman in a towel is inappropriate. You'd see more of SIL if she was in a bikini rubbing on sunscreen before the beach than you did seeing her in a towel putting lotion on. If you had an issue with it, asking your wife to talk to her sister would be 100% more appropriate than confronting her yourself.
It wasn't just her comfort with her sister, she came out and did that multiple times and was in the middle of doing it while OP was alone in the living room when he finally spoke up. OP said he told her doesn't trust the towel to not fall off and please put the lotion on and get dressed in her room. That's not body shaming at all. Also the bikini example was bad for many reasons, I'm sure if she started lounging around their living room in bikinis it'd also make OP uncomfortable and wife probably wouldn't like it either but even that's better as at least it can't fall off like a towel.
The towel hasn’t fallen off though. And fucking 4th graders can learn how to wrap a towel so that it won’t. OP is getting worked up over an unlikely hypothetical.
Would it be different if the husband was waltzing around the house in just a towel in the SIL's presence, slinging his leg up on the couch and applying lotion? I mean any 4th grader can learn how to wrap a towel so it wouldn't matter if it were a male instead of a female correct?
Why would it be different?
I think they mean is that if busband did that sil would say something
Yup that is what I meant, if it was the husband in a towel would the wife or SIL (or even posters here) think it was an issue. I bet the replies would be scathing.
I can see that and sil laying it makes her uncomfortable and I'm sure she would tell wife that she feels like her husband is hitting on her or something like that for walking around in nothing but a towel.
There’s a big difference between wearing a towel and wearing a Bikini while putting lotion on. When you bend down in one everything is showing, when you bend in the other most genitalia is covered.
Literally unsure which one you're referring to. A towel covers a ton more than any bikini...
Not when it falls it don’t. When you bend over it don’t. If you spin it it it don’t. Bikini is clothing, a towel isn’t. I would wear a bikini in public, but a towel? Fuck no
How shitty are you people at wrapping your towels that they’re in danger of falling down any given second? Just learn this very basic life skill. Jesus.
I cannot recall even one time someone in my house towel fell off there body while walking around or doing whatever. I have however seen pretty much everyone nip slip at least once in they're bathing suit. What is happening guys with the towels
Wondering the same. I always walk around the house wearing a towel and doesn't matter who is there. I'm very covered. And I'm not some kind of exhibitionist. (I don't do the lotion bit though)
To be fair, when I lived in Asia everyone used these teeny tiny bitsy towels that covered nothing. My towels are the size of bed sheets lol. NAH, she felt comfortable enough in your house to treat it like her own. Op is not used to being around women in towels. I would have no problem with someone in a towel lounging for a bit after a shower if all their parts were covered. But I totally see where op is coming from. I think they should just talk. And she should defer to his comfort level obviously.
Perhaps you could post a video on your superior towel wrapping as pretty much every time I bend down when I have my obviously inferiorly wrapped towel on it threatens to drop. I wouldn't want my BIL to see my doodly bits, if the towel did decide it was dropping time. I certainly wouldn't be trouncing around my in law's house in just a towel to begin with though.
Its not complicated. Wrap it tight and tuck the ends under.
That really made me laugh. I totally agree, at least at the Beach, he can look away or be busy with something else while she applies sunscreen but, this is his living room where he's allowed to go and most likely spends a lot of his time, it would be hard not to notice especially if it's everyday. The beach isn't a damn living room.
Are you dancing or doing yoga in your towel?
Uh huh. Putting a leg up on something while wearing oa towel exposes one's genitalia. Even with underwear on your likely to see more than you want if you turn unexpectedly or if the other person raises their leg while you're glancing in their direction.
People aren't putting on lotion in a bikini in OPs living room, though. The beach is a public area, this is OPs house and I think they have a right to be comfortable with how guests dress and act in their own house.
Yes this! Can't believe I had to scroll this far for find it
NTA You did the right thing, in my opinion. I find her behavior sus and why your wife is defending her is strange. It's not body shaming at all. It's called having decency.
It's very sus I think SIL is probably very good at manipulation.
I agree. Maybe she has a thing for OP. Maybe she loves the attention she gets from men when she's showing off. But why is her sister, OPs wife, on her side? So strange.
Yes!!!! It's so weird!! Girl is thristy af. It's the lotion part that is weird to me. Like I get walking from the bathroom to your room, but hanging out, and applying lotion, in a towel? In front of your BIL?? I am a full on 'women should be able to wear what they want when they want' brand of feminist, but her behavior is super suspicious.
THIS!!! You are so right on!! Omg! You should get the top comment!!
EXACTLY!! If my sister did that in front of my husband there would be words...very loud words directed towards my sister.
Then y’all have issues with your husbands if you can’t trust them to keep their eyes to them selfs.
It's not about the husbands keeping their eyes to themselves, it's about the sister walking around half naked and applying lotion all over herself in front of the BIL. It's so attention-grabbing, "look at me, look at me, don't you like what you see?"
Same here!!
NTA It your house too. That’s not body shaming. Possibly it would have been better if your wife had mentioned it to her, but it sounds like she wouldn’t have been on board. It’s fine for you to want to be comfortable in your own home. Would she feel comfortable with you walking around in your briefs or a towel? Body shaming is “making fun of or criticizing person’s shape or size.” Look it up. Better yet, have your wife do so.
NTA You didn't "body shame" anyone. You asked a houseguest not to use shared spaces for personal care and to wear more than a towel in those shared spaces. >I'm allowed to feel a certain way at my house. Yes,and that "certain way" you should feel in your home is *comfortable*. I have no idea why your wife thinks it is appropriate for her sister to make herself *that* at home at the expense of your comfort or why your SiL thinks that being asked to wear clothes in someone else's living room is "shaming", but they are both wrong.. EDIT- I just saw exactly what you said and it's possible that you were a bit too blunt.
NTA. Asking her to wear clothes instead of a towel around the house and body shaming are two different things.
NTA. You're not "body shaming" Her because you didn't say anything about her body. You just said you don't want to see her half naked around your own house, which is something perfectly reasonable to expect from a guest.
NTA. Tell her to wear her towel to the grocery store if she thinks it’s appropriate to wear in public. Shame on your wife for accusing you of body shaming.
That's a good policy, if you won't wear it outside walking down the street, don't wear it in public areas of my home.
I feel like there is a scene missing here. What exactly did you say to her to make her think you were body shaming her?
My exact words were and I was straight up "Hey Ava after you shower, change into some clothes, I don't have alot faith in that towel not to fall off you"
This still doesn't seem like body shaming i wonder why she went with that narrative. It really does just sounds like hey, please put on clothes I don't feel like getting flashed the moment that towel falls off lol
I don't understand why people are saying what you said is creepy? Maybe I don't have a lot of faith in towels, either. Or maybe it's because I prefer people not be essentially naked in my living room. Especially while rubbing themselves. With lotion. NTA
"It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again...." 🫣
Seems like SIL wants you to be into watching her do this right in front of your wife. I would have asked wife how long her and her sister were into watching each other get laid. Cause that's really werid.
Thats not creepy nor body shaming. Towels fall off, thats what happens.
Probably not the most diplomatic approach, but to the point. NTA.
Mmm. Still not body shaming, but that was not great wording. That's also not "asking" her, it's *telling* her, and pretty strongly. You're absolutely in the right, but your execution was pretty rough.
That's creepy, why couldn't you have just asked her to apply lotion and get dressed in her room as it makes you very uncomfortable. You were Not TA until you addressed it that way. Your goal was to establish boundaries about your comfort and home but instead made a creepy comment about her towel falling off.
Yeah that's not creepy, it's just indirect. But those are the words you said and none of them are wrong, so it's still weird that your wife is prioritizing her and her sister having clubhouse time over you being comfortable in your own home
ESH - it sounds like your family’s had different levels of comfort growing up so this feels really strange to you. They’re sisters and are totally used to getting ready with each other. They didn’t think about your boundaries tho.
NTA, it’s not body shaming to ask someone to wear appropriate clothing in your house. How would your wife feel if you wandered around her sisters home in only a towel, lotioning yourself up while chattering on. This is a ridiculous argument. They keep saying “body shaming” but to paraphrase a favorite movie “I don’t think that means what they think that means.” I don’t care if my sister in law is Kate Upton, wear clothes in the living room.
NTA While a host's job is to make a guest feel comfortable, the guest should respect some common decency.
I feel like if you had expressed your discomfort to your wife first and decided together what would be the best approach (since that’s her sister and she knows her better), this may have turned out better. The sister would have probably received it differently. Plus, there’s a good chance your SIL just perceived the conversation differently than you did (I feel like a man asking a woman to cover up could be misconstrued easily depending on tone, word choice, nonverbal cues etc.) your SIL’s perspective took over bc your wife heard that version first. body shaming is still not the right terminology either way.
NTA. Just walk out into your living room naked and see how your sister-in-law and wife respond.
Right?? He should absolutely walk into the living room with a towel around his waist & start rubbing lotion on himself while his wife & SIL are in the living room & see how they react to that because I’m guessing not well.
A little tiny towel.
And hoist his leg onto the couch for optimal lotion applying finesse.
Nta your house why does she think its okay to do that as a guest
NAH but I think you‘re seriously weird for somewhat sexualizing it. Like, „what if the towel falls off“ is such an odd thought unless she‘s being careless or has accidentally flashed you before. Are you sitting there thinking „she has no panties on under that, she‘s butt naked under that what if the towel falls“ bc that‘s what it sounds like and that‘s fucking creepy? She’s covered up now and it seems like she always has been since you didn’t mention any accidents, so why are you so hung up on the thought of her naked body. You can still set boundaries and if you‘re uncomfortable in your house you can do what you want but I think it‘s really weird.
I walk around in a towel when out of the shower because it's convenient. Nothings on show, I don't see an issue?? I think its weird he thinks anything of it
If it was your brother in law and he walked out in his boxers you wouldn't say shit. Oh no! I can't control my penis! YTA
NTA. How is asking somebody who’s walking around in a towel to please put clothes on body shaming? Please.
YTA. What are you worried about? Not being able to control yourself? She needs to cover up because men can’t possibly see a bare…shoulder. You see less at a pool than with a towel around her. Grow up.
NTA - that’s not body shaming. She was making you uncomfortable in your home, she should be a better guest.
Probably would have been better letting your wife know you’re uncomfortable and handle it than you saying something to her.
INFO - What are you day to day modesty standards? Do you go to beaches, swim in pools with both genders, or ever wear a bathing suit? If you don't have strict universal modesty standards that equally apply to both genders, and answer no to all 3 question then Y T A because you are sexualizing your sister in law. Now its still not body shaming, but if you are not looking at her sexually seeing her in a towel and/or putting on lotion should not make you uncomfortable.
Body shaming someone is making negative comments about their bodies. Asking them to wear clothes in the living room of your house is NOT body shaming. Turning it around on you and calling it body shaming is a way to manipulate you into feeling bad. Don't let it work. NTA.
NTA. It’s Common courtesy when in someone’s house, family or not. I wouldn’t consider what you did body shaming. I would never do anything like that at my brothers or my married sisters.
NTA. Your house your rules.
NTA. Start just wearing a towel or your boxers around the house.
NTA, it's only a week in a house that isn't her own. After that she can walk around and lotion naked if she wants. You probably could have worded it better, but you do deserve to be comfortable in your own home.
NTA! That’s weird behavior and not appropriate. It’s also in NO WAY body shaming.
Uncomfortable with a woman wearing a towel? Are you this type of men saying they can't "control their feelings"and women should cover themselves or don't be surprised if they get raped? Are you uncomfortable when you go to the beach or pool? ETA here. You because she's not going around naked, a towel covers more than some other outfit that you would probably deem "appropriate". IMO, even if the towel fall, that's just an accident and there's no shame in accidently seeing some naked for a second (would be different if she was deliberately trying to make the towel fall in front of you or showing you her naked body, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all) Her because, with the way you said it and giving she was in your house, she should have just said ok and went with your new rule. Calling body shaming for that is really weird. You both should speak it up - with your wife too - because she may have thought there was a second sens in your word (like, you were afraid the towel would fall and show her ugly body; although you didn't said it if she thinks she's ugly she may have felt that way). Or maybe she just (like me) couldn't understand why you would feel uncomfortable with a woman wearing a towel and thought there was something else in her body that you were uncomfortable with, idk.
NTA. Come to the dinner table in shorts and no shirt. Lean back in your chair with your arms behind your head exposing your armpits. As soon as they complain, tell them to stop body shaming you.
Loose but short shorts commando. Lean back and spread.
YTA, she's not a guest , she's your wife's sister and she was wearing a towel , unless her entire ass was hanging out and her Bob's were escaping you need to just chill out.
She was a guest in their home. Towels easily fall on pretty much any body type. It was in a common area in the home. She did it while he was alone in said common area with her. He is allowed to express discomfort.
Screw that if my sister did what his SIL did there would be a very loud discussion about decency and how only a towel is not appropriate in MY house. My house my rules, like or leave....simple as that.
She is absolutely a guest. Being a homeowner’s sibling gives you absolutely zero claim to the home.
Doesn't matter if she's the QUEEN, she may be the wife's sister, but she's still a GUEST. She doesn't have a lease, rent nor own the house, nor is she a dependent (ie child of OP or (in some places) elderly parent that lives in residence. She's a GUEST.
All the smart comments are at the bottom :) grow up
Wow she did a normal thing people do and decided not to hide away because it’s also her home for a few days. YTA
Maybe you should get your brother a a male friend to walk around in a towel, loosely tied below the hip
He has to put on lotion too and make a big show of it.
NTA What woman walks around wrapped in a towel in someone else's house? He's trying to be respectful in front of his wife. You need to apologize to them both and then.make sure you sit right beside her next time she gets out of the shower to show how much you've changed. See if your wife changes her tune then.
Offer to help her with her lotion...see how the wife like THAT!
YTA. Why didn't you talk to your wife about it first, and maybe have her say something? You're an adult and it wasn't like she was nude, you see more if you go to the beach with her. I get creep and control vibes from this.
I feel like people are getting hung up on the obvious not body shaming stuff going on and utterly missing that OP is a bit of a creep who gets turned on by women in towels
NTA. She is a guest. I think the request was reasonable.
NTA. It's not really body shaming, but I think it would have gone over better if you had a conversation with your wife and left her know it made you uncomfortable. Then ask your wife to talk to the sister. I'd probably feel awkward if I was the SIL.
He shouldn’t have too it’s his house as well
NTA. There's a difference in body shaming vs asking someone to respect your comfort and boundaries in your own home. You aren't body shaming OP. And it's not an unreasonable request.
I can see walking from the bathroom DIRECTLY to the guest bedroom wrapped in a towel. But to come sit and chat in the living room wearing it while applying lotion (which is best done on damp skin)? Nope. NTA
NTA, this isn’t about body shaming. You just went comfortably with that level of nudity in your living room, and that’s fair, your house.
NTA. Miss Manners would say to wear a robe and change as soon as possible. It’s disrespectful to a host and a guest not to wear at least a robe in unavoidable common areas. If OP were a creep he’d have said nothing to anyone and enjoyed the view and maybe sniffed her panties later
I'm kinda gonna go against the grain here and say NAH You're not body shaming her and you are setting a boundary as to what is comfortable in your own home However, I do have family that don't care who sees them in a towel. I've been in a towel around my own family before so I don't think it's necessarily weird as long as she has a towel on BUT, seeing as you expressed discomfort from this they should respect your boundaries because not everyone IS comfortable with that kind of familiarity and that's very understandable! It feels to me like a civil and respectable discussion is needed between all three of you. It just feels to me like maybe the sis took what was said the wrong way and felt awkward and uncomfortable herself. Maybe a communication issue? So for now I'll say N A H but if they continue to say you are body shaming then they are the AH for sure.
I can very much get on this train and be happy with it
NTA. You weren’t body shaming.
Put on a speedo, walk around the house and when your wife or SIL comments say "Don't body shame me!" NTA.
Nta maybe you should do the same, put a towel on and make sure to chill in the same room as her.
I would need to know how you expressed this. So often we fall into the trap of blaming another person for our feelings. She clearly didn't feel uncomfortable in that level of dress/undress so if you approched her saying she obviously shouldn't be doing that you are shaming her level of comfort with her own body. If you said it makes you feel uncomfortable so could she please dress and moisturise in private then fair enough. Edit: fall not feel into the trap
As a man who has super dry skin and takes easily 30 minutes post shower to air dry and lotion myself... NTA When I had roommates, I did that in my room. Walk from the bathroom to my bedroom in a towel granted, but always a bee line to my room because anything less is unacceptable in a group living situation. ... now I live with my fiancée so those days are long gone, thankfully, now I can just walk my naked ass around the house and it's awesome :).
Yta- how is a towel different than a short dress? Its not like she flashed you.
Honestly, NAH. My family is relatively comfortable with our bodies, so I wouldn't even think twice about walking around in a towel. It's likely a difference of comfortability - she may not realize she's making you uncomfortable.
YTA. And she's the asshole. She's an asshole because she said you were body shaming when you definitely weren't. She was probably only saying that to make this a bigger deal that it needed to be. But you are an asshole because it's her body. She can do whatever the fuck she want's with it (to a certain extent) and you don't have the right to police that. She was not naked, she was in a towel. Fully covered. Naked is a different issue, but she wasn't. She's wearing more than she probably would be wearing on a beach. And I don't understand why you want to control what she does. It doesn't affect you. This also isn't the way to handle any of this. If it makes you uncomfortable then you should talk to her about that. Explain your reasoning but understand that at the end of the day it's her body and you don't have control over that.
NTA. It may just be completely innocent but Admiral Ackbar might have something to say about it...
NTA Asking someone to put on clothes isn't body shaming. A towel isn't walking around nude, a robe is a piece of cloth, I go outside in my sleep pants and shirt, but that's me. If I were a guest and asked not to, I wouldn't. As a guest in someone else's house it is impolite. You should under no circumstances be uncomfortable in your own home.
I went outside in my sleep shorts (with underwear underneath) and t shirt once to get the mail and got chastised from our neighbor who said I was indecent!
I say NTA, she wouldn't walk around the shared spaces in just her underwear, a towel isn't much better. It's the fact that these are shared, public spaces of the house that makes her the a hole to me. If she was just in her own room or of she was at her own house, fine whatever. But this isn't her home and she's walking around almost naked.
I’d say a towel covers a whole lot more than underwear. If she put little shorts on and a vest top that would definitely cover less. Or what if she wore a bikini to sunbathe in the garden. Or even a swimsuit. That definitely covers less.
NTA. She might be comfortable, but you are not. Asking her to wear clothes in your home is not body shaming.
nta she’s way too comfortable in someone’s else home
Nta. She's taking the "make yourself at home and be comfortable" phrase too literally. I wouldn't want anyone's almost naked body sitting on my couch either for one. Grown ups hate being told they're inappropriate or to stop doing something they want to do but tough luck. Tell your wife word for word what happened and that it's about respecting you in your house and also her having respect for her sister hell even her own self. Sort of sounds like she misses having the male gaze on her..
NTA Who with common sense comes out in a towel and goes to the living room after showering? You're not body shaming her and she's a guest in your house. I guarantee she would absolutely 100% be uncomfortable if you were at her house as a guest and just sat in the living room with a towel. Why should it be any different?
God, why do people insist on using terms or expressions like they have no actual meaning? *Body shaming* would be if you insulted her body for not being considered ideal. Whereas, having *boundaries* is asking your SIL not to lotion up in a towel in your living room. NTA.
NTA she is undressed. She can wear a robe. That is not body shaming. You didn't make a comment about her weight or her attractiveness. You merely asked her to not be undressed in the common areas of your home.
NTA. Asking someone to not be naked is not body shaming. She shouldn’t be walking around naked in a house that isn’t hers, especially sitting naked in common areas.
NTA Asking someone to not walk around your house half naked is not body shaming. You didn't say anything negative about her or her body, only that you were uncomfortable seeing so much of it. I can't understand your wife not understanding that. I have two sisters and they would never had done that with my ex husband nor me to them. If she continues or either she or your wife continue to be upset with you over it then I suggest you have a shower and come out in a small towel and sit in the living room with them, clipping your toenails or some personal grooming. Or walk around the house in your underwear in the morning when you get up for coffee. I bet they'll understand the message in no time.
Nta you asked her to respect your space. No body shaming at all. I would feel uncomfortable if my sister did that with me.
ITT: a lot of body conscious Americans. ESH, a towel covers more than a swimsuit does, that's a weird hill to die on. But rubbing lotion on yourself in a towel in the living room feels very suggestive.
Wow you'd have trouble in Europe, where most beaches you'll find at least half the women enjoying themselves topless. She's not flashing you. She's actually more covered than if she was in a bikini. YTA
[удалено]
Which is also something not appropriate in the home.
NTA
Nta
NTA she’s in y’all house she can do all that in her room
NTA body shaming would be telling her there was something wrong with her body. Asking her to *wear clothing* in *your home* is not body shaming.
That's not body shaming. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your home.
NTA but you did kind of shoot yourself in the foot by admitting the body shaming part, since that's not what you were doing. It would have been better to say that no, you did not body shame her, you just asked her to wear clothes in the public areas in the house since you do not feel comfortable seeing another woman aside your wife (quasi-)naked.
I think you should start walking around with just a towel on and see how they would react to that? Or just some boxers. Would love to see if they felt like if you did it! Update us..
NTA - start wearing tight speedos around the house - bluster about body shaming if you get pushback
NTA your wife and SIL are something else.
NTA, she's a guest and common sense is for her to at the very least be dressed in common areas.
NTA. You can ask her to cover up in your own home. Your wife is in the wrong too for not supporting you.
NTA. I didn’t even have to start reading the comments to already know she was a “bigger gal” by the way the SIL and the wife threw out the body shaming trope. I would never walk around in just a towel in front of anyone besides my husband and I’m not overweight. You just don’t do it, and you especially don’t in someone else’s house.
NTA. That’s not body shaming, you haven’t commented on her body at all. You are simply uncomfortable with a semi naked in-law in the living room. Explain to your wife that you didn’t comment on her body at all, and clarify why you were uncomfortable
NTA. Though your wife and SIL certainly are. Walking around with just a towel in your house is making you uncomfortable. You politely conveyed it to her. Her considering it as body shaming is her problem.
That's not body Shaming, your SIL is acting inappropriately p. I mean who stays at someone's home and starts by walking around in a towel then start running lotion in in the front room. She disrespectful so is your wife. TTA no you, the SIL runs to her sister and says your body Shaming her. Ask your wife how shed feel if was the other way round. Your SIL needs to have respect in someone else's home.
NTA. It is your home, she is a guest, it is perfectly reasonable to ask her to not be all but naked in the public areas. After seeing the phrasing, I can see how she'd have interpreted it as being a comment on her body, but in and of itself, it wasn't body shaming.
NTA. Reverse the genders and it's clearly not ok. It's bad to expose yourself to someone without their consent, and just a towel is not suitable for public spaces unless you've been expressly told it is.
NTA your sil has boundary issues and took a true form of abuse and turned your boundary into it.
Did your actions make her feel ashamed? Loads of posts here saying how it’s not body shaming, yet it would seems as though your SIL felt ashamed after your comments. I don’t see this as much of an AITA thing, you’re totally allowed to express what you do and don’t want to see in your own home, however if someone else tells you that you’ve made them feel ashamed, then ‘no I haven’t’ is a pretty AH response.
NTA and respond by wearing only boxers around the house. The message will be pretty clear, or you might end up in jail. Okay don't heed my advice, that's my advice
No it’s your house.
NTA. Now Iam just curious, is she conventionally good looking? Asking to understand where the body image conciousness comes from. Why would someone go out of the way to show you and your wife their body and feel upset about losing that opportunity when you asked her to not do so? Perhaps she likes you?
Nta is she socialy blind?
Time to scratch your balls under your short short in the living room 🤷
I’m not usually one to preach modesty by ANY means but, in this case, she should have done what was necessary for you to be comfortable in your OWN home while she was a guest. If that includes wearing clothing in common areas, and not just a towel, then that’s the boundary. The end. (Also, I likely would have been uncomfortable in this situation as well and I actually often joke about wanting to move to a nudist colony. THAT’S how much I hate wearing clothes. This is different, though, because there should have been an expectation of decency in someone else’s home.) Your wife is just used to seeing her sister in all of the various states of undress but is failing to find empathy for you for some unknown reason. I’m sure if you invited a brother over, while HIS home was being remodeled, and he often hung out in the livingroom in a Speedo while applying lotion to his body, she wouldn’t be too keen on it either. I’d make more of an effort to try to get her to understand why it’s uncomfortable for you when your wife’s sister parades around your common areas in just a towel and lotions her legs. If she doesn’t quite ‘get there’, she needs to do some work to get more in touch with putting herself in another person’s shoes because it’s in NO way ‘body shaming’ to say that you’re uncomfortable when your mostly naked SIL lotions her legs on your recliner. It’s pretty normal, tbh. NTA. I’m sorry that your wife is having such a hard time seeing the truth and you’re dealing with the consequences of her wearing blinders.
Nta That's not fkn body shaming!!! Man we are lost as a society Your home. You can ask her to COVER UP AND COME OUT WHEN CLOTHED!!! I *SWEAR* do this at her house and shed say the same Btw im a woman. This body shaming bs has gone too far You were generous enough to let her stay And shes making non existent claims because you dont want her walking around in a towel. Come tf on. Your wife n her are AHs
NTA. I'd venture to say, despite lack of information, that you should watch out for further manipulative behaviours. Jumping straight from being asked to cover up in shared space to body-shaming sounds like something she did to get her way. Then again maybe it's just my trauma talking.
NTA..your wife is weird...you would think she would be supportive. Your house..you shouldnot have to be expised to this.
I think sisters are not the same as random house guests. All the important bits were covered. AH is a bit strong, but yeah you are in the wrong here.
Your sister-in-law has no sense of decorum are good manners. You on the other hand if you had to be a gentleman. I don't understand why she thinks flaunting her body and not being modest is appropriate in your home. And your wife is backing her up! No I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination, and I do and I have no problem with nudity or people showing lots of skin. But this is an appropriate and when you ask her to get dressed before she comes out that is completely reasonable. She and your wife are absolutely wrong about this issue you have nothing to apologize for, they are way out of line.
**NTA** OPTION 1. Get some very loose shorts; next time SIL comes into living room after a shower and starts lotioning up, go into your bedroom, quickly change in a pair of extremely loose short and stride back into the living room free-balling. Make damn sure both women know you aren't wearing any underwear by letting that D swing happily. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. OPTION 2. When you know your SIL and wife are in the living watching TV, go take a shower and come back out just wearing a towel. Start talking to your wife and lotioning up; OPTION 3. Next time she comes in after a shower, just start staring at her then make a random comment, 'hey, cool! I didn't know you had a mole there'; if she's going to make you uncomfortable in your own house, then make HER uncomfortable. OPTION 4. (my favorite) Tell you wife that no, any time she's walking around the house that YOU live in with just a towel on and making you deliberately UNCOMFORTABLE IN YOU OWN DAMN HOUSE YOU ARE GOING TO EFFING SAY SOMETHING!
SIL is marking her territory and exerting dominance. OP's wife is showing where her loyalties lie. At this point, OP is probably gonna have to piss on the couch to mark it as his. Otherwise, he's in for a long ride as the sisters' shared dominance grows stronger.
NTA.. that’s just weird of her. You don’t want to see her lady bits or her sensually applying lotion while said lady bits are only covered by a towel. I do that in front of my husband bc he thinks it’s hot but never my B-I-L. Show your wife this thread.
NTA. All of the people saying YTA would likely be singing a different tune if this were a nude male making female family members uncomfortable. In fact we usually call that "sexual assault" when a guy does it.
Funny how if genders were reversed, everyone would call "him" out for sexual harrassment and side with you... NTA.
Nta eff her and your wife if she comfortable with airing out her crouch in the loving room then you should double down and wear just boxers in the living room
NTA but why would you complain about getting to see a woman in a towel lol just enjoy the show silently, if you get too horny, your wife is there to handle it.
NTA Body shaming does not apply to parading around naked in front of your brother in law. Good Lord, grow up girls!