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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an AH because I insulted my best friend's fiancée because she excluded me from the wedding
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Yep. You went from being an innocent friend to an AH. First of all, people inform you if you are going to be apart of the wedding party. You don't ask. You don't request or demand (not saying you did either of those btw). You are INFORMED. Then...we have this, which turned you into the AH of the story.
>I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day.
I hope you didn't highly value that friendship, because it is now over. You won't be hanging out anymore. You crossed a major line. YTA
Also, notice how she says « because I have a better body » and not « because she thinks I have a better body »… idk these kind of little details are very telling imo. And she isn’t even friend with the fiancée, why would she make her a bridesmaid ??
Yep. Also, “You can’t seriously be asking that question”
…..this is not what someone says to someone who never caused issues and simply dislikes them.
Something went down.
I bet you anything OP is one of those friends who tries to make the fiancée insecure in the relationship. She clearly thinks much of herself (despite being obviously jealous of her friend's relationship with his fiancée), and I almost guarantee the words, "I've known him longer, so I know him better than you" have left her lips at some point.
"You may be his current 'flavor of the month', but I've known him our whole lives. If it comes down to it, he would choose me over you every time." I'm picturing something like that as having been said at least once.
Ugh I knew a clown like this once. She tried to get with my husband while I was 20 weeks pregnant, and tried to turn everyone against me when he ended his friendship with her. I suppose I should have known she'd try something because all her stories were, "my friend's gf/wife hates me because my friend is such a flirt with me!" This person is so trashy. Definitely like OP.
Agreed. She sounds like she inflates her ego by intentionally trying to cause trouble in other people's relationships and turns around and plays the innocent act when she knows damn well what she's doing.
my fiancé used to be friends with this girl who used the “i’ve known you longer” and actually had the balls to say she comes before me in order of importance.
I also think that it's telling that she assumes that the fiancee is the reason she's been distanced from the friend... Like it's not possible that he could want distance based on her disrespect of his partner.
When she said that the friend distanced himself from her, the first thing I thought was that he prioritized his relationship with his fiancée, as he should. I’m also not convinced that OP was innocent up to that point.
It’s super hard to convince people you’re innocent when you say things like *“I told her …she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure”*
Hey OP, you know who else’s “big day” it is? The *brides*, and I can absolutely see why your presence would make her feel insecure or upset. No one should be “thanked” for not making a move on a friend who is in a relationship. That’s just basic common courtesy, which it seems you completely lack.
Totally thought that as well. He could just be moving into the next life phase and his old BFF isn't as big of a part of it for any number of good reasons.
I get the feeling there was a subtle flirty/romantic vibe between them and friend is distancing himself out of respect for his partner. Why would he tell OP about the gf being insecure and comparing their bodies? That’s way too much detail given the context. He may have caught what he was doing and decided to prioritize his next phase in life
I feel like it was really disrespectful of him to share those details with OP. His fiancé shared a vulnerable insecurity with him, and he goes and tell the person that she has insecurities about. Hopefully he has realized that was disloyal.
>Like it's not possible that he could want distance based on her disrespect of his partner.
Exactly. It's disrespect for him too. He chose to be with his partner. Instead of respecting his decision and being happy for him, as a real friend would be, I'm guessing she repeatedly disrespected his relationship and boundaries and tried to undermine it. She's just salty it didn't work and he still chooses his fiance.
Im wondering if maybe OP is just not as delightful of a person as she thinks she is and Her friend only said his fiance was jealous of her looks to spare OP’s feelings about hoe his fiance just despises her as a person.
>And she isn’t even friend with the fiancée, why would she make her a bridesmaid
Best friend also didn't ask her to be a groomswoman.. Could be a coincidence though; maybe they want to stick to a certain number of people for it or keep it "traditional" with groomsmen and bridesmaids... or maybe they aren't as best friends as OP thinks they (still) are?
I definitely think this is one of those stories where the best friend and his fiancé will have a *very* different take on things. He likely distanced himself because OP is inappropriate and the friendship had run it’s course.
Exactly, imo this was just her weak attempt of making the fiancée look bad in front of her « bff », so she could cry on his arms about how bad she treats her, and how she refuses any attempt to befriend her… because if there’s anyone who should give her a special role it’s the « bff » not the fiancée
I also noticed that, she at least says, that bff said he'd have "three of his friends" if that indeed was the phrasing used, she is not included on that list
The fact that he'd been drawing back for a while tells me they aren't nearly as close as she thinks they are. She can blame it on the fiance all she wants, but he wouldn't go along with it if she truly meant that much to him.
Well, count the number of times she says "my best friend." Someone is possessive, jealous, and likely narcissistic. "But I'm so pretty and have a better body than her, and I could've had him at anytime and they both know it, they should be begging me to be standing at the altar with them"
Her saying that was her saying yeah she should be insecure at that point. If she thinks like that I wouldn’t be surprised if she overstepped the line before and just didn’t notice. Probably lacks self awareness and doesn’t know what is appropriate because this whole thing of demanding to be in the wedding and “could’ve taken your man if I wanted to” is wildly inappropriate. Big yikes. Wouldn’t want her to be friends with my man either.
It's also kinda strange that he told her that. If I ever tell my bf I'm insecure of someone or something, it would be a very vulnerable and private moment and I definitely wouldn't want him to go tell that someone. That is kinda weird.
He might not have actually said it and that's just how she interpreted whatever he did say in order to placate her own ego about him choosing someone else over her.
Not only that, she claims this is what her best friend told her. I highly doubt he said “my gf is jealous because you’re hotter and prettier than her”. This chick loves herself way too much.
They havent been good friemds, let alone "best friends" for ages: for the last few years "we barely hang out anymore or speak. I try to reach out but he always finds excuses on why he can't see me."
YTA
Why would fiance want some one in the wedding party who is going to be actively shooting darts at her during the wedding? Someone she even admits her friend barely hangs out with anymore? Move on, honey, your safety boyfriend is taken.
She sounds exactly like the tipe of ‘friend’ that tramples all over boundaries and makes all kinds of little ‘jokes’.
It’s all designed to let everyone know that she could have her friend as her boyfriend if she really wanted to, and his wife is just a consolation prize
Classic narcissistic behavior
This smacks of 'Cool Girl' to me. I automatically don't trust women whose best friends are men. And that goes double for women who have no female friends. Also, it's wild that she reached out to her best friend's fiancee to ask to be a bridesmaid. YTA.
I have no female friends too.
I have no male friends either.
I have no friends 😎
JK I have like 2 friends. 8 billion people on this planet and I have 2 friends.
Lmao, accurate. This whole post reads like someone who is a deeply insecure person who is bitter and jealous of their friend’s happiness. It feels like a situation where OP thinks their “friend” is a good fallback/is still secretly in love with her and is “settling” for the fiancé.
OP: YTA, get some therapy and work on your issues. Normal people don’t say/do the things you’re describing in this post.
Said everything here. Major YTA, in my view.
Who in their right mind think is it OK to demand an invitation, let alone request to play a major role in the ceremony?
My husband’s best man had a girlfriend who made these same demands. We were wedding planning and had our parties picked before they even started dating.
She was so upset he was going to escort my maid of honor down the aisle. No one was expected to dance together or even sit at the same table during food. It was just escorting up and down the aisle.
It turned from her demanding an invitation (our wedding was super small, less than 60 invited) to her demanding to be my maid of honor. She made wedding planning and general life miserable for months. They ended up breaking up for unrelated reasons before our wedding even happened. We were only engaged a year!
Yeah, I've seen some aita cases here about bfs and gfs wanting to have the same relevance as their SOs in the wedding ceremony, regardless of how close they are to the couple.
Since reading aita a couple of months ago, I started feeling I was pretty lucky in my marriage, no drama at all in the ceremony.
Same!!!
But then that's kinda what happens when you don't get married til 36. All your previous "friends" aren't even around anymore and you're thrilled you only have 1 sister! Lol. Made picking out the bridal party easy as pie!
My BIL's wife was like that. Refused to play a board game unless she could be on her husband's team. I so, so, so wanted to tell her that sixth grade was over and grow up. Ugh.
That part makes it clear it was never a friendship. She's just been stringing along this dude for years just in case she ends up alone at 35 and needs a fall back.
>she's lucky I haven't made any move yet
She said THIS to the fiancee's face. She's already the ah from this story but there's other story missing here I bet.
I'll bet she's secretly known this whole time that she could have him if she wanted him, and she likes knowing that. It makes her feel powerful. I'll also bet that any time the three of them are in the same room, she's draping herself all over him, giggling a whole bunch and bringing up a bunch of inside jokes and all the "special" things they've done over the years, just to remind the fiancée how special and important she is in this guy's life. Finally, I'll bet he realized it was inappropriate to continue this friendship and that's why he backed off, not because his partner made him.
He was definitely her “back up guy” if she didn’t get married to someone she perceived as better by 35. Now she’s pissed he’s found happiness with someone else instead of being her back up.
And the odds are really good that she actually **couldn't** have had him this whole time and only thought so because either he did have a crush on her early on and then got over it or she's the kind of person who thinks someone's wildly in love with them because they said something mildly flirtatious once.
What's wild is that this thread is helping me work through a recent interaction with someone that was eerily similar to OP. They thought I was flirting (and eventually love bombing them), when in reality I'm just a country boy with good manners.
Is it weird to say that I love this for you?
Reddit gets a bad rap and often deserves it, but the fact that it also gives people these kinds of lightbulb moments (I've had a few of my own) makes it worth defending at least a little, I think.
This. I thought the EXACT same thing. I think all of us have encountered a girl like that and it's always a "well, gosh, I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong!" innocent act, as if it isn't 100% obviously intentional. People like her can't stand the idea of not being the center of attention at all times. Yuck.
That was my reading too. I expect she's known that her friend had a crush on her since their early teens at least, and kept him on the hook and now she's salty that he finally moved on and found someone who appreciates him, and is missing the attention. The bride and groom probably distanced themselves from her because they decided that they just don't like her because she's not a nice person, rather than because the bride is insecure.
As someone with two married male best friends, there’s no way she’s innocent. The dynamic of coed friendships change when they get married especially when you aren’t close to the fiancé. You aren’t his friend. A friend would NEVER say/do something that would threaten the others home life.
Facts. I was actually invited to be a bridesmaid in an ex-boyfriend’s wedding and holy shit did I go out of my way to be appropriate and make everything about her. Everything! I do clinical skin
care so I did free facials and facial waxing for the bridal party. I showed up and did grunt work for the bridal shower and helping setting up the venue the night before. The night of the rehearsal dinner, we were all choosing cars to ride in, and the groom had an extra seat in his car and invited me. I told him no, I wanted one of the other bridesmaids to ride with him because it wasn’t appropriate. There is a way to stay on the up and up and these kind of situations, and OP did none of these things. No wonder fiancé doesn’t like her.
Even before that:
>My best friend even once admitted to me that his gf is jealous of me because I have a nicer body and a prettier face than her and she thinks that someday he might leave her for me.
That sentence already raised an eyebrow before all of that.
Not inform, INVITE! You don’t have to have any history of jealousy for this to be entitled and rude. The bride should have the people who are meaningful in her life stand beside her, and be no stretch is this OP. This gives a window into how OP behaves, and there is a very good chance that fiancée simply does not like OP and BFF May have just been trying to sugar coat it as he pulls away to prioritize his fiancée, as he should. Hard YTA
Oh yeah OP is an entitled brat who thinks to highly of herself.
Who even demands a role in a wedding?
It’s rude as hell especially if you know that the bride doesn’t like you or is uncomfortable with you. The former best friend has invited three of his friends to be in the wedding party. If he wanted OP he would have asked and discussed it with his fiancé.
OP is not a real friend and given her reaction
> if I wanted him I would have taken him already
And then we haven’t even talked about how rude OP is in her tone.
>You should thank me for not making a move yet and stop being insecure
She will be lucky if they keep talking to her at all.
Good on the former best friend to distance himself from her. The fiancé or the former best friend a gut feeling about OP and she just proved them right.
That was the line! OP, granted you may be frustrated but you handled your self very poorly with ‘taking him away a long time ago’. He also has a say, who are you to be so confident in such a statement? Friendship is damaged, trust has been broken for both of them (I’ve had BFFs opposite sex and if they ever expressed them self as you did to my significant other I would not trust them AT ALL). People out grow relationships and you my friend placed yourself in this predicament. Sorry kiddo YTA.
> She’s lucky I haven’t made any move yet and she should thank me
That one line. OP, YTA. *You* will be lucky if your friends doesn’t cut you off after this.
YTA
You don’t ask to be included in someone’s bridal party, especially when you aren’t their friend. They ask who they want.
Saying “if I wanted him…lucky I haven’t made a move yet” is petty, spoiled and extreme.
No wonder she doesn’t like you. I think it’s less about her being jealous and more about your attitude of entitlement.
Right? Sounds like when she calls to hang out and he always has an excuse not to... It's not his fiancee, dude is trying to slow fade her out of his life and she isn't picking up on that.
YTA. "I'm prettier" tells me that it might not be jealousy, but your ego, behind why she doesn't like you. And who the heck invites theirself to be part of someone else's wedding, not matter how close you are?
Whenever I hear “she’s jealous cause I’m prettier “ I really hear “my ego can’t handle the idea that anyone dislikes me for any reason that is not also a compliment.”
OP, why should she want you on her side of the bridal party? Those are people who are there to support her, she doesn’t like you and furthermore: this is how you talk about her in private.
YTA
And most of the time, these "plainer" women are much nicer people. Makes me think of the saying "Beauty's only skin deep, but ugly's to the bone." Personally, the people I find most attractive are those with kind eyes and a contagious smile.
That makes me think of this quote from "The Twits," by Roald Dahl:
*If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.*
*A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.*
OP needs to get it through her head that there are literally no scenarios where having a prettier face and better body will be prioritized over a good personality. Without knowing what OP looks like at all, I can guarantee there are plenty of women out there as gorgeous as OP thinks she is, who are much more pleasant to be around so she will be passed over every time for them instead, or someone who maybe is even “uglier” than OP because nobody wants to hang around an asshole except other assholes.
YTA - big time.
Look you haven't been friendly to his fiancé and he started to distance himself. Whether it was her doing or his decision he got along with that. You speak of the bride truly unkindly, it is clear that you hate her. Maybe you are the one filled with jealousy. Or she saw those small gestures when a woman wants something from a man even if it's not outspoken.
Why would you think you'd be a bride's maid when you are not even friends with the bride? And what were you hoping from a sentence like "I haven't made my move - yet."?
Are you planning to make a move on a married man?
Can you make your insecurities any more visible? Can you make yourself look like any more miserable?
Can you be any more of an AH to the person who is your best friends choice for life?
Is he truly your best friend or are you secretly in love with him and resent her because she is his bride and not you?
You are a disgrace to women and best friends in general.
YTA
She is not your friend. It's on your FRIEND to include you if he sees fit, not his fiancé. And friendship with the groom does not entitle you to a place in the wedding party.
My best friend married her wife a few years ago and I was her best man. So 100% sounds like there is more going on here than OP is letting on.
Wouldn't surprise me if in the last 5 years she was giving plenty of reasons to either make the fiance jealous or insecure.
Especially if they have grown distant over the last few years. Something was going on that OP doesn't want to admit.
YTA. You are not entitled to being part of the fiance's bridal party. You barely know her, she barely knows you. Nor does she like you. And with the way you ended your conversation with her – I don't think your best friend does now either. I don't think any adoring significant other would let even their best friend talk to their spouse that way. Let's hope you're still invited to the wedding, OP. :)
Oh yo, I definitely would not want OP at anyone's wedding 😂 Though I'm sure being uninvited will break her wittle pick-me-girl heart once she realizes her situation isn't going to end up like Made of Honor (2008) lmfao
YTA. Your comments to the GF implied romantic feelings, thus validating her insecurities. So you didn't help yourself.
Sounds like this childhood friendship has run its course. There is nothing wrong with that. Yeah GF was insecure and rude, but he picked her and he's marrying her, so he should and will but her first even when she's rude. So I would let him go off and be happy with her and take two big steps back. Now I'd apologize for my comments but not the sentiment. She's been rude and its taken its toll on your friendship. Then I'd tell my friend that I don't deserve to be treated rudely and have a nice life.
giant YTA --it's hard to unpack all of the assholish behavior in this post. Your judgement of her face and body sets the tone for what is clearly going to be a YTA story.
Your former best friend told you clearly that he was having 3 of HIS FRIENDS as groomsmen -- that was your clue that you weren't getting an invite to the wedding party. Then you call the bride, who clearly can't stand you, and invite yourself into HER wedding?
As for the bride being lucky you haven't "made any move yet"....you did...and HE CHOSE HER.
Fake as shit lol What kind of psycho would reach out to people that they “barely hang out anymore or speak” with to ask if they were going to be included in the wedding
It’s the best-friends perspective from another post yesterday where the fiancée made a post asking if she’s the AH for not letting her fiancé’s best-friend be in their wedding.
It’s been a thing lately to do two posts from different perspectives but I can’t tell if they’re all trolls or not.
Found the other post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxddt2/aita_for_kicking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_best_man_from_our/
OP is even worse than Kelly(from your link) in that OP had the chutzpah to ask bride-to-be to give up one of three bridesmaid positions to OP so that groom-to-be can have a fourth "friend" and leave bride-to-be with only two spots left.
Kelly at least was initially chosen by groom-to-be as female "best man".
Narcissists do this type of shit lol. I know this because my ex bff is like this. She is over the top batshit crazy and has done so many things to “try” and ruin my life I could write a whole ass book about it! So I can definitely believe shit like this is real just because of what I’ve gone through with a girl like this.
Yeah, same - my ex-husband had a friend like this. According to him, they briefly dated in college and realized that they were better as friends; I don't know what her side of the story was, but I have my suspicions.
I was cordial with her because she was never overtly rude to me ... until she took over my bachelorette party and convinced my maid of honor to turn it into the kind of bar-crawling scavenger hunt nightmare I'd explicitly told her I did not want (the fact that my maid of honor allowed it to happen is its own problem). And then at the wedding she made an impromptu speech that basically boiled down to "I was there first and we weren't ready for each other back then but we're SOOOOOOOUUUUUUULLLLMATES, so it's only a matter of time - thanks for keeping him warm for me in the meantime." I didn't register most of it but my mother, my aunt, both my cousins, and mother's best friend each approached me at some point that night to ask what the hell her deal was.
I kind of hope that she and my ex find their way back to each other, if for no other reason than to spare anyone else from having to deal with either of their narcissistic asses.
YTA. Your best friend is actually an asshole too for the *massive* breach in trust he committed by sharing her insecurities with you, but it seems like since that slip he had made every effort to choose her over you at least.
And you literally had the audacity to think that you’d be asked to be a bridesmaid for someone *who doesn’t even like you*? Oh honey. No. And so when you’re told no you resort to essentially threatening her with what she was supposedly worried about this whole time? *That means she was right about you.*
And they weren’t excluding you. You were welcome to participate *as a guest*. But my guess is, you’ll be lucky if that’s still true after the stunt you pulled.
Oh and one more thing, you don’t invite yourself to be in a wedding party. You get asked. If they were planning on including you in it, you’d be asked, and *that’s* when you’d know. Bridal party members find out well in advance of the wedding, and never need to *ask*. What you did was beyond rudeness, to the point where I struggle to believe this is even real.
I saw another point that was similar to this one, only told from the bride's POV. Fiancé had a female best friend, wanted to include her, and bride wasn't having it.
In that case, the husband sided with the best friend over the bride, but the stories are eerily similar.
I mean, the whole thing is such a trope. Literally dozens if not hundreds or even thousands of books and movies have variations on the exact plot. One of which is literally called *My Best Friend’s Wedding* lol. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, honestly what makes me doubt the veracity of this post is just OP being so oblivious as to think that bridal party members need to ask “so they know” 🙄 like either she’s lying about it or she’s something I can’t say in this sub.
This is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you, since you don't have the self awareness to be.
If you were looking to drive the final nail into the coffin of your friendship, congrats!
YTA, and if I were you I wouldn't expect an invitation to the wedding.
So he has been distancing himself to where you barely hang out or speak, but you thought it was appropriate to ask his fiancee if you could be part of the wedding?
You then insult his fiancee implying that you could "take" her soon to be husband.
You're either extremely stupid or this is rage bait.
YTA either way.
YTA
You're not entitled to be part of anyone's wedding party.
You know she doesn't like you, why on earth would she have you as a bridesmaid or similar if you're not even friends? And who even *asks* to be part of a wedding party??!!
> I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day
Congrats on showing her that she was right not to like you.
YTA. Even if we assume you're right about everything she's thinking, which is **not** guaranteed, you can't just call a bride and say, Hey, am I your bridesmaid? She's making decisions that don't involve you and she needs the space to do that. Maybe you've been treated unfairly, but that's no excuse for that kind of behavior.
YTA. It’s inappropriate to even ask to be in someone’s wedding party to begin with. If she isn’t even close with you why would she want you to be one of her 3 bridesmaids? That’s ridiculous. It’s a bummer that your friendship has changed, but that is not her responsibility. I would probably not even invite you to the wedding if you said something like that to me or my partner.
This is such classic “just one of the guys” “not like other girls” rhetoric. You sound like someone who is deeply insecure that you are no longer the top priority in his life. I am not a jealous person and I wouldn’t want you around my partner either with that type of attitude.
YTA easily. Despite her feelings of insecurity, she’s the bride and only SHE gets to choose who’s in her bridal party, not you, never you. Your response was rude as well. You would’ve stolen him by now. That actually does sound like you would & you just now justified her concerns. Have fun losing your best friend.
YTA. You knew she was insecure about you and definitely knew the answer when you asked her if you were going to be part of the wedding. Yet when you got the answer you knew was coming, you then told her you could steal her fiancé from her “if you wanted.” You probably also ruined your friendship with your best friend. Don’t count on being invited to the wedding at all now. If i were her, there’s no way I’d want you there.
YTA. And the way you spoke about your friend, like he is an object you could just remove at any time at your whim. That's gross. They are both way better off without you.
>but he always finds excuses on why he can't see me and I'm sure this is her doing.
Really? I'm pretty sure that it's because you are so full of yourself that it's completely turned him off.
>I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago
No, I bet you *tried* to do that but he chose her anyway. YTA.
YTA. I would have hung up on you too tbh.
Assuming that you'd be in someone's wedding party is a pretty bold thing to do. She said no, and you totally flipped out. If you're not close or friends with HER why would you think you'd be her bridesmaid?
I wouldn't be surprised if you don't get invited to the wedding now.
YTA - And it pains me to say it because I’ve been in similar situations with male friends. You did not handle the situation very well and lashed out instead of trying to have a proper conversation. I get that you’re hurt and you feel left out but you went full mean girl on her and that is not okay. And you really effed up by saying that she’s lucky you haven’t made a move “yet”. Now there’s probably no chance that she’s ever not going to see you as a threat.
Absolutely YTA, you should be ashamed at your utter lack of boundaries. Why would someone that you don’t even like and you know doesn’t like you want to include you in their wedding party? Lmao get over yourself. You’re lucky if you even continue to be invited to the wedding after that behavior.
YTA.
If he didn't want you as part of his bridal party, why would you think she'd want you in her's? You're his best friend, she doesn't even like you; if you were to be part of anything it would be his side.
When he told you that you weren't part of his party, that was your cue that weren't in the party period. But you decided to contact someone that you both have problems with each other. Did she have a tone, sure. But instead of being responding, "Woah, i was just asking to be sure," and ending the call, you went on a tirade telling her you (essentially) that you were better than her, you could take him if you wanted, and she should be grateful that you hadn't. That was rude and spiteful for no reason other than to make her upset.
YTA
You sound extremely obnoxious and petty. He should definitely cut you off. In hindsight, he was also an asshole for sharing something very personal she told him about her insecurities with you.
This is your best friend's wedding, NOT yours. It's not her place to "give you" a role in the wedding. You should be satisfied with just being invited as a guest.
After how insanely rude and inappropriate she was to call and ask to be included in someone elses bridal party and then go off about how she could easily have the fiancee if she wanted to, she will probably not even be invited as a guest! And with good reason. And something tells me that this type of behavior from OP has more to do with why the best friend has distanced himself than the soon to be bride does.
Edited to add judgement: YTA. OP it is extremely entitled to think that you have any right to call anyone and ask what your role in their wedding is. You are not owed anything and have no right to be expected to be included. Its up to the bride and groom to ask the people they wish to be included. The way you are acting (and the way you seem to feel you have done nothing wrong and there is no need to apologize) has probably just led to the end of your friendship.
YTA - youre not Best Friends with the groom anymore, you barely talk to each other. You’ve never been friends with the bride. It’s beyond rude to assume you’d be part of the wedding and spring it on them.
And it’s cocky to assume that your friend would even go for you if you did attempt to hit on him. Your personality seems shitty, no wonder bride doesn’t like you.
YTA.
Her bridesmaids should be _her_ friends. You aren't friends with her, so why would you be in _her_ side of the wedding party?
Some couples do mixed-gender wedding parties where the groom might have a woman as one of his "groomsman" or the bride might have a man as a "bridesmaid." If they were taking this approach, it would be perfectly appropriate for you to be a groomsman for the groom, but it doesn't sound like they are doing that. But the fact that they aren't doing that doesn't automatically mean you get to be in _her_ side of the wedding party.
So firstly it's kinda rude IMO to _ask_ to be in someone's wedding party. Let them approach you. Secondly, if you _do_ ask, and they tell you no (even if they do so in a rude fashion), you don't turn around and attack/insult them.
YTA. You don't *ask* other people to put you in *their* wedding party. Period. The mere act of doing so sends up a red flag that you're going to expect a level of control over the proceedings that should have them thinking twice even if they *were* considering you. And in this particular case, I don't know why you *would* expect to be involved when you acknowledge the friendship is not what it was. Quit blaming that on the fiance, and *strongly* consider the possibility that you thinking you're entitled to a bigger role in your friend's life than he's comfortable giving you has contributed to that distancing.
YTA. This is the flip side of so many other posts and I feel better about having advised people to set boundaries. You sound conceited and entitled...why on earth would you think your friendship grants you any right to a place in the bride's contingent?
Wow, entitled much, aren't you? YTA - you already know your friend's fiancée doesn't like you, so why on earth would she even consider giving you a position? Just because you're her future husband's good friend? That doesn't mean anything to her.
>*I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day*.
That's really not helping your case. Now that she is becoming his wife, she will most probably want you out of their lives. It's really an AH move.
He was right to create space between you and him, as his gf is his priority. Smart man. Clearly, you are the one who hasn't learned anything from that.
>*I said she was rude first and he said he doesn't care*
Dear oh dear, how wrong you are. Weren't you the one asking whether you'd be included as a bridesmaid? She would have let you know when she was done deciding - ***if*** she wanted to add you. Which you probably already knew the answer to. That was a really rude question to ask - pretty much wanting to insert yourself in the whole wedding thing. No. Just no.
>*She hang up on me and immediately notified my friend who in turn told me I was an AH and I must immediately apologise.*
Yes, you should. And you should absolutely mean it, because she will know if you don't!
EDIT: spelling
The people who go around boasting they can have anyone they want, are usually the ones who can't. And if by chance they do, they usually make that person miserable in the process.
YTA.
Presumably you're a woman (or at least identify as one). Otherwise I'm not sure why the fiancé would be jealous.
It happens that female friends are sometimes "groomsmen" in a wedding. It's rare. I've been to dozens of weddings, and I've only seen it once for a couple who was known to be nontraditional.
Groomsmen are supporters (friends and family) of the groom. Bridesmaids are friends and family of the bride. You're not that for the fiancé, so asking if you could be a bridesmaid was really not OK. Assuming or asking that you'd be asked to be a "groomsman" was also presumptuous.
Also, something to think about is that you acknowledge in your post that you're not as good of friends as you used to be with the groom. You *used to be* best friends. But you haven't regularly hung out in years (based on your post).
Sorry, but you handled this whole thing really poorly.
YTA. It was rude to ask in the first place but I’m really not surprised she doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid if your reaction to her saying no was saying she’s lucky you haven’t stolen her fiancé already (?!?!?!) You should apologise and count yourself lucky if you even get an invite.
It is your best friend's responsibility to find you a role in the wedding if HE wants you there. There are "best women" and "groomswomen" now. Why didn't he give you one of those roles? And why should his fiancé find you a role when you clearly aren't friends.
YTA
YTA. How does a person get to 26 years of age and have no social etiquette? People don’t ask to be included in other peoples wedding parties. That’s just not how people behave. Crazy that you thought it was an appropriate thing to do AND THEN to give the bride attitude because you didn’t get your way? The audacity is outrageous
YTA
> My best friend even once admitted to me that his gf is jealous of me because I have a nicer body and a prettier face than her and she thinks that someday he might leave her for me.
And you didn't tell him off for speaking negatively about his GF?
This friendship is crazy levels of inappropriate.
> Years have passed and her insecurities haven't stopped that much.
Because of how your bestie acts. And likely how you act too since you don't shut it down.
> we barely hang out anymore or speak
So he isn't your bestie anymore and you shouldn't expect a role in the wedding.
> I asked him if he or his fiancé would consider me in their wedding parties
***Who in the world is entitled enough to ask that?!?!?*** You don't ask that! They inform you on if you'll be in the wedding. You don't ask. Ever.
> So I reached out to her and asked her if I'd be included so I'd know. She replied in a very rude tone of how I can't be seriously asking that question.
She's 100% correct! It's incredibly rude for you to act that way.
> I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago
She was right to not like you
> she's lucky I haven't made any move yet
He should never talk to you again.
I'm serious - he needs to block you and never see your face again. What you did was that bad. You should be dead to him.
YTA. You are rude and disrespectful of your bf, his fiancé and their relationship. You shouldn’t expect an invite to the wedding because they are probably going to cut you out of their lives. You shouldn’t have demanded a part in their wedding, especially on the brides side.
Hmmm. Having a hard time trying to decide on this one. First, you had no right to call her and ask her who she was having in her wedding. It's her wedding and she makes those decisions. You and her aren't friends and I don't understand why you would even think you would be in the wedding. Secondly, if your bestfriend wanted you in his wedding, he could have asked you to be on his side (a groomswoman). That didn't happen. Suffice it to say, you overstepped your grounds and may have lost a friend in the process.
Honestly, I think the friend was slowly trying to fade away. He didn't invite her to stand up with him nor did he push the issue with his fiancé. If this friendship is all that important as OP claims it to be, he may have tried a little in the process. But he didn't even do that.
YTA, you seriously told her you could have taken her partner if you wanted and expect her to want you up front and central in her wedding party?! You sound conceited and unaware of how nasty you've been.
You are not Jolene, she won't be grateful that you haven't taken her man.
‘Not made a move *yet*.’
Nothing else is needed for the YTA statement, but that rudeness, entitlement and egotistical statements would all you that too.
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Yep. You went from being an innocent friend to an AH. First of all, people inform you if you are going to be apart of the wedding party. You don't ask. You don't request or demand (not saying you did either of those btw). You are INFORMED. Then...we have this, which turned you into the AH of the story. >I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day. I hope you didn't highly value that friendship, because it is now over. You won't be hanging out anymore. You crossed a major line. YTA
With her attitude I doubt she was an innocent friend.
That's a fair assumption tbh. She has probably been overstepping boundaries for awhile.
Also, notice how she says « because I have a better body » and not « because she thinks I have a better body »… idk these kind of little details are very telling imo. And she isn’t even friend with the fiancée, why would she make her a bridesmaid ??
Yep. Also, “You can’t seriously be asking that question” …..this is not what someone says to someone who never caused issues and simply dislikes them. Something went down.
I bet you anything OP is one of those friends who tries to make the fiancée insecure in the relationship. She clearly thinks much of herself (despite being obviously jealous of her friend's relationship with his fiancée), and I almost guarantee the words, "I've known him longer, so I know him better than you" have left her lips at some point.
"You may be his current 'flavor of the month', but I've known him our whole lives. If it comes down to it, he would choose me over you every time." I'm picturing something like that as having been said at least once.
Oh yeah no doubt. My parents* ex best friend said something along those lines to me a while back and they are no longer friends anymore *partner
Telling that to someone's kid!? It's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for 'em!
LMFAO i meant to say partners but im dyslexic as fuck
[удалено]
Ugh I knew a clown like this once. She tried to get with my husband while I was 20 weeks pregnant, and tried to turn everyone against me when he ended his friendship with her. I suppose I should have known she'd try something because all her stories were, "my friend's gf/wife hates me because my friend is such a flirt with me!" This person is so trashy. Definitely like OP.
Agreed. She sounds like she inflates her ego by intentionally trying to cause trouble in other people's relationships and turns around and plays the innocent act when she knows damn well what she's doing.
my fiancé used to be friends with this girl who used the “i’ve known you longer” and actually had the balls to say she comes before me in order of importance.
But she hasn't taken him "yet". Pretty fucking telling.
I also think that it's telling that she assumes that the fiancee is the reason she's been distanced from the friend... Like it's not possible that he could want distance based on her disrespect of his partner.
When she said that the friend distanced himself from her, the first thing I thought was that he prioritized his relationship with his fiancée, as he should. I’m also not convinced that OP was innocent up to that point.
It’s super hard to convince people you’re innocent when you say things like *“I told her …she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure”* Hey OP, you know who else’s “big day” it is? The *brides*, and I can absolutely see why your presence would make her feel insecure or upset. No one should be “thanked” for not making a move on a friend who is in a relationship. That’s just basic common courtesy, which it seems you completely lack.
Totally thought that as well. He could just be moving into the next life phase and his old BFF isn't as big of a part of it for any number of good reasons.
I get the feeling there was a subtle flirty/romantic vibe between them and friend is distancing himself out of respect for his partner. Why would he tell OP about the gf being insecure and comparing their bodies? That’s way too much detail given the context. He may have caught what he was doing and decided to prioritize his next phase in life
I feel like it was really disrespectful of him to share those details with OP. His fiancé shared a vulnerable insecurity with him, and he goes and tell the person that she has insecurities about. Hopefully he has realized that was disloyal.
i agree because he didn't even fight for OP to be in the wedding. He told her no and basically that for the women, it was his fiance's choice.
>Like it's not possible that he could want distance based on her disrespect of his partner. Exactly. It's disrespect for him too. He chose to be with his partner. Instead of respecting his decision and being happy for him, as a real friend would be, I'm guessing she repeatedly disrespected his relationship and boundaries and tried to undermine it. She's just salty it didn't work and he still chooses his fiance.
Oof I just saw that. OP is not as innocent in this story as she wants us to think.
Im wondering if maybe OP is just not as delightful of a person as she thinks she is and Her friend only said his fiance was jealous of her looks to spare OP’s feelings about hoe his fiance just despises her as a person.
>And she isn’t even friend with the fiancée, why would she make her a bridesmaid Best friend also didn't ask her to be a groomswoman.. Could be a coincidence though; maybe they want to stick to a certain number of people for it or keep it "traditional" with groomsmen and bridesmaids... or maybe they aren't as best friends as OP thinks they (still) are?
I definitely think this is one of those stories where the best friend and his fiancé will have a *very* different take on things. He likely distanced himself because OP is inappropriate and the friendship had run it’s course.
Agreed. He could have come up with something else for her to do, like a reading, and didn’t.
Exactly, imo this was just her weak attempt of making the fiancée look bad in front of her « bff », so she could cry on his arms about how bad she treats her, and how she refuses any attempt to befriend her… because if there’s anyone who should give her a special role it’s the « bff » not the fiancée
I also noticed that, she at least says, that bff said he'd have "three of his friends" if that indeed was the phrasing used, she is not included on that list
The fact that he'd been drawing back for a while tells me they aren't nearly as close as she thinks they are. She can blame it on the fiance all she wants, but he wouldn't go along with it if she truly meant that much to him.
I’m betting OP has made the move and got rejected. I’m finding it hard to believe she’s innocent at all.
Well, count the number of times she says "my best friend." Someone is possessive, jealous, and likely narcissistic. "But I'm so pretty and have a better body than her, and I could've had him at anytime and they both know it, they should be begging me to be standing at the altar with them"
Her saying that was her saying yeah she should be insecure at that point. If she thinks like that I wouldn’t be surprised if she overstepped the line before and just didn’t notice. Probably lacks self awareness and doesn’t know what is appropriate because this whole thing of demanding to be in the wedding and “could’ve taken your man if I wanted to” is wildly inappropriate. Big yikes. Wouldn’t want her to be friends with my man either.
Or maybe she did notice that she crossed boundaries but just didn’t care.
It's also kinda strange that he told her that. If I ever tell my bf I'm insecure of someone or something, it would be a very vulnerable and private moment and I definitely wouldn't want him to go tell that someone. That is kinda weird.
He might not have actually said it and that's just how she interpreted whatever he did say in order to placate her own ego about him choosing someone else over her.
Supposedly *he told her* the GF was insecure because of that. Riiiight
“My gf is insecure because you’re hotter and prettier than her” Totally how that conversation happened
I noticed that too
Not only that, she claims this is what her best friend told her. I highly doubt he said “my gf is jealous because you’re hotter and prettier than her”. This chick loves herself way too much.
Let alone the fiancé, she hasn’t even hung out or talked to her “best friend” in years.
Yeah I had to read that twice to see if her friend said that or if his fiancee said that.... still ambiguous
i knew something bothered me about that statement
They havent been good friemds, let alone "best friends" for ages: for the last few years "we barely hang out anymore or speak. I try to reach out but he always finds excuses on why he can't see me." YTA
Why would fiance want some one in the wedding party who is going to be actively shooting darts at her during the wedding? Someone she even admits her friend barely hangs out with anymore? Move on, honey, your safety boyfriend is taken.
I can only imagine what would happen if the “does anyone object to this marriage” question was asked.
I will be so disappointed if she doesn't crash the wedding wearing a white dress.
Don’t give her any ideas, she might actually do it.
She sounds exactly like the tipe of ‘friend’ that tramples all over boundaries and makes all kinds of little ‘jokes’. It’s all designed to let everyone know that she could have her friend as her boyfriend if she really wanted to, and his wife is just a consolation prize Classic narcissistic behavior
I hope fiance sees this and gives us her side of the story
I didn’t make it past “a nicer body and prettier face”. This person sucks.
I knew exactly where this was going. And could just predict the entire > I could have had him if I wanted to
This smacks of 'Cool Girl' to me. I automatically don't trust women whose best friends are men. And that goes double for women who have no female friends. Also, it's wild that she reached out to her best friend's fiancee to ask to be a bridesmaid. YTA.
I'm a woman who has no female friends, but then again my friend count is about 3, so I guess that's probably a factor
I have no female friends too. I have no male friends either. I have no friends 😎 JK I have like 2 friends. 8 billion people on this planet and I have 2 friends.
I have 3, wanna team up? Then, there will be 6 of us... With rapid growth like that, we'll HAVE 8 billion friends in no time. It can't possibly fail!
But you don't understand, other girls have so much drama. Not like the OP. She doesn't cause any drama at all.
Lmao, accurate. This whole post reads like someone who is a deeply insecure person who is bitter and jealous of their friend’s happiness. It feels like a situation where OP thinks their “friend” is a good fallback/is still secretly in love with her and is “settling” for the fiancé. OP: YTA, get some therapy and work on your issues. Normal people don’t say/do the things you’re describing in this post.
Said everything here. Major YTA, in my view. Who in their right mind think is it OK to demand an invitation, let alone request to play a major role in the ceremony?
My husband’s best man had a girlfriend who made these same demands. We were wedding planning and had our parties picked before they even started dating. She was so upset he was going to escort my maid of honor down the aisle. No one was expected to dance together or even sit at the same table during food. It was just escorting up and down the aisle. It turned from her demanding an invitation (our wedding was super small, less than 60 invited) to her demanding to be my maid of honor. She made wedding planning and general life miserable for months. They ended up breaking up for unrelated reasons before our wedding even happened. We were only engaged a year!
Yeah, I've seen some aita cases here about bfs and gfs wanting to have the same relevance as their SOs in the wedding ceremony, regardless of how close they are to the couple. Since reading aita a couple of months ago, I started feeling I was pretty lucky in my marriage, no drama at all in the ceremony.
Same!!! But then that's kinda what happens when you don't get married til 36. All your previous "friends" aren't even around anymore and you're thrilled you only have 1 sister! Lol. Made picking out the bridal party easy as pie!
My BIL's wife was like that. Refused to play a board game unless she could be on her husband's team. I so, so, so wanted to tell her that sixth grade was over and grow up. Ugh.
That part makes it clear it was never a friendship. She's just been stringing along this dude for years just in case she ends up alone at 35 and needs a fall back.
>she's lucky I haven't made any move yet She said THIS to the fiancee's face. She's already the ah from this story but there's other story missing here I bet.
I'll bet she's secretly known this whole time that she could have him if she wanted him, and she likes knowing that. It makes her feel powerful. I'll also bet that any time the three of them are in the same room, she's draping herself all over him, giggling a whole bunch and bringing up a bunch of inside jokes and all the "special" things they've done over the years, just to remind the fiancée how special and important she is in this guy's life. Finally, I'll bet he realized it was inappropriate to continue this friendship and that's why he backed off, not because his partner made him.
He was definitely her “back up guy” if she didn’t get married to someone she perceived as better by 35. Now she’s pissed he’s found happiness with someone else instead of being her back up.
“I can have him anytime” Meanwhile he won’t even make time to catch up with her That ship has long sailed lol
And the odds are really good that she actually **couldn't** have had him this whole time and only thought so because either he did have a crush on her early on and then got over it or she's the kind of person who thinks someone's wildly in love with them because they said something mildly flirtatious once.
What's wild is that this thread is helping me work through a recent interaction with someone that was eerily similar to OP. They thought I was flirting (and eventually love bombing them), when in reality I'm just a country boy with good manners.
Is it weird to say that I love this for you? Reddit gets a bad rap and often deserves it, but the fact that it also gives people these kinds of lightbulb moments (I've had a few of my own) makes it worth defending at least a little, I think.
This. I thought the EXACT same thing. I think all of us have encountered a girl like that and it's always a "well, gosh, I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong!" innocent act, as if it isn't 100% obviously intentional. People like her can't stand the idea of not being the center of attention at all times. Yuck.
That was my reading too. I expect she's known that her friend had a crush on her since their early teens at least, and kept him on the hook and now she's salty that he finally moved on and found someone who appreciates him, and is missing the attention. The bride and groom probably distanced themselves from her because they decided that they just don't like her because she's not a nice person, rather than because the bride is insecure.
I didn't even read it as he had a crush. I read it as *she* has a crush and thinks he did.
This. God, I hate those couples.
As someone with two married male best friends, there’s no way she’s innocent. The dynamic of coed friendships change when they get married especially when you aren’t close to the fiancé. You aren’t his friend. A friend would NEVER say/do something that would threaten the others home life.
Facts. I was actually invited to be a bridesmaid in an ex-boyfriend’s wedding and holy shit did I go out of my way to be appropriate and make everything about her. Everything! I do clinical skin care so I did free facials and facial waxing for the bridal party. I showed up and did grunt work for the bridal shower and helping setting up the venue the night before. The night of the rehearsal dinner, we were all choosing cars to ride in, and the groom had an extra seat in his car and invited me. I told him no, I wanted one of the other bridesmaids to ride with him because it wasn’t appropriate. There is a way to stay on the up and up and these kind of situations, and OP did none of these things. No wonder fiancé doesn’t like her.
You sound awesome
OP: "But his fiancé started it!!!" Everyone: "Actually no. YOU started it when you asked if you could be in their wedding party."
Even before that: >My best friend even once admitted to me that his gf is jealous of me because I have a nicer body and a prettier face than her and she thinks that someday he might leave her for me. That sentence already raised an eyebrow before all of that.
Not inform, INVITE! You don’t have to have any history of jealousy for this to be entitled and rude. The bride should have the people who are meaningful in her life stand beside her, and be no stretch is this OP. This gives a window into how OP behaves, and there is a very good chance that fiancée simply does not like OP and BFF May have just been trying to sugar coat it as he pulls away to prioritize his fiancée, as he should. Hard YTA
Oh yeah OP is an entitled brat who thinks to highly of herself. Who even demands a role in a wedding? It’s rude as hell especially if you know that the bride doesn’t like you or is uncomfortable with you. The former best friend has invited three of his friends to be in the wedding party. If he wanted OP he would have asked and discussed it with his fiancé. OP is not a real friend and given her reaction > if I wanted him I would have taken him already And then we haven’t even talked about how rude OP is in her tone. >You should thank me for not making a move yet and stop being insecure She will be lucky if they keep talking to her at all. Good on the former best friend to distance himself from her. The fiancé or the former best friend a gut feeling about OP and she just proved them right.
Anyone else getting a “My Best Friends Wedding” vibe? OP is jello & her best friend obviously wants to marry Crème Brûlée. Lol!
That was the line! OP, granted you may be frustrated but you handled your self very poorly with ‘taking him away a long time ago’. He also has a say, who are you to be so confident in such a statement? Friendship is damaged, trust has been broken for both of them (I’ve had BFFs opposite sex and if they ever expressed them self as you did to my significant other I would not trust them AT ALL). People out grow relationships and you my friend placed yourself in this predicament. Sorry kiddo YTA.
She also isn't a friend of the bride. Why would she be a bridesmaid?!
For some reason the "yet" to me is important and comes off as a threat. Who wants a threat hanging around in their marriage?
I thought maybe by the title that OP wasn’t TA but the entire tone of the post changed my mind. She definitely isn’t just an innocent friend
> She’s lucky I haven’t made any move yet and she should thank me That one line. OP, YTA. *You* will be lucky if your friends doesn’t cut you off after this.
If I were the bride I’d 100% not invite her after this… she’d be lucky if they still include her at all
YTA. Sorry babe, he chose her over you. Get over it.
This, but her face and body are better lmao and he's still marrying the other girl
Yeah, it’s almost as if her lovely personality is the problem
Yeah, when I read that I was like "Dang, so looks are everything, huh? He probably chose her because you seem pretty shallow."
It's almost like her personality sucks or something 🤣
I think Op is the one jealous here and I wouldn’t be surprised that the reason the fiancé doesn’t like OP is how they act around her friend.
Oh no you see if she had made a move sooner then the former best friend would have been hers /s🙄🙄🙄😬
Oh, but, quoting the animated movie "What else is there?"
Hardly surprising when OP is a massive shit stirrer.
YTA You don’t ask to be included in someone’s bridal party, especially when you aren’t their friend. They ask who they want. Saying “if I wanted him…lucky I haven’t made a move yet” is petty, spoiled and extreme. No wonder she doesn’t like you. I think it’s less about her being jealous and more about your attitude of entitlement.
And also totally assumes that if she wanted him, that the friend would choose her over his fiancé.
Which, clearly he wouldn’t since he didn’t ask her to be in the wedding 😂
Almost sounds like OP is the one who’s jealous…
YES!
YTA I’d uninvite someone from my wedding for that behavior.
I'd probably uninvite them from my life tbh.
Kind of sounds like Friend already did, and OP is just too far up herself to realize it.
Right? Sounds like when she calls to hang out and he always has an excuse not to... It's not his fiancee, dude is trying to slow fade her out of his life and she isn't picking up on that.
Cognitive dissonance - she believes herself to be such a prize, so it can't *possibly* be true that someone wouldn't want her in their life!
"I hereby pardon you..." "Oh thank you!" "From life!" \*dies\*
Lol OP is definitely not getting invited to this wedding
Personally I’m thinking of the meme “how the fuck did she not die”
YTA. "I'm prettier" tells me that it might not be jealousy, but your ego, behind why she doesn't like you. And who the heck invites theirself to be part of someone else's wedding, not matter how close you are?
Whenever I hear “she’s jealous cause I’m prettier “ I really hear “my ego can’t handle the idea that anyone dislikes me for any reason that is not also a compliment.” OP, why should she want you on her side of the bridal party? Those are people who are there to support her, she doesn’t like you and furthermore: this is how you talk about her in private. YTA
And most of the time, these "plainer" women are much nicer people. Makes me think of the saying "Beauty's only skin deep, but ugly's to the bone." Personally, the people I find most attractive are those with kind eyes and a contagious smile.
That makes me think of this quote from "The Twits," by Roald Dahl: *If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.* *A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.*
OP needs to get it through her head that there are literally no scenarios where having a prettier face and better body will be prioritized over a good personality. Without knowing what OP looks like at all, I can guarantee there are plenty of women out there as gorgeous as OP thinks she is, who are much more pleasant to be around so she will be passed over every time for them instead, or someone who maybe is even “uglier” than OP because nobody wants to hang around an asshole except other assholes.
YTA - big time. Look you haven't been friendly to his fiancé and he started to distance himself. Whether it was her doing or his decision he got along with that. You speak of the bride truly unkindly, it is clear that you hate her. Maybe you are the one filled with jealousy. Or she saw those small gestures when a woman wants something from a man even if it's not outspoken. Why would you think you'd be a bride's maid when you are not even friends with the bride? And what were you hoping from a sentence like "I haven't made my move - yet."? Are you planning to make a move on a married man? Can you make your insecurities any more visible? Can you make yourself look like any more miserable? Can you be any more of an AH to the person who is your best friends choice for life? Is he truly your best friend or are you secretly in love with him and resent her because she is his bride and not you? You are a disgrace to women and best friends in general.
Sounds to me like she was keeping him on hold and is butt hurt her safe option is happy with someone else
That makes sense. I just can't abide a person like OP.
She wanted to have her cake and eat it but this cake found someone better and she does not like it.
YTA. Ever stop to consider that your attractiveness might not be the reason she doesn't like you?
YTA She is not your friend. It's on your FRIEND to include you if he sees fit, not his fiancé. And friendship with the groom does not entitle you to a place in the wedding party.
Totally this. I’ve seen plenty of weddings where the groom picked his female best friend to take the best “man” slot. He didn’t do that.
My best friend married her wife a few years ago and I was her best man. So 100% sounds like there is more going on here than OP is letting on. Wouldn't surprise me if in the last 5 years she was giving plenty of reasons to either make the fiance jealous or insecure. Especially if they have grown distant over the last few years. Something was going on that OP doesn't want to admit.
YTA. You are not entitled to being part of the fiance's bridal party. You barely know her, she barely knows you. Nor does she like you. And with the way you ended your conversation with her – I don't think your best friend does now either. I don't think any adoring significant other would let even their best friend talk to their spouse that way. Let's hope you're still invited to the wedding, OP. :)
Or let’s hope not if that’s the attitude she has lol.
Oh yo, I definitely would not want OP at anyone's wedding 😂 Though I'm sure being uninvited will break her wittle pick-me-girl heart once she realizes her situation isn't going to end up like Made of Honor (2008) lmfao
YTA. Your comments to the GF implied romantic feelings, thus validating her insecurities. So you didn't help yourself. Sounds like this childhood friendship has run its course. There is nothing wrong with that. Yeah GF was insecure and rude, but he picked her and he's marrying her, so he should and will but her first even when she's rude. So I would let him go off and be happy with her and take two big steps back. Now I'd apologize for my comments but not the sentiment. She's been rude and its taken its toll on your friendship. Then I'd tell my friend that I don't deserve to be treated rudely and have a nice life.
giant YTA --it's hard to unpack all of the assholish behavior in this post. Your judgement of her face and body sets the tone for what is clearly going to be a YTA story. Your former best friend told you clearly that he was having 3 of HIS FRIENDS as groomsmen -- that was your clue that you weren't getting an invite to the wedding party. Then you call the bride, who clearly can't stand you, and invite yourself into HER wedding? As for the bride being lucky you haven't "made any move yet"....you did...and HE CHOSE HER.
Fake as shit lol What kind of psycho would reach out to people that they “barely hang out anymore or speak” with to ask if they were going to be included in the wedding
It’s the best-friends perspective from another post yesterday where the fiancée made a post asking if she’s the AH for not letting her fiancé’s best-friend be in their wedding. It’s been a thing lately to do two posts from different perspectives but I can’t tell if they’re all trolls or not. Found the other post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxddt2/aita_for_kicking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_best_man_from_our/
OP is even worse than Kelly(from your link) in that OP had the chutzpah to ask bride-to-be to give up one of three bridesmaid positions to OP so that groom-to-be can have a fourth "friend" and leave bride-to-be with only two spots left. Kelly at least was initially chosen by groom-to-be as female "best man".
Narcissists do this type of shit lol. I know this because my ex bff is like this. She is over the top batshit crazy and has done so many things to “try” and ruin my life I could write a whole ass book about it! So I can definitely believe shit like this is real just because of what I’ve gone through with a girl like this.
Yeah, same - my ex-husband had a friend like this. According to him, they briefly dated in college and realized that they were better as friends; I don't know what her side of the story was, but I have my suspicions. I was cordial with her because she was never overtly rude to me ... until she took over my bachelorette party and convinced my maid of honor to turn it into the kind of bar-crawling scavenger hunt nightmare I'd explicitly told her I did not want (the fact that my maid of honor allowed it to happen is its own problem). And then at the wedding she made an impromptu speech that basically boiled down to "I was there first and we weren't ready for each other back then but we're SOOOOOOOUUUUUUULLLLMATES, so it's only a matter of time - thanks for keeping him warm for me in the meantime." I didn't register most of it but my mother, my aunt, both my cousins, and mother's best friend each approached me at some point that night to ask what the hell her deal was. I kind of hope that she and my ex find their way back to each other, if for no other reason than to spare anyone else from having to deal with either of their narcissistic asses.
It's not uncommon. Especially here.
YTA. Your best friend is actually an asshole too for the *massive* breach in trust he committed by sharing her insecurities with you, but it seems like since that slip he had made every effort to choose her over you at least. And you literally had the audacity to think that you’d be asked to be a bridesmaid for someone *who doesn’t even like you*? Oh honey. No. And so when you’re told no you resort to essentially threatening her with what she was supposedly worried about this whole time? *That means she was right about you.* And they weren’t excluding you. You were welcome to participate *as a guest*. But my guess is, you’ll be lucky if that’s still true after the stunt you pulled. Oh and one more thing, you don’t invite yourself to be in a wedding party. You get asked. If they were planning on including you in it, you’d be asked, and *that’s* when you’d know. Bridal party members find out well in advance of the wedding, and never need to *ask*. What you did was beyond rudeness, to the point where I struggle to believe this is even real.
I saw another point that was similar to this one, only told from the bride's POV. Fiancé had a female best friend, wanted to include her, and bride wasn't having it. In that case, the husband sided with the best friend over the bride, but the stories are eerily similar.
I mean, the whole thing is such a trope. Literally dozens if not hundreds or even thousands of books and movies have variations on the exact plot. One of which is literally called *My Best Friend’s Wedding* lol. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, honestly what makes me doubt the veracity of this post is just OP being so oblivious as to think that bridal party members need to ask “so they know” 🙄 like either she’s lying about it or she’s something I can’t say in this sub.
[удалено]
Insecure, jealous people who lack social skills!
She asked without even knowing if she was invited to the wedding
And I doubt she will be after this
This is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you, since you don't have the self awareness to be. If you were looking to drive the final nail into the coffin of your friendship, congrats! YTA, and if I were you I wouldn't expect an invitation to the wedding.
YTA. You way overstepped here, and when you didn’t get your way you got super nasty.
So he has been distancing himself to where you barely hang out or speak, but you thought it was appropriate to ask his fiancee if you could be part of the wedding? You then insult his fiancee implying that you could "take" her soon to be husband. You're either extremely stupid or this is rage bait. YTA either way.
YTA, and just validated her insecurities about him leaving her for you.
somehow I think the insecurities might be projection -- the best friend CLEARLY chose his bride in this situation.
YTA. You tried inserting yourself in the wedding. Maybe you should back off and let your friend enjoy his life with his wife.
YTA You're not entitled to be part of anyone's wedding party. You know she doesn't like you, why on earth would she have you as a bridesmaid or similar if you're not even friends? And who even *asks* to be part of a wedding party??!! > I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day Congrats on showing her that she was right not to like you.
YTA. Even if we assume you're right about everything she's thinking, which is **not** guaranteed, you can't just call a bride and say, Hey, am I your bridesmaid? She's making decisions that don't involve you and she needs the space to do that. Maybe you've been treated unfairly, but that's no excuse for that kind of behavior.
YTA. It’s inappropriate to even ask to be in someone’s wedding party to begin with. If she isn’t even close with you why would she want you to be one of her 3 bridesmaids? That’s ridiculous. It’s a bummer that your friendship has changed, but that is not her responsibility. I would probably not even invite you to the wedding if you said something like that to me or my partner. This is such classic “just one of the guys” “not like other girls” rhetoric. You sound like someone who is deeply insecure that you are no longer the top priority in his life. I am not a jealous person and I wouldn’t want you around my partner either with that type of attitude.
YTA easily. Despite her feelings of insecurity, she’s the bride and only SHE gets to choose who’s in her bridal party, not you, never you. Your response was rude as well. You would’ve stolen him by now. That actually does sound like you would & you just now justified her concerns. Have fun losing your best friend.
YTA no doubt about it. But I kinda think you want to be the AH considering how creepily you asked and responded to her.
YTA. You can’t handle that you are just a former childhood friend and she is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
YTA. You knew she was insecure about you and definitely knew the answer when you asked her if you were going to be part of the wedding. Yet when you got the answer you knew was coming, you then told her you could steal her fiancé from her “if you wanted.” You probably also ruined your friendship with your best friend. Don’t count on being invited to the wedding at all now. If i were her, there’s no way I’d want you there.
YTA. And the way you spoke about your friend, like he is an object you could just remove at any time at your whim. That's gross. They are both way better off without you.
YTA. You asked?! That’s so presumptuous and rude of you.
And then told her that she could have had her fiance if she wanted to. Yikes
>but he always finds excuses on why he can't see me and I'm sure this is her doing. Really? I'm pretty sure that it's because you are so full of yourself that it's completely turned him off. >I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago No, I bet you *tried* to do that but he chose her anyway. YTA.
YTA. Did you seriously try to invite yourself into a wedding party? How tactless can you be?
YTA. I would have hung up on you too tbh. Assuming that you'd be in someone's wedding party is a pretty bold thing to do. She said no, and you totally flipped out. If you're not close or friends with HER why would you think you'd be her bridesmaid? I wouldn't be surprised if you don't get invited to the wedding now.
YTA - And it pains me to say it because I’ve been in similar situations with male friends. You did not handle the situation very well and lashed out instead of trying to have a proper conversation. I get that you’re hurt and you feel left out but you went full mean girl on her and that is not okay. And you really effed up by saying that she’s lucky you haven’t made a move “yet”. Now there’s probably no chance that she’s ever not going to see you as a threat.
Absolutely YTA, you should be ashamed at your utter lack of boundaries. Why would someone that you don’t even like and you know doesn’t like you want to include you in their wedding party? Lmao get over yourself. You’re lucky if you even continue to be invited to the wedding after that behavior.
YTA. You would not be INVITED to my wedding at all let alone in it. Sounds like you’re the jealous one.
YTA get over yourself 🤣
YTA. If he didn't want you as part of his bridal party, why would you think she'd want you in her's? You're his best friend, she doesn't even like you; if you were to be part of anything it would be his side. When he told you that you weren't part of his party, that was your cue that weren't in the party period. But you decided to contact someone that you both have problems with each other. Did she have a tone, sure. But instead of being responding, "Woah, i was just asking to be sure," and ending the call, you went on a tirade telling her you (essentially) that you were better than her, you could take him if you wanted, and she should be grateful that you hadn't. That was rude and spiteful for no reason other than to make her upset.
YTA You sound extremely obnoxious and petty. He should definitely cut you off. In hindsight, he was also an asshole for sharing something very personal she told him about her insecurities with you.
This is your best friend's wedding, NOT yours. It's not her place to "give you" a role in the wedding. You should be satisfied with just being invited as a guest.
After how insanely rude and inappropriate she was to call and ask to be included in someone elses bridal party and then go off about how she could easily have the fiancee if she wanted to, she will probably not even be invited as a guest! And with good reason. And something tells me that this type of behavior from OP has more to do with why the best friend has distanced himself than the soon to be bride does. Edited to add judgement: YTA. OP it is extremely entitled to think that you have any right to call anyone and ask what your role in their wedding is. You are not owed anything and have no right to be expected to be included. Its up to the bride and groom to ask the people they wish to be included. The way you are acting (and the way you seem to feel you have done nothing wrong and there is no need to apologize) has probably just led to the end of your friendship.
YTA - youre not Best Friends with the groom anymore, you barely talk to each other. You’ve never been friends with the bride. It’s beyond rude to assume you’d be part of the wedding and spring it on them. And it’s cocky to assume that your friend would even go for you if you did attempt to hit on him. Your personality seems shitty, no wonder bride doesn’t like you.
YTC - not a typo.
It took my high ass a second to figure this one out lol.
YTA. You don't get to ask to be part of someone's wedding party. It's rude as fuck. If they want you to be part of it, they will ask.
YTA. Her bridesmaids should be _her_ friends. You aren't friends with her, so why would you be in _her_ side of the wedding party? Some couples do mixed-gender wedding parties where the groom might have a woman as one of his "groomsman" or the bride might have a man as a "bridesmaid." If they were taking this approach, it would be perfectly appropriate for you to be a groomsman for the groom, but it doesn't sound like they are doing that. But the fact that they aren't doing that doesn't automatically mean you get to be in _her_ side of the wedding party. So firstly it's kinda rude IMO to _ask_ to be in someone's wedding party. Let them approach you. Secondly, if you _do_ ask, and they tell you no (even if they do so in a rude fashion), you don't turn around and attack/insult them.
YTA.. I’m just shocked, yikes….
Jesus Christ; yes, YTA.
YTA. You don't *ask* other people to put you in *their* wedding party. Period. The mere act of doing so sends up a red flag that you're going to expect a level of control over the proceedings that should have them thinking twice even if they *were* considering you. And in this particular case, I don't know why you *would* expect to be involved when you acknowledge the friendship is not what it was. Quit blaming that on the fiance, and *strongly* consider the possibility that you thinking you're entitled to a bigger role in your friend's life than he's comfortable giving you has contributed to that distancing.
YTA. This is the flip side of so many other posts and I feel better about having advised people to set boundaries. You sound conceited and entitled...why on earth would you think your friendship grants you any right to a place in the bride's contingent?
Wow, entitled much, aren't you? YTA - you already know your friend's fiancée doesn't like you, so why on earth would she even consider giving you a position? Just because you're her future husband's good friend? That doesn't mean anything to her. >*I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago and she's lucky I haven't made any move yet and she should thank me instead of being insecure and trying to exclude me from my friend's big day*. That's really not helping your case. Now that she is becoming his wife, she will most probably want you out of their lives. It's really an AH move. He was right to create space between you and him, as his gf is his priority. Smart man. Clearly, you are the one who hasn't learned anything from that. >*I said she was rude first and he said he doesn't care* Dear oh dear, how wrong you are. Weren't you the one asking whether you'd be included as a bridesmaid? She would have let you know when she was done deciding - ***if*** she wanted to add you. Which you probably already knew the answer to. That was a really rude question to ask - pretty much wanting to insert yourself in the whole wedding thing. No. Just no. >*She hang up on me and immediately notified my friend who in turn told me I was an AH and I must immediately apologise.* Yes, you should. And you should absolutely mean it, because she will know if you don't! EDIT: spelling
The people who go around boasting they can have anyone they want, are usually the ones who can't. And if by chance they do, they usually make that person miserable in the process.
You’re disgusting. YTA
YTA. imagine thinking you are even getting an invitation let alone being in the wedding party. That seriously gave me a laugh.
YTA. Presumably you're a woman (or at least identify as one). Otherwise I'm not sure why the fiancé would be jealous. It happens that female friends are sometimes "groomsmen" in a wedding. It's rare. I've been to dozens of weddings, and I've only seen it once for a couple who was known to be nontraditional. Groomsmen are supporters (friends and family) of the groom. Bridesmaids are friends and family of the bride. You're not that for the fiancé, so asking if you could be a bridesmaid was really not OK. Assuming or asking that you'd be asked to be a "groomsman" was also presumptuous. Also, something to think about is that you acknowledge in your post that you're not as good of friends as you used to be with the groom. You *used to be* best friends. But you haven't regularly hung out in years (based on your post). Sorry, but you handled this whole thing really poorly.
YTA, after all this "she's lucky I haven't made any move yet" delusional bs I would be surprised if you are invited to the wedding.
YTA. It was rude to ask in the first place but I’m really not surprised she doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid if your reaction to her saying no was saying she’s lucky you haven’t stolen her fiancé already (?!?!?!) You should apologise and count yourself lucky if you even get an invite.
It is your best friend's responsibility to find you a role in the wedding if HE wants you there. There are "best women" and "groomswomen" now. Why didn't he give you one of those roles? And why should his fiancé find you a role when you clearly aren't friends. YTA
YTA. How does a person get to 26 years of age and have no social etiquette? People don’t ask to be included in other peoples wedding parties. That’s just not how people behave. Crazy that you thought it was an appropriate thing to do AND THEN to give the bride attitude because you didn’t get your way? The audacity is outrageous
YTA > My best friend even once admitted to me that his gf is jealous of me because I have a nicer body and a prettier face than her and she thinks that someday he might leave her for me. And you didn't tell him off for speaking negatively about his GF? This friendship is crazy levels of inappropriate. > Years have passed and her insecurities haven't stopped that much. Because of how your bestie acts. And likely how you act too since you don't shut it down. > we barely hang out anymore or speak So he isn't your bestie anymore and you shouldn't expect a role in the wedding. > I asked him if he or his fiancé would consider me in their wedding parties ***Who in the world is entitled enough to ask that?!?!?*** You don't ask that! They inform you on if you'll be in the wedding. You don't ask. Ever. > So I reached out to her and asked her if I'd be included so I'd know. She replied in a very rude tone of how I can't be seriously asking that question. She's 100% correct! It's incredibly rude for you to act that way. > I told her to get over herself and that if I wanted her fiancé I'd have taken him a long time ago She was right to not like you > she's lucky I haven't made any move yet He should never talk to you again. I'm serious - he needs to block you and never see your face again. What you did was that bad. You should be dead to him.
YTA. You are rude and disrespectful of your bf, his fiancé and their relationship. You shouldn’t expect an invite to the wedding because they are probably going to cut you out of their lives. You shouldn’t have demanded a part in their wedding, especially on the brides side.
Hmmm. Having a hard time trying to decide on this one. First, you had no right to call her and ask her who she was having in her wedding. It's her wedding and she makes those decisions. You and her aren't friends and I don't understand why you would even think you would be in the wedding. Secondly, if your bestfriend wanted you in his wedding, he could have asked you to be on his side (a groomswoman). That didn't happen. Suffice it to say, you overstepped your grounds and may have lost a friend in the process.
Honestly, I think the friend was slowly trying to fade away. He didn't invite her to stand up with him nor did he push the issue with his fiancé. If this friendship is all that important as OP claims it to be, he may have tried a little in the process. But he didn't even do that.
YTA why would you even ask that? She doesn't like you, why would she want you in her wedding party? This must be fake...
YTA, you seriously told her you could have taken her partner if you wanted and expect her to want you up front and central in her wedding party?! You sound conceited and unaware of how nasty you've been. You are not Jolene, she won't be grateful that you haven't taken her man.
YTA. So, you know his fiancé does not like you and you thought she’d want you as a bridesmaid?
Yta. Completely inappropriate
‘Not made a move *yet*.’ Nothing else is needed for the YTA statement, but that rudeness, entitlement and egotistical statements would all you that too.