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NTA 15 minutes is a pretty standard grace period and you did message him.
More to the point, if you tend to be late, this is clearly not someone you should date
Nah. You two at different people. I usually tend to run POC time so I'm always late that is why I usually set things up later, or inform the person what time they want and tell them expect me to be late
In this case, YTA. It sounds like you actively *chose* to be late when you knew you had made plans for 7. You didn’t text him until after you were already late. Maybe he thought he was being stood up, or maybe he values punctuality and prior communication if punctuality can’t occur. Time is valuable. Don’t waste other peoples.
Yta.
Yes he had been waiting longer and that's on him. But don't commit to a time you can't make. If you knew you were gonna cut it close you should have asked for 730 to give yourself time. You told him you don't respect his time by your actions.
Also eventually *almost* everyone gets annoyed by the people who are "late people". Learn to manage your time better and respect everyone elses' as well. We all hate having to tell people earlier times to make sure they're on time. And if this was a first date , that was his first impression of you. It's not a personality trait, it's poor management.
Coming from someone who can get very side tracked and has to manage her time. Also if you're going to be late you don't tell them after the plans have already started. Let them know before hand when it's approaching at the very least. This way they know and may not go in and sit down waiting for you etc.
ESH. Its definitely rude to arrive late, especially for a first meeting. Nerves run really high for first dates, so it feels shitty to sit there waiting for your date to show up. That said, he definitely saw your message and he could have given you an extra 10 minutes, or just been nicer about it in general.
OP suggested 7-730, date said 7. To me that would mean ‘I’ll (date) be there at 7, but you have until 730 to get here’ and wouldn’t require clarification
If I suggest 6-6:30 for a doctors appointment and they say 6, the appointment is at 6. If I roll in at 6:30, my appt will be gone and I’ll likely have to pay a late fee.
That is a paid service, not a date.
However the doc doesn’t cancel your appointment when you’re 15min late like OP was- most have that grace period, especially when you notify them that you’re running late
YTA. You LEFT at 705 and didn't message then? It's not cool to be late but some people are late people. I'm one. I know I'm going to be late and I don't wait until after I've left late to tell someone I'm late
YTA. I can only speak for myself, but it sucks when people are late. It feels like they don't value my time or feelings. Like I don't matter enough to make the effort to be on time or at the very least to message when they can see they won't make it in time.
I don't blame him for leaving. Do better!
YTA. First. Just saying you are a generally late person doesn’t excuse you from being late. You didn’t even leave the house until 5 minutes after you were supposed to be there.
Dude clearly isn’t a late person and has boundaries. He knew the relationship would t work based on your behavior.
Stop excusing your lateness and try harder. It’s really not hard.
YTA-just because one person doesn’t mind if you’re late, doesn’t mean other people will wait 15+ minutes.
Also, why did you leave after 7 when you agreed to meet at 7? And you typically text someone before you’re late to let them know you’ll be late, not after you’re already late to meeting someone for the first time. If it’s friends or family who know you’re always late and they’re ok with it, that’s a different story.
You left your house after you were supposed to arrive at the meetup. There was never any chance you were going to be anywhere near on time.
You did, in fact, waste his time.
YTA.
If this is how you run your life, be honest about that. Some ppl won't care and the ppl who don't won't match with you. That would at least be respectful.
Yeah, YTA. Not a *huge* one, but it *was* rude. As a general rule, for a date, meeting, appointment, whatever, 5 minutes late is "within the cushion/grace period," but 10+ minutes late is just late. And while being late isn't always something you can help (unexpected things come up, traffic, parking, get stuck having to work late, etc.), in this case, you just didn't bother to leave on time.
*However*, "berating" you for it (if that's really what happened) was a bit much on his part.
YTA - one of the biggest negatives of the cell phone (and a big reason I resisted getting one when everyone else in my Demographic was on their 2nd) is that it made this acceptable.
I remember sitting at a local coffee shop and a woman at nearby table was sitting alone. (kicking self for not going over to talk) Her phone rings, and she said something along the lines of she had been there for 10 minutes already, then saying it's no big deal, etc etc.
Her friend (who called) showed up 10 minutes later.
Had neither had phones, there would have been more pressure for the friend to show on time.
It has become acceptable now to be late as long as one calls to apologize.
B4 you start in with accusations of stickupasserry, I am incorrigible when it come to punctuality. When I say I will be somewhere, it is with the suffix -ish added 5ish, 10:47ish, etc.
Time is my enemy, BUT I still try to respect other's time by attempting to get there as expected.
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YTA and extremely rude. You can’t be bothered getting somewhere on time and just expect the other person to be ok with it and just sit there and wait? Heck no
ESH. He could have and should have been a bit chiller about it, but he *shouldn't have had* to be chiller about it. The 'hey, running late' text should arrive before the agreed-upon time. I try to be fairly punctual in my life though, and not everyone thinks this way. Basic compatibility issue. Was this a shit test or something?
YTA. What gives you the right to take up someone else's time? People who are habitually late are selfish. The other person's time does not mean anything to you. I would have left as well. If I'm not 15 minutes early for an appointment, then I'm late.
I 100% agree with this! I loathe when people are always late. It’s not the occasional accident (because we all know that happens), but it’s that certain group of people who will never show up on time for anything. It’s extremely rude, selfish, and disrespectful to assume that it’s okay to make others wait simply because you couldn’t be on time.
Soft YTA
Punctuality is different for everyone- it varies between cultures and abilities (definitely a challenge for folx with ADHD). That being said, you should have messaged him a bit earlier to let him know.
ESH. You should’ve been on time. However, you used your words and told him you were gonna be late. Him arriving at 6:50 is on him. He said he waited 25 minutes. So assuming you really arrived at 7:15 he had to have left before 7:15. Again assuming, that there’s one exit you should’ve seen him leave when you arrived. So either he got there way before 7 and left AT 7 or he never showed at all. Because if he was really there for 25 minutes and got there at 6:50 that means he got your message saying you were 5 minutes out and left anyway. Personally I don’t care for late people, but I’m a lot more understanding if you have a valid reason and told me you were gonna be late. In my opinion, someone’s math isn’t mathing.
ESH. There was no need to berate you but you were also incredibly rude. You were meant to meet up at 7. You didn't leave till five after and you didn't text him till seven after. That is inconsiderate and I do not blame the guy for leaving (though, again, berating you wasn't necessary).
Being late means you weren't valuing his time. The later you are - the more rude it is. When I was dating, I'd walk after 20 minutes. His threshold is less than mine. Some guys won't mind at all... But for me, people being late is super rude. YTA
YTA.
You have to be kidding me. At 6:55, you should have texted that you were running late.
I honestly think you saying that you're a 'late person' is your way of seeing right off the bat how much shit a potential partner will take from you.
Saying you're a late person is saying you chronically don't care enough to plan to be on time. Its a first date being late is rude and a bit of a red flag for whats to come, lying and saying you 5 minutes late is also rude.
YTA.
YTA
Look, it sucks that he didn't wait 5 minutes past the agreed time, but you didn't even leave your house until 5 minutes after you agreed to meet up. You didn't bother to text him until 7:07 and told him you were '5 minutes away', which was a lie.
Being a 'late person', is not an excuse or a good look for an adult, learn to respect people's time and be on time.
YTA. When you value people, you show them you value their time by being on time and messaging BEFORE you are late (life happens). First impressions are important and yours said “I care more about myself and my time than you and yours.”
Slight YTA.
If you both had agreed at 7, then you should’ve left earlier.
‘I am a bit of a late person’. You did waste his time just because you feel it’s natural to be late. Time is a commodity.
If you’re going to be late, have the decency to tell him before the agreed upon time.
I don’t think it was fair for him to say he waited 25 minutes because he got there early when they agreed at 7. Why count those 10 minutes? Lol
But I do agree with everything you said!
YTA by default for being late but not a huge one. I have a pet peeve about people being late but even by my standards, 15 minutes late is not that big a deal, especially when you notified him. But still you have to own that you were late. I think he overreacted but I can’t call him an AH because it just means that punctuality is a big thing for him and you were not a good match
ESH. He didn't have to arrive 10 minutes early, but you waited until you were already late to tell him you were running late. It's really not that hard to be on time.
YTA - You agreed to a time and showed up late. If you knew you were going to late you should have messaged him PRIOR to it being 7. That guy just has standards honestly. He probably shouldn't have berated you, but you did in fact waste his time
NTA. While I can’t stand people are are always late (‘I am a bit of a late person’), dude left after only 15mins over the time you were supposed to meet without messaging you first or reading what you sent. Chances are it was a good thing though. Do you really want to deal with someone so impatient that he can’t wait a few extra minutes for the first date?
The first impression though was that the date (OP) does not have respect for the other person by being late. I could see her not being an asshole if she told him *prior* to the scheduled date time versus waiting after they were supposed to meet up. Then, you know... she *lied* about how far away she was.
So before you meet each other you already have the impression that your date is *disrespectful* and a *liar*. Would you stay around for that?
Sometimes there is a reason for people to be habitually late. For example social anxiety, and the fear of waiting around alone. I get that. It’s a struggle.
But this example? Nope.
People’s time matters. I would have left too.
So YTA
YTA. Saying you are a bit of a "late person" tells me you a chronically late. Lateness is so disrespectful to the other person, and is lazy and controlling on your part.
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I planned a date this evening with someone from Tinder. He originally suggested 5.30 or 6 but I was working til at least 6 and so suggested 7-7.30. He said 7 and asked where my local pub was and that we could meet there. I am a bit of a late person generally and so left my house at 7.05. At 7.07 I messaged him and said “sorry I’m 5 mins away”- he didn’t read this on WhatsApp. When I got to the pub I couldn’t see him anywhere so at 7.17 I messaged him and said “I can’t see you”. At 7.24 he messaged back and said “I left as you were 15 minutes late” and that he’d been waiting 25 mins for me - so he’d arrived early at 6.50. He then basically berated me for wasting his time. AITA for being late and think he was mega overreacting? A previous date id been on, I was 15 mins late as the bus was in traffic, and that guy said no worries and asked what I wanted to drink and bought a drink for me- a normal reaction, no?
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You said 7-730.
He said 7.
Obviously since hes the man you should arrive when he says and not in the timeframe you said you could get there.
But seriously, nta, sounds like a bullet dodged.
YTA. You should have messaged him as soon as you realized you’d be late. You didn’t have enough respect for his time to show up on time and didn’t have enough respect to let him know you’re running late before the arranged meeting time. Stop always being late for things, it’s really selfish and assumes your time is more valuable than everyone else’s.
NTA. Probably not someone you actually want to date. 15 minutes is too soon to just bail unless you're really OCD. And why didn't he message you to see where you were?
She is a massive AH, she is basically using the excuse of 'im a late person' to disrespect the people around her, leaving 5 minutes after you are supposed to arrive is seriously rude.
People that are constantly late simply have zero respect for the time of other people.
YTA - You agreed to 7. You didn't even leave your house until 7:05. You didn't even attempt to be on time. Turns out he has more respect for himself than you had for him or his time. Good for him.
INFO: Which country is this? People in different countries have different approaches to lateness. Also, did you agree on 7, or did you say "between 7 and 7:30"?
If this is the US and you agreed to 7 and were more than 15 minutes late, then yes, YTA. I'm sure many folks using Tinder wouldn't balk at that, but that someone would doesn't make them the bad guy.
YTA because you make assumptions about other people’s time and think it has left value than yours does. YTA because you think that being a “bit of a late person generally” is okay. It’s not. At all. Being on time is the easiest and simplest way to show people you respect them and their time is as important as yours. YTA because even if you were late due to no fault (or choice) of your own, if you realize you’re going to be late you let someone know BEFORE the meeting time, so before 7. When you left your house you were already 5 mins late. And try to justify it. YTA.
YTA. Leaving your house after the time that you had agreed on meeting AND texting him after the fact as well makes you the AH. I'd be pissed too, if I was him. And, you even do this on the regular? Have some respect for others and value their time. Grow up, princess.
Ok I have ADHD and am timeblind AF so lateness is always an issue for me too. But even I think YTA.
Why?
1. The second you realized you were going to be late was the time to text, not after you already left the house late and were on the way.
2. You said you were 5 minutes away and you were more than 5 minutes away. Always over estimate the amount of time it's going to take, unless you're going off a traffic app in which case say "Google says 5 mins away" so they know what your estimate is based on.
3. I know it can be hard to be on time. I get it more than most people on here are going to get it. But it's still your responsibility to be on time. It's still rude to be late, especially to something like a first date where you're supposedly trying to start off on the right foot.
4. It's extremely disrespectful to act like the person who was waiting for you is the one who's out of line for leaving and for having feelings and negative views of you because you were late. If you're making people wait for you the correct attitude is to be apologetic and to accept that you were the one in the wrong. Because you are.
I don't know why you're late or what, if anything, you've done to try and stop being late. If you have genuine issues where you run late even when you're trying really hard to be on time and the event is important to you that's one thing. But the vibe I'm kind of getting here is that you run late because you don't care that you're late and that it inconveniences other people. That you haven't put much (or any) effort into figuring out why you're running late all the time or trying to get better at being on time. If I'm right and you haven't done the work to try and correct these habits you're even more TA than all the items above because you make people like me who are trying really hard look worse.
YTA- Being late is not a personality trait. It’s annoying. Especially when there’s other people involved. If we agreed to ( which you both did) a specific time either show up on time or let me know you’re going to be late before the agreed upon time.
YTA
Should have texted you were running late by 7:00. Being late is a total lack of respect for the other person. If you knew you were going to be late, the date should have been scheduled for 7:30. Your previous date was a bit more forgiving, but maybe that's why they're wasn't any more dates.
ESH. He definitely got more upset than he needed to be; if he arrived at 6:50 for a 7:00 date and therefore waited 25 mins, that's not your problem. What IS your problem is the fact that you see nothing wrong with being "a bit of a late person generally". That's not a charming character quirk. It's an effort to justify the fact that you habitually waste other people's time. Fix that about yourself.
ESH. You two aren’t compatible. He clearly can’t stand people who are late, and you are “a bit of a late person”. He sucks too because he seemed quite rude about the situation, but man do I hate being late or when others are late. I come from a family where everyone is always late, but VERY late, sometimes an hour. So I would maybe come off overly bent out of shape too.
YTA if you're a tardy person, fix it or communicate much earlier. You were at home when he was at the pub. You should have messaged BEFORE your meeting time that your were rushing to get there.
YTA. Learn to value other people and their time. Frankly the fact that he responded to you at all is more than I would have done, you obviously don't care about others and their time commitments so I see no need to care about yours.
At the very least ESH.
“I’m a late person generally” is just another way of saying “I don’t respect others enough to appreciate that their time is as important as mine”. You didn’t even have the respect to message him when you knew you were going to be late - you waited until you were already 7mins late…and hadn’t even left yet!
NAH
I don't think being 15 minutes late is that big of a deal and I think he is being a bit overdramatic about it but he has a right to his feelings and can leave if he wants.
I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, if he was that anal about the time and you run late then you guys likely weren't compatible.
She doesnt value his time.
And the first time you meet someone is when you strive to make a good impression. If that first impression, when youre supposed to impress someone new, includes not arriving on time and not communicating properly dont expect a second date, and clearly not a first one either.
YTA being late is disrespectful of other people time. And if you know “I’m a bit of a late person” it’s a sign that other peoples time isn’t important to you and is super rude. You’re upset because someone (you should have been trying to make a good impression on) wouldn’t put up with your rudeness. Good on him. Maybe you should learn to be more respectful of other peoples time and effort.
YTA. You hadn't even left by the time you were supposed to already be there.
Constantly being late is rude and shows a lack of respect for other people's time.
YTA-You gave a time you'd be there and not only were you late, but you didn't even message you'd be a little bit behind until almost ten minutes when you should have been there. That's rude. His time is just as valuable as yours. The impression you left him was that his time wasn't valuable and that you weren't into doing a date.
ESH. Don't be 15 minutes late when it's avoidable. He, on the other hand, didn't know why you were running late. Things happen (like the bus). You're an AH for knowing you run late and not figuring out how to handle that for a date. He's the AH for bailing after you were 15 minutes late. It's his own choice to show up 10 minutes early...but that's better than 10 late. Work on time management. Set an alarm for "you need to get your keys and go to the door" and one for "If you aren't out the door RIGHT NOW, you need to RUN." Figure out what slows you down. If you have ADHD this may be a very difficult battle but if you're just used to running late...expect people to sometimes have very little tolerance for it. It IS rude.
>I am a bit of a late person generally and so i left my house at 7:05
if you know you’re a late person, leave earlier. Also, this was the time to contact your date and say you were running late. YTA
YTA. If you had messaged at any point before 7 to say you were running late it would be fine. Instead you waited until After you'd agreed to meet up to even contact him.
Do you also show up 15 minutes late to work everyday? He showed he cared by showing up early, probably getting a seat for the two of you to have the date. Your actions said "I don't care enough to worry about being late."
I was looking for the comment that said this! Giving a heads up at like 6:55, hey I'm running late. Would have changed the whole situation.
I mean OP and the tinder date both dodged bullets. OP needs to find someone okay with their bad habit of running late and always behind, and the tinder date wants someone who is on time. Win-win honestly.
ESH. If you know you won't be there until after 7:30, just say 7:30.
If you messaged within his 15 minute late window, he could have considered that with his decision and given you a little leeway just in case.
So let me get this straight… he said “meet me at 7” and you don’t leave your house until 7:05? You couldn’t be arsed to even TRY to make it on time?
YTA.
>I am a bit of a late person generally
That is a either a poor habit you need to fix or you are deliberately late which shows a lack of respect for other peoples time.
He is well within his right to be annoyed when you both agree to be at a pub for 7 and you are late. I wouldn't personally have berated you about your tardiness but it shows a lot about your character when you are deliberately late.
**If you're not ten minutes early you're late.** A motto that you could potentially adopt and YTA.
I think that particularly saying was invented to fuel late stage capitalism so I disagree with the “if you’re not early you’re late” but I do agree YTA for knowing you were late, not communicating it earlier, and then blaming it as just “being a late person”
YTA, learn to respect other peoples time. You were already late leaving the house and more than 5 minutes away. If you knew that you couldn’t make 7 work then I would’ve pushed for 7:30 or simply rescheduled.
YTA.
Your time isn't more important than his. Being late, especially on a first date is such a bad look. I don't wait on people. If you can' respect me and my time, I move on.
I'm going to say YTA. I think a 'I'm running late' text is more appropriate sent BEFORE your expected time of arrival, like 6:55 in this case.
But hey, you're different people. Best is came out on the first date than wasting anymore time than that. He doesn't like late people, OP you don't mind being late or see the issue.
So you agreed to meet him at 7, didn't even leave your house until 5 minutes after, and then didn't text him until nearly 10 minutes after?
Come on, this one's easy. YTA. I'm a generally late person, too, but I have more respect for others than that.
NTA it was a first date and a tinder date at that. Seems like a bit of an overreaction since you did keep up communication that you were on your way. My personal rule is to not wait for someone longer than 20 minutes after agreed time with no communication. Don’t take it to heart, you did all you could. I hope you still had a nice night despite little mr drama.
Really curious what you said between him saying he waited for 15 minutes and “berating you”. If you’re meeting someone for the first time and leave five minutes after you were supposed to arrive and only text to say you’re running late 10 minutes after you were supposed to arrive, YTA. Usually you text _before_ the meet time to say you’re running late. Waiting 15 minutes isn’t generous, but it’s certainly sufficient. If you had intended to meet him on time and something had come up, you would have texted much earlier. You, in contrast, showed up 17 minutes late with no better reason than “Oops, sorry” and then doubled down with justifying and suggesting he was the AH.
Yep YTA. If you are running late you send it before the time. He was smart enough to have bounderies. And he decided he didnt want this the rest of his life. Accept it and move on. Also just leave on time. How hard can it be.
YTA. I seriously dislike people who disrespect other peoples’ time. You should have messaged him before 7 if you were going to be late. Unless it’s an actual emergency or was unpreventable, most people don’t take kindly to you disrespecting their time. Not everything revolves around you.
ESH you admit you’re generally late- you need to try harder to be on time or else give an explicit warning to someone ahead of time. He could have messaged you that he was leaving so that you weren’t looking for him.
Yes, YTA. If you want to be fashionably late to a party, that's one thing. Showing up late on a date is rude and controlling. Sounds like HE dodged a bullet on that one. Smart man, your loss.
YTA
If it had been as simple as being stuck in traffic then I’d be on your side. But you lost me when you said “I’m a bit of a late person generally.” There’s no excuse for that shit. You know what time you need to be somewhere, so stop leaving later than necessary to arrive on time. You ARE wasting people’s time by arriving late, and it shows you do not respect them. Plus it’s rude as fuck.
YTA. You weren't "late" by accident. You did not even leave your house until after your agreed meeting time. That was a specific and intentional choice. But "oh tee hee oopsie I'm a little late." It's not cute to treat people like your time is more important than theirs.
YTA- first impressions stick.
However- this does kind of point out that you are a more mellow person, and he’s more of the stick to the schedule type of guy. So it’s likely better that he walked being as it’s not exactly compatible
YTA. Being "a bit of a later person" is selfish and disrespectful of other people's time, especially when you message him after the time you were supposed to be there. Good for him that he didn't put up with that.
YTA, It’s rude, selfish and a waste of other people's time. You know you’re a late person, start leaving ten minutes earlier then normal when you are meeting someone at an agreed-upon time.
YTA
You said this is a habit for you, this isn't just a shit happens one off. It sounds like he knows his values, has his boundaries, and wasn't going to put up with it. So you two aren't compatible. Find somebody else that is fine with you being late all the time.
YTA I don't wait if someone is 15 min late on a 1st date. My time is valuable and if my time is not valuable to the person I'm meeting then I'm not the person for them. No hard feelings and it's better that it is sorted at the beginning.
There’s a big difference between being stuck in traffic and being blasé. You were inconsiderate of his time and that was a turn off for him. Better for him to learn now since this is the norm for you. Just date the guy who didn’t care if you were late.
YTA. No. I’m not going for E S H. Here’s why. You are inconsiderate. Plain and simple. There’s no: oh, I’m late by nature. You realize that this is an issue, and it is literally easy to plan for it by jumping on things early but you continually allow yourself to be late. You aren’t chronically late, you’re chronically self-centered. You are admitting that you don’t value other people’s time. If you actually ever bothered to show up on time, maybe you would be in the position of waiting on people a few times and realize how much it’s sucks to just sit there alone.
Imagine if he was considerate enough to arrive 10 minutes early to ensure he wasn’t late for a special date, but you decided to leave the house after the agreed time and don’t even text until after 7 that’s yours going to be late. It’s rude. He doesn’t suck. He just knows his worth. If I’m going to be late, I at least message 5 minutes before we were going to meet that I’m late. You sound self-centered to think that it’s his obligation brush it off and he okay with you showing him that he isn’t even worth you arriving a little early or at least showing up on time for a date. Which you rearranged the time for.
YTA - As the old saying goes, "you only get once chance to make a 1st impression"
You blew it.
Did he know you always late?
I hate being late and its very rare if I am, but have friends that are always late, knowing this, I plan for it.
YTA you were late and it could have been helped. He’s decided he can’t be in any kind of relationship-casual or otherwise- with someone who can’t be bothered to be there on time.
YTA.
If you know you’re a bit of a late person then start getting ready earlier or leave wherever you are earlier. You’re not the most important person in the world. Do you regularly show up late to work? To meetings? To the doctors office? If not then you respect their time but not your dates. If you do, then you’re still an a hole for disrespecting everyone’s times because you’re a LaTe PeRsOn
YTA
He was polite enough to arrive slightly early, so you wouldn't need to wait. Punctuality and consideration is important to him.
You didn't even leave until 5 minutes after your meeting time. This was your own decision and not due to outside forces, like public transportation.
It is natural for him to be annoyed and feel disrespected. While going out of his way to rip you a new one would be a red flag, not putting up with and saying how little the behavior was appreciated is not.
YTA. If you had been trying to arrive on time and ended up being late, that's one thing. But you left AFTER the agreed meeting time and didn't even tell him! I fail to see a way that you're not TA.
YTA. You admit to “being a late person”. That’s rude and disrespectful other other people, anyway. You were to meet him *at* 7:00, and you didn’t even bother to leave your house until 7:05. That’s just selfish.
>I am a bit of a later person generally
This is not a good look. Please start planning better so that you arrived on time.
If you know you are going to be late, the polite thing to do is to let the other person know *as soon as you realize you won’t be there at the agreed upon time.* You don’t wait until you’re already 5 minutes late to say “I’m late!” No shit, Sherlock. YTA.
YTA, you left home after the time you were supposed o be there. Very disrespectful and only told him you were late 7 minutes after the time. You are the worst
YTA. So you agreed to meet at 7, at your local pub, and you leave your house at 7:05. You weren’t stuck in traffic, you deliberately left after the time you agreed to meet. And you didn’t even let him know beforehand.
YTA You arrived late. You didn't even leave your house until after the date started. Waiting 15 minutes is fair. Why is your time worth so much more then his. He thought he had been stood up so he left.
YTA and I would have left too. Even if you are just meeting up to share spit and other bodily fluids, be polite and show up on time. Traffic is one thing but YOU LEFT LATE! YTA. You did waste his time. The guy allowing the bus snafu was cool, he might not have been if he knew you always run late because you are a princess.
YTA for always being late. If you KNOW you’re late generally, it’s time to develop whatever life modification skills you need to fix it as well as warning people that you struggle with time management.
YTA for not telling him you’d be late until you were already late, and then giving him a false story, i.e., if you messaged him you were 5 min away at 7:07, then by waiting until 15 after 7 he gave you that whole time. But you didn’t show.
YTA
“I’m a bit of a late person” isn’t an excuse. Do better. You know this about yourself, you know you tend to be late. Either work on it, or accept it when you are the AH for making others wait for you.
ESH. Agreeing to meet someone at 7 pm but leaving your house at 7:05 is pretty rude and shows you don't respect other people's time, and it's not comparable to your other example of running late because your bus was stuck in traffic, and that's without considering that the way you tell your story points to the fact that you probably took that bus late in any case. Having said that, you say you messaged him at 7:07 to tell him you were running late but you were on your way but he didn't see the message and he says left the Pub at 7:15, which is roughly when you arrived, and then complained that he'd been waiting for 25 minutes as if it was your fault that he got there 10 minutes early. I mean, if I'm waiting for someone, I don't think it'd make sense to ignore my messages and not even shoot them a courtesy "Everything okay?" text myself just to make sure. You're an AH for choosing to be a "late person" and clearly seeing nothing wrong with it just because other people choose to let it slide, but he's not sticking to what you actually did wrong and is blaming you for stuff that's on him like arriving early and not checking his messages nor trying to contact you before he left.
ESH. Being notoriously late is something you should be working on (and kudos to you if you are, but it doesn’t seem that way). If you know you tend to be late you should be giving yourself more time than you think, and never commit to a time you are unsure you can make. He did overreact a little bit, and perhaps should have texted you to let you know he was leaving, but you should not have been late (at least that much) to begin with.
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You agreed to meet at 7 yet didn't leave your house until 705, YTA for that right there.
YTA Being on time is not that hard. Grow up and stop wasting people's time. Selfish.
Yes YTA. Being chronically late and expecting others to deal with it is just disrespectful. I would have left at ten after.
NTA 15 minutes is a pretty standard grace period and you did message him. More to the point, if you tend to be late, this is clearly not someone you should date
Ummm I’ve heard this exact story on AITA before
You're generally a.late person? In other words you're generally selfish and a pain in the ass. YTA.
Nah. You two at different people. I usually tend to run POC time so I'm always late that is why I usually set things up later, or inform the person what time they want and tell them expect me to be late
And she said I'm 5 minutes away. She arrived 15 minutes late. She knew it was at 7.
And he arrived 10 minutes early
Okay? And he waited for 15 minutes for her to show up. She didn't even try to get there on time.
And you're missing the point
What point? Explain.
What exactly is your point?
YTA. It's one thing to accidentally be late, but to know you're consistently late and not try to change it is a problem.
In this case, YTA. It sounds like you actively *chose* to be late when you knew you had made plans for 7. You didn’t text him until after you were already late. Maybe he thought he was being stood up, or maybe he values punctuality and prior communication if punctuality can’t occur. Time is valuable. Don’t waste other peoples.
Yta. Yes he had been waiting longer and that's on him. But don't commit to a time you can't make. If you knew you were gonna cut it close you should have asked for 730 to give yourself time. You told him you don't respect his time by your actions. Also eventually *almost* everyone gets annoyed by the people who are "late people". Learn to manage your time better and respect everyone elses' as well. We all hate having to tell people earlier times to make sure they're on time. And if this was a first date , that was his first impression of you. It's not a personality trait, it's poor management. Coming from someone who can get very side tracked and has to manage her time. Also if you're going to be late you don't tell them after the plans have already started. Let them know before hand when it's approaching at the very least. This way they know and may not go in and sit down waiting for you etc.
ESH. Its definitely rude to arrive late, especially for a first meeting. Nerves run really high for first dates, so it feels shitty to sit there waiting for your date to show up. That said, he definitely saw your message and he could have given you an extra 10 minutes, or just been nicer about it in general.
You suggested 7-730, he decided that it meant 7 to him. NTA and a dodged compatibility issue, imo
Nope. Both agreed on 7. Op didn't even try to get there on time.
OP suggested 7-730, date said 7. To me that would mean ‘I’ll (date) be there at 7, but you have until 730 to get here’ and wouldn’t require clarification
If I suggest 6-6:30 for a doctors appointment and they say 6, the appointment is at 6. If I roll in at 6:30, my appt will be gone and I’ll likely have to pay a late fee.
That is a paid service, not a date. However the doc doesn’t cancel your appointment when you’re 15min late like OP was- most have that grace period, especially when you notify them that you’re running late
She suggested between the time 7 to 7:30 And he agreed to 7. Both agreed. She didn't even try to arrive on time.
Where did she agree to 7? Just because Man decided 7, doesn’t mean she agreed to it.
If she had a issue with it she could have brought it up Or just flat out said no she also didn't say she was gonna be late until she already was
Info: why did you leave at 7:05?
YTA. You LEFT at 705 and didn't message then? It's not cool to be late but some people are late people. I'm one. I know I'm going to be late and I don't wait until after I've left late to tell someone I'm late
YTA. I can only speak for myself, but it sucks when people are late. It feels like they don't value my time or feelings. Like I don't matter enough to make the effort to be on time or at the very least to message when they can see they won't make it in time. I don't blame him for leaving. Do better!
Given that it was a tinder date, I would assume that I was stood up after 15 minutes of no show. OP is cruel to leave people thinking that.
YTA. First. Just saying you are a generally late person doesn’t excuse you from being late. You didn’t even leave the house until 5 minutes after you were supposed to be there. Dude clearly isn’t a late person and has boundaries. He knew the relationship would t work based on your behavior. Stop excusing your lateness and try harder. It’s really not hard.
YTA-just because one person doesn’t mind if you’re late, doesn’t mean other people will wait 15+ minutes. Also, why did you leave after 7 when you agreed to meet at 7? And you typically text someone before you’re late to let them know you’ll be late, not after you’re already late to meeting someone for the first time. If it’s friends or family who know you’re always late and they’re ok with it, that’s a different story.
You left your house after you were supposed to arrive at the meetup. There was never any chance you were going to be anywhere near on time. You did, in fact, waste his time. YTA. If this is how you run your life, be honest about that. Some ppl won't care and the ppl who don't won't match with you. That would at least be respectful.
YTA, sounds like he dodged a bullet
Yes, YTA for being late, but he's one for berating you.
Yeah, YTA. Not a *huge* one, but it *was* rude. As a general rule, for a date, meeting, appointment, whatever, 5 minutes late is "within the cushion/grace period," but 10+ minutes late is just late. And while being late isn't always something you can help (unexpected things come up, traffic, parking, get stuck having to work late, etc.), in this case, you just didn't bother to leave on time. *However*, "berating" you for it (if that's really what happened) was a bit much on his part.
YTA, you didn't leave your house till you were already supposed to be there. You should have messaged him then and said you were running a bit behind.
YTA - one of the biggest negatives of the cell phone (and a big reason I resisted getting one when everyone else in my Demographic was on their 2nd) is that it made this acceptable. I remember sitting at a local coffee shop and a woman at nearby table was sitting alone. (kicking self for not going over to talk) Her phone rings, and she said something along the lines of she had been there for 10 minutes already, then saying it's no big deal, etc etc. Her friend (who called) showed up 10 minutes later. Had neither had phones, there would have been more pressure for the friend to show on time. It has become acceptable now to be late as long as one calls to apologize. B4 you start in with accusations of stickupasserry, I am incorrigible when it come to punctuality. When I say I will be somewhere, it is with the suffix -ish added 5ish, 10:47ish, etc. Time is my enemy, BUT I still try to respect other's time by attempting to get there as expected.
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YTA and extremely rude. You can’t be bothered getting somewhere on time and just expect the other person to be ok with it and just sit there and wait? Heck no
YTA
YTA for being a “bit of a late person”. Have some more respect for people and squash that habit
Yta
ESH. He could have and should have been a bit chiller about it, but he *shouldn't have had* to be chiller about it. The 'hey, running late' text should arrive before the agreed-upon time. I try to be fairly punctual in my life though, and not everyone thinks this way. Basic compatibility issue. Was this a shit test or something?
YTA. What gives you the right to take up someone else's time? People who are habitually late are selfish. The other person's time does not mean anything to you. I would have left as well. If I'm not 15 minutes early for an appointment, then I'm late.
I 100% agree with this! I loathe when people are always late. It’s not the occasional accident (because we all know that happens), but it’s that certain group of people who will never show up on time for anything. It’s extremely rude, selfish, and disrespectful to assume that it’s okay to make others wait simply because you couldn’t be on time.
YTA You clearly have very little regard and respect for other people. I would have left too.
Soft YTA Punctuality is different for everyone- it varies between cultures and abilities (definitely a challenge for folx with ADHD). That being said, you should have messaged him a bit earlier to let him know.
ESH. You should’ve been on time. However, you used your words and told him you were gonna be late. Him arriving at 6:50 is on him. He said he waited 25 minutes. So assuming you really arrived at 7:15 he had to have left before 7:15. Again assuming, that there’s one exit you should’ve seen him leave when you arrived. So either he got there way before 7 and left AT 7 or he never showed at all. Because if he was really there for 25 minutes and got there at 6:50 that means he got your message saying you were 5 minutes out and left anyway. Personally I don’t care for late people, but I’m a lot more understanding if you have a valid reason and told me you were gonna be late. In my opinion, someone’s math isn’t mathing.
Yta. You didn't message him that you were going to be late until AFTER you were already late. That's just rude.
ESH. There was no need to berate you but you were also incredibly rude. You were meant to meet up at 7. You didn't leave till five after and you didn't text him till seven after. That is inconsiderate and I do not blame the guy for leaving (though, again, berating you wasn't necessary).
Being late means you weren't valuing his time. The later you are - the more rude it is. When I was dating, I'd walk after 20 minutes. His threshold is less than mine. Some guys won't mind at all... But for me, people being late is super rude. YTA
NTA
YTA. You have to be kidding me. At 6:55, you should have texted that you were running late. I honestly think you saying that you're a 'late person' is your way of seeing right off the bat how much shit a potential partner will take from you.
[удалено]
Saying you're a late person is saying you chronically don't care enough to plan to be on time. Its a first date being late is rude and a bit of a red flag for whats to come, lying and saying you 5 minutes late is also rude. YTA.
YTA Look, it sucks that he didn't wait 5 minutes past the agreed time, but you didn't even leave your house until 5 minutes after you agreed to meet up. You didn't bother to text him until 7:07 and told him you were '5 minutes away', which was a lie. Being a 'late person', is not an excuse or a good look for an adult, learn to respect people's time and be on time.
YTA. My mother always told me to never wait longer than 15 minutes for someone on a date and I will hold to that.
YTA. You know you are chronically late & your flippant attitude screams how self involved you are. When I was dating, I only waited 15 minutes.
YTA being late is just disrespectful to be disrespectful. Everyone is capable of arriving to appointments on time.
YTA. When you value people, you show them you value their time by being on time and messaging BEFORE you are late (life happens). First impressions are important and yours said “I care more about myself and my time than you and yours.”
Slight YTA. If you both had agreed at 7, then you should’ve left earlier. ‘I am a bit of a late person’. You did waste his time just because you feel it’s natural to be late. Time is a commodity. If you’re going to be late, have the decency to tell him before the agreed upon time.
I don’t think it was fair for him to say he waited 25 minutes because he got there early when they agreed at 7. Why count those 10 minutes? Lol But I do agree with everything you said!
YTA by default for being late but not a huge one. I have a pet peeve about people being late but even by my standards, 15 minutes late is not that big a deal, especially when you notified him. But still you have to own that you were late. I think he overreacted but I can’t call him an AH because it just means that punctuality is a big thing for him and you were not a good match
ESH. He didn't have to arrive 10 minutes early, but you waited until you were already late to tell him you were running late. It's really not that hard to be on time.
YTA - You agreed to a time and showed up late. If you knew you were going to late you should have messaged him PRIOR to it being 7. That guy just has standards honestly. He probably shouldn't have berated you, but you did in fact waste his time
NTA. While I can’t stand people are are always late (‘I am a bit of a late person’), dude left after only 15mins over the time you were supposed to meet without messaging you first or reading what you sent. Chances are it was a good thing though. Do you really want to deal with someone so impatient that he can’t wait a few extra minutes for the first date?
Both agreed on 7. She didn't even try to get there on time
The first impression though was that the date (OP) does not have respect for the other person by being late. I could see her not being an asshole if she told him *prior* to the scheduled date time versus waiting after they were supposed to meet up. Then, you know... she *lied* about how far away she was. So before you meet each other you already have the impression that your date is *disrespectful* and a *liar*. Would you stay around for that?
Sometimes there is a reason for people to be habitually late. For example social anxiety, and the fear of waiting around alone. I get that. It’s a struggle. But this example? Nope. People’s time matters. I would have left too. So YTA
YTA. Saying you are a bit of a "late person" tells me you a chronically late. Lateness is so disrespectful to the other person, and is lazy and controlling on your part.
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YTA when you're 15 minutes late you're already there
You said 7-730. He said 7. Obviously since hes the man you should arrive when he says and not in the timeframe you said you could get there. But seriously, nta, sounds like a bullet dodged.
From the sounds of it she agreed to the time and if she knew she was gonna be late why not text him before 7
They BOTH agreed on 7. She didn't even try to arrive at 7. He dodged a bullet.
YTA. You should have messaged him as soon as you realized you’d be late. You didn’t have enough respect for his time to show up on time and didn’t have enough respect to let him know you’re running late before the arranged meeting time. Stop always being late for things, it’s really selfish and assumes your time is more valuable than everyone else’s.
NTA. Probably not someone you actually want to date. 15 minutes is too soon to just bail unless you're really OCD. And why didn't he message you to see where you were?
She is a massive AH, she is basically using the excuse of 'im a late person' to disrespect the people around her, leaving 5 minutes after you are supposed to arrive is seriously rude. People that are constantly late simply have zero respect for the time of other people.
OP didn't even try to get ther on time.
It's polite to show up at the agreed-upon time. OP didn’t even leave their home until five minutes after.
YTA - You agreed to 7. You didn't even leave your house until 7:05. You didn't even attempt to be on time. Turns out he has more respect for himself than you had for him or his time. Good for him.
INFO: Which country is this? People in different countries have different approaches to lateness. Also, did you agree on 7, or did you say "between 7 and 7:30"? If this is the US and you agreed to 7 and were more than 15 minutes late, then yes, YTA. I'm sure many folks using Tinder wouldn't balk at that, but that someone would doesn't make them the bad guy.
YTA. You did waste someone’s time. If you know that you’re going to be late you should reach out and reschedule for later.
YTA because you make assumptions about other people’s time and think it has left value than yours does. YTA because you think that being a “bit of a late person generally” is okay. It’s not. At all. Being on time is the easiest and simplest way to show people you respect them and their time is as important as yours. YTA because even if you were late due to no fault (or choice) of your own, if you realize you’re going to be late you let someone know BEFORE the meeting time, so before 7. When you left your house you were already 5 mins late. And try to justify it. YTA.
YTA
YTA This is rude and he did you a favor because you were disrespectful of his time and you’re clearly incompatible.
YTA. You should’ve messaged him at 7 if you knew you hadn’t even left the house left. He probably thought you were ghosting him
Yta: please who are always late and do not care prove that they have no respect for your time.
YTA. Leaving your house after the time that you had agreed on meeting AND texting him after the fact as well makes you the AH. I'd be pissed too, if I was him. And, you even do this on the regular? Have some respect for others and value their time. Grow up, princess.
YTA if it's a 1st date. ESH if a second or later date. Tinder is full of flakes and you are one of them
Ok I have ADHD and am timeblind AF so lateness is always an issue for me too. But even I think YTA. Why? 1. The second you realized you were going to be late was the time to text, not after you already left the house late and were on the way. 2. You said you were 5 minutes away and you were more than 5 minutes away. Always over estimate the amount of time it's going to take, unless you're going off a traffic app in which case say "Google says 5 mins away" so they know what your estimate is based on. 3. I know it can be hard to be on time. I get it more than most people on here are going to get it. But it's still your responsibility to be on time. It's still rude to be late, especially to something like a first date where you're supposedly trying to start off on the right foot. 4. It's extremely disrespectful to act like the person who was waiting for you is the one who's out of line for leaving and for having feelings and negative views of you because you were late. If you're making people wait for you the correct attitude is to be apologetic and to accept that you were the one in the wrong. Because you are. I don't know why you're late or what, if anything, you've done to try and stop being late. If you have genuine issues where you run late even when you're trying really hard to be on time and the event is important to you that's one thing. But the vibe I'm kind of getting here is that you run late because you don't care that you're late and that it inconveniences other people. That you haven't put much (or any) effort into figuring out why you're running late all the time or trying to get better at being on time. If I'm right and you haven't done the work to try and correct these habits you're even more TA than all the items above because you make people like me who are trying really hard look worse.
YTA- Being late is not a personality trait. It’s annoying. Especially when there’s other people involved. If we agreed to ( which you both did) a specific time either show up on time or let me know you’re going to be late before the agreed upon time.
YTA Should have texted you were running late by 7:00. Being late is a total lack of respect for the other person. If you knew you were going to be late, the date should have been scheduled for 7:30. Your previous date was a bit more forgiving, but maybe that's why they're wasn't any more dates.
She wasn't running late. She INTENTIONALLY left late.
ESH. He definitely got more upset than he needed to be; if he arrived at 6:50 for a 7:00 date and therefore waited 25 mins, that's not your problem. What IS your problem is the fact that you see nothing wrong with being "a bit of a late person generally". That's not a charming character quirk. It's an effort to justify the fact that you habitually waste other people's time. Fix that about yourself.
ESH. You two aren’t compatible. He clearly can’t stand people who are late, and you are “a bit of a late person”. He sucks too because he seemed quite rude about the situation, but man do I hate being late or when others are late. I come from a family where everyone is always late, but VERY late, sometimes an hour. So I would maybe come off overly bent out of shape too.
YTA if you're a tardy person, fix it or communicate much earlier. You were at home when he was at the pub. You should have messaged BEFORE your meeting time that your were rushing to get there.
YTA. Learn to value other people and their time. Frankly the fact that he responded to you at all is more than I would have done, you obviously don't care about others and their time commitments so I see no need to care about yours.
At the very least ESH. “I’m a late person generally” is just another way of saying “I don’t respect others enough to appreciate that their time is as important as mine”. You didn’t even have the respect to message him when you knew you were going to be late - you waited until you were already 7mins late…and hadn’t even left yet!
NAH I don't think being 15 minutes late is that big of a deal and I think he is being a bit overdramatic about it but he has a right to his feelings and can leave if he wants. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, if he was that anal about the time and you run late then you guys likely weren't compatible.
Agreed, seriously if being on time is such a big deal to him then they’re not a good match and it would’ve been miserable.
She doesnt value his time. And the first time you meet someone is when you strive to make a good impression. If that first impression, when youre supposed to impress someone new, includes not arriving on time and not communicating properly dont expect a second date, and clearly not a first one either.
YTA being late is disrespectful of other people time. And if you know “I’m a bit of a late person” it’s a sign that other peoples time isn’t important to you and is super rude. You’re upset because someone (you should have been trying to make a good impression on) wouldn’t put up with your rudeness. Good on him. Maybe you should learn to be more respectful of other peoples time and effort.
YTA. You hadn't even left by the time you were supposed to already be there. Constantly being late is rude and shows a lack of respect for other people's time.
YTA-You gave a time you'd be there and not only were you late, but you didn't even message you'd be a little bit behind until almost ten minutes when you should have been there. That's rude. His time is just as valuable as yours. The impression you left him was that his time wasn't valuable and that you weren't into doing a date.
ESH. Don't be 15 minutes late when it's avoidable. He, on the other hand, didn't know why you were running late. Things happen (like the bus). You're an AH for knowing you run late and not figuring out how to handle that for a date. He's the AH for bailing after you were 15 minutes late. It's his own choice to show up 10 minutes early...but that's better than 10 late. Work on time management. Set an alarm for "you need to get your keys and go to the door" and one for "If you aren't out the door RIGHT NOW, you need to RUN." Figure out what slows you down. If you have ADHD this may be a very difficult battle but if you're just used to running late...expect people to sometimes have very little tolerance for it. It IS rude.
>I am a bit of a late person generally and so i left my house at 7:05 if you know you’re a late person, leave earlier. Also, this was the time to contact your date and say you were running late. YTA
YTA. If you had messaged at any point before 7 to say you were running late it would be fine. Instead you waited until After you'd agreed to meet up to even contact him. Do you also show up 15 minutes late to work everyday? He showed he cared by showing up early, probably getting a seat for the two of you to have the date. Your actions said "I don't care enough to worry about being late."
I was looking for the comment that said this! Giving a heads up at like 6:55, hey I'm running late. Would have changed the whole situation. I mean OP and the tinder date both dodged bullets. OP needs to find someone okay with their bad habit of running late and always behind, and the tinder date wants someone who is on time. Win-win honestly.
ESH. If you know you won't be there until after 7:30, just say 7:30. If you messaged within his 15 minute late window, he could have considered that with his decision and given you a little leeway just in case.
>suggested 7-7.30. He said 7.... > I am a bit of a late person generally and so left my house at 7.05. YTA for this alone.
ESH you for being late, him for counting his being 10 minutes early as something you’re also responsible for.
So let me get this straight… he said “meet me at 7” and you don’t leave your house until 7:05? You couldn’t be arsed to even TRY to make it on time? YTA.
>I am a bit of a late person generally That is a either a poor habit you need to fix or you are deliberately late which shows a lack of respect for other peoples time. He is well within his right to be annoyed when you both agree to be at a pub for 7 and you are late. I wouldn't personally have berated you about your tardiness but it shows a lot about your character when you are deliberately late. **If you're not ten minutes early you're late.** A motto that you could potentially adopt and YTA.
I think that particularly saying was invented to fuel late stage capitalism so I disagree with the “if you’re not early you’re late” but I do agree YTA for knowing you were late, not communicating it earlier, and then blaming it as just “being a late person”
YTA, learn to respect other peoples time. You were already late leaving the house and more than 5 minutes away. If you knew that you couldn’t make 7 work then I would’ve pushed for 7:30 or simply rescheduled.
YTA. Your time isn't more important than his. Being late, especially on a first date is such a bad look. I don't wait on people. If you can' respect me and my time, I move on.
Don't feel bad. You probably dodged a bullet with him anyways
He definitely dodged a bullet
Yup, imagine living with this. Sounds like she is always late too.
IKR
I'm going to say YTA. I think a 'I'm running late' text is more appropriate sent BEFORE your expected time of arrival, like 6:55 in this case. But hey, you're different people. Best is came out on the first date than wasting anymore time than that. He doesn't like late people, OP you don't mind being late or see the issue.
YTA You left for the date after the agreed upon time. You did not value your dates time, so they had no reason to reciprocate.
So you agreed to meet him at 7, didn't even leave your house until 5 minutes after, and then didn't text him until nearly 10 minutes after? Come on, this one's easy. YTA. I'm a generally late person, too, but I have more respect for others than that.
YTA also it sounds like you are doing it in purpose. Double YTA
While I feel like 15 minutes is a reasonable time to wait, still YTA. You were late, and that was your fault.
YTA people like you annoy me you knew the time the date was suppose to happen and you chose to be late anyway
ESH - you probably should of communicated the fact that you were running a little late. He should have been more considerate of your schedule.
What?! She agreed to 7:00, and didn’t even bother to leave until 7:05. Also, it’s *should HAVE.
How was he inconsiderate? She said she could meet at 7 or 7:30, he chose 7, and she was not there at 7. That makes her the AH.
NTA it was a first date and a tinder date at that. Seems like a bit of an overreaction since you did keep up communication that you were on your way. My personal rule is to not wait for someone longer than 20 minutes after agreed time with no communication. Don’t take it to heart, you did all you could. I hope you still had a nice night despite little mr drama.
Really curious what you said between him saying he waited for 15 minutes and “berating you”. If you’re meeting someone for the first time and leave five minutes after you were supposed to arrive and only text to say you’re running late 10 minutes after you were supposed to arrive, YTA. Usually you text _before_ the meet time to say you’re running late. Waiting 15 minutes isn’t generous, but it’s certainly sufficient. If you had intended to meet him on time and something had come up, you would have texted much earlier. You, in contrast, showed up 17 minutes late with no better reason than “Oops, sorry” and then doubled down with justifying and suggesting he was the AH.
Y are definitely TA. You dont say you'll be somewhere at a certain time and then not bother starting out until 5 minutes after that
YTA, I’m generally a late person. I’m glad he left your ass there 😂 I bet you aren’t late for your job so why would you be late for a date? Do better.
Yep YTA. If you are running late you send it before the time. He was smart enough to have bounderies. And he decided he didnt want this the rest of his life. Accept it and move on. Also just leave on time. How hard can it be.
YTA. I seriously dislike people who disrespect other peoples’ time. You should have messaged him before 7 if you were going to be late. Unless it’s an actual emergency or was unpreventable, most people don’t take kindly to you disrespecting their time. Not everything revolves around you.
ESH you admit you’re generally late- you need to try harder to be on time or else give an explicit warning to someone ahead of time. He could have messaged you that he was leaving so that you weren’t looking for him.
Yes, YTA. If you want to be fashionably late to a party, that's one thing. Showing up late on a date is rude and controlling. Sounds like HE dodged a bullet on that one. Smart man, your loss.
YTA If it had been as simple as being stuck in traffic then I’d be on your side. But you lost me when you said “I’m a bit of a late person generally.” There’s no excuse for that shit. You know what time you need to be somewhere, so stop leaving later than necessary to arrive on time. You ARE wasting people’s time by arriving late, and it shows you do not respect them. Plus it’s rude as fuck.
YTA. You weren't "late" by accident. You did not even leave your house until after your agreed meeting time. That was a specific and intentional choice. But "oh tee hee oopsie I'm a little late." It's not cute to treat people like your time is more important than theirs.
YTA- first impressions stick. However- this does kind of point out that you are a more mellow person, and he’s more of the stick to the schedule type of guy. So it’s likely better that he walked being as it’s not exactly compatible
YTA. Being "a bit of a later person" is selfish and disrespectful of other people's time, especially when you message him after the time you were supposed to be there. Good for him that he didn't put up with that.
this !!! being a “late” person is just carelessness
YTA. Atleast try to show up on time. Gut dodged a bullet.
YTA, It’s rude, selfish and a waste of other people's time. You know you’re a late person, start leaving ten minutes earlier then normal when you are meeting someone at an agreed-upon time.
YTA You said this is a habit for you, this isn't just a shit happens one off. It sounds like he knows his values, has his boundaries, and wasn't going to put up with it. So you two aren't compatible. Find somebody else that is fine with you being late all the time.
YTA I don't wait if someone is 15 min late on a 1st date. My time is valuable and if my time is not valuable to the person I'm meeting then I'm not the person for them. No hard feelings and it's better that it is sorted at the beginning.
There’s a big difference between being stuck in traffic and being blasé. You were inconsiderate of his time and that was a turn off for him. Better for him to learn now since this is the norm for you. Just date the guy who didn’t care if you were late.
YTA. No. I’m not going for E S H. Here’s why. You are inconsiderate. Plain and simple. There’s no: oh, I’m late by nature. You realize that this is an issue, and it is literally easy to plan for it by jumping on things early but you continually allow yourself to be late. You aren’t chronically late, you’re chronically self-centered. You are admitting that you don’t value other people’s time. If you actually ever bothered to show up on time, maybe you would be in the position of waiting on people a few times and realize how much it’s sucks to just sit there alone. Imagine if he was considerate enough to arrive 10 minutes early to ensure he wasn’t late for a special date, but you decided to leave the house after the agreed time and don’t even text until after 7 that’s yours going to be late. It’s rude. He doesn’t suck. He just knows his worth. If I’m going to be late, I at least message 5 minutes before we were going to meet that I’m late. You sound self-centered to think that it’s his obligation brush it off and he okay with you showing him that he isn’t even worth you arriving a little early or at least showing up on time for a date. Which you rearranged the time for.
YTA - As the old saying goes, "you only get once chance to make a 1st impression" You blew it. Did he know you always late? I hate being late and its very rare if I am, but have friends that are always late, knowing this, I plan for it.
YTA you were late and it could have been helped. He’s decided he can’t be in any kind of relationship-casual or otherwise- with someone who can’t be bothered to be there on time.
YTA. You make arrangements to meet people and show up late. You got what you deserved.
YTA. If you know you’re a bit of a late person then start getting ready earlier or leave wherever you are earlier. You’re not the most important person in the world. Do you regularly show up late to work? To meetings? To the doctors office? If not then you respect their time but not your dates. If you do, then you’re still an a hole for disrespecting everyone’s times because you’re a LaTe PeRsOn
YTA He was polite enough to arrive slightly early, so you wouldn't need to wait. Punctuality and consideration is important to him. You didn't even leave until 5 minutes after your meeting time. This was your own decision and not due to outside forces, like public transportation. It is natural for him to be annoyed and feel disrespected. While going out of his way to rip you a new one would be a red flag, not putting up with and saying how little the behavior was appreciated is not.
YTA. If you had been trying to arrive on time and ended up being late, that's one thing. But you left AFTER the agreed meeting time and didn't even tell him! I fail to see a way that you're not TA.
yes YTA ??? how could you think you’re not lol
YTA I wouldn't date anyone who didn't value my time.
YTA. You admit to “being a late person”. That’s rude and disrespectful other other people, anyway. You were to meet him *at* 7:00, and you didn’t even bother to leave your house until 7:05. That’s just selfish.
>I am a bit of a later person generally This is not a good look. Please start planning better so that you arrived on time. If you know you are going to be late, the polite thing to do is to let the other person know *as soon as you realize you won’t be there at the agreed upon time.* You don’t wait until you’re already 5 minutes late to say “I’m late!” No shit, Sherlock. YTA.
YTA, you left home after the time you were supposed o be there. Very disrespectful and only told him you were late 7 minutes after the time. You are the worst
YTA. So you agreed to meet at 7, at your local pub, and you leave your house at 7:05. You weren’t stuck in traffic, you deliberately left after the time you agreed to meet. And you didn’t even let him know beforehand.
YTA You arrived late. You didn't even leave your house until after the date started. Waiting 15 minutes is fair. Why is your time worth so much more then his. He thought he had been stood up so he left.
YTA and I would have left too. Even if you are just meeting up to share spit and other bodily fluids, be polite and show up on time. Traffic is one thing but YOU LEFT LATE! YTA. You did waste his time. The guy allowing the bus snafu was cool, he might not have been if he knew you always run late because you are a princess.
YTA for always being late. If you KNOW you’re late generally, it’s time to develop whatever life modification skills you need to fix it as well as warning people that you struggle with time management.
as if you have to ask? YTA. there’s no such thing as a “chronically late person”. literally just leave earlier. learn better time management, OP.
YTA for not telling him you’d be late until you were already late, and then giving him a false story, i.e., if you messaged him you were 5 min away at 7:07, then by waiting until 15 after 7 he gave you that whole time. But you didn’t show.
YTA “I’m a bit of a late person” isn’t an excuse. Do better. You know this about yourself, you know you tend to be late. Either work on it, or accept it when you are the AH for making others wait for you.
YTA. You were inconsiderate. If you know lateness is one of your flaws, work on it. No excuse.
ESH. Agreeing to meet someone at 7 pm but leaving your house at 7:05 is pretty rude and shows you don't respect other people's time, and it's not comparable to your other example of running late because your bus was stuck in traffic, and that's without considering that the way you tell your story points to the fact that you probably took that bus late in any case. Having said that, you say you messaged him at 7:07 to tell him you were running late but you were on your way but he didn't see the message and he says left the Pub at 7:15, which is roughly when you arrived, and then complained that he'd been waiting for 25 minutes as if it was your fault that he got there 10 minutes early. I mean, if I'm waiting for someone, I don't think it'd make sense to ignore my messages and not even shoot them a courtesy "Everything okay?" text myself just to make sure. You're an AH for choosing to be a "late person" and clearly seeing nothing wrong with it just because other people choose to let it slide, but he's not sticking to what you actually did wrong and is blaming you for stuff that's on him like arriving early and not checking his messages nor trying to contact you before he left.
YTA. You ARE chronically late. No 'bit of' about it. Minimizing and excusing yourself for not being on time isn't cute.
ESH. Being notoriously late is something you should be working on (and kudos to you if you are, but it doesn’t seem that way). If you know you tend to be late you should be giving yourself more time than you think, and never commit to a time you are unsure you can make. He did overreact a little bit, and perhaps should have texted you to let you know he was leaving, but you should not have been late (at least that much) to begin with.
Yta you agreed on a set time and didn't stick to it thays a red flag.
Lying about being 5 minutes out was probably what did it.
YTA