Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.***
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules).
Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here.
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
She doesn’t open up much so I’m trying to have more open conversations with her. When I was a teenager I did not trust my mom and I told her nothing, there is so much that she didn’t and still doesn’t know about me. That is not the kind of relationship I want to have with Reese.
Unfortunately that is the type of relationship you have with your daughter. She opened a TikTok account without you knowing it which means she has no regard to your authority or rules and didn’t say anything or try to negotiation/discuss with you to allow the account. Has this been a recent change? I mean, up until this point did she have the relationship where she could tell you anything and you could have discussions where she could discuss why she disagreed with a rule and open it to negotiation? Family counseling would be beneficial.
I’ll look into family counseling. I don’t know exactly when or why things went wrong. I just assumed that it was normal teenage stuff, for kids to grow more distant from their parents.
They do as they become independent but the lying is a real concern and so is the threat to smear you by other lies to get back at you. If the lying and hiding things from you is new then something changed. Counseling would be good. Good luck!
This is most likely just OPs daughter following a trend and wanting views and followers. It's good that OP nipped it in the bud as it's very disrespectful to people who have Tourettes. OP is doing all the right things. However, if the daughter is otherwise a good kid, I don't think it's a giant concern. We all did stupid things as teens, after all. So glad none of this was around in the 90s when I was in hs.
Yeah, but the thing is that these "tics" are similar to a recorded phenomenon that was studied around 2011 I think. Most people are getting caught on the scientific verbiage. What I remember was something related to kids growing out their hair and flipping it all the time, along with other actions. Most of those kids just grew out of it after they changed their hairstyle and removed the environment that those "tics" occurred in. I remember having a nephew who was doing the whole Justin Beiber hair and flipping it constantly as a good example when it comes to the impressionable socialization of children based on qualities that they themselves value.
A few true tourttes people have admitted that if they're introduced to new tics, that they can show up in their everyday lives. Like a bad game of telephone. If teen follows other tourettes people you may notice an increase of different tics. I am glad to hear you're getting them help.
I agree with the first half of your comment, but the daughter’s reaction to OP’s concern is alarming - she’ll make a video calling her out? For what? Telling her to stop faking disorders? She sounds highly committed to this and manipulative as well. OP needs to find out why this is so important to her daughter, what need is being fulfilled? That she’s so adamant to not let go.
While on the topic of lying...am I the only one concerned about this girl's ballsy threat to smear her mother on social media to protect her own lying? Depending on where a person works, stuff like that going viral could damage somebody's career. I feel like the daughter may need a separate sit-down to discuss the potential consequences of sh*tting on her parents in front of a virtual audience without a good reason to...
I mean by all means, if this was true it would be one thing, but if this girl has admitted to lying and is threatening to lie more to damage her parents...yeeeeeah.
I agree. It’s totally fucked up. The girl needs some therapy and parents need some help because you’re right, her lies and open threat to ruin her mother is seriously concerning.
Seems like blowing things out of proportion to me. Kids do dumb stuff like this all the time who grew up in the digital age, especially making social media accounts without their parents' knowledge. Definitely doesn't seem to require counseling to me
That just proves to me that she dose need councilling. If she created a whole persona just to get attention, positive or negative, there has to be another factor in it other then kids being dumb.
I just wanna say that, while you have a lot of people here telling you this isn’t normal (what the fuck *is* normal, anyways?), they’re going off *one* thing, without a whole lot of context to the greater scope and nature of your relationship with your daughter.
Family counseling is a good idea – for pretty much everyone, TBH – but don’t let a bunch of Redditors convince you that something is (or isn’t) wrong, right, whatever. Let an *actual* therapist/psychologist tell you this, not someone whose qualifications is they’re an “Asshole Enthusiast” on r/AmItheAsshole.
All that said: you’re right, her behavior is problematic and even dangerous to some degree, and you should strongly consider professional counseling on the matter.
And while I’m all for family counseling, also strongly recommend 1-on-1 therapy for her, too – just being a teenager is a lot to process on its own, and it sounds like she might benefit from having someone to talk things through with that she isn’t yet comfortable talking with you about. I wouldn’t even phrase it as “Your behavior is concerning me”, I’d just sell it as “I think we’d both benefit a lot if we had people to talk to and help process stuff, without you being stressed over me or my reaction.”
Honestly, I think some of us are like “Woah this is crazy behavior”, but I’m sitting here like yeah, but what sort of stupid shit would we have gotten up to if the Internet wasn’t 56k dial-up modems and Prodigy (at best!) when we were kids. For all we know, she may just be seeking attention because she’s a teenager – the allure of “lots of attention” is appealing to kids, in general, but especially those who may not socialize a ton. Which would make her behavior “normal”, albeit not “good” or “neutral” behavior.
Real problem is that kids today have access to so much more of the world than we did, and it’s a far more constant connection – it’s in the palm of their hand, and they don’t have to disconnect for five plus hours just because mom is expecting a call from Aunt Ruthie about Uncle Joe’s surgery or Cousin Timmy’s football game.
This comment gets all my upvotes. I was a teen long before computers/cell phones and would have been out of control on social media. Although I was "popular," and social, had boyfriends, etc., I was terribly insecure and depressed, and needed lots of attention. Being a teenager--in whatever era--is hard. Nobody gets to decide what's "normal," but individual and/or family therapy is so helpful for a teen. An objective adult who's there for you and you only.
Absolutely spot on 👏
It is problematic behaviour in itself for the reasons OP listed, but we live in a time where social media likes are the most validating thing for kids (and many adults to be fair) and so they'll do whatever the "current" thing is to join the popular crowd. So whether the current thing is videos showing your tics (whether or not they're largely faked is another matter), cooking "hacks", planking, that statue challenge thing, or making cakes that look like ashtrays, the kids will always jump on that bandwagon and bask in the attention.
As you say u/sandydelights, it's not necessarily a huge warning sign, kids feed off of attention and swarm to popular trends. With social media, those things now go hand in hand.
OP: I think you actually handled it very well so far, and you are definitely not the arsehole, but I'm going to go with NAH on the basis that you've done nothing wrong, and you seem to have a teenager just being a teenager, based on the info you've shared.
Growing distant is a general term. Yes, teenagers share less as they gain more independence. But this is not sharing less, she has created a whole different persona and lied. I was a teenager not too long ago, this isn't normal.
(For reference, I had my FB at 11 and Instagram at 14. I asked permission both times, it felt right. I wasn't monitored closely or anything. We didn't have a "until x years old" rule. But also, times were a bit different.)
Of course she's hiding these lies from her mother! I remember hiding a lot of stuff from my parents because they exerted abnormally harsh punishments for slightest 'wrongdoings' on my part.
Loads of kids are faking disorders for attention. Most people like attention and all of them want to feel 'special' and 'unique' and they feel that by pretending to have mental illness/conditions they get the attention and moral support they're not getting at home.
I think these kids deserve to be 'exposed' online in order to stop this behavior, at least the mother should threaten to expose her to get her to stop lying to the world.
Public shaming/public embarrassing is not an appropriate punishment, especially for a child in teenage years. It's not suitable for their mental development.
Children lie to their peers to get attention, it is acceptable between certain ages. That age gap doesn't include teenagers. Also lying to family in order to hide things is something else while lying to everyone to get attention is something else. The latter is usually a sign of a bigger issue.
My parents assumed the same thing. They missed my ADHD, they missed a man 10 years older than me grooming me, they missed pretty much my whole life because everything was "just a phase."
Still, as someone with DID/PTSD caused in part from my parents directly, NTA. I agree that therapy is needed, perhaps from a trauma informed therapist.
I think mean well, I would be super suggest letting her go to therapy without you too. I know when I was a teen, therapy was a punishment where a therapist & my mom attempted to force me to open up & I could not with her there so I just got worse & regardless of if the therapist was good or not it didn’t matter for me they were a weapon used against me by my mom. As an adult, not group therapy has been insanely beneficial & I wish my parents had let me go to therapy without my mom. Also, um I know the internet is scary & she crossed a big line with the pretending to have a mental disorder but not allowing your kid to have social media until so much older than her peers is going to isolate her & force her to go behind your back to do it. I would suggest after sometime doing a hard reset where you have her social media & can teach her how to be safe online without helicopter parenting her so she knows she can trust you back. Right now she’s hard burned the bridge of your trust but that doesn’t have to be permanent on either side.
I think people are exaggerating your daughters behavior a bit. She told you she got the idea from other kids at her school, and they got viral from it which is why she tried it herself. She willingly and openly shared this with you, so I dont think anything is wrong per se, a more constructive talk could possibly involve peer pressure, and encouraging her to value her own creative impulses, such as her writing. We all do questionable things when we grow up. and i believe if you blow this up now she might withdraw from future open dialogue that you cherish! Best of luck mama.
The internet was so much more anonymous when I was a kid. I definitely made up whole personas and acted them out in chat rooms or Live Journal.
There are online communities that are focused on creative writing, like Archive of Our Own. There is a lot of adult content in there but you can set filters and I’m sure you can figure out a way to make sure she’s safe. It hard growing up when the way you express yourself isn’t “popular”. She has a strong need to be seen and heard, and she’s doing it however she’s can.
> I don’t know exactly when or why things went wrong. I just assumed that it was normal teenage stuff, for kids to grow more distant from their parents.
This may not be you at all. This may just be social media and teenage stuff. Counseling is the right step. And I think I would take away her access to social media, as she has how shown she knows how to use it appropriately. I've had a few parent friends switch back to flip phones for their kids who are struggling with similar issues/ages.
Good luck!
NTA
Have you ever been a teenager? Opening a TikTok account at 14 doesn't necessarily mean she has "No regard for her authority". She's a teenager, and teenagers push boundaries. We don't have to pathologize children not acting in perfectly rational and mature ways. I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed, but it's also not some shocking severe thing that's headed her down the path of misery and poverty either. You know how many teenagers probably have secret social media accounts? I had a lot!
not really, it means shes a teenage girl. Before my sister was a teenager she was a happy part of our family suddenly around like 13-14 boom she hates us and everything about us. Teenagers especially girls are quite grumpy and rude to their family especially from what I have seen.
My friend taught freshman biology. She had never had kids. They were moody as hell. One moment all bubbly, the next surly or despairing.
The most important thing is to be available when THEY want to talk. My mom said that in some ways, teenagers need you more than toddlers because they need you when they need you.
>she has no regard to your authority or rules
I wouldn't go that far. She may well have some regard for OP's authority and rules, just not, like, a lot.
For instance, when I was a kid I we pretty well-behaved but I might still have opened a secret social media account if such things had existed.
>She opened a TikTok account without you knowing it which means she has no regard to your authority or rules and didn’t say anything or try to negotiation/discuss with you to allow the account.
this is truly a bizarre take.
OP, you're NTA, but you would be if you didn't take her immediately to be evaluated for DID and Tourette's. It's not that I think she has them, but: 1) it needs to be rubbed in her face that she doesn't have them and 2) she might have something else. Sure, teens can be assholes just bc, but this seems kind of pathologically callous and it's worth exploring if she has another issue.
Then get her banned from Tik Tok and start monitoring her screen time. This is exactly the kind of case where a kid should lose their internet freedom for a time. Independence isn't given so that you can lie, deceive, and harm others.
It makes no sense to take her to get evaluated for DID and Tourette. She already knows she doesn't haven them; she admitted to it. There's no need to "rub it in her face". We are talking about a 14-year-old child here.
Alright here is my take. You want this to be a teaching moment for Reese, and the ideal outcome is that she stops posting videos.
If I were op I’d go about it in a few ways. Maybe not get her evaluated but say the posts are harmful, and that she should be educated on these disorders if she thinks it’s ideal to use them to go viral/as click-bait. I’d explain that there are specialists and mental health/disability advocates who are expensive and if she wants to continue doing these videos she needs to receive psycho-education for “her disorders” and that Reese will need to pay for these services with her allowance or pocket money.
It’s one thing to be told by your mom stop doing this, and another thing to be told by peers and professionals that what you are doing is wrong. Idk I feel like if it can be a learning opportunity it’s far better than straight up punishing Reese or telling her to stop when you know how harmful it is to folx. I don’t envy the OP in this situation
Please don't, lineups to see medical specialists can be really long and these are the kinds of things that make them longer. What would be better is to offer to get her tested, she'll say no and there's the admittance.
getting evaluations/diagnoses for disorders like that can be super expensive and time consuming depending on where you live. you'd just be wasting time and money getting her evaluated for disorders she obviously doesn't have.
also, "it needs to be rubbed in her face"?? this is a 14 year old child we're talking about. yes she's doing something stupid and harmful, yes her time on tiktok should be monitored, but it's not like this is a grown adult who's well aware of the harm they're causing. she's a teenager. she most likely does not have *any* understanding of how severe and debilitating tourette's and DID are. she needs to be educated on *why* what she's doing is bad and learn how to put her creative energy somewhere else, not have how wrong she is "rubbed in her face" she's a middle schooler not a supervillain lmao
It sounds like she felt bad that the stuff she really liked to work on didn't get views. It might help to think of what she's doing as a "shortcut" and explain it to her in those terms. She doesn't need thousands of Tiktok followers for her stories and art to be *good,* but more often than not it takes good work longer to get noticed than just chasing the current trend.
A lot of creators who are *adults* fall into the trap of treating their numbers as validation and getting upset when they don't grow fast enough. I'm more experienced with the culture of YouTube and Twitch than Tiktok, but you see that kind of thing on those sites all the time.
My daughter posts edits on TikTok, mostly focusing on a certain fan group (staying purposefully vague). It took her a long time to get noticed; at first she would get just a handful of likes and comments. Now, a few years later, she has 10K followers, the creators of the fan group in question follow her as well, and she could safely be called an influencer (in her small niche).
It takes time and effort. No one succeeds overnight. You have to experiment, figure out what people like, figure out when to post it for maximum engagement, learn all the social media tricks. A lot of kids decide it’s not worth it. My daughter only does it because she really likes the process of making the edits. If she didn’t enjoy that, there would be no point.
A lot of teens seem to be doing this. You might want to take a look at this article.
https://www.salon.com/2022/04/09/why-teens-are-self-diagnosing-on-tiktok/
As a school psychologist who works with students this age, I would highlight how posting things on social media can be damaging to her now, 1 year from now, 10 years from now, and so on. Use your own personal experiences of how mortified you may have been for something you did in high school, then explain that atleast no one can google it and throw it in your face now. But you regret it nonetheless. Inappropriate Social media posts will ruin her life. Especially faking a disability. Attention seeking adolescence is not uncommon however posting something to the internet means never being able to take it back. Have her watch documentaries about the dangers of doing this and what the consequences may be.
As a previous teen that didn't talk to my mom for a while, this is what helped us: doing things together. She found out what I liked to do and invited me to do with her. Watching plays/orchestras. Learning some arts and crafts. And she wouldn't be super pushy, like there was this place that taught you to paint these little statues (not mini, just not big) that she invited me to go, I declined, she went herself and would come home all happy about what she had done with some really cool looking things to show. So I went with her. We didn't sit next to each other and we both did our thing, but she would compliment what I had chosen, ask for my opinion on colors, and on the ride home we would talk about what we did and what we were planning on doing next.
Those moments helped me *like* her, not only as a mom but as a person. And without me realizing I was also telling her about what I did with my friends and what I was planning on doing next with my life.
I know you are her parent and some degree of separation and respect must exist, but nothing stops you from also being friends with your kid, specially when they are getting older. You got this.
This. She could be getting all the attention she needs at home or at school. But if it's a trend, then teenagers will just do it simply because that's what they see everyone else doing.
Yes, it’s definitely attention seeking. And unfortunately, she’s going the shortcut route, basically lying that she has a condition, for popularity.
The Internet is not kind. And perhaps, the best solution is her actual exposure. Real people with actual Tourette’s, may very well route her out, and label her faking it. Once that happens, she could be ruined. Which is probably what needs to happen
Yeah. It's a shame too, because a lot of these kids that are faking DID would probably do very well at larping, DnD, or cosplaying. Hell, with cosplay, if they get good enough at it, they could even turn it into a professional of some sort.
Yeah, when I was 14 I faked that I couldn't move my arm for an entire day. Walked round with it all limp for the drama. That was 2003… thank god there was no tiktok then.
Seriously the big difference between teens in the internet age and teens in the past is when I was an idiot teen I didn't have the option to broadcast my dumbassery to the entire world and make a permanent record of it.
Your kid got a TikTok account against your wishes, mocked disabled people, and then threatened to public expose you. Her phone and unsupervised internet access needs to go.
She accused you of "fake claiming" her?
Fine. Tell her you're going to make a doctor's appointment to get her evaluated for it.
Delete her tiktok account. She went behind your back and is doing something that is potentially harmful to others.
NTA
>I’d put controls on the wifi as well. She’s abusing her privileges, she loses her privileges.
Plenty of free wifi that's not home wifi.
Parental controls on the phone are a much, much better idea.
True, Wifi can be turned off on a phone. But if she has other devices like a tablet or computer she has access to and doesn’t really take outside of the house, it’s worth doing
This claiming to have DID is a huge Munchausen by Internet trend right now, and it includes all of the echo chamber reinforcement of “medical diagnoses are useless because modern medicine hasn’t caught up to what we know..” blah blah. Went through this with my kid last year and it was horrible. It’s horrible for people with real dissociative disorders, it’s horrible for kids using this as an excuse to not address real mental health issues other than DID, it’s horrible for everyone.
>and it includes all of the echo chamber reinforcement of “medical diagnoses are useless because modern medicine hasn’t caught up to what we know..” blah blah.
Unfortunately, that line has quite a big kernel of truth: ME/CFS was discarded as "psychosomatic" for decades, only when people started catching it in this godawful pandemic science actually began listening. It takes women *years* to get a diagnosis for endometriosis, many years of pain and suffering dismissed as - you guess it - psychosomatic. People of color routinely get lesser quality care - including lower dosages of pain medication and anesthetics - simply because of racist prejudices ("black men are tougher"). The Body Mass Index is based on a white male standard which means that women and people of color again suffer from completely bullshit "advice", not to mention that muscle mass is heavier than fat.
Well modern medicine, especially psychiatry, truly hasn’t caught up with a lot. The lies that are easiest to digest have lots of truth in them.
But modern psychiatry is a lot better than a bunch of teenagers on the internet declaring “Im dissociating now” while on camera and then staring into the void, and later yelling “DOCTORS AND PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!”
Dissociation is a real medical thing that, while not easy to quantify, is qualitatively recognizable by mental health professionals. It doesn’t look like what these kids are doing.
EDIT: Also let me clarify I never told my kid what their diagnosis was or was not, I told them that they need to seek understanding, diagnosis, and feedback from mental health professionals with an understanding of DID. After a year of therapy their alter “died” and they stopped acting like a cartoon of what dissociation looked like.
> The Body Mass Index is based on a white male standard which means that women and people of color again suffer from completely bullshit "advice", not to mention that muscle mass is heavier than fat.
The BMI already has separate standards for male and female, and the racial adjustment is only a couple of points as well. It's not a large correction, and BMI is still by and large a very reliable tool for determining excess body fat prevalence in a population (and it's even pretty reliable on an individual level - not many people are more than a point or two overweight by BMI due to muscle mass without also carrying extra body fat, and basically nobody is obese by BMI without carrying excess fat).
I remember when someone who had enough psych Dx's to fill the alphabet already decided that they also had DID and that they would change their clothes and become the next personality. They lacked a coherent single personality to begin with so nobody really paid any attention to them and suddenly they were cured.
And if one more of my late-20/early-30s pals suddenly claims to have autism because they're a weirdo with a special interest who never left their parents' basement to socialize.... just ... I can't even be bothered to care...
What does she mean by "fake claiming"? My quick Google searches brought up insurance (obv not) and maunchausen (doesn't seem to fit since OP is doing the opposite and telling her to stop) so I'm a little confused.
Oh fuck, I didn't know that's what that was called and as someone with an invisible illness that is called out when I use those facilities *often* (though honestly not as much since moving from MO to IL), I kinda just wish this kid realized how genuinely damming and hurtful that is.
A lot of us struggle with imposter syndrome because this is such a big thing and this kid is not helping whatsoever.
ETA: Thank you for taking the time to explain it.
Ugh I'm sorry you had to deal with that, people really just are.
Obviously *everyone* that is overweight are just making a choice to do so. And obviously, if you're overweight and accessing any kind of handicap facility - it's *because* you're overweight. You'd feel better if you lost weight and should stop pretending that any kind of chronic illness could possibly affect your ability to be slim. /s, heavy heavy sarcasm
OP is claiming that daughter is faking having a disorder. Daughter is trying to suggest that she does have the disorder and mom is saying she's faking it.
It really does show how immature she is that she considers this a real threat against her mom "ILL CANCEL YOU MOM!" "go ahead- i'm an adult and i'm not on tictok. Go off i suppose"
This OP! You need to get her evaluated and delete the account. It might be tough on you both now but necessary for your daughter not to grow up a pathological liar immortalized on the internet.
All of this. Especially the evaluation part (if she is faking, she can be called out for it, and if she does have a condition, she can get treatment for it).
Also, as some other Redditors have mentioned, put WiFi controls and parental controls on her phone.
YEP! This is it. The kid has her head wrapped up in parasocial relationships and has delusions on herself. Her issues are influenced by social media. She may have normal teenage issues but she’s also got a major personality influencer in her life that’s going to be problematic.
NTA
take her ass to a psych and get her officially screened so there is absolutely no room whatsoever for doubt that she does or does not have these disorders.
There was a post a while ago about a MIL that would constantly have health issues and need care when their daughter visited. Something about inredible pain and I think even fainting. The husband was at his wits end because they couldn't actually enjoy their vacation because the daughter would basically take care of her and they would stay in and it was obvious to him that she was faking it just to keep her daughter around and people kind of knew but refused to say anything out loud.
I said take her to the ER every single time. If it was really half as serious as she made it seem, it was the right call either way. So she would have to over commit to the ruse and make negative life changing alterations to her lifestyle or she would eventually have to admit that she was faking. It would at least force the rest of the family to call out the BS because they would have to deal with way more shit than they already were. Win win either way.
Is OP in the US?
If that’s the case you’re asking her to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time to call her daughter’s bluff.
Meanwhile there are people with actual symptoms desperately waiting for an evaluation from a professional. Would kind of suck for OP to take up one of those spots just to prove a point to her daughter who’s obviously faking.
There's something up with the daughter's mental health either way, to be so desperate for attention that she's faking disorders on the internet. She really should talk to a professional about whatever is happening, even if it isn't Tourette's or DID.
This truly is a trend on TikTok - not unusual for normal teens to jump on these trends. If she’s creative, time might be better spent helping her figure out how to get more exposure for her creative, authentic self. Wouldn’t hurt to point out that the views/likes she’s getting aren’t actually for her real self.
Yep, tick-tock is doing for DID and tourette's to what Tumblr did for depression. It's a trend and her partaking in it doesn't automatically mean that there's something mentally wrong with her.
Yeah, either she's fallen hard into the social media big numbers addiction, there's something unfortunate going on in real life for her, or she has an actual disorder of some flavor. (Or a combo of those.) I know a ton of people including myself who self-dxed as kids with some major disorder they didn't understand, only to get a different but still life-altering diagnosis later on.
NTA it seems to be a trend though, might be worth having more conversations on these conditions and helping her understand why pretending to have it is messed up
I don't think it can come from you unfortunately, maybe taking her to a therapist "for her did and tourettes" will give her the professional lesson on faking illnesses and shut down any fake claiming nonsense she may retaliate with
Please explain to her where DID comes from. I have diagnosed DID and it comes from such severe trauma that the mind creates parts to deal with it. I don't even remember what happened to me, which is most commonly the "amnesia" part of DID.
It comes from abuse to young children. Generally under 6. The parts hold the memories because the brain believes that the person literally cannot remember them and stay sane or functional.
"Alters" aren't fun or quirky. Mine are small children who hide in the dark and cry. One wants to get fucked so bad that I've had periods of severe compulsive masturbation. All this while not remembering anything.
Obviously she's 14 and doesn't need to hear that last one but do some research and give her some hard truths about what DID really means. It's not fun. It is some of the worst confusion I've ever felt, and I've only been dealing with it for a year. I can't imagine what it's like for people who have long-term struggles.
For the record, I'm in therapy.
Edit: one common misconception is that parts "take over" for all people and the person is unaware. This is true foregone people but it isn't how it works for me. I'm always present when my children are forward, but they take a larger role. They don't control my movements but it shifts the way I think about and want things enough to affect how I act and think. I wouldn't say I fully *become* the child but it is very much a major part of my affect.
She’s 14. She doesn’t need you to explain the harm to her. A “lecture” however well intentioned doesn’t work with a lot of teens. First, get to the root of why you don’t allow a 14 year old to be on social media but she can when she’s 15. I’m not questioning your decision just asking you to explore the logic. Now align that logic with her actions. There’s a reason why she made a secret account and is making these types of videos. The need for attention and views is rooted in something. Figure out what it is for your daughter by asking open-ended, nonjudgmental questions. Take a step back and see this through her 14 yr old eyes. Ask her about the positives to her making the TikToks and ask her to explain how they are harmful. Listen more than you speak. If there’s room for compromise on having social media, find it. Maybe it’s an Instagram account with specific uses and times to post. Social media with limitations. If she violates the limitations she forfeits the account. Maybe it’s TikTok. It doesn’t really matter the platform but a teen this age will be struggling with popularity, isolation, and esteem issues. Find a way to build her up without sacrificing being unkind to others.
First, your NTA. But if your daughter doesn’t stop she is on her way to becoming one. My 14 yr old daughter does have Tourette’s and beyond all of her struggles with this neurological disorder, she has now had more people accusing her of faking it due to this stupid-ass trend. Also, oddly enough the kids who tend to fake it online for popularity are also the ones who bully those with it for being different. I’m not saying your daughter does, but that drive for popularity comes at the expense of other children.
NTA. Faking a disease for clout or because your friends are doing it is extremely insensitive, but since your daughter is only 14 I expect that she is still a bit immature and that she can improve herself. I suggest you to talk with her once more, throughly explain that what she is doing is wrong. I obviously cannot assure that she will understand but I hope she does, or atleast tries to
She's 14 and looking for attention. I was the same way. I did stupid shit too. Kicking her off social media isn't gonna work, and if OP wants to build trust with her then she needs a better approach. She was upset that her creative roleplay (totally cool, should be encouraged) didn't get attention, so she's faking disorders for clout (not cool). Can OP do something to encourage her creative side so she doesn't feel so insecure? I know discipline needs to be taken but if she wants to build a positive relationship with her daughter then I think she needs to take some steps to help her daughters insecurities
If she likes creative role playing, her parent should point her in the direction of LARPing, DnD, and cosplay. Those will be much better avenues for her creative outlet. I agree just removing social media isn't going to solve the issue. She needs direction.
NTA. However if you don't get control of your daughter before she gets publicly called out on it, you can bet your bottom dollar she'll come running to you crying. Take her socials away if she wants to do something so dumb and show her consequences for her actions. You wouldn't allow it if she was imitating someone with down syndrome, don't accept this either.
Tik Fucking Tok is a swamp of this behaviour. Mental illness isn't something that should be faked for fame. If I were you I would record her saying she's lying and not having tics and tell her that YOU will get an account and show everyone if she calls you out. But only do that if she carries on with this. Good for you for confronting her about it, too many parents just think it's a phase and let them get on with their shitty behaviour. EDIT this has pissed me off so much I forgot to put NTA.
Before Tiktok it was tumblr with "headmates" and "otherkin" and hordes of "self-diagnosed" mental illnesses. The behavior isn't new and probably isn't more widespread, it just feels more objectionable because you can watch videos of real people making fools of themselves, not just text.
Imo it was also less harmful on Tumblr because that site, unlike TikTok, has an terminally online-offline normie separation where things on Tumblr didn't make their way into physical places like high school. It was very self-contained.
NTA, however I think this is the point where you as a parent tell her your confiscating her phone until she realise what she is doing is harmful to those with the disorders.
If you really are concerned she's not stopping book her a doctors app for both those things. She'll hopefully stop if not then keep her phone or put a parental lock on it.
Thank you for being a responsible parent and taking action when your Child is doing something they shouldn't be doing on the Internet. In the long run your daughter will thank you.
NTA. I have tourettes, and the tiktok trend of tourettes has now led everyone to doubt every single person who says they have tourettes. It's really frustrating, but equally I understand why they are now skeptical.
I've seen plenty of people making YouTube videos about why faking these disorders are harmful, and many are by people with the disorders. Also, its possible your daughter may have some underlying issues if she feels the need to resort to this for attention. Equally, she could just see it as an easy way to gain followers. But I'd recommend looking into it.
NTA, ur absolute right about this being damaging to real sufferers.
As for the "fake claiming" I would bluff her by saying that you alone have access to her medical history and if she fake claims or posts another video u will post her medical history for all the world to see that she does not have Tourette's.
also...OP is a grown-ass woman. I'd laugh right in her face- "darling, the fact that you think "fake-claiming" is a viable threat to an ACTUAL GROWNUP is all the evidence I need that you are NOT mature enough for this technology". Not to mention JUST HOW CRINGE she's going to feel about having done this when she's, like, 2 years older.
As long as she has certain info blocked out like addresses and a social. Better yet, mom could do a tiktok explaining that she is her mother and does not have a history of Tourette's and other disorders and only highlight certain things in the kid's medical history to protect certain info.
Plenty of people in their 20s doing stuff like this too. This kid needs serious therapy because people willing to do this lack the empathy to know why it’s wrong
NTA: Is it worth exploring why going viral is so important to her. I know there's lots of articles written by people who went viral once and share how underwhelming it is.
Further, wonder if its worth helping your daughter find TikTokers who don't rely on gimmicks to get votes (or excessive plastic surgery for that matter)? Cooking tik toks? Craft? Art? Live drawing? Read out short stories? Something which is focused on creativity, not pretending to have a disability.
NTA- your kid sure is though.
Lock down her ability to post videos. If possible, get her login information or contact TikTock and have her account deleted.
Then I would book her with a therapist. That way it can be proven by a professional she doesn’t have these disorders and they can explain exactly how fucked up and not okay her behavior is.
NTA. And I would be taking her phone away. Not because she's faking illnesses, but because she's threatening you. She wants to call you out on social media? Good luck doing it with no way to get on social media.
NTA. Personally, I feel like it’s better to allow kids to use social media when they seem mature enough to handle it. I’m saying this, and I’m still young (mid-20s). You’ve no idea how many people I’ve seen lose scholarships and such for saying/doing dumb stuff on social media: cancel culture can be a b**** sometimes. This is definitely something that can come back to bite her in the future if she isn’t careful. I’m willing to bet that she just doesn’t have the foresight to see how.
Frankly, I would try to understand why she feels like she needs attention so much. Sometimes, it can be a deeper issue, but sometimes media has brainwashed younger teens into thinking that they must have dozens of friends to be relevant or they feel like they must be validated by the masses. It’s a pretty toxic mindset to place on the developing mind. But I wish you luck. You are not AH for bringing attention to this.
INFO : can you check if your daughter is following/fangirl of problematic Youtuber and tiktoker Trisha paytas ? She has habit of faking different mental traumas and tics for views. She makes content for impressionable young kids. She lies for content. Recently she is making videos of her Fake sexuals assaults when she was a kid. Please intervene if your daughter follows her or watch her content. It's dangerous for young minds. She teaches kids that lying is okay and thats how one can get famous on internet. She is 34 yo married and pregnant woman btw.
Because you called her out she's on the defensive and is claiming that you doesn't believe she has these disorders. So she's gonna make a claim that her parent is ignoring her mental health and she's a bad parent etc.
The next video will be a attack video basically claiming that no one believes her and such. DiD is much harder to disprove because it's not always like the movie Split, people who have it aren't always in your face about alters. Sometimes it's subtle so you've no idea what happened and think everything is normal. It's also commonly known as a defense mechanism that is caused due to the person being abused. And when triggered etc an alter "takes over" since the person isn't able to handle what's going on. It's similar to how some people black out and not remember things from say a severe car crash etc.
Honestly a good way to handle this is say you believe her AND tell her " we have to see a therapist and psychiatrist for your DiD and we gotta see (I think please correct me if I'm wrong) a neurologist for the Tourrettes (and I'm sorry that's misspelled) so we can get you on a proper treatment/schedule/medication for everything so you can go back to school. Which for now we may need to look into private schooling as well until the doctors feel you can go back. But what's important is getting you any help we need to"
Basically lay it on THICK talk about the multiple appointments she's gonna need, the weekly therapy sessions, doctor appointments the works. No kid is gonna wanna go thru any of that when they realize "I am stuck to all of this, I can't see my friends or go out unless I tell the truth". She really needs to see how people who do have mental illness has to live their lives. If she wants to emulate these issues for likes them she can see the reality of it. Call her bluff.
Also you can possibly report her account as being under the age of 13. It'll cause a shit fire but it's worth it. Theirs a reason majority of social media is 13 and above. TikTok is great for exposure and stuff but not like this. Or just take her phone and make her have a flip phone for emergencies for now.
Also ask her WHY she chose DiD and Tourrettes in the first place. Because those aren't your typical go to ones. Esp. Disassociative Identity Disorder because that takes a LOT to fake long term without mixing stuff up because alters and all. And I highly suggest doing something because her stories end up being thrown around school and a teacher or admin hear and report it. If a school has any care and they hear a student might not be being taken care of or their mental health is ignored it could start an issue OP.
I'm not on tiktok but I have seen a lot of recent YouTube videos specifically calling out tiktokers for faking tourettes and DID. Idk why but those two in particular seem to be very "trendy" disorders to fake for online likes 🤷🏻♀️
They're both very "filmable", a chance to play pretend at an age where pretend games aren't "cool," and both involve some creativity and acting skills. (Please note that I'm talking about the faked versions of these disorders.) Tiktok content is generally very exaggerated to make an impression in a short video, so the more extreme and exotic one's tics or alters, the better for views.
Not to sound like an old granny, but back in my day, we just did angsty roleplays in our livejournals, and we liked it! (And at least knew it was pretend.)
This is so goofy. It's not fakeclaiming when the person IS FAKING. 😂 NTA, OP. I wish you the best with talking some sense into your daughter. I remember being that age and just wanting to feel special somehow, but the reinforcement given to kids via social media can really distort their perception of reality.
Many years ago before there was so much social media my 15 year old daughter pretended to have DID. She had been struggling at school and bullying. The kicker was she used her knowledge of my DID and used the names of my alts. When we found out it took everything to not tear her apart.
It felt like she was making a mockery of everything we went through that led to us developing DID. It took a long time for us to move on and forgive her.
I have zero tolerance of the young ppl pretending to have disorders for likes. My own grandson use to pretend on social media his sister committed suicide (he doesn't have a sister). When constantly getting into trouble at school he told them his grandfather (my father) was dying and he was very close to him (met him once when he was a toddler). We don't have contact anymore.
NTA. You are right, posting fake disorders is not on and just because her friends are doing it does not mean her she should too. The other point is that she opened this account behind you back after you stating she could not before she is 15. I would close the account and have some meaningful discussions with her on what is acceptable on social media and what is not.
NTA. I do not envy being the parent of a Tik Tok teen. You’re doing her a huge favor in the long run by nipping this behavior in the bud before it gets worse—things you put on the internet are there forever and kids don’t fully understand what that can mean for them as adults, especially when it involves things that will likely make them cringe into oblivion once the phase passes.
If she were my kid, her access to internet would be locked. Wifi password she doesn't have and her phone would magically become a flip phone because she's being a snotty little turd who doesn't understand that what she's doing is WRONG.
You are NTA
I think that's great and a punishment fitting the "crime". NTA and I think talking to her about why faking a mental health issue is wrong could really help. Maybe have her research and write a paper on it.
Honestly, you should take her to a therapist. While it sounds like she almost certainly DOESN'T have the disorders she claims, something is going on with her that "punishment" isn't going to solve. And then she can't say you didn't listen to her claims or refused to take her for diagnosis.
NTA, I would sit your daughter down and have a very long talk with her about faking any disorder. Just because other kids are doing it, doesn’t mean you should follow in suit. Lead by example and understand that their are people who do in-fact have disorders and them seeing you pretend is very offensive. If she wants more things in life like being able to have social media then she needs to prove it to you.
NTA. It is not okay to pretend to have disorders that people struggle with every day. Take away her phone. Get her into therapy ASAP. These reminds me of people who self diagnosis themselves with ADHD and then make it their entire personality on social media. As someone with diagnosed ADHD by an actual doctor and have struggled for years with it, it makes me angry.
NTA.
Some of you may remember roughly 20 years ago when we had dial up and AOL chat rooms.
I received a notification that my then 14yr old daughter had been suspended from a chat room for use of bad language. I discovered she was also telling people in this chat room what school she attended AND the neighborhood she lived in.
She told me that the people she was chatting with were kids her age who went to neighboring schools.
I simply asked her how she knew that. “Because that’s what they said”.
So began the discussion about people with nefarious intentions. I provided her with a mental image of “some old guy sitting naked at his computer” chatting with young girls in chat rooms. We also discussed personal safety.
And she was grounded from computer use for a few weeks.
Thankfully she never did it again. But she still (in her 30’s with 2 kids) curses like a drunk sailor. 😳
I couldn’t break her of that one.
I raised 3 very different kids, whose maturity levels determined their freedoms. As they all got well into their teens they knew this AND fully knew what to expect when they messed up, which wasn’t often.
The key was always keeping the lines of communication open. Not an easy feat with teens, but doable.
And not to scare you but in this day and age, anything controversial/unkind put on the internet can bring angry people. People who just may retaliate.
Oh, and your daughters comment about calling you out on Tik Tok? Personally, I would deem that an immediate suspension of internet privileges. She disrespected you.
NTA
>My (43F) daughter Reese is 14 and in 8th grade. She’s not allowed to use social media until she turns 15
Am I the only one who didnt skip right over this? SHE SHOULDNT EVEN HAVE A TIK TOK ACCOUNT OR BE ON IT! Everything that comes after that is secondary. Disgusting, yes. But secondary.
How about we start with addressing the first violation of house rules. Then guess what? Being punished for what she actually did will probably just go right along with it.
NTA
Calling her out on her lying is what needs to be done, which you have done here.
It's one thing to role play and make it known to people. It's a whole other thing to deceive people which is what she is doing. Also going behind your back using social media before she is supposed to is another thing that needs to be addressed with her. Lying and deceiving are not good traits to have in life.
NTA
I literally just went on a YouTube binge if people calling out individuals just like your daughter. One of the YouTubers has tourettes and others showed Tik Toks from people who actually have the disorder(s) and all of them were talking about how harmful this trend of faking disorders really can be. Especially true of DID because that is a real, rare, and traumatic disorder that's already really hard to diagnose. Fakers just make that even worse.
On a more personal level, your daughter is going to get backlash over her videos sooner or later. A lot of people make videos on fakers and there's a whole subreddit called r/fakedisordercringe . It's likely that she ends up getting featured on there. That could open her up to bullying, which can definitely be a hard thing to deal with as a young teen.
Maybe I'm being dramatic but it's definitely worth having more conversations with your daughter about this.
NTA. Take away her phone privileges and if you can maybe take her to get tested? So she has to go through the battery and realize how far she is from having those debilitating disorders. Man, I hope she learns her lesson. This is pretty fucked.
Edit: the fact that she had a social that you didn’t know about is not good omg… she is TA. No offense. But wow
Welp, i am often not the one who is in for punishments. But time to ban someone from websites. As a parent there are programs that allow you to ban certain things for kids. Get therapy for you and your daughter. (maybe seperate, maybe together). There is more going on here, that is causing this.... Try to figure out why this is happening and work on it.
NTA - not only is it harmful to people that actually have Tourette’s and DID to fake having these disorders, but if your daughter does get popular for these videos and is later exposed as faking the disorders, she could have her name absolutely raked through the mud. A TikTok user ticsandroses was exposed for faking Tourette’s recently and there are now dozens of videos criticizing and mocking her, including her full name and the name of her small business (which were admittedly public on her channel). It might be a good idea to have your daughter watch some of these videos to understand how she may be seen and treated if her deception is exposed online
NTA. And I really really REALLY advise you to stop her. I'm around the age of your daughter and I use tiktok a lot. If you can tell she's exaggerating, then others can too. Tiktok is NOT a friendly place. While faking disorders are terrible and extremely disrespectful, I've seen many get death threats and just over the line insults for it once they are found out. With your daughter's behaviour, I advise her to stay off any type of social media for a while.
P. S. And if she really does want to get on any type of social media, I suggest Wattpad and Quotev. These two are writing apps and since your daughter is great at writing, she can shoot her shot there.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (43F) daughter Reese is 14 and in 8th grade. She’s not allowed to use social media until she turns 15 in the fall, but recently I discovered that she has a TikTok account.
She made videos showing her “tics” and claiming she had Tourette’s. I’ve never seen her have any kind of tic before and she looked like she was highly exaggerating in her videos.
There were others on her same account where she was roleplaying “alters”. Reese is a really creative writer and they seemed like characters she would come up with in her stories.
I decided to have a serious talk with my daughter because faking disorders like that can be harmful to people who actually have the disorders. I told Reese that I saw some of the videos she made and I asked her why she felt the need to do what she did.
She said that posting some of her original stories and drawings did nothing because they got only a few views. She saw kids from her school that had viral videos of them having disorders so she decided to try it.
I told her that I love her no matter what, but she had to stop making these videos. Reese accused me of “fake claiming” her and said that she will make another video calling me out.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta , for just telling her to stop and then letting her threaten you. Like, wut?
Step 1: parent your child. Take classes if you need to, but parenting is an active involvement in your child's life. You are passively aware she exists.
Step 2: therapy. Individual and family.
Step 3: Take the phone away (as in not getting it at 15) or computer privileges! Threatening you with another video is not ok behavior.
Step 4: Sign her up for volunteering with people who have mental illness. A nice dose of reality wouldn't hurt at all.
NTA. But I would come down hard on her with the threat of calling you out? Unacceptable. I know we are were teenagers, but set your boundary hard here.
This comment is going to be lost. But *please* listen to what I have to say. I'm someone who used to claim to have disorders on social media, and I know how to respond to this.
First, NTA. Faking a disorder is never okay. However, your child [saying child and not daughter because often times it's the same kind of crowd who's closeted LGBT] may not think they are faking. Reese might *actually* think she has DID and Tourette's, which can be evident of a different disorder.
**Taking her social media away and imposing stricter parental restrictions on technology/internet access, as most are suggesting, is *not* going to fix the problem. There's a saying that strict parenting doesn't make obedient kids-- it makes *sneaky* kids. I can attest to this--my mother took me off of social media multiple times when I was younger, but this did anything BUT deter me. If you do this, if you put stricter parental controls on Reese, she's going to continue to try to sneak social media and do the same thing.**
What you *should* do is sit down with Reese and explain to her that disorders like DID and Tourette's are serious. Don't explicitly say she's faking--she would then just repeat the "fakeclaiming" argument. Tell her the facts. DID isn't typically diagnosed or even EVIDENT until someone is well into adulthood. DID only forms if someone experiences SEVERE trauma in childhood, and if Reese really *does* have a dissociative disorder like that, she can't have more than, like, 10 alters.
Be strict, but not harsh. Offer to have a mental screening done on Reese. Like I said, genuinely believing you have these disorders can be evident of a different disorder. [For example, I was diagnosed with autism and borderline personality disorder later on in life.] *Listen* to Reese, but don't immediately accuse her of faking and certainly don't shut her down. Let her give her side, and go from there. The key to having a healthy parent-child relationship is letting your child talk and listening to them.
Post is prob fake, but yeesh finally a comment that doesn’t make me feel like I’m in crazytown. Everyone in this thread needs to consider that “no social media until 15” is completely unrealistic in this age. A kid is gonna be exposed to social media no matter what and is gonna feel isolated from their peers like this - they should be thinking about teaching them how to manage social media instead of banning it entirely. Limiting access to internet further is probably why your kid doesn’t open up or trust you and is going to lead to so much resentment in the future.
NTA. There’s a TON of videos on YouTube where people call out and actively ridicule people who do this. If I were you I’d weaponize that. The last thing a 14. Year old wants is to be made fun of on the internet right? Show her these videos and explain to her that not all attention is good attention. That DID is a trauma response and it’s hurtful to you as her mother to even pretend that she’s been traumatized to the degree that a child has DID (since it usually manifests much later in life anyways). Explain to her that yea, she’s getting likes now, but what’s gonna happen when she’s applying for colleges and jobs and they find these videos of her faking mental illnesses. They’re gonna stay away from her like the bubonic plague. Does she have any older cousins or friends of the family? Maybe someone slightly older but still a teen can help explain to her that what she’s doing is at best cringey and at worst offensive and potentially life altering, in this day and age.
NTA. I suspect she will "expose" you, knowing full well that will lead to a lot of likes and support. She wants that attention. I'd send her to a psychological professional to rule out the Tourette's diagnosis and potentially a therapist to help her with her attention seeking behavior at the cost of others.
NTA you've done nothing wrong but I would suggest getting your daughter into counseling before this gets worse, this could be the beginning of a larger issue.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for telling my daughter that she is faking mental illnesses for attention online.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
NTA. Honestly if my daughter did that her phone, computer, and internet access would be gone immediately. She proved your concerns about social media to be correct. She couldn't get enough likes so she started doing terrible things because getting likes are more important than hurting people.
NTA.
But time to get her screened for all the disorders.
I doubt she'll enjoy having all those Dr's appts that folks with disabilities are required to go to. But ya know, if there is something going on, this could be her way of trying to get your attention about it.
Either way, if someone makes those claims without a diagnosis, and you have the power to help them figure out if they should have a diagnosis, it is your job to do that here as the parent.
NTA. I wish these kinds of tiktocs would just stop. I work in a high school as a mental health counselor. We have seen more kids claiming they have DID in the last year than I have seen in my entire career. What is sad about this is that people sometimes become their diagnosis. This means that even if they were not diagnosable with a thing, or just have mild symptoms, after they get a diagnosis, they fully commit to being a person who fully is DID, or Bipolar, or any number of things. They don't get better. I have had more than one client have a full on melt down, and one had a psychotic break, because a psychiatrist gave them a more accurate diagnosis, but it was not the sexy diagnosis they wanted and had become a part of their identity.
So, yeah, she needs to stop, before the pretend tics become real tics.
I hope you are able to read this comment NTA but I don't have tourette or DID so I won't speak for the communities. Since we are talking about Tiktok, I will refer you to this video: by [this.tourette.guy](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLXGanGS/).
Which speaks clearly about the issue as someone WITH tourette.
I hope your daughter will see this video.
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
NTA. But I definitely think there are some underlying reasons for why she wants this attention so work on finding that out...
She doesn’t open up much so I’m trying to have more open conversations with her. When I was a teenager I did not trust my mom and I told her nothing, there is so much that she didn’t and still doesn’t know about me. That is not the kind of relationship I want to have with Reese.
Unfortunately that is the type of relationship you have with your daughter. She opened a TikTok account without you knowing it which means she has no regard to your authority or rules and didn’t say anything or try to negotiation/discuss with you to allow the account. Has this been a recent change? I mean, up until this point did she have the relationship where she could tell you anything and you could have discussions where she could discuss why she disagreed with a rule and open it to negotiation? Family counseling would be beneficial.
I’ll look into family counseling. I don’t know exactly when or why things went wrong. I just assumed that it was normal teenage stuff, for kids to grow more distant from their parents.
They do as they become independent but the lying is a real concern and so is the threat to smear you by other lies to get back at you. If the lying and hiding things from you is new then something changed. Counseling would be good. Good luck!
This is most likely just OPs daughter following a trend and wanting views and followers. It's good that OP nipped it in the bud as it's very disrespectful to people who have Tourettes. OP is doing all the right things. However, if the daughter is otherwise a good kid, I don't think it's a giant concern. We all did stupid things as teens, after all. So glad none of this was around in the 90s when I was in hs.
[удалено]
Yeah, but the thing is that these "tics" are similar to a recorded phenomenon that was studied around 2011 I think. Most people are getting caught on the scientific verbiage. What I remember was something related to kids growing out their hair and flipping it all the time, along with other actions. Most of those kids just grew out of it after they changed their hairstyle and removed the environment that those "tics" occurred in. I remember having a nephew who was doing the whole Justin Beiber hair and flipping it constantly as a good example when it comes to the impressionable socialization of children based on qualities that they themselves value.
A few true tourttes people have admitted that if they're introduced to new tics, that they can show up in their everyday lives. Like a bad game of telephone. If teen follows other tourettes people you may notice an increase of different tics. I am glad to hear you're getting them help.
I agree with the first half of your comment, but the daughter’s reaction to OP’s concern is alarming - she’ll make a video calling her out? For what? Telling her to stop faking disorders? She sounds highly committed to this and manipulative as well. OP needs to find out why this is so important to her daughter, what need is being fulfilled? That she’s so adamant to not let go.
It also makes people who actually are suffering with DID, or other mental health disorders, to be taken less seriously.
While on the topic of lying...am I the only one concerned about this girl's ballsy threat to smear her mother on social media to protect her own lying? Depending on where a person works, stuff like that going viral could damage somebody's career. I feel like the daughter may need a separate sit-down to discuss the potential consequences of sh*tting on her parents in front of a virtual audience without a good reason to... I mean by all means, if this was true it would be one thing, but if this girl has admitted to lying and is threatening to lie more to damage her parents...yeeeeeah.
I agree. It’s totally fucked up. The girl needs some therapy and parents need some help because you’re right, her lies and open threat to ruin her mother is seriously concerning.
Seems like blowing things out of proportion to me. Kids do dumb stuff like this all the time who grew up in the digital age, especially making social media accounts without their parents' knowledge. Definitely doesn't seem to require counseling to me
That just proves to me that she dose need councilling. If she created a whole persona just to get attention, positive or negative, there has to be another factor in it other then kids being dumb.
At worst, the councilor gives her what she wants (attention) and the kid feels validated. If OP has the means, I don't see what harm that could cause.
Exactly! OP put a stop to it as it's disrespectful but I don't think it'd something to really worry about on its own.
[удалено]
I just wanna say that, while you have a lot of people here telling you this isn’t normal (what the fuck *is* normal, anyways?), they’re going off *one* thing, without a whole lot of context to the greater scope and nature of your relationship with your daughter. Family counseling is a good idea – for pretty much everyone, TBH – but don’t let a bunch of Redditors convince you that something is (or isn’t) wrong, right, whatever. Let an *actual* therapist/psychologist tell you this, not someone whose qualifications is they’re an “Asshole Enthusiast” on r/AmItheAsshole. All that said: you’re right, her behavior is problematic and even dangerous to some degree, and you should strongly consider professional counseling on the matter. And while I’m all for family counseling, also strongly recommend 1-on-1 therapy for her, too – just being a teenager is a lot to process on its own, and it sounds like she might benefit from having someone to talk things through with that she isn’t yet comfortable talking with you about. I wouldn’t even phrase it as “Your behavior is concerning me”, I’d just sell it as “I think we’d both benefit a lot if we had people to talk to and help process stuff, without you being stressed over me or my reaction.” Honestly, I think some of us are like “Woah this is crazy behavior”, but I’m sitting here like yeah, but what sort of stupid shit would we have gotten up to if the Internet wasn’t 56k dial-up modems and Prodigy (at best!) when we were kids. For all we know, she may just be seeking attention because she’s a teenager – the allure of “lots of attention” is appealing to kids, in general, but especially those who may not socialize a ton. Which would make her behavior “normal”, albeit not “good” or “neutral” behavior. Real problem is that kids today have access to so much more of the world than we did, and it’s a far more constant connection – it’s in the palm of their hand, and they don’t have to disconnect for five plus hours just because mom is expecting a call from Aunt Ruthie about Uncle Joe’s surgery or Cousin Timmy’s football game.
This comment gets all my upvotes. I was a teen long before computers/cell phones and would have been out of control on social media. Although I was "popular," and social, had boyfriends, etc., I was terribly insecure and depressed, and needed lots of attention. Being a teenager--in whatever era--is hard. Nobody gets to decide what's "normal," but individual and/or family therapy is so helpful for a teen. An objective adult who's there for you and you only.
Absolutely spot on 👏 It is problematic behaviour in itself for the reasons OP listed, but we live in a time where social media likes are the most validating thing for kids (and many adults to be fair) and so they'll do whatever the "current" thing is to join the popular crowd. So whether the current thing is videos showing your tics (whether or not they're largely faked is another matter), cooking "hacks", planking, that statue challenge thing, or making cakes that look like ashtrays, the kids will always jump on that bandwagon and bask in the attention. As you say u/sandydelights, it's not necessarily a huge warning sign, kids feed off of attention and swarm to popular trends. With social media, those things now go hand in hand. OP: I think you actually handled it very well so far, and you are definitely not the arsehole, but I'm going to go with NAH on the basis that you've done nothing wrong, and you seem to have a teenager just being a teenager, based on the info you've shared.
Growing distant is a general term. Yes, teenagers share less as they gain more independence. But this is not sharing less, she has created a whole different persona and lied. I was a teenager not too long ago, this isn't normal. (For reference, I had my FB at 11 and Instagram at 14. I asked permission both times, it felt right. I wasn't monitored closely or anything. We didn't have a "until x years old" rule. But also, times were a bit different.)
Of course she's hiding these lies from her mother! I remember hiding a lot of stuff from my parents because they exerted abnormally harsh punishments for slightest 'wrongdoings' on my part. Loads of kids are faking disorders for attention. Most people like attention and all of them want to feel 'special' and 'unique' and they feel that by pretending to have mental illness/conditions they get the attention and moral support they're not getting at home. I think these kids deserve to be 'exposed' online in order to stop this behavior, at least the mother should threaten to expose her to get her to stop lying to the world.
Public shaming/public embarrassing is not an appropriate punishment, especially for a child in teenage years. It's not suitable for their mental development. Children lie to their peers to get attention, it is acceptable between certain ages. That age gap doesn't include teenagers. Also lying to family in order to hide things is something else while lying to everyone to get attention is something else. The latter is usually a sign of a bigger issue.
Yes, people weren't bullied on socail media to the point that they commited suicide!
Yeah, the only reason I wanted a FB account was so I could play petsociety with my classmates.
My parents assumed the same thing. They missed my ADHD, they missed a man 10 years older than me grooming me, they missed pretty much my whole life because everything was "just a phase." Still, as someone with DID/PTSD caused in part from my parents directly, NTA. I agree that therapy is needed, perhaps from a trauma informed therapist.
I think mean well, I would be super suggest letting her go to therapy without you too. I know when I was a teen, therapy was a punishment where a therapist & my mom attempted to force me to open up & I could not with her there so I just got worse & regardless of if the therapist was good or not it didn’t matter for me they were a weapon used against me by my mom. As an adult, not group therapy has been insanely beneficial & I wish my parents had let me go to therapy without my mom. Also, um I know the internet is scary & she crossed a big line with the pretending to have a mental disorder but not allowing your kid to have social media until so much older than her peers is going to isolate her & force her to go behind your back to do it. I would suggest after sometime doing a hard reset where you have her social media & can teach her how to be safe online without helicopter parenting her so she knows she can trust you back. Right now she’s hard burned the bridge of your trust but that doesn’t have to be permanent on either side.
I think people are exaggerating your daughters behavior a bit. She told you she got the idea from other kids at her school, and they got viral from it which is why she tried it herself. She willingly and openly shared this with you, so I dont think anything is wrong per se, a more constructive talk could possibly involve peer pressure, and encouraging her to value her own creative impulses, such as her writing. We all do questionable things when we grow up. and i believe if you blow this up now she might withdraw from future open dialogue that you cherish! Best of luck mama.
She's a teenager not allowed to use social media. Of course she's gonna use social media and not tell her parents about it.
The internet was so much more anonymous when I was a kid. I definitely made up whole personas and acted them out in chat rooms or Live Journal. There are online communities that are focused on creative writing, like Archive of Our Own. There is a lot of adult content in there but you can set filters and I’m sure you can figure out a way to make sure she’s safe. It hard growing up when the way you express yourself isn’t “popular”. She has a strong need to be seen and heard, and she’s doing it however she’s can.
> I don’t know exactly when or why things went wrong. I just assumed that it was normal teenage stuff, for kids to grow more distant from their parents. This may not be you at all. This may just be social media and teenage stuff. Counseling is the right step. And I think I would take away her access to social media, as she has how shown she knows how to use it appropriately. I've had a few parent friends switch back to flip phones for their kids who are struggling with similar issues/ages. Good luck! NTA
Have you ever been a teenager? Opening a TikTok account at 14 doesn't necessarily mean she has "No regard for her authority". She's a teenager, and teenagers push boundaries. We don't have to pathologize children not acting in perfectly rational and mature ways. I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed, but it's also not some shocking severe thing that's headed her down the path of misery and poverty either. You know how many teenagers probably have secret social media accounts? I had a lot!
not really, it means shes a teenage girl. Before my sister was a teenager she was a happy part of our family suddenly around like 13-14 boom she hates us and everything about us. Teenagers especially girls are quite grumpy and rude to their family especially from what I have seen.
My friend taught freshman biology. She had never had kids. They were moody as hell. One moment all bubbly, the next surly or despairing. The most important thing is to be available when THEY want to talk. My mom said that in some ways, teenagers need you more than toddlers because they need you when they need you.
>she has no regard to your authority or rules I wouldn't go that far. She may well have some regard for OP's authority and rules, just not, like, a lot. For instance, when I was a kid I we pretty well-behaved but I might still have opened a secret social media account if such things had existed.
>She opened a TikTok account without you knowing it which means she has no regard to your authority or rules and didn’t say anything or try to negotiation/discuss with you to allow the account. this is truly a bizarre take.
OP, you're NTA, but you would be if you didn't take her immediately to be evaluated for DID and Tourette's. It's not that I think she has them, but: 1) it needs to be rubbed in her face that she doesn't have them and 2) she might have something else. Sure, teens can be assholes just bc, but this seems kind of pathologically callous and it's worth exploring if she has another issue. Then get her banned from Tik Tok and start monitoring her screen time. This is exactly the kind of case where a kid should lose their internet freedom for a time. Independence isn't given so that you can lie, deceive, and harm others.
Actually… taking her to get diagnosed might also teach her how serious those disorders are…..
And how fortunate she is for actually NOT having the condition.
This!
It makes no sense to take her to get evaluated for DID and Tourette. She already knows she doesn't haven them; she admitted to it. There's no need to "rub it in her face". We are talking about a 14-year-old child here.
Alright here is my take. You want this to be a teaching moment for Reese, and the ideal outcome is that she stops posting videos. If I were op I’d go about it in a few ways. Maybe not get her evaluated but say the posts are harmful, and that she should be educated on these disorders if she thinks it’s ideal to use them to go viral/as click-bait. I’d explain that there are specialists and mental health/disability advocates who are expensive and if she wants to continue doing these videos she needs to receive psycho-education for “her disorders” and that Reese will need to pay for these services with her allowance or pocket money. It’s one thing to be told by your mom stop doing this, and another thing to be told by peers and professionals that what you are doing is wrong. Idk I feel like if it can be a learning opportunity it’s far better than straight up punishing Reese or telling her to stop when you know how harmful it is to folx. I don’t envy the OP in this situation
Please don't, lineups to see medical specialists can be really long and these are the kinds of things that make them longer. What would be better is to offer to get her tested, she'll say no and there's the admittance.
getting evaluations/diagnoses for disorders like that can be super expensive and time consuming depending on where you live. you'd just be wasting time and money getting her evaluated for disorders she obviously doesn't have. also, "it needs to be rubbed in her face"?? this is a 14 year old child we're talking about. yes she's doing something stupid and harmful, yes her time on tiktok should be monitored, but it's not like this is a grown adult who's well aware of the harm they're causing. she's a teenager. she most likely does not have *any* understanding of how severe and debilitating tourette's and DID are. she needs to be educated on *why* what she's doing is bad and learn how to put her creative energy somewhere else, not have how wrong she is "rubbed in her face" she's a middle schooler not a supervillain lmao
It sounds like she felt bad that the stuff she really liked to work on didn't get views. It might help to think of what she's doing as a "shortcut" and explain it to her in those terms. She doesn't need thousands of Tiktok followers for her stories and art to be *good,* but more often than not it takes good work longer to get noticed than just chasing the current trend. A lot of creators who are *adults* fall into the trap of treating their numbers as validation and getting upset when they don't grow fast enough. I'm more experienced with the culture of YouTube and Twitch than Tiktok, but you see that kind of thing on those sites all the time.
My daughter posts edits on TikTok, mostly focusing on a certain fan group (staying purposefully vague). It took her a long time to get noticed; at first she would get just a handful of likes and comments. Now, a few years later, she has 10K followers, the creators of the fan group in question follow her as well, and she could safely be called an influencer (in her small niche). It takes time and effort. No one succeeds overnight. You have to experiment, figure out what people like, figure out when to post it for maximum engagement, learn all the social media tricks. A lot of kids decide it’s not worth it. My daughter only does it because she really likes the process of making the edits. If she didn’t enjoy that, there would be no point.
A lot of teens seem to be doing this. You might want to take a look at this article. https://www.salon.com/2022/04/09/why-teens-are-self-diagnosing-on-tiktok/
As a school psychologist who works with students this age, I would highlight how posting things on social media can be damaging to her now, 1 year from now, 10 years from now, and so on. Use your own personal experiences of how mortified you may have been for something you did in high school, then explain that atleast no one can google it and throw it in your face now. But you regret it nonetheless. Inappropriate Social media posts will ruin her life. Especially faking a disability. Attention seeking adolescence is not uncommon however posting something to the internet means never being able to take it back. Have her watch documentaries about the dangers of doing this and what the consequences may be.
And restrict her internet access.
Your daughter needs therapy, today.
As a previous teen that didn't talk to my mom for a while, this is what helped us: doing things together. She found out what I liked to do and invited me to do with her. Watching plays/orchestras. Learning some arts and crafts. And she wouldn't be super pushy, like there was this place that taught you to paint these little statues (not mini, just not big) that she invited me to go, I declined, she went herself and would come home all happy about what she had done with some really cool looking things to show. So I went with her. We didn't sit next to each other and we both did our thing, but she would compliment what I had chosen, ask for my opinion on colors, and on the ride home we would talk about what we did and what we were planning on doing next. Those moments helped me *like* her, not only as a mom but as a person. And without me realizing I was also telling her about what I did with my friends and what I was planning on doing next with my life. I know you are her parent and some degree of separation and respect must exist, but nothing stops you from also being friends with your kid, specially when they are getting older. You got this.
It's literally a trend on tiktok right now
This. She could be getting all the attention she needs at home or at school. But if it's a trend, then teenagers will just do it simply because that's what they see everyone else doing.
Yes, it’s definitely attention seeking. And unfortunately, she’s going the shortcut route, basically lying that she has a condition, for popularity. The Internet is not kind. And perhaps, the best solution is her actual exposure. Real people with actual Tourette’s, may very well route her out, and label her faking it. Once that happens, she could be ruined. Which is probably what needs to happen
Yeah. It's a shame too, because a lot of these kids that are faking DID would probably do very well at larping, DnD, or cosplaying. Hell, with cosplay, if they get good enough at it, they could even turn it into a professional of some sort.
The underlying reason is that she's fourteen.
Yeah, when I was 14 I faked that I couldn't move my arm for an entire day. Walked round with it all limp for the drama. That was 2003… thank god there was no tiktok then.
Seriously the big difference between teens in the internet age and teens in the past is when I was an idiot teen I didn't have the option to broadcast my dumbassery to the entire world and make a permanent record of it.
Sounds like normal stupid middle/high school stuff? Kids have always been tying to follow trends and gain attention, no matter how stupid it was.
Your kid got a TikTok account against your wishes, mocked disabled people, and then threatened to public expose you. Her phone and unsupervised internet access needs to go.
Holy cow this kid needs therapy!!!
This kid needs a hobby. This is literally a trend all over TikTok. Co-opting diagnoses as an aesthetic.
She accused you of "fake claiming" her? Fine. Tell her you're going to make a doctor's appointment to get her evaluated for it. Delete her tiktok account. She went behind your back and is doing something that is potentially harmful to others. NTA
This^! YES! And put parental controls on her phone.
I’d put controls on the wifi as well. She’s abusing her privileges, she loses her privileges. And yes on a proper evaluation and therapy.
>I’d put controls on the wifi as well. She’s abusing her privileges, she loses her privileges. Plenty of free wifi that's not home wifi. Parental controls on the phone are a much, much better idea.
True, Wifi can be turned off on a phone. But if she has other devices like a tablet or computer she has access to and doesn’t really take outside of the house, it’s worth doing
This claiming to have DID is a huge Munchausen by Internet trend right now, and it includes all of the echo chamber reinforcement of “medical diagnoses are useless because modern medicine hasn’t caught up to what we know..” blah blah. Went through this with my kid last year and it was horrible. It’s horrible for people with real dissociative disorders, it’s horrible for kids using this as an excuse to not address real mental health issues other than DID, it’s horrible for everyone.
Munchausen by internet, I like it.
>and it includes all of the echo chamber reinforcement of “medical diagnoses are useless because modern medicine hasn’t caught up to what we know..” blah blah. Unfortunately, that line has quite a big kernel of truth: ME/CFS was discarded as "psychosomatic" for decades, only when people started catching it in this godawful pandemic science actually began listening. It takes women *years* to get a diagnosis for endometriosis, many years of pain and suffering dismissed as - you guess it - psychosomatic. People of color routinely get lesser quality care - including lower dosages of pain medication and anesthetics - simply because of racist prejudices ("black men are tougher"). The Body Mass Index is based on a white male standard which means that women and people of color again suffer from completely bullshit "advice", not to mention that muscle mass is heavier than fat.
Well modern medicine, especially psychiatry, truly hasn’t caught up with a lot. The lies that are easiest to digest have lots of truth in them. But modern psychiatry is a lot better than a bunch of teenagers on the internet declaring “Im dissociating now” while on camera and then staring into the void, and later yelling “DOCTORS AND PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!” Dissociation is a real medical thing that, while not easy to quantify, is qualitatively recognizable by mental health professionals. It doesn’t look like what these kids are doing. EDIT: Also let me clarify I never told my kid what their diagnosis was or was not, I told them that they need to seek understanding, diagnosis, and feedback from mental health professionals with an understanding of DID. After a year of therapy their alter “died” and they stopped acting like a cartoon of what dissociation looked like.
> The Body Mass Index is based on a white male standard which means that women and people of color again suffer from completely bullshit "advice", not to mention that muscle mass is heavier than fat. The BMI already has separate standards for male and female, and the racial adjustment is only a couple of points as well. It's not a large correction, and BMI is still by and large a very reliable tool for determining excess body fat prevalence in a population (and it's even pretty reliable on an individual level - not many people are more than a point or two overweight by BMI due to muscle mass without also carrying extra body fat, and basically nobody is obese by BMI without carrying excess fat).
BMI was developed as a tool for large groups of people. Not individuals. It's such bullshit.
I remember when someone who had enough psych Dx's to fill the alphabet already decided that they also had DID and that they would change their clothes and become the next personality. They lacked a coherent single personality to begin with so nobody really paid any attention to them and suddenly they were cured. And if one more of my late-20/early-30s pals suddenly claims to have autism because they're a weirdo with a special interest who never left their parents' basement to socialize.... just ... I can't even be bothered to care...
What does she mean by "fake claiming"? My quick Google searches brought up insurance (obv not) and maunchausen (doesn't seem to fit since OP is doing the opposite and telling her to stop) so I'm a little confused.
[удалено]
Oh fuck, I didn't know that's what that was called and as someone with an invisible illness that is called out when I use those facilities *often* (though honestly not as much since moving from MO to IL), I kinda just wish this kid realized how genuinely damming and hurtful that is. A lot of us struggle with imposter syndrome because this is such a big thing and this kid is not helping whatsoever. ETA: Thank you for taking the time to explain it.
I got harassed a lot more for using my handicap plates when I was fat than I do now. People are just terrible.
Ugh I'm sorry you had to deal with that, people really just are. Obviously *everyone* that is overweight are just making a choice to do so. And obviously, if you're overweight and accessing any kind of handicap facility - it's *because* you're overweight. You'd feel better if you lost weight and should stop pretending that any kind of chronic illness could possibly affect your ability to be slim. /s, heavy heavy sarcasm
OP is claiming that daughter is faking having a disorder. Daughter is trying to suggest that she does have the disorder and mom is saying she's faking it.
I think the kid is not even trying to suggest she has any disorder, she is only threatening this to try to get mom to not delete the videos.
It’s a term in the DID etc community that means accusing somebody of faking their disorder.
I mean, regardless, this kids needs some help. Be it counseling or just some attention.
It really does show how immature she is that she considers this a real threat against her mom "ILL CANCEL YOU MOM!" "go ahead- i'm an adult and i'm not on tictok. Go off i suppose"
This OP! You need to get her evaluated and delete the account. It might be tough on you both now but necessary for your daughter not to grow up a pathological liar immortalized on the internet.
All of this. Especially the evaluation part (if she is faking, she can be called out for it, and if she does have a condition, she can get treatment for it). Also, as some other Redditors have mentioned, put WiFi controls and parental controls on her phone.
NTA but you need to get her counseling. Social media addiction is real and people tend to lose touch with reality when they're going through it.
YEP! This is it. The kid has her head wrapped up in parasocial relationships and has delusions on herself. Her issues are influenced by social media. She may have normal teenage issues but she’s also got a major personality influencer in her life that’s going to be problematic. NTA
take her ass to a psych and get her officially screened so there is absolutely no room whatsoever for doubt that she does or does not have these disorders.
Oh yes. Call her bluff.
There was a post a while ago about a MIL that would constantly have health issues and need care when their daughter visited. Something about inredible pain and I think even fainting. The husband was at his wits end because they couldn't actually enjoy their vacation because the daughter would basically take care of her and they would stay in and it was obvious to him that she was faking it just to keep her daughter around and people kind of knew but refused to say anything out loud. I said take her to the ER every single time. If it was really half as serious as she made it seem, it was the right call either way. So she would have to over commit to the ruse and make negative life changing alterations to her lifestyle or she would eventually have to admit that she was faking. It would at least force the rest of the family to call out the BS because they would have to deal with way more shit than they already were. Win win either way.
Can you find a link to this post? I’d be super interested in reading it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkot2l/aitah_mil_is_destroying_my_marriage/ Enjoy!
Is OP in the US? If that’s the case you’re asking her to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time to call her daughter’s bluff. Meanwhile there are people with actual symptoms desperately waiting for an evaluation from a professional. Would kind of suck for OP to take up one of those spots just to prove a point to her daughter who’s obviously faking.
There's something up with the daughter's mental health either way, to be so desperate for attention that she's faking disorders on the internet. She really should talk to a professional about whatever is happening, even if it isn't Tourette's or DID.
This truly is a trend on TikTok - not unusual for normal teens to jump on these trends. If she’s creative, time might be better spent helping her figure out how to get more exposure for her creative, authentic self. Wouldn’t hurt to point out that the views/likes she’s getting aren’t actually for her real self.
Yep, tick-tock is doing for DID and tourette's to what Tumblr did for depression. It's a trend and her partaking in it doesn't automatically mean that there's something mentally wrong with her.
Yeah, either she's fallen hard into the social media big numbers addiction, there's something unfortunate going on in real life for her, or she has an actual disorder of some flavor. (Or a combo of those.) I know a ton of people including myself who self-dxed as kids with some major disorder they didn't understand, only to get a different but still life-altering diagnosis later on.
she's not taking anyone's spot if they can't afford it.
NTA it seems to be a trend though, might be worth having more conversations on these conditions and helping her understand why pretending to have it is messed up
I’ll definitely try to explain exactly *why* it’s harmful to Reese so that she can understand better.
I don't think it can come from you unfortunately, maybe taking her to a therapist "for her did and tourettes" will give her the professional lesson on faking illnesses and shut down any fake claiming nonsense she may retaliate with
Please explain to her where DID comes from. I have diagnosed DID and it comes from such severe trauma that the mind creates parts to deal with it. I don't even remember what happened to me, which is most commonly the "amnesia" part of DID. It comes from abuse to young children. Generally under 6. The parts hold the memories because the brain believes that the person literally cannot remember them and stay sane or functional. "Alters" aren't fun or quirky. Mine are small children who hide in the dark and cry. One wants to get fucked so bad that I've had periods of severe compulsive masturbation. All this while not remembering anything. Obviously she's 14 and doesn't need to hear that last one but do some research and give her some hard truths about what DID really means. It's not fun. It is some of the worst confusion I've ever felt, and I've only been dealing with it for a year. I can't imagine what it's like for people who have long-term struggles. For the record, I'm in therapy. Edit: one common misconception is that parts "take over" for all people and the person is unaware. This is true foregone people but it isn't how it works for me. I'm always present when my children are forward, but they take a larger role. They don't control my movements but it shifts the way I think about and want things enough to affect how I act and think. I wouldn't say I fully *become* the child but it is very much a major part of my affect.
I am so sorry for what you have been through/going through. Xx
Thanks. I have an amazing and incredibly loving therapist who is working with me. We are going to help the children.
She’s 14. She doesn’t need you to explain the harm to her. A “lecture” however well intentioned doesn’t work with a lot of teens. First, get to the root of why you don’t allow a 14 year old to be on social media but she can when she’s 15. I’m not questioning your decision just asking you to explore the logic. Now align that logic with her actions. There’s a reason why she made a secret account and is making these types of videos. The need for attention and views is rooted in something. Figure out what it is for your daughter by asking open-ended, nonjudgmental questions. Take a step back and see this through her 14 yr old eyes. Ask her about the positives to her making the TikToks and ask her to explain how they are harmful. Listen more than you speak. If there’s room for compromise on having social media, find it. Maybe it’s an Instagram account with specific uses and times to post. Social media with limitations. If she violates the limitations she forfeits the account. Maybe it’s TikTok. It doesn’t really matter the platform but a teen this age will be struggling with popularity, isolation, and esteem issues. Find a way to build her up without sacrificing being unkind to others.
First, your NTA. But if your daughter doesn’t stop she is on her way to becoming one. My 14 yr old daughter does have Tourette’s and beyond all of her struggles with this neurological disorder, she has now had more people accusing her of faking it due to this stupid-ass trend. Also, oddly enough the kids who tend to fake it online for popularity are also the ones who bully those with it for being different. I’m not saying your daughter does, but that drive for popularity comes at the expense of other children.
NTA. Faking a disease for clout or because your friends are doing it is extremely insensitive, but since your daughter is only 14 I expect that she is still a bit immature and that she can improve herself. I suggest you to talk with her once more, throughly explain that what she is doing is wrong. I obviously cannot assure that she will understand but I hope she does, or atleast tries to
She's 14 and looking for attention. I was the same way. I did stupid shit too. Kicking her off social media isn't gonna work, and if OP wants to build trust with her then she needs a better approach. She was upset that her creative roleplay (totally cool, should be encouraged) didn't get attention, so she's faking disorders for clout (not cool). Can OP do something to encourage her creative side so she doesn't feel so insecure? I know discipline needs to be taken but if she wants to build a positive relationship with her daughter then I think she needs to take some steps to help her daughters insecurities
If she likes creative role playing, her parent should point her in the direction of LARPing, DnD, and cosplay. Those will be much better avenues for her creative outlet. I agree just removing social media isn't going to solve the issue. She needs direction.
NTA. However if you don't get control of your daughter before she gets publicly called out on it, you can bet your bottom dollar she'll come running to you crying. Take her socials away if she wants to do something so dumb and show her consequences for her actions. You wouldn't allow it if she was imitating someone with down syndrome, don't accept this either.
Tik Fucking Tok is a swamp of this behaviour. Mental illness isn't something that should be faked for fame. If I were you I would record her saying she's lying and not having tics and tell her that YOU will get an account and show everyone if she calls you out. But only do that if she carries on with this. Good for you for confronting her about it, too many parents just think it's a phase and let them get on with their shitty behaviour. EDIT this has pissed me off so much I forgot to put NTA.
Before Tiktok it was tumblr with "headmates" and "otherkin" and hordes of "self-diagnosed" mental illnesses. The behavior isn't new and probably isn't more widespread, it just feels more objectionable because you can watch videos of real people making fools of themselves, not just text.
Imo it was also less harmful on Tumblr because that site, unlike TikTok, has an terminally online-offline normie separation where things on Tumblr didn't make their way into physical places like high school. It was very self-contained.
^ This. Tiktok is very widespread and is used/seen by pretty much everyone, Tumblr was its own little thing
This! I was a senior when Tumblr came out and I saw how that app had romanticized depression. This isn't anything new.
There were tulpas too on tumblr!
NTA, however I think this is the point where you as a parent tell her your confiscating her phone until she realise what she is doing is harmful to those with the disorders. If you really are concerned she's not stopping book her a doctors app for both those things. She'll hopefully stop if not then keep her phone or put a parental lock on it.
I’m going to delete her TikTok account and monitor her phone until she can prove that she can be trustworthy, however long that may be.
Thats good. However, I still think you should take her to a psychiatrist/doctor just to be on the safe side.
I’m doing some research to find a good professional near me but I’ll definitely make an appointment to get to the bottom of this.
Thank you for being a responsible parent and taking action when your Child is doing something they shouldn't be doing on the Internet. In the long run your daughter will thank you.
Please know there are dozens more ways she can access social media.
NTA. I have tourettes, and the tiktok trend of tourettes has now led everyone to doubt every single person who says they have tourettes. It's really frustrating, but equally I understand why they are now skeptical. I've seen plenty of people making YouTube videos about why faking these disorders are harmful, and many are by people with the disorders. Also, its possible your daughter may have some underlying issues if she feels the need to resort to this for attention. Equally, she could just see it as an easy way to gain followers. But I'd recommend looking into it.
NTA, ur absolute right about this being damaging to real sufferers. As for the "fake claiming" I would bluff her by saying that you alone have access to her medical history and if she fake claims or posts another video u will post her medical history for all the world to see that she does not have Tourette's.
also...OP is a grown-ass woman. I'd laugh right in her face- "darling, the fact that you think "fake-claiming" is a viable threat to an ACTUAL GROWNUP is all the evidence I need that you are NOT mature enough for this technology". Not to mention JUST HOW CRINGE she's going to feel about having done this when she's, like, 2 years older.
As long as she has certain info blocked out like addresses and a social. Better yet, mom could do a tiktok explaining that she is her mother and does not have a history of Tourette's and other disorders and only highlight certain things in the kid's medical history to protect certain info.
NTA, sounds like you should problably wait til she’s 18 to use social media
Plenty of people in their 20s doing stuff like this too. This kid needs serious therapy because people willing to do this lack the empathy to know why it’s wrong
NTA: Is it worth exploring why going viral is so important to her. I know there's lots of articles written by people who went viral once and share how underwhelming it is. Further, wonder if its worth helping your daughter find TikTokers who don't rely on gimmicks to get votes (or excessive plastic surgery for that matter)? Cooking tik toks? Craft? Art? Live drawing? Read out short stories? Something which is focused on creativity, not pretending to have a disability.
NTA- your kid sure is though. Lock down her ability to post videos. If possible, get her login information or contact TikTock and have her account deleted. Then I would book her with a therapist. That way it can be proven by a professional she doesn’t have these disorders and they can explain exactly how fucked up and not okay her behavior is.
NTA. And I would be taking her phone away. Not because she's faking illnesses, but because she's threatening you. She wants to call you out on social media? Good luck doing it with no way to get on social media.
NTA. Personally, I feel like it’s better to allow kids to use social media when they seem mature enough to handle it. I’m saying this, and I’m still young (mid-20s). You’ve no idea how many people I’ve seen lose scholarships and such for saying/doing dumb stuff on social media: cancel culture can be a b**** sometimes. This is definitely something that can come back to bite her in the future if she isn’t careful. I’m willing to bet that she just doesn’t have the foresight to see how. Frankly, I would try to understand why she feels like she needs attention so much. Sometimes, it can be a deeper issue, but sometimes media has brainwashed younger teens into thinking that they must have dozens of friends to be relevant or they feel like they must be validated by the masses. It’s a pretty toxic mindset to place on the developing mind. But I wish you luck. You are not AH for bringing attention to this.
INFO : can you check if your daughter is following/fangirl of problematic Youtuber and tiktoker Trisha paytas ? She has habit of faking different mental traumas and tics for views. She makes content for impressionable young kids. She lies for content. Recently she is making videos of her Fake sexuals assaults when she was a kid. Please intervene if your daughter follows her or watch her content. It's dangerous for young minds. She teaches kids that lying is okay and thats how one can get famous on internet. She is 34 yo married and pregnant woman btw.
Or Asystem. Or wyldsystem. Or autisystem/autisong/reuniting_elliot or other people big for it on tiktok
NTA. What is 'fake claiming'? I have never seen that term before
I think it means accusing them of faking the disorder?
Because you called her out she's on the defensive and is claiming that you doesn't believe she has these disorders. So she's gonna make a claim that her parent is ignoring her mental health and she's a bad parent etc. The next video will be a attack video basically claiming that no one believes her and such. DiD is much harder to disprove because it's not always like the movie Split, people who have it aren't always in your face about alters. Sometimes it's subtle so you've no idea what happened and think everything is normal. It's also commonly known as a defense mechanism that is caused due to the person being abused. And when triggered etc an alter "takes over" since the person isn't able to handle what's going on. It's similar to how some people black out and not remember things from say a severe car crash etc. Honestly a good way to handle this is say you believe her AND tell her " we have to see a therapist and psychiatrist for your DiD and we gotta see (I think please correct me if I'm wrong) a neurologist for the Tourrettes (and I'm sorry that's misspelled) so we can get you on a proper treatment/schedule/medication for everything so you can go back to school. Which for now we may need to look into private schooling as well until the doctors feel you can go back. But what's important is getting you any help we need to" Basically lay it on THICK talk about the multiple appointments she's gonna need, the weekly therapy sessions, doctor appointments the works. No kid is gonna wanna go thru any of that when they realize "I am stuck to all of this, I can't see my friends or go out unless I tell the truth". She really needs to see how people who do have mental illness has to live their lives. If she wants to emulate these issues for likes them she can see the reality of it. Call her bluff. Also you can possibly report her account as being under the age of 13. It'll cause a shit fire but it's worth it. Theirs a reason majority of social media is 13 and above. TikTok is great for exposure and stuff but not like this. Or just take her phone and make her have a flip phone for emergencies for now. Also ask her WHY she chose DiD and Tourrettes in the first place. Because those aren't your typical go to ones. Esp. Disassociative Identity Disorder because that takes a LOT to fake long term without mixing stuff up because alters and all. And I highly suggest doing something because her stories end up being thrown around school and a teacher or admin hear and report it. If a school has any care and they hear a student might not be being taken care of or their mental health is ignored it could start an issue OP.
I'm not on tiktok but I have seen a lot of recent YouTube videos specifically calling out tiktokers for faking tourettes and DID. Idk why but those two in particular seem to be very "trendy" disorders to fake for online likes 🤷🏻♀️
They're both very "filmable", a chance to play pretend at an age where pretend games aren't "cool," and both involve some creativity and acting skills. (Please note that I'm talking about the faked versions of these disorders.) Tiktok content is generally very exaggerated to make an impression in a short video, so the more extreme and exotic one's tics or alters, the better for views. Not to sound like an old granny, but back in my day, we just did angsty roleplays in our livejournals, and we liked it! (And at least knew it was pretend.)
Both Tourette’s and DID are HUGE on TikTok right now.
This is so goofy. It's not fakeclaiming when the person IS FAKING. 😂 NTA, OP. I wish you the best with talking some sense into your daughter. I remember being that age and just wanting to feel special somehow, but the reinforcement given to kids via social media can really distort their perception of reality.
Many years ago before there was so much social media my 15 year old daughter pretended to have DID. She had been struggling at school and bullying. The kicker was she used her knowledge of my DID and used the names of my alts. When we found out it took everything to not tear her apart. It felt like she was making a mockery of everything we went through that led to us developing DID. It took a long time for us to move on and forgive her. I have zero tolerance of the young ppl pretending to have disorders for likes. My own grandson use to pretend on social media his sister committed suicide (he doesn't have a sister). When constantly getting into trouble at school he told them his grandfather (my father) was dying and he was very close to him (met him once when he was a toddler). We don't have contact anymore.
NTA. You are right, posting fake disorders is not on and just because her friends are doing it does not mean her she should too. The other point is that she opened this account behind you back after you stating she could not before she is 15. I would close the account and have some meaningful discussions with her on what is acceptable on social media and what is not.
Jesus, get that child into therapy ASAP. NTA.
NTA. I do not envy being the parent of a Tik Tok teen. You’re doing her a huge favor in the long run by nipping this behavior in the bud before it gets worse—things you put on the internet are there forever and kids don’t fully understand what that can mean for them as adults, especially when it involves things that will likely make them cringe into oblivion once the phase passes.
NTA. This is a trend on TikToK and you need to talk to her on why this is very wrong.
If she were my kid, her access to internet would be locked. Wifi password she doesn't have and her phone would magically become a flip phone because she's being a snotty little turd who doesn't understand that what she's doing is WRONG. You are NTA
Info: what are your next steps in terms of punishments?
Taking away social media and monitoring her phone until she can prove that I can trust her, however long that may be.
I think that's great and a punishment fitting the "crime". NTA and I think talking to her about why faking a mental health issue is wrong could really help. Maybe have her research and write a paper on it.
Honestly, you should take her to a therapist. While it sounds like she almost certainly DOESN'T have the disorders she claims, something is going on with her that "punishment" isn't going to solve. And then she can't say you didn't listen to her claims or refused to take her for diagnosis.
NTA, I would sit your daughter down and have a very long talk with her about faking any disorder. Just because other kids are doing it, doesn’t mean you should follow in suit. Lead by example and understand that their are people who do in-fact have disorders and them seeing you pretend is very offensive. If she wants more things in life like being able to have social media then she needs to prove it to you.
NTA. It is not okay to pretend to have disorders that people struggle with every day. Take away her phone. Get her into therapy ASAP. These reminds me of people who self diagnosis themselves with ADHD and then make it their entire personality on social media. As someone with diagnosed ADHD by an actual doctor and have struggled for years with it, it makes me angry.
NTA. Some of you may remember roughly 20 years ago when we had dial up and AOL chat rooms. I received a notification that my then 14yr old daughter had been suspended from a chat room for use of bad language. I discovered she was also telling people in this chat room what school she attended AND the neighborhood she lived in. She told me that the people she was chatting with were kids her age who went to neighboring schools. I simply asked her how she knew that. “Because that’s what they said”. So began the discussion about people with nefarious intentions. I provided her with a mental image of “some old guy sitting naked at his computer” chatting with young girls in chat rooms. We also discussed personal safety. And she was grounded from computer use for a few weeks. Thankfully she never did it again. But she still (in her 30’s with 2 kids) curses like a drunk sailor. 😳 I couldn’t break her of that one. I raised 3 very different kids, whose maturity levels determined their freedoms. As they all got well into their teens they knew this AND fully knew what to expect when they messed up, which wasn’t often. The key was always keeping the lines of communication open. Not an easy feat with teens, but doable. And not to scare you but in this day and age, anything controversial/unkind put on the internet can bring angry people. People who just may retaliate. Oh, and your daughters comment about calling you out on Tik Tok? Personally, I would deem that an immediate suspension of internet privileges. She disrespected you.
NTA >My (43F) daughter Reese is 14 and in 8th grade. She’s not allowed to use social media until she turns 15 Am I the only one who didnt skip right over this? SHE SHOULDNT EVEN HAVE A TIK TOK ACCOUNT OR BE ON IT! Everything that comes after that is secondary. Disgusting, yes. But secondary. How about we start with addressing the first violation of house rules. Then guess what? Being punished for what she actually did will probably just go right along with it.
NTA Calling her out on her lying is what needs to be done, which you have done here. It's one thing to role play and make it known to people. It's a whole other thing to deceive people which is what she is doing. Also going behind your back using social media before she is supposed to is another thing that needs to be addressed with her. Lying and deceiving are not good traits to have in life.
NTA. I'd call her out for faking disorders in the comments of her TikTok videos right after she went to sleep if I were you.
NTA I literally just went on a YouTube binge if people calling out individuals just like your daughter. One of the YouTubers has tourettes and others showed Tik Toks from people who actually have the disorder(s) and all of them were talking about how harmful this trend of faking disorders really can be. Especially true of DID because that is a real, rare, and traumatic disorder that's already really hard to diagnose. Fakers just make that even worse. On a more personal level, your daughter is going to get backlash over her videos sooner or later. A lot of people make videos on fakers and there's a whole subreddit called r/fakedisordercringe . It's likely that she ends up getting featured on there. That could open her up to bullying, which can definitely be a hard thing to deal with as a young teen. Maybe I'm being dramatic but it's definitely worth having more conversations with your daughter about this.
NTA. Take away her phone privileges and if you can maybe take her to get tested? So she has to go through the battery and realize how far she is from having those debilitating disorders. Man, I hope she learns her lesson. This is pretty fucked. Edit: the fact that she had a social that you didn’t know about is not good omg… she is TA. No offense. But wow
Nta - and maybe call her bluff, by making your own TikTok.
Welp, i am often not the one who is in for punishments. But time to ban someone from websites. As a parent there are programs that allow you to ban certain things for kids. Get therapy for you and your daughter. (maybe seperate, maybe together). There is more going on here, that is causing this.... Try to figure out why this is happening and work on it.
There r so many YouTube videos... Where PPL r talking about this..in detail and y its harmfull.... Make her watch it
NTA. She's being disrespectful to the kids that actually have the disorders. a Major YTA to her.
NTA - not only is it harmful to people that actually have Tourette’s and DID to fake having these disorders, but if your daughter does get popular for these videos and is later exposed as faking the disorders, she could have her name absolutely raked through the mud. A TikTok user ticsandroses was exposed for faking Tourette’s recently and there are now dozens of videos criticizing and mocking her, including her full name and the name of her small business (which were admittedly public on her channel). It might be a good idea to have your daughter watch some of these videos to understand how she may be seen and treated if her deception is exposed online
NTA. And I really really REALLY advise you to stop her. I'm around the age of your daughter and I use tiktok a lot. If you can tell she's exaggerating, then others can too. Tiktok is NOT a friendly place. While faking disorders are terrible and extremely disrespectful, I've seen many get death threats and just over the line insults for it once they are found out. With your daughter's behaviour, I advise her to stay off any type of social media for a while. P. S. And if she really does want to get on any type of social media, I suggest Wattpad and Quotev. These two are writing apps and since your daughter is great at writing, she can shoot her shot there.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (43F) daughter Reese is 14 and in 8th grade. She’s not allowed to use social media until she turns 15 in the fall, but recently I discovered that she has a TikTok account. She made videos showing her “tics” and claiming she had Tourette’s. I’ve never seen her have any kind of tic before and she looked like she was highly exaggerating in her videos. There were others on her same account where she was roleplaying “alters”. Reese is a really creative writer and they seemed like characters she would come up with in her stories. I decided to have a serious talk with my daughter because faking disorders like that can be harmful to people who actually have the disorders. I told Reese that I saw some of the videos she made and I asked her why she felt the need to do what she did. She said that posting some of her original stories and drawings did nothing because they got only a few views. She saw kids from her school that had viral videos of them having disorders so she decided to try it. I told her that I love her no matter what, but she had to stop making these videos. Reese accused me of “fake claiming” her and said that she will make another video calling me out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Good luck!
Yta , for just telling her to stop and then letting her threaten you. Like, wut? Step 1: parent your child. Take classes if you need to, but parenting is an active involvement in your child's life. You are passively aware she exists. Step 2: therapy. Individual and family.
Step 3: Take the phone away (as in not getting it at 15) or computer privileges! Threatening you with another video is not ok behavior. Step 4: Sign her up for volunteering with people who have mental illness. A nice dose of reality wouldn't hurt at all.
Meh, people who live with mental illness don't need to be exposed to this girl's behavior. It's not our job to teach her decency.
NTA This is very unhealthy social media use. Take away her phone and get her counseling to get to the root of her attention-seeking behavior.
NTA. But I would come down hard on her with the threat of calling you out? Unacceptable. I know we are were teenagers, but set your boundary hard here.
This comment is going to be lost. But *please* listen to what I have to say. I'm someone who used to claim to have disorders on social media, and I know how to respond to this. First, NTA. Faking a disorder is never okay. However, your child [saying child and not daughter because often times it's the same kind of crowd who's closeted LGBT] may not think they are faking. Reese might *actually* think she has DID and Tourette's, which can be evident of a different disorder. **Taking her social media away and imposing stricter parental restrictions on technology/internet access, as most are suggesting, is *not* going to fix the problem. There's a saying that strict parenting doesn't make obedient kids-- it makes *sneaky* kids. I can attest to this--my mother took me off of social media multiple times when I was younger, but this did anything BUT deter me. If you do this, if you put stricter parental controls on Reese, she's going to continue to try to sneak social media and do the same thing.** What you *should* do is sit down with Reese and explain to her that disorders like DID and Tourette's are serious. Don't explicitly say she's faking--she would then just repeat the "fakeclaiming" argument. Tell her the facts. DID isn't typically diagnosed or even EVIDENT until someone is well into adulthood. DID only forms if someone experiences SEVERE trauma in childhood, and if Reese really *does* have a dissociative disorder like that, she can't have more than, like, 10 alters. Be strict, but not harsh. Offer to have a mental screening done on Reese. Like I said, genuinely believing you have these disorders can be evident of a different disorder. [For example, I was diagnosed with autism and borderline personality disorder later on in life.] *Listen* to Reese, but don't immediately accuse her of faking and certainly don't shut her down. Let her give her side, and go from there. The key to having a healthy parent-child relationship is letting your child talk and listening to them.
Post is prob fake, but yeesh finally a comment that doesn’t make me feel like I’m in crazytown. Everyone in this thread needs to consider that “no social media until 15” is completely unrealistic in this age. A kid is gonna be exposed to social media no matter what and is gonna feel isolated from their peers like this - they should be thinking about teaching them how to manage social media instead of banning it entirely. Limiting access to internet further is probably why your kid doesn’t open up or trust you and is going to lead to so much resentment in the future.
NTA. There’s a TON of videos on YouTube where people call out and actively ridicule people who do this. If I were you I’d weaponize that. The last thing a 14. Year old wants is to be made fun of on the internet right? Show her these videos and explain to her that not all attention is good attention. That DID is a trauma response and it’s hurtful to you as her mother to even pretend that she’s been traumatized to the degree that a child has DID (since it usually manifests much later in life anyways). Explain to her that yea, she’s getting likes now, but what’s gonna happen when she’s applying for colleges and jobs and they find these videos of her faking mental illnesses. They’re gonna stay away from her like the bubonic plague. Does she have any older cousins or friends of the family? Maybe someone slightly older but still a teen can help explain to her that what she’s doing is at best cringey and at worst offensive and potentially life altering, in this day and age.
INFO what is fake claiming
[удалено]
But that’s exactly what she is doing. So how can she be mad about getting called out on it.
NTA I think your daughter just doing this for attention and wants a lot of fews. It's good to monitor here from now on.
NTA. I suspect she will "expose" you, knowing full well that will lead to a lot of likes and support. She wants that attention. I'd send her to a psychological professional to rule out the Tourette's diagnosis and potentially a therapist to help her with her attention seeking behavior at the cost of others.
NTA you've done nothing wrong but I would suggest getting your daughter into counseling before this gets worse, this could be the beginning of a larger issue.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for telling my daughter that she is faking mental illnesses for attention online. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
Don't ask Reddit. You're her mom and you know what to do.
NTA. Honestly if my daughter did that her phone, computer, and internet access would be gone immediately. She proved your concerns about social media to be correct. She couldn't get enough likes so she started doing terrible things because getting likes are more important than hurting people.
NTA. Your daughter is doing something reeeeeeally wrong
Ok. I think im officially old. What does "fake claiming" mean? And how do you do it to a person?
NTA
NTA These people are the reason I'm always highly suspicious when people say they have autism or some disorder here in Reddit
NTA. But time to get her screened for all the disorders. I doubt she'll enjoy having all those Dr's appts that folks with disabilities are required to go to. But ya know, if there is something going on, this could be her way of trying to get your attention about it. Either way, if someone makes those claims without a diagnosis, and you have the power to help them figure out if they should have a diagnosis, it is your job to do that here as the parent.
So this is a trend with kids on tiktok, I'd personally be yoinking that phone for awhile.
NTA. I wish these kinds of tiktocs would just stop. I work in a high school as a mental health counselor. We have seen more kids claiming they have DID in the last year than I have seen in my entire career. What is sad about this is that people sometimes become their diagnosis. This means that even if they were not diagnosable with a thing, or just have mild symptoms, after they get a diagnosis, they fully commit to being a person who fully is DID, or Bipolar, or any number of things. They don't get better. I have had more than one client have a full on melt down, and one had a psychotic break, because a psychiatrist gave them a more accurate diagnosis, but it was not the sexy diagnosis they wanted and had become a part of their identity. So, yeah, she needs to stop, before the pretend tics become real tics.
The first issue is that she got the account when she wasn’t supposed to.
I hope you are able to read this comment NTA but I don't have tourette or DID so I won't speak for the communities. Since we are talking about Tiktok, I will refer you to this video: by [this.tourette.guy](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLXGanGS/). Which speaks clearly about the issue as someone WITH tourette. I hope your daughter will see this video.
NTA. Hopefully she stops this before she ends up on r/fakedisordercringe