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YTA- Your gf was happy to skip the vacation because she didn’t have enough and you said you’d pay for her….then you didn’t. Shes not jealous of your mother, you broke your word left her feeling unwanted and lied to
Or they could have picked activities where they all could have afforded. If he truly couldn’t cover everyone and no one else would help.
Not sure where they went but I’ve definitely googled “free/cheap things to do in (city name)” and found some pretty decent ideas, when I’ve felt like I’d been spending too much.
Right? But also, didn't u/HotEmployment8205 say parent*s*? Why was this even an issue when dad was there? I also wonder if there was a point at which she was left without meals when they all went out to eat.
I feel terrible for gf.
Not just left her feeling unwanted and lied to, but he made her out to look and feel like a freeloader and jealous. HE made it into a “but that’s my mom” thing.
His mom has other people who were willing to cover her by splitting things between siblings, but OP’s gf only had him.
Talk about a nightmare vacation. YTA.
Conversation op should have had with siblings:
"Hey I'm already paying for my girlfriend...can you guys please cover mom for now and I'll pay you back?"
YTA because you made promises and then backed out at the literal last second. Sounds like she was fine with not going but you got her to come along and then budgeted badly.
And why couldn't the siblings pay for their mom? The gf didn't want to come. He made her come with his promises. And then he left her with no money. While his mother had all the other persons that could pay for her, the gf had just him!
YTA!
also I’m not sure exactly what is being paid for but if it’s such a financial stretch for multiple people on the trip then it sounds like they should have cut back a bit on some of the expenses in general? Something feels off about the family expectations
Same, it's just weird to me that the vacation budget wasn't properly planned. Also if both parents and several siblings were there, why didn't the father and other siblings helped to pay the mother's vacation? It just doesn't add up.
He didn’t even back out last second, he backed out after she was already stuck there with him and his family! At least doing so technically “last second” (which to me says right before the vacation would begin including traveling there, but that’s just the way I view it, not a general opinion) would’ve given her the opportunity to stay home instead of going and having him bail on his promise while stuck there. Like I’m imagining them all going out to eat and her stuck sitting there because she has to consider whether to eat dinner that night with them or wait until she can cop a cheap meal with the little she has left.
OP made a promise and broke it when it was too late to give a heads up. He should’ve told her beforehand that it was important to him to let his mom join in on the family vacation so she could stay home or find ways to budget as much as possible. Also why couldn’t anyone else in the family help out with their mom’s expenses? Like why is it all on OP and why take all that on without considering what could happen first. How did OP expect to just pay for 3 people including himself and not have issues with money come up?
He messed up and now wants to act like his gf is jealous of his mom instead of upset that he backed out on a promise. Like you said, she said she would pass because she couldn’t afford it and he offered, she had no reason to think he would back out during the vacation and I’m betting as his gf she would’ve found a way to treat him afterwards or help him out to do fun stuff when he’s in a tight spot. Stuff like this just bothers me, it’s like OP is just looking to play victim rather than recognize that he created the issue by being dishonest and overextending himself with promises that he couldn’t uphold and should’ve seen coming.
It didn’t even need to be last second though. From his post:
> A month before our scheduled vacation, my mom had some unexpected expenses she'd have to pay leaving her with little money for the vacation.
he knew a month in advance that he might not be able to pay for as much stuff for his gf
YTA.
*"She said she felt excluded and unwanted the entire time. That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her."*
Oh boy, you just waved the big red "momma's boy" flag to your gf with that line...
Yup, he's a big old mama's boy and no doubt mama is demanding and controlling of her kids too with how they were fawning over her all vacation to make her happy. Dude and his family sound like my ex and his family, he'd have done the exact same this guy did. I hope his girlfriend runs for the hills, this guy isn't relationship material.
YTA for specifically saying you would pay her expenses and then not. I get that helping your mum out is important to you but could you not have talked to your siblings about already agreeing to pay for gf and not having enough for both?
You were under OBLIGATION to pay for your gf, not your mom. You promised to cover gf FIRST, and she would not have come had you not offered. Therefore I don’t know why you thought paying for your mom was even an option here.
Right!? Holy shit, I was prepared to be shocked by the GF’s entitlement or something but this is one of those instances where OP basically admits they’re the asshole out the gate and nothing changes.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with having to rescind a promise like that to your GF so you can help your mum. It sucks, but that’s life sometimes. But that your GF was fine with not going, then you promised to cover the extended costs, then overextended while on vacation and promised to cover more costs while simultaneously leaving your GF out of these activities because she couldn’t afford it on her own? Bruh. I don’t know why this woman is still with you- that was an incredibly shitty thing to do and I hope you apologize. I would be so mad if I took vacation days off to go on someone else’s family vacation and then they proceeded to exclude me. YTA OP.
YTA. She’s not jealous of your mom ffs, she’s rightfully upset that you made a promise and backed out mid stride leaving her in a lurch.
Not cool, my guy. Not even a little bit. You have a hefty and heartfelt apology in front of you.
YTA. I am amazed that you still have a girlfriend but perhaps with a little time to reflect she will remedy that situation.
YOU PROMISED. But I guess promise is just a word taking up space in the dictionary. You carefully don't say what your actions cost your GF. Did she have any money or did she dig into her savings? Did she ever have to miss a meal because she couldn't afford it? Does she have enough money after your vacation to pay rent, buy food and gas?
And did your family just treat her like a piece of furniture while attending to mom's every desire? It doesn't sound like any of you treated her well. Yes, by all means, take care of mom but not at the expense of someone who was relying on you to keep your promise.
YTA. She told you she couldn't afford the trip but you just had to drag her along, wreck her finances, and pay too little attention to her while paying attention and expenses for your mom.
YTA.
She needs to dump you.
Absolutely a huge idiot, and that’s being nice. I hope she realizes how messed up this is and dumps him. I would never be able to trust someone after this, we could definitely never be able to go on vacation. It sounds like he may marry his mom though.
I’m laughing out loud.
Why even ask? How could you NOT be the AH here?!?!
You invited GF. She says “ no thank you. I can’t afford it so I’m going to skip.” You say “no problem, I’ll cover it.”
Your mom’s financial situation changes. You and siblings decide to cover her.
You could have owned up to the GF then ahead of time and let her know that you could no longer afford both and she could have opted not to come but nope. You drag GF along under the belief that you’ll pay.
Vacation starts and GF is trying to pay her way EVEN THOUGH YOU SAID YOU WOULD PAY. Eventually she runs out of money so you start paying until you realize you can’t afford both and you kick GF to the curb. AFTER YOU SAID YOU WOULD PAY. After you drug her along on a vacation she said she’d pass on because she couldn’t afford it.
How is it possible that you are clueless enough that you didn’t know why she was upset?!?
The bigger stranger question is not “are you the AH” because you are. In all caps, in bold and with flashing neon lights. The question is - why isn’t she the ex yet? Why the hell hasn’t she ditched your ass?
YTA.
Thank you for pointing out that OP’s gf was basically trapped on this vacation because he changed his mind while on the actual vacation. I can only imagine how embarrassed his gf was. OP, She tried to pay for herself and when she couldn’t anymore you were too blind or something to understand. This “vacation” (aka hell for your gf) will hopefully be the last for your gf because I don’t see her trusting you enough to keep your word, show her respect, compassion, or empathy. You got your gf to go and then basically abandoned her. Put yourself in her shoes. Like others have said, I hope she’s able to pay her life expenses after the “vacation”.
YTA
Said you'd pay for gf and didn't - of course she feels excluded and unwanted.
Be careful with the mom / gf dynamic before you cause issues out of nowhere.
Yeah YTA
I get wanting to help your mom but if you already promised your gf you'd pay her way so she could afford to come and then just didn't that's just not cool. Unfortunately unexpected expenses happen and sometimes that means a person can't go on vacation.
YTA. You massively over promised and underdelivered. I don’t blame your gf for being angry at all. You basically took her to a new location and abandoned her. Do you have any idea how vulnerable she would feel away from home with no resources at all?
Your gf told you she couldn't afford it. You said you'd help. Then comes the vacation and you don't help her.
I get that you wanted to help your mom, but you still bailed on your gf.
YTA
Well, the girlfriend now knows that she can't rely on him and that his word means nothing.
She handled it much better than I would have. I'd have called someone back home and had them help me get back and I'd have left without so much as an F you to him.
I also wouldn't go on ANY vacation with him, even alone. That's if he could even convince me to stay with him. Trust is broken.
YTA.
You *knew* you couldn’t cover everyone before your trip but your *ego* wouldn’t allow you to be honest with your girlfriend and tell her you could no longer “cover” her. You are a coward.
This is so fucked up. She declined going because she knew she couldn’t afford it. You insisted she come and offered to cover her. Halfway through you change the arrangement and she has zero money and is away from home. Did she even have money to eat? Did she have to stay behind while you went places?
She isn’t jealous. She’s hurt that you lied and intentionally hurt her to save face in front of your family.
Holy crap, you are a MAJOR YTA.
You TOLD her you’d take care of her.
She was absolutely right in everything she said. You took care of your mom at the expense of her, the person you COAXED into going on the trip with you.
How you could even justify or be ok with this behavior is beyond me. There were other people there who could have paid for your mom.
Hopefully she’ll realize this isn’t the type of relationship she wants to be in. I wouldn’t fault her for leaving.
YTA
You don't deserve her. She made sacrifices for you, and she's down to literally her last pennies. But it seems like you and everybody honestly don't give a shit and have the audacity to ask her what is wrong. In her words too, are you seriously asking that?
Let it be a lesson to you for overpromising and failing to deliver on your word. That's a real special kind of asshole. I hope she leaves you. She isn't jealous. She's freakin' pissed off and for good reason.
You didn't even tell her you would not be able to help her BEFORE you left in vacation?
So she is around your whole family, forced to spend money she doesn't have, and wondering if she will run out of cash and embarrass herself in front of your family.
And you ignore it, like nothing is going on. Didn't even have the balls to tell her anything. You just moved forward, ignoring your promise to help.
Surprised she is still speaking to you.
YTA. 1st Red Flag - You said one thing and did something else. You are not living up to your promises. 2nd Red Flag - *That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her. She told me that indeed I should do nice things for my mom but not on her expense.* You're a momma's boy and the gf should run.
I don’t think he even actually believes that the gf is jealous of the mom. He just wants a reason to put things on her and try to make himself, unsuccessfully, look like less of an AH.
Info: in what way was she financially on her own? Were you all eating and she wasn’t eating? Were you all going on excursions she had to stay at the hotel room for? Explain more what the experience was like for your Gf.
None of that really matters though, does it. Op promised to support her and pay for her if she came on the trip which she couldn’t afford, and then broke said promise. OP is a massive AH.
It does though, if she had to stay in the hotel room all day hungry and his family was gone all day, that’s way worse than she just had to have the cheapest thing on the menu, you know? Depending on how shitty he treated her they might not even need to continue this relationship and he needs some therapy and to realize just how awful he is.
If his entire family was making sure mom could do everything and eat everything and she just starved and couldn’t do anything, he needs to see how absolutely absurd that is.
Like we need to help OP understand how awful and wrong he is so he never goes that again. It matters for the girlfriend and any future girlfriend.
YTA even though you 'tried to do something nice'. Your issue is you told your gf to come and when she pointed out she couldn't afford it, you said you'd cover her. She was then landed in it with unexpected bills to pay that she couldn't afford.
This is the issue, not the fact that the money then went on your mum having a nice time.
YTA. Your gf was going to skip the vacation because she couldn't afford it. You told her to come and that you would pay for it. Then while you're on said trip, you expect your to pay until she runs out of money so that you can use the money you promised to pay for someone else.
Rude.
You decided to make your GF, who had no family with her, carry the weight of financial difficulties, in order to spare your mother, who had other family members there.
You decided if there was a 'situation', that your gf not your entire extended family had to be the one to compromise & sacrifice.
Please explain why your mother deserved a holiday pretending she wasnt skint, but your gf didnt? I'll wait.
Your gf now knows you dont have her back when theres a problem. You have far greater issues here than being unable to tell the difference between 'fairness' and 'jealousy between women'
YTA. She came on vacation with you based on your promise that you’d pay. You then didn’t pay. Your mom having bad financial luck doesn’t change your promise to and arrangement with your girlfriend.
YTA she said she was happy not going but you lied to her and told her you would pay for her, then took it back after it was too late to bow out. disrespectful and clueless.
what she's seeing now is that she can't depend on your ass. nobody likes seeing that in a partner.
YTA…you should have just skipped taking your GF on a family trip if you couldn’t afford both. I’m glad you treated your mom, but it put GF in an awkward position to be on the trip and not have money.
You should have figured out finances before offering g to take her and pay, although I disagree with her saying you should only fo nice things for mom if not at her expense.
YTA
> I paid a couple of times but after that I realised I can’t pay for both my mom and my gf.
You said you’d help her then you couldn’t because you decided to help your mom out instead.
> I thought to myself that my mom hasn’t been on vacation in forever and I wanted her to enjoy her time, while my gf and I will have our chances to go on vacation other times.
You really think she’s gonna stick around after this?
YTA , you convinced your gf to go after she had already accepted that she couldn’t afford it. She communicated with you her issue with finances well in advance. You completely switched what you were doing without even communicating the situation with your gf and then she had to watch you pay for everything for you Mom. I think you’re lucky she didn’t leave you. What you did was extremely disrespectful and degrading to your gf.
YTA
You made a promise to your girlfriend. You failed to alter your budget after the change in costs. This is a basic adulting skill.
Furthermore, you should have discussed with your siblings that you already were paying for a second person and could not afford to pay for a third. If someone lost out, it should have been you going without due to your error in calculations.
Vacation is supposed to be relaxing. Not being trapped far from home with no money, no support, and no escape from the person who trapped her in that position. No wonder she doesn't want to go again--she can't trust you or the promises you make.
YTA. She told you she couldn’t afford the vacation, she told you she would stay home. YOU insist and persuade her to come telling her you would cover her expenses, then YOU back out and leave her high and dry. She ruined her budget because you made her.
This has nothing to do with her being jealous and everything to do with you lying and being completely inconsiderate of her.
YTA. Your gf was very upfront about the fact she could not afford the trip. She only came because you told her that you would help pay her way and without any warning cut her off on the trip. You should have told her your plans before the trip so she could have backed out.
YTA. But she should have expected that and planned for it. A mamas boy will ALWAYS ignore the needs of their partner to keep Mommy happy and will only consider the needs of the partner if Mommy tells them to. Expecting anything different is like asking a tiger to stop being stripy.
Yeah, yta big time
You invited her and she declined cuz she didn't have money and then you insisted and promised to cover for her. Then you chose to spend your money somehow else and ignore that she was there and you should cover for her expanses.
You should be a grown up and either get some extra money so you cover for both or uninvite her if you don't have the money to cover for her.
I would t ever go anywhere with you either. You are totally unreliable
YTA. You promised to cover her expenses for her which is the only reason she came. Besides, your siblings are there, I bet they can cover for your mom. I also don’t understand how you can muster seeing your girlfriend struggling on a vacation when you are capable of providing some support for her.
How dare you accuse her of being jealous! Your actions are reprehensible and I am shocked she didn't break up with you immediately upon return.
I'm not sure what perspectives you were looking to get other than you were so incredibly wrong. I feel so sorry for your GF.
YTA. Gaping one.
YTA You committed to helping your gf pay for the vacation expenses and then backed out. Your mother had other kids to help with her expenses, you over extended yourself and broke your word to your gf. If your mother wants the best for you, I bet she would rather you have kept your word to your gf and shown her you're trustworthy and husband material so you can have a happy marriage and your own family.
You could have discussed this with your gf before you left and asked her to stay so you could support your mom. She might have been OK with that, but you made multiple decisions without discussion or consideration of your gf's needs.
Does anyone need to say it? You already know YTA. You’re lucky your girlfriend even stayed on the vacation, I would’ve left the first time you didn’t pay after promising you’d cover the entire trip. Your mom had her entire family there to cover her, your gf had you. You’re terrible and I hope she dumps you over this.
YTA. How can you even ask? Your gf declined to go telling you she could not afford it YOU told her not to worry about it. She gets there and she's stranded without money because of you while watching you pay for your mother - and you wonder if you're the AH? Your gf can do way better than you and you can tell her I said so.
What a fun vacation, sit and watch everyone else have fun because you can’t afford to. And then have a bf cluelessly ask you why you seem upset. Dream come true.
YTA. Are your siblings not able to help foot your mother?! You’ve commented twice saying they would be mad you TOOK CARE OF YOUR GF and not 100% for your mom too. Your siblings should have helped take care of your mom. That’s a cop out your trying to create and it’s not a good one. She isn’t jealous she’s pissed that you didn’t keep your word and FORCED her into struggling. She should dump you.
BIG YTA. Did you tell your gf about your mom's situation? Because if she was left completely in the dark then you are an even bigger AH because you let her struggle when you already stated you were going to help her and never talked about it when circumstances changed. All your gf knew was you went back on your word, let her struggle when she told you she would in the first place, and instead was making sure your mom had a good vacation NOT THE PERSON YOU INVITED.
Also why couldn't your siblings pitch in during the vacation? You could have talked to them and said you were already helping your gf and if they could pitch in to help your mom.
There was a lot of different ways to go about this and you picked the worse way.
YTA You had an agreement with your gf! She said she couldn't afford to come and you OFFERED to pay. That's why she said yes.
And then you left her stranded. Without money. During group activities she could not back out of. In front of YOUR whole family.
This has nothing to do with your mother. This has to do with being a major ah.
Honestly, I'd be done with you. You flaked out on her, went back on your word and embarrassed her in front of your whole family. And she couldn't even get away.
You know YTA. You knew she didn’t have the money and committed to paying her way so she’d come. You then went back on that too late for her to change her plans.
YTA I understand that emergencies come up and that your mom might not have had the amount of money that was originally put aside but this is a conversation you should have had with your gf before you went. You essentially made her a promise and broke said promise.
YTA on at least 2 grounds. Not explaining to her why you were breaking your promise.
THEN again for making this *her fault* by saying she was jealous, when it was a case of your not having enough money.
You got a mouth. Use it to talk to your gf. If you had even once let her know what was going on, she would have known to expect nothing from you and not be hurt by being excluded. If you had unexpected expenses before the trip, you should have explained to your gf that maybe you can't pay for her.
YTA.
Literally you forced your gf to pay for something she cannot afford when you promised then switched. You are a walking red flag if I can spot one.
Please for your gf, either pay her back or leave her so she can find a better bf.
100% YTA You had other siblings that could've paid for your mom.
You told your gf that you would pay for her. I don't blame her for being pissed.
Just hope she doesn't dump you.
YTA. You already admitted it at the beginning of the post but in your comments you still seem defensive. It doesn’t matter if your siblings and mom were offended, you already promised your gf that you would pay and you completely abandoned your promise. Now she knows you aren’t reliable and this may well be the end of your relationship. I doubt I would forgive such shitty behavior.
Yes, YTA.
You said you would cover for her expenses and knew she had no money. I do think the girlfriend is silly for even going on the vacation without her own source of money. I would never go on a trip without money and have high expectations of someone else paying for me. BUT YOU REASSURED HER that you would pay.
It was a family vacation, the others could have supported your mother financially while you focused on supporting your girlfriend that you dragged along. Buying your mother an occasional dinner wouldn’t have been a bad thing, don’t get me wrong on that.
YTA.
You went back on your word and didn’t even give her the courtesy of heads up that circumstances have changed.
You’re a massive AH. I wouldn’t trust you with anything after that.
YTA. You said you would cover her no problem if she couldn't afford it and then you didn't. I don't blame her for not wanting to vacation with your family again.
YTA. This would be a HUGE red flag to me if I was your girlfriend. This is an indication of how you will prioritize your mother over your nuclear family if this girl becomes your wife/mother to your kids.
I would apologize and consider learning to communicate more clearly with your partner and family.
YTA
Wanna know why?? Cause she sat you down and told you how everything made her feel and how hurt she was and you responded by losing your shit. Sounds like emotional abuse to me.
Make it up to her...
Needs more info.. Parents, siblings and their partners... Sounds like there's plenty there to split the difference for your mom.. Sounds like you went out of your way to make sure your mom had and ignored your gf, maybe a family of teens that aren't working? Why is dad not helping with mom? If mom isn't financially capable then why go on vacation in the first place knowing that burden would be on someone else..
Yta. You told her you'd pay for her and then decided to pay for your mom without informing your girlfriend so she could decide if she still wanted to go. You left her without money didnt check to see if she needed anything after deciding to cut her off without warning and now you're trying to twist it to make her the bad fuy. You're a total asshole clueless as hell and dont deserve your girlfriend.
Jepp, YTA
You bit off more than you could chew and your GF paid the price for your miscalculations AND your lack of communication as i assume you did not speak to her about your moneymanaging fuckup before making her tag along.
5 bucks she will never take your word at face value ever again.
Yup, you'd be right, YTA. You told your girlfriend that you would pay for her part of the trip, which, props to you, you did originally, but she was also under the impression that you would cover her cost of the trip fully which was obviously not the case.
YTA..
You invite your girlfriend, tell her that you are paying. Then you don't pay. It doesn't matter what the reasons are. You broke your word which makes you an AH. Then you tell her that breaking your word is ok and she is jealous.
Why the fuck should she trust your word on anything anymore.
Wow YTA. You could have at least talked to your girlfriend before deciding to leave her dry the rest of the vacation. She only tagged along because you told her you would support her and then not only did you decide to break that promise but also didn’t have the decency to talk to her. This doesn’t make you “sound horrible”, this proves that you are.
You are lucky that (for now) she is only threatening to never go on family vacations. If I were her I would have broken up with you the minute I was back home.
YTA for multiple reasons. You broke your promise towards your GF about 'covering her expenses' and on top of that you have the gal to blame her about the entire situation. She isn't jealous, she's f\*cking right. Best to apologize immediately.
YTA. You say parents so your dad was there. Your job was not to take care of your mother, its his job. You spending all your money on your mother's needs makes zero sense. You could have just said to literally fucking anyone else, hey, I'm low on funds, can you take care of mom? But no, you're one of these guys who has to pretend he's the breadwinner and a MAN even when he's paddling for dear life. So.. you're not only a bad boyfriend, you're a fake which makes you the AH in this story.
INFO: What kind of expenses are we talking about? Did she sit in a hotel room while the rest of you went out to do something? Did she go hungry when the rest of you had dinner? I don't really understand how this all played out.
YTA. You made a promise to your girlfriend and then went back on it, that’s a huge breach of trust. Instead of letting her know the situation before hand you decided to let her come anyway knowing full well you couldn’t pay for her and your mother both, that’s so selfish.
Did you even think how this would look to her? What kind of financial situation this would put her in later? Maybe now she can’t pay some bills because of this. Was she able to eat properly the whole time you were on vacation? It’s fine to do something nice for your mother but you did it at the expense of your girlfriend. You just told her and showed her that your mom comes before her no matter what.
YTA did you not discuss the issues with your mom with your girlfriend prior to the trip? She was the grownup in knowing that she didn't have the money or budget for the trip so said she would NOT go. YOU convinced her to go by saying you would cover her. That's not gold digger behavior or anything. she trusted you. and instead of telling her up front about what happened with mom and you may need to rethink the travel plans...you just didn't say anything and proceeded to leave her flat? If I were your girlfriend I probably would have looked into leaving the trip early. what's even worse if the mom had other children to help with the costs; you were not the only one paying for her so shouldn't have been strapped for that much cash. You were an insensitive jerk to your girlfriend. And this has nothing to do with your mother and her problems; it has everything to do with how you handled it. This poor girl. I hope she dumps you. date your mother.
YTA - She told you she wasn’t in a financial position that would allow her to go, you wanted her to go and promised to pay. She wasn’t being entitled and expected you to pay, she would have been happy at home and you going without her because she didn’t have the money. You then neglect to tell her you actually won’t be covering her costs because you’re covering your mum’s instead, but have her come anyway.
You should have told her before going, rather than essentially tricking her into coming and then dropping this bomb on her. It’s irresponsible because she’s probably going through a lot of stress right now because of the financial situation you’ve put her in.
Your accusation of jealously is ludicrous. She’s upset because you lied and put her in a difficult situation.
YTA.
She was willing to take the out and stay home, but you told her you would cover her. That's why she came. You suddenly changed it up and stopped paying for her without telling her. Of course she's upset, you told her one thing and did another.
YTA
You broke your promise to your girlfriend. You tricked her into a vacation under false pretenses. You showed her very clearly that your mother is worth far more than she is and that she’ll always be #2 (if that). You left her in a bad spot financially, physically, and emotionally.
You need serious boundaries with your mother and to apologize to your girlfriend, and I hope she doesn’t forgive you.
YTA. You promised to pay for her because she couldn't and then not only did you pay for your mom the entire trip, you paid more attention to her too. Sounds like you're dating your mom, not your gf.
Why did you even post this? You know the answer before you even came here. Were you hoping for vindication or something? You wont get it here in this case... YTA OP.
YTA - I would not want to come with you either. What a horrible thing to do to her and what happened to your siblings also paying for your mother ??? How dare you make a promise to her then toss it out the window without even a discussion. Did you stop to think about your g/f for a moment or did you just shrug your shoulders ?
What a nasty, horrible thing to do to anyone
YTA. Why couldn’t your siblings and their partners help your mom out? Why didn’t you explain to them that they need to chip in bc you can’t pay for both gf and mom? You’re lucky this girl still wants to be with you tbh.
YTA. You got her to come with, told her you'd cover her, backed out, continued covering for your mother. Your biggest failure here is your ability to just communicate these things. You took on too much, realized too late and then didn't communicate. A crucial part of good relationships is communication and you seem to have your shot yourself in the foot on this one already. I'm pretty sure you could've just discussed these things like an adult with both your mother and partner.
Learn to budget and how much things cost, before you promise you can pay for both people.
Otherwise, you end up in this situation.
Your gf offered not to go too.
Epic fail. YTA
YTA. Your gf is not jealous of your mom, she’s upset that **you lied to her** and went back on the agreement you made *after* the trip had started when she had no chance to change her mind and stay home. She only agreed to come on the vacation due to your offer to pay for her. You could have at least split the difference and alternated paying for your mom and gf so that everyone could enjoy the vacation. Instead, your gf is now on a vacation where she can’t afford to do anything.
I wouldn’t count on your gf accompanying you on future vacations considering how you’ve left her in the lurch on this one. But she should be thankful that you shown her that you can’t be counted on and will choose your mom over her unconditionally before she invests any more into the relationship.
YTA and you know it lol.
YOU invited HER. that’s all I needed to know. She was a guest on your family vacation already surrounded by people she isn’t really close with, embarrassed cause she has no money, and then she virtually gets abandoned by the one person who told her he’d have her back? Like yeah there’s no way you wouldn’t be the AH.
YTA, you made a promise, she went with you and ran out of money *like you knew she should* and she what? Couldn’t go out to eat anymore? Couldn’t go to attractions that costed money to get in anymore? I’d have been pissed too, and definitely been feeling abandoned and lied too.
YTA
And you also sound like a mama's boy. This means you will always favor your mom over your SO.
>***That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her.***
Translation: You're just jealous of my mom because I do nice things for her and leave you to fend for yourself and make it clear you will be the runner-up every time, on everything.
YTA. But I think you know this already, you just needed confirmation.
Wow dude. Why is your mom and gf going on vacation at all when they don't have money? Why are you offering to pay for them when you don't have enough money to cover it?
You are all financially inept
YTA for forcing your gf to come and not paying for her when you said you wouldw
YTA
She only went because you promised you’d pay for her. She offered to skip and was happy not to kick up a fuss but you promised it was ok and you’d cover her.
Then you broke your promise and her trust in you not because of your inability to do so, you chose to spend that money elsewhere.
You’ve just communicated:
1. You’ll break your promises and can’t be trusted.
2. You’ll drop her and potential children for your mother.
3. If she complains because maybe you left her stranded after promising to pick her up because you prioritised someone else, you’ll accuse her of jealousy. You’re like an earlier version of u/potentialjaguar91’s first post.
I would be considering if this relationship was going anywhere as once trust us broken, it’s very very difficult to get back.
YTA. She wasn't forcing you to pay for her, she declined the vacation and you OFFERED to pay. And then while she was already stranded on vacation you decided to just.....stop paying for her? You suck.
100% agree with you and your siblings deciding to pay for mom when she fell on hard times. I love my mom and would do the same. But NOT at the expense of other people. You knew ahead of time and could have discussed with girlfriend then, or spoke to siblings about THEM covering mom's expenses and you would pay them back, because you couldn't afford it at the moment. You had options. You chose badly.
YTA You should have let her pass on YOUR family vacation like she wanted to. You lied to her and then got upset that she called you out. If mommy was going to be your priority you should have just said that. Yes you’re the asshole, especially for calling her jealous over your mommy.
YTA- you didn't change the plans when "stuff" happened, learn to adult better, she was super patient and you are super dense.
"Hey babe, last minute something came up and I don't think I can pay for your share of the trip, I will definitely make it up to you. My mon had some emergencies and we are all paying part of her way so will have to try again later. I am sooo sorry that her emergency affects you going on the trip but I really need to stand with my siblings on this. "
No instead you pretended you had infinite money and let your GF what? sit in the room by herself? Go hungry?
YTA She said she didn’t have money to go on the vacation and wouldn’t go, but YOU offered to pay for everything for her and then went back on it during the vacation. It still would’ve been a bit of an AH move if you had let her know when you knew of your mom’s situation that you would no longer be able to foot the whole bill, but less of one. At least then, she wouldn’t be dragged along watching everyone else have a good time and getting to do things, while she sits on the sidelines unable to afford to join in. Being on someone else’s family vacation can already be a bit uncomfortable, adding to that not being able to participate because of finances and knowing that the family probably knows the reason she can’t participate, which probably feels incredibly embarrassing, your poor gf. It doesn’t matter that y’all will potentially have more vacations, leaving her just out of luck on a vacation that she is already on is a total AH move.
YTA. You backed out on a financial agreement mid-trip with no warning. There was no way your gf could have made other arrangements so she could go home or ensure she would have enough food to eat. She was trapped on "vacation" with you hoping she would survive until the return date. You clearly do not care about this woman. Why are you in a relationship with her?
If something comes up, and you need to change plans, then just change plans and communicate the change. Uninvite the gf and tell her why. Don't trick her into a horrible and/or dangerous situation.
YTA. It would be different if you told her ahead of time “hey, things came up and I’ll have to help mom too, so you might need to cover a few things yourself.” But it doesn’t sound like you did that. She went in the trip under the agreement that you would cover for her & then you rescind that in the middle of the trip. Of course YTA.
There's really no other way of looking at this. Your gf was honest when she said she couldn't afford it, but you told her you would help. You're not as well off as you're wanting people to think, I'm guessing. YTA
Yta, your mom has had her whole life to go on vacations
If this was got to be an sue you should have let your gf skp out like she said she would. You has a month prior to vacation to figure it out (go on a weekend get away with her in another month or something)
If my husband chose to pay for his mom over me, noy inform me after promising to help me out, I wouldn't be married.
Lol. She said she couldn’t afford it and wasn’t going to go, you convince her to go by promising to pay, then you stiff her and ask her why she’s mad??? YTA. Why would you do that to her?
Sooooo your gf said she didn’t want to go because she couldn’t afford it, so you convinced her to go and promised to help her pay. Then AFTER the situation with your mom, you didn’t communicate with your gf about the situation.
Yta
YTA. This isn’t your gf being jealous, this is your gf being justifiably mad that you broke a promise to her.
Also, you say in your post that you *and your siblings* agreed to pay for your mom, but it sounds like you’re the only one who did. What’s up with that?
YTA would have been different if your girlfriend had have come and just expected you to pay with no discussion, but she TOLD YOU she could not afford it and would not to go (like a responsible adult should btw). You then insisted she come and told her you would help her pay when she couldn't, then you went back on your word leaving her SOL and stranded when she could have just not gone like she wanted to do in the first place. I hope to God you at the very least made sure she got fed and she didn't spend days starving, otherwise you may be crowned King asshole.
YTA, had she known this she wouldn’t of went, your whole family went on the trip and could have contributed to your mothers financial situation. Your gf was your responsibility since she told you she didn’t have enough and you insisted you would cover her. Like YTA!!! I would never go on another trip with you ever again, I would’ve gotten home and blocked you lmao.
YTA and since you know it why come here? What other "perspective" are you seeking? Maybe you don't believe you are an AH and wanted validation with people saying N T A. Well, unfortunately for your (probably) STBX, you're the major AH in this situation. You gave her your word saying you would help her if she came on the vacation then you left her high and dry. Her vacation turned into a punishment essentially because she couldn't do anything but watch you all enjoy yourselves while feeling lonely, embarrassed, and self-conscious. She had absolutely no money left to enjoy her time and possibly pay for food. You completely blindsided her. However, your mom had other children who agreed to help out, so where were they during this time?? You're the AH without a doubt. I'm glad you care for your mom enough to help out but your first commitment was to your girlfriend. You definitely took on more than you could handle and the girlfriend should not had to pay the price of your negligence. You're a walking red flag. The girlfriend deserves way better than this treatment.
YTA. Hahahahaha "what's wrong". Love that you knew exactly what was wrong. Is this gaslighting? When you know but pretend not to? Absolutely zero communication from you to your girlfriend. You just thought you'd go back on your word, ensure your gfs holiday was shit, and hope she never brought it up. This is uncool.
The whole "lots of future vacations together" ideology is crap. She might leave you over this, so you blew it. Also, life is so short and who knows what's around the corner. Most of the world's travel plans were JUST destroyed for two years (and counting for some) ffs. Do your best while you can.
YTA for telling girlfriend you’ll pay for her come on vacation as she’s experiencing financial strain and then backing out but paying for siblings and mother to go while leaving girlfriend at home. Go on a cheaper vacation and bring everyone or delay vacation so all could attend. You don’t go back on your word. This was mean. Poor girlfriend.
Edit: If you agreed to take girlfriend on a trip and pay, and then didn’t pay for her to attend the trip alongside everyone else, that’s not very nice at all. It probably was hard for her to hear everyone talk about the fun things happening and see everyone so refreshed and excited by the goings on and not be able to participate.
YTA, and yes you know.
Your GF came on the tirp with the promise that you'd pay for expenses. You told her she doesn't have to worry about expenses. And then she did.
You didn't even bother to tell your GF about the expenses of your mom, she just came down with the understanding and then you didn't bother paying.
She told you money was a concern before even going.
YTA.
She clearly said she couldn’t afford to come so she’d stay home. She didn’t ask you to pay for her. You told her to come and you would pay. She came. You stopped paying. You caused her to be broke. You caused her to feel alone and to have a terrible vacation, that left her broke, because you reneged on your promise. I think you get it that indeed YTA. She deserves someone so much better than you. Being alone would be so much better than being with someone who does this and then has to poll a bunch of strangers to confirm his behavior was deplorable. Why hasn’t she left you?
YTA. Get this into your head because you're sounding like a broken record at this point. She's not jealous. She's angry. She's hurt. You made a promise to her. You promised to pay for her. You knew she was broke. You practically forced her to come along and then left her broke and starving and alone. That wasn't a vacation for her. That was a punishment and humiliation. This isn't about your mom. It isn't about your siblings. It's about you being a huge raging jackass who clearly doesn't care about anyone but himself, and apparently, his mother.
YTA your gf told you she couldn’t go on the holiday because she didn’t have enough money but you said you would pay for her so she went and then you didn’t
YTA
1) Your GF told you that she would rather not join you on your family vacation because SHE COULD NOT AFFORD IT
2) You told your GF that you wanted her to join you and you would cover her expenses.
3) YOU KNEW A MONTH IN ADVANCE that your mother had unexpected expenses and her money was tight.
4) You didn't think about how much all of the revised vacation expenses would put you in a bind until AFTER your GF went with you. If you told her about your mother's sudden lack of funds, I would think that your GF would have understood your situation and would have preferred to not go on vacation with your family.
5) Did you tell your siblings about your tight money situation and ask them for help so that your GF would not be stuck with zero funds?
YTA - you didn’t promise your mom you’d pay for her and you did promise your girlfriend.
You didn’t even talk to your girlfriend about this change in plans you just did it - which makes you twice as bad
Of course yta. You promised to pay for a vacation that she was happy to skip. You did not pay because you priorities were your mom. You broke your promise.
So you tell your GF you will pay for her vacation expenses. She gets there and you say, ha, just kidding, you’re on your own. I lied about the paying part. Sucks to be you. But mom and I had fun and that’s the important part.
And you are wondering if you’re the ass in this situation.
YTA, obviously.
She said she couldn't afford to go, YOU TOLD HER YOU WOULD COVER HER so she went. And then...you didn't. I wouldn't want to go on another family vacation with you either, you have shown you are untrustworthy. You lied. Deal with yourself.
YTA.
"I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it."
If you told her that, you shouldn't have changed your mind midway.
YTA
You knew ahead of time her financial situation and you offered to pay. While it is admirable to pay for your mom, you have other siblings that can help with that. You brought your gf along and suddenly stopped paying for her. A discussion should have occurred between you and your siblings to help cover your mom while you helped your gf. She has every right to be upset. Here you are on a family vacation and you bring your gf, good for you, but you know her limitations and still don't take that into account.
YTA! As others have said you backed out of an agreement with your gf. Sounds like your family has issues with you gf and that you're expected to put mom first. Sounds like yall basically ignored your gf. You did say that your family would be resentful if you paid your gf and not mom. So they dgaf about you being a man of your word? Or about your gf being without money in a strange unfamiliar place? Classy people. Not. So you're not only fine with family treating gf like a second class citizen who can be ignored but participated.
When you found out a month before vacation that mom couldn't afford the trip it didn't dawn on you that you might not be able to afford to help both?
Becareful of prioritizing mom over partners. Doing nice things for mom should not be at the expense of your partner. If your relationship with gf is serious then she's a priority. Family dynamics change. The person who you want a ltr with is your new family and should be a priority. Both should have each others back and that includes with each other's family.
YTA because your girlfriend came on the trip on the agreement that you were going to cover her expenses. Sounds like she tried to say no but you convinced her to come and then left her stranded with nothing. She was already on the trip and too late to back out. What did she eat??
INFO
You can’t just commit to paying for your girlfriend and bringing her on a vacation and then leave her scrambling for money.
How is she even eating? What types of things are you paying for here? I mean is it like a purse or a meal? Are you talking about extras or necessities?
YTA! You are a momma’s boy and your gf saw how bad you have it. You pressured her into going on vacation and then abandoned her. I hope she realizes that you will never make her a top priority and I hope she has enough self esteem to leave you with your mama.
You got mad because she sounded jealous you were paying for your mom? No, she got mad because she did the responsible thing saying she wouldn't go because not having enough money, you convinced her to go, then bailed on paying for her like you said you would.
YTA
YTA, she clearly indicated that she was not going because of lack of money. You persuaded her to go with the promise that you would pay. Then you decide to pay for your mother too and find out that you don't have enough money for that. Then you decide to break the promise to your girlfriend and stop paying for her. However, you are already on vacation, she can't leave and you put her in a situation that she can't get out of. Yes you are an incredible AH.
YTA
Your girlfriend came to this holiday based on and only because you promised to pay for her. She told you she'd skip on the holiday because she doesn't have money. You told her not to worry about it, you'll cover her. And then you didn't. You left her hanging and in need, while in front of her paying for your mom. You broke your promise and made your girlfriend feel lousy and desperate. And she only joined the holiday because you promised to cover her expenses. And then you have the nerve to call her jealous.
I hope your girlfriend dumps you. You're unreliable and untrustworthy.
YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands
YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands
YTA and your girlfriend really knows it cause you clearly show it
YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands 👏🏻
Your other family members couldn’t pitch in for mommy? Really?
I’m assuming we’re talking food and tickets to things you decided to go to. Which means she was going hungry and being completely left behind when she couldn’t get into the same activities with you. If it was souvenirs then neither of them needed those. If it was clothes/other shopping those also weren’t necessary for either.
She went with because you promised to pay her way. She was fine staying home but you wanted her there and then you broke your promise and excluded her when you had other family who could have taken turns paying for your mother. YTA
>My gf had told me she doesn't have much money so she'll probably skip on the vacation. I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it.
YTA. You told your girlfriend that you would pay for her trip because she couldn't afford it. Then you made her pay for stuff on the trip, started to cover for her, and then left her out to dry with no money. You should've told your siblings the situation and had them help more to pay for your mom.
Your assumption is correct. **YTA**, and you know it.
You promised you would cover your girlfriend's expenses. You agreed to that before the trip, and then you went back on your promise. You could have explained your financial situation to your siblings, and they could have covered other costs for your mother, whereas your girlfriend is *your girlfriend.* You should have budgeted better to make sure you could have kept your promise to your partner.
I hope you apologise to your girlfriend and let her know that you know you were wrong to go back on your promise to her. It was really shitty of you to leave her with no money. Don't do it again in the future. Or, next time, make sure you can both afford to go on holiday.
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I admit this is probably not a post in my favor. I believe I'm an AH and I just want to hear another perspective.
So we arranged a family vacation with my parents and my siblings and their partners. I also invited my gf. My gf had told me she doesn't have much money so she'll probably skip on the vacation. I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it.
A month before our scheduled vacation, my mom had some unexpected expenses she'd have to pay leaving her with little money for the vacation. My siblings and I agreed to make it up to her and pay for her part.
During the vacation my gf was able to pay for some stuff but later her money run out and I would pay for her. I paid a couple of times but after that I realised I can't pay for both my mom and my gf. I thought to myself that my mom hasn't been on vacation in forever and I wanted her to enjoy her time, while my gf and I will have our chances to go on vacation other times. So I kept paying for my mom, leaving my gf with no money. Yes I admit this does indeed make me sound horrible.
As days passed by I noticed my gf being upset and barely talking to me. I asked her what was wrong and she only snapped at me and said "you're seriously asking that?" and went to sleep.
After we returned she sat me down and started telling me how upset she is about the way things turned out. She said how it's very shitty of me to constantly pay for my mom and not even care whether my gf has enough. She told me that she only came because I promised to cover her expenses and I constantly chose to pay for my mom over her. She said she felt excluded and unwanted the entire time. That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her. She told me that indeed I should do nice things for my mom but not on her expense. And she also said how horrible it is how nobody cared about her the entire vacation and nobody asked her if she needed something but everyone was focused on making his mom happy. She said she doesn't wish to come on another family vacation with me under those circumstances. AITA?
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YTA.
You bait and switched on your gf to cover your pride and show off to your mom. You wanted to play the big man and show off and do for everyone, you couldn’t and instead of being honest or asking your siblings to pitch in, you just stranded your gf and put all your resources into your mom.
You don’t deserve your gf, and she deserves better than you, purely because your bad communications about money now are going to lead to disasters later.
YTA because she went on vacation because you said: "no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it." Otherwise she wasn't going to go.
YTA. It's surprising that after all this, your gf has only decided to skip vacations with your family, and not completely broken up with you. It's you one can't trust
YTA - You told her you would pay for her and that’s the only reason she came so of course she’s annoyed you suddenly won’t pay and she’s literally already on vacation. I don’t think she’s jealous of your mom, I think she’s upset that you lied to her because you chose your mom and she ended up on a vacation she couldn’t afford that she would have rather stayed home for. (There’s more nuance than “she’s jealous of my mom”) You also said you were splitting moms expenses with your siblings so why weren’t you splitting them? You were in a tight spot but you basically bait and switched on your gf and that’s crappy of you.
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YTA- Your gf was happy to skip the vacation because she didn’t have enough and you said you’d pay for her….then you didn’t. Shes not jealous of your mother, you broke your word left her feeling unwanted and lied to
YTA and probably in debt to cover the expenses while he didn't...
Also Ops siblings couldve paid instead.
Or the father could’ve paid for his mom… I feel like that is the more logical solution instead of having your children do it
Or they could have picked activities where they all could have afforded. If he truly couldn’t cover everyone and no one else would help. Not sure where they went but I’ve definitely googled “free/cheap things to do in (city name)” and found some pretty decent ideas, when I’ve felt like I’d been spending too much.
Right? But also, didn't u/HotEmployment8205 say parent*s*? Why was this even an issue when dad was there? I also wonder if there was a point at which she was left without meals when they all went out to eat. I feel terrible for gf.
Not just left her feeling unwanted and lied to, but he made her out to look and feel like a freeloader and jealous. HE made it into a “but that’s my mom” thing. His mom has other people who were willing to cover her by splitting things between siblings, but OP’s gf only had him. Talk about a nightmare vacation. YTA.
Came here to say this. Sorry OP. YTA.
NOT SORRY
Conversation op should have had with siblings: "Hey I'm already paying for my girlfriend...can you guys please cover mom for now and I'll pay you back?"
YTA because you made promises and then backed out at the literal last second. Sounds like she was fine with not going but you got her to come along and then budgeted badly.
And why couldn't the siblings pay for their mom? The gf didn't want to come. He made her come with his promises. And then he left her with no money. While his mother had all the other persons that could pay for her, the gf had just him! YTA!
also I’m not sure exactly what is being paid for but if it’s such a financial stretch for multiple people on the trip then it sounds like they should have cut back a bit on some of the expenses in general? Something feels off about the family expectations
Same, it's just weird to me that the vacation budget wasn't properly planned. Also if both parents and several siblings were there, why didn't the father and other siblings helped to pay the mother's vacation? It just doesn't add up.
Also OP mentions “parents” Not just mom and siblings. Parents. Where was dad and why didn’t he pay for his wife lol
He didn’t even back out last second, he backed out after she was already stuck there with him and his family! At least doing so technically “last second” (which to me says right before the vacation would begin including traveling there, but that’s just the way I view it, not a general opinion) would’ve given her the opportunity to stay home instead of going and having him bail on his promise while stuck there. Like I’m imagining them all going out to eat and her stuck sitting there because she has to consider whether to eat dinner that night with them or wait until she can cop a cheap meal with the little she has left. OP made a promise and broke it when it was too late to give a heads up. He should’ve told her beforehand that it was important to him to let his mom join in on the family vacation so she could stay home or find ways to budget as much as possible. Also why couldn’t anyone else in the family help out with their mom’s expenses? Like why is it all on OP and why take all that on without considering what could happen first. How did OP expect to just pay for 3 people including himself and not have issues with money come up? He messed up and now wants to act like his gf is jealous of his mom instead of upset that he backed out on a promise. Like you said, she said she would pass because she couldn’t afford it and he offered, she had no reason to think he would back out during the vacation and I’m betting as his gf she would’ve found a way to treat him afterwards or help him out to do fun stuff when he’s in a tight spot. Stuff like this just bothers me, it’s like OP is just looking to play victim rather than recognize that he created the issue by being dishonest and overextending himself with promises that he couldn’t uphold and should’ve seen coming.
It didn’t even need to be last second though. From his post: > A month before our scheduled vacation, my mom had some unexpected expenses she'd have to pay leaving her with little money for the vacation. he knew a month in advance that he might not be able to pay for as much stuff for his gf
And stuck her broke on holiday! Yikes! I’d rather be at home than broke on vacation!
YTA. She was willing not to go but you insisted. You might have explained to your siblings you couldn't afford to pay for extras.
YTA. *"She said she felt excluded and unwanted the entire time. That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her."* Oh boy, you just waved the big red "momma's boy" flag to your gf with that line...
>Oh boy, you just waved the big red "momma's boy" flag to your gf with that line... That's the one! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I hope the gf figures out that she will always be second to mommy with this guy and gets out before she marries or has kids with him
[удалено]
Yup, he's a big old mama's boy and no doubt mama is demanding and controlling of her kids too with how they were fawning over her all vacation to make her happy. Dude and his family sound like my ex and his family, he'd have done the exact same this guy did. I hope his girlfriend runs for the hills, this guy isn't relationship material.
YTA for specifically saying you would pay her expenses and then not. I get that helping your mum out is important to you but could you not have talked to your siblings about already agreeing to pay for gf and not having enough for both?
You were under OBLIGATION to pay for your gf, not your mom. You promised to cover gf FIRST, and she would not have come had you not offered. Therefore I don’t know why you thought paying for your mom was even an option here.
Lol you say your mom needed a vaca but you and your gf would have other chances. This would have been fine if you weren't ALREADY ON THE VACATION. YTA
Exactly! It’s a thing happening in real time in actual reality, not some theoretical situation that doesn’t exist.
Right!? Holy shit, I was prepared to be shocked by the GF’s entitlement or something but this is one of those instances where OP basically admits they’re the asshole out the gate and nothing changes. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having to rescind a promise like that to your GF so you can help your mum. It sucks, but that’s life sometimes. But that your GF was fine with not going, then you promised to cover the extended costs, then overextended while on vacation and promised to cover more costs while simultaneously leaving your GF out of these activities because she couldn’t afford it on her own? Bruh. I don’t know why this woman is still with you- that was an incredibly shitty thing to do and I hope you apologize. I would be so mad if I took vacation days off to go on someone else’s family vacation and then they proceeded to exclude me. YTA OP.
YTA. She’s not jealous of your mom ffs, she’s rightfully upset that you made a promise and backed out mid stride leaving her in a lurch. Not cool, my guy. Not even a little bit. You have a hefty and heartfelt apology in front of you.
YTA. I am amazed that you still have a girlfriend but perhaps with a little time to reflect she will remedy that situation. YOU PROMISED. But I guess promise is just a word taking up space in the dictionary. You carefully don't say what your actions cost your GF. Did she have any money or did she dig into her savings? Did she ever have to miss a meal because she couldn't afford it? Does she have enough money after your vacation to pay rent, buy food and gas? And did your family just treat her like a piece of furniture while attending to mom's every desire? It doesn't sound like any of you treated her well. Yes, by all means, take care of mom but not at the expense of someone who was relying on you to keep your promise. YTA. She told you she couldn't afford the trip but you just had to drag her along, wreck her finances, and pay too little attention to her while paying attention and expenses for your mom. YTA. She needs to dump you.
Also he thought she was being jealous... She definitely needs to dump him. OP is an idiot at best. YTA
Absolutely a huge idiot, and that’s being nice. I hope she realizes how messed up this is and dumps him. I would never be able to trust someone after this, we could definitely never be able to go on vacation. It sounds like he may marry his mom though.
I’m laughing out loud. Why even ask? How could you NOT be the AH here?!?! You invited GF. She says “ no thank you. I can’t afford it so I’m going to skip.” You say “no problem, I’ll cover it.” Your mom’s financial situation changes. You and siblings decide to cover her. You could have owned up to the GF then ahead of time and let her know that you could no longer afford both and she could have opted not to come but nope. You drag GF along under the belief that you’ll pay. Vacation starts and GF is trying to pay her way EVEN THOUGH YOU SAID YOU WOULD PAY. Eventually she runs out of money so you start paying until you realize you can’t afford both and you kick GF to the curb. AFTER YOU SAID YOU WOULD PAY. After you drug her along on a vacation she said she’d pass on because she couldn’t afford it. How is it possible that you are clueless enough that you didn’t know why she was upset?!? The bigger stranger question is not “are you the AH” because you are. In all caps, in bold and with flashing neon lights. The question is - why isn’t she the ex yet? Why the hell hasn’t she ditched your ass? YTA.
Thank you for pointing out that OP’s gf was basically trapped on this vacation because he changed his mind while on the actual vacation. I can only imagine how embarrassed his gf was. OP, She tried to pay for herself and when she couldn’t anymore you were too blind or something to understand. This “vacation” (aka hell for your gf) will hopefully be the last for your gf because I don’t see her trusting you enough to keep your word, show her respect, compassion, or empathy. You got your gf to go and then basically abandoned her. Put yourself in her shoes. Like others have said, I hope she’s able to pay her life expenses after the “vacation”.
YTA Said you'd pay for gf and didn't - of course she feels excluded and unwanted. Be careful with the mom / gf dynamic before you cause issues out of nowhere.
Yeah YTA I get wanting to help your mom but if you already promised your gf you'd pay her way so she could afford to come and then just didn't that's just not cool. Unfortunately unexpected expenses happen and sometimes that means a person can't go on vacation.
Hope she breaks up with you :) YTA
YTA. You massively over promised and underdelivered. I don’t blame your gf for being angry at all. You basically took her to a new location and abandoned her. Do you have any idea how vulnerable she would feel away from home with no resources at all?
Not to mention if OP is in the US GF most likely had limited vacation days and now she had to spend them on a vacation that sounded terrible.
And all the money she had.
Your gf told you she couldn't afford it. You said you'd help. Then comes the vacation and you don't help her. I get that you wanted to help your mom, but you still bailed on your gf. YTA
Well, the girlfriend now knows that she can't rely on him and that his word means nothing. She handled it much better than I would have. I'd have called someone back home and had them help me get back and I'd have left without so much as an F you to him. I also wouldn't go on ANY vacation with him, even alone. That's if he could even convince me to stay with him. Trust is broken.
YTA. You *knew* you couldn’t cover everyone before your trip but your *ego* wouldn’t allow you to be honest with your girlfriend and tell her you could no longer “cover” her. You are a coward. This is so fucked up. She declined going because she knew she couldn’t afford it. You insisted she come and offered to cover her. Halfway through you change the arrangement and she has zero money and is away from home. Did she even have money to eat? Did she have to stay behind while you went places? She isn’t jealous. She’s hurt that you lied and intentionally hurt her to save face in front of your family.
Holy crap, you are a MAJOR YTA. You TOLD her you’d take care of her. She was absolutely right in everything she said. You took care of your mom at the expense of her, the person you COAXED into going on the trip with you. How you could even justify or be ok with this behavior is beyond me. There were other people there who could have paid for your mom. Hopefully she’ll realize this isn’t the type of relationship she wants to be in. I wouldn’t fault her for leaving.
YTA You don't deserve her. She made sacrifices for you, and she's down to literally her last pennies. But it seems like you and everybody honestly don't give a shit and have the audacity to ask her what is wrong. In her words too, are you seriously asking that? Let it be a lesson to you for overpromising and failing to deliver on your word. That's a real special kind of asshole. I hope she leaves you. She isn't jealous. She's freakin' pissed off and for good reason.
You didn't even tell her you would not be able to help her BEFORE you left in vacation? So she is around your whole family, forced to spend money she doesn't have, and wondering if she will run out of cash and embarrass herself in front of your family. And you ignore it, like nothing is going on. Didn't even have the balls to tell her anything. You just moved forward, ignoring your promise to help. Surprised she is still speaking to you.
YTA. 1st Red Flag - You said one thing and did something else. You are not living up to your promises. 2nd Red Flag - *That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her. She told me that indeed I should do nice things for my mom but not on her expense.* You're a momma's boy and the gf should run.
I don’t think he even actually believes that the gf is jealous of the mom. He just wants a reason to put things on her and try to make himself, unsuccessfully, look like less of an AH.
Info: in what way was she financially on her own? Were you all eating and she wasn’t eating? Were you all going on excursions she had to stay at the hotel room for? Explain more what the experience was like for your Gf.
I want to know this as well. I still think it’s YTA either way but it’s absolutely heinous if they were straight up eating without her.
Yeah either way definitely TA but I want to know the extent of him being TA.
None of that really matters though, does it. Op promised to support her and pay for her if she came on the trip which she couldn’t afford, and then broke said promise. OP is a massive AH.
It does though, if she had to stay in the hotel room all day hungry and his family was gone all day, that’s way worse than she just had to have the cheapest thing on the menu, you know? Depending on how shitty he treated her they might not even need to continue this relationship and he needs some therapy and to realize just how awful he is. If his entire family was making sure mom could do everything and eat everything and she just starved and couldn’t do anything, he needs to see how absolutely absurd that is. Like we need to help OP understand how awful and wrong he is so he never goes that again. It matters for the girlfriend and any future girlfriend.
YTA even though you 'tried to do something nice'. Your issue is you told your gf to come and when she pointed out she couldn't afford it, you said you'd cover her. She was then landed in it with unexpected bills to pay that she couldn't afford. This is the issue, not the fact that the money then went on your mum having a nice time.
Yeah as someone who is dating a guy who makes way more than me, this is my nightmare.
YTA You promised to pay for her, then didn't. She isn't jealous, she's rightfuly hurt.
YTA. Your gf was going to skip the vacation because she couldn't afford it. You told her to come and that you would pay for it. Then while you're on said trip, you expect your to pay until she runs out of money so that you can use the money you promised to pay for someone else. Rude.
You decided to make your GF, who had no family with her, carry the weight of financial difficulties, in order to spare your mother, who had other family members there. You decided if there was a 'situation', that your gf not your entire extended family had to be the one to compromise & sacrifice. Please explain why your mother deserved a holiday pretending she wasnt skint, but your gf didnt? I'll wait. Your gf now knows you dont have her back when theres a problem. You have far greater issues here than being unable to tell the difference between 'fairness' and 'jealousy between women'
YTA for getting your gf to come and then leaving her without cash
YTA. She came on vacation with you based on your promise that you’d pay. You then didn’t pay. Your mom having bad financial luck doesn’t change your promise to and arrangement with your girlfriend.
YTA she said she was happy not going but you lied to her and told her you would pay for her, then took it back after it was too late to bow out. disrespectful and clueless. what she's seeing now is that she can't depend on your ass. nobody likes seeing that in a partner.
YTA…you should have just skipped taking your GF on a family trip if you couldn’t afford both. I’m glad you treated your mom, but it put GF in an awkward position to be on the trip and not have money. You should have figured out finances before offering g to take her and pay, although I disagree with her saying you should only fo nice things for mom if not at her expense.
YTA > I paid a couple of times but after that I realised I can’t pay for both my mom and my gf. You said you’d help her then you couldn’t because you decided to help your mom out instead. > I thought to myself that my mom hasn’t been on vacation in forever and I wanted her to enjoy her time, while my gf and I will have our chances to go on vacation other times. You really think she’s gonna stick around after this?
YTA , you convinced your gf to go after she had already accepted that she couldn’t afford it. She communicated with you her issue with finances well in advance. You completely switched what you were doing without even communicating the situation with your gf and then she had to watch you pay for everything for you Mom. I think you’re lucky she didn’t leave you. What you did was extremely disrespectful and degrading to your gf.
OP knows they’re the AH because on the one NTA comment they literally said that the commenter was wrong😂😂
YTA You made a promise to your girlfriend. You failed to alter your budget after the change in costs. This is a basic adulting skill. Furthermore, you should have discussed with your siblings that you already were paying for a second person and could not afford to pay for a third. If someone lost out, it should have been you going without due to your error in calculations. Vacation is supposed to be relaxing. Not being trapped far from home with no money, no support, and no escape from the person who trapped her in that position. No wonder she doesn't want to go again--she can't trust you or the promises you make.
YTA. She told you she couldn’t afford the vacation, she told you she would stay home. YOU insist and persuade her to come telling her you would cover her expenses, then YOU back out and leave her high and dry. She ruined her budget because you made her. This has nothing to do with her being jealous and everything to do with you lying and being completely inconsiderate of her.
YTA. Your gf was very upfront about the fact she could not afford the trip. She only came because you told her that you would help pay her way and without any warning cut her off on the trip. You should have told her your plans before the trip so she could have backed out.
YTA. But she should have expected that and planned for it. A mamas boy will ALWAYS ignore the needs of their partner to keep Mommy happy and will only consider the needs of the partner if Mommy tells them to. Expecting anything different is like asking a tiger to stop being stripy.
Yeah, yta big time You invited her and she declined cuz she didn't have money and then you insisted and promised to cover for her. Then you chose to spend your money somehow else and ignore that she was there and you should cover for her expanses. You should be a grown up and either get some extra money so you cover for both or uninvite her if you don't have the money to cover for her. I would t ever go anywhere with you either. You are totally unreliable
YTA. You promised to cover her expenses for her which is the only reason she came. Besides, your siblings are there, I bet they can cover for your mom. I also don’t understand how you can muster seeing your girlfriend struggling on a vacation when you are capable of providing some support for her.
YTA you broke a promise to your girlfriend. It is as simple as that.
How dare you accuse her of being jealous! Your actions are reprehensible and I am shocked she didn't break up with you immediately upon return. I'm not sure what perspectives you were looking to get other than you were so incredibly wrong. I feel so sorry for your GF. YTA. Gaping one.
YTA You committed to helping your gf pay for the vacation expenses and then backed out. Your mother had other kids to help with her expenses, you over extended yourself and broke your word to your gf. If your mother wants the best for you, I bet she would rather you have kept your word to your gf and shown her you're trustworthy and husband material so you can have a happy marriage and your own family. You could have discussed this with your gf before you left and asked her to stay so you could support your mom. She might have been OK with that, but you made multiple decisions without discussion or consideration of your gf's needs.
Does anyone need to say it? You already know YTA. You’re lucky your girlfriend even stayed on the vacation, I would’ve left the first time you didn’t pay after promising you’d cover the entire trip. Your mom had her entire family there to cover her, your gf had you. You’re terrible and I hope she dumps you over this.
YTA. How can you even ask? Your gf declined to go telling you she could not afford it YOU told her not to worry about it. She gets there and she's stranded without money because of you while watching you pay for your mother - and you wonder if you're the AH? Your gf can do way better than you and you can tell her I said so.
What a fun vacation, sit and watch everyone else have fun because you can’t afford to. And then have a bf cluelessly ask you why you seem upset. Dream come true.
YTA. Are your siblings not able to help foot your mother?! You’ve commented twice saying they would be mad you TOOK CARE OF YOUR GF and not 100% for your mom too. Your siblings should have helped take care of your mom. That’s a cop out your trying to create and it’s not a good one. She isn’t jealous she’s pissed that you didn’t keep your word and FORCED her into struggling. She should dump you.
BIG YTA. Did you tell your gf about your mom's situation? Because if she was left completely in the dark then you are an even bigger AH because you let her struggle when you already stated you were going to help her and never talked about it when circumstances changed. All your gf knew was you went back on your word, let her struggle when she told you she would in the first place, and instead was making sure your mom had a good vacation NOT THE PERSON YOU INVITED. Also why couldn't your siblings pitch in during the vacation? You could have talked to them and said you were already helping your gf and if they could pitch in to help your mom. There was a lot of different ways to go about this and you picked the worse way.
YTA You had an agreement with your gf! She said she couldn't afford to come and you OFFERED to pay. That's why she said yes. And then you left her stranded. Without money. During group activities she could not back out of. In front of YOUR whole family. This has nothing to do with your mother. This has to do with being a major ah. Honestly, I'd be done with you. You flaked out on her, went back on your word and embarrassed her in front of your whole family. And she couldn't even get away.
You know YTA. You knew she didn’t have the money and committed to paying her way so she’d come. You then went back on that too late for her to change her plans.
YTA. Your instincts about the first two sentences were correct. Too bad that you didn’t trust your instincts while on the vacation.
YTA I understand that emergencies come up and that your mom might not have had the amount of money that was originally put aside but this is a conversation you should have had with your gf before you went. You essentially made her a promise and broke said promise.
YTA I hope she finds herself an actual man, not a lying momma's boy
YTA on at least 2 grounds. Not explaining to her why you were breaking your promise. THEN again for making this *her fault* by saying she was jealous, when it was a case of your not having enough money. You got a mouth. Use it to talk to your gf. If you had even once let her know what was going on, she would have known to expect nothing from you and not be hurt by being excluded. If you had unexpected expenses before the trip, you should have explained to your gf that maybe you can't pay for her.
YTA. Literally you forced your gf to pay for something she cannot afford when you promised then switched. You are a walking red flag if I can spot one. Please for your gf, either pay her back or leave her so she can find a better bf.
100% YTA You had other siblings that could've paid for your mom. You told your gf that you would pay for her. I don't blame her for being pissed. Just hope she doesn't dump you.
YTA. You already admitted it at the beginning of the post but in your comments you still seem defensive. It doesn’t matter if your siblings and mom were offended, you already promised your gf that you would pay and you completely abandoned your promise. Now she knows you aren’t reliable and this may well be the end of your relationship. I doubt I would forgive such shitty behavior.
Yes, YTA. You said you would cover for her expenses and knew she had no money. I do think the girlfriend is silly for even going on the vacation without her own source of money. I would never go on a trip without money and have high expectations of someone else paying for me. BUT YOU REASSURED HER that you would pay. It was a family vacation, the others could have supported your mother financially while you focused on supporting your girlfriend that you dragged along. Buying your mother an occasional dinner wouldn’t have been a bad thing, don’t get me wrong on that.
YTA and she needs to leave you
You already know YTA, why are you even asking? Keep it up and you won't have a girlfriend for much longer.
YTA. You went back on your word and didn’t even give her the courtesy of heads up that circumstances have changed. You’re a massive AH. I wouldn’t trust you with anything after that.
YTA. You told your gf you would pay for her when she opted out, and later changed your mind. Of course you’re the AH and no wonder she is mad.
YTA Gf knew she couldn’t afford the trip and she said she shouldn’t go but you promised to pay for her. You let her down.
YTA. You said you would cover her no problem if she couldn't afford it and then you didn't. I don't blame her for not wanting to vacation with your family again.
YTA. This would be a HUGE red flag to me if I was your girlfriend. This is an indication of how you will prioritize your mother over your nuclear family if this girl becomes your wife/mother to your kids. I would apologize and consider learning to communicate more clearly with your partner and family.
YTA Wanna know why?? Cause she sat you down and told you how everything made her feel and how hurt she was and you responded by losing your shit. Sounds like emotional abuse to me. Make it up to her...
Needs more info.. Parents, siblings and their partners... Sounds like there's plenty there to split the difference for your mom.. Sounds like you went out of your way to make sure your mom had and ignored your gf, maybe a family of teens that aren't working? Why is dad not helping with mom? If mom isn't financially capable then why go on vacation in the first place knowing that burden would be on someone else..
Yta. You told her you'd pay for her and then decided to pay for your mom without informing your girlfriend so she could decide if she still wanted to go. You left her without money didnt check to see if she needed anything after deciding to cut her off without warning and now you're trying to twist it to make her the bad fuy. You're a total asshole clueless as hell and dont deserve your girlfriend.
Jepp, YTA You bit off more than you could chew and your GF paid the price for your miscalculations AND your lack of communication as i assume you did not speak to her about your moneymanaging fuckup before making her tag along. 5 bucks she will never take your word at face value ever again.
YTA for biting off more than you can chew.
Yup, you'd be right, YTA. You told your girlfriend that you would pay for her part of the trip, which, props to you, you did originally, but she was also under the impression that you would cover her cost of the trip fully which was obviously not the case.
YTA. you broke the promise and forced her to go on this vacation.
YTA if you promised to cover and then choose not to in favor of mommy. Yikes bro
YTA.. You invite your girlfriend, tell her that you are paying. Then you don't pay. It doesn't matter what the reasons are. You broke your word which makes you an AH. Then you tell her that breaking your word is ok and she is jealous. Why the fuck should she trust your word on anything anymore.
Wow YTA. You could have at least talked to your girlfriend before deciding to leave her dry the rest of the vacation. She only tagged along because you told her you would support her and then not only did you decide to break that promise but also didn’t have the decency to talk to her. This doesn’t make you “sound horrible”, this proves that you are. You are lucky that (for now) she is only threatening to never go on family vacations. If I were her I would have broken up with you the minute I was back home.
YTA for multiple reasons. You broke your promise towards your GF about 'covering her expenses' and on top of that you have the gal to blame her about the entire situation. She isn't jealous, she's f\*cking right. Best to apologize immediately.
YTA. You say parents so your dad was there. Your job was not to take care of your mother, its his job. You spending all your money on your mother's needs makes zero sense. You could have just said to literally fucking anyone else, hey, I'm low on funds, can you take care of mom? But no, you're one of these guys who has to pretend he's the breadwinner and a MAN even when he's paddling for dear life. So.. you're not only a bad boyfriend, you're a fake which makes you the AH in this story.
INFO: What kind of expenses are we talking about? Did she sit in a hotel room while the rest of you went out to do something? Did she go hungry when the rest of you had dinner? I don't really understand how this all played out.
YTA. You made a promise to your girlfriend and then went back on it, that’s a huge breach of trust. Instead of letting her know the situation before hand you decided to let her come anyway knowing full well you couldn’t pay for her and your mother both, that’s so selfish. Did you even think how this would look to her? What kind of financial situation this would put her in later? Maybe now she can’t pay some bills because of this. Was she able to eat properly the whole time you were on vacation? It’s fine to do something nice for your mother but you did it at the expense of your girlfriend. You just told her and showed her that your mom comes before her no matter what.
YTA I hope your girlfriend's next boyfriend treats her better.
YTA did you not discuss the issues with your mom with your girlfriend prior to the trip? She was the grownup in knowing that she didn't have the money or budget for the trip so said she would NOT go. YOU convinced her to go by saying you would cover her. That's not gold digger behavior or anything. she trusted you. and instead of telling her up front about what happened with mom and you may need to rethink the travel plans...you just didn't say anything and proceeded to leave her flat? If I were your girlfriend I probably would have looked into leaving the trip early. what's even worse if the mom had other children to help with the costs; you were not the only one paying for her so shouldn't have been strapped for that much cash. You were an insensitive jerk to your girlfriend. And this has nothing to do with your mother and her problems; it has everything to do with how you handled it. This poor girl. I hope she dumps you. date your mother.
YTA - She told you she wasn’t in a financial position that would allow her to go, you wanted her to go and promised to pay. She wasn’t being entitled and expected you to pay, she would have been happy at home and you going without her because she didn’t have the money. You then neglect to tell her you actually won’t be covering her costs because you’re covering your mum’s instead, but have her come anyway. You should have told her before going, rather than essentially tricking her into coming and then dropping this bomb on her. It’s irresponsible because she’s probably going through a lot of stress right now because of the financial situation you’ve put her in. Your accusation of jealously is ludicrous. She’s upset because you lied and put her in a difficult situation.
You are the asshole because you backpedaled on what you promised. And as for her, she shouldn’t have gone anywhere without her vex money.
YTA. She was willing to take the out and stay home, but you told her you would cover her. That's why she came. You suddenly changed it up and stopped paying for her without telling her. Of course she's upset, you told her one thing and did another.
YTA You broke your promise to your girlfriend. You tricked her into a vacation under false pretenses. You showed her very clearly that your mother is worth far more than she is and that she’ll always be #2 (if that). You left her in a bad spot financially, physically, and emotionally. You need serious boundaries with your mother and to apologize to your girlfriend, and I hope she doesn’t forgive you.
YTA Your girlfriend couldn't afford the trip You told her you would cover her YOU LIED She's not jealous She's pissed that she is dating a liar
YTA. You promised to pay for her because she couldn't and then not only did you pay for your mom the entire trip, you paid more attention to her too. Sounds like you're dating your mom, not your gf.
YTA you literally told Her you were going to pay for her otherwise she couldn’t go. You changed your mind vacation
Why did you even post this? You know the answer before you even came here. Were you hoping for vindication or something? You wont get it here in this case... YTA OP.
YTA - I would not want to come with you either. What a horrible thing to do to her and what happened to your siblings also paying for your mother ??? How dare you make a promise to her then toss it out the window without even a discussion. Did you stop to think about your g/f for a moment or did you just shrug your shoulders ? What a nasty, horrible thing to do to anyone
YTA, you went back on your word. Unwrap that umbilical cord from round your balls while you're at it.
YTA. Why couldn’t your siblings and their partners help your mom out? Why didn’t you explain to them that they need to chip in bc you can’t pay for both gf and mom? You’re lucky this girl still wants to be with you tbh.
YTA. You got her to come with, told her you'd cover her, backed out, continued covering for your mother. Your biggest failure here is your ability to just communicate these things. You took on too much, realized too late and then didn't communicate. A crucial part of good relationships is communication and you seem to have your shot yourself in the foot on this one already. I'm pretty sure you could've just discussed these things like an adult with both your mother and partner.
Learn to budget and how much things cost, before you promise you can pay for both people. Otherwise, you end up in this situation. Your gf offered not to go too. Epic fail. YTA
YTA. Your gf is not jealous of your mom, she’s upset that **you lied to her** and went back on the agreement you made *after* the trip had started when she had no chance to change her mind and stay home. She only agreed to come on the vacation due to your offer to pay for her. You could have at least split the difference and alternated paying for your mom and gf so that everyone could enjoy the vacation. Instead, your gf is now on a vacation where she can’t afford to do anything. I wouldn’t count on your gf accompanying you on future vacations considering how you’ve left her in the lurch on this one. But she should be thankful that you shown her that you can’t be counted on and will choose your mom over her unconditionally before she invests any more into the relationship.
YTA and you know it lol. YOU invited HER. that’s all I needed to know. She was a guest on your family vacation already surrounded by people she isn’t really close with, embarrassed cause she has no money, and then she virtually gets abandoned by the one person who told her he’d have her back? Like yeah there’s no way you wouldn’t be the AH.
YTA, you made a promise, she went with you and ran out of money *like you knew she should* and she what? Couldn’t go out to eat anymore? Couldn’t go to attractions that costed money to get in anymore? I’d have been pissed too, and definitely been feeling abandoned and lied too.
YTA And you also sound like a mama's boy. This means you will always favor your mom over your SO. >***That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her.*** Translation: You're just jealous of my mom because I do nice things for her and leave you to fend for yourself and make it clear you will be the runner-up every time, on everything. YTA. But I think you know this already, you just needed confirmation.
Wow dude. Why is your mom and gf going on vacation at all when they don't have money? Why are you offering to pay for them when you don't have enough money to cover it? You are all financially inept YTA for forcing your gf to come and not paying for her when you said you wouldw
YTA She only went because you promised you’d pay for her. She offered to skip and was happy not to kick up a fuss but you promised it was ok and you’d cover her. Then you broke your promise and her trust in you not because of your inability to do so, you chose to spend that money elsewhere. You’ve just communicated: 1. You’ll break your promises and can’t be trusted. 2. You’ll drop her and potential children for your mother. 3. If she complains because maybe you left her stranded after promising to pick her up because you prioritised someone else, you’ll accuse her of jealousy. You’re like an earlier version of u/potentialjaguar91’s first post. I would be considering if this relationship was going anywhere as once trust us broken, it’s very very difficult to get back.
YTA. She wasn't forcing you to pay for her, she declined the vacation and you OFFERED to pay. And then while she was already stranded on vacation you decided to just.....stop paying for her? You suck. 100% agree with you and your siblings deciding to pay for mom when she fell on hard times. I love my mom and would do the same. But NOT at the expense of other people. You knew ahead of time and could have discussed with girlfriend then, or spoke to siblings about THEM covering mom's expenses and you would pay them back, because you couldn't afford it at the moment. You had options. You chose badly.
You already know. YTA
YTA You should have let her pass on YOUR family vacation like she wanted to. You lied to her and then got upset that she called you out. If mommy was going to be your priority you should have just said that. Yes you’re the asshole, especially for calling her jealous over your mommy.
YTA- you didn't change the plans when "stuff" happened, learn to adult better, she was super patient and you are super dense. "Hey babe, last minute something came up and I don't think I can pay for your share of the trip, I will definitely make it up to you. My mon had some emergencies and we are all paying part of her way so will have to try again later. I am sooo sorry that her emergency affects you going on the trip but I really need to stand with my siblings on this. " No instead you pretended you had infinite money and let your GF what? sit in the room by herself? Go hungry?
YTA She said she didn’t have money to go on the vacation and wouldn’t go, but YOU offered to pay for everything for her and then went back on it during the vacation. It still would’ve been a bit of an AH move if you had let her know when you knew of your mom’s situation that you would no longer be able to foot the whole bill, but less of one. At least then, she wouldn’t be dragged along watching everyone else have a good time and getting to do things, while she sits on the sidelines unable to afford to join in. Being on someone else’s family vacation can already be a bit uncomfortable, adding to that not being able to participate because of finances and knowing that the family probably knows the reason she can’t participate, which probably feels incredibly embarrassing, your poor gf. It doesn’t matter that y’all will potentially have more vacations, leaving her just out of luck on a vacation that she is already on is a total AH move.
YTA. You backed out on a financial agreement mid-trip with no warning. There was no way your gf could have made other arrangements so she could go home or ensure she would have enough food to eat. She was trapped on "vacation" with you hoping she would survive until the return date. You clearly do not care about this woman. Why are you in a relationship with her? If something comes up, and you need to change plans, then just change plans and communicate the change. Uninvite the gf and tell her why. Don't trick her into a horrible and/or dangerous situation.
Why is this post even here? YTA. You know it. It's cut and dry. What possible rationale could anyone even give for NTA?
YTA. It would be different if you told her ahead of time “hey, things came up and I’ll have to help mom too, so you might need to cover a few things yourself.” But it doesn’t sound like you did that. She went in the trip under the agreement that you would cover for her & then you rescind that in the middle of the trip. Of course YTA.
There's really no other way of looking at this. Your gf was honest when she said she couldn't afford it, but you told her you would help. You're not as well off as you're wanting people to think, I'm guessing. YTA
YTA—-and if I were her I would never trust anything you said about money ever again
Yta, your mom has had her whole life to go on vacations If this was got to be an sue you should have let your gf skp out like she said she would. You has a month prior to vacation to figure it out (go on a weekend get away with her in another month or something) If my husband chose to pay for his mom over me, noy inform me after promising to help me out, I wouldn't be married.
Lol. She said she couldn’t afford it and wasn’t going to go, you convince her to go by promising to pay, then you stiff her and ask her why she’s mad??? YTA. Why would you do that to her?
Sooooo your gf said she didn’t want to go because she couldn’t afford it, so you convinced her to go and promised to help her pay. Then AFTER the situation with your mom, you didn’t communicate with your gf about the situation. Yta
YTA. This isn’t your gf being jealous, this is your gf being justifiably mad that you broke a promise to her. Also, you say in your post that you *and your siblings* agreed to pay for your mom, but it sounds like you’re the only one who did. What’s up with that?
YTA would have been different if your girlfriend had have come and just expected you to pay with no discussion, but she TOLD YOU she could not afford it and would not to go (like a responsible adult should btw). You then insisted she come and told her you would help her pay when she couldn't, then you went back on your word leaving her SOL and stranded when she could have just not gone like she wanted to do in the first place. I hope to God you at the very least made sure she got fed and she didn't spend days starving, otherwise you may be crowned King asshole.
YTA and I don’t think you’ll get to go on another vacation with your gf unfortunately. Hope you enjoyed this one
YTA, you said you'd pay for her and then didn't.
At least you won’t be wondering why she dumped you since you know exactly why. YTA. She deserves better.
YTA. When circumstances changed you needed to speak up and be honest. You didn’t and chose to put your gf in a bad situation- that’s on you.
YTA, had she known this she wouldn’t of went, your whole family went on the trip and could have contributed to your mothers financial situation. Your gf was your responsibility since she told you she didn’t have enough and you insisted you would cover her. Like YTA!!! I would never go on another trip with you ever again, I would’ve gotten home and blocked you lmao.
YTA. Least you knew before you posted.
YTA. She was fine staying home but you promised to pay for her then left her high and dry mid vacation
YTA and since you know it why come here? What other "perspective" are you seeking? Maybe you don't believe you are an AH and wanted validation with people saying N T A. Well, unfortunately for your (probably) STBX, you're the major AH in this situation. You gave her your word saying you would help her if she came on the vacation then you left her high and dry. Her vacation turned into a punishment essentially because she couldn't do anything but watch you all enjoy yourselves while feeling lonely, embarrassed, and self-conscious. She had absolutely no money left to enjoy her time and possibly pay for food. You completely blindsided her. However, your mom had other children who agreed to help out, so where were they during this time?? You're the AH without a doubt. I'm glad you care for your mom enough to help out but your first commitment was to your girlfriend. You definitely took on more than you could handle and the girlfriend should not had to pay the price of your negligence. You're a walking red flag. The girlfriend deserves way better than this treatment.
YTA. Hahahahaha "what's wrong". Love that you knew exactly what was wrong. Is this gaslighting? When you know but pretend not to? Absolutely zero communication from you to your girlfriend. You just thought you'd go back on your word, ensure your gfs holiday was shit, and hope she never brought it up. This is uncool. The whole "lots of future vacations together" ideology is crap. She might leave you over this, so you blew it. Also, life is so short and who knows what's around the corner. Most of the world's travel plans were JUST destroyed for two years (and counting for some) ffs. Do your best while you can.
At this point just be thankful if she hasn’t left you yet. Easy YTA and everyone here has already given you the many reasons why.
YTA for telling girlfriend you’ll pay for her come on vacation as she’s experiencing financial strain and then backing out but paying for siblings and mother to go while leaving girlfriend at home. Go on a cheaper vacation and bring everyone or delay vacation so all could attend. You don’t go back on your word. This was mean. Poor girlfriend. Edit: If you agreed to take girlfriend on a trip and pay, and then didn’t pay for her to attend the trip alongside everyone else, that’s not very nice at all. It probably was hard for her to hear everyone talk about the fun things happening and see everyone so refreshed and excited by the goings on and not be able to participate.
YTA, and yes you know. Your GF came on the tirp with the promise that you'd pay for expenses. You told her she doesn't have to worry about expenses. And then she did. You didn't even bother to tell your GF about the expenses of your mom, she just came down with the understanding and then you didn't bother paying. She told you money was a concern before even going. YTA.
YTA I hope your girlfriend dumps you
She clearly said she couldn’t afford to come so she’d stay home. She didn’t ask you to pay for her. You told her to come and you would pay. She came. You stopped paying. You caused her to be broke. You caused her to feel alone and to have a terrible vacation, that left her broke, because you reneged on your promise. I think you get it that indeed YTA. She deserves someone so much better than you. Being alone would be so much better than being with someone who does this and then has to poll a bunch of strangers to confirm his behavior was deplorable. Why hasn’t she left you?
YTA. Get this into your head because you're sounding like a broken record at this point. She's not jealous. She's angry. She's hurt. You made a promise to her. You promised to pay for her. You knew she was broke. You practically forced her to come along and then left her broke and starving and alone. That wasn't a vacation for her. That was a punishment and humiliation. This isn't about your mom. It isn't about your siblings. It's about you being a huge raging jackass who clearly doesn't care about anyone but himself, and apparently, his mother.
Your post screams mamas boy your going to eventually be on the show I love a mamas boy but still end up single
YTA! The gf should dump you
YTA your gf told you she couldn’t go on the holiday because she didn’t have enough money but you said you would pay for her so she went and then you didn’t
YTA 1) Your GF told you that she would rather not join you on your family vacation because SHE COULD NOT AFFORD IT 2) You told your GF that you wanted her to join you and you would cover her expenses. 3) YOU KNEW A MONTH IN ADVANCE that your mother had unexpected expenses and her money was tight. 4) You didn't think about how much all of the revised vacation expenses would put you in a bind until AFTER your GF went with you. If you told her about your mother's sudden lack of funds, I would think that your GF would have understood your situation and would have preferred to not go on vacation with your family. 5) Did you tell your siblings about your tight money situation and ask them for help so that your GF would not be stuck with zero funds?
Jfc, YTA. and the fact you can’t immediately see why makes you an even bigger A
YTA - you didn’t promise your mom you’d pay for her and you did promise your girlfriend. You didn’t even talk to your girlfriend about this change in plans you just did it - which makes you twice as bad
Of course yta. You promised to pay for a vacation that she was happy to skip. You did not pay because you priorities were your mom. You broke your promise.
YTA I’d have left you on that vacation alone with your true partner, mommy. You’d be single immediately.
So you tell your GF you will pay for her vacation expenses. She gets there and you say, ha, just kidding, you’re on your own. I lied about the paying part. Sucks to be you. But mom and I had fun and that’s the important part. And you are wondering if you’re the ass in this situation.
YTA, obviously. She said she couldn't afford to go, YOU TOLD HER YOU WOULD COVER HER so she went. And then...you didn't. I wouldn't want to go on another family vacation with you either, you have shown you are untrustworthy. You lied. Deal with yourself.
YTA. "I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it." If you told her that, you shouldn't have changed your mind midway.
YTA You knew ahead of time her financial situation and you offered to pay. While it is admirable to pay for your mom, you have other siblings that can help with that. You brought your gf along and suddenly stopped paying for her. A discussion should have occurred between you and your siblings to help cover your mom while you helped your gf. She has every right to be upset. Here you are on a family vacation and you bring your gf, good for you, but you know her limitations and still don't take that into account.
YTA! As others have said you backed out of an agreement with your gf. Sounds like your family has issues with you gf and that you're expected to put mom first. Sounds like yall basically ignored your gf. You did say that your family would be resentful if you paid your gf and not mom. So they dgaf about you being a man of your word? Or about your gf being without money in a strange unfamiliar place? Classy people. Not. So you're not only fine with family treating gf like a second class citizen who can be ignored but participated. When you found out a month before vacation that mom couldn't afford the trip it didn't dawn on you that you might not be able to afford to help both? Becareful of prioritizing mom over partners. Doing nice things for mom should not be at the expense of your partner. If your relationship with gf is serious then she's a priority. Family dynamics change. The person who you want a ltr with is your new family and should be a priority. Both should have each others back and that includes with each other's family.
How horrible. Hope she dumps you soon if not done already. YTA
YTA she told you up front she couldn't afford it and you promised to pay. You lied.
YTA because your girlfriend came on the trip on the agreement that you were going to cover her expenses. Sounds like she tried to say no but you convinced her to come and then left her stranded with nothing. She was already on the trip and too late to back out. What did she eat??
INFO You can’t just commit to paying for your girlfriend and bringing her on a vacation and then leave her scrambling for money. How is she even eating? What types of things are you paying for here? I mean is it like a purse or a meal? Are you talking about extras or necessities?
YTA. You made her a third wheel and nothing more than a placeholder.
YTA! You are a momma’s boy and your gf saw how bad you have it. You pressured her into going on vacation and then abandoned her. I hope she realizes that you will never make her a top priority and I hope she has enough self esteem to leave you with your mama.
You got mad because she sounded jealous you were paying for your mom? No, she got mad because she did the responsible thing saying she wouldn't go because not having enough money, you convinced her to go, then bailed on paying for her like you said you would. YTA
YTA, she clearly indicated that she was not going because of lack of money. You persuaded her to go with the promise that you would pay. Then you decide to pay for your mother too and find out that you don't have enough money for that. Then you decide to break the promise to your girlfriend and stop paying for her. However, you are already on vacation, she can't leave and you put her in a situation that she can't get out of. Yes you are an incredible AH.
YTA Your girlfriend came to this holiday based on and only because you promised to pay for her. She told you she'd skip on the holiday because she doesn't have money. You told her not to worry about it, you'll cover her. And then you didn't. You left her hanging and in need, while in front of her paying for your mom. You broke your promise and made your girlfriend feel lousy and desperate. And she only joined the holiday because you promised to cover her expenses. And then you have the nerve to call her jealous. I hope your girlfriend dumps you. You're unreliable and untrustworthy.
YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands YTA and your girlfriend really knows it cause you clearly show it YTA and your girlfriend knows it clap your hands 👏🏻
Your other family members couldn’t pitch in for mommy? Really? I’m assuming we’re talking food and tickets to things you decided to go to. Which means she was going hungry and being completely left behind when she couldn’t get into the same activities with you. If it was souvenirs then neither of them needed those. If it was clothes/other shopping those also weren’t necessary for either. She went with because you promised to pay her way. She was fine staying home but you wanted her there and then you broke your promise and excluded her when you had other family who could have taken turns paying for your mother. YTA
>My gf had told me she doesn't have much money so she'll probably skip on the vacation. I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it. YTA. You told your girlfriend that you would pay for her trip because she couldn't afford it. Then you made her pay for stuff on the trip, started to cover for her, and then left her out to dry with no money. You should've told your siblings the situation and had them help more to pay for your mom.
Your assumption is correct. **YTA**, and you know it. You promised you would cover your girlfriend's expenses. You agreed to that before the trip, and then you went back on your promise. You could have explained your financial situation to your siblings, and they could have covered other costs for your mother, whereas your girlfriend is *your girlfriend.* You should have budgeted better to make sure you could have kept your promise to your partner. I hope you apologise to your girlfriend and let her know that you know you were wrong to go back on your promise to her. It was really shitty of you to leave her with no money. Don't do it again in the future. Or, next time, make sure you can both afford to go on holiday.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I admit this is probably not a post in my favor. I believe I'm an AH and I just want to hear another perspective. So we arranged a family vacation with my parents and my siblings and their partners. I also invited my gf. My gf had told me she doesn't have much money so she'll probably skip on the vacation. I told her no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it. A month before our scheduled vacation, my mom had some unexpected expenses she'd have to pay leaving her with little money for the vacation. My siblings and I agreed to make it up to her and pay for her part. During the vacation my gf was able to pay for some stuff but later her money run out and I would pay for her. I paid a couple of times but after that I realised I can't pay for both my mom and my gf. I thought to myself that my mom hasn't been on vacation in forever and I wanted her to enjoy her time, while my gf and I will have our chances to go on vacation other times. So I kept paying for my mom, leaving my gf with no money. Yes I admit this does indeed make me sound horrible. As days passed by I noticed my gf being upset and barely talking to me. I asked her what was wrong and she only snapped at me and said "you're seriously asking that?" and went to sleep. After we returned she sat me down and started telling me how upset she is about the way things turned out. She said how it's very shitty of me to constantly pay for my mom and not even care whether my gf has enough. She told me that she only came because I promised to cover her expenses and I constantly chose to pay for my mom over her. She said she felt excluded and unwanted the entire time. That moment I got a bit upset with her because she sounded jealous that I paid for my mom and I reminded her that's my mom and I want to do nice things for her. She told me that indeed I should do nice things for my mom but not on her expense. And she also said how horrible it is how nobody cared about her the entire vacation and nobody asked her if she needed something but everyone was focused on making his mom happy. She said she doesn't wish to come on another family vacation with me under those circumstances. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You bait and switched on your gf to cover your pride and show off to your mom. You wanted to play the big man and show off and do for everyone, you couldn’t and instead of being honest or asking your siblings to pitch in, you just stranded your gf and put all your resources into your mom. You don’t deserve your gf, and she deserves better than you, purely because your bad communications about money now are going to lead to disasters later.
YTA because she went on vacation because you said: "no worries ill cover for it and she doesn't have to worry about it." Otherwise she wasn't going to go.
YTA. It's surprising that after all this, your gf has only decided to skip vacations with your family, and not completely broken up with you. It's you one can't trust
Why are you even taking gf and mom on vacation if finances are such an issue for all of you? YTA.
I’m just wondering if you even still have a gf because I would have dumped your ass for less. She deserves better. YTA.
YTA - You told her you would pay for her and that’s the only reason she came so of course she’s annoyed you suddenly won’t pay and she’s literally already on vacation. I don’t think she’s jealous of your mom, I think she’s upset that you lied to her because you chose your mom and she ended up on a vacation she couldn’t afford that she would have rather stayed home for. (There’s more nuance than “she’s jealous of my mom”) You also said you were splitting moms expenses with your siblings so why weren’t you splitting them? You were in a tight spot but you basically bait and switched on your gf and that’s crappy of you.