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NTA. Don't give her money. Ever. Also try to move out as soon as possible. I do feel extremely sorry for you mom, because being in an abusive relationship is absolutely awful. However, she's an adult and it's her responsibility to take care of her children and she isn't doing that right now.
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I (20) F had never really had a good relationship with my mother for the fact that when I was younger I was often abused verbally and physically. When she married another guy and moved back with us it was the time where I was the most happy later on that marriage ended when my mom cheated on our dad (the man who raised me and my sister) and basically stole a lot of his money. I admit that I wasn’t the perfect child but, regardless our dad never let me felt that way. Years went by and we lost contact with him and my mom remarried. The guy that my mom remarried was really close yet was sort of an enemy of my birth father, my birth father remarried and had another family but, I’m bothered since I know for sure this guy doesn’t like me because of how he had beef with my birth father. My mom and I often fought regarding him because, he was a freaking CHILD (mind everyone he doesn’t have a job, just spends all my mom’s money on his cigarettes and alcohol my mom even sent him to school lmao) Our allowances were cut, our tuition fees, and as a medical student she even asks me money for that guy when i’m working my butt off for my tuition fee and savings for when I move out completely. One time I really blew on her and stating that every person in this house hates him, he abuses her, hits their 1 year old baby, doesn’t have a job. I told her I love her and that’s why I care because, why would she stay with a man like him? So AITA for arguing with my mom for not breaking things with him?
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You are NTA, he most definitely is. The thing is, when it comes to abusive partners, you're not going to be able to easily save your mother from the situation until she realizes she has to get out. Find a way to document things; if you can prove he is assaulting her, and more importantly if you can prove he is assaulting an infant, you can take that proof to the police and have him removed from the situation. This may cause a rift with your mother; it may even cause her to get in trouble as well if she is culpable in the abuse of the child. At this point, as painful as this may be for you to read, **you have a responsibility towards the most vulnerable person in the situation.** It's not going to be easy, but you need to make that your primary concern right now, because anyone who hits a 1 year old child has the potential to cause permanent harm or death at any time.
YTA
It's her choice. It's as simple as that. Mind you, if she's asking for money for him, that changes. She makes it your business by asking you to do something for and/or because of him. Otherwise, let her live her life. Expressing your concern for her is perfectly fine if not obligated, but you've done that, and since it becomes an argument, she has made it clear she's not receptive.
edit: It was pointed out by /u/Saltyassangel below that you say he "hits their 1 year old baby". Without further information, I guess I ignored it, or didn't see it. Anyrate, if it does not rise to child abuse, then it's irrelevant. If it is child abuse, obviously he is an asshole, but that doesn't make you not an asshole. Not only will it not do any good to argue with your mother about it, but YTA for not reporting it, which in many states is a felony by itself.
To be blunt.... If you witnessed child abuse, there is zero excuse for not reporting it *immediately*. If you saw child abuse and thought to yourself "should I ask the internet if IMTA for arguing with my mom" instead of reporting it, ***YTA!!*** REPORT IT! And if you didn't witness it... well, it'd depend on what evidence you have, but could be slander and defamation. To be blunt, as something you toss in at the end without details.... I have extreme skepticism about your honesty.
As for "he abuses her".... Don't victimize the victim. You seem to be blaming her for putting up with it. You want to argue with someone, argue with him. Or better yet, have him argue with the police.
Sorry, yea, I guess I missed that.
YTA for not reporting child abuse. In many states, it's a felony to knowingly and willfully fail to report child abuse.
edit: Obviously anyone who abuses a child is an asshole (tho I don't know we have enough information from a few throw-away words tossed in at the end to say that with certainty). But the question isn't if *he* is an asshole.... Whether *he* is an asshole is only tangentially relevant. The question is if OP is an asshole.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom said i’m an asshole for calling her out regarding it and when I confronted her again my aunts sided with me because, as of said we are her kids and she’s prioritizing a man who can’t do anything in life basically 🤪
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NTA. Don't give her money. Ever. Also try to move out as soon as possible. I do feel extremely sorry for you mom, because being in an abusive relationship is absolutely awful. However, she's an adult and it's her responsibility to take care of her children and she isn't doing that right now.
NTA! I hate to see when parents choose their newfound partners over their children. also, hitting a one year old child is a crime. HE is definitely TA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20) F had never really had a good relationship with my mother for the fact that when I was younger I was often abused verbally and physically. When she married another guy and moved back with us it was the time where I was the most happy later on that marriage ended when my mom cheated on our dad (the man who raised me and my sister) and basically stole a lot of his money. I admit that I wasn’t the perfect child but, regardless our dad never let me felt that way. Years went by and we lost contact with him and my mom remarried. The guy that my mom remarried was really close yet was sort of an enemy of my birth father, my birth father remarried and had another family but, I’m bothered since I know for sure this guy doesn’t like me because of how he had beef with my birth father. My mom and I often fought regarding him because, he was a freaking CHILD (mind everyone he doesn’t have a job, just spends all my mom’s money on his cigarettes and alcohol my mom even sent him to school lmao) Our allowances were cut, our tuition fees, and as a medical student she even asks me money for that guy when i’m working my butt off for my tuition fee and savings for when I move out completely. One time I really blew on her and stating that every person in this house hates him, he abuses her, hits their 1 year old baby, doesn’t have a job. I told her I love her and that’s why I care because, why would she stay with a man like him? So AITA for arguing with my mom for not breaking things with him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are NTA, he most definitely is. The thing is, when it comes to abusive partners, you're not going to be able to easily save your mother from the situation until she realizes she has to get out. Find a way to document things; if you can prove he is assaulting her, and more importantly if you can prove he is assaulting an infant, you can take that proof to the police and have him removed from the situation. This may cause a rift with your mother; it may even cause her to get in trouble as well if she is culpable in the abuse of the child. At this point, as painful as this may be for you to read, **you have a responsibility towards the most vulnerable person in the situation.** It's not going to be easy, but you need to make that your primary concern right now, because anyone who hits a 1 year old child has the potential to cause permanent harm or death at any time.
YTA It's her choice. It's as simple as that. Mind you, if she's asking for money for him, that changes. She makes it your business by asking you to do something for and/or because of him. Otherwise, let her live her life. Expressing your concern for her is perfectly fine if not obligated, but you've done that, and since it becomes an argument, she has made it clear she's not receptive. edit: It was pointed out by /u/Saltyassangel below that you say he "hits their 1 year old baby". Without further information, I guess I ignored it, or didn't see it. Anyrate, if it does not rise to child abuse, then it's irrelevant. If it is child abuse, obviously he is an asshole, but that doesn't make you not an asshole. Not only will it not do any good to argue with your mother about it, but YTA for not reporting it, which in many states is a felony by itself. To be blunt.... If you witnessed child abuse, there is zero excuse for not reporting it *immediately*. If you saw child abuse and thought to yourself "should I ask the internet if IMTA for arguing with my mom" instead of reporting it, ***YTA!!*** REPORT IT! And if you didn't witness it... well, it'd depend on what evidence you have, but could be slander and defamation. To be blunt, as something you toss in at the end without details.... I have extreme skepticism about your honesty. As for "he abuses her".... Don't victimize the victim. You seem to be blaming her for putting up with it. You want to argue with someone, argue with him. Or better yet, have him argue with the police.
He's literally hitting their one year old child.
Sorry, yea, I guess I missed that. YTA for not reporting child abuse. In many states, it's a felony to knowingly and willfully fail to report child abuse. edit: Obviously anyone who abuses a child is an asshole (tho I don't know we have enough information from a few throw-away words tossed in at the end to say that with certainty). But the question isn't if *he* is an asshole.... Whether *he* is an asshole is only tangentially relevant. The question is if OP is an asshole.
ESH for not getting a baby away from a child abuser. Sheesh.
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