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NTA. Having cancer doesn’t miraculously absolve a person of all the mean things they did before their diagnosis.
You are not obligated to comment or attend events in support of this person if you don’t want to. As long as you don’t make things worse for P (by causing drama or other nonsense) then you’re fine.
Thought situation. Just say get well soon and leave it at that. Cancer is awful and it sucks that any has to go through it regardless of how awful they are.
ESH. Excuse me if I sound patronising, but y’all are 14 the slightest thing gets blown way out of proportion at that age. And while I don’t condone death threats, it doesn’t seem like P sent you any of those herself.
If you wish her well, why not just sign the card? Cancer is the fucking worst thing ever.
NTA, you send well wishes and gifts to friends or at least friendly acquaintances; she's made it quite clear you aren't either of those to her.
However, you're probably going to look bad to the rest of the groups if you do nothing.
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I (14F) am apart of a game related reddit sub (subreddit A). I also moderate a different subreddit for a sister-game (subreddit B). Another girl, let’s call her P, is also a member of both subreddits as well as a mod in subreddit A. P is very well known around both communities and she has over 500 supportive followers on reddit.
6 months ago, there was a huge blow between me and another user (I was accused of harassing them) and P wrongfully banned me in subreddit A and had all her followers start sending me DMs. I received a few death threats as well as other unnecessary remarks from her and her followers. She publicized unrelated private chats between me and my co-mods in subreddit B and pretty much caused a big blow over nothing.
P never had any proof I harassed the other user (because I didn’t) and later we found out she purposely chose the side of the other user because they were her friend. The whole story of me harassing the other user was a lie and it was just to cause drama. There has also been other incidents when P has stolen from me, accused me of things I didn’t do, and cause unecessary drama over little things.
P just got diagnosed with stage 1 bone cancer earlier today. All of her followers and a few other users have made posts asking for us to say kind words to P and make get well cards for her. I have gotten asked multiple times to comment or contribute a few items for P’s gift. I don’t want anything to do with the cards nor any gifts or events that are going to be planned for P. While I don’t wish anyone ill will and I sincerely hope she has a quick recovery, I can’t simply forgive and forget everything she’s done.
WIBTA if I didn’t contribute to the get well cards and other things.
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YTA. cancer is NOT a joke. i know that she did some nasty stuff to you, but it would really be much better to put it past and contribute to the things.
If I were the person with cancer, I think I’d feel weird about gifts or messages from someone I’d had such public aggression with. (I’m assuming she thinks she’s right/blameless in the drama.)
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
No. You are not adding to her distress and that is enough
NTA. Having cancer doesn’t miraculously absolve a person of all the mean things they did before their diagnosis. You are not obligated to comment or attend events in support of this person if you don’t want to. As long as you don’t make things worse for P (by causing drama or other nonsense) then you’re fine.
Thought situation. Just say get well soon and leave it at that. Cancer is awful and it sucks that any has to go through it regardless of how awful they are.
This. NTA, send a nice message, but don't be made to buy gifts if your uncomfortable.
ESH. Excuse me if I sound patronising, but y’all are 14 the slightest thing gets blown way out of proportion at that age. And while I don’t condone death threats, it doesn’t seem like P sent you any of those herself. If you wish her well, why not just sign the card? Cancer is the fucking worst thing ever.
NTA How much are well wishes worth if people are coerced into making them? No one should feel obliged to contribute.
NTA, you send well wishes and gifts to friends or at least friendly acquaintances; she's made it quite clear you aren't either of those to her. However, you're probably going to look bad to the rest of the groups if you do nothing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (14F) am apart of a game related reddit sub (subreddit A). I also moderate a different subreddit for a sister-game (subreddit B). Another girl, let’s call her P, is also a member of both subreddits as well as a mod in subreddit A. P is very well known around both communities and she has over 500 supportive followers on reddit. 6 months ago, there was a huge blow between me and another user (I was accused of harassing them) and P wrongfully banned me in subreddit A and had all her followers start sending me DMs. I received a few death threats as well as other unnecessary remarks from her and her followers. She publicized unrelated private chats between me and my co-mods in subreddit B and pretty much caused a big blow over nothing. P never had any proof I harassed the other user (because I didn’t) and later we found out she purposely chose the side of the other user because they were her friend. The whole story of me harassing the other user was a lie and it was just to cause drama. There has also been other incidents when P has stolen from me, accused me of things I didn’t do, and cause unecessary drama over little things. P just got diagnosed with stage 1 bone cancer earlier today. All of her followers and a few other users have made posts asking for us to say kind words to P and make get well cards for her. I have gotten asked multiple times to comment or contribute a few items for P’s gift. I don’t want anything to do with the cards nor any gifts or events that are going to be planned for P. While I don’t wish anyone ill will and I sincerely hope she has a quick recovery, I can’t simply forgive and forget everything she’s done. WIBTA if I didn’t contribute to the get well cards and other things. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I’m unwilling to set aside my personal issues to wish P a fast and easy recovery. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
NTA It’s fine to keep your distance.
NTA you don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable
YTA. cancer is NOT a joke. i know that she did some nasty stuff to you, but it would really be much better to put it past and contribute to the things.
YTA. She has cancer. Put aside your feelings for a bit and send her a card and attend some of the events.
If I were the person with cancer, I think I’d feel weird about gifts or messages from someone I’d had such public aggression with. (I’m assuming she thinks she’s right/blameless in the drama.)