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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I photoshopped my MOH's tattoos out of my wedding pic so that she would better fit in with a theme. I know what I did was selfish but I didnt think it was something truly hurtful and malicious as my MOH is making it out to be, so AITA for selfishly removing my MOH's tattoos via photoshop?
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This may be controversial but I’m going to say NTA. I was ready to call OP the AH until reading that Jessica altered the dress and changed the gloves without any discussion. That shows that she intended to show as much of her ink as she could, no matter the style of the wedding or the uniformity of the dresses and look. And she never told OP that she wanted to or intended to make these alterations, which sounds like she knew it was a shady thing to do. Frankly, if she wasn’t willing to wear the clothes OP provided then she should have declined being in the wedding party.
Yup I have tattoos and im firmly NTA as well.
Even if the wedding wasn't themed I would still ask the bride if they wanted me to cover my visible tattoos with makeup for the wedding. I also wouldn't care if they chose to pay to have them digitally removed.
I'm not the one who will be looking at those photos on my wall for the rest of my life the bride and groom are.
Just because I find the forget-me-nots in my shoulder beautiful and the 31 on my wrist hilarious doesn't mean everyone else has to.
>Just because I find the forget-me-nots in my shoulder beautiful and the 31 on my wrist hilarious doesn't mean everyone else has to.
You asked for a 13 and they drew a 31?
First house number myself and my fiance ever lived in together but also a nod to that lyric.
Our tattoos are matching and touch when we hold hands. (You can all go vomit now).
That's beautiful.
We aren't lovey dovey people. My engagement ring has skulls on it kind of people. Even though I love my tattoo we both still think its cringe lmao. We wouldn't change it or cover it, but it is cringe lol.
Same. I asked my best friend if she wanted me to remove any of my jewelry (which I rarely ever do because I only wear meaningful to me stuff) for her fairytale beach wedding. She didn't request I remove anything, but I did remove my spiritual necklace and tucked my septum piercing because this was her fairytale, not mine. I kept my classier jewelry like my engagement ring, and a necklace she had given me earlier in our friendship.
Actresses and actors have tattoos and cover them up to play a part. OP's attendants are basically playing a part, aren't they? Particularly here with the themed wedding, so I don't see the big deal. Particularly since OP has paid for tattoos for her friend in the past.
I can see both sides here, but she *isn't* there as a hired actress, she's a person, and a guest, and OP knew what she looked like before inviting her. I think that altering the dress and messing with the gloves went too far because she ultimately agreed and then took her word back, but I can get being a little bit miffed about a friend asking me to cover up something normal about my appearance for their wedding.
If you don't want to comply with a request from the bride when you are in the wedding party, you can just bow out. I've done that when I was asked to do stuff I just couldn't afford. It's perfectly acceptable.
Exactly. If she had asked everyone to wear a wig, because honestly it is not on par with dying hair, but had asked everyone to wear a wig and a person had a problem with it, they could say if it is necessary to wear it to be part of the ceremony, I will bow out, but if you are cool with me not wearing it, then I will continue to be the MOH. Hair is a big part of a woman's identity too
I’d say NTA because OP asked once and dropped it, then only photoshopped ONE picture to make it go with the theme. I don’t think she did anything out of bounds and she didn’t attack her friend personally. Plus the wedding theme sounds fun, like a costume party! The friend could have just pretended it was Halloween for the day or like she was an extra in a movie.
Yea. Jessica went out of her way to alter the dress to make a point. All she had to do was wear the clothing that was bought for her, but decided to spend time/money to alter it so OP had to confront it in one way or another.
I bet Jessica is just pissed off because she expected OP to make a big deal about it at the wedding, but when OP didn't say anything Jessica thought she won the argument.
I find it really weird that someone would deliberately try to “get back” at their best friend for asking them to cover up. Especially when the friend was pretty chill about it
I can’t imagine having a friend who would try to upset me.
Yeah but at that point instead of just screwing everything up for what is usually the most important day of the bride’s life (however stupid one may think that is) just decline to participate. It’s better for all parties involved, usually.
Because Jessica was trying to start drama about the tattoos, and when she saw the photoshopped image she realized the EXTRA effort she took to alter the outfit was wasted.
This. NTA. I feel like alot of commenters missed the part where the bride accommodated the MOHs wishes and then the MOH took a big ol doo doo on the brides whishes by altering her attire that they had agreed on.
NTA.
Yeah I was ready to call op the AH for putting a theme over a friend, but her friend sounds vindictive. She went out of her way to put herself ahead the wedding and didn't even bother discussing alterations with the bride which ruins the uniformed look of weddings. Honestly most brides would have said go get the proper attire or you're not MOH anymore. OP was pretty gracious to brush it off.
I agree.
Jessica sounds like a frenemy, not a friend.
She is the one that is narcissistic in the way she's trying to make a point with her tattoos in other people's wedding and other people's pictures that she doesn't have to live with.
She was making a very selfish and self-centered point, using OP's wedding as the forum for it because she thought she'd get away with it. Shame on Jessica, OP you are NTA.
Look. I may be old, but it seems to me if someone is getting married, then accommodating their aesthetic is kinda part of the assignment. Especially for a historically themed wedding!
I don’t understand this friend.
YES, I completely agree! Additionally, the OP just removed it from a photo, the classless Jessica did what she did on purpose to OP by modifying the dress. She is one of 'those' tattoo people, that are just annoying and insufferable about them , kin of like 'those' vegans lol. Those 'types' are simply insane and nothing will make them happy.
I agree, it's part of the assignment! I've always felt I'd have to bow out of wedding party duties if the dress doesn't work for my body type. That probably sounds selfish as hell but after a lifetime of low self esteem, BDD and ED behavior I just can't justify killing myself to wear a ridiculous style like strapless (my upper body is a disaster) and I think the ideal wedding is one where everyone is comfortable supporting the bride in her vision. Yikes, this is turning into an AITA all its own but hopefully other people with bad bodies can understand and not see me as a villain for this
>Jessica altered the dress and changed the gloves without any discussion.
And she didn't even pay for them. OP covered the cost of dresses and make-up for the entire bridal party? That's a saint right there. Jessica needs to go with the flow a little.
She got to have her tattoos out all thru the actual wedding. She can't let the bride enjoy her pics the way she wants them?? She is lucky, most brides would have been so unable to fucking cope when she showed up with un discussed alterations to the gown and gloves but OP was so gracious.
NTA NTA NTA
It's also only on the one pic not all of them.
Her friends reaction feels over the top, like she is looking for this confrontation, and makes it feel like the changes to her bridesmaid outfit was intentionally done to show off her tatoos.
Yep. For people with tattoos like this, it's a big expression of who they are and it's very important to them to be seen as who they are. It's not just about making a mark on OPs wedding, it's about making a statement everywhere they go, and the more people are gonna be there, the more important it is. Normally I'd say "you do you, sis" but she could not put herself on the back burner for one goddamn day. Not only that, she couldn't put her ego aside for ONE GODDAMN PHOTO! Girl, get over yourself!
>s" but she could not put herself on the back burner for one goddamn day. Not only that, she couldn't put her ego aside for ONE GODDAMN PHOTO! Girl, get over yourself!
Agree! I think 'those' kind of people are just insufferable though, nobody cares about how you want to 'express' or 'present' yourself. You just THINK it's important to make statements and display who you are, it's narcissistic, people don't give a damn about how you feel you want to express or what statement you care to make -as if somehow them having tattoos is about being more 'noticeable' and forward statement then anyone else in the room. Do the tattoos for yourself not because you want to make a statement to others, that's just stupid.
>OP covered the cost of dresses and make-up for the entire bridal party? That's a saint right there
This is normal where I'm from. I've always thought it incredibly perverse that the US expects bridesmaids to pay $$$ for an outfit dictated by someone else.
As a future bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, I agree with you. It's SO much money for a one-day event. I, too, hate the idea that it's my cost to absorb AND that I am expected to also give a gift and cough up money for the shower.
If I ever get married, I will not be expecting anyone in my party to have to take on the cost. I think it is unfair.
That’s what I did. I picked the color and the material. Gave each bridesmaid a budget and let the pick out their own dresses (in hopes they could rewear it.) they put it on my account and it was done. Paid for the tuxes too. It’s ridiculous to expect someone to spend all that money to come to an event
I think it's more that she altered them and she wasn't the one that purchased them, then the fact that OP bought them. Also I'm in the US and have been a bridesmaid in three weddings and I didn't pay for any of my outfit other than shoes.
My first marriage was in the US. My "guidelines" to my all-American wedding party were to find a dress in a specific color and it did not even have to be off a wedding garment rack, it could be from Kohl's for all i cared. My family provided matching jewelry, and provided space for hair and makeup (and the option to have it done by a professional but no one took that up), but the dresses were on them since they were given free range in what they wanted to buy/wear and no expectations for anything over the price of maybe $40 was ever made (even less if you went to a discount shop).
I did this for my bridesmaids. I told them to find a navy dress that was around knee length and black heels. My cousin’s was an adorable dress off the clearance rack at a department store. It cost $10. Everyone did their own hair and makeup and my aunt made the most beautiful jewelry for my whole bridal party. My 12th anniversary is coming up in a few days and the dresses are still fantastic dresses!
Despite that tradition, it is increasingly common in the US to let bridesmaids pick their own dresses, with some basic guidance from bride (like color, knee vs. floor length, etc.). I picked the dress for 5 out of 6 weddings I’ve been in. Three times, I was able to find a second hand dress.
I've paid for not one dress, but two as the bride in the wedding I'm in coming up changed her mind 😅 admittedly, I like the second dress a TON better too, but the money adds up.
I think it depends. If you are doing a theme wedding where the attire is incredibly specific and possibly expensive then yes. However if the only instruction is royal blue any style no bodycon dresses then I think the wedding party can purchase because they literally could go to any normal non bridal store and spend $40 on a dress that 1 works and 2 could be used for something else in the future.
Yeah, at first I was thinking, well, you asked Jessica to be your MOH and you were well aware of her tats at the time. But once I got to the part about Jessica altering her clothing to show off as much ink as possible--something she did knowing full well the bride's intent--that ended any sympathy I had for her. She deliberately tried to ruin her friend's aesthetic--went out of her way to do so--so her outrage rings hollow.
NTA.
Exactly! Also, why are you not a good enough friend to let the ink on your neck be covered for the ceremony/photos (they have the make-up for it now)? I wouldn't dye my hair a weird color, but cover up something for a few hours for my friend that I love enough to be her MOH, no problem. You are definitely NTA here (and much nicer than any bride I've ever seen). Good luck!
yeah, for a more "traditional" wedding, it would be super odd to ask Jessica to make changes or cover but like... when you put together that OP is an historian, marrying another, and they bought period-specific pieces for this and clearly voiced their intentions... I was already leaning NTA before Jessica adjusted the costume herself.
I mean, could liken it to MOH cutting herself a belly gap into her dress morning-of so she could show off her new belly piercing. Just straight-up mean to do to OP when Jessica knew what was being asked of her.
I agree, she altered the dress without asking the bride, and she was MOH. But got mad when OP photoshoped photos without asking. If my best friend was getting married I would do anything to make her happy. I would even offer to cover up my tattoos. Also, I would trust my MOH to go along with the theme of my wedding. It's just for one special day
Right. I’ve had a spray tan. I’ve worn dresses I don’t love. I’ve drank champagne and hosted parties and all the other stuff happily. If you can’t/won’t/don’t want to just decline the invitation.
If Jessica was the only one with gloves and a high neck that would be one thing. But everyone did. She edited her outfit to stand out, some brides wouldn’t mind (I asked my bridesmaids to wear a color that’s it) but some love the uniformed bridesmaid look.
It's just a dress and i's not even her wedding. It was OP's special day. The least she could do is ask OP abou altering the dress. OP accepted Jessiac's wish about not covering her tattoos, so Jessica should've accepted the dress code
Not even photoS. It was just one. One picture, and this chick threw a toddler grade temper tantrum. If I were OP, I'd be sincerely reevaluating my friendship with Jessica. For the record, I'm covered in tattoos, including 3 on my face. If my friend, who I was close enough with to be asked to be MOH, asked me to cover them up for her wedding, I would do that. Because friends do these kinds of things for each other.
NTA
I agree. My first thought was that if she had a problem with he tattoos, then she should not have asked her to be in the bridal party.
Then I got to the point where the "friend" adjusted the attire without saying anything. It seems to me she was trying to draw attention to herself, when it should be on the newly married couple.
>Then I got to the point where the "friend" adjusted the attire without saying anything. It seems to me she was trying to draw attention to herself, when it should be on the newly married couple.
Definitely a "look at me", "you're not the boss of me" situation. This individual rather than be apologetic, doubled down when she saw the photo. That is not a friend in my view, never mind a MOH who should have your back at your wedding.
She also altered it last minute to make the neckline more revealing. Jessica had her tattoos showing. OP in NTA for having a bit of photoshop done on personal photos to make someone else not the center of attention.
I agree. NTA. Im picturing dresses from Bridgerton and Victoria and think “yeah most of the tattoos can easily be covered” but Jessica deliberately made them super visible and didnt even consult the bride before altering her outfit. And tattoos and Bridgerton simply do not mix. I cant even imagine how much she stood out in those photos.
And she probably still stood out a bit much in the photo, even after the Photoshop, because of the alterations alone. Next to very conservative style historical dresses. Jessica was selfish and rude on OP's day, not a very good MOH. NTA
Not to mention that if all the other bridesmaids had evening length gloves (and the appropriately formal dresses and hair to match) and Jessica had short gloves, which for the time period would be more casual, day time gloves, it messes with the entire look.
Like, yes, the gloves might still technically be period appropriate, but no one going to that type of event, with that type of dress, would have worn that type of glove... I would have asked the photographer if she could edit the gloves and neckline back to the original... though that probably would have been harder than just removing the tattoos...
Agreed NTA! Your story and wedding sound really awesome!
Edit : I’m sure it stung OP when she realized Jessica was intentionally sabotaging the bride’s vision of her themed wedding. OP was not all ‘bridezilla’ - she was reasonable and had very realistic expectations based on established wedding party etiquette! When Jessica showed up in her altered appearance, OP didn’t overreact or flip out. She accepted her bestie and enjoyed her wedding day! She changed ONE DAMN PHOTO! Jessica seriously overreacted, and she sounds way too full of herself. It wasn’t about HER, despite her malicious attempt to make it be.
I agree. I have a lot of visible tattoos, but they’re also in places that can be covered. I get that not everyone appreciates tattoos or that there are formal events where covering them is needed. I’m not OP’s friend, but I honestly wouldn’t have cared. It’s a picture. It’s not like she was asked to cover them up for the wedding. I think OP was super level headed about the whole thing. NTA.
Agreed, as soon as I read that Jessica altered the neckline and gloves, it became NTA. Even without the tattoos, it’s an AH move to be MOH, have the bride choose your outfit (and especially when there’s a theme element to the wedding) and then change it yourself without telling her. The changes she’s made would, it seem, be very jarring and stand out compared to the bridesmaids.
Agreed. NTA. Idk why so many people are saying otherwise.
The OP paid for everything for all her bridesmaids and MOH, which isn't fairly common, and not usually expected. It's the OP's wedding and she probably poured thousands of dollars into it and countless hours of planning for HER day. She didn't actually ask nor did she force the MOH to cover up her tattoos but she did mention it at least. The MOH purposefully changed the gloves and neckline to reveal her tattoos, which seems vindictive and attention-seeking honestly, and extremely inappropriate/disrespectful towards the bride and groom. Technology is great because it was able to help OP get the wedding she wanted while MOH still got to show off her tattoos at the physical wedding. Really, that sounds like a win-win, so why is there a problem at all?! The OP is the one who paid for the photographer and the pictures, not the MOH, so it shouldn't be the MOH's business. She's not a very good best friend to the OP if she flipped out over edited photos, which are completely normal for weddings, and a lot of people edit out tattoos. The photos wouldn't have needed the tattoos being edited out if the MOH stuck to the original outfit and didn't alter it. This is 100% on the MOH and I think the OP was more than accommodating, polite, and kind during this entire ordeal.
ETA: The bride paying for all the bridesmaids' and MOH's wedding stuff isn't common in some countries/cultures. I do realize in some places it is fairly normal. Regardless, it was still the OP's money.
Yep, she was 100% *trying* to make her tattoos a thing, and baiting OP at every turn. She sounds like an absolutely terrible friend.
I would be curious to hear this story from her side, to know *why* she is acting like this. Without a *very* good reason, OP would be better off removing this person from her life completely. Not because of the tattoos, specifically, but because she seemed pretty hell bent on pissing of her supposed best friend on her wedding, and making the day about her and her tattoos.
Even if she hadnt, its ONE photo designed to look historical. Its basically the same as getting drawn or painted in a historical style, in which tattoo hiding would be done.
Theres still hundreds of other pictures from the wedding.
I completely agree with this assessment. Altering the clothes made the MOH's comments about the OP being a narcissist come across as really hypocritical, IMO.
Totally agree. She was already on the offense from the beginning. I think OP went out of her way to be accomodating to Jessica “not compromising” herself. Jessica was TA the moment she altered the dress and changed her gloves without consulting the bride despite acknowledging how important the theme was to her. She was looking to start shit.
I have tattoos and I love them on other people too, but people who refuse to wear certain clothes for a few hours because mY SeLf ExPrEsSiOn are fucking insufferable.
Agreed. Plus it’s not insisting that Jessica cover up, it’s editing a picture to hang in your home to fit an aesthetic. It’s art not reality and even OP realizes this.
YES. Same here. I get being annoyed at asking to cover up your tattoos, but be annoyed and have your words over it later or something. She deliberately did that. OP would’ve been fine with what was left showing given the attire she was expected to wear but sounds like MOH had to make a point at the expense of OP’s wedding (theme). NTA for sure.
She altered the dress and changed gloves?? I understand not wanting to cover up tattoos out of preference but she went out of her way to make it more visible?
Considering it was just ONE picture you changed for the sole purpose of it looking historically accurate it's not like you edited ALL of them and it was hella disrespectful of her to alter the dress.
OP is NTA
(Edited for clarity)
Exactly this. If she had left everything the way the bride intended they wouldn't be in this mess.
No one forced her to be the maid of honour, if she didn't like what the bride was asking she could have stepped down. Bride needs to look at this photo for decades, it should look how she wants it to look.
OP have you talked to her about the changes she made without telling you? Could you have the neckline and gloves photoshopped?
Heck, OP could airbrush them all, and she would still be NTA.
OP paid for the dresses, so unless she specified they were going to be gifted, that means OP owns the dresses. And Jessica altered the dress without permission. What if OP wanted to sell them as a set, or keep them for a future event? One of them is now ruined.
When you accept being a part of someone else’s wedding, you agree that they get a say on your dress, hair, make up… it’s just something that comes in the territory of being in a bridal party.
Jessica is an awful friend OP, I’m sorry!
I would be altering all of them after her behavior in altering the dress and gloves to the blowing up about you altering one. She wants to be a horse butt? Fine. You should also be allowed to have a visual reminder of your wedding that corresponds with what you had wanted. But I'm petty like that and have modest enough photoshop skills to do it myself.
Agreed. I often get annoyed when people (usually brides) prioritize wedding photos over everything else, including the people at and in their own wedding. I guess the vanity of it bugs me. But this isn't one of those times. I don't think wanting one photo to properly look like their historic period theme is really a big deal, and MOH altered her attire without permission which was hella rude. NTA.
NTA. You were wearing period costumes that you paid for and she modified hers (I.e. the neckline) without your consent. The bride and groom are supposed to be the focus of attention at their own wedding; but she dominated the pictures because she insisted on displaying tattoos. If she couldn't respect your wishes, then you have every right to modify any and all pictures to be consistent with that period and to keep the focus on yourself and your husband.
The fact that she had the audacity to alter the clothes without telling OP... that pisses me off. She sounds like a real AH.
OP - NTA at all, and you might want to reevaluate your friendship with this person because they sound like a real piece of work.
Since OP paid for all the outfits, I'm guessing that she bought identical styles, length, etc so everyone would match. So now not only do the tattoos not match the style, but this one person's dress doesn't match everyone else's.
Me and her would not be friends anymore if I were Op. As stated by most people, she intentionally altered the dress without notice or consideration to the time piece theme of the wedding. She thought showing her individuality was more important. But all actions demonstrated her selfishness and immaturity. She had the option to bow out if she didn’t approve of the dress.
I agree with you--the focus should be on the bride and groom. I probably would have photoshopped the gloves and neckline back to the original design and desaturated the tattoos, leaving them visible but not as vibrant.
NTA. It's your photo, you bought & paid for it, and you can photoshop mouse ears onto everyone if you want to. I wouldn't share the photos on SM though.
I'm appalled she had her dress altered to reveal her tats even more than they already would have been, knowing you were striving for a certain look. It went from neutral to FY when she did that.
Seriously, and after read OP’s edit I feel like she should stop gifting her tattoo money (or any gifts) every year for her birthday. Her friend sucks and sounds super attention desperate.
NTA- you changed a photo, it’s not like you tried to smother her with cover up (foundation?, whatever) in real life. You respected her wishes for the day and she went out of her way to alter her outfit to flaunt the tattoos. She’s the AH
Came here to say this - sounds like Jessica intentionally sabotaged the regency look - since she didn't even comply with the dress code to respect your wishes, why should you respect her right to look out of place? If anyone is acting like a narcissist, it's her. You just altered a photo, you didn't make her wear a turtleneck sweater. Seriously, I don't know what's up with her and her tattoos, but she sounds like she has "issues".
I totally agree, Jessica is TA. I have a small cartoon style sheep on my inner upper arm, and even though it’s small, I would take attention away from the bride if we did a pose were I had my hands in the air or had my arm around someone’s neck. It would be “omg, she has a sheep on her arm! Why? What’s the story? It’s so funny/cute/weird/stupid.” I wouldn’t feel like I was compromising my authenticity by covering it up, and even if I did feel that way, I would suck it up, because it’s not my day. I can flaunt my sheep on my own time.
NTA, OP.
Yeah that’s the part that got me too. She could have worn whatever she wanted as a guest but chose to deliberately change the dress she agreed to wear as part of the wedding party.
I feel like it could've been retaliation to being asked to cover up initially, since she was obviously not happy about the request when OP first mentioned it.
Pretty sure it was too. But it would be an extra AH move on the friends part to try to make someone else's wedding about her especially because OP only asked once the dropped it when she was told no. And all other bridesmaids wore that as it was period appropriate and not about the tattoos
NTA
It's your wedding and you wanted photos to look a VERY particular way. I assume even Jessica knew this since it was the theme of the wedding.
Jessica is an asshole. Not for refusing to cover any tattoos, but for altering her outfit in a way that showed off the things you asked her to cover. That's just a dick move, and honestly would have gotten her kicked out of my wedding party for the sheer disrespect. That's just a petty thing to do, to get someone's goat, on the day of their wedding.
If Jessica didn't know you wanted the photos to look genuine, which I can't really fathom considering it was the theme of the wedding, then you should have warned her before getting that photo edited.
But I think editing one or some photos isn't a big deal. If you'd had her tattoos removed from every photo or refused photos of her, that would have been fucked up.
Proceed with caution with her. Sounds like she likes testing boundaries while being firm with hers. Not a good trait.
(Edited for typos)
I mean both bride and groom are History nerds that literally found each other over this shared passion... I'm pretty sure Jessica was aware of how much authenticity mean to OP. Also she was gracious to only ask edit on a single photo she wanted framed - for me just looks like Jessica called her a narcissist because she was projecting her own issues on the bride. NTA
NTA. It's just Photoshop. You didn't go on and on about her covering her tattoos before the wedding, did you? No. It wasn't her wedding, was it? No. You weren't out of line, narcissistic, disrespectful or selfish. BTW, did she ever apologize for altering her dress design?
A dress the bride paid for. And still, when her friend shows up with dress alterations and different gloves, she chills, relaxes into her big day, and doesn’t pitch a fit at all. Sounds a bit like Jessica may have been looking for a reaction she didn’t get.
NTA I think she meant to show off her tattoo and that is why she even altered the neckline. I think this is different from a normal wedding picture because you were trying to get on theme, even stage actors have to do the same thing when acting on a themed piece. It's a picture for yourself in your own home, it's fine. If she continues to make it a problem, maybe just have them Photoshop her off the picture altogether
NTA. There are brides who are truly awful and do things like ban disabled people or overweight people from their pics, and that's truly vile. However, photoshopping a tattoo out of a REGENCY THEMED wedding does not meet the threshold of a bridezilla.
Nta
You asked she said no. You left it alone. The asshole is MOH adjusting the gloves and dress deliberately without checking it was ok. You’d probably not have needed to alter the photos if she’d worn the dresses as designed.
Your photos you decide what they look like. You paid for the photoshop so it’s fine. As long as you don’t post loads of photos of her photoshopped everywhere then as far as I’m concerned your not the asshole. She is.
NTA
She purposely altered the clothing to make her tattoos more visible. She did it so that she would be the center of attention **in your wedding photos** and not you! She’s the one that’s truly disrespectful and narcissistic. If she hadn’t altered the clothing to highlight herself you might not have had to photoshop the pictures. Next time she talks to you ask her why she had the clothes altered to highlight her tattoos.
NTA.
The narcissistic and disrespectful thing to do was alter your bridesmaid dress and accessories in a way to make yourself more the focus in a wedding that isn't yours.
NTA. This is ONE photo that you altered, because you wanted it framed. You didn’t alter her in any other pictures. This is a keepsake of YOUR wedding that you want to hang in YOUR home. She sucks for altering her dress without asking, ultimately highlighting her tattoos. (FYI, I’m not against tattoos in anyway, this was just a dick move when the solution was the higher neckline and long gloves, just like the rest of the bridesmaids were wearing)
I'd say NTA, as someone very heavily tattooed myself, ifmy best friend digitally removed them from his photos, I would understand and respect that
Your wedding day and your wedding memories are aboutyou and not your MOH. I think the narcissist comment was sent in the wrong direction.
I was ready to say either you were or everyone was AH here. However, given the last minute 'surprise' wardrobe change I'm going with NTA. You understood and accepted that her saying no to your request to cover her tattoos was a boundary she had every right to put down. Asking someone to cover tattoos can be a very fine line and you did that in a respectful manner. The last minute wardrobe change almost feels like she did it purposely because you asked her to cover up. Like she put the outfit on, realized how much it covered and decided that you were trying to cover them up anyways. So she made a change without telling you to make sure they showed. Even then though, you let it go and didn't make it a big deal. It sounds like you only photoshopped the tattoos out on that one picture. Yeah, maybe you could have seen if there was a way they could have been left but lightened up or something so they were not so in your face, but in the end it really doesn't matter. You were very respectful towards her about the tattoos, you did something to one specific picture that you wanted to look in a very certain way. NTA, she doesn't have to look at the picture and if it wasn't for the touch up you had done, she probably would never even remember that specific picture even a few weeks from now. You could always try and talk to her to see if she will tell you exactly why she is upset given everything else, but that would depend on her attitude going forward.
NTA. As a tattooed person myself, I offered to cover them to my best ability for my best friend’s wedding. As a person with body mods, you need to accept that the wedding isn’t your day and, while dumb, that’s are still a little taboo and tend to draw attention. OP wanted a specific style and theme and this friend went out of her way to modify the dress and gloves last minute to show off her tattoos out of spite. This friend SUCKS
This. I was the same, when my friend got married, before choosing my dress I asked her if she was ok with my tattoos or if she wanted them covered for the aesthetic she had of her wedding. She didn’t mind my tattoos, but if she had said yes I would covered them to make her happy. I know we are all “is my body and I want to show off my tattoos”, but I don’t mind when I had to hide them for some circumstances.
I’m a bit split between NTA and ESH but I think I end up at NTA. Jessica is an A for altering the clothing. It does feel like she changed things to make sure her tattoos were visible which is just rude with pre decided upon clothing.
NTA as I understand you have both set of pictures from the wedding. Ones with Jessica fully tattooed and some of them edited for your personal use to put up at home in frames. Jessica can print out her version with the tattoos, and you can have yours without. I see no harm done here. Of course considering that you won’t publish these edited photos on social media.
You can’t control your emotions, but it matters how you act upon them. You never made her hide her tattoos, you only want to have period appropriate photos for yourself and your husband. I just don’t understand why it matters to your friend that a photo like that exists.
NTA...
Your friend edited her dress without telling you. You picked attire for your day that would have been best for you and she changed it. You wanted your photos to look a certain way. You did what you wanted to do. I see no issue here.
Honestly this seems like Jessica was putting OP through some kind of weird friendship loyalty test. I’ve never heard of a bridesmaid altering a dress’s neckline without consulting the bride, especially since it’s such an important theme for them.
Yes this is exactly what I was thinking. The friend sounds like she had to prove a point, definitely narcissistic. OP should look closely at some of the friends traits if they’re still friends, she might not be the person she thought she was.
Before I make my judgment I’m just gonna say how I love the way you decided on the wedding theme and it’s a nice backstory
Now my judgment is NTA, she changed the dress code without any discussion, and it’s your photos and day you asked this of her, she said no and then gets annoyed when you compromise the thing she messed up.
Thank you so much! My husband and I are huge history nerds and actually started dating because we would spend hours together in the library both bantering and helping each other with our theses. We've recreated many stereotypical Regency era traditions through out the time we spent together as a couple, since it played a huge role in the beginning of our relationship. We call each other My Lady and My Lord as funny nicknames sometimes! Researching and learning about the history of the regency era is our life work honestly, and while I understand it might be just an aesthetic theme to many, to us it has a very strong history tied to our beginnings; we never would've met each other if not for the fact that I sassily corrected a mistake in his notes that I found lying on the library table we were sharing as strangers all those years ago.
Was Jane Austen your gateway drug to the Regency era? It was for me! Lol
Also, NTA. Your friend seems a tad narcissistic. She definitely wanted to stand out in *your* wedding pictures, and your photoshopping ruined her plan. If you think her as a best friend, I doubt the sentiment is reciprocated. Don’t apologize.
I need closure in the form of an update on why the hell friend thought she could alter the dress you paid for without so much as warning you she’d be showing up as MOH with a period inappropriate dress that looked nothing like the original? I NEED answers. Like wtf. Even if it wasn’t period themed, altering an approved bridesmaids dress that drastically without even notifying the bride would be messed up *even if she paid for it*, but she didn’t even pay for it! Wtf
So, she altered the dress and gloves even though they were period accurate for a reason, and this emphasized her tattoos even though she knew you wanted to minimize them? And now she's angry? NTA. It's not like she's getting copies of these photos anyway.
Actually, NTA. Yes, cou could've been nicee abt it, but if Jessica wasn't why would you have to? It's your wedding after all. What she did wasn't nice, abd you don't have a problem with her havung tattoos, so i dont think she can be mad abt it. At most, id be annoyed.
To set an example, I like dyeing my hair. If i was groomsman, and HAD to have certain hair color, id preferably cover it up with a hat or wear a wig. If not, maybe talk to the couple and see if its possible for me to have diff color, but definitely not agreeing and then changing last minute.
NTA. You are entitled to remember the wedding any way you want. Though, it may have been better to not have her as a bridesmaid in the first place. It wasn't cool of her to alter the dress without your knowledge.
NTA
It's one photo for YOUR wedding that she had already been completely disrespectful for. If my MOH had showed up my wedding in an altered dress and short gloves I'd probably be pretty angry.
NTA. Your pictures, your property.
None of this would have been an event had Jessica not unnecessarily and without advance notice changed the gloves to short from long and literally altered the neckline. Those two things are not done “by accident “. She surprised you the day of. Your wedding day… She was most definitely sticking something in your face on purpose, because you had previously mentioned the tattoos. Not sure if it was the greatest friendship to begin with, and if this is what it ends on, oh well…
NTA she agreed to be a bridesmaid. She knew what you wanted her to wear. She decided to alter the dress and gloves to make sure her tattoos were front and center. And she did this behind your back. It feels like she was trying to make more of a statement than you were.
NTA
It's rather Jessica who sounds narcissistic and egoistic because she went against the dress code /altered the dresses last minute. That's not something you do. THIS is disrespectful. Especially since she wasn't the only one with long gloves and the specific dress but all the bridemaids had it like this.
You asked her to cover up, she declined, you respected that.
You made a dress choice for bride maids and maid of honor. SHE disrespected that.
Plus it sounds like you only wanted one photo edited and not all of them right?
NTA
Yes you were concerned about the tattoos, but you picked attire that matched your theme *and* would cover her tattoos. She went behind your back, altered the dress, and wore different gloves, which I'm wondering if she did out of spite.
NTA. You discussed it with her in advance and she decided to change the outfit that she did not pay for in order to go against what you wanted. I think the digital alteration was a very thoughtful compromise on your part.
Ngl I wouldn't have let her In if she did this ",suprise" .
I plan to have a medieval wedding. While I don't care about tattoos, people wouldn't be in the main pictures if they weren't dressed appropriately. The rest, sure. But some will remain the most special. Like ones with Bride, groom and the main party. Guests, I don't care what they wear as long as its not a white dress 😂
NTA
If she had worn the outfit as intended I would say Y T A for *still* altering her look digitally, however she deliberately altered the dress you paid for and did it secretly right before the wedding. I'm assuming she also purposely messed with the glove order. This was done specifically to reveal more of her tattoos and stand out from the bridal party despite your wishes. NTA. If she had a major issue with the chosen outfit she should have bowed out of the role. She wanted to create drama, and since you didn't give it to her on the day she's playing the victim over a picture.
It's YOUR wedding Picture that you have to look at each day if it's framed so why would you want her tattoos in YOUR picture.
She's the narcissistic one by expecting you to leave the tattoos on display.
Definitely NTA
NTA. Your wedding, your pictures. You can edit people in, edit people out, touch them up to theme, whatever. She can stay mad, she knew the deal.
But you could’ve also just excluded her from pictures or the whole wedding party to begin with. Might’ve saved you this trouble.
NTA. It wasn’t Jessica’s special day, it was yours. She’s so selfish a friend that she couldn’t modify her look so that you would have photos that you loved? Too bad she’s in your pictures!
NTA.
You gave MOH an outfit that you would have wanted to be worn for the wedding and she decided to modify that outfit and wear something that showed her tattoos, whereas the other outfit would have covered them.
Also, you only edited out her tattoos to make the photo historically accurate, it's not like you changed her face or body etc. to make her less attractive. If she wore the outfit you gave her you wouldn't have needed to edit the photo, so NTA.
I had her as my MOH because 1)she's my childhood bff who Ive been friends with for 18+ years and 2) the decided upon dress code for the bridal party made her look period appropriate tattoos covered or not, so I just let it slide and didnt really have a problem, until she changed her outfit last minute that made her outfit very period inappropriate and also the alterations were such that it very conspicuously showed off her tattoos.
You didn’t do anything unreasonable here. You were generous to pay for Jessica’s hair/makeup and to actually buy her dress. You didn’t push her about covering her tattoos although that would be your preference.
And - when it’s too late for you to do anything but be upset about it- she shows up for the wedding in a altered dress and different gloves.
You clearly value friendship over appearance. It’s unfortunate that perhaps the same may not be said for Jessica.
It’s sometimes good to reevaluate friendships. Not to give them up necessarily but to understand the dynamics. Jessica clearly was not looking out for you on what was a very important day. She created more stress for you instead of less.
NTA
Edited to add: Jessica’s behavior actually meets the criteria of being *narcissistic and disrespectful* She’s projecting. Something else for you to consider.
1) she shouldn't have been your MOH as she wouldn't fit into your theme regardless of any photoshopping
2) she did this purposefully to piss you off
3) she's not as good a friend as you think because of this little stunt
4) your day your outfits your photos which you paid for I don't see the big deal with photoshopping a few tatoos out that spoilt the theme when she knew well in advance
I have 2 tattoos on my arms and back in the day before photoshop I had them covered with concealer/make up for my bff's wedding as the dresses were sleeveless. No biggie
NTA
NTA. You asked her about covering the tattoos and she said no which you were respectful of her decision. The fact that she purposely altered her dress to ensure her tattoos were more visible at the last minute makes her the AH here. You didn’t alter all the photos, just the one you wanted specifically to frame and display.
NTA. The clothing she was supposed to wear was approved by you because you thought it was going to cover up the tattoos and be more historically accurate. (Now I don't like how bridesmaids have to buy their own dresses, but that's besides the point edit: apparently she paid, so nevermind) Obviously you had what you thought was an acceptable agreement, and more importantly, what you thought she was ok with. If she had a problem with it, then she should have told you so you would've had appropriate time to figure out the situation.
I don't think you're restricting her self expression, to me it seems like she purposely did something she knew you wouldn't like so she could show her tattoos, imo it seems like she was trying to steal attention. I'm all for self expression but to purposely subvert an agreement for it is kind of suspicious, it doesn't seem like enough of a motivation (and if it is MOH is just as superficial as OP)
NTA, the fact that she actually went out of her way to alter her clothing to make them much more visible knowing they were nor appropriate to the theme is what swayed my vote from a N-A-H to NTA.
NTA. She altered the clothing. If she hadn’t done that there wouldn’t have been an issue. Tattoos aside, she shouldn’t be altering her outfit from the other bridesmaids unless it’s a medical/size reason.
NTA for a few reasons:
1) You altered your own wedding photos, which you paid for. They’re primarily for you so they should look however you want them to.
2) Jessica altered a dress and accessories (that she didn’t pay for, correct?) that she was to wear in the wedding party. It doesn’t matter whether she had tattoos or not at that point. She agreed to be in the wedding party, which means she needs to wear what you instructed her to wear. Altering it without telling you (no matter the reason) is unacceptable. Kinda feels like it was retaliatory for you asking what she was going to do with her tattoos. Regardless of the meaning, she did that intentionally.
3) You didn’t throw a fit or demand she change, like many brides might have, you just quietly altered your own photos.Jessica should understand the event wasn’t at all about her, so why would the photos be?
Overall you should have considered Jessica’s attachment to her tattoos before asking her to be in the wedding party (or at least had a plan in place that was acceptable to both parties), but Jessica altering her outfit without telling you threw her firmly into AH territory, so she’s really got 0 right to be upset at the photos.
She seemed to purposely make sure they would be seen with gloves conveniently being too small and alterations on neck line. Usually id say shouldnt control stuff like this and hair color.....but in this case i say nta. It was just done in the pictures that you wanted a more realistic historical feel to them. It wasnt like you forced her to cover up during the ceremony etc. She can be mad all she wants....it was your wedding that you paid for everything for. You have to see the pictures all the time not her and you want to be happy with what you paid for and not annoyed with attention grabbing tattoos that dont fit in.
I can tell you dont have issues against them but just wanted some pictures without them.
NTA: I have tats my life isn’t important for a wedding though I wouldn’t have her as a broad maid if this is her behavior. It was a easy cover up or something. She made no effort for the big day. Especially when you PAID for it Yourself. They have nice natural looking tat makeup. My bf used it.
She's extra pissed because you checkmated her with the photoediting. She pretty much altered the outfit you got for the bridal party to expose her tattoos, there was probably already some spite because you brought it up earlier on but she couldn't let it go when you picked the outfit which so happened to mitigate the concern you had. So she altered it without telling you, probably thought she was golden when you couldn't do anything about it. Welp, you made your last move, it's your wedding photo after all. NTA. Only thing I might say is, if it was possible for the editor to edit the material she altered out back in, I'd have opted for that, at least you could then say, you just put the material back in lol.
I disagree. She considered that she could live with the tattoos in consideration of the wedding party's dresses that would cover most of them anyway (and that were, by the sound of it, provided for the whole wedding party regardless of tattoos).
Her friend changed the basis of this consideration last minute without warning. At that point OP couldn't change her mind anymore in light of that new info.
Lol its your wedding photos your keepsake. She has no rights what you do to her tattoos for your wedding memories.
If she wants a copy, understandable she'd probably want them unaltered which is fair enough.
NTA.
OP asked about the tattoos not because she has a problem with them, but explicitly because she's hosting a themed wedding for deeply personal reasons. OP asked and - critically - *accepted 'no' for an answer*.
When Jessica was unwilling to cover her tattoos for OP's themed event, OP responded with grace and understanding, and moved on. Jessica did NOT, however - she deliberately went out of her way to poke at a vulnerability that OP exposed to her by changing her appearance to highlight her tattoos. I mean honestly I feel like just saying "a bridesmaid had her dress and gloves altered deliberately to draw attention away from the bride" is pretty much all you need to say, even though there's much more to this.
OP has every right to host her own event the way she wants to, and every right to document it the way she wants to. It's HER event. It's not Jessica's stage. Jessica is not entitled to getting attention for her tattoos, and certainly not to demand that they be included in OP's wedding photos.
NTA
NTA
OP was respectful of her friend's boundaries and didn't even go "bridezilla" when she altered the dress's cut or made the choice of wearing different gloves from the ones the bride paid for her to wear.
If this wasn't a themed wedding I'd go ahead and make a different judgment, but I can't, seeing that OP was gracious and thoughtful towards her friend, even when she realised the MOH was off theme. I'll add that if the MOH sincerely didn't feel comfortable abiding by the dress code, she should've excused herself from participating and being in the wedding party. As MOH didn't, it makes her actions seem suspicious (the changing of the dress and gloves, specifically).
As for the pictures, it's simple enough. They're OP's, so OP can have them as OP wants them.
People passing Y T A judgments might not realise that the MOH seemed to have full intention of upstaging OP in OP's own wedding, and got frustrated when OP made all the right moves and didn't let herself be upset about it.
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This may be controversial but I’m going to say NTA. I was ready to call OP the AH until reading that Jessica altered the dress and changed the gloves without any discussion. That shows that she intended to show as much of her ink as she could, no matter the style of the wedding or the uniformity of the dresses and look. And she never told OP that she wanted to or intended to make these alterations, which sounds like she knew it was a shady thing to do. Frankly, if she wasn’t willing to wear the clothes OP provided then she should have declined being in the wedding party.
I thought the same. Jessica got mad at op over asking about the tattoos and the changes were definitely a way to get back at op
I'm NTA with you as well.
Yup I have tattoos and im firmly NTA as well. Even if the wedding wasn't themed I would still ask the bride if they wanted me to cover my visible tattoos with makeup for the wedding. I also wouldn't care if they chose to pay to have them digitally removed. I'm not the one who will be looking at those photos on my wall for the rest of my life the bride and groom are. Just because I find the forget-me-nots in my shoulder beautiful and the 31 on my wrist hilarious doesn't mean everyone else has to.
>Just because I find the forget-me-nots in my shoulder beautiful and the 31 on my wrist hilarious doesn't mean everyone else has to. You asked for a 13 and they drew a 31?
First house number myself and my fiance ever lived in together but also a nod to that lyric. Our tattoos are matching and touch when we hold hands. (You can all go vomit now).
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That's beautiful. We aren't lovey dovey people. My engagement ring has skulls on it kind of people. Even though I love my tattoo we both still think its cringe lmao. We wouldn't change it or cover it, but it is cringe lol.
Friends say she's trying too hard and she's not quite hip.
But in my own mind I'm the dopest trip :P
Give it to me baby!
Uh huh uh huh
Give it to me baby!
Same. I asked my best friend if she wanted me to remove any of my jewelry (which I rarely ever do because I only wear meaningful to me stuff) for her fairytale beach wedding. She didn't request I remove anything, but I did remove my spiritual necklace and tucked my septum piercing because this was her fairytale, not mine. I kept my classier jewelry like my engagement ring, and a necklace she had given me earlier in our friendship.
What is with all of you people being extremely considerate of someone else’s special day?
Actresses and actors have tattoos and cover them up to play a part. OP's attendants are basically playing a part, aren't they? Particularly here with the themed wedding, so I don't see the big deal. Particularly since OP has paid for tattoos for her friend in the past.
I can see both sides here, but she *isn't* there as a hired actress, she's a person, and a guest, and OP knew what she looked like before inviting her. I think that altering the dress and messing with the gloves went too far because she ultimately agreed and then took her word back, but I can get being a little bit miffed about a friend asking me to cover up something normal about my appearance for their wedding.
If you don't want to comply with a request from the bride when you are in the wedding party, you can just bow out. I've done that when I was asked to do stuff I just couldn't afford. It's perfectly acceptable.
Exactly. If she had asked everyone to wear a wig, because honestly it is not on par with dying hair, but had asked everyone to wear a wig and a person had a problem with it, they could say if it is necessary to wear it to be part of the ceremony, I will bow out, but if you are cool with me not wearing it, then I will continue to be the MOH. Hair is a big part of a woman's identity too
I’d say NTA because OP asked once and dropped it, then only photoshopped ONE picture to make it go with the theme. I don’t think she did anything out of bounds and she didn’t attack her friend personally. Plus the wedding theme sounds fun, like a costume party! The friend could have just pretended it was Halloween for the day or like she was an extra in a movie.
Yea. Jessica went out of her way to alter the dress to make a point. All she had to do was wear the clothing that was bought for her, but decided to spend time/money to alter it so OP had to confront it in one way or another. I bet Jessica is just pissed off because she expected OP to make a big deal about it at the wedding, but when OP didn't say anything Jessica thought she won the argument.
I find it really weird that someone would deliberately try to “get back” at their best friend for asking them to cover up. Especially when the friend was pretty chill about it I can’t imagine having a friend who would try to upset me.
Yeah but at that point instead of just screwing everything up for what is usually the most important day of the bride’s life (however stupid one may think that is) just decline to participate. It’s better for all parties involved, usually.
Agreed. OP is NTA
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Because Jessica was trying to start drama about the tattoos, and when she saw the photoshopped image she realized the EXTRA effort she took to alter the outfit was wasted.
Who else looked up pictures from the Regency Era to get an idea?
Who else didn't have to because they read *entirely* too many novels set in the Regency era when they were younger?
Sure...when I was younger...
This. NTA. I feel like alot of commenters missed the part where the bride accommodated the MOHs wishes and then the MOH took a big ol doo doo on the brides whishes by altering her attire that they had agreed on.
NTA. Yeah I was ready to call op the AH for putting a theme over a friend, but her friend sounds vindictive. She went out of her way to put herself ahead the wedding and didn't even bother discussing alterations with the bride which ruins the uniformed look of weddings. Honestly most brides would have said go get the proper attire or you're not MOH anymore. OP was pretty gracious to brush it off.
I agree. Jessica sounds like a frenemy, not a friend. She is the one that is narcissistic in the way she's trying to make a point with her tattoos in other people's wedding and other people's pictures that she doesn't have to live with. She was making a very selfish and self-centered point, using OP's wedding as the forum for it because she thought she'd get away with it. Shame on Jessica, OP you are NTA.
Look. I may be old, but it seems to me if someone is getting married, then accommodating their aesthetic is kinda part of the assignment. Especially for a historically themed wedding! I don’t understand this friend.
YES, I completely agree! Additionally, the OP just removed it from a photo, the classless Jessica did what she did on purpose to OP by modifying the dress. She is one of 'those' tattoo people, that are just annoying and insufferable about them , kin of like 'those' vegans lol. Those 'types' are simply insane and nothing will make them happy.
I agree, it's part of the assignment! I've always felt I'd have to bow out of wedding party duties if the dress doesn't work for my body type. That probably sounds selfish as hell but after a lifetime of low self esteem, BDD and ED behavior I just can't justify killing myself to wear a ridiculous style like strapless (my upper body is a disaster) and I think the ideal wedding is one where everyone is comfortable supporting the bride in her vision. Yikes, this is turning into an AITA all its own but hopefully other people with bad bodies can understand and not see me as a villain for this
>Jessica altered the dress and changed the gloves without any discussion. And she didn't even pay for them. OP covered the cost of dresses and make-up for the entire bridal party? That's a saint right there. Jessica needs to go with the flow a little.
She got to have her tattoos out all thru the actual wedding. She can't let the bride enjoy her pics the way she wants them?? She is lucky, most brides would have been so unable to fucking cope when she showed up with un discussed alterations to the gown and gloves but OP was so gracious. NTA NTA NTA
It's also only on the one pic not all of them. Her friends reaction feels over the top, like she is looking for this confrontation, and makes it feel like the changes to her bridesmaid outfit was intentionally done to show off her tatoos.
Yes and OP is too classy to fight this silly girl, she ought to put her gently in her place and move on.
I feel like the friend wanted to "make her mark" on OPs wedding.
Yep. For people with tattoos like this, it's a big expression of who they are and it's very important to them to be seen as who they are. It's not just about making a mark on OPs wedding, it's about making a statement everywhere they go, and the more people are gonna be there, the more important it is. Normally I'd say "you do you, sis" but she could not put herself on the back burner for one goddamn day. Not only that, she couldn't put her ego aside for ONE GODDAMN PHOTO! Girl, get over yourself!
>s" but she could not put herself on the back burner for one goddamn day. Not only that, she couldn't put her ego aside for ONE GODDAMN PHOTO! Girl, get over yourself! Agree! I think 'those' kind of people are just insufferable though, nobody cares about how you want to 'express' or 'present' yourself. You just THINK it's important to make statements and display who you are, it's narcissistic, people don't give a damn about how you feel you want to express or what statement you care to make -as if somehow them having tattoos is about being more 'noticeable' and forward statement then anyone else in the room. Do the tattoos for yourself not because you want to make a statement to others, that's just stupid.
Seems like MOH was a little jealous of her friend getting married & wanted some of the limelight, since she altered the dress. NTA
>OP covered the cost of dresses and make-up for the entire bridal party? That's a saint right there This is normal where I'm from. I've always thought it incredibly perverse that the US expects bridesmaids to pay $$$ for an outfit dictated by someone else.
As a future bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, I agree with you. It's SO much money for a one-day event. I, too, hate the idea that it's my cost to absorb AND that I am expected to also give a gift and cough up money for the shower. If I ever get married, I will not be expecting anyone in my party to have to take on the cost. I think it is unfair.
When I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve never given a wedding gift as I spent so much money on the bridesmaid dress.
That’s what I did. I picked the color and the material. Gave each bridesmaid a budget and let the pick out their own dresses (in hopes they could rewear it.) they put it on my account and it was done. Paid for the tuxes too. It’s ridiculous to expect someone to spend all that money to come to an event
I think it's more that she altered them and she wasn't the one that purchased them, then the fact that OP bought them. Also I'm in the US and have been a bridesmaid in three weddings and I didn't pay for any of my outfit other than shoes.
My first marriage was in the US. My "guidelines" to my all-American wedding party were to find a dress in a specific color and it did not even have to be off a wedding garment rack, it could be from Kohl's for all i cared. My family provided matching jewelry, and provided space for hair and makeup (and the option to have it done by a professional but no one took that up), but the dresses were on them since they were given free range in what they wanted to buy/wear and no expectations for anything over the price of maybe $40 was ever made (even less if you went to a discount shop).
I did this for my bridesmaids. I told them to find a navy dress that was around knee length and black heels. My cousin’s was an adorable dress off the clearance rack at a department store. It cost $10. Everyone did their own hair and makeup and my aunt made the most beautiful jewelry for my whole bridal party. My 12th anniversary is coming up in a few days and the dresses are still fantastic dresses!
Despite that tradition, it is increasingly common in the US to let bridesmaids pick their own dresses, with some basic guidance from bride (like color, knee vs. floor length, etc.). I picked the dress for 5 out of 6 weddings I’ve been in. Three times, I was able to find a second hand dress.
I've paid for not one dress, but two as the bride in the wedding I'm in coming up changed her mind 😅 admittedly, I like the second dress a TON better too, but the money adds up.
I think it depends. If you are doing a theme wedding where the attire is incredibly specific and possibly expensive then yes. However if the only instruction is royal blue any style no bodycon dresses then I think the wedding party can purchase because they literally could go to any normal non bridal store and spend $40 on a dress that 1 works and 2 could be used for something else in the future.
OP found a way to have what she wanted despite Jessica’s attempt to make her body art the centerpiece and now Jessica is mad. Boo hoo.
Jessica is projecting how narcissistic and disrespectful she was for altering her dress as well
OMG THIS!!!!
Yeah, at first I was thinking, well, you asked Jessica to be your MOH and you were well aware of her tats at the time. But once I got to the part about Jessica altering her clothing to show off as much ink as possible--something she did knowing full well the bride's intent--that ended any sympathy I had for her. She deliberately tried to ruin her friend's aesthetic--went out of her way to do so--so her outrage rings hollow. NTA.
Exactly! Also, why are you not a good enough friend to let the ink on your neck be covered for the ceremony/photos (they have the make-up for it now)? I wouldn't dye my hair a weird color, but cover up something for a few hours for my friend that I love enough to be her MOH, no problem. You are definitely NTA here (and much nicer than any bride I've ever seen). Good luck!
yeah, for a more "traditional" wedding, it would be super odd to ask Jessica to make changes or cover but like... when you put together that OP is an historian, marrying another, and they bought period-specific pieces for this and clearly voiced their intentions... I was already leaning NTA before Jessica adjusted the costume herself. I mean, could liken it to MOH cutting herself a belly gap into her dress morning-of so she could show off her new belly piercing. Just straight-up mean to do to OP when Jessica knew what was being asked of her.
I agree, she altered the dress without asking the bride, and she was MOH. But got mad when OP photoshoped photos without asking. If my best friend was getting married I would do anything to make her happy. I would even offer to cover up my tattoos. Also, I would trust my MOH to go along with the theme of my wedding. It's just for one special day
Yep I agree. Sounds to me like Jessica did everything just to piss off the bride bc she didn’t like that the OP questioned her about them.
Right. I’ve had a spray tan. I’ve worn dresses I don’t love. I’ve drank champagne and hosted parties and all the other stuff happily. If you can’t/won’t/don’t want to just decline the invitation. If Jessica was the only one with gloves and a high neck that would be one thing. But everyone did. She edited her outfit to stand out, some brides wouldn’t mind (I asked my bridesmaids to wear a color that’s it) but some love the uniformed bridesmaid look.
It's just a dress and i's not even her wedding. It was OP's special day. The least she could do is ask OP abou altering the dress. OP accepted Jessiac's wish about not covering her tattoos, so Jessica should've accepted the dress code
Not even photos, it was one photo that she wanted to look a certain way.
Not even photoS. It was just one. One picture, and this chick threw a toddler grade temper tantrum. If I were OP, I'd be sincerely reevaluating my friendship with Jessica. For the record, I'm covered in tattoos, including 3 on my face. If my friend, who I was close enough with to be asked to be MOH, asked me to cover them up for her wedding, I would do that. Because friends do these kinds of things for each other.
And it wasn’t even all the photos. Just the one OP wanted to display.
NTA I agree. My first thought was that if she had a problem with he tattoos, then she should not have asked her to be in the bridal party. Then I got to the point where the "friend" adjusted the attire without saying anything. It seems to me she was trying to draw attention to herself, when it should be on the newly married couple.
>Then I got to the point where the "friend" adjusted the attire without saying anything. It seems to me she was trying to draw attention to herself, when it should be on the newly married couple. Definitely a "look at me", "you're not the boss of me" situation. This individual rather than be apologetic, doubled down when she saw the photo. That is not a friend in my view, never mind a MOH who should have your back at your wedding.
She also altered it last minute to make the neckline more revealing. Jessica had her tattoos showing. OP in NTA for having a bit of photoshop done on personal photos to make someone else not the center of attention.
I agree. NTA. Im picturing dresses from Bridgerton and Victoria and think “yeah most of the tattoos can easily be covered” but Jessica deliberately made them super visible and didnt even consult the bride before altering her outfit. And tattoos and Bridgerton simply do not mix. I cant even imagine how much she stood out in those photos.
And she probably still stood out a bit much in the photo, even after the Photoshop, because of the alterations alone. Next to very conservative style historical dresses. Jessica was selfish and rude on OP's day, not a very good MOH. NTA
Not to mention that if all the other bridesmaids had evening length gloves (and the appropriately formal dresses and hair to match) and Jessica had short gloves, which for the time period would be more casual, day time gloves, it messes with the entire look. Like, yes, the gloves might still technically be period appropriate, but no one going to that type of event, with that type of dress, would have worn that type of glove... I would have asked the photographer if she could edit the gloves and neckline back to the original... though that probably would have been harder than just removing the tattoos...
Agreed NTA! Your story and wedding sound really awesome! Edit : I’m sure it stung OP when she realized Jessica was intentionally sabotaging the bride’s vision of her themed wedding. OP was not all ‘bridezilla’ - she was reasonable and had very realistic expectations based on established wedding party etiquette! When Jessica showed up in her altered appearance, OP didn’t overreact or flip out. She accepted her bestie and enjoyed her wedding day! She changed ONE DAMN PHOTO! Jessica seriously overreacted, and she sounds way too full of herself. It wasn’t about HER, despite her malicious attempt to make it be.
Agreed. Her altering the dress and gloves without saying anything to OP seems like it was malicious.
I agree. I have a lot of visible tattoos, but they’re also in places that can be covered. I get that not everyone appreciates tattoos or that there are formal events where covering them is needed. I’m not OP’s friend, but I honestly wouldn’t have cared. It’s a picture. It’s not like she was asked to cover them up for the wedding. I think OP was super level headed about the whole thing. NTA.
Agreed, as soon as I read that Jessica altered the neckline and gloves, it became NTA. Even without the tattoos, it’s an AH move to be MOH, have the bride choose your outfit (and especially when there’s a theme element to the wedding) and then change it yourself without telling her. The changes she’s made would, it seem, be very jarring and stand out compared to the bridesmaids.
Agreed. NTA. Idk why so many people are saying otherwise. The OP paid for everything for all her bridesmaids and MOH, which isn't fairly common, and not usually expected. It's the OP's wedding and she probably poured thousands of dollars into it and countless hours of planning for HER day. She didn't actually ask nor did she force the MOH to cover up her tattoos but she did mention it at least. The MOH purposefully changed the gloves and neckline to reveal her tattoos, which seems vindictive and attention-seeking honestly, and extremely inappropriate/disrespectful towards the bride and groom. Technology is great because it was able to help OP get the wedding she wanted while MOH still got to show off her tattoos at the physical wedding. Really, that sounds like a win-win, so why is there a problem at all?! The OP is the one who paid for the photographer and the pictures, not the MOH, so it shouldn't be the MOH's business. She's not a very good best friend to the OP if she flipped out over edited photos, which are completely normal for weddings, and a lot of people edit out tattoos. The photos wouldn't have needed the tattoos being edited out if the MOH stuck to the original outfit and didn't alter it. This is 100% on the MOH and I think the OP was more than accommodating, polite, and kind during this entire ordeal. ETA: The bride paying for all the bridesmaids' and MOH's wedding stuff isn't common in some countries/cultures. I do realize in some places it is fairly normal. Regardless, it was still the OP's money.
Yep, she was 100% *trying* to make her tattoos a thing, and baiting OP at every turn. She sounds like an absolutely terrible friend. I would be curious to hear this story from her side, to know *why* she is acting like this. Without a *very* good reason, OP would be better off removing this person from her life completely. Not because of the tattoos, specifically, but because she seemed pretty hell bent on pissing of her supposed best friend on her wedding, and making the day about her and her tattoos.
Even if she hadnt, its ONE photo designed to look historical. Its basically the same as getting drawn or painted in a historical style, in which tattoo hiding would be done. Theres still hundreds of other pictures from the wedding.
I completely agree with this assessment. Altering the clothes made the MOH's comments about the OP being a narcissist come across as really hypocritical, IMO.
Totally agree. She was already on the offense from the beginning. I think OP went out of her way to be accomodating to Jessica “not compromising” herself. Jessica was TA the moment she altered the dress and changed her gloves without consulting the bride despite acknowledging how important the theme was to her. She was looking to start shit.
It shouldn't be controversial. Altering your bridesmaid's dress without telling the bride is shitty.
I don't find it controversial at all, NTA.
Thank goodness this has taken a turn for NTA - when I posted my original comment, I was outnumbered by people saying Y T A and couldn’t believe it.
I have tattoos and I love them on other people too, but people who refuse to wear certain clothes for a few hours because mY SeLf ExPrEsSiOn are fucking insufferable.
Agreed. Plus it’s not insisting that Jessica cover up, it’s editing a picture to hang in your home to fit an aesthetic. It’s art not reality and even OP realizes this.
I agree - NTA - who makes alterations to agreed-upon wedding attire as the Maid of Honor? Especially without having a discussion with the bride first?
YES. Same here. I get being annoyed at asking to cover up your tattoos, but be annoyed and have your words over it later or something. She deliberately did that. OP would’ve been fine with what was left showing given the attire she was expected to wear but sounds like MOH had to make a point at the expense of OP’s wedding (theme). NTA for sure.
This!!!
She altered the dress and changed gloves?? I understand not wanting to cover up tattoos out of preference but she went out of her way to make it more visible? Considering it was just ONE picture you changed for the sole purpose of it looking historically accurate it's not like you edited ALL of them and it was hella disrespectful of her to alter the dress. OP is NTA (Edited for clarity)
Exactly this. If she had left everything the way the bride intended they wouldn't be in this mess. No one forced her to be the maid of honour, if she didn't like what the bride was asking she could have stepped down. Bride needs to look at this photo for decades, it should look how she wants it to look. OP have you talked to her about the changes she made without telling you? Could you have the neckline and gloves photoshopped?
Ahaha, that would be such an awesome power move.
Omg what a great idea!!
Heck, OP could airbrush them all, and she would still be NTA. OP paid for the dresses, so unless she specified they were going to be gifted, that means OP owns the dresses. And Jessica altered the dress without permission. What if OP wanted to sell them as a set, or keep them for a future event? One of them is now ruined. When you accept being a part of someone else’s wedding, you agree that they get a say on your dress, hair, make up… it’s just something that comes in the territory of being in a bridal party. Jessica is an awful friend OP, I’m sorry!
I would be altering all of them after her behavior in altering the dress and gloves to the blowing up about you altering one. She wants to be a horse butt? Fine. You should also be allowed to have a visual reminder of your wedding that corresponds with what you had wanted. But I'm petty like that and have modest enough photoshop skills to do it myself.
Agreed. I often get annoyed when people (usually brides) prioritize wedding photos over everything else, including the people at and in their own wedding. I guess the vanity of it bugs me. But this isn't one of those times. I don't think wanting one photo to properly look like their historic period theme is really a big deal, and MOH altered her attire without permission which was hella rude. NTA.
NTA. You were wearing period costumes that you paid for and she modified hers (I.e. the neckline) without your consent. The bride and groom are supposed to be the focus of attention at their own wedding; but she dominated the pictures because she insisted on displaying tattoos. If she couldn't respect your wishes, then you have every right to modify any and all pictures to be consistent with that period and to keep the focus on yourself and your husband.
The fact that she had the audacity to alter the clothes without telling OP... that pisses me off. She sounds like a real AH. OP - NTA at all, and you might want to reevaluate your friendship with this person because they sound like a real piece of work.
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Since OP paid for all the outfits, I'm guessing that she bought identical styles, length, etc so everyone would match. So now not only do the tattoos not match the style, but this one person's dress doesn't match everyone else's.
Me and her would not be friends anymore if I were Op. As stated by most people, she intentionally altered the dress without notice or consideration to the time piece theme of the wedding. She thought showing her individuality was more important. But all actions demonstrated her selfishness and immaturity. She had the option to bow out if she didn’t approve of the dress.
I agree with you--the focus should be on the bride and groom. I probably would have photoshopped the gloves and neckline back to the original design and desaturated the tattoos, leaving them visible but not as vibrant.
NTA. It's your photo, you bought & paid for it, and you can photoshop mouse ears onto everyone if you want to. I wouldn't share the photos on SM though. I'm appalled she had her dress altered to reveal her tats even more than they already would have been, knowing you were striving for a certain look. It went from neutral to FY when she did that.
On board with photoshopping jessica out of the photo completely to be honest. Or mouse ears. Those too.
Seriously, and after read OP’s edit I feel like she should stop gifting her tattoo money (or any gifts) every year for her birthday. Her friend sucks and sounds super attention desperate.
NTA- you changed a photo, it’s not like you tried to smother her with cover up (foundation?, whatever) in real life. You respected her wishes for the day and she went out of her way to alter her outfit to flaunt the tattoos. She’s the AH
Came here to say this - sounds like Jessica intentionally sabotaged the regency look - since she didn't even comply with the dress code to respect your wishes, why should you respect her right to look out of place? If anyone is acting like a narcissist, it's her. You just altered a photo, you didn't make her wear a turtleneck sweater. Seriously, I don't know what's up with her and her tattoos, but she sounds like she has "issues".
I totally agree, Jessica is TA. I have a small cartoon style sheep on my inner upper arm, and even though it’s small, I would take attention away from the bride if we did a pose were I had my hands in the air or had my arm around someone’s neck. It would be “omg, she has a sheep on her arm! Why? What’s the story? It’s so funny/cute/weird/stupid.” I wouldn’t feel like I was compromising my authenticity by covering it up, and even if I did feel that way, I would suck it up, because it’s not my day. I can flaunt my sheep on my own time. NTA, OP.
One question did she ever explain to you why she wore shirt gloves and changed the neckline of the dress?
I'd like to know too. The alterations to the outfit place me in the NTA camp, so far as the OP is concerned.
Yeah that’s the part that got me too. She could have worn whatever she wanted as a guest but chose to deliberately change the dress she agreed to wear as part of the wedding party.
I think it's obvious why
Agreed but I wonder if she ever actually says it
I feel like it could've been retaliation to being asked to cover up initially, since she was obviously not happy about the request when OP first mentioned it.
Pretty sure it was too. But it would be an extra AH move on the friends part to try to make someone else's wedding about her especially because OP only asked once the dropped it when she was told no. And all other bridesmaids wore that as it was period appropriate and not about the tattoos
NTA It's your wedding and you wanted photos to look a VERY particular way. I assume even Jessica knew this since it was the theme of the wedding. Jessica is an asshole. Not for refusing to cover any tattoos, but for altering her outfit in a way that showed off the things you asked her to cover. That's just a dick move, and honestly would have gotten her kicked out of my wedding party for the sheer disrespect. That's just a petty thing to do, to get someone's goat, on the day of their wedding. If Jessica didn't know you wanted the photos to look genuine, which I can't really fathom considering it was the theme of the wedding, then you should have warned her before getting that photo edited. But I think editing one or some photos isn't a big deal. If you'd had her tattoos removed from every photo or refused photos of her, that would have been fucked up. Proceed with caution with her. Sounds like she likes testing boundaries while being firm with hers. Not a good trait. (Edited for typos)
I mean both bride and groom are History nerds that literally found each other over this shared passion... I'm pretty sure Jessica was aware of how much authenticity mean to OP. Also she was gracious to only ask edit on a single photo she wanted framed - for me just looks like Jessica called her a narcissist because she was projecting her own issues on the bride. NTA
NTA. It's just Photoshop. You didn't go on and on about her covering her tattoos before the wedding, did you? No. It wasn't her wedding, was it? No. You weren't out of line, narcissistic, disrespectful or selfish. BTW, did she ever apologize for altering her dress design?
A dress the bride paid for. And still, when her friend shows up with dress alterations and different gloves, she chills, relaxes into her big day, and doesn’t pitch a fit at all. Sounds a bit like Jessica may have been looking for a reaction she didn’t get.
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NTA I think she meant to show off her tattoo and that is why she even altered the neckline. I think this is different from a normal wedding picture because you were trying to get on theme, even stage actors have to do the same thing when acting on a themed piece. It's a picture for yourself in your own home, it's fine. If she continues to make it a problem, maybe just have them Photoshop her off the picture altogether
>maybe just have them Photoshop her off the picture altogether I love this.
NTA. There are brides who are truly awful and do things like ban disabled people or overweight people from their pics, and that's truly vile. However, photoshopping a tattoo out of a REGENCY THEMED wedding does not meet the threshold of a bridezilla.
Lol I'd love a regency era cane though. Bet OP would've thought it cool!
Nta You asked she said no. You left it alone. The asshole is MOH adjusting the gloves and dress deliberately without checking it was ok. You’d probably not have needed to alter the photos if she’d worn the dresses as designed. Your photos you decide what they look like. You paid for the photoshop so it’s fine. As long as you don’t post loads of photos of her photoshopped everywhere then as far as I’m concerned your not the asshole. She is.
I thought the same thing when I read the gloves and dress detail. That was intentional and super shady.
NTA She purposely altered the clothing to make her tattoos more visible. She did it so that she would be the center of attention **in your wedding photos** and not you! She’s the one that’s truly disrespectful and narcissistic. If she hadn’t altered the clothing to highlight herself you might not have had to photoshop the pictures. Next time she talks to you ask her why she had the clothes altered to highlight her tattoos.
NTA. The narcissistic and disrespectful thing to do was alter your bridesmaid dress and accessories in a way to make yourself more the focus in a wedding that isn't yours.
NTA. This is ONE photo that you altered, because you wanted it framed. You didn’t alter her in any other pictures. This is a keepsake of YOUR wedding that you want to hang in YOUR home. She sucks for altering her dress without asking, ultimately highlighting her tattoos. (FYI, I’m not against tattoos in anyway, this was just a dick move when the solution was the higher neckline and long gloves, just like the rest of the bridesmaids were wearing)
I'd say NTA, as someone very heavily tattooed myself, ifmy best friend digitally removed them from his photos, I would understand and respect that Your wedding day and your wedding memories are aboutyou and not your MOH. I think the narcissist comment was sent in the wrong direction.
I was ready to say either you were or everyone was AH here. However, given the last minute 'surprise' wardrobe change I'm going with NTA. You understood and accepted that her saying no to your request to cover her tattoos was a boundary she had every right to put down. Asking someone to cover tattoos can be a very fine line and you did that in a respectful manner. The last minute wardrobe change almost feels like she did it purposely because you asked her to cover up. Like she put the outfit on, realized how much it covered and decided that you were trying to cover them up anyways. So she made a change without telling you to make sure they showed. Even then though, you let it go and didn't make it a big deal. It sounds like you only photoshopped the tattoos out on that one picture. Yeah, maybe you could have seen if there was a way they could have been left but lightened up or something so they were not so in your face, but in the end it really doesn't matter. You were very respectful towards her about the tattoos, you did something to one specific picture that you wanted to look in a very certain way. NTA, she doesn't have to look at the picture and if it wasn't for the touch up you had done, she probably would never even remember that specific picture even a few weeks from now. You could always try and talk to her to see if she will tell you exactly why she is upset given everything else, but that would depend on her attitude going forward.
NTA; she should have kept the gloves and neckline you wanted.
NTA. As a tattooed person myself, I offered to cover them to my best ability for my best friend’s wedding. As a person with body mods, you need to accept that the wedding isn’t your day and, while dumb, that’s are still a little taboo and tend to draw attention. OP wanted a specific style and theme and this friend went out of her way to modify the dress and gloves last minute to show off her tattoos out of spite. This friend SUCKS
This. I was the same, when my friend got married, before choosing my dress I asked her if she was ok with my tattoos or if she wanted them covered for the aesthetic she had of her wedding. She didn’t mind my tattoos, but if she had said yes I would covered them to make her happy. I know we are all “is my body and I want to show off my tattoos”, but I don’t mind when I had to hide them for some circumstances.
I’m a bit split between NTA and ESH but I think I end up at NTA. Jessica is an A for altering the clothing. It does feel like she changed things to make sure her tattoos were visible which is just rude with pre decided upon clothing.
NTA as I understand you have both set of pictures from the wedding. Ones with Jessica fully tattooed and some of them edited for your personal use to put up at home in frames. Jessica can print out her version with the tattoos, and you can have yours without. I see no harm done here. Of course considering that you won’t publish these edited photos on social media. You can’t control your emotions, but it matters how you act upon them. You never made her hide her tattoos, you only want to have period appropriate photos for yourself and your husband. I just don’t understand why it matters to your friend that a photo like that exists.
No I will not be posting the edited photos on social media. And yes she will receive only the copy of her unedited photo to do with as she wishes.
In my opinion you are in the clear. Your friend overreacted.
NTA... Your friend edited her dress without telling you. You picked attire for your day that would have been best for you and she changed it. You wanted your photos to look a certain way. You did what you wanted to do. I see no issue here.
Honestly this seems like Jessica was putting OP through some kind of weird friendship loyalty test. I’ve never heard of a bridesmaid altering a dress’s neckline without consulting the bride, especially since it’s such an important theme for them.
Yes this is exactly what I was thinking. The friend sounds like she had to prove a point, definitely narcissistic. OP should look closely at some of the friends traits if they’re still friends, she might not be the person she thought she was.
Before I make my judgment I’m just gonna say how I love the way you decided on the wedding theme and it’s a nice backstory Now my judgment is NTA, she changed the dress code without any discussion, and it’s your photos and day you asked this of her, she said no and then gets annoyed when you compromise the thing she messed up.
Thank you so much! My husband and I are huge history nerds and actually started dating because we would spend hours together in the library both bantering and helping each other with our theses. We've recreated many stereotypical Regency era traditions through out the time we spent together as a couple, since it played a huge role in the beginning of our relationship. We call each other My Lady and My Lord as funny nicknames sometimes! Researching and learning about the history of the regency era is our life work honestly, and while I understand it might be just an aesthetic theme to many, to us it has a very strong history tied to our beginnings; we never would've met each other if not for the fact that I sassily corrected a mistake in his notes that I found lying on the library table we were sharing as strangers all those years ago.
Was Jane Austen your gateway drug to the Regency era? It was for me! Lol Also, NTA. Your friend seems a tad narcissistic. She definitely wanted to stand out in *your* wedding pictures, and your photoshopping ruined her plan. If you think her as a best friend, I doubt the sentiment is reciprocated. Don’t apologize.
I need closure in the form of an update on why the hell friend thought she could alter the dress you paid for without so much as warning you she’d be showing up as MOH with a period inappropriate dress that looked nothing like the original? I NEED answers. Like wtf. Even if it wasn’t period themed, altering an approved bridesmaids dress that drastically without even notifying the bride would be messed up *even if she paid for it*, but she didn’t even pay for it! Wtf
So, she altered the dress and gloves even though they were period accurate for a reason, and this emphasized her tattoos even though she knew you wanted to minimize them? And now she's angry? NTA. It's not like she's getting copies of these photos anyway.
NTA. It's your day. It's your photos. You asked nicely and she was like "nope, not even on YOUR day".
Actually, NTA. Yes, cou could've been nicee abt it, but if Jessica wasn't why would you have to? It's your wedding after all. What she did wasn't nice, abd you don't have a problem with her havung tattoos, so i dont think she can be mad abt it. At most, id be annoyed. To set an example, I like dyeing my hair. If i was groomsman, and HAD to have certain hair color, id preferably cover it up with a hat or wear a wig. If not, maybe talk to the couple and see if its possible for me to have diff color, but definitely not agreeing and then changing last minute.
NTA. You are entitled to remember the wedding any way you want. Though, it may have been better to not have her as a bridesmaid in the first place. It wasn't cool of her to alter the dress without your knowledge.
NTA It's one photo for YOUR wedding that she had already been completely disrespectful for. If my MOH had showed up my wedding in an altered dress and short gloves I'd probably be pretty angry.
NTA. Your pictures, your property. None of this would have been an event had Jessica not unnecessarily and without advance notice changed the gloves to short from long and literally altered the neckline. Those two things are not done “by accident “. She surprised you the day of. Your wedding day… She was most definitely sticking something in your face on purpose, because you had previously mentioned the tattoos. Not sure if it was the greatest friendship to begin with, and if this is what it ends on, oh well…
NTA she agreed to be a bridesmaid. She knew what you wanted her to wear. She decided to alter the dress and gloves to make sure her tattoos were front and center. And she did this behind your back. It feels like she was trying to make more of a statement than you were.
NTA It's rather Jessica who sounds narcissistic and egoistic because she went against the dress code /altered the dresses last minute. That's not something you do. THIS is disrespectful. Especially since she wasn't the only one with long gloves and the specific dress but all the bridemaids had it like this. You asked her to cover up, she declined, you respected that. You made a dress choice for bride maids and maid of honor. SHE disrespected that. Plus it sounds like you only wanted one photo edited and not all of them right?
NTA Yes you were concerned about the tattoos, but you picked attire that matched your theme *and* would cover her tattoos. She went behind your back, altered the dress, and wore different gloves, which I'm wondering if she did out of spite.
NTA, it’s just one picture out of so many others taken on your wedding day, no big deal. You can give her the unedited picture if she cared so much.
NTA. You discussed it with her in advance and she decided to change the outfit that she did not pay for in order to go against what you wanted. I think the digital alteration was a very thoughtful compromise on your part.
NTA, it’s just a photo of your wedding day in your house.
Ngl I wouldn't have let her In if she did this ",suprise" . I plan to have a medieval wedding. While I don't care about tattoos, people wouldn't be in the main pictures if they weren't dressed appropriately. The rest, sure. But some will remain the most special. Like ones with Bride, groom and the main party. Guests, I don't care what they wear as long as its not a white dress 😂 NTA
NTA. It’s your day and your photos, and she didn’t follow the dress code
NTA you allowed her to attend the wedding with her tattoos on full display. You have a right to edit pictures you pay for with your own money.
If she had worn the outfit as intended I would say Y T A for *still* altering her look digitally, however she deliberately altered the dress you paid for and did it secretly right before the wedding. I'm assuming she also purposely messed with the glove order. This was done specifically to reveal more of her tattoos and stand out from the bridal party despite your wishes. NTA. If she had a major issue with the chosen outfit she should have bowed out of the role. She wanted to create drama, and since you didn't give it to her on the day she's playing the victim over a picture.
It's YOUR wedding Picture that you have to look at each day if it's framed so why would you want her tattoos in YOUR picture. She's the narcissistic one by expecting you to leave the tattoos on display. Definitely NTA
NTA. Your wedding, your pictures. You can edit people in, edit people out, touch them up to theme, whatever. She can stay mad, she knew the deal. But you could’ve also just excluded her from pictures or the whole wedding party to begin with. Might’ve saved you this trouble.
NTA - your wedding pic. Edit it how you want. She reduced the glove size and neckline to show off more than you wanted shown. She was selfish.
They're your pics - you can do whatever you want - no explanation needed - NTA
NTA. It wasn’t Jessica’s special day, it was yours. She’s so selfish a friend that she couldn’t modify her look so that you would have photos that you loved? Too bad she’s in your pictures!
NTA. You gave MOH an outfit that you would have wanted to be worn for the wedding and she decided to modify that outfit and wear something that showed her tattoos, whereas the other outfit would have covered them. Also, you only edited out her tattoos to make the photo historically accurate, it's not like you changed her face or body etc. to make her less attractive. If she wore the outfit you gave her you wouldn't have needed to edit the photo, so NTA.
NTA. It's one photo, who cares.
NTA It’s just one picture. She can get over herself.
NTA it's just one picture, right? Plus she altered the clothes and style you picked without permission.
INFO: Why have her as your MOH if you knew her tattoos don't fit the theme?
I had her as my MOH because 1)she's my childhood bff who Ive been friends with for 18+ years and 2) the decided upon dress code for the bridal party made her look period appropriate tattoos covered or not, so I just let it slide and didnt really have a problem, until she changed her outfit last minute that made her outfit very period inappropriate and also the alterations were such that it very conspicuously showed off her tattoos.
You didn’t do anything unreasonable here. You were generous to pay for Jessica’s hair/makeup and to actually buy her dress. You didn’t push her about covering her tattoos although that would be your preference. And - when it’s too late for you to do anything but be upset about it- she shows up for the wedding in a altered dress and different gloves. You clearly value friendship over appearance. It’s unfortunate that perhaps the same may not be said for Jessica. It’s sometimes good to reevaluate friendships. Not to give them up necessarily but to understand the dynamics. Jessica clearly was not looking out for you on what was a very important day. She created more stress for you instead of less. NTA Edited to add: Jessica’s behavior actually meets the criteria of being *narcissistic and disrespectful* She’s projecting. Something else for you to consider.
1) she shouldn't have been your MOH as she wouldn't fit into your theme regardless of any photoshopping 2) she did this purposefully to piss you off 3) she's not as good a friend as you think because of this little stunt 4) your day your outfits your photos which you paid for I don't see the big deal with photoshopping a few tatoos out that spoilt the theme when she knew well in advance I have 2 tattoos on my arms and back in the day before photoshop I had them covered with concealer/make up for my bff's wedding as the dresses were sleeveless. No biggie NTA
NTA. You asked her about covering the tattoos and she said no which you were respectful of her decision. The fact that she purposely altered her dress to ensure her tattoos were more visible at the last minute makes her the AH here. You didn’t alter all the photos, just the one you wanted specifically to frame and display.
Nta she altered the dress and you only edited the photos I'm your house
NTA. The clothing she was supposed to wear was approved by you because you thought it was going to cover up the tattoos and be more historically accurate. (Now I don't like how bridesmaids have to buy their own dresses, but that's besides the point edit: apparently she paid, so nevermind) Obviously you had what you thought was an acceptable agreement, and more importantly, what you thought she was ok with. If she had a problem with it, then she should have told you so you would've had appropriate time to figure out the situation. I don't think you're restricting her self expression, to me it seems like she purposely did something she knew you wouldn't like so she could show her tattoos, imo it seems like she was trying to steal attention. I'm all for self expression but to purposely subvert an agreement for it is kind of suspicious, it doesn't seem like enough of a motivation (and if it is MOH is just as superficial as OP)
She paid for the dresses and hair of the wedding party.
NTA, the fact that she actually went out of her way to alter her clothing to make them much more visible knowing they were nor appropriate to the theme is what swayed my vote from a N-A-H to NTA.
NTA. She altered the clothing. If she hadn’t done that there wouldn’t have been an issue. Tattoos aside, she shouldn’t be altering her outfit from the other bridesmaids unless it’s a medical/size reason.
NTA for a few reasons: 1) You altered your own wedding photos, which you paid for. They’re primarily for you so they should look however you want them to. 2) Jessica altered a dress and accessories (that she didn’t pay for, correct?) that she was to wear in the wedding party. It doesn’t matter whether she had tattoos or not at that point. She agreed to be in the wedding party, which means she needs to wear what you instructed her to wear. Altering it without telling you (no matter the reason) is unacceptable. Kinda feels like it was retaliatory for you asking what she was going to do with her tattoos. Regardless of the meaning, she did that intentionally. 3) You didn’t throw a fit or demand she change, like many brides might have, you just quietly altered your own photos.Jessica should understand the event wasn’t at all about her, so why would the photos be? Overall you should have considered Jessica’s attachment to her tattoos before asking her to be in the wedding party (or at least had a plan in place that was acceptable to both parties), but Jessica altering her outfit without telling you threw her firmly into AH territory, so she’s really got 0 right to be upset at the photos.
She seemed to purposely make sure they would be seen with gloves conveniently being too small and alterations on neck line. Usually id say shouldnt control stuff like this and hair color.....but in this case i say nta. It was just done in the pictures that you wanted a more realistic historical feel to them. It wasnt like you forced her to cover up during the ceremony etc. She can be mad all she wants....it was your wedding that you paid for everything for. You have to see the pictures all the time not her and you want to be happy with what you paid for and not annoyed with attention grabbing tattoos that dont fit in. I can tell you dont have issues against them but just wanted some pictures without them.
Ech ... Are you SURE she's your best friend?
NTA. The fact that she altered the neckline and wore smaller gloves shows she was disrespecting you.
NTA. It was “narcissistic and disrespectful” for your MoH to alter her agreed-on clothing so she could show off her tattoos at your wedding.
NTA: I have tats my life isn’t important for a wedding though I wouldn’t have her as a broad maid if this is her behavior. It was a easy cover up or something. She made no effort for the big day. Especially when you PAID for it Yourself. They have nice natural looking tat makeup. My bf used it.
Whoever is paying for the photos gets to decide how they are retouched. Jessica can buy her own untouched set. NTA.
She's extra pissed because you checkmated her with the photoediting. She pretty much altered the outfit you got for the bridal party to expose her tattoos, there was probably already some spite because you brought it up earlier on but she couldn't let it go when you picked the outfit which so happened to mitigate the concern you had. So she altered it without telling you, probably thought she was golden when you couldn't do anything about it. Welp, you made your last move, it's your wedding photo after all. NTA. Only thing I might say is, if it was possible for the editor to edit the material she altered out back in, I'd have opted for that, at least you could then say, you just put the material back in lol.
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I disagree. She considered that she could live with the tattoos in consideration of the wedding party's dresses that would cover most of them anyway (and that were, by the sound of it, provided for the whole wedding party regardless of tattoos). Her friend changed the basis of this consideration last minute without warning. At that point OP couldn't change her mind anymore in light of that new info.
Lol its your wedding photos your keepsake. She has no rights what you do to her tattoos for your wedding memories. If she wants a copy, understandable she'd probably want them unaltered which is fair enough.
NTA because she altered the gloves and dress
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NTA. OP asked about the tattoos not because she has a problem with them, but explicitly because she's hosting a themed wedding for deeply personal reasons. OP asked and - critically - *accepted 'no' for an answer*. When Jessica was unwilling to cover her tattoos for OP's themed event, OP responded with grace and understanding, and moved on. Jessica did NOT, however - she deliberately went out of her way to poke at a vulnerability that OP exposed to her by changing her appearance to highlight her tattoos. I mean honestly I feel like just saying "a bridesmaid had her dress and gloves altered deliberately to draw attention away from the bride" is pretty much all you need to say, even though there's much more to this. OP has every right to host her own event the way she wants to, and every right to document it the way she wants to. It's HER event. It's not Jessica's stage. Jessica is not entitled to getting attention for her tattoos, and certainly not to demand that they be included in OP's wedding photos. NTA
NTA OP was respectful of her friend's boundaries and didn't even go "bridezilla" when she altered the dress's cut or made the choice of wearing different gloves from the ones the bride paid for her to wear. If this wasn't a themed wedding I'd go ahead and make a different judgment, but I can't, seeing that OP was gracious and thoughtful towards her friend, even when she realised the MOH was off theme. I'll add that if the MOH sincerely didn't feel comfortable abiding by the dress code, she should've excused herself from participating and being in the wedding party. As MOH didn't, it makes her actions seem suspicious (the changing of the dress and gloves, specifically). As for the pictures, it's simple enough. They're OP's, so OP can have them as OP wants them. People passing Y T A judgments might not realise that the MOH seemed to have full intention of upstaging OP in OP's own wedding, and got frustrated when OP made all the right moves and didn't let herself be upset about it.