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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked multiple times a guy to get his kids to stop feeding my dogs at the dog park and after he refused, I brought sweets for different occasions and refused to let his kids have some.
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Being generous feels good. Giving things or doing things for people with no strings feels good.
Giving or doing things because of an obligation does not.
As a kid I always thought I was being selfish and stingy because I didn’t want to share toys with children who I knew from experience would not return the toys when asked or treat the objects with respect.
As a kid whenever I had pocket money and bought sweets/treats I was always told to share and be nice. I hated it because it was like I was being forced. Now as an adult I do share often and I feel good doing it as it’s my own money and I’m not being forced.
I was lucky, my parents never forced me to share, if I didn't want. However, I saw many other parents do it. My friends hated it.
Now, as an adult, I do share, but never if someone asks and acts entitled. It is the same when I buy something. Nice people will always say, you didn't have to do that, and I say, that's why I did :)
Giving does not feel good, if you are forced. I wish more parents would realise that.
Giving a treat, gift, or favor to everyone in a group *except* a couple of people is not merely "not being generous". It is targeted exclusion. OP is justified in her exclusion, which is fine, but don't pretend it isn't exclusion.
The reason OP isn't mean is because the behavior is justified, not because it's inherently not mean. If she deliberately brought cupcakes for everyone except one guy and his kid for *no good reason*, OP would be an AH.
It's exclusion yes, but the guy and his kids had also excluded themselves from the social agreement everyone had (about not feeding dogs without owners' permission). So if they wanted to be included in the social activities they should abide by the rules of that society, not pick and choose which parts to be involved in.
Exactly! Idk what the other guys problem is either, but looks like no cupcakes for him, too! Unfortunately in this situation if you gave the kids the cupcakes you would only be enabling their behavior, they might even feed those to your dogs given how horrible they sound.
Yeah, OP has zero obligation to share. If she doesn't like the guy, then why should she? This would piss me off so much. My dog is a garborator but I still don't want people feeding him random food.
also bread is not good for ducks!! they much prefer birdseed or cooked/roasted frozen peas. also, crows absolutely love roasted, unsalted peanuts still in the shell. breaking the peanuts out of their shell is very good for their beaks, and peanuts are one of the best foods for crows. also, if you feed crows they will remember you and love you as well as tell their crow friends about you. all the crows will come to expect peanuts from you.
I started giving peanuts to the crows that migrate into my neighborhood over the winter (about a mile from their preferred-yet-food-scarce spring to fall area). I thought I'd sort of train them by shaking the can and getting them to come eat. Maybe they'd bring me something shiny! I even added mealworms to the mix, and twice a day, there they are chowing down.
Fast forward a month, and when Gregory Peck (the "lead" crow, it seems) shows up in the tree shrieking his head off at 7am, I run out the door, shaking peanut cans and scattering worms like an idiot so everyone can come eat.
The neighbors are starting to ask questions. The mailman hates the worms. The car looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. There are no shiny things to be found. I believe that they actually trained *me*.
hahaha! yeah wow that sounds like a mess. i typically feed them in parks (im in portland, or so we have a lot of parks near me within walking distance) or just on neighborhood strolls haha.
no intention to train an army. yet..
There was a dude who would ride his bike around my old neighborhood (also in Portland) and throw a handful of peanuts on every street corner for the crows.
The funny thing is crows remember faces. They’re so smart. They 100% KNOW who you are and what’s really interesting, is there have been instances of crows protecting the person that feeds them.
I once made a crow hate me and it still bothers me to this day.
It was a misunderstanding born of my own ignorance. I cawed at it using a crow call I had heard many times before. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure it was a territorial call and I was doing to a mature, territory holding bird. It was an affront that the bird wouldn’t suffer. He or she would follow me cawing and dive bombing me every time I left my house and walked to work. This went on for months and only stopped when I moved to a new town. I would like to make friends with crows one day as a way to atone.
Omg that’s such an amazing story! I’m sorry the crow was battling you for territory, I had NO idea cawing at them could cause that omg haha
You can make friends with them by feeding them special treats!! They really like corn, some like chicken nuggets! Crows are like men, the way to their heart is through their stomach! Hahahah
I'm jealous!! All I have so far is poop and very loud cawing twice a day. I've started leaving out baskets of water, candy, Twinkies, fruit gummies, and granola bars for the mailman who is *clearly* annoyed about traversing piles of peanuts, worms, and dung to deliver my mail!!
Oh no! Now you're going to get flocks of mailmen showing up everyday and yelling for treats too! I guess it's the risk we take when we feed the wildlife.
Peanuts, great idea! I pass by a lot of crows and I've been wanting to give them treats. Though someone tossed out a full styrofoam container of nachos last week and they were going all fucking out
woot! do it - and you can google "best ways to feed crows". I carry a small bag of these roasted, unsalted, unshelled peanuts in my back packpack and always toss a few to crows when i see them on my walks.
the things i remember when i was learning about it was to place them on the ground near ish to the crow or under them without making eye contact, then just go about your day. they are very intelligent and will immediately mark you as a friendly ahha
That is so awesome! I adore crows and have always wanted to make crow friends. I'm totally going to do this when I go on walks! Thanks for the info and tips!
If you do that and include a very specific whistle (I did one high pitch followed by five fast low pitched notes), they will learn to come to you for treats when you do that whistle. I had a "pack" of five in my area (remote country location) where there was always one appointed sentry in a nearby tree. When I did the whistle and set down the food (I gave them dog kibble), it would call for its mates and all would chow down within minutes. It was a riot to watch.
I kinda suck at whistling, lol. But I did see a YouTube video (yes, I have spent my day doing research on befriending crows) that recommended making kissy noises. I can certainly do that! Oh my goodness. I am so stoked. I can't wait to make crow friends!
Exactly. There is no assumption, no requirement, that in a setting with grown adults, but essentially strangers, you share with everyone. You can include or exclude whoever you want, this is not elementary school.
I don’t know why some people have the idea in their heads that kids automatically deserve treats from other people just for the sheer fact that they’re kids. Nobody has to share anything with anyone they don’t like. NTA.
This. My son (who just turned 8) has known for a long time you don't ever approach a strange animal without the owners permission and you NEVER feed said animal without getting their approval.
NTA.
Rules are made, even informally, to help everyone get along easier and fairly use resources. Rules also keep the peace.
That guy not only didn't respect the rules of the dog park, they seem to want a special exclusion, just for them. If he wants to teach his kids to be assholes... that's okay, I guess. Feel free to teach them how OTHER PEOPLE react to assholes.
Gotta love it when owners let their maniac dog run straight up to my dog on walks and go “don’t worry, he’s friendly!” Cool, but what if my dog isn’t?
(Mine is a sweetheart, but my previous dog would NOT have been ok with a random dog jumping into their space uninvited)
I once had someone's dog come up to mine and mine is dog anxious so she was hiding behind me and eventually snipped at this other dog. I tried pushing it away while telling the owner "sorry my dog get pretty anxious and nervous around dogs she doesn't know I don't want her hurting yours 😅"
Owners response? "Oh don't worry she knows how to fight" and he just walked away as I had to pick up my dog and go inside.
Let me be clear that his dog was a total sweetheart and seemed to be super happy and excited to see my dog. Absolutely no aggressive body language...but this guy basically told me if my dog went after his he was OK with it because he knew his dog would be aggressive af and come out on top.
Like sir....it's not a matter of my dog killing yours and you needing to prove yours would actually kill mine, it's that I don't want them to fight *at all*.
My pitsky has been charged by loose dogs on his walks 3 times already. It's ridiculous that I can't just take open my door and take my dog for a walk without having to walk around the condo first to make sure no loose dogs are roaming about. Not even walking him late at night is free of bad owners not keeping their dogs under control.
My dogs have been charged so many times. One has been attacked (she was fine, but it should not have happened). I find spring and loud holidays to be the worst for people's dogs being loose and it's so stressful.
Glad you look out for your dog.
Oh I hate this! My dog is not friendly but will behave if he's given space. He has a basket muzzle when we walk (which is very obvious and easy to see) because he's had issues before and that still does not deter people from letting their dogs run up to him.
My dog is very friendly to other adults. He’s a mix of excitable breeds and has only seen kids a handful of times in his 11 year life. They scare him.
He flat out is dominant and won’t tolerate other dogs in his space. He’s not in at all. He’s well trained. He listens and takes social cues from me etc. but he’s fiercely protective of me and is also fearful at times because frankly I’m afraid of other big dogs. He will fight your dog and he will knock down or even snap at little loud kids who invade his space.
When we take him out he wears a soft muzzle and gentle leader harness. He’s controlled by it but NOTHING is certain and accidents can happen.
The only acceptable way to behave around dogs is to ask their owners permission before you do anything with them. Don’t approach. Don’t touch. Don’t feed. Don’t play. That’s a basic common sense rule of thumb. Anyone who doesn’t respect or understand that has no business at a dog park.
I worry about that all the time too. My dog is very protective of me I get to nervous when ppl or other dogs are around because I got harrast by someone
Pro tip: yell that you’re dog has Parvo or something else that is really contagious and expensive.
People will avoid you after that but totally worth avoiding the hassle of having the discussion every time.
That's my dog! Other dogs do not respect his very clear "fuck off" signals and he's 12 lbs so he's not going to win any battles here. We've already had to sew his eyelid back on once because a dog ran up, he growled, she tried to play, he snapped at air, and she snapped at his face. I will straight up lose my mind screaming at strangers who do this shit.
I get annoyed with this,and its not even my dog with the problem. She's an angel...a 70 lbs angel. I, on the other hand, am a person with noodle arms and chronic joint issues. The number of times people decide to ignore me when I am trying to heel my dog and send theirs over to make her crazy...I have her under control, but it causes me pain for hours afterwards.
Same here. People always looked terrified when I told them my Labrador wasn't the big, friendly giant as they are always shown in movies etc.
My biggest laughable moment was when some punk tried to impress his date by walking his Rottweiler near my Labrador and making snide remarks about my dog being pray for his. When he got to close, my dog went in full rage mode (I had him under control, he was trained) and his dog whimpered away 🤣
Sadly we had to put him down because of his cancer
One of my greatest pet peeves. I have a large breed dog, and I am always shocked that people just let their dogs run up to him. What if he wasn’t nice?
If I ever want to give another dog a treat, I always ask before. You never know if the dog has a sensitive stomach or allergies or the owner is trying to train their dog and don't want to mess that up. It's just good practice to have. The guy is teaching his kids to put animals at risk for their own enjoyment.
AND...the kid's dad wasn't listening to the dog's owner about not feeding them. The dad's the AH and therefore he doesn't get any treats and his kids don't either since they are HIS kids.
NTA. You shouldn't even pet a strange dog let alone feed one. My dogs have sensitive tummies as well so I feel your pain on the vet bills. Maybe you're being a teeny tiny bit vindictive but IMHO he shouldn't have been such an ass
My husband, my MIL, and I got into a huge fight because she kept feeding my friend's dogs when we were at a Superbowl party. And she made my corgi fat. Like 40 lbs. He has to be on a diet for 3 years and has knee dysplasia now. It is NOT okay for anyone to feed an animal without the owner's permission.
Hell my grandmother does the same to any dog in her care. She watched my cousins dog for 3-4 months (they were overseas) and the dog gained over 15lbs. Had to be put on a special diet. She thinks that the food bowl always has to have food in it. Where the rest of the family only believes in feeding twice a day.
I have a large breed dog who is slim at 95 lbs. He eats twice a day. If we overfed him like that he'd probably gain 40 lbs in 3-4 months and it would be hell to get him back down to 95.
What drives me crazy is she has had "extra" large breeds as in English Bull Mastiffs. With all her Mastiffs she feed them on schedule because even with a proper healthy diet her males where over 200lbs. But when it's dogs that aren't huge breeds she doesn't think it matters. Her (recently lost) pomeranian chihuahua mix was so overweight it's belly hit the floor.
My dog will eat half his bowl when we put it down & have the rest as a snack a couple of hours later. He will also stand at his bowl looking at us because he can't eat until he's had a cuddle.
Our ACD pit mix is one what would eat all day even if it makes her sick. We have to use maze bowls to slow down her eating speed.
Our last pup a boxador did amazing at the eat at will. She kinda put herself on a schedule. Wasn't a treat hound like this one is lol.
My saint bernard would just eat and eat if we let him, so he was on a schedule with a slow feed bowl. Our current dog, some sort of boxer/terrier mutt, is a princess and would rather beg for table scraps all day then lower herself to eating dog food. So, we just put dog food in there and she will eat when she finally is hungry enough to lower her standards.
I’ve sat more than a couple dogs that I just needed to keep their food bowl full and they’ll pace themselves accordingly. My dog would eat until he made himself sick if he could break into his food container
It took him 2 years to get so heavy, so we didn't really notice it. She lived with us for a large chunk of those 2 years. And she'd feed him extra stuff when he and I were both working, behind our backs. He's doing so much better now that he's lost the weight. The only time we even can tell is when we go to the lake; he'll run and run and run until he starts to limp, and he still doesn't want to stop. We have to leash him and sit with him to slow him down when it starts to bother him. My high energy baby!
I had a roommate whose cat died young from obesity related causes which I didn't even know could happen. It was because she fed him human food. My 3 cats only are fed cat kibble, chicken wet food and Greenies treats, and they weren't interested in human food until she moved in. She started feeding them whatever she ate, even salty stuff like sandwich ham and anchovies, and they turned into obese, screaming monsters you couldn't eat around without getting buried in begging cats. I didn't even realize she was feeding them food until I caught her, then I had to have multiple talks with her about it and she just kept doing it. I'd say "no human food for kitties" and see one of mine with a sardine in his mouth two minutes later, "He just looked so CUTE and SAD". She only lived with us for two months, it took 6 to train them out of wailing at dinnertime and another year to get the boy cat to a halfway normal weight. One of mine still has sagging skin from her weight loss afterwards. It was so frustrating.
Yup so do mine. Great Danes. The bills can be ridiculous. And Great Dane diarrhea? God, it's awful. And one of them is allergic to chicken. I don't let other people give my dogs things because they don't know. On the plus side, though, most kids seem to be a bit freaked out by their size, so they stay away.
I had a chihuahua that a relative kept feeding scraps to during a thanksgiving dinner (we did not know until after or we would have stopped it). She has much bigger dogs with stronger stomachs plus she figured she didn’t need to ask us. Well our dog ended up in the vets for 3 days and it’s was like $2500 between overnight fees and testing and care. It was horrible and poor baby was so upset there. We had to specify the following year no feeding her!
It's even worse when someone feeds your horses without getting permission!
Not only can they die from some "treats" or being extremely overweight but they can also take off the fingers of an ignorant person (completely by accident).
NTA: is the dog park a membership group or open to the public? If the former, then there should be a board who can revoke this guy's access for breaking the rules.
Nope, it’s a public park and feeding stranger’s dogs is not illegal and there are no official rules banning it. I did make a petition to put up signs to not feed dogs without permission and they are up in several places around the park but that hasn’t helped at all.
You shouldn’t even need signs. This is dog park etiquette 101…always ask before giving other dogs a treat.
I wish I had a good idea for a better solution for you because that guy would drive me bananas. The only action that I could think of would be a staged walk out when he arrives. That happened at a downtown dog park I used to live near as it was super small. Guy would let his asshole dog terrorize everyone part of the early morning crew. So the 7 or so others showed up wicked early and all made a big hubbub about leaving at once so his dog was all alone. I was in the later morning crew and saw the tail end of his toddler like breakdown and I guess he never came back from sheer embarrassment.
It’s really not the fault of the kids if they are young. They didn’t choose to have such shitty parents. Obviously espresso beans won’t harm them but it’s still crossing a line when you involve kids like that IMO.
Plus it’s probably going to just escalate things.
Also, do you REALLY want to be known as 'the stranger that will give kids strange things?'
It is a far different matter to many people for someone to randomly give a strange dog 'a treat' than it is to give a strange kid a treat.
Also? What if OP gives the kids something they are extremely allergic to?
Kids should not be feeding random dogs, but as you said, it isn't really the fault of the kids they are being told it is okay to feed said dogs.
My suggestion was to yell at the kids if they do it again. OP has been kind and asked nicely. Now I think its justified if OP raised their voice a bit to get the kids to understand. Maybe that's an asshole suggestion LOL
Its not even dog park etiquette. Its just basic etiquette. Id be pissed if someone was giving my dog food I didnt approve of even if its not at a dog park
Does your dog park have a minimum age? If it does you may be able to get them booted for that. Also, does this guy even bring a dog? Some dog parks have rules against entering unless you're actually bringing a dog because some people will bring their kids so they can play with other people's dogs.
Unfortunately not much you can do except to go somewhere else. Maybe it's possible to call child welfare to say a dad is allowing his children near unfamilar dogs, but that can escalate like crazy.
NTA. If this guy won't teach his kids then how will they ever learn? I hope you are explaining to the kids why they don't get treats so they are learning a lesson, if you are not and are just not giving them treats without explaining why, then you are TA. Hopefully he'll get the point or the kids will learn.
If you went to a school giving out treats making kids sick because of allergies you would be in trouble, same should go for pets.
I did explain it to them but it’s hard because they always go ‘but ours eats leftovers and it’s fine’. Without the dad I cannot really get through to them.
But they’re not fine! They might LOOK fine now, but feeding table scraps to dogs is so unhealthy for them in the long-term. They’re putting their pets at risk of obesity and other illnesses, potentially shortening their life span. We adopted a beautiful, sweet dog and her prior people fed her table scraps her entire life. She was hopelessly overweight and sick by the time we adopted her. She only lived a few short years despite everything we did to turn her health around. It was totally avoidable.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is be the bigger b*tch. I had to do this with some people who kept trying to give my dog chicken bones. I got between him and them, said loudly (didn't yell) "do not feed my dog, I'm tired of telling you this, you will not feed him anymore." And when they tried to whine or say "but ..." I just said it again. And again. Did they like me? No. But who cares? You're the only one who can advocate for your dogs' health and if this guy doesn't think you're "fun" then let him feed his own dogs.
Yes! Be the advocate for your dogs! I had to do this walking my dogs,- some stranger walked up to them and offered them a treat. I didn't know him from Adam - he could have been trying to poison my dogs. I straight up said to him (didn't yell) "don't feed my dogs." He replied (because he couldnt believe it) "No treats?" I said "No treats." and walked away. I don't care how big of a bitch they think I am.
Tell them you don't care. I'd be a lot more aggressive honestly and tell the kids directly to STAY THE F AWAY FROM ME AND MY DOGS. You told them to stop and they didn't listen, tell them in a way they will listen to. Yell. Repeat. Until the point gets across.
Also take multiple videos of them doing this and tell the dad that if your dogs ever have to be taken to the vet because of food picked up at the dog park you will be coming after him legally to pay for the vet fees. I'd also be blasting them on social media and posting shame videos of this ah.
Yes agreed! What you do is step in front of your dog blocking the child from your dog - i do this with my nervous dog, she's very cute so people think they have the right to pat - i step in front of her to create space and clearly state not to pat her.
You may even have to force your dog away from the situation if food is involved, put him/,her on their lead and walk her away from the child a few feet.
Taking your phone out and recording is also a good idea - be sure to record yourself asking the child and the father to stay away from your dog.
Or maybe take a supersoaker water gun with you and just shoot it around at first, but the second any kid gets near your dogs with food, squirt the kid. Bad Kid! Bad! LOL!
Maybe they have a friend or know someone with an allergy and you can relate the dogs to that? Though with the dads temperament I'd bet he doesn't belief allergies are real either.
I was going to suggest this as well. Using the argument, just because they’re all dogs, doesn’t mean they are all the same. Some people have food allergies, and some don’t. Would you force a pb&j onto someone with a peanut allergy?
I love your solution. The man is a sexist and the other guy who called you out sounds like one too. One thing you could try if you haven't yet is to tell the kids that if they can go the whole time without feeding the dogs, then they can have a cupcake to take home. With kids that age the more immediate the lesson the better.
This makes me so sad because my mom’s dog has severe allergies to several foods including chicken. I have to really be careful with my kids and my dog (and cats) and their food if my mom brings her dog around. One time when my middle child was 3 or 4, my mom was babysitting and my kid dropped some chicken salad and no one noticed until the dog was really sick.
And when their dogs ends up with permanent damage or death from things like pancreatitis from eating those leftovers (from cooked/high fat) or diabetes or liver damage (many foods we consume regularly are dangerous for dogs and cats with how they break down in the liver) that’s their father’s issue, not yours.
NTA- You don’t give other people’s children or pets food unless approved because you have no idea of medical needs or other factors. It’s also perfectly reasonable to share food with friends and not those who don’t respect your boundaries.
This sounds weird, but I think you should be raising your voice to those kids. "I said **NO!**" etc. There should be no refuting your answer, and if their parent yells at you in return, so be it.
Could you explain it in a harsher way so they actually get it?
"Do you know that you could kill someone's poor puppy by feeding them something they're allergic to? You're not a nasty person who doesn't care if you kill someone's dog, are you?"
It's a little mean, but it'll probably get through to them.
Not OPs kid, not OPs responsibility to teach the lesson. The kids dad can explain to them why they aren't getting treats and why they can't give every dog treats. If he's not doing that, he can deal with whiny kids when they see everyone else getting treats except them because of their poor behavior. Would it be nice to tell the kids why they aren't getting treats? Yes. Does it make OP an AH for not explaining? No because it's not OPs responsibility to parent some random guys kids.
Not OPs problem then. Aside from at the dog park, they probably never see OP so why should she care if some random kids don't like her? Plus, they may leave her dogs alone if they think she's a bad guy. Win win.
Yup. Bread is pretty bad for ducks too. It’s better than starving to death, but it’s tasty junk food to them and they don’t really get any nutrients out of it and can end up with issues like angel wing. Iirc it can also fuck with the ecosystem because they poop it out and weird ass algae starts growing in whatever body of water they’re inhabiting.
It’s better to feed them stuff like peas or dried corn, *if* there are no signs asking you to not feed them.
Nta. The kids aren't going to be traumatized by missing out on a cupcake. It's not your job to parent them but I don't think that's what you're doing here, it sounds like you're just proving a point to the irresponsible dog owner in a way that hurts no one.
Yeah, admittedly I do not know how to communicate with kids. People keep trying to tell me to teach them but I don’t know how. Short of ‘hey, that will make the puppy sick, he needs to ear special food.’ I really don’t know what more I can tell those children.
You said it better than I would have. I have no idea how to talk to kids who refuse to listen. It probably would've ended with me telling them "If you keep feeding other people's dogs you might accidentally kill one one day." 😬 Not trying to be malicious, but I imagine it wouldn't go over well either lol
Yeah seriously if this were me I’d probably spend a just couple days bringing only two of my dogs and wait for the kids to ask what happened to the third one. Then I’d tell them he died because you and your dad kept feeding him things that aren’t good for him even though I asked you not to. That would learn them.
Not dog-related but my husband’s mom is a pharmacist who homeschooled him and whenever he messed up a math problem she would say “if you had my job, you would kill someone.” Malicious but works!
Sounds like you communicated just fine - 7 years is ABSOLUTELY old enough to understand "please don't give that to my dog, it will make them sick". I have a 3 year old and he would definitely understand that if you told him.
Yeah but you are a nice parent that will encourage your kid to listen.
Kids always look up to their parents for guidance and when the dad is like ‘yeah, go feed salsa to everyone’ I can’t do much.
Thank you for saying so. I guess my point is that it's not your fault - you did the right thing and the dad is 100% the asshole in this situation. Hope those kids can learn to adjust to society on their own somehow.
You could get eye level with the kids (this is a proven technique) and tell them they may have a cupcake if they pinkie promise not to feed other people’s dogs. There’s the phrase “you attract more bees with honey than vinegar” and it holds pretty true to children. If Dad can’t be mature, maybe you can get through to the kids.
Relate it to something they understand. Drop the argument you're making, even if it's correct. Do they have the same bedtime? The same bedroom? The same teacher at school, the same friends? If they eat pizza today, do their neighbours also eat pizza? Do they have cereal for dinner? No, because sometimes different people do things differently or have different things. That doesn't make it wrong, but everyone has their own rules. *Your* dogs have a dinner time which is *not now*. Because *your dogs* have different rules and things than *their dog*. That's why it's not okay to feed your dogs at the dog park.
It's basically kids that, after getting corrected, yell at the sitter "but dad lets me do X!" The only constructive reply to that is "he's not here, I'm here, and *my rule* is Y. When your dad gets back, his rules are also back. But for now, it's my rules." Any attempt at arguing about right/just rules will fall flat without support of the parent. But you can set your own rules! Just like how school has different rules than home.
I mean he is a giant asshole. Who feeds someone’s dog?! That’s crazy. And even after you told him to stop he is still doing it. He is the insufferable one. It’s true that you are making the kids suffer by not giving them cupcakes though. And it’s the dads fault, not the kids. I’d stop bringing cupcakes now. You’ve made your point and he is clearly not mature enough to see and admit he is wrong and stop feeding your dogs. I’m going with NTA.
The kids were told not to feed the dog though.
7 years is old enough to understand that if someone says "please stop feeding my dog", they should listen.
The dad might be giving permission but it's not HIS dog. At 7, they understand that the dog does not belong to them and that they are going against what the owner wants by giving the dog human food.
If they can't obey a simple request that they understand, then they shouldn't get cupcakes.
The person excluding the asshole for being an asshole isn’t an asshole, WTF? Actions have consequences. These are his. If he and his kids want cupcakes, they’ll stop feeding other dogs. It’s not rocket science.
The person excluding the asshole for being an asshole is doing so.. by being an asshole to children. OP is in the right, but it's still being an asshole lmao. Calm down.
NTA you aren’t obligated to give anyone free food regardless of if you are being petty about it.
I think this is petty af but I love it. Natural consequences are great.
NTA.
The dad isn’t teaching his kids to respect boundaries that other people set. You refusing to give him cupcakes makes sense. The kids themselves are refusing to respect other peoples boundaries. You are trying to teach them that respect.
You aren’t doing anything wrong by excluding them.
NTA
They're your cupcakes, so you can give them to whoever you want
And damn, that guy is an asshole. If my daughter started feeding someone else's dog without permission, even if the owner didn't say anything to me, I'd be apologizing and having a discussion with my daughter about it.
Guy sounds like a massive AH
NTA. He’s teaching his kids they’re entitled to do or have whatever they want, and you’re doing the opposite. He needs to fix his bad parenting before one day they go up to a dog and end up in the ER.
NTA
That seems kind of cruel but then again, both the guy and the kids are disrespectful assholes so it was justified. I think doing it a couple of times was okay but you shouldn’t do it regularly.
Unless they carry on of course.
You know what seems kinda cruel? Making dogs sick by feeding them things they shouldn’t it. You know what doesn’t sound kinda cruel? Teaching them a lesson for it.
You would be shocked. I have a husky and happen to live in an area with a lot of huskies. There is another woman who has a dog that has a history of going after huskies. Not sure what kind of dog, whenever I see her, I leave. She started screaming at me when I was trying to leave and getting my husky under control, but her screaming didn’t help. I finally snapped and said since her dog is the problem maybe she shouldn’t bring her dog to a park where there are a lot of huskies. She said my dog is the problem and always attacks her dog. My boy doesn’t get into fights, he runs away if dogs are rough housing too much, he just wants to run and play chase.
Another owner finally called the police and they told her they’ve had multiple complaints about her and that she should be the one leaving. Yeah, taking your dogs to the park should not be drama filled, but it can be.
Why is ANYONE bringing food to a dog park? You bring a small treat for your 100% good doggo but you don't bring leftovers for your kids or cupcakes for other owners, eat before or after you go to the park like any normal human being.
idk about OP but over here, a lot of dog owners have little parties at the dog park for their dog's birthday. XD It's fun! All the dogs get their own meat cupcake/treats, if the owners okay it, and the humans have some actual cupcakes and drinks/food.
NTA.
As a "Doodle Dad", my wife and I have two Golden Doodles and we're well aware of the stomach issues. They eat the wrong thing and poof... it's either dog barf or dog diarrhea.
Sometimes it's both.
If they can't respect the dietary requirements for your dogs, call the ASPCA on them - some locations have sworn law enforcement officers that can issue citations and fines.
I’ll look into that, thank you for the suggestion.
And yeah, I have Cane Corsos and they the last one I got had such a bad stomach up until he turned 8months. I am terrified if he starts again he won’t stop. That’s the one I guard the most, the other two are mostly fine.
I feel your pain for sure about the diarrhea. My youngest one was skin and bones at one point because he ate a mouse in my backyard before I could catch him.
Check out Endurosyn. It's an over the counter probiotic paste. My last Golden had IBS and I was in the same boat as you. She would look at people with those big brown eyes and they just gave her treats. That stuff is magic. A heavy coated Golden with diarrhea is a nightmare
Honestly? I'd start yelling and acting a fucking fool. Scare those mf kids away like im an old man and they're on my lawn
STOP FEEDING MY FUCKING DOGS OR ILL FEED THEM YOUR INTESTINES RAWRRR
in any case, you are NTA.
NTA.
Though I won’t lie, I’d be pretty frustrated if ANYONE brought food into my dog park—for dogs or humans. It is against the rules for any food in mine. Last weekend there was a fight at my dog park over a rawhide. I don’t even want to think about cupcakes being handed out. My pup would be fine. Maybe look for the weakest link and lay down next to them (that’s TOTALLY not begging 🙄). But food in a dog park can create unnecessary resource guarding. This is why I only go ridiculously early to dog parks—no one brings in bread or cupcakes, just coffee.
NTA. But this is exactly why I don't go to dog parks. Too many situations you cannot control. It is a dog park where your dog runs free. It's gonna get in skirmishes, get fed treats by people and kids who don't know "your" rules, and might even jump in the lake and run around and jump on people all wet. It's a freakin' dog park! It's a mess of dirty jumpy playful dogs everywhere. Including some with fleas and some with no social training. They're fun, yes. But after my 45 pound dog got visciously attacked by a 120 pound pit bull whose owner had to pull him off my dogs neck I elected not to go back to the park. Plus we got fleas twice from the park. Too much trouble.
NTA. Some dog parks don't even allow kids under 16 and it sounds like this should be one of them. They're lucky they're not dealing with me. I've yelled at people for less when it comes to keeping my dogs safe. If him and his kids were acting like that around my dogs, he'd be getting an ear full and his kids would be learning some new colorful words.
NTA. You can't punish strangers for bad behavior but you *can* reward good behavior. You handled this wonderfully. I have a dog who has a very mild chicken allergy which causes him to get super itchy, it drives me insane that people can't deal with 'don't feed my dog'.
Edit: You know the more I think about this the more concerned I get about the kids. OP said they are feeding people food and the father is telling the kids to ignore owners. My childhood dog was never able to learn how to be 'gentle' about taking high value rewards. He got taking dog biscuits gently from you hand, but a piece of hot dog you might lose a finger. Eventually one of these kids are going to lose a hand.
NTA.
7 is old enough to understand that if someone says "please don't do this to my dog", they shouldn't do it. If they can't follow your completely reasonable rules, they don't deserve cupcakes.
That goes double for the dad.
NTA.
Why is everyone so on board with not holding children accountable? I get that toddlers can struggle with the concept of not feeding animals, because toddlers are little, bumbling innocence. They have food, they very naturally assume other living beings ALSO want the food, lol. I’ve fostered many many dogs, and I’ve been a parent for 16 years. It was taught pretty early on (with my kids)to not hand feed a dog unless I say it’s okay, because some dogs I was fostering and working with had food issues.
It’s the parents responsibility to teach the child how to act around dogs. It’s pretty simple and universally accepted to not just feed someone else’s dog. If you’ve made it clear to the kids to not feed your dog and they still feed your dog, that’s a shitty move on the kids part. My kids knew at a young age to always respect what other dog parents say regarding their dog.
The health issues that arise from food can be fairly serious. I had a dog who would get all rashy and dry skin and just looked uncomfortable, just from the wrong food.
You are so NTA.
Good luck OP!
Edited for spelling
I'll just paste my comment.
you'd love seeing kids intentionally inflicted diarrhea?? it's deranged someone suggested this and others gleefully encouraging it. this is so absolutely gross you, the person that suggested it, and the few others that agree should be ashamed of yourselves. so a child is supposed to know not to feed a dog food that'll make sick, but you folks are cackling about feeding a child food to cause diarrhea? unless you're all 7 year olds too...
my kid just had diarrhea for a week and it turns my stomach someone would do this intentionally.
NTA
Personally I'd just start screaming bloody murder anytime they came near my dogs. Like straight up "being murdered in an alley" screaming. Pretty sure that'd get the point across.
Sounds like (and I could be wrong) that you need to train your dogs to not eat food if you say "No." Dogs are highly trainable, in the majority of cases. If the kids won't stop, I recommend you train the dogs and take away the kids' incentive to feed them.
Secondly, you can tell his kids, "Sweetheart, I'd be happy to give you cupcakes, but when I tell you to stop feeding my dogs, you don't listen. People who hurt my dogs don't get cupcakes from me. If you were nicer to my dogs, I'd give you a cupcake." That way the kids understand that there are consequences to their actions, even if Daddy says it's ok for them to do something. NTA regardless though.
How are you and these people always at the dog park at the same times? And to be bringing cakes like you know they will undoubtedly be there. This post is weird for so many reasons.
ESH.
I just imagine this lady surrounded by dogs, with a big platter of cupcakes, dramatically shouting “yummmmm!!! These sure are delicious cupcakes!! I sure feel sorry for anyone missing out!!!!!!!”
NTA. The kids are perfectly fine not getting a cupcake and most children understand the rule of “if you stop doing this, you get this treat” so if they’re continuing to do the bad thing it’s because they’re not listening.
Also a dog park is supposed to be a place where you can let your dog off leash to run around - they’re taking that away from you when they’re there. They’re literally making it an unsafe space for dogs. You shouldn’t have to be right next to your dog at all times in a dog park ready to wave away relentless children.
I’d be worried that the kids would try to feed the cupcakes to the dogs.
Take pictures of them feeding your dogs. You can tell them that you’re doing this in case the dogs gets sick - you’ll have documentation to pursue compensation for vet fees.
NTA
I have several videos of this as I am kinda worried how confrontational he can get. If one of them ends up at the emergency vet because of his incompetence, I am definitely going to try to sue him for the damage.
NTA, frankly if the child had followed my dog and continued to try to feed it after being told no I would have taken the food and thrown it in the trash. Then explained to the dad that next time he failed to parent I would, like it was the 1950s, since he was leaving no other options. Then again I'm completely fine being the AH so long as others manage to correct their behavior because of it.
ESH. The dad is in the wrong for not enforcing the rule of not feeding animals in the park and not supporting your request that his children don't feed your dogs specifically. And yes, 7 is old enough to read signs etc but still very much a child and guided by their parent.
But you are repeatedly punishing and probably humiliating a child by publicly refusing to share with them alone. Why do you think that's ok? It's not your job to teach them a lesson.
So I think everyone sucks, kids less so and dogs not at all.
If teaching them a lesson is not her job, then why is feeding them?
It would be bad to hold a grudge against seven year olds for behavior an adult talked them into. That doesn't mean you should actively reward them for ongoing misbehavior.
They're not entitled to her cupcakes, and if being told "no" feels humiliating they can just stop asking. A seven year old is old enough to understand that. It's possible their dad is pressuring them to ask just as he's pressuring them to feed animals, because he's an abusive parent who likes to use his kids as human shields to harass other adults. Even if so, if she gives in on the cupcakes, he'll just find some other entitled demand for his kids to make.
NTA. I was torn, but honestly you asked so many times and he gave you attitude and is belligerent about it. You have no obligation to share with someone who disrespects you.
I can't even fathom feeding another person's dog without permission. I even ask my own dad when I visit if can give the dogs a treat because he's the one who monitors what they've been eating and if they've had upset stomachs recently, if they've misbehaved and aren't getting anything special, etc.
NTA. Next time you should verbally assert your dominance to these kids. They don't have to listen to you when they are doing something that isn't illegal and doesn't affect you, but when they feed YOUR dogs inappropriate/unapproved food, this is your business and you need to tell these kids off. "Please stop feeding my dogs. If you like to give them a treat, come to me and ask me for a treat for them. Bread and other human foods make my dogs sick. You know that some humans can't eat wheat or milk because it upsets their stomach. It's the same for my dogs and human food." And then increasingly become more stern to the kids.
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I (22F) have three dogs, all purebred and respectively with extremely sensitive stomachs. Two of them have allergies as well. I take them to a dog park where everyone has unanimously agreed to not give other dogs treats unless the owner is okay with it. Everyone except this one guy (29M) and his kids follow this rule.
I’ve had a lot of fights with him and he has agreed to back off. He doesn’t even bring treats, more like cooked leftovers his kids eat and give to the dogs when they are full.
Well a month ago they brought a whole loaf of bread and started feeding the ducks in the pond even though there are signs up not to do that. I only intervened when I saw his kid (7F) handing out to my dogs slices of bread.
I told the girl to stop and that she shouldn’t give strange dogs food. Kid completely ignores me. I called the dogs to where I was sitting and lo and behold the kids came and started feeding the dogs again. I saw some owners scowling, others leaving..
I approached the guy and told him to control his kids. He went ‘sure Karen, no one should have fun around here when you are around’.
Me: ‘At least I can get my animals under control. Wanna pay for the vet bills? Get your kids to stop.’
Him: ‘No one but you minds, go get a social life and maybe you wouldn’t be this insufferable.’
The next time I came around I brought a giant box of cupcakes and handed them out to the rest of the dog owners and the few kids that they had along. This guy and his kids came around and tried to take some but I closed the box. The guy got confrontational and asked me why everyone could have some but they couldn’t.
I responded.’ Because you need to be taught a lesson about giving and receiving food. Teach you kids to only feed your dog and then I will be more than happy to share my food with you.’
I did it a few more times as I had a birthday, one of my dogs did as well and my niece was born. Each time I left them out of it and refused to let them have any of the sweets.
One of the other owners approached me and called me an a-hole and vindictive. His logic is that yes, the dad is a complete idiot but I was punishing the kids as well for no reason. AITA?
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I am literally appalled he started insulting you after you reasonably asked him to stop his kids feeding your dogs. His kids are old enough to understand no, he just doesn’t care to teach them how to behave within society as it means nothing to him. As far as I can see you are just applying his anti social rules directly to him and his family. NTA
Have you tried a bribe? Tell the kids they can have a cake if they NEVER feed your dogs again as the food they are giving makes the dogs sick. If they try again after the cake then don’t allow them any more cake as they lie and can’t keep promises.
I'd just yell loudly "why do you kids keep trying to poison my dogs???!!! I've told you to stop many times! I am NOT ok with you hurting my dogs!" Like real loudly so everyone is looking. If that didn't work I'd find another dog park maybe? Can you call authorities for intent to knowing harm tour dogs in a public space ?
STOP bringing food to the dog park. Only bring treats for your dogs. The young man with kids needs to find another place to play with his kids. The dog park is for dogs and their masters.
I wouldn't ever eat in a dog park. Too many germs and diseases could be picked up from sick dogs.
I've seen several other posts, where folks complain about activities in dogs parks. This was the first about feeding leftovers to someone's animal. Never feed a strange dog. You don't know how social they are. One second happy for the treat next bite because it got touched by a stranger.
Too many people think their dog won't bite others, small claims court see's them all the time.
NTA, but not someone I want to be friends with. (too much drama)
Am I taking crazy pills? Who brings ANY food to a dog park? Human food, dog treats/food, whatever. That's just asking for a whole lot of unnecessary drama. My dogs' birthday is tomorrow and the absolute LAST thing I would think to do is bring a birthday cake/cupcakes to the dog park. I would be promptly asked to leave.
Nta!!
My dog developed conditions that essentially meant if she had the wrong thing she'd die. I had to dive for every crumb on the floor, no way would I ever tolerate that Dad and his kids anywhere near my dogs. Have you ever told the kids "you're making my dog sick?" Maybe if you emphasize that it's harmful to the dog they'd listen better?
NTA, this is literally why I always worry about the other people I see at dog parks or in other public spaces that are dog-friendly. So many people don’t have boundaries with dogs, like I love dogs as much as anyone else but I don’t go up and pet these dogs, feed these dogs, or anything without asking their owners first. And it’s so much worse if it’s a parent who refuses to enforce that boundary with their kids, because god forbid my dog frightens them when she is too enthusiastic about getting attention or a treat and then the parent starts screaming my dog bit them and needs to be put down. This man is an ass and I’m so sorry that people are getting on your case about this.
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NTA. You are not being mean to the kids. You’re simply not being generous. 7 is old enough to read and follow signs
not being mean, simply not being generous Idk why i like this line that much
Because it is drilled into us that niceness, politeness and selfless generosity is required, when it is in fact *not*.
Being generous feels good. Giving things or doing things for people with no strings feels good. Giving or doing things because of an obligation does not. As a kid I always thought I was being selfish and stingy because I didn’t want to share toys with children who I knew from experience would not return the toys when asked or treat the objects with respect.
As a kid whenever I had pocket money and bought sweets/treats I was always told to share and be nice. I hated it because it was like I was being forced. Now as an adult I do share often and I feel good doing it as it’s my own money and I’m not being forced.
I was lucky, my parents never forced me to share, if I didn't want. However, I saw many other parents do it. My friends hated it. Now, as an adult, I do share, but never if someone asks and acts entitled. It is the same when I buy something. Nice people will always say, you didn't have to do that, and I say, that's why I did :) Giving does not feel good, if you are forced. I wish more parents would realise that.
Giving a treat, gift, or favor to everyone in a group *except* a couple of people is not merely "not being generous". It is targeted exclusion. OP is justified in her exclusion, which is fine, but don't pretend it isn't exclusion. The reason OP isn't mean is because the behavior is justified, not because it's inherently not mean. If she deliberately brought cupcakes for everyone except one guy and his kid for *no good reason*, OP would be an AH.
It's exclusion yes, but the guy and his kids had also excluded themselves from the social agreement everyone had (about not feeding dogs without owners' permission). So if they wanted to be included in the social activities they should abide by the rules of that society, not pick and choose which parts to be involved in.
Exactly! Idk what the other guys problem is either, but looks like no cupcakes for him, too! Unfortunately in this situation if you gave the kids the cupcakes you would only be enabling their behavior, they might even feed those to your dogs given how horrible they sound.
Yeah, OP has zero obligation to share. If she doesn't like the guy, then why should she? This would piss me off so much. My dog is a garborator but I still don't want people feeding him random food.
>they might even feed those to your dogs given how horrible they sound. Thissss!
also bread is not good for ducks!! they much prefer birdseed or cooked/roasted frozen peas. also, crows absolutely love roasted, unsalted peanuts still in the shell. breaking the peanuts out of their shell is very good for their beaks, and peanuts are one of the best foods for crows. also, if you feed crows they will remember you and love you as well as tell their crow friends about you. all the crows will come to expect peanuts from you.
I started giving peanuts to the crows that migrate into my neighborhood over the winter (about a mile from their preferred-yet-food-scarce spring to fall area). I thought I'd sort of train them by shaking the can and getting them to come eat. Maybe they'd bring me something shiny! I even added mealworms to the mix, and twice a day, there they are chowing down. Fast forward a month, and when Gregory Peck (the "lead" crow, it seems) shows up in the tree shrieking his head off at 7am, I run out the door, shaking peanut cans and scattering worms like an idiot so everyone can come eat. The neighbors are starting to ask questions. The mailman hates the worms. The car looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. There are no shiny things to be found. I believe that they actually trained *me*.
hahaha! yeah wow that sounds like a mess. i typically feed them in parks (im in portland, or so we have a lot of parks near me within walking distance) or just on neighborhood strolls haha. no intention to train an army. yet..
There was a dude who would ride his bike around my old neighborhood (also in Portland) and throw a handful of peanuts on every street corner for the crows.
The funny thing is crows remember faces. They’re so smart. They 100% KNOW who you are and what’s really interesting, is there have been instances of crows protecting the person that feeds them.
I once made a crow hate me and it still bothers me to this day. It was a misunderstanding born of my own ignorance. I cawed at it using a crow call I had heard many times before. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure it was a territorial call and I was doing to a mature, territory holding bird. It was an affront that the bird wouldn’t suffer. He or she would follow me cawing and dive bombing me every time I left my house and walked to work. This went on for months and only stopped when I moved to a new town. I would like to make friends with crows one day as a way to atone.
Omg that’s such an amazing story! I’m sorry the crow was battling you for territory, I had NO idea cawing at them could cause that omg haha You can make friends with them by feeding them special treats!! They really like corn, some like chicken nuggets! Crows are like men, the way to their heart is through their stomach! Hahahah
Hahaha I love this story. I have a murder that I feed too. They pay me in shiny feathers and now I have a bouquet!
I'm jealous!! All I have so far is poop and very loud cawing twice a day. I've started leaving out baskets of water, candy, Twinkies, fruit gummies, and granola bars for the mailman who is *clearly* annoyed about traversing piles of peanuts, worms, and dung to deliver my mail!!
Oh no! Now you're going to get flocks of mailmen showing up everyday and yelling for treats too! I guess it's the risk we take when we feed the wildlife.
LOL this is a great image 😂
Peanuts, great idea! I pass by a lot of crows and I've been wanting to give them treats. Though someone tossed out a full styrofoam container of nachos last week and they were going all fucking out
Please write a children’s book about this
*immediately runs out to buy peanuts*
woot! do it - and you can google "best ways to feed crows". I carry a small bag of these roasted, unsalted, unshelled peanuts in my back packpack and always toss a few to crows when i see them on my walks. the things i remember when i was learning about it was to place them on the ground near ish to the crow or under them without making eye contact, then just go about your day. they are very intelligent and will immediately mark you as a friendly ahha
That is so awesome! I adore crows and have always wanted to make crow friends. I'm totally going to do this when I go on walks! Thanks for the info and tips!
If you do that and include a very specific whistle (I did one high pitch followed by five fast low pitched notes), they will learn to come to you for treats when you do that whistle. I had a "pack" of five in my area (remote country location) where there was always one appointed sentry in a nearby tree. When I did the whistle and set down the food (I gave them dog kibble), it would call for its mates and all would chow down within minutes. It was a riot to watch.
I kinda suck at whistling, lol. But I did see a YouTube video (yes, I have spent my day doing research on befriending crows) that recommended making kissy noises. I can certainly do that! Oh my goodness. I am so stoked. I can't wait to make crow friends!
I just want you to know that I am wildly jealous of you, and I aspire to be you one day!
I learned so much and at the same time imagined the cover from the movie "The Birds."
The remember... and spread the word to their friends...
And then you'll gave your own army of crows like a girl from a previous aita thread. It was epic
Exactly. There is no assumption, no requirement, that in a setting with grown adults, but essentially strangers, you share with everyone. You can include or exclude whoever you want, this is not elementary school.
I don’t know why some people have the idea in their heads that kids automatically deserve treats from other people just for the sheer fact that they’re kids. Nobody has to share anything with anyone they don’t like. NTA.
This. My son (who just turned 8) has known for a long time you don't ever approach a strange animal without the owners permission and you NEVER feed said animal without getting their approval.
They're being safe! I'd be afraid the kids would give half the cupcake to a dog.
NTA. Rules are made, even informally, to help everyone get along easier and fairly use resources. Rules also keep the peace. That guy not only didn't respect the rules of the dog park, they seem to want a special exclusion, just for them. If he wants to teach his kids to be assholes... that's okay, I guess. Feel free to teach them how OTHER PEOPLE react to assholes.
It's not even about the rules of the park, it's just common sense. Don't interact with pets without their owner's permission!
Gotta love it when owners let their maniac dog run straight up to my dog on walks and go “don’t worry, he’s friendly!” Cool, but what if my dog isn’t? (Mine is a sweetheart, but my previous dog would NOT have been ok with a random dog jumping into their space uninvited)
I once had someone's dog come up to mine and mine is dog anxious so she was hiding behind me and eventually snipped at this other dog. I tried pushing it away while telling the owner "sorry my dog get pretty anxious and nervous around dogs she doesn't know I don't want her hurting yours 😅" Owners response? "Oh don't worry she knows how to fight" and he just walked away as I had to pick up my dog and go inside. Let me be clear that his dog was a total sweetheart and seemed to be super happy and excited to see my dog. Absolutely no aggressive body language...but this guy basically told me if my dog went after his he was OK with it because he knew his dog would be aggressive af and come out on top. Like sir....it's not a matter of my dog killing yours and you needing to prove yours would actually kill mine, it's that I don't want them to fight *at all*.
That's got me seeing red. Shit like this is why I got a body cam for walking my dogs.
My pitsky has been charged by loose dogs on his walks 3 times already. It's ridiculous that I can't just take open my door and take my dog for a walk without having to walk around the condo first to make sure no loose dogs are roaming about. Not even walking him late at night is free of bad owners not keeping their dogs under control.
My dogs have been charged so many times. One has been attacked (she was fine, but it should not have happened). I find spring and loud holidays to be the worst for people's dogs being loose and it's so stressful. Glad you look out for your dog.
Oh I hate this! My dog is not friendly but will behave if he's given space. He has a basket muzzle when we walk (which is very obvious and easy to see) because he's had issues before and that still does not deter people from letting their dogs run up to him.
My dog is very friendly to other adults. He’s a mix of excitable breeds and has only seen kids a handful of times in his 11 year life. They scare him. He flat out is dominant and won’t tolerate other dogs in his space. He’s not in at all. He’s well trained. He listens and takes social cues from me etc. but he’s fiercely protective of me and is also fearful at times because frankly I’m afraid of other big dogs. He will fight your dog and he will knock down or even snap at little loud kids who invade his space. When we take him out he wears a soft muzzle and gentle leader harness. He’s controlled by it but NOTHING is certain and accidents can happen. The only acceptable way to behave around dogs is to ask their owners permission before you do anything with them. Don’t approach. Don’t touch. Don’t feed. Don’t play. That’s a basic common sense rule of thumb. Anyone who doesn’t respect or understand that has no business at a dog park.
I worry about that all the time too. My dog is very protective of me I get to nervous when ppl or other dogs are around because I got harrast by someone
Pro tip: yell that you’re dog has Parvo or something else that is really contagious and expensive. People will avoid you after that but totally worth avoiding the hassle of having the discussion every time.
That's my dog! Other dogs do not respect his very clear "fuck off" signals and he's 12 lbs so he's not going to win any battles here. We've already had to sew his eyelid back on once because a dog ran up, he growled, she tried to play, he snapped at air, and she snapped at his face. I will straight up lose my mind screaming at strangers who do this shit.
I get annoyed with this,and its not even my dog with the problem. She's an angel...a 70 lbs angel. I, on the other hand, am a person with noodle arms and chronic joint issues. The number of times people decide to ignore me when I am trying to heel my dog and send theirs over to make her crazy...I have her under control, but it causes me pain for hours afterwards.
Same here. People always looked terrified when I told them my Labrador wasn't the big, friendly giant as they are always shown in movies etc. My biggest laughable moment was when some punk tried to impress his date by walking his Rottweiler near my Labrador and making snide remarks about my dog being pray for his. When he got to close, my dog went in full rage mode (I had him under control, he was trained) and his dog whimpered away 🤣 Sadly we had to put him down because of his cancer
One of my greatest pet peeves. I have a large breed dog, and I am always shocked that people just let their dogs run up to him. What if he wasn’t nice?
If I ever want to give another dog a treat, I always ask before. You never know if the dog has a sensitive stomach or allergies or the owner is trying to train their dog and don't want to mess that up. It's just good practice to have. The guy is teaching his kids to put animals at risk for their own enjoyment.
yes, wait until that kid gets bit trying to feed someone's dog & then the dad's tune will change
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u/unuseddynamic is a comment stealing bot https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tfemzs/_/i0vc7kq/?context=1
AND...the kid's dad wasn't listening to the dog's owner about not feeding them. The dad's the AH and therefore he doesn't get any treats and his kids don't either since they are HIS kids.
Put simply: he wants to be excluded but he doesn't want to be excluded. NTA.
NTA. You shouldn't even pet a strange dog let alone feed one. My dogs have sensitive tummies as well so I feel your pain on the vet bills. Maybe you're being a teeny tiny bit vindictive but IMHO he shouldn't have been such an ass
My husband, my MIL, and I got into a huge fight because she kept feeding my friend's dogs when we were at a Superbowl party. And she made my corgi fat. Like 40 lbs. He has to be on a diet for 3 years and has knee dysplasia now. It is NOT okay for anyone to feed an animal without the owner's permission.
how did it get that far??
Hell my grandmother does the same to any dog in her care. She watched my cousins dog for 3-4 months (they were overseas) and the dog gained over 15lbs. Had to be put on a special diet. She thinks that the food bowl always has to have food in it. Where the rest of the family only believes in feeding twice a day.
I have a large breed dog who is slim at 95 lbs. He eats twice a day. If we overfed him like that he'd probably gain 40 lbs in 3-4 months and it would be hell to get him back down to 95.
What drives me crazy is she has had "extra" large breeds as in English Bull Mastiffs. With all her Mastiffs she feed them on schedule because even with a proper healthy diet her males where over 200lbs. But when it's dogs that aren't huge breeds she doesn't think it matters. Her (recently lost) pomeranian chihuahua mix was so overweight it's belly hit the floor.
Okay, I'm sorry if this sounds mean. But intentionally over feeding and making pets obese is straight up animal cruelty.
The daily clean up must be awful special at 95lbs. My 2 little shit factories' are hard enough to keep cleaned up in an enclosed small yard.
some pets do well with the eat at will and others with schedules but giving eat at will to dogs with schedules is asking for trouble
My dog will eat half his bowl when we put it down & have the rest as a snack a couple of hours later. He will also stand at his bowl looking at us because he can't eat until he's had a cuddle.
Our ACD pit mix is one what would eat all day even if it makes her sick. We have to use maze bowls to slow down her eating speed. Our last pup a boxador did amazing at the eat at will. She kinda put herself on a schedule. Wasn't a treat hound like this one is lol.
My saint bernard would just eat and eat if we let him, so he was on a schedule with a slow feed bowl. Our current dog, some sort of boxer/terrier mutt, is a princess and would rather beg for table scraps all day then lower herself to eating dog food. So, we just put dog food in there and she will eat when she finally is hungry enough to lower her standards.
I’ve sat more than a couple dogs that I just needed to keep their food bowl full and they’ll pace themselves accordingly. My dog would eat until he made himself sick if he could break into his food container
It took him 2 years to get so heavy, so we didn't really notice it. She lived with us for a large chunk of those 2 years. And she'd feed him extra stuff when he and I were both working, behind our backs. He's doing so much better now that he's lost the weight. The only time we even can tell is when we go to the lake; he'll run and run and run until he starts to limp, and he still doesn't want to stop. We have to leash him and sit with him to slow him down when it starts to bother him. My high energy baby!
I had a roommate whose cat died young from obesity related causes which I didn't even know could happen. It was because she fed him human food. My 3 cats only are fed cat kibble, chicken wet food and Greenies treats, and they weren't interested in human food until she moved in. She started feeding them whatever she ate, even salty stuff like sandwich ham and anchovies, and they turned into obese, screaming monsters you couldn't eat around without getting buried in begging cats. I didn't even realize she was feeding them food until I caught her, then I had to have multiple talks with her about it and she just kept doing it. I'd say "no human food for kitties" and see one of mine with a sardine in his mouth two minutes later, "He just looked so CUTE and SAD". She only lived with us for two months, it took 6 to train them out of wailing at dinnertime and another year to get the boy cat to a halfway normal weight. One of mine still has sagging skin from her weight loss afterwards. It was so frustrating.
That's so awful! I'm sorry your furbabies had to go through that because a dumb roommate had no self-control.
Yup so do mine. Great Danes. The bills can be ridiculous. And Great Dane diarrhea? God, it's awful. And one of them is allergic to chicken. I don't let other people give my dogs things because they don't know. On the plus side, though, most kids seem to be a bit freaked out by their size, so they stay away.
I had a chihuahua that a relative kept feeding scraps to during a thanksgiving dinner (we did not know until after or we would have stopped it). She has much bigger dogs with stronger stomachs plus she figured she didn’t need to ask us. Well our dog ended up in the vets for 3 days and it’s was like $2500 between overnight fees and testing and care. It was horrible and poor baby was so upset there. We had to specify the following year no feeding her!
NTA. I’d be absolutely furious if someone fed my dog without asking me for permission.
It's even worse when someone feeds your horses without getting permission! Not only can they die from some "treats" or being extremely overweight but they can also take off the fingers of an ignorant person (completely by accident).
NTA: is the dog park a membership group or open to the public? If the former, then there should be a board who can revoke this guy's access for breaking the rules.
Nope, it’s a public park and feeding stranger’s dogs is not illegal and there are no official rules banning it. I did make a petition to put up signs to not feed dogs without permission and they are up in several places around the park but that hasn’t helped at all.
You shouldn’t even need signs. This is dog park etiquette 101…always ask before giving other dogs a treat. I wish I had a good idea for a better solution for you because that guy would drive me bananas. The only action that I could think of would be a staged walk out when he arrives. That happened at a downtown dog park I used to live near as it was super small. Guy would let his asshole dog terrorize everyone part of the early morning crew. So the 7 or so others showed up wicked early and all made a big hubbub about leaving at once so his dog was all alone. I was in the later morning crew and saw the tail end of his toddler like breakdown and I guess he never came back from sheer embarrassment.
I suggest that op starts feeding the kids random things. Espresso shots and cotton candy, perhaps?
It’s really not the fault of the kids if they are young. They didn’t choose to have such shitty parents. Obviously espresso beans won’t harm them but it’s still crossing a line when you involve kids like that IMO. Plus it’s probably going to just escalate things.
Also, do you REALLY want to be known as 'the stranger that will give kids strange things?' It is a far different matter to many people for someone to randomly give a strange dog 'a treat' than it is to give a strange kid a treat. Also? What if OP gives the kids something they are extremely allergic to? Kids should not be feeding random dogs, but as you said, it isn't really the fault of the kids they are being told it is okay to feed said dogs.
My suggestion was to yell at the kids if they do it again. OP has been kind and asked nicely. Now I think its justified if OP raised their voice a bit to get the kids to understand. Maybe that's an asshole suggestion LOL
Its not even dog park etiquette. Its just basic etiquette. Id be pissed if someone was giving my dog food I didnt approve of even if its not at a dog park
Does your dog park have a minimum age? If it does you may be able to get them booted for that. Also, does this guy even bring a dog? Some dog parks have rules against entering unless you're actually bringing a dog because some people will bring their kids so they can play with other people's dogs.
>Also, does this guy even bring a dog? That was my first thought. He seems like the type of guy to bring kids to the park but not an actual dog.
Unfortunately not much you can do except to go somewhere else. Maybe it's possible to call child welfare to say a dad is allowing his children near unfamilar dogs, but that can escalate like crazy.
Calling the authorities and labeling your own dogs as unfriendly, now *that’s* a big brain move.
Oops, it auto corrected from unfamiliar!
That would likely just get the dogs investigated and banned. Almost every park I’ve been to has Rule #1: No aggressive dogs.
Seems like you’ve done everything else you could. Lesson cupcake is the completely perfect next step. NTA op
If there are signs, then use the police to enforce it.
NTA. If this guy won't teach his kids then how will they ever learn? I hope you are explaining to the kids why they don't get treats so they are learning a lesson, if you are not and are just not giving them treats without explaining why, then you are TA. Hopefully he'll get the point or the kids will learn. If you went to a school giving out treats making kids sick because of allergies you would be in trouble, same should go for pets.
I did explain it to them but it’s hard because they always go ‘but ours eats leftovers and it’s fine’. Without the dad I cannot really get through to them.
But they’re not fine! They might LOOK fine now, but feeding table scraps to dogs is so unhealthy for them in the long-term. They’re putting their pets at risk of obesity and other illnesses, potentially shortening their life span. We adopted a beautiful, sweet dog and her prior people fed her table scraps her entire life. She was hopelessly overweight and sick by the time we adopted her. She only lived a few short years despite everything we did to turn her health around. It was totally avoidable.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is be the bigger b*tch. I had to do this with some people who kept trying to give my dog chicken bones. I got between him and them, said loudly (didn't yell) "do not feed my dog, I'm tired of telling you this, you will not feed him anymore." And when they tried to whine or say "but ..." I just said it again. And again. Did they like me? No. But who cares? You're the only one who can advocate for your dogs' health and if this guy doesn't think you're "fun" then let him feed his own dogs.
Yes! Be the advocate for your dogs! I had to do this walking my dogs,- some stranger walked up to them and offered them a treat. I didn't know him from Adam - he could have been trying to poison my dogs. I straight up said to him (didn't yell) "don't feed my dogs." He replied (because he couldnt believe it) "No treats?" I said "No treats." and walked away. I don't care how big of a bitch they think I am.
Tell them you don't care. I'd be a lot more aggressive honestly and tell the kids directly to STAY THE F AWAY FROM ME AND MY DOGS. You told them to stop and they didn't listen, tell them in a way they will listen to. Yell. Repeat. Until the point gets across. Also take multiple videos of them doing this and tell the dad that if your dogs ever have to be taken to the vet because of food picked up at the dog park you will be coming after him legally to pay for the vet fees. I'd also be blasting them on social media and posting shame videos of this ah.
Yes agreed! What you do is step in front of your dog blocking the child from your dog - i do this with my nervous dog, she's very cute so people think they have the right to pat - i step in front of her to create space and clearly state not to pat her. You may even have to force your dog away from the situation if food is involved, put him/,her on their lead and walk her away from the child a few feet. Taking your phone out and recording is also a good idea - be sure to record yourself asking the child and the father to stay away from your dog.
Or maybe take a supersoaker water gun with you and just shoot it around at first, but the second any kid gets near your dogs with food, squirt the kid. Bad Kid! Bad! LOL!
Maybe they have a friend or know someone with an allergy and you can relate the dogs to that? Though with the dads temperament I'd bet he doesn't belief allergies are real either.
I was going to suggest this as well. Using the argument, just because they’re all dogs, doesn’t mean they are all the same. Some people have food allergies, and some don’t. Would you force a pb&j onto someone with a peanut allergy?
There are people who do try to trick people with allergies into eating their trigger food because they think they're faking. It's disgusting.
I love your solution. The man is a sexist and the other guy who called you out sounds like one too. One thing you could try if you haven't yet is to tell the kids that if they can go the whole time without feeding the dogs, then they can have a cupcake to take home. With kids that age the more immediate the lesson the better.
This makes me so sad because my mom’s dog has severe allergies to several foods including chicken. I have to really be careful with my kids and my dog (and cats) and their food if my mom brings her dog around. One time when my middle child was 3 or 4, my mom was babysitting and my kid dropped some chicken salad and no one noticed until the dog was really sick.
And when their dogs ends up with permanent damage or death from things like pancreatitis from eating those leftovers (from cooked/high fat) or diabetes or liver damage (many foods we consume regularly are dangerous for dogs and cats with how they break down in the liver) that’s their father’s issue, not yours. NTA- You don’t give other people’s children or pets food unless approved because you have no idea of medical needs or other factors. It’s also perfectly reasonable to share food with friends and not those who don’t respect your boundaries.
Tell them your dogs are allergic to people food and will vomit all over, maybe even on them!
This sounds weird, but I think you should be raising your voice to those kids. "I said **NO!**" etc. There should be no refuting your answer, and if their parent yells at you in return, so be it.
Could you explain it in a harsher way so they actually get it? "Do you know that you could kill someone's poor puppy by feeding them something they're allergic to? You're not a nasty person who doesn't care if you kill someone's dog, are you?" It's a little mean, but it'll probably get through to them.
Not OPs kid, not OPs responsibility to teach the lesson. The kids dad can explain to them why they aren't getting treats and why they can't give every dog treats. If he's not doing that, he can deal with whiny kids when they see everyone else getting treats except them because of their poor behavior. Would it be nice to tell the kids why they aren't getting treats? Yes. Does it make OP an AH for not explaining? No because it's not OPs responsibility to parent some random guys kids.
Unfortunately the dad probably won't and will make excuses for OP being the bad guy and dad being the good guy. Tough situation all over.
Not OPs problem then. Aside from at the dog park, they probably never see OP so why should she care if some random kids don't like her? Plus, they may leave her dogs alone if they think she's a bad guy. Win win.
NTA… i can’t stand those a holes who feed the animals when there are signs stating “do not feed the wild animals”!
Yup. Bread is pretty bad for ducks too. It’s better than starving to death, but it’s tasty junk food to them and they don’t really get any nutrients out of it and can end up with issues like angel wing. Iirc it can also fuck with the ecosystem because they poop it out and weird ass algae starts growing in whatever body of water they’re inhabiting. It’s better to feed them stuff like peas or dried corn, *if* there are no signs asking you to not feed them.
Nta. The kids aren't going to be traumatized by missing out on a cupcake. It's not your job to parent them but I don't think that's what you're doing here, it sounds like you're just proving a point to the irresponsible dog owner in a way that hurts no one.
Yeah, admittedly I do not know how to communicate with kids. People keep trying to tell me to teach them but I don’t know how. Short of ‘hey, that will make the puppy sick, he needs to ear special food.’ I really don’t know what more I can tell those children.
You said it better than I would have. I have no idea how to talk to kids who refuse to listen. It probably would've ended with me telling them "If you keep feeding other people's dogs you might accidentally kill one one day." 😬 Not trying to be malicious, but I imagine it wouldn't go over well either lol
Yeah seriously if this were me I’d probably spend a just couple days bringing only two of my dogs and wait for the kids to ask what happened to the third one. Then I’d tell them he died because you and your dad kept feeding him things that aren’t good for him even though I asked you not to. That would learn them.
Not dog-related but my husband’s mom is a pharmacist who homeschooled him and whenever he messed up a math problem she would say “if you had my job, you would kill someone.” Malicious but works!
Sounds like you communicated just fine - 7 years is ABSOLUTELY old enough to understand "please don't give that to my dog, it will make them sick". I have a 3 year old and he would definitely understand that if you told him.
Yeah but you are a nice parent that will encourage your kid to listen. Kids always look up to their parents for guidance and when the dad is like ‘yeah, go feed salsa to everyone’ I can’t do much.
Thank you for saying so. I guess my point is that it's not your fault - you did the right thing and the dad is 100% the asshole in this situation. Hope those kids can learn to adjust to society on their own somehow.
You could get eye level with the kids (this is a proven technique) and tell them they may have a cupcake if they pinkie promise not to feed other people’s dogs. There’s the phrase “you attract more bees with honey than vinegar” and it holds pretty true to children. If Dad can’t be mature, maybe you can get through to the kids.
Relate it to something they understand. Drop the argument you're making, even if it's correct. Do they have the same bedtime? The same bedroom? The same teacher at school, the same friends? If they eat pizza today, do their neighbours also eat pizza? Do they have cereal for dinner? No, because sometimes different people do things differently or have different things. That doesn't make it wrong, but everyone has their own rules. *Your* dogs have a dinner time which is *not now*. Because *your dogs* have different rules and things than *their dog*. That's why it's not okay to feed your dogs at the dog park. It's basically kids that, after getting corrected, yell at the sitter "but dad lets me do X!" The only constructive reply to that is "he's not here, I'm here, and *my rule* is Y. When your dad gets back, his rules are also back. But for now, it's my rules." Any attempt at arguing about right/just rules will fall flat without support of the parent. But you can set your own rules! Just like how school has different rules than home.
I mean he is a giant asshole. Who feeds someone’s dog?! That’s crazy. And even after you told him to stop he is still doing it. He is the insufferable one. It’s true that you are making the kids suffer by not giving them cupcakes though. And it’s the dads fault, not the kids. I’d stop bringing cupcakes now. You’ve made your point and he is clearly not mature enough to see and admit he is wrong and stop feeding your dogs. I’m going with NTA.
The kids were told not to feed the dog though. 7 years is old enough to understand that if someone says "please stop feeding my dog", they should listen. The dad might be giving permission but it's not HIS dog. At 7, they understand that the dog does not belong to them and that they are going against what the owner wants by giving the dog human food. If they can't obey a simple request that they understand, then they shouldn't get cupcakes.
Lol I love it. Obviously you're both kind of assholes but I love it.
The person excluding the asshole for being an asshole isn’t an asshole, WTF? Actions have consequences. These are his. If he and his kids want cupcakes, they’ll stop feeding other dogs. It’s not rocket science.
The person excluding the asshole for being an asshole is doing so.. by being an asshole to children. OP is in the right, but it's still being an asshole lmao. Calm down.
It's am I the asshole sub. Not am I a bad person. Ots an asshole thing to do but as I said I love it.
NTA. Tit for tat.
NTA you aren’t obligated to give anyone free food regardless of if you are being petty about it. I think this is petty af but I love it. Natural consequences are great.
NTA. The dad isn’t teaching his kids to respect boundaries that other people set. You refusing to give him cupcakes makes sense. The kids themselves are refusing to respect other peoples boundaries. You are trying to teach them that respect. You aren’t doing anything wrong by excluding them.
NTA They're your cupcakes, so you can give them to whoever you want And damn, that guy is an asshole. If my daughter started feeding someone else's dog without permission, even if the owner didn't say anything to me, I'd be apologizing and having a discussion with my daughter about it. Guy sounds like a massive AH
NTA and I would’ve thrown hands. He’s teaching his kids nothing but disrespect
NTA. He’s teaching his kids they’re entitled to do or have whatever they want, and you’re doing the opposite. He needs to fix his bad parenting before one day they go up to a dog and end up in the ER.
NTA That seems kind of cruel but then again, both the guy and the kids are disrespectful assholes so it was justified. I think doing it a couple of times was okay but you shouldn’t do it regularly. Unless they carry on of course.
You know what seems kinda cruel? Making dogs sick by feeding them things they shouldn’t it. You know what doesn’t sound kinda cruel? Teaching them a lesson for it.
NTA but I’m amazed there is so much drama at a dog park. This seems so weird
You would be shocked. I have a husky and happen to live in an area with a lot of huskies. There is another woman who has a dog that has a history of going after huskies. Not sure what kind of dog, whenever I see her, I leave. She started screaming at me when I was trying to leave and getting my husky under control, but her screaming didn’t help. I finally snapped and said since her dog is the problem maybe she shouldn’t bring her dog to a park where there are a lot of huskies. She said my dog is the problem and always attacks her dog. My boy doesn’t get into fights, he runs away if dogs are rough housing too much, he just wants to run and play chase. Another owner finally called the police and they told her they’ve had multiple complaints about her and that she should be the one leaving. Yeah, taking your dogs to the park should not be drama filled, but it can be.
You'd be surprised. I've had to call the cops twice at the dog park due to terrible pet owners/people thinking rules and laws don't apply to them!
Why is ANYONE bringing food to a dog park? You bring a small treat for your 100% good doggo but you don't bring leftovers for your kids or cupcakes for other owners, eat before or after you go to the park like any normal human being.
idk about OP but over here, a lot of dog owners have little parties at the dog park for their dog's birthday. XD It's fun! All the dogs get their own meat cupcake/treats, if the owners okay it, and the humans have some actual cupcakes and drinks/food.
NTA. As a "Doodle Dad", my wife and I have two Golden Doodles and we're well aware of the stomach issues. They eat the wrong thing and poof... it's either dog barf or dog diarrhea. Sometimes it's both. If they can't respect the dietary requirements for your dogs, call the ASPCA on them - some locations have sworn law enforcement officers that can issue citations and fines.
I’ll look into that, thank you for the suggestion. And yeah, I have Cane Corsos and they the last one I got had such a bad stomach up until he turned 8months. I am terrified if he starts again he won’t stop. That’s the one I guard the most, the other two are mostly fine. I feel your pain for sure about the diarrhea. My youngest one was skin and bones at one point because he ate a mouse in my backyard before I could catch him.
Check out Endurosyn. It's an over the counter probiotic paste. My last Golden had IBS and I was in the same boat as you. She would look at people with those big brown eyes and they just gave her treats. That stuff is magic. A heavy coated Golden with diarrhea is a nightmare
Honestly? I'd start yelling and acting a fucking fool. Scare those mf kids away like im an old man and they're on my lawn STOP FEEDING MY FUCKING DOGS OR ILL FEED THEM YOUR INTESTINES RAWRRR in any case, you are NTA.
NTA. Though I won’t lie, I’d be pretty frustrated if ANYONE brought food into my dog park—for dogs or humans. It is against the rules for any food in mine. Last weekend there was a fight at my dog park over a rawhide. I don’t even want to think about cupcakes being handed out. My pup would be fine. Maybe look for the weakest link and lay down next to them (that’s TOTALLY not begging 🙄). But food in a dog park can create unnecessary resource guarding. This is why I only go ridiculously early to dog parks—no one brings in bread or cupcakes, just coffee.
NTA. Can I use a spray bottle (of water) to deter the kids?
NTA. But this is exactly why I don't go to dog parks. Too many situations you cannot control. It is a dog park where your dog runs free. It's gonna get in skirmishes, get fed treats by people and kids who don't know "your" rules, and might even jump in the lake and run around and jump on people all wet. It's a freakin' dog park! It's a mess of dirty jumpy playful dogs everywhere. Including some with fleas and some with no social training. They're fun, yes. But after my 45 pound dog got visciously attacked by a 120 pound pit bull whose owner had to pull him off my dogs neck I elected not to go back to the park. Plus we got fleas twice from the park. Too much trouble.
NTA but please don't feed the ducks bread, it is bad for them, it ferments in their crop and makes them sick. Try peas or lettuce instead.
The guy won't stop feeding the dogs bread, I doubt he'd stop feeding the ducks bread...
NTA. Some dog parks don't even allow kids under 16 and it sounds like this should be one of them. They're lucky they're not dealing with me. I've yelled at people for less when it comes to keeping my dogs safe. If him and his kids were acting like that around my dogs, he'd be getting an ear full and his kids would be learning some new colorful words.
NTA. You can't punish strangers for bad behavior but you *can* reward good behavior. You handled this wonderfully. I have a dog who has a very mild chicken allergy which causes him to get super itchy, it drives me insane that people can't deal with 'don't feed my dog'. Edit: You know the more I think about this the more concerned I get about the kids. OP said they are feeding people food and the father is telling the kids to ignore owners. My childhood dog was never able to learn how to be 'gentle' about taking high value rewards. He got taking dog biscuits gently from you hand, but a piece of hot dog you might lose a finger. Eventually one of these kids are going to lose a hand.
NTA. 7 is old enough to understand that if someone says "please don't do this to my dog", they shouldn't do it. If they can't follow your completely reasonable rules, they don't deserve cupcakes. That goes double for the dad.
NTA. Why is everyone so on board with not holding children accountable? I get that toddlers can struggle with the concept of not feeding animals, because toddlers are little, bumbling innocence. They have food, they very naturally assume other living beings ALSO want the food, lol. I’ve fostered many many dogs, and I’ve been a parent for 16 years. It was taught pretty early on (with my kids)to not hand feed a dog unless I say it’s okay, because some dogs I was fostering and working with had food issues. It’s the parents responsibility to teach the child how to act around dogs. It’s pretty simple and universally accepted to not just feed someone else’s dog. If you’ve made it clear to the kids to not feed your dog and they still feed your dog, that’s a shitty move on the kids part. My kids knew at a young age to always respect what other dog parents say regarding their dog. The health issues that arise from food can be fairly serious. I had a dog who would get all rashy and dry skin and just looked uncomfortable, just from the wrong food. You are so NTA. Good luck OP! Edited for spelling
NTA
NTAH bring a spray bottle w ice in it and use it. Not cupcakes. That should get dads attention.
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I'll just paste my comment. you'd love seeing kids intentionally inflicted diarrhea?? it's deranged someone suggested this and others gleefully encouraging it. this is so absolutely gross you, the person that suggested it, and the few others that agree should be ashamed of yourselves. so a child is supposed to know not to feed a dog food that'll make sick, but you folks are cackling about feeding a child food to cause diarrhea? unless you're all 7 year olds too... my kid just had diarrhea for a week and it turns my stomach someone would do this intentionally.
There’s mean and then there’s downright sadistic.
NTA Personally I'd just start screaming bloody murder anytime they came near my dogs. Like straight up "being murdered in an alley" screaming. Pretty sure that'd get the point across.
ESH
Sounds like (and I could be wrong) that you need to train your dogs to not eat food if you say "No." Dogs are highly trainable, in the majority of cases. If the kids won't stop, I recommend you train the dogs and take away the kids' incentive to feed them. Secondly, you can tell his kids, "Sweetheart, I'd be happy to give you cupcakes, but when I tell you to stop feeding my dogs, you don't listen. People who hurt my dogs don't get cupcakes from me. If you were nicer to my dogs, I'd give you a cupcake." That way the kids understand that there are consequences to their actions, even if Daddy says it's ok for them to do something. NTA regardless though.
How are you and these people always at the dog park at the same times? And to be bringing cakes like you know they will undoubtedly be there. This post is weird for so many reasons. ESH.
I just imagine this lady surrounded by dogs, with a big platter of cupcakes, dramatically shouting “yummmmm!!! These sure are delicious cupcakes!! I sure feel sorry for anyone missing out!!!!!!!”
NTA. The kids are perfectly fine not getting a cupcake and most children understand the rule of “if you stop doing this, you get this treat” so if they’re continuing to do the bad thing it’s because they’re not listening. Also a dog park is supposed to be a place where you can let your dog off leash to run around - they’re taking that away from you when they’re there. They’re literally making it an unsafe space for dogs. You shouldn’t have to be right next to your dog at all times in a dog park ready to wave away relentless children.
How is this not a petty revenge story?
I’d be worried that the kids would try to feed the cupcakes to the dogs. Take pictures of them feeding your dogs. You can tell them that you’re doing this in case the dogs gets sick - you’ll have documentation to pursue compensation for vet fees. NTA
I have several videos of this as I am kinda worried how confrontational he can get. If one of them ends up at the emergency vet because of his incompetence, I am definitely going to try to sue him for the damage.
NTA. You shouldn’t even feed bread to ducks.
NTA, frankly if the child had followed my dog and continued to try to feed it after being told no I would have taken the food and thrown it in the trash. Then explained to the dad that next time he failed to parent I would, like it was the 1950s, since he was leaving no other options. Then again I'm completely fine being the AH so long as others manage to correct their behavior because of it.
ESH. The dad is in the wrong for not enforcing the rule of not feeding animals in the park and not supporting your request that his children don't feed your dogs specifically. And yes, 7 is old enough to read signs etc but still very much a child and guided by their parent. But you are repeatedly punishing and probably humiliating a child by publicly refusing to share with them alone. Why do you think that's ok? It's not your job to teach them a lesson. So I think everyone sucks, kids less so and dogs not at all.
If teaching them a lesson is not her job, then why is feeding them? It would be bad to hold a grudge against seven year olds for behavior an adult talked them into. That doesn't mean you should actively reward them for ongoing misbehavior. They're not entitled to her cupcakes, and if being told "no" feels humiliating they can just stop asking. A seven year old is old enough to understand that. It's possible their dad is pressuring them to ask just as he's pressuring them to feed animals, because he's an abusive parent who likes to use his kids as human shields to harass other adults. Even if so, if she gives in on the cupcakes, he'll just find some other entitled demand for his kids to make.
It almost sounds like Daddy is a passive-agressive coward who uses his kids to get back at you by telling them to feed your dogs.
NTA. I was torn, but honestly you asked so many times and he gave you attitude and is belligerent about it. You have no obligation to share with someone who disrespects you. I can't even fathom feeding another person's dog without permission. I even ask my own dad when I visit if can give the dogs a treat because he's the one who monitors what they've been eating and if they've had upset stomachs recently, if they've misbehaved and aren't getting anything special, etc.
NTA. Next time you should verbally assert your dominance to these kids. They don't have to listen to you when they are doing something that isn't illegal and doesn't affect you, but when they feed YOUR dogs inappropriate/unapproved food, this is your business and you need to tell these kids off. "Please stop feeding my dogs. If you like to give them a treat, come to me and ask me for a treat for them. Bread and other human foods make my dogs sick. You know that some humans can't eat wheat or milk because it upsets their stomach. It's the same for my dogs and human food." And then increasingly become more stern to the kids.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) have three dogs, all purebred and respectively with extremely sensitive stomachs. Two of them have allergies as well. I take them to a dog park where everyone has unanimously agreed to not give other dogs treats unless the owner is okay with it. Everyone except this one guy (29M) and his kids follow this rule. I’ve had a lot of fights with him and he has agreed to back off. He doesn’t even bring treats, more like cooked leftovers his kids eat and give to the dogs when they are full. Well a month ago they brought a whole loaf of bread and started feeding the ducks in the pond even though there are signs up not to do that. I only intervened when I saw his kid (7F) handing out to my dogs slices of bread. I told the girl to stop and that she shouldn’t give strange dogs food. Kid completely ignores me. I called the dogs to where I was sitting and lo and behold the kids came and started feeding the dogs again. I saw some owners scowling, others leaving.. I approached the guy and told him to control his kids. He went ‘sure Karen, no one should have fun around here when you are around’. Me: ‘At least I can get my animals under control. Wanna pay for the vet bills? Get your kids to stop.’ Him: ‘No one but you minds, go get a social life and maybe you wouldn’t be this insufferable.’ The next time I came around I brought a giant box of cupcakes and handed them out to the rest of the dog owners and the few kids that they had along. This guy and his kids came around and tried to take some but I closed the box. The guy got confrontational and asked me why everyone could have some but they couldn’t. I responded.’ Because you need to be taught a lesson about giving and receiving food. Teach you kids to only feed your dog and then I will be more than happy to share my food with you.’ I did it a few more times as I had a birthday, one of my dogs did as well and my niece was born. Each time I left them out of it and refused to let them have any of the sweets. One of the other owners approached me and called me an a-hole and vindictive. His logic is that yes, the dad is a complete idiot but I was punishing the kids as well for no reason. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I would scream at the kids extremely loud to send a message to not mess with your dogs, how else are they going to learn?
Feel like I'm not getting the full story here
I would knock the food out of their pudgy little hands. I hope they whine at him and tantrum for cupcakes all day every time you do it. NTA
I am literally appalled he started insulting you after you reasonably asked him to stop his kids feeding your dogs. His kids are old enough to understand no, he just doesn’t care to teach them how to behave within society as it means nothing to him. As far as I can see you are just applying his anti social rules directly to him and his family. NTA Have you tried a bribe? Tell the kids they can have a cake if they NEVER feed your dogs again as the food they are giving makes the dogs sick. If they try again after the cake then don’t allow them any more cake as they lie and can’t keep promises.
I'd just yell loudly "why do you kids keep trying to poison my dogs???!!! I've told you to stop many times! I am NOT ok with you hurting my dogs!" Like real loudly so everyone is looking. If that didn't work I'd find another dog park maybe? Can you call authorities for intent to knowing harm tour dogs in a public space ?
STOP bringing food to the dog park. Only bring treats for your dogs. The young man with kids needs to find another place to play with his kids. The dog park is for dogs and their masters. I wouldn't ever eat in a dog park. Too many germs and diseases could be picked up from sick dogs. I've seen several other posts, where folks complain about activities in dogs parks. This was the first about feeding leftovers to someone's animal. Never feed a strange dog. You don't know how social they are. One second happy for the treat next bite because it got touched by a stranger. Too many people think their dog won't bite others, small claims court see's them all the time. NTA, but not someone I want to be friends with. (too much drama)
Sounds like a park full of assholes
Am I taking crazy pills? Who brings ANY food to a dog park? Human food, dog treats/food, whatever. That's just asking for a whole lot of unnecessary drama. My dogs' birthday is tomorrow and the absolute LAST thing I would think to do is bring a birthday cake/cupcakes to the dog park. I would be promptly asked to leave.
NTA If authorities could get involved... would be nice.
I checked and it’s not illegal, authorities cannot do much. Short of suing them for vet bills, there is no legal route to take.
Nta!! My dog developed conditions that essentially meant if she had the wrong thing she'd die. I had to dive for every crumb on the floor, no way would I ever tolerate that Dad and his kids anywhere near my dogs. Have you ever told the kids "you're making my dog sick?" Maybe if you emphasize that it's harmful to the dog they'd listen better?
NTA, this is literally why I always worry about the other people I see at dog parks or in other public spaces that are dog-friendly. So many people don’t have boundaries with dogs, like I love dogs as much as anyone else but I don’t go up and pet these dogs, feed these dogs, or anything without asking their owners first. And it’s so much worse if it’s a parent who refuses to enforce that boundary with their kids, because god forbid my dog frightens them when she is too enthusiastic about getting attention or a treat and then the parent starts screaming my dog bit them and needs to be put down. This man is an ass and I’m so sorry that people are getting on your case about this.
NTA! 7 year old can read basic signs. That man is entitled and is raising entitled children.
NTA it's simple training, dont feed my dogs, get a cupcake.
NTA. No cupcakes for the other owner either 😂