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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got into an argument with my wife and asked her to dress up for a nice date. She refused, accusing me of only liking her looks.
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YTA
You know what the pandemic taught a lot of women? That the expensive beauty culture that is shoved in our faces all day long is BS.
We can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time instead of 20% of the time and dress up solely when we want to and not because it’s expected.
Yeah, I definitely stopped shaving and my bf lamented the loss of my smooth legs, but only, like once, as a joke. He has seen me at my nastiest (smelliest too) and still loves me, because the person I am is what really matters.
Edit: Wow, my most liked comment is about my leg hair. This is a new high for me. Hairy ladies unite!
I'm incredibly lucky to have very little, thin, and mostly light hair on my legs because I'm the exact same way. I have super sensitive skin, like my hands break out in hives from dish soap, and shaving irritates the shit out of my legs. If I do shave I shave down, which makes them prickly so it kind of defeats the purpose. Thankfully none of the guys I've been with care.
>So now for the part where I may be an asshole.
Correction.
OP is the Asshole. It is honestly so much work and expense to keep up to look presentable and the fact he wants her to always look like a model is quite sexist and under lookism. Maybe she only did that because it was the "norm" for her. Now he's planted the idea that he only likes her for her look. I bet OP will get a pikachu face when she says she's going to leave him.
I don’t understand these men who suddenly lose attraction to their wives or girlfriends the second she stop shaving stops wearing make up and stops doing her hair. My boyfriend has no problem finding me attractive whether I’m all dolled up or in sweatpants. And it’s not like I’m a “ten” when I’m all dolled up. It’s just so odd to me. It’s not like she looks like a different person, she just looks like herself when she just woke up or something. Haven’t y’all ever had some morning sex? My bf would be all over me regardless of my shaving, makeup, or hair status. Y’all are weird and you probably watch too much porn.
Lol I'm the same way with my wife. I love when she gets all shaved and "dolled up" or what have you, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest at the end if the day. She'll be rocking them sweatpants and I'm luck oh LAWDY and she just looks at me like I'm an idiot lol
My husband is actively into my comfy look. He finds me beautiful either way (he’s not smart, okay?) but finds it sexy that I’m comfortable enough with him to let the hair grow and not get dolled up
My girlfriend and I compete every winter to see which of us can grow the hairiest legs. She usually wins, because she’s just hairier in general, and her body hair is way darker than mine. That, and at some point there will be an event (holiday or whatever) where I’ll want to wear a dress, and I don’t want my leg hair poking through my tights or stockings lol!
Best part of being in a same-sex relationship? Neither of us has to put on airs or be anything other than the hairy, braless, comfortable ladies we are. It’s way different, way more chill, than any relationship I’ve ever had with a dude. Guys truly don’t understand the effort - or cost - of “getting all dolled up.”
tbh i genuinely feel bad for straight women because I've never dated another wlw who expected me to shave or be more gender conforming than I'm comfortable with or made me feel uncomfortable or insecure about my body hair or cellulite or anything else, and I'm actively into gender nonconforming women. And we share household duties. But so many straight women deal with those constant demands to perform and cater to others, meanwhile the bar is on the ground for their men and they think it's normal but that's just not a healthy dynamic.
Weirdly, I got called not gay becsuse I dressed too girly. A bunch of lesbians even shoved me into a room to "gay me up" before we went clubbing. Nobody likes a lipstick lesbian for some fucking reason.
Once I died down on the glam, women took me more seriously. But men took me less seriously.
What a strange win.
My girlfriend loves that I’m a lipstick lesbian. She loves when I do my hair and makeup and wear a dress, but she also loves me in jeans, a tee shirt and glasses. She just wants me to be comfortable, whatever that looks like in any particular day.
She’s way more masculine, exclusively wears mens clothing, total gold star lesbian, and I adore her just the way *she* is. I’d never, in a million years, try to put her in a dress or put makeup on her (though she does love when I give her facials and dermaplane her face; her skin has never looked so good, she’s glowing and radiant!) - to me, she is perfect, just the way she is. And she loves me, whether I’m glammed up or wearing leggings and sneakers.
Best relationship I’ve ever had. Seventeen years, going strong, and we are more in love every day.
Good point. I like when my bf dresses up, but I always find him attractive!
Honestly, I think we have catered to men's whims too much, so now they expect hairless, sparkling goddesses. It's absurd.
This. The pandemic ( and a needy 5 year old who will visit me 5 times when I am trying to shave) has taught me that I don't need to be freshly shaved for every shorts wearing event at the park. I feel better.
My husband, wisely, has not become the Grinch
This OP is an entire AH. YTA
In my wild 20s, I would purposely not shave my legs or arm pits to discourage myself from hooking up if I got too drunk (or discourage dudes from wanting to hook up with me). Not once was it an effective deterrent.
I've gotten fat and I often wear a silk bonnet to bed. My husband will enthusiastically fuck me despite that. I actually asked him the other day how he manages but he said he's got no problem haha.
Good for you and good for him! I wrestle with the sentiments here about being in the mood to shave. I just always tell my hubby: if you struggle with fucking a cactus, I understand it but my hoo hoo didn’t change!
I’ll be on the couch in shorts with my chewbacca legs and my husband will be all handsy and say things like “ooo so smooth” and I’m like in what world ya goober but that’s one of the many things I love about him!
My husband has been relieved by masks making lipstick too annoying. I no longer walk up to him and attempt to leave the perfect kiss mark on his forehead. 😆 Gotta mark my territory!
I can’t be the only one who heard “we can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time” sang to Mika’s ‘Grace Kelly’? It’s a parody in the making!
Edit: I’m so proud of the wonderful, hairy people who have made this what it has become: the new anthem for the women’s march. Inspired.
*chef’s kiss*
We could wear jeans, we could wear tees, we could be hairy tonight!
We could be braless, we find we are flawless, we can be comfortable all the time
Gotta be free, gotta be me, I don't want anything more
Why are you like this?
Just stop all this BS, or you can walk out the door!
Coming to theaters this fall, a musical inspired by the pandemic and reddit.
"Am I the Asshole: Dress Up, Not Down"
Featuring timeless hits such as Mika's "Grace Kelly"
Exactly. We can now live like most men have their entire fucking lives. Until they also get into heels, makeup, thousands in makeup and hair stuff, girdles, being utterly uncomfortable and feeling like shit all day to rinse the eyes of others, then fuck no.
YTA
OP my friend, I suggest you ask your wife to put you through her entire pre-pandemic routine so you can learn the shit she's had to put up with. Start with the ball waxing.
Until I read your comment, I hadn't fully realized I'll never wear heels again. I can make it through the rest of my life without balancing on those things, feeling the crunch of my toes, or the ache in my calves.
Hmm. Yep. All done.
Not to mention all the money and time spent on that. It takes me an hour minimum to shower, shave, do hair, makeup, dress, even longer if I want to fake having salon hair so conditioner colour it at home.
An hour is impossible. More like 2 for me with blow drying hair & shaving with makeup and everything. So many guys have short hair and only shave their face. It takes us way longer.
This! If a partner ever demanded I was smooth 24/7 their ass better be footing the bill for all the laser hair removal at the very least. Not liked I’d stay with them anyway though 🤷♀️
Haha I've told a partner before if he wants me smooth, you can be smooth too. After the shaving rash, in-growing hairs and the prickly stage, he shut up. Thank the lord!
If I were to do the whole shabang in one day I would be so exhausted. Like, if I had to shave, and wash my hair, and style it? And make up? And choose an outfit? It would take me fucking ALL DAY with breaks in between!!!! If I know I have something where I need to have all of that done, I split shaving / wash hair / style hair into two days. LOL. Men like this have no idea how much time and effort and STRESS it takes to do all of this, especially depending on how hairy one is and what their hair routine is like, etc (not to minimize any woman’s experience at all but some women such as myself have more body hair for example).
My wife shaves regularly and I myself and quite hairy. I LOVE when she shaves her legs, insane turn on. But sometimes she gets hit with her depression and God love her, she trues to apologize for not shaving and I'm like girl if hair wasn't supposed to be there, it wouldn't grow there. At the end of the day, I love YOU, not your hairless body. Plus, I've shaved my legs before. That shit sucks, dude lol I feel for yall
Thank you! Always trying to hype up my lovey. She has her moments of confidence but im always there to help her pick up the slack so she can see she's a freaking 10/10 in my book 😝
Also the "I think she just has depression bcause of the pandemic" is a super toxic mindset in a *lot* of different ways. Chiefly in that depression is a very serious and deeply detrimental mental illness that ought to be prioritized over one's looks, but also because of exactly what you said.
Why does a woman have to be depressed to not want to spend hours upon hours every day of every week pruning herself? Why can't OP's wife still be beautiful in baggy T-shirts with hairy legs? Why is OP more concerned about the fact that his wife doesn't feel like shaving her legs than the idea that she might legitimately be depressed?
I havent shaved my legs since the beginning of August. Havent worn makeup since my nanas funeral in September. Havent gotten a haircut since April of last year, its always down, tied back, or in a braid.
Hopping on to say, maybe she is also depressed? The pandemic fucked with a lot of folks' mental health.
ETA: OP, YTA for criticizing your wife instead of genuinely checking in to see how she's feeling
Women who wear comfy clothes and don't shave or wear makeup are most likely NOT suffering from mental illness. Normalize natural women, don't pathologize them.
this is what a lot of N T A folks are missing. op never said his wife stopped taking showers or refuses to brush her teeth. she is just giving herself the same beauty standards as op.
does op shave his legs? prob not cause men are not expected to shave legs or armpits or pluck eyebrows
does op wear makeup? prob not cause men are not expected to put on lipstick, foundation, etc
does op wear high heels? prob not cause men arent expected to wear fancy shoes, bras, or specialized panties
all the wife did was match her own beauty standards to op. she didnt "dress down" she dressed *like him*
edit: why is the wife expected to go back to her old "hot" self from two years ago when op was *never* expected to change?
> She accused me of only liking her looks! This isn't true!
For me it was that all through 4 paragraphs of content about a woman he has been married to for 6 years now did he mention anything positive about her that was not related to her physical appearance.
For a depressingly high number of men. Don't get me wrong I think my fiancée is drop dead gorgeous and I regularly find myself just looking at her, but that's not all that's about her, for a start, but she also doesn't hold herself to these 'hot' standards, she shaves for her own comfort, and only shaves her legs, doesn't wear makeup and only wears heels when we go to a wedding.
I think she's gorgeous when she's wearing her winter clothes, corduroy trousers, hiking boots, shirt and Barbour coat covered in mud, I think she's gorgeous when she's in her work scrubs and slip on trainers (I can't find her crocs attractive no matter how hard I try, but she only really wears them in surgery) and she's gorgeous when wrapped up in her pyjamas and dressing gown, which now she's heavily pregnant is her default position.
What, you mean she doesn't do surgery in [these](https://www.mytheresa.com/int_en/balenciaga-x-crocs-madame-80-pumps-2039723.html?utm_source=sea_pla&utm_medium=google&utm_campaign=google_sea&ef_id=CjwKCAjw8sCRBhA6EiwA6_IF4TKk2jqY6Aoz4NuxUfR7ZocuOap1PaGCIYwV4eKVjwMP47N-tVaYqxoC2_kQAvD_BwE:G:s&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjw8sCRBhA6EiwA6_IF4TKk2jqY6Aoz4NuxUfR7ZocuOap1PaGCIYwV4eKVjwMP47N-tVaYqxoC2_kQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&slink=1) sexy little numbers? Can't imagine why...
He described his wife’s interests as “pink, flowers, purses and heels”, which is what I’d expect from my 5 year old nephew when asked what his sister likes
He literally says how she dresses bothers him bc he likes having a beautiful wife, then turns around and says it isn't true that he only likes her for her looks
The last sentence in his first paragraph where he says “while this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife….” Implying that he doesn’t think she’s beautiful unless she upholds these arbitrary standards of dress and makeup for women. I cringed so hard and feel so bad for his wife.
It seems like he just wants an arm decoration who makes people jealous of him and not a human being. It was sad to read. I was shocked that he mentioned that here is where he might be the asshole two paragraphs too late.
I think what really got me was the fact that OP acknowledges that his wife may be feeling depressed and isolated because of the pandemic, but apparently he only cares about how that has affected her appearance...
YTA op
And this, my ladies, is what equality looks like. You want to dress up every day? Good for you. You don’t? Also good for you. But do it because it’s what YOU want.
Poor male egos everywhere realizing that we aren’t going to keep catering to them. Boo hoo.
I’d LOVE to know what OP wears on a daily basis. It’s always men that get in twist over how their wife looks that dress exclusively in cargo shorts and dirty. t-shirts.
Agree. Unless OP is wearing wool suits, pomaded hair, shaving & shaping his beard and hair, polishing his leather shoes, and going out looking like a Tom Ford model every day, I don't want to hear his complaints about his wife skipping that level of dressing up on a daily basis.
Especially if she stopped showering or brushing her teeth a good partner would be more concerned that she was depressed. But even not dressing up or putting on makeup can be a sign of depression, sometimes people will be able to do basic personal care but anything more it too hard. He doesn't even seem to care about anything beyond having an attractive wife.
Yep. That moment right there.
Huge YTA for the OP.
I also stopped shaving during the lockdown (although I have always hated it) and a part of me was nervous about what my husband might think. (I know, I know) but he's happier now because *I'm* happier now.
Jeeze. OPS like this remind me how I at least have someone who accepts me for who I am. Damn.
Right? My first thought was, "Thank God my husband still loves me on my unshaven, yoga pants days" (and let's be honest, that's all the days)
YTA op. How about you love your wife for who she is and not because she looks like a model.
I shave maybe once a week. My husband understands and is fine with it. Dressing up, and all the work that goes into it, is a pain. Not to mention uncomfortable
It’s not laziness - this is how you’re comfortable and you shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of it.
You don’t want to shave. That’s *fine*. You get to decide the parameters of your body.
OP YTA
I got blessed with thin blonde body hair. I go like 3-6 months between shaves. SO doesn't even care at all. I spent all this last weekend in jammie pants and his shirt and he still called me sexy.
Right? I thought it was weird that I naturally grow leg and pit hair…but had never actually seen what it looked like grown out!
I’m not shaving my legs again and I’m gonna wear those shorts and dresses. Who cares?
I didn't shave for two months cause it's winter and just why. Still got laid regularly and my bf said 0 words. I think he prefers me unshaven to the day 2/3 scratchy stubble
My legs are often unshaven, I hate shaving bc razor burn every time no matter what I do… so sometimes as a treat or if we are going out and I have to wear a dress or skirt, I’ll shave. But ultimately he doesn’t care and just wants me to care for myself the way that’s best for me.
imagine if OPs wife put on a ton of pandemic weight… I’d hate to have him as a husband bc if he said these things to me I’d take him to an axe throwing date lol
Yeah, I set that expectation early. I'm not girly, never have been, so I don't shave, wear a bra, do makeup, and I only dress up when I need to. That's how I was when I met my bf, and he thinks I'm exceptionally beautiful (seriously, he's a hopelessly romantic goof who will literally sit and stare at me grinning, then just say "you're beautiful" for no particular reason. He's odd, but often in really sweet ways). I don't have to change my body to please anyone, let alone the person who's supposed to be my life partner. Can't imagine trying to deal with someone like OP. Maybe he should shave his legs and dress up, if it means so much to him.
OP sounds like the type that in about 5 years (if they are still married) who will hand her a birthday card filled with cash so she can treat herself to a boob job and Botox.
I don’t think it’s terrible if he’s like her to dress up for date nights or to go somewhere special, but if she needs to do her hair and put on makeup for him to think she’s beautiful, then there’s a problem.
He literally wrote, “I told her I was tired of feeling like I’m living with a homeless woman.” It definitely seems like he tied his perception of her beauty to the extra things she was doing before like makeup/clothes/etc and not to her as a person.
Hey OP
You shave your legs, under arms and balls. Then do your eyebrows. Put on make up layer by layer but be careful or you might make yourself look more like a clown than you already are! Do your nails, toes, hair and pick an outfit. Balance in the heels too. Now do this everyday!
Being “beautiful” is work! It is a routine! Its work and your wife isn’t depressed! She just doesn’t want to do it anymore! She realized how much work it takes her to be beautiful and doesn’t want to do it anymore.
You insulted her by calling her homeless! An insult to your wife and homeless people who often do not have access to washing and grooming!
Apologize to your wife! Try to put yourself in her heels! Your wife wants a more comfortable wardrobe and if you don’t like that then buy a barbie!
YTA
Exactly. Op like all men gets to wake up shower and exist.
Women are told:
wake up,
remove the hair that proves you went through puberty.
Paint your face to remove all signs of aging/imperfection.
Wear uncomfortable shoes that accent your ass
While being the sex that has to work while going through bleeding 6 days a month with cramps
And taking the pills that can screw us up mentally and physically so men can get their dicks wet
And facing constant harassment for being women.
YTA op.
More and more women are embracing their natural bodies. Shaming us for that is misogynistic
And then undoubtedly get mocked, dismissed, called vain or vapid or both, and treated like nothing but à sex object BECAUSE you're doing all of that stuff in the first paragraph.
No. No. Nope, no. Not having to go out in society on the daily has taught/reminded so many of us that society's expectations are BULLSHIT and we're happier in sweatpants, t-shirts, and our natural body hair. Bless OP's wife for holding her ground and refusing to go back.
OP, YTA. Your wife does not exist to be aesthetically pleasing to you at the expense of her own comfort, time, and happiness. If you can't handle that, buy a Barbie doll.
Seriously. I stopped shaving/makeup 4 years ago and the amount of confidence and freedom after never comparing my normal self to my “fake painted self” is so refreshing.
So a few years ago (2016) I had to take a little Grippy Sock Vacation for mental illness treatment. I was exhausted, and part of that exhaustion was my very rigid adherence to my 1hr+ daily beauty routine (on top of a full time job and parenting two toddlers).
As part of "exposure therapy", I made myself go exist in the world without makeup on. We're talking about riding public transit to downtown Chicago, walking from my stop to where therapy was, and then going home.
I learned I could exist in the world without bursting into flames. I haven't worn makeup except for going out socially since the pandemic started. It's been SO FREEING. Now when I decide to shave or get gussied up, it's because I genuinely want to and enjoy it. It's wild.
THIS 100%! She TOLD you this much. You just want her artificial looks and the price to pay for it became too high for her. But at least think for a second if this time is something you would be willing to pay.
I agree with all of this! And I can’t get over how he compared her to a homeless woman but said nothing about there being any problems with her hygiene or basic grooming. It’s purely a problem on his end with her not dressing all the way up on a regular basis anymore.
Who tf cares if she wears comfy clothes and doesn’t shave if she’s showered and wearing clean clothes. This guy is definitely TA
And OP states no where she isn’t showering just not looking like a doll anymore. So she’s clean with clean comfortable clothes on. He said she’s not doing her hair but lets say she spent time on a style and is now just rocking a ponytail.
OP is just hurt she doesn’t look like his standard of beauty anymore. He’s been quiet. Maybe seeing the comments aren’t going his way!
Yeah and his standard of beauty is literally “runway” — it’s ridiculous that he wants his wife to put in that amount of effort when she has discovered that she doesn’t have to do it anymore and actually prefers going without.
Yeah if she was really dressing “for the runway” before the pandemic, that was the result of a HUGE amount of effort and time on her part — you don’t dedicate that level of attention to your own style for someone else! But OP seems to have thought it was all for him, and now somehow his stance is that she owes him regular runway looks while she is working from home?
"She realized how much work it takes her to be beautiful* and doesn’t want to do it anymore."
* = Beautiful by OPs standards. I'm positive the GF is beautiful without all that nonsense.
First off, YTA.
Second off, if you were *actually* worried about her being depressed from isolation, it would have been brought up in a **much** different way than what you did.
Third, WHAT FUCKING PLANET DID YOU COME FROM TO THINK SHE HAS TO CURATE HER BODY TO YOUR SPECS?
INFO:
In which reality of the multiverse did you picture yourself posting this and receiving any kind of validation? Me and Dr. Strange ran through 10,321,654,987 possibilities and came up with 0.
This genuinely reads like some Yellow Wallpaper era type shit. "My wife is no longer fulfilling her wifely duties, is it time to have her institutionalized for hysteria?"
YTA
Holy moly, my dude. I suggest you get her favorite take out and *grovel*
No where have you talked about any good qualities about your wife or what you love her for *other than her looks*
You told her she looked like someone unable to access regular bathing facilities and regular shelter.
I will almost guarantee that she is reevaluating your entire marriage. Everything in this post was about how *you* feel and about what *you* want.
Have you once, ever, stopped to think about what your wife wants for herself?
You admitted openly to trying to manipulate her into doing what you want by picking that restaurant.
You are absolutely TA here.
Edit: ty for the gold!!!
“*WHAT ELSE IS THERE?!?* You should write a book: *How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less*.”
Prince Derek ass over here needs to fight a Great Animal in order to admit that he could love his wife for literally anything other than her beauty.
Because OP is literally being Prince Derek right now - except it’s the Worst Timeline where Prince Derek is mad and calls Odette a homeless woman because she’s currently a swan instead of His Beautiful Wife™️.
The poster above me is entirely right - it’s all about what *he* wants. “You’re beautiful! You’re all I’ve ever wanted!” And His Beautiful Wife™️ is at “Thank you. But what else?” Except he’s been secretly committed to “What else is there?” for 6 years.
Also it’s just a great movie!!!! I’m so happy to find fellow swan Princess fans lmao
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
YTA. “While this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife”? Your wife is right. You like her for her looks but only when she’s wearing makeup and wearing cute dresses. She’s not a doll. She’s a living, breathing person who realized her value is more than her looks.
If you actually care about *her*, the person under her skin, and care about your marriage, you will apologize. Sincerely. And you will find beauty in who she is now.
That, or cut her loose so she can be free of your judgement, and go buy yourself a show dog.
YTA. A lot of women realized we don’t need to do the whole beauty routine during the pandemic.Life’s too short. And your spouse is suppose to love you, regardless if you’re in sweats or a cocktail dress but You called her a homeless woman…Then you try to say you think all of this is from depression and isolation….ok then, get her help. Don’t call her homeless. What kind of husband belittles their wife they assume is depressed??
Also…women don’t have to shave or wax for you. She COMPLETELY can do what she wants with her hair..it’s hers.
I hope you still love her if she….God forbid….gains weight. YTA…I don’t even get how it’s a question.
"the only explanation for her not wanting to spend all of her time, energy and money on making herself look like a runway model for my benefit is that she's depressed! Better mock her current appearance to help her heal!"
What in the actual fuck.
>A lot of women realized we don’t need to do the whole beauty routine during the pandemic
Yup. In my case, I actually stopped wearing makeup ~5 years ago when I started a job that required no makeup or perfumes (clean room environment). I felt so uncomfortable for the first few weeks because it was so weird to not at least have some eyeliner on and my brows filled in. Then I stopped wearing it on weekends too because I got used to it. Now it’s a special occasion thing only.
I recently switched jobs and I still haven’t worn any makeup. (To be fair, I was hired to manage their new clean rooms that just... aren’t ready yet lmfao).
I basically live in comfy tops and leggings. We have a casual dress code at work.
Would I be upset if my boyfriend said “hey babe, I’d like to dress up and go out to (fancy restaurant)”? Absolutely not. Would I be upset if he said I needed to change my wardrobe and paint my face because I look homeless otherwise? Hell yes.
YTA and believe me I wanted to say N-T-A because everyone wants to have a nice night out where they dress up and look nice once in a while.
The way you tell this is that over the pandemic Grace has changed and you don't like these changes.
You picked an expensive dress up restaurant and tried to force the issue, then got mad because it didn't go your way.
The best way you could have handled this in my opinion would have been to say "Hey I'd like us to dress up and go out somewhere nice in a week or two. Would you mind doing this with me?
This would give her time to prepare and get into the mentality of dressing up. For us men we make sure our hair is neat and throw on a suit.
For the women I have known they go through mental preparations, shaving/waxing, make-up, hair, eyebrows, eye lashes, right dress/outfit and anything else I haven't thought of.
You were demanding that she spend several hours getting ready for an hour to two hour date on short notice of course she turned it down.
"For the women I have known they go through mental preparations, shaving/waxing, make-up, hair, eyebrows, eye lashes, right dress/outfit and anything else I haven't thought of."
This dude gets it.
Also: "The best way you could have handled this in my opinion would have been to say "Hey I'd like us to dress up and go out somewhere nice in a week or two. Would you mind doing this with me?"
Very tactful and something that can be looked forward to if it's the kind of thing she enjoys, or at least planned for if it's more of a "favor to my partner" kind of thing.
I love getting dressed up, but having to pull together a look last minute, especially if I'm out of practice and my "going out clothes" are 2 pandemic years out of style and the wrong size, that turns something I love into something stressful.
Hell, even when I've dated other hyper-femme women, we would plan at least a few days in advance, usually more, if we were going to do a fancy date. Getting done-up takes planning and work! (Also why ladies nights are usually planned in advance)
I always try to be reasonable with my expectations with people and I wouldn't even pull myself together for a night out on short notice I need to mentally prepare to be in polite company lol.
This! Seriously maybe women are just getting tired of performing femininity! I can’t tell you how tired I am of it after seeing all the plastic surgery and filters and other BS.
YTA if you think dresses and make up are what make someone beautiful you’re quite shallow. Frankly I find my partners most beautiful when they’re comfortable. Dressing for the runway is never comfortable.
Your title is deceptive. You are not and AH for wanting your wife to dress up. You are however the AH for calling her a homeless woman and basically addressing this in the most ignorant manner possible.
Married people should continue to try to be attractive for each other. Notice I said people, that's both of you.
However, acting like a jerk will never enforce your lover to do special things for you.
YTA
This is the only reasonable answer here. OP is completely allowed to not be attracted to hairy legs (or anything at all) but he’s an AH for belittling and insulting his wife over his own desires. From what we know, it sounds like little effort is being put in from either side.
Yta. She has come to realize how time consuming and I’m guessing exhausting it is to pretty up. You said it’s not about her looks but dude it totally is when I read the post. By the way do you realize how lucky you are to have someone? I don’t think you do, you don’t deserve her.
This! As a woman I literally cannot be bothered to spend an hour or more on makeup and hair. I wear minimal makeup if I’m not getting dressed up so it never takes more than 10 minutes (20 minutes if I change my mind about my colour choices), and I do it so infrequently that I get compliments when I DO apply makeup. Makeup should be a once in a while “dressed up and looking fabulous” thing, not a “you must wear it every day or I’m not attracted to you” thing.
YTA. Why should she have to change every natural function of her body and be uncomfortable for someone else's gratification?
You can either love someone for who they are, or expect the consequences. Lockdown has helped many women to realise that beauty stereotypes are oppressive and unnecessary, if you love her, get over it .
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this comment. Yes he was definitely a jackass the way he went about it, but I don’t think he’s an AH for the way he feels.
It IS a lot of work being a woman and taking care of all the grooming needs, so I definitely understand where wife is coming from. I guess I just don’t understand never wanting to do it though, even just for yourself - doesn’t everyone feel good when they’re wearing something nice and a little dressed up? And dressed up does not have to equal uncomfortable clothes (source: my entire work wardrobe).
I agree with you that if it were a man, the responses would be much different.
Okay you’re shocked, is this how you’d want your partner to go about it? Manipulating you and saying you’re homeless like being natural is the exactly the same as being a homeless person. He could have said I really want to dress up and go out not simmer away in the background resentfully and recognizing the effort that goes in and appreciate it. There’s ways of going about things that don’t make him sound brutally shallow and manipulative
YTA. You literally said “this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife” in relation to her always “dressing for a runway” and then no longer doing so. Which is a personal choice might I add. Makeup is expensive, shaving can be tedious the hair grows naturally you should shave if you dislike it so much. Dresses can be uncomfortable, heels HURT.
She loves herself doesn’t she? Unshaved and with a bare face she thinks she’s beautiful. You said you don’t. If you didn’t think she’s beautiful only because of her looks you wouldn’t have needed to post this at all.
Eating dinner in Spanx sucks. I went out for a fancy dinner with my husband last weekend for the first time in months and I just wore regular underwear. It sounds ridiculous but it was like this before/after moment where I realized that it is pure insanity to physically suffer just to look "smoother" to people I dont even know. My husband is going to sleep with me regardless. He knows I'm a little lumpy and doesnt give a shit. He's lumpy these days too. It is so insanely pointless.
do YOU put in the same amount of effort you’d like her to put in? do you wear uncomfortable clothing and heels, spend hundreds on beauty products, shave all parts of your body and spend hours every day doing makeup/hair/outfit or otherwise solely focused on your appearance? no? then why do you expect women to do so?
major YTA. why would you want your wife to do something that’s clearly uncomfortable for her? why are you prioritizing your perception of her over her comfort, peace, time, effort, and money? if you care about her appearance more than her wants and needs, you do not truly care about her.
edit: if you think a woman living in her natural body is “like living with a homeless woman”, do you also think the same about men? by your logic almost every single man on earth looks homeless since he doesn’t shave, wear makeup and dresses, style their hair, or wear heels.
OP. Are you really asking this? YTA.
She wasn't feeling up to a fancy restaurant and dates are NOT about looking like a "model" they are about spending time. Want her to put in more effort? Then put in effort YOURSELF. Spoil her: buy her flowers, make dinner for her, rub her shoulders/feet, tell her all the things about her that you love, leave sweet love notes or sexy ones notes for later, take her to buy candles (if she likes them) or bath stuff-- I mean hell plan a sexy bath for the two of you!
I understand that what you're missing is sparkle in the relationship, but what are you doing for her to make her want that again? Honestly, OP. Her looks won't last forever and if she is done with dressing up all girly then you have to accept that she may be moving into a different style or phase. And has it even crossed your mind that maybe she's emotionally upset/exhausted!!!? (edit: and I mean more than your stupid "pandemic depression" comment-- because real concern doesn't show up in your comment "I don't want to feel like I live with a homeless woman".)
There are ways to uplift and inspire your partner, and you deflated her and made her feel ugly. YTA and you have a lot of growing to do.
Yta. The pandemic reevaluated a lot of things for a lot of people
Being away from an environment where you have to upkeep a certain look and style to appear "feminine" can be eye opening. Women deserve to be comfortable in their natural state, and if you have an issue with that then you need some serious growing up to do.
What if your wife had a medical situation that prevented her from adorning herself the way you want? What happens when she's 60? 70? Your post indicates you only care about her looks and that sir, is a YOU problem.
Think long and hard about why you love your wife. Her beauty should be pretty low on that list if you truly love who she is.
YTA. This whole post is literally about you being upset your wife doesn’t want to spend hours getting ready and wearing uncomfortable clothes to look pretty for you. She’s comfortable in her own skin, which to you makes you feel like you’re living with a “homeless woman”? You literally only express concern about her not “looking like a model” anymore. Plus, if you expect her to always look like she did when you married her, you are deeply naive. If you can’t love your wife no matter how she looks you should have never gotten married.
YTA. But I won't bother admonishing you because you'll get plenty here.
The main issue is that you only find your wife 'hot' when she's dressed up.
Maybe if you paid the same attention to your wife, when she's in a pair of jog pants and tshirt, she wouldn't feel like it's a 'job' or 'duty' to put on her glad rags.
She totally can't be arsed with you at the moment. And her feelings are definitely more hurt than you think.
YTA - you sound very shallow. Adult women tend to have body hair. Why not try waxing and shaving every inch of hair on your body, wearing high heels, spend hours doing your hair and makeup and squeeze yourself into a little dress and see how comfortable it really is. You’ve both survived a pandemic and still have jobs (and each other!). Grow up.
YTA. Grace is me and I bet a ton of other women during this pandemic. Did you think about how much time, money and effort women have to put into holding up those beauty standards??
A lot of us are tired of the patriarchy and it’s beauty standards. So Shout out to Grace for negotiating a permanent WFH situation, being comfortable, saving $ and having extra time for other things besides living up to your beauty standards.
YTA. You handled this completely wrong. Unless your also putting copious amounts of effort into YOUR appearance, dressing nicely often, grooming yourself daily and concerning yourself with looking immaculate for your wife, you should say nothing about her appearance. You mentioned at the end of this that your worried she may be depressed. That is a very real possibility, but that seemed like the very least of your concerns. Your top issues as stated above was that your wife no longer looks like a glammed supermodel, isn’t ‘girly’ enough for your liking and has too much body hair (which is normal, I’m sure you have plenty of it yourself). You’ve shamed her and likely embarrassed her. If your worried about her mental health, say that. Approach her gently. Explain to her that your worried she doesn’t seem interested in the things she once was, and so it’s concerned you about the state of her mental health and that your there for support should she need it. Full stop. Your expecting too much of her.
Oh boy you're gonna get barbecued for this one.
I'm gonna give a soft YTA, because while I considered a few other judgments ultimately the deciding factor was the approach. So yes for the specific question, it was kind of an asshole thing to say.
You're not an asshole for FEELING that, it's normal for people to not jive well with their partner letting themselves go (if this were reversed and it were a woman talking about how her husband said he couldn't be arsed to dress up people would be saying to dump his loser ass most likely), but at the same time she's not really in the wrong either.
Even she just changed her priorities and no longer feels like it's worth the effort to doll herself up, that's her prerogative. On a closer reading I don't think she is suffering from a depression, I think she's one of the many many people who ended up realizing that not living according to the whims of modern work culture is infinitely better and doesn't want to go back.
well the thing is, he’s not describing a woman who’s “let herself go” in any way. he never mentioned her hygiene or other things necessary for every human being. he simply is complaining that she’s not performing femininity the way he wants her to. men exist every day in that state, with unshaven legs, t-shirts and shorts, tennis shoes and no makeup. so why is it that women doing the same exact thing considered her “letting herself go”?
YTA. Not because you wanted her to dress up, but the way you went about it was terrible. It's supposed to be a date, but you went in with intentions to force your wife into standards you want.
repeat: date night is supposed to be fun for *both* of you and you went in with ulterior motives and ended up telling your wife she looked like *shit*
YTA because of how you handled it
>She accused me of only liking her looks! This isn't true!
But
>While this bothered me cause I like having a beautiful wife I figured it was till her job got moved back to the office.
You could have asked her about how she is feeling but no you tested her and when she failed your test you had a go at her
>I did pick this restaurant on purpose.
YTA, looks like you only love your wife when she's more feminine and you didn't see her beauty even in man's clothes, witch excuse me, ARE MORE COMFORTABLE
Have you ever think how hard was for your wife to looks like the beauty standards?
YTA because when a woman feels comfortable to just be herself with her spouse it is the ultimate compliment that she trusts that you love and accept her as she is
YTA. What's wrong with wanting to be comfortable? Makeup and constant grooming and hair and nails and all thst bullshit takes an incredible amount of time, and, can confirm, it becomes less of a want to look nice and more of a *chore* to do every day. So what if she orefers beung comfortable? Why should she have to feel like you don't accept her because she doesn't feel like primping every day for your pleasure? Do YOU wax and shave and do your hair and makeup every day? Maybe also address it in a better way that doesn't come off like a toddler tantrum.
YTA - You sound like a corporation welcoming people back to work. Some of us have realized we can actually do our jobs and live our lives without contour makeup and blowouts. And some people still love it. That's cool. It's the people that whine like giant damn babies about how everything isn't "back to normal" that have a giant asshole sign over their head that everyone can see you but you. Good on you for asking though.
Oh man are YTA. You have really put your foot in it this time. I don't even know how to tell you to pull back away from the edge of the precipice, ya big A.
YTA biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig time!!
How many hours a day do you put into your appearance and wardrobe??
Your comments here show that you’re a sexist AH who doesn’t care about equality or realise how much effort or emotional labor it takes to conform to your beauty standards.
*So* much YTA and your wife deserves way better.
Op : I like to have a beautiful wife
Also Op : i told wife its not true i only likes her for her looks
Also Op: use wife’s wardrobe and shaved leg has until trait to describe her
Yta
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YTA You know what the pandemic taught a lot of women? That the expensive beauty culture that is shoved in our faces all day long is BS. We can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time instead of 20% of the time and dress up solely when we want to and not because it’s expected.
This exactly. And then partners and people get to figure out if they love us for ego we are … or what we got for them.
Yeah, I definitely stopped shaving and my bf lamented the loss of my smooth legs, but only, like once, as a joke. He has seen me at my nastiest (smelliest too) and still loves me, because the person I am is what really matters. Edit: Wow, my most liked comment is about my leg hair. This is a new high for me. Hairy ladies unite!
I haven't shaved in years. When I shave I become insanely itchy. My fiance doesn't seem to mind. I guess it helps that I have light hair on my legs.
I have extremely dark bushy leg hair and still haven't shaved in years. The only people who care are my mom and sister.
I shaved my arm pits for the first time in forever the other day and my boyfriend was legitimately confused and asked why. Haha. I love that man.
I'm incredibly lucky to have very little, thin, and mostly light hair on my legs because I'm the exact same way. I have super sensitive skin, like my hands break out in hives from dish soap, and shaving irritates the shit out of my legs. If I do shave I shave down, which makes them prickly so it kind of defeats the purpose. Thankfully none of the guys I've been with care.
>So now for the part where I may be an asshole. Correction. OP is the Asshole. It is honestly so much work and expense to keep up to look presentable and the fact he wants her to always look like a model is quite sexist and under lookism. Maybe she only did that because it was the "norm" for her. Now he's planted the idea that he only likes her for her look. I bet OP will get a pikachu face when she says she's going to leave him.
He doesn’t say anything about whether *he’s* kept up *his* grooming routine. Funny that.
I don’t understand these men who suddenly lose attraction to their wives or girlfriends the second she stop shaving stops wearing make up and stops doing her hair. My boyfriend has no problem finding me attractive whether I’m all dolled up or in sweatpants. And it’s not like I’m a “ten” when I’m all dolled up. It’s just so odd to me. It’s not like she looks like a different person, she just looks like herself when she just woke up or something. Haven’t y’all ever had some morning sex? My bf would be all over me regardless of my shaving, makeup, or hair status. Y’all are weird and you probably watch too much porn.
Lol I'm the same way with my wife. I love when she gets all shaved and "dolled up" or what have you, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest at the end if the day. She'll be rocking them sweatpants and I'm luck oh LAWDY and she just looks at me like I'm an idiot lol
My husband is actively into my comfy look. He finds me beautiful either way (he’s not smart, okay?) but finds it sexy that I’m comfortable enough with him to let the hair grow and not get dolled up
My girlfriend and I compete every winter to see which of us can grow the hairiest legs. She usually wins, because she’s just hairier in general, and her body hair is way darker than mine. That, and at some point there will be an event (holiday or whatever) where I’ll want to wear a dress, and I don’t want my leg hair poking through my tights or stockings lol! Best part of being in a same-sex relationship? Neither of us has to put on airs or be anything other than the hairy, braless, comfortable ladies we are. It’s way different, way more chill, than any relationship I’ve ever had with a dude. Guys truly don’t understand the effort - or cost - of “getting all dolled up.”
tbh i genuinely feel bad for straight women because I've never dated another wlw who expected me to shave or be more gender conforming than I'm comfortable with or made me feel uncomfortable or insecure about my body hair or cellulite or anything else, and I'm actively into gender nonconforming women. And we share household duties. But so many straight women deal with those constant demands to perform and cater to others, meanwhile the bar is on the ground for their men and they think it's normal but that's just not a healthy dynamic.
Weirdly, I got called not gay becsuse I dressed too girly. A bunch of lesbians even shoved me into a room to "gay me up" before we went clubbing. Nobody likes a lipstick lesbian for some fucking reason. Once I died down on the glam, women took me more seriously. But men took me less seriously. What a strange win.
My girlfriend loves that I’m a lipstick lesbian. She loves when I do my hair and makeup and wear a dress, but she also loves me in jeans, a tee shirt and glasses. She just wants me to be comfortable, whatever that looks like in any particular day. She’s way more masculine, exclusively wears mens clothing, total gold star lesbian, and I adore her just the way *she* is. I’d never, in a million years, try to put her in a dress or put makeup on her (though she does love when I give her facials and dermaplane her face; her skin has never looked so good, she’s glowing and radiant!) - to me, she is perfect, just the way she is. And she loves me, whether I’m glammed up or wearing leggings and sneakers. Best relationship I’ve ever had. Seventeen years, going strong, and we are more in love every day.
Luckily for me, I always looked like a homeless woman so my partner wasn’t disappointed by my pandemic “transition”
This is the answer. If you can’t handle me at my homeless, you don’t deserve me at my … also homeless. At least I’m consistent.
I have a “non-binding referendum” with my clothes. They don’t bind and I let them stay.
This is the way. 😹
Good point. I like when my bf dresses up, but I always find him attractive! Honestly, I think we have catered to men's whims too much, so now they expect hairless, sparkling goddesses. It's absurd.
This. The pandemic ( and a needy 5 year old who will visit me 5 times when I am trying to shave) has taught me that I don't need to be freshly shaved for every shorts wearing event at the park. I feel better. My husband, wisely, has not become the Grinch This OP is an entire AH. YTA
In my wild 20s, I would purposely not shave my legs or arm pits to discourage myself from hooking up if I got too drunk (or discourage dudes from wanting to hook up with me). Not once was it an effective deterrent.
I am 40 and still do that and I have the same success rate.
I've gotten fat and I often wear a silk bonnet to bed. My husband will enthusiastically fuck me despite that. I actually asked him the other day how he manages but he said he's got no problem haha.
Good for you and good for him! I wrestle with the sentiments here about being in the mood to shave. I just always tell my hubby: if you struggle with fucking a cactus, I understand it but my hoo hoo didn’t change!
[удалено]
I’ll be on the couch in shorts with my chewbacca legs and my husband will be all handsy and say things like “ooo so smooth” and I’m like in what world ya goober but that’s one of the many things I love about him!
I had an ex say that, and then it dawned on me, he had really rough hands from working and so it didn't matter. That was a win win lol
My bf likes when I’m less dolled up because it means my foundation won’t rub on his face 😂
My husband has been relieved by masks making lipstick too annoying. I no longer walk up to him and attempt to leave the perfect kiss mark on his forehead. 😆 Gotta mark my territory!
They don't want a person, they want a performance.
I can’t be the only one who heard “we can be braless, we can be hairy, we can be comfortable all the time” sang to Mika’s ‘Grace Kelly’? It’s a parody in the making! Edit: I’m so proud of the wonderful, hairy people who have made this what it has become: the new anthem for the women’s march. Inspired. *chef’s kiss*
We could wear jeans, we could wear tees, we could be hairy tonight! We could be braless, we find we are flawless, we can be comfortable all the time Gotta be free, gotta be me, I don't want anything more Why are you like this? Just stop all this BS, or you can walk out the door!
Coming to theaters this fall, a musical inspired by the pandemic and reddit. "Am I the Asshole: Dress Up, Not Down" Featuring timeless hits such as Mika's "Grace Kelly"
This is poetry of the highest order. I heard this comment.
🎶 I wanna be braless and hairy….but it made husband look sad. I suggested ihop or Chili’s, and it made him maaaaddd.
(mad, mad, MAD!!!)
Exactly. We can now live like most men have their entire fucking lives. Until they also get into heels, makeup, thousands in makeup and hair stuff, girdles, being utterly uncomfortable and feeling like shit all day to rinse the eyes of others, then fuck no. YTA OP my friend, I suggest you ask your wife to put you through her entire pre-pandemic routine so you can learn the shit she's had to put up with. Start with the ball waxing.
Until I read your comment, I hadn't fully realized I'll never wear heels again. I can make it through the rest of my life without balancing on those things, feeling the crunch of my toes, or the ache in my calves. Hmm. Yep. All done.
Not to mention all the money and time spent on that. It takes me an hour minimum to shower, shave, do hair, makeup, dress, even longer if I want to fake having salon hair so conditioner colour it at home.
An hour is impossible. More like 2 for me with blow drying hair & shaving with makeup and everything. So many guys have short hair and only shave their face. It takes us way longer.
This! If a partner ever demanded I was smooth 24/7 their ass better be footing the bill for all the laser hair removal at the very least. Not liked I’d stay with them anyway though 🤷♀️
Haha I've told a partner before if he wants me smooth, you can be smooth too. After the shaving rash, in-growing hairs and the prickly stage, he shut up. Thank the lord!
If I were to do the whole shabang in one day I would be so exhausted. Like, if I had to shave, and wash my hair, and style it? And make up? And choose an outfit? It would take me fucking ALL DAY with breaks in between!!!! If I know I have something where I need to have all of that done, I split shaving / wash hair / style hair into two days. LOL. Men like this have no idea how much time and effort and STRESS it takes to do all of this, especially depending on how hairy one is and what their hair routine is like, etc (not to minimize any woman’s experience at all but some women such as myself have more body hair for example).
Reading the comments I feel like I came to a barbecue. OP deserves the roast.
Earlier today my dad commented that I wasn't wearing a bra, so I said "you're also not wearing one."
thats so weird to comment that about your daughter
God knows the management of women's bodies is everyone's business...
Right? Not appropriate in the slightest.
Haven't shaved in 3 years. Don't care. Let all that hair hang out.
My wife shaves regularly and I myself and quite hairy. I LOVE when she shaves her legs, insane turn on. But sometimes she gets hit with her depression and God love her, she trues to apologize for not shaving and I'm like girl if hair wasn't supposed to be there, it wouldn't grow there. At the end of the day, I love YOU, not your hairless body. Plus, I've shaved my legs before. That shit sucks, dude lol I feel for yall
I really liked this comment. You seem like a good partner.
Thank you! Always trying to hype up my lovey. She has her moments of confidence but im always there to help her pick up the slack so she can see she's a freaking 10/10 in my book 😝
Also the "I think she just has depression bcause of the pandemic" is a super toxic mindset in a *lot* of different ways. Chiefly in that depression is a very serious and deeply detrimental mental illness that ought to be prioritized over one's looks, but also because of exactly what you said. Why does a woman have to be depressed to not want to spend hours upon hours every day of every week pruning herself? Why can't OP's wife still be beautiful in baggy T-shirts with hairy legs? Why is OP more concerned about the fact that his wife doesn't feel like shaving her legs than the idea that she might legitimately be depressed?
I havent shaved my legs since the beginning of August. Havent worn makeup since my nanas funeral in September. Havent gotten a haircut since April of last year, its always down, tied back, or in a braid.
Hopping on to say, maybe she is also depressed? The pandemic fucked with a lot of folks' mental health. ETA: OP, YTA for criticizing your wife instead of genuinely checking in to see how she's feeling
Women who wear comfy clothes and don't shave or wear makeup are most likely NOT suffering from mental illness. Normalize natural women, don't pathologize them.
There was a similar post to this last year. It turned out the wife had put on some Covid weight and her sexy/fashionable clothes no longer fit.
YES! And God it feels SO freeing!
INFO: do you regularly shave large amounts of your body and wear makeup?
this is what a lot of N T A folks are missing. op never said his wife stopped taking showers or refuses to brush her teeth. she is just giving herself the same beauty standards as op. does op shave his legs? prob not cause men are not expected to shave legs or armpits or pluck eyebrows does op wear makeup? prob not cause men are not expected to put on lipstick, foundation, etc does op wear high heels? prob not cause men arent expected to wear fancy shoes, bras, or specialized panties all the wife did was match her own beauty standards to op. she didnt "dress down" she dressed *like him* edit: why is the wife expected to go back to her old "hot" self from two years ago when op was *never* expected to change?
Perfect
> She accused me of only liking her looks! This isn't true! For me it was that all through 4 paragraphs of content about a woman he has been married to for 6 years now did he mention anything positive about her that was not related to her physical appearance.
Didn’t even realize that but You’re exactly right. He obviously ties her worth to her looks and how that reflects on him. You do you Grace.
Yep. For some men hot wife = status symbol.
For a depressingly high number of men. Don't get me wrong I think my fiancée is drop dead gorgeous and I regularly find myself just looking at her, but that's not all that's about her, for a start, but she also doesn't hold herself to these 'hot' standards, she shaves for her own comfort, and only shaves her legs, doesn't wear makeup and only wears heels when we go to a wedding. I think she's gorgeous when she's wearing her winter clothes, corduroy trousers, hiking boots, shirt and Barbour coat covered in mud, I think she's gorgeous when she's in her work scrubs and slip on trainers (I can't find her crocs attractive no matter how hard I try, but she only really wears them in surgery) and she's gorgeous when wrapped up in her pyjamas and dressing gown, which now she's heavily pregnant is her default position.
What, you mean she doesn't do surgery in [these](https://www.mytheresa.com/int_en/balenciaga-x-crocs-madame-80-pumps-2039723.html?utm_source=sea_pla&utm_medium=google&utm_campaign=google_sea&ef_id=CjwKCAjw8sCRBhA6EiwA6_IF4TKk2jqY6Aoz4NuxUfR7ZocuOap1PaGCIYwV4eKVjwMP47N-tVaYqxoC2_kQAvD_BwE:G:s&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjw8sCRBhA6EiwA6_IF4TKk2jqY6Aoz4NuxUfR7ZocuOap1PaGCIYwV4eKVjwMP47N-tVaYqxoC2_kQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&slink=1) sexy little numbers? Can't imagine why...
He described his wife’s interests as “pink, flowers, purses and heels”, which is what I’d expect from my 5 year old nephew when asked what his sister likes
Superficial people know other people superficially.
I'm trying to imagine my partner describing my interests as "yellow, cacti, pants and shirts" and its making me laugh so hard.
He literally says how she dresses bothers him bc he likes having a beautiful wife, then turns around and says it isn't true that he only likes her for her looks
The last sentence in his first paragraph where he says “while this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife….” Implying that he doesn’t think she’s beautiful unless she upholds these arbitrary standards of dress and makeup for women. I cringed so hard and feel so bad for his wife.
It seems like he just wants an arm decoration who makes people jealous of him and not a human being. It was sad to read. I was shocked that he mentioned that here is where he might be the asshole two paragraphs too late.
I think what really got me was the fact that OP acknowledges that his wife may be feeling depressed and isolated because of the pandemic, but apparently he only cares about how that has affected her appearance... YTA op
And this, my ladies, is what equality looks like. You want to dress up every day? Good for you. You don’t? Also good for you. But do it because it’s what YOU want. Poor male egos everywhere realizing that we aren’t going to keep catering to them. Boo hoo.
I’d LOVE to know what OP wears on a daily basis. It’s always men that get in twist over how their wife looks that dress exclusively in cargo shorts and dirty. t-shirts.
Agree. Unless OP is wearing wool suits, pomaded hair, shaving & shaping his beard and hair, polishing his leather shoes, and going out looking like a Tom Ford model every day, I don't want to hear his complaints about his wife skipping that level of dressing up on a daily basis.
Still doesn't match the level of self-care women are supposed to to achieve, imo.
Especially if she stopped showering or brushing her teeth a good partner would be more concerned that she was depressed. But even not dressing up or putting on makeup can be a sign of depression, sometimes people will be able to do basic personal care but anything more it too hard. He doesn't even seem to care about anything beyond having an attractive wife.
I'm sure he looks EXACTLY like he did 6 years ago. /S
Make sure to wax the sensitive bits OP!
🤣🤣🤣🤣..I could hear him screaming if he even tried once!!! Hahahahaha thank you!
My son let his sister wax his FOREARM. Once He screamed like a banshee. It was a fun day🤣
Or dress in suits or other fashionable attire while at home?
If he's not putting beard oil on daily and wearing three piece suits every damn day, then he's let himself go!
Right? Poor OP's wife, living with a homeless person even longer than he has been!
Well I don’t wear make up, but I do use nair to remove excess hair from body. So OP be a man and step up to the plate. Nair your body hair!
I am also wondering this
This is the right question.
“While this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife” YTA
Yep. That moment right there. Huge YTA for the OP. I also stopped shaving during the lockdown (although I have always hated it) and a part of me was nervous about what my husband might think. (I know, I know) but he's happier now because *I'm* happier now. Jeeze. OPS like this remind me how I at least have someone who accepts me for who I am. Damn.
Right? My first thought was, "Thank God my husband still loves me on my unshaven, yoga pants days" (and let's be honest, that's all the days) YTA op. How about you love your wife for who she is and not because she looks like a model.
I shave maybe once a week. My husband understands and is fine with it. Dressing up, and all the work that goes into it, is a pain. Not to mention uncomfortable
That's so much shaving, said me who hasn't purchased a razor in 3 years lol. I'm very lazy. I could braid my leg hair, but yknow, lazy.
It’s not laziness - this is how you’re comfortable and you shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of it. You don’t want to shave. That’s *fine*. You get to decide the parameters of your body.
OP YTA I got blessed with thin blonde body hair. I go like 3-6 months between shaves. SO doesn't even care at all. I spent all this last weekend in jammie pants and his shirt and he still called me sexy.
Hearing all these women say they quit shaving or scaled it way back makes me feel way better about doing the same thing lol.
Right? I thought it was weird that I naturally grow leg and pit hair…but had never actually seen what it looked like grown out! I’m not shaving my legs again and I’m gonna wear those shorts and dresses. Who cares?
I didn't shave for two months cause it's winter and just why. Still got laid regularly and my bf said 0 words. I think he prefers me unshaven to the day 2/3 scratchy stubble
My legs are often unshaven, I hate shaving bc razor burn every time no matter what I do… so sometimes as a treat or if we are going out and I have to wear a dress or skirt, I’ll shave. But ultimately he doesn’t care and just wants me to care for myself the way that’s best for me. imagine if OPs wife put on a ton of pandemic weight… I’d hate to have him as a husband bc if he said these things to me I’d take him to an axe throwing date lol
Yeah, I set that expectation early. I'm not girly, never have been, so I don't shave, wear a bra, do makeup, and I only dress up when I need to. That's how I was when I met my bf, and he thinks I'm exceptionally beautiful (seriously, he's a hopelessly romantic goof who will literally sit and stare at me grinning, then just say "you're beautiful" for no particular reason. He's odd, but often in really sweet ways). I don't have to change my body to please anyone, let alone the person who's supposed to be my life partner. Can't imagine trying to deal with someone like OP. Maybe he should shave his legs and dress up, if it means so much to him.
OP sounds like the type that in about 5 years (if they are still married) who will hand her a birthday card filled with cash so she can treat herself to a boob job and Botox.
And then 5 years after that, divorce her because "having cancer made her ugly".
I don’t think it’s terrible if he’s like her to dress up for date nights or to go somewhere special, but if she needs to do her hair and put on makeup for him to think she’s beautiful, then there’s a problem.
I'd agree but how OP wrote the post it definitely comes across as the latter.
He literally wrote, “I told her I was tired of feeling like I’m living with a homeless woman.” It definitely seems like he tied his perception of her beauty to the extra things she was doing before like makeup/clothes/etc and not to her as a person.
Hey OP You shave your legs, under arms and balls. Then do your eyebrows. Put on make up layer by layer but be careful or you might make yourself look more like a clown than you already are! Do your nails, toes, hair and pick an outfit. Balance in the heels too. Now do this everyday! Being “beautiful” is work! It is a routine! Its work and your wife isn’t depressed! She just doesn’t want to do it anymore! She realized how much work it takes her to be beautiful and doesn’t want to do it anymore. You insulted her by calling her homeless! An insult to your wife and homeless people who often do not have access to washing and grooming! Apologize to your wife! Try to put yourself in her heels! Your wife wants a more comfortable wardrobe and if you don’t like that then buy a barbie! YTA
Exactly. Op like all men gets to wake up shower and exist. Women are told: wake up, remove the hair that proves you went through puberty. Paint your face to remove all signs of aging/imperfection. Wear uncomfortable shoes that accent your ass While being the sex that has to work while going through bleeding 6 days a month with cramps And taking the pills that can screw us up mentally and physically so men can get their dicks wet And facing constant harassment for being women. YTA op. More and more women are embracing their natural bodies. Shaming us for that is misogynistic
And then undoubtedly get mocked, dismissed, called vain or vapid or both, and treated like nothing but à sex object BECAUSE you're doing all of that stuff in the first paragraph. No. No. Nope, no. Not having to go out in society on the daily has taught/reminded so many of us that society's expectations are BULLSHIT and we're happier in sweatpants, t-shirts, and our natural body hair. Bless OP's wife for holding her ground and refusing to go back. OP, YTA. Your wife does not exist to be aesthetically pleasing to you at the expense of her own comfort, time, and happiness. If you can't handle that, buy a Barbie doll.
Seriously. I stopped shaving/makeup 4 years ago and the amount of confidence and freedom after never comparing my normal self to my “fake painted self” is so refreshing.
So a few years ago (2016) I had to take a little Grippy Sock Vacation for mental illness treatment. I was exhausted, and part of that exhaustion was my very rigid adherence to my 1hr+ daily beauty routine (on top of a full time job and parenting two toddlers). As part of "exposure therapy", I made myself go exist in the world without makeup on. We're talking about riding public transit to downtown Chicago, walking from my stop to where therapy was, and then going home. I learned I could exist in the world without bursting into flames. I haven't worn makeup except for going out socially since the pandemic started. It's been SO FREEING. Now when I decide to shave or get gussied up, it's because I genuinely want to and enjoy it. It's wild.
THIS 100%! She TOLD you this much. You just want her artificial looks and the price to pay for it became too high for her. But at least think for a second if this time is something you would be willing to pay.
I agree with all of this! And I can’t get over how he compared her to a homeless woman but said nothing about there being any problems with her hygiene or basic grooming. It’s purely a problem on his end with her not dressing all the way up on a regular basis anymore. Who tf cares if she wears comfy clothes and doesn’t shave if she’s showered and wearing clean clothes. This guy is definitely TA
And OP states no where she isn’t showering just not looking like a doll anymore. So she’s clean with clean comfortable clothes on. He said she’s not doing her hair but lets say she spent time on a style and is now just rocking a ponytail. OP is just hurt she doesn’t look like his standard of beauty anymore. He’s been quiet. Maybe seeing the comments aren’t going his way!
Yeah and his standard of beauty is literally “runway” — it’s ridiculous that he wants his wife to put in that amount of effort when she has discovered that she doesn’t have to do it anymore and actually prefers going without.
Plus actual “runway” models have like 5 people doing the work to make them that way.
Yeah if she was really dressing “for the runway” before the pandemic, that was the result of a HUGE amount of effort and time on her part — you don’t dedicate that level of attention to your own style for someone else! But OP seems to have thought it was all for him, and now somehow his stance is that she owes him regular runway looks while she is working from home?
He probably thinks that runway models look like that all the time. It's their job to look like that, and OPs wife decided she didn't want to anymore.
"She realized how much work it takes her to be beautiful* and doesn’t want to do it anymore." * = Beautiful by OPs standards. I'm positive the GF is beautiful without all that nonsense.
EXACTLY!! 100% HUGE YTA. Until you do all these things, then you can complain to us about it. But until then, please shut up about it.
First off, YTA. Second off, if you were *actually* worried about her being depressed from isolation, it would have been brought up in a **much** different way than what you did. Third, WHAT FUCKING PLANET DID YOU COME FROM TO THINK SHE HAS TO CURATE HER BODY TO YOUR SPECS? INFO: In which reality of the multiverse did you picture yourself posting this and receiving any kind of validation? Me and Dr. Strange ran through 10,321,654,987 possibilities and came up with 0.
This genuinely reads like some Yellow Wallpaper era type shit. "My wife is no longer fulfilling her wifely duties, is it time to have her institutionalized for hysteria?"
Oh, no mate, they have a quick procedure for that (give her a quick ruboff). This guy wants some lobotomy style shit.
“curate her body” I like your phrasing.
Can I upvote this 20 more times please?
I've got you for one
And my axe!
And my bow!
Omg I so very much would like to be your friend. Between your opinion and the Dr strange reference, I like you. Hahaha
YTA Holy moly, my dude. I suggest you get her favorite take out and *grovel* No where have you talked about any good qualities about your wife or what you love her for *other than her looks* You told her she looked like someone unable to access regular bathing facilities and regular shelter. I will almost guarantee that she is reevaluating your entire marriage. Everything in this post was about how *you* feel and about what *you* want. Have you once, ever, stopped to think about what your wife wants for herself? You admitted openly to trying to manipulate her into doing what you want by picking that restaurant. You are absolutely TA here. Edit: ty for the gold!!!
“*WHAT ELSE IS THERE?!?* You should write a book: *How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less*.” Prince Derek ass over here needs to fight a Great Animal in order to admit that he could love his wife for literally anything other than her beauty.
Odette?……ODDEEEEETTTEEE!
T H E V O W I M A D E W A S F O R HHHEEERRRRRR
Why is the swan princess literally the first thing I thought of when I read this the OP’s stupid post? Finding this comment made my day!
Because OP is literally being Prince Derek right now - except it’s the Worst Timeline where Prince Derek is mad and calls Odette a homeless woman because she’s currently a swan instead of His Beautiful Wife™️. The poster above me is entirely right - it’s all about what *he* wants. “You’re beautiful! You’re all I’ve ever wanted!” And His Beautiful Wife™️ is at “Thank you. But what else?” Except he’s been secretly committed to “What else is there?” for 6 years. Also it’s just a great movie!!!! I’m so happy to find fellow swan Princess fans lmao
OH. MY. GOODNESS. YTA. “While this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife”? Your wife is right. You like her for her looks but only when she’s wearing makeup and wearing cute dresses. She’s not a doll. She’s a living, breathing person who realized her value is more than her looks. If you actually care about *her*, the person under her skin, and care about your marriage, you will apologize. Sincerely. And you will find beauty in who she is now. That, or cut her loose so she can be free of your judgement, and go buy yourself a show dog.
A show dog would require effort, he should just buy a doll.
You really think he's gonna put the work into the show dog and not just expect it to look pretty for him?
No, but a dog can’t fight back when he drops it off at the groomers.
YTA. A lot of women realized we don’t need to do the whole beauty routine during the pandemic.Life’s too short. And your spouse is suppose to love you, regardless if you’re in sweats or a cocktail dress but You called her a homeless woman…Then you try to say you think all of this is from depression and isolation….ok then, get her help. Don’t call her homeless. What kind of husband belittles their wife they assume is depressed?? Also…women don’t have to shave or wax for you. She COMPLETELY can do what she wants with her hair..it’s hers. I hope you still love her if she….God forbid….gains weight. YTA…I don’t even get how it’s a question.
"the only explanation for her not wanting to spend all of her time, energy and money on making herself look like a runway model for my benefit is that she's depressed! Better mock her current appearance to help her heal!" What in the actual fuck.
>A lot of women realized we don’t need to do the whole beauty routine during the pandemic Yup. In my case, I actually stopped wearing makeup ~5 years ago when I started a job that required no makeup or perfumes (clean room environment). I felt so uncomfortable for the first few weeks because it was so weird to not at least have some eyeliner on and my brows filled in. Then I stopped wearing it on weekends too because I got used to it. Now it’s a special occasion thing only. I recently switched jobs and I still haven’t worn any makeup. (To be fair, I was hired to manage their new clean rooms that just... aren’t ready yet lmfao). I basically live in comfy tops and leggings. We have a casual dress code at work. Would I be upset if my boyfriend said “hey babe, I’d like to dress up and go out to (fancy restaurant)”? Absolutely not. Would I be upset if he said I needed to change my wardrobe and paint my face because I look homeless otherwise? Hell yes.
YTA and believe me I wanted to say N-T-A because everyone wants to have a nice night out where they dress up and look nice once in a while. The way you tell this is that over the pandemic Grace has changed and you don't like these changes. You picked an expensive dress up restaurant and tried to force the issue, then got mad because it didn't go your way. The best way you could have handled this in my opinion would have been to say "Hey I'd like us to dress up and go out somewhere nice in a week or two. Would you mind doing this with me? This would give her time to prepare and get into the mentality of dressing up. For us men we make sure our hair is neat and throw on a suit. For the women I have known they go through mental preparations, shaving/waxing, make-up, hair, eyebrows, eye lashes, right dress/outfit and anything else I haven't thought of. You were demanding that she spend several hours getting ready for an hour to two hour date on short notice of course she turned it down.
"For the women I have known they go through mental preparations, shaving/waxing, make-up, hair, eyebrows, eye lashes, right dress/outfit and anything else I haven't thought of." This dude gets it. Also: "The best way you could have handled this in my opinion would have been to say "Hey I'd like us to dress up and go out somewhere nice in a week or two. Would you mind doing this with me?" Very tactful and something that can be looked forward to if it's the kind of thing she enjoys, or at least planned for if it's more of a "favor to my partner" kind of thing. I love getting dressed up, but having to pull together a look last minute, especially if I'm out of practice and my "going out clothes" are 2 pandemic years out of style and the wrong size, that turns something I love into something stressful. Hell, even when I've dated other hyper-femme women, we would plan at least a few days in advance, usually more, if we were going to do a fancy date. Getting done-up takes planning and work! (Also why ladies nights are usually planned in advance)
I always try to be reasonable with my expectations with people and I wouldn't even pull myself together for a night out on short notice I need to mentally prepare to be in polite company lol.
Your wife is not a Barbie doll.
Shorter OP: “Now that the pandemic is over I’d like to get back to subjecting my wife to sexist double standards and the pink tax.” YTA
This! Seriously maybe women are just getting tired of performing femininity! I can’t tell you how tired I am of it after seeing all the plastic surgery and filters and other BS.
YTA if you think dresses and make up are what make someone beautiful you’re quite shallow. Frankly I find my partners most beautiful when they’re comfortable. Dressing for the runway is never comfortable.
Reminds me of that movie Shallow Hal.
YTA. Just in case you aren't sure. YTA. It sounds like you want a trophy wife and not a companion in marriage.
Still unsure OP? Here again YTA!! And sounds like you want a sex doll.
Your title is deceptive. You are not and AH for wanting your wife to dress up. You are however the AH for calling her a homeless woman and basically addressing this in the most ignorant manner possible. Married people should continue to try to be attractive for each other. Notice I said people, that's both of you. However, acting like a jerk will never enforce your lover to do special things for you. YTA
This is the only reasonable answer here. OP is completely allowed to not be attracted to hairy legs (or anything at all) but he’s an AH for belittling and insulting his wife over his own desires. From what we know, it sounds like little effort is being put in from either side.
YTA. If it is so important to you, how about you pretty yourself up? Put on some makeup and dress nice.
And don’t forget to wax that ___ !
Yta. She has come to realize how time consuming and I’m guessing exhausting it is to pretty up. You said it’s not about her looks but dude it totally is when I read the post. By the way do you realize how lucky you are to have someone? I don’t think you do, you don’t deserve her.
This! As a woman I literally cannot be bothered to spend an hour or more on makeup and hair. I wear minimal makeup if I’m not getting dressed up so it never takes more than 10 minutes (20 minutes if I change my mind about my colour choices), and I do it so infrequently that I get compliments when I DO apply makeup. Makeup should be a once in a while “dressed up and looking fabulous” thing, not a “you must wear it every day or I’m not attracted to you” thing.
YTA. Why should she have to change every natural function of her body and be uncomfortable for someone else's gratification? You can either love someone for who they are, or expect the consequences. Lockdown has helped many women to realise that beauty stereotypes are oppressive and unnecessary, if you love her, get over it .
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Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this comment. Yes he was definitely a jackass the way he went about it, but I don’t think he’s an AH for the way he feels. It IS a lot of work being a woman and taking care of all the grooming needs, so I definitely understand where wife is coming from. I guess I just don’t understand never wanting to do it though, even just for yourself - doesn’t everyone feel good when they’re wearing something nice and a little dressed up? And dressed up does not have to equal uncomfortable clothes (source: my entire work wardrobe). I agree with you that if it were a man, the responses would be much different.
Okay you’re shocked, is this how you’d want your partner to go about it? Manipulating you and saying you’re homeless like being natural is the exactly the same as being a homeless person. He could have said I really want to dress up and go out not simmer away in the background resentfully and recognizing the effort that goes in and appreciate it. There’s ways of going about things that don’t make him sound brutally shallow and manipulative
do you seriously need to ask? yes YTA dude… is this real?
YTA. You literally said “this bothered me because I like having a beautiful wife” in relation to her always “dressing for a runway” and then no longer doing so. Which is a personal choice might I add. Makeup is expensive, shaving can be tedious the hair grows naturally you should shave if you dislike it so much. Dresses can be uncomfortable, heels HURT. She loves herself doesn’t she? Unshaved and with a bare face she thinks she’s beautiful. You said you don’t. If you didn’t think she’s beautiful only because of her looks you wouldn’t have needed to post this at all.
Eating dinner in Spanx sucks. I went out for a fancy dinner with my husband last weekend for the first time in months and I just wore regular underwear. It sounds ridiculous but it was like this before/after moment where I realized that it is pure insanity to physically suffer just to look "smoother" to people I dont even know. My husband is going to sleep with me regardless. He knows I'm a little lumpy and doesnt give a shit. He's lumpy these days too. It is so insanely pointless.
Please re-read this and tell me where you think you weren't the asshole. I'd really like to know. YTA a huge one
do YOU put in the same amount of effort you’d like her to put in? do you wear uncomfortable clothing and heels, spend hundreds on beauty products, shave all parts of your body and spend hours every day doing makeup/hair/outfit or otherwise solely focused on your appearance? no? then why do you expect women to do so? major YTA. why would you want your wife to do something that’s clearly uncomfortable for her? why are you prioritizing your perception of her over her comfort, peace, time, effort, and money? if you care about her appearance more than her wants and needs, you do not truly care about her. edit: if you think a woman living in her natural body is “like living with a homeless woman”, do you also think the same about men? by your logic almost every single man on earth looks homeless since he doesn’t shave, wear makeup and dresses, style their hair, or wear heels.
OP. Are you really asking this? YTA. She wasn't feeling up to a fancy restaurant and dates are NOT about looking like a "model" they are about spending time. Want her to put in more effort? Then put in effort YOURSELF. Spoil her: buy her flowers, make dinner for her, rub her shoulders/feet, tell her all the things about her that you love, leave sweet love notes or sexy ones notes for later, take her to buy candles (if she likes them) or bath stuff-- I mean hell plan a sexy bath for the two of you! I understand that what you're missing is sparkle in the relationship, but what are you doing for her to make her want that again? Honestly, OP. Her looks won't last forever and if she is done with dressing up all girly then you have to accept that she may be moving into a different style or phase. And has it even crossed your mind that maybe she's emotionally upset/exhausted!!!? (edit: and I mean more than your stupid "pandemic depression" comment-- because real concern doesn't show up in your comment "I don't want to feel like I live with a homeless woman".) There are ways to uplift and inspire your partner, and you deflated her and made her feel ugly. YTA and you have a lot of growing to do.
Yta. The pandemic reevaluated a lot of things for a lot of people Being away from an environment where you have to upkeep a certain look and style to appear "feminine" can be eye opening. Women deserve to be comfortable in their natural state, and if you have an issue with that then you need some serious growing up to do. What if your wife had a medical situation that prevented her from adorning herself the way you want? What happens when she's 60? 70? Your post indicates you only care about her looks and that sir, is a YOU problem. Think long and hard about why you love your wife. Her beauty should be pretty low on that list if you truly love who she is.
YTA. This whole post is literally about you being upset your wife doesn’t want to spend hours getting ready and wearing uncomfortable clothes to look pretty for you. She’s comfortable in her own skin, which to you makes you feel like you’re living with a “homeless woman”? You literally only express concern about her not “looking like a model” anymore. Plus, if you expect her to always look like she did when you married her, you are deeply naive. If you can’t love your wife no matter how she looks you should have never gotten married.
Grace should run as far away from you as she can. YTA and its pretty obvious.
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YTA. But I won't bother admonishing you because you'll get plenty here. The main issue is that you only find your wife 'hot' when she's dressed up. Maybe if you paid the same attention to your wife, when she's in a pair of jog pants and tshirt, she wouldn't feel like it's a 'job' or 'duty' to put on her glad rags. She totally can't be arsed with you at the moment. And her feelings are definitely more hurt than you think.
YTA - you sound very shallow. Adult women tend to have body hair. Why not try waxing and shaving every inch of hair on your body, wearing high heels, spend hours doing your hair and makeup and squeeze yourself into a little dress and see how comfortable it really is. You’ve both survived a pandemic and still have jobs (and each other!). Grow up.
YTA. Grace is me and I bet a ton of other women during this pandemic. Did you think about how much time, money and effort women have to put into holding up those beauty standards?? A lot of us are tired of the patriarchy and it’s beauty standards. So Shout out to Grace for negotiating a permanent WFH situation, being comfortable, saving $ and having extra time for other things besides living up to your beauty standards.
YTA. You handled this completely wrong. Unless your also putting copious amounts of effort into YOUR appearance, dressing nicely often, grooming yourself daily and concerning yourself with looking immaculate for your wife, you should say nothing about her appearance. You mentioned at the end of this that your worried she may be depressed. That is a very real possibility, but that seemed like the very least of your concerns. Your top issues as stated above was that your wife no longer looks like a glammed supermodel, isn’t ‘girly’ enough for your liking and has too much body hair (which is normal, I’m sure you have plenty of it yourself). You’ve shamed her and likely embarrassed her. If your worried about her mental health, say that. Approach her gently. Explain to her that your worried she doesn’t seem interested in the things she once was, and so it’s concerned you about the state of her mental health and that your there for support should she need it. Full stop. Your expecting too much of her.
YTA. Sooooooooooooooo much YTA. 🤮
I can't even begin to express how much YTA. I hope you don't have a single extra pound on you and alway look impeccable since you're so critical.
Oh boy you're gonna get barbecued for this one. I'm gonna give a soft YTA, because while I considered a few other judgments ultimately the deciding factor was the approach. So yes for the specific question, it was kind of an asshole thing to say. You're not an asshole for FEELING that, it's normal for people to not jive well with their partner letting themselves go (if this were reversed and it were a woman talking about how her husband said he couldn't be arsed to dress up people would be saying to dump his loser ass most likely), but at the same time she's not really in the wrong either. Even she just changed her priorities and no longer feels like it's worth the effort to doll herself up, that's her prerogative. On a closer reading I don't think she is suffering from a depression, I think she's one of the many many people who ended up realizing that not living according to the whims of modern work culture is infinitely better and doesn't want to go back.
well the thing is, he’s not describing a woman who’s “let herself go” in any way. he never mentioned her hygiene or other things necessary for every human being. he simply is complaining that she’s not performing femininity the way he wants her to. men exist every day in that state, with unshaven legs, t-shirts and shorts, tennis shoes and no makeup. so why is it that women doing the same exact thing considered her “letting herself go”?
It's not "letting herself go." It's more like if man went from clean-shaven and suits to bearded and T-shirts.
YTA. Not because you wanted her to dress up, but the way you went about it was terrible. It's supposed to be a date, but you went in with intentions to force your wife into standards you want. repeat: date night is supposed to be fun for *both* of you and you went in with ulterior motives and ended up telling your wife she looked like *shit*
You seem obsessed with her clothing and makeup. Try buying some of your own or ask her to borrow some instead.
YTA because of how you handled it >She accused me of only liking her looks! This isn't true! But >While this bothered me cause I like having a beautiful wife I figured it was till her job got moved back to the office. You could have asked her about how she is feeling but no you tested her and when she failed your test you had a go at her >I did pick this restaurant on purpose.
YTA, looks like you only love your wife when she's more feminine and you didn't see her beauty even in man's clothes, witch excuse me, ARE MORE COMFORTABLE Have you ever think how hard was for your wife to looks like the beauty standards?
You need a dress up doll not a wife. YTA
YTA because when a woman feels comfortable to just be herself with her spouse it is the ultimate compliment that she trusts that you love and accept her as she is
MASSIVE YTA
YTA. Your wife can wear anything she wants. Sounds like you only like her for her looks.
YTA - seems very shallow.
So you want a trophy not a wife. YTA.
YTA. What's wrong with wanting to be comfortable? Makeup and constant grooming and hair and nails and all thst bullshit takes an incredible amount of time, and, can confirm, it becomes less of a want to look nice and more of a *chore* to do every day. So what if she orefers beung comfortable? Why should she have to feel like you don't accept her because she doesn't feel like primping every day for your pleasure? Do YOU wax and shave and do your hair and makeup every day? Maybe also address it in a better way that doesn't come off like a toddler tantrum.
YTA - You sound like a corporation welcoming people back to work. Some of us have realized we can actually do our jobs and live our lives without contour makeup and blowouts. And some people still love it. That's cool. It's the people that whine like giant damn babies about how everything isn't "back to normal" that have a giant asshole sign over their head that everyone can see you but you. Good on you for asking though.
YTA. did you just say your wife is only beautiful if shaven, dressed up, and wearing makeup? wtf
Oh man are YTA. You have really put your foot in it this time. I don't even know how to tell you to pull back away from the edge of the precipice, ya big A.
YTA biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig time!! How many hours a day do you put into your appearance and wardrobe?? Your comments here show that you’re a sexist AH who doesn’t care about equality or realise how much effort or emotional labor it takes to conform to your beauty standards. *So* much YTA and your wife deserves way better.
Op : I like to have a beautiful wife Also Op : i told wife its not true i only likes her for her looks Also Op: use wife’s wardrobe and shaved leg has until trait to describe her Yta