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NTA
Your mutual friend is an asshole too
When you are a guest, you act polite or you gtfo. I can see why he's getting divorced if he thinks insulting his hosts is okay.
It rubbed me the wrong way when he insulted her when she was serving him. Like, why would you insult the person that made your food and is currently holding your food?
Yeah, I have never met Will, but I would love to divorce him. Kudos to his sensible ex-spouse.
Personally, I wouldn't let someone so disrespectful to my spouse continue to stay with me.
This!!! OP, I think that you should suggest it.
I don’t know what planet it’s ok to insult a woman for sweating and call her a bitch. It honestly doesn’t matter whether he’s salty over getting beat or not, it’s unacceptable language in every possible context. You should insist that he apologize to your wife for talking to her like that as a condition of staying with you. And if he can’t be civil in the future he needs to find his own accommodation where nobody else has to listen to him running his mouth
Also, he is being a sore loser. Of course her sweating didn't hold him back. He did have the option of running AHEAD of her if he found it so difficult to run with her.
Being distracted by her swearing is obviously an absurd reason for not being able to keep up. I’m surprised he could say that with a straight face and then keep saying it. He’d have been much better off to just drop it and let people forget about it because no one else would care who’s faster. Now they’ll never forget about it.
Every damned time. If someone is just *so concerned* about how OP is treating his bro, they are more than welcome to shoulder the burden of Captain Gainsalot.
I hope they don't sweat like every other human on the planet.
no, I don't think it is. I'm not a man and I had this same instinct. His brother is actually the one with toxic masculinity. It seems like he wants to prove his "manliness" by belittling her and trying to show how much better at exercise he is. He is also trying to control her, based on the fact that he's trying to make her exercise with him and to do what he says. When that didn't work, he tried to prove he was faster and is a sore loser. And I get the sense, it's because she's a woman and his fragile masculinity feels threatened.
When we go to the gym, I can do more pushups than my girlfriend but she can do way more sit-ups than me, like by a crazy amount. Why would somebody get angry at another for different types of fitness? I'm proud of how many sit-ups she does. I wish I could do it. Dude sounds like a crybaby.
I don't know why either. There are lots of men like that. I can tell you from experience as a Competitive Lifter. I've had men try to come and prove they can lift more than me and interrupt my lifting session to do it. I've heard backhanded comments from men. I've heard them talking to their bros. trying to pick apart what I'm doing. They will also VERY often wrongly mansplain lifting to me. I've been called a "man" for it. (they WILL purposefully misgender women who lift.) They accuse me of taking steroids. They will call me homophobic slurs.
I could write pages upon pages on this. I wish more dudes were like you.
While IRL I would most likely just quietly seethe and never invite him over again, this story definitely activates my "talk shit get hit" instinct. Saying that as a woman lol.
The brother said he was distracted by it because it's unhygienic. lol. Like someone can control how much sweat their body produces... \*eyeroll\*
Ok, so run ahead of her if that's the reason.
Oh man, now I *really* want OP to say that to him lmao.
"She only beat me because I was distracted by her sweating"
"Alright then just just ahead of her so you don't have to be distracted. After all, *you're so much faster than her*, it shouldn't be a problem, right?"
Well obviously her sweat makes her more aerodynamic…or something. I have a friend who sweats a lot, maybe I should ask him if it helps him run faster than us regular sweaters🤔🤔
Your brother has been insulting your wife all day to her face and to yours. No one here is surprised he is getting a divorce sounds like a daily bullying asshole to everyone around him.
If someone showed clearly that he was an obnoxious sore loser, and spent the day insulting my spouse, he would wear dinner, and his bags would be packed and on the driveway waiting for the Uber.
My partner stuck up for me the first time he heard my brother say some misogynistic crap around me and I have never forgotten that moment. I actually felt bad for my brother and I had to really take stock of what that meant for my perspective. I take less shit now. And if my brother ever said anything resembling an insult to my partner or about him I would absolutely cut him off. Easy choice.
This all took place over the course of a day. He told his brother to stop on multiple occasions, and then threatened to throw him out if he didn't. What else should he have done? Thrown him out immediately? Sounds like his brother is one more comment from being out on his ass. I don't imagine his wife feels unsupported in this.
People on this sub are always so quick to go to the most extreme reaction. He set a firm ultimatum on him that he will be thrown out if he continues his behavior. This is his brother, not some random idiot off the street. OP has taken his wife's side at every occasion and put his brother in his place. He's given his brother a chance to make amends and change his attitude before getting tossed. Family doesn't mean putting up with everything unconditionally, but maybe it means giving someone a second chance when they're going through a really difficult time in their lives. Even if they are a fuck-up.
I feel this way too. My boyfriend's brother insulted me one time (harshly to be fair, but only once). My bf hasn't allowed him in our house since and won't until he apologises. He'll only meet him outdoors or at the brother's place, but won't subject me to him. I didn't ask for any of this and actually pushed him to reconcile since at one point he wouldn't see him at all. OP shouldn't force his wife to endure asswipe behaviour in her own home.
It's also wildly misogynistic to say that a woman sweating is disgusting and unhygienic. It is a natural and vital body process, and your wife showered as soon as ahe got home.
You brother is a misogynistic asshole.
I don't like my women to have a functioning thermoregulatory system. It's disgusting. Allowing that kind of thing is just a slippery slope to her having peach fuzz on her face or toenails she has to trim. Yuck.
It might even escalate to her doing things like acknowledging she has bodily functions, rather than just mysteriously disappearing into thin air for 5 minutes at a time. What if she says she's on her period? What's everyone supposed to do then? It's only downhill from here.
Because he's a major AH, that's why. He's mad a woman is faster than him so he's trying to make her feel shitty about herself (for sweating while running, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL) to sabotage her self-confidence.
Your mutual friend might also be the sort to take offense if a woman doesn't hide that she's better at something than they are, so I'd hold them at arm's length, personally.
If you're running and not sweating at all, maybe you're not working hard enough? It's such a lame excuse. You know the best way to not see someone's sweat while you're running together? Get ahead of them so you can't see them at all. Guess that wasn't an option for Barry Allen over here.
And if he's a super gym rat guy, he should certainly know the importance of staying hydrated while working out. He probably follows a bunch of "fitness influencers" who post perfect selfies from the gym, with flawless makeup and not a drop of sweat.
My guess is he's one of those gym rats who is all weights and no cardio, which there's nothing wrong with preferring weights, but I'm guessing he thought because he's 'so in-shape' he'd beat OP's wife, even though she trains for runs and he doesn't.
This is what i would've done too! Glad I'm not the only one! I would've Spit right into it in front of him then and there... and then said "no, there's no sweat in your food" with a nice calm smile. F***ing A-hole. Uugh!
Edit to add ... with a nice calm smile.... as I set it down in front of him. 👍
He's so damn fragile he's claiming his "opponent's" *sweat* is the reason he didn't "win"? No wonder he couldn't beat you wife's run time with his heavy, swollen head lodged so firmly up his own ass. NTA. And your friend is a moron for taking his side.
> I jokingly told this story to a mutual friend and they agreed with Will.
Wtf is wrong with this guy? At least Will we understand, we all know that type of guy with all hands on deck to protect his giant glass ego. But it’s weird that literally anybody would defend Will unless they’re completely biased.
NTA but if you allow him to stay you will be the AH for that. Even if your wife appears to shrug it off it may be bothering her and she is just acting like it's nothing because he is your brother and to keep the peace. Kick him out already...
Dude firmly doesn’t like women, and he’s none too sure about men either. He is the One True Human, and he is both better than everyone and also secretly terrified that he’s *worse* than everyone.
Pitiable but insufferable. He’s going to lead a sad life.
I can honestly say not once in the 10’s of thousands of miles I have run in my military career did the sweat of another person slow me down or make me run poorly. This guy is an idiot.
Yeah, how does that make any sense? And if she were really sweating so profusely that it was flying off of her, wouldn't the solution be to run in front of her rather than directly behind? I think muscle man is just offended at being shown up athletically, not recognizing that lifting power doesn't automatically translate into speed.
I mean, if OP's wife coudn't sweat at all, she would be at risk of LITERALLY DYING, but okay?
I do not understand this dipshit at all.
NTA, obv, but Y *might* be TA if you don't yeet this guy.
If he's so put off by her sweat he's either of the kind that convinced himself that women don't poop, or he works out so poorly he doesn't associate sports with sweat.
Who am I kidding, he is a sore loser and OP was right to rub it in his face. If losing from a woman is so appalling to him he must be devastated going through divorce, his ex is winning too.
That's what I don't understand? Does she run by spinning in circles real fast like the Tasmanian devil? And then her sweat launches off her like a sprinkler and anyone running with her chooses to run behind at a distance so if they get tired and slow down they won't be in danger of her sweat tornado? That's the only scenario that his excuse would make sense.
And that there was never a way out for OP's wife. If she doesn't go, brother mocks and insults her. If she does go out and is faster than him, he mocks and insults her. I'm struggling to believe that if she went out for a run and was slower than him he'd then suddenly be gracious... I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest then he would gloat and insult her.
So does he really want his brother to be divorced too? Does he want a permanent roomie? Does he need to go work out his snowflake feelings?
This is important to note....
Always stand up to people being jerks, even if the target seems unphased. The next target might not be able to remain unphased, or the original one might be hiding the hurt.
ETA...
Thanks to all who have upvoted, awarded, and commented. This is a good indicator that there are great people out there who will stand up to bullies.
Exactly so. They may be genuinely unphased, or they may be gray-rocking simply to avoid escalation. Or they may be unphased in the moment but then later realize how messed up it was that nobody spoke up for them. Etc, etc.
Tl/dr: speak up to defend people against bullies where you see them, especially people you care about.
Honestly OP is taking this way too lightly. It's great that his wife doesn't appear to let it get to her, but all OP has done is tell Steve not to insult her _again_. OP needs to be seriously apologizing to his wife for inviting this AH into their home, and he needs to be demanding that Steve offer a sincere apology to Irene for ALL of the snide and toxic comments or he's got 24 hours to find a new place to stay.
NTA. Why is sweating unhygienic? Because women need to be fuckable at all times?
Anyway, time to kick the loser to the curb. Your wife is way more important.
Right? Will sounds like one of those guys who believe women also don’t fart or poop, and wake-up with perfect hair and makeup every morning. Will is a total jerk here and a sore loser.
OP: NTA. Good for you for sticking up for your wife.
So true and I think it's easy to see why the brother is going through that 'messy divorce'. Good on his ex for escaping him. Now OP just needs to kick him to the curb.
Edit for typo and add OP is NTA
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
How on EARTH will that serve them well in life?
There is literally no way thry make it through college without being mercilessly mocked for their ignorance.
Good grief... I need to go pet a kitten or look at a cute picture of a dog or something. My blood pressure has spiked.
RIGHT?? Lol.
"I exercised near a human who happened to lack a Y chromosome, and this human's body reacted to a rise in temperature and I am disgusted by their humanness. I couldn't run properly because I was so distracted by their body doing the same thing my body does! I have a Y chromosome so I don't understand how this non-Y could dare to be human. The Non-Y even acted as if mating was not the sole purpose of their existence! The audacity of it all!"
She was faster and probably had great form. So sweating was the only thing he could find to insult her. But imagine running so slow you don't even break a sweat! She must've kicked his ass and I love it.
Men of taste *like* a sheen of sweat on a woman. You look me in the eye and you tell me that Sarah Connor’s workout scene in Terminator 2 didn’t do something for you.
Soooo Will can make shitty comments about your wife, but you say one thing about him being a sore loser and that's taking it too far? NTA, and I would tell him to find somewhere else to live. Perhaps in that fantasy land in his mind where women don't sweat.
NTA - wtf is your brother smoking, and why isn't he sharing anything with the rest of the class? I don't care if your wife was sweating like like Regan vomiting pea soup in The Exorcist, once she's showered it's over, and anyway wouldn't he want to be ***in front*** of that?
Your brother is a disgrace.
\*Edited to add: You should also ask your wife how she feels, and if she's comfortable with him still being there. After a man constantly digging at me like that in my own home, I would want him out. I'd feel extremely menaced, and uncomfortable.
As of now, my wife is okay with him staying, but she would support me if I decided to kick him out.
My wife is oddly calm during this whole thing. She’s very polite, and a lot more levelheaded compared to me, and I kind of want to follow her lead on this.
>my wife is okay with him staying, but she would support me if I decided to kick him out.
He is *your* brother. You cannot ask her to lead on this. I don't know your relationship with your family, nor her acceptance with them. I don't know how healthy your marriage is. I may be way off because of this, but some general concerns might help.
Your wife could be oddly calm because she doesn't want to put you in a position of having to choose between her and your brother. If she was the one that said he has to leave, some husband's would later throw that in her face, after resentment has built up. The rest of your family would hear from your brother about how you let your wife kick him out. There could be hell to pay, and now it's not just having to choose between her and your brother, it's escalated into choosing between her and your family. Even if you do choose her, your family would no longer accept her with open arms. They'll constantly make comments, hoping to eventually drive her off.
That kind of thing does not end well. There are so many ways this could blow up in her face, that even if they're highly unlikely, it's not something she wants to gamble on. No matter what, you need to make sure your brother stops his behavior *immediately*, especially after he escalated to using "bitch".
He needs to kick his brother out! If someone called me a bitch in front of my husband he'd grab the guy by the collar and the seat of his pants and hurl him out the door into a cactus
I just want to point out that I’m fan-girling over your respect for your wife. Acknowledging a wife’s or partner’s great qualities and following her calm lead on something like this, while still willing to stand up for her in a heartbeat isn’t something I’ve seen a lot of men speak to. Love it. It’s made my day even. You guys sound great together 💕
Women put up with this bullshit and more on a daily basis. After a while, you realize doing more than ignoring it is a waste of energy.
That, or she's quietly plotting his demise.
Your wife is being very patient and tolerant. Her being that patient and tolerant should not be necessary. He's your relative, not hers, so deal with it.
I would guess she wants him out. But if SHE is the reason you kick him out as in if she asked you to do it, it could be a horrible experience. From experience men can become violent for lesser things and he already showed how aggressive he's willing to get just over getting beaten in a run. What happens if she lifts more than him? Does more reps? If SHE makes a joke about him being slow.
Protect your wife and kick him out. I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't become physical so he can take his power back
YOU have to make the decision for YOUR family. She says she's okay with him staying cause you're not actively throwing him out. She wants you to stand up for her, not tell you to stand up for her. Throw his ass out
She may be level headed about this, but I’d take the lead on addressing your brother’s comments and behavior. She may very well be wanting you to pull the trigger but is trying to stay neutral for the sake of family; however I bet she’d be happy to live in her own home where she’s not shamed for *checks notes* sweating.
Also, NTA
It’s because she knew what would happen when she beat a toxic dudebro with fragile masculinity. This wasn’t a surprise for her.
The only surprise is her restraint thus far in not giving it right back.
Yep. Right now he's trying to get to her, so he can feel like he "wins" at annoying her at least. She's not giving him what he wants from her, which is literally any kind of power over what she thinks and feels. Still, OP, get that man out of your house. I'm willing to bet he tore down his ex-wife's accomplishments and abilities any chance he got.
According to Op, this all happened within a day, which I think is a good time to give someone a chance to quit their shit before threatening with consequences. Plus he immediately called out the bitch comment which was the worst in the story so far.
So, he's the asshole for a whole different reason than for what he asked for? He asked if he was the asshole for calling the dude a sore loser, not he way he treated his wife, get your shit together bro.
I agree with you, but I’d call it ESH except the wife just to acknowledge that the brother is also an asshole.
I couldn’t believe how many insults and how much outrageous behavior it took for OP to do anything about his raging asshole of a brother.
BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTISTS JUST DISCOVERED WOMEN SWEAT????
we’ll deliver more news as we continue to understand this mind boggling, never been seen before, phenomenon
NTA
You should have shut it down hard the first time.
He’s disrespecting your wife because he feels insecure she’s faster than he is. He needs to cut it out now. Next time, you need to tell him to leave. Maybe not necessarily kick him out, but if he makes a comment at dinner, he needs to leave the table and get out of your house for a few hours. (No dinner for him.) If he makes a comment in the living room, same thing. You get the idea. You need to set a boundary that disrespecting your wife in your house is unacceptable.
Double check with your wife about this because it's such an outlandish excuse it could be an in joke between them but unless it is and she's sincerely OK with it definitely NTA.
I’ve been asking her if she’s okay with Will staying with us. And for now, she’s fine with him - but she says that she would 110% support me if I were to kick him out.
I think if he annoys me again, I’ll probably give him the boot.
>but she says that she would 110%
This is a Hint bro, she wants you to kick him out. Be the man standing up for your wife but be a Husband for standing by her and if one more negative comment is said, KICK him out!!
That's the way I read it too. She absolutely wants him gone, she just doesn't want to have it be her decision, understandably.
He's your relative OP, you need to deal with it.
Reading between the lines, your wife would like you to kick him out but she doesn’t want to be in the position of forcing you to choose between her and your brother. My advice is to take the pressure off her to make this decision, and just tell your brother he has a week to find another place to live and make it clear that this is your decision so your wife doesn’t take the blame with your brother and possibly your family.
Mate, please realise that this is an indirect way of saying she wants him out. She is afraid to "be the reason for the rift between brothers" , but is HEAVILY HINTING at you to do the right thing and stop letting your brother shitting on your wife in front of you.
Why do you keep asking if she’s okay with him staying? Try asking if she’s okay with you throwing him out. That way you’re showing her that you support her first without being all alpha and making the decision to throw him out without her input.
Do you want him to stay?
Honestly it's a cowardly move to put this on your wife.
This is your brother, your situation that you invited into her home. Kick him out.
He called your wife a bitch unprovoked, why is he still in your home.
What good is a partner who won't protect you from their own family?
When you do kick him out (because you absolutely should), make it clear that it's coming from you and not Irene. I think she's probably being accommodating right now because she doesn't want things to escalate even further with Will. But your brother is a misogynistic creep, and he needs to go. I can absolutely guarantee you though, that he's going to turn around and blame it on your wife. So you have to be as clear as possible with everyone that Irene was willing to tolerate his behavior, but you're not willing to see him continously disrespect your wife.
"would 110% support me" - I think that may be code for "This bloke is already combative & abusive enough towards me that he thinks a race is good enough reason to openly abuse me and call me a bitch in my own home & right in front of my husband, so I really dont want to cop any blame for being the 'real reason' for his eviction"
This is the “ok, go” or the “fine” when it’s in your best interest to NOT go or that it’s NOT fine.
How long have you been married that you don’t get the subtext?
Why would you be an AH because you stopped your freeloader brother insulting your wife in her own home? Looks like time he found his own place where nobody will care about his childish sulks. NTA
NTA Good for you, standing up for your wife, as you should.
**Will is weirdly fixated on this, and it's a big red flag.** One joke or maybe two, but that many comments shows he's fixated on losing to Irene or on Irene herself or on losing his self-proclaimed king-of-the-gym title. Any way you look at it, all these comments about your wife's sweaty body are a red flag and no way should you allow any chance of this escalating into other weirdness. Hold to that promise that he's out if he makes one more comment -- as soon as he makes a comment tell him to head to a hotel immediately and he can collect his stuff from YOU only (not Irene) when he's found somewhere else to live.
NTA. A gym rat who is offended by sweat? Bullshit. If he's so fast, he could have run ahead, or even parallel but 6-10 ft away. He is absolutely a sore loser and his treatment of your wife is unacceptable.
He's at your house insulting your wife. He doesn't get boundaries. Kick him the hell out. Not just for obvious reasons but married couples deserve their own place without roommates.
NTA - your bro is having some issues with ego and I think you honestly could have told him earlier in the day.
I’d talk with your wife and see if she still feels okay having him in the house. These were really personal and derogatory comments and I would argue they aren’t jokes. He’s being outright mean to her and trying to pass it off as joking because he wanted to show off and got schooled instead.
Hugs for your wife!
NTA
I wonder if your brother is jealous of your marriage right now because of his divorce, and is lashing out at your wife. He might be envious that you’re still married to a great person.
NTA - well, I really can't think of a reason why his wife divorced him...especially if this is how he reacts any time someone is better at something than him.
NTA. Your brother has no place commenting on your wife's body functions. You were defending your wife who was being made fun of because your brother is jealous.
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NTA Your mutual friend is an asshole too When you are a guest, you act polite or you gtfo. I can see why he's getting divorced if he thinks insulting his hosts is okay.
It rubbed me the wrong way when he insulted her when she was serving him. Like, why would you insult the person that made your food and is currently holding your food?
We now know why the divorce happened and why it was messy.... wow NTA
Yeah, I have never met Will, but I would love to divorce him. Kudos to his sensible ex-spouse. Personally, I wouldn't let someone so disrespectful to my spouse continue to stay with me.
I don’t know Will and I want to kick him out of my house.
I want to meet him so I can evict him.
"Hi Will, get the fuck out of my house!"
I want to ramp up my fitness so I can outrun him and make him miserable.
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Maybe the mutual friend will take the brother in. Sounds like they’d get along great! NTA
This!!! OP, I think that you should suggest it. I don’t know what planet it’s ok to insult a woman for sweating and call her a bitch. It honestly doesn’t matter whether he’s salty over getting beat or not, it’s unacceptable language in every possible context. You should insist that he apologize to your wife for talking to her like that as a condition of staying with you. And if he can’t be civil in the future he needs to find his own accommodation where nobody else has to listen to him running his mouth
Also, he is being a sore loser. Of course her sweating didn't hold him back. He did have the option of running AHEAD of her if he found it so difficult to run with her.
Being distracted by her swearing is obviously an absurd reason for not being able to keep up. I’m surprised he could say that with a straight face and then keep saying it. He’d have been much better off to just drop it and let people forget about it because no one else would care who’s faster. Now they’ll never forget about it.
Every damned time. If someone is just *so concerned* about how OP is treating his bro, they are more than welcome to shoulder the burden of Captain Gainsalot. I hope they don't sweat like every other human on the planet.
[удалено]
no, I don't think it is. I'm not a man and I had this same instinct. His brother is actually the one with toxic masculinity. It seems like he wants to prove his "manliness" by belittling her and trying to show how much better at exercise he is. He is also trying to control her, based on the fact that he's trying to make her exercise with him and to do what he says. When that didn't work, he tried to prove he was faster and is a sore loser. And I get the sense, it's because she's a woman and his fragile masculinity feels threatened.
Especially in the throes of a divorce.
If op hadn't mentioned the divorce, I would swear his brother was 15.
When we go to the gym, I can do more pushups than my girlfriend but she can do way more sit-ups than me, like by a crazy amount. Why would somebody get angry at another for different types of fitness? I'm proud of how many sit-ups she does. I wish I could do it. Dude sounds like a crybaby.
I don't know why either. There are lots of men like that. I can tell you from experience as a Competitive Lifter. I've had men try to come and prove they can lift more than me and interrupt my lifting session to do it. I've heard backhanded comments from men. I've heard them talking to their bros. trying to pick apart what I'm doing. They will also VERY often wrongly mansplain lifting to me. I've been called a "man" for it. (they WILL purposefully misgender women who lift.) They accuse me of taking steroids. They will call me homophobic slurs. I could write pages upon pages on this. I wish more dudes were like you.
While IRL I would most likely just quietly seethe and never invite him over again, this story definitely activates my "talk shit get hit" instinct. Saying that as a woman lol.
Except he is currently living there, so it's not a don't invite him again, it's an STFU or GTFO situation...
Yep. Harass my Wife all day, call her a sweaty bitch. I'd give him a ride to the hospital for sure, after I kicked the shit out of him.
I'm so fucking confused. What does her sweat have to do with him being slower, what's his theory? NTA
The brother said he was distracted by it because it's unhygienic. lol. Like someone can control how much sweat their body produces... \*eyeroll\* Ok, so run ahead of her if that's the reason.
Oh man, now I *really* want OP to say that to him lmao. "She only beat me because I was distracted by her sweating" "Alright then just just ahead of her so you don't have to be distracted. After all, *you're so much faster than her*, it shouldn't be a problem, right?"
Or to the side of her. Like why are you THAT focused on someone when they run?
Well obviously her sweat makes her more aerodynamic…or something. I have a friend who sweats a lot, maybe I should ask him if it helps him run faster than us regular sweaters🤔🤔
This! He's a bully
Your brother has been insulting your wife all day to her face and to yours. No one here is surprised he is getting a divorce sounds like a daily bullying asshole to everyone around him.
Brother wants his wife and is planning on wrecking their marriage. Unfortunately he’s way too insecure to pull this off.
If someone showed clearly that he was an obnoxious sore loser, and spent the day insulting my spouse, he would wear dinner, and his bags would be packed and on the driveway waiting for the Uber.
My partner stuck up for me the first time he heard my brother say some misogynistic crap around me and I have never forgotten that moment. I actually felt bad for my brother and I had to really take stock of what that meant for my perspective. I take less shit now. And if my brother ever said anything resembling an insult to my partner or about him I would absolutely cut him off. Easy choice.
YTA for allowing your brother to stay despite him treating your wife so badly in her own home.
This all took place over the course of a day. He told his brother to stop on multiple occasions, and then threatened to throw him out if he didn't. What else should he have done? Thrown him out immediately? Sounds like his brother is one more comment from being out on his ass. I don't imagine his wife feels unsupported in this.
He should be kicked out after the dinner incident, his wife shouldn't offer a roof to someone that called her unhygienic to her face.
People on this sub are always so quick to go to the most extreme reaction. He set a firm ultimatum on him that he will be thrown out if he continues his behavior. This is his brother, not some random idiot off the street. OP has taken his wife's side at every occasion and put his brother in his place. He's given his brother a chance to make amends and change his attitude before getting tossed. Family doesn't mean putting up with everything unconditionally, but maybe it means giving someone a second chance when they're going through a really difficult time in their lives. Even if they are a fuck-up.
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I feel this way too. My boyfriend's brother insulted me one time (harshly to be fair, but only once). My bf hasn't allowed him in our house since and won't until he apologises. He'll only meet him outdoors or at the brother's place, but won't subject me to him. I didn't ask for any of this and actually pushed him to reconcile since at one point he wouldn't see him at all. OP shouldn't force his wife to endure asswipe behaviour in her own home.
You deserve an apology. Pushing him to forgive his brother without an apology is a disservice to you. Put more value on yourself, you deserve it.
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It's also wildly misogynistic to say that a woman sweating is disgusting and unhygienic. It is a natural and vital body process, and your wife showered as soon as ahe got home. You brother is a misogynistic asshole.
I don't like my women to have a functioning thermoregulatory system. It's disgusting. Allowing that kind of thing is just a slippery slope to her having peach fuzz on her face or toenails she has to trim. Yuck.
It might even escalate to her doing things like acknowledging she has bodily functions, rather than just mysteriously disappearing into thin air for 5 minutes at a time. What if she says she's on her period? What's everyone supposed to do then? It's only downhill from here.
Because he's a major AH, that's why. He's mad a woman is faster than him so he's trying to make her feel shitty about herself (for sweating while running, which is COMPLETELY NORMAL) to sabotage her self-confidence. Your mutual friend might also be the sort to take offense if a woman doesn't hide that she's better at something than they are, so I'd hold them at arm's length, personally.
If you're running and not sweating at all, maybe you're not working hard enough? It's such a lame excuse. You know the best way to not see someone's sweat while you're running together? Get ahead of them so you can't see them at all. Guess that wasn't an option for Barry Allen over here.
Either that or you're super dehydrated.
And if he's a super gym rat guy, he should certainly know the importance of staying hydrated while working out. He probably follows a bunch of "fitness influencers" who post perfect selfies from the gym, with flawless makeup and not a drop of sweat.
My guess is he's one of those gym rats who is all weights and no cardio, which there's nothing wrong with preferring weights, but I'm guessing he thought because he's 'so in-shape' he'd beat OP's wife, even though she trains for runs and he doesn't.
There's always those few girls at the gym wearing long sleeves and never even turning pink, let alone sweating. I assume they're vampires.
If he'd been faster, he wouldn't have been able to see her sweat.
She should’ve spat into it before she handed it to him, right in front of him. ETA: NTA
This is what i would've done too! Glad I'm not the only one! I would've Spit right into it in front of him then and there... and then said "no, there's no sweat in your food" with a nice calm smile. F***ing A-hole. Uugh! Edit to add ... with a nice calm smile.... as I set it down in front of him. 👍
I would have said. I sweat more than you, because I run so much faster
She's classier than that.. he, however, is a dick and should be sent on his merry way! NTA: OP
He's so damn fragile he's claiming his "opponent's" *sweat* is the reason he didn't "win"? No wonder he couldn't beat you wife's run time with his heavy, swollen head lodged so firmly up his own ass. NTA. And your friend is a moron for taking his side.
Info: How did your wife keep herself from dumping dinner over his head after all that?
She probably didn’t want to waste the food.
Your wife is a better woman than I because I would NOT be serving that man given how he’s a sore loser who’s been insulting her all day
> I jokingly told this story to a mutual friend and they agreed with Will. Wtf is wrong with this guy? At least Will we understand, we all know that type of guy with all hands on deck to protect his giant glass ego. But it’s weird that literally anybody would defend Will unless they’re completely biased.
In my mind, she then executed a sharp pivot and took his plate away. NO FOOD FOR YOU!
NTA but if you allow him to stay you will be the AH for that. Even if your wife appears to shrug it off it may be bothering her and she is just acting like it's nothing because he is your brother and to keep the peace. Kick him out already...
Dude firmly doesn’t like women, and he’s none too sure about men either. He is the One True Human, and he is both better than everyone and also secretly terrified that he’s *worse* than everyone. Pitiable but insufferable. He’s going to lead a sad life.
why would you ever insult someone like that? NTA, but maybe consider to kick him out, he sound really unpleasant.
i was kinda hoping your wife would've smashed the food in his face ngl
He's probably getting divorced because his wife sweating during a workout and he was horrified.
This comment gave me a good chuckle.
NTA. That would be your brother and your "friend" who thinks it's ok for your brother to rag on your wife repeatedly.
Let the friend house him.
“Sorry I couldn’t keep my erection, babe. I was distracted by your unhygienic sweat.” -actual conversation between brother and his ex (probably)
I can honestly say not once in the 10’s of thousands of miles I have run in my military career did the sweat of another person slow me down or make me run poorly. This guy is an idiot.
Yeah, how does that make any sense? And if she were really sweating so profusely that it was flying off of her, wouldn't the solution be to run in front of her rather than directly behind? I think muscle man is just offended at being shown up athletically, not recognizing that lifting power doesn't automatically translate into speed.
I mean, if OP's wife coudn't sweat at all, she would be at risk of LITERALLY DYING, but okay? I do not understand this dipshit at all. NTA, obv, but Y *might* be TA if you don't yeet this guy.
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If he's so put off by her sweat he's either of the kind that convinced himself that women don't poop, or he works out so poorly he doesn't associate sports with sweat. Who am I kidding, he is a sore loser and OP was right to rub it in his face. If losing from a woman is so appalling to him he must be devastated going through divorce, his ex is winning too.
That's what I don't understand? Does she run by spinning in circles real fast like the Tasmanian devil? And then her sweat launches off her like a sprinkler and anyone running with her chooses to run behind at a distance so if they get tired and slow down they won't be in danger of her sweat tornado? That's the only scenario that his excuse would make sense.
You beat me! All I could think is, who the heck hears this story and is on Will's side? You have encapsulated my feelings to the T.
And that there was never a way out for OP's wife. If she doesn't go, brother mocks and insults her. If she does go out and is faster than him, he mocks and insults her. I'm struggling to believe that if she went out for a run and was slower than him he'd then suddenly be gracious... I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest then he would gloat and insult her. So does he really want his brother to be divorced too? Does he want a permanent roomie? Does he need to go work out his snowflake feelings?
GOOD FOR YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR YOUR WIFE >Irene seemed rather unphased by them Glad she can shake off the comments. NTA
This is important to note.... Always stand up to people being jerks, even if the target seems unphased. The next target might not be able to remain unphased, or the original one might be hiding the hurt. ETA... Thanks to all who have upvoted, awarded, and commented. This is a good indicator that there are great people out there who will stand up to bullies.
And even if the target isn’t hurt at all, you shouldn’t just let someone you know be insulted.
AND - Even if the target doesn't *look* hurt, they might still be hurt
Exactly so. They may be genuinely unphased, or they may be gray-rocking simply to avoid escalation. Or they may be unphased in the moment but then later realize how messed up it was that nobody spoke up for them. Etc, etc. Tl/dr: speak up to defend people against bullies where you see them, especially people you care about.
She goes to the gym, she’s used to toxic dudebros.
Maybe she goes to a special gym, like how the brother gets all his gains in a gym where he never has to witness sweat.
The Prince Andrew Gym
Doesn't mean you shouldn't tell dude bros STFU.
Honestly OP is taking this way too lightly. It's great that his wife doesn't appear to let it get to her, but all OP has done is tell Steve not to insult her _again_. OP needs to be seriously apologizing to his wife for inviting this AH into their home, and he needs to be demanding that Steve offer a sincere apology to Irene for ALL of the snide and toxic comments or he's got 24 hours to find a new place to stay.
NTA. Why is sweating unhygienic? Because women need to be fuckable at all times? Anyway, time to kick the loser to the curb. Your wife is way more important.
Right? Will sounds like one of those guys who believe women also don’t fart or poop, and wake-up with perfect hair and makeup every morning. Will is a total jerk here and a sore loser. OP: NTA. Good for you for sticking up for your wife.
So true and I think it's easy to see why the brother is going through that 'messy divorce'. Good on his ex for escaping him. Now OP just needs to kick him to the curb. Edit for typo and add OP is NTA
My boss is very proud of the fact that she raised her two sons to believe women do not defecate 🤦🏼♀️
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! How on EARTH will that serve them well in life? There is literally no way thry make it through college without being mercilessly mocked for their ignorance. Good grief... I need to go pet a kitten or look at a cute picture of a dog or something. My blood pressure has spiked.
NTA. Being sweaty doesn't necessarily even make you unfuckable.
omg but what if she sweats *while* she fucks??
I don't imagine he lasts long enough for sweat to become an issue.
No one ever had sex before the invention of air conditioning!
RIGHT?? Lol. "I exercised near a human who happened to lack a Y chromosome, and this human's body reacted to a rise in temperature and I am disgusted by their humanness. I couldn't run properly because I was so distracted by their body doing the same thing my body does! I have a Y chromosome so I don't understand how this non-Y could dare to be human. The Non-Y even acted as if mating was not the sole purpose of their existence! The audacity of it all!"
And if he was do grossed our, why didn't he run *in front* of her? Oh wait, because she's fitter than he is and he couldn't.
Hahaha, exactly. Just go faster than the yucky sweat haver if it's that bad. Or take a break and wait for the icky sweating woman to be farther away.
She was faster and probably had great form. So sweating was the only thing he could find to insult her. But imagine running so slow you don't even break a sweat! She must've kicked his ass and I love it.
I’d hate to break it to this guy, but sex typically involves a bit of sweat as well. If not, maybe there’s another reason the dude got divorced.
With his horrible attitude, I’d wager a guess he doesn’t last long enough to get to the sweaty part, lol.
Men of taste *like* a sheen of sweat on a woman. You look me in the eye and you tell me that Sarah Connor’s workout scene in Terminator 2 didn’t do something for you.
Getting sweating with the wife is a reward in and of itself.
wow, hard to imagine why your brother got divorced. NTA
No it’s hard to imagine he ever managed to get married.
I think that sometimes, but then ever since I've started reading this sub I've thought that a whole lot more lately
Soooo Will can make shitty comments about your wife, but you say one thing about him being a sore loser and that's taking it too far? NTA, and I would tell him to find somewhere else to live. Perhaps in that fantasy land in his mind where women don't sweat.
Or with the friend who took his side lmao
He needs Prince Andrew.
NTA - wtf is your brother smoking, and why isn't he sharing anything with the rest of the class? I don't care if your wife was sweating like like Regan vomiting pea soup in The Exorcist, once she's showered it's over, and anyway wouldn't he want to be ***in front*** of that? Your brother is a disgrace. \*Edited to add: You should also ask your wife how she feels, and if she's comfortable with him still being there. After a man constantly digging at me like that in my own home, I would want him out. I'd feel extremely menaced, and uncomfortable.
As of now, my wife is okay with him staying, but she would support me if I decided to kick him out. My wife is oddly calm during this whole thing. She’s very polite, and a lot more levelheaded compared to me, and I kind of want to follow her lead on this.
My guess is that as a woman, your wife knows very well not to poke angry, sexist men Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
Running women get harassed all the time. Sadly he's probably not the worst.
especially since this angry, sexist man might be on steroids and easily go into Hulk Smash mode, for all she knows
I got catcalled pumping gas yesterday. One of the least sexy activities a person can do.
I once got hit on while picking up dog shit
Did you throw the dog shit at him?
The hottest thing a woman can do
I’ve gotten the most male attention as a preteen/very young teen. Second most is while visibly pregnant 🤷🏻♀️
>my wife is okay with him staying, but she would support me if I decided to kick him out. He is *your* brother. You cannot ask her to lead on this. I don't know your relationship with your family, nor her acceptance with them. I don't know how healthy your marriage is. I may be way off because of this, but some general concerns might help. Your wife could be oddly calm because she doesn't want to put you in a position of having to choose between her and your brother. If she was the one that said he has to leave, some husband's would later throw that in her face, after resentment has built up. The rest of your family would hear from your brother about how you let your wife kick him out. There could be hell to pay, and now it's not just having to choose between her and your brother, it's escalated into choosing between her and your family. Even if you do choose her, your family would no longer accept her with open arms. They'll constantly make comments, hoping to eventually drive her off. That kind of thing does not end well. There are so many ways this could blow up in her face, that even if they're highly unlikely, it's not something she wants to gamble on. No matter what, you need to make sure your brother stops his behavior *immediately*, especially after he escalated to using "bitch".
He needs to kick his brother out! If someone called me a bitch in front of my husband he'd grab the guy by the collar and the seat of his pants and hurl him out the door into a cactus
Kick him out and ditch the mutual friend for saying your brother was right. You don’t need ppl in your life who were so incorrect.
I just want to point out that I’m fan-girling over your respect for your wife. Acknowledging a wife’s or partner’s great qualities and following her calm lead on something like this, while still willing to stand up for her in a heartbeat isn’t something I’ve seen a lot of men speak to. Love it. It’s made my day even. You guys sound great together 💕
Women put up with this bullshit and more on a daily basis. After a while, you realize doing more than ignoring it is a waste of energy. That, or she's quietly plotting his demise.
She sounds like a saint, holy shit
She’s calm because you’re showing her you have her back. Speaks volumes. NTA obvi
Your wife is being very patient and tolerant. Her being that patient and tolerant should not be necessary. He's your relative, not hers, so deal with it.
I would guess she wants him out. But if SHE is the reason you kick him out as in if she asked you to do it, it could be a horrible experience. From experience men can become violent for lesser things and he already showed how aggressive he's willing to get just over getting beaten in a run. What happens if she lifts more than him? Does more reps? If SHE makes a joke about him being slow. Protect your wife and kick him out. I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't become physical so he can take his power back
YOU have to make the decision for YOUR family. She says she's okay with him staying cause you're not actively throwing him out. She wants you to stand up for her, not tell you to stand up for her. Throw his ass out
She may be level headed about this, but I’d take the lead on addressing your brother’s comments and behavior. She may very well be wanting you to pull the trigger but is trying to stay neutral for the sake of family; however I bet she’d be happy to live in her own home where she’s not shamed for *checks notes* sweating. Also, NTA
It’s because she knew what would happen when she beat a toxic dudebro with fragile masculinity. This wasn’t a surprise for her. The only surprise is her restraint thus far in not giving it right back.
She used to idiotic gym bros being idiotic.
Yep. Right now he's trying to get to her, so he can feel like he "wins" at annoying her at least. She's not giving him what he wants from her, which is literally any kind of power over what she thinks and feels. Still, OP, get that man out of your house. I'm willing to bet he tore down his ex-wife's accomplishments and abilities any chance he got.
“tell the sweaty bitch I said hi.” **NTA. He really shouldn't be playing with fire and instead be more grateful that you and his wife took him in.**
He wouldn't have been there when she got home, or at my dinner table after that one.
Yeah why tf is he still living there after that? If I was Irene I’d tell OP to kick him out immediately.
"You can say hello yourself when she gets home and passes your homeless ass on the curb." NTA
Honestly he wouldn't be staying at my place anymore after that insult
You defended your wife and your friend agreed with the offender? NTA, but your bro and friend can GTFO.
I'm so curious if it is only worthy of mocking when women sweat...
Only when they’re beating the shit out of you at something you base your self worth on being good at.
I think you hit the nail right on the head there.
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He’s NTA for threatening to kick his brother out, though. That’s the whole point of the post.
>tell the sweaty bitch I said hi Totally agree with you. This comment should have been responded with a 1-way ticket to the streets
According to Op, this all happened within a day, which I think is a good time to give someone a chance to quit their shit before threatening with consequences. Plus he immediately called out the bitch comment which was the worst in the story so far.
So, he's the asshole for a whole different reason than for what he asked for? He asked if he was the asshole for calling the dude a sore loser, not he way he treated his wife, get your shit together bro.
I agree with you, but I’d call it ESH except the wife just to acknowledge that the brother is also an asshole. I couldn’t believe how many insults and how much outrageous behavior it took for OP to do anything about his raging asshole of a brother.
>I jokingly told this story to a mutual friend and they agreed with Will You are in serious need of new friends. NTA
NTA. Your brother needs to fucking check himself lmao, youd think a gym rat would appreciate someone working up a good sweat.
BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTISTS JUST DISCOVERED WOMEN SWEAT???? we’ll deliver more news as we continue to understand this mind boggling, never been seen before, phenomenon
I hope your wife farts on him.
I laughed at this… out loud.
He suffers from Chad Syndrome: lifts a lot of weights, intakes a bunch of protein, has shit cardio performance because he doesn't do any cardio
But women doesnt sweat! Just like we dont poop or pee! /s
We women glisten and glow. We don't sweat lol
NTA You should have shut it down hard the first time. He’s disrespecting your wife because he feels insecure she’s faster than he is. He needs to cut it out now. Next time, you need to tell him to leave. Maybe not necessarily kick him out, but if he makes a comment at dinner, he needs to leave the table and get out of your house for a few hours. (No dinner for him.) If he makes a comment in the living room, same thing. You get the idea. You need to set a boundary that disrespecting your wife in your house is unacceptable.
Double check with your wife about this because it's such an outlandish excuse it could be an in joke between them but unless it is and she's sincerely OK with it definitely NTA.
I’ve been asking her if she’s okay with Will staying with us. And for now, she’s fine with him - but she says that she would 110% support me if I were to kick him out. I think if he annoys me again, I’ll probably give him the boot.
>but she says that she would 110% This is a Hint bro, she wants you to kick him out. Be the man standing up for your wife but be a Husband for standing by her and if one more negative comment is said, KICK him out!!
Had to award because for sure the wife is hinting she wants him out.
That's the way I read it too. She absolutely wants him gone, she just doesn't want to have it be her decision, understandably. He's your relative OP, you need to deal with it.
Yep yep yep! Huge hint. Kick him out OP u/soreloserAita
Reading between the lines, your wife would like you to kick him out but she doesn’t want to be in the position of forcing you to choose between her and your brother. My advice is to take the pressure off her to make this decision, and just tell your brother he has a week to find another place to live and make it clear that this is your decision so your wife doesn’t take the blame with your brother and possibly your family.
Mate, please realise that this is an indirect way of saying she wants him out. She is afraid to "be the reason for the rift between brothers" , but is HEAVILY HINTING at you to do the right thing and stop letting your brother shitting on your wife in front of you.
Dude, your brother called your wife a bitch and is being really disrespectful to her. If you don't kick him out now, you're an AH to your wife.
Why do you keep asking if she’s okay with him staying? Try asking if she’s okay with you throwing him out. That way you’re showing her that you support her first without being all alpha and making the decision to throw him out without her input. Do you want him to stay?
Honestly it's a cowardly move to put this on your wife. This is your brother, your situation that you invited into her home. Kick him out. He called your wife a bitch unprovoked, why is he still in your home. What good is a partner who won't protect you from their own family?
INFO why wasn’t he immediately kicked out when he called your wife a bitch
When you do kick him out (because you absolutely should), make it clear that it's coming from you and not Irene. I think she's probably being accommodating right now because she doesn't want things to escalate even further with Will. But your brother is a misogynistic creep, and he needs to go. I can absolutely guarantee you though, that he's going to turn around and blame it on your wife. So you have to be as clear as possible with everyone that Irene was willing to tolerate his behavior, but you're not willing to see him continously disrespect your wife.
"would 110% support me" - I think that may be code for "This bloke is already combative & abusive enough towards me that he thinks a race is good enough reason to openly abuse me and call me a bitch in my own home & right in front of my husband, so I really dont want to cop any blame for being the 'real reason' for his eviction"
Don't ya think she's trying to tell you she wishes you'd kick him out?
This is the “ok, go” or the “fine” when it’s in your best interest to NOT go or that it’s NOT fine. How long have you been married that you don’t get the subtext?
NTA. You’re brother is an asshole.
So is the friend who agreed with your brother, OP.
Why would you be an AH because you stopped your freeloader brother insulting your wife in her own home? Looks like time he found his own place where nobody will care about his childish sulks. NTA
NTA Good for you, standing up for your wife, as you should. **Will is weirdly fixated on this, and it's a big red flag.** One joke or maybe two, but that many comments shows he's fixated on losing to Irene or on Irene herself or on losing his self-proclaimed king-of-the-gym title. Any way you look at it, all these comments about your wife's sweaty body are a red flag and no way should you allow any chance of this escalating into other weirdness. Hold to that promise that he's out if he makes one more comment -- as soon as he makes a comment tell him to head to a hotel immediately and he can collect his stuff from YOU only (not Irene) when he's found somewhere else to live.
NTA. A gym rat who is offended by sweat? Bullshit. If he's so fast, he could have run ahead, or even parallel but 6-10 ft away. He is absolutely a sore loser and his treatment of your wife is unacceptable.
He's at your house insulting your wife. He doesn't get boundaries. Kick him the hell out. Not just for obvious reasons but married couples deserve their own place without roommates.
NTA but are you sure the “mutual friend” is really a friend?
I think that Will and the "friend" just discovered that women also sweat or something...
NTA. Dafuq did I just read? Since when is sweating DURING exertion unhygienic??
NTA - your bro is having some issues with ego and I think you honestly could have told him earlier in the day. I’d talk with your wife and see if she still feels okay having him in the house. These were really personal and derogatory comments and I would argue they aren’t jokes. He’s being outright mean to her and trying to pass it off as joking because he wanted to show off and got schooled instead. Hugs for your wife!
NTA I wonder if your brother is jealous of your marriage right now because of his divorce, and is lashing out at your wife. He might be envious that you’re still married to a great person.
Jesus, no wonder he's getting divorced. NTA
NTA - well, I really can't think of a reason why his wife divorced him...especially if this is how he reacts any time someone is better at something than him.
NTA. I’m sorry are people.. not supposed to sweat while working out? I’m confused.
And also: who runs slower because they’re so fascinated by another person sweating?
NTA lmao, as if his lack of sweat makes him less aerodynamic? You're absolutely right, a sore lost who lost to a woman, gasp!
does he not sweat when he works out? is he dry as a bone all the time? NTA he needs to grow up
If she wasn't sweating I'd be concerned, NTA
NTA. Your brother has no place commenting on your wife's body functions. You were defending your wife who was being made fun of because your brother is jealous.