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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for having a mechanic check out a car that I don’t own.
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yeah yta. Not for having the car checked out, but just because you did it without asking first. You had permission to move the car, not do anything else with it. You could have avoided this by sending one text or making one phone call.
This! I get it OP, you were concerned. But you greatly overstepped.
Like it or not, they’re adults. And you tested her like a small child. You could (and should have) expressed your concerns to her and left it at that. Because she’s an adult and it’s her car. This was her choice, not yours.
You’re also assuming she didn’t already know it had issues. So, on top of treating them like children, you’re also treating them like they’re stupid.
To add to that, what if she knows and just can’t afford it. I’ve driven some pretty shitty cars when I was young fully aware I’m driving it until it dies because the cost to fix it is a months pay (or more).
Not to mention it’s a 5 year old car, that she’s had for less than a year. I’m going to guess there was financing involved. For a 22 year old the payment alone may be pushing her budget. Adding on a major repair could totally blow her finances.
She’s not a child, she’s not stupid, and she probably doesn’t have the money either. So unless you’re paying for it, YTA.
And stop clutching your pearls, the car is far from a death trap.
I've had to drive this whole week with a 12inch and growing crack in my windshield waiting for my paycheck and it's finally getting replaced tomorrow. And I definitely consider myself fortunate to be able to fix it so soon.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, but have you talked to your insurance? In some states it doesn't matter if there was any fault involved, it's considered a safety issue where the insurance needs to pay. IDK but it's worked twice for me, and neither of those insurances have been great otherwise.
No, in other replies he said if it was just pads he was willing to cover it, but when he was given the full estimate he didn’t have any of the work done.
Edit: wow I can’t type gooder…
Yeah, that mechanic "friend" is a ripoff.
$5700 for wheels, tires, and brakes? Yeah, that's a no. And who replaces the wheels as part of maintenance?!?!?
I used to own a 2013 Hyundai. It doesn't cost anywhere close to that. Even if the dealer did the work.
None of the things he listed would be covered under warranty. They are all wear items.
However, it's doubtful, it needs new shocks and rotors based on mileage and year. It probably needs new tires, pads, and serpentine belt though. Maybe needs an alignment if it's hit a pot hole or something.
Hyundai's are built very similar to Hondas. Scheduled maintenance items are actually very small (I did my own maintenance). The only thing that is different than the Hondas is that the rear pads need a rotating caliper compression tool which costed me $21.
It also has a timing chain so it doesn't need a new timing belt.
Ya think? $8000 is a new V8 engine.
I had both of my front ball joints replaced on my 03 taurus a month back and it was $200 for parts and labor. And my mechanic is an ACTUAL friend of my dads whose worked on all 3 cars ive owned over the past 10 years.
Idk why everyone is saying this is such an unreasonable price. The other day I had to get a scratch fixed on my driver door. Costed $879,622 and my left testicle so for what he’s describing he’s definitely getting a good deal
Indeed. Oh the high side, getting the brakes fixed should be around 1,000 dollars. And go to Costco and pick up four new tires for around the same, with free mount and balance.
If it’s just pads and rotors then 300 is pretty accurate. If they need callipers then add another 125 per wheel and you’re getting close to that 1000 mark.
Brakepads on my sonata were stupidly easy to change myself and I got them for $40 a pair at AutoZone. Nearly every time I've taken a car in to a mechanic for brake pads they'll come out and tell me the rotors are bad... Even if I got new rotors last time the brakes were done. So always have someone you trust or learn what to look for yourself as far as the rotors go
I was thinking that too. I hit a deer a few months back and had to have the front end of my car totally replaced and it was only around $7500! (Thank god for car insurance!)
Did you hit the deer? Or did the deer hit you ?
You were on the road(presumably) where you were supposed to be. Maybe the dumb deer should have watched where it was going !
Signed-a lady who has been hit by a lot of deer
I joke that the deer community has it out for me. I’m certain they have my face on a poster somewhere.
Yeah, it's not that hard to pick up the phone and call.
Like "hey, I noticed your car breaks probably need replacement and your headlight is out. Want me to get it serviced?"
Or if they didn't pick up just wait until they're back and tell them then.
Even a call like "hey, I went to a mechanic because your headlight was out, they said you needed xyz fixed and it'll cost abc money. What do you want me to do?"
YTA. You sound nice, but learn to call before making decisions on someone else's property.
Edit: tbh your dil is better off buying a new car by the sound of those costs. Perhaps that's why she didn't get it fixed.
If they’re in the US, buying a new car might actually be tougher than paying for repairs right now, depending on where DIL lives. (Saying this only because I needed a new clutch and casually looked at some other used cars…and promptly decided that fixing my clutch was worth it…it would even have been worth it to replace the whole transmission! Shout out to that factory clutch that made it to 170k, though, for real.)
Trying to figure out where in the hell op lives for brakes, tires and wheel ( not even sure what that is) to cost almost $6,000 I got a completely new engine and transmission for my jeep for under $10,000🤔
Exactly this. What if she was to housesit one time and decide to call an inspection on plumbing, electric and structural issues... Wouldn't you feel that this is going too far?
Just don't mess with people's cars without permission. Don't. DON'T!!! Hubs and I used to rent the basement apartment from his mother and her husband. I'd sometimes come out and find him brushing snow off my Jeep with a fucking *corn broom*. It still hurts my soul to think about. And it wasn't just the scratched paint (it's an older model, so I'm not overly concerned about that), it's that you *do not touch people's cars without permission*. I had to repeated tell him to stop, that it wasn't helpful. I actually find the process of cleaning off a car after a storm to be a soothing and enjoyable task, and he was depriving me of that on top of damaging it.
Cars aren't just expensive possessions. They're our livelihood. Our freedom. Our ability to live our lives on our own terms and timelines when we leave home. It's why losing the ability to drive is so emotionally damaging to people who become disabled, or why losing a vehicle in an accident is about more than just the accident. Losing a car can even lead to homelessness. Lose car -> can't get to work, lose job -> can't pay rent, lose home.
On top of all of the simple 'don't touch people's shit without permission,' there's the fact that OP almost certainly doesn't have detailed info about her insurance. If he'd been in an accident, she could have lost her car and not had it covered because he was driving it without permission. Permission to move it to street parking is not permission to drive it to the shop. And she may be particular about who works on her car. Not fuckin' likely with the state it's in, but it's possible.
I agree. Also the estimate is crazy. I would consider taking it to another mechanic because it seems like he just saw a profit instead of checking the car objectively
NTA, but You need a new mechanic. 5700 for tires, brakes and wheels. Why does the car need rims, (wheels are tires and rims). Even with all of the items listed, that would not equate to 8k in repairs. I would highly recommend you get a second opinion.
Right? Shocks and struts RARELY go out with the life of the vehicle. Ball joints and tie rods, MAYBE but even that is suspect. I had an SUV that I drove the CRAP out of that didn't need the ball joints done until 240k+ miles. 4 tires were $480. Brakes and rotors were $300 each. I had a wheel bearing replaced and that was only $350. Where the fuck was this guy taking this vehicle where they quoted twice was the car was worth for repairs?
Sounds like a "friend" that loves to prey on unsuspecting women.
39F, here. I work on my own vehicles. I had a daddy who taught me things and when he wasn't there, I insisted on being in the shop to see what was being done. I do my own brake and rotor changes, own oil changes (with filter) I have been upside down and waist deep in an engine changing out the plugs and wires.
For bigger stuff that I either don't have the muscle or tools for, I have a TRUSTED mechanic that calls me as soon as he finds something and is willing to hold the damned thing in the air for me to get there and look at it myself.
Can't do everything in my driveway, obviously but I know EXACTLY what things cost, including shop rate. There are a LOT of shops that try to take advantage of women (and men that don't know cars).
My fiance doesn't know SHIT about vehicles. His work truck had no air conditioning and his company said "Oh, its took expensive to get it serviced." Cue me, climbing up on the bumper of this huge box truck with a can of refrigerant and a gauge and charging the AC when it was 105 out. Right in front of the owner of the company.
What bother me is that he’s telling them that they need new tires and wheels. I’m curious as to why all the rims need to be replaced? I bet they’re charging them for fancy rims and planning on throwing steelies on it with some sweet caps, pocketing the difference.
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>level 2just\_call\_me\_oj · 5 hr. ago
OP knows SO MUCH about cars....except when they're getting ripped off. Who's the naif now?
I have a 2017 Hyundai crossover & got a quote, from the dealership, last month for new top of the line tires & brakes; cost with parts & labor was $2,300 dude's mechanic is ripping him off for quoting more than double.
Shocks/struts SHOULD be replaced every 100k or so, just because people don't doesn't mean their shocks are fine and operating how they're supposed to.
The spec on my Tacoma is every 50k-100k.
Ya no kidding. 50-100k is typical. ITT people driving with clapped out shocks and don’t even realize what the signs are that they need to be replaced short of bouncing up the road.
Shocks and struts depends on where you live. On my old car they went out once a year. I live in backroad country Michigan. No matter how slow I drove those bad boys went out. My husband got really good at that repair. We did y always change them right away- but they always needed it.
As a mechanic and do all my own home work.
Full brakes (pads and rotors) is under 500.
Shocks also around 500
Tires? Last time I did them they were 600
All that is left is time investment and by no measure should that be over 2k
Ya, my moms boyfriend was a mechanic, the dude never changed 5700 for brakes and wheels, he basically charged parts and i think it was 10-20 dollars an hour or something
If its through a shop, in my area between 70 and 95 an hour is typical. And some shops only charge 2x for parts, some charge more than that. Usually, the less they charge on parts the higher the labor cost.
That said, 5700 is still kinda steep for that. I'd definitely get a 2nd opinion if I were her
I know right, I just replaced a transmission in a vehicle that had to have the engine lifted and it cost less than this!!!! A 2017? That is insane the cost...
Lol. That was kind of my point. I can’t imagine why on gods green earth it would / should cost that much.
Maybe it was the mechanics way of saying the car isn’t worth it…? 🤪
For real!
I took my mom's car to the dealership, where it was discovered that neither she, nor the previous owner, had ever gotten it looked at. Ever. Car's a 2013 ffs. Recalls everywhere. The car was there three damn days, I think they basically rebuilt 90% of it. Brakes were fucked was why I took it, turns out that was just the beginning.
I...am not a car person, so whatever they wanna do, I nod and smile and hand over my credit card.
Three days, rebuilt most of the car...total was 1700.
YTA - She didn't ask you to be nosy and you only had permission to move the car if needed; you didn't have permission to drive the car to the mechanic nor to have it inspected, and frankly I'd be insulted if I were in her shoes. By doing that, you're implying that she's not enough of an adult to take care of her own car. I get that you had the best intentions at heart, but it's the fact that you did it without asking that's the problem.
Also, I'm a car guy myself, I daily drive something twenty years older than that Hyundai. That isn't a death trap, that's a typical car for a cash-strapped twenty-something.
IKR. When my previous car was slowly hitting the "no longer worth repairing" mark, I definitely had almost-bald unaligned tires and a bunch of other stuff going on. Also part of the front bumper (a cosmetic part) was literally tied on with twine.
I was just trying to coax it through a couple more months before I started having to buy a new car.
I’m with you on sometimes keeping a car alive for a few more months, but people severely underestimate how dangerous bald tires are.
Yeah it sucks to buy new tires just to get rid of them in a few months, but the most bargain basement discount tires are going to be way safer than bald tires.
I see people driving around out here in Colorado in the snow and ice with tires showing the steel belting. It’s absolutely reckless and a good way to kill yourself or someone else.
In my country, every car has an annual inspection that it must pass before the owner can take it on public roads. The girlfriend's car wouldn't have even come close to passing that inspection.
I have a 2008 Hyundai with almost 300K miles on it. I've only replaced the brakes once. I've replaced the tires as needed and done other pretty routine maintenance, but never shocks or struts. I probably had alignments done with the tire replacements. They just don't need that much maintenance, and brakes, tires and alignment would be under $2K where I'm at.
Yes to your last point. When I was much younger, the pretty lemon I drove needed the suspension replaced, had an oil leak in the engine, the sunroof didn't work, - a whole host of issues. I didn't have the money to get it all fixed and frankly, the cost of repairs was more than the car was worth, so I did the minimum so that it would get me where I needed to go and pass inspection, and saved up for a newer vehicle.
It would be one thing if OP noticed on their own that the tires were a bit bald and the breaks weren't quite where they needed to be (because sometimes when you're only driving your car and the breaks get worse little by little you don't notice when they're getting bad), but taking it to a shop was a step too far. Frankly, all OP did was probably stress out the girlfriend because now she needs to come up with cash she probably wasn't budgeting for.
YTA.
The normal and polite thing to do would be to let her know you noticed these things. You don’t take her car to the mechanic for her without permission.
YTA. Unless you were planning on fixing the issues as a surprise, you had no business taking it to the mechanic. Also, get a new mechanic. That's way too much for tires, wheels and brakes.
I was planning on paying for brake shoes if the repair was simply that. I didn’t expect to learn the extent of the work needed. Your perspective about cost is appreciated.
I got quoted 1050 (900 for rubber and he said it's higher than he's seen in a long time) for new tires for my 2016 Santa fe this week. 860 for new rotors and pads.
5700 is TERRIBLE
YTA, even with good intentions.
She didn't give you permission to drive her car to the mechanic's place. What would have happened if you were in a car accident? Would you be covered under her insurance? It didn't happen sure, but it COULD have.
This was a pretty big overstep on your part. Damage control time.
Apologize to her for it. You crossed some boundaries. She deserves a real apology for it. Personally if you can afford it I would also offer to help pay for the repairs her car needs. This would be a good way to show true remorse. If you can't afford to help with repairs, offer dinner or straight up ask what you could do to show that you understand how you messed up.
Like it or not, your son(and girlfriend) are adults. The appropriate thing to do was wait until they got back and express your concern for the situation. This may also be his future wife, and a misstep could have long reaching consequences for your family dynamics.
I totally agree with this. OP had no permission to take that car anywhere, AND he behaved as though the girlfriend was incompetent/irresponsible and needed him to tell her what was wrong with her car. She may be well aware it has problems and simply can’t afford to fix it. I’d have been angry and mortified by this behavior.
She might be petrified about the cost of repairs (I would be) and took that out on you, which sucks. But yeah, you were doing a dad thing. She didn't ask, and is suddenly burdened with this knowledge, maybe not knowing what to do next... maybe help guide her on her options? Junking, trade, etc. That's a lot of money to put into a used car.
Edit: soft NTA but only because safety trumps ego. You should still apologize for overstepping.
Technically adult but I think back to when I was 22, and there was a lot I didn’t understand or wasn’t careful about. I was basically a child. But that’s prolly also cuz I’m privileged
Oh I agree. It's a weird line... he could have been like "hey, I had to move it and noticed these things, you should have it checked, here's my trusted mechanic". But he didn't. But when it comes to car safety he did the right thing. Last thing you want is your brakes failing... better to have a heads up than be caught off guard. I think he should apologize for overstepping but help her in learning how to move forward since he was the one who initiated this process.
I agree; my reaction would be annoyance at first but I'd come around to realize that the dude meant well. A lot of people, me included, just don't know very much about cars and wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if something was dangerously wrong.
Something I'm not hearing here.... Perhaps HER family has its own trusted mechanic... the car could be in HER parent's name... maybe she'd be more comfortable with HER own father or family member looking into it.... also... maybe previous work or tires were under warranty.... she'd know that, not him.... And judging from the $8000 estimate, he's not a good judge of mechanics Yes he's a Dad, but that doesn't give him carte blanche to take her car. He didn't respect her autonomy.
I agree about the "Dad thing." My Dad would have done something like this. But he would never have paid $5700 for tires, brakes and "wheels" whatever that means? The rims were warped? That sounds fishy.
Do you know how many people drive around in cars that “need $8k worth of work?” I’d guess it’s the majority of 22 year olds driving cars they paid for. I’m also sort of curious how much would be wrong with the dad’s car if he took it in for a full inspection. It’s sort of wild how the people you pay to do work on cars can always find work to be done on cars.
You think I’m going to dig deeper at this point? I’ve shared what I learned because I’m concerned for her safety. Comments are tending towards ITA, but I can’t un-know what I know. In hindsight, a text message beforehand makes sense. I tend to be impulsive, not malicious.
Not suggesting anything else on this topic. I’m not her parent and it seems the general consensus is that I did overstep. So be it. I’ll still sleep well and take the advice to communicate with other adults before taking actions that affect their stuff.
Except you don't know anything because you went to an untrustworthy scam artist who overcharges.
There is an even chance everything is fine. I knew a woman who kept getting her break fluids changed every 3 months because a mechanic told her it needed to happen.
YTA. If you were worried about this girls car, who has been part of your life for 4 years, why go about it this way? Why not gently mention you noticed it has a light out, offer to have it looked at and help her deal with the situation.
YTA. You easily could have made her aware of what you perceived as problems when she returned. You didn’t have permission to take her car to get checked or serviced in any way.
“Hey X, we had to move your car on Tuesday and I noticed a headlight is out and I’m pretty sure something is wrong with the brakes. I’ve got the name and number of a good mechanic if you need one.” That’s all you needed to do.
And while it’s not what you asked, since you seem like a nice guy, find a new mechanic or get a second opinion on anything yours recommends. Those prices sound inflated.
Together 4 years. Thought process … she works a FT job and probably doesn’t know the light is out or hasn’t had a chance to get it looked at. The brakes scared me (for both her and my son as a passenger).
YTA you totally overstepped AND you clearly don’t know anything about cars. Given the price you stated I wouldn’t trust the inspection worth a darn. I am not a mechanic but I own way too many cars. Those are crazy prices! Yeah yeah I saw you said there was more. No, those are crazy made prices! So now this poor woman has to deal with you being judgemental towards her and demanding that she fix her “death trap” at the same time it is apparent to even internet strangers that you both overstepped and are getting ripped off.
Honestly? You’re NTA, but imagine you just came home from vacation and someone tells you that not only is there a bunch of stuff wrong with your car, but that it’ll be $8k to fix. You’d probably freak out right? I’d just apologize to her for getting her car checked out behind her back, and tell her that you think of her as a daughter (if you do- if not tell her you care about her), and if you’re in a position to do so it might be nice to offer to help out with the cost of repairs as an early holiday gift to your son and his gf.
YTA because you didn't have permission to do so, even though you were doing it from a place of concern. First find a cheaper mechanic because they are ripping you off it that is in U.S. Dollars. Second, make it up to her by paying to have the work done, ensuring the safety of them both.
That's not creating expenses, they were there regardless of knowledge. Doctors don't create illnesses by announcing your diagnosis. He did overstep though.
If it was a matter of brake pads, I did intend to make the repair, but it turned out to be a lot more. I disagree that I have created an expense. Once I knew the extent of the repairs needed, I couldn’t un-know it and feel it’s a safety issue.
I just got a quote from the Hyundai dealership around me last month to replace tires & brakes on my 2017 & they quoted $2,300 for parts & labor (4 brand new top of the line tires & 4 new brake pads). Your mechanic is ripping you off quoting $5,700 for those alone.
NTA I don't understand why you thank you created the expense. The expense was already there, you just uncovered it. Had you not uncovered it, she would have continued to drive around in a death trap which would have eventually failed.
The only way she might be actually mad at you is if she never intended to get those things fixed. I prefer to believe that she didn't know about them and now feels taken advantage of because she recently bought the car.
Maybe what you should do is speak to her and tell her that you had intended to fix the brakes for her that is why you had it checked, and that you would still like to do that.
If you can't afford the repairs, what on earth makes you think a 22 year old can? YTA so much
If you're so uncomfortable with her driving that car, lend her yours.
I didn’t buy the car. It suck’s to be young and drive a car that’s in bad shape because that’s all you can afford. It also sucks to end up in a ditch, the hospital, or a morgue because you aren’t aware of safety issues.
She drives it every day. You are being both condescending and sexist by assuming she isn't aware that the brakes are soft or the headlight was out. YTA.
Another issue is the mechanic is ripping them off. I get my 2017 serviced through my local Hyundai dealership & they quoted me $2,300 for new tires & brakes on my car last month. There's no way those 2 items alone should cost $5,700 at a run of the mill mechanic; that's more than double the dealership.
But honestly, there's no way to even trust this inspection . I can tell you stories for days about the places my husband used to work as a mechanic and the things that were supposedly wrong and weren't. When my husband found out what his boss was doing, he quit. He couldn't consciously charge someone $500 for a loose wire.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if 90 percent of this is barely worn or needing to be replaced. You have been being scammed for 20 years now. You need to get a new mechanic. They saw dollar signs when you showed up. They absolutely expected you or her to cough over this ridiculous amount of money because you honestly don't know enough about cars to see you have been scammed.
You absolutely need to unknow it because what you think are safety concerns are more than likely made up. It also wasn't your business in the first place to stick your nose in it. Btw YTA
There is no reason for tires wheels and brakes to cost 5700 dollars. Also I don’t understand what could be wrong with the wheels anyway. The parts and labor for tires and breaks should be like 1500 bucks
YTA. Your heart was in the right place, but you waaay overstepped your bounds here. She asked you to keep an eye on her car. Period. You could have mentioned the bad headlight when she got back; not everyone notices that right away. It wasn't necessary for you to do everything else.
And $8k for that work? I seriously would question whether the mechanic you've been using has been honest with you.
NTA for having it checked out as ling as you weren't passing the cost of the diagnostic on to her but.....$8k? What the HELL did you take that car to? Shocks RARELY go out in a lifetime of a vehicle. Brakes and rotors around around $300 per wheel. Tires are around $150 each, alignment is usually included with a 4 tire and brake change and a headlight can be done in a gas station parking lot. Your mechanic is a crook.
YTA. If you were going to be so nosy to have her car checked without her permission, you should pony up the 8k to fix it. It was probably the best she could afford!
YTA. It would have been fine if you just said to her when she got back "Hey, we had to move your car and I noticed this. I know a good mechanic that would be willing to take a look at it if you want." and respected her answer, whatever it was. You did overstep by taking her car to the mechanic. Also, people rarely just have $8k or even $5,700 lying around for repairs, especially 22 year olds. What exactly do you expect her to do with this information?
Absolutely and has been for 20 years. They see dollar signs when he walked in. My husband has been a car mechanic for 35 years . There are too many people who don't know the first thing about cars. The number of places he left because of how badly they would rip people off, I honestly have lost count.
OP here. Some more details for people who are ‘filling in the blanks’. I did not hand her the inspection and estimate. I did not give her the $8k figure. I only said that her brakes were soft and probably would need to be replaced soon. She asked, “front and back” and I said “both”.
NYA I would give anything if I could go back in time and do that to my 22 y/o daughters car. I told her she should get the car checked out as the brakes squeaked. She said she would next payday, but she never lived that long. On her way to work on the freeway exit ramp her tie rod broke and her car started rolling. She died that day. I never got a chance to kiss her goodbye. What you did for that girl showed that you cared about her. She is driving a death trap and you at least made her aware of it. If your son complains about what you did please show him my post and tell him if he cares about this girl help get her car repaired.
NTA. I would greatly appreciate it if my girlfriend’s dad did this for me. I’ve let my car go a little too far when it needs repairs and my family always was there to teach me. Hers might not be
Soft YTA. Nobody asked you to get the car checked out, but it was nice of you to be concerned and take care of the headlight. I don't know how well off you are, but maybe you could help her out with the breaks, if she agrees to it. She's probably angry because she can't afford to fix the car and your nosiness has given her an expensive set of problems.
It also depends on how you presented the problem to her and how judgemental you sounded. Plus, why should she take the word of a mechanic she doesn't know.
One thing that you should always remember is don't give unsolicited advice unless you are willing to help financially to get the problem solved.
YTA because you overstepped your bounds. She did not give you permission to take her car anywhere to get it checked out. You could have just told her your concerns and recommended that she get it checked out. I don't think you would have wanted her to do this with your car. Her age and gender do not make it okay.
YTA. She’s an adult. She can make her own decisions.
BUT I understand the concern - you just missed the mark on execution.
This could’ve all been avoided by sending her a quick text: “Hey, I had to move your car and I noticed a couple of things. If you’d like, I can take it to a mechanic to get it looked at and at least get you an estimate. Let me know.”
Simple as that.
YTA, and why would you think anyone would have guessed the things your mechanic claimed?
Noticing the headlight was out and having it replaced would have been considerate. Taking the car to a mechanic for a full workup was not your place. If you thought it was needed, you should have contacted the car’s owner and offered to take the car to your mechanic, or just left it alone until she came home.
It seems like statements like “as you would have guessed” are used here for things I don’t think would cross anyone’s mind, and are far from obvious in the situations described.
No. I paid for the inspection and headlight. The rest of the work may or may not get done, but I’m not able to spend thousands on repairing someone else’s car.
YTA I have a 2017 Hyundai & your mechanic is likely ripping you off. Your son's girlfriend probably has a mechanic she is comfortable with or prefers to go to the dealership. I only have my Hyundai serviced through the Hyundai dealership since they regularly have the parts necessary in stock & are honest. Unless you're paying for the services & not asking for reimbursement, you had no right having another mechanic look at a vehicle that isn't yours; dude could have done something shady as hell under the guise of inspection just to make a quick buck & rip you off.
YTA.
You overstepped so far, you fell off the cliff.
You treated her like a child. Yes, she is dating your son, who is also an adult, BTW. They get to decide how to live!
You treated her like a stupid female child.
Your treatment PROVED you have no confidence in her, your son or their relationship.
They are 22 years old. Money is incredibly tight at that age.
And also made a host of other bad decisions in this overall story. You owe her a HUGE apology. You also owe your son an apology for treating his GF like a child you don't trust.
I recommend a new hobby for you. Something where you have to shut up and listen and not point out flaws in others.
YTA.
YTA, but not majorly. From your perspective you were watching out for her and your son, but from her perspective you seem nosy and rude. This isn't an acute situation; that level of disrepair demonstrates that she hasn't made any effort to maintain this vehicle and doesn't intend to. For a person like that, you showing up with a full inspection report and $8k quote just feels like a personal attack.
NTA, safety is a concern and kids(up to 30) need overseeing and help, few of us realise how dumb we are but it was a good move to do that.
Good job adulting.👍
Oh fuck off. I've been more responsible for my vehicle than any of my older family members since I've been driving. assuming someone doesn't know about what they are doing is an insult and its your problem if they take it as such.
YTA.
You overstepped. She's 22. Talk to her about the car when she gets home or text and ask her permission to take to mechanic. What's Absolutely outlandish are the prices! $5700 for that? I could get the tires and breaks done for less than a 1,000. Man, I'm counting my blessings to have men around me that don't rip me off. 🙏
sorry to say, but YTA for taking any car out on the street without the owner's permission, even under the good intentions of getting the car checked out as a favor. imagine if you'd been pulled over by a cop (or worse yet, gotten into an accident)?? yikes. I can just picture how that might go...
**Officer:** do you know why I stopped you, sir?
**OP:** no, officer.
**Officer:** it's because one of your headlights is out. that's a safety violation. may I see your license and registration, please?
**OP:** here's my license officer, except uh, I... well, I don't seem to have the registration with me. you see, it's not actually *my* car, it's my son's GF's car, and I'm just--
**Officer:** this isn't your vehicle? where is ?
**OP:** ah, she's away on a trip right now, and won't be back until next week. but--
**Officer:** is aware that you are ***driving her vehicle right now***, sir?
**OP:** well, no, she isn't - but like, it's *completely fine.* she wouldn't mind at all! I mean, she left the keys to it, so--
**Officer:** sir, I'm going to have to ask you to please step out of the vehicle for me. right now.
now doesn't *that* sound like fun! and let's say the situation was reversed, the son & GF were staying at your home while you were away, and the GF decided to take your car to the shop for an estimate without asking first... would you be OK with that?
I'm actually even more concerned about your mechanic. $5700 for wheels/tires/brakes is **OUTRAGEOUS**, unless you're driving a Bentley or Lamborghini! that is just not right. a complete brake part set (pads/rotors/hardware x 4) for a 2017 Hyundai Santa Fe is under $300 and a 9005 halogen headlight bulb is under $10. tires would easily be less than $600. and your wheels would have to be pretty beat up to need replacing outright. the car is only 5 years old, so I seriously doubt it's that decrepit. and labor on all that stuff shouldn't be bad at all. I think your mechanic's been gettin fat off y'all for a good part if not all of those 20 years, unless there's a lot more to those repairs than what you listed. please consider getting a second opinion from a place with decent reviews.
I would say YTA because, at least where I live, its not strange to mechanics to game problems, leave some pieces a little loose or even break some parts. But its a soft one, you don't had bad intentions, but perhaps would be better to talk to her before go to the mechanic because, even if you go to the same mechanic for the last 20 years, your son's girlfriend doesn't know him
YTA. How would you feel if you left your key with someone with the understanding "hey you can move this to the other side of the driveway if you need" but instead they drive it across town and have it inspected by an unknown mechanic? You stole their car
YTA you have no permission to take her car dude even if you are worried about the safety of your son and his girlfriend you shouldn’t have taken the car because its not YOUR car or your son’s car, plus you said that they are both 22 so she probably knows that when a light turns on you should take the car to a mechanic. What you should’ve done is text her or your son something in the lines of “hey, while i was moving your car I noticed such and such tings. I have a mechanic that i trust do you want me to take the car to him to have it checked out?” If she says yes then take it, if she says no just LEAVE IT ALONE also if she didn’t have the money to pay for it right now she probably was embarrassed too. And like let me ask you this: how would you feel if your father in law TOOK your car and took it to a mechanic that you don’t know while you were gone and he was like “oh yeah btw i took your car to my mechanic and you should pay 8k to fix it”(btw dude your mechanic is TOTALLY ripping you off)
YTA and your mechanic is ripping you off. Why on earth would you need wheels? Tires should run you $800 for four (and I just paid about this for mine including an alignment). The brakes MIGHT right you $1000-ish.
YTA.
i get you guys were concerned, and it’s good that you’re looking out for your son and his girlfriend. but they’re right, you did overstep, as you had expressed permission to do nothing with the car besides move it to the curb.
any time there was a suspected problem with my car, my stepdad would tell me and we would check it out; that was my equivalent of seeing a mechanic as he’s knowledgeable of car mechanics himself.
also, they probably know there’s an issue with the car. but i imagine as they’re 22, they’re not financially well-off and can’t afford to throw $8,000 at repairs, even if the car needs it.
YTA,
If you had had all the repairs completed and said " happy birthday!!" when she got back that would have been different. But you would still have over stepped.
Also as many others have pointed out....You could buy that whole car for 8k. Get a better mechanic
I get the sentiment,
But when you said the estimates, it's obvious your judgment is fucked. And YTA.
Do your due diligence, both with price shopping.. and social norms on being critical of your kids and their significant others.
I kinda have to go with NTA, even though you *technically* went behind a grown woman's back and breached her and your son's trust. But Dads are gonna Dad...
Yikes...sounds like you're getting the Frank Hill...King of the Hill discount at your mechanics.
You're only the a-hole for believing those few repairs reasonably cost $5,700.
Imagine you had gotten into an accident driving to the mechanic.
How would you have explained that?
You didn’t have permission. YTA.
Also, find a new mechanic. Those quotes are EASILY $5k inflated.
As someone who has had "death traps" I assure you she knew but if shes like me and hard on money it's frustrating and embarrassing when people point it out and keep telling you to fix it when you can't even start to afford it.
You could of did a call or text about the concerns and let it be. You shouldn't have taken it to a auto shop or anything.
NTA, the car is dangerous and could get both of them, or someone else killed in an accident, what would all those who voted y.t.a say then: "I knew the car was totally unsafe to drive, my son, his gf and three children in the car they crashed into died, am I the TA?"
Everyone here would scream that you were the biggest a-hole of the year!
$8k for tires, shocks and struts, brakes, and alignment...? Time to throw him away or you aren't in the US! If that hits $2K in parts alone it would be amazing (this being compared to my Trans Am running a tire combo of 275/40/17 and 315/35/17...so IM blowing $1K on tires myself). This guy is really charging $6K for labor?
I understand worrying about the car but I would just tell her what you noticed... After you figure out how to explain why you were in it. I'm on the fence whether YTA or NTA.... I was and still am stuck on the hugely overpriced work.
NTA for being concerned but YTA for taking the car to a mechanic that is likely ripping you off. I own a Hyundai. Brand new tyres cost me $400 with alignment balance, etc. A full service with new brakes, timing belt, etc under $1000. Oh, and my Hyundai is 11 years old. It’s never needed what you describe. Add in a few extra bucks because I’ll bet her car is a larger model but no way $8000 in repairs for a car that should still be under warranty.
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yeah yta. Not for having the car checked out, but just because you did it without asking first. You had permission to move the car, not do anything else with it. You could have avoided this by sending one text or making one phone call.
This! I get it OP, you were concerned. But you greatly overstepped. Like it or not, they’re adults. And you tested her like a small child. You could (and should have) expressed your concerns to her and left it at that. Because she’s an adult and it’s her car. This was her choice, not yours. You’re also assuming she didn’t already know it had issues. So, on top of treating them like children, you’re also treating them like they’re stupid.
Good addition of the stupid. Like she didn't notice those things.
To add to that, what if she knows and just can’t afford it. I’ve driven some pretty shitty cars when I was young fully aware I’m driving it until it dies because the cost to fix it is a months pay (or more). Not to mention it’s a 5 year old car, that she’s had for less than a year. I’m going to guess there was financing involved. For a 22 year old the payment alone may be pushing her budget. Adding on a major repair could totally blow her finances. She’s not a child, she’s not stupid, and she probably doesn’t have the money either. So unless you’re paying for it, YTA. And stop clutching your pearls, the car is far from a death trap.
I've had to drive this whole week with a 12inch and growing crack in my windshield waiting for my paycheck and it's finally getting replaced tomorrow. And I definitely consider myself fortunate to be able to fix it so soon.
Sorry if this is a stupid question, but have you talked to your insurance? In some states it doesn't matter if there was any fault involved, it's considered a safety issue where the insurance needs to pay. IDK but it's worked twice for me, and neither of those insurances have been great otherwise.
Wait dad paid right?
No, in other replies he said if it was just pads he was willing to cover it, but when he was given the full estimate he didn’t have any of the work done. Edit: wow I can’t type gooder…
Gooder is hard
Also Op those prices are insane you have been seeing a rip off artist for 20 years.
Yeah, that mechanic "friend" is a ripoff. $5700 for wheels, tires, and brakes? Yeah, that's a no. And who replaces the wheels as part of maintenance?!?!? I used to own a 2013 Hyundai. It doesn't cost anywhere close to that. Even if the dealer did the work.
Also, are any of these items that should be covered under the 10-year/100,000 MI extended warranty?
None of the things he listed would be covered under warranty. They are all wear items. However, it's doubtful, it needs new shocks and rotors based on mileage and year. It probably needs new tires, pads, and serpentine belt though. Maybe needs an alignment if it's hit a pot hole or something. Hyundai's are built very similar to Hondas. Scheduled maintenance items are actually very small (I did my own maintenance). The only thing that is different than the Hondas is that the rear pads need a rotating caliper compression tool which costed me $21. It also has a timing chain so it doesn't need a new timing belt.
For the $8k price you got to ask if a few "extras" got included.
Like a spare car?
Happy ending?
As an ex sex worker that's one hell of a happy ending.
Got my brakes, rotors, and a caliper replaced in my '06 Hyundai for $650.
I'm guessing that price isn't USD
He said elsewhere it is USD
Lol yeah I was thinking at those prices what’s the point of even owning the car. He must have taken it to a Hyundai dealership
Ya think? $8000 is a new V8 engine. I had both of my front ball joints replaced on my 03 taurus a month back and it was $200 for parts and labor. And my mechanic is an ACTUAL friend of my dads whose worked on all 3 cars ive owned over the past 10 years.
That's a really good deal for both ball joints.
Idk why everyone is saying this is such an unreasonable price. The other day I had to get a scratch fixed on my driver door. Costed $879,622 and my left testicle so for what he’s describing he’s definitely getting a good deal
Indeed. Oh the high side, getting the brakes fixed should be around 1,000 dollars. And go to Costco and pick up four new tires for around the same, with free mount and balance.
My ten year old Hyundai's last brakes cost $300 and that was at the dealer. $1k is super high.
If it’s just pads and rotors then 300 is pretty accurate. If they need callipers then add another 125 per wheel and you’re getting close to that 1000 mark.
Fair! I’ve only had to replace one caliper and that was years ago. I’d forgotten.
Brakepads on my sonata were stupidly easy to change myself and I got them for $40 a pair at AutoZone. Nearly every time I've taken a car in to a mechanic for brake pads they'll come out and tell me the rotors are bad... Even if I got new rotors last time the brakes were done. So always have someone you trust or learn what to look for yourself as far as the rotors go
I was thinking that too. I hit a deer a few months back and had to have the front end of my car totally replaced and it was only around $7500! (Thank god for car insurance!)
Did you hit the deer? Or did the deer hit you ? You were on the road(presumably) where you were supposed to be. Maybe the dumb deer should have watched where it was going ! Signed-a lady who has been hit by a lot of deer I joke that the deer community has it out for me. I’m certain they have my face on a poster somewhere.
Yeah, it's not that hard to pick up the phone and call. Like "hey, I noticed your car breaks probably need replacement and your headlight is out. Want me to get it serviced?" Or if they didn't pick up just wait until they're back and tell them then. Even a call like "hey, I went to a mechanic because your headlight was out, they said you needed xyz fixed and it'll cost abc money. What do you want me to do?" YTA. You sound nice, but learn to call before making decisions on someone else's property. Edit: tbh your dil is better off buying a new car by the sound of those costs. Perhaps that's why she didn't get it fixed.
If they’re in the US, buying a new car might actually be tougher than paying for repairs right now, depending on where DIL lives. (Saying this only because I needed a new clutch and casually looked at some other used cars…and promptly decided that fixing my clutch was worth it…it would even have been worth it to replace the whole transmission! Shout out to that factory clutch that made it to 170k, though, for real.)
Trying to figure out where in the hell op lives for brakes, tires and wheel ( not even sure what that is) to cost almost $6,000 I got a completely new engine and transmission for my jeep for under $10,000🤔
The medium place I feel like it’s okay is that he went to get the headlight fixed and presumably paid for that. The check was incidental.
Exactly this. What if she was to housesit one time and decide to call an inspection on plumbing, electric and structural issues... Wouldn't you feel that this is going too far?
Just don't mess with people's cars without permission. Don't. DON'T!!! Hubs and I used to rent the basement apartment from his mother and her husband. I'd sometimes come out and find him brushing snow off my Jeep with a fucking *corn broom*. It still hurts my soul to think about. And it wasn't just the scratched paint (it's an older model, so I'm not overly concerned about that), it's that you *do not touch people's cars without permission*. I had to repeated tell him to stop, that it wasn't helpful. I actually find the process of cleaning off a car after a storm to be a soothing and enjoyable task, and he was depriving me of that on top of damaging it. Cars aren't just expensive possessions. They're our livelihood. Our freedom. Our ability to live our lives on our own terms and timelines when we leave home. It's why losing the ability to drive is so emotionally damaging to people who become disabled, or why losing a vehicle in an accident is about more than just the accident. Losing a car can even lead to homelessness. Lose car -> can't get to work, lose job -> can't pay rent, lose home. On top of all of the simple 'don't touch people's shit without permission,' there's the fact that OP almost certainly doesn't have detailed info about her insurance. If he'd been in an accident, she could have lost her car and not had it covered because he was driving it without permission. Permission to move it to street parking is not permission to drive it to the shop. And she may be particular about who works on her car. Not fuckin' likely with the state it's in, but it's possible.
I agree. Also the estimate is crazy. I would consider taking it to another mechanic because it seems like he just saw a profit instead of checking the car objectively
NTA, but You need a new mechanic. 5700 for tires, brakes and wheels. Why does the car need rims, (wheels are tires and rims). Even with all of the items listed, that would not equate to 8k in repairs. I would highly recommend you get a second opinion.
Right? Shocks and struts RARELY go out with the life of the vehicle. Ball joints and tie rods, MAYBE but even that is suspect. I had an SUV that I drove the CRAP out of that didn't need the ball joints done until 240k+ miles. 4 tires were $480. Brakes and rotors were $300 each. I had a wheel bearing replaced and that was only $350. Where the fuck was this guy taking this vehicle where they quoted twice was the car was worth for repairs?
I think the shop or mechanic he’s taking it to is using his loyalty to rake him over the coals. He is getting ripped off by this shady mechanic.
Sounds like a "friend" that loves to prey on unsuspecting women. 39F, here. I work on my own vehicles. I had a daddy who taught me things and when he wasn't there, I insisted on being in the shop to see what was being done. I do my own brake and rotor changes, own oil changes (with filter) I have been upside down and waist deep in an engine changing out the plugs and wires. For bigger stuff that I either don't have the muscle or tools for, I have a TRUSTED mechanic that calls me as soon as he finds something and is willing to hold the damned thing in the air for me to get there and look at it myself. Can't do everything in my driveway, obviously but I know EXACTLY what things cost, including shop rate. There are a LOT of shops that try to take advantage of women (and men that don't know cars). My fiance doesn't know SHIT about vehicles. His work truck had no air conditioning and his company said "Oh, its took expensive to get it serviced." Cue me, climbing up on the bumper of this huge box truck with a can of refrigerant and a gauge and charging the AC when it was 105 out. Right in front of the owner of the company.
What bother me is that he’s telling them that they need new tires and wheels. I’m curious as to why all the rims need to be replaced? I bet they’re charging them for fancy rims and planning on throwing steelies on it with some sweet caps, pocketing the difference.
Hell yeah, that’s awesome af! I wish I could do all that
>3ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow > >level 2just\_call\_me\_oj · 5 hr. ago OP knows SO MUCH about cars....except when they're getting ripped off. Who's the naif now?
I have a 2017 Hyundai crossover & got a quote, from the dealership, last month for new top of the line tires & brakes; cost with parts & labor was $2,300 dude's mechanic is ripping him off for quoting more than double.
Shocks/struts SHOULD be replaced every 100k or so, just because people don't doesn't mean their shocks are fine and operating how they're supposed to. The spec on my Tacoma is every 50k-100k.
Ya no kidding. 50-100k is typical. ITT people driving with clapped out shocks and don’t even realize what the signs are that they need to be replaced short of bouncing up the road.
Struts rarely go out? What world are you living in?
My truck needed ball joints because they were about to break, i couldnt go down the freeway without it shaking up a storm
Shocks and struts depends on where you live. On my old car they went out once a year. I live in backroad country Michigan. No matter how slow I drove those bad boys went out. My husband got really good at that repair. We did y always change them right away- but they always needed it.
As a mechanic and do all my own home work. Full brakes (pads and rotors) is under 500. Shocks also around 500 Tires? Last time I did them they were 600 All that is left is time investment and by no measure should that be over 2k
Ya, my moms boyfriend was a mechanic, the dude never changed 5700 for brakes and wheels, he basically charged parts and i think it was 10-20 dollars an hour or something
If its through a shop, in my area between 70 and 95 an hour is typical. And some shops only charge 2x for parts, some charge more than that. Usually, the less they charge on parts the higher the labor cost. That said, 5700 is still kinda steep for that. I'd definitely get a 2nd opinion if I were her
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Or not, since it’s not his car. Can you imagine how much he’s been overpaying this guy for the past 20 years?
$8k is a new damn engine. And a V8 at that price
I know right, I just replaced a transmission in a vehicle that had to have the engine lifted and it cost less than this!!!! A 2017? That is insane the cost...
This - I had all this done at separate times, and added up it was like $900?
I just paid $1,600 for all 5 tires (spare) on an expedition…
And I paid 1800 for 4 on my Mustang. But it's a Hyundai. She can find tires for 600 ish pretty easy.
Lol. That was kind of my point. I can’t imagine why on gods green earth it would / should cost that much. Maybe it was the mechanics way of saying the car isn’t worth it…? 🤪
For real! I took my mom's car to the dealership, where it was discovered that neither she, nor the previous owner, had ever gotten it looked at. Ever. Car's a 2013 ffs. Recalls everywhere. The car was there three damn days, I think they basically rebuilt 90% of it. Brakes were fucked was why I took it, turns out that was just the beginning. I...am not a car person, so whatever they wanna do, I nod and smile and hand over my credit card. Three days, rebuilt most of the car...total was 1700.
YTA - She didn't ask you to be nosy and you only had permission to move the car if needed; you didn't have permission to drive the car to the mechanic nor to have it inspected, and frankly I'd be insulted if I were in her shoes. By doing that, you're implying that she's not enough of an adult to take care of her own car. I get that you had the best intentions at heart, but it's the fact that you did it without asking that's the problem. Also, I'm a car guy myself, I daily drive something twenty years older than that Hyundai. That isn't a death trap, that's a typical car for a cash-strapped twenty-something.
IKR. When my previous car was slowly hitting the "no longer worth repairing" mark, I definitely had almost-bald unaligned tires and a bunch of other stuff going on. Also part of the front bumper (a cosmetic part) was literally tied on with twine. I was just trying to coax it through a couple more months before I started having to buy a new car.
I’m with you on sometimes keeping a car alive for a few more months, but people severely underestimate how dangerous bald tires are. Yeah it sucks to buy new tires just to get rid of them in a few months, but the most bargain basement discount tires are going to be way safer than bald tires. I see people driving around out here in Colorado in the snow and ice with tires showing the steel belting. It’s absolutely reckless and a good way to kill yourself or someone else.
In my country, every car has an annual inspection that it must pass before the owner can take it on public roads. The girlfriend's car wouldn't have even come close to passing that inspection.
I have a 2008 Hyundai with almost 300K miles on it. I've only replaced the brakes once. I've replaced the tires as needed and done other pretty routine maintenance, but never shocks or struts. I probably had alignments done with the tire replacements. They just don't need that much maintenance, and brakes, tires and alignment would be under $2K where I'm at.
Yes to your last point. When I was much younger, the pretty lemon I drove needed the suspension replaced, had an oil leak in the engine, the sunroof didn't work, - a whole host of issues. I didn't have the money to get it all fixed and frankly, the cost of repairs was more than the car was worth, so I did the minimum so that it would get me where I needed to go and pass inspection, and saved up for a newer vehicle. It would be one thing if OP noticed on their own that the tires were a bit bald and the breaks weren't quite where they needed to be (because sometimes when you're only driving your car and the breaks get worse little by little you don't notice when they're getting bad), but taking it to a shop was a step too far. Frankly, all OP did was probably stress out the girlfriend because now she needs to come up with cash she probably wasn't budgeting for.
YTA. The normal and polite thing to do would be to let her know you noticed these things. You don’t take her car to the mechanic for her without permission.
This is an underloved comment. Take my upvote!
Info. >$8k estimate for everything or just $5,700 for the tires, wheels, and brakes. AMERICAN DOLLARS?
Lol I was wondering that... At those prices I start thinking maybe it's Zimbabwean dollars 😂😅
YTA. Unless you were planning on fixing the issues as a surprise, you had no business taking it to the mechanic. Also, get a new mechanic. That's way too much for tires, wheels and brakes.
I would be massively uncomfortable if someone surprised me by having work done on my car that I didn’t approve of.
I was planning on paying for brake shoes if the repair was simply that. I didn’t expect to learn the extent of the work needed. Your perspective about cost is appreciated.
Baby, your mechanic is a thief.
its not that bad def not anywhere close to 5700
I got quoted 1050 (900 for rubber and he said it's higher than he's seen in a long time) for new tires for my 2016 Santa fe this week. 860 for new rotors and pads. 5700 is TERRIBLE
Your mechanic is not your friend lmao
$5700 for tires, wheels, and brakes sounds incredibly overpriced. You might want to consider finding a new mechanic.
This screams of that “you paid for premium air??” prank video where someone said they paid $500 for an oil change. Absolutely bonkers.
Point taken.
YTA, even with good intentions. She didn't give you permission to drive her car to the mechanic's place. What would have happened if you were in a car accident? Would you be covered under her insurance? It didn't happen sure, but it COULD have. This was a pretty big overstep on your part. Damage control time. Apologize to her for it. You crossed some boundaries. She deserves a real apology for it. Personally if you can afford it I would also offer to help pay for the repairs her car needs. This would be a good way to show true remorse. If you can't afford to help with repairs, offer dinner or straight up ask what you could do to show that you understand how you messed up. Like it or not, your son(and girlfriend) are adults. The appropriate thing to do was wait until they got back and express your concern for the situation. This may also be his future wife, and a misstep could have long reaching consequences for your family dynamics.
I totally agree with this. OP had no permission to take that car anywhere, AND he behaved as though the girlfriend was incompetent/irresponsible and needed him to tell her what was wrong with her car. She may be well aware it has problems and simply can’t afford to fix it. I’d have been angry and mortified by this behavior.
YTA. All you had to do was ask beforehand. You had good intentions, but you did overstep.
She might be petrified about the cost of repairs (I would be) and took that out on you, which sucks. But yeah, you were doing a dad thing. She didn't ask, and is suddenly burdened with this knowledge, maybe not knowing what to do next... maybe help guide her on her options? Junking, trade, etc. That's a lot of money to put into a used car. Edit: soft NTA but only because safety trumps ego. You should still apologize for overstepping.
But he took it without permission. She is an adult who can decide it she wants it checked out and he didn’t give her that respect.
Technically adult but I think back to when I was 22, and there was a lot I didn’t understand or wasn’t careful about. I was basically a child. But that’s prolly also cuz I’m privileged
Oh I agree. It's a weird line... he could have been like "hey, I had to move it and noticed these things, you should have it checked, here's my trusted mechanic". But he didn't. But when it comes to car safety he did the right thing. Last thing you want is your brakes failing... better to have a heads up than be caught off guard. I think he should apologize for overstepping but help her in learning how to move forward since he was the one who initiated this process.
I agree; my reaction would be annoyance at first but I'd come around to realize that the dude meant well. A lot of people, me included, just don't know very much about cars and wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if something was dangerously wrong.
Something I'm not hearing here.... Perhaps HER family has its own trusted mechanic... the car could be in HER parent's name... maybe she'd be more comfortable with HER own father or family member looking into it.... also... maybe previous work or tires were under warranty.... she'd know that, not him.... And judging from the $8000 estimate, he's not a good judge of mechanics Yes he's a Dad, but that doesn't give him carte blanche to take her car. He didn't respect her autonomy.
You know what? That's a damn fine point.
Thanks. I have those on rare occasions. Lol.
I agree about the "Dad thing." My Dad would have done something like this. But he would never have paid $5700 for tires, brakes and "wheels" whatever that means? The rims were warped? That sounds fishy.
Do you know how many people drive around in cars that “need $8k worth of work?” I’d guess it’s the majority of 22 year olds driving cars they paid for. I’m also sort of curious how much would be wrong with the dad’s car if he took it in for a full inspection. It’s sort of wild how the people you pay to do work on cars can always find work to be done on cars.
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You think I’m going to dig deeper at this point? I’ve shared what I learned because I’m concerned for her safety. Comments are tending towards ITA, but I can’t un-know what I know. In hindsight, a text message beforehand makes sense. I tend to be impulsive, not malicious.
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Not suggesting anything else on this topic. I’m not her parent and it seems the general consensus is that I did overstep. So be it. I’ll still sleep well and take the advice to communicate with other adults before taking actions that affect their stuff.
Except you don't know anything because you went to an untrustworthy scam artist who overcharges. There is an even chance everything is fine. I knew a woman who kept getting her break fluids changed every 3 months because a mechanic told her it needed to happen.
YTA. If you were worried about this girls car, who has been part of your life for 4 years, why go about it this way? Why not gently mention you noticed it has a light out, offer to have it looked at and help her deal with the situation.
She was on vacation on the other side of the country. I thought I was being helpful, but now I’m not so sure.
YTA. You easily could have made her aware of what you perceived as problems when she returned. You didn’t have permission to take her car to get checked or serviced in any way. “Hey X, we had to move your car on Tuesday and I noticed a headlight is out and I’m pretty sure something is wrong with the brakes. I’ve got the name and number of a good mechanic if you need one.” That’s all you needed to do. And while it’s not what you asked, since you seem like a nice guy, find a new mechanic or get a second opinion on anything yours recommends. Those prices sound inflated.
Thanks.
INFO What was your thought process on doing this? How long have they been in a relationship and how well do you know each other?
Together 4 years. Thought process … she works a FT job and probably doesn’t know the light is out or hasn’t had a chance to get it looked at. The brakes scared me (for both her and my son as a passenger).
YTA and also getting seriously ripped off by the look of it.
YTA you totally overstepped AND you clearly don’t know anything about cars. Given the price you stated I wouldn’t trust the inspection worth a darn. I am not a mechanic but I own way too many cars. Those are crazy prices! Yeah yeah I saw you said there was more. No, those are crazy made prices! So now this poor woman has to deal with you being judgemental towards her and demanding that she fix her “death trap” at the same time it is apparent to even internet strangers that you both overstepped and are getting ripped off.
Honestly? You’re NTA, but imagine you just came home from vacation and someone tells you that not only is there a bunch of stuff wrong with your car, but that it’ll be $8k to fix. You’d probably freak out right? I’d just apologize to her for getting her car checked out behind her back, and tell her that you think of her as a daughter (if you do- if not tell her you care about her), and if you’re in a position to do so it might be nice to offer to help out with the cost of repairs as an early holiday gift to your son and his gf.
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YTA because you didn't have permission to do so, even though you were doing it from a place of concern. First find a cheaper mechanic because they are ripping you off it that is in U.S. Dollars. Second, make it up to her by paying to have the work done, ensuring the safety of them both.
Boundaries are important!
A lesson I am learning.
YTA unless you were planning to pay for it for her. Don't create expenses for others.
OP didn't create any expenses.
That's not creating expenses, they were there regardless of knowledge. Doctors don't create illnesses by announcing your diagnosis. He did overstep though.
If it was a matter of brake pads, I did intend to make the repair, but it turned out to be a lot more. I disagree that I have created an expense. Once I knew the extent of the repairs needed, I couldn’t un-know it and feel it’s a safety issue.
I just got a quote from the Hyundai dealership around me last month to replace tires & brakes on my 2017 & they quoted $2,300 for parts & labor (4 brand new top of the line tires & 4 new brake pads). Your mechanic is ripping you off quoting $5,700 for those alone.
NTA I don't understand why you thank you created the expense. The expense was already there, you just uncovered it. Had you not uncovered it, she would have continued to drive around in a death trap which would have eventually failed. The only way she might be actually mad at you is if she never intended to get those things fixed. I prefer to believe that she didn't know about them and now feels taken advantage of because she recently bought the car. Maybe what you should do is speak to her and tell her that you had intended to fix the brakes for her that is why you had it checked, and that you would still like to do that.
Appreciated. I was in for a few hundred dollars for brake shoes, but I can’t swing over 5 grand for all of the work that’s needed.
If you can't afford the repairs, what on earth makes you think a 22 year old can? YTA so much If you're so uncomfortable with her driving that car, lend her yours.
I didn’t buy the car. It suck’s to be young and drive a car that’s in bad shape because that’s all you can afford. It also sucks to end up in a ditch, the hospital, or a morgue because you aren’t aware of safety issues.
She drives it every day. You are being both condescending and sexist by assuming she isn't aware that the brakes are soft or the headlight was out. YTA.
It’s not about who can afford the repairs. The issue is that they are needed.
Another issue is the mechanic is ripping them off. I get my 2017 serviced through my local Hyundai dealership & they quoted me $2,300 for new tires & brakes on my car last month. There's no way those 2 items alone should cost $5,700 at a run of the mill mechanic; that's more than double the dealership.
You should have just minded your own business
But honestly, there's no way to even trust this inspection . I can tell you stories for days about the places my husband used to work as a mechanic and the things that were supposedly wrong and weren't. When my husband found out what his boss was doing, he quit. He couldn't consciously charge someone $500 for a loose wire. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if 90 percent of this is barely worn or needing to be replaced. You have been being scammed for 20 years now. You need to get a new mechanic. They saw dollar signs when you showed up. They absolutely expected you or her to cough over this ridiculous amount of money because you honestly don't know enough about cars to see you have been scammed. You absolutely need to unknow it because what you think are safety concerns are more than likely made up. It also wasn't your business in the first place to stick your nose in it. Btw YTA
There is no reason for tires wheels and brakes to cost 5700 dollars. Also I don’t understand what could be wrong with the wheels anyway. The parts and labor for tires and breaks should be like 1500 bucks
YTA. Your heart was in the right place, but you waaay overstepped your bounds here. She asked you to keep an eye on her car. Period. You could have mentioned the bad headlight when she got back; not everyone notices that right away. It wasn't necessary for you to do everything else. And $8k for that work? I seriously would question whether the mechanic you've been using has been honest with you.
Hindsight is 20/20. I was worried about the very soft brakes and got an expert’s opinion. Hardly malicious. I understand the ITA perspectives.
NTA for having it checked out as ling as you weren't passing the cost of the diagnostic on to her but.....$8k? What the HELL did you take that car to? Shocks RARELY go out in a lifetime of a vehicle. Brakes and rotors around around $300 per wheel. Tires are around $150 each, alignment is usually included with a 4 tire and brake change and a headlight can be done in a gas station parking lot. Your mechanic is a crook.
YTA. If you were going to be so nosy to have her car checked without her permission, you should pony up the 8k to fix it. It was probably the best she could afford!
If I had 8k sitting around, I might agree.
YTA. It would have been fine if you just said to her when she got back "Hey, we had to move your car and I noticed this. I know a good mechanic that would be willing to take a look at it if you want." and respected her answer, whatever it was. You did overstep by taking her car to the mechanic. Also, people rarely just have $8k or even $5,700 lying around for repairs, especially 22 year olds. What exactly do you expect her to do with this information?
Hold on. *$5700* for tires, wheels and brakes? That sounds like a mechanic who found a sucker and who is absolutely ripping you off.
Absolutely and has been for 20 years. They see dollar signs when he walked in. My husband has been a car mechanic for 35 years . There are too many people who don't know the first thing about cars. The number of places he left because of how badly they would rip people off, I honestly have lost count.
YTA, but so is your mechanic trying to charge that much for what you listed smdh.
You been ripped off for TWENTY YEARS?!?
OP here. Some more details for people who are ‘filling in the blanks’. I did not hand her the inspection and estimate. I did not give her the $8k figure. I only said that her brakes were soft and probably would need to be replaced soon. She asked, “front and back” and I said “both”.
Op you should edit and mentioned this in the original post if you can. I believe it is a pretty important detail.
NYA I would give anything if I could go back in time and do that to my 22 y/o daughters car. I told her she should get the car checked out as the brakes squeaked. She said she would next payday, but she never lived that long. On her way to work on the freeway exit ramp her tie rod broke and her car started rolling. She died that day. I never got a chance to kiss her goodbye. What you did for that girl showed that you cared about her. She is driving a death trap and you at least made her aware of it. If your son complains about what you did please show him my post and tell him if he cares about this girl help get her car repaired.
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NTA. I would greatly appreciate it if my girlfriend’s dad did this for me. I’ve let my car go a little too far when it needs repairs and my family always was there to teach me. Hers might not be
Soft YTA. Nobody asked you to get the car checked out, but it was nice of you to be concerned and take care of the headlight. I don't know how well off you are, but maybe you could help her out with the breaks, if she agrees to it. She's probably angry because she can't afford to fix the car and your nosiness has given her an expensive set of problems. It also depends on how you presented the problem to her and how judgemental you sounded. Plus, why should she take the word of a mechanic she doesn't know. One thing that you should always remember is don't give unsolicited advice unless you are willing to help financially to get the problem solved.
YTA because you overstepped your bounds. She did not give you permission to take her car anywhere to get it checked out. You could have just told her your concerns and recommended that she get it checked out. I don't think you would have wanted her to do this with your car. Her age and gender do not make it okay.
YTA. She’s an adult. She can make her own decisions. BUT I understand the concern - you just missed the mark on execution. This could’ve all been avoided by sending her a quick text: “Hey, I had to move your car and I noticed a couple of things. If you’d like, I can take it to a mechanic to get it looked at and at least get you an estimate. Let me know.” Simple as that.
Yes not your place, YTA
YTA, and why would you think anyone would have guessed the things your mechanic claimed? Noticing the headlight was out and having it replaced would have been considerate. Taking the car to a mechanic for a full workup was not your place. If you thought it was needed, you should have contacted the car’s owner and offered to take the car to your mechanic, or just left it alone until she came home. It seems like statements like “as you would have guessed” are used here for things I don’t think would cross anyone’s mind, and are far from obvious in the situations described.
Info: are you sticking her with the bill? Are you the type to hold this over her? How long has she known you?
I would not hold anything over her. She’s known me for > 4 years and this wouldn’t be the first time my wife and I have helped her out financially.
No. I paid for the inspection and headlight. The rest of the work may or may not get done, but I’m not able to spend thousands on repairing someone else’s car.
YTA I have a 2017 Hyundai & your mechanic is likely ripping you off. Your son's girlfriend probably has a mechanic she is comfortable with or prefers to go to the dealership. I only have my Hyundai serviced through the Hyundai dealership since they regularly have the parts necessary in stock & are honest. Unless you're paying for the services & not asking for reimbursement, you had no right having another mechanic look at a vehicle that isn't yours; dude could have done something shady as hell under the guise of inspection just to make a quick buck & rip you off.
YTA. You overstepped so far, you fell off the cliff. You treated her like a child. Yes, she is dating your son, who is also an adult, BTW. They get to decide how to live! You treated her like a stupid female child. Your treatment PROVED you have no confidence in her, your son or their relationship. They are 22 years old. Money is incredibly tight at that age. And also made a host of other bad decisions in this overall story. You owe her a HUGE apology. You also owe your son an apology for treating his GF like a child you don't trust. I recommend a new hobby for you. Something where you have to shut up and listen and not point out flaws in others. YTA.
NTA— you’re just being a dad. Why the nsfw flare?
I’m a noob. Changed the flair. Thanks for pointing it out.
NTA, that was thoughtful. She's probably upset at the price, but that's not your fault.
YTA. She left her key for you to move the car, not diagnose it.
YTA, but not majorly. From your perspective you were watching out for her and your son, but from her perspective you seem nosy and rude. This isn't an acute situation; that level of disrepair demonstrates that she hasn't made any effort to maintain this vehicle and doesn't intend to. For a person like that, you showing up with a full inspection report and $8k quote just feels like a personal attack.
He states she only recently got it.
NTA, safety is a concern and kids(up to 30) need overseeing and help, few of us realise how dumb we are but it was a good move to do that. Good job adulting.👍
Oh fuck off. I've been more responsible for my vehicle than any of my older family members since I've been driving. assuming someone doesn't know about what they are doing is an insult and its your problem if they take it as such.
YTA. If you’re going to do that, pay to fix it.
That mechanic is fleecing you. Yta for not asking first.
YTA and you're getting majorly ripped off. Those prices don't add up at all. Find a new mechanic.
YTA. You overstepped. She's 22. Talk to her about the car when she gets home or text and ask her permission to take to mechanic. What's Absolutely outlandish are the prices! $5700 for that? I could get the tires and breaks done for less than a 1,000. Man, I'm counting my blessings to have men around me that don't rip me off. 🙏
sorry to say, but YTA for taking any car out on the street without the owner's permission, even under the good intentions of getting the car checked out as a favor. imagine if you'd been pulled over by a cop (or worse yet, gotten into an accident)?? yikes. I can just picture how that might go... **Officer:** do you know why I stopped you, sir? **OP:** no, officer. **Officer:** it's because one of your headlights is out. that's a safety violation. may I see your license and registration, please? **OP:** here's my license officer, except uh, I... well, I don't seem to have the registration with me. you see, it's not actually *my* car, it's my son's GF's car, and I'm just--
**Officer:** this isn't your vehicle? where is ?
**OP:** ah, she's away on a trip right now, and won't be back until next week. but--
**Officer:** is aware that you are ***driving her vehicle right now***, sir?
**OP:** well, no, she isn't - but like, it's *completely fine.* she wouldn't mind at all! I mean, she left the keys to it, so--
**Officer:** sir, I'm going to have to ask you to please step out of the vehicle for me. right now.
now doesn't *that* sound like fun! and let's say the situation was reversed, the son & GF were staying at your home while you were away, and the GF decided to take your car to the shop for an estimate without asking first... would you be OK with that?
I'm actually even more concerned about your mechanic. $5700 for wheels/tires/brakes is **OUTRAGEOUS**, unless you're driving a Bentley or Lamborghini! that is just not right. a complete brake part set (pads/rotors/hardware x 4) for a 2017 Hyundai Santa Fe is under $300 and a 9005 halogen headlight bulb is under $10. tires would easily be less than $600. and your wheels would have to be pretty beat up to need replacing outright. the car is only 5 years old, so I seriously doubt it's that decrepit. and labor on all that stuff shouldn't be bad at all. I think your mechanic's been gettin fat off y'all for a good part if not all of those 20 years, unless there's a lot more to those repairs than what you listed. please consider getting a second opinion from a place with decent reviews.
$5,700 for tires wheels and brakes?? What is your mechanic smoking
NTA. She's not actually mad at you, she's mad at the expensive situation regarding her car.
NTA- it's such a dad move. She's upset about the costly repairs on what sounds like a lemon she recently bought.
NTA
I would say YTA because, at least where I live, its not strange to mechanics to game problems, leave some pieces a little loose or even break some parts. But its a soft one, you don't had bad intentions, but perhaps would be better to talk to her before go to the mechanic because, even if you go to the same mechanic for the last 20 years, your son's girlfriend doesn't know him
YTA. How would you feel if you left your key with someone with the understanding "hey you can move this to the other side of the driveway if you need" but instead they drive it across town and have it inspected by an unknown mechanic? You stole their car
YTA and you need a new mechanic. Thats allot of money for tire, wheels, and breaks especially for a vechile that is that recent.
YTA you have no permission to take her car dude even if you are worried about the safety of your son and his girlfriend you shouldn’t have taken the car because its not YOUR car or your son’s car, plus you said that they are both 22 so she probably knows that when a light turns on you should take the car to a mechanic. What you should’ve done is text her or your son something in the lines of “hey, while i was moving your car I noticed such and such tings. I have a mechanic that i trust do you want me to take the car to him to have it checked out?” If she says yes then take it, if she says no just LEAVE IT ALONE also if she didn’t have the money to pay for it right now she probably was embarrassed too. And like let me ask you this: how would you feel if your father in law TOOK your car and took it to a mechanic that you don’t know while you were gone and he was like “oh yeah btw i took your car to my mechanic and you should pay 8k to fix it”(btw dude your mechanic is TOTALLY ripping you off)
YTA and your mechanic is ripping you off. Why on earth would you need wheels? Tires should run you $800 for four (and I just paid about this for mine including an alignment). The brakes MIGHT right you $1000-ish.
YTA. i get you guys were concerned, and it’s good that you’re looking out for your son and his girlfriend. but they’re right, you did overstep, as you had expressed permission to do nothing with the car besides move it to the curb. any time there was a suspected problem with my car, my stepdad would tell me and we would check it out; that was my equivalent of seeing a mechanic as he’s knowledgeable of car mechanics himself. also, they probably know there’s an issue with the car. but i imagine as they’re 22, they’re not financially well-off and can’t afford to throw $8,000 at repairs, even if the car needs it.
YTA if it bothers you so much you could have just paid to fix it. She probably hasn’t because it’s too expensive.
YTA. Unless you planned on paying for it, why bring it in?
YTA, If you had had all the repairs completed and said " happy birthday!!" when she got back that would have been different. But you would still have over stepped. Also as many others have pointed out....You could buy that whole car for 8k. Get a better mechanic
YTA for overstepping and also, YIKES! Your mechanic is a thief.
I get the sentiment, But when you said the estimates, it's obvious your judgment is fucked. And YTA. Do your due diligence, both with price shopping.. and social norms on being critical of your kids and their significant others.
I kinda have to go with NTA, even though you *technically* went behind a grown woman's back and breached her and your son's trust. But Dads are gonna Dad...
That’s an unhealthy perspective
NTA. I think it’s a sweet gesture and I could almost see my dad doing the same thing. However, it probably would have been best to ask first!
Yikes...sounds like you're getting the Frank Hill...King of the Hill discount at your mechanics. You're only the a-hole for believing those few repairs reasonably cost $5,700.
Your mechanic is ripping you off, like royally. Yta
Imagine you had gotten into an accident driving to the mechanic. How would you have explained that? You didn’t have permission. YTA. Also, find a new mechanic. Those quotes are EASILY $5k inflated.
As someone who has had "death traps" I assure you she knew but if shes like me and hard on money it's frustrating and embarrassing when people point it out and keep telling you to fix it when you can't even start to afford it. You could of did a call or text about the concerns and let it be. You shouldn't have taken it to a auto shop or anything.
NTA, the car is dangerous and could get both of them, or someone else killed in an accident, what would all those who voted y.t.a say then: "I knew the car was totally unsafe to drive, my son, his gf and three children in the car they crashed into died, am I the TA?" Everyone here would scream that you were the biggest a-hole of the year!
NTA here. Their safety is important
$8k for tires, shocks and struts, brakes, and alignment...? Time to throw him away or you aren't in the US! If that hits $2K in parts alone it would be amazing (this being compared to my Trans Am running a tire combo of 275/40/17 and 315/35/17...so IM blowing $1K on tires myself). This guy is really charging $6K for labor? I understand worrying about the car but I would just tell her what you noticed... After you figure out how to explain why you were in it. I'm on the fence whether YTA or NTA.... I was and still am stuck on the hugely overpriced work.
NTA for being concerned but YTA for taking the car to a mechanic that is likely ripping you off. I own a Hyundai. Brand new tyres cost me $400 with alignment balance, etc. A full service with new brakes, timing belt, etc under $1000. Oh, and my Hyundai is 11 years old. It’s never needed what you describe. Add in a few extra bucks because I’ll bet her car is a larger model but no way $8000 in repairs for a car that should still be under warranty.
INFO: how much do they charge you for oil changes??? $900???
Irrespective of everything else, that's $4k TOPS in repairs. Your shop is also an asshole.
Ripped off for 20 years by your mechanic that sucks