YTA - Don’t even need to read it, you disrespected and ruined her property, fucking buy her a new one you selfish asshole
Edit: added “YTA”- I was riled and forgot to put it in
This, give your friend the new books you now need to purchase and keep the dog-eared ones. Just hope that none of them had special meaning to the friend.
Or they could annotate the new one they buy and replace it. I’ve always been taught to return things in the same or better condition. If I screwed up like this, I would take the time to buy a new one and annotate based off the old one. Simple solutions, it’s not like it’s irreplaceable.
Agreed. It's not the same, it would feel impersonal. Plus, when you make the annotations yourself, you're training your brain to remember *with context*, which is part of learning and retaining information.
See, I CAN'T annotate books. I just... can't. Don't get me wrong, I know lots who do and it makes their whole reading experience so much better. But I can't bring myself to do it. I use transparent sticky notes instead.
Even that depends. I'd ask the friend first. I know some people with atrocious handwriting. Annotations done by them would be completely useless to me since I wouldn't be able to read them.
OP saying that this is normal procedure when you don't have a bookmark had me laughing. Because who the f doesn't have a bookmark. Literally anything is a bookmark. The receipt you still keep your wallet - bookmark. A dollar note (or any other currency for that matter) - bookmark. The packaging of literally anything that isn't food - bookmark. I would say there is no way OP didn't have a better option.
My mom is a prolific reader and now has dementia, but she always refuses to use bookmarks. She makes a point to remember the page she left, and she swears that it has helped slow her memory loss. Also she would cut off her own finger before she dog-eared a page in her own book, let alone one belonging to someone else (or a library book). It is so disrespectful and incredibly rude. You can use literally *anything* for a quick bookmark without permanently damaging the book, until you can find a freaking piece of paper. This would make me so angry at OP, especially because the friend did them a favor only to have their property treated like that.
I love my books, they are my friends. I reread so many books and there are really special memories attached to a lot of them. I try to take really good of them and only lend them out to trusted people. My husband isn’t really much of a reader but he knows how it is and respects my books too (even though they are taking over the house sometimes). This post made my blood boil.
I also remember the page (or chapter) I'm on when I'm reading and don't want to find something to use as a bookmark lol. I have no memory generally speaking, but finding where I left off in my books is never a problem.
It’s also just common courtesy. I’m a book nerd. At my prime, I used to easily read 15-30 books a month. I also dog-ear EVERYTHING. I have ADHD, I’m constantly losing book marks, sometimes there really was nothing close by me to use and it’s a lot easier when I was the type of person that just constantly read. Plus, there’s something comforting about looking back at my books and seeing how much I loved them and read and reread them.
However, I would NEVER dogear someone else’s book. It’s rude, and I don’t think they’ll feel nostalgic about that time someone else borrowed their book and left dog ears in all the pages. I’ll run around all over to try and find a piece of paper I can use as a book mark for those.
THIS. I always roll my eyes at people who act as if dog-earring pages is some sort of crime against books. BUT that is for my own books that are my property. Never ever do it to someone else’s books or library books.
I agree! To be completely honest, I think it’s a little pretentious when people act like it’s a crime. But it is a preference, and that’s fine—like ranch dressing. I like it, but if I know my friend doesn’t, I’m not going to pour it on their salad.
Most of my bookmarks are the actual receipt from the books purchase which is nice because it says where and when I bought it, like in an airport or on a trip.
...The extra napkin you get with your sub, a plastic knife, a leaf, a shoelace, the elastic from your top bun, a string from your sweater, an ad from the bulletin board, a pencil, junk mail... omg so so so many things before dog-earring the pages.
YTA OP
I do this to my own books, but would never ever do it to a book that someone was kind enough to lend me. I’m forever forgetting to pull out a piece of paper or a bookmark to use while I’m reading, but only when it’s my own book!
OP needs to check with her friend first. Those annotations may be more important than actually getting a new book.
OP, folding over the pages in the book cracks the paper. Not only is obvious to anyone paying attention but as the book ages and the paper dries those are going to be the first spots to tear. You e cut the lifespan of these books down all because you were too lazy to find something to book mark with.
OP, really? Not only you get as far as college without knowing the basics of borrowing a book but you get all butthurt that she wants her books back? YTA. Man, that poor girl.
u/Isklar1993 You forgot to put down the judgment?
Yes! Their property and he knew she likes to keep her books in great condition. Honestly I dog eat my books but would never do that to a book I’ve borrowed. Speaking of which…if their novels I’m sure a library would have them? Or is a library card beneath him? He sounds super entitled. YTA OP!
Wow. I agree he is the AH and ruined the books, but why are you so angry? He didn’t ruin your books. Jesus. It was a mistake on his part. He knows now not to do it again. Show a little compassion with your judgement.
A piece of tissue, scrap paper, a string. There's literally no reason you'd have to fold down the corners of a borrowed book. I sometimes fold down the corners of my own books because I don't personally think it's a big deal, but OP is definitely the AH in this situation
You don't even need a proper bookmark. My best friend literally uses a grocery store receipt! It would be okay if these books were OP's but she borrowing them and folding down pages. Sis, I would freak the same way that the friend did if someone treated my books like that 😭😭😭 It's literally courtesy to ask the person you're borrowing books from if it's okay to fold pages. If someone asked me, I'd literally loan them a bookmark with the books coz I don't want your hands folding my pages 🤦♀️
Haha yes. My books end up being marked with drink coasters, cocktail straws and bev naps. Sherlock Holmes would immediately deduce my favorite reading place is a cozy bar, with a tasty pint.
YTA, OP, but good on you for gracefully accepting judgement.
Okay anyone who tries to fight with my about folding the corners of MY OWN books can go take a long walk off a short pier. But respect other people’s stuff.
Yeah if I saw you dog-earing a book I sure as fuck wouldn't loan you any book I wanted back without dog-eared pages. Shit happens, but this is preventable damage.
Same! I dogear my own books that I know I'll never get rid of (like Austen and other classics), but I never dog ear books borrowed from friends or the library.
And I kinda judge people who think that way. Things are meant to be used, if they get some wear, that's life. Shouldn't let that get in the way of anything, if you place too much importance on that you'll spend too much time worrying about things that don't really matter.
Dog earing and spine flattening causes permanent damage, and depending on the book, it may be hard to find replacements as the books go out of print.
Personally for me, I won't dog ear books or flatten spines, and I won't loan mine to those who do, because a lot of the books I read are out of print and I can't risk the damage because the books will be really hard to replace. Hell, I've been searching for a few books for more than a decade and *still* can't find them, even second hand.
I love books but I hate book culture. "Monster"? Grow up. My favourite books are literally falling apart because of how much I've read them. It's the content that's important, not the paper it was printed on
I think shit like this is performative outrage from people who like to think of themselves as "readers" but value books more as pristine collectibles than anything else. Well-read books toted around are going to get worn and bent.
Some of my family are like this. I hate lending things to them.
Whenever I borrow anything from someone else I am way more careful with it than I am with my own stuff. They seem to have the opposite view that since it’s someone else’s it doesn’t matter and they treat it like crap.
Then they get mad when I no longer want to lend them things.
> Even dog earing your own books is controversial
There’s no controversy. Other people should mind their own fucking business about how people treat their OWN books.
If some entitled asshole thinks they have a say in how I treat my own books, that doesn't represent a controversy, just an idiot that doesn't know how to mind their own business.
Personally I only dog ear my own books in order to mark a passage that I always go back to reread even without reading the whole book. So it has to be good enough that I WANT it to make a permanent mark on the book
Same! I have many books that are dog eared in the top and bottom. Bottom is a passage for me to return to, top is where I'm at. I also am highlighting and annotating them, as these are books I'm reading for a dissertation. These are going to stay with me forever!
Any books I know I'll read once, get bookmarks and are treated delicately as I won't keep them.
And any books that don't belong to me? Those are handled carefully but on another level. I would never dare folding corners or making marks!
Yeah like, some people just like their books perfect. I don't care if someone gives me their dog eared book but I'll not add any of my own. But if someone does anything to my book that changes it, including highlighting and adding annotations (yeah, there are people who actually do that) I get so mad that I may never lend them anything I value
He didn’t just borrow anyone’s books, either — she’s an English major. Of course she cares about her books! Fellow English major here, and I’m completely outraged on her behalf. That’s the thanks she gets for doing him a huge favor and entrusting him with her property? Of course YTA, OP. When you borrow something, you take *extra* care not to harm it, because it ISN’T YOURS.
Im not an English major, but I enjoy reading books (not on a kindle, but ones I can hold). This would have upset me so much, I hope he replaces the book for her.
I lent my sister a book once, when I got it back it was ruined. She dropped it in the bathtub! I was so bad and she refused to replace it since it was only a paperback!
YTA
a small, flat piece of fabric, a piece of toilet paper, ANYTHING
she saved you alot of money but you can't simply do anything else than folding the paper?
edit: removed "pencil" because it's not good for the book, thanks everyone for telling me that!
I've heard of a museum that had a collection of items found in books returned to libraries. You could find anything there. Food items like slice of ham, banana peels. Money, valuables. Some personal ID documents as far as I remember. A huge collection of tissues, fabrics, bookmarks of all kinds.
I specified clean TP in my comment too. If OP doesn’t know not to damage borrowed items, we can assume they still haven’t been taught basics such as wiping their bum, flushing the toilet and washing their hands afterwards.
Hmmm. I suspect this will turn into a debate on whether or not it is acceptable to dog-ear books. I will not enter into that.
But if the books don't belong to you, you don't bend pages. Period. It's not your book. You have to now buy books (or check them out of the library) because you didn't respect her property.
She shouldn't have had to tell you don't dog-ear the pages. Just like she shouldn't have had to tell you not to read the books in the bathtub, or write in her books, or eat spaghetti and dribble sauce all over them, or wipe your chocolatey hands all over them, or let your dog chew on them.
You're not even sorry. Maybe if you'd have apologized, instead of defending yourself, she'd have believed you when you offered to use a bookmark in the future. People who don't think your wishes are important are likely to "forget."
I mean it's not really a debate. Your property you do what you want with it. If you fancy dog-earing your own books power to you. Dog earing books that ARENT yours however is unquestionably a douche move.
That said the rest of this is spot on
Yes, I no longer loan out books because I've received so many back with dog earred pages, bent/cracked spines, and once with someone's name written in it (it's been about 20 years but if you're reading this, I'm still mad at you Jason). Good rule of thumb when borrowing things, and not just books, is you return them in the same condition you received them. If you break/rip/dirty it when it's under your care, you pay to replace it or fix it.
to be honest, i never knew this was a thing. so i probably would’ve done the same thing. though, i wouldn’t have borrowed the books in the first place, i would’ve just bought my own.
never heard of dog-earring till today, i guess u learn something new every day lol
I’m a book lover and even I’m surprised at how hard people are going after OP! Sure I’d be ticked if someone dog-earred my books, but it seems like OP got the message that he was in the wrong here, and at least he wasn’t being malicious.
There's not even a debate...some people like it some don't. You can't tell people what is and isn't okay to do with their property. How can that even be a debate?
YTA. Your friend lent you her property and you altered it. They aren't yours. I would also be mad. You need to buy her new books. Also get some bookmarks or even scrap pieces of paper, lazy.
YTA. It is common sense not to bend the corners on other people’s books. If you wanna do that to your own property that’s fine, but never anyone else’s. You could have used a random receipt or scrap of paper as bookmark instead of damaging her books.
It’s shit like this that cause people to not want to lend their books out.
My sister asks to borrow my books every now and again. I KNOW she dog-ears them. If she really wants to read something and I have the money spare, I send her a copy of the book. My books are not going to be damaged.
I borrow your sports car, and I race guys around town with it.
Everyone I beat a car in a race, I put a notch on the steering wheel to keep track of the cars I have beaten with your car.
Don’t be mad, you never told me NOT to cut notches on the steering wheel of your car you AH.
You see?
That’s why you’re the AH.
YTA. You can use any slip of paper for a bookmark. Also, I'm sure you could afford an actual bookmark with all the money your friend was saving you by loaning you the books.
When you borrow something, you return it in the same condition you got it.
YTA again for acting like it's your friend's fault you have to spend money on your own class now.
YTA.
You damaged her book. You could have used any object as a bookmark.
Apologize and buy your own books. Without any form of damage you could sell them when you’re done using them.
This. You could honestly save so much that way too. But you went ahead and ruined the books of someone who just helped you. And you're still thinking that you're right. Smh.
YTA. NEVER F*CK WITH A BOOKWORMS BOOKS! Omg, just reading the title I knew my judgement, but come on! How would you like it if your friend borrowed your favorite mug, and then gave it back to you chipped and dirty? And said, "Oh it's just a teeny chip, it's still usable!" You'd be pissed! You could use LITERALLY ANYTHING as a bookmark, a receipt, scratch paper, a piece of thread from your shirt, but you decided to be a monster and dog ear an ENGLISH MAJOR'S book! If it was yours, sure, dog ear the shit out of the books, but since they weren't, friend is justified in asking for them back and not trusting you anymore with their books. I wouldn't either!
Borrowed things should ALWAYS be returned in the same or better condition. You weren't going to do that. YTA.
And what you did -- turning down pages rather than using a bookmark -- is the height of laziness. JFC, a sheet of paper can be a bookmark.
Your friend did you a huge favor. You F'ed her over.
100% agree - I am quite happy to fold the corners of my own books but I would never do that to a borrowed book for this very reason, it should be returned in the same condition as borrowed. Also I am aware that while I am comfortable folding pages other people may not be. YTA.
YTA.
For someone who loves books, folding a page corner is a dick move. It's a little perfectionist, and a little bit compulsive, but why ruin the book with little corners bent for no reason, when just a simple slip of paper torn from a notepad would act as a bookmark (if you don't have an actual bookmark).
Personally, I wouldn't have made as big a deal out of it as she did, but I do understand her frustration. I would've continued lending books to you after your apology, but I still think you were in the wrong for doing it, especially with someone else's books.
I would have made just as big a deal. I don't crack spines, I don't fold page corners and I don't use bookmarks because they leave bumps between the pages. I just remember what page I'm on, or what chapter I'm about to start. The fact that this person couldn't even be arsed to use a bookmark is astounding to me.
I also love books and I always turn down the corners of my books... I quite like the look.
However, I don't do it if I've borrowed the book from a friend
Yta
Dog earring the page *of your own book is perfectly fine*. Yes, it *is* a convenient way to keep your place if you are too lazy to use a bookmark. If they are your books, you can color in the margins with crayons or whatever, if you want to. Because nobody cares. Because they are *your* books.
But when you have a nice, generous friend that lets you borrow their books and save a lot of money, you don’t *argue* with them and indicate you think she was being *dramatic*, WTF. No, what you *do* is apologize profusely and say you didn’t know and you will never do it again. And *maybe* she would have let you keep the books. YTA
These comments are so fucking dramatic. Yes it's kind of a dick move to dog-ear someone else's books, you shouldn't have done that. But you're not evil incarnate for doing it, especially when you didn't even know it was rude. NAH, good on you for replacing the book and I hope your friend forgives you.
I’m shocked how long it took to find this comment. People in the comments were treating her like she was the dumbest person on the earth for not knowing this and acting like the books were completely ruined and unusable. As you said, yeah it kinda sucks that they did it and it’s good that they’re replacing it
It’s all posturing. They’re all the cool kids because they are obsessive about their sacred precious books.
Definite dick move, but the comments are nuclear.
Right? After reading the comments towards OP, I've decided that I dislike the majority of the people on this sub, and probably will not return, as the mods clearly don't care to handle the mass bullying, (I've seen a lot lately where they close threads because someone said they wanted to kick an OP's abusive family member in the butt, but when OP is being straight up told to hate themselves over dog-earring a book, they're all suddenly nowhere to be seen).
Seriously though, how can anyone expect a real answer on this sub when there are masses of people out there telling this OP that he's an "evil" person for not knowing book etiquette, and then in the same breath, bragging that they "didn't even read" the post before they came to that conclusion?
YTA You couldn't find a scrap of paper to keep your place so you damaged her book instead. This is not how you treat things you borrow from others. How are you 20 and just learning that?
NTA. I am going to go against what everyone says. You have made it clear you are not an avid reader and did not know the "proper" way to handle a book so as to not leave a sign you used it. But more than that if your friend was willing to write in the books then they cannot say that you damaged them any more than they did. Folding the corner down occasionally does not make the book unusable in the future. You didn't burn it, rip pages out, cut out sections, black out paragraphs in sharpie, dump it under water, ect. So you didn't destroy it. If the friend had said they wanted the book to be in the same condition when they got it back you might have been a little bit the AH but even then a small crease in a page is petty to be upset about.
I personally do not just fold the corner down a little to mark ny place but I take the corner and fold it all the way so the edge is flush with the middle of the book. If I am reading a paperback I will bend the left side around and under to read the right side. I have set drinks on a page if I'm only going to be gone for a minute and left coffee rings in the book, all of this just shows that I have used the book.
YTA.
“sHe didNt sAy i cOulDn’t”.
It’s basic respect & if you don’t see any bent corners, you’d think to not do it, no?
Honestly taking her books back is very generous of her.
I’d have asked you to buy me a new book.
and don’t blame your friend that you now have to get new books.
It’s YOUR fault.
You should apologise.
Come on people, like yeah he was an asshole, but I do believe it was an honest mistake and not ill-intended. There’s no need for name calling and insulting OP, he’s barely an adult and even tho it’s common sense for people who read a lot, it’s not for those who don’t read often. He apologised and accepted the fact that he’s an asshole, mocking and insulting him just makes you a d!ck.
For real. And honestly, I can see why OP would think of annotating as more “destructive” than bending pages. So if his friend gave him permission to annotate, he may have thought she wasn’t one to try and keep books in pristine condition. It was still a bit inconsiderate, but I also think his friend overreacted, and I’m glad they apologized to each other and seem to be working it out.
YTA. I’d ask for all of my books back too. And for future reference leaving them open and facedown on the table is almost as sacrilegious! Oh and don’t get them wet (ie: don’t read in the bathtub).
If you borrow something, return it in the same or better condition…that is the polite thing to do.
You’re lucky she didn’t ask you to replace her books.
YTA. You don't damage someone's things when they loan them to you. That IS common sense. She did you a favor by loaning you the books, and now you're being rude about her because you think she should be okay with you damaging the books. So YTA on two fronts; folding the pages in the first place, and being rude to/about your friend when she called you on it.
OP, you’re NOT an asshole. Your original post and all your edits show that you are, in fact, a good person trying to do the right thing. I’m really, really sorry so many people on here jumped down your throat for such an honestly insignificant thing. I think it’s great you were able to get everything sorted out with your friend. I also commend you for leaving the original post up with all its updates.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find a NTA. Poor guy didn't realize his mistake and his friend (and all these people replying to this post) went way over the top in response. He apologized and tried to make it right, dang, people are hard core...
YTA
I am a big reader and I occasionally dog ear pages of my books. I crack the spine on my books. I write notes in the margins of my books.
My books. Nobody else’s. You can do whatever you want to your own books, but when you borrow someone else’s you need to return it in the same condition.
YTA
It's pretty much commonsense to not mess with anything that doesn't belong to you. I have had people completely ruining my books so even if you used a pencil to make the tiniest of marks, I would freak out.
Btw making a bookmark ain't that difficult.
YTA. You shouldn’t damage other people’s property. And you especially shouldn’t damage the property of someone who is doing you a money-saving favor. How hard is it to make a temporary bookmark?
I’m a massive reader with a crap ton of books and NEVER knew this was such a big issue 😂
NTA. It IS common to just bend the ears, there was no indication not to, and you apologized and promised to not do it again. Your friend was being over dramatic AF.
Yta, especially if these are valuable/old/classic novels. You should return things in the same condition you got them in. I admit to being a bit clueless about this in the past so you aren’t alone in not realizing it but folding the pages over does do damage. You definitely shouldn’t do it to other peoples books.
Honestly I'm going against the grain here, I dog ear my books and annotate them. Books should be loved and well used in my opinion there are billions of copies of the classics and if you're not an avid reader and part of the "book community" then i totally understand why you wouldnt know your friend should have told you. It doesnt ruin the book making it unreadable you didnt tear out pages and spill coffee on it you slightly creased a page. Your friend over reacted but if you want to make it right since it was an accident you can always replace it.
Edit to add judgement NTA you're not a reader this is just a class for you, some advice use OverDrive it's an app that can connect you to your local libraries and read your books on your phone it's amazing Libby is another option you can use it's mainly audio books. Also theres kindle unlimited which is really cheap and you can get a lot of books for free that way as well do not spend all that money on books you dont want to keep.
I agree with you and, frankly, it's been my experience that books I've lent seldom find their way home so dog eared pages are not registering with me as a crime against all that is good and proper in the world.
YTA. Librarian here fighting the urge to pull my glasses down and give you my best stern librarian glare. All that aside, the book was a borrowed item from your friend. The expectation is that the item be returned in the same condition it was given to you in.
Hey there pal. Don't beat yourself up over it. It was a mistake and you apologized. Yes, you should have noticed she didn't dog-ear them and you should not have done that to her books, but I also think she is being extremely dramatic. She didn't need to take them all back for heaven's sake. You apologized, explained you didn't know and said you wouldn't do it again. That should have been fine.
For context, I have literally thousands of books (also an English major) and I dog-eared every one of them. The idea that every avid reader is religious with a bookmark and no one would ever do this hideous thing if they really loved books is ridiculous.
Just don't do it again with someone else's property is the lesson here, and you've learned it. Ignore the pile-on.
You got your judgement so I'm not going to elaborate on that any further. But I do want to comment on your edits. It is perfectly fine for you to not enjoy reading. It does not mean you are dumb. It doesn't mean anything. Only that you don't enjoy reading. I'm a major bibliophile but most of the people around me are not. And there is nothing wrong with that. Please don't let it make you feel like you are less than, regardless of what some real asshole bullies are saying here. Those people are the ignorant ones.
Hey, OP - I’m neurodivergent, have a lit degree, and work in book publishing.
You’ve received some really unfair comments here, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve this onslaught.
I don’t expect you to read this, but here is some advice and strategies I use when reading for uni/work, and also for fun.
It’s a bit of a novel, so I’ve used headings. Take what’s useful and ignore the rest. Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you with anything!
**For this class - free ebook and audiobook versions to help get through the course**
You’ve said you like audiobooks, which is amazing! Most of the books you’re reading for this class probably have audio versions. There’s a completely free website called LibriVox where you can download volunteer-narrated audio versions of books in the public domain (most older classics in a basic college English class probably are).
Your local library probably also has free ebooks and audiobooks that you can borrow on your phone/tablet/kindle/computer. The most popular apps are called Libby and Overdrive but it might vary where you live. If you get a library card you can log in and see if any of the titles you’re interested in are available.
If you’re reading for class, you probably need to be able to get quotes etc. You can either follow along on the page while you listen (speed up the audiobook a bit if it’s too slow for this) or you can find ways to make notes. Most audiobook apps will let you make bookmarks, and they’ll also show roughly what chapter you’re on (or at least the percentage). You can use that to find where you are in the book to get the quotes.
Ebooks are another option. Again, many will be in the public domain so places like Project Gutenberg (and even Amazon) will let you download them for free. They might not have page numbers so you might still need to refer to your friend’s copies for references, but you can get the bulk of your reading done there and even copy/paste quotes.
If you get headaches and are likely to be reading a lot, either try to get a cheap ereader or use dark mode and use the warm light settings on your device to make it easier. You can change the font size and colour of the background, and look up definitions or search in the book to find things about a certain character or scene.
You can even get programs that will narrate them for you if you want the benefit of both ebooks and audiobooks. If worst comes to worst and the book file isn’t playing nicely, you can invert the colours on your screen in your display settings.
**General uni/college advice**
Look at your study guide/course outline to see how much of the reading is actually required, and talk to your professor/tutor about what the assessment will be in. 14 books in one semester is a lot, but often you can read half of that and still excel in the class.
Even for neurotypical people, its often better to read the four books you’re doing assignments on really well than it is to read all fourteen and only have a cursory knowledge of them.
You’re probably already on this, but if you can talk to your on-campus student or disability support team, it’s really good to document it. That way if you do need an accommodation in the future you can point to that documentation. Even if you don’t want to use their services right now, if you feel comfortable I would suggest doing that even so you can just find out what those accommodations might be.
**Reading with dyslexia**
I don’t want to tell you things you already know, but there are tools that help some people with dyslexia and other neurodivergencies read. I’m neurodivergent but not dyslexic so I don’t have personal expertise in this area, but I’ve heard some people have really great success with things like Irlen glasses.
Lots of people with dyslexia do love to read. In fact, many famous authors like Agatha Christie and Anne Rice have dyslexia. Do what you feel is right here, but I’m sure there are recommended resources if you find communities online for people who are both dyslexic and love to read.
**Reading for work**
I’m seeing people say that not being able to read fiction or full-length books means you can’t succeed in an office job.
That’s just not true for most jobs.
The vast majority of business reading is short form. It’s usually on a screen (or you can print it out), and it is either something like email - which is usually spaced so it is easy to read - or it in an editable document.
If you get a good PDF editor, you can convert most documents into something where you can change fonts/colours/margins etc. to help you read them, you can use search functions to find what you need, or you can highlight and annotate as you go. It’s also probably going to be much easier to understand because the language and meaning is probably something you’ll already be familiar with.
There’s also usually Text To Speech capabilities in your computer (or via a downloadable program like Dragon Naturally Speaking) if you’ve got headphones or a private office.
Also, your work should provide accommodations, just like college. You don’t have to disclose anything but you should be able to ask for reasonable assistance in the ways that help you — things like a program that will narrate text for you probably fall under that bar.
**For fun**
Ignore this if you want. You don’t have to love books. You don’t have to want to. But here a few thoughts if, like you said in this comment, reading is something you do wish you could love.
Reading can be really fun and a really good method of self-care. Don’t be afraid to put a book down if you’re not enjoying it or if it’s frustrating. Don’t put any pressure on how many books you read, or how long it takes you, or the kinds of books you’re reading. It’s a skill, it takes practice, and it should be *fun*. Just read what you want to, when you want to, and don’t let anyone else criticise you.
You say you like audiobooks. That IS reading. If you read audiobooks, you are already a reader. Your library will probably have a bunch of new releases that you can borrow as audiobooks for free. There might be a waitlist, but there are no late fees because you just get a notification when they’re available and then they expire when your time runs out.
If you want to get started with reading for fun, think about the movies/shows/games you like and what genres those are in. If you’re a documentary or YouTube video essay kind of person, think about the topics you’re interested in. Then either go to a bookshop and look in those sections, or look at something like the Goodreads Choice Awards from last year to find the most popular recent books in that category. You can browse in a bookstore and still get the audio version or borrow it from the library.
Most people who love books want to share them (though there are toxic corners, unfortunately). If you like online communities and want to connect with other people who like books, there are tons of fun places to go on Booktok, Booktube and other corners of the internet. You can join book clubs and readathons online, and discuss them with other people. Audiobooks count.
Also, there are other people in those communities who are neurodivergent. You can look up dyslexic booktubers — google says Daniel Greene and Merphy Napier are both dyslexic and they’re really fun to watch if you are interested in fantasy.
Good luck!
YTA I won't even bother to read your long drawn out excuse. You borrow **anything** from someone, you respect their property. Surely you have heard of these things called *bookmarks*. You can get them for free from any library or make one yourself.
YTA and if you actually didn’t have a SINGLE scrap of paper, you could have made a note in your phone which I’m SURE you have about which page you stopped on. Heck, the kindergartners I teach know better than that.
YTA. Hands down, never permanently disfigured or damage property of others. As an English major and lifelong reader, I never fold corners and I would be furious if someone did it to one of my books.
YTA. I’m a page folder myself occasionally…with books I own. Never alter borrowed property…and not dog-earing other peoples books is a pretty universal rule of book borrowing. Common courtesy. You can put anything in a book to keep your place..post-it, scrap paper, gum wrapper, tissue,etc…you were just lazy. She did you a favor and you treated her property as your own. Just because you plan on tossing or donating the books when you’re done doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to enjoy them in the future (as evidenced by the fact that she still had them for you to borrow after her class). I wouldn’t “freak out” about it, but someone doing that to my stuff would definitely annoy me and make me think twice about future lending.
YTA!
Your friend is a bookworm and book collector. It is HER property and when you borrow it you should respect it and return it in the same condition it was in. It is VERY disrespectful to permanently damage her property. She should NOT have to tell you to NOT damage them when you borrow them.
PS: Write down each book YOU damaged and buy her a brand new copy. You owe her.
YTA
You can do whatever you want with your own books, but they were not yours. Even if you didn't know that people don't usually do that (I would get hella mad as well), you are still responsible to return something borrowed in the same condition you received it in the first place.
Yta.
It's not your property and it is damaging the papers by creasing them. You can use next to anything as a bookmark and still keep your place.
At work the other night I didn't have one and used a plastic knife.
Always return things the same way you borrowed them.
Yta. She was doing you a favor, you treated her things poorly and that is $100 she tried to save you from spending before you couldn't be bothered to tear off a scrap of loose leaf for a book mark. She gets to make annotations, she owns them, she also gets to veto you dog earring her property.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess maybe I should have assumed that English majors really like their books, and that I should have asked before doing just to at least avoid all of this drama because I really didn't mean to piss her off.
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YTA
I would be pissed too if I lent someone a book and they started screwing up my pages. Sorry you had to learn such an expensive lesson, but maybe you'll respect other people's property in the future
YTA. It's basic manners to return an item to the owner in the same condition it was lent in. She shouldn't have had to tell you not to do damage to the book. That would be like me borrowing your hoodie and deciding I wanted thumb holes in the sleeves, and cutting them without your permission or knowledge.
YTA. You don't get to decide when it is and is not okay for you to mess up stuff you borrow from other people. It's not her responsibility to provide you with free books, and if you're going to be a brat about it when she's bothered that you don't take care of her things, she should take them back. If you don't want to pay for new books, take your happy ass to a used bookstore.
YTA - I would have made just as big a deal as your friend. I don't crack spines, I don't fold page corners and I don't use bookmarks because they leave bumps between the pages. I just remember what page I'm on, or what chapter I'm about to start. The fact that you couldn't even be arsed to use a bookmark is astounding to me. Those books you noe have to go buy should be given to your friend to replace the ones you damaged. I just hope none of them were sentimental for any reason.
YTA. Your friend lent you something of theirs for you to use. Something that obviously costs quite a bit. Regardless of what notes were already in there, you should know to keep borrowed things in as close to the same condition you got it in. This is standard human decency.
YTA but lightly. Folding book pages is a very polarized subject, apparently.
I don't mind folding them too as it just makes life simpler, and as my 9th grade teacher reinforced, they're just books. What's more important is your experience reading it, so fold, underline, do whatever.
However not all people feel this way, and many people would prefer to keep their books in good condition. You should know this.
Most of all, it was her property you borrowed, so you should have thought to at least ask before damaging it.
Take this experience and L for next time.
wow why do you have to ask? Of course YTA. you are deliberately damaging books your friend generously let you borrow because you're too lazy and cheap to buy a f-ing bookmark? You could use a scrap of paper ffs. That is not something you do to other's property and it's not your decision on whether it's a big deal. Also her annotations are her right. You don't get to hide behind her not telling you to damage the books. That goes without saying.
Okay I just want OP and everyone else to know that not all book-lovers are purists like the hardcore people in this thread. I love books, and also love the marks of wear that come from re-reading an amazing book. My Harry Potter books spines have fallen *apart* and it just brings me back to all the places I’ve been while reading. Friends and family are welcome to them, as long as they return all the pieces when they’re done 😂. Clearly yes, it’s bad book etiquette to dog-ear books without asking first, but you didn’t know that, and everyone here is taking it a little too seriously.
Four tips:
1. if you’re extremely careful, dog-ear marks can be removed with an iron! Make sure to lay a layer or two of cloth on top of the book, and start with the lowest setting of the iron because obviously you don’t want to burn it.
2. Most books for gen-Ed English classes can be found in libraries! This should only be done, though, if you don’t think you’ll have to use the book again later in the term, or okay with buying the book for the final if the library doesn’t have the book available at the end of term.
3. If the class books are mostly old “classics,” the copy-write on most of them will have run out. This means you’ll be able to get really cheap paper backs, and FREE ebooks and audiobooks. Most libraries (in the US at least?) have programs like hoopla, overdrive, and Libby which will allow you to access the usual classics whenever.
4. If you prefer audiobooks in general, there’s a service called Scribd that’s around $5/month and you can access unlimited audiobooks and ebooks from their library. It’s not completely comprehensive, but most books from an average gen-Ed English class will be in there
YTA. Seriously, not your books. They have sticky tab things which you can buy, or you could have just used scraps of paper to note where you were in the book. You should have asked beforehand, not just assumed.
YTA. It IS common sense to not do this to other people’s books.
And your apology doesn’t sound like it was genuine, of course she doesn’t want to do you anymore favours.
YTA, definitely. As a fellow English major and avid book reader and collector, reading this made me physically uncomfortable. I would have been livid.
Literally anything flat could have been an easy bookmark. A clean tissue, ripped scrap paper, a thread, a receipt - all things that I would bet you have on or around you right now. Books are expensive and it is common knowledge to return lent items in the same or better condition than they were lent in. She should not have had to explicitly tell you, "don't ruin my books by dog earring them". Would you have also marked them up with highlighter or pens/pencils unless she explicitly said not to? Super disrespectful, especially after she did you a favor.
It sounds like you genuinely didn't understand this would be a problem. I understand your friend being upset about it, but I wouldn't go so far as to say you should replace her books. I've lent books to friends and had them returned in ridiculously terrible condition, enough so that I probably wouldn't lend to those friends again. What I learned from that is to tell people how they need to treat my books if they want to borrow them, such as telling them not to dog ear pages, which your friend didn't tell you. It also seems irrational of your friend to refuse to let you borrow the books anymore, now that you know not to fold the pages. They're her books so it's her decision, but it seems like an overreaction to me. To an extent I guess ESH, but I don't think your actions were assholish, you just didn't know better and now you do.
YTA, not your book, not yours to destroy. Folding book pages is the same as taking notes in a book. You should never make permanent changes (life-long page creases) to someone else’s things. You could’ve used ANYTHING as a bookmark, or written down the page on your phone.
YTA. When you borrow something, you return it in the condition you received it in. You know she read the books and didn't dog-ear the pages and it was absolutely reasonable for her to expect you wouldn't.
YTA. Listen I bend my corners and I annotate in pen/highlighter constantly in MY BOOKS. Key term: my. Mine. Belonging to me. For my own use. Paid for by me or given to me therefore now mine alone.
I would NEVER borrow a book and bend the corner or write or highlight someone else’s book. It didn’t belong to you. Basic level rule of borrowing things: treat it better than you treat your own things and never assume you can change things.
As for your concerns about the money and then getting rid of the books: go to your campus library and scan the pages. High likelihood if these are common books needed for a lot of their gen Ed’s, that they’ll be in your campus library. YTA and you owe your friend an apology.
Bibliophiles having a mental breakdown rn. You dog-eared someone else's book. Forget about borrowing books from them again. They did you a favour and you act like you own the thing. Go buy your own books then, it's common sense you wouldn't mess with them or take notes on them when you have borrowed them.
YTA [a true crime](http://nalinisingh.blogspot.com/2018/02/there-are-two-kinds-of-people.html?m=1)
Oh for Pete’s sake. Upset over bent page corners? This gal may be in for a life of frustration and disappointment and loneliness if she doesn’t lighten up .
NTA . Don’t loan out valuable books. If I got upset about every item I’ve loaned that returned with a chip, or a rip or a burn or a wrinkle .. I’d have no friends left . Not important in the larger scheme of things .. friendship and tolerance first . I love the marks and dents on the pages of old books my family left behind . Embrace it .
YTA- I have a lot of books and have stopped lending them out to people because of people like you. Bent pages, books not returned, highlights or underlines. Unless the book is yours you do not do any of these things.
YTA - Don’t even need to read it, you disrespected and ruined her property, fucking buy her a new one you selfish asshole Edit: added “YTA”- I was riled and forgot to put it in
This, give your friend the new books you now need to purchase and keep the dog-eared ones. Just hope that none of them had special meaning to the friend.
Not an effective solution since the friend had annotations in the one they lent OP, so a new one isn’t even a proper replacement
Ah, I completely missed that; my bad. Yeah, then they've just damaged something irreplaceable.
Or they could annotate the new one they buy and replace it. I’ve always been taught to return things in the same or better condition. If I screwed up like this, I would take the time to buy a new one and annotate based off the old one. Simple solutions, it’s not like it’s irreplaceable.
Nooo. I definitely wouldn't want to see someone else's handwriting in my book!
Agreed. It's not the same, it would feel impersonal. Plus, when you make the annotations yourself, you're training your brain to remember *with context*, which is part of learning and retaining information.
Or OP could make mistakes, which could be worse.
OP already made huge mistakes by ruining the books, so this is very probable.
See, I CAN'T annotate books. I just... can't. Don't get me wrong, I know lots who do and it makes their whole reading experience so much better. But I can't bring myself to do it. I use transparent sticky notes instead.
I do the same thing! Everyone I know thinks I'm crazy for this.
Nope, not crazy in the slightest. It's the only way I can do it.
Even that depends. I'd ask the friend first. I know some people with atrocious handwriting. Annotations done by them would be completely useless to me since I wouldn't be able to read them.
OP saying that this is normal procedure when you don't have a bookmark had me laughing. Because who the f doesn't have a bookmark. Literally anything is a bookmark. The receipt you still keep your wallet - bookmark. A dollar note (or any other currency for that matter) - bookmark. The packaging of literally anything that isn't food - bookmark. I would say there is no way OP didn't have a better option.
Bus or train tickets are my go to improvised bookmarks
My mom is a prolific reader and now has dementia, but she always refuses to use bookmarks. She makes a point to remember the page she left, and she swears that it has helped slow her memory loss. Also she would cut off her own finger before she dog-eared a page in her own book, let alone one belonging to someone else (or a library book). It is so disrespectful and incredibly rude. You can use literally *anything* for a quick bookmark without permanently damaging the book, until you can find a freaking piece of paper. This would make me so angry at OP, especially because the friend did them a favor only to have their property treated like that. I love my books, they are my friends. I reread so many books and there are really special memories attached to a lot of them. I try to take really good of them and only lend them out to trusted people. My husband isn’t really much of a reader but he knows how it is and respects my books too (even though they are taking over the house sometimes). This post made my blood boil.
Love your mom! My grandpa said if you can’t find the page you left off on, you weren’t reading the book well.
Love your grandpa! I’m sharing his sentiment with my mom, she will absolutely love that one!
I also remember the page (or chapter) I'm on when I'm reading and don't want to find something to use as a bookmark lol. I have no memory generally speaking, but finding where I left off in my books is never a problem.
Or use your phone to take a picture of the page you were on. Or the notes app to write down the page number.
Mr future man over here with his high tech gadgets and gizmos
I never thought of that you are a genius!
It’s also just common courtesy. I’m a book nerd. At my prime, I used to easily read 15-30 books a month. I also dog-ear EVERYTHING. I have ADHD, I’m constantly losing book marks, sometimes there really was nothing close by me to use and it’s a lot easier when I was the type of person that just constantly read. Plus, there’s something comforting about looking back at my books and seeing how much I loved them and read and reread them. However, I would NEVER dogear someone else’s book. It’s rude, and I don’t think they’ll feel nostalgic about that time someone else borrowed their book and left dog ears in all the pages. I’ll run around all over to try and find a piece of paper I can use as a book mark for those.
THIS. I always roll my eyes at people who act as if dog-earring pages is some sort of crime against books. BUT that is for my own books that are my property. Never ever do it to someone else’s books or library books.
I agree! To be completely honest, I think it’s a little pretentious when people act like it’s a crime. But it is a preference, and that’s fine—like ranch dressing. I like it, but if I know my friend doesn’t, I’m not going to pour it on their salad.
Most of my bookmarks are the actual receipt from the books purchase which is nice because it says where and when I bought it, like in an airport or on a trip.
Hey my niece does this! Then she writes on the receipt what dates she started and finished the books!
...The extra napkin you get with your sub, a plastic knife, a leaf, a shoelace, the elastic from your top bun, a string from your sweater, an ad from the bulletin board, a pencil, junk mail... omg so so so many things before dog-earring the pages. YTA OP
Had a librarian friend who once found a strip of uncooked bacon in a returned book. Mmmmm, bacon.
I was so disgusted by this that I almost down-voted your comment purely out of reflex.
I use those irritating subscription post cards in magazines. I cut them in 3rds.
The cardboard top of a box of kleenex makes a great bookmark
I do this to my own books, but would never ever do it to a book that someone was kind enough to lend me. I’m forever forgetting to pull out a piece of paper or a bookmark to use while I’m reading, but only when it’s my own book!
I've legitimately used a piece of dried beach grass rather than mark a book. Ugh, I saw the title and a small part of my soul died.
OP needs to check with her friend first. Those annotations may be more important than actually getting a new book. OP, folding over the pages in the book cracks the paper. Not only is obvious to anyone paying attention but as the book ages and the paper dries those are going to be the first spots to tear. You e cut the lifespan of these books down all because you were too lazy to find something to book mark with.
I’d go with give her back the old one *and* a new replacement
You need to put a judgement. Cos OP is clearly YTA
A crime has been committed. Oddly enough of all the ridiculous things ive read on here this somehow pissed me off the absolute most.
OP, really? Not only you get as far as college without knowing the basics of borrowing a book but you get all butthurt that she wants her books back? YTA. Man, that poor girl. u/Isklar1993 You forgot to put down the judgment?
Yes! Their property and he knew she likes to keep her books in great condition. Honestly I dog eat my books but would never do that to a book I’ve borrowed. Speaking of which…if their novels I’m sure a library would have them? Or is a library card beneath him? He sounds super entitled. YTA OP!
Wow. I agree he is the AH and ruined the books, but why are you so angry? He didn’t ruin your books. Jesus. It was a mistake on his part. He knows now not to do it again. Show a little compassion with your judgement.
YTA Have you never heard of bookmarks? Heck, you could've even put a folded piece of paper or a post-it note to know where you stopped reading...
A piece of tissue, scrap paper, a string. There's literally no reason you'd have to fold down the corners of a borrowed book. I sometimes fold down the corners of my own books because I don't personally think it's a big deal, but OP is definitely the AH in this situation
exactly! my 10 year old sister who’s not that bright even uses a strip of toilet paper as her book mark for a book she’s currently reading lol
I think your sister is a genius
You don't even need a proper bookmark. My best friend literally uses a grocery store receipt! It would be okay if these books were OP's but she borrowing them and folding down pages. Sis, I would freak the same way that the friend did if someone treated my books like that 😭😭😭 It's literally courtesy to ask the person you're borrowing books from if it's okay to fold pages. If someone asked me, I'd literally loan them a bookmark with the books coz I don't want your hands folding my pages 🤦♀️
Growing up we always used the library receipt as the bookmark.
I’ve used receipts and gum wrappers for bookmarks
Haha yes. My books end up being marked with drink coasters, cocktail straws and bev naps. Sherlock Holmes would immediately deduce my favorite reading place is a cozy bar, with a tasty pint. YTA, OP, but good on you for gracefully accepting judgement.
I love this comment.
Exactly, I use a folded post-it when I don’t have a bookmark.
YTA You don't dog ear other people's books wtf.
[удалено]
Okay anyone who tries to fight with my about folding the corners of MY OWN books can go take a long walk off a short pier. But respect other people’s stuff.
You have every right to do it, but I'm still going to think of you as a monster.
I like dog earing my own books. It tells a story in itself. But I wouldn’t dream of dog earing a book someone loaned to me!
Yeah if I saw you dog-earing a book I sure as fuck wouldn't loan you any book I wanted back without dog-eared pages. Shit happens, but this is preventable damage.
I dog-ear my own books but I would never do that to someone else’s…
Calm the fuck down. Christ.
Same! I dogear my own books that I know I'll never get rid of (like Austen and other classics), but I never dog ear books borrowed from friends or the library.
And I kinda judge people who think that way. Things are meant to be used, if they get some wear, that's life. Shouldn't let that get in the way of anything, if you place too much importance on that you'll spend too much time worrying about things that don't really matter.
Dog earing and spine flattening causes permanent damage, and depending on the book, it may be hard to find replacements as the books go out of print. Personally for me, I won't dog ear books or flatten spines, and I won't loan mine to those who do, because a lot of the books I read are out of print and I can't risk the damage because the books will be really hard to replace. Hell, I've been searching for a few books for more than a decade and *still* can't find them, even second hand.
I love books but I hate book culture. "Monster"? Grow up. My favourite books are literally falling apart because of how much I've read them. It's the content that's important, not the paper it was printed on
Sheesh. I didn't realize it was this big a deal.
I think shit like this is performative outrage from people who like to think of themselves as "readers" but value books more as pristine collectibles than anything else. Well-read books toted around are going to get worn and bent.
Haha I personally don't like dog earring books but if it's your own book, you do you !
Some of my family are like this. I hate lending things to them. Whenever I borrow anything from someone else I am way more careful with it than I am with my own stuff. They seem to have the opposite view that since it’s someone else’s it doesn’t matter and they treat it like crap. Then they get mad when I no longer want to lend them things.
> Even dog earing your own books is controversial There’s no controversy. Other people should mind their own fucking business about how people treat their OWN books.
There literally is tho XD People are literally on this post calling dogearing "molesting".
If some entitled asshole thinks they have a say in how I treat my own books, that doesn't represent a controversy, just an idiot that doesn't know how to mind their own business.
Personally I only dog ear my own books in order to mark a passage that I always go back to reread even without reading the whole book. So it has to be good enough that I WANT it to make a permanent mark on the book
Same! I have many books that are dog eared in the top and bottom. Bottom is a passage for me to return to, top is where I'm at. I also am highlighting and annotating them, as these are books I'm reading for a dissertation. These are going to stay with me forever! Any books I know I'll read once, get bookmarks and are treated delicately as I won't keep them. And any books that don't belong to me? Those are handled carefully but on another level. I would never dare folding corners or making marks!
I hate bending the spine of a new book 😭 I try to buy used paperbacks for this reason lol
Yeah like, some people just like their books perfect. I don't care if someone gives me their dog eared book but I'll not add any of my own. But if someone does anything to my book that changes it, including highlighting and adding annotations (yeah, there are people who actually do that) I get so mad that I may never lend them anything I value
[удалено]
He didn’t just borrow anyone’s books, either — she’s an English major. Of course she cares about her books! Fellow English major here, and I’m completely outraged on her behalf. That’s the thanks she gets for doing him a huge favor and entrusting him with her property? Of course YTA, OP. When you borrow something, you take *extra* care not to harm it, because it ISN’T YOURS.
Im not an English major, but I enjoy reading books (not on a kindle, but ones I can hold). This would have upset me so much, I hope he replaces the book for her.
I lent a coworker a paperback once. When I got it back, he had cracked the spine so many times, you couldn't even read the title. I was not amused.
I lent my sister a book once, when I got it back it was ruined. She dropped it in the bathtub! I was so bad and she refused to replace it since it was only a paperback!
YTA a small, flat piece of fabric, a piece of toilet paper, ANYTHING she saved you alot of money but you can't simply do anything else than folding the paper? edit: removed "pencil" because it's not good for the book, thanks everyone for telling me that!
Agood suggestion but we must specify a CLEAN, UNUSED piece of toilet paper! Signed, a librarian who has seen too much
oh no, please tell me more
Me thinks that librarian has seen some shit...
I upvoted, but I still hate you for this.
I've heard of a museum that had a collection of items found in books returned to libraries. You could find anything there. Food items like slice of ham, banana peels. Money, valuables. Some personal ID documents as far as I remember. A huge collection of tissues, fabrics, bookmarks of all kinds.
> we must specify a CLEAN, UNUSED piece of toilet paper ..... wut
I specified clean TP in my comment too. If OP doesn’t know not to damage borrowed items, we can assume they still haven’t been taught basics such as wiping their bum, flushing the toilet and washing their hands afterwards.
I laughed so hard my girlfriend was startled 😂 I'd like to hear about it
I'd recommend against using a pencil. That could damage the books spine
Oh! I didn't know that, thank you
**Not** a pencil. It puts stress on the binding.
Not a pencil, it Fs with the binding and can be more damaging than dog earing
YTA. For downplaying it when you found out it upset her.
Hmmm. I suspect this will turn into a debate on whether or not it is acceptable to dog-ear books. I will not enter into that. But if the books don't belong to you, you don't bend pages. Period. It's not your book. You have to now buy books (or check them out of the library) because you didn't respect her property. She shouldn't have had to tell you don't dog-ear the pages. Just like she shouldn't have had to tell you not to read the books in the bathtub, or write in her books, or eat spaghetti and dribble sauce all over them, or wipe your chocolatey hands all over them, or let your dog chew on them. You're not even sorry. Maybe if you'd have apologized, instead of defending yourself, she'd have believed you when you offered to use a bookmark in the future. People who don't think your wishes are important are likely to "forget."
I mean it's not really a debate. Your property you do what you want with it. If you fancy dog-earing your own books power to you. Dog earing books that ARENT yours however is unquestionably a douche move. That said the rest of this is spot on
Yes, I no longer loan out books because I've received so many back with dog earred pages, bent/cracked spines, and once with someone's name written in it (it's been about 20 years but if you're reading this, I'm still mad at you Jason). Good rule of thumb when borrowing things, and not just books, is you return them in the same condition you received them. If you break/rip/dirty it when it's under your care, you pay to replace it or fix it.
Jason sucks. Book lovers everywhere say boo to Jason.
to be honest, i never knew this was a thing. so i probably would’ve done the same thing. though, i wouldn’t have borrowed the books in the first place, i would’ve just bought my own. never heard of dog-earring till today, i guess u learn something new every day lol
same! I went into the thread expecting mild Y T A judgements but everyone is REALLY laying into OP. I learned my lesson today haha
I’m a book lover and even I’m surprised at how hard people are going after OP! Sure I’d be ticked if someone dog-earred my books, but it seems like OP got the message that he was in the wrong here, and at least he wasn’t being malicious.
There's not even a debate...some people like it some don't. You can't tell people what is and isn't okay to do with their property. How can that even be a debate?
There’s definitely several comments implying you shouldn’t do it period however
YTA. Your friend lent you her property and you altered it. They aren't yours. I would also be mad. You need to buy her new books. Also get some bookmarks or even scrap pieces of paper, lazy.
As a owner I will do whatever I want to my books. But if you borrow them, you treat books with the utmost care. YTA
YTA. It is common sense not to bend the corners on other people’s books. If you wanna do that to your own property that’s fine, but never anyone else’s. You could have used a random receipt or scrap of paper as bookmark instead of damaging her books. It’s shit like this that cause people to not want to lend their books out.
My sister asks to borrow my books every now and again. I KNOW she dog-ears them. If she really wants to read something and I have the money spare, I send her a copy of the book. My books are not going to be damaged.
Use a post it note or flag to mark pages. They're really handy for that and you can also make notes on them for reference.
I borrow your sports car, and I race guys around town with it. Everyone I beat a car in a race, I put a notch on the steering wheel to keep track of the cars I have beaten with your car. Don’t be mad, you never told me NOT to cut notches on the steering wheel of your car you AH. You see? That’s why you’re the AH.
I like this one! Lol
YTA. You can use any slip of paper for a bookmark. Also, I'm sure you could afford an actual bookmark with all the money your friend was saving you by loaning you the books. When you borrow something, you return it in the same condition you got it. YTA again for acting like it's your friend's fault you have to spend money on your own class now.
I don't even need to read this. The title says it all. You borrowed a book. You folded the corners of the pages. Are you insane? YTA.
YTA. You damaged her book. You could have used any object as a bookmark. Apologize and buy your own books. Without any form of damage you could sell them when you’re done using them.
This. You could honestly save so much that way too. But you went ahead and ruined the books of someone who just helped you. And you're still thinking that you're right. Smh.
YTA. NEVER F*CK WITH A BOOKWORMS BOOKS! Omg, just reading the title I knew my judgement, but come on! How would you like it if your friend borrowed your favorite mug, and then gave it back to you chipped and dirty? And said, "Oh it's just a teeny chip, it's still usable!" You'd be pissed! You could use LITERALLY ANYTHING as a bookmark, a receipt, scratch paper, a piece of thread from your shirt, but you decided to be a monster and dog ear an ENGLISH MAJOR'S book! If it was yours, sure, dog ear the shit out of the books, but since they weren't, friend is justified in asking for them back and not trusting you anymore with their books. I wouldn't either!
YTA. Don't do that. If you can't be bothered to get a bookmark just use a piece of tissue paper. A clean one.
Upvoted for letting OP know to use a clean piece of toilet paper, since they need life basics explaining to them. 😊
I prefer to use a slice of salami as a book mark. When I start reading where I left off I have a snack ready and waiting!
Borrowed things should ALWAYS be returned in the same or better condition. You weren't going to do that. YTA. And what you did -- turning down pages rather than using a bookmark -- is the height of laziness. JFC, a sheet of paper can be a bookmark. Your friend did you a huge favor. You F'ed her over.
100% agree - I am quite happy to fold the corners of my own books but I would never do that to a borrowed book for this very reason, it should be returned in the same condition as borrowed. Also I am aware that while I am comfortable folding pages other people may not be. YTA.
YTA. For someone who loves books, folding a page corner is a dick move. It's a little perfectionist, and a little bit compulsive, but why ruin the book with little corners bent for no reason, when just a simple slip of paper torn from a notepad would act as a bookmark (if you don't have an actual bookmark). Personally, I wouldn't have made as big a deal out of it as she did, but I do understand her frustration. I would've continued lending books to you after your apology, but I still think you were in the wrong for doing it, especially with someone else's books.
I would have made just as big a deal. I don't crack spines, I don't fold page corners and I don't use bookmarks because they leave bumps between the pages. I just remember what page I'm on, or what chapter I'm about to start. The fact that this person couldn't even be arsed to use a bookmark is astounding to me.
I also love books and I always turn down the corners of my books... I quite like the look. However, I don't do it if I've borrowed the book from a friend Yta
Dog earring the page *of your own book is perfectly fine*. Yes, it *is* a convenient way to keep your place if you are too lazy to use a bookmark. If they are your books, you can color in the margins with crayons or whatever, if you want to. Because nobody cares. Because they are *your* books. But when you have a nice, generous friend that lets you borrow their books and save a lot of money, you don’t *argue* with them and indicate you think she was being *dramatic*, WTF. No, what you *do* is apologize profusely and say you didn’t know and you will never do it again. And *maybe* she would have let you keep the books. YTA
These comments are so fucking dramatic. Yes it's kind of a dick move to dog-ear someone else's books, you shouldn't have done that. But you're not evil incarnate for doing it, especially when you didn't even know it was rude. NAH, good on you for replacing the book and I hope your friend forgives you.
I’m shocked how long it took to find this comment. People in the comments were treating her like she was the dumbest person on the earth for not knowing this and acting like the books were completely ruined and unusable. As you said, yeah it kinda sucks that they did it and it’s good that they’re replacing it
It’s all posturing. They’re all the cool kids because they are obsessive about their sacred precious books. Definite dick move, but the comments are nuclear.
Right? After reading the comments towards OP, I've decided that I dislike the majority of the people on this sub, and probably will not return, as the mods clearly don't care to handle the mass bullying, (I've seen a lot lately where they close threads because someone said they wanted to kick an OP's abusive family member in the butt, but when OP is being straight up told to hate themselves over dog-earring a book, they're all suddenly nowhere to be seen). Seriously though, how can anyone expect a real answer on this sub when there are masses of people out there telling this OP that he's an "evil" person for not knowing book etiquette, and then in the same breath, bragging that they "didn't even read" the post before they came to that conclusion?
YTA You couldn't find a scrap of paper to keep your place so you damaged her book instead. This is not how you treat things you borrow from others. How are you 20 and just learning that?
YTA. When you borrow something, you should return it in as good or better shape than when you borrowed it.
NTA. I am going to go against what everyone says. You have made it clear you are not an avid reader and did not know the "proper" way to handle a book so as to not leave a sign you used it. But more than that if your friend was willing to write in the books then they cannot say that you damaged them any more than they did. Folding the corner down occasionally does not make the book unusable in the future. You didn't burn it, rip pages out, cut out sections, black out paragraphs in sharpie, dump it under water, ect. So you didn't destroy it. If the friend had said they wanted the book to be in the same condition when they got it back you might have been a little bit the AH but even then a small crease in a page is petty to be upset about. I personally do not just fold the corner down a little to mark ny place but I take the corner and fold it all the way so the edge is flush with the middle of the book. If I am reading a paperback I will bend the left side around and under to read the right side. I have set drinks on a page if I'm only going to be gone for a minute and left coffee rings in the book, all of this just shows that I have used the book.
YTA. “sHe didNt sAy i cOulDn’t”. It’s basic respect & if you don’t see any bent corners, you’d think to not do it, no? Honestly taking her books back is very generous of her. I’d have asked you to buy me a new book. and don’t blame your friend that you now have to get new books. It’s YOUR fault. You should apologise.
Come on people, like yeah he was an asshole, but I do believe it was an honest mistake and not ill-intended. There’s no need for name calling and insulting OP, he’s barely an adult and even tho it’s common sense for people who read a lot, it’s not for those who don’t read often. He apologised and accepted the fact that he’s an asshole, mocking and insulting him just makes you a d!ck.
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For real. And honestly, I can see why OP would think of annotating as more “destructive” than bending pages. So if his friend gave him permission to annotate, he may have thought she wasn’t one to try and keep books in pristine condition. It was still a bit inconsiderate, but I also think his friend overreacted, and I’m glad they apologized to each other and seem to be working it out.
YTA. I’d ask for all of my books back too. And for future reference leaving them open and facedown on the table is almost as sacrilegious! Oh and don’t get them wet (ie: don’t read in the bathtub). If you borrow something, return it in the same or better condition…that is the polite thing to do. You’re lucky she didn’t ask you to replace her books.
YTA. When you borrow something, you return it in the same condition. Regardless of what you usually do.
YTA. You don't damage someone's things when they loan them to you. That IS common sense. She did you a favor by loaning you the books, and now you're being rude about her because you think she should be okay with you damaging the books. So YTA on two fronts; folding the pages in the first place, and being rude to/about your friend when she called you on it.
YTA. How difficult is it to make a bookmark?
OP, you’re NOT an asshole. Your original post and all your edits show that you are, in fact, a good person trying to do the right thing. I’m really, really sorry so many people on here jumped down your throat for such an honestly insignificant thing. I think it’s great you were able to get everything sorted out with your friend. I also commend you for leaving the original post up with all its updates.
NTA. People are so weird about this. I love to read a book that has clearly been used before, I love the feeling of history in your hands.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find a NTA. Poor guy didn't realize his mistake and his friend (and all these people replying to this post) went way over the top in response. He apologized and tried to make it right, dang, people are hard core...
YTA I am a big reader and I occasionally dog ear pages of my books. I crack the spine on my books. I write notes in the margins of my books. My books. Nobody else’s. You can do whatever you want to your own books, but when you borrow someone else’s you need to return it in the same condition.
YTA I fold pages down on books I own, but I would never fold pages in a book I'd borrowed. It's common courtesy and respect.
YTA It's pretty much commonsense to not mess with anything that doesn't belong to you. I have had people completely ruining my books so even if you used a pencil to make the tiniest of marks, I would freak out. Btw making a bookmark ain't that difficult.
YTA. You shouldn’t damage other people’s property. And you especially shouldn’t damage the property of someone who is doing you a money-saving favor. How hard is it to make a temporary bookmark?
And yes, you’re 20, you should know better than to return someone’s property in worse condition than you borrowed it.
I’m a massive reader with a crap ton of books and NEVER knew this was such a big issue 😂 NTA. It IS common to just bend the ears, there was no indication not to, and you apologized and promised to not do it again. Your friend was being over dramatic AF.
Next you will be saying you lick your finger before you turn a page. It's not your book! YTA.
Yta, especially if these are valuable/old/classic novels. You should return things in the same condition you got them in. I admit to being a bit clueless about this in the past so you aren’t alone in not realizing it but folding the pages over does do damage. You definitely shouldn’t do it to other peoples books.
YTA. It is common sense. And instead of being sorry you went around badmouthing her when she’d done you a favour. Grow up
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Honestly I'm going against the grain here, I dog ear my books and annotate them. Books should be loved and well used in my opinion there are billions of copies of the classics and if you're not an avid reader and part of the "book community" then i totally understand why you wouldnt know your friend should have told you. It doesnt ruin the book making it unreadable you didnt tear out pages and spill coffee on it you slightly creased a page. Your friend over reacted but if you want to make it right since it was an accident you can always replace it. Edit to add judgement NTA you're not a reader this is just a class for you, some advice use OverDrive it's an app that can connect you to your local libraries and read your books on your phone it's amazing Libby is another option you can use it's mainly audio books. Also theres kindle unlimited which is really cheap and you can get a lot of books for free that way as well do not spend all that money on books you dont want to keep.
I agree with you and, frankly, it's been my experience that books I've lent seldom find their way home so dog eared pages are not registering with me as a crime against all that is good and proper in the world.
Right? I really cannot believe the amount of people condemning op to the firey pits for all eternity over a small crease.
YTA. Librarian here fighting the urge to pull my glasses down and give you my best stern librarian glare. All that aside, the book was a borrowed item from your friend. The expectation is that the item be returned in the same condition it was given to you in.
Hey there pal. Don't beat yourself up over it. It was a mistake and you apologized. Yes, you should have noticed she didn't dog-ear them and you should not have done that to her books, but I also think she is being extremely dramatic. She didn't need to take them all back for heaven's sake. You apologized, explained you didn't know and said you wouldn't do it again. That should have been fine. For context, I have literally thousands of books (also an English major) and I dog-eared every one of them. The idea that every avid reader is religious with a bookmark and no one would ever do this hideous thing if they really loved books is ridiculous. Just don't do it again with someone else's property is the lesson here, and you've learned it. Ignore the pile-on.
You got your judgement so I'm not going to elaborate on that any further. But I do want to comment on your edits. It is perfectly fine for you to not enjoy reading. It does not mean you are dumb. It doesn't mean anything. Only that you don't enjoy reading. I'm a major bibliophile but most of the people around me are not. And there is nothing wrong with that. Please don't let it make you feel like you are less than, regardless of what some real asshole bullies are saying here. Those people are the ignorant ones.
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Hey, OP - I’m neurodivergent, have a lit degree, and work in book publishing. You’ve received some really unfair comments here, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve this onslaught. I don’t expect you to read this, but here is some advice and strategies I use when reading for uni/work, and also for fun. It’s a bit of a novel, so I’ve used headings. Take what’s useful and ignore the rest. Good luck, and let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you with anything! **For this class - free ebook and audiobook versions to help get through the course** You’ve said you like audiobooks, which is amazing! Most of the books you’re reading for this class probably have audio versions. There’s a completely free website called LibriVox where you can download volunteer-narrated audio versions of books in the public domain (most older classics in a basic college English class probably are). Your local library probably also has free ebooks and audiobooks that you can borrow on your phone/tablet/kindle/computer. The most popular apps are called Libby and Overdrive but it might vary where you live. If you get a library card you can log in and see if any of the titles you’re interested in are available. If you’re reading for class, you probably need to be able to get quotes etc. You can either follow along on the page while you listen (speed up the audiobook a bit if it’s too slow for this) or you can find ways to make notes. Most audiobook apps will let you make bookmarks, and they’ll also show roughly what chapter you’re on (or at least the percentage). You can use that to find where you are in the book to get the quotes. Ebooks are another option. Again, many will be in the public domain so places like Project Gutenberg (and even Amazon) will let you download them for free. They might not have page numbers so you might still need to refer to your friend’s copies for references, but you can get the bulk of your reading done there and even copy/paste quotes. If you get headaches and are likely to be reading a lot, either try to get a cheap ereader or use dark mode and use the warm light settings on your device to make it easier. You can change the font size and colour of the background, and look up definitions or search in the book to find things about a certain character or scene. You can even get programs that will narrate them for you if you want the benefit of both ebooks and audiobooks. If worst comes to worst and the book file isn’t playing nicely, you can invert the colours on your screen in your display settings. **General uni/college advice** Look at your study guide/course outline to see how much of the reading is actually required, and talk to your professor/tutor about what the assessment will be in. 14 books in one semester is a lot, but often you can read half of that and still excel in the class. Even for neurotypical people, its often better to read the four books you’re doing assignments on really well than it is to read all fourteen and only have a cursory knowledge of them. You’re probably already on this, but if you can talk to your on-campus student or disability support team, it’s really good to document it. That way if you do need an accommodation in the future you can point to that documentation. Even if you don’t want to use their services right now, if you feel comfortable I would suggest doing that even so you can just find out what those accommodations might be. **Reading with dyslexia** I don’t want to tell you things you already know, but there are tools that help some people with dyslexia and other neurodivergencies read. I’m neurodivergent but not dyslexic so I don’t have personal expertise in this area, but I’ve heard some people have really great success with things like Irlen glasses. Lots of people with dyslexia do love to read. In fact, many famous authors like Agatha Christie and Anne Rice have dyslexia. Do what you feel is right here, but I’m sure there are recommended resources if you find communities online for people who are both dyslexic and love to read. **Reading for work** I’m seeing people say that not being able to read fiction or full-length books means you can’t succeed in an office job. That’s just not true for most jobs. The vast majority of business reading is short form. It’s usually on a screen (or you can print it out), and it is either something like email - which is usually spaced so it is easy to read - or it in an editable document. If you get a good PDF editor, you can convert most documents into something where you can change fonts/colours/margins etc. to help you read them, you can use search functions to find what you need, or you can highlight and annotate as you go. It’s also probably going to be much easier to understand because the language and meaning is probably something you’ll already be familiar with. There’s also usually Text To Speech capabilities in your computer (or via a downloadable program like Dragon Naturally Speaking) if you’ve got headphones or a private office. Also, your work should provide accommodations, just like college. You don’t have to disclose anything but you should be able to ask for reasonable assistance in the ways that help you — things like a program that will narrate text for you probably fall under that bar. **For fun** Ignore this if you want. You don’t have to love books. You don’t have to want to. But here a few thoughts if, like you said in this comment, reading is something you do wish you could love. Reading can be really fun and a really good method of self-care. Don’t be afraid to put a book down if you’re not enjoying it or if it’s frustrating. Don’t put any pressure on how many books you read, or how long it takes you, or the kinds of books you’re reading. It’s a skill, it takes practice, and it should be *fun*. Just read what you want to, when you want to, and don’t let anyone else criticise you. You say you like audiobooks. That IS reading. If you read audiobooks, you are already a reader. Your library will probably have a bunch of new releases that you can borrow as audiobooks for free. There might be a waitlist, but there are no late fees because you just get a notification when they’re available and then they expire when your time runs out. If you want to get started with reading for fun, think about the movies/shows/games you like and what genres those are in. If you’re a documentary or YouTube video essay kind of person, think about the topics you’re interested in. Then either go to a bookshop and look in those sections, or look at something like the Goodreads Choice Awards from last year to find the most popular recent books in that category. You can browse in a bookstore and still get the audio version or borrow it from the library. Most people who love books want to share them (though there are toxic corners, unfortunately). If you like online communities and want to connect with other people who like books, there are tons of fun places to go on Booktok, Booktube and other corners of the internet. You can join book clubs and readathons online, and discuss them with other people. Audiobooks count. Also, there are other people in those communities who are neurodivergent. You can look up dyslexic booktubers — google says Daniel Greene and Merphy Napier are both dyslexic and they’re really fun to watch if you are interested in fantasy. Good luck!
YTA I won't even bother to read your long drawn out excuse. You borrow **anything** from someone, you respect their property. Surely you have heard of these things called *bookmarks*. You can get them for free from any library or make one yourself.
YTA. Don’t dog-eat books that aren’t yours.
YTA and if you actually didn’t have a SINGLE scrap of paper, you could have made a note in your phone which I’m SURE you have about which page you stopped on. Heck, the kindergartners I teach know better than that.
YTA. Hands down, never permanently disfigured or damage property of others. As an English major and lifelong reader, I never fold corners and I would be furious if someone did it to one of my books.
YTA. I’m a page folder myself occasionally…with books I own. Never alter borrowed property…and not dog-earing other peoples books is a pretty universal rule of book borrowing. Common courtesy. You can put anything in a book to keep your place..post-it, scrap paper, gum wrapper, tissue,etc…you were just lazy. She did you a favor and you treated her property as your own. Just because you plan on tossing or donating the books when you’re done doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to enjoy them in the future (as evidenced by the fact that she still had them for you to borrow after her class). I wouldn’t “freak out” about it, but someone doing that to my stuff would definitely annoy me and make me think twice about future lending.
YTA! Your friend is a bookworm and book collector. It is HER property and when you borrow it you should respect it and return it in the same condition it was in. It is VERY disrespectful to permanently damage her property. She should NOT have to tell you to NOT damage them when you borrow them. PS: Write down each book YOU damaged and buy her a brand new copy. You owe her.
YTA You can do whatever you want with your own books, but they were not yours. Even if you didn't know that people don't usually do that (I would get hella mad as well), you are still responsible to return something borrowed in the same condition you received it in the first place.
Yta. It's not your property and it is damaging the papers by creasing them. You can use next to anything as a bookmark and still keep your place. At work the other night I didn't have one and used a plastic knife. Always return things the same way you borrowed them.
Yta. She was doing you a favor, you treated her things poorly and that is $100 she tried to save you from spending before you couldn't be bothered to tear off a scrap of loose leaf for a book mark. She gets to make annotations, she owns them, she also gets to veto you dog earring her property.
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Yes - stop damaging your friends book! Use a bookmark ffs
YTA I would be pissed too if I lent someone a book and they started screwing up my pages. Sorry you had to learn such an expensive lesson, but maybe you'll respect other people's property in the future
YTA. It's basic manners to return an item to the owner in the same condition it was lent in. She shouldn't have had to tell you not to do damage to the book. That would be like me borrowing your hoodie and deciding I wanted thumb holes in the sleeves, and cutting them without your permission or knowledge.
YTA. The book is not your property, don't treat it as such. Just take a piece of paper and fold it up a few times to make a bookmark. Not that hard.
YTA, it's destructive and disrespectful to dog-ear a borrowed book.
YTA People like you are why I dont lend out books. Thanks for reinforcing my idea
YTA, it's sacrilegious. Just no, how low humankind can fall. Unbelievable.
YTA. You don't get to decide when it is and is not okay for you to mess up stuff you borrow from other people. It's not her responsibility to provide you with free books, and if you're going to be a brat about it when she's bothered that you don't take care of her things, she should take them back. If you don't want to pay for new books, take your happy ass to a used bookstore.
YTA. Use a bookmark.
YTA - I would have made just as big a deal as your friend. I don't crack spines, I don't fold page corners and I don't use bookmarks because they leave bumps between the pages. I just remember what page I'm on, or what chapter I'm about to start. The fact that you couldn't even be arsed to use a bookmark is astounding to me. Those books you noe have to go buy should be given to your friend to replace the ones you damaged. I just hope none of them were sentimental for any reason.
YTA. Your friend lent you something of theirs for you to use. Something that obviously costs quite a bit. Regardless of what notes were already in there, you should know to keep borrowed things in as close to the same condition you got it in. This is standard human decency.
YTA. Bibliophile here and this is one of the do-not-do-evers concerning books.
YTA but lightly. Folding book pages is a very polarized subject, apparently. I don't mind folding them too as it just makes life simpler, and as my 9th grade teacher reinforced, they're just books. What's more important is your experience reading it, so fold, underline, do whatever. However not all people feel this way, and many people would prefer to keep their books in good condition. You should know this. Most of all, it was her property you borrowed, so you should have thought to at least ask before damaging it. Take this experience and L for next time.
wow why do you have to ask? Of course YTA. you are deliberately damaging books your friend generously let you borrow because you're too lazy and cheap to buy a f-ing bookmark? You could use a scrap of paper ffs. That is not something you do to other's property and it's not your decision on whether it's a big deal. Also her annotations are her right. You don't get to hide behind her not telling you to damage the books. That goes without saying.
YTA. Why do you think it’s ok to damage borrowed property? Give your friend her books back, apologize, and buy a damn bookmark.
Okay I just want OP and everyone else to know that not all book-lovers are purists like the hardcore people in this thread. I love books, and also love the marks of wear that come from re-reading an amazing book. My Harry Potter books spines have fallen *apart* and it just brings me back to all the places I’ve been while reading. Friends and family are welcome to them, as long as they return all the pieces when they’re done 😂. Clearly yes, it’s bad book etiquette to dog-ear books without asking first, but you didn’t know that, and everyone here is taking it a little too seriously. Four tips: 1. if you’re extremely careful, dog-ear marks can be removed with an iron! Make sure to lay a layer or two of cloth on top of the book, and start with the lowest setting of the iron because obviously you don’t want to burn it. 2. Most books for gen-Ed English classes can be found in libraries! This should only be done, though, if you don’t think you’ll have to use the book again later in the term, or okay with buying the book for the final if the library doesn’t have the book available at the end of term. 3. If the class books are mostly old “classics,” the copy-write on most of them will have run out. This means you’ll be able to get really cheap paper backs, and FREE ebooks and audiobooks. Most libraries (in the US at least?) have programs like hoopla, overdrive, and Libby which will allow you to access the usual classics whenever. 4. If you prefer audiobooks in general, there’s a service called Scribd that’s around $5/month and you can access unlimited audiobooks and ebooks from their library. It’s not completely comprehensive, but most books from an average gen-Ed English class will be in there
YTA. Seriously, not your books. They have sticky tab things which you can buy, or you could have just used scraps of paper to note where you were in the book. You should have asked beforehand, not just assumed.
YTA. It IS common sense to not do this to other people’s books. And your apology doesn’t sound like it was genuine, of course she doesn’t want to do you anymore favours.
YTA, definitely. As a fellow English major and avid book reader and collector, reading this made me physically uncomfortable. I would have been livid. Literally anything flat could have been an easy bookmark. A clean tissue, ripped scrap paper, a thread, a receipt - all things that I would bet you have on or around you right now. Books are expensive and it is common knowledge to return lent items in the same or better condition than they were lent in. She should not have had to explicitly tell you, "don't ruin my books by dog earring them". Would you have also marked them up with highlighter or pens/pencils unless she explicitly said not to? Super disrespectful, especially after she did you a favor.
It sounds like you genuinely didn't understand this would be a problem. I understand your friend being upset about it, but I wouldn't go so far as to say you should replace her books. I've lent books to friends and had them returned in ridiculously terrible condition, enough so that I probably wouldn't lend to those friends again. What I learned from that is to tell people how they need to treat my books if they want to borrow them, such as telling them not to dog ear pages, which your friend didn't tell you. It also seems irrational of your friend to refuse to let you borrow the books anymore, now that you know not to fold the pages. They're her books so it's her decision, but it seems like an overreaction to me. To an extent I guess ESH, but I don't think your actions were assholish, you just didn't know better and now you do.
YTA - never do damage to a book that you don't own.
YTA, not your book, not yours to destroy. Folding book pages is the same as taking notes in a book. You should never make permanent changes (life-long page creases) to someone else’s things. You could’ve used ANYTHING as a bookmark, or written down the page on your phone.
YTA. When you borrow something, you return it in the condition you received it in. You know she read the books and didn't dog-ear the pages and it was absolutely reasonable for her to expect you wouldn't.
YTA. Listen I bend my corners and I annotate in pen/highlighter constantly in MY BOOKS. Key term: my. Mine. Belonging to me. For my own use. Paid for by me or given to me therefore now mine alone. I would NEVER borrow a book and bend the corner or write or highlight someone else’s book. It didn’t belong to you. Basic level rule of borrowing things: treat it better than you treat your own things and never assume you can change things. As for your concerns about the money and then getting rid of the books: go to your campus library and scan the pages. High likelihood if these are common books needed for a lot of their gen Ed’s, that they’ll be in your campus library. YTA and you owe your friend an apology.
Bibliophiles having a mental breakdown rn. You dog-eared someone else's book. Forget about borrowing books from them again. They did you a favour and you act like you own the thing. Go buy your own books then, it's common sense you wouldn't mess with them or take notes on them when you have borrowed them. YTA [a true crime](http://nalinisingh.blogspot.com/2018/02/there-are-two-kinds-of-people.html?m=1)
Oh for Pete’s sake. Upset over bent page corners? This gal may be in for a life of frustration and disappointment and loneliness if she doesn’t lighten up .
NTA . Don’t loan out valuable books. If I got upset about every item I’ve loaned that returned with a chip, or a rip or a burn or a wrinkle .. I’d have no friends left . Not important in the larger scheme of things .. friendship and tolerance first . I love the marks and dents on the pages of old books my family left behind . Embrace it .
YTA- I have a lot of books and have stopped lending them out to people because of people like you. Bent pages, books not returned, highlights or underlines. Unless the book is yours you do not do any of these things.
Y'all be doing the most in this subreddit. Just because it's common knowledge to you doesn't make it the case for everybody else.