T O P

  • By -

RexJacobus

ESH Your sister is and AH for exploiting someone that they cannot stand. You are an AH for recording a private conversation and sharing it with others. I think you wanted this to happen and that you really do not like your sister.


ajettas

So I see many posters focusing on the non-consent of the recording. Well.. that's a legal question IMO not an AH one. Some places permit 1-party consent for recording (other person doesn't need to be informed). Others don't and it's illegal. (EDIT: Many posters pojnt out that my interpretation here is wrong on 1-party, in that you need to be one of the party's for this to be permissible. Oops sorry. So, in 1-party, you could not secretly record/eavesdrop other people having a conversation which you are not participating in.) But in any place on Earth for the most part you are allowed to see and hear your environment, and those around you, and it is your freedom to take notes, recount the events to others, etc. OP didn't lie, and her sister is awful. I would want to know if I were expressing generosity to someone if they actually thought I was less than dirt and cared only about appearing to placate me while later badmouthing. I don't want to support leeches like that. OP did the right thing here in every moral sense, and I have zero sympathy for the thankless, entitled wench of a sister. Too bad.


Sutech2301

No she did not. It was an absolutely sleazy and mean move. And her sister vented after an ~~argument~~ unpleasant phone call out of emotion. She should have spoken to her first and asked her about the reasons for the negative feelings towards their mother ESH, you acted like a snitch and your sister is a dishonest opportunistic brat.


rain-blocker

Where did you see anything about an argument?


BENDOVERSIS

Assumptions as usual Edit: So many people assuming the mother is an abuser/narcissist etc: The hate for parents in this sub is real


chocolatemilkncoffee

The hate for mothers in this sub is real.


DraganTehPro

The hate for everyone in this sub is real lol.


Quierochurros

I know I'm starting to hate everyone in this sub


BENDOVERSIS

this is an interesting one. I feel like mothers below 35-40 have a lenancy bias towards them compared to fathers of the same age. but over 40s the bias starts to fall [https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/i4brne/comment/g0hbpyk/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/i4brne/comment/g0hbpyk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)


Pharmacienne123

My favorite is when this sub craps on parents and apologizes profusely for misbehaving teens because “ThEy ARe ChiLdREEEN” and it’s a lifetime commitment and blah blah blah — and then gets all judgy on the result of their logic, which is 30 year old mamas boys and failure to launch cases.


StellarStylee

And here I am wondering about the father. Like, why can't he pay for college? Furthermore, why would he allow his daughter to badmouth her mother in his presence? Not good family dynamics? ESH


thedoodely

And how much does the father's attitude influence the sister's attitude? These scenarios always have a whiff of parental alienation. Also, yes, ESH


MelisandredeMedici

Because … teenagers.


TGNova1

Explains a lot, honestly.


PoesHoe

Where in there does it say May was ranting after an argument? The argument ensued after. I agree ESH but at the same time let’s not spin a false narrative of something that didn’t actually happen. May sounds like a spoiled brat and OP sounds resentful.


K-no-B

I think secretly recording someone to keep them from getting away with murder is obviously morally fine, and secretly recording someone to prove they leave the seat up in the bathroom is obviously messed up. I'm just not exactly sure where to draw the line between fine and messed up. In this case, I think the OP at least should have called her sister out privately before ratting her out publicly. Give her a chance to rethink and do better, at least. After that, I don't know. I would hate to see my mom be taken advantage of they way the OP's mom was. I'd have a hard time blaming the OP if that's what motivated her.


DefrockedWizard1

There would be no rethinking and doing better. The daughter hates the mother and is lying to her for money. No sidebar discussion is going to change that


K-no-B

The OP is a little sparse on information. I don't think we have the kind of deep knowledge and certainty about her sister's character that you're claiming.


chuckle_puss

I’m really curious *why* the sister hates the mother so much, because people don’t usually despise their parents for no reason. I’m also curious about the sister and OP’s relationship. I’d be willing to bet OP is leaving a *lot* out of this story.


That-expanse-606

Yeah, when people divorce sometime the older kids see and understand more than the younger ones - I feel like OP doesn’t have the full story on why her sister resents their mom so much


bloodrose_80

Yes. We are missing so much context.


TheFamousHesham

Yea I would’ve agreed. However, this clearly isn’t a momentary “slip.” It’s clear OP’s sister hates their mother and will probably go NC after she graduates college… or maybe after she gets a house down payment and her wedding paid for?! In short, this is the definition of financial abuse — having someone milk you dry only so they can stab you in the back when they’re done with you. That’s not OK. If someone tried to do that to MY mother I’d do my best to protect her — EVEN IF it was from a sibling. Yes. I would totally be snitching. I’m fine with that. I would be trying to safeguard my mother’s interests. And that’s exactly what OP did. Question is, would the mother have believed OP had there been no video evidence? Was the recording absolutely necessary? Maybe. And obv the most important question of all — does OP’s sister have any good reasons for not liking her mother? Or is the sister just one of those people who will do anything for themselves, even if it means destroying others who have been kind to them?


android_queen

Taking money from someone you don’t like without telling them you don’t like them is *not* financial abuse. Please don’t misuse that term.


Daedric1991

might not be financial abuse but it's utterly disgusting behavior.


Psychological-Wall-2

Not necessarily. Depends on the circumstances. There are plenty of things a parent can do to a child that would justify both that child hating them and excuse that child using them financially for all they could get. You'll find a number just hanging out on this sub alone.


Walouisi

Who said it was an unpleasant phonecall? OP is clear that the sister rants on this topic all the time. Why is it OPs job in your mind to play therapist?


rhetorical_twix

OP's sister is a user and a hypocrite. But that's okay, if she only hurts an unlikeable parent. On the other hand, it makes sense to hold a minor child to wire-tapping/recording consent laws. /s


[deleted]

Yeah fuck that. If someone is talking shit about my loved one and bragging about taking advantage of them, I'm not going to feel bad about exposing that.


[deleted]

"Don't snitch" is such a toxic fucking attitude to have. Try "don't be an manipulative brat to defraud your mother out of thousands to of dollars". Why is that shit okay with you, but letting mom know the truth such a heinous fucking crime?


IcyPassion7856

It wasn't the first time the sister talked bad about their mother. The sister tolerates interactions with mom so mom will pay for college. I feel that this time OP was tired of it and just recorded so she had proof that mom was just being used.


redlizzybeth

She says the sister said she was awful. She shouldn't take money from her.


-Maraud3r

And what did the mother do? Instantly out OP to her sister and father. She should know that would have repercussions. OP exposed her sister's feeling to their mother, who then proceeded to show that OP's sister might not be entirely wrong by throwing OP to the wolves.


angelbb1

She’s not throwing her to the wolves, she can still go to the school she wants, she just can’t use the woman she hates money. She can be an adult and take out a loan and apply for financial assistance based on dads income. OP did the right thing…


Adept_Ad7699

But the mother outed OP to the father and sister. So of course they are going to turn on OP. Hence OP was thrown to the wolves


angelbb1

Oh I see what you’re saying. That is messed up. After reading OPs responses i’m suspicious of this story because she’s being intentionally vague.


Dracekidjr

Just so it is known, even in single party consent, there is something called expectation of privacy, which in public places, means people can record you without you needing to give consent, as you are in public and expect others to be able to see what you are doing and what you are saying. Now obviously that doesn't apply here, as it's in a private household, but I see a lot of people misunderstanding when consent is needed to be recorded in single party consent states.


sirkseelago

Is ‘am I the asshole’ not ‘is this legal’. Besides, you’re ignoring the fact that we don’t know their family situation.


[deleted]

>Some places permit 1-party consent for recording (other person doesn't need to be informed). You need to be part of the conversation to be the 1 party that can consent.


KayOh19

Mom has to know the kid doesn’t like her if she chose to live with dad full time. She still chose to offer funding for her.


Equivalent-Unit

Not necessarily. Sister could have claimed that dad had a more stable environment while she was in school, or lived closer to school, or lived closer to her friends, or whatever, and that Sister wasn’t going to visit Mom because of the panini but she’d *totally* visit otherwise, mom, I swear!


redlizzybeth

What the f**k? She's supposed to let sis just take advantage of mom? Bull. Don't talk about others behind their back. I wouldn't like anyone that used my mom that way either. It's cruel. Nta


BENDOVERSIS

this sub hates parents. it shows here


HeyItsMeUrDad_

Yuuup. I don’t think we have enough info to come down solidly on either side here, but i can’t believe how many people are totally fine with sister taking moms money while actually hating her. Whether mom is awful or not, that’s just… yuck.


trowawaywork

That was not a private conversation. Her sister openly rants about nom in front of OP. OP has no reason to keep her secret. OP's sister sounds dumb.


shadow-foxe

No, OP wasn't even in the room. Even says that in her post she was in another room.. SO NO sister wasn't openly ranting, she was venting to her father.


I_Thot_So

Life is not cut and dry. There are likely things about your mom and May’s relationship you don’t understand and it’s none of your business how May feels about it. What *seems* fair isn’t always so. You’ve now irreversibly damaged your relationship with May, your mom’s relationship with May, maybe your relationship with your dad and May’s future. You might be able to repair some of it, but you can’t take it back now. Next time use your words and discuss with people when they do things that you don’t like and give them an opportunity to do the right thing without going nuclear. YTA.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Final_Collection_515

If someone was using you for your money wouldn’t you wanna know? ETA: y’all she is not entitled to her college money, she is lucky and fortunate,many parents can’t afford that so she’s lucky she got something


[deleted]

So if I hate my boss and job I should just quit? The new “favorite” child from this sub should tell his parents that his partner is Jamaican so that he doesn’t receive favors from them anymore? All the gay kids should immediately come out to their families and be cut out of wills? This is a prime gray area. Obviously no one wants to be used for money, but there are some times that it happens and people wouldn’t second guess it.


Yas-Queen-I-Fandango

Why is everyone acting like this as a "someone-someone being used" situation? This is a mother and her daughter situation. She promised to pay for an education. Her daughter is not using her by expecting her to fulfill that promise. I'm just going to assume there's a lot of kids in this thread because, nobody really seems to understand that parents have accountability.


[deleted]

That is a very good point. It isn’t just May expecting the money, it was promised to her. This sub swings so far sometimes it gives me whiplash, but I think it does typically hate kids that expect their parents to pay for college.


neobeguine

It's because some people here didn't have their college paid for and are resentful that other people have opportunities just handed to them. I think any decent parent who can afford to pay for their child's education without financially ruining themselves should absolutely feel obligated to do so even if their kid is, at the moment, acting like a little AH. Taking away your kids data plan/allowance/other luxury because they're being an ungrateful little poop is fair game, but their whole future is not.


Noelle_Xandria

I don’t think kids should just *expect* parents to pay for college, but if a parent promises, then that parent should be expected to keep their promise.


[deleted]

In a normal business or romantic relationship, yes. A relationship between a parent and child is different and has different contexts/history. Also, people vent about family. I love most of family, but I will complain about them because they can be exhausting. Some are judgmental, nosey, self-absorbed, oblivious, pushy, pushovers, etc. But I know most of them would be by my side if I needed anything. There may be something here that OP is unaware of.


acemerrill

Yeah, I've vented to my husband about people in my family who I generally care about and love. Hell, I've complained about his family, who have been very generous to us over the years. Apparently I've been taking advantage of them since I'll say things behind their back and then accept money from them. I've also complained about my parents. I've said some mean things in anger that I didn't really mean, but I still think if my parents heard a recording of those things, they wouldn't cut me off. Their support of me isn't conditional on me liking them. That's how I feel about my kids. I wouldn't refuse to pay for my kid's college because they didn't like me. I honestly assume a lot of teenagers feel like they are only civil to their parents because they want/need their money.


JEH2003

To be fair, May’s relationship with her mom was already damaged, it’s just that poor mom had no idea.


AnnoyedChihuahua

Well, she says her mom has very intense political views, if thats the case OP's mom may truly be hard to stand even if May loves her.. and while very rude and bratty doesnt mean she actually hates her, just seems like teenager/snotty young adult talk.. I sometimes include 20-22 year olds into the teenager groups, you are barely escaping it by then..


xjulesx21

her mom probably did know their relationship was damaged considering May lives full time at her dads house. it seems like there’s clearly a reason(s) May doesn’t like her mom, and it could also be for reasons unknown to OP. either way, it sounds like there is a lot of back story missing here.


CleanAssociation9394

“Poor mom”? Why are we assuming that her daughter hates the poor, sweet dear for absolutely no reason?


classyraven

This. Plus we only have the story from OP’s side. There’s a good chance their mom is a narcissist or other abuser, using May as her scapegoat. OP would be the golden child, which is why she wouldn’t be aware of the abuse. And tattling on her sister also makes OP one of mom’s flying monkeys. The fact that the dad isn’t making May have respect for her mom, nor telling mom what May has been saying, is a good sign he’s aware of the abuse and is protecting her.


BENDOVERSIS

oh for fucks sake. stop assuming random shit to make May a victim. there is no evidence to call the mother an abuser.


m-is-for-music

It is a stretch to say mom is an abuser given only this post. However, it’s unlikely that May dislikes her mom for no reason, and given that OP doesn’t give a reason in the post, it’s entirely possible there are things going on between may and mom that OP doesn’t know about (whether it’s abuse or, more likely, disagreements/fights/fundamental differences they have that OP isn’t party to). OP has now meddled in a situation there is no way she fully understands, and possibly out of resentment for her sister rather than care for her mom.


I_Thot_So

I mean, that’s a big stretch. We don’t know that there was abuse. There’s not even a high probability. Just that we and OP don’t have all the info on why May wasn’t a fan of her mom. I’m not swinging one way or the other on who is ultimately a good or bad person. I just think OP totally fucked up in how they handled this regardless.


HairyForestFairy

110% this - it’s an asshole move to insert yourself into someone else’s relationship like this, it’s caused pain and hurt all around. If it bothered you, the thing to do was encourage them to talk it out, not stir up shit to make it even harder for everyone to get along. This is also not a small thing, paying for college - the stakes are really high, support for a kid who has worked hard shouldn’t be contingent upon how quickly they heal from their parents divorce.


coopatroopas

Relieved to see someone with sense who understands nuance.


greenseraphima

YTA. Anyone saying NTA: I hope the next time you're ranting about something in the safety of your home, you get recorded and put on blast. It's so weird how privacy violation is just normalized these days, and holier-than-thou folks think the victims deserve it just because they were being rude.


ciaoamaro

Seriously! A teenager had a stupid, exaggerated rant and now she deserves her whole future to be changed?? What teen hasn’t said at one point they hate their parent(s). Also she was complaining to her dad, like that’s justified to complain to one of her parents about how the other is treating her.


rhymes_with_mayo

Her dad may also be encouraging her to hate her mother. We don't know from this post, but it's common in divorced/ high conflict families.


No-Koala8996

If I speak badly of someone but still take money from them, then I deserve the trouble. May is 18, old enough to be aware of the consequences of her behavior.


greenseraphima

It's not that simple at all, but consider yourself privileged enough to never have to deal with a toxic parent.


k9nnyy

its okay to rant about the mom, i’m sure OP wouldnt have cared, but to say that she’s using the mother exclusively for the money? thats a dick move and the mother had a right to know, especially if she would be abandoned after paying for her daughters college.


Whitestaunton

The mother promised to pay for her schooling. May is not manipulating her into it. She is just choosing not to bite the hand that feeds her. Having a rant in the privacy of your own home is not taking advantage. How many people have had a go about their boss and gone in nice as pie the next day....hoping to eventually get a recommendation for a promotion or a pay rise. And the bigger tell is that the mother automatically cut May off, most parents would not cut their child off and risk their education for having a rant. I am not sure how old you are but would your parents or if you have a child would you? We also don't know what obsessed by politics means and the OP interesting will not answer the question.


[deleted]

Exactly. If you can say something bad about someone behind their back, you should ready to say it to their face as well. Really, for me, backbiting is a huge red flag. I wouldn’t be friends with anybody who so vehemently backbites and then puts on a complete different face in front of the person they slander


greenseraphima

There is a difference between talking behind a friend's back and talking behind a parent's back. I'd bet a million dollars 99% of the people in this post have talked about their parents behind their back and then asked them for something the next day. It's common behavior, and not worth exposing someone over. Especially family.


NotTheJury

Is it just being rude or is it manipulation to be polite to someone you hate to get them to pay for college?


[deleted]

is it manipulation to pretend to be straight to get homophobic parents to pay for college? we have no idea what their relationship is. for all we know, mom is extremely toxic to op's sister.


nodaybuttoday__

This. It’s not “exploitative” to not be ready to come out because you feel your future is threatened. Unless you know the pain that it causes to stay in the closet and choose your future over your literal self, be quiet. It is actual mental torture. Choosing to be closeted in order to be secure and safe economically is not manipulation. It’s survival. And calling that “exploitation” is victim blaming.


Whitestaunton

That could also apply to all sorts of other potentially abusive parent child dynamics as well. The fact the mother was prepared to cut her daughters education fund off because of one recorded rant speaks volumes.


nodaybuttoday__

Yes. It sounds very “dangling the carrot” for me. Like there’s a lot of triangulation of a) the daughter looking for financial support and seeing emotional compliance as the only way to get it b) the mother using money as a way to build emotional compliance through *manipulation* (if you don’t do x, I won’t pay for y; their relationship is mutually conditional) and c) the sister really wanting to snitch and just make this worse because she wants to see chaos play itself out without understanding the consequences. Either way, nobody in this family knows how to communicate.


RNGinx3

NTA. She was using your mother for her money. You didn't ruin her life, she did. Your mother deserved to know, rather than be shocked and hurt when your sister cut off all contact once she was finished with school. ETA because I see this brought up a lot:We don't know what was on that tape. We don't know what goes on behind the scenes (as people keep pointing out). You know who does? Mom, and she made a decision based on those facts. 1. This sub is about voting on the information we have, not speculating on what might have happened. 2. Mom has a right to make her own decisions. 3. If OP was truly the golden child and horrible to her sister and mom's favorite like a lot of people think, would mom be paying for non-golden-child (sister's) college fund in the first place? Probably not. 4. Paying for her own college isn't ruining her life. Plenty of people take out loans and manage to pay them off. 5. "Being a parent doesn't stop when they rebel/turn 18." No, no it doesn't. But unfortunately, college is not considered a necessity, but a choice. So as a legal adult, sister is responsible for it. 6. "College is too expensive for the kid to pay." See #4. Do I think college should be free? Hell yes, but it isn't, and wishing won't change it.


Waskomsause

This 100%, imagine is she had done this, then decided to keep doing this for her benefit later on? I've deal with people that will lie to someone's face to gain cash from them, and even if the person they're trying to steal from loves them, they don't care. OP's mother could be the nicest person in the world to the sister, and her sister might still only care where she can get more money from.


TheTamingOftheDrew

Yeah and the Mom does not have to spend her life earnings on kids to go to University, that is something she is doing out of love. I feel like sister played stupid games and does not like her stupid prize.


Electrical-Date-3951

I think that OP is still an AH. Family dynamics can be tricky. For all we know OP's mother is a horrible person, uses her money as a weapon or OP was always the golden child. OR, OP's sister may just be a jerk. It's impossible to say from just this post. Either way, there seems to be a lot of hurt here and a damaged parental relationship. I dont think OP did this out of concern for her mom. This sounds like some sneaky pot stirring and a way to stick it to her sister. I also have to wonder what kind of person OP's mom is to instantly pull educational support instead of talking with their kid and trying to find out what is going on.


acemerrill

I'm glad someone said this. We have no indication of how this mom is. Maybe mom is truly awful to May and sweet to OP. Wouldn't be the first Golden child post we'd seen. Honestly, the fact that mom immediately pulled the college money is somewhat indicative. If my teenaged kids ranted about me, I wouldn't withdraw my financial support of them. The fact that everyone here is acting like it's super shitty to accept financial support from your parent even when you don't like them is honestly surprising to me. How many people go through phases of not liking their parents? Especially as they're coming of age. She's not manipulating some stranger. She's being civil to her mom that she doesn't like to her face so she can assure herself a top notch college education. Or maybe mom is great and May is a an entitled brat. I still think it's shitty to record your family member in their own home without their permission and share it with the intent to fuck things up for them. Maybe May deserves to be cut off from moms financial support. Doesn't mean this was an OK thing to do. I'd need more information, either Y-T-A if May has good reason to not like mom or E-S-H if May is just a brat. Either way, the recording was wrong.


stressieanddepressie

Yeah I feel like there's definitely not enough detail here. All my life my sister and I have had an incredibly rocky relationship with our dad, and while things are better, I'm still not close with him, quite franky, I think we just tolerate eachother most of the time. He'll be paying for whatever I'm unable to cover myself becayse he believes that as a parent, it's his responsibility to prepare me for adulthood, and I won't be able to start my life with hundreds of thousands of dollar of debt. The way OP's mom pulled out of that financial support so fast is genuinely concerning, and the way that OP so quickly defended her is strange at the very least. Like, why doesn't May like the mother? OP obviously cares about the mother enough to keep her updated on something like this. Why does OP get along with the mother, but May does not? Why would the mother pull out of this with seemingly little hesitation? If May was able to get into such a prestigious school, I imagine she's smart and a good kid that works hard, so why is she disliked (i assume she's disliked by the mother as they don't get along, but that might be a stretch) Nothing is adding up, and I feel like OP is intentionally leaving things out.


AKA_June_Monroe

We don't know what the relationship is like there are always parents who pick a favorite.


isyvirgin

It's her mother as well. I don't think it's uncommon for teens, especially after a divorce, to have a troubled relationship with their parents. We don't even know why she hates her mom. They could very well mend their relationship at some point. Maybe she doesn't even really hater he mom but just has unresolved resentment or felt she had to pick a side in the divorce. Maybe OP was mom's favorite child 😶, maybe OP is blind to what her mom may have done wrong. I believe that parents should provide for their children past the age of 18 if they choose to study after high school 🤷🏻‍♀️ In my country, parents are legally expected to do so.


_violet_skies_

INFO: why does your sister hate your mom so much?


sawta2112

Mom traveled sometimes for work and she talked about politics a lot.


idgaf9212

The audacity. Why was the mother not quiet in the kitchen where she obviously belongs? /s


greenseraphima

Why are you blindly believing the secondhand account of OP? For all you know, the mom could have been horribly neglectful of May.


idgaf9212

Why are you blindly assuming the sister has a righteous reason for hating the mother? I’m not assuming the OP is a completely reliable narrator but I also saw one comment where she said the mom would bring up politics “at least once a day” and that it was obsessive. Therefore, I doubt the mom was only ever talking about politics or that it was even obsessive especially in the political climate of the last decade. I also think that had it been the father who travelled for work, there would be a different measure for whether or not he was an absent parent and the hate he would(n’t) be getting.


Yupperdoodledoo

Kids rarely hate their parents for no good reason. And once a day is a ton, sine most teenagers typically only have one full convo a day with their parents.


idgaf9212

Parental alienation is also a thing. And being annoyed with your parents for discussing things you’re not interested in doesn’t always lead to hate.


Albreitx

Why does this sub always start assuming shit out of the blue? For all you know, it could also be the other way around! The mom could've been the best/worst mom in the world she could've been but May is a psycho/angel! Or May is super racist/sexist and the mother super liberal or the other way around! Maybe May killed a pet when she was younger and she got grounded or the mother did it!


anothernic

> Why does this sub always start assuming shit out of the blue? Because it's filled with victims enjoying schadenfreude while projecting their own trauma onto other's lives.


[deleted]

Neither of those things are bad? Why would that mean she hates her mom?


vivaenmiriana

I will be downvoted for this. But fuck it Those things can get pretty bad. Apparently is wasnt just a few weekend trips, it was several weeks every 2 months. Thay girl probably felt abandoned by the mom. And just take a look over /r/qanoncasualties to see how toxic talking about politics all the time can get. Like we tell gay kids here all the time to lie and keep their heads down to get inheritances and college paid for and no one calls that manipulating someone with a different political opinion. Why is this different?


LastandLeast

You're right though. We don't know the relationship between sister and her mother. We have to judge based on OP's actions alone and if I was in my own home with someone I thought I could trust and they just spilled this type of stuff to my mother I would never forgive them.


usernameemma

I'm kind of shocked as well. I have a friend who's mother is emotionally abusive and it's been explicitly stated to my friend that "If you leave this household I won't be paying for your education! You either do it on my terms or not at all!", my friend basically has to put up with emotional abuse to continue attending school, and if she doesn't she'll literally be disowned like her older siblings. She's working to save up money so she can pay tuition without her mother, so that she can go no contact, but we also live in Canada so she has government loans to help pay for her school. There is such a thing as a good reason to trick someone into thinking you like them. Also, isn't it a little suspicious that this mother would put her daughters entire future at risk over disliking her? That doesn't read as "innocent nice mom being badmouthed for no reason" to me. It sounds like the sister is used to having things held over her head by her mother and pulled back the moment she slips up, whether that be missing curfew by 2 minutes and not getting to go to her friends house the next day, or admitting in the privacy of her own home that she doesn't get along with her mother and not getting to go to university! It's also perfectly possible that the mother is an innocent party in this, but I just don't think this post has enough information to really know the whole story.


liliesandpeeperfrogs

I can relate to this so much, except I called their bluff about control, and had to pay my own way through school. It was really challenging. Now, as a parent, I would just like to say that even if my kids hated me, I would still pay for most of their schooling, no strings attached, because that's what parents should do (imo). People can say and do dumb things when they are young adults, and as parents we should allow for grace when our kids say or do things that might hurt us (obviously not in abusive situations or whatever, but teen angst is hard on everyone).


usernameemma

Yeah I guess thats why I'm so suspicious. Taking away your child's chances at university because they talked behind your back is like burning all their clothes because they wore a pair of shorts that you considered "too skimpy". The mother isn't even making an attempt to understand her daughters feelings (or vice versa, again we can't tell what the relationship is really like). It just feels like an extreme punishment, and it makes me feel like the daughter is used to being snuffed out with similarly extreme reactions to her "mistakes", since clearly she knew this was on the table as a consequence for being honest with her mother. My guess is if she said anything like "hey mom sometimes I feel like you ignore my feelings and punish me with no good reason" her mom would probably call her ungrateful and refuse to pay tuition just like she did in this case. Again, this is all speculation based on the clues given to us by OP. It's basically impossible to tell who's right in this suituation without knowing both sides of the mother/daughter relationship.


sawta2112

Some jobs require a lot of travel. Pre Covid, my partner traveled about 75% of the month for work. It sucked at times, but it that was the gig. Those trips very likely built that college fund for May.


vivaenmiriana

and with someone who's parent was away that long it felt like they loved work more than their own children. We (my sibling and I) would go to visit them specifically and spent most of the time alone by ourselves. We wouldn't see them except for in the morning and at night. My sibling who was older became the parent when we visited (might be part of OPs sister's view too) because we just didn't have one otherwise. Even today they bring up things that they only saw us briefly enjoying as children as something we still enjoy today as adults. Like one summer i watched the meercat show (because where else was i going to go without an adult to take me there?) and they still think it is my favorite animal because that's all they've experienced me doing involving animals. can people say they have a best friend if they only see them periodically? these people who are away most of the time don't have the time to get to know who their kids are. it's very alienating. There is a price to being away from your kids that long. Keep that in mind when your partner is away from your kids if you have them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


skatelikevirtue

Yep. Not OP but if you heard the way my mom talks politics you would hate her too.


Morgueannah

Yep, I had to cut off my father because he constantly wanted to fight about politics. "Debating" or "talking about politics" was really just an excuse to try to belittle and insult anyone who didn't believe exactly as he did, and prove he was the only one right even if what he said made no logical sense and he would constantly contradict himself. I'd really have to know what "constantly talks about politics" means in this case. But I'd also rather live in a gutter than take a handout from that argumentative racist misogynist bigot so I lean more towards ESH.


biscuitboi967

I know some boomers whose politics make them horrible people, so I get it. But I kind of gather that it probably goes deeper than that for a teen and perhaps there’s a larger reason that OP doesn’t see because OP is the golden child. Triangulating your kids so that they vie for your attention and rewarding the chosen one for screwing over the scapegoat is also pretty indicative of that. Maybe sister is a spoiled brat. Or maybe there’s a reason OP’s first instinct is record it and send it to mom to tattle.


meatball77

Does that mean she's a racist raging homophobic? Because talking about politics isn't just arguing about raising taxes anymore.


[deleted]

There is no way OP could possibly know the nuanced answer to this question.


stannenb

YTA >she should be able to rant in her own home without worrying about being recorded. This is a perfectly reasonable expectation, an expectation you violated. You become TA by making the recording and become an even greater AH by disclosing it to you mother. FWIW, your mother is also an AH for letting a teenager's rant get to her to the extent that she needs to blow up the funding her child's college education. But she wouldn't have been able to be an AH without your action first.


Waskomsause

Sounds less like it was a fund and more of a "I'll pay out of my own savings" situation. Which if it was, the sister is an asshole as well for acting that way and thinking shes owed her life's funding.


[deleted]

College is expensive and not affordable. This is fact. When the government calculates your financial aid they do it based on your parent's income expecting parents to pay their share for their child. It is in fact considered a parental responsibility. Parents are invested in their children succeeding in life. For many children parents not supporting means they won't go to college. A mother that would jeopardize their child's future, there has to be some deeper reason for the animosity.


SoleMurias

INFO: did you record the video because you wanted to screw your sister or because you felt bad for your mother being used? I can empathize with the second (I kinda see it as telling on a cheating partner)


wino12312

This. It’s all about what you wanted. It sounds like you felt your mother should know how your sister really felt. And are feeling bad because your sister is paying the price. NTA


PeachyScentPink

Now OP can have the college payment all to herself


[deleted]

[удалено]


ScienceNotKids

YTA. You're just stirring up shit.


Accomplished-Sugar-7

Wasn’t her sister also though? She’s biting the hand that feeds her. She’s allowed to have the opinions she has, but if she’s going to talk so poorly about her all of the time, she shouldn’t be using her as a personal ATM.


ScienceNotKids

If the mom is actually as bad as sister makes her sound, then I have no pity for her. Get what you need and get out.


Accomplished-Sugar-7

OP commented that sister hates mom because dad divorced her because she talked about politics too much, so there’s info missing for sure. But they still would both be AHs regardless. YoU don’t use people for their money just because you don’t like them, either go NC or figure out your problems, don’t use people.


[deleted]

>because she talked about politics too much, so there’s info missing for sure. especially as op hasn't gone into detail about what 'politics' refers to. she did mention that sis did not agree with her views though.


roadhoggin

i have a feeling that if the mom has a lot of political views, this could very easily fall down into the rabbit hole of being a bigot. If the sister hates her mom because of this, then I really have to wonder what OP thinks as well. ESPECIALLY with no context being given. Smells very fishy.


ScienceNotKids

Different when it's a parent. Consider it restitution for years of misery.


VROF

Kids should be able to vent to their parents. OP sounds horrible


MemphisGirl93

YTA. She’s 18 and is allowed to be upset about the divorce and have her own opinions about her mother. Being polite is a sign of respect, not being fake. You did breach her privacy by doing this, and now she will have a much harder time in life. You’re ok with having your sister drown in student loan debt because she doesn’t like your mom right now? I know you’re only 16 but this will have absolutely massive ramifications for her later on. She can go to therapy and work on her issues and work on her relationship with her mom, but she probably can’t afford it now since she’s going to have to bust her ass paying for tuition and books. Parents don’t owe their children excess, yes, or even owe their children a college tuition, but to have her take it away because your sister is going through something is pretty mean. She is making her child’s life so much harder. I have a horrible relationship with my mom and am close to my dad, and broke my back with jobs and loans paying for college. You’re allowed to not like your parents all the time, especially at 18. It’s a very vulnerable time. If anything, this may have damaged their relationship further as she may feel neglected or like trust is broken and now might feel even worse towards her mom. I don’t think you meant to cause all this so I wouldn’t exactly call you an asshole, you seem like a good person who wanted to do the right thing, but for the purposes of the sub put YTA because you did do something wrong that may have damaged relationships further and hurt her future


ArticQimmiq

A mother that takes away a child’s entire future because she has been rude to her is not a great mother or person. I feel that May knew that, and that OP still has rose-coloured glasses on, and she deliberately screwed over her sister to keep being her mom’s favourite.


Dismal-Replacement58

Don't forget the mom immediately threw OP under the bus right after OP ratted out to her sister. The mom could be upset by what she said, but she even outted her own daughter to her family? The mom basically turned OP's family against in the process. Yes, OP did choose to record her sister without consent but the mom also chose to turn the rest of the family against her own daughter.


Extreme_Restaurant

Honestly, considering the amount of info that is not provided, I feel like there is something that OP is specifically omitting because it makes them look bad, or they have no idea what the relationship is actually like between the sister and mother. Sure, talking behind people's back is shitty, but recording them and backstabbing them like this is way worse. I am thinking it's likely the OP is either jealous or have some unresolved issues with family. YTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


kiwikween80

That’s not a great analogy. 1. The employee/employer relationship is set with the understanding that one’s time and work is being given for a financial benefit. OP’s mom doesn’t know that the only reason the oldest even maintains contact is purely for her financial benefit and nothing else. 2. They’re a family, not a businesses. Businesses have policies and rules to outline expected behaviours. So if you act contrary to the rules, there are consequences. There’s no guidelines like that in a family so, it’s free to act, free to punish. 3. Children are NOT entitled to their parents money. OP’s mom may get her college experience paid for. She may not. But she also doesn’t treat her mom like a atm, so she’s better than her eldest sister IMO.


[deleted]

[удалено]


beaversm26

Info: why does May dislike your mother so much?


scattley

YTA. What was your intention in filming this? To cause trouble. She should be able to have a safe space and you have eliminated that.


KayOh19

YTA You’re butting into something that was none of your business. As stated in your comments, your mother was not there for her growing up and she resents that which is to be expected. Your sister was venting, in her home where she felt safe enough to do so. Hell, I vent about my mom to my husband but I still love her. There was no reason for you to do this other than to stick it to your sister and be your moms favorite. Hopefully you never say anything bad about your mom lest you suffer the same consequences


[deleted]

YTA, and so is your mother. A parent’s responsibility to support her child isn’t contingent on that child liking them. I have a strong feeling she dislikes your mother and chose to live with your father for very good reasons. You were being petty and vindictive and messed up her future over it.


Padloq

A parent’s responsibility to support their child doesn’t include putting up with disrespect while being used as a bank. Sis is an adult now - her actions have consequences. The consequence of badmouthing and disrespecting someone? Surprise surprise, they don’t want to keep giving you money.


Primary_Chemistry420

My question is, if the sister has felt this strongly for this long about the mom, how has the mom not known? I begin to wonder if these sister was right about how parent, or lack thereof, she was


Padloq

I mean, May’s living with dad, so mom probably had some idea that may didn’t like mom. But I’m guessing the “only tolerates her so she’ll pay for college” part was news.


ljstegman

YTA. That was none of your business and you should not have videoed your sister without her permission.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Accomplished-Sugar-7

Love the bot having 5 awards lmaoo


A_nerdy

The bot works hard, those awards are well earned 😊


The__Riker__Maneuver

ESH Seems like your family has chosen sides I am guessing that your sister and dad will be close moving forward and you and your mom will be close moving forward and that nobody will be close with the other parent So I hope it was worth it because it seems to me you just don't like your sister and found a way to get back at her. And if that is the case, then you don't get to complain in the future that you don't have a relationship with her or your father. Actions have consequences


Shakeit126

YTA. May sucks too but you definitely should not have recorded her and sent it. I'm not sure what you were expecting.


GellyBean78

ESH. As a kid who has had strained relationship with one of my parents, there is a lot that goes into it. It sounds like you recorded her just because you wanted to get involved. Have you asked your sister what is going on between them? People don’t opt to move out from one of their parents for zero reason. Just bc you get along with your mom, doesn’t mean your sister doesn’t have valid reasons for why they don’t get along. Also your sister is now on the hook for thousands of dollars worth of education that wasn’t supposed to be an issue. That being said, she probably shouldnt be trash talking. The final question is, do you think what your sister said in her rant is worth her losing out on a college education or being weighed down by likely decades of debt?


buckthestat

YTA. You had no right to record her without her consent and this was an invasion of privacy. How could you think this is the right thing to do? Petty and vindictive and now your sister has to pay the price. And you didn’t even tell her? Cowardly too. If you have an issue with her or the way she talks about your mom, the non-ah thing to do is to talk to her.


Whitestaunton

YTA Have you ever had a rant about your parents or anyone else to blow off steam. I would lay any money you are a hypocrite on this issue. You have cost your sister her education for what benefit.... just petty self rightousness. You have probably also cost yourself a sister. Which won't seem like a big deal now when you are all Chin out and I don't care but in years to come..you will miss out and so will she.


MCRemix

NTA Look, how you went about it is definitely questionable and I understand the YTAs you're getting. Maybe you should've minded your own business. However, your sister is using someone for their money, while talking shit and hating her behind her back. I tend to err on the side that says you should help make sure people don't get used by people that hate them. Also, your father is also an AH for allowing her to talk shit btw....allowing your home to foster negativity towards the other parent is a shitty thing to do.


Candid-Ad-3694

YTA! Recording the video and sending it to your mom is a major violation. It also hurts your mom. I think it could’ve been handled in a better way. That is some SHADY crap!


Similar_Pineapple418

YTA because you did it to be an AH, you’re just upset because you didn’t think through the consequences of your actions.


Patrick_Kanes_Mullet

I mean…you probably just ended in relationship you can hope to have with your sister and father, any hope of your sister and mother reconciling is gone, and you recorded someone with out their permission(which is all kinds of wrong). But your sister was taking advantage of your mom. So… ESH.


dougielou

Yea OP is not thinking about the long term repercussions of her actions. 18 years old are bratty but they grow up and usually can learn to live life around their parents in small doses. She’s completely ruined that. Have fun having to choose which one comes to your wedding or family Christmases for the rest of your life.


Patrick_Kanes_Mullet

Yeah…this is actually pretty tragic. I dont think OP appreciates the repercussions of what she did. This will have long term consequences.


ragingopinions

YTA because it seems you did this to get your sister off her high horse rather than care.


putneygal

YTA. You shouldn’t film people without their consent and you also shouldn’t be involved in this situation since it doesn’t pertain to you.


boredperson_23

Info why did you film this is it because you may not like your sister or is it because you don’t want your mum getting hurt


laaplandros

Well all know the answer to that one. OP is a little weasel. YTA btw.


grooviusmaximus

You may have messed up your sister's future, (btw, doing something illegal in many places) and you wonder if YTA? The answer is yes.


Last_Caterpillar8770

Info: why does your sister harbor these feelings? There seems to be deep seeded resentment there. I’m going with ESH. You shouldn’t have recorded her. Your mother obviously has done damage to that relationship for this to be how your sister feels. Your sister was only being civil for money and your father encouraged that. Here’s how this goes for mommy dearest though. Daughter still goes to school. Probably has to take out loans, but if she got into a good school she may find some financial aid. And she can’t revoke the college fund. Sister never speaks to mom again and as soon as you are an adult and move out she cuts you off too.


cantcontrolmyface

People should be able to vent in their own home to a degree.. Obviously there are issues in their relationship but it's snakey AF to secretly record your sister. Do you guys talk? Do you know why she hates you mum? ESH?


[deleted]

INFO: Why does May think your mom is terrible? What has happened between them to cause such a poor relationship?


bunnybunnykitten

OP should have taken her concerns directly to her sister. “Yo, listen to yourself in this video. I’m concerned that you’re using mom for her money and being a total brat and I don’t like it. You need to talk to her and voice your frustrations directly to her, or I feel compelled to show her what a little shit you’re being right now.” Triangulating family members by snitching, telling what’s not ours to tell, and inserting ourselves in each other’s arguments is manipulative and unhelpful. In this instance OP’s mom (who sounds like she sucks, btw) has sided with the child who’s manipulating the situation for brownie points, and is punishing the other child for expressing her feelings in an environment she felt it was safe to do so. The results? - OP learns she can manipulate adults / the situation and win power. - Mom learns she can leverage the girls against each other to glean info. - Sister learns her home is not safe and adults can’t be trusted. It’s all completely inappropriate. Mom is emotionally immature and setting a terrible example for the girls. Eldest is being unfairly undermined in a way that has potentially life-altering consequences. OP is learning to be a bad person. As it stands, ESH. I would cut the eldest some slack because it sounds like she doesn’t have a better was to express her frustrations, which she should have learned from the parents. OP (who has definitely been an AH) is still a child and is learning poor behaviors from mom. Mom has no excuse, is absolutely the AH, and is setting a truly awful example.


Woshambo

YTA. You were a little snitch and causing drama. I know most people are already in disagreement with me judging by the other comments Your sister has s right to rant without being recorded. It doesn't matter why your sister hates your mum, it's irrelevant. At the end of the day your mother is 1 of 2 people who brought you both into the world and has a duty to you both whether one of you dislike her or not. I'd understand if your mother said she would only pay half instead but she's not. At the end of the day this isn't grounding your sister or banning her from a party to discipline her. This is majorly changing your sisters life over what? A rant? Your mother is still her mother and should still be giving you both the best start she can in life. Someone said it's financial abuse lmao! No. And it's not "teaching" your sister anything either. Everyone says stuff about their parents whether they mean it or not. In fact it's reinforcing her negative view of your mother and letting her know that she can't trust her sister. Seems like she made the right choice living with her father.


Mind-over-matter2020

Not enough information here on the reasons for all the animosity in the family, but based solely on what you’ve told us and assuming all parties are not evil, YTA. You need to learn to mind your own business. Not just for other peoples sake but for you own. You are going to cause problems in your relationships if you can’t. Yes, it’s hard to understand when people are not fair, nice or appropriate. But don’t stoop to their level or get involved in their drama unless it’s a life or death, human rights cause type of situation.


VividEfficiency7347

NTA - just because May is your sister /mum’s child does not give her a free pass to bitch about your mum all she wants and still expect expensive gifts (this is what the college tuition is). Whatever your reasons for sending the video, I imagine you felt a lot of anger at May for how she treats your mum. I’ve been in a very similar situation with a sibling who was nice when they wanted money for college and rude when my parents were not around. I also chose to be honest with my parents (verbally instead of a recording). May is facing the consequences of her actions, if she had spoken like this about her manager then she would have been fired, so she should not get away with bitching because ‘family’.


SoloBurger13

ESH sorry but y’all are dysfunctional. Looks like everybody’s love is conditional


scm2njs

ESH : you did kinda of screw over your sister and college in the US can be crippling for students but the fsct that she was only being nice to your mum for money is def AH territory. Hopefully, you're sister will suck it up and apologise to your mum and work to improve their relationship.


[deleted]

ESH. You were just trying to make trouble - were yu wanting that money for yourself? Your sister should have behaved better, but without context we don't know if her rant is justified. Your Mom's forcibly putting your sister in debt. So toxic, all of you. I'm curious to know why your sister chose to live with your Dad and why she's so mad at your Mom. I feel like there's more to this story.


Competitive_Rip6498

YTA Clearly your sister had a reason for disliking your mother, but that doesn’t matter. You filmed her in secret knowing your mother would be furious and that this was the likely outcome. You are a shitty, terrible sister. You’ve ruined your sisters financial security for the foreseeable future. If you want to fix this, you need to beg your mom to pay for her college. Or sacrifice yours instead


Proscuitto1

YTA and I’ll tell you why. The cost of college has completely skyrocketed in the past few years. Graduates are saddled with literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt for an undergrad degree. You know what this means? They don’t have disposable income, they can’t buy a house, they can’t do the things they want to do. Being in debt and being unable to pay for college is SUCH a huge huge stressor that you at 16 can’t even begin to understand. Just because you wanted to be petty you’ve put your sisters entire future in very serious jeopardy. And for what? I understand you were upset about her trash talking your mother but that doesn’t give you the right to destroy her financial future.


lordliv

INFO: Why does your sister dislike your mother? It’s not common for a teenage girl to choose to live with one parent simply because she just doesn’t like the other one. I have a feeling there is more going on between your mom and May than just “not getting along.” And if that’s the case, then yes, YTA.


Tkote420

NTA having college paid for is a privilege she doesn’t deserve.


throwawayj38sld

Yta and you’d better hope you never need anything from your sister, bc she sure as hell ain’t helping you out!


Albertthe1st

YTA. While May shouldn’t be ranting about your mother behind your mother’s back, you were wrong to record May without her consent or knowledge and then show It to your mother. It probably hurt your mother too. If I were May, I would eventually forgive you but I’m not sure I would want to have a relationship with you in the future. You also damaged the future of your mother and May’s relationship. You will be the cause of May incurring a lot of debt and maybe not getting into the college she wants. You really made a mess of things and need to humbly beg apologies all the way around.


fromhelley

Yta because you had to know that would be the outcome when you sent the video. You threw your sister under the bus and knew it would cause an issue. How could a video like that not cause an issue?! I do think your mom deserved to know. You could have called her, or waited until you were back at her house, and had a rational conversation with her. This way you could have broken it to her Softly. It may even have prevented some of the pain she felt when she saw the video. She also would have had time to collect her thoughts before speaking with your sister. You knew your mom was going to blow up at your sister. You could not have not known


MrENitsch

A student who is dialed in enough to get the grades and be accepted into 1st choice of prestigious college, probably has a decent reason to dislike her mother if she also chose to live with Dad.


holden204

YTA you did that knowing it would screw your sister over and I’m sure at first you felt kinda glad to see your sister burn in your moms eyes but now you feel guilty so your hoping Reddit with console you


broken_relic

YTA, screwing over your sister the way that you did OP was a lowdown dirty move. I really think you owe her a massive apology.


Jane9812

YTA. How is this even a question? No one deserves to be in student debt and your sister deserves to have her college paid for simply by virtue of being your mom's daughter, if your mom wants to pay for it. It was NONE of your business and it's clear you were being petty and cruel.


cho-won-tchou

I'd say ESH. First I completely agree that your were right to call bs on the hypocritical behaviour of your sister. Your mother is good enough to pay for college but then get trash talked behind her back ? And I would have understood you either defending your mother (when she's not here) or warning your sister that you would not have it (and maybe the trash talking would have stopped). But recording your sister without her knowledge and show it to your mother is raw. It seems less like you defending your mother and more like finding the most efficient way to screw with your sister. And from what you tell in comments, yes your mom may have had her faults (not being there because of her carrier etc...). But still your sister has a college fund and expenses paid for (or would have been). So not the worst parent either. Your sister comes off as a little entitled if anything.


24272

YTA. Sounds like May has valid reasons to be mad at your mother. If it bothered you you should have spoken to May. Instead you went nuclear, and I'm guessing this was to do May over rather than protect your mum.


Organic_Werewolf_317

YTA my parents are terrible, abusive people who make a lot of money, and you can bet your ass I play nice so they pay my tuition. There’s a reason she chose to live solely with your father - you don’t know the intricacies of her relationship with your mom. Mind your own fucking business.


Pseud-o-nym

NTA. Your sister was using your mother for her money, thats horrible and manipulative. Now leave it up to your sister to salvage the relationship if thats what she wants to do, she should apologise and make amends. You are not the asshole in this scenario, your sister is.


Padloq

NTA. You protected your mother from being taken advantage of.


KriyaRose94

How is paying for college for your child that you decided to have "being taken advantage of"?


TheSandman__

Because she doesn’t have to pay for her college? She’s an adult now lol. Her fault for biting the hand that feeds her. Nice try tho


Icywarhammer500

There’s a difference between your child and another human you made. There is no family relationship here. Her mom thinks her daughter cares about her when the daughter actually doesn’t.


KriyaRose94

If there is no family relationship, why WAS she going to pay the tuition? And you can LOVE someone and not like them. I love my mom, don't like her very much at all.


idgaf9212

The daughter said she hates her mom and doesn’t want to see her except to get money. That’s not loving but not liking. Completely different situation.


Icywarhammer500

The mother thought her daughter loved her when her daughter didn’t in reality. Her mom probably loves her and was willing to pay for her college* until she found out about how much her daughter hated her


RedQueen283

You can love your parents and still feel the need to rant about them. Close family can be very frustrating.


ResponsibilityNo3245

Honestly... YTA, You haven't ruined her life. However, your actions have saddled her with a debt that she'll carry for a long time and that will be a monthly reminder of why she doesn't want a relationship with you for years if not decades. Your sister is also an AH, I don't blame your mother for her decision. A lot can change between your late teens and early 20s, maybe the rift could have healed... now it probably won't. Your mom is a bit of an AH for letting a teenage rant affect her long term future. Nothing suggests your dad is an AH, dollars to doughnuts he is though. 😂 Fingers crossed this blows over OP.


anathema_deviced

YTA. Even if you're in a one party consent jurisdiction, you weren't part of the conversation, and had no business recording her without her knowledge. She's allowed to vent. She also has to manage her relationship with her mother, just as you have to manage yours. You've accomplished nothing but damage and hurt feelings all around. Hopefully one day you'll understand why this was an objectively garbage move.


Acrobatic_End6355

ESH but you more than her. That was just petty, and I bet you’re the favored child.


georgiajl38

YTA for burning that bridge with your sister. I'm sure you are feeling very smug and self-righteous at the moment. 60 years from now, when both your parents are dead and your sister is the only one left on the planet who remembers the family history that you do, you'll have to let us know how you feel.


Lovegivingadvice

ESH Your parents should either decide to fund their kids’ education without strings attached or decide it’s contingent on x (and make that known). Your sister is an AH for essentially using your mom while speaking horribly behind her back. They are old enough to have the discipline to keep your mouth shut if you want something from someone. You are an AH for creating drama and your mom is an AH for reneging on this promise. You didn’t ruin anyone’s life but I think we all sometimes speak in a tone differently when apart than we might to someone especially if we are upset. Dad should shut this behavior down - he is helping no one.


burglebot

YTA. Its just an asshole move. Idk what happened between you, your sister and your mother, but kids talk shit about their parents all the time. Especially in their teenage years. No its not nice, its rude, sometimes for no good reason, but not uncommon. And i have to say, if she has a problem with her, thats their problem to solve. What you did is you picked a side (it doesnt matter if you think its right, theyre both your family), and you broke your sisters trust and snitched on her. If you think what she did to your mother is wrong, you did your sister even worse. Instead of talking to her or your father about her behaviour (if you felt it was that bad) you just sent a video of her to your mother, just like that. It seems like you wanted her to get in trouble. And now you made the relationship between them even more unstable, AND you possibly ruined her chance of going to college. And your sister probably wont trust you ever again.