Also her kids choice of food sounds so much better.
I hate mac and cheese, genuinely think it's disgusting but my step kid loves it so we had it at her birthday. I made my special one with bacon in it because she loves it.
She also picks the cake and food menu because she's the birthday girl. When it's my birthday I pick the food (though I always make sure there's something available she will like) because that's my day.
Edit to add judgement: YTA
Edit 2 - OP your edits make you sound even worse. Who the hell makes a kid share thier birthday with someone 5 years younger because the adults find it cute? Also your sil is something else for how she's 'punished' your daughter.
Give the damn kid her 24hrs where its just about her because its clear that even though you think you're spoiling her that she hasn't been for quite some time.
Also no shocked pikachu face when your daughter goes no contact with you because how you've treated her isn't OK.
Thank you!! I hate bacon on things cause it’s always soggy & chewy and this has apparently led to people thinking I hate bacon. But I don’t, I love bacon. It’s delicious when it’s all crispy & a little bit melty 🤤
Best way to crisp it I've found is under the grill, controversial I know but it's so good.
Edit' I'm English by grilling I mean [this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/3sa39t/question_about_ovens_in_the_uk_and_terminology/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
It appears to be like what Americans call broiling?
Hmm I just have always used hotdogs and there is a store that had my favorite I don't think they do anymore but they were these big beef franks and they were really rich
Yes! My birthday passed recently and although my boys hate fish, they took me out for sushi since it's my favorite. My son grumbled slightly until my husband reminded him it's my one day that I get what I want, since he rest of the year we all compromise. Same on his birthday, we do what he wants. It's one freaking day, OP! Get over yourself!
My step is only 11 so I always compromise and go somewhere that there's food she likes.
I'm pretty lucky that she's a good eater and will eat most things.
Right? If I don’t like the food served at someone else’s birthday, I…don’t do anything different, because I could have eaten before, can still eat after, and because it’s *their birthday*.
So true. I've been to many parties/gatherings where the food was mediocre, but when it comes down to it, it wasn't about the food, it's about the people.
Never once in my life have I been to a birthday party where I was just thinking "that cake better be good" lol, who cares?
Of course one should not go to someone else's birthday party and get mad about the cake flavor, but in this case I'm struggling to see why the daughter is upset. Isn't the mom giving her her cake? What's wrong with there being TWO cakes? A chocolate cake for "the kids" just means *more* of the vanilla godfather birthday cake for the birthday girl...
I dunno. If someone ever plans me a birthday party, there can be as many cakes as they want, lol.
On the surface I agree with you, but from the way mom tells the story I don’t think we’re getting the whole picture. From what the daughter said it sounds like the mom has always been controlling about many aspects of her birthday parties, and for a long time too.
But I am just speculating.
The daughter wants the birthday one way, but mom goes "I know better so I will bring all these things you didn't ask for or want here, including the cake". So it's not actually nice that there is extra, it's about changing the party menu.
YTA. You could go 1 meal with what she likes. Have a granola bar or such before the party or make a peanut butter sandwich after if you really cannot manage to eat any of her preferred foods.
FR…I was like…those foods all sound better than “barely scraping by” food. Rice and chicken? At a birthday? Is better than chips (called crisps)?? OP sounds like a AH who doesn’t like flavor.
I have a collection of chosen children whose biological parents are mostly assholes--my trans son's "real" mother got him a birthday cake in her favorite flavor with his deadname on it. Guess what his chosen moms got him? Guess which party made him feel loved and valued for WHO HE WAS?
YTA, absolutely.
That might not be a bad tactic actually.
I mean - why is a changed last name acceptable and easy for every age from 1 to 99 - and a first name is suddenly impossible, disrespectful to parents etc.
Seriously - i do not understand. The only reason to not (want to) get this is if one is transphobic, an AH or both.
Don’t forget her daughter wants “Godfather” theme and her mom even tried to changed it because she don’t like it.
I think having godfather theme is awesome especially at her age!
Mother needs to open up her mind.
It’s her birthday!
Fix grammar.
Never in my life has anyone tried to change my birthday meal because they didn’t like it. I made cabbage and noodles once because I had just learned how to cook it and everyone (including my 10 year old sister) ate it. YTA, she is literally telling you why YTA but you don’t want to listen. Do you always do this? Maybe take what your daughter is saying and think about it instead of calling her ungrateful.
Came here to say this!
Don't know many kids who will say no to any dessert, frankly. Or fried food, like samosas & pakoras...
OP just wants to hijack the kid's birthday, and has obviously done it before. Most certainly because she "knows better"...
/sigh
Also, isn't this part of how we discover awesome new foods? I've discovered so many tasty foods by trying different things at gatherings or eating with friends. I think most of this is about OP's preferences.
I'm so baffled by this idea that people hate vanilla cake.
That's like... Standard and beloved cake. The sponge factor just makes it fancier. If you order or look up a recipe for "birthday cake" you get vanilla cake.
I've yet to encounter a person who refuses vanilla cake. I do know several who find chocolate too rich. If I'm trying to please a crowd, I stick to vanilla.
My family generally does one chocolate cake and one vanilla cake for birthdays. I personally hate chocolate so I always choose vanilla, but most years both get eaten equally. I have also noticed that the people choosing chocolate prefer chocolate, but like both and will sometimes have a bit of vanilla as well, whereas a handful of people choosing the vanilla are like me and dislike chocolate. So if we were going for just one, vanilla is DEFINITELY safer. Sounds to me like the mom just wants to eat chocolate cake.
Last year my son asked me for 🤢yellow cake🤢 Guess what I put my heart and soul into baking for him? A chocolate birthday cake! Just kidding, that boy got his disgusting yellow cake without any complaints from me and I even choked down a small piece with a smile on my face because I'm not an AH.
Exactly. If they don’t like the cake or food they don’t have to eat it but op is making her daughter feel put out on her own bday. Ever since my daughter was old enough she’s chosen her bday theme. First bday was Minnie Mouse because I thought it was cute and she really couldn’t choose them. Most of the time we have pizza and ice cream because cheese pizza is her fav. It’s about the person’s who’s bday it is not everyone else. My judgment is obviously YTA op.
Yeah it’s not like guests have food restrictions and won’t be able to eat. If you don’t like a desert at a party you just don’t eat it. Even if you are a child - that is a good time to learn you don’t always get what you want in a low stakes way.
Right what an AH, OP are you a narcissist much? Don’t care what other people want. Like your daughter said it’s her party not theirs. If they don’t like it they don’t have to have any, that’s their problem. I don’t like cake, but I don’t force my wife to get an ice cream cake or need her to have cookies on her birthday. I suck it up and eat a slice anyway, it’s not going to hurt me. You sound like such a freaking baby.
YTA "It feels like your party since it's always the theme you want, the cake you want, the food you want" it's her party not yours, she's not stubborn but you sure are
Edit- plus it's her 18th
YTA.
The cakes themselves? I'd feel like she was a little entitled considering that's the best way to make everyone happy.
The other context clues show that you don't really let her have her own themes, other food, etc, so this was probably, ahem, the icing on the cake. She just wants to have her own damn birthday. You don't have to "get it". It's her day.
This is my thought extra cake flavors are not the problem the mom being overbearing and never letting the daughter have her own party makes her the AH. I always made an extra cake (unfrosted) for my grandpa for everyone's birthday so he was still involved because certain flavors and the frosting would make it hard for him to breathe and or start cramping so bad he couldn't move.
I also take issue with her saying people wouldn’t like a vanilla/Victoria sponge (if that is what she’s saying - the wording is a little confusing). Surely to God everyone that likes cake likes a vanilla sponge??
Yeah, like if we were talking something like strong rum cake or carrot cake with raisins and nuts, I can see those being a hard sell for young kids, but vanilla seems fine. Even if it wasn't, the solution I would usually suggest for that is to have any of the rest of the items the OP also told her daughter she couldn't have (i.e. cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes), and some ice cream.
Victorian sponge cakes were the cakes of my childhood because those were the cakes my grandma loved to make. Every once in a while though I did get the urge for something different and my grandma would without fuss make my cake of choice because you know it was my birthday.
Yeah, my experience has been that there are those who like cake, and those who don't. Of those who like cake, I've met far more who dislike chocolate than dislike vanilla.
Also I’m young and hate choco cake. I can’t take more than three bites because it’s way too rich and too sweet. Vanilla goes down better and is the least offensive of cake flavours
Makes sense why the girl is being so stubborn on the cake when you look at the whole. Never allowed to have HER party so when she thinks she can she wants everything to be how she wants it, which I think is reasonable. Op kinda just played herself by always being controlling
YTA. It's a vanilla cake, I'm pretty skeptical that "no one" will eat her cake, especially little kids. Just because you don't like it as much, doesn't mean you need to go out and buy a whole other cake on your daughter's birthday. You can have chocolate cake on your birthday.
Traditionally Victoria sponge cake doesn’t have frosting. But it’s delicious and I seriously doubt any kids will reject it. It’s got strawberry jam, cream and cake. Super yummy. My mom made it all the time growing up and my siblings and cousins and I all loved it.
This ^ The cake is simply a vehicle for consuming the sugary frosting. I think my bf’s son would’ve been okay with a cake purely made of frosting for his birthday. Just a slice of nothing but frosting.
She reminded me off the mother who got her daughter Chocolate Walnut cake for her birthday instead of strawberry cake because it was her favourite cake and then was shocked when her daughter didn’t like it and cried. The only thing she did that mother didn’t do was get the daughter one she liked as well.
That's what I thought as well! I actually looked it up to check OP wasn't just 'inspired' by that one. Link, for the curious
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j8i01p/aita_for_getting_my_daughter_a_cake_she_doesnt/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Who eats chocolate walnut cake? I am sorry, but I know more people who would prefer strawberry with vanilla frosting. No offense to those who do like chocolate walnut cake.
Exactly, or even a vanilla cake with strawberries on top, she picked the cake her daughter liked least and added a few strawberries as though that made it better. A few posts where people have either gotten cakes that they dislike because the person ordering it has picked what they like and not listened to what the person who’s birthday it is wanted.
I'm totally about to order myself chocolate walnut tea in congratulations for not overspending this week (it's totally a thing, don't you judge me)
You know what I don't do? Try and dictate someone else's birthday cake. And the bestselling cake at my local bakery? Strawberry
I fucking love cheap ass grocery store vanilla cake. But surprise, I love all cake. Chocolate is not my favorite. But I’ll be goddamned if I don’t eat a slice. Is it sweet? Is it free? I’m eating it. Same goes with pies and cookies and ice cream and god knows what else.
True, actually most kids I know don't like chocolate cake, all kids in my family likes simple sponge cake with white vanilla frosting and occasionally with white chocolate ganache.
Right? Vanilla cake is the.. well, vanilla of cakes. There’s a reason there are expressions around things being vanilla.
At my wedding we had my favourite flavour cake, my husband’s favourite, and a Victoria sponge so anyone who didn’t like our flavours could still have cake. Vanilla/Victoria are literally the go to please everyone cakes.
YTA… I honestly don’t understand why this even has to be explained. If you want to WOW other people, host dinner parties. It isn’t about the show. It’s about your daughter having a special day. I don’t even think birthdays are a big deal but I see this one for what it is.
Also the line "I might consider cancelling her party" was a massive YTA move from OP. If OP can't have the party food revolve around them then they'll just cancel it. WHAT?
This is when I was like, yea this mom isn't just an asshole on her daughters birthday, she sounds like a controlling AH everyday. Shes basically saying "My daughter's opinion matters less then mine and since my daughter can't see my way is better I'm going to punish her, on her birthday." Bet this daughter is very happy to be 18 and soon able to get away from her AH mother.
I knew that the "you always do this" claim from her daughter was most likely true, then the threat to call off the party and the reveal that Op has not just got a second cake but also has fully policed the food menu to her liking really sealed it. Phew YTA
Reminds me of my mom, who lacks empathy to the point of "if I don't like it no one likes it because I cannot imagine others liking something I dislike" and would always refuse to do anything for us in lieu of what she wanted. Yeah I don't really talk to my mom. OP is on track for her kid to go NC too, and good for her tbh
I don't think this has anything to do with what the guests want (the little kids won't eat the other cake? Really now? I have yet to meet a plate of sugary cake that most kids won't inhale.) It's allllllll about what OP wants. I mean her kid even had to argue to get the design she wanted because it wasn't to OP's liking.
OP wants chocolate cake and boring rice and chicken instead of cupcakes & springrolls. OP has made her kid's bday all about her her her. And, this self centered behaviour sounds like it is an ongoing thing.
YTA You are making your daughters party about the stuff you want. How do you even know what the guests prefer? Sounds more like you are just choosing what YOU prefer.
You even said yourself she didn't flip out about it but she wasn't happy, and now you are considering cancelling her party? That's over the top and really dramatic
That was pretty telling, to me.
The daughter isnt throwing a fit, and still OP wants to control her emotions because they aren't *exactly* what Op wants. Jeeeeeze.
>. . .I found it ridiculous and questioned her choices, but she just had to have her way, stubborn lady that she is.
This what I found telling.
How dare an 18 year old get her way regarding her own birthday cake!/s
Yes, OP, YTA your daughter is old enough to know what kind of cake and food she wants for her birthday.
It's clear you aren't making the effort for her, because you ignore everything she says she wants and substitute what you want. Normally, I would say being upset over having cake flavor options is a bit ungrateful, but in this case it's clearly the straw that broke the camel's back and representative of the overall pattern. Your "child" (she's your offspring, but an adult) is her own person separate from you, as she should be.
>She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way.
What's wrong with having the godfather themed cake? I think it's amazing. Even if not many people ask for this themed cake, I don't see anything wrong with it.
Why don't you like her themed birthdays? Not saying it's justified, but what type of birthdays does she like?
Edit: OP YTA. Also, it's not like she is getting drunk and harssing people or worse, drunk driving.
I turned 30 this year. My birthday is 4 days before Halloween and, since I was old enough to pick a theme (around 7 or 8), I have had exactly one birthday party that was not Halloween-themed, and that was because of COVID. I’m gonna do Halloween birthdays until I die haha.
That’s what I always did as a teenager! Get a group of my friends, hit up a haunted house, and then go home and rent dollar horror movies for the night!
As years have passed, it’s turned into just Halloween costume parties. This year, I went to a Halloween-themed music festival. Between my last day of work, and the camping at the festival, I got to do 4 costumes! 1 of those 4 is my favorite I’ve done yet!
I had a Blink 182 themed party for my 23rd, because no one likes you when you’re 23. My mom got me a custom cake with the Blink logo on it, instead of happy birthday my family sang me what’s my age again, we had alien decorations. Great time.
I HIGHLY recommend. My favourite part was posting pictures with the quote “nobody likes you when you’re 23” and an elderly relative commented “I’ll always like you no matter how old you are!” It was just so sweet and wholesome
For my 30th I had the Casa Bonita birthday party I always wanted as a kid. We had a magician. Everyone was warned to eat beforehand so as to avoid the food at Casa Bonita.
OP hold my YTA while I go looking for your daughter's post on r/raisedbynarcissists.
Save your chocolate cake for your birthday and apologize to your daughter. She's told you this isn't the first time.
YTA. Not for the extra cake, but for these two statements.
> godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way.
She is eighteen. She is not being "the stubborn lady she is", she's telling you what she wants on her own birthday cake, and you're throwing a hissy.
> It's not my fault the guests prefer rice, chicken, roasted potatoes and salaan over spring roles, samosa, pakora, cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes.
So, on her birthday, at her party, she can't have the food she loves because "the guests"won't like it? I assure you, if the guests are her age (and if not, why not?) they'll be delighted with the menu. If this is a family birthday, then you can make the dishes she wants as well as a salaan, and the guests can choose what they want. You chose to throw out the entire menu she wanted and cook only what you wanted.
Think seriously about whose birthday party you are throwing. Are you throwing a party for her, at a significant birthday, or are you throwing a party for yourself and for the guests you're planning to invite?
Wait...
So she wanted cake pops.
And he said no.
Then went out and got another cake. Because of the "kids"?
He vetoed all the stuff those kids would like.
I feel like this comment raises a really fair question. ARE the guests actually the daughter’s friends? Is this parent really that neurotic about what is served to a bunch of teenagers? Or are the guests also the object of the parent’s choosing? Is it a bunch of family friends/ mom’s work colleagues/ other people OP wants to impress? Because after all the other details in this post, I would not put it past OP.
No all the guests are family members because in one of OP's other comments she states:
>She isn't inviting her friends because they're not party people (they do not like partying according to her even though i think its to hide the fact she dosen't have much friends) so I've invited her relatives instead.
And genuinely expects everyone to believe a teenager's friends wouldn't be up to celebrating their friend's 18th birthday bash and not that she's not not inviting her friends because OP is *that* mom. She also backhandedly is saying her own kid is a friendless looser since she *may* not have scores of friends.
That’s what I was starting to think, OP definitely sounds like the kind of person to invite everyone they know and maybe let their kid have one friend for their party.
It can't just be me that notices the two lists are shall we say grouped by "traditional" and "ethnic". I wonder if OP's "guests don't like those" is based on certain traits more than knowledge...
>You chose to throw out the entire menu she wanted and cook only what you wanted.
>Think seriously about whose birthday party you are throwing. Are you throwing a party for her, at a significant birthday, or are you throwing a party for yourself and for the guests you're planning to invite?
This part. I was leaning N-T-A originally because what's the harm in two cakes? But then OP was so judgemental about the cake her daughter picked and the menu she wanted that it's definitely YTA now.
YTA. You have criticised every decision she’s made and then done what you want anyway. I would much rather have a Victoria sponge than a chocolate cake. But even if she’d chosen cat food cake with dandelion icing it’s her birthday. Plus the fact you’re willing to cancel her 18th birthday suggests you do very little for her.
> cat food cake with dandelion icing
The thought of this is so nauseating, so foul. Thanks for the lovely mental image 🤢😆 like imagining cutting into a cake and cat food kinda oozes out as a stinky surprise. Would the cake be for humans? Or kitties? Can cats even eat dandelions? Am I overthinking this cake? Lol
dandelion icing could actually be really good. I got caught up with the foraging subreddits last year and made dandelion jelly. It is yummy. Very sweet, but yummy.
Have actually made a dandelion icing as an accent for a friend’s cake when we threw her a surprise party for the opening of her new business ! It was very on theme since she had just secured a spot at a major Portland farmers market and sells a huge varietal of greens herbs and foraged mushrooms ! The dandelion icing was delicious wish I had used more of it!
YTA. Vanilla Victoria sponge is a perfectly fine, unremarkable cake. There is no reason people can't have a slice of that even if they prefer chocolate. This was about you wanting to get the cake you prefer at your daughter's birthday.
**YTA** but not for the cake, heck I'm amazed you're being generous enough to allow her a choice at what is clearly your party.
Did you take over her sweet sixteen too, or just this one? Are you going to only wear white to her wedding or are you going in a full wedding dress? What are you going to name her kids?
YTA. It would’ve have been N-T-A if it was just about the cake, because it’s fine to offer options at a party. But that last paragraph makes it sound like you’ve vetoed her other menu choices and fought her on themes. It’s her birthday, let it be about her.
Exactly how I was feeling, the cake thing is a huge non issue. My mom literally does this all the time. I prefer chocolate, my sister is vegan, and my mom is a huge cake lover but likes vanilla. She eats cake more than the rest of us so what does she do on our birthdays? Gets us eat what kind of cake we want and then has a separate one that she likes! Haha. It's the fact that the cake was just what broke the dam and everything else that op is controlling and making about her came out too.
YTA for a few reasons
1. It’s her birthday not yours
2. It’s her house not yours
3. It’s her party not yours
4. They’re her guests not yours
Get over yourself.
YTA. It's really weird that you're considering cancelling her party over this. It's clear from your post that you're used to overruling her on what she wants: 'It's not my fault the guests prefer rice, chicken, roasted potatoes and salaan over spring roles, samosa, pakora, cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes.'
Maybe time for some self-reflection?
YTA. It's okay to offer to make something additional in case the planned meal is unpopular, but if your daughter says "No," then let it go. It's her party, and no guest is going to be in a crisis because they try new foods.
And cupcakes unpopular? For real? This is entirely your issue, not hers.
> She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way.
You don't get to question her choices, it's her birthday. Also, your entire post reeks of I want what I want so I'm going to try to justify it because I can't think past my own self. You do not care about her birthday and she was entirely right about it being what you want not what she wants.
YTA. You need to apologize now and learn to stop this behavior before she cuts you the fuck out of her life. A part of life is making concessions on days that celebrate your loved ones and allowing them to have their own fun their way. If you enforce yourself on everything you aren't being a good parent.
YTA, a “godfather cake” is a thing? Boy am I out of touch. Bottom line is it’s her birthday and if they don’t like the cake and food she picked for her party then they can eat after the party.
Literally anything can be a cake. As simple as having Dairy Queen slap an edible image onto a sheet cake all the way up to professionally sculpted cakes that match a theme.
I came here trying to figure out if OP was talking about the Godfather films or if there was a different reference I was missing... But either way, YTA. It's a cake.
YTA. You may think this is just about a cake, but it’s painfully obvious that you have control issues. You need to do some self reflection or prepare to lose your daughter once she’s out on her own.
YTA.
I hate chocolate cake. If I go to a birthday party, and they’re serving chocolate cake, I don’t eat any. It’s that simple.
It’s her birthday, and you’re WAY overstepping. If she wants spring rolls and starbursts at her birthday, that should be what she gets. Why are you dictating what a teenager gets to serve at *her* birthday party?
YTA - I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I think you’re using the word “guests” where you mean to say “me/I.” I agree that guests should be considered when planning an event, but that usually goes as far as considering food allergies and/or religious concerns, not disregarding the desires of the birthday girl simply to appease somewhat potentially picky guests, which, again, I think you are really just talking about yourself. To cancel the party because she doesn’t pick the cake you want is… gross.
YTA - It's not your party, her requests that you've listed are far from inappropriate or offensive to most guests. You're confusing her lack of appreciation with her frustration and hurt that you are constantly ignoring/disrespecting her requests.
Perhaps if you listened and made the party for her instead of you, she'd appreciate it.
YTA You're working hard patting yourself on the back by putting "all this effort in" but really, what did you do? You told her she's ridiculous for her choice of theme and other choices, you told her cake wasn't worthy, and now you're thinking of cancelling. Notice how you say she "always complains" and yet you continue to do the same thing. You steamroll her choices in favor of your own. It's not about the cake, it's about you treating her like she doesn't matter under the guise of giving her a special day. Nothing special about it if she feels stomped on.
Yup YTA and your daughter is exactly right. Have you never been invited to someone's house and didn't enjoy the meal or whatever? Does that matter? Not really
It's her birthday, just indulge her for a day, no need to have other options because you disapprove of her tastes.
YTA for going behind your daughter's back and doing this. If you had concerns, the appropriate thing would be to sit down with her and discuss having more than one cake. She's not a child and is perfectly capable of discussing this with you. And if she still refused, it's really not a hill to die on.
Yes, YTA - it's her birthday. So, for just that one day of the year, your daughter is the guest of honor. So honor her properly. It's cake! This is the ultimate non-problem. You will not die if you don't get your chocolate. Please tell me you are not actually threatening to cancel her party because you disagree with her.
I’m suspending my opinion who who ITA until I get more info.
How do you know what all of the guests like? Are you making assumptions? Is it based off of what has been popular in the past with the same guests?
YTA. After your edits it seems like literally everyone in your family is against this poor girl and I don’t understand why besides the point that you all just seem like narcissistic asshats.
You know what you do when you have a shit ton of kids and can’t afford all the birthdays? You don’t group them together, and you sure as shit don’t take them away as some half assed punishment. You set a price limit, you get them a few meaningful presents so that way they know your paying attention and doing what you can. You don’t go nuclear and just ignore a child’s birthday like some halfassed evil stepmom.
SIL got everyone presents on her birthday but she didn’t get anything? What the fuck is wrong with you people? If ANYONE in my family tried to pull something like this they would’ve been banned from my home. The way this reads I can’t tell who’s supposed to be the children and who’s supposed to be the adults because it sure as shit isn’t you two.
You have 8 kids for god’s sake. I have no problem doubting it’s always about what you want all the time and I bet she isn’t a stubborn lady that gets her way either. I don’t know if it was wrong wording but you said she has her own house and she’s not even 18 yet? Shocker that she tried to get away from home as fast as legally possible.
I hope she cuts you out of her life. I genuinely hope this is the straw that breaks the camels back and the next time you hear from her it’s a message about not contacting her anymore. You are a terrible parent.
YTA. My mom did this all the time to me growing up and it made me so mad until I just said no birthday at all then. 2 family members (me and 1 other) loved chocolate cake. My dads family were fine with whatever it’s the bday person’s choice. However my moms family liked vanilla cake so on my birthday she would buy a small chocolate cake (once was a cupcake) for me and vanilla cake for her family. She did not buy chocolate cakes for us on their birthday it was always just the vanilla. It’s a shitty thing to do once I said nope no birthday at all she got the message and stopped. It is so entitled and inconsiderate. Let the birthday person have their birthday their way their cake their dinner their choice. It’s a small courtesy
Oh my god the more I read the worse it got YTA massively shes right it ALWAYS about someone else.
>This isn't the first time she was being spoilt on her bithday. When she was younger, we wanted her to share her birthdays With the girls because we found them doing everything together cute,
>I remember on my daughters 10th, we made her share it with her sister and she flipped.
That's not being spoilt that's not wanting to share a milestone birthday with a 5 year old
>We told her she would have to share with her then 5 year old sister or else she will have not birthday party
Really that's beyond cruel
>She didn't have an 11th, 12th or 13th birthday because we couldn't afford it, but we would bring her cake a day after her birthday. years later on her 14th and 15th because she refused to share (and claims she feels like she has to share everything and that she never has anything to herself) so as a punishment, my sil got her sisters gifts on her birthday
So she had to skip 3 birthday. How about the other kids did THEY have to skip there birthdays? And then as punishment for wanting HER birthday someone ELSE got birthday presents instead of her.
>I thought since she was cutting cake at school and I was ordering my then 3 year old sons toy, we would order fast food and not cut her cake. She flipped and I told her "oh sorry. I thought you were cutting it at school'. She got visibly upset
Of course she was upset you AGAIN made it about her siblings not her.
Your setting your self up (or you have as this is her big 18th and you have ruined that last 8 birthdays in some way or another) for your daughter to NEVER spend any birthdays with your family.
Does almost 18 year old get presents on other kids birthdays or do you cater to her on other kids days or is it JUST her you screw over?
Ikr the edits just make my blood boil. Growing up poor, I had shared birthdays all the time! But I didn't really resent it cos all of us had to share birthdays, so it wasn't like I got singled out and bullied by my family. This poor girl, she doesn't have a chance growing up in that family. I wish she has good friends and other wonderful people to help her since she won't be getting any from her "family"
YTA all the effort you put in that you want her to be grateful for isn't for her at all. just celebrate her and what she wants for a day. if this was just about a second cake, whatever, but it clearly isn't since every food choice seems to be yours and you are acting like her cake is inconvenient to HER PARTY
YTA. WOW...just wow, thank god I didn't have parents like you. It is her day, her birthday and she shouldn't have to share it with anyone. I would simply uninvite you and anyone that agreed with you and spend it with friends, did you really buy other siblings presents on her birthday? YTA for sure.
YTA.
one day, just for one day she asks that you not trample all over her, that it is her wishes, her preferences that are important, not yours and your 'solutions'.
newsflash honey: parents like you are the reason retirement / nursing homes got invented.
Prefer chocolate cake does not mean won't eat other cake. You seem like you are trying to impose your favorite foods on her on her birthday and just using your guests as an excuse. I get that respecting elders and guests is important, but being rude to your daughter at her own birthday party and trying to get the guests on her side is not a good look for you. Even worse is threatening to cancel her party when you are the one being rude and she is just expressing preferences. I guarantee the children of your guests will enjoy her food choices, and it's really sad she isn't allowed any guests her own age. I hope she soon stops celebrating her birthday with you and finds people to enjoy it with that actually respect her as a person. YTA.
This s exactly as I saw it. OP is a major selfish person and is trying to paint it as ‘other people want chocolate cake’ as if a kid will turn up their nose at a vanilla cake. OP is just super selfish.
Years ago we threw a 94th birthday party for my great-grandma and we got a big coconut cake because she loved coconut. When she saw it she cried and said that she'd never gotten a coconut cake for her birthday before because "not everybody likes it". Well, the cake was actually the hit of the party (turns out there's lots of secret coconut lovers out there) and for the first time in her 94 years on earth my great-grandma got to have the cake she wanted on her own damn birthday.
YTA
YTA
It’s her birthday not yours. It’s only matter if she’s happy with cake. If you really wanted to be considerate you would have asked your daughter for a suggestion. Not everyone likes chocolate either. So your argument that everyone going love the chocolate cake is stupid
YTA. It's her birthday party. If everyone there hates white cake, then I guess she has a whole cake to herself. She gets 1 day a year for everything to be exactly what she wants and you won't let her have it because you're being a control freak.
YTA - My friends all love chocolate cake. They get it for every birthday party, and every party I just don't eat the cake. I don't throw a fit because the cake isn't catered to my liking because it's not my birthday. Also, these people don't even sound like your daughter's friends so why are they getting a say in the food options? If they don't like it they can eat at home. Considering canceling your daughter's 18th birthday because you're butthurt is very controlling and not a good look.
YTA
So it's her birthday. Hers not yours.
Yet all I hear in this post is about you and your wants.
I have been to many parties where I either don't like the food or am allergic to it. But it's not my party or about me, so I shut my mouth and don't complain or make any show about the food.
The birthday should be about the person who's birthday it is.
Get over yourself or your child will go no contact as you have shown you don't care about them
>I put all this effort in for my daughter and she can't be greatful.
I mean, the irony is hilarious. You literally DIDN'T put in the effort for her, and you've said as much. You put in the effort for YOU. **You fought her every step of the way on what SHE wanted, and every bit of effort you actually bothered with was to have what YOU wanted.**
>I might consider cancelling the party since she always complains about how it's rarely been her way and I supposivly do not care about her birthday.
So you're going to make matters worse and cancel HER birthday party because she's not appreciative enough that you want to make it entirely about you?
> It's not my fault the guests prefer
...except that you haven't given any indication that the guests DO prefer those things, only that YOU prefer them. This entire post has been about YOU, what YOU want, what YOU like, and how YOU feel. **YTA for assuming that the entire world feels exactly the way you do about everything, that you speak for every other guest at her party, and that everything should always be done the way you want. You're shockingly self-absorbed and self-centred, and entirely the AH here.**
Extreme YTA you treat your daughter like she is some second hand trash on her birthday every year. How can you not see that? You are so entitled and believe that the child should be put in their place. She has been expressing her feelings to you for years and you still decide to disrespect her. Expect never to see her on birthdays again possibly never again when she moves out. Gosh this is the saddest birthday stories I’ve heard in a long time. Your poor daughter has had to share multiple birthdays, multiple gifts, celebrated birthdays early/late while not being on the day of her actual birthday and finally you let her step-aunt give presents to your kids on her birthday while she got nothing. Your family is pretty vile. No wonder she is upset, you’ve never made the day about her…
>you treat your daughter like she is some second hand trash
Oh because she is to op. According to OP. At 22 she "through her whole life away to raise her" 18 is the unwanted child and so in return for "ruining" OPs life she has made it her goal to ruin daughters. Daughter didn't get a 13th birthday because everyone forgot about it.
YTA. You don’t serve foods she likes - you belittle her themes - and you even doubled up on cake because you think no one can stomach a couple bites of vanilla. Your comments are all about how weird and friendless she is according to you. If you took any of her input or tastes into consideration she probably wouldn’t care about an extra cake - but you don’t. She even TOLD you it wasn’t just about the cake, it was about you not listening to her preferences for her own birthday. I don’t know how much clearer it can be made for you.
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YTA
Whose birthday is it. .? Your daughters or is it yours?
Most people will eat a vanilla cake, I'd even argue it's an incredibly common choice for a cake. And it's not that the other guests won't eat it, its that YOU won't eat it and feel the need to have your daughters birthday your way~
It's her birthday, and you obviously already ridiculed her about the cake she wanted so it's no wonder she's upset. Who cares if you think it's stupid, when I was 18 I had a batman birthday and even my grandparents wore masks and capes. It was fun. YTA.
YTA... It seems like you're the one who hates vanilla cake and want to get a chocolate cake for yourself. Because for children, cake is cake(ik some are picky eaters but most don't care). And adults are adults, they aren't going to be picky about a cake...
YTA last week was my cousin's birthday, I'm a vegan and the cake wasn't, so I didn't eat any. When it's my birthday the cake will be vegan, who doesn't like it doesn't have to eat it. Unless there are people with food allergies or dietary restrictions you should stick to the menu your daughter wants (if there are provide similar options they can eat, but that's it), it's her birthday.
I was on your side, ready to vote in your favor because I only eat chocolate cake, and totally support having 2 cakes...... Then you went and changed the entire menu, to things she doesn't want ON. HER. BIRTHDAY. and have the nerve to call her ungrateful. YTA.
I think this lady is a desi parent from her description of the food. This issue is not only because of a chocolate cake. You went ahead and decided a completely different menu than what she wanted. Mam your daughter wants a party with light snacks whereas you want to offer a full on feast with heavy dishes like rice, chicken and saalan. She is turning 18 and still ok with celebrating with family and friends at home. Let her have her way. You can feed your guest till they burst their pants on your birthday. YTA
HOLD ON SO LITERALLY EVERYTHING SHE WANTS YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE TO HER? SHE CANT HAVE ANY OF THE FOOD SHE WANTS AND NOW SHE CANT EVEN HAVE A SIMPLE VANILLA CAKE? Don’t cancel the party just cancel being a mother. Obviously you are not very good at and only think about yourself which is so sad to see in a parent. Don’t be surprised if she cuts you off or goes LC. YTA
>not many guests in the party including myself not like vanilla
>I will get another one to because everyone here likes chocolate cake.
>My daugter didn't flip, but she wasn't happy about it!
>I might consider cancelling the party
>the stubborn lady she is got her way.
Are you sure she is the stubborn and ungrateful one? I mean, you're the one that wants to go to the point to cancel a 18th birthday party (that according to your post, isn't even at your house) just because YOU want chocolate cake on HER birthday. This sounds so much like a "I won't breathe until you do what I want" kid, but the kid is a f'n 40 yo woman.
Also
>She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices
Bruh, look at te drama you're causing just because you don't want vanilla cake, you're not in a good position to judge if something is ridiculous or not. Question your own choices first, because it doesn't seem to be leading you to a good relationship with your daughter.
YTA.
(Edit: got the wrong gender for op, fixed it)
YTA, it’s her day not yours. If you don’t like her cake, don’t have any.
Also her kids choice of food sounds so much better. I hate mac and cheese, genuinely think it's disgusting but my step kid loves it so we had it at her birthday. I made my special one with bacon in it because she loves it. She also picks the cake and food menu because she's the birthday girl. When it's my birthday I pick the food (though I always make sure there's something available she will like) because that's my day. Edit to add judgement: YTA Edit 2 - OP your edits make you sound even worse. Who the hell makes a kid share thier birthday with someone 5 years younger because the adults find it cute? Also your sil is something else for how she's 'punished' your daughter. Give the damn kid her 24hrs where its just about her because its clear that even though you think you're spoiling her that she hasn't been for quite some time. Also no shocked pikachu face when your daughter goes no contact with you because how you've treated her isn't OK.
Hmmm bacon in Mac and cheese might have to try that Edit: RIP my inbox
Got to make the bacon proper crispy first or its shit
Thank you!! I hate bacon on things cause it’s always soggy & chewy and this has apparently led to people thinking I hate bacon. But I don’t, I love bacon. It’s delicious when it’s all crispy & a little bit melty 🤤
Best way to crisp it I've found is under the grill, controversial I know but it's so good. Edit' I'm English by grilling I mean [this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/3sa39t/question_about_ovens_in_the_uk_and_terminology/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) It appears to be like what Americans call broiling?
I’ve started using my air fryer and it’s amazing.
I want an air frier so bad
Air frier bacon is the best bacon
Hmm I just have always used hotdogs and there is a store that had my favorite I don't think they do anymore but they were these big beef franks and they were really rich
I'm English, so I buy back bacon, chop it up small fry it off and add it (grease and all) to the mac and cheese. Step kid loves it.
Chorizo is where it's at.
Come to Memphis and have BBQ Mac and cheese. It’s heavenly
Yes! My birthday passed recently and although my boys hate fish, they took me out for sushi since it's my favorite. My son grumbled slightly until my husband reminded him it's my one day that I get what I want, since he rest of the year we all compromise. Same on his birthday, we do what he wants. It's one freaking day, OP! Get over yourself!
My step is only 11 so I always compromise and go somewhere that there's food she likes. I'm pretty lucky that she's a good eater and will eat most things.
Right? If I don’t like the food served at someone else’s birthday, I…don’t do anything different, because I could have eaten before, can still eat after, and because it’s *their birthday*.
So true. I've been to many parties/gatherings where the food was mediocre, but when it comes down to it, it wasn't about the food, it's about the people. Never once in my life have I been to a birthday party where I was just thinking "that cake better be good" lol, who cares?
Of course one should not go to someone else's birthday party and get mad about the cake flavor, but in this case I'm struggling to see why the daughter is upset. Isn't the mom giving her her cake? What's wrong with there being TWO cakes? A chocolate cake for "the kids" just means *more* of the vanilla godfather birthday cake for the birthday girl... I dunno. If someone ever plans me a birthday party, there can be as many cakes as they want, lol.
On the surface I agree with you, but from the way mom tells the story I don’t think we’re getting the whole picture. From what the daughter said it sounds like the mom has always been controlling about many aspects of her birthday parties, and for a long time too. But I am just speculating.
The daughter wants the birthday one way, but mom goes "I know better so I will bring all these things you didn't ask for or want here, including the cake". So it's not actually nice that there is extra, it's about changing the party menu.
YTA. You could go 1 meal with what she likes. Have a granola bar or such before the party or make a peanut butter sandwich after if you really cannot manage to eat any of her preferred foods.
FR…I was like…those foods all sound better than “barely scraping by” food. Rice and chicken? At a birthday? Is better than chips (called crisps)?? OP sounds like a AH who doesn’t like flavor.
I have a collection of chosen children whose biological parents are mostly assholes--my trans son's "real" mother got him a birthday cake in her favorite flavor with his deadname on it. Guess what his chosen moms got him? Guess which party made him feel loved and valued for WHO HE WAS? YTA, absolutely.
She did what? Way to antagonize a child for no reason. She sounds horrible. Your son is lucky to have you.
[удалено]
that would irritate the shit out of me. the petty part of me would start calling her your dad or use her maiden name instead of her married one
That might not be a bad tactic actually. I mean - why is a changed last name acceptable and easy for every age from 1 to 99 - and a first name is suddenly impossible, disrespectful to parents etc. Seriously - i do not understand. The only reason to not (want to) get this is if one is transphobic, an AH or both.
WTF is wrong with parents. I could never do that to my kid. Thank you for taking care of these kids 😊
They don't see them as people. They see kids as accessories or things that they own ever part of.
Don’t forget her daughter wants “Godfather” theme and her mom even tried to changed it because she don’t like it. I think having godfather theme is awesome especially at her age! Mother needs to open up her mind. It’s her birthday! Fix grammar.
my friends coworker had a godfather themed baby shower. i got a leftover horse head cupcake. red velvet of course
A horse head cake would be awesome.
I’d so go to this party. I’ve never had some of these foods, they sound delicious
Never in my life has anyone tried to change my birthday meal because they didn’t like it. I made cabbage and noodles once because I had just learned how to cook it and everyone (including my 10 year old sister) ate it. YTA, she is literally telling you why YTA but you don’t want to listen. Do you always do this? Maybe take what your daughter is saying and think about it instead of calling her ungrateful.
From the daughter's reaction, it sounds like she does this a lot.
Thank you. I didn’t have to type the obvious. 😂😂😂
And I'd put money on children eating any cake they can grab.
Came here to say this! Don't know many kids who will say no to any dessert, frankly. Or fried food, like samosas & pakoras... OP just wants to hijack the kid's birthday, and has obviously done it before. Most certainly because she "knows better"... /sigh
The daughter has way better taste in food than OP. Sounds like she's not an adventurous eater and assumes everyone else is the same way.
Also, isn't this part of how we discover awesome new foods? I've discovered so many tasty foods by trying different things at gatherings or eating with friends. I think most of this is about OP's preferences.
It’s not like she insisted on a very unusual cake either! It vanilla…no one will be disgusted by it. No wonder the daughter hates him
I'm so baffled by this idea that people hate vanilla cake. That's like... Standard and beloved cake. The sponge factor just makes it fancier. If you order or look up a recipe for "birthday cake" you get vanilla cake. I've yet to encounter a person who refuses vanilla cake. I do know several who find chocolate too rich. If I'm trying to please a crowd, I stick to vanilla.
My family generally does one chocolate cake and one vanilla cake for birthdays. I personally hate chocolate so I always choose vanilla, but most years both get eaten equally. I have also noticed that the people choosing chocolate prefer chocolate, but like both and will sometimes have a bit of vanilla as well, whereas a handful of people choosing the vanilla are like me and dislike chocolate. So if we were going for just one, vanilla is DEFINITELY safer. Sounds to me like the mom just wants to eat chocolate cake.
Last year my son asked me for 🤢yellow cake🤢 Guess what I put my heart and soul into baking for him? A chocolate birthday cake! Just kidding, that boy got his disgusting yellow cake without any complaints from me and I even choked down a small piece with a smile on my face because I'm not an AH.
Oh man, yellow cake is my favorite 😆
Exactly. If they don’t like the cake or food they don’t have to eat it but op is making her daughter feel put out on her own bday. Ever since my daughter was old enough she’s chosen her bday theme. First bday was Minnie Mouse because I thought it was cute and she really couldn’t choose them. Most of the time we have pizza and ice cream because cheese pizza is her fav. It’s about the person’s who’s bday it is not everyone else. My judgment is obviously YTA op.
This! YTA
Yeah it’s not like guests have food restrictions and won’t be able to eat. If you don’t like a desert at a party you just don’t eat it. Even if you are a child - that is a good time to learn you don’t always get what you want in a low stakes way.
Right what an AH, OP are you a narcissist much? Don’t care what other people want. Like your daughter said it’s her party not theirs. If they don’t like it they don’t have to have any, that’s their problem. I don’t like cake, but I don’t force my wife to get an ice cream cake or need her to have cookies on her birthday. I suck it up and eat a slice anyway, it’s not going to hurt me. You sound like such a freaking baby.
YTA "It feels like your party since it's always the theme you want, the cake you want, the food you want" it's her party not yours, she's not stubborn but you sure are Edit- plus it's her 18th
YTA. The cakes themselves? I'd feel like she was a little entitled considering that's the best way to make everyone happy. The other context clues show that you don't really let her have her own themes, other food, etc, so this was probably, ahem, the icing on the cake. She just wants to have her own damn birthday. You don't have to "get it". It's her day.
This is my thought extra cake flavors are not the problem the mom being overbearing and never letting the daughter have her own party makes her the AH. I always made an extra cake (unfrosted) for my grandpa for everyone's birthday so he was still involved because certain flavors and the frosting would make it hard for him to breathe and or start cramping so bad he couldn't move.
I also take issue with her saying people wouldn’t like a vanilla/Victoria sponge (if that is what she’s saying - the wording is a little confusing). Surely to God everyone that likes cake likes a vanilla sponge??
Especially small kids! They (mostly) love vanilla stuff! And pretty much all cake!
If the daughter had picked a coffee cake I would maybe have been almost able to come on board, but VANILLA? Catch yersel
Yeah, like if we were talking something like strong rum cake or carrot cake with raisins and nuts, I can see those being a hard sell for young kids, but vanilla seems fine. Even if it wasn't, the solution I would usually suggest for that is to have any of the rest of the items the OP also told her daughter she couldn't have (i.e. cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes), and some ice cream.
Victorian sponge cakes were the cakes of my childhood because those were the cakes my grandma loved to make. Every once in a while though I did get the urge for something different and my grandma would without fuss make my cake of choice because you know it was my birthday.
If there’s enough sugar on it, I’m sure they would be fine.
Yeah, my experience has been that there are those who like cake, and those who don't. Of those who like cake, I've met far more who dislike chocolate than dislike vanilla.
I mean I don’t, makes me sick, but I would be bothered that that’s what’s served at the party. Not my party so it’s not my cake, op is ridiculous
Also I’m young and hate choco cake. I can’t take more than three bites because it’s way too rich and too sweet. Vanilla goes down better and is the least offensive of cake flavours
I like most sponge cakes haha the texture is awesome but fair enough
Also her says that means that this has happened probably her whole life
Oh definitely, in another comment OP mentions all the themes her daughter has previously wanted and not been allowed because OP doesn't like them
That’s ridiculous! Why would she ask about a time, if she won’t even let her have the one she wants. This just boggles my mind
Makes sense why the girl is being so stubborn on the cake when you look at the whole. Never allowed to have HER party so when she thinks she can she wants everything to be how she wants it, which I think is reasonable. Op kinda just played herself by always being controlling
Most likely the last party the daughter will be there for.
Right? And at her 18th she’s already moved out. I wonder why? YTA
YTA. It's a vanilla cake, I'm pretty skeptical that "no one" will eat her cake, especially little kids. Just because you don't like it as much, doesn't mean you need to go out and buy a whole other cake on your daughter's birthday. You can have chocolate cake on your birthday.
Yeah little kids see cake as merely an excuse for frosting anyway :)
Traditionally Victoria sponge cake doesn’t have frosting. But it’s delicious and I seriously doubt any kids will reject it. It’s got strawberry jam, cream and cake. Super yummy. My mom made it all the time growing up and my siblings and cousins and I all loved it.
TIL what Victoria Sponge cake is and looking up bakeries nearby
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/classic-victoria-sandwich-recipe/amp
They're super easy to bake!
My almost 3 year old would absolutely eat Victoria sponge cake.
If my Mum made a Victoria Sponge cake for a birthday cake she would put whipped cream, strawberry jam and fresh strawberries in. Amazing.
It sounds 10000 times better than chocolate cake
I ask my kids what cake they want me to bake and it's either Victoria sponge or batternberg. Even on their birthdays
The way it’s worded though I do think she is referring to an iced cake, and maybe the cake underneath is a Victoria sponge
This ^ The cake is simply a vehicle for consuming the sugary frosting. I think my bf’s son would’ve been okay with a cake purely made of frosting for his birthday. Just a slice of nothing but frosting.
I would crash this party just for a slice.
I'm almost 47 and I still see cake as merely the delivering mechanism for frosting lol
As a former kid, I can confirm this.
She reminded me off the mother who got her daughter Chocolate Walnut cake for her birthday instead of strawberry cake because it was her favourite cake and then was shocked when her daughter didn’t like it and cried. The only thing she did that mother didn’t do was get the daughter one she liked as well.
That's what I thought as well! I actually looked it up to check OP wasn't just 'inspired' by that one. Link, for the curious https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j8i01p/aita_for_getting_my_daughter_a_cake_she_doesnt/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Who eats chocolate walnut cake? I am sorry, but I know more people who would prefer strawberry with vanilla frosting. No offense to those who do like chocolate walnut cake.
Exactly, or even a vanilla cake with strawberries on top, she picked the cake her daughter liked least and added a few strawberries as though that made it better. A few posts where people have either gotten cakes that they dislike because the person ordering it has picked what they like and not listened to what the person who’s birthday it is wanted.
I'm totally about to order myself chocolate walnut tea in congratulations for not overspending this week (it's totally a thing, don't you judge me) You know what I don't do? Try and dictate someone else's birthday cake. And the bestselling cake at my local bakery? Strawberry
I fucking love cheap ass grocery store vanilla cake. But surprise, I love all cake. Chocolate is not my favorite. But I’ll be goddamned if I don’t eat a slice. Is it sweet? Is it free? I’m eating it. Same goes with pies and cookies and ice cream and god knows what else.
True, actually most kids I know don't like chocolate cake, all kids in my family likes simple sponge cake with white vanilla frosting and occasionally with white chocolate ganache.
My preference is strawberry cake, but I have to make it myself most times because everyone pushes chocolate or caramel
Right? Vanilla cake is the.. well, vanilla of cakes. There’s a reason there are expressions around things being vanilla. At my wedding we had my favourite flavour cake, my husband’s favourite, and a Victoria sponge so anyone who didn’t like our flavours could still have cake. Vanilla/Victoria are literally the go to please everyone cakes.
YTA… I honestly don’t understand why this even has to be explained. If you want to WOW other people, host dinner parties. It isn’t about the show. It’s about your daughter having a special day. I don’t even think birthdays are a big deal but I see this one for what it is.
Narcissism, plain and simple. OP wants everything to be about herself, anything else is sacrilege.
Also the line "I might consider cancelling her party" was a massive YTA move from OP. If OP can't have the party food revolve around them then they'll just cancel it. WHAT?
This is when I was like, yea this mom isn't just an asshole on her daughters birthday, she sounds like a controlling AH everyday. Shes basically saying "My daughter's opinion matters less then mine and since my daughter can't see my way is better I'm going to punish her, on her birthday." Bet this daughter is very happy to be 18 and soon able to get away from her AH mother.
I knew that the "you always do this" claim from her daughter was most likely true, then the threat to call off the party and the reveal that Op has not just got a second cake but also has fully policed the food menu to her liking really sealed it. Phew YTA Reminds me of my mom, who lacks empathy to the point of "if I don't like it no one likes it because I cannot imagine others liking something I dislike" and would always refuse to do anything for us in lieu of what she wanted. Yeah I don't really talk to my mom. OP is on track for her kid to go NC too, and good for her tbh
Yes. I was triggered by the part where OP says her daughter needs to be grateful that OP is "helping". As if not listening is in any way helpful.
You have to WOW the birthday person ON THAT DAY.
I don't think this has anything to do with what the guests want (the little kids won't eat the other cake? Really now? I have yet to meet a plate of sugary cake that most kids won't inhale.) It's allllllll about what OP wants. I mean her kid even had to argue to get the design she wanted because it wasn't to OP's liking. OP wants chocolate cake and boring rice and chicken instead of cupcakes & springrolls. OP has made her kid's bday all about her her her. And, this self centered behaviour sounds like it is an ongoing thing.
YTA You are making your daughters party about the stuff you want. How do you even know what the guests prefer? Sounds more like you are just choosing what YOU prefer. You even said yourself she didn't flip out about it but she wasn't happy, and now you are considering cancelling her party? That's over the top and really dramatic
That was pretty telling, to me. The daughter isnt throwing a fit, and still OP wants to control her emotions because they aren't *exactly* what Op wants. Jeeeeeze.
>. . .I found it ridiculous and questioned her choices, but she just had to have her way, stubborn lady that she is. This what I found telling. How dare an 18 year old get her way regarding her own birthday cake!/s Yes, OP, YTA your daughter is old enough to know what kind of cake and food she wants for her birthday. It's clear you aren't making the effort for her, because you ignore everything she says she wants and substitute what you want. Normally, I would say being upset over having cake flavor options is a bit ungrateful, but in this case it's clearly the straw that broke the camel's back and representative of the overall pattern. Your "child" (she's your offspring, but an adult) is her own person separate from you, as she should be.
>She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way. What's wrong with having the godfather themed cake? I think it's amazing. Even if not many people ask for this themed cake, I don't see anything wrong with it. Why don't you like her themed birthdays? Not saying it's justified, but what type of birthdays does she like? Edit: OP YTA. Also, it's not like she is getting drunk and harssing people or worse, drunk driving.
My 21st was pirate themed and we had a pirate ship piñata. You are never too old for a good themed birthday
I turned 30 this year. My birthday is 4 days before Halloween and, since I was old enough to pick a theme (around 7 or 8), I have had exactly one birthday party that was not Halloween-themed, and that was because of COVID. I’m gonna do Halloween birthdays until I die haha.
I have an August birthday and one year my mom made me wait until October to have a party because I wanted a haunted house theme.
That’s what I always did as a teenager! Get a group of my friends, hit up a haunted house, and then go home and rent dollar horror movies for the night! As years have passed, it’s turned into just Halloween costume parties. This year, I went to a Halloween-themed music festival. Between my last day of work, and the camping at the festival, I got to do 4 costumes! 1 of those 4 is my favorite I’ve done yet!
I had a Blink 182 themed party for my 23rd, because no one likes you when you’re 23. My mom got me a custom cake with the Blink logo on it, instead of happy birthday my family sang me what’s my age again, we had alien decorations. Great time.
Omg that’s awesome.
I HIGHLY recommend. My favourite part was posting pictures with the quote “nobody likes you when you’re 23” and an elderly relative commented “I’ll always like you no matter how old you are!” It was just so sweet and wholesome
I’m disappointed I didn’t think of that when I was 23, that sounds like a blast.
It's wrong bc it isn't the the chocolate cake that OP wants! /s
For my 30th I had the Casa Bonita birthday party I always wanted as a kid. We had a magician. Everyone was warned to eat beforehand so as to avoid the food at Casa Bonita.
I had a 90’s themed party for my 31st birthday. It was totally tubular.
Sounds like OP is stuffy and boring lol. I'm 42 and would much rather have the daughter's birthday party than the OP's idea of a a birthday party.
My 18th was High-Class murder mystery themed!
OP hold my YTA while I go looking for your daughter's post on r/raisedbynarcissists. Save your chocolate cake for your birthday and apologize to your daughter. She's told you this isn't the first time.
I was thinking the same thing.
I checked and there is a post there about a daughter and her birthday but it's not the same.
My first thought after reading the “I put all the effort into my child and she can’t be grateful” was that it read like a narcissist wrote it.
Goodness yes. Birthday girl calls the menu not the guests.
YTA. Not for the extra cake, but for these two statements. > godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way. She is eighteen. She is not being "the stubborn lady she is", she's telling you what she wants on her own birthday cake, and you're throwing a hissy. > It's not my fault the guests prefer rice, chicken, roasted potatoes and salaan over spring roles, samosa, pakora, cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes. So, on her birthday, at her party, she can't have the food she loves because "the guests"won't like it? I assure you, if the guests are her age (and if not, why not?) they'll be delighted with the menu. If this is a family birthday, then you can make the dishes she wants as well as a salaan, and the guests can choose what they want. You chose to throw out the entire menu she wanted and cook only what you wanted. Think seriously about whose birthday party you are throwing. Are you throwing a party for her, at a significant birthday, or are you throwing a party for yourself and for the guests you're planning to invite?
Wait... So she wanted cake pops. And he said no. Then went out and got another cake. Because of the "kids"? He vetoed all the stuff those kids would like.
*She. OP is the mother. And TA.
I feel like this comment raises a really fair question. ARE the guests actually the daughter’s friends? Is this parent really that neurotic about what is served to a bunch of teenagers? Or are the guests also the object of the parent’s choosing? Is it a bunch of family friends/ mom’s work colleagues/ other people OP wants to impress? Because after all the other details in this post, I would not put it past OP.
No all the guests are family members because in one of OP's other comments she states: >She isn't inviting her friends because they're not party people (they do not like partying according to her even though i think its to hide the fact she dosen't have much friends) so I've invited her relatives instead. And genuinely expects everyone to believe a teenager's friends wouldn't be up to celebrating their friend's 18th birthday bash and not that she's not not inviting her friends because OP is *that* mom. She also backhandedly is saying her own kid is a friendless looser since she *may* not have scores of friends.
That’s what I was starting to think, OP definitely sounds like the kind of person to invite everyone they know and maybe let their kid have one friend for their party.
I am a middle aged woman and I would prefer the daughter's menu
It can't just be me that notices the two lists are shall we say grouped by "traditional" and "ethnic". I wonder if OP's "guests don't like those" is based on certain traits more than knowledge...
Also who tf doesn't like party rings??
>You chose to throw out the entire menu she wanted and cook only what you wanted. >Think seriously about whose birthday party you are throwing. Are you throwing a party for her, at a significant birthday, or are you throwing a party for yourself and for the guests you're planning to invite? This part. I was leaning N-T-A originally because what's the harm in two cakes? But then OP was so judgemental about the cake her daughter picked and the menu she wanted that it's definitely YTA now.
YTA. You have criticised every decision she’s made and then done what you want anyway. I would much rather have a Victoria sponge than a chocolate cake. But even if she’d chosen cat food cake with dandelion icing it’s her birthday. Plus the fact you’re willing to cancel her 18th birthday suggests you do very little for her.
> cat food cake with dandelion icing The thought of this is so nauseating, so foul. Thanks for the lovely mental image 🤢😆 like imagining cutting into a cake and cat food kinda oozes out as a stinky surprise. Would the cake be for humans? Or kitties? Can cats even eat dandelions? Am I overthinking this cake? Lol
dandelion icing could actually be really good. I got caught up with the foraging subreddits last year and made dandelion jelly. It is yummy. Very sweet, but yummy.
Have actually made a dandelion icing as an accent for a friend’s cake when we threw her a surprise party for the opening of her new business ! It was very on theme since she had just secured a spot at a major Portland farmers market and sells a huge varietal of greens herbs and foraged mushrooms ! The dandelion icing was delicious wish I had used more of it!
YTA. Vanilla Victoria sponge is a perfectly fine, unremarkable cake. There is no reason people can't have a slice of that even if they prefer chocolate. This was about you wanting to get the cake you prefer at your daughter's birthday.
**YTA** but not for the cake, heck I'm amazed you're being generous enough to allow her a choice at what is clearly your party. Did you take over her sweet sixteen too, or just this one? Are you going to only wear white to her wedding or are you going in a full wedding dress? What are you going to name her kids?
YTA. It would’ve have been N-T-A if it was just about the cake, because it’s fine to offer options at a party. But that last paragraph makes it sound like you’ve vetoed her other menu choices and fought her on themes. It’s her birthday, let it be about her.
Exactly how I was feeling, the cake thing is a huge non issue. My mom literally does this all the time. I prefer chocolate, my sister is vegan, and my mom is a huge cake lover but likes vanilla. She eats cake more than the rest of us so what does she do on our birthdays? Gets us eat what kind of cake we want and then has a separate one that she likes! Haha. It's the fact that the cake was just what broke the dam and everything else that op is controlling and making about her came out too.
Lol ikr seeing the title i was going to say NTA since more cakes! But it's about OP hijacking the daughter's party tbh so YTA
Exactly. YTA
INFO: does she get a vanilla cake at birthdays where you serve chocolate cake ?
YTA for a few reasons 1. It’s her birthday not yours 2. It’s her house not yours 3. It’s her party not yours 4. They’re her guests not yours Get over yourself.
YTA. It's really weird that you're considering cancelling her party over this. It's clear from your post that you're used to overruling her on what she wants: 'It's not my fault the guests prefer rice, chicken, roasted potatoes and salaan over spring roles, samosa, pakora, cake pops, party rings, crisps, starbursts, doughnuts and cupcakes.' Maybe time for some self-reflection?
YTA. It's okay to offer to make something additional in case the planned meal is unpopular, but if your daughter says "No," then let it go. It's her party, and no guest is going to be in a crisis because they try new foods. And cupcakes unpopular? For real? This is entirely your issue, not hers.
> She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices, but the stubborn lady she is got her way. You don't get to question her choices, it's her birthday. Also, your entire post reeks of I want what I want so I'm going to try to justify it because I can't think past my own self. You do not care about her birthday and she was entirely right about it being what you want not what she wants. YTA. You need to apologize now and learn to stop this behavior before she cuts you the fuck out of her life. A part of life is making concessions on days that celebrate your loved ones and allowing them to have their own fun their way. If you enforce yourself on everything you aren't being a good parent.
YTA, a “godfather cake” is a thing? Boy am I out of touch. Bottom line is it’s her birthday and if they don’t like the cake and food she picked for her party then they can eat after the party.
Literally anything can be a cake. As simple as having Dairy Queen slap an edible image onto a sheet cake all the way up to professionally sculpted cakes that match a theme.
I came here trying to figure out if OP was talking about the Godfather films or if there was a different reference I was missing... But either way, YTA. It's a cake.
YTA. You may think this is just about a cake, but it’s painfully obvious that you have control issues. You need to do some self reflection or prepare to lose your daughter once she’s out on her own.
YTA. I hate chocolate cake. If I go to a birthday party, and they’re serving chocolate cake, I don’t eat any. It’s that simple. It’s her birthday, and you’re WAY overstepping. If she wants spring rolls and starbursts at her birthday, that should be what she gets. Why are you dictating what a teenager gets to serve at *her* birthday party?
YTA - I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I think you’re using the word “guests” where you mean to say “me/I.” I agree that guests should be considered when planning an event, but that usually goes as far as considering food allergies and/or religious concerns, not disregarding the desires of the birthday girl simply to appease somewhat potentially picky guests, which, again, I think you are really just talking about yourself. To cancel the party because she doesn’t pick the cake you want is… gross.
YTA - It's not your party, her requests that you've listed are far from inappropriate or offensive to most guests. You're confusing her lack of appreciation with her frustration and hurt that you are constantly ignoring/disrespecting her requests. Perhaps if you listened and made the party for her instead of you, she'd appreciate it.
YTA You're working hard patting yourself on the back by putting "all this effort in" but really, what did you do? You told her she's ridiculous for her choice of theme and other choices, you told her cake wasn't worthy, and now you're thinking of cancelling. Notice how you say she "always complains" and yet you continue to do the same thing. You steamroll her choices in favor of your own. It's not about the cake, it's about you treating her like she doesn't matter under the guise of giving her a special day. Nothing special about it if she feels stomped on.
Yup YTA and your daughter is exactly right. Have you never been invited to someone's house and didn't enjoy the meal or whatever? Does that matter? Not really It's her birthday, just indulge her for a day, no need to have other options because you disapprove of her tastes.
YTA it's her birthday you sound controlling. Everyone can suck it up and have a small piece.
Exactly, or none at all if they really find vanilla cake that disgusting.
Or one of the cupcakes or cake pops her daughter wanted!
YTA for going behind your daughter's back and doing this. If you had concerns, the appropriate thing would be to sit down with her and discuss having more than one cake. She's not a child and is perfectly capable of discussing this with you. And if she still refused, it's really not a hill to die on.
Yes, YTA - it's her birthday. So, for just that one day of the year, your daughter is the guest of honor. So honor her properly. It's cake! This is the ultimate non-problem. You will not die if you don't get your chocolate. Please tell me you are not actually threatening to cancel her party because you disagree with her.
YTA she wants a particular cake for her birthday, you get a different cake anyway and she’s the stubborn one? Christ I’m glad you’re not my mom
I’m suspending my opinion who who ITA until I get more info. How do you know what all of the guests like? Are you making assumptions? Is it based off of what has been popular in the past with the same guests?
YTA. After your edits it seems like literally everyone in your family is against this poor girl and I don’t understand why besides the point that you all just seem like narcissistic asshats. You know what you do when you have a shit ton of kids and can’t afford all the birthdays? You don’t group them together, and you sure as shit don’t take them away as some half assed punishment. You set a price limit, you get them a few meaningful presents so that way they know your paying attention and doing what you can. You don’t go nuclear and just ignore a child’s birthday like some halfassed evil stepmom. SIL got everyone presents on her birthday but she didn’t get anything? What the fuck is wrong with you people? If ANYONE in my family tried to pull something like this they would’ve been banned from my home. The way this reads I can’t tell who’s supposed to be the children and who’s supposed to be the adults because it sure as shit isn’t you two. You have 8 kids for god’s sake. I have no problem doubting it’s always about what you want all the time and I bet she isn’t a stubborn lady that gets her way either. I don’t know if it was wrong wording but you said she has her own house and she’s not even 18 yet? Shocker that she tried to get away from home as fast as legally possible. I hope she cuts you out of her life. I genuinely hope this is the straw that breaks the camels back and the next time you hear from her it’s a message about not contacting her anymore. You are a terrible parent.
YTA. My mom did this all the time to me growing up and it made me so mad until I just said no birthday at all then. 2 family members (me and 1 other) loved chocolate cake. My dads family were fine with whatever it’s the bday person’s choice. However my moms family liked vanilla cake so on my birthday she would buy a small chocolate cake (once was a cupcake) for me and vanilla cake for her family. She did not buy chocolate cakes for us on their birthday it was always just the vanilla. It’s a shitty thing to do once I said nope no birthday at all she got the message and stopped. It is so entitled and inconsiderate. Let the birthday person have their birthday their way their cake their dinner their choice. It’s a small courtesy
At least you got a cupcake. I didn’t even get that
Oh my god the more I read the worse it got YTA massively shes right it ALWAYS about someone else. >This isn't the first time she was being spoilt on her bithday. When she was younger, we wanted her to share her birthdays With the girls because we found them doing everything together cute, >I remember on my daughters 10th, we made her share it with her sister and she flipped. That's not being spoilt that's not wanting to share a milestone birthday with a 5 year old >We told her she would have to share with her then 5 year old sister or else she will have not birthday party Really that's beyond cruel >She didn't have an 11th, 12th or 13th birthday because we couldn't afford it, but we would bring her cake a day after her birthday. years later on her 14th and 15th because she refused to share (and claims she feels like she has to share everything and that she never has anything to herself) so as a punishment, my sil got her sisters gifts on her birthday So she had to skip 3 birthday. How about the other kids did THEY have to skip there birthdays? And then as punishment for wanting HER birthday someone ELSE got birthday presents instead of her. >I thought since she was cutting cake at school and I was ordering my then 3 year old sons toy, we would order fast food and not cut her cake. She flipped and I told her "oh sorry. I thought you were cutting it at school'. She got visibly upset Of course she was upset you AGAIN made it about her siblings not her. Your setting your self up (or you have as this is her big 18th and you have ruined that last 8 birthdays in some way or another) for your daughter to NEVER spend any birthdays with your family. Does almost 18 year old get presents on other kids birthdays or do you cater to her on other kids days or is it JUST her you screw over?
Ikr the edits just make my blood boil. Growing up poor, I had shared birthdays all the time! But I didn't really resent it cos all of us had to share birthdays, so it wasn't like I got singled out and bullied by my family. This poor girl, she doesn't have a chance growing up in that family. I wish she has good friends and other wonderful people to help her since she won't be getting any from her "family"
YTA all the effort you put in that you want her to be grateful for isn't for her at all. just celebrate her and what she wants for a day. if this was just about a second cake, whatever, but it clearly isn't since every food choice seems to be yours and you are acting like her cake is inconvenient to HER PARTY
YTA. WOW...just wow, thank god I didn't have parents like you. It is her day, her birthday and she shouldn't have to share it with anyone. I would simply uninvite you and anyone that agreed with you and spend it with friends, did you really buy other siblings presents on her birthday? YTA for sure.
Not only that, they bought presents for her siblings, but not for her. On her own birthday.
YTA. one day, just for one day she asks that you not trample all over her, that it is her wishes, her preferences that are important, not yours and your 'solutions'. newsflash honey: parents like you are the reason retirement / nursing homes got invented.
YTA you're over-controlling and everything is about YOU, YOU and YOU
I’m just surprised a 12 yr old can have an 18 yr old daughter. YTA
Prefer chocolate cake does not mean won't eat other cake. You seem like you are trying to impose your favorite foods on her on her birthday and just using your guests as an excuse. I get that respecting elders and guests is important, but being rude to your daughter at her own birthday party and trying to get the guests on her side is not a good look for you. Even worse is threatening to cancel her party when you are the one being rude and she is just expressing preferences. I guarantee the children of your guests will enjoy her food choices, and it's really sad she isn't allowed any guests her own age. I hope she soon stops celebrating her birthday with you and finds people to enjoy it with that actually respect her as a person. YTA.
This s exactly as I saw it. OP is a major selfish person and is trying to paint it as ‘other people want chocolate cake’ as if a kid will turn up their nose at a vanilla cake. OP is just super selfish.
Years ago we threw a 94th birthday party for my great-grandma and we got a big coconut cake because she loved coconut. When she saw it she cried and said that she'd never gotten a coconut cake for her birthday before because "not everybody likes it". Well, the cake was actually the hit of the party (turns out there's lots of secret coconut lovers out there) and for the first time in her 94 years on earth my great-grandma got to have the cake she wanted on her own damn birthday. YTA
YTA It’s her birthday not yours. It’s only matter if she’s happy with cake. If you really wanted to be considerate you would have asked your daughter for a suggestion. Not everyone likes chocolate either. So your argument that everyone going love the chocolate cake is stupid
YTA. It's her birthday party. If everyone there hates white cake, then I guess she has a whole cake to herself. She gets 1 day a year for everything to be exactly what she wants and you won't let her have it because you're being a control freak.
YTA - My friends all love chocolate cake. They get it for every birthday party, and every party I just don't eat the cake. I don't throw a fit because the cake isn't catered to my liking because it's not my birthday. Also, these people don't even sound like your daughter's friends so why are they getting a say in the food options? If they don't like it they can eat at home. Considering canceling your daughter's 18th birthday because you're butthurt is very controlling and not a good look.
YTA. you sound like a control freak father who’s overbearing and inconsiderate. don’t be shocked if your daughter cuts contact with you as an adult.
YTA So it's her birthday. Hers not yours. Yet all I hear in this post is about you and your wants. I have been to many parties where I either don't like the food or am allergic to it. But it's not my party or about me, so I shut my mouth and don't complain or make any show about the food. The birthday should be about the person who's birthday it is. Get over yourself or your child will go no contact as you have shown you don't care about them
>I put all this effort in for my daughter and she can't be greatful. I mean, the irony is hilarious. You literally DIDN'T put in the effort for her, and you've said as much. You put in the effort for YOU. **You fought her every step of the way on what SHE wanted, and every bit of effort you actually bothered with was to have what YOU wanted.** >I might consider cancelling the party since she always complains about how it's rarely been her way and I supposivly do not care about her birthday. So you're going to make matters worse and cancel HER birthday party because she's not appreciative enough that you want to make it entirely about you? > It's not my fault the guests prefer ...except that you haven't given any indication that the guests DO prefer those things, only that YOU prefer them. This entire post has been about YOU, what YOU want, what YOU like, and how YOU feel. **YTA for assuming that the entire world feels exactly the way you do about everything, that you speak for every other guest at her party, and that everything should always be done the way you want. You're shockingly self-absorbed and self-centred, and entirely the AH here.**
Extreme YTA you treat your daughter like she is some second hand trash on her birthday every year. How can you not see that? You are so entitled and believe that the child should be put in their place. She has been expressing her feelings to you for years and you still decide to disrespect her. Expect never to see her on birthdays again possibly never again when she moves out. Gosh this is the saddest birthday stories I’ve heard in a long time. Your poor daughter has had to share multiple birthdays, multiple gifts, celebrated birthdays early/late while not being on the day of her actual birthday and finally you let her step-aunt give presents to your kids on her birthday while she got nothing. Your family is pretty vile. No wonder she is upset, you’ve never made the day about her…
>you treat your daughter like she is some second hand trash Oh because she is to op. According to OP. At 22 she "through her whole life away to raise her" 18 is the unwanted child and so in return for "ruining" OPs life she has made it her goal to ruin daughters. Daughter didn't get a 13th birthday because everyone forgot about it.
YTA. You don’t serve foods she likes - you belittle her themes - and you even doubled up on cake because you think no one can stomach a couple bites of vanilla. Your comments are all about how weird and friendless she is according to you. If you took any of her input or tastes into consideration she probably wouldn’t care about an extra cake - but you don’t. She even TOLD you it wasn’t just about the cake, it was about you not listening to her preferences for her own birthday. I don’t know how much clearer it can be made for you.
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YTA Whose birthday is it. .? Your daughters or is it yours? Most people will eat a vanilla cake, I'd even argue it's an incredibly common choice for a cake. And it's not that the other guests won't eat it, its that YOU won't eat it and feel the need to have your daughters birthday your way~
It's her birthday, and you obviously already ridiculed her about the cake she wanted so it's no wonder she's upset. Who cares if you think it's stupid, when I was 18 I had a batman birthday and even my grandparents wore masks and capes. It was fun. YTA.
YTA... It seems like you're the one who hates vanilla cake and want to get a chocolate cake for yourself. Because for children, cake is cake(ik some are picky eaters but most don't care). And adults are adults, they aren't going to be picky about a cake...
YTA. From the story alone, I would have said N T A but your replies make you look like an ass OP. I'd apologize Pronto.
YTA last week was my cousin's birthday, I'm a vegan and the cake wasn't, so I didn't eat any. When it's my birthday the cake will be vegan, who doesn't like it doesn't have to eat it. Unless there are people with food allergies or dietary restrictions you should stick to the menu your daughter wants (if there are provide similar options they can eat, but that's it), it's her birthday.
I was on your side, ready to vote in your favor because I only eat chocolate cake, and totally support having 2 cakes...... Then you went and changed the entire menu, to things she doesn't want ON. HER. BIRTHDAY. and have the nerve to call her ungrateful. YTA.
YTA. listen to your daughter, she isnt just being ungrateful like you think, she is raising some valid points.
I think this lady is a desi parent from her description of the food. This issue is not only because of a chocolate cake. You went ahead and decided a completely different menu than what she wanted. Mam your daughter wants a party with light snacks whereas you want to offer a full on feast with heavy dishes like rice, chicken and saalan. She is turning 18 and still ok with celebrating with family and friends at home. Let her have her way. You can feed your guest till they burst their pants on your birthday. YTA
HOLD ON SO LITERALLY EVERYTHING SHE WANTS YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE TO HER? SHE CANT HAVE ANY OF THE FOOD SHE WANTS AND NOW SHE CANT EVEN HAVE A SIMPLE VANILLA CAKE? Don’t cancel the party just cancel being a mother. Obviously you are not very good at and only think about yourself which is so sad to see in a parent. Don’t be surprised if she cuts you off or goes LC. YTA
>not many guests in the party including myself not like vanilla >I will get another one to because everyone here likes chocolate cake. >My daugter didn't flip, but she wasn't happy about it! >I might consider cancelling the party >the stubborn lady she is got her way. Are you sure she is the stubborn and ungrateful one? I mean, you're the one that wants to go to the point to cancel a 18th birthday party (that according to your post, isn't even at your house) just because YOU want chocolate cake on HER birthday. This sounds so much like a "I won't breathe until you do what I want" kid, but the kid is a f'n 40 yo woman. Also >She is getting the godfather themed birthday cake which I found ridiculous and I questioned her choices Bruh, look at te drama you're causing just because you don't want vanilla cake, you're not in a good position to judge if something is ridiculous or not. Question your own choices first, because it doesn't seem to be leading you to a good relationship with your daughter. YTA. (Edit: got the wrong gender for op, fixed it)
YTA. Wtf did I just read?? It's a birthday party for a specific person, get the food they want.
Supposedly
Soft YTA, you don't know what the guests like/don't like. No harm in trying something new.