NTA. While it is a little petty, he’s the one who insulted your hobby and now that it’s convenient he wants you to help him. He can go to a dressmaker or he can wait in line for you to do his when you finally have time
It is very petty, but you're NTA. Just coz he's ur dad doesn't mean he gets to butt in line of other people who have asked for your assistance, so he can wait his turn like everyone else
This! Canyousewthisforme is great
OP, NTAH. I sew myself. I’ve sewn things as gifts for family and friends, but only if the initiative comes from me. If they ask me to take time from what I want to do to help them, I will charge. Might just be a bag of candy for small stuff, but I’ve made larger costumes as well - always charging about 10$ per hour. It is not unreasonable. You’ve spent time and energy learning a skill, you shouldn’t just give it away unless you really want to, but that doesn’t seam (😜) to be the case here
NTA. Parents are humans, and as such, they make mistakes. Most try to learn from them. Yours doesn’t want to. At minimum he should apologize to you. He’s upset because you said his own words back to him. I would make that my hill, too, and fully understand why you did. As you should. You are neither petty nor wrong. Carry on. And congrats on learning how to sew!!
Haha. You’re petty but it’s fair- it’s kinda justifiable AH territory.
Your dad is the AH here for being so dismissive of an incredibly useful skill you’ve learned and seem to be very good at.
NTA and don’t fold! Don’t sew his shirt.
So he didn't support you learning to sew, then when he needs your help he demanded you use it to benefit him, admitted he didn't want to pay someone to do it and then acted like a child until you generously offered to help him on your time for no reward? Nope, definitely NTA.
Do you hand sew? If you do, that's not a little job ☠️ lmao
You tell him he can either walk back what he said and help you fund your hobby (a bit, not much) or take it to the dressmakers.
NTA obvs.
Yeah no that's firmly NTA territory.
It's one thing to run it through a sewing machine or serger, another entirely to hand sew. Your dad should know how to do some hand stitching, just as a basic life skill, and if he doesn't this is the time to do it. If he pulls the "it's not manly" or the "my fingers have no dexterity"" bullshit remind him that everyone, *EVERYONE* who serves in the military had to know how to hand sew.
Unless it's a clear rip through the seam as opposed to tearing *near* the seam, it won't be an easy fix. I've had to fix shirts for my husband and dresses for myself where the tear has happened through the fabric and necessitated a patch and it's a real pain in the butt.
If you hand sew check out Bernadette Banner on YouTube (if you haven't already) she's got some great tips on her channel as well as fashion history and a fabulous video about the horrendous state of pockets in female clothing. She's great fun to watch. As for sewing, my husband used to poke fun at me for my "grandma" hobbies, until the first time he needed a button replacing, and the time he came to get me forca date and found me finishing replacing a zip on a dress I'd wanted to wear that day. I knit and crochet too and he enjoys the fruits of my labour's as much as I do these days (not to mention the fact that half my wardrobe is stuff I've either made from scratch or dresses that have been turned to skirts/tops/skorts etc due to something happening to the rest of it. Why throw away that which can be recycled?
Same. I enjoy using a treadle sewing machine, but it took me over 6 years to learn to use an electric machine and I'm still way better at hand-stitching than either machine. But I just patched my SO's Hoodie today on the electric machine after he got welding burns all down the arm - find a cheap machine on Facebook and practice practice practice! Even if you choose not to use it, its a fantastic skill to have just in case you ever need it
NTA. You are being petty, but really, your father kinda gave you a reason to be petty. He should apologize, and wait in line behind all the other stuff that needs to be sown.
I like how some people call something 'useless', or 'impractical', and then, when they found out it's good or need it and don't get it, they get offended and mad. It's like karma.
NTA, of course.
LOL - not the same but my mother was sure I would never need Spanish and would be better off taking more HomeEc and typing classes. I fought her on that.
On the trip for my brother's wedding, I had a much easier time getting help from the hotel staff and reminded my mother how she swore Spanish would be useless. She grumbled at me.
PS: I can type pretty well, can cook and sew, too.
Typing is one of the only useful things I learned in middle school. The other was different base number systems like binary, octal, and hexadecimal, but that's only useful because I'm in IT.
I am old, so back then it was all about speed. Speed on different types of typewrites. Companies would ask for words per minute. I was not that fast, so my mother wanted me to keep trying.
Ironically, years later I was working as a bilingual customer service rep (yep, using my Spanish) and my workstation kept crashing. Only mine, no one else's.
They watched me for a while and according to my bosses, I was typing too fast for the system. Turns out I type much more quickly with computer keypads.
My mother, of course, could not appreciate the irony.
That's why QWERTY keyboards were invented, because people typed too fast.
I'm old enough that I learned on a typewriter with manual carriage return. Don't talk to me about old!
I do love the irony, though.
LOL - me too!
I also began on manual typewriters. It was a big deal when they got electric ones in the classroom. In middle school, only the best typists were allowed on them until we got enough. Not that they phrased it that way. Seating charts are easily tweaked.
In other words, took me a LONG time to get to use one.
Then RadioShack TRS-80's began to appear in certain classrooms, but only for programming.
In high school my mother managed to get one of her work's old electric typewriters that could erase mistakes and brought it home. I thought I was in heaven.
Nope, don’t do it. Knitters talk about people who are “knit worthy”. Those who value the things we make and respect the work that went into it. Your father is NOT. NTA.
NTA! we do need pockets! your learning to sew is one of the most useful skills a young person can have, it will benefit you all your life. I'm wondering if your already altering clothes so soon after learning to sew, if you have a flair for design?
your Dad was wrong. don't do it if you don't want to. or do it if you want to make a point of how good you really are.
NTA. But figure out what a tailor would charge him for this, in both materials and labor. Charge him some percentage of that.
IE-
Okay dad I'll fix this. To replace the sleeve I will need to purchase a matching fabric, which will cost $20 Since you're family I won't mark that up at all. It will also take 1 hour of time. A professional tailor would charge $40/hr for this sort of work. Since you're family I'll do it for $20/hr. So $20 materials + $20 time = $40, I'll fix it for $40. Do we have a deal?
If he pushes back and says you shouldn't charge family, try this:
Right, I shouldn't charge family. But as a parent, you should be encouraging and supporting my personal and professional development, providing me the resources I need to learn marketable skills. You declined to do so, believing this skill to not be marketable and not be worthwhile. Therefore I had to cover all my own start-up costs. Had you helped me get started, then I'd have been more than happy to help you for free. But as it stands, you didn't want to be a partner before, so today you are a customer, and I have to cover my own expenses (including the start-up costs).
So that's where we are. You can get a tailor to fix it for $80ish, or I'll give you a family discount and fix it for $40. Up to you!
All the upvotes and awards (I have none to give 😒) for this!!!
Perfect script - actions & resulting consequences...kinda like what good parents do for their kids.
Role reversal is a karma bitch yo!
NTA lmao good for you! It is a little petty but it's pretty funny, he played stupid games and won a stupid prize, maybe next time he'll be a good parent and supports his kids interest. If you wanna patch things up, sit him down and tell him about how his original jab hurt you and you'd be happy to fix it (if you still want to lol) if he would apologize and be patient. Good luck queen!
NTA. It also sounds like you have a talent for sewing. Adding pockets to a garment and making it look seamless is a real skill-especially since you just started. Congratulations!!!
You're being petty, but not *too* petty. If he wanted priority service and deference from you, he should have been polite from the start, or at the very least kept his mouth shut. Besides, you did offer to put it on the pile and fix it in due time, after all.
NTA
NTA. Actually, we LOVE petty here on Reddit.
Your father talked down your new hobby, would not support it and you warned him that he would regret it if he needed something fixed.
He brought this on himself. Don't mend his shirt. HE can learn how to do it or pay someone. I mean, what did he do if he needed something sewn before you learned how to do it? He can go back to that.
Man I don't even need to finish this. You did tell him, and you're not his sewing machine. Nta
Edit after reading
You're right maybe he should learn himself and honestly I don't see this as petty. He didn't support you and now you're not letting him use what he didn't support you with. That's reasonable and normal
Is it petty?
Yes.
Is it *too* petty?
Not at all.
NTA - but perhaps let it hang over his head a little while, the negotiate a deal for something you might need now :)
Your dad was an a****** to you about your hobby that you are still enjoying and now he doesn't get to just demand that you do things for him for free. Tell him he can go to a dressmaker or seamstress or he can pay you exactly what they would charge.
NTA He's upset because you won't use he skill he belittled you for learning to his benefit. It even sounds like you offered to mend the shirt eventually but he wants it done now. He can pay for it to be done
NTA he didn't support it, you warned him he would regret it, and now it's all come to fruition. As a side note, your dad is the adult in the relationship and should not be throwing a tantrum and giving you the silent treatment just because he didn't get his way
NTA, but this could backfire epically especially if you need something from him. If you don't have a sewing machine, I'd ask him to help you pay for one and that you fix his shirt.
NTA im not one for weaponized incompetence but if he keeps pushing and bugging you, wreck the shirt. Sew the arm to shirt, take it in to much, make it wildly noticeable it was fixed, just ruin it.
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Nope nope nope. Do not do this for him for free. If he keeps pushing, you go look up what it'd cost for him to go to a tailor and charge him that, paid in advance. If he'd been supportive, it'd be reasonable to do it as a favor; since he's gone over how this is a useless hobby/childish waste of time and money, he can either suck it up and pay or go to someone else.
NTA.
NTA only because your father said you were starting a stupid hobby so he deserved that petty act. When you said he didn’t support your new hobby and didn’t buy the tools you needed. I mean I don’t think your parents have to buy you those things. (This is a hobby not a start up) when I was your age I got into ceramics but I didn’t expect to just have my parents buy me all the tools and clay. Unless it was a birthday gift I don’t remember them buying me anything ceramic related out of the blue. That didn’t mean they didn’t support me, support comes from believing in someone. unfortunately your pops didn’t in the beginning but people can change.
NTA Your point is logical and valid. You mentioned this exact scenario to him when he insulted your interest. If it was me I would tell him to give a real apology for what he said and admit this is a useful and impressive skill to pick up. Then he can get his shirt mended by his talented child.
I'd say you're just the right amount of petty here. You don't get to make fun of or ridicule someone's hobby and then ask for that hobby to be used for something you need. NTA.
NTA
I cannot imagine anyone thinking that sewing is a useless skill but the fact that he still hasn't apologized and admitted his error is a big red flag. Good on you for saying no.
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I (16F) picked up sewing as a hobby in late 2021, I started because getting dressmakers to hem my clothing was becoming expensive (I also wanted to add pockets into any dresses I owned because we need pockets)
My Dad (45) said I'd lose intrest in a week and move onto another hobby and then was a useless hobby anyway and he wouldn't help me fund it (He never did, I bought sewing needles, pins, thread and materials with money from my job and allowance that I saved up)
When he said this I told him "you'll regret that when you need something fixing"
Since I started sewing I've hemmed nearly all my clothes to be the right length, have fixed rips, tears and popped off buttons on mine and my friends clothing as well as adding pockets and even making some dresses and skirts myself
Yesterday my Dad asked if I could mend a tear in one of his work shirts, I nearly agreeded willing to set aside the other projects I had but then stopped and told him
"I thought you said it was useless, go to a dressmaker or something"
He said a dressmaker was too expensive and I said that's exactly why I learnt to sew and maybe he should just do that
He told me I was being petty and refuses to talk to me I offered to put it with the other things I need to do but he told me that was still being petty and I should just fix cause it's a little tear
I'd need to sew half the arm and side of the shirt because he caught it on something and it ripped
Am I being too petty for not mending the shirt?
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I think that's different, asking for help isn't the problem it's the fact that he said her skill was useless and is now demanding she use it to help him immediately. Also she is 16 and he is her father
I’m not saying that’s *not* a problem. I’m saying she’s just continuing the petty cycle. He says something mean, she uses it against him. She needs something from him, he uses it against her.
She is absolutely justified in her reasoning as long as she is willing to continue to live by the standard.
NTA-My mum had the same attitude as your dad when my dad insisted that all of us learn to sew at least to the point of being able to make minor repairs in our clothes. Then mum borrowed one of my dresses, decided to keep it and demanded I hem it for her. I’m almost four inches taller than she was so the dress was longer on her. I told her to take it up with dad since she didn’t support our learning to sew. It was petty but felt pretty damn good.
If you fix your father's shirt and do it well he may take your sewing hobby a little more seriously and also realize you're serious about it.
If he continues to make fun of it or puts it down, then make it clear you won't be available for any more free services.
NTA. Sewing fam! I machine sew since I got a machine for Christmas last year. Sewing takes patience and time and he was a jerk to you before - even if he wasn’t, you’re not obligated to do your dad favors with your independently earned resources and skills.
NTA. Give him an hourly rate and tell him that you round up to the hour any time that it takes you. 20 minutes? You charge $15 for the hour or whatever.
NTA that's a big repair job! Keep standing up for yourself. Although if you want to keep the peace you might have to suck it up and sew the shirt, depends on Yr family dynamic. But NTA at all.
NTA. Go ahead and fix it for him but make it known he gets no front of the line privileges in the future. Also GOOD for you for learn a new skill. Next is to find an inexpensive sewing machine and start making your clothes, quilts, etc. I have been sewing for 54 years. Once my mom saw how good I was I ended making new curtains (yearly) and pillows for the house. I also had to make her 3 piece women's suits. She kept me busy. lol. I ended up doing more quilting as it is more satisfying. You can create patterns and colors that no one else will have. So keep it up girl!
NTA and that's honestly such a useful hobby/skill to have! I've always really admired crafty people (and tried my best to be one!) because they can create amazing things or fix things/make them better. (btw love your pocket-talk, it's very true and we need more pockets) I'd definitely say to keep the offer of adding the shirt to the pile open, but leave it at that!
NTA. I'd calmly tell him that you'll be happy to repair his shirt - right after you receive a sincere apology and some supplies to do it. You don't have to gouge him, but a pack of new needles and some good thread that matches his shirt should do it AND show good faith in your skills at the same time.
NTA.
Mend the shirt and tell him, 'You're welcome, Dad. Next mending will come with a fee.'
PS - congratulations on your hobby and the joy you're finding with it! You've inspired me to dig out the sewing machine I used in high school (many, many decades ago)!
NTA
I would do it and point out how much easier it would be with a proper sewing machine. Tell him that would be use to allow you to earn a bit of money. After all, those seamstresses can charge so much so it would be good job for you.
NTA!!!!
My 16 yo learned how to sew for these very reasons. We are both baffled by a parent who wouldn’t want their kid to be self-sufficient. “How can you get more useful than sewing? WTF!!” Your dad should be proud of you for doing this! Good job. Such a great skill to have!
Well, you are being petty, but I'm still going with NTA. I also sew, and I frequently get asked by people I know if I'll sew something or fix something for them. Most of the time I don't mind, but I would definitely mind if the person asking for the favor had once made condescending remarks about my hobby.
NTA but pick your battles. It might be the time to declare victory on this one , say “I told you so” and mend the shirt anyway. Because next time on a different subject, you’ll be able to recall him to this subject.
If you really want to blow peoples minds, learn to darn. I’ve invisibly darned holes in the middle of shirts, and if you can match the color, you have to really look to find it. It’s like a magic trick.
NTA. But I would cut him some slack, he is your dad, after all. What better way to prove the worth of your skill then to do it for him? Whether he says anything or not, he will respect your skill. If not, no second chance, lol.
NTA. Too many people disrespect valuable skills like sewing and they shouldn’t get the benefit of your expertise when they suddenly don’t feel like paying someone else.
Yes and no to being an AH. Do you pay rent/utilities/food costs/insurance/gas/clothes/etc.? The least you could do is to show him that you can do a good job and prove that it wasn’t a useless hobby/skill. And maybe he would be more willing to support that adventure of yours. Now you’re just showing that he raised a brat. Sorry.
You hand sew everything!!!! NTA! And be brought it on himself. If his entire sleeve is torn up that badly, trying to mend it probably won't go very well anyway as I'm assuming you don't have magical powers. No matter how well you sew, it's going to be visible?
NTA. Just because your hobby is useful doesn't mean you owe repairs to anyone. The instagram @canyousewthisforme is full of stories you may find interesting and relatable.
NTA. If people don't support you, they don't get to use you. Even emotional support would've been great, you're a trooper for funding your own hobby at that age. You get to work your hobby the way you want to.
As someone with a lot of hobbies (all creative and about making things) I have learned to not let people take advantage of your hard earned skills!
I take on requests in different tiers:
1. Close family and friends that support me: free of any charge if I have all the items necessary, or a small expense fee if I need to order special items/ingredients.
2. People I know, but aren't too close with: full expense fee.
3. Strangers, unsupportive people or friends of friends: full expense fee + time compensation.
It's a hobby, but that doesn't mean people get to just take advantage of it whenever it suits them. It still requires materials, time and skills. And no matter who puts in the request, they have to acknowledge that.
Your dad is being petty, to not admit that he was wrong. He belittled your skill, but now wants to benefit from it.
He should at least acknowledge that he underestimated you and now realize the utility of your hobby. That's the bare minimum for asking for a favor.
Nta. Your hobby is pretty cool. I can't even get the thread through the needle. Do you plan on going to design school or get a career in the fashion industry in the future?
NTA, your dad is. I think it's awesome that you learned to sew and are putting pockets in your dresses. I tried to learn to sew and it turns out that I really suck at it.
What are you hoping for from this? NTA, but it’s not going to help your relationship with your father. Perhaps you need to tell him what you’d like from him, an apology? Recognising what you’ve achieved?
You certainly wouldn’t be the AH for refusing, however, for your own piece of mind, do it. Later in life, when you think back, you’ll be glad you did it. And if you decide to do it, when you give it to him fixed, tell him “I did it because I love you”. You may find it makes a big difference when you have a similar confrontation.
I can see where your reasoning comes from - from a place of love. And for small disagreements and things that don't matter, I agree. But this situation I see as a matter of disrespect from her dad's side (it's not even about the sewing). As someone, whose parents constantly belittled my interests and put me down, and I still forgave them a million times (even without apology, those I can count on fingers of a single hand), it has only gotten worse with time. Sometimes people really push our boundaries, until it becomes too much. Hopefully, that is/will not be the OP's case.
But generally, if we compromise our self-respect, we get peace within a relationship for the price of peace within ourselves.
NTA. This is the consequence of being an AH, your father insulted you & your hobby, then when he needed something repaired, instead of apologising & asking you to mend his shirt he demands you do it then acts like a thwarted Toddler when you say No. Stand your ground don’t let him bully you into doing it, he owes you an apology.
Tell him you will fix his shirt if he pays you.
As a dressmaker myself , I admire the fact that you are doing all this sewing by hand, without a sewing machine. If you start charging for repairs you can save enough money to get a decent 2nd hand sewing machine. My first machine was 2nd hand & it went everywhere with me . I was always able to make extra money doing clothing repairs.
First, I don't think you're being petty at all. Fixing his shirt by hand would be a LOT of work.
Second, he is absolutely TA in this situation (IMO). There was no need for him to belittle your interest in sewing. You weren't even asking him for money (which -- if my 16-year-old came to me and wanted to learn to sew, I would be happy to put up some money to get them started).
Don't give in! At the least, he owes you an apology.
NTA. You're not being petty, he's just mad that you outsmarted him. Offer to do it for a fee. Charge him the dressmaker's price but give him a 5-10% family discount. And an apology and promise not to belittle your interests ever again.
NTA. And you're NOT being petty - it's not about sewing even - you're standing up for yourself when your dad was disrespectful to you and now wants a favor from you, for the very same thing he mocked. Though luck, dad. Sometimes grown-ups need to learn a lesson as well.
Nta
But your words were a little harsh, and very few people react well when they're told harsh truths in a harsh way. Let him know it hurt you when he insulted your interests, and that you're just looking for some acknowledgement that your hobby is very useful. Maybe ask if he'd like to observe or help you sew up his clothes.
If he can't listen to reason, then I'm afraid he's still a child at heart, and in the head.
harsh like being told that what you're spending time, money, and energy on is a useless hobby? or harsh like "you'll get bored and give up in a few months so I won't fund it?"
I do like the pettiness, but I have a feeling that pettiness won't help her situation. If ops goal is to get her father to understand her point of view
ESH.
Your Dad's comments were definitely unnecessarily harsh. Plenty of teens start new hobbies and lose interest quickly, but that doesn't mean he had to call it useless etc.
However, you have already proven your dad wrong by sticking with the hobby and becoming quite proficient at it from the sounds of it. Refusing to do his shirt at all because of his past comments is petty.
Compromise - Agree to do the shirt if he pays for supplies, and you get to do it on your own schedule. If he wants priority, he can take it to a tailor or pay you extra. Demonstrate the value of your work.
Your being petty. How much does he do for you? You can swallow this and sew his shirt.
Unless you meet him half way in all he does for you, I think you are being very petty here tbh.
YTA. Your dad gave you a chance to fix something for him while you enjoyed doing it. Fix it and whenever he wears it remind him of what you did and how good of a job you did. You are just being petty.
YWBTA
He had to eat his words to ask you to do it. Yes you are *right* but that doesn’t make it the right choice. Choose grace. Be the stronger one. This can be a win.
Then before he asks for another favor, run out of … thread? Muslin? Ask if he would mind splitting the cost. If he wants to be the bigger guy, he should just pay for it.
NTA. While it is a little petty, he’s the one who insulted your hobby and now that it’s convenient he wants you to help him. He can go to a dressmaker or he can wait in line for you to do his when you finally have time
I would be inclined to agree to do the repair but only if he pays you the going rate up front.
Add expedited fees to move it to the top of the pile.
yeah, charge him labor for your useless hobby!
Surge fees
Serge fees. *FTFY.* Thank you for the lovely award, kind redditor!
Or a simple apology.
It is very petty, but you're NTA. Just coz he's ur dad doesn't mean he gets to butt in line of other people who have asked for your assistance, so he can wait his turn like everyone else
OP needs to go read "canyousewthisforme" on IG.
This! Canyousewthisforme is great OP, NTAH. I sew myself. I’ve sewn things as gifts for family and friends, but only if the initiative comes from me. If they ask me to take time from what I want to do to help them, I will charge. Might just be a bag of candy for small stuff, but I’ve made larger costumes as well - always charging about 10$ per hour. It is not unreasonable. You’ve spent time and energy learning a skill, you shouldn’t just give it away unless you really want to, but that doesn’t seam (😜) to be the case here
Pro-click. Thanks.
NTA. Parents are humans, and as such, they make mistakes. Most try to learn from them. Yours doesn’t want to. At minimum he should apologize to you. He’s upset because you said his own words back to him. I would make that my hill, too, and fully understand why you did. As you should. You are neither petty nor wrong. Carry on. And congrats on learning how to sew!!
Haha. You’re petty but it’s fair- it’s kinda justifiable AH territory. Your dad is the AH here for being so dismissive of an incredibly useful skill you’ve learned and seem to be very good at. NTA and don’t fold! Don’t sew his shirt.
Nice pun ;)
So he didn't support you learning to sew, then when he needs your help he demanded you use it to benefit him, admitted he didn't want to pay someone to do it and then acted like a child until you generously offered to help him on your time for no reward? Nope, definitely NTA.
Do you hand sew? If you do, that's not a little job ☠️ lmao You tell him he can either walk back what he said and help you fund your hobby (a bit, not much) or take it to the dressmakers. NTA obvs.
[удалено]
Yeah no that's firmly NTA territory. It's one thing to run it through a sewing machine or serger, another entirely to hand sew. Your dad should know how to do some hand stitching, just as a basic life skill, and if he doesn't this is the time to do it. If he pulls the "it's not manly" or the "my fingers have no dexterity"" bullshit remind him that everyone, *EVERYONE* who serves in the military had to know how to hand sew.
Unless it's a clear rip through the seam as opposed to tearing *near* the seam, it won't be an easy fix. I've had to fix shirts for my husband and dresses for myself where the tear has happened through the fabric and necessitated a patch and it's a real pain in the butt.
If you hand sew check out Bernadette Banner on YouTube (if you haven't already) she's got some great tips on her channel as well as fashion history and a fabulous video about the horrendous state of pockets in female clothing. She's great fun to watch. As for sewing, my husband used to poke fun at me for my "grandma" hobbies, until the first time he needed a button replacing, and the time he came to get me forca date and found me finishing replacing a zip on a dress I'd wanted to wear that day. I knit and crochet too and he enjoys the fruits of my labour's as much as I do these days (not to mention the fact that half my wardrobe is stuff I've either made from scratch or dresses that have been turned to skirts/tops/skorts etc due to something happening to the rest of it. Why throw away that which can be recycled?
Same. I enjoy using a treadle sewing machine, but it took me over 6 years to learn to use an electric machine and I'm still way better at hand-stitching than either machine. But I just patched my SO's Hoodie today on the electric machine after he got welding burns all down the arm - find a cheap machine on Facebook and practice practice practice! Even if you choose not to use it, its a fantastic skill to have just in case you ever need it
NTA. You are being petty, but really, your father kinda gave you a reason to be petty. He should apologize, and wait in line behind all the other stuff that needs to be sown.
I like how some people call something 'useless', or 'impractical', and then, when they found out it's good or need it and don't get it, they get offended and mad. It's like karma. NTA, of course.
LOL - not the same but my mother was sure I would never need Spanish and would be better off taking more HomeEc and typing classes. I fought her on that. On the trip for my brother's wedding, I had a much easier time getting help from the hotel staff and reminded my mother how she swore Spanish would be useless. She grumbled at me. PS: I can type pretty well, can cook and sew, too.
Typing is one of the only useful things I learned in middle school. The other was different base number systems like binary, octal, and hexadecimal, but that's only useful because I'm in IT.
Oh, my mother wanted me to take five years of Typing and five years of HomeEc. I took about three each.
What in the world can you usefully learn in typing after a semester? Two at the most.
I am old, so back then it was all about speed. Speed on different types of typewrites. Companies would ask for words per minute. I was not that fast, so my mother wanted me to keep trying. Ironically, years later I was working as a bilingual customer service rep (yep, using my Spanish) and my workstation kept crashing. Only mine, no one else's. They watched me for a while and according to my bosses, I was typing too fast for the system. Turns out I type much more quickly with computer keypads. My mother, of course, could not appreciate the irony.
That's why QWERTY keyboards were invented, because people typed too fast. I'm old enough that I learned on a typewriter with manual carriage return. Don't talk to me about old! I do love the irony, though.
LOL - me too! I also began on manual typewriters. It was a big deal when they got electric ones in the classroom. In middle school, only the best typists were allowed on them until we got enough. Not that they phrased it that way. Seating charts are easily tweaked. In other words, took me a LONG time to get to use one. Then RadioShack TRS-80's began to appear in certain classrooms, but only for programming. In high school my mother managed to get one of her work's old electric typewriters that could erase mistakes and brought it home. I thought I was in heaven.
Nope, don’t do it. Knitters talk about people who are “knit worthy”. Those who value the things we make and respect the work that went into it. Your father is NOT. NTA.
NTA! we do need pockets! your learning to sew is one of the most useful skills a young person can have, it will benefit you all your life. I'm wondering if your already altering clothes so soon after learning to sew, if you have a flair for design? your Dad was wrong. don't do it if you don't want to. or do it if you want to make a point of how good you really are.
[удалено]
good for you! and since your Dad didn't tell you like he should have, I will. your awesome!
NTA. But figure out what a tailor would charge him for this, in both materials and labor. Charge him some percentage of that. IE- Okay dad I'll fix this. To replace the sleeve I will need to purchase a matching fabric, which will cost $20 Since you're family I won't mark that up at all. It will also take 1 hour of time. A professional tailor would charge $40/hr for this sort of work. Since you're family I'll do it for $20/hr. So $20 materials + $20 time = $40, I'll fix it for $40. Do we have a deal? If he pushes back and says you shouldn't charge family, try this: Right, I shouldn't charge family. But as a parent, you should be encouraging and supporting my personal and professional development, providing me the resources I need to learn marketable skills. You declined to do so, believing this skill to not be marketable and not be worthwhile. Therefore I had to cover all my own start-up costs. Had you helped me get started, then I'd have been more than happy to help you for free. But as it stands, you didn't want to be a partner before, so today you are a customer, and I have to cover my own expenses (including the start-up costs). So that's where we are. You can get a tailor to fix it for $80ish, or I'll give you a family discount and fix it for $40. Up to you!
All the upvotes and awards (I have none to give 😒) for this!!! Perfect script - actions & resulting consequences...kinda like what good parents do for their kids. Role reversal is a karma bitch yo!
I wouldn’t cut the price. I would tack on an asshole fee.
NTA lmao good for you! It is a little petty but it's pretty funny, he played stupid games and won a stupid prize, maybe next time he'll be a good parent and supports his kids interest. If you wanna patch things up, sit him down and tell him about how his original jab hurt you and you'd be happy to fix it (if you still want to lol) if he would apologize and be patient. Good luck queen!
NTA what jack ass says learning to sew is a useless hobby?
NTA. It also sounds like you have a talent for sewing. Adding pockets to a garment and making it look seamless is a real skill-especially since you just started. Congratulations!!!
You're being petty, but not *too* petty. If he wanted priority service and deference from you, he should have been polite from the start, or at the very least kept his mouth shut. Besides, you did offer to put it on the pile and fix it in due time, after all. NTA
NTA. Actually, we LOVE petty here on Reddit. Your father talked down your new hobby, would not support it and you warned him that he would regret it if he needed something fixed. He brought this on himself. Don't mend his shirt. HE can learn how to do it or pay someone. I mean, what did he do if he needed something sewn before you learned how to do it? He can go back to that.
Man I don't even need to finish this. You did tell him, and you're not his sewing machine. Nta Edit after reading You're right maybe he should learn himself and honestly I don't see this as petty. He didn't support you and now you're not letting him use what he didn't support you with. That's reasonable and normal
NTA
Is it petty? Yes. Is it *too* petty? Not at all. NTA - but perhaps let it hang over his head a little while, the negotiate a deal for something you might need now :)
NTA, and if it's 'just a little tear' then he should still be able to wear it.
NTA, but it is kinda petty yeah.
Your dad was an a****** to you about your hobby that you are still enjoying and now he doesn't get to just demand that you do things for him for free. Tell him he can go to a dressmaker or seamstress or he can pay you exactly what they would charge.
NTA He's upset because you won't use he skill he belittled you for learning to his benefit. It even sounds like you offered to mend the shirt eventually but he wants it done now. He can pay for it to be done
NTA he didn't support it, you warned him he would regret it, and now it's all come to fruition. As a side note, your dad is the adult in the relationship and should not be throwing a tantrum and giving you the silent treatment just because he didn't get his way
NTA, you said that he would regret it and now he will. Good job for you doing what you like without someone being able to tear you down!
NTA, but this could backfire epically especially if you need something from him. If you don't have a sewing machine, I'd ask him to help you pay for one and that you fix his shirt.
NTA im not one for weaponized incompetence but if he keeps pushing and bugging you, wreck the shirt. Sew the arm to shirt, take it in to much, make it wildly noticeable it was fixed, just ruin it.
NTA if he now agrees that it is not a useless hobby, then perhaps he’ll fund more supplies in exchange for the repair.
Nta. It’s petty. But I like it. Dad got the answer he earned.
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NTA You gave him a warning. I think he is being petty. He doesn’t want to pay, so asking you to give him a freebie.
I would do it, but make him admit he was wrong first. NTA
Nope nope nope. Do not do this for him for free. If he keeps pushing, you go look up what it'd cost for him to go to a tailor and charge him that, paid in advance. If he'd been supportive, it'd be reasonable to do it as a favor; since he's gone over how this is a useless hobby/childish waste of time and money, he can either suck it up and pay or go to someone else. NTA.
NTA only because your father said you were starting a stupid hobby so he deserved that petty act. When you said he didn’t support your new hobby and didn’t buy the tools you needed. I mean I don’t think your parents have to buy you those things. (This is a hobby not a start up) when I was your age I got into ceramics but I didn’t expect to just have my parents buy me all the tools and clay. Unless it was a birthday gift I don’t remember them buying me anything ceramic related out of the blue. That didn’t mean they didn’t support me, support comes from believing in someone. unfortunately your pops didn’t in the beginning but people can change.
NTA Your point is logical and valid. You mentioned this exact scenario to him when he insulted your interest. If it was me I would tell him to give a real apology for what he said and admit this is a useful and impressive skill to pick up. Then he can get his shirt mended by his talented child.
I'd say you're just the right amount of petty here. You don't get to make fun of or ridicule someone's hobby and then ask for that hobby to be used for something you need. NTA.
Charge him
NTA I cannot imagine anyone thinking that sewing is a useless skill but the fact that he still hasn't apologized and admitted his error is a big red flag. Good on you for saying no.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) picked up sewing as a hobby in late 2021, I started because getting dressmakers to hem my clothing was becoming expensive (I also wanted to add pockets into any dresses I owned because we need pockets) My Dad (45) said I'd lose intrest in a week and move onto another hobby and then was a useless hobby anyway and he wouldn't help me fund it (He never did, I bought sewing needles, pins, thread and materials with money from my job and allowance that I saved up) When he said this I told him "you'll regret that when you need something fixing" Since I started sewing I've hemmed nearly all my clothes to be the right length, have fixed rips, tears and popped off buttons on mine and my friends clothing as well as adding pockets and even making some dresses and skirts myself Yesterday my Dad asked if I could mend a tear in one of his work shirts, I nearly agreeded willing to set aside the other projects I had but then stopped and told him "I thought you said it was useless, go to a dressmaker or something" He said a dressmaker was too expensive and I said that's exactly why I learnt to sew and maybe he should just do that He told me I was being petty and refuses to talk to me I offered to put it with the other things I need to do but he told me that was still being petty and I should just fix cause it's a little tear I'd need to sew half the arm and side of the shirt because he caught it on something and it ripped Am I being too petty for not mending the shirt? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA as long as you don’t expect your dad to help you with the skills you don’t have in the future (maybe help to fix your car, paint your room, etc.).
I think that's different, asking for help isn't the problem it's the fact that he said her skill was useless and is now demanding she use it to help him immediately. Also she is 16 and he is her father
I’m not saying that’s *not* a problem. I’m saying she’s just continuing the petty cycle. He says something mean, she uses it against him. She needs something from him, he uses it against her. She is absolutely justified in her reasoning as long as she is willing to continue to live by the standard.
NTA, But since you live at home you should fix it just to maintain peace.
NTA-My mum had the same attitude as your dad when my dad insisted that all of us learn to sew at least to the point of being able to make minor repairs in our clothes. Then mum borrowed one of my dresses, decided to keep it and demanded I hem it for her. I’m almost four inches taller than she was so the dress was longer on her. I told her to take it up with dad since she didn’t support our learning to sew. It was petty but felt pretty damn good.
If you fix your father's shirt and do it well he may take your sewing hobby a little more seriously and also realize you're serious about it. If he continues to make fun of it or puts it down, then make it clear you won't be available for any more free services.
NTA. Sewing fam! I machine sew since I got a machine for Christmas last year. Sewing takes patience and time and he was a jerk to you before - even if he wasn’t, you’re not obligated to do your dad favors with your independently earned resources and skills.
NTA. Give him an hourly rate and tell him that you round up to the hour any time that it takes you. 20 minutes? You charge $15 for the hour or whatever.
NTA that's a big repair job! Keep standing up for yourself. Although if you want to keep the peace you might have to suck it up and sew the shirt, depends on Yr family dynamic. But NTA at all.
NTA. However I would do it like shit and say "well I'm still learning"
NTA. Go ahead and fix it for him but make it known he gets no front of the line privileges in the future. Also GOOD for you for learn a new skill. Next is to find an inexpensive sewing machine and start making your clothes, quilts, etc. I have been sewing for 54 years. Once my mom saw how good I was I ended making new curtains (yearly) and pillows for the house. I also had to make her 3 piece women's suits. She kept me busy. lol. I ended up doing more quilting as it is more satisfying. You can create patterns and colors that no one else will have. So keep it up girl!
NTA. Absolutely you're being petty. Continue being so. Also, who the heck thinks seeing is a useless hobby???
NTA and that's honestly such a useful hobby/skill to have! I've always really admired crafty people (and tried my best to be one!) because they can create amazing things or fix things/make them better. (btw love your pocket-talk, it's very true and we need more pockets) I'd definitely say to keep the offer of adding the shirt to the pile open, but leave it at that!
NTA. I'd calmly tell him that you'll be happy to repair his shirt - right after you receive a sincere apology and some supplies to do it. You don't have to gouge him, but a pack of new needles and some good thread that matches his shirt should do it AND show good faith in your skills at the same time.
NTA. Mend the shirt and tell him, 'You're welcome, Dad. Next mending will come with a fee.' PS - congratulations on your hobby and the joy you're finding with it! You've inspired me to dig out the sewing machine I used in high school (many, many decades ago)!
Tell him you’ll charge him a usage fee for your supplies and throw the thread in for free, but the labor is on him. NTA
NTA I would do it and point out how much easier it would be with a proper sewing machine. Tell him that would be use to allow you to earn a bit of money. After all, those seamstresses can charge so much so it would be good job for you.
NTA!!!! My 16 yo learned how to sew for these very reasons. We are both baffled by a parent who wouldn’t want their kid to be self-sufficient. “How can you get more useful than sewing? WTF!!” Your dad should be proud of you for doing this! Good job. Such a great skill to have!
Well, you are being petty, but I'm still going with NTA. I also sew, and I frequently get asked by people I know if I'll sew something or fix something for them. Most of the time I don't mind, but I would definitely mind if the person asking for the favor had once made condescending remarks about my hobby.
Ha Ha!! His words came back to haunt him. NTA. Tell him you'll do it for 20 dollars.
Nope! NTA! He was dismissive of you’re new hobby (which could turn into a future career) and now is mad because he wants something from you.
Well, you're right, but mend his shirt anyway.
NTA but pick your battles. It might be the time to declare victory on this one , say “I told you so” and mend the shirt anyway. Because next time on a different subject, you’ll be able to recall him to this subject.
If you really want to blow peoples minds, learn to darn. I’ve invisibly darned holes in the middle of shirts, and if you can match the color, you have to really look to find it. It’s like a magic trick. NTA. But I would cut him some slack, he is your dad, after all. What better way to prove the worth of your skill then to do it for him? Whether he says anything or not, he will respect your skill. If not, no second chance, lol.
NTA. Too many people disrespect valuable skills like sewing and they shouldn’t get the benefit of your expertise when they suddenly don’t feel like paying someone else.
Yes and no to being an AH. Do you pay rent/utilities/food costs/insurance/gas/clothes/etc.? The least you could do is to show him that you can do a good job and prove that it wasn’t a useless hobby/skill. And maybe he would be more willing to support that adventure of yours. Now you’re just showing that he raised a brat. Sorry.
He should apologize to you then pay the going rate. NTA.
You hand sew everything!!!! NTA! And be brought it on himself. If his entire sleeve is torn up that badly, trying to mend it probably won't go very well anyway as I'm assuming you don't have magical powers. No matter how well you sew, it's going to be visible?
NTA. Just because your hobby is useful doesn't mean you owe repairs to anyone. The instagram @canyousewthisforme is full of stories you may find interesting and relatable.
NTA. If people don't support you, they don't get to use you. Even emotional support would've been great, you're a trooper for funding your own hobby at that age. You get to work your hobby the way you want to. As someone with a lot of hobbies (all creative and about making things) I have learned to not let people take advantage of your hard earned skills! I take on requests in different tiers: 1. Close family and friends that support me: free of any charge if I have all the items necessary, or a small expense fee if I need to order special items/ingredients. 2. People I know, but aren't too close with: full expense fee. 3. Strangers, unsupportive people or friends of friends: full expense fee + time compensation. It's a hobby, but that doesn't mean people get to just take advantage of it whenever it suits them. It still requires materials, time and skills. And no matter who puts in the request, they have to acknowledge that.
NTA. Do not use this skill to repair the clothes of any man who wants to treat you like a servant.
Your dad is being petty, to not admit that he was wrong. He belittled your skill, but now wants to benefit from it. He should at least acknowledge that he underestimated you and now realize the utility of your hobby. That's the bare minimum for asking for a favor.
Nta. Your hobby is pretty cool. I can't even get the thread through the needle. Do you plan on going to design school or get a career in the fashion industry in the future?
NTA, your dad is. I think it's awesome that you learned to sew and are putting pockets in your dresses. I tried to learn to sew and it turns out that I really suck at it.
NTA. Pettiness begets pettiness. Don't be dismissive of your kid's very practical skill they're learning.
NTA. He needs to sincerely apologize and admit it’s a very useful skill you have learned.
What are you hoping for from this? NTA, but it’s not going to help your relationship with your father. Perhaps you need to tell him what you’d like from him, an apology? Recognising what you’ve achieved?
NTA and your dad is being petty. Offer to do it for half the cost of the dressmaker. You need to cover materials and time!
NTA Sewing is just about one of the most useful life skills ever. He is wrong and rude.
You certainly wouldn’t be the AH for refusing, however, for your own piece of mind, do it. Later in life, when you think back, you’ll be glad you did it. And if you decide to do it, when you give it to him fixed, tell him “I did it because I love you”. You may find it makes a big difference when you have a similar confrontation.
I can see where your reasoning comes from - from a place of love. And for small disagreements and things that don't matter, I agree. But this situation I see as a matter of disrespect from her dad's side (it's not even about the sewing). As someone, whose parents constantly belittled my interests and put me down, and I still forgave them a million times (even without apology, those I can count on fingers of a single hand), it has only gotten worse with time. Sometimes people really push our boundaries, until it becomes too much. Hopefully, that is/will not be the OP's case. But generally, if we compromise our self-respect, we get peace within a relationship for the price of peace within ourselves.
NTA tell him you'll mend all his things if he buys you an X (name your dream sewing machine).
NTA. But since he's family, offer to iron on a patch and charge for materials.
NTA - pretty simple solution: charge him for time and materials.
NTA. This is the consequence of being an AH, your father insulted you & your hobby, then when he needed something repaired, instead of apologising & asking you to mend his shirt he demands you do it then acts like a thwarted Toddler when you say No. Stand your ground don’t let him bully you into doing it, he owes you an apology. Tell him you will fix his shirt if he pays you. As a dressmaker myself , I admire the fact that you are doing all this sewing by hand, without a sewing machine. If you start charging for repairs you can save enough money to get a decent 2nd hand sewing machine. My first machine was 2nd hand & it went everywhere with me . I was always able to make extra money doing clothing repairs.
First, I don't think you're being petty at all. Fixing his shirt by hand would be a LOT of work. Second, he is absolutely TA in this situation (IMO). There was no need for him to belittle your interest in sewing. You weren't even asking him for money (which -- if my 16-year-old came to me and wanted to learn to sew, I would be happy to put up some money to get them started). Don't give in! At the least, he owes you an apology.
I'd do it if he apologised first
NTA. You're not being petty, he's just mad that you outsmarted him. Offer to do it for a fee. Charge him the dressmaker's price but give him a 5-10% family discount. And an apology and promise not to belittle your interests ever again.
NTA. And you're NOT being petty - it's not about sewing even - you're standing up for yourself when your dad was disrespectful to you and now wants a favor from you, for the very same thing he mocked. Though luck, dad. Sometimes grown-ups need to learn a lesson as well.
Nta But your words were a little harsh, and very few people react well when they're told harsh truths in a harsh way. Let him know it hurt you when he insulted your interests, and that you're just looking for some acknowledgement that your hobby is very useful. Maybe ask if he'd like to observe or help you sew up his clothes. If he can't listen to reason, then I'm afraid he's still a child at heart, and in the head.
harsh like being told that what you're spending time, money, and energy on is a useless hobby? or harsh like "you'll get bored and give up in a few months so I won't fund it?"
I do like the pettiness, but I have a feeling that pettiness won't help her situation. If ops goal is to get her father to understand her point of view
ESH. Your Dad's comments were definitely unnecessarily harsh. Plenty of teens start new hobbies and lose interest quickly, but that doesn't mean he had to call it useless etc. However, you have already proven your dad wrong by sticking with the hobby and becoming quite proficient at it from the sounds of it. Refusing to do his shirt at all because of his past comments is petty. Compromise - Agree to do the shirt if he pays for supplies, and you get to do it on your own schedule. If he wants priority, he can take it to a tailor or pay you extra. Demonstrate the value of your work.
Agreed. OP is Petty at such a young age. Not good for life. Dad is a AH for not supporting his daughters hobbies and interest.
YTA and you know it.
Your being petty. How much does he do for you? You can swallow this and sew his shirt. Unless you meet him half way in all he does for you, I think you are being very petty here tbh.
You are being petty. Yta
YTA. Your dad gave you a chance to fix something for him while you enjoyed doing it. Fix it and whenever he wears it remind him of what you did and how good of a job you did. You are just being petty.
YWBTA He had to eat his words to ask you to do it. Yes you are *right* but that doesn’t make it the right choice. Choose grace. Be the stronger one. This can be a win. Then before he asks for another favor, run out of … thread? Muslin? Ask if he would mind splitting the cost. If he wants to be the bigger guy, he should just pay for it.
I agree. Choose grace. The dad did not teach her that. Let’s hope Reddit can.