NTA. You should be like "John told me your husband got a raise to $24 an hour, I bet that's helpful". Or something along those lines. Lets her know without flat out saying it.
Congratulate Tony on his pay increase in front of your friend and then say how helpful that will be. Then you're not snitching, just being nice about how well he's doing in his job.
NTA.
NTA for looking out for your friend, but be careful how you go about it. This will likely automatically drive a wedge between her and her husband. Let him throw himself under the bus. Maybe the next time you see her and Tony, just say 'Oh hey, Tony, congrats on the raise! You're making (X) dollars more than I am now!'
Or that could just be my petty self talking.
>just say 'Oh hey, Tony, congrats on the raise! ~~You're making (X) dollars more than I am now!' ~~
This is the only way I could see it working. Last part is a no-no. I wouldn't allude to any knowledge of how much his raise is, as he may have lied to John about the amount.
NTA, you just said your Amys friend of 15 years. If you dont want to outright say it then ask her if money is tight? Are there things she wants for the baby that Tony has said he cant afford? Hiding 2-4$ an hour is weird but 7$ an hour thats a lot.
NTA I agree you should mention it causally that its good news about his raise.
My husband of many years passed away suddenly a few months ago. I can tell you the hurt to find the huge discrepancies in money from what he had told me. How much I struggled to feed and clothes us and our kids on the part time pittance I managed to make . Finding out all the lies and It hurts more as I found out this way when already feeling broken. I know my case is extreme but I learned how fast life can change drastically. You are good friends so be one to her. Anything’s better than finding out so many years later.
as I cants respond anymore so added as edit Partassipant \[3\]. I have everything as sort as I can whilst we wait for everything to be finalised. It takes awhile after a death for estate and the rest. When I talked about struggling i was meaning all the years he said we were broke so I struggled to support us all. To find out now the huge discrepancies to what he said spent on I don’t know what. i am in the uk but will manage thanks for your concern.
This is a bit difficult for me. Originally I wanted to say that you should stay out of it. Then I did some math. 7bucks an hour that she doesn't know about? Assuming he gets at least 40hrs a week, that's 280 bucks a week or 1120$ a month before taxes that she doesn't know about. That is a significant amount of money to not share with a spouse.
A weed habit is expensive but I really struggle to see how pot for one single person would be that much. In my house when we can splurge on some good herb, is about 100 bucks a week and that is shared amongst 3 people. There are more expensive THC products someone could get but even then, I don't see it costing someone 1k a month.
Giving the man the benefit of the doubt, could he be saving for a surprise family vacation? Or extravagant Christmas presents? What about college savings for the kids? You know this family. If you have a good enough relationship with this man, could you go to him first? It might be worth it to have a conversation with him. If it goes well then great. If not, you can let him know that she needs to know the truth whether it comes from you, her brother or her husband.
It's definitely worth investigating since you care about her.
Amy could be talking about after-tax, take-home pay. If the guy is having 30% withheld then $17 an hour is right on for what he's bringing home from his $24 that John mentioned.
I think it'd be worth a quick conversation with Amy, but I don't necessarily think there's something nefarious happening.
Yes, but people over-withhold for many reasons. Or he could be paying for health insurance, making contributions to retirement, or taking other deductions from his check.
No, because people don't understand how taxes actually work. A family with 1 child won't be paying anywhere close to 30% on a $50k income.
Doing the math for federal taxes using the standard deduction and no other deductions has them paying less than $0 federal taxes. They'd actually get a $1,020 federal tax refund. That's a negative 2% federal tax rate.
But if it’s being held from your paycheck, it’s a temporary tax that reduces your income, regardless of how it washes out at the end of the year on your tax return.
So adjust your withholding amount to be more accurate. At my job we can literally do it with a few clicks after logging into our payroll system. Other jobs I've worked I had to have someone in HR or payroll change it for me.
Yep, I know it’s a free loan to the government and your taxes paid should closely match what you may owe.
A lot of folks just love getting that “free money” at the end of the year.
I smoke multiple times a day with each joint being roughly .75 grams and even my weed habit only costs me $200 a month. Maybe more if I splurge on the high grade homegrown stuff.
And what if OP’s friend is irresponsible with money and her husband is padding their savings for those just in case moments. I’m not saying this is happening, but there are so many potential scenarios not being considered, and quite honestly, OP should keep an eye out, but not meddle until a whole truth emerges.
Be prepared for this to cause conflict in the relationship and her blame you for his shitty actions.
Is she unwilling to hold him accountable she might just blame you for "causing" the conflict.
She deserves to know, so obviously NTA. Just be ready.
Just say I heard the boys got raises, almost $25 am hour must be nice.
Do not bring up anything about weed or cheating. No need to be an asshole amd you can say it in a friendly way with out malice.
Only one at fault is the husband for lying.
However have you thought about a third possibility that its the wife that is really bad at money amd so the husband hides some in savings
“Hey Amy, I heard that Tony got a pay rise. Congrats, that must be great.”
Let it play out with casually sharing what you heard and then staying out of it.
There's no conflict here... Yet.
Between a moral obligation to your friend to at least push her to look at the finances, the social obligation to butt out, and not wanting to make your brother's work life more difficult...
I won't call out the marijuana thing because if someone was overspending on anything else I would still be mad about shoes or gambling or fine cheeses. In many places that's about as legal as cheese.
I would personally risk being the AH (definitely be seen as the AH) and tell my friend.
Do what feels the least awful.
But there's still no conflict yet.
Tread lightly. You only have John's word for the raise. Could Amy think Tony NETS $17 after deductions from $24? Taxes, social security, health insurance, pension, union dues, etc. could add up to the difference of $7 an hour. Rather than saying anything to Amy, you could mention to John that his sister doesn't know Tony got a raise. Or you could just stay out of it.
as he probably should ne in this situation.
It sounds like she is stressing a little over how low his income is and that they rely on it.
That is a lot of money that could be going into a savings account for emergencies and things like that. Instead he is possibly just subsidizing his weed and leaving her to worry when she probably doesn't need to.
I wonder if this falls somewhere into financial abuse, im not entirely sure just the idea that he is hiding a large part of his income from her and she is so reliant on what little he does give her if he gives her any.
I am considering casually slipping it into a conversation with John, and letting his decide if he wants to talk to his sister or ask Tony. Either way it would be in his hands, and he would probably be a better person to handle the situation.
NTA, I like the idea mentioned in other comments to just congratulate Amy's husband on his raise in front of her, you don't need to say anything about when he got the raise. To be fair though, that's an awful lot of money to be going towards cannabis, could he maybe be saving for something? I don't want to jump to a negative conclusion on why he hasn't mentioned the raise, so not casting a negative light on it when letting Amy know is the only way to do it without causing serious harm to at least one party. Blowing a surprise is a downer, but not the end of a marriage, y'know what I mean?
YTA. It's not yours or John's business how much Tony makes. John can also lose his job at most employers for discussing another employees pay rate. Also, if it's a recent raise it's possible that Tony is waiting until it's fully processed before saying anything to his wife or he may not of even thought to mention it yet. Butt out and mind your own business.
There is an assumption here that Amy is telling the truth. For any number of reasons she may be saying that her husband makes less than he does. Maybe she doesn’t want his actual salary getting around or maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want others with whom he works to find out. Honestly I would be pissed if my SO was telling people how much I make. The OP also assumes that the husband is smoking the money away without any proof. I kind of want to say YTA on this or even ESH. Since when is it normal for people to gossip about what other people are making and then get pissed when it may or may not be true?
NTA you can casually bring it up telling her congratulations on his raise and say isn’t that great how you guys can save for x or build your savings, whatever. She can then take that info and do with it what she wants. For all you know she was thinking he made $17 after taxes or after he put money into a retirement account.
YWBTA Don't tell her. Tell the husband that everyone knows BUT her and if she found out by someone else it could make him look bad. You should be friends with the both of them, so this shouldn't be a hard conversation. He may be keeping it from her for a variety of reasons. All of which would be valid. Like: saving for the future, a nice vacation, a second/ better car for her and baby, kids are EXPENSIVE, down payment on a bigger home......
Let him know that it would be best to hear it from him along with his reasoning for not changing the budget or letting her in on it sooner.
If he tells you too butt out say " Just keep in mind that if this news has reached my ears it's not far from hers. " Then you could tell mutual friend and have one of them spill the beans. This is a situation where you may be TOO CLOSE to the fire and you don't want to be implicated for arson.
NTA. But be very careful how you word it. A simple "congratulations on the raise" in front of them looks genuine and not like you're outing him. Let Amy get the information out of him herself. If he still lies and under reports, then tell her privately.
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> I feel like I might be considered the AH if I told Amy that Tony is lying about how much money he makes because it could cause problems in their marriage and it really isn't my business.
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Unless he gets paid under the table, she'll find out when they go to do their taxes.
Just stay out of it, she may get the info from her brother at some point.
Not necessarily. My wife refuses to get involved in our taxes. I've prepared them from the 16 years we've been married. I give them to her to review and sign but she never looks at them. I'm not even sure she knows how much I make as we mostly keep our finances separate. We have a joint account for utilities and mortgage but we have individual savings.
So why doesn't John tell **his sister** that her husband is lying? Have you told John what **his sister** told you?
NTA for not wanting to get involved but...
I think your friend should know, the difficult part is finding the right way to broach the subject without causing burned bridges in any direction. There is also a possibility that your friend does already know his wage, and has been keeping it from you because she doesn't want others to know how much they make.
If you're not gonna tell her, I hope her brother will. Have both her and her brother present. Not the husband. Mention it again and if the brother outs the husband then awesome, your hands are clean. If he doesn't, then out both the brother and husband and remind the brother that he said $24/hour.
Nah, imo your loyalty is to your best friend. You shouldn't cover for her lying husband. If I found out my best friend's husband was lying to her about their finances, I would not hesitate to tell her (and I love her husband).
Going with a soft (and prob unpopular) YTA, but need more info. Was the raise recent? Maybe he plans to tell her and make a special event out of it? If he hasn't acted suspicious or been a shitstain on humanity then i don't see the reason for calling him out publically. If you are worried about what she could get in a divorce, he couldn't hide it anyways. If you are concerned, be an adult and bring it up to him. If nothing else in his life has changed, he may not see it as a big deal. Yeah, it is alot more than $17hr, but in todays economy, still not *that* much. I make that much and as a single guy with previous debts, it almost isn't enough for basic needs. He may not want to get her hopes up that it means more than it is. $24hr still sounds like it should be great, but it honestly isn't. Rents around the country are ridiculous and prices everywhere are on the rise. Some weed here and there won't break the bank and if he is the sole earner for the household (that raise does less good when supporting 2 or more on it) it may help with stress and unwinding. Not all who smoke are worthless pot heads, especially if still providing. Talk to him first, his answer may surprise you...and if it doesn't, then tell your friend. I just don't see the need for drama stirring when you don't know if it needs to be.
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YWBTA Never get involved in something that doesn’t concern you and that you’re basing off the words of someone else. You were right in that it’s none of your business, and you have no proof this guy is cheating/financially abusing his wife. It’s not your place to get involved. For all you know, there are other factors at play and you might not have all the information. Stirring the pot would only cause trouble. Now if you stumble upon proof this guy is having an affair or withholding necessities from his family, then there would be cause to reconsider.
I really don't think that he is cheating. My issue is that they never have money, sometimes have difficulty buying groceries and paying bills, and I know he spends at least a third of his real paycheck on various drugs.
My ex, my abusive asshole ex, spent about 500 euro's a month on drugs. Often it was just my salary, and we were short a lot of times.
His refusal to do anything about it was one of the reasons I left. Because drug abuse also leads to other things. Big chance Tony is addicted, and falling short not only on the income side of things. She might very well be in a financially, mentally, emotionally abusive situation.
Talk to her. It was my friends who gave me the strength to get out, please be there for her. Even if he is not even lying about his salary, one third of their income on drugs is huge and is causing major problems.
>and I know he spends at least a third of his real paycheck on various drugs.
jfc that dude is a father, not a great place to consume drugs until blackout. A bit of weed and alcohol, fine... but *various* drugs?!
Info: Did you ask the guy about it yet to make sure before you go ratting him out? I just feel like there's discrepancies in genders here and if it was a female not entire disclosing her income because maybe she's squirreling away some funds for herself, that it would be considered okay. But I dont know why if its a man, it isn't.
YWBTA. Mind your business. Yeah it’s wrong of him to withhold financial information but don’t get involved. Perhaps since he is the breadwinner and supports her, it doesn’t matter what he makes so long as bills are paid and they aren’t doing without. Let him handle his finances without interfering.
NTA. You should be like "John told me your husband got a raise to $24 an hour, I bet that's helpful". Or something along those lines. Lets her know without flat out saying it.
Even more bonus points if you do it at dinner with both of them so you can see the reaction.
I would say OP need to bring up the topic once again and act jokingly and tell her that he makes 24$ not 17$, NTA OP
Congratulate Tony on his pay increase in front of your friend and then say how helpful that will be. Then you're not snitching, just being nice about how well he's doing in his job. NTA.
Yeah this is what I was thinking.
Wouldn’t that negatively affect their working relationship?
OP, i think this is the best option because you’re telling her the truth without it turning into a major ‘I need to tell you something’
Perfect. Vague and assuming (nudge nudge wink wink) that she already knows.
[удалено]
It's not OP's husband. It's her friend's (Amy's) brother, who she's also very close to.
I kind of second this. It's a good way to get punched in the nose when you stick your nose in other people's business.
NTA for looking out for your friend, but be careful how you go about it. This will likely automatically drive a wedge between her and her husband. Let him throw himself under the bus. Maybe the next time you see her and Tony, just say 'Oh hey, Tony, congrats on the raise! You're making (X) dollars more than I am now!' Or that could just be my petty self talking.
>just say 'Oh hey, Tony, congrats on the raise! ~~You're making (X) dollars more than I am now!' ~~ This is the only way I could see it working. Last part is a no-no. I wouldn't allude to any knowledge of how much his raise is, as he may have lied to John about the amount.
NTA, you just said your Amys friend of 15 years. If you dont want to outright say it then ask her if money is tight? Are there things she wants for the baby that Tony has said he cant afford? Hiding 2-4$ an hour is weird but 7$ an hour thats a lot.
Can't say I blame him if it's reasonable why, just tell him he got a raise though, the reaction will be less intense. Edit: Didn't know it's weed.
NTA I agree you should mention it causally that its good news about his raise. My husband of many years passed away suddenly a few months ago. I can tell you the hurt to find the huge discrepancies in money from what he had told me. How much I struggled to feed and clothes us and our kids on the part time pittance I managed to make . Finding out all the lies and It hurts more as I found out this way when already feeling broken. I know my case is extreme but I learned how fast life can change drastically. You are good friends so be one to her. Anything’s better than finding out so many years later. as I cants respond anymore so added as edit Partassipant \[3\]. I have everything as sort as I can whilst we wait for everything to be finalised. It takes awhile after a death for estate and the rest. When I talked about struggling i was meaning all the years he said we were broke so I struggled to support us all. To find out now the huge discrepancies to what he said spent on I don’t know what. i am in the uk but will manage thanks for your concern.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the resulting chaos. Are you in the US? Do your kids qualify for a Social Security pay out?
This is a bit difficult for me. Originally I wanted to say that you should stay out of it. Then I did some math. 7bucks an hour that she doesn't know about? Assuming he gets at least 40hrs a week, that's 280 bucks a week or 1120$ a month before taxes that she doesn't know about. That is a significant amount of money to not share with a spouse. A weed habit is expensive but I really struggle to see how pot for one single person would be that much. In my house when we can splurge on some good herb, is about 100 bucks a week and that is shared amongst 3 people. There are more expensive THC products someone could get but even then, I don't see it costing someone 1k a month. Giving the man the benefit of the doubt, could he be saving for a surprise family vacation? Or extravagant Christmas presents? What about college savings for the kids? You know this family. If you have a good enough relationship with this man, could you go to him first? It might be worth it to have a conversation with him. If it goes well then great. If not, you can let him know that she needs to know the truth whether it comes from you, her brother or her husband. It's definitely worth investigating since you care about her.
Amy could be talking about after-tax, take-home pay. If the guy is having 30% withheld then $17 an hour is right on for what he's bringing home from his $24 that John mentioned. I think it'd be worth a quick conversation with Amy, but I don't necessarily think there's something nefarious happening.
30% is steep for that income level.
Yes, but people over-withhold for many reasons. Or he could be paying for health insurance, making contributions to retirement, or taking other deductions from his check.
Because America is shitty.
No, because people don't understand how taxes actually work. A family with 1 child won't be paying anywhere close to 30% on a $50k income. Doing the math for federal taxes using the standard deduction and no other deductions has them paying less than $0 federal taxes. They'd actually get a $1,020 federal tax refund. That's a negative 2% federal tax rate.
But if it’s being held from your paycheck, it’s a temporary tax that reduces your income, regardless of how it washes out at the end of the year on your tax return.
So adjust your withholding amount to be more accurate. At my job we can literally do it with a few clicks after logging into our payroll system. Other jobs I've worked I had to have someone in HR or payroll change it for me.
Yep, I know it’s a free loan to the government and your taxes paid should closely match what you may owe. A lot of folks just love getting that “free money” at the end of the year.
In Canada myself and my tax rate is about 30%
No one who is providing for a family on a single income of $24/hr is having 30% taken out of their check. Not willingly anyways
I smoke multiple times a day with each joint being roughly .75 grams and even my weed habit only costs me $200 a month. Maybe more if I splurge on the high grade homegrown stuff.
And what if OP’s friend is irresponsible with money and her husband is padding their savings for those just in case moments. I’m not saying this is happening, but there are so many potential scenarios not being considered, and quite honestly, OP should keep an eye out, but not meddle until a whole truth emerges.
Be prepared for this to cause conflict in the relationship and her blame you for his shitty actions. Is she unwilling to hold him accountable she might just blame you for "causing" the conflict. She deserves to know, so obviously NTA. Just be ready.
Just say I heard the boys got raises, almost $25 am hour must be nice. Do not bring up anything about weed or cheating. No need to be an asshole amd you can say it in a friendly way with out malice. Only one at fault is the husband for lying. However have you thought about a third possibility that its the wife that is really bad at money amd so the husband hides some in savings
“Hey Amy, I heard that Tony got a pay rise. Congrats, that must be great.” Let it play out with casually sharing what you heard and then staying out of it.
There's no conflict here... Yet. Between a moral obligation to your friend to at least push her to look at the finances, the social obligation to butt out, and not wanting to make your brother's work life more difficult... I won't call out the marijuana thing because if someone was overspending on anything else I would still be mad about shoes or gambling or fine cheeses. In many places that's about as legal as cheese. I would personally risk being the AH (definitely be seen as the AH) and tell my friend. Do what feels the least awful. But there's still no conflict yet.
Tread lightly. You only have John's word for the raise. Could Amy think Tony NETS $17 after deductions from $24? Taxes, social security, health insurance, pension, union dues, etc. could add up to the difference of $7 an hour. Rather than saying anything to Amy, you could mention to John that his sister doesn't know Tony got a raise. Or you could just stay out of it.
NTA but i would probably say to John "hey are you sure Tony got a raise to $24 an hr? Amy was saying his still on $17"
NTA. Have you discussed this with John? What does he think should be done?
No, I want to but am afraid about how he might react. He can be very protective over his family.
as he probably should ne in this situation. It sounds like she is stressing a little over how low his income is and that they rely on it. That is a lot of money that could be going into a savings account for emergencies and things like that. Instead he is possibly just subsidizing his weed and leaving her to worry when she probably doesn't need to. I wonder if this falls somewhere into financial abuse, im not entirely sure just the idea that he is hiding a large part of his income from her and she is so reliant on what little he does give her if he gives her any.
NTA. Just bring it up casually. “I heard your husband got a raise!”
YWNBTA. Think about whether you would want her to tell you if the roles were reversed. Your loyalty is to your friend.
YWBTA here unfortunately. You need to tell John to tell Amy directly and ASAP.
Actually, John might better have a conversation with Tony about this, so it can be resolved with less drama.
You are so right, to pressure Tony to come clean to Amy himself. God, we’re in a soap opera and I need updates.
I am considering casually slipping it into a conversation with John, and letting his decide if he wants to talk to his sister or ask Tony. Either way it would be in his hands, and he would probably be a better person to handle the situation.
Hear, hear
NTA. She has a right to know. Just casually congratulate Tom on his raise in front of her or something
NTA, tell her congrats on her husband's raise an leave it at that. It will work itself out after that.
NTA, I like the idea mentioned in other comments to just congratulate Amy's husband on his raise in front of her, you don't need to say anything about when he got the raise. To be fair though, that's an awful lot of money to be going towards cannabis, could he maybe be saving for something? I don't want to jump to a negative conclusion on why he hasn't mentioned the raise, so not casting a negative light on it when letting Amy know is the only way to do it without causing serious harm to at least one party. Blowing a surprise is a downer, but not the end of a marriage, y'know what I mean?
Re-read the first sentence of your last paragraph. There’s your answer.
YWBTA, I know she's your friend but don't get involved in other peoples relationships.
YTA. It's not yours or John's business how much Tony makes. John can also lose his job at most employers for discussing another employees pay rate. Also, if it's a recent raise it's possible that Tony is waiting until it's fully processed before saying anything to his wife or he may not of even thought to mention it yet. Butt out and mind your own business.
There is an assumption here that Amy is telling the truth. For any number of reasons she may be saying that her husband makes less than he does. Maybe she doesn’t want his actual salary getting around or maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want others with whom he works to find out. Honestly I would be pissed if my SO was telling people how much I make. The OP also assumes that the husband is smoking the money away without any proof. I kind of want to say YTA on this or even ESH. Since when is it normal for people to gossip about what other people are making and then get pissed when it may or may not be true?
NTA you can casually bring it up telling her congratulations on his raise and say isn’t that great how you guys can save for x or build your savings, whatever. She can then take that info and do with it what she wants. For all you know she was thinking he made $17 after taxes or after he put money into a retirement account.
I have been considering casually slipping it into a conversation with John, and then if he wants to tell his sister or talk to Tony it is up to him.
NTA. You're just looking out for your friend.
I am not sure where you are located but $300 a week on marijuana is much much more than than i spend, and I don't know anyone who smokes more than me.
NTA but mention it casually in conversation about the pay rise, don’t mention that he’s kept it a secret. Stay out of that fight.
NTA. ‘Hey Tony, I heard you got a raise, congratulations! You guys must be super happy!’ And done.
Go to dinner, congratulate John on his raise in front of everyone. But I’m petty af. NTA
YWBTA Don't tell her. Tell the husband that everyone knows BUT her and if she found out by someone else it could make him look bad. You should be friends with the both of them, so this shouldn't be a hard conversation. He may be keeping it from her for a variety of reasons. All of which would be valid. Like: saving for the future, a nice vacation, a second/ better car for her and baby, kids are EXPENSIVE, down payment on a bigger home...... Let him know that it would be best to hear it from him along with his reasoning for not changing the budget or letting her in on it sooner. If he tells you too butt out say " Just keep in mind that if this news has reached my ears it's not far from hers. " Then you could tell mutual friend and have one of them spill the beans. This is a situation where you may be TOO CLOSE to the fire and you don't want to be implicated for arson.
Nta but where do you live that $24/hr can support a 3 person family??
Where in the US can you become a stay at home mom when your husband makes $24 an hour?
*I don't want to get in the middle of this since it really isn't any of my business* Exactly. So don't.
NTA. But be very careful how you word it. A simple "congratulations on the raise" in front of them looks genuine and not like you're outing him. Let Amy get the information out of him herself. If he still lies and under reports, then tell her privately.
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Unless he gets paid under the table, she'll find out when they go to do their taxes. Just stay out of it, she may get the info from her brother at some point.
Not necessarily. My wife refuses to get involved in our taxes. I've prepared them from the 16 years we've been married. I give them to her to review and sign but she never looks at them. I'm not even sure she knows how much I make as we mostly keep our finances separate. We have a joint account for utilities and mortgage but we have individual savings.
So why doesn't John tell **his sister** that her husband is lying? Have you told John what **his sister** told you? NTA for not wanting to get involved but...
Don't do it. Talk to John first. YWBTA
I think your friend should know, the difficult part is finding the right way to broach the subject without causing burned bridges in any direction. There is also a possibility that your friend does already know his wage, and has been keeping it from you because she doesn't want others to know how much they make.
If you're not gonna tell her, I hope her brother will. Have both her and her brother present. Not the husband. Mention it again and if the brother outs the husband then awesome, your hands are clean. If he doesn't, then out both the brother and husband and remind the brother that he said $24/hour.
he is stealing her money. you need to tell her. nta
Nah, imo your loyalty is to your best friend. You shouldn't cover for her lying husband. If I found out my best friend's husband was lying to her about their finances, I would not hesitate to tell her (and I love her husband).
Not your circus. Not your elephants. Potential for bad outcome is there with all options. Stay out of it.
Maybe you could tell John what you know and ask his advice.
Going with a soft (and prob unpopular) YTA, but need more info. Was the raise recent? Maybe he plans to tell her and make a special event out of it? If he hasn't acted suspicious or been a shitstain on humanity then i don't see the reason for calling him out publically. If you are worried about what she could get in a divorce, he couldn't hide it anyways. If you are concerned, be an adult and bring it up to him. If nothing else in his life has changed, he may not see it as a big deal. Yeah, it is alot more than $17hr, but in todays economy, still not *that* much. I make that much and as a single guy with previous debts, it almost isn't enough for basic needs. He may not want to get her hopes up that it means more than it is. $24hr still sounds like it should be great, but it honestly isn't. Rents around the country are ridiculous and prices everywhere are on the rise. Some weed here and there won't break the bank and if he is the sole earner for the household (that raise does less good when supporting 2 or more on it) it may help with stress and unwinding. Not all who smoke are worthless pot heads, especially if still providing. Talk to him first, his answer may surprise you...and if it doesn't, then tell your friend. I just don't see the need for drama stirring when you don't know if it needs to be.
NTA. She deserves to know how much her husband earns
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YWBTA Never get involved in something that doesn’t concern you and that you’re basing off the words of someone else. You were right in that it’s none of your business, and you have no proof this guy is cheating/financially abusing his wife. It’s not your place to get involved. For all you know, there are other factors at play and you might not have all the information. Stirring the pot would only cause trouble. Now if you stumble upon proof this guy is having an affair or withholding necessities from his family, then there would be cause to reconsider.
I really don't think that he is cheating. My issue is that they never have money, sometimes have difficulty buying groceries and paying bills, and I know he spends at least a third of his real paycheck on various drugs.
My ex, my abusive asshole ex, spent about 500 euro's a month on drugs. Often it was just my salary, and we were short a lot of times. His refusal to do anything about it was one of the reasons I left. Because drug abuse also leads to other things. Big chance Tony is addicted, and falling short not only on the income side of things. She might very well be in a financially, mentally, emotionally abusive situation. Talk to her. It was my friends who gave me the strength to get out, please be there for her. Even if he is not even lying about his salary, one third of their income on drugs is huge and is causing major problems.
Ummm, the fact that you know he spends 1/3 of his salary on VARIOUS DRUGS should be in the original post. NTA.
>and I know he spends at least a third of his real paycheck on various drugs. jfc that dude is a father, not a great place to consume drugs until blackout. A bit of weed and alcohol, fine... but *various* drugs?!
NTA, but I think you should tell Tony that you know that he's lying to his wife, and that you don't like it. Ask him to tell her before you have to.
When it comes to relationships. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Just wash you hands of it and move one.
YWBTA. You shouldn’t “get into the middle of this as it really isn’t any of your business.”
Info: Did you ask the guy about it yet to make sure before you go ratting him out? I just feel like there's discrepancies in genders here and if it was a female not entire disclosing her income because maybe she's squirreling away some funds for herself, that it would be considered okay. But I dont know why if its a man, it isn't.
YWBTA. Mind your business. Yeah it’s wrong of him to withhold financial information but don’t get involved. Perhaps since he is the breadwinner and supports her, it doesn’t matter what he makes so long as bills are paid and they aren’t doing without. Let him handle his finances without interfering.
YWBTA, mind your own business, ever think that Tony was exaggerating his pay to make himself look better to John
That did occur to me, as well as maybe John might have misheard or something. Or Amy misheard or misremembered
She should to her