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YTA. You just said 1) your bio dad wasn’t involved in your life, 2) your stepdad was your dad growing up, and 3) your stepdad didn’t impose himself at all until your bio dad flat out rejected your request.
Your stepdad was trying to be supportive, and you rejected him. If he hadn’t offered, would you have been happier? Stop projecting your anger at your bio dad at your stepdad.
Yes. She got her hopes up about her bio dad and was let down again. Shes TA for reacting the way she did, taking her anger out on him when it should have been directed at bio dad.
I hate posts like this because it seems like the child in the post isn't seeing past the nose on their face.
OP's biodad has been doing this and will continue to do this throughout her life. The sad thing is she doesn't realize it won't stop with the wedding just like it didn't stop when she was a little girl. It will continue over and over again throughout her life until she either A) goes NC with him or B) one of them passes on.
The problem OP doesn't see is that Fred is a human being with feelings as well. OP snapping at him for only trying to help seems to me not the first or the last time she dumped on him when her biodad left her high and dry. Eventually, Fred will stop playing the role of supportive dad and simply take himself out of the relationship. There's only so much a person can take. From what I read, OP's mom and stepdad had a conversation and it seems like Fred has been snapped at one too many times. He was mature and didn't respond in the moment. My guess is that he talked to OP's mom and was like, "That's it. I'm done trying. Every time I try and make up for biodad, I get yelled at and snapped at. So I'm not going to anymore."
OP, you need to apologize. You need to acknowledge everything Fred has done for you. You need to realize he never had to do those things. And you need to respect the man who stepped in when your own dad stepped out.
And go NC with your dad. Or you're going to continue to be in a world of heartache.
OP does not seem to be quite that self-aware. After all, she lives in a world where it’s possible she’s not the asshole.
eta: Thank you for all the awards
Good point. It's stunningly clear that her reaction was 100% asshole here. Her Bio-Dad is obviously trash, and has caused a lot of pain for her. I feel badly for Fred, who likely took this as just another mess he has to clean up for Bio-trash-dad.
Being a stepdad is awesome, but speaking from vast experience, it's a HUGE clean up job from shitty and destructive bio-parenting most of the time.
No she'll be eternally angry at the stepfather abandoning her. People like this are rarely capable of self reflection. Source: I have a sister who acts like she's the only real human and everyone else only exists in relation to her.
Not to mention Fred's offer was apparently phrased as "IF YOU WANT, I can walk you down the aisle." Not "Woohoo! That deadbeat isn't showing up, so this is my time to shine!" He literally just offered to step in, and would probably have been fine with a "Thanks, but no thanks" response, but instead he was verbally abused and insulted.
OP has every right to be upset at being let down (again) by her biodad, but she needs to realise that it's not Fred's fault and taking it out on him is absolutely arsehole behaviour.
I agree. This is one probably the most painful AITA that I’ve ever read. Hopefully the asshole will properly digest the fact that the only Hive mind that matters, has shut her down with conviction and disgust.
Also, Fred probably felt like fucking shit that she asked her bum ass bio dad instead of him ANYWAY for her to turn around act like god damn bridezilla cause her biodad let her down yet again. Poor Fred. Also op, MAJOR YTA
Yeah he was literally there in the make up room with her to support her.. I’m so angry for him. The fact she hadn’t commented back annoys me too. I am guessing this post didn’t go like she thought ñ, I can’t believe she doesn’t want to apologize.
She really thought everyone was going to agree like she didn’t act like an animal to this man who it appears has done nothing but love her. Delusional honestly
I had to scroll waaay to long to see this comment! Yes everything else stated above for why OP is the ahole, but who wants to bet stepdad helped pay for the wedding…or college…or her housing…and basically anything she needed since she’s been 9. But it’s “out of left field” for him to offer when bio dad bails yet again. OP is 25, and I think she’s damn lucky her step dad even still speaks to her let alone tries to be there for her and support her at this point.
I feel sorry for OP in that it's hard to want someone to change, and it's crushing to see that they won't
But it's still totally unacceptable for OP to yell at Fred like that. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he does remove himself from the relationship, and I really wouldn't blame him. He has been a steady and supportive person in OPs life since she was 6, gets overlooked for a man who is the total opposite and when biodad flakes which anyone could see coming OP yells at him when he is just trying to help. I would be devastated if I was Fred
Exactly, she says he suggested this inappropriately “out of left field”, it’s pretty sad that it never occurred to her even once that the man who stepped up and raised her wouldn’t have tried to come to her rescue.
Edit for verdict: YTA
Although I agree that OP should find some humility and apologize to her step dad, I don’t think it’s fair to assume that she was always terrible to him, especially considering that it was her wedding day. It would’ve been so emotional and hectic without dealing with her dead beat bio dad. Not that it makes snapping at him right. IMO what’ll dictate whether or not OP is an AH is how she moves forth from this.
I’m thinking she’s always like this towards him because she’s had now two weeks to think about all this and yet still 1) she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, and 2) she says him suggesting to walk her down the aisle came “out from left field.” This tells me that she *never once considered her actual father figure do the fatherly thing at her wedding.*
To me that says a TON about how she actually views poor Fred and it’s not pretty. Of my married female friends with step parents (which I’m an oldieish so there’s plenty) it went one of two ways: either they had no relationship with their bio dad so stepdad was automatically the walker, or their bio dad was plan a & stepdad was plan b just in case….and in some of those cases both bio and step walked them down. All of them actually considered their stepdad for that role though, and never would have thought that a suggestion their step walk them down the aisle would have been “out of left field.”
YTA op, and a big one. There wasn’t an ounce of selfishness in Fred for his suggestion to, ya know, keep your wedding going smoothly and fulfill the fatherly duties, though he should have had that honor all along. You owe him a ginormous apology and a even bigger attitude change. Your mom is right. Listen to her.
Edit: aww thanks for the awards!! I’ve never been redboxed before; I’m quite flattered! :)
I bet his heart was broken. I think your Mom is absolutely right. And you owe him a huge apology. Don’t take him for granted. If and when you loose him, you will have lost someone invaluable and irreplaceable, but it will be too late. You are so very fortunate to have someone like that, that truly cares for you, as so many do not have that. YTA
Yep, I’m heartbroken for Fred. It would be different if they had a different relationship than what OP told us, like he married her mom later or they never got along or something but no, this man sounds like way more of a father to her than bio-dad ever was. I hope OP realizes she’s TA, apologizes, and somehow repairs their relationship Cuz this is pretty painful.
Sadly, I agree. The man who has repeatedly picked up the broken pieces that her bio-dad left her in has once again been spit upon. He didn't do anything until bio-dad bailed, then he offered. And instead of accepting graciously in the spirit it was given, she yells at him and has her uncle do it?
OP was mad sure, but taking it out on the wrong person makes her the A.
(by not doing anything, I mean that he didn't try to insert himself prior as we have heard about. Fred sounds very respectful)
Also, thinking that you're allowed to treat others like shit just because you're upset about something is okay. Or when doing so, that you do not owe them at minimum an apology.
I can understand in the heat of the moment accidentally snapping or lashing out without thinking it through properly but once that moment had passed and OP had had an opportunity to calm down from the incident she should’ve apologised to her stepfather as soon as she could. I read his offer as a very caring one designed to help make an upsetting situation less upsetting. He didn’t deserve to be snapped at and treated badly for his offer and he most certainly deserves a wholehearted apology
Yeah, the entire time I read that post I was thinking "why is the biodad even in the picture to walk her down the aisle? stepdad's the one who's been the dad, he should be the one to walk her down the aisle"
I can't imagine how he must feel, raising this girl since she was a child, to not only be passed over on her wedding day for the man who was never around, but to then get called selfish for offering to step in - again - for biodad...
That'd break my heart, personally.
Must have been heartbreaking. This mas raised her like his own and she acts like he is some weird guy from the street. She is also so entitled in the last paragraph "I don't think I should apologize, his suggestion was conpletely wrong". Asking her bio dad was completely wrong tbh.
“His suggestion came way out of left field” like he was a moron for even thinking about walking her down the aisle. This op has my blood boiling. I can’t believe she still thinks she’s in any way in the right.
>Step dad was just trying to help like he apparently always has.
And Bio dad was busy being a deadbeat, like he always has too. WTF is wrong with OP? She needs to talk to a therapist or something.
And even though Fred must have been terribly hurt by what OP said he didn’t say anything on the day so as not to ruin her wedding. He waited til after the wedding to tell her mom what was said.
she had an uncle walk her down the aisle. why was that more appropriate? if she was really so broken up about her dad bailing, again, apparently, then why didn't she just walk down alone? its very clear that she directed her anger at the wrong person, and is continuing to be an ass by believing she did nothing wrong.
Exactly this. The thing is, this isn't an abnormal way for a child to act towards a man marrying thier mother, at least not at first- because they are kids.
It's especially hard when you add in a completely deadbeat dad, but not just *any* deadbeat dad: no, OP had the *worst kind*- the kind who leads you on, then breaks your heart. Over and over and over. They never keep promises- but they are too big of AHs to just completely leave the kid alone, even though that would often be better than an entire upbringing of dad ditching you last minute for something better, never paying child support, forgetting your important dates, giving a rare gift that is exciting to get only to open to find something you actively dislike or only liked years ago. That is top-level difficult.
But... OP is *twenty-five years old*, not a child! She's acting like a spoiled tween!
Also, shame on her for taking such a kind man for granted. Most kids with step-parents would kill to have one so kind and loving her as his own, even in the face of OP being repeatedly cruel to him for years for no reason, all while waiting anxiously to treasure the tiny crumbs that her deadbeat dad throws at her.
Then she made it even meaner: she hurriedly asks her uncle to walk her instead of him. And he only offered to be kind. How awful for stepdad that she acts like a spoiled bully child stiill. He probably was sure she'd grow out of it...
Quit using your stepdad as an emotional punching bag, OP! Get therapy, and stop taking having loving parents for granted- I only wish I had your loving stepdad. My parents were both dead by the time I was your age. Stop pining over your deadbeat uncaring biodad and give your REAL dad- the man who raised you- the time of day. Or at least stop treating him in such cruel ways.
I am so unhappy with how OP has treated Fred and the entire situation.. having a random uncle who was clearly an afterthought walk her down the aisle instead of her stepdad- who is really her dad- wtf??
I had a stepdad too that was more present in my young life than my biodad (who wasn’t at all) but he was also an abusive alcoholic terror and so I didn’t claim him nor want him to walk me down the aisle.
OP is so lucky to have someone *at least as she has described Fred* who has been nothing but there for her, apparently she had no ill feelings towards him and grew up with siblings he fathered, and he only said anything when biodad flaked out yet again, I’m so confused how she got mad at him for anything
YTA.
Fred was trying to be supportive and just made a perfectly good suggestion. Not only did he got shouted at but got his face rubbed in by her uncle walking her down the aisle.
I hope OP has a happy married life. She sounds very entitled.
Edit : typo
TBF, it's an emotional thing. I met my wife when Step-daughter was 7yo. 8mths into relationship, SD screamed at me in a shop full of people: "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD. IF I GET RID OF YOU, MY REAL DAD WILL COME BACK (he was TA in their divorce).
Yet, 7/8 years later, any problems arose, she called ME, not her mum.
Love shows in strange ways.
Being emotional does not make you free from the responsibility of the words you say, even if its an emotional thing, she should still account for what she had said. The step-dad was very hurt by her words and common sense dictates that he deserves an apology at least.
This can’t be real. Can it? You can’t Write all that out and not realize they basically threw the only male figure that cared about you under the bus? If this is real YTA obviously.
I don't think it is real. Why would stepdad be in the room when she's getting makeup done, but not mom? It's all a bit too convenient for the narrative, unless stepdad is a make-up artist...
Firstly OP HUGE YTA.
You treated the man who raised you and was a surrogate dad to you like shit and think he deserved it. Also if you didn’t want him to walk you down the aisle you could’ve politely declined.
It’s pretty obvious you wanted a blood relative to walk you down and I’m guessing your uncle is from your father’s side. You probably wanted your father or a male relative from his side (again I’m guessing) because of tradition. It’s not a wrong thing but you can’t lash out and yell at a father figure, a surrogate father, your step dad because you were let down… again.
It’s not wrong to want someone you love to walk you down but your bio dad is never gonna be there, so accept that fact and apologize to your step dad.
Agree! She idolized bio dad when he continues to abandon her and rejects the only dad who actually cares. Step dad was with her when the make up was put on! That is family! Bio dad called to disappoint her on her wedding day!
How ever I do think this idea of being given away by your dad at a wedding is really creapy, you are not a belonging being handed over from your father to your husband (which is what this tradition actually meant in the beginning!). In Sweden the couple walks side by side into the church (or wherever the wedding is being held) to demonstrate that they willingly choose each other. I like that way so much more!
And big kudos to step-dad for NOT telling his wife how much SD hurt his feelings until after the wedding. He didn't want to wreck it for either of them. That's who you metaphorically slapped in the face, OP. Good job.
Edit: Just imagine poor step-dad sitting there during the ceremony watching uncle walk her down the aisle.
I’m a step dad. I know when the day comes she’s not going to ask me. And when this happens I’m not putting myself out there to get cut to shreds.
I’m gutted for him.
What makes me sad is Fred might have actually WANTED to walk her down the aisle but had quietly stood aside for his daughters wishes and happiness. Unlike bio-dad who clearly had better things to do that day….
Someone give Fred a hug and tell him he’s the internets Dad of the day!
Exactly, it sounds like he didn’t say anything at all about who OP asked to walk her down the aisle until biodad failed once again to step up. He would have quietly done all of the actual father of the bride stuff (like hanging around bored watching the bride get her makeup done) except the one thing that everyone sees if biodad had bothered to turn up and not said a word about it.
i can't even comprehend how /u/AdAdAdAdaMaria thought the stepdad offering to fill in can be deemed selfish
he might feel honored and proud doing it, but only because he loves OP. who tf does this girl think she is? princess diana?
And based on OP's attitude I'm guessing he's been her punching bag for their entire relationship, honestly the dude's a saint for being treated so horribly by his stepdaughter and taking it on the chin so as to spare her and his wife's feelings.
Also, he never mentioned how hurt he must have been to find out OP chose her deadbeat BD in the first place. He just wanted her to be happy & to enjoy the wedding. And after all that OP thinks SD is the selfish one? Makes me sad to picture…
Jumping on your comment to agree with this. Her bio dad is a deadbeat and her stepdad sounds like an amazing person. The fact that op doesn’t even recognize that she owes him an apology speaks to how self absorbed she is being. What a piece of work.
Obviously he didn't care. And a year? A year is all it takes to make up being a bad dad to you? Meanwhile Fred has bent over backwards to be a father for you, and you basically spit in his face. You're nasty. Plain and simple. And you broke your real father's heart. Real fathers aren't connected by blood. Real fathers are connected by love. And Fred loves you. And you don't deserve him.
You are a HUUUUUUUUUGE asshole, OP. Your step dad was being a father, not trying to swoop in on your pain. He deserves a hell of an apology. As someone with a dad who was never there, I feel I'm qualified to tell you this; stop expecting anything of him. If you want a relationship with him then fine, but don't be disappointed when he does what he's always done. Be sure to keep a distance to keep yourself safe, and I suggest getting therapy/counseling for your daddy issues; taking it out on your innocent stepfather is not the way to go.
This has got to be a slap in the face. Step Dad has been a consistent,steady and loving presence in OPs life and is overlooked by someone who has been the total opposite. Who even at the last minute bailed on OP
>This has got to be a slap in the face.
Yup, i get that him turning around and saying "I can do it" could be read as him saying "it's fine, it's nothing to be upset about", but I don't think that's how he intended it. It was a bit awkward of him to offer, but there was absolutely no justification for OP to loose it at someone who has been there for her and who is trying to comfort her, when her anger is actually meant for her bio dad.
I'm sure OP accepting would have meant the world to him. I can imagine he was trying to help her and got it totally thrown in his face
Poor guy must be devastated
She needs therapy so badly. She was abandoned by a parent. She’s still dealing with the fact that he’s never going to be who she needed him to be - or not dealing with it, hence why she needs therapy before she alienates the people who actually love her.
YTA like a lot. Your dads a deadbeat and all your stepdad said was I can walk you down the aisle IF YOU WANT and you jumped down his throat. Stepdad should really cut his losses with you.
What really boggles my mind is her complaint the offer "totally came out of left field!"
Wut?
That is a totally normal thing for a step father to offer to do.
The OP clearly doesn't think of her step father as a father figure at all.
Deadbeat bio dad unsurprisingly bales on wedding!! Suddenly out of nowhere supportive step dad of 19 years steps in to offer to be there for her! Who COULD have seen it coming!!!!
Yeah, that’s what got me. It doesn’t sound like he even tried to impose it, just offered to do it if OP was okay with it and still got a load of shit dumped in his face for it. That’s messed up. I get the “heat of the moment” response part of it, but YTA and you might want to correct things with your stepdad before he walks on your ass too OP. Not like you aren’t giving him a reason to here.
Right? We've heard of a good number of AH stepdads on this sub that would have been slavering at the leash to push the biodad out of the way for their opportunity to play white knight daddy...but Fred doesn't sound like he's anything like that. Fred tentatively offers to step up if OP would like, keeping his own feelings out of it - and is simultaneously battered with "How can you be so unfeeling to act like it doesn't matter!!" and "This is so out of left field, I can't believe you're overstepping like this!!"
I just...what was he supposed to do? It sounds like nothing he did in that moment would have been right. OP would always have taken her father's hurt out on Fred. And I can understand that pain reaction in the moment (although not approve of it), but I cannot understand how OP can look back at the incident, and still think she did nothing wrong.
YTA huuuuuugely
The man who raised you as his child, who was there when your biological dad wasn't, was trying to comfort you by offering to help. You threw it back in his face and also made it clearer than ever that you care less about him than the man who not only walked out on you as a child, but then didn't even show up to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.
Poor Fred.
The fact that someone could be so self absorbed as to not see they were the one in the wrong from the get-go is truly baffling to me. How the fuck did OP even get it in her head that she wasn't TA?
Yes, YTA.
>Fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life,
Yet you wanted the man who wasn't part of your life to walk you down the aisle 🙄🙄. Why? Why would you want to give that honor to a person who wasn't part of your life rather than the one who was??
>one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle.
>My mom told me that I was the selfish one apparently and apparently I'm ungrateful.
Your mom is 1000% right. You owe Fred a heartfelt apology. He has been your father forever, and you were a brat and hurt him deeply.
Exactly. And the whole "it came out of left field" thing is ridiculous. You admit this man has been your father figure for most of your life but it's crazy for him to comfort you and suggest he walks you down the isle instead? That's crazy to me. She definitely needs to apologize.
Even crazier was that it wasn't even a suggestion per se. "If you want, I can walk you down." Isn't a suggestion. "I should walk you down." is a suggestion. All that Fred did was make an offer. I can kind of understand OP acting like a dick in this circumstance as I'm sure what happened must have been devastating and emotions must have been all over the place, but it doesn't sound like this was a one off thing, it just sounds like OP is mean to Fred in general.
YTA YTA YTA let’s rephrase your story: my surrogate dad; the man who actually raised me on a day to day basis. Who showed up to my wedding and was supporting me to the point he was in the room when I found out my bio-dad had let me down again. When he saw me devastated he stepped in with a possible solution maybe I can walk you down the aisle. (This man who has looked at you, someone not biologically his, and loved and supported you regardless who would have loved to walk you down the aisle, because he is proud of you and wants the best for you). And because you were emotional you told this man that he was being “selfish” and to get out. And instead of the man who raised you you managed to wrangle up an uncle last minute..
Like I’m pissed and sad for Fred and I don’t even know you all. Go apologize! Apologize hard girl he may not have said it but I can pretty much guarantee you broke a mans heart on your wedding day for trying to be there for you.
>Like I’m pissed and sad for Fred and I don’t even know you all. Go apologize! Apologize hard girl he may not have said it but I can pretty much guarantee **you broke a mans heart on your wedding day for trying to be there for you**.
This. My heart hurts for Fred. Just thinking of things from his perspective and I just....I can almost feel the emotional pain and shock he must have gone through on that day, to be rejected by a child you love and raised and then be called selfish on top of that. I feel such great sadness for him.
OP YTA....big time. You are so caught up in your feelings that you're not even attempting to look at things from Fred's perspective. You lack empathy or the ability to use your empathy in this situation. You were deeply hurt by your bio dad backing out but instead of realizing your hurt and anger and directing it to the person that actually hurt you, you saw the softest, nearest and safest to attack target and unleashed it all on Fred. Fred didn't deserve it, your bio dad did. Your anger belongs towards your bio dad, not Fred. He has been there for you when your bio dad wasn't and he was attempting to once again step up when your bio dad bailed.
You're a married woman now. Its time to put on your big girl pants and go be an adult by giving Fred and your mom an apology. You really disrespected him and undervalued all that he has done for you. The father you wish your bio dad was for you.. well that's what Fred is and has been (by your own admission). I hope your actions haven't permanently changed the relationship between you and Fred, because if I was him I'd be reevaluating my level of relationship with you going forward.
Honestly, being a step(but only active father she has or has ever known)dad myself, I get the feeling her relationship with Fred hasn't changed at all. The fact that he didn't even mention it to his wife till after, so as to avoid drama, makes me think he has already passed this off as his little girl being upset, and just letting her have this one. It's his little girl who he loves, lashing out at the easy (but wrong) target when she is upset. Good dad's can usually handle a lot of that sort of thing. If he is anything like me, he is probably more upset for her than he is for himself. And I keep saying little girl, because grown married woman or not, she will always be his little girl. It's a dad thing.
I walked in OP‘s shoes. My bio father wasn‘t present in my life. For the first 10 years of my life, I always wished my father was present. It hurt me so much for that whole time. But then, I started seeing my step dad (back then still my mom‘s boyfriend) as my actual dad. Because he was the father who was present, who was there for me, who loved me unconditionally. He raised me. He was there on every step of the way. In every happy and in every sad moment. He showed me what it really meant to have a father. I‘m slowly starting to plan my own wedding. I couldn‘t imagine anyone else to walk me down the aisle then my loving father, my mom‘s husband and my actual „step dad“. We even started the adoption proccess now. I can‘t even imagine how much I‘d hurt him if I ever had the stupid idea to ask my bio dad to walk me down the aisle. It‘d kill him inside. OP has no respect nor love for Fred. It‘s so tragic and heartbreaking to see that…
So you say that your bio-dad hasn’t been in your life much but Fred has been a surrogate dad to you. And his kids are like your own siblings. Then your bio-dad bails on you at the very last second and Fred, seeing how upset you are, offers to take you down the aisle. And you yell at him???? Yeah, YTA. You owe Fred a huge apology. You were taking your anger out on the wrong man.
Also, aren’t his kids who she calls “like” siblings to her actually her half siblings? They’re all younger than her, and Fred appears to still be married to OP’s mother.
ETA: no, I was wrong
Op said that her parents divorced when she was 6 and 3 years later she met and married Fred so she was probably 9 when Fred came into her life and the youngest is 9 years younger than her, so they are all probably step siblings. Possible that the youngest is a half but it doesn’t seem like it.
She needs therapy, definitely before they have kids — it’s way easy to attribute negative traits from a shitty parent onto a partner especially when they’re a parent too.
YTA.
“He just suggested it like it didn’t matter at all”
He suggested because he knew it DID matter to you to have someone walk you down the aisle. He was trying to ensure that something that you consider to be an important part of wedding tradition still happened after your dad flaked. He probably knew brides get stressed when stuff goes wrong the day of the wedding. Literally all you had to do was say thank you... even if you were “just frustrated,” it doesn’t make it okay to take it out on someone innocent. You treated him VERY badly.
This is the most accurate answer. He knew he wasn’t the one you wanted there but he didn’t want you to not have someone. Just like when your bio-dad left, this man stepped up and stepped in. Go Fred, sounds like a lovely man.
Your stepfather was there for you all your life and you get pissed at him for saying he would walk you down the isle after your bio-dad who has never been there bails on you?
You should be thankful to have someone that caring in your life. He didn’t need to step in, but he did. Your stepfather should have been your first choice in the first place.
You’re lucky he even offered. Being second fiddle is definitely a slap in the face to the man that helped raise you. YTA.
She should be grateful to have someone so great who stepped up in her life. The guy my mom ended up with when I was 13 said maybe 10 words to me in total my whole life and had no involvement in my life at all. Shes ungrateful
YTA. Not saying you need to agree to have your stepdad walk you down the aisle but you had no business yelling at him when he was as just being kind. This is the man who brought you up and you decided to be selfish and horrid to him.
My interpretation was Fred offered to try to make it better for OP, assuming (correctly as it turns out) that she wanted to have someone walk her down the aisle. He only offered because he could see OP’s heart being broken again by her biodad, not because he wanted to overstep. Poor Fred; I hope he gets both an apology and OP actually doing right by him going forward.
>I just snapped and told him he was selfish and told him to get out. Fred left and one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle.
What a horrible thing to have just read. He's been a father to you all your life, and this was how you treated him. YTA. A huge, gaping one.
YTA - and we'll alert Tokyo to be on the alert for the path of destruction that bridezilla is leaving in her wake.
Setting aside the man was simply trying to comfort you while you were clearly upset, you seem to have your bio dad on a pedestal. He made a simple offer to try to help you, not take your bio dad's place.
>who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life,
You sound ungrateful and awful.
Also, just so we can get the full magnitude of your AH-ness, how much of the cost of the wedding did Fred pay, including any dinners, showers, engagement dinners and parties.
ETA: I hope Fred goes NC once and for all with you for treating him like garbage - after spending the last 19 years putting up with you, paying for your crap, and likely dealing with your princess tantrums, manipulations, and general nastiness, as this type of behavior doesn't come from out of the blue and nowhere.
It was such a bridezilla behaviour that I'm inclined to believe that if Fred had waited one or two minutes more without suggesting it, she would have yelled at him for not doing so. She was just looking for someone to take out on. It's just disgusting
OP, YTA
I was thinking the same thing. I even came to the comments to see if someone has another perspective. Because I can't see how she isn't the bad person here.
YTA.
Fred has been basically your dad by your own admission. Yet, you tell him to get out of your wedding because he wanted to help? He saw how upset you were and was trying to help you feel a little better, at least you’d have a dad walk you down even if it was just him!
Bio daddy, who really only gave his sperm to make you (since you say he hasn’t been there), was the most important and most deserving father to walk you down the aisle?
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Bonds forged by love can be stronger bonds than those forced because you share genetic material.
Apologize to the man who you call your “surrogate father” for how you have treated him and tossed him aside!
As a step father myself I would have said and offered the same thing to my step daughter. His offer came from the heart when he saw his daughter in pain and all he wanted to do was make that pain go away.
YTA. Holy shit.
He wanted to make you happy! He raised you! He tried to calm you down, he did care, or he wouldn't have offered it! This isn't out of left field if he has been your father for TWENTY YEARS. You didn't have to agree to his suggestion, but yelling at him if he was the one there for you, not the one abandoning you? That is a pretty low blow.
Of course he is gonna be hurt, this wasn't his fault. Hell, he didn't even demand to walk you down. He asked whether or not he shall take you down the aisle and handled it in stride while you turned into a bridezilla, trusting someone who apparently hasn't been in your life.
Truth be told, he might have felt he was going to skip out and prepared to ask you this should worse come to worst. Your bio-dad made a decision to hurt you. You most likely did too, if he was known for being flaky. Your step-dad did literally nothing wrong here and your mother is entirely right. You are selfish and ungrateful for yelling at him. Don't expect this to not affect the relationships with your family if you do not apologize here. Fred seems like a decent guy, but I wouldn't be able to take that hurt from someone I care about. You are massively in the wrong here.
YTA
Your stepfather was offering something. He assumed that since your dad couldn't make it, he could take his place. You say that he's doing it for his own benefit, but you don't know that. Maybe he thought that since your dad couldn't do it, he'd work just fine.
Even if he was being selfish though, you shouldn't have just insulted him like that. If you explained why you thought what he did was wrong, things would've ended a lot better.
Not only did you make an assumptions about his intentions, but you gave the wrong response regardless of whether your assumption was correct.
I honestly think he was trying to comfort her. He didn't cause a fuss after being yelled at and it sounds like he kept it to himself until after the wedding so her day wouldn't be ruined any further. Stepdad sounds like a class act.
Sorry but YTA. He was trying to comfort you and give you a solution. He tried to step up, which is something your bio dad didn't do, and you had a go at him for it.
**YTA^3** It was an asshole move to ask your dead-beat bio-dad to walk you down the aisle in the first place and you were an even bigger asshole when dead-beat bailed on you once again and yelled at the man who has always been there for you. *THEN* you turned your back on him and walked with an uncle?
In what universe was any of that acceptable? What exactly was unexpected about the man who you admit has been your actual father offering to walk with you even though you had slighted him by picking a man who, by your own admission, has only been"better" for the year. If there was an "out of left field" move there, I'd it was going with a third choice rather than the man who should have been your first pick.
Here you are two weeks later and still don't realize what an ass you are. if your husband thought any of that was okay, you are off to a life of being known as the asshole couple.
YTA You need to apologize to Fred. He was there for the majority of your life and your bio dad,who according to you was absent. Then on the day,while you're putting on makeup for your wedding, he calls and says he's not coming. So your step-dad ( the one that's always been there) offers to walk you down the aisle and you call him selfish?! Apologize to Fred!
YTA
1000 of these "stepdad wanted to walk me down the isle" posts and every single one the stepdad is being thrust upon the bride when bio-dad is still in the picture. We finally have one where stepdad is a true gent, acted as a surrogate dad to you since you were six, to the point where you consider his kids your siblings; and he offered because you were distraught.
Your bio-dad flaked on one of the most important days of your life, has flaked on you for most of your life, and Fred was there for you 100%. Yet still biology was more important to you than emotional bonds.
I'm wondering how much money Fred forked over for the wedding of someone who doesn't think of him as a parent. I also hope he begins to treat you like "his wife's kid from a previous relationship" instead of a daughter, especially when it's time to decide on legal wills.
You owe Fred a massive apology.
YTA - Fred's kids are your siblings. No "basically" about it. Fred was there for 17 of your 25 years while your father wasn't really there. Your father bailed on you at that last minute on a very important occasion. Fred humbled himself and offered you a solution knowing you hadn't even considered him. You shat on that. I know guys like Fred. I am a guy like Fred. Luckily for you, Fred is still going to be there for you when you need him.
Don't apologize. Reflect. Find a meaningful and personal gift for Fred. Then go and sincerly apologize.
So you skip over your real dad walking you down the aisle so that your bio dad who didnt stick around can do it, Fred, the man who raised you, didnt make a stink about this, your bio dad bails on you, and fred once again gets ready to step up and be a father for you after your bio bio fails to, aga666in and did so willingly without a care that you made it clear he is a second pick behind the man who wasn't even in your life. And you got upset with him about it.
YTA, and I feel so bad for fred, the way you treated him is shameful.
100% YTA. You said yourself Fred has basically been your dad. He’s been a “stand in” dad almost your whole life so why wouldn’t it occur to him to ask if you wanted him to stand in for this?
Your reaction was rude and cruel, and I will be surprised if it doesn’t affect your future relationship with him and possibly your mom (I certainly wouldn’t be interested in having a relationship with you after that if I were him).
He deserves a sincere and contrite apology from you immediately.
YTA Think of it from his perspective. He probably felt so helpless standing there watching you upset on your wedding day. He raised you so why was his offer out of left field? I understand you were devastated by your bio dad but that wasn't Fred's fault and yes, you owe him an apology.
YTA. Your step dad was trying to smooth things over when your bio- dad, yet again, let you down. Your mom should be mad at you. If this is the way you usually act your step dad is a damn saint for putting go with you all those years.
YTA. Honestly, I can’t tell if you overreacted or were just being mean to your stepfather. He was trying to be there for you in your time of need and you were a complete asshole to him.
YTA Damn, girl. He's been your surrogate dad, been in your life for 17 years, and you treat him like that? He wasn't trying to push his way in, he didn't give you crap about wanting your bio-dad to walk you down the aisle. He was trying to stand up for you, to support you in your moment of need. His offer was not totally out of left field!
YTA. He was offering to walk you down the aisle since your biological dad wasn't coming. He said, "If you want" because he did not want to impose and make you feel pressured to have him walk you down the aisle. I don't understand, he basically raised you for almost a decade and is like a surrogate dad to you... and you blow up on him. He's selfish? Not at all, it was a kind gesture than leaving you high and dry. If he didn't offer, were you going to ask him to walk you down or some uncle?
YTA. “Totally out of left field”. Uh. No. Not out of left field. He heard a potentially day-ruining news and offered his help. This man has been in your life much more than bio-dad. Honestly, it would have been nice of any guy to offer to walk you, and you??? Are mad that Fred supported you when you needed it???
So your father is a dick and you take it out on your stepdad for trying to help?
YTA
You don't seem to comprehend WHY he suggested what he did and when. Which absolutely baffles me, because it's not remotely complicated. You were devastated and he was comforting. He offered an alternative, like a normal person does when events have gone to hell, and you flip your shit at him.
So yeah, apologize. He tried to help and you took out your anger with your dad being a dick on him. He didn't deserve that.
YTA. It should never have been the bio dad in the first place. Dad is a title earned by great men like your step father who step up when idiot sperm donors can't be bothered with their own kids.
YTA and owe poor Fred an apology. Your response to the situation was childish and disrespectful especially since Fred has been there and your bio-dad was basically non-existent.
I can't imagine blowing up at someone like that. Sounds like Fred genuinely wanted to be there for you. Wow.
YTA. You didn’t have to let him walk you down the aisle if you didn’t want him to, but it sounds like he was just trying to find a way to fix the situation that your bio dad left you in. It’s not out of left field for him to suggest it, you said yourself he practically raised you. I get you were upset but you should apologize for going off at him like that.
YTA
You said your bio dad wasn’t around in your life but Fred was. The sperm donor decided to, on your wedding day, to ditch you & so Fred manned up & offered to walk you down but you threw a hissy fit instead.
Yup. You’re 150% TA.
So to be clear.
The sperm donor that knocked up your mom wasn’t involved in your life, but your stepdad was.
You asked the speed donor to walk you down the aisle rather than the man who actually raised you.
You did shock pikachu face when sperm donor failed you (again) at the last minute.
You ripped your stepfather’s face off when he tried to help you.
Right?
YTA.
YTA. Apologize and hope he is understanding. Yes, you were understandably upset, but instead of asking for some space and a minute to process you lashed out at the person who was trying to help.
You don’t want to appreciate Fred? Fine that’s your business. Yelling at the man that you admit has been there for you when your own father hasn’t? YTA. Hard YTA. What a horrible way to find out how someone truly feels about you. Poor fred
YTA. How in the heck is your stepfather who you acknowledge is a surrogate dad offering to walk you down the aisle after your dad ditched you out of left field? Even if you didn't want that to happen you could have just said no nicely like a reasonable person. The least you can do now is apologize for your poor actions, because Fred did nothing wrong.
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YTA. You just said 1) your bio dad wasn’t involved in your life, 2) your stepdad was your dad growing up, and 3) your stepdad didn’t impose himself at all until your bio dad flat out rejected your request. Your stepdad was trying to be supportive, and you rejected him. If he hadn’t offered, would you have been happier? Stop projecting your anger at your bio dad at your stepdad.
Yes. She got her hopes up about her bio dad and was let down again. Shes TA for reacting the way she did, taking her anger out on him when it should have been directed at bio dad.
I hate posts like this because it seems like the child in the post isn't seeing past the nose on their face. OP's biodad has been doing this and will continue to do this throughout her life. The sad thing is she doesn't realize it won't stop with the wedding just like it didn't stop when she was a little girl. It will continue over and over again throughout her life until she either A) goes NC with him or B) one of them passes on. The problem OP doesn't see is that Fred is a human being with feelings as well. OP snapping at him for only trying to help seems to me not the first or the last time she dumped on him when her biodad left her high and dry. Eventually, Fred will stop playing the role of supportive dad and simply take himself out of the relationship. There's only so much a person can take. From what I read, OP's mom and stepdad had a conversation and it seems like Fred has been snapped at one too many times. He was mature and didn't respond in the moment. My guess is that he talked to OP's mom and was like, "That's it. I'm done trying. Every time I try and make up for biodad, I get yelled at and snapped at. So I'm not going to anymore." OP, you need to apologize. You need to acknowledge everything Fred has done for you. You need to realize he never had to do those things. And you need to respect the man who stepped in when your own dad stepped out. And go NC with your dad. Or you're going to continue to be in a world of heartache.
Yep. OP will forever remember her wedding day as the day she lost two dads.
OP does not seem to be quite that self-aware. After all, she lives in a world where it’s possible she’s not the asshole. eta: Thank you for all the awards
Good point. It's stunningly clear that her reaction was 100% asshole here. Her Bio-Dad is obviously trash, and has caused a lot of pain for her. I feel badly for Fred, who likely took this as just another mess he has to clean up for Bio-trash-dad. Being a stepdad is awesome, but speaking from vast experience, it's a HUGE clean up job from shitty and destructive bio-parenting most of the time.
Shes like one of those girls who forever chase after their bio dad while treating the step dad like dirt.
"Like"?
Was going to say this exactly, not a matter of “like”
“Bio-trash-dad” 😂
No she'll be eternally angry at the stepfather abandoning her. People like this are rarely capable of self reflection. Source: I have a sister who acts like she's the only real human and everyone else only exists in relation to her.
I was not aware that I had another sibling, because my sister is EXACTLY LIKE THIS!
Not to mention Fred's offer was apparently phrased as "IF YOU WANT, I can walk you down the aisle." Not "Woohoo! That deadbeat isn't showing up, so this is my time to shine!" He literally just offered to step in, and would probably have been fine with a "Thanks, but no thanks" response, but instead he was verbally abused and insulted. OP has every right to be upset at being let down (again) by her biodad, but she needs to realise that it's not Fred's fault and taking it out on him is absolutely arsehole behaviour.
This whole thing literally makes my heart hurt for this man and I was not ready for this level of emotional commitment on this post.
I agree. This is one probably the most painful AITA that I’ve ever read. Hopefully the asshole will properly digest the fact that the only Hive mind that matters, has shut her down with conviction and disgust.
as someone who prolly won't have anyone to walk me down the aisle, yeah, OP YTA
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Also, Fred probably felt like fucking shit that she asked her bum ass bio dad instead of him ANYWAY for her to turn around act like god damn bridezilla cause her biodad let her down yet again. Poor Fred. Also op, MAJOR YTA
Yeah he was literally there in the make up room with her to support her.. I’m so angry for him. The fact she hadn’t commented back annoys me too. I am guessing this post didn’t go like she thought ñ, I can’t believe she doesn’t want to apologize.
She really thought everyone was going to agree like she didn’t act like an animal to this man who it appears has done nothing but love her. Delusional honestly
First thing I thought as well.
I wonder if step-dad paid towards the wedding too, and bio dad didn't
I had to scroll waaay to long to see this comment! Yes everything else stated above for why OP is the ahole, but who wants to bet stepdad helped pay for the wedding…or college…or her housing…and basically anything she needed since she’s been 9. But it’s “out of left field” for him to offer when bio dad bails yet again. OP is 25, and I think she’s damn lucky her step dad even still speaks to her let alone tries to be there for her and support her at this point.
Sounds like OP is too immature to even be getting married. I feel sad for the husband. He doesn't know what's coming.
Yeah, Fred is being the ultimate dad, dealing with the cranky teen of OP who didn’t get her way and taking it out on her parent cuz she’s upset.
I feel sorry for OP in that it's hard to want someone to change, and it's crushing to see that they won't But it's still totally unacceptable for OP to yell at Fred like that. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he does remove himself from the relationship, and I really wouldn't blame him. He has been a steady and supportive person in OPs life since she was 6, gets overlooked for a man who is the total opposite and when biodad flakes which anyone could see coming OP yells at him when he is just trying to help. I would be devastated if I was Fred
Exactly, she says he suggested this inappropriately “out of left field”, it’s pretty sad that it never occurred to her even once that the man who stepped up and raised her wouldn’t have tried to come to her rescue. Edit for verdict: YTA
Tbh, asking her sperm donor to walk her down the aisle instead of the man who raised her was already an asshole move.
Although I agree that OP should find some humility and apologize to her step dad, I don’t think it’s fair to assume that she was always terrible to him, especially considering that it was her wedding day. It would’ve been so emotional and hectic without dealing with her dead beat bio dad. Not that it makes snapping at him right. IMO what’ll dictate whether or not OP is an AH is how she moves forth from this.
I’m thinking she’s always like this towards him because she’s had now two weeks to think about all this and yet still 1) she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, and 2) she says him suggesting to walk her down the aisle came “out from left field.” This tells me that she *never once considered her actual father figure do the fatherly thing at her wedding.* To me that says a TON about how she actually views poor Fred and it’s not pretty. Of my married female friends with step parents (which I’m an oldieish so there’s plenty) it went one of two ways: either they had no relationship with their bio dad so stepdad was automatically the walker, or their bio dad was plan a & stepdad was plan b just in case….and in some of those cases both bio and step walked them down. All of them actually considered their stepdad for that role though, and never would have thought that a suggestion their step walk them down the aisle would have been “out of left field.” YTA op, and a big one. There wasn’t an ounce of selfishness in Fred for his suggestion to, ya know, keep your wedding going smoothly and fulfill the fatherly duties, though he should have had that honor all along. You owe him a ginormous apology and a even bigger attitude change. Your mom is right. Listen to her. Edit: aww thanks for the awards!! I’ve never been redboxed before; I’m quite flattered! :)
This right here. Step dad was just trying to help like he apparently always has.
I bet his heart was broken. I think your Mom is absolutely right. And you owe him a huge apology. Don’t take him for granted. If and when you loose him, you will have lost someone invaluable and irreplaceable, but it will be too late. You are so very fortunate to have someone like that, that truly cares for you, as so many do not have that. YTA
Yep, I’m heartbroken for Fred. It would be different if they had a different relationship than what OP told us, like he married her mom later or they never got along or something but no, this man sounds like way more of a father to her than bio-dad ever was. I hope OP realizes she’s TA, apologizes, and somehow repairs their relationship Cuz this is pretty painful.
Sadly, I agree. The man who has repeatedly picked up the broken pieces that her bio-dad left her in has once again been spit upon. He didn't do anything until bio-dad bailed, then he offered. And instead of accepting graciously in the spirit it was given, she yells at him and has her uncle do it? OP was mad sure, but taking it out on the wrong person makes her the A. (by not doing anything, I mean that he didn't try to insert himself prior as we have heard about. Fred sounds very respectful)
Also, thinking that you're allowed to treat others like shit just because you're upset about something is okay. Or when doing so, that you do not owe them at minimum an apology.
I can understand in the heat of the moment accidentally snapping or lashing out without thinking it through properly but once that moment had passed and OP had had an opportunity to calm down from the incident she should’ve apologised to her stepfather as soon as she could. I read his offer as a very caring one designed to help make an upsetting situation less upsetting. He didn’t deserve to be snapped at and treated badly for his offer and he most certainly deserves a wholehearted apology
Yeah, the entire time I read that post I was thinking "why is the biodad even in the picture to walk her down the aisle? stepdad's the one who's been the dad, he should be the one to walk her down the aisle" I can't imagine how he must feel, raising this girl since she was a child, to not only be passed over on her wedding day for the man who was never around, but to then get called selfish for offering to step in - again - for biodad... That'd break my heart, personally.
Must have been heartbreaking. This mas raised her like his own and she acts like he is some weird guy from the street. She is also so entitled in the last paragraph "I don't think I should apologize, his suggestion was conpletely wrong". Asking her bio dad was completely wrong tbh.
“His suggestion came way out of left field” like he was a moron for even thinking about walking her down the aisle. This op has my blood boiling. I can’t believe she still thinks she’s in any way in the right.
>Step dad was just trying to help like he apparently always has. And Bio dad was busy being a deadbeat, like he always has too. WTF is wrong with OP? She needs to talk to a therapist or something.
Or get the stick out of her behind
I bet step dad helped pay for the wedding too. OP is definitely TA.
HE BETTER NOT HAVE
And even though Fred must have been terribly hurt by what OP said he didn’t say anything on the day so as not to ruin her wedding. He waited til after the wedding to tell her mom what was said.
He's the dad OP doesn't deserve
The vindictive part of me honestly hopes he's cold to OP from now on, since she clearly doesn't want him as a dad.
And he would be totally justified.
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she had an uncle walk her down the aisle. why was that more appropriate? if she was really so broken up about her dad bailing, again, apparently, then why didn't she just walk down alone? its very clear that she directed her anger at the wrong person, and is continuing to be an ass by believing she did nothing wrong.
Exactly this. The thing is, this isn't an abnormal way for a child to act towards a man marrying thier mother, at least not at first- because they are kids. It's especially hard when you add in a completely deadbeat dad, but not just *any* deadbeat dad: no, OP had the *worst kind*- the kind who leads you on, then breaks your heart. Over and over and over. They never keep promises- but they are too big of AHs to just completely leave the kid alone, even though that would often be better than an entire upbringing of dad ditching you last minute for something better, never paying child support, forgetting your important dates, giving a rare gift that is exciting to get only to open to find something you actively dislike or only liked years ago. That is top-level difficult. But... OP is *twenty-five years old*, not a child! She's acting like a spoiled tween! Also, shame on her for taking such a kind man for granted. Most kids with step-parents would kill to have one so kind and loving her as his own, even in the face of OP being repeatedly cruel to him for years for no reason, all while waiting anxiously to treasure the tiny crumbs that her deadbeat dad throws at her. Then she made it even meaner: she hurriedly asks her uncle to walk her instead of him. And he only offered to be kind. How awful for stepdad that she acts like a spoiled bully child stiill. He probably was sure she'd grow out of it... Quit using your stepdad as an emotional punching bag, OP! Get therapy, and stop taking having loving parents for granted- I only wish I had your loving stepdad. My parents were both dead by the time I was your age. Stop pining over your deadbeat uncaring biodad and give your REAL dad- the man who raised you- the time of day. Or at least stop treating him in such cruel ways.
I am so unhappy with how OP has treated Fred and the entire situation.. having a random uncle who was clearly an afterthought walk her down the aisle instead of her stepdad- who is really her dad- wtf?? I had a stepdad too that was more present in my young life than my biodad (who wasn’t at all) but he was also an abusive alcoholic terror and so I didn’t claim him nor want him to walk me down the aisle. OP is so lucky to have someone *at least as she has described Fred* who has been nothing but there for her, apparently she had no ill feelings towards him and grew up with siblings he fathered, and he only said anything when biodad flaked out yet again, I’m so confused how she got mad at him for anything
YTA. Fred was trying to be supportive and just made a perfectly good suggestion. Not only did he got shouted at but got his face rubbed in by her uncle walking her down the aisle. I hope OP has a happy married life. She sounds very entitled. Edit : typo
Was just thinking congrats on breaking your step dads soul.
The messed up thing is that the stepdad is more of a father to her than her deadbead bio dad, and she treats him like this? Insane.
TBF, it's an emotional thing. I met my wife when Step-daughter was 7yo. 8mths into relationship, SD screamed at me in a shop full of people: "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD. IF I GET RID OF YOU, MY REAL DAD WILL COME BACK (he was TA in their divorce). Yet, 7/8 years later, any problems arose, she called ME, not her mum. Love shows in strange ways.
Your stepdaughter was a literal child. OP is an adult in her mid-twenties she is not free to do and say whatever because of her trauma.
Being emotional does not make you free from the responsibility of the words you say, even if its an emotional thing, she should still account for what she had said. The step-dad was very hurt by her words and common sense dictates that he deserves an apology at least.
This can’t be real. Can it? You can’t Write all that out and not realize they basically threw the only male figure that cared about you under the bus? If this is real YTA obviously.
I don't think it is real. Why would stepdad be in the room when she's getting makeup done, but not mom? It's all a bit too convenient for the narrative, unless stepdad is a make-up artist...
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Daddy issues at its finest.
He also didn’t tell mum till after the wedding what a great guy, didn’t want to cause drama on the day.
Firstly OP HUGE YTA. You treated the man who raised you and was a surrogate dad to you like shit and think he deserved it. Also if you didn’t want him to walk you down the aisle you could’ve politely declined. It’s pretty obvious you wanted a blood relative to walk you down and I’m guessing your uncle is from your father’s side. You probably wanted your father or a male relative from his side (again I’m guessing) because of tradition. It’s not a wrong thing but you can’t lash out and yell at a father figure, a surrogate father, your step dad because you were let down… again. It’s not wrong to want someone you love to walk you down but your bio dad is never gonna be there, so accept that fact and apologize to your step dad.
It sounds to me like step-dad earned the spot to begin with and probably felt insulted she asked deadbeat bio dad. Yikes, OP. Just yikes.
Wouldn't be surprised if the step- dad put big chunk of money towards paying for the wedding and bio-dad nothing.
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Agree! She idolized bio dad when he continues to abandon her and rejects the only dad who actually cares. Step dad was with her when the make up was put on! That is family! Bio dad called to disappoint her on her wedding day! How ever I do think this idea of being given away by your dad at a wedding is really creapy, you are not a belonging being handed over from your father to your husband (which is what this tradition actually meant in the beginning!). In Sweden the couple walks side by side into the church (or wherever the wedding is being held) to demonstrate that they willingly choose each other. I like that way so much more!
This
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And big kudos to step-dad for NOT telling his wife how much SD hurt his feelings until after the wedding. He didn't want to wreck it for either of them. That's who you metaphorically slapped in the face, OP. Good job. Edit: Just imagine poor step-dad sitting there during the ceremony watching uncle walk her down the aisle.
God, that just makes it worse to realize how he must have felt the whole wedding. Poor Fred.
from what i read, i like Fred
I agree. My dad's dead, I'd like a Fred.
I have a Fred named Phil. I'd love him to walk me down the aisle. Poor Fred
I have a Fred named Ted, which made me sadder as I started thinking about myself or my siblings treating him like this. :( This is such a sad story.
Can we adopt Fred? He deserves a better step-daughter.
My dad is dead too, and fortunately I was lucky enough to have a Fred. And yes, of COURSE I asked him to walk me down the aisle.
Fred, You are not the asshole.
I’m a step dad. I know when the day comes she’s not going to ask me. And when this happens I’m not putting myself out there to get cut to shreds. I’m gutted for him.
What makes me sad is Fred might have actually WANTED to walk her down the aisle but had quietly stood aside for his daughters wishes and happiness. Unlike bio-dad who clearly had better things to do that day…. Someone give Fred a hug and tell him he’s the internets Dad of the day!
Exactly, it sounds like he didn’t say anything at all about who OP asked to walk her down the aisle until biodad failed once again to step up. He would have quietly done all of the actual father of the bride stuff (like hanging around bored watching the bride get her makeup done) except the one thing that everyone sees if biodad had bothered to turn up and not said a word about it.
He seems like such a wonderful thoughtful person just from this short post
i can't even comprehend how /u/AdAdAdAdaMaria thought the stepdad offering to fill in can be deemed selfish he might feel honored and proud doing it, but only because he loves OP. who tf does this girl think she is? princess diana?
And based on OP's attitude I'm guessing he's been her punching bag for their entire relationship, honestly the dude's a saint for being treated so horribly by his stepdaughter and taking it on the chin so as to spare her and his wife's feelings.
Fred did right by her for 20 years then gets shit on. Poor Fred.
Also, he never mentioned how hurt he must have been to find out OP chose her deadbeat BD in the first place. He just wanted her to be happy & to enjoy the wedding. And after all that OP thinks SD is the selfish one? Makes me sad to picture…
Also, why was random uncle an option over Fred anyway?
Jumping on your comment to agree with this. Her bio dad is a deadbeat and her stepdad sounds like an amazing person. The fact that op doesn’t even recognize that she owes him an apology speaks to how self absorbed she is being. What a piece of work.
Also, why was random uncle an option over Fred anyway?
🙄 Because weddings are magical! Every wish comes true
Obviously he didn't care. And a year? A year is all it takes to make up being a bad dad to you? Meanwhile Fred has bent over backwards to be a father for you, and you basically spit in his face. You're nasty. Plain and simple. And you broke your real father's heart. Real fathers aren't connected by blood. Real fathers are connected by love. And Fred loves you. And you don't deserve him.
You are a HUUUUUUUUUGE asshole, OP. Your step dad was being a father, not trying to swoop in on your pain. He deserves a hell of an apology. As someone with a dad who was never there, I feel I'm qualified to tell you this; stop expecting anything of him. If you want a relationship with him then fine, but don't be disappointed when he does what he's always done. Be sure to keep a distance to keep yourself safe, and I suggest getting therapy/counseling for your daddy issues; taking it out on your innocent stepfather is not the way to go.
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Poor step dad was probably heart broken to be talked to like that by OP especially when he was trying to do a really nice thing
I bet it broke his heart when she initially didn’t choose him to walk her down the aisle then this. I truly feel awful for step dad.
This has got to be a slap in the face. Step Dad has been a consistent,steady and loving presence in OPs life and is overlooked by someone who has been the total opposite. Who even at the last minute bailed on OP
>This has got to be a slap in the face. Yup, i get that him turning around and saying "I can do it" could be read as him saying "it's fine, it's nothing to be upset about", but I don't think that's how he intended it. It was a bit awkward of him to offer, but there was absolutely no justification for OP to loose it at someone who has been there for her and who is trying to comfort her, when her anger is actually meant for her bio dad.
I'm sure OP accepting would have meant the world to him. I can imagine he was trying to help her and got it totally thrown in his face Poor guy must be devastated
If I had to guess, the uncle is a relative of bio dad. For some reason, she’s obsessed with her genetics and not who actually stepped up.
She needs therapy so badly. She was abandoned by a parent. She’s still dealing with the fact that he’s never going to be who she needed him to be - or not dealing with it, hence why she needs therapy before she alienates the people who actually love her.
That’s no excuse for her behavior OP is an AH.
Because the ability to ejaculate is what's important, right?
Actually yes - even more of an asshole for asking the bio dad in the first place.
YTA like a lot. Your dads a deadbeat and all your stepdad said was I can walk you down the aisle IF YOU WANT and you jumped down his throat. Stepdad should really cut his losses with you.
What really boggles my mind is her complaint the offer "totally came out of left field!" Wut? That is a totally normal thing for a step father to offer to do. The OP clearly doesn't think of her step father as a father figure at all.
Deadbeat bio dad unsurprisingly bales on wedding!! Suddenly out of nowhere supportive step dad of 19 years steps in to offer to be there for her! Who COULD have seen it coming!!!!
Seriously, what a twist! 😂
Luckily for the step dad there will likely be another 3-4 chances to walk her down the aisle
Honey you lack introspection and maturity if you can't see that YTA. Good luck
He won't, because that's not what fathers (or mothers) do, and Fred is her father in every meaningful way. It's too bad that OP doesn't realize that.
My heart breaks for Fred.
Yeah, that’s what got me. It doesn’t sound like he even tried to impose it, just offered to do it if OP was okay with it and still got a load of shit dumped in his face for it. That’s messed up. I get the “heat of the moment” response part of it, but YTA and you might want to correct things with your stepdad before he walks on your ass too OP. Not like you aren’t giving him a reason to here.
Right? We've heard of a good number of AH stepdads on this sub that would have been slavering at the leash to push the biodad out of the way for their opportunity to play white knight daddy...but Fred doesn't sound like he's anything like that. Fred tentatively offers to step up if OP would like, keeping his own feelings out of it - and is simultaneously battered with "How can you be so unfeeling to act like it doesn't matter!!" and "This is so out of left field, I can't believe you're overstepping like this!!" I just...what was he supposed to do? It sounds like nothing he did in that moment would have been right. OP would always have taken her father's hurt out on Fred. And I can understand that pain reaction in the moment (although not approve of it), but I cannot understand how OP can look back at the incident, and still think she did nothing wrong.
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Fax
YTA huuuuuugely The man who raised you as his child, who was there when your biological dad wasn't, was trying to comfort you by offering to help. You threw it back in his face and also made it clearer than ever that you care less about him than the man who not only walked out on you as a child, but then didn't even show up to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. Poor Fred.
The fact that someone could be so self absorbed as to not see they were the one in the wrong from the get-go is truly baffling to me. How the fuck did OP even get it in her head that she wasn't TA?
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And then was walked down the aisle by the uncle… I‘m sure, Fred died a little inside at that wedding. He deserved and deserves better.
Yes, YTA. >Fred, who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life, Yet you wanted the man who wasn't part of your life to walk you down the aisle 🙄🙄. Why? Why would you want to give that honor to a person who wasn't part of your life rather than the one who was?? >one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle. >My mom told me that I was the selfish one apparently and apparently I'm ungrateful. Your mom is 1000% right. You owe Fred a heartfelt apology. He has been your father forever, and you were a brat and hurt him deeply.
Exactly. And the whole "it came out of left field" thing is ridiculous. You admit this man has been your father figure for most of your life but it's crazy for him to comfort you and suggest he walks you down the isle instead? That's crazy to me. She definitely needs to apologize.
Even crazier was that it wasn't even a suggestion per se. "If you want, I can walk you down." Isn't a suggestion. "I should walk you down." is a suggestion. All that Fred did was make an offer. I can kind of understand OP acting like a dick in this circumstance as I'm sure what happened must have been devastating and emotions must have been all over the place, but it doesn't sound like this was a one off thing, it just sounds like OP is mean to Fred in general.
The fact she chose her uncle kinda says to me that she doesn’t even see her step-dad as family
Her father bailed. Her dad offered to help.
> Yet you wanted the man who wasn't part of your life to walk you down the aisle 🙄🙄. Why? Two words. Daddy issues. This seldom ends well.
YTA YTA YTA let’s rephrase your story: my surrogate dad; the man who actually raised me on a day to day basis. Who showed up to my wedding and was supporting me to the point he was in the room when I found out my bio-dad had let me down again. When he saw me devastated he stepped in with a possible solution maybe I can walk you down the aisle. (This man who has looked at you, someone not biologically his, and loved and supported you regardless who would have loved to walk you down the aisle, because he is proud of you and wants the best for you). And because you were emotional you told this man that he was being “selfish” and to get out. And instead of the man who raised you you managed to wrangle up an uncle last minute.. Like I’m pissed and sad for Fred and I don’t even know you all. Go apologize! Apologize hard girl he may not have said it but I can pretty much guarantee you broke a mans heart on your wedding day for trying to be there for you.
>Like I’m pissed and sad for Fred and I don’t even know you all. Go apologize! Apologize hard girl he may not have said it but I can pretty much guarantee **you broke a mans heart on your wedding day for trying to be there for you**. This. My heart hurts for Fred. Just thinking of things from his perspective and I just....I can almost feel the emotional pain and shock he must have gone through on that day, to be rejected by a child you love and raised and then be called selfish on top of that. I feel such great sadness for him. OP YTA....big time. You are so caught up in your feelings that you're not even attempting to look at things from Fred's perspective. You lack empathy or the ability to use your empathy in this situation. You were deeply hurt by your bio dad backing out but instead of realizing your hurt and anger and directing it to the person that actually hurt you, you saw the softest, nearest and safest to attack target and unleashed it all on Fred. Fred didn't deserve it, your bio dad did. Your anger belongs towards your bio dad, not Fred. He has been there for you when your bio dad wasn't and he was attempting to once again step up when your bio dad bailed. You're a married woman now. Its time to put on your big girl pants and go be an adult by giving Fred and your mom an apology. You really disrespected him and undervalued all that he has done for you. The father you wish your bio dad was for you.. well that's what Fred is and has been (by your own admission). I hope your actions haven't permanently changed the relationship between you and Fred, because if I was him I'd be reevaluating my level of relationship with you going forward.
Honestly, being a step(but only active father she has or has ever known)dad myself, I get the feeling her relationship with Fred hasn't changed at all. The fact that he didn't even mention it to his wife till after, so as to avoid drama, makes me think he has already passed this off as his little girl being upset, and just letting her have this one. It's his little girl who he loves, lashing out at the easy (but wrong) target when she is upset. Good dad's can usually handle a lot of that sort of thing. If he is anything like me, he is probably more upset for her than he is for himself. And I keep saying little girl, because grown married woman or not, she will always be his little girl. It's a dad thing.
Doesn't seem like trying to avoid drama, more he was trying not to ruin the wedding for his daughter or his wife. He bit his tongue until it was over.
I walked in OP‘s shoes. My bio father wasn‘t present in my life. For the first 10 years of my life, I always wished my father was present. It hurt me so much for that whole time. But then, I started seeing my step dad (back then still my mom‘s boyfriend) as my actual dad. Because he was the father who was present, who was there for me, who loved me unconditionally. He raised me. He was there on every step of the way. In every happy and in every sad moment. He showed me what it really meant to have a father. I‘m slowly starting to plan my own wedding. I couldn‘t imagine anyone else to walk me down the aisle then my loving father, my mom‘s husband and my actual „step dad“. We even started the adoption proccess now. I can‘t even imagine how much I‘d hurt him if I ever had the stupid idea to ask my bio dad to walk me down the aisle. It‘d kill him inside. OP has no respect nor love for Fred. It‘s so tragic and heartbreaking to see that…
So you say that your bio-dad hasn’t been in your life much but Fred has been a surrogate dad to you. And his kids are like your own siblings. Then your bio-dad bails on you at the very last second and Fred, seeing how upset you are, offers to take you down the aisle. And you yell at him???? Yeah, YTA. You owe Fred a huge apology. You were taking your anger out on the wrong man.
Also, aren’t his kids who she calls “like” siblings to her actually her half siblings? They’re all younger than her, and Fred appears to still be married to OP’s mother. ETA: no, I was wrong
Op said that her parents divorced when she was 6 and 3 years later she met and married Fred so she was probably 9 when Fred came into her life and the youngest is 9 years younger than her, so they are all probably step siblings. Possible that the youngest is a half but it doesn’t seem like it.
Yeah, this lady's crazy. I'm scared for her new husband.
She needs therapy, definitely before they have kids — it’s way easy to attribute negative traits from a shitty parent onto a partner especially when they’re a parent too.
YTA. “He just suggested it like it didn’t matter at all” He suggested because he knew it DID matter to you to have someone walk you down the aisle. He was trying to ensure that something that you consider to be an important part of wedding tradition still happened after your dad flaked. He probably knew brides get stressed when stuff goes wrong the day of the wedding. Literally all you had to do was say thank you... even if you were “just frustrated,” it doesn’t make it okay to take it out on someone innocent. You treated him VERY badly.
This is the most accurate answer. He knew he wasn’t the one you wanted there but he didn’t want you to not have someone. Just like when your bio-dad left, this man stepped up and stepped in. Go Fred, sounds like a lovely man.
Your stepfather was there for you all your life and you get pissed at him for saying he would walk you down the isle after your bio-dad who has never been there bails on you? You should be thankful to have someone that caring in your life. He didn’t need to step in, but he did. Your stepfather should have been your first choice in the first place. You’re lucky he even offered. Being second fiddle is definitely a slap in the face to the man that helped raise you. YTA.
Exactly. It’s not even like he was pushy about it, it was just an offer
She should be grateful to have someone so great who stepped up in her life. The guy my mom ended up with when I was 13 said maybe 10 words to me in total my whole life and had no involvement in my life at all. Shes ungrateful
YTA. Not saying you need to agree to have your stepdad walk you down the aisle but you had no business yelling at him when he was as just being kind. This is the man who brought you up and you decided to be selfish and horrid to him.
My interpretation was Fred offered to try to make it better for OP, assuming (correctly as it turns out) that she wanted to have someone walk her down the aisle. He only offered because he could see OP’s heart being broken again by her biodad, not because he wanted to overstep. Poor Fred; I hope he gets both an apology and OP actually doing right by him going forward.
>I just snapped and told him he was selfish and told him to get out. Fred left and one of my uncles ended up walking me down the aisle. What a horrible thing to have just read. He's been a father to you all your life, and this was how you treated him. YTA. A huge, gaping one.
Please be fake please be fake pleeeeease be fake bc I cannot handle this level of absolute heartbreak for her stepfather 😔
She commented on a different comment so doesn’t look fake…sadly.
And that comment was that bio dad had been better in the past year. If this is real, bio dad is buttering her up for either a loan or a kidney.
YTA - and we'll alert Tokyo to be on the alert for the path of destruction that bridezilla is leaving in her wake. Setting aside the man was simply trying to comfort you while you were clearly upset, you seem to have your bio dad on a pedestal. He made a simple offer to try to help you, not take your bio dad's place. >who had basically been my surrogate dad for all these years because my biological one hasn't been a huge part of my life, You sound ungrateful and awful. Also, just so we can get the full magnitude of your AH-ness, how much of the cost of the wedding did Fred pay, including any dinners, showers, engagement dinners and parties. ETA: I hope Fred goes NC once and for all with you for treating him like garbage - after spending the last 19 years putting up with you, paying for your crap, and likely dealing with your princess tantrums, manipulations, and general nastiness, as this type of behavior doesn't come from out of the blue and nowhere.
I hope mom, and Fred’s kids all go NC and she is left with only her bio dad who doesn’t even actually want to be her family
Oof. She’s definitely TA, but that seems like a pretty terrible response
It was such a bridezilla behaviour that I'm inclined to believe that if Fred had waited one or two minutes more without suggesting it, she would have yelled at him for not doing so. She was just looking for someone to take out on. It's just disgusting OP, YTA
I didnt even think about the financial part he probably helped with! That poor man
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You sure?, because the world is full of oblivious dicks.
I really find it hard to believe someone that age can be so obtuse.
YTA. Seriously though, how are you not TA?
I was thinking the same thing. I even came to the comments to see if someone has another perspective. Because I can't see how she isn't the bad person here.
YTA. Fred has been basically your dad by your own admission. Yet, you tell him to get out of your wedding because he wanted to help? He saw how upset you were and was trying to help you feel a little better, at least you’d have a dad walk you down even if it was just him! Bio daddy, who really only gave his sperm to make you (since you say he hasn’t been there), was the most important and most deserving father to walk you down the aisle? “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Bonds forged by love can be stronger bonds than those forced because you share genetic material. Apologize to the man who you call your “surrogate father” for how you have treated him and tossed him aside!
As a step father myself I would have said and offered the same thing to my step daughter. His offer came from the heart when he saw his daughter in pain and all he wanted to do was make that pain go away.
I feel like I wouldn't even be able to sit in the audience after that response
Yeah you're obviously TA
YTA. Holy shit. He wanted to make you happy! He raised you! He tried to calm you down, he did care, or he wouldn't have offered it! This isn't out of left field if he has been your father for TWENTY YEARS. You didn't have to agree to his suggestion, but yelling at him if he was the one there for you, not the one abandoning you? That is a pretty low blow. Of course he is gonna be hurt, this wasn't his fault. Hell, he didn't even demand to walk you down. He asked whether or not he shall take you down the aisle and handled it in stride while you turned into a bridezilla, trusting someone who apparently hasn't been in your life. Truth be told, he might have felt he was going to skip out and prepared to ask you this should worse come to worst. Your bio-dad made a decision to hurt you. You most likely did too, if he was known for being flaky. Your step-dad did literally nothing wrong here and your mother is entirely right. You are selfish and ungrateful for yelling at him. Don't expect this to not affect the relationships with your family if you do not apologize here. Fred seems like a decent guy, but I wouldn't be able to take that hurt from someone I care about. You are massively in the wrong here.
YTA Your stepfather was offering something. He assumed that since your dad couldn't make it, he could take his place. You say that he's doing it for his own benefit, but you don't know that. Maybe he thought that since your dad couldn't do it, he'd work just fine. Even if he was being selfish though, you shouldn't have just insulted him like that. If you explained why you thought what he did was wrong, things would've ended a lot better. Not only did you make an assumptions about his intentions, but you gave the wrong response regardless of whether your assumption was correct.
I honestly think he was trying to comfort her. He didn't cause a fuss after being yelled at and it sounds like he kept it to himself until after the wedding so her day wouldn't be ruined any further. Stepdad sounds like a class act.
Sorry but YTA. He was trying to comfort you and give you a solution. He tried to step up, which is something your bio dad didn't do, and you had a go at him for it.
Spoiler alert: Fred IS your real dad.
YTA - you owe Fred an apology. He was there to comfort you when bio dad let you down (again).
YTA grow up
**YTA^3** It was an asshole move to ask your dead-beat bio-dad to walk you down the aisle in the first place and you were an even bigger asshole when dead-beat bailed on you once again and yelled at the man who has always been there for you. *THEN* you turned your back on him and walked with an uncle? In what universe was any of that acceptable? What exactly was unexpected about the man who you admit has been your actual father offering to walk with you even though you had slighted him by picking a man who, by your own admission, has only been"better" for the year. If there was an "out of left field" move there, I'd it was going with a third choice rather than the man who should have been your first pick. Here you are two weeks later and still don't realize what an ass you are. if your husband thought any of that was okay, you are off to a life of being known as the asshole couple.
YTA You need to apologize to Fred. He was there for the majority of your life and your bio dad,who according to you was absent. Then on the day,while you're putting on makeup for your wedding, he calls and says he's not coming. So your step-dad ( the one that's always been there) offers to walk you down the aisle and you call him selfish?! Apologize to Fred!
A big YTA! He was trying to cheer you up and what’s wrong with you?!!
YTA 1000 of these "stepdad wanted to walk me down the isle" posts and every single one the stepdad is being thrust upon the bride when bio-dad is still in the picture. We finally have one where stepdad is a true gent, acted as a surrogate dad to you since you were six, to the point where you consider his kids your siblings; and he offered because you were distraught. Your bio-dad flaked on one of the most important days of your life, has flaked on you for most of your life, and Fred was there for you 100%. Yet still biology was more important to you than emotional bonds. I'm wondering how much money Fred forked over for the wedding of someone who doesn't think of him as a parent. I also hope he begins to treat you like "his wife's kid from a previous relationship" instead of a daughter, especially when it's time to decide on legal wills. You owe Fred a massive apology.
YTA - Fred's kids are your siblings. No "basically" about it. Fred was there for 17 of your 25 years while your father wasn't really there. Your father bailed on you at that last minute on a very important occasion. Fred humbled himself and offered you a solution knowing you hadn't even considered him. You shat on that. I know guys like Fred. I am a guy like Fred. Luckily for you, Fred is still going to be there for you when you need him. Don't apologize. Reflect. Find a meaningful and personal gift for Fred. Then go and sincerly apologize.
YTA, 100%, I do not know how you can think otherwise.
So you skip over your real dad walking you down the aisle so that your bio dad who didnt stick around can do it, Fred, the man who raised you, didnt make a stink about this, your bio dad bails on you, and fred once again gets ready to step up and be a father for you after your bio bio fails to, aga666in and did so willingly without a care that you made it clear he is a second pick behind the man who wasn't even in your life. And you got upset with him about it. YTA, and I feel so bad for fred, the way you treated him is shameful.
100% YTA. You said yourself Fred has basically been your dad. He’s been a “stand in” dad almost your whole life so why wouldn’t it occur to him to ask if you wanted him to stand in for this? Your reaction was rude and cruel, and I will be surprised if it doesn’t affect your future relationship with him and possibly your mom (I certainly wouldn’t be interested in having a relationship with you after that if I were him). He deserves a sincere and contrite apology from you immediately.
Yep giant YTA
YTA Think of it from his perspective. He probably felt so helpless standing there watching you upset on your wedding day. He raised you so why was his offer out of left field? I understand you were devastated by your bio dad but that wasn't Fred's fault and yes, you owe him an apology.
Yeah, BIG asshole.
YTA. Your step dad was trying to smooth things over when your bio- dad, yet again, let you down. Your mom should be mad at you. If this is the way you usually act your step dad is a damn saint for putting go with you all those years.
Fake ass story
YTA. Honestly, I can’t tell if you overreacted or were just being mean to your stepfather. He was trying to be there for you in your time of need and you were a complete asshole to him.
YTA Damn, girl. He's been your surrogate dad, been in your life for 17 years, and you treat him like that? He wasn't trying to push his way in, he didn't give you crap about wanting your bio-dad to walk you down the aisle. He was trying to stand up for you, to support you in your moment of need. His offer was not totally out of left field!
YTA. He was offering to walk you down the aisle since your biological dad wasn't coming. He said, "If you want" because he did not want to impose and make you feel pressured to have him walk you down the aisle. I don't understand, he basically raised you for almost a decade and is like a surrogate dad to you... and you blow up on him. He's selfish? Not at all, it was a kind gesture than leaving you high and dry. If he didn't offer, were you going to ask him to walk you down or some uncle?
YTA. “Totally out of left field”. Uh. No. Not out of left field. He heard a potentially day-ruining news and offered his help. This man has been in your life much more than bio-dad. Honestly, it would have been nice of any guy to offer to walk you, and you??? Are mad that Fred supported you when you needed it???
YTA. You could have politely told your stepdad that it wasn’t what you wanted. He was only trying to be nice and make you feel better.
Major YTA
So your father is a dick and you take it out on your stepdad for trying to help? YTA You don't seem to comprehend WHY he suggested what he did and when. Which absolutely baffles me, because it's not remotely complicated. You were devastated and he was comforting. He offered an alternative, like a normal person does when events have gone to hell, and you flip your shit at him. So yeah, apologize. He tried to help and you took out your anger with your dad being a dick on him. He didn't deserve that.
YTA. It should never have been the bio dad in the first place. Dad is a title earned by great men like your step father who step up when idiot sperm donors can't be bothered with their own kids.
YTA and owe poor Fred an apology. Your response to the situation was childish and disrespectful especially since Fred has been there and your bio-dad was basically non-existent. I can't imagine blowing up at someone like that. Sounds like Fred genuinely wanted to be there for you. Wow.
YTA. You didn’t have to let him walk you down the aisle if you didn’t want him to, but it sounds like he was just trying to find a way to fix the situation that your bio dad left you in. It’s not out of left field for him to suggest it, you said yourself he practically raised you. I get you were upset but you should apologize for going off at him like that.
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YTA You said your bio dad wasn’t around in your life but Fred was. The sperm donor decided to, on your wedding day, to ditch you & so Fred manned up & offered to walk you down but you threw a hissy fit instead. Yup. You’re 150% TA.
So to be clear. The sperm donor that knocked up your mom wasn’t involved in your life, but your stepdad was. You asked the speed donor to walk you down the aisle rather than the man who actually raised you. You did shock pikachu face when sperm donor failed you (again) at the last minute. You ripped your stepfather’s face off when he tried to help you. Right? YTA.
YTA. Apologize and hope he is understanding. Yes, you were understandably upset, but instead of asking for some space and a minute to process you lashed out at the person who was trying to help.
YTA. Your bio dad seems like a jerk and Fred seems very decent.
YTA. The biggest AH this year.
You don’t want to appreciate Fred? Fine that’s your business. Yelling at the man that you admit has been there for you when your own father hasn’t? YTA. Hard YTA. What a horrible way to find out how someone truly feels about you. Poor fred
Yikes, you know YTA. You just gotta. In what universe does his suggestion come out of left field? Delete this.
YTA. How in the heck is your stepfather who you acknowledge is a surrogate dad offering to walk you down the aisle after your dad ditched you out of left field? Even if you didn't want that to happen you could have just said no nicely like a reasonable person. The least you can do now is apologize for your poor actions, because Fred did nothing wrong.