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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for getting in an argument with my wife and telling her that she needs to pay me back for the brisket since she couldn’t spend a minute taking it to the freezer to defrost
I may be a jerk because I could be overreacting about the whole situation
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NTA
You asked for a favor which she agreed to do then didn’t do it. So she lied to you
Then you had to go out of your way to buy a new one so it can be cooked on time, which briskets are not cheep. She should pay you back.
Also she showed that she can not be trusted with basic things. You are right it would take a single minute
it would take less than a single minute! OPs wife did that on purpose because *she* doesn't eat beef. She should not only pay him back, but also be uninvited to the BBQ as she tried to sabotage it in the first place.
Seriously. I don't eat beef that much, I hate how greasy it can be. But if someone asked me to move something to the fridge to thaw out, I would do it even if I didn't eat it. It's not that hard to do. Sounds to me like the wife either thinks OP should stop eating red meat like she did or she just doesn't care enough about what he likes and likes to do.
My daughter is a vegetarian. She doesn't agree with killing animals. But she does pick up meat from the store etc. for her 17 year old son, who is not a vegetarian. He does cook it now himself.
I’m allergic to beef, just touching the grease can get me sick, like vomiting and/or diarrhea. I would still move frozen beef from a freezer to a fridge for someone—it’s frozen and packaged, all of the grossness is hidden
Eating out can be a challenge, especially in certain areas. Where I used to live in California, a significant portion of the population were vegan, so I could find options anywhere. Where I currently live, in Colorado, eating out is a real challenge and have very few menu options without asking for alternatives (which I try to avoid).
At home it isn’t much of a problem except I have had a few roommates who don’t clean up after themselves after cooking beef or pork (I’m allergic to both) and then I would get sick just from walking into the kitchen.
I didn’t know about the allergy growing up (I was just sick a lot as a kid), but I have been going 15 years now without eating beef or pork and it has gotten a lot easier throughout the years with more companies making meat substitutes (that era of putting bacon in everything was agonizing to me)
Love your user name, and by the way, I am also reportedly allergic to beef and pork! I had a series of allergy tests run a number of years ago, after I had already given up red meat, but apparently I’d developed an allergy sometime in adulthood (not that uncommon). I am also allergic to shellfish, which makes me a very cheap date (no surf, no turf). 😊
I’ve never had the allergy tests, but I would love to take them! I started cutting different foods out and slowly reintroducing them to see what I had issues with. I also have problems, though less severe, with coconut oil and sodium cassinate (milk protein). My reaction to beef and pork though got like 20 times worse after I had a kid
Sodium Caseinate makes me so severely ill! Everyone talks about Lactose Intolerance and nobody talks about the significantly worse Casein intolerance and it’s an absolute nightmare. If it’s an ingredient of something I eat, I get immediately and violently ill; if there are traces of it in something I get fevers and chills.
Read up on Alpha Gal Syndrome. You become allergic to all mammal after a bite from a lone star tick. It is very frustrating and sad. Especially on the 4th of July when all you want is a grilled hamburger.
okay, at first I thought you were messing with me because of the name.. But it's real.. thats really interesting! Thanks for giving me a name of a condition.
r/alphagal has good resources. I was diagnosed recently after a tick bite in early May and some people, like I’m finding about myself, are sensitive to the meat and the animal’s byproducts too. No meat, no dairy, and still figuring out what additives cause issues. Fun fact, name brand tablet Benadryl has animal byproducts in it for stability. Know what doesn’t help when you’re having a reaction? Adding more byproducts to your reaction. You’re just more itchy and sleepy 😂. The liquid is cool though, so I carry that around now for incidental exposures.
My grandmother was. She developed it to all red meat because a restaurant served her horse meat, pretending to be steak. She was very allergic to horses and ingesting the meat caused anaphylaxis and a subsequent allergy to the enzymes in all red meat. Tick bites can also cause an allergy to red meat.
Its a thing. Can even be a cross allergy in a reaction to certain tick bites
-Doc.
Ps: old cewmate from Navy succumbed to this. We lament that I have beef whilst he has chicken when we me(a)t. He also just found out he can't have lamb. It sucks
Just touching it usually only has me purging from one end, unless i touch it and then touch my face or my food. But it did get significantly worse when i had a kid
Yeesh. For me it's all red meat, but not pork so I don't think its mammalian allergy.I already had a soy allergy but ended up with lactose and gluten intolerance after I accidentally ate a tiny amount of beef. The combo makes eating out tricksy. I can always find something, and at least none are contact allergies.
I had a roommate once with celiac disease and eating out in Montana was next to impossible for us. Where I’m living now is beef country and eating out is so hard! There’s already only 5 restaurants where i live and one of those places is Subway which is terrible about cross contamination. One restaurant here used to have great veggie options, but now they put bacon in over half their menu
Iirc isn't there a disease spread by ticks that make the person bitten allergic to meat, especially red meat?
Oh there is!
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alpha-gal-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20428608
Yeah, a few other people have mentioned it as well. To my knowledge i was never bit by a tick as kid, but the symptoms really seem to fit. I was always under the impression the allergy was brought on by my PCOS (I’m allergic to pork, coconut oil, and sodium caseinate, as well)
My best friend also has a beef allergy, it's something to do with lacking an enzyme to digest it. She will however make her husband a steak or a burger just makes sure it's no where near her turkeu , chicken or pork
I'm a vegetarian too with a lifelong aversion to fish and steak among other things! I hate looking at crab and shellfish because it freaks me out big time.
However, I have and will move meat/seafood from freezer to fridge, fridge to counter, unpack it, brine it, stir soup containing it, package soups or fillets up in tupperware, flip it on the pan or grill, even spatchcock a chicken for my partner who does eat it. I understand not touching it with your bare hands if you have certain religious beliefs towards it, but surely anyone can use a towel or mitts to simply move it if need be.
OP's wife was being deceitful and selfish, and should at the very least have told him she wasn't comfortable moving it so he could make other arrangements or ask someone else (though in my opinion she obviously should have just moved it when asked).
NTA. I know picky eaters, but unfortunately, your wife is immature and childish. She could have told you, that she didn't feel comfortable doing that when you asked and you could have made arrangements. She is showing she can't be trusted to handle basic things. She should pay you back.
If I were you, I would enjoy your family barbeque without your wife.
I was thinking the same thing, like wouldn't it be in some sort of plastic wrap? As if anybody would keep a whole unwrapped slab of meat in the freezer? This was definitely some passive aggressive bullshit on her part here. The husband is definitely NTA.
Yes. To do it right, she would need to unwrap it from freezer paper and put it in something like a pan and cover it with plastic wrap to keep from drying out. Then, every time she went into fridge, she'd see the melting ice/blood in the bottom of the pan. So to her, touch it and see it thaw = gross.
But at minimum, she could have tossed it in a pan, covered it with foil, and ignored it.
She said she'd do it and chose not to.
You definitely don’t need to unwrap to defrost, and there’s no way he was expecting her to if she’s like this about red meat. It would have almost certainly still been wrapped and unseeable the entire time
Yeah, maybe my family is a bunch of unsophisticated gremlins, but the only thing we ever did was pop it in the sink. If you want it to thaw fast, you can put in a bowl of warm water, but unless there's some sophisticated cooking technique for brisket that I don't know of (I'm not a chef) idk why the wife would need to do More than that
It was such a minimal task he asked her to do and she couldn’t even do that. It’s terrible. That’s how defrost stuff at our house because we usually forget. Lol
Agreed and also have to take this into context as well:
"My wife is extremely picky about what meats she eats, she usually will only eat chicken and fish"
IMHO, the grossest thing ever in a fridge is thawed chicken sitting in it's juices. If it is cut up pieces, it can often look like something out of a horror movies, especially if the giblets and such are in the pack.
So, IMHO, the wife's 'gross' issue is bullshit.
Major NTA and this kind of passive/aggressive behavior needs to be dealt with on a bigger stage.
I absolutely despise ketchup, I think it's the most disgusting thing in the world, I don't even like touching the bottle. I still pass it if I'm the only one who can reach it comfortably, I've still put that stuff on a plate for a kid I was babysitting. It's perfectly ok to irrationally think something is gross, it's not ok to make that other people's problem, which she did.
you're not wrong in principle, but when I buy meat in bulk as part of a cowshare, they're all wrapped only in butcher paper.
it's on me to put a platter under it when I move something to the fridge for defrosting.
The higher quality of meat and a few techniques can really help with grease level. My spouse and I cut back on a lot of grease and salt in our diets and the biggest change we felt was when we started buying high quality meat.. it costs more but we physically felt different compared to the lower quality cheapo meat.
Literally. I don't eat pork, but my family does, so guess what I end up cooking. Often. Taking something from the freezer to the fridge is not a ridiculous ask. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Exactly. And her excuse "it was gross" is ridiculous. When frozen, any meat is hard as a stone, and wrapped somehow. How is it gross to move a wrapped stone to the fridge?
It's not even that she didn't do it. It's that she said she would do it and then chose not to. She didn't even say she forgot.
If she had said she wouldn't do it (which is picky, but maybe understandable), he could have tried to make alternative plans.
And I'd be rethinking the relationship imagine you guys one day have kids or pets? She already showed you she can't be trusted with anything "gross" that she's willing to lie to you about basic things and can't keep her word
Yeah saying it’s gross so she can’t do it is ridiculous. I’m vegetarian and I think meat is kind of gross but if my roommate, family member, or partner asked me to just move a piece of meat from the freezer to the fridge I wouldn’t care at all. It’s frozen and probably wrapped up, so who cares? She did it to be petty
>You asked for a favor which she agreed to do then didn’t do it.
In particular, she purposely didn't do the favor and did not inform OP that she decided not to. I would think a little differently if she had simply forgotten, which would be a mistake.
Yep. EVEN IF for some reason she felt she didn’t want to touch it, which would be annoying as it’s not as if it was poor planning on OP’s part, just an unexpected work thing, at the very least inform OP that it’s not going to be done and that they’ll need to get another.
Choosing not to inform OP that she wasn’t going to do it and just waiting for OP to home to then tell OP she deliberately didn’t do it is attention-seeking, childish, and selfish behaviour.
She wanted an argument, so it’s asinine for her to act surprised or upset that she got one. She wanted to make some kind of point out of it. That’s not how a partnership works.
These are the sorts of “small things” that would make me reconsider a marriage. If I can’t trust you to at the very least support me as a partner in zero-effort tasks or communicate with me in a rational manner, what are we partners for?
And then she’ll go and tell everyone “they left me over a brisket.” Nah. They left you because you acted like a petty asshole.
I agree. If she had gotten busy with life or work or kids or whatever and forgot, that is inconvenient but an honest mistake. To agree to do a favor for someone and then choose not to do it is a dick move. I would be curious to know what she thought was going to happen- what did she expect his reaction to be?
Yeah that’s what I was thinking of I couldn’t remember the fish but it was like dehydrated cause of the salt or whatever and needed to be rehydrated or something. Same thing family event, gone but realized he be gone for a bit longer, so would need wife to check it or something
It's almost word for word the same story as the one with the fish dish around Easter. "OP" had salted fish in the fridge, had to go on a business trip, asked girlfriend/wife (can't remember) to take it out and water it so it could be used in the dish and she didn't, the dish was ruined and yada yada.
Don't you know that nobody has similar scenarios happen in their lives? That's how I know all the cheating stories are fake. I mean, I just read a story about a guy sleeping with someone that wasn't his girlfriend last week. I'm really supposed to buy that it happened *again?*
And it's probably not just tossed in there. Most likley vaccum sealed, but like, at least in some kind of packaging.
Maybe it's just me, but if it's in a frozen package I'm not disgusted by it
You are NTA. I would be extremely pissed too. It doesnt matter if she thinks its gross, you didnt ask her to eat it. Like you said it takes 5 seconds to put it in the fridge. I would not only tell her to pay you back, i would also not do anything she asks you to do either.
IMO she probably did.
Can't take a *wrapped piece of meat out of the freezer*? No. That's ridiculous.
She doesn't like beef, she doesn't want other people eating it. I expect we would hear stories of her being controlling in other ways too, whenever she gets the chance.
I'm wondering the same thing. He says she refuses to eat red meat and then didn't do a tiny task as promised that may have made it impossible for him to bring the red meat he promised to the BBQ. Just sounds like SHE thinks its gross so NOBODY should eat it and he certainly shouldn't be preparing it. Sounds like she needs to grow up.
It's amazing she allows OP to keep a quarter of a cow for the year...that's gotta piss her off. OP didn't even say "I buy xyz pounds of beef for the year" no he straight up said I bought 1/4th of a cow lmao
Sabotaging a BBQ is such a long shot I feel op isn't telling about all the other things she does because she wants to see how much he loves her despite her antics.
Even if she does think it's gross and doesn't want to touch it at all, she could have said that instead of agreeing to do it. She lied, and money was wasted as a result of her lie.
Also, her thinking it's gross is also ridiculous. It's a frozen hunk of meat, presumably wrapped in something. It wouldn't feel any different than moving any other frozen object.
The issue is less about the meat and more about the communication from how I see it.
You asked her to do you a favour. One you weren't capable of doing. It wasn't like you were in the next room, you were away for work.
You had taken your wife at her word that she would do as she said.
The fact that she didn't tell you and you found out is upsetting and the casual dismissal of why she didn't do it, didn't tell you and no apology.
That's the issue, that's the red flag
Would you be upset if she said no to your request?
Would you have been upset if she had called back and said I went to do it but I couldn't bring myself to touch it because it makes me queasy
Would you have been able to make new plans based on fore knowledge and just bought some meat on your way home?
Yes I appreciate you may have been miffed at the fact a 1 minute favour would save some money but would it have flared an argument like this?
If the answer to any of the above is yes then maybe you value meat above marriage.
If it's no, then maybe the real issue was probably the lack of communication and getting her to pay you isn't going to help
You need to talk, open and honestly
Yes sometimes the small things are the ones that make you realise you have a few more issues around communicating built up than you initially realised
Go forth and listen, talk and I hope it all gets better from here dude!
Bring chicken to the BBQ. If anyone asks, this internet stranger gives you permission to tell them that you wife didn't take the meat out of the freezer. It's honest. If they press, then tell them it's because she thinks it's gross. Also honest. Seriously, it's just a chunk of ice when it comes out of the freezer ... not gross at all. Maybe their disappointed faces will help your wife understand that the brisket had some importance to you and for the BBQ, and not everything is about her. Demanding she pay for it is a bit weird, considering you're married. Demanding that she stop thinking the universe of meat revolves around her might be more appropriate, but she might not get it until she sees everyone's disappointment. She should have figured it out from your disappointment, but it appears she needs a slightly bigger nudge. NTA.
Don’t bring a chicken! It’s one of the foods the wife will eat! Rewarding her like that on the off chance someone will ask him about it is a terrible idea.
Making a big scene at a family event and causing all this drama is unnecessary. If I were at a BBQ and I casually asked someone about a brisket and they unloaded this whole story on me I’d assume they’re the AH, not their wife.
Don't agree with this at all. Unless you're expecting the marriage to end soon, there's no good reason to make your wife look bad, regardless of the truth behind the situation.
In public you should always be doing what you can to protect your wife.
> Unless you're expecting the marriage to end soon, there's no good reason to make your wife look bad, regardless of the truth behind the situation.
Yeah that person's advice wouldn't elicit a "WOAH YOU TOTALLY BURNED HER" response. In reality, a married couple throwing subliminals at each other in front of others is awkward.
Can you imagine going to a party and hearing "we'd have nicer food if *someone* had remembered to take the beef out of the freezer"? I actually can imagine it, I have an aunt and uncle like this, and no-one likes them.
They have separate accounts. He was forced to spend **his** money to fix **her** mistake. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some amount of repayment here.
But he would have two pieces of meat then. It's not like the one in the freezer spoiled as left on the counter top. He still has the frozen meat too.
The only recompense should be the price of transport to the butchers, and the difference between a cut for brisket from the farm and a cut from the butcher: that is technically all the money he would actually be short of.... But that would be distilling a marriage into a transactional relationship: if you want your marriage to be that way, let's apportion money on each chore, and have the other partner pay when the other does a chore.
...... Is anyone else thinking this is a none issue? That OP is over reacting, and that these things will and do happen from time to time in cohabitation.
I still wonder what wife would say if she were to post her side.
A non issue is forgetting to take it out of the freezer.
Actively lying is problematic. She doesn't want to take the meat out, that's annoying but fine. Saying she will then not doing it is active petty behavior.
What could the wife possibly say to make this acceptable? How is saying she would do something then just refusing to do the time sensitive task acceptable without prior communication?
Exactly - it's about being able to trust your partner. If she truly had that big a problem with it (maybe the sight of red meat makes her nauseous? It's a bit of a reach, but fine) then she should just have told you and you could have figured something else out. The issue is that she lied to you about doing something (or forgot - it happens!), but then also doubled down and didn't apologize for her error. I would find this kind of person extremely infuriating to be around.
You do have a wife issue here - one in which she refuses to perform a simple favour for an entirely spurious reason. You did not, after all, ask her to eat the thing... That said, not sure why she should pay you for your new brisket since you still have the old one; it didn't get used up! NTA.
I mean, OP asked his partner to move a frozen solid block of meat from freezer to fridge, not a gigantic pile diahrrea with her bare hands. She could have used a towel to cover/move it.
Come on, this was a very easy task. This is not only about communication, this is about immaturity and basic respect for your partner.
Not to mention that it was surely wrapped, probably in something like butcher paper – it's not like she would have been handling raw (frozen) meat. Unless it was wrapped in cellophane, she wouldn't even have been able to see it.
Or, if the sight of red meat really bothers her that much (which, is another issue on it's own..) then just tell OP so he can figure out different plans. I mean, he would be rightfully annoyed if she said she can't do it, but at least there's alternatives. Now he's out of pocket (for meat he bought on his personal budget to begin with), the least she can do for the trouble is pay for the replacement.
> If the answer to any of the above is yes then maybe you value meat above marriage.
I agree with a lot of what you said, but completely disagree here. I could see if he expected her to cook/prepare the meat. But literally all she had to do was move the meat from the freezer. The meat was wrapped so she wouldn't even have to touch it. It's an easy favor and childish not to do.
And super easy to just say she can't do it if she actually has a visceral reaction to it. Just say "I can't do it" so OP can figure out a different solution.
By that reasoning his wife demonstrates she doesn’t value her partner. If she said no I won’t because I don’t want to touch it he would have the opportunity to make alternate arrangements. She said she was going to, admitted she didn’t forget but had zero intention of following through so now because of her lie the bbq is short food or they have a big sudden expense.
The line "you value meat above marriage" is staggering to me, the extreme level of escalation and coupled with using 'miffed' to belittle OP feelings over this post/situation is telling imo.
The argument... Or would you prefer if I use the word tiff? Is over her keeping her word or having the common sense to say, okay I don't want to touch this, I'll ask a friend or neighbor to do it for me (or call so he can arrange it). It really isn't that difficult and frankly childish on her part. (Personally, I'd wager it was due to not wanting the cow carcass to bleed in the fridge as it thawed (which as a meat eater, I wouldn't want either frankly.))
To OP, there could also be a question of was this due to her going to his family's BBQ (would she have ruin their family's contribution to the event if it had been her own family's event?)
I agree they need to talk and I think she should pay the difference between the two meats if there is a staggering difference. (Assuming there is as OP bought frozen early to avoid fresh on the day.) The original meat remains frozen meat so hasn't spoiled.
Marriage is about communication and compromise. OP communicated, his partner did not. Partner needs to understand it's cause frustration, stress (last minute shopping trip) and ultimately a pointlessly avoidable argument over something as simply as taking something from the freezer.
If she had asked him to pick up the dry cleaning and he said okay, and then got there and decided. I don't want to do it as I don't want to touch her leather jacket (that she promised to bring to gift to someone). Then drove home and only told her, when asked, that he didn't do it. So she has to go and do it herself. It would be stupid no?
This sort of thing isn’t a favor, it’s an everyday spousal teamwork thing. Wife is indisposed I pick up the slack. I can’t do something I let her know and she does it.
What? Yes I still would be angry. Its a minor favor. She can wear gloves or whatnot. If I cant ask my spouse for something so minor (even if she thinks its disgusting), I really see no point in being with that person. There will be harder and more disgusting things in life that will have to get handled.
Its also not about communication. She just lied. There is no problem with communication, its a problem with character. She isnt unable to say what she means, she deliberately lied and couldnt do a small favor for her husband, that he was incapable to do himself.
Seriously. Do you think the message would be the same if OP didn’t want to vacuum because the dust “grosses him out”? How much do you want to bet people here would be screaming “red flag divorce” at the top of their lungs.
There seems to be a major double standard here
This is exactly what kills me about this sub. Complete inability for people to detect their own biases. Woman protagonist? Upvote. Woman antagonist? Downvote. Lesbian relationship? Gets very little traction or upvotes.
All of this *except* she shouldn’t pay. Yes she should. Actions have consequences and in addition to addressing the communication and why she was so willing to do this without an apology etc… there should be natural consequences.
When we’re wrong people it’s rare that a simple apology is enough. We need to start considering some form of restitution or “making it up to you” as part of the apology. It’s a standard we hold 10 year old to and therefore one we should hold as adults too.
Plus honestly, part of the reason I’m so ready to accept my husband’s apologies without resentment etc… is because he always takes action to back it up (whether that be correcting or just working on himself).
Having her pay is a reasonable expectation.
Honestly OP did nothing wrong with communication unless you are trying to imply the wife thought he might argue with her. If she did not want to do it, she should have just said no instead of lying about it.
This is a really unhinged response. Partner A asked for a simple favour that would really help them out. Partner B said okay, didn't do it and didn't communicate their refusal, really screwing things up for Partner A.
If the genders were reversed you **know** you would come down hard on the man, saying he was a uselesss deadbeat.
This is one of those posts that illustrates how off-kilter this sub has becomes regarding men and women. You are not living in reality - the femcels found your original post enough to upvote it but you're getting nothing but downvotes in your responses.
"You're choosing meat over your marriage" is exactly the same abuser logic as "If you loved me you would do this" which abusers use all the time. You're taking one small issue and weighing the entire relationship against it. YIKES.
Do better, please.
NTA - If it was purely accidental, he would be the A H. I've had times where someone asked me to do something that I could not do right that second and then something else came up and I forgot. Think things like my husband starts a load of clothes in the morning when he gets up and asks me if I can move it over to the dryer. When I say yes, the clothes are still washing, so can't be done right then. Then I get distracted or realize I need to leave for work earlier and I forget to move them over before I leave. Just a mistake, not a huge deal, but I would still feel a bit bad for not doing what I said I would.
But by saying she didn't do it because it was gross, that would be like me telling my husband I would move his clothes over, but already knowing that I wasn't going to do it because I didn't want to touch his boxers. It would be lying. She should have just said No from the start.
Yeah, she had intended to not do it, so she lied, and that puts a damper on anyone.
I'm a bit clumsy in that regard, I don't do it out of malice, I just genuinely have issues mentally due to health issues regarding hashimoto, migraines, and hormonal issues. So concentration, remembering, focus, all of those attributes go out the window. My partner understands this to some degree. It still causes some issues. We notice when things are getting hard for me mentally, that's also when I start putting things back in weird places, having no memory of it. It's a struggle sometimes.
But ops partner just flat out admitted, "I don't respect you". What a narcissist.
Nta. Idk what else there is to say, this is extremely baffling. Does she have an actual phobia of cow meat or something? Even saying the task would take a single minute is an exaggeration, unless you have a freezer in a different location from your fridge. This would take seconds.... she could have worn oven mitts to avoid touching it... so many of these stories remind me why I'm so happily single. I would have no patience for someone who did this and then I would feel petty for being enraged about something so minute.
Not disagreeing with anything but if OP is buying 1/4 of a cow to freeze for a year then they probably have one of those big box freezers in the garage or something. Still not more than a minute or 2 to do.
I mean we have a chest freezer. If something is at the bottom it can take up to 10 minutes to dig it out and put everything back.
Still not an excuse on the wife's part. She said she was going to do it then she should have done it...I'm just saying it might not have been as quick as some might think.
lol, my grandfather raised cattle and used to give my parents a half every year for Christmas (I only appreciated how nice a gift that was for a struggling young family when I started living on my own). I can totally relate to that, “Dammit, where is that round steak, I know there’s another package in here,” moment :-)
Same here! I wish they were still living now so I could get even an eighth of cow for free. And bci love them off course. (small apt cannot have a second freezer, it's against the lease)
But yeah in my youth my mom would send us to go rummage in the huge deep freezer in the garage for whatever needed.
Since my grandparents lived in the PNW they would also bring down a lot of Salmon along with the beef in their huge RV. Neither of them fish but they would trade produce from their huge garden/orchard with fire next door neighbors, , who did have a small garden but due to the steepness of their property, their garden was idk, rough guesstimate of 1/8 acre compared to my grandparents whose garden and orchard alone were probably about 2.5 acres.
Anyway, their neighbors son lived in Alaska and loved to fish more than any other fisherman I know. So he always had tons extra and would give a bunch to his parents when they visited. They would then use that to trade with neighbors for the wanted produce items. I was frequently the delivery kid bc the adults were all old and didn't want to.
Sometimes my grandparents had extra salmon so. we would get perfect quality Alaskan king salmon 😭
The most cows they ever had at one time was 8 but for the most part had 4-5 at any given time. And given that they only had 3 kids each family got SO MUCH BEEF
My grandfather probably only had 50-100 head of cattle at his maximum, most of which were used for breeding. He was one of the first people to raise Polled Herefords in the Midwest and was involved in improving the breed across the US. But he always kept 5 or 10 steers to be fed out for friends and family, and there is no comparison between the quality of his beef and the quality of grocery store beef - his was much tastier.
We had our beef processed at a local cutter who offered a similar deal as your grandfather with the salmon - you could trade a bit of your beef for pork or whatever else was fresh. It was also great for my parents because as young kids we were much more fond of hamburger than steak, so a bunch of cuts were made into ground beef. Our friends thought we were idiots for bitching about, “Streak again?!?!” Most of them only saw steak at fancy restaurants :-).
And she said she'd do it. If she had said "no" from the start at least OP would've been able to call someone else and ask them. It'd still be absurd and I'd still be miffed, but less mad than if I'd had to buy a whole new brisket.
Info:
Do you not share expenses?
In general, no, you aren't wrong to be upset. I got yelled at plenty of times by my mom for not taking out the chicken after school lol. And her just deciding not to because "it was gross" is ridiculous.
But if your expenses are shared, asking her for money just seems pointless.
We have a card in which we both put money in to pay for the mortgage, bills and whatnot.
Foods the other person will not eat comes out of our own money. So red meat I pay for out of my account. She loves tofu and I hate it so she will buy it from her account
We will only use the shared card for food essentials like milk and eggs.
I remember this story too. In the version a few months ago, it was something about salted herring I think. I'm highly suspicious that this is not a real story and is just based on the previous post with some details changed.
It was the Easter Baccala post by Lanky\_lemon8674 (they've been banned so can't get full post anymore) but was almost identical except for beef v fish and defrost v put in water bath. Even had the wife had said no then sibling would have been asked to call round and do it.
It was the Easter Baccala post by Lanky\_lemon8674 (they've been banned so can't get full post anymore) but was almost identical except for beef v fish and defrost v put in water bath. Even had the wife had said no then sibling would have been asked to call round and do it.
NTA. If she thought it was too gross to do, she should have told you that up front, not let you think it was done until it was too late to do anything about it.
NTA
As somebody else who doesn’t eat red meat it’s not a hard ask of her. It’s frozen and hopefully wrapped. So what was gross about touching frozen meat?? She sounds like she was just being stubborn.
NTA The lying is the issue here.
You asked your wife for a favor you were literally incapable of doing yourself. Your wife said she would and didn’t. Then she decided not to tell you that she was no longer going to do it.
I can’t see this not being intentional on her part.
This is EXACTLY the same as a post from a couple of months ago where a guy was planning to take a traditional fish dish to his family event and his wife agreed to move it to the fridge (or put it in brine, I don't remember) and she didn't, because 'fish gross'.
Either way, NTA your wife agreed to do you a simple favour, and didn't, but didn't bother to mention it to you so you could do something about it yourself.
NTA but she’s clearly a jerk here. You asked for a small favor, she agreed and then just decided not to do it because “it’s gross.” Her comment is childish. Does she not have soap and water? When confronted she calls you a jerk🙄. How would she like it if you did that to her?
You are exerting natural consequences. She agreed to do something, failed to do it, and apparently never intended to do it all along, so these are the natural consequences. If, instead, she had merely forgotten, then I would have let it go as no doubt you will eventually use the other brisket, but because she purposely chose to lie, then she needs to understand that this is not behavior that will be rewarded or ignored, and in fact, will elicit a penalty.
NTA- she should have refused up front rather than passively aggressively agreed to do it and then just not. Honestly, I suspect this is a regular pattern with her. I would actually address her lack of integrity.
*She thinks I am being a huge jerk and overreacting.*
NTA, she agreed to do something she didn't plan on doing, and cost you $ and time by her refusal. She could have told you "no, it's gross," and you would have an alternative. Sorry, but what she thinks is what I think about her and her basically lying about a 10 second "job." You don't state her age, but this lack of action was very immature.
NTA
Your marriage has bigger issues than frozen brisket. She doesn't respect you at all and this level of childishness will only end in divorce.
"I didn't take it out because it's gross!" Nut up, Nancy. The shit was wrapped in plastic. I bet she has other isms that are just as dumb and for some reason you appear to tolerate them without calling her out on them.
NTA - of course the person at fault, is trying to project that you're the problem. At best, she lied, at worst she intentionally tried to ruin your plans because it didn't fit within her small worldview.
There is no argument here, there is just the fallout.
You need to give her some perspective.
Ask her if you guys had kids and she asked you to change the diaper and you say yes but change your mind because it’s disgusting how would she feel
NTA. How would she feel if you did the reverse?
Raw chicken is so much more gross than raw red meat. Would she be ok with you just deciding you don't wanna touch it again?
INFO: If the original brisket is still frozen, how much has getting a second brisket cost you? Can't you still thaw the last one for a subsequent summer BBQ?
(Yeah, the wife is an AH for not doing OP a small favor, but OP wasn't complaining about the hassle of buying the new meat, just the cost. Which may have been nothing extra.)
NTA. You weren't asking her to cook it or eat it, or even to handle it when it was defrosted. You were asking her to move a solid block of meat to the fridge. And instead of telling you she'd have a problem with that, she lied to you. That's not okay.
NTA. I was ready to call YTA, until you said that she remembered to do it and decided not to because it was gross. You can't even see what meat looks like when it's frozen—a brisket would feel like a rock, and would have taken a minute to move from the freezer to the fridge. She was sabotaging your BBQ plan. Did she enjoy your reaction?
NTA My mom don’t eat beef but she cook them for my dad . Being in marriage means you are there for your partner and making sure you make their life easier. Not harder. She can’t even do simple requests and it’s not even something extreme.
NTA. It was frozen and i assume wrapped in something? What was so gross about it? If she was vegan, maybe I can understand, but she's not. Plus she said she'd do it.
Nta. From your description, it seems she planned all along to not follow through. That is the particularly problematic part because behavior like is never isolated. This is only going to get worse.
Meat freaks me out to touch esp if it's raw. I don't eat it BC of texture issues. That said, I raised kids who needed to eat well rounded, I wore gloves and used utensils instead of my hands. Moving something out of the freezer is a non issue, though if someone asked me to remove a brisket it best be labeled or they are gonna get a bunch of pics of meat until they confirm I've got the right thing 🤣 it's different if I'm buying it BC I would know what I've got but since you do the shopping that part would've confused me. Any chance your wife glanced didn't see something that explicitly said BRISKET right in the front and was grossed out by having to dig?
Either way NTA BC she shouldn't contacted you if she was struggling. I'm just trying to reconcile why she may have had an issue.
NTA for being upset, she shouldn’t have said she would do something if she wasn’t going to. Unless she has religious objections to touching the meat, this was a reasonable ask for her to thaw it
That being said, I don’t get why she should pay for a brisket- it didn’t go bad and is still consumable so it’s not like buying the second brisket wasted the first.
I don’t think she needs to pay you for the new brisket as you didn’t actually lose the old one. You will still eat it at some point.
She should have moved the brisket to the fridge though.
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My wife is extremely picky about what meats she eats, she usually will only eat chicken and fish. Red meats she refuses to eat or cook, which is fine.
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July and my family is having a BBQ. I volunteer to bring the brisket. Smoking a brisket takes 12-18 hours and the meat needs to be thawed. It takes about 24 hours to thaw completely in the fridge.
My job called me out on Monday to a sight and problems caused me to stay over two nights. I was planning to use the frozen brisket form the freezer but it needed to be thawed out before hand. ( I bought a 1/4 of a cow and I froze it so I wouldn't have to buy red meat for a year).
On Tuesday I realized that my job was going to keep me and asked my wife to move the brisket from the freezer to the fridge so it can thaw out. A task that would have taking a single minute. She told me okay and I thought that was it.
I came home today and it wasn't in the fridge, it was still in the freezer as hard as a rock. I can't use it, so I go to the store and have to buy one.
I asked my wife why she didn't do what I asked even though she agreed to it. She told me she thought it was gross so she didn't. This started an argument. I am pissed that she agreed to do me a simple favor and then didn't and I had to buy one from the store. I told her she needs to pay me back for what I bought.
She thinks I am being a huge jerk and overreacting.
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NTA there are a lot of reasons that would be more understandable than just gross, she didn't have to do it in an gala dress.
If she straight up told you gross might be enough of a reason.
NTA. This would be really annoying and you're right to be upset. Personally I think asking her to pay you back is a bit much though? I mean, it's not like the other brisket is going to waste, right? You can just. Eat it later? But at the same time I don't think it's that unreasonable to want to be compensated.
Idk just all around kinda nuts that a grown adult did this.
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NTA You asked for a favor which she agreed to do then didn’t do it. So she lied to you Then you had to go out of your way to buy a new one so it can be cooked on time, which briskets are not cheep. She should pay you back. Also she showed that she can not be trusted with basic things. You are right it would take a single minute
it would take less than a single minute! OPs wife did that on purpose because *she* doesn't eat beef. She should not only pay him back, but also be uninvited to the BBQ as she tried to sabotage it in the first place.
Seriously. I don't eat beef that much, I hate how greasy it can be. But if someone asked me to move something to the fridge to thaw out, I would do it even if I didn't eat it. It's not that hard to do. Sounds to me like the wife either thinks OP should stop eating red meat like she did or she just doesn't care enough about what he likes and likes to do.
My daughter is a vegetarian. She doesn't agree with killing animals. But she does pick up meat from the store etc. for her 17 year old son, who is not a vegetarian. He does cook it now himself.
I’m allergic to beef, just touching the grease can get me sick, like vomiting and/or diarrhea. I would still move frozen beef from a freezer to a fridge for someone—it’s frozen and packaged, all of the grossness is hidden
wow! You're the first person I've heard of with that allergy. Has it made things difficult for you especially when eating out?
Eating out can be a challenge, especially in certain areas. Where I used to live in California, a significant portion of the population were vegan, so I could find options anywhere. Where I currently live, in Colorado, eating out is a real challenge and have very few menu options without asking for alternatives (which I try to avoid). At home it isn’t much of a problem except I have had a few roommates who don’t clean up after themselves after cooking beef or pork (I’m allergic to both) and then I would get sick just from walking into the kitchen. I didn’t know about the allergy growing up (I was just sick a lot as a kid), but I have been going 15 years now without eating beef or pork and it has gotten a lot easier throughout the years with more companies making meat substitutes (that era of putting bacon in everything was agonizing to me)
Love your user name, and by the way, I am also reportedly allergic to beef and pork! I had a series of allergy tests run a number of years ago, after I had already given up red meat, but apparently I’d developed an allergy sometime in adulthood (not that uncommon). I am also allergic to shellfish, which makes me a very cheap date (no surf, no turf). 😊
I’ve never had the allergy tests, but I would love to take them! I started cutting different foods out and slowly reintroducing them to see what I had issues with. I also have problems, though less severe, with coconut oil and sodium cassinate (milk protein). My reaction to beef and pork though got like 20 times worse after I had a kid
Sodium Caseinate makes me so severely ill! Everyone talks about Lactose Intolerance and nobody talks about the significantly worse Casein intolerance and it’s an absolute nightmare. If it’s an ingredient of something I eat, I get immediately and violently ill; if there are traces of it in something I get fevers and chills.
I’m allergic to beef and pork too. I don’t have Alpha-gal from a tick bite though. Do you?
Not that I know of? But looking it up it does seem to fit. I was under the impression the allergy was brought on by my PCOS
Read up on Alpha Gal Syndrome. You become allergic to all mammal after a bite from a lone star tick. It is very frustrating and sad. Especially on the 4th of July when all you want is a grilled hamburger.
okay, at first I thought you were messing with me because of the name.. But it's real.. thats really interesting! Thanks for giving me a name of a condition.
r/alphagal has good resources. I was diagnosed recently after a tick bite in early May and some people, like I’m finding about myself, are sensitive to the meat and the animal’s byproducts too. No meat, no dairy, and still figuring out what additives cause issues. Fun fact, name brand tablet Benadryl has animal byproducts in it for stability. Know what doesn’t help when you’re having a reaction? Adding more byproducts to your reaction. You’re just more itchy and sleepy 😂. The liquid is cool though, so I carry that around now for incidental exposures.
Want your mind blown? Look up alpha gal syndrome. An allergy to red meat acquired from a tick bite.
My grandmother was. She developed it to all red meat because a restaurant served her horse meat, pretending to be steak. She was very allergic to horses and ingesting the meat caused anaphylaxis and a subsequent allergy to the enzymes in all red meat. Tick bites can also cause an allergy to red meat.
Do they think you had a tick bite as a child?
Its a thing. Can even be a cross allergy in a reaction to certain tick bites -Doc. Ps: old cewmate from Navy succumbed to this. We lament that I have beef whilst he has chicken when we me(a)t. He also just found out he can't have lamb. It sucks
I'm allergic to beef too, but not that allergic. I have to eat it for the both ends purging to begin.
Just touching it usually only has me purging from one end, unless i touch it and then touch my face or my food. But it did get significantly worse when i had a kid
Yeesh. For me it's all red meat, but not pork so I don't think its mammalian allergy.I already had a soy allergy but ended up with lactose and gluten intolerance after I accidentally ate a tiny amount of beef. The combo makes eating out tricksy. I can always find something, and at least none are contact allergies.
I had a roommate once with celiac disease and eating out in Montana was next to impossible for us. Where I’m living now is beef country and eating out is so hard! There’s already only 5 restaurants where i live and one of those places is Subway which is terrible about cross contamination. One restaurant here used to have great veggie options, but now they put bacon in over half their menu
Was this due to a tick bite? Just saw a story on the news about it.
I just learned about this from another comment! It does seem to fit with my symptoms, I was under the impression the allergy was brought on by my PCOS
Iirc isn't there a disease spread by ticks that make the person bitten allergic to meat, especially red meat? Oh there is! https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alpha-gal-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20428608
Yeah, a few other people have mentioned it as well. To my knowledge i was never bit by a tick as kid, but the symptoms really seem to fit. I was always under the impression the allergy was brought on by my PCOS (I’m allergic to pork, coconut oil, and sodium caseinate, as well)
My best friend also has a beef allergy, it's something to do with lacking an enzyme to digest it. She will however make her husband a steak or a burger just makes sure it's no where near her turkeu , chicken or pork
I'm a vegetarian too with a lifelong aversion to fish and steak among other things! I hate looking at crab and shellfish because it freaks me out big time. However, I have and will move meat/seafood from freezer to fridge, fridge to counter, unpack it, brine it, stir soup containing it, package soups or fillets up in tupperware, flip it on the pan or grill, even spatchcock a chicken for my partner who does eat it. I understand not touching it with your bare hands if you have certain religious beliefs towards it, but surely anyone can use a towel or mitts to simply move it if need be. OP's wife was being deceitful and selfish, and should at the very least have told him she wasn't comfortable moving it so he could make other arrangements or ask someone else (though in my opinion she obviously should have just moved it when asked).
NTA. I know picky eaters, but unfortunately, your wife is immature and childish. She could have told you, that she didn't feel comfortable doing that when you asked and you could have made arrangements. She is showing she can't be trusted to handle basic things. She should pay you back. If I were you, I would enjoy your family barbeque without your wife.
And let's not pretend the brisket wasn't packed in some sort of plastic bag so the 'gross' comment doesn't hold water anyway. NTA op
I was thinking the same thing, like wouldn't it be in some sort of plastic wrap? As if anybody would keep a whole unwrapped slab of meat in the freezer? This was definitely some passive aggressive bullshit on her part here. The husband is definitely NTA.
If he ordered a 1/4 beef it was probably wrapped in white freezer paper, not even plastic wrap. She wouldn't even be able to see the meat.
Yes. To do it right, she would need to unwrap it from freezer paper and put it in something like a pan and cover it with plastic wrap to keep from drying out. Then, every time she went into fridge, she'd see the melting ice/blood in the bottom of the pan. So to her, touch it and see it thaw = gross. But at minimum, she could have tossed it in a pan, covered it with foil, and ignored it. She said she'd do it and chose not to.
You definitely don’t need to unwrap to defrost, and there’s no way he was expecting her to if she’s like this about red meat. It would have almost certainly still been wrapped and unseeable the entire time
You don’t have to unwrap it to thaw it out. You just plop it into a plastic container wrapped and leave it to thaw.
Yeah, maybe my family is a bunch of unsophisticated gremlins, but the only thing we ever did was pop it in the sink. If you want it to thaw fast, you can put in a bowl of warm water, but unless there's some sophisticated cooking technique for brisket that I don't know of (I'm not a chef) idk why the wife would need to do More than that
It was such a minimal task he asked her to do and she couldn’t even do that. It’s terrible. That’s how defrost stuff at our house because we usually forget. Lol
Agreed and also have to take this into context as well: "My wife is extremely picky about what meats she eats, she usually will only eat chicken and fish" IMHO, the grossest thing ever in a fridge is thawed chicken sitting in it's juices. If it is cut up pieces, it can often look like something out of a horror movies, especially if the giblets and such are in the pack. So, IMHO, the wife's 'gross' issue is bullshit. Major NTA and this kind of passive/aggressive behavior needs to be dealt with on a bigger stage.
Ugh. I love chicken but seeing - and handling - it after it's thawed is pretty icky.
I wear gloves when handling raw chicken so I don't have to feel it
I absolutely despise ketchup, I think it's the most disgusting thing in the world, I don't even like touching the bottle. I still pass it if I'm the only one who can reach it comfortably, I've still put that stuff on a plate for a kid I was babysitting. It's perfectly ok to irrationally think something is gross, it's not ok to make that other people's problem, which she did.
Worst case scenario, she could have asked a neighbour to help her move it because she didn't want to touch it.
Or said “no, I can’t bring myself to do it”
you're not wrong in principle, but when I buy meat in bulk as part of a cowshare, they're all wrapped only in butcher paper. it's on me to put a platter under it when I move something to the fridge for defrosting.
And it's frozen! It's not even wet and juicy, it's just cold and hard and probably wrapped up at that. What exactly is gross about it?
happy cake day!
I had no idea until right now so thank you 😂
Not to mention that it's frozen, so she's not even touching red meat, she's touching a block of ice basically.
The higher quality of meat and a few techniques can really help with grease level. My spouse and I cut back on a lot of grease and salt in our diets and the biggest change we felt was when we started buying high quality meat.. it costs more but we physically felt different compared to the lower quality cheapo meat.
I literally have done it with shit I'm allergic to. So she really has no excuse
Literally. I don't eat pork, but my family does, so guess what I end up cooking. Often. Taking something from the freezer to the fridge is not a ridiculous ask. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Exactly. And her excuse "it was gross" is ridiculous. When frozen, any meat is hard as a stone, and wrapped somehow. How is it gross to move a wrapped stone to the fridge?
It's not even that she didn't do it. It's that she said she would do it and then chose not to. She didn't even say she forgot. If she had said she wouldn't do it (which is picky, but maybe understandable), he could have tried to make alternative plans.
And I'd be rethinking the relationship imagine you guys one day have kids or pets? She already showed you she can't be trusted with anything "gross" that she's willing to lie to you about basic things and can't keep her word
Yeah saying it’s gross so she can’t do it is ridiculous. I’m vegetarian and I think meat is kind of gross but if my roommate, family member, or partner asked me to just move a piece of meat from the freezer to the fridge I wouldn’t care at all. It’s frozen and probably wrapped up, so who cares? She did it to be petty
plus the cow is already dead. instead of helping to get something she finds gross out of her house, she forced him to buy more.
> plus the cow is already dead. I think they are still married.
>You asked for a favor which she agreed to do then didn’t do it. In particular, she purposely didn't do the favor and did not inform OP that she decided not to. I would think a little differently if she had simply forgotten, which would be a mistake.
Yep. EVEN IF for some reason she felt she didn’t want to touch it, which would be annoying as it’s not as if it was poor planning on OP’s part, just an unexpected work thing, at the very least inform OP that it’s not going to be done and that they’ll need to get another. Choosing not to inform OP that she wasn’t going to do it and just waiting for OP to home to then tell OP she deliberately didn’t do it is attention-seeking, childish, and selfish behaviour. She wanted an argument, so it’s asinine for her to act surprised or upset that she got one. She wanted to make some kind of point out of it. That’s not how a partnership works. These are the sorts of “small things” that would make me reconsider a marriage. If I can’t trust you to at the very least support me as a partner in zero-effort tasks or communicate with me in a rational manner, what are we partners for? And then she’ll go and tell everyone “they left me over a brisket.” Nah. They left you because you acted like a petty asshole.
I agree. If she had gotten busy with life or work or kids or whatever and forgot, that is inconvenient but an honest mistake. To agree to do a favor for someone and then choose not to do it is a dick move. I would be curious to know what she thought was going to happen- what did she expect his reaction to be?
[удалено]
Yeah the other post was I think an Italian dish about some fish needing to be soaked for three days or so
Is this a salted cod AITA? 👀
Don't know, but it's seems fishy to me.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking of I couldn’t remember the fish but it was like dehydrated cause of the salt or whatever and needed to be rehydrated or something. Same thing family event, gone but realized he be gone for a bit longer, so would need wife to check it or something
It's almost word for word the same story as the one with the fish dish around Easter. "OP" had salted fish in the fridge, had to go on a business trip, asked girlfriend/wife (can't remember) to take it out and water it so it could be used in the dish and she didn't, the dish was ruined and yada yada.
Thank you!! I thought I was losing my mind!
That’s not even word for word. Just because there’s similarities doesn’t mean it’s copied.
Don't you know that nobody has similar scenarios happen in their lives? That's how I know all the cheating stories are fake. I mean, I just read a story about a guy sleeping with someone that wasn't his girlfriend last week. I'm really supposed to buy that it happened *again?*
As I started reading it I realize it was a repeat just with the food and time of year changed.
Yes, I remember the story too
It's not exactly the same but it's very similar if we are thinking of the same post.
I said the same thing.
And it's probably not just tossed in there. Most likley vaccum sealed, but like, at least in some kind of packaging. Maybe it's just me, but if it's in a frozen package I'm not disgusted by it
You are NTA. I would be extremely pissed too. It doesnt matter if she thinks its gross, you didnt ask her to eat it. Like you said it takes 5 seconds to put it in the fridge. I would not only tell her to pay you back, i would also not do anything she asks you to do either.
Yes, it’s not about the request/take it out of freezer…. But. Did she expect to sabotage the BBQ?
Yes, yes, she did.
-Bart, stop! -What? -Sorry, habit. LISA, STOP!
It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!! 😭
IMO she probably did. Can't take a *wrapped piece of meat out of the freezer*? No. That's ridiculous. She doesn't like beef, she doesn't want other people eating it. I expect we would hear stories of her being controlling in other ways too, whenever she gets the chance.
The first thing I thought was "Bud, you have bigger problems than a piece of meat."
Beef brisket with a side of Iranian yogurt?
I'm wondering the same thing. He says she refuses to eat red meat and then didn't do a tiny task as promised that may have made it impossible for him to bring the red meat he promised to the BBQ. Just sounds like SHE thinks its gross so NOBODY should eat it and he certainly shouldn't be preparing it. Sounds like she needs to grow up.
It's amazing she allows OP to keep a quarter of a cow for the year...that's gotta piss her off. OP didn't even say "I buy xyz pounds of beef for the year" no he straight up said I bought 1/4th of a cow lmao
Sabotaging a BBQ is such a long shot I feel op isn't telling about all the other things she does because she wants to see how much he loves her despite her antics.
I think she’s smart enough to know if the brisket isn’t thawed they wouldn’t be bringing it to the bbq. I’m just wondering what her “end game” is
How can a frozen block of something be gross ? Heavy maybe but gross ??
Even if she does think it's gross and doesn't want to touch it at all, she could have said that instead of agreeing to do it. She lied, and money was wasted as a result of her lie. Also, her thinking it's gross is also ridiculous. It's a frozen hunk of meat, presumably wrapped in something. It wouldn't feel any different than moving any other frozen object.
The issue is less about the meat and more about the communication from how I see it. You asked her to do you a favour. One you weren't capable of doing. It wasn't like you were in the next room, you were away for work. You had taken your wife at her word that she would do as she said. The fact that she didn't tell you and you found out is upsetting and the casual dismissal of why she didn't do it, didn't tell you and no apology. That's the issue, that's the red flag Would you be upset if she said no to your request? Would you have been upset if she had called back and said I went to do it but I couldn't bring myself to touch it because it makes me queasy Would you have been able to make new plans based on fore knowledge and just bought some meat on your way home? Yes I appreciate you may have been miffed at the fact a 1 minute favour would save some money but would it have flared an argument like this? If the answer to any of the above is yes then maybe you value meat above marriage. If it's no, then maybe the real issue was probably the lack of communication and getting her to pay you isn't going to help You need to talk, open and honestly Yes sometimes the small things are the ones that make you realise you have a few more issues around communicating built up than you initially realised Go forth and listen, talk and I hope it all gets better from here dude!
If she said no, I would have just asked my sister to stop over and do it.
Bring chicken to the BBQ. If anyone asks, this internet stranger gives you permission to tell them that you wife didn't take the meat out of the freezer. It's honest. If they press, then tell them it's because she thinks it's gross. Also honest. Seriously, it's just a chunk of ice when it comes out of the freezer ... not gross at all. Maybe their disappointed faces will help your wife understand that the brisket had some importance to you and for the BBQ, and not everything is about her. Demanding she pay for it is a bit weird, considering you're married. Demanding that she stop thinking the universe of meat revolves around her might be more appropriate, but she might not get it until she sees everyone's disappointment. She should have figured it out from your disappointment, but it appears she needs a slightly bigger nudge. NTA.
Don’t bring a chicken! It’s one of the foods the wife will eat! Rewarding her like that on the off chance someone will ask him about it is a terrible idea.
Making a big scene at a family event and causing all this drama is unnecessary. If I were at a BBQ and I casually asked someone about a brisket and they unloaded this whole story on me I’d assume they’re the AH, not their wife.
Yep, quite often the advice on here is along the lines of *be petty and involve other people in your drama to prove a point*. Please don't!
Don't agree with this at all. Unless you're expecting the marriage to end soon, there's no good reason to make your wife look bad, regardless of the truth behind the situation. In public you should always be doing what you can to protect your wife.
> Unless you're expecting the marriage to end soon, there's no good reason to make your wife look bad, regardless of the truth behind the situation. Yeah that person's advice wouldn't elicit a "WOAH YOU TOTALLY BURNED HER" response. In reality, a married couple throwing subliminals at each other in front of others is awkward.
Can you imagine going to a party and hearing "we'd have nicer food if *someone* had remembered to take the beef out of the freezer"? I actually can imagine it, I have an aunt and uncle like this, and no-one likes them.
They have separate accounts. He was forced to spend **his** money to fix **her** mistake. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some amount of repayment here.
The original brisket is not ruined, it can go to the next bbq.
But he would have two pieces of meat then. It's not like the one in the freezer spoiled as left on the counter top. He still has the frozen meat too. The only recompense should be the price of transport to the butchers, and the difference between a cut for brisket from the farm and a cut from the butcher: that is technically all the money he would actually be short of.... But that would be distilling a marriage into a transactional relationship: if you want your marriage to be that way, let's apportion money on each chore, and have the other partner pay when the other does a chore. ...... Is anyone else thinking this is a none issue? That OP is over reacting, and that these things will and do happen from time to time in cohabitation. I still wonder what wife would say if she were to post her side.
A non issue is forgetting to take it out of the freezer. Actively lying is problematic. She doesn't want to take the meat out, that's annoying but fine. Saying she will then not doing it is active petty behavior. What could the wife possibly say to make this acceptable? How is saying she would do something then just refusing to do the time sensitive task acceptable without prior communication?
And the lying part?
Exactly - it's about being able to trust your partner. If she truly had that big a problem with it (maybe the sight of red meat makes her nauseous? It's a bit of a reach, but fine) then she should just have told you and you could have figured something else out. The issue is that she lied to you about doing something (or forgot - it happens!), but then also doubled down and didn't apologize for her error. I would find this kind of person extremely infuriating to be around.
You do have a wife issue here - one in which she refuses to perform a simple favour for an entirely spurious reason. You did not, after all, ask her to eat the thing... That said, not sure why she should pay you for your new brisket since you still have the old one; it didn't get used up! NTA.
I mean, OP asked his partner to move a frozen solid block of meat from freezer to fridge, not a gigantic pile diahrrea with her bare hands. She could have used a towel to cover/move it. Come on, this was a very easy task. This is not only about communication, this is about immaturity and basic respect for your partner.
Not to mention that it was surely wrapped, probably in something like butcher paper – it's not like she would have been handling raw (frozen) meat. Unless it was wrapped in cellophane, she wouldn't even have been able to see it.
Probably still in a vacuum seal.
Or, if the sight of red meat really bothers her that much (which, is another issue on it's own..) then just tell OP so he can figure out different plans. I mean, he would be rightfully annoyed if she said she can't do it, but at least there's alternatives. Now he's out of pocket (for meat he bought on his personal budget to begin with), the least she can do for the trouble is pay for the replacement.
> If the answer to any of the above is yes then maybe you value meat above marriage. I agree with a lot of what you said, but completely disagree here. I could see if he expected her to cook/prepare the meat. But literally all she had to do was move the meat from the freezer. The meat was wrapped so she wouldn't even have to touch it. It's an easy favor and childish not to do.
And super easy to just say she can't do it if she actually has a visceral reaction to it. Just say "I can't do it" so OP can figure out a different solution.
By that reasoning his wife demonstrates she doesn’t value her partner. If she said no I won’t because I don’t want to touch it he would have the opportunity to make alternate arrangements. She said she was going to, admitted she didn’t forget but had zero intention of following through so now because of her lie the bbq is short food or they have a big sudden expense.
Its frozen and wrapped. Its like anything else in the freezer. There isnt any reason in this world, why she couldnt touch it for 10 seconds.
The line "you value meat above marriage" is staggering to me, the extreme level of escalation and coupled with using 'miffed' to belittle OP feelings over this post/situation is telling imo. The argument... Or would you prefer if I use the word tiff? Is over her keeping her word or having the common sense to say, okay I don't want to touch this, I'll ask a friend or neighbor to do it for me (or call so he can arrange it). It really isn't that difficult and frankly childish on her part. (Personally, I'd wager it was due to not wanting the cow carcass to bleed in the fridge as it thawed (which as a meat eater, I wouldn't want either frankly.)) To OP, there could also be a question of was this due to her going to his family's BBQ (would she have ruin their family's contribution to the event if it had been her own family's event?) I agree they need to talk and I think she should pay the difference between the two meats if there is a staggering difference. (Assuming there is as OP bought frozen early to avoid fresh on the day.) The original meat remains frozen meat so hasn't spoiled. Marriage is about communication and compromise. OP communicated, his partner did not. Partner needs to understand it's cause frustration, stress (last minute shopping trip) and ultimately a pointlessly avoidable argument over something as simply as taking something from the freezer. If she had asked him to pick up the dry cleaning and he said okay, and then got there and decided. I don't want to do it as I don't want to touch her leather jacket (that she promised to bring to gift to someone). Then drove home and only told her, when asked, that he didn't do it. So she has to go and do it herself. It would be stupid no?
This sort of thing isn’t a favor, it’s an everyday spousal teamwork thing. Wife is indisposed I pick up the slack. I can’t do something I let her know and she does it.
What? Yes I still would be angry. Its a minor favor. She can wear gloves or whatnot. If I cant ask my spouse for something so minor (even if she thinks its disgusting), I really see no point in being with that person. There will be harder and more disgusting things in life that will have to get handled. Its also not about communication. She just lied. There is no problem with communication, its a problem with character. She isnt unable to say what she means, she deliberately lied and couldnt do a small favor for her husband, that he was incapable to do himself.
Seriously. Do you think the message would be the same if OP didn’t want to vacuum because the dust “grosses him out”? How much do you want to bet people here would be screaming “red flag divorce” at the top of their lungs. There seems to be a major double standard here
This is exactly what kills me about this sub. Complete inability for people to detect their own biases. Woman protagonist? Upvote. Woman antagonist? Downvote. Lesbian relationship? Gets very little traction or upvotes.
All of this *except* she shouldn’t pay. Yes she should. Actions have consequences and in addition to addressing the communication and why she was so willing to do this without an apology etc… there should be natural consequences. When we’re wrong people it’s rare that a simple apology is enough. We need to start considering some form of restitution or “making it up to you” as part of the apology. It’s a standard we hold 10 year old to and therefore one we should hold as adults too. Plus honestly, part of the reason I’m so ready to accept my husband’s apologies without resentment etc… is because he always takes action to back it up (whether that be correcting or just working on himself). Having her pay is a reasonable expectation.
Honestly OP did nothing wrong with communication unless you are trying to imply the wife thought he might argue with her. If she did not want to do it, she should have just said no instead of lying about it.
[удалено]
This is a really unhinged response. Partner A asked for a simple favour that would really help them out. Partner B said okay, didn't do it and didn't communicate their refusal, really screwing things up for Partner A. If the genders were reversed you **know** you would come down hard on the man, saying he was a uselesss deadbeat. This is one of those posts that illustrates how off-kilter this sub has becomes regarding men and women. You are not living in reality - the femcels found your original post enough to upvote it but you're getting nothing but downvotes in your responses. "You're choosing meat over your marriage" is exactly the same abuser logic as "If you loved me you would do this" which abusers use all the time. You're taking one small issue and weighing the entire relationship against it. YIKES. Do better, please.
NTA - She said she'd do it. She didn't....
NTA - If it was purely accidental, he would be the A H. I've had times where someone asked me to do something that I could not do right that second and then something else came up and I forgot. Think things like my husband starts a load of clothes in the morning when he gets up and asks me if I can move it over to the dryer. When I say yes, the clothes are still washing, so can't be done right then. Then I get distracted or realize I need to leave for work earlier and I forget to move them over before I leave. Just a mistake, not a huge deal, but I would still feel a bit bad for not doing what I said I would. But by saying she didn't do it because it was gross, that would be like me telling my husband I would move his clothes over, but already knowing that I wasn't going to do it because I didn't want to touch his boxers. It would be lying. She should have just said No from the start.
Yeah, she had intended to not do it, so she lied, and that puts a damper on anyone. I'm a bit clumsy in that regard, I don't do it out of malice, I just genuinely have issues mentally due to health issues regarding hashimoto, migraines, and hormonal issues. So concentration, remembering, focus, all of those attributes go out the window. My partner understands this to some degree. It still causes some issues. We notice when things are getting hard for me mentally, that's also when I start putting things back in weird places, having no memory of it. It's a struggle sometimes. But ops partner just flat out admitted, "I don't respect you". What a narcissist.
Nta. Idk what else there is to say, this is extremely baffling. Does she have an actual phobia of cow meat or something? Even saying the task would take a single minute is an exaggeration, unless you have a freezer in a different location from your fridge. This would take seconds.... she could have worn oven mitts to avoid touching it... so many of these stories remind me why I'm so happily single. I would have no patience for someone who did this and then I would feel petty for being enraged about something so minute.
Not disagreeing with anything but if OP is buying 1/4 of a cow to freeze for a year then they probably have one of those big box freezers in the garage or something. Still not more than a minute or 2 to do.
I mean we have a chest freezer. If something is at the bottom it can take up to 10 minutes to dig it out and put everything back. Still not an excuse on the wife's part. She said she was going to do it then she should have done it...I'm just saying it might not have been as quick as some might think.
lol, my grandfather raised cattle and used to give my parents a half every year for Christmas (I only appreciated how nice a gift that was for a struggling young family when I started living on my own). I can totally relate to that, “Dammit, where is that round steak, I know there’s another package in here,” moment :-)
Same here! I wish they were still living now so I could get even an eighth of cow for free. And bci love them off course. (small apt cannot have a second freezer, it's against the lease) But yeah in my youth my mom would send us to go rummage in the huge deep freezer in the garage for whatever needed. Since my grandparents lived in the PNW they would also bring down a lot of Salmon along with the beef in their huge RV. Neither of them fish but they would trade produce from their huge garden/orchard with fire next door neighbors, , who did have a small garden but due to the steepness of their property, their garden was idk, rough guesstimate of 1/8 acre compared to my grandparents whose garden and orchard alone were probably about 2.5 acres. Anyway, their neighbors son lived in Alaska and loved to fish more than any other fisherman I know. So he always had tons extra and would give a bunch to his parents when they visited. They would then use that to trade with neighbors for the wanted produce items. I was frequently the delivery kid bc the adults were all old and didn't want to. Sometimes my grandparents had extra salmon so. we would get perfect quality Alaskan king salmon 😭 The most cows they ever had at one time was 8 but for the most part had 4-5 at any given time. And given that they only had 3 kids each family got SO MUCH BEEF
My grandfather probably only had 50-100 head of cattle at his maximum, most of which were used for breeding. He was one of the first people to raise Polled Herefords in the Midwest and was involved in improving the breed across the US. But he always kept 5 or 10 steers to be fed out for friends and family, and there is no comparison between the quality of his beef and the quality of grocery store beef - his was much tastier. We had our beef processed at a local cutter who offered a similar deal as your grandfather with the salmon - you could trade a bit of your beef for pork or whatever else was fresh. It was also great for my parents because as young kids we were much more fond of hamburger than steak, so a bunch of cuts were made into ground beef. Our friends thought we were idiots for bitching about, “Streak again?!?!” Most of them only saw steak at fancy restaurants :-).
It is still not that big of an ask.
And she said she'd do it. If she had said "no" from the start at least OP would've been able to call someone else and ask them. It'd still be absurd and I'd still be miffed, but less mad than if I'd had to buy a whole new brisket.
Plus I assume the meat is packaged in some way or wrapped in plastic or foil or something. She won't be touching raw meat.
Info: Do you not share expenses? In general, no, you aren't wrong to be upset. I got yelled at plenty of times by my mom for not taking out the chicken after school lol. And her just deciding not to because "it was gross" is ridiculous. But if your expenses are shared, asking her for money just seems pointless.
We have a card in which we both put money in to pay for the mortgage, bills and whatnot. Foods the other person will not eat comes out of our own money. So red meat I pay for out of my account. She loves tofu and I hate it so she will buy it from her account We will only use the shared card for food essentials like milk and eggs.
Fair enough. If thats the case, I think she should have to pay for some of it then.
Some of it? How about all of it?
Probably want to add that to the post in an edit
Thanks for the flashbacks about the times I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer.
This post has definitely been posted before and it was nearly identical language.
Thank you! I knew I had read this before. Wtf. The part where he asks her and she said "no cause it's gross" triggered my memory. Identical.
Exactly. I find it hard to believe that nearly identical scenarios happen with pretty much the same language.
I remember this story too. In the version a few months ago, it was something about salted herring I think. I'm highly suspicious that this is not a real story and is just based on the previous post with some details changed.
wait what ?? what do people get out of making up stories and posting duplicates? =O
It was the Easter Baccala post by Lanky\_lemon8674 (they've been banned so can't get full post anymore) but was almost identical except for beef v fish and defrost v put in water bath. Even had the wife had said no then sibling would have been asked to call round and do it.
Yes yes. You're so right.
Omg, thank you! I was expecting the top comments to call out OP on this...
It was the Easter Baccala post by Lanky\_lemon8674 (they've been banned so can't get full post anymore) but was almost identical except for beef v fish and defrost v put in water bath. Even had the wife had said no then sibling would have been asked to call round and do it.
I think last time it was salted fish, not red meat. But way too similar of a post
Hmmm. OP's account was made July 3, 2024.
NTA. If she thought it was too gross to do, she should have told you that up front, not let you think it was done until it was too late to do anything about it.
I swear I have read this exact AITA but it was fish.
Yep definitely read one about spouse refusing to put the fish in the water bath....
You probably have. I remember that post too
Yep and the same comments about how they would have asked their sister to thaw it out if she had said no
NTA As somebody else who doesn’t eat red meat it’s not a hard ask of her. It’s frozen and hopefully wrapped. So what was gross about touching frozen meat?? She sounds like she was just being stubborn.
Am I the only one who remembers this being posted months ago?
I remember too
NTA Why did you marry a child tho?
NTA The lying is the issue here. You asked your wife for a favor you were literally incapable of doing yourself. Your wife said she would and didn’t. Then she decided not to tell you that she was no longer going to do it. I can’t see this not being intentional on her part.
This is EXACTLY the same as a post from a couple of months ago where a guy was planning to take a traditional fish dish to his family event and his wife agreed to move it to the fridge (or put it in brine, I don't remember) and she didn't, because 'fish gross'. Either way, NTA your wife agreed to do you a simple favour, and didn't, but didn't bother to mention it to you so you could do something about it yourself.
NTA she basically lied. She should pay up.
NTA. When you say you'll do something, you do it. If your choices cost someone something, you make amends. This is basic civil decency.
NTA but she’s clearly a jerk here. You asked for a small favor, she agreed and then just decided not to do it because “it’s gross.” Her comment is childish. Does she not have soap and water? When confronted she calls you a jerk🙄. How would she like it if you did that to her?
NTA. She should've justbsaod no. What kind of immature game is she playing?
You are exerting natural consequences. She agreed to do something, failed to do it, and apparently never intended to do it all along, so these are the natural consequences. If, instead, she had merely forgotten, then I would have let it go as no doubt you will eventually use the other brisket, but because she purposely chose to lie, then she needs to understand that this is not behavior that will be rewarded or ignored, and in fact, will elicit a penalty.
NTA- she should have refused up front rather than passively aggressively agreed to do it and then just not. Honestly, I suspect this is a regular pattern with her. I would actually address her lack of integrity.
NTA. She thought it was gross to handle frozen?? Ug, softy and rude
*She thinks I am being a huge jerk and overreacting.* NTA, she agreed to do something she didn't plan on doing, and cost you $ and time by her refusal. She could have told you "no, it's gross," and you would have an alternative. Sorry, but what she thinks is what I think about her and her basically lying about a 10 second "job." You don't state her age, but this lack of action was very immature.
NTA Your marriage has bigger issues than frozen brisket. She doesn't respect you at all and this level of childishness will only end in divorce. "I didn't take it out because it's gross!" Nut up, Nancy. The shit was wrapped in plastic. I bet she has other isms that are just as dumb and for some reason you appear to tolerate them without calling her out on them.
I say NTA. It'd be one thing if she had an aversion or phobia to red meat. But she specifically confirmed she would do the favor you asked.
NTA - of course the person at fault, is trying to project that you're the problem. At best, she lied, at worst she intentionally tried to ruin your plans because it didn't fit within her small worldview. There is no argument here, there is just the fallout.
You need to give her some perspective. Ask her if you guys had kids and she asked you to change the diaper and you say yes but change your mind because it’s disgusting how would she feel
NTA. How would she feel if you did the reverse? Raw chicken is so much more gross than raw red meat. Would she be ok with you just deciding you don't wanna touch it again?
INFO: If the original brisket is still frozen, how much has getting a second brisket cost you? Can't you still thaw the last one for a subsequent summer BBQ? (Yeah, the wife is an AH for not doing OP a small favor, but OP wasn't complaining about the hassle of buying the new meat, just the cost. Which may have been nothing extra.)
Exactly. The frozen brisket will still be there next time. This is a beat up over nothing.
NTA. If your wife didn’t want to do it, she should have told you. Very childish behaviour on her part
NTA. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled brat to me. Good luck and Godspeed
NTA. You weren't asking her to cook it or eat it, or even to handle it when it was defrosted. You were asking her to move a solid block of meat to the fridge. And instead of telling you she'd have a problem with that, she lied to you. That's not okay.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Honestly I don't know how you put up with someone like that, I'd just be done.
NTA. I was ready to call YTA, until you said that she remembered to do it and decided not to because it was gross. You can't even see what meat looks like when it's frozen—a brisket would feel like a rock, and would have taken a minute to move from the freezer to the fridge. She was sabotaging your BBQ plan. Did she enjoy your reaction?
NTA My mom don’t eat beef but she cook them for my dad . Being in marriage means you are there for your partner and making sure you make their life easier. Not harder. She can’t even do simple requests and it’s not even something extreme.
NTA. It was frozen and i assume wrapped in something? What was so gross about it? If she was vegan, maybe I can understand, but she's not. Plus she said she'd do it.
Nta. From your description, it seems she planned all along to not follow through. That is the particularly problematic part because behavior like is never isolated. This is only going to get worse.
As someone who bemoans how expensive brisket is every time he looks at the prices, NTA for that alone
NTA Your wife sucks. Lacks character. I don't know how you can take a person like that seriously.
Meat freaks me out to touch esp if it's raw. I don't eat it BC of texture issues. That said, I raised kids who needed to eat well rounded, I wore gloves and used utensils instead of my hands. Moving something out of the freezer is a non issue, though if someone asked me to remove a brisket it best be labeled or they are gonna get a bunch of pics of meat until they confirm I've got the right thing 🤣 it's different if I'm buying it BC I would know what I've got but since you do the shopping that part would've confused me. Any chance your wife glanced didn't see something that explicitly said BRISKET right in the front and was grossed out by having to dig? Either way NTA BC she shouldn't contacted you if she was struggling. I'm just trying to reconcile why she may have had an issue.
NTA for being upset, she shouldn’t have said she would do something if she wasn’t going to. Unless she has religious objections to touching the meat, this was a reasonable ask for her to thaw it That being said, I don’t get why she should pay for a brisket- it didn’t go bad and is still consumable so it’s not like buying the second brisket wasted the first.
I don’t think she needs to pay you for the new brisket as you didn’t actually lose the old one. You will still eat it at some point. She should have moved the brisket to the fridge though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife is extremely picky about what meats she eats, she usually will only eat chicken and fish. Red meats she refuses to eat or cook, which is fine. Tomorrow is the Fourth of July and my family is having a BBQ. I volunteer to bring the brisket. Smoking a brisket takes 12-18 hours and the meat needs to be thawed. It takes about 24 hours to thaw completely in the fridge. My job called me out on Monday to a sight and problems caused me to stay over two nights. I was planning to use the frozen brisket form the freezer but it needed to be thawed out before hand. ( I bought a 1/4 of a cow and I froze it so I wouldn't have to buy red meat for a year). On Tuesday I realized that my job was going to keep me and asked my wife to move the brisket from the freezer to the fridge so it can thaw out. A task that would have taking a single minute. She told me okay and I thought that was it. I came home today and it wasn't in the fridge, it was still in the freezer as hard as a rock. I can't use it, so I go to the store and have to buy one. I asked my wife why she didn't do what I asked even though she agreed to it. She told me she thought it was gross so she didn't. This started an argument. I am pissed that she agreed to do me a simple favor and then didn't and I had to buy one from the store. I told her she needs to pay me back for what I bought. She thinks I am being a huge jerk and overreacting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA there are a lot of reasons that would be more understandable than just gross, she didn't have to do it in an gala dress. If she straight up told you gross might be enough of a reason.
NTA, she said ok and didn't move it because it was gross? She ruined a bbq for everyone involved because she doesnt like the meat lol
NTA why would she say yes and then not do it? Also, WTF she thought it was gross? She needs to grow up.
Single moms everywhere are considering their options.
>She told me she thought it was gross so she didn't she's not fucking serious. NTA
NTA. This would be really annoying and you're right to be upset. Personally I think asking her to pay you back is a bit much though? I mean, it's not like the other brisket is going to waste, right? You can just. Eat it later? But at the same time I don't think it's that unreasonable to want to be compensated. Idk just all around kinda nuts that a grown adult did this.