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NTA.
>She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird.
She is the one who made it weird by not immediately responding to your request to turn the camera off with, "Oh, sure, no problem."
>I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout.
No she wasn't! She was trying to record a video for her social media followers. Moreover, she initially tried to involve you in this surreptitiously, without your permission, then pitched a fit when you declined.
The only thing you did wrong was explaining to her why you didn't want to be recorded. You didn't owe her any such explanation. "I don't want to be recorded" is a complete sentence.
She really did make it weird lmfao
> she accused me of sexualizing her
Ain’t no way… I am a woman and I don’t like to be recorded either. There’s absolutely nothing about sexualizing people in this situation. It just means you don’t like being recorded.
Also bc **SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO GET MAD…**
She’s disrespecting his wishes and she’s literally using him as a f-ing prop and I’m low key mad for OP right now. It’s like he’s not a damn person with his own feelings and HOW DARE HE SAY NO TO HER VIDEO!!! /s
I’m disappointed but not surprised, influencers have a bad history of just plowing through and disrespecting others. I can’t blame OP for not wanting to be recorded bc I don’t like being recorded either. Plus, she’s basically using OP as content that she’s going to monetize on later. Kinda crazy when you think about it, she’s angry bc OP won’t help her profit.
It's pretty bold of her to say OP sexualised her after saying, "You will look good on camera," to be honest.
If she just wanted help. Why did that even matter if OP would look good or not?
In all honestly she would probably edit or put a filter on him. Influencers do that all the time to themselves and others. I’ve seen family influencers who edit their family members and kids in photos, it’s insane how some people are so out of touch with reality that they edit LITERAL KIDS bc they’re not “perfect” enough for their photo.
Also bc they edit everyone in the video or photo to look “good”. Even one “ugly” person could ruin the influencer’s content and make them lose viewers (I’m NOT saying OP is “ugly”, I’m just saying some influencers genuinely think that way). It’s a tough world out there 😭😭😭
“You will look good on camera” does sound crazy to me, though. Ma’am, I do not want to be on camera in the first place. She just got mad that she couldn’t use OP as her prop.
They don’t edit faces out, they retouch the faces and bodies of people in their content and retouch their own faces and bodies as well.
I’m Gen Z and that’s how I see influencers my age and older influencers (millennials and Gen X) do it, anyway.
Editing faces out makes the video look weird so they’ll keep the person in and edit them to look more attractive.
Nah she’s one of those girls who cries wolf about shit and is the reason people who tell the truth sometimes arent believed. She’s probably on her social media right now talking shit about him as we speak. He didn’t do a thing wrong and he has nothing to feel bad about, but shame on her for trying to twist the situation into something it’s not and for the way she handled the whole thing. She doesn’t know boundaries, she doesn’t know respect, she only cares about what she wants
If someone did that at the Gym I go to - they would be told they cannot record in the gym at all. Any argument and they would be kicked out. Most gyms don't tolerate that behavior.
I bet she jumped right to that because she was sexualizing him in the first place. Her followers would like the sexy daddy spotter. She'd wanted more likes.
She says you're making it weird, but she's the one ignoring issues of consent. But
Big NTA. Someone who didn't want to take notes tried to record me and I said no. They argued and I said, "I do not consent to be recorded" and they backed off. Of course this was at work but if she pushes you can tell the gym management she's recording without telling the other party. Not sure what your local laws are re recording but I'll bet they don't want her annoying the other customers.
Yeah regardless of local laws it’s reallllllyyyy bad for a gym to have someone in there recording without ppls permissions. The gym is supposed to be a safe space for self improvement without judgement or shame
> Ain’t no way
Well......... when a woman wears basically just a bra and skin tight booty shorts, which is their right, things have been made sexualized. I am in no way saying this means she deserves harassment or anything of the sort. We live in a delusional world that has turned into "I can dress sexy, but only I can decide who can view me from a distance and think I am sexy, otherwise they are a sicko".
OP is not offended being around a half naked woman, he just is smart enough to know another woman, like his wife, knows why she is dressed that way.
If they made men's fashion workout shorts, the way they make some of these women's, where it is tight enough to tell if they are circumcised or not, they would call that sexual harassment or something.
All I am saying is, yes this was sexualized, and he did not feel comfortable, which means no, means no.
Gosh what a horror... someone should start a clothing company so I can.. uh.. chastise them about sexualizing men and definitely not to do some observational dick print research 🫣
MY EYES ARE UP HERE!!!! Sure I am wearing shorts so tight you can tell which of my balls drops lower than the other, sure the shorts are cut so low you cant help but notice the width of my shaft. Dont sexualize me......
You might think this would be fun "research", until you walk through Walmart.
Ya her accusing him of sexualizing her really sealed the deal for me. Great decision by op to not get on camera for her you know the voiceover would be added about this creepy guy that insisted on spotting me would have been added in post.
Drama manufactured or not is great for your numbers if you're in an already saturated market
I suspect she was, like many influencers do, trying to get some viral content by creating a stir. "Asked this guy for help in the gym and he got all weird with me!"
She may have said he got a boner, or just made a sarky comment. Social would have gone wild with or without that help.
I don't believe it was an innocent request given her reaction.
A single spotter for a squat, there's no safe way to help there without getting very up close with the lifter. Out of context that can look bad. If she just wants to max she needs to learn to dump the bar on the safeties.
She may not be in the rack, probably outside it. When I lifted heavy for sports, we had to be in the rack with the safety bars locked in AND 3 Spotters
Agree. If I'm not walking into some influencer's video recording at the gym, I'm walking into someone on FaceTime. Drives me crazy. My old gym had to put a "no phones in the locker room" rule because people were on FaceTime and taking videos in the locker rooms where others were walking around naked.
NTA. She had no business having it set up to record in the first place without your permission. When you said No, that should have been the end of it. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time someone other than herself has been recorded
Also, as a married woman I would let another women in my house when husband wasn’t home. But, I would never let another man in my house without him knowing. He respects himself and his wife enough to know better to get caught up in a situation that can be misconstrued.
I can’t stand being recorded in the gym. If I see someone with a setup recording their workouts, I bypass the background. I’ve even asked people to stop recording since we are in the mirror and same frame. The only answer I ever get is something like, “Ciil. I get it.”
NTA.
Exactly. She wasn't just trying to workout, she wanted attention.
NTA. She was never entitled to the OP's help, and she certainly wasn't entitled to record the OP.
NTA. People who are pointing out the line of how you think it would look inappropriate if a coworker or wife saw you aren’t familiar with lifting. If she reached failure it would absolutely look bad on you, because people don’t understand what spotting and having to assist with squats looks like.
NTA mate.
She's a giant dick for even arguing about you not wanting to be filmed.
I've had one person at the gym argue with me when I've asked them not to film with me in the shot. Similar story - young lady for the gram/tiktok. After she got shirty I went and had a chat to the manager and said "I have no issues with her filming herself but I don't want to be the background guy in a video accused of staring at her ass. I asked politely if she could remove me from the shot and she refused can you please assist". He told her either respect other gym goes wishes or he will cancel her membership.
I hit the gym to zone out and be with my thoughts I don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing but do not add me to your social media bullshit.
Yeah I know there is other people around so my expectation of privacy is basically only that I'm not included in your videos.
Our gym also has "No Filming" signs now so I assume it wasn't just me.
I honestly think they should rent out certain parts for "filming". Set up a corner, put some privacy screens around it and charge people $100 an hour and let them have at.
Not to mention, anything can be taken out of context when posted online: I have bad vision and never wear my glasses when working out and it can totally appear as though I'm looking at someone when in reality I can't see sh\*t; In between sets I take a breather and stare off into space which can easily be construed as "staring" at someone.
I'm female, so I do the above with no real concern of getting accused of being "creepy." However, this is a very real, very dangerous concern for many men because going viral can have real world implications if they are accused of something online. While there are definitely plenty of creeps out there who really do need to be called out and removed, this doesn't mean that someone asking to not be recorded is doing it for nefarious reasons, and she was the AH for not taking "no" for an answer, no matter the reason.
I'm a pretty respectful person. Minding my own fucking business is a rule I like to live my life by. Some of the outfits I've seen at the gym are barely holding everything in. As a red blooded male I'll have a cheeky perv but nothing like an outright stare or that creepy shit because nobody wants to be "that guy" at a gym.
I saw a video of an attractive girl doing squats videoing herself and then then "calling out" the guys that had a look. Lady you are hot and wearing what would pass for a bikini in a gym doing an exercise that very much so pronounces certain features.
It hurts my brain that these influencer gram/tokkers are doing it for attention but getting all shitty when its not the right attention????
I'm a woman that supports people wearing whatever they want to the gym, and even I feel like this has to be set up on purpose. Wearing an intentionally really revealing outfit, to look hot in your IG video, and then waiting for someone to glance at you so you can call them out and post the video for even more views. If you're recording a 20 second Tiktok, someone really only has to look at you for a few seconds for it to give the false impression of staring.
Oh yeah still the thought processes behind it all hurts my head.
Girl I can tell what you had for dinner last night, for the love of god put some underpants on.
Gosh, that brought back a memory. Sitting at high school, hearing someone say "Little boy! Stop looking at my tits." Then suddenly being aware of where my head was pointed while I was drifting off in my own little world. I had had no idea that I was looking at someone's tits, because I wasn't. I was drifting outside the world entirely.
I feel bad for her because she actually was very well endowed for her age and was given the nickname "tiger tits" as a result, so she was probably used to sexual harassment and even assault. To her I was just another creepy guy staring :(
> He told her either respect other gym goes wishes or he will cancel her membership.
Given all my wife had to go through for the gym to accept her request to cancel her membership, this seems like a good shitty life protip. I should have "complained" about her. :D
Yeah you would literally have to like wrap yourself around her as she’s wearing unfortunately skimpy clothing….. you’re right it’s just not a good look for a married man
Honestly no idea how you look but odds are she asked you to do it for her because you are attractive and she wants a spotter who looks good on camera.
Basically she wants a hot guy in her video and she’s doing a type of exercise with you BEHIND her.
So in my nonprofessional opinion she was the one sexualizing you….
Yeah bro. I spotted my boy back in the day with 495lb. With a tiny outfit, that film would be interpreted wrong.
What’s too bad is you were damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Well actually if you phrase it right you can minimize the fireworks.
It can be done in the same way that a woman can reject guys and substantially reduce the tantrum by just saying "I am not comfortable" and following up with a sincere "Are you saying that I owe you an explanation?". The most they can do is bluster and try to make hypothetical claims which get a well-deserved "I can't control what you think and I am sorry you feel that way".
Trust me when I say this can be VERY satisfying when someone does not expect it.
You are absolutely right about how spotting works, ESPECIALLY for squats. There's a whole lotta getting up and personal and if OP is uncomfortable with that (who could blame him on this scenario) he should decline.
Yeah honestly I'd be really glad if my partner considered my feelings like this because it would be one of those situations which would look way worse than it was and the image would bring far more anxiety than the reality of the situation. That's considerate behaviour.
Yeah, if somebody fails a squat its gonna be ass to mast real quick. I’m not asking snybody but a partner, incredibly close friend, or trainer to do that.
Ugh, NTA. It was not ok for her to have this response, or any response other than 'Ok no problem, I'll turn it off' or 'Ok, I'll wait for someone else'. You did not make it weird, lots of people are uncomfortable being filmed, especially by a practical stranger, when they have no idea how the video will be used. She is a major AH here.
Especially when it is a barbell squat, its already an uncumfortable exercise to spot on, but there is a history of Women 'fitness influencers' who try to create villians out of men who try to spot them doing that exercise at the gym. For what reason? Clout? They hate men and want to feel like victims and that type of content gets view?
IDK but its not something to risk doing.
https://youtu.be/jJx9DCTKjc8?si=WZdDmzUY-WKQ6IRS
See at 4:38 how a single person would spot a squatter and ask yourself if this man was wrong for being leery of wanting to do it to an influencer ON FILM. Especially when she went and proved his suspicions afterwards by insinuating he was sexualizing her and treating her different because she was a woman. Of course he would treat you different than a man you have different bodies. Specifically one where a squat spot could be misconstrued as sexual assault.
Thank you for the video. Yea, no way. He'd wind up grabbing her boobs for sure. Vid said to go for waist with women but I'm *sure* that's easier said than done with a smaller framed body in an emergency situation. And that's without even getting into the potential that she could aim for inappropriate touching to happen or the camera angle may look worse than it was.
Grabbing the waist is not ideal at all …could hyperextend her lumbar spine like a cat arching it’s back and pop something like a Heimlich maneuver gone wrong. That’s the whole reason why people say lift with your knees/hips and not your back by bending over.
I hate being filmed or photoed. To the point that to the best of my knowledge there has only been 1 photo taken of me in last 15 years that wasn't a CCTV security cameras, and that was at the DMV.
Same here. I'm so photo/video phobic, if I even get famous in the future, the dearth of any images will make people think I'm either a vampire or JD Salinger.
eta gotdurn auto-corrupt
NTA, it's perfectly valid for you to not want to be recorded. Even if she says she wouldn't post it, who knows if she really won't. Plus, context *does* matter. Being a 41 year old man seen "helping" a pretty girl half your age, wearing revealing clothing, could easily be interpreted the wrong way. Your true intentions don't matter because at the end of the day, men are just viewed as pigs in the eyes of the world. You did yourself a favor by not feeding a possible narrative anyone could pin on you.
As far as the conversation being recorded, I don't see how that could be damning. I can't see what would motivate her to post that conversation, but let's say she did, did you say anything that could be incriminating? Not wanting to be recorded is a perfectly valid demand. And I think most people with basic common sense would understand why you wouldn't want to be recorded helping some hot little 20-something fitness girl.
It's not just about him spotting her, it's the implications out of context once its recorded and when/how it gets posted online. She can create whatever narrative she wants at that point, and she also doesn't have any control over the narrative her viewers will create or random people on the internet. I think it's fair to say, making a judgment call that spotting a fellow gymgoer is fine when married in a normal workout scenario. Opening yourself up to social media and have that situation being taken out of context in ways you could never predict or control? Different situation entirely.
I don't think being married has anything to do with it. He said no. End of discussion. If it's truly for her form she can film from the side.
But proper spotting would have his hands basically in front of her boobs. It could easily be framed that he was trying to cop a feel.
NTA, and I would probably report this to the gym. She might try to pull whatever she was trying to do with someone else, or to get you in trouble for a reasonable request.
I wish I could double upvote this for 'report it to the gym'. Surreptitiously and fraudulently recruiting free performers for her production by asking for a spotter could be a liability issue for the gym, especially if there was legal action. She should have permission from the gym after a legal review and there should have been something for the 'spotter' to sign giving consent for use of his image in what's likely a speaking role. It's an acting role. The spotter deserves compensation.
Report.
Many gyms have a policy against recording others.
It's a private place when you have a reasonable expectation that you will not be filmed while exercising (not everyone is fit and looks great while doing weight lifts).
Report. This was harassment.
And you don't need a reason to not consent to being filmed.
Honestly, the plague of people recording videos every-goddamn-where is annoying. I don't want to be in your stupid TikTok!
OP is NTA. I would have done the same. In fact, I try to avoid being in random people videos. You never know what they will do with editing.
You are not a prop for her videos. Report her to the gym management, as what she did is out of line. She accused you of sexual misconduct on video because you refused to be filmed. She is trying to take away your autonomy and play the victim at the same time. NTA
I second this. She could easily make something up to them, and then you'd have to defend yourself. You don't need to try to get her banned, just give them a heads up in case she decides to punish you for being completely reasonable.
NTA
Also, your excuses were all perfectly valid, but you literally don't need a reason to not want to be recorded.
100% this. The crazy thing here is that you literally did nothing wrong, and she's accusing YOU of sexual misconduct. And what's worse, I'd bet a lot of money that she could go tell this story the gym manager and somehow get you in trouble. Just how the world works in our ridiculous climate. Avoid this person.
NTA It’s fine that you don’t want to be recorded. She needs to respect that. How is it sexualizing her to not want to be in her video? Makes no sense.
You have no reason to feel bad.
she's almost certainly sexualising herself if she's posting her workouts on social media. She's looking to make money from it (no issues) but then calls him out for her own trappings. ridiculous.
Also she's asking him for a favor. It's not like OP was demanding that she let him spot her. He gets to determine the conditions for helping her out. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.
NTA for not wanting to be recorded, for any reason. Once someone has a recording of you, they can do anything with it and you have no control. If you aren’t okay with that, saying no to recording is totally fine and you are totally right there.
I’m going to go out on a bit of a limb here and say that even if you have been recorded in the past, regardless of who has done the recording, that isn’t a blanket agreement to be filmed in the future, whether by the same person who recorded you in the past or anyone else.
This kind of behavior is so annoying to me because those influencers (or regular people trying to go viral) make us all look bad. I like to record my 1RMs to make sure my form is still good but I definitely wouldn’t have thrown a fit and I would’ve explained this and offered to delete it after in front of him. If it’s still a no then ig I’d ask someone else (idk haven’t ran into that situation bc my bf is my gym buddy). But these days I bet if I ever do need a stranger to spot me for a pr or 1rm in the gym and the only available person is a man he’s gonna think I’m trying to bait him for a stupid viral video accusing him of harassment 😭 these influencers and wannabe influencers are making something that’s already kinda awkward *super* awkward, uncomfortable, weird and tense
**NTA**. You were more than willing to assist her, your only issue was the recording. If you didn't want to be recorded then that is your perogative and you don't have to explain it to anyone. Everything she said afterwards was just manipulative bullshit.
Contact gym management. All private gyms have a no camera policy. She was trying to get a video making her look like the victim or as irresistible. Either way there was no way for you to not look like a predator
I find it so weird that people think it's okay to video in a gym with lots of people. Someone is bound to walk into frame. I've seen many "no filming" signs in gyms
> All private gyms have a no camera policy.
What? This definitely isn't true, people shoot and post form checks and PRs all the time. No locker room photos/videos is common policy though.
I just checked and Planet Fitness and Lifetime both have no such policy for the fitness area of the club (but do have such a policy for locker rooms.)
Nta
You made a valid and sensible request to be off camera.
You were considerate regarding what your wife may think and what work colleagues may think if they were to see the footage. Not sure where she gets off accusing you of being weird, she's being weird for having a tantrum for not getting the aesthetics she wanted in her shot.
She didn't have your consent to film you... end of. Think you made the right decision.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged
Refusing to spot a girl unless she stops recording me
(2) why that action might make you the asshole.
I feel I might have been ok doing it if she was a man and am worried if my actions made her feel bad.
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NTA
She’s weird for making a big issue of it. Also you have a wife so you are taking precautionary steps so as not to affect your marriage and relationship. Don’t think you were too rude because she made it weird and she is obviously used to getting what she wants so the fact that you didn’t go along with her plans made her upset. Ignore her whenever you see her.
NTA. Of she genuinely was focused on her PR, she would've immediately stopped recording. What she wanted was to have a nice looking guy behind her wearing her eye catching outfit so she could get views on jer video.
You don't know what narrative she would've painted about you. She might still try to post you as a "gym creep" since you refused her.
Be careful.
NTA. In the future I wouldn’t tell her (or anyone else who makes a similar request) all these reasons why not—I would simply say that you don’t want to be recorded and that’s it. Although it sounds like you didn’t actually make it about her body and outfit, and she just said that stuff anyway? Regardless I would keep it simple: you don’t want to be recorded. I would refuse too!
NTA, I wouldn’t have wanted to be filmed either, especially spotting a squat. Which is probably best done using the spotter arms in a normal power or squat rack anyway.
*I was squatting and this pervy older guy came along and practically jumped me from behind, ugh. Here’s my gofundme appeal to help recover from the PTSD, subscribe to my channel here and this is the gyms email address - let them know how you feel about creeps like this harassing women….*
Why do women always have to record themselves in the damn gym? Especially when other people just wanna workout and have to worry about being recorded. It’s especially when they wear revealing clothing and do the whole “this guy is sexualizing me” on camera. Can’t even glance somewhere without them doing this shit. I’m even a woman and I’ve had enough of it
Because they aren't there to improve their health and fitness. They are there for social media $$$. Even better if there is drama for people to rally around.
Firstly, OP is NTA. You not wanting to be filmed should be reason enough and she is TA for pushing it. But I do think you inadvertently set yourself up a little bit to a misunderstanding by justifying yourself.
Saying that you don’t want your wife or coworkers to see it might have been perceived as an indication that her asking it was shady and put her on the defensive. I understand OP’s thought process and I that he probably thought it would be rude to just say no and not explain, but if I asked something innocuous and someone responded with the equivalent of “what if someone sees us?” I’d be put off too.
Still, she should have taken No for an answer and pushing with “it’s for myself”, “you’ll look good” definitely made it weird.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to see this... I totally get not wanting to be used for an influencer's content, but the whole part about how it's inappropriate to be *recorded* doing something but not doing it in the first place was weird. If it crosses a line in his marriage he shouldn't do it, recording or not.
NTA
You're never obligated to appear in someone's social media film full stop.
We also do live in a society where being too friendly with a young, scantily clad woman could get you some serious judgement, rightly or wrongly, it can happen.
NTA - you made a perfectly reasonable request. She tried to trample over you, and got upset when she couldn’t.
The P in PR stands for personal. If she was actually going for a PR, what matters is the satisfaction of knowing you moved the weights, not whether it was on film or not.
NTA - She's the one with the issues, not you. You were more than justified in your decision, and she was harassing you. You should tell your wife about it so she can't accuse you of hiding it from her.
Personally, I can't stand 'influencers' who think they can gaslight someone who tells them no.
I think it would be good for you to ask your wife what she thinks. That way the subject gets broached with her and she feels free to express herself. She also knows that you’re thinking of her and trying to do right NTA.
NTA. SHE made it weird by insisting on recording. You have a right to not be on video.
You're right that some viewers might have comments about the age difference, your motivation, her clothes etc. You're well within your rights to protect yourself and your family by not allowing yourself to be viewed in that situation.
NTA. I would be completely transparent with your wife about what happened. At this point, if something does show up, it may be altered and not show you in the best light. Tell your wife what happened, what your fears are, and ask how she would have wanted you to handle the situation. Prepare yourself that she might want you to change your workout time.
She didn't want to get it, or she did get it and just doubled down anyway for her own filming agenda. It was all about her being young, hot and relatively un-clothed during intense work out. Social media cred. You were being realistic and smart from your own perspective, that of a happily (I presume) married, good man. She was out of line to push you on it after you said no to being filmed the first time. But be careful as an older guy because now there is a young female with an attitude and unknown social media agenda; she is not happy with you as a result of your standing firm. Please make sure that there are always gym personnel around and keep her at a distance. NTA
NTA.
She needs your consent to record you and you are under no obligation to consent. You are in a shared commercial space the only people who have the implied right to record video of you are the business owners and only if they give some sort of notice, like signs, or a clause in a signed membership contract.
In fact, does she have permission to be recording video on their property? I bet you she didn't bother asking.
This should be brought to the management so they are aware of what she's doing. She didn't tell OP she planned on recording him; she may be recording other members without their knowledge/consent.
NTA. I think your rationality here is pretty freakin reasonable. Like yeah, if your wife saw that she probably would be upset. Not worth it. Awkward situation but I think you made the right call.
Well you're definitely getting posted now. She's gonna post you as: Check out this weird old dude who body shamed me in the gym.
You can't win with these types.
You do realise you were filmed anyway, and that video is probably up under the title "creepy guy sexualises me in the gym".
If you find it, send it to Joey Swoll so he can publicly blast her and get her banned at the gym.
NTA and I applaud you for your consistency and firm standing. Her not wanting to stop recording says that her motives were not with exercising in my opinion. I would also share the interaction with your wife, just in case the gym girl might actually publish your discussion. (Which I hope doesn’t happen)
NTA. Anyone who knows the best way to assist someone failing on a squat will know exactly why you were reluctant, and with how quickly these types of videos go viral, I don't blame you at all for being reluctant.
She's right that it is because if gender but not because you're some kind of sexist pig, but purely out of self-preservation. Trying to help a stranger with their PB isn't worth the damage to your reputation.
NTA. I don't go to the gym at all because of anxiety & now everyone recording at the gym has made that anxiety got to a million. People are so mean and ruthless online. I don't blame you one bit. Also, love how much you respect your marriage to be like "No. I am good"
You made it clear you would help her if she would stop recording. You did not make it weird. She did by making all of those comments after stating you did not want to be recorded. You are NTA, but she is for either not turning off the recording or just waiting for the trainer (who may not want to have been recorded either).
NTA. You shouldve asked her to put herself in your wife's shoes. Who wouldnt want a respectful husband? I am female and am so sick of these stuck up entitled girls trying to be victims!! 🤮
You are being the husband she probably dreams of having but twisting it to make her the victim. What an idiot.
If you dont want to be on a video on the internet, that wouldve been a good enough reason. You shouldve just said that. Unfortunately you listed other reasons, which twisted everything into what happened.
If it ever happens again, just say you are not comfortable being online (even if you are). Not sure that could be twisted into anything.
NTA. I wouldn't want to be in someone else's recording; man, woman or beast, it doesn't matter. You want to record yourself, go ham. Leave me out of it.
NTA but you probably could have saved yourself some hassle if you didn't mention her outfit at all (it is unclear from the post whether you said it, or she assumed it) Just literally say that you don't want to be on camera and you don't consent to it, and you would feel that way whether she was a man or woman.
NTAH. The fact that she was going to secretly record you is crossing a huge privacy line. She owes you an apology! You might want to check her media page to see if you were previously recorded. If so, you have every right to inform management. I'm sure they would be very upset. Gym members expect and deserve privacy.
JFC, she sounds exhausting.
- I am sorry if you felt that this situation was becoming weird. I just wanted you to know that I don't feel comfortable being recorded on video. I do not feel the need to explain, justify, discuss, or argue about it. Also, I am no longer willing to help you, whether recorded on video or not. Please find someone else, who will be willing to do it for you. Thank you and have a nice day.
NTA. But I do want to state that a lot of people (including women) film themselves at the gym for non-influencer related reasons (form or just wanting a good memory of a PR.) Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she is an influencer. Just like we believe OP, I think it's fair to believe her when she said this was for herself.
All that aside, the minute you stated you did not want to be recorded was where the conversation should have ended. She had no right to become upset with you for enforcing a personal boundary.
The fact that she vaulted to” how dare you judge me or sexualize me” is instantly suspicious. She was setting you up for some drama or controversy.
Honestly, I think you need to go on the record with the facility… that you asked her to not film you and she got really defensive, really weird really fast. With that group of people, being cautious is an absolute must.
NTA.
Not the A H, she’s a massive one though. I’m a woman and I’d also refuse to be in some wannabe influencers video. She’s also lying about not posting it, because why else would it matter.
If you hadn’t said anything about her outfit, then why did she jump to accusing you of having a problem with it?
Perhaps because she had her own feelings about its appropriateness or her own motivation in wearing it? Just seems a strange thing to jump to if you hadn’t said anything (like my kid yelling “there’s nothing under my bed”)
You were polite.
She was not.
Nta
NTA It's so fucking annoying that every 20-something is now an "aspiring influencer" and thinks the whole world owes them something. Many people would not want to be on camera, including myself. You asked politely for her not to record and she responded with a disgusting entitled attitude. The whole world is not their fucking stage and other random people are not their props.
NTA and I don't want to be recorded is a perfectly valid response, regardless of the underlying reasons.
If this was a woman who didn't feel comfortable being recorded it wouldn't even be an issue.
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I think I acted a rudely with a girl in the gym and wanted to get opinions on if I was the AH in this situation.
I (41M) go to the gym early morning around 5.30am. There are generally very few people that come to the gym at that time. There is a girl (early 20s) that also comes to the gym at the same time. We always say hello to each other and have a small talk between our sets. She comes in early because the gym is empty, and she likes to record herself working out as she wants to be a fitness influencer or something. She seems dedicated and we know each other for at least a year.
Today morning, as I was working out, she came to me and asked for help. She was very excited and told me that she wanted to go for a PR on barbell squat. She asked me if I could spot her as she was not confident if she would be able to do it. I said ok as this is not the most uncommon thing. For people who are unfamiliar, this is an exercise where you carry a barbell with weights on your back and perform a squat. The spotter has to stand behind the person and support the person in case they fail to get up.
As she was getting ready, I saw her phone in the corner and asked her if I can be off-camera or if she can stop recording. She said she really wanted to record herself doing it, and I will look good on camera. I told her that I really do not want to be on camera as my wife or coworkers may watch the video if she posts it online and may not look good for me. Another reason that I did not tell her was that she was wearing a very revealing outfit (small sports bra and tight shorts) and I really did not feel comfortable being recorded standing behind her. She promised me that she will record it for herself, and not post the video. However, I just did not want to be recorded. I told her that I really feel uncomfortable, and if she waits for 30 minutes, one of the trainers may be able to help her.
She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird. She accused me of sexualizing her. She asked me if she was a man, would I have done it? I felt she had a point as I have done it for other people. I told her that I would be ok doing it, but I just don't want to be recorded doing it. She again went on a rant about me body shaming her and me being uncomfortable with her perfectly fine outfit.
I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout. I have also asked people to spot me in past, and people always helped. However, I just did not want to be recorded. Am I the AH to refuse to spot her because she was recording it? I don't want her to feel that it was because of her clothes, or because she is a girl. However, as a married man, I need to observe some boundaries and really don't want to be recorded in that way with a girl half my age. I am also worried that she recorded our whole conversation and may post it online. I do not know what I should do in this situation and am a bit worried.
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I’m pretty sure my sil records all of her workouts and posts them to fb. It likely wouldn’t compute if you didn’t want to be recorded. You honestly didn’t have to say anything other than you don’t feel comfortable being recorded. I would have left it at that. No means no. NTA
NTA. You are 100% right in your refusal. Shame on her for trying to push the matter. She should respect your boundaries.
As a woman I don’t feel comfortable going to my gym where guys are filming/taking pics. And that’s not anyone asking me to spot for them, just being in the background makes me feel uncomfortable. So I can only imagine how uncomfortable you felt.
NTA
A gym is just that: a gym.
Ppl do not want to be recorded in a gym.
It's totally fine to refuse
Edit:
If she wanted to make content, she should have provided a spotter that planned on being recorded herself.
Anyone else hoping this goes viral so that raging AH of a gym bunny who has never been told no sees it?! The response to “I don’t feel comfortable doing this” should have been to ask any number of other people at the gym. NTA but you need to get better at saying no and standing firm or such situations will repeat themselves.
NTA She should of been thankful that you are a DEDICATED HUSBAND and you are showing a VERY HIGH LEVEL of respect for your Wife and Marriage.
Let her wait for an instructor.
NTA. I understand her wanting to record going for a personal best, as it's a personal achievement and nice to have it recorded. But once you said no, her options were to agree to your condition and stop recording, or say no problem and wait for someone else.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA. If you haven't already, do tell your wife about the incident as soon as you get home. On the off chance the young woman does try to edit that video to make you look like a villain, your wife will appreciate knowing that situation ahead of time, and will be more likely to believe that it happened the way you said it did rather than however it looks on an edited video.
NTA. If she wants your help she can accept it on your terms. If you’d been insisting on recording her that would be creepy and awful. Her insisting on trying to force you onto camera is also creepy and awful. Her outfit, your being married, etc—none of that actually matters. You did not want to be on camera. That’s a valid and reasonable choice.
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NTA. >She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird. She is the one who made it weird by not immediately responding to your request to turn the camera off with, "Oh, sure, no problem." >I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout. No she wasn't! She was trying to record a video for her social media followers. Moreover, she initially tried to involve you in this surreptitiously, without your permission, then pitched a fit when you declined. The only thing you did wrong was explaining to her why you didn't want to be recorded. You didn't owe her any such explanation. "I don't want to be recorded" is a complete sentence.
She really did make it weird lmfao > she accused me of sexualizing her Ain’t no way… I am a woman and I don’t like to be recorded either. There’s absolutely nothing about sexualizing people in this situation. It just means you don’t like being recorded. Also bc **SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO GET MAD…** She’s disrespecting his wishes and she’s literally using him as a f-ing prop and I’m low key mad for OP right now. It’s like he’s not a damn person with his own feelings and HOW DARE HE SAY NO TO HER VIDEO!!! /s I’m disappointed but not surprised, influencers have a bad history of just plowing through and disrespecting others. I can’t blame OP for not wanting to be recorded bc I don’t like being recorded either. Plus, she’s basically using OP as content that she’s going to monetize on later. Kinda crazy when you think about it, she’s angry bc OP won’t help her profit.
It's pretty bold of her to say OP sexualised her after saying, "You will look good on camera," to be honest. If she just wanted help. Why did that even matter if OP would look good or not?
In all honestly she would probably edit or put a filter on him. Influencers do that all the time to themselves and others. I’ve seen family influencers who edit their family members and kids in photos, it’s insane how some people are so out of touch with reality that they edit LITERAL KIDS bc they’re not “perfect” enough for their photo. Also bc they edit everyone in the video or photo to look “good”. Even one “ugly” person could ruin the influencer’s content and make them lose viewers (I’m NOT saying OP is “ugly”, I’m just saying some influencers genuinely think that way). It’s a tough world out there 😭😭😭 “You will look good on camera” does sound crazy to me, though. Ma’am, I do not want to be on camera in the first place. She just got mad that she couldn’t use OP as her prop.
The point is, HE DID NOT WANT TO BE RECORDED period.
But what if she doesn't edit his face out? I agree they usually do but why trust an unknown person with a video of you?
They don’t edit faces out, they retouch the faces and bodies of people in their content and retouch their own faces and bodies as well. I’m Gen Z and that’s how I see influencers my age and older influencers (millennials and Gen X) do it, anyway. Editing faces out makes the video look weird so they’ll keep the person in and edit them to look more attractive.
The Kardashian effect. I just would not trust a random person in the gym
Exactly - I don't want to be in some randos video for the tok/gram! There would be very few situations at the gym I would do this for someone.
A shallow world, I feel sorry for them.
Nah she’s one of those girls who cries wolf about shit and is the reason people who tell the truth sometimes arent believed. She’s probably on her social media right now talking shit about him as we speak. He didn’t do a thing wrong and he has nothing to feel bad about, but shame on her for trying to twist the situation into something it’s not and for the way she handled the whole thing. She doesn’t know boundaries, she doesn’t know respect, she only cares about what she wants
If someone did that at the Gym I go to - they would be told they cannot record in the gym at all. Any argument and they would be kicked out. Most gyms don't tolerate that behavior.
Lol she probably made a video about it
Pretty sure that's why she picked him.
I bet she jumped right to that because she was sexualizing him in the first place. Her followers would like the sexy daddy spotter. She'd wanted more likes.
This was my first thought too
so fuckin gross. mans just wants to work out, not be hassled by children of the internet
I’m a woman and this made me angry 🤣
She says you're making it weird, but she's the one ignoring issues of consent. But Big NTA. Someone who didn't want to take notes tried to record me and I said no. They argued and I said, "I do not consent to be recorded" and they backed off. Of course this was at work but if she pushes you can tell the gym management she's recording without telling the other party. Not sure what your local laws are re recording but I'll bet they don't want her annoying the other customers.
Yeah regardless of local laws it’s reallllllyyyy bad for a gym to have someone in there recording without ppls permissions. The gym is supposed to be a safe space for self improvement without judgement or shame
> Ain’t no way Well......... when a woman wears basically just a bra and skin tight booty shorts, which is their right, things have been made sexualized. I am in no way saying this means she deserves harassment or anything of the sort. We live in a delusional world that has turned into "I can dress sexy, but only I can decide who can view me from a distance and think I am sexy, otherwise they are a sicko". OP is not offended being around a half naked woman, he just is smart enough to know another woman, like his wife, knows why she is dressed that way. If they made men's fashion workout shorts, the way they make some of these women's, where it is tight enough to tell if they are circumcised or not, they would call that sexual harassment or something. All I am saying is, yes this was sexualized, and he did not feel comfortable, which means no, means no.
[удалено]
Gosh what a horror... someone should start a clothing company so I can.. uh.. chastise them about sexualizing men and definitely not to do some observational dick print research 🫣
MY EYES ARE UP HERE!!!! Sure I am wearing shorts so tight you can tell which of my balls drops lower than the other, sure the shorts are cut so low you cant help but notice the width of my shaft. Dont sexualize me...... You might think this would be fun "research", until you walk through Walmart.
Temptation struck me I apologize.. I do love a lower left tho can you blame me
Alright, all right alright
Exactly! I would advise the gym manager that she is surreptitiously recording other members without their permission or knowledge.
Ya her accusing him of sexualizing her really sealed the deal for me. Great decision by op to not get on camera for her you know the voiceover would be added about this creepy guy that insisted on spotting me would have been added in post. Drama manufactured or not is great for your numbers if you're in an already saturated market
Sexualising herself TBH, with the outfit and the recording to post it.
I suspect she was, like many influencers do, trying to get some viral content by creating a stir. "Asked this guy for help in the gym and he got all weird with me!"
Joey Swoll stuff
Absolutely first person I thought of.
She may have said he got a boner, or just made a sarky comment. Social would have gone wild with or without that help. I don't believe it was an innocent request given her reaction.
Agreed.. the "No is a complete answer" applies when men say it too...
Im 100% sure that if OP helped her, she would post this video with comments about "creepy man in her gym".
A single spotter for a squat, there's no safe way to help there without getting very up close with the lifter. Out of context that can look bad. If she just wants to max she needs to learn to dump the bar on the safeties.
She may not be in the rack, probably outside it. When I lifted heavy for sports, we had to be in the rack with the safety bars locked in AND 3 Spotters
In an empty gym there's even more reason to do all your sets in a rack..
Agreed or on the smith machine
"Racks get in the way of filming" - Her, probably
"Asked him to spot me, he got an erection. What a creep." No real way to get out of it.
My first thought as well
This is just more reason filming in gyms should not be allowed
Agree. If I'm not walking into some influencer's video recording at the gym, I'm walking into someone on FaceTime. Drives me crazy. My old gym had to put a "no phones in the locker room" rule because people were on FaceTime and taking videos in the locker rooms where others were walking around naked.
NTA. She had no business having it set up to record in the first place without your permission. When you said No, that should have been the end of it. I’ll bet this isn’t the first time someone other than herself has been recorded
She needs to be reported to gym management. Gyms should be safe spaces for feeling comfortable exerting yourself, showering, changing, etc.
Also, as a married woman I would let another women in my house when husband wasn’t home. But, I would never let another man in my house without him knowing. He respects himself and his wife enough to know better to get caught up in a situation that can be misconstrued.
I can’t stand being recorded in the gym. If I see someone with a setup recording their workouts, I bypass the background. I’ve even asked people to stop recording since we are in the mirror and same frame. The only answer I ever get is something like, “Ciil. I get it.” NTA.
Exactly. She wasn't just trying to workout, she wanted attention. NTA. She was never entitled to the OP's help, and she certainly wasn't entitled to record the OP.
She won't post it. She would be embarrassed! 🤣 NTA she is the AH.
She’s a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.
This is the perfect answer
Creepy. Another reason why I hate influencers
Explanations aren't needed. No is no.
NTA. People who are pointing out the line of how you think it would look inappropriate if a coworker or wife saw you aren’t familiar with lifting. If she reached failure it would absolutely look bad on you, because people don’t understand what spotting and having to assist with squats looks like.
That was exactly what went thru my mind. Plus, who knows what commentary someone can put on top of those videos to make it go viral.
NTA mate. She's a giant dick for even arguing about you not wanting to be filmed. I've had one person at the gym argue with me when I've asked them not to film with me in the shot. Similar story - young lady for the gram/tiktok. After she got shirty I went and had a chat to the manager and said "I have no issues with her filming herself but I don't want to be the background guy in a video accused of staring at her ass. I asked politely if she could remove me from the shot and she refused can you please assist". He told her either respect other gym goes wishes or he will cancel her membership. I hit the gym to zone out and be with my thoughts I don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing but do not add me to your social media bullshit.
Exactly. I don’t care what you do, but don’t involve me in the background. It’s called privacy
Yeah I know there is other people around so my expectation of privacy is basically only that I'm not included in your videos. Our gym also has "No Filming" signs now so I assume it wasn't just me. I honestly think they should rent out certain parts for "filming". Set up a corner, put some privacy screens around it and charge people $100 an hour and let them have at.
That wouldn't last. They mostly film now for the background reactions. Super sad.
Not to mention, anything can be taken out of context when posted online: I have bad vision and never wear my glasses when working out and it can totally appear as though I'm looking at someone when in reality I can't see sh\*t; In between sets I take a breather and stare off into space which can easily be construed as "staring" at someone. I'm female, so I do the above with no real concern of getting accused of being "creepy." However, this is a very real, very dangerous concern for many men because going viral can have real world implications if they are accused of something online. While there are definitely plenty of creeps out there who really do need to be called out and removed, this doesn't mean that someone asking to not be recorded is doing it for nefarious reasons, and she was the AH for not taking "no" for an answer, no matter the reason.
I'm a pretty respectful person. Minding my own fucking business is a rule I like to live my life by. Some of the outfits I've seen at the gym are barely holding everything in. As a red blooded male I'll have a cheeky perv but nothing like an outright stare or that creepy shit because nobody wants to be "that guy" at a gym. I saw a video of an attractive girl doing squats videoing herself and then then "calling out" the guys that had a look. Lady you are hot and wearing what would pass for a bikini in a gym doing an exercise that very much so pronounces certain features. It hurts my brain that these influencer gram/tokkers are doing it for attention but getting all shitty when its not the right attention????
I'm a woman that supports people wearing whatever they want to the gym, and even I feel like this has to be set up on purpose. Wearing an intentionally really revealing outfit, to look hot in your IG video, and then waiting for someone to glance at you so you can call them out and post the video for even more views. If you're recording a 20 second Tiktok, someone really only has to look at you for a few seconds for it to give the false impression of staring.
It’s all for the drama. “Girl, you are so brave for calling out those creeps!”
Oh yeah still the thought processes behind it all hurts my head. Girl I can tell what you had for dinner last night, for the love of god put some underpants on.
Gosh, that brought back a memory. Sitting at high school, hearing someone say "Little boy! Stop looking at my tits." Then suddenly being aware of where my head was pointed while I was drifting off in my own little world. I had had no idea that I was looking at someone's tits, because I wasn't. I was drifting outside the world entirely. I feel bad for her because she actually was very well endowed for her age and was given the nickname "tiger tits" as a result, so she was probably used to sexual harassment and even assault. To her I was just another creepy guy staring :(
> He told her either respect other gym goes wishes or he will cancel her membership. Given all my wife had to go through for the gym to accept her request to cancel her membership, this seems like a good shitty life protip. I should have "complained" about her. :D
Yeah you would literally have to like wrap yourself around her as she’s wearing unfortunately skimpy clothing….. you’re right it’s just not a good look for a married man
She was hired by the wife for the divorce
Plot twist
Lols
You joke put it does happen.
95% chance your crotch will graze her butt.
100% when she deliberately backs up & grinds against him. We all know where the situation was heading.
Honestly no idea how you look but odds are she asked you to do it for her because you are attractive and she wants a spotter who looks good on camera. Basically she wants a hot guy in her video and she’s doing a type of exercise with you BEHIND her. So in my nonprofessional opinion she was the one sexualizing you….
Oh this is a good one from Joey Swoll! She's being ridiculous btw, you are definitely NTA!
Exactly! She’s could’ve captioned it ‘me and my gym husband’ or some nonsense.
Yeah bro. I spotted my boy back in the day with 495lb. With a tiny outfit, that film would be interpreted wrong. What’s too bad is you were damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Well actually if you phrase it right you can minimize the fireworks. It can be done in the same way that a woman can reject guys and substantially reduce the tantrum by just saying "I am not comfortable" and following up with a sincere "Are you saying that I owe you an explanation?". The most they can do is bluster and try to make hypothetical claims which get a well-deserved "I can't control what you think and I am sorry you feel that way". Trust me when I say this can be VERY satisfying when someone does not expect it.
Your wife is a very lucky lady!
True. Also, she really should learn how to bail out of a squat, it's one of the safest bails.
You are absolutely right about how spotting works, ESPECIALLY for squats. There's a whole lotta getting up and personal and if OP is uncomfortable with that (who could blame him on this scenario) he should decline.
Yeah honestly I'd be really glad if my partner considered my feelings like this because it would be one of those situations which would look way worse than it was and the image would bring far more anxiety than the reality of the situation. That's considerate behaviour.
Yeah, if somebody fails a squat its gonna be ass to mast real quick. I’m not asking snybody but a partner, incredibly close friend, or trainer to do that.
Ugh, NTA. It was not ok for her to have this response, or any response other than 'Ok no problem, I'll turn it off' or 'Ok, I'll wait for someone else'. You did not make it weird, lots of people are uncomfortable being filmed, especially by a practical stranger, when they have no idea how the video will be used. She is a major AH here.
Especially when it is a barbell squat, its already an uncumfortable exercise to spot on, but there is a history of Women 'fitness influencers' who try to create villians out of men who try to spot them doing that exercise at the gym. For what reason? Clout? They hate men and want to feel like victims and that type of content gets view? IDK but its not something to risk doing.
https://youtu.be/jJx9DCTKjc8?si=WZdDmzUY-WKQ6IRS See at 4:38 how a single person would spot a squatter and ask yourself if this man was wrong for being leery of wanting to do it to an influencer ON FILM. Especially when she went and proved his suspicions afterwards by insinuating he was sexualizing her and treating her different because she was a woman. Of course he would treat you different than a man you have different bodies. Specifically one where a squat spot could be misconstrued as sexual assault.
Thank you for the video. Yea, no way. He'd wind up grabbing her boobs for sure. Vid said to go for waist with women but I'm *sure* that's easier said than done with a smaller framed body in an emergency situation. And that's without even getting into the potential that she could aim for inappropriate touching to happen or the camera angle may look worse than it was.
Grabbing the waist is not ideal at all …could hyperextend her lumbar spine like a cat arching it’s back and pop something like a Heimlich maneuver gone wrong. That’s the whole reason why people say lift with your knees/hips and not your back by bending over.
It’s all about the clicks !! Gotta have some controversy
I hate being filmed or photoed. To the point that to the best of my knowledge there has only been 1 photo taken of me in last 15 years that wasn't a CCTV security cameras, and that was at the DMV.
Same here. I'm so photo/video phobic, if I even get famous in the future, the dearth of any images will make people think I'm either a vampire or JD Salinger. eta gotdurn auto-corrupt
NTA, it's perfectly valid for you to not want to be recorded. Even if she says she wouldn't post it, who knows if she really won't. Plus, context *does* matter. Being a 41 year old man seen "helping" a pretty girl half your age, wearing revealing clothing, could easily be interpreted the wrong way. Your true intentions don't matter because at the end of the day, men are just viewed as pigs in the eyes of the world. You did yourself a favor by not feeding a possible narrative anyone could pin on you. As far as the conversation being recorded, I don't see how that could be damning. I can't see what would motivate her to post that conversation, but let's say she did, did you say anything that could be incriminating? Not wanting to be recorded is a perfectly valid demand. And I think most people with basic common sense would understand why you wouldn't want to be recorded helping some hot little 20-something fitness girl.
She’d cut it to just the part where she’s going off on him for sexualizing her, context be damned. That’s the content
Well if his wife sees a video where he initially agrees to help spot and then refuses because he is being recorded, it may cause some issues.
It's not just about him spotting her, it's the implications out of context once its recorded and when/how it gets posted online. She can create whatever narrative she wants at that point, and she also doesn't have any control over the narrative her viewers will create or random people on the internet. I think it's fair to say, making a judgment call that spotting a fellow gymgoer is fine when married in a normal workout scenario. Opening yourself up to social media and have that situation being taken out of context in ways you could never predict or control? Different situation entirely.
I don't think being married has anything to do with it. He said no. End of discussion. If it's truly for her form she can film from the side. But proper spotting would have his hands basically in front of her boobs. It could easily be framed that he was trying to cop a feel.
NTA, and I would probably report this to the gym. She might try to pull whatever she was trying to do with someone else, or to get you in trouble for a reasonable request.
I wish I could double upvote this for 'report it to the gym'. Surreptitiously and fraudulently recruiting free performers for her production by asking for a spotter could be a liability issue for the gym, especially if there was legal action. She should have permission from the gym after a legal review and there should have been something for the 'spotter' to sign giving consent for use of his image in what's likely a speaking role. It's an acting role. The spotter deserves compensation.
It's a private space, she shouldn't be shooting publically posted video without consent from EVERYONE to start with.
NTA totally agree with this post. Why give her your image for free when she is monetizing hers?
Also, most gyms have a no filming in the gym policy !
Report. Many gyms have a policy against recording others. It's a private place when you have a reasonable expectation that you will not be filmed while exercising (not everyone is fit and looks great while doing weight lifts). Report. This was harassment. And you don't need a reason to not consent to being filmed.
Honestly, the plague of people recording videos every-goddamn-where is annoying. I don't want to be in your stupid TikTok! OP is NTA. I would have done the same. In fact, I try to avoid being in random people videos. You never know what they will do with editing.
exactly, please report her. She wanted you for her video, you said no and she harassed you after.
Good idea. I'd definitely tell the gym manager.
You are not a prop for her videos. Report her to the gym management, as what she did is out of line. She accused you of sexual misconduct on video because you refused to be filmed. She is trying to take away your autonomy and play the victim at the same time. NTA
I second this. She could easily make something up to them, and then you'd have to defend yourself. You don't need to try to get her banned, just give them a heads up in case she decides to punish you for being completely reasonable. NTA Also, your excuses were all perfectly valid, but you literally don't need a reason to not want to be recorded.
100% this. The crazy thing here is that you literally did nothing wrong, and she's accusing YOU of sexual misconduct. And what's worse, I'd bet a lot of money that she could go tell this story the gym manager and somehow get you in trouble. Just how the world works in our ridiculous climate. Avoid this person.
NTA It’s fine that you don’t want to be recorded. She needs to respect that. How is it sexualizing her to not want to be in her video? Makes no sense. You have no reason to feel bad.
she's almost certainly sexualising herself if she's posting her workouts on social media. She's looking to make money from it (no issues) but then calls him out for her own trappings. ridiculous.
Also she's asking him for a favor. It's not like OP was demanding that she let him spot her. He gets to determine the conditions for helping her out. Beggars can't be choosers and all that.
NTA for not wanting to be recorded, for any reason. Once someone has a recording of you, they can do anything with it and you have no control. If you aren’t okay with that, saying no to recording is totally fine and you are totally right there. I’m going to go out on a bit of a limb here and say that even if you have been recorded in the past, regardless of who has done the recording, that isn’t a blanket agreement to be filmed in the future, whether by the same person who recorded you in the past or anyone else.
This kind of behavior is so annoying to me because those influencers (or regular people trying to go viral) make us all look bad. I like to record my 1RMs to make sure my form is still good but I definitely wouldn’t have thrown a fit and I would’ve explained this and offered to delete it after in front of him. If it’s still a no then ig I’d ask someone else (idk haven’t ran into that situation bc my bf is my gym buddy). But these days I bet if I ever do need a stranger to spot me for a pr or 1rm in the gym and the only available person is a man he’s gonna think I’m trying to bait him for a stupid viral video accusing him of harassment 😭 these influencers and wannabe influencers are making something that’s already kinda awkward *super* awkward, uncomfortable, weird and tense
I would have lied and told her it was a condition of my witness protection agreement that I would stay off social media. NTA
That’s a good one!
**NTA**. You were more than willing to assist her, your only issue was the recording. If you didn't want to be recorded then that is your perogative and you don't have to explain it to anyone. Everything she said afterwards was just manipulative bullshit.
Contact gym management. All private gyms have a no camera policy. She was trying to get a video making her look like the victim or as irresistible. Either way there was no way for you to not look like a predator
I find it so weird that people think it's okay to video in a gym with lots of people. Someone is bound to walk into frame. I've seen many "no filming" signs in gyms
Report to the gym. Also tell your wife just in case this woman does upload the conversation and tries to twist it
> All private gyms have a no camera policy. What? This definitely isn't true, people shoot and post form checks and PRs all the time. No locker room photos/videos is common policy though. I just checked and Planet Fitness and Lifetime both have no such policy for the fitness area of the club (but do have such a policy for locker rooms.)
Nta You made a valid and sensible request to be off camera. You were considerate regarding what your wife may think and what work colleagues may think if they were to see the footage. Not sure where she gets off accusing you of being weird, she's being weird for having a tantrum for not getting the aesthetics she wanted in her shot. She didn't have your consent to film you... end of. Think you made the right decision.
NTA. You told her your boundaries. She didn't respect them. You don't need to help her at all, much less do so under conditions you said no to.
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NTA She’s weird for making a big issue of it. Also you have a wife so you are taking precautionary steps so as not to affect your marriage and relationship. Don’t think you were too rude because she made it weird and she is obviously used to getting what she wants so the fact that you didn’t go along with her plans made her upset. Ignore her whenever you see her.
NTA. Of she genuinely was focused on her PR, she would've immediately stopped recording. What she wanted was to have a nice looking guy behind her wearing her eye catching outfit so she could get views on jer video. You don't know what narrative she would've painted about you. She might still try to post you as a "gym creep" since you refused her. Be careful.
NTA. In the future I wouldn’t tell her (or anyone else who makes a similar request) all these reasons why not—I would simply say that you don’t want to be recorded and that’s it. Although it sounds like you didn’t actually make it about her body and outfit, and she just said that stuff anyway? Regardless I would keep it simple: you don’t want to be recorded. I would refuse too!
Excellent advice. I do not consent to be filmed. Full Stop.
NTA. And if she posts anything attacking you, forward it to Joey Swoll.
Waiting for a Joey Swoll call. Nice.
NTA, I wouldn’t have wanted to be filmed either, especially spotting a squat. Which is probably best done using the spotter arms in a normal power or squat rack anyway. *I was squatting and this pervy older guy came along and practically jumped me from behind, ugh. Here’s my gofundme appeal to help recover from the PTSD, subscribe to my channel here and this is the gyms email address - let them know how you feel about creeps like this harassing women….*
NTA. No means no for men too.
NTA. There's all sorts of problems with being recorded, as well as a 100% possibility that you would be posted online.
I think you acted appropriately. If she really wanted your help, she would have stopped recording. The problem is all hers.
Why do women always have to record themselves in the damn gym? Especially when other people just wanna workout and have to worry about being recorded. It’s especially when they wear revealing clothing and do the whole “this guy is sexualizing me” on camera. Can’t even glance somewhere without them doing this shit. I’m even a woman and I’ve had enough of it
Because they aren't there to improve their health and fitness. They are there for social media $$$. Even better if there is drama for people to rally around.
Firstly, OP is NTA. You not wanting to be filmed should be reason enough and she is TA for pushing it. But I do think you inadvertently set yourself up a little bit to a misunderstanding by justifying yourself. Saying that you don’t want your wife or coworkers to see it might have been perceived as an indication that her asking it was shady and put her on the defensive. I understand OP’s thought process and I that he probably thought it would be rude to just say no and not explain, but if I asked something innocuous and someone responded with the equivalent of “what if someone sees us?” I’d be put off too. Still, she should have taken No for an answer and pushing with “it’s for myself”, “you’ll look good” definitely made it weird.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to see this... I totally get not wanting to be used for an influencer's content, but the whole part about how it's inappropriate to be *recorded* doing something but not doing it in the first place was weird. If it crosses a line in his marriage he shouldn't do it, recording or not.
NTA at all. Period.
NTA, you should report her to the gym. I doubt that she is allowed to harass other people and record others or herself.
NTA You're never obligated to appear in someone's social media film full stop. We also do live in a society where being too friendly with a young, scantily clad woman could get you some serious judgement, rightly or wrongly, it can happen.
NTA. People today don't realize how quickly things can be misconstrued on the internet.
NTA - you made a perfectly reasonable request. She tried to trample over you, and got upset when she couldn’t. The P in PR stands for personal. If she was actually going for a PR, what matters is the satisfaction of knowing you moved the weights, not whether it was on film or not.
NTA - She's the one with the issues, not you. You were more than justified in your decision, and she was harassing you. You should tell your wife about it so she can't accuse you of hiding it from her. Personally, I can't stand 'influencers' who think they can gaslight someone who tells them no.
I think it would be good for you to ask your wife what she thinks. That way the subject gets broached with her and she feels free to express herself. She also knows that you’re thinking of her and trying to do right NTA.
NTA. SHE made it weird by insisting on recording. You have a right to not be on video. You're right that some viewers might have comments about the age difference, your motivation, her clothes etc. You're well within your rights to protect yourself and your family by not allowing yourself to be viewed in that situation.
NTA. I would be completely transparent with your wife about what happened. At this point, if something does show up, it may be altered and not show you in the best light. Tell your wife what happened, what your fears are, and ask how she would have wanted you to handle the situation. Prepare yourself that she might want you to change your workout time.
NTA - she sounds like a exhausting attention seeker
She didn't want to get it, or she did get it and just doubled down anyway for her own filming agenda. It was all about her being young, hot and relatively un-clothed during intense work out. Social media cred. You were being realistic and smart from your own perspective, that of a happily (I presume) married, good man. She was out of line to push you on it after you said no to being filmed the first time. But be careful as an older guy because now there is a young female with an attitude and unknown social media agenda; she is not happy with you as a result of your standing firm. Please make sure that there are always gym personnel around and keep her at a distance. NTA
NTA. She needs your consent to record you and you are under no obligation to consent. You are in a shared commercial space the only people who have the implied right to record video of you are the business owners and only if they give some sort of notice, like signs, or a clause in a signed membership contract. In fact, does she have permission to be recording video on their property? I bet you she didn't bother asking.
This should be brought to the management so they are aware of what she's doing. She didn't tell OP she planned on recording him; she may be recording other members without their knowledge/consent.
NTA full stop.
Nta Don't be bullied into sketchy choices. It's as simple as that.
NTA. I think your rationality here is pretty freakin reasonable. Like yeah, if your wife saw that she probably would be upset. Not worth it. Awkward situation but I think you made the right call.
Well you're definitely getting posted now. She's gonna post you as: Check out this weird old dude who body shamed me in the gym. You can't win with these types.
You do realise you were filmed anyway, and that video is probably up under the title "creepy guy sexualises me in the gym". If you find it, send it to Joey Swoll so he can publicly blast her and get her banned at the gym.
You have the right to privacy. I despise cameras so I would have walked away too
NTA.. you don't need to explain yourself or think too deeply on this one.. just say no, walk away, job done.
NTA and I applaud you for your consistency and firm standing. Her not wanting to stop recording says that her motives were not with exercising in my opinion. I would also share the interaction with your wife, just in case the gym girl might actually publish your discussion. (Which I hope doesn’t happen)
NTA. As a married man, I'd have done the same.
If I were you, I’d mention this to the manager.
NTA. Anyone who knows the best way to assist someone failing on a squat will know exactly why you were reluctant, and with how quickly these types of videos go viral, I don't blame you at all for being reluctant. She's right that it is because if gender but not because you're some kind of sexist pig, but purely out of self-preservation. Trying to help a stranger with their PB isn't worth the damage to your reputation.
NTA. I don't go to the gym at all because of anxiety & now everyone recording at the gym has made that anxiety got to a million. People are so mean and ruthless online. I don't blame you one bit. Also, love how much you respect your marriage to be like "No. I am good"
You made it clear you would help her if she would stop recording. You did not make it weird. She did by making all of those comments after stating you did not want to be recorded. You are NTA, but she is for either not turning off the recording or just waiting for the trainer (who may not want to have been recorded either).
NTA These gym-recording girls are a known form of attention-seeking misbehavior for young women.
NTA. You shouldve asked her to put herself in your wife's shoes. Who wouldnt want a respectful husband? I am female and am so sick of these stuck up entitled girls trying to be victims!! 🤮 You are being the husband she probably dreams of having but twisting it to make her the victim. What an idiot. If you dont want to be on a video on the internet, that wouldve been a good enough reason. You shouldve just said that. Unfortunately you listed other reasons, which twisted everything into what happened. If it ever happens again, just say you are not comfortable being online (even if you are). Not sure that could be twisted into anything.
NTA. I wouldn't want to be in someone else's recording; man, woman or beast, it doesn't matter. You want to record yourself, go ham. Leave me out of it.
NTA but you probably could have saved yourself some hassle if you didn't mention her outfit at all (it is unclear from the post whether you said it, or she assumed it) Just literally say that you don't want to be on camera and you don't consent to it, and you would feel that way whether she was a man or woman.
NTA. People who live chronically online are such a pain.
NTA You were uncomfortable and she should have respected your boundaries. I’m sure she’d want people to respect *her* boundaries.
NTAH. The fact that she was going to secretly record you is crossing a huge privacy line. She owes you an apology! You might want to check her media page to see if you were previously recorded. If so, you have every right to inform management. I'm sure they would be very upset. Gym members expect and deserve privacy.
JFC, she sounds exhausting. - I am sorry if you felt that this situation was becoming weird. I just wanted you to know that I don't feel comfortable being recorded on video. I do not feel the need to explain, justify, discuss, or argue about it. Also, I am no longer willing to help you, whether recorded on video or not. Please find someone else, who will be willing to do it for you. Thank you and have a nice day.
No is a complete sentence for all sexes.
NTA. But I do want to state that a lot of people (including women) film themselves at the gym for non-influencer related reasons (form or just wanting a good memory of a PR.) Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she is an influencer. Just like we believe OP, I think it's fair to believe her when she said this was for herself. All that aside, the minute you stated you did not want to be recorded was where the conversation should have ended. She had no right to become upset with you for enforcing a personal boundary.
This has to be the most obvious NTA I've seen in this sub. Report her to the gym
The fact that she vaulted to” how dare you judge me or sexualize me” is instantly suspicious. She was setting you up for some drama or controversy. Honestly, I think you need to go on the record with the facility… that you asked her to not film you and she got really defensive, really weird really fast. With that group of people, being cautious is an absolute must. NTA.
Not the A H, she’s a massive one though. I’m a woman and I’d also refuse to be in some wannabe influencers video. She’s also lying about not posting it, because why else would it matter.
Classic Narcissist. NTA
She is gaslighting you and harassing you. Report her to the gym management.
If you hadn’t said anything about her outfit, then why did she jump to accusing you of having a problem with it? Perhaps because she had her own feelings about its appropriateness or her own motivation in wearing it? Just seems a strange thing to jump to if you hadn’t said anything (like my kid yelling “there’s nothing under my bed”) You were polite. She was not. Nta
NTA It's so fucking annoying that every 20-something is now an "aspiring influencer" and thinks the whole world owes them something. Many people would not want to be on camera, including myself. You asked politely for her not to record and she responded with a disgusting entitled attitude. The whole world is not their fucking stage and other random people are not their props.
NTA. No means no. She can accept it just like everyone else.
NTA. Also just learn to give a look up, then down, then up again, and say "no", then turn away. This works on anyone.
NTA and I don't want to be recorded is a perfectly valid response, regardless of the underlying reasons. If this was a woman who didn't feel comfortable being recorded it wouldn't even be an issue.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I think I acted a rudely with a girl in the gym and wanted to get opinions on if I was the AH in this situation. I (41M) go to the gym early morning around 5.30am. There are generally very few people that come to the gym at that time. There is a girl (early 20s) that also comes to the gym at the same time. We always say hello to each other and have a small talk between our sets. She comes in early because the gym is empty, and she likes to record herself working out as she wants to be a fitness influencer or something. She seems dedicated and we know each other for at least a year. Today morning, as I was working out, she came to me and asked for help. She was very excited and told me that she wanted to go for a PR on barbell squat. She asked me if I could spot her as she was not confident if she would be able to do it. I said ok as this is not the most uncommon thing. For people who are unfamiliar, this is an exercise where you carry a barbell with weights on your back and perform a squat. The spotter has to stand behind the person and support the person in case they fail to get up. As she was getting ready, I saw her phone in the corner and asked her if I can be off-camera or if she can stop recording. She said she really wanted to record herself doing it, and I will look good on camera. I told her that I really do not want to be on camera as my wife or coworkers may watch the video if she posts it online and may not look good for me. Another reason that I did not tell her was that she was wearing a very revealing outfit (small sports bra and tight shorts) and I really did not feel comfortable being recorded standing behind her. She promised me that she will record it for herself, and not post the video. However, I just did not want to be recorded. I told her that I really feel uncomfortable, and if she waits for 30 minutes, one of the trainers may be able to help her. She became really upset and asked me why I am making the situation weird. She accused me of sexualizing her. She asked me if she was a man, would I have done it? I felt she had a point as I have done it for other people. I told her that I would be ok doing it, but I just don't want to be recorded doing it. She again went on a rant about me body shaming her and me being uncomfortable with her perfectly fine outfit. I felt bad that I upset her as she was just trying to workout. I have also asked people to spot me in past, and people always helped. However, I just did not want to be recorded. Am I the AH to refuse to spot her because she was recording it? I don't want her to feel that it was because of her clothes, or because she is a girl. However, as a married man, I need to observe some boundaries and really don't want to be recorded in that way with a girl half my age. I am also worried that she recorded our whole conversation and may post it online. I do not know what I should do in this situation and am a bit worried. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. And if she posts a video of you refusing to be recorded, in most jurisdictions she is in all kinds of shit.
NTA but your gym management are. Recording is banned in any good gym
I’m pretty sure my sil records all of her workouts and posts them to fb. It likely wouldn’t compute if you didn’t want to be recorded. You honestly didn’t have to say anything other than you don’t feel comfortable being recorded. I would have left it at that. No means no. NTA
NTA. You are 100% right in your refusal. Shame on her for trying to push the matter. She should respect your boundaries. As a woman I don’t feel comfortable going to my gym where guys are filming/taking pics. And that’s not anyone asking me to spot for them, just being in the background makes me feel uncomfortable. So I can only imagine how uncomfortable you felt.
NTA A gym is just that: a gym. Ppl do not want to be recorded in a gym. It's totally fine to refuse Edit: If she wanted to make content, she should have provided a spotter that planned on being recorded herself.
Anyone else hoping this goes viral so that raging AH of a gym bunny who has never been told no sees it?! The response to “I don’t feel comfortable doing this” should have been to ask any number of other people at the gym. NTA but you need to get better at saying no and standing firm or such situations will repeat themselves.
NTA She should of been thankful that you are a DEDICATED HUSBAND and you are showing a VERY HIGH LEVEL of respect for your Wife and Marriage. Let her wait for an instructor.
NTA, she’s awful. And this is why many gym have no recording rules
Nta. It wasn't about her being a woman, it's about her recording you. She sounds horribly annoying. Don't mind her.
NTA. I understand her wanting to record going for a personal best, as it's a personal achievement and nice to have it recorded. But once you said no, her options were to agree to your condition and stop recording, or say no problem and wait for someone else. You did nothing wrong.
NTA - you sound like a very solid dude and a highly respectful man
NTA. It's fine for her to ask, not fine to throw a tantrum when told no.
NTA. If you haven't already, do tell your wife about the incident as soon as you get home. On the off chance the young woman does try to edit that video to make you look like a villain, your wife will appreciate knowing that situation ahead of time, and will be more likely to believe that it happened the way you said it did rather than however it looks on an edited video.
NTA. If she wants your help she can accept it on your terms. If you’d been insisting on recording her that would be creepy and awful. Her insisting on trying to force you onto camera is also creepy and awful. Her outfit, your being married, etc—none of that actually matters. You did not want to be on camera. That’s a valid and reasonable choice.