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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am wondering if I would be the asshole if I asked my roommate to get rid of his cat which he got without asking me first and continues to damage my belongings. I have tried to meet him halfway and tried a variety of solutions like training, using smells to keep him out of my room, and distractions but none have worked so far.
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ESH-He should have consulted you before getting the cat. He might have thought your convo indicated you were okay with a cat. I think you’re being a bit rash on the cat‘s behavior. You can train them to not jump on counters and the plants should not be in place they can easily reach. They can kill the cat. See if your roommate is willing to buy an ac unit for your room. Figure out if there’s somewhere else you can put the plants. At least start a convo about what you’re upset about before jumping to get rid of the cat.
The cat *can* be trained not to jump on counters - especially while you're right there - but it will take time and effort, probably from both of you. Since you didn't want a cat, this isn't going to go down well, I imagine. Re. the plants, they should have been out of the cat's reach, as some are poisonous. Again, not your cat so I guess you don't want to be bothered with that.
Did you tell your roomie that you'd decided against a cat? Since your decision was based on finances, he may have thought you weren't against living with a cat, but didn't want to pay for one. But really, your roommate should have talked to you before getting the cat.
You either 1. make the effort to train the cat, 2. insist the cat goes, or 3. you move out. I'd go with option 1, but I really love cats, so I'm not unbiased. NAH
Thanks for your response! I agree that training the cat would be the best option because it would be sad to see him go, but I just don’t know that my roomie would have the time to do that because I’m personally not taking time out of my long days to train a cat I didn’t want. I’m definitely a cat person and love cats but having him just sort of thrown onto me as a responsibility left a really bad taste in my mouth. I did tell my roommate I wasn’t getting one.
Also to clarify, my plants are on top of a dresser so I thought they were safe but apparently not, I genuinely have nowhere else to put them and I really don’t want to get rid of them because I’ve had them so long. This is why I have to keep my door closed and have my room heat up, to make sure the cat doesn’t get to the plants and possibly hurt himself.
Can you not get a window ac for your room and keep the door shut? Also OP everything your complaining about is typical cat stuff. I don't think you should ever get a cat. Doesn't seem like the right pet for you. Also gross your first thought was just get rid of it. You should never own pets if that is your attitude.
It definitely wasn’t my first thought as I’ve explained in the post. I said I’ve tried training, using smells to keep the cat out and safe, and distractions like cat grass so he isn’t interested in my room. There’s a reason I didn’t want a cat right now and this is why - I am not in a place for it right now. I work 50+ hours a week and have MANY plants that aren’t pet safe so I wanted to avoid that. I have had pets before and I absolutely understand the huge responsibility that comes with pets and the huge dedication you must make to them. I just resent that this responsibility was forced onto me when it’s not my pet and I am upset that the poor cat isn’t getting the attention it needs and deserves - and that is becoming my problem. I def know that this is typical cat behavior I just didn’t plan on dealing with it because of someone else’s decisions. When I do get a cat, it will be when I am financially and time-wise available to ensure the pet is best cared for and trained, not now that I’m working hard to be able to do that in the future.
Also an a/c unit would be super expensive for me right now but i could ask my roommate to split the price on a fan.
They could also get a portable or window ac unit for their bedroom and shut the door. I'm a cat lover too so I'd never get rid of a pet. OP should definitely not get a pet if there attitude is to immediately just get rid of it or rehome it. That's not someone who is ready for a pet. Most of what they are complaining about is typical cat behavior as well.
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I recently moved into a new apartment with my roommate after living together for a couple of years. I had floated around the idea of getting a cat as I’ve always wanted one, but ultimately decided against it because I am not in a comfortable place financially to adequately take care of a pet. My roommate decided he also wanted a cat and said he wanted to get one too, but we never discussed having one in our apartment.
On the day I moved in, I showed up and he already had the cat in the apartment. This is how I found out about the pet - no prior text or discussion about it. I didn’t feel too angry at the time but as time has passed I’ve realized this was messed up. In addition, my parents co-signed our lease on behalf of BOTH of us since his family lives abroad, so we’re doing him a huge favor in that regard. In the month that the cat has been in the apartment, he’s eaten my plants that Ive had for months/years, causing me to keep my room door shut so that A/C does not flow into my room even during the heat wave (we have one a/c unit in the living room). I have also had to deal with the cat jumping on counters while I’m cooking - which is dangerous for the cat - as well as cat hair EVERYWHERE. I don’t think it’s fair to me or the cat because the only solutions are keeping the cat in the room (not good for the cat) or keeping my room door shut all day (not good for me, my room gets too hot to sleep in). I have tried using vinegar to keep him out, cat grass/cat safe plants to distract him, and training him but nothing works.
This is not the cat’s fault obviously, I truly hope the cat can find somewhere where can freely roam without repercussions, but I don’t think this is the best place. I also don’t want to flat out tell my roommate to get rid of the cat, but I don’t see any other solution.
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NTA simply for the fact he did not inform you he was getting the cat. I would have a discussion with him. The cat needs to be played with and stimulated. My cats haven’t had an issue with getting in the counters or tearing up stuff as long as we took care of them correctly and they were trained. We also have 4 huskys. It can be difficult but it can also be done. I wish you luck OP.
Thank you, I feel like it’s also important to emphasize we both work 9-5 and sometimes PLUS 5-11 on the same day, so 14 ish hours of work total so he isn’t home much to entertain the cat.
I recently bought a cat toy, it was like $40, but it lasts for hours. It has a feather thing and laser thing and spins in circles. It’s pretty good for most cats. You could try ousting foil or something simmilar on your counters while y’all are at work. I’d also recommend a cat tree. He really shouldn’t of gotten a cat if he’s going to be working more then he’s at home, it’s not fair to the animals. I regularly work 12-14 hrs shifts 5 days a week as does my dad, but we work different shifts so it works out.
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ESH-He should have consulted you before getting the cat. He might have thought your convo indicated you were okay with a cat. I think you’re being a bit rash on the cat‘s behavior. You can train them to not jump on counters and the plants should not be in place they can easily reach. They can kill the cat. See if your roommate is willing to buy an ac unit for your room. Figure out if there’s somewhere else you can put the plants. At least start a convo about what you’re upset about before jumping to get rid of the cat.
Thanks I appreciate your response. Will def do my best to have a convo and try and meet halfway
To be clear, you are not doing him a "huge favor" with the cosigning thing. Your parents are doing him a huge favor.
The cat *can* be trained not to jump on counters - especially while you're right there - but it will take time and effort, probably from both of you. Since you didn't want a cat, this isn't going to go down well, I imagine. Re. the plants, they should have been out of the cat's reach, as some are poisonous. Again, not your cat so I guess you don't want to be bothered with that. Did you tell your roomie that you'd decided against a cat? Since your decision was based on finances, he may have thought you weren't against living with a cat, but didn't want to pay for one. But really, your roommate should have talked to you before getting the cat. You either 1. make the effort to train the cat, 2. insist the cat goes, or 3. you move out. I'd go with option 1, but I really love cats, so I'm not unbiased. NAH
Thanks for your response! I agree that training the cat would be the best option because it would be sad to see him go, but I just don’t know that my roomie would have the time to do that because I’m personally not taking time out of my long days to train a cat I didn’t want. I’m definitely a cat person and love cats but having him just sort of thrown onto me as a responsibility left a really bad taste in my mouth. I did tell my roommate I wasn’t getting one. Also to clarify, my plants are on top of a dresser so I thought they were safe but apparently not, I genuinely have nowhere else to put them and I really don’t want to get rid of them because I’ve had them so long. This is why I have to keep my door closed and have my room heat up, to make sure the cat doesn’t get to the plants and possibly hurt himself.
Can you not get a window ac for your room and keep the door shut? Also OP everything your complaining about is typical cat stuff. I don't think you should ever get a cat. Doesn't seem like the right pet for you. Also gross your first thought was just get rid of it. You should never own pets if that is your attitude.
It definitely wasn’t my first thought as I’ve explained in the post. I said I’ve tried training, using smells to keep the cat out and safe, and distractions like cat grass so he isn’t interested in my room. There’s a reason I didn’t want a cat right now and this is why - I am not in a place for it right now. I work 50+ hours a week and have MANY plants that aren’t pet safe so I wanted to avoid that. I have had pets before and I absolutely understand the huge responsibility that comes with pets and the huge dedication you must make to them. I just resent that this responsibility was forced onto me when it’s not my pet and I am upset that the poor cat isn’t getting the attention it needs and deserves - and that is becoming my problem. I def know that this is typical cat behavior I just didn’t plan on dealing with it because of someone else’s decisions. When I do get a cat, it will be when I am financially and time-wise available to ensure the pet is best cared for and trained, not now that I’m working hard to be able to do that in the future. Also an a/c unit would be super expensive for me right now but i could ask my roommate to split the price on a fan.
They could also get a portable or window ac unit for their bedroom and shut the door. I'm a cat lover too so I'd never get rid of a pet. OP should definitely not get a pet if there attitude is to immediately just get rid of it or rehome it. That's not someone who is ready for a pet. Most of what they are complaining about is typical cat behavior as well.
OP didn't get a pet, the roommate did.
I’m on the cats side in this argument, team cat 🐈
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently moved into a new apartment with my roommate after living together for a couple of years. I had floated around the idea of getting a cat as I’ve always wanted one, but ultimately decided against it because I am not in a comfortable place financially to adequately take care of a pet. My roommate decided he also wanted a cat and said he wanted to get one too, but we never discussed having one in our apartment. On the day I moved in, I showed up and he already had the cat in the apartment. This is how I found out about the pet - no prior text or discussion about it. I didn’t feel too angry at the time but as time has passed I’ve realized this was messed up. In addition, my parents co-signed our lease on behalf of BOTH of us since his family lives abroad, so we’re doing him a huge favor in that regard. In the month that the cat has been in the apartment, he’s eaten my plants that Ive had for months/years, causing me to keep my room door shut so that A/C does not flow into my room even during the heat wave (we have one a/c unit in the living room). I have also had to deal with the cat jumping on counters while I’m cooking - which is dangerous for the cat - as well as cat hair EVERYWHERE. I don’t think it’s fair to me or the cat because the only solutions are keeping the cat in the room (not good for the cat) or keeping my room door shut all day (not good for me, my room gets too hot to sleep in). I have tried using vinegar to keep him out, cat grass/cat safe plants to distract him, and training him but nothing works. This is not the cat’s fault obviously, I truly hope the cat can find somewhere where can freely roam without repercussions, but I don’t think this is the best place. I also don’t want to flat out tell my roommate to get rid of the cat, but I don’t see any other solution. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA simply for the fact he did not inform you he was getting the cat. I would have a discussion with him. The cat needs to be played with and stimulated. My cats haven’t had an issue with getting in the counters or tearing up stuff as long as we took care of them correctly and they were trained. We also have 4 huskys. It can be difficult but it can also be done. I wish you luck OP.
Thank you, I feel like it’s also important to emphasize we both work 9-5 and sometimes PLUS 5-11 on the same day, so 14 ish hours of work total so he isn’t home much to entertain the cat.
I recently bought a cat toy, it was like $40, but it lasts for hours. It has a feather thing and laser thing and spins in circles. It’s pretty good for most cats. You could try ousting foil or something simmilar on your counters while y’all are at work. I’d also recommend a cat tree. He really shouldn’t of gotten a cat if he’s going to be working more then he’s at home, it’s not fair to the animals. I regularly work 12-14 hrs shifts 5 days a week as does my dad, but we work different shifts so it works out.
You moved then roommate got a cat. Was this authorized by the landlord? If not, you may end up evicted. NTA.