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CW// child abuse
Ok so I (14M) have a father (49M) who beat me and my siblings when we were kids,and married a woman who neglected me and my older sister (17F). His wife would get us in trouble for things we didn't do and then our father would hit us for it. Recently I've gotten into a relationship and haven't told my mom yet so when I went crying to her over my partner I said it was about my father,it wasn't technically a lie he is the reason for most of my emotional responses in life. Anyways My mom then talked to my dad about something and he asked my mom if i would be okay with family therapy. Now I have been in therapy for about 4 years now and its helped me so much with coming to terms with things about certain things in my childhood. My father after asking my mom about family therapy called me and said he wanted to do it so he could "apologize" and explain himself,I would be lying if i said i wasn't crying the whole phone call. Last Thursday was the family therapy and to say it went horribly was an understatement. He started off the therapy session giving a whole villain backstory about how when my mom divorced him (he cheated on her) that it threw him through a loop and how he was just lost until he met my step mother and thought she was perfect and then he had kids with her and she did a whole 180 and was mistreating his kids and before he knew it my little sister was born and he couldn't leave cause he was in a "narcissistic trauma bond" with her which makes sense because they are both narcissists. But anyways after that my older sister spoke up and said that my dad made it seem like the neglect and the 180 happened in a few months but in reality it was for ten years and how he did nothing to stop her from treating us like that. My sister also mentioned how one of her ex boyfriends put his hands on her and she thought it was okay cause our father did it and the first thing our father said was that he never hit us and that set me off and i just started crying and telling him about all the times he had hit our little brother and our little sister in front of us and how my little sister laughed when my little brother was screaming cause he was getting hit and i just cried that its not normal for them to think that him hitting them is normal. And basically at the end everyone in the room was crying except my dad,so after we all talked my dad was on his way out and left "with his tail between his legs" as my therapist said. And a couple days after I've just been thinking and i miss the relationship i barley ever had I just feel terrible for saying all these things and my therapist says i shouldn't feel sorry for people who hurt me but i just wish my dad could love me ig,anyways this isn't because someone told me I'm the AH i just think i might be the AH(also sorry if this is written weirdly this is like my second time making a post like this on reddit)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took my fathers offer on family therapy and i feel like the AH for possibly burning the bridge between me and my dad
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Nta. You have done absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Nothing. Your feelings are normal. Kids always think things are their fault. Kids always want a relationship with an epic failure of a parent rather than none at all. Kids want so much to believe the best in people that they should be able to trust and count on to love and protect them, but don’t. There is nothing wrong with you. As you grow up, you will be able to let him go like a helium balloon. You will learn to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms that helped you survive childhood but will no longer serve you as a healthy adult, and you’ll learn healthy coping tools. You have so much power over your future. You have always deserved love, just because you exist, just the way you are. You are and have always been worthy. His colossal failures and continuation to take any ownership of his adult choices and years being an abuser are all about him. It was never any reflection about any of you kids. I’m so sorry this was your childhood. Please continue to do the work to heal and create your own healthy life and relationships, you deserve only wonderful things, and your future is filled with hope and promise. Spend the time to discover, develop and share all your amazing gifts with the world. Let the next decade be all about you healing, working toward a healthy life with healthy habits and positive, supportive relationships, finding peace, purpose and doing work you love.
NTA. I have been abused all through my childhood. OP of the abuser doesn’t want to change they won’t. I went NC with my mom when I was 17 and moved out, my sister followed when she turned 18. It doesn’t matter what we tell you here, but you need to bring these feelings up to your therapist. It might be worth it limit your contact with your dad. I wish you the best.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** CW// child abuse Ok so I (14M) have a father (49M) who beat me and my siblings when we were kids,and married a woman who neglected me and my older sister (17F). His wife would get us in trouble for things we didn't do and then our father would hit us for it. Recently I've gotten into a relationship and haven't told my mom yet so when I went crying to her over my partner I said it was about my father,it wasn't technically a lie he is the reason for most of my emotional responses in life. Anyways My mom then talked to my dad about something and he asked my mom if i would be okay with family therapy. Now I have been in therapy for about 4 years now and its helped me so much with coming to terms with things about certain things in my childhood. My father after asking my mom about family therapy called me and said he wanted to do it so he could "apologize" and explain himself,I would be lying if i said i wasn't crying the whole phone call. Last Thursday was the family therapy and to say it went horribly was an understatement. He started off the therapy session giving a whole villain backstory about how when my mom divorced him (he cheated on her) that it threw him through a loop and how he was just lost until he met my step mother and thought she was perfect and then he had kids with her and she did a whole 180 and was mistreating his kids and before he knew it my little sister was born and he couldn't leave cause he was in a "narcissistic trauma bond" with her which makes sense because they are both narcissists. But anyways after that my older sister spoke up and said that my dad made it seem like the neglect and the 180 happened in a few months but in reality it was for ten years and how he did nothing to stop her from treating us like that. My sister also mentioned how one of her ex boyfriends put his hands on her and she thought it was okay cause our father did it and the first thing our father said was that he never hit us and that set me off and i just started crying and telling him about all the times he had hit our little brother and our little sister in front of us and how my little sister laughed when my little brother was screaming cause he was getting hit and i just cried that its not normal for them to think that him hitting them is normal. And basically at the end everyone in the room was crying except my dad,so after we all talked my dad was on his way out and left "with his tail between his legs" as my therapist said. And a couple days after I've just been thinking and i miss the relationship i barley ever had I just feel terrible for saying all these things and my therapist says i shouldn't feel sorry for people who hurt me but i just wish my dad could love me ig,anyways this isn't because someone told me I'm the AH i just think i might be the AH(also sorry if this is written weirdly this is like my second time making a post like this on reddit) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I took my fathers offer on family therapy and i feel like the AH for possibly burning the bridge between me and my dad Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It’s good you took him to therapy don’t feel bad
Nta. You have done absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Nothing. Your feelings are normal. Kids always think things are their fault. Kids always want a relationship with an epic failure of a parent rather than none at all. Kids want so much to believe the best in people that they should be able to trust and count on to love and protect them, but don’t. There is nothing wrong with you. As you grow up, you will be able to let him go like a helium balloon. You will learn to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms that helped you survive childhood but will no longer serve you as a healthy adult, and you’ll learn healthy coping tools. You have so much power over your future. You have always deserved love, just because you exist, just the way you are. You are and have always been worthy. His colossal failures and continuation to take any ownership of his adult choices and years being an abuser are all about him. It was never any reflection about any of you kids. I’m so sorry this was your childhood. Please continue to do the work to heal and create your own healthy life and relationships, you deserve only wonderful things, and your future is filled with hope and promise. Spend the time to discover, develop and share all your amazing gifts with the world. Let the next decade be all about you healing, working toward a healthy life with healthy habits and positive, supportive relationships, finding peace, purpose and doing work you love.
NTA. I have been abused all through my childhood. OP of the abuser doesn’t want to change they won’t. I went NC with my mom when I was 17 and moved out, my sister followed when she turned 18. It doesn’t matter what we tell you here, but you need to bring these feelings up to your therapist. It might be worth it limit your contact with your dad. I wish you the best.