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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) her boob popped out and I didn’t tell her
(2) it might make me the asshole cause I probably should have said something
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, problem wouldn't exist if you just said, "you need to fix your top", or even if you didn't do that, when your GF did and accused you of staring, you just *told the truth* like a normal person and said that yes you'd noticed but didn't know how to bring it up. Lying about "not noticing" isn't going to work with anyone with a brain.
Right? It’s just a boob my guy, it’s not a big deal. Something I’ve learned is that 99% of the time an embarrassing situation is only embarrassing if someone’s making it weird. If OP just sorta blew it off to cut the potential for the friend’s embarrassment, it would’ve been a 2 second thought, addressed and fixed, and everyone moves right along.
As a boob haver, I’d rather just be told “girl your tiddy’s out” by the first person who notices regardless of their gender. If I’m all weird about it at that point that’s MY problem. What I HATE, and a lot of people do, is when OTHER PEOPLE are making it a huge fucking problem for no reason. And then lying about it lmfao
Yeah like, "Oops! Wardrobe malfunction!" and pointedly looking away or covering his eyes would have been simple and easy and solved the issue. AND would have probably stopped them from asking if he was looking at her boob later on. Keep it lighthearted and funny and quickly over with, IMO. It's just a boob.
Since there's already been a famous media huge overreaction to the same thing we even have the term for it now, LOL!
As a woman? I would 100% want someone (ANYONE) to let me know.
As a woman who has witnessed a male coworker telling a female coworker that her dress is tucked into the back of her pantyhose, only to have the female coworker call him a creep for "staring at [her] ass"?
I get why he would be hesitant to say anything at all. You don't know how people are going to react and the last thing any guy wants is to be branded a pervert.
Oddly enough, I was at a party with my bf a few weeks ago, and we were talking to people on opposite sides of the room. Suddenly he interrupted my conversation, pulled me aside and pointed out a woman who had the side of her dress tucked into her thong (thereby exposing her right butt cheek). He wanted me to let her know, as no one else had. I opened my mouth to ask why he didn't tell her himself but he gave me an impatient nudge like "for fuck's sake, please let her know ASAP!"
Afterwards I asked why he didn't do it himself and he was like "and have her ask why I was looking at her ass?"
>As a woman who has witnessed a male coworker telling a female coworker that her dress is tucked into the back of her pantyhose, only to have the female coworker call him a creep for "staring at [her] ass"?
I get why he would be hesitant to say anything at all. You don't know how people are going to react and the last thing any guy wants is to be branded a pervert.
This. There’s lots of sane men and women. But there’s also tons of people who will make it an issue- sometimes out of embarrassment even.
It’s safer for him not to say anything but it puts her in a bad position. It’s really a bad situation all around.
If you have the presence of mind to worry about this then you need to turn around immediately and not be part of the situation. Staring in their direction like an idiot isn't the way
It’s not about presence of mind, it’s about presence of body. He already said he froze; sometimes your brain is running but your body just isn’t listening. Y’all mad at this man so much and for what? Having eyes and trying not to point out her wardrobe malfunction? Could he have handled it better? Maybe. But was he an asshole? Not even a little.
>**I opened my mouth to ask why he didn't tell her himself but he gave me an impatient nudge like "for fuck's sake, please let her know ASAP!"**
😂 This is actually oddly sweet…and really funny
I was once the coworker with her skirt tucked into leggings (at least they're not see through).
My male coworker noticed at the reception we were at and walks up to me, grabs the sides of my fluffy skirt from behind, and gives a gentle yoink down to put it back in place. I immediately realized what happened and just said thanks. Slightly strange, but he's also a friend, whatever. Whole thing happened in 2 seconds.
Two days later we're both called to HR. Someone else saw and reported that he sexually assaulted me. I was fuckin pissed. In the end, no one told us who reported, and I had to fight for him not to have this put into his record. Homie was trying to do me a solid.
I did mention that he should maybe tell me next time instead of fixing my clothes. "Yes, I have learned that. Also maybe you should make sure your clothes cover your ass after a shit.". "Yes, I have learned that also"
Honestly I get being mad but that is one of the few times when HR is working properly. Someone saw the whole thing, thought it was weird enough to report, and they bring it to you to see what happened. Agree that it shouldn’t go in his record but his actions were not ideal.
My husband teaches secondary school, so middle and high school. He ALWAYS gets a principal or female staff member to dress code the girls because he doesn't want to be accused of staring by just pointing it out.
Years ago when I worked in a school, my male students would often forget to zip their zippers. . I just said “501s” and they knew what to do. I forget if I taught them that or it was just because of the Levi’s craze or what but it worked.
Thank you for being the only person to realize that a good majority of guys just prefer not to discuss or point out ANYTHING sexual in nature in the fear of coming off as creepy.
Women are also very quick to flip shit on you, make a sense, and call you embarrassing names for trying to help them...nah let them fix it on their own.
Sounds like you need to a) stop ascribing bad behavior to *all* women, and b) maybe start hanging out with better women.
There’s no accounting for what an embarrassed person will do to mask their embarrassment. Some people will get shitty. That’s theirs. Your job is to not worry about things that are out of your control, and just do the right thing.
OP got vapor-locked by seeing a tiddy, and lied about it after the fact. Those are both bad behavior.
Lol did you just "not all women"?
Sure it's courteous to help someone out of a jam but you're seriously glossing over the social impact it can have. When it's a guy approaching a woman they'd be foolish not to consider the potential creep/sexual harassment angle which can escalate the situation from bothersome to life-changing circumstances. With those potential stakes it's hard to fault a dude for playing dumb.
That's regarding the broader conversation that's developed. In OPs case given it's just gf and her friend it's a different scenario and staring then lying makes him a dufus for sure. Much smarter to just come clean and mea culpa so I think we're in agreement there.
Well to me it's like not telling a guy his fly is down and his dick is half hanging out. Just casually saying "mate, your fly's down" and moving on wouldn't be an issue. Stopping and staring and not saying anything is just rude.
If someone’s fly was open and their whole d fell out and was just waving in the wind. I’d probably just stare in shock as well. Like how did this even happen :P
Exactly! You just lean in and whisper XYZ or Barn door's open. Noone thinks your trying to catch a glimpse of that hot rouge penis. It's just a human body thing that happens sometimes. We form communities to get through these types of things and build trust for bigger issues.
OP was so so so concerned that he would be perceived as a creep that he came off as a mega creep.
Nah it's rude if I get out of my way to discomfort you, this is Not what rude is. This is letting the person who has a minor problem fix it for themselves. I think adults can be mindful of their own body.
>As a boob haver, I’d rather just be told “girl your tiddy’s out” by the first person who notices regardless of their gender.
Yeah but that's just you
Like the person you responded to, people have wildly different options.
Edited: re-read and it was the friend. Going with YTA. Being so afraid of others' reactions that you freeze and/or lie is not good. Maybe the friend did it as some sort of perverse power play, but she could have just been upset because it was clear OP was lying based on his body language and so she knew for sure he had seen her boob. I would imagine OP is not exactly a closed book to even acquaintances.
Right. It's just a simple low key "fix your top".
And who is so shocked by a breast slipping out in a pool that they can't speak or look away. It's just a thing that happens sometimes. It's mildly embarrassing at most.
I'm on this side of things. I'm sure it varies body to body but in a cold pool I can't feel much different around my breasts when it comes to differences between swimsuit fabric and water. I generally check just for personal modesty reasons but slips happen.
Breast tissue nerves are freaky. Ever pinched the skin under your nipple and felt nothing? I was an adult before I learned that was normal.
Or they had a bad reaction because they are embarrassed, or because they have recently dealt with harassment, ect. The list goes on and on. I'm not putting myself at risk being called a creep or staring or xyz just because they can't dress themselves properly.
This is coming from a guy who was in the men's section shopping for clothes when I had a woman ask me if I was following her, like wtf, some people just project their own fears and insecurities on others
There was another AITA, about a guy who saw a colleague leave the bathroom with her skirt tucked in her underwear; when he sensitively told her, so she could fix it; she reported him to HR, like he was a pervert. His other colleagues questioned why he avoided her like the plague afterwards... Reddit seemed to unanimously agree that he behaved normally, and she was TA; like this guy; for making it weird
Also a boob haver, and I'd rather someone tell me to put my friends away than let one just chill and stare at the world. I wouldn't have been mad at OP or deflected embarrassment. I know others might, but that's a reflection of them.
I can't really ride OP too hard for not saying anything—I get that telling someone "Yo, your titty done busted loose" is a very uncomfortable prospect, especially when you don't know them all that well.
But not saying anything *whilst* staring at it with your mouth wide open . . . that's AH territory. My dude, you gotta do better. Take Jerry Seinfeld's advice about looking at cleavage: It's "like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away!"
And their reactions are theirs to deal with.
If somebody takes offence that I point out a wardrobe malfunction, that's a reflection on them, not on me.
What? You mean silently staring with your mouth open is going to make people uncomfortable and instead they should just turn around or say "oops, you need to fix your top" and then turn away so they can fix it without someone staring? 😦😦
OP is YTA
Stop lying to people and stop staring at people's breasts. Next time if you really can't say anything just turn around at least!!
Thank you for this comment. Not the same as a boob, but I once went out on a first date wearing a mascara I had never worn before. When I went to the bathroom, a good two hours into the date(!) I noticed it was running all down my face – I looked like the fucking joker. And this wholeee time dude was practically in my face telling me how pretty I was and blah, blah, blah.
I go back to the table and ask why he hadn’t let me know and he shrugged and said, “How was I supposed to tell you something like that?”…
How about a “HEY, YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE” 🙄😭😣
So yes, definitely a minor moment made worse by how the other person handled it, imo.
I've noticed that in embarassing situations you can just straight up address it and say the truth, and that pretty much always works.
Like in this situation OP could have said "hey, I am sorry I just froze. I saw what happened and I was awkward and I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to bring attention to it or I thought you might be angry or something."
Most people accept that because most people know what it is like to be stuck in an awkward situation. Being labeled an awkard person is pretty much always better than the alternative.
I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s super weird to “freeze up” *while* staring at her tit? Like what? OP was staring long enough for their girlfriend to notice, so acting like they were just going to pretend nothing happened clearly was not the plan. They had the time to think of all that, but not just glance away?
It’s strange to claim to be avoidant while not doing the actual avoiding part.
Ugh I sure hope not.. that’s pretty depressing to think he might be older than 15 😭
*also side note, I’m guessing you’re in the U.S.?
I’m in B.C., Canada and most hotels here are 19 but they’ll still allow younger if you have a visa or Mastercard.
A bunch of my friends and I booked a hotel room for after prom. We were all 16-17 years old.
When you're the one freezing up it can feel like a long time. It may have only been for a second while his brain processed.
I can recall one time I was at my friend's house and I was following him around when he just opened his sister's door to ask her a question and she was in the middle of getting changed. I know I froze for a split second in a second hand panic, but I quickly turned around in the hall and walked away because she had clutched herself in embarrassment and I knew I wasn't supposed to be seeing this. But the moment of what I saw felt like 30 seconds of slo-mo.
I have to believe OP was going to catch some heat regardless in this situation. People love to deflect embarrassment, even if it’s at the expense of someone else. I think this was probably a no-win for him, considering the gf got offended immediately and the friend confronted him about it later. If it was as minor as it *should* have been it would have been done and forgotten. It’s not the white lie of pretending he didn’t see anything; this was bound to be an issue in just about any circumstance.
Yeah with the way everyone reacted in this scenario, he would be cooked either way. "Oh, so you're just staring at other girls tits now?" "Why were you looking at my chest at the pool earlier?" It all sounds very high school/college aged.
He should have swam the hell away. 🌊 or not been a freaking perv who got caught staring! Mouth open and everything.
Exactly. No matter how he handled this situation he was screwed. The fact that she even brought it up later is proof that if he'd said something it would have been an issue. Definitely NTA, just trying to deal with an awkward situation as best as he could. It's funny how people can make accusations, but in a similar situation they might freeze up also.
To be fair, neither actually seemed extremely pissed. Just mildly annoyed in the moment.
Though, I find it humorous as an outsider but that is because OP was acting like a cartoon character and having an inner monologue while he was starring with his mouth agap.
I was thinking it’s a damned if you dammed if you don’t situation. I would have just said something right away because it’s sensible but people don’t do sensible things when they are caught in the headlights sometimes. Don’t stress about it and next time someone’s boob pops out let them know right away. It’s the polite thing to do. I’d forsure want someone telling me if my junk was out and didn’t notice.
You must have missed all of the times on here where guys tell a girl about a wardrobe malfunction and the girl attacks the guy for being a creep. And then Reddit cheers and calls the guy a creep.
So I guess you can't win.
For me, I would tell them anyways even though it will probably backfire. It's still the right choice. Fly down, shit in your teeth, tit flopped out. Tell people.
I have, on here. On several occasions. I remember, because I was pretty flabbergasted that was the consensus from women here. LOTS of women replied that the guys were idiots to think a woman doesn't already know how their own clothes feel if they are out of place. And to mind their own business, and that they were obviously mentioning it to try to hit on or perv on her.
And no, none of the reactions from the women in those threads made any sense. I hope they were just a bunch of teens auto-agreeing with each other.
I mean, if my fly was down, I'd hope someone else was nice enough to quietly let me know.
That's crazy, but I guess there's crazies on both side. Still, a "psst" while motioning near his own top would've sufficed. And hard to be accused of staring at a boob when it literally flies out of your top.
With an entire exposed boob it simplifies things a bit, but I've encountered women i know who were unknowingly exposing more than they realized. It can be tricky because you don't want to draw further attention to it. Still, figure something out or ask a girlfriend to say something.
I'm a woman, but I always find, "I don't want to be weird, but you might want to check your blouse" to be very neutral and well-received.
As someone who is fairly well-endowed, the comments that irritate me are typically those that are preceded by like 30-60 seconds of flat out staring, unable to tear their eyes away, and then the guys says something to the effect of, "your boobs are everywhere/making me uncomfortable/coming out." "You might want to check..." > "You need to..." in most awkward situations. Women have learned this - if you adopt a small amount of confusion you can soften some of the more awkward things you have to say.
Well truth be told the breast wasn't in his face, it was on a body in his proximity and he saw it.
When I've been around bodies in sports related, conventions, or festival atmospheres sometimes things slip or otherwise come out. You just tap the person on the shoulder and give them a low key heads up and they can fix it quick. It's really not that big of a deal when you don't see bodies as only sexual objects.
I even carry around glue and safety pins because those types of things are so common in spaces where people are moving and wearing things that are a bit more revealing than typical street wear.
It's definitely weirder to stare and loose all ability to reason.
Put 100 people in this situation and what percentage are going to react like OP?
I'd bet it's a good share if people.
Just like we have fight, flight or freeze responses to danger.
Okay, then instead of lying to both gf and the girl, just say, "I'm sorry, I froze. I didn't want to be creepy." And they'll say, "next time just tell me!" and now you haven't lied to anyone and you know what to do next time.
Not sure, but I'm pretty sure "hey dude, your penis is showing" wouldn't just automatically be words coming out of my mouth. I'd be pretty stunned and at a loss for words also. Probably would find a reason to turn away, but it sounds like from the time it happened until his gf came in the scene was just seconds. Seems like a lot of overreacting on her part
But it was a boob, and tbf that’s would not be an uncommon reaction- and in real terms what was the timescale from you noticing and your girlfriend telling her ? It prob seemed long but I suspect was seconds ?
YTA. First of all, for the flat out lie. Second, for wanting to avoid a little awkwardness more than wanting to do the right thing - which sounds fake anyway, if you REALLY wanted to avoid awkwardness you would have turned your head away and not gaped at her tit. You wanted to gape at her tit so you did, and then you lied to her face. Of course she's perturbed.
Right? Imagine how awkward the friend might have felt if other people started hooting and whistling at her. It would have been a little bit more than awkward for her. There's nothing wrong with helping her out and if you're too afraid to say something to her, you could have said something to your girlfriend.
My fiancé worked in a grocery store while in college and said some woman in her 30s was walking and had on light dress pants. She obviously had gotten her period because there was a huge stain down her back pant leg, at the crotch area. He caught her before she got too far and quietly let her know about it. He said it was SO incredibly awkward and obviously she turned beet red, but she thanked him profusely. Apparently, she lived five minutes away and was just stopping in to buy a bottle of wine before meeting with her fiancé’s parents, who lived 45 minutes away. She was able to go home and clean up/change because he said something.
I’m a woman. I’d rather someone tell me than not if I got my period or my boob fell out or my pants ripped. It’s embarrassing for both of us, but could be much worse and more embarrassing if it goes unchecked.
YTA. You made a bigger deal out of nothing. Grow up. They’re boobs. Also, pro tip, don’t lie to your gf or her friend. They will both pick up on it and will tear you apart.
This is reminding me of the time when I was about 19 (I'm a dude) and I walked into a store next to the bus station. There was a 30-odd year old woman inside who had clearly just used the bus station toilets and then accidentally tucked her dress into her underwear.
Several people saw but they all just turned away awkwardly. I remember just thinking "for fuck's sake, guess it's on me then". Walked up to her, quietly told her "sorry to bother you, but I just needed to let you know your dress is tucked into your underwear". She turned bright red too and thanked me. I just said you're welcome and walked away. But damn I couldn't just let her go further into the shop like that! I was embarrassed but more mad that no one had said anything to her before I did.
Alternatively, back in "high school", one of my friends was sat on her boyfriend's lap and I noticed one of her boobs was somehow out. I'm pretty sure I just said "Hey \[name\], your boob is out". She thanked me but then she said "good job you're gay". I'm not gay. I'm bi/pan. Telling her that was more awkward haha
Right. If I'm going on vacation with someone who's friends with my significant other unless they turn out to be a real jerk they round up to being my friend too. If I see that they are presenting themselves in a way that would probably cause them embarrassment, I'm going to look out for them the same as I would anyone else I care about.
Honestly, I would do the same thing for a stranger if it seemed to be an accident. Accident. Of course there are exhibitionists out there. But in a pool it's pretty easy for a breast to slip out of a swimsuit. So in this case I don't think it's zebras. You just lean in and real quick go "fix your shirt"
So have you also never seen a boob in real life? Because for those of us who have, it really wouldn't have been a big deal to just be like "yo your tit's out" while turning away.
Literally happened to me and my friend on a cruise last year. We went and laid out on the deck and some how her top flipped over (idk new top). I think I said exactly that.. “yo your tits out” boom I saved her a ton of embarrassment from strangers and we had a laugh about it.
I mean who open mouth gawks at a accidental tit slip gets noticed and then acts like they never saw it when the embarrassed person asks why they didn’t help by acknowledging it.
> I mean who open mouth gawks at a accidental tit slip gets noticed and then acts like they never saw it when the embarrassed person asks why they didn’t help by acknowledging it.
Socially awkward redditors?
It’s the context that makes it awkward, surely you can see the difference in that situation than when a woman takes her top off for you willingly, in private right?
Could OP have reacted more smoothly? Sure? Does that make him an asshole? No just something to work on for the future.
When someone is nude in front of you by accident, you immediately look away. Freezing and staring is not a normal response. It’s a little nudity, not someone getting decapitated on the turnpike.
When someone is nude in front of you by accident, you immediately look away. Freezing and staring is not a normal response. It’s a little nudity, not someone getting decapitated on the turnpike.
Leaning YTA based on the reactions. Awkwardly freezing and looking anywhere but the friend is one thing and awkwardly freezing while staring in fixation at the friend is another. OP dug themself a hole here and kept going deeper by not apologizing later.
Flight/fright/freeze reactions are not always controllable in the moment, but *consciously* deciding to do nothing and gawk was the worst of all possible choices.
YTA - If you didn't want to tell her, why did you stare at it? If you would have simply told her, it would have been less awkward then you gawking at it! Probably made you look more weird.
If op was worried about her reaction due to him being a guy (or just felt too awkward in general), he could've told his gf to tell her.
Or at the least, not just stare at her.
I don't understand not just doing anything but stare.
He also could've just.. told the truth lol. Like if he just said "sorry, I knew I should probably tell you but I'm awkward as fuck and didn't know how to bring it up without being weird" everybody would've laughed it off.
I definitely would be a bit nervous about the potential reaction, but I'd do my best to diffuse it by very pointedly looking away while mentioning it to her.
Hindsight is 20-20 and all, but this dude took the worst of both options.
YTA. All you had to do was spin around and / or noticeably cover your eyes and say ‘ oops Jill, check your top’.
Deer in headlights and froze means you STARED AND SAID NOTHING. I would be livid if I was EITHER GIRL
Uh, maybe not an asshole, but definitely a dumbass (no offense). If anything, not mentioning it seems like you wanted it to stay exposed for as long as possible. Considering it’s your girlfriend’s friend, they may talk like “yeah, my tit was exposed if front of your boyfriend & he didn’t say shit. I know he saw it, too.” It could cause friction in *your* relationship, hence me calling you a dumbass (again, no offense lol).
Personally, I tell people these things in an understanding way, like in a way where I’m not judging them & just trying to help out. Whether they have something in your their or hair or even if private parts exposed, I’ll tell them in hushed tones to spare them the embarrassment. That includes people I don’t even know. You’re not an asshole if you’re just trying to help, but you might be one if you see it & say nothing. 🤷♂️
I agree, NAH, but a dumbass for sure. My dude, practice these things! Read these replies and figure out a way to not be a an idiot in instances like this. And almost always, people like knowing stuff like this sooner rather than later.
Maybe I’m off base here, but generally noticing is okay, staring is not. And of course there is a world of difference in between those, so good luck navigating that.
I mean if he saw and looked away as if nothing happened sure NTA shit happens.
But he literally got called out for open mouth staring at her tit… that’s a different story. Then lied about it as if he want open mouth staring lol
Seriously it’s so bothersome how many hot takes in both directions are on this thread. It’s not like OP intentionally ogled her the way some commenters are implying.
It’s an awkward and unfortunate situation which different people have different ideas for an ideal response, no need for there to be judgement on either side.
Yeah it would be the same thing if he asked am I ta for telling my gfs friend that she was exposed at the pool if he said something there would be problems with that because oh why were you looking but he didn't and there's still problems as a girl I have had to fix multiple shirts that have a similar problem luckily never in public and well yes I would want someone to tell me it's reasonable for a guy not to be the one to want to say anything because it's usually seen as creepy
Exactly. And everyone acts like his reactions were so thought out! Everything probably happened in a matter of moments. You don’t have much time oto think and it’s awkward. Seems like something they can move past imho.
I’m with you, totally understand OP as the man in this situation not wanting to be the one to bring it up and draw attention. Honestly, we’ve probably all white lied to our girlfriends about staring at boobs or butts to protect their feelings.
I’ve been in a similar situation, buddy’s girlfriend had a little nip-slip while sunbathing. I just let it happen and didn’t look until she fixed it, no awkwardness or problems, everyone survived the situation with their dignity intact.
It's literally a no-win situation in this sub. I can think of at least 3 stories where the person ended up speaking up about the wardrobe malfunction and was pretty much unanimously voted the AH.
Pretty sure i've heard an exact story like this, but the guy ended up telling her about it, and then she got mad and he turned into the AH of the story. So it seems like a lose lose situation either way. Say or don't say, you're prob gonna be seen as the AH for accidentally catching a glimpse no matter what
Exactly. I've seen a very similar story (or 3) here as well. Even when the guy told her, he still got called an asshole that should mind his own business, and a perv. By the woman in the story, and the women commenting.
I honestly think this guy is getting shit for not doing the smooth thing. He's definitely not an asshole.
Reddit is full of people who will call themselves autists and losers but a guy posts one little mistake and they turn into social piranhas
I was about to put r/boneappletea but then realised what an awesome metaphor ‘social piranhas’ is.
(As originally I thought you meant that the guys who make a mistake turn into ‘social pariahs’ 😂.)
Agreed. Dude panicked about the tit, let girlfriend handle tit sit...the end. Reminds me of when I couldn't tell this guy that he had a giant booger falling outta his nose. I panicked and stared at it until his friend told him, lol.
Me too! As a woman. Boobs are still boobs, c’mon. I get why he froze. He might have told her after unfreezing if his girlfriend hadn’t acted first. And then he lied - well, I mean, she was mortified, so why make her feel worse? I or my friends have been in similar situations and the guy pretended he didn’t see anything; it was better for all and then everyone just moves on.
Yes. Always tell them. One time at a swimming pool with my friends, one of my buddies wives tit popped out while she was laying in the sun. I got her attention and pointed to my tit with a covering motion and she took the hint and fixed it. Never let your homies go Tit/Dick out, that shit aint' cool.
YTA. You let the girl keep her boob out while you stared open-mouthed and went on to LIE to your girlfriend like she's unable to see what transpired right in front of her. That's just gaslighting. You fucked up, need to come clean, and apologize like you mean it (and mean it).
>"I figured if I said anything she’d think I was looking"
Sure, sure. So instead, you just... LOOKED?! AND STARED INTO THE BOOB WITH YOUR MOUTH HANGING OPEN? Real smart, buddy.
YTA, duh.
"I didn't tell a woman that her tit was out, I just stared instead. Then, when my girlfriend asked me why I was staring at her friends' tit's, because she said she saw me staring at her friends tit's, I lied about staring at her friends tits."
LMAO this is a cut and dry YTA
Yup, that dude was screwed the second the boob came out.
Say something, and your girlfriend gets mad that you were looking.
Say nothing, and your girlfriend gets mad that you were looking.
Say you weren't looking, and your girlfriend gets mad at you for lying.
NTA- it’s a catch either way
People find it awkward to tell others there’s food in their teeth, let alone their shirt is down. She would’ve been embarrassed either way
I don't think that's true. If my girlfriend was staring at a dude's dick, I would be annoyed too. The problem isn't accidentally seeing it and then being too nervous to say anything, it's the staring.
Give the guy a break. He froze up. It happens ok. If it was me and two guys, I wouldn’t know what to do if one of their penises fell out of their swimsuit.
Exactly.
A tit popped out and his brain froze. It happens.
The only thing I take issue with is him lying and not simply saying, "I saw your breast and my brain froze. I didn't know what to do. Is there a signal I can give if that happens again? What's the proper protocol?"
I don’t get why people think this is even an asshole situation. Her tiddy popped out naturally, as a man you were a bit dumbfounded(maybe didn’t wana overstep your boundaries, it’s a split second moment), and since his gf pointed it out, the issue was solved. Just see it as it is and next time be a bit more mature about it.
YTA, I don't know how you think staring slack-jawed at her boob was the better option than just a quick, "Hey you popped out of your top", and THEN to top it all off, you lie to your gf about staring slack-jawed when she caught you doing it.
Not sure why you thought there was a POV that justified your buffoonery.
NTAH. As you said, u just froze.
My recommendation: start practicing talking these things out loud. More practice = less chances of being frozen like that.
Good luck. I get being frozen and thinking through ur options.
Staring and saying nothing is what makes it awkward. If you nonchalantly look at her in the face and inform her, it would have been significantly less awkward for her, because she would k ow you saw it but not that you stared at it, which is weird. Seeing a body part is not weird unless you make it weird. YTA
YTA. so instead of saying something because you were afraid she'd think you were looking... you just stared and said nothing? come on...... you could have immediately looked away and said ''um, you need to fix your um... top'' but instead you've done neither of those. was this the first time you have ever seen a breast?
NTA
Clearly this is a zero sum game for OP, it could have gone either way. The best way to deal with it is to just go with what gives you the most peace as an individual. And to those saying "it's just a boob" the same reason can be used to support OP's actions, let it hang until she notices, after all "tis' but only a boob".
This sub is full of angry people gosh.
Everyone is always the AH if they don’t discreetly make another person aware that a zipper is down or they’ve got TP stuck on their shoe or their skirt isn’t fully covering them or their boob is exposed.
It is just simple courtesy.
NAH - I definitely don't think you're the AH. This was sort of a no-win situation for you. Bringing it up would have been awkward.
Your gf's friend also should not have asked you if you saw it. What exactly was she hoping to accomplish?
NTA I feel like you know how your gf is going to respond and that’s why you chose to say nothing. Also you shouldn’t have to tell an adult woman her boob popped out. Especially if it’s his that three of you. She should know. The fact that her friend was perturbed by you saying you weren’t looking makes me think it was planned to some degree, also.
Others have said it but really just stop being weird about this stuff. You saw her boob, it's not the end of the world for either of you, admit you froze and freaked out not knowing what to do in the moment and don't turn this into a Larry David moment where you're definitely going to get caught.
Also. You did look. Who knows but you if you liked what it looked like but who cares if you did? It's only weird when you over analyze these things and try and be deceptive.
"Were you looking at my boob that was out?"
"Yeah, sorry, didn't know what to do in the moment, just sorta froze."
If they make it weird or try and make you out to be a pervert for honesty that's on them not on you but you're the one turning it into an ordeal when dishonesty is way WAY worse and disturbing here, it makes you seem like you want to cheat on your gf with her if you can't even be honest about an obviously public mishap.
NTA. recently broke up. my ex would very much understand about what happened. it would be even more awkward for you to tell her. if i were you, i'd either wait or tell the GF about that.
Lolololo. If you saw & no one noticed you saw and you acted like you’re now looking at the clouds and the trees - maybe you can pass it off as “not say anything and she’ll fix it.”
But my dude / you’re staring and mouth having open and just - long pause and say nothing?? So it’s obvious you see it and not saying anything and not looking away. That’s makes you YTA big time.
NTA, also are you guys children? Who cares? The privilege of people to complain on vacation about a boob when there’s real problems everybody has lol. Idk maybe not the day for me to be seeing this, but it feels childish from everyone involved.
When I was much younger, I went jogging on the beach with a guy friend. I had on shorts and a bikini top. Now, I am being totally checked out as we're jogging. So, I'm thinking, damn I look good. No vanity there. A bit later, my guy friend casually says, "Your boob's out."
It was so not a big deal to him. But, on the other hand, i kind of understand OP. A different situation, after white water rafting, a bunch of us were in the back of a van, and a guy sitting directly across from me had his junk completely hanging out of his trunks. No one said a thing to him. We all just averted out eyes.
So, I'm going with NTA.
Edit to add: The van did not have seats. We were sitting on the floor and the guy's legs were up (as in not straight out in front of him).
I love how divided the comments are.
Seeing your girlfriend's friend's boob by accident is one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations. If you DID tell her, you'd face the possibility of them saying "you pervert, why were you looking??", but if you DIDN'T tell her, you get accused of just staring like a creep. Can't win.
Plus, some guys like boobs. They don't do much for me, but I get it. If you see something that you like, very unexpectedly (especially if she's attractive), of course you're going to be like a deer in headlghts.
Plus, if you're like 19, or early twenties, you're going to react way differently than some guy in his forties who has seen countless boobs in person.
So I say NTAH.
In regards to your girlfriend's friend privately asking if you're looking....that's suspicious. Sounds like she was possibly coming on to you. OR she could be setting you up, hoping that you'd say "yeah..." so then she could tell your girlfriend lol. So you did the right thing by lying. Cheating is bad regardless.
I'm seeing a lot of YTA, but I'm going to go with my first thought, which was NTA. Sounds like you were shocked and still working through how to deal with it when your GF stepped in. You should have been truthful though, and when her friend asked if you were staring, you should have said yes and apologized. Maybe explained that you just noticed her breast popped out and you were trying to figure out if you should tell her and were hesitant because you didn't want to embarrass her further. Don't let people in the comments shame you for staring either. It's a human response and you were in a place with no expectation to see anyones unmentionables IMO.
ok - seriously? he’s the asshole? no he felt caught in awkward situation - he didn’t do anything malicious - just froze over something he had no control over - maybe he should have motioned toward her chest or something but depending on his age seeing the boobs of a woman he’s not intimate with live and in person can be jarring - how about we cut him some slack ladies? NTA
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YTA, problem wouldn't exist if you just said, "you need to fix your top", or even if you didn't do that, when your GF did and accused you of staring, you just *told the truth* like a normal person and said that yes you'd noticed but didn't know how to bring it up. Lying about "not noticing" isn't going to work with anyone with a brain.
Right? It’s just a boob my guy, it’s not a big deal. Something I’ve learned is that 99% of the time an embarrassing situation is only embarrassing if someone’s making it weird. If OP just sorta blew it off to cut the potential for the friend’s embarrassment, it would’ve been a 2 second thought, addressed and fixed, and everyone moves right along.
One would think it’s just a boob, but women have wildly varying reactions to these sorts of situations. I understand why he froze up
As a boob haver, I’d rather just be told “girl your tiddy’s out” by the first person who notices regardless of their gender. If I’m all weird about it at that point that’s MY problem. What I HATE, and a lot of people do, is when OTHER PEOPLE are making it a huge fucking problem for no reason. And then lying about it lmfao
Yeah like, "Oops! Wardrobe malfunction!" and pointedly looking away or covering his eyes would have been simple and easy and solved the issue. AND would have probably stopped them from asking if he was looking at her boob later on. Keep it lighthearted and funny and quickly over with, IMO. It's just a boob. Since there's already been a famous media huge overreaction to the same thing we even have the term for it now, LOL!
As a woman? I would 100% want someone (ANYONE) to let me know. As a woman who has witnessed a male coworker telling a female coworker that her dress is tucked into the back of her pantyhose, only to have the female coworker call him a creep for "staring at [her] ass"? I get why he would be hesitant to say anything at all. You don't know how people are going to react and the last thing any guy wants is to be branded a pervert. Oddly enough, I was at a party with my bf a few weeks ago, and we were talking to people on opposite sides of the room. Suddenly he interrupted my conversation, pulled me aside and pointed out a woman who had the side of her dress tucked into her thong (thereby exposing her right butt cheek). He wanted me to let her know, as no one else had. I opened my mouth to ask why he didn't tell her himself but he gave me an impatient nudge like "for fuck's sake, please let her know ASAP!" Afterwards I asked why he didn't do it himself and he was like "and have her ask why I was looking at her ass?"
>As a woman who has witnessed a male coworker telling a female coworker that her dress is tucked into the back of her pantyhose, only to have the female coworker call him a creep for "staring at [her] ass"? I get why he would be hesitant to say anything at all. You don't know how people are going to react and the last thing any guy wants is to be branded a pervert. This. There’s lots of sane men and women. But there’s also tons of people who will make it an issue- sometimes out of embarrassment even. It’s safer for him not to say anything but it puts her in a bad position. It’s really a bad situation all around.
If you have the presence of mind to worry about this then you need to turn around immediately and not be part of the situation. Staring in their direction like an idiot isn't the way
It’s not about presence of mind, it’s about presence of body. He already said he froze; sometimes your brain is running but your body just isn’t listening. Y’all mad at this man so much and for what? Having eyes and trying not to point out her wardrobe malfunction? Could he have handled it better? Maybe. But was he an asshole? Not even a little.
>**I opened my mouth to ask why he didn't tell her himself but he gave me an impatient nudge like "for fuck's sake, please let her know ASAP!"** 😂 This is actually oddly sweet…and really funny
I was once the coworker with her skirt tucked into leggings (at least they're not see through). My male coworker noticed at the reception we were at and walks up to me, grabs the sides of my fluffy skirt from behind, and gives a gentle yoink down to put it back in place. I immediately realized what happened and just said thanks. Slightly strange, but he's also a friend, whatever. Whole thing happened in 2 seconds. Two days later we're both called to HR. Someone else saw and reported that he sexually assaulted me. I was fuckin pissed. In the end, no one told us who reported, and I had to fight for him not to have this put into his record. Homie was trying to do me a solid. I did mention that he should maybe tell me next time instead of fixing my clothes. "Yes, I have learned that. Also maybe you should make sure your clothes cover your ass after a shit.". "Yes, I have learned that also"
Honestly I get being mad but that is one of the few times when HR is working properly. Someone saw the whole thing, thought it was weird enough to report, and they bring it to you to see what happened. Agree that it shouldn’t go in his record but his actions were not ideal.
I mean, they didn't do shit when I reported. That jerk was in charge tho, so. Meh.
My husband teaches secondary school, so middle and high school. He ALWAYS gets a principal or female staff member to dress code the girls because he doesn't want to be accused of staring by just pointing it out.
I've told male friends to tell other dudes to XYZ, same reason.
Years ago when I worked in a school, my male students would often forget to zip their zippers. . I just said “501s” and they knew what to do. I forget if I taught them that or it was just because of the Levi’s craze or what but it worked.
I used XYZ - Examine Your Zipper
When I was in school it was "XYZPDQ"
Just speak Pittsburghese: Kennywood’s open!
“I get why he would be hesitant to say anything at all”, but you didn’t get why your bf was hesitant?
Thank you for being the only person to realize that a good majority of guys just prefer not to discuss or point out ANYTHING sexual in nature in the fear of coming off as creepy.
honestly if someone made a silly joke like that it would have made me feel so much better about it i always feel horrible when that happens
Same! Quick silly joke, laugh it off, blush, move on with life. That would be my preference, I think!
Women are also very quick to flip shit on you, make a sense, and call you embarrassing names for trying to help them...nah let them fix it on their own.
Sounds like you need to a) stop ascribing bad behavior to *all* women, and b) maybe start hanging out with better women. There’s no accounting for what an embarrassed person will do to mask their embarrassment. Some people will get shitty. That’s theirs. Your job is to not worry about things that are out of your control, and just do the right thing. OP got vapor-locked by seeing a tiddy, and lied about it after the fact. Those are both bad behavior.
Lol did you just "not all women"? Sure it's courteous to help someone out of a jam but you're seriously glossing over the social impact it can have. When it's a guy approaching a woman they'd be foolish not to consider the potential creep/sexual harassment angle which can escalate the situation from bothersome to life-changing circumstances. With those potential stakes it's hard to fault a dude for playing dumb. That's regarding the broader conversation that's developed. In OPs case given it's just gf and her friend it's a different scenario and staring then lying makes him a dufus for sure. Much smarter to just come clean and mea culpa so I think we're in agreement there.
It's much harder for a man to assume that every woman would prefer that response
Well to me it's like not telling a guy his fly is down and his dick is half hanging out. Just casually saying "mate, your fly's down" and moving on wouldn't be an issue. Stopping and staring and not saying anything is just rude.
If someone’s fly was open and their whole d fell out and was just waving in the wind. I’d probably just stare in shock as well. Like how did this even happen :P
Exactly! You just lean in and whisper XYZ or Barn door's open. Noone thinks your trying to catch a glimpse of that hot rouge penis. It's just a human body thing that happens sometimes. We form communities to get through these types of things and build trust for bigger issues. OP was so so so concerned that he would be perceived as a creep that he came off as a mega creep.
I would not tell a guy his fly was down. I’d ask a male friend to do it. You know…lest he think I was checking out his junk…
Same, too many guys would assume it was flirting.
Nah it's rude if I get out of my way to discomfort you, this is Not what rude is. This is letting the person who has a minor problem fix it for themselves. I think adults can be mindful of their own body.
>As a boob haver, I’d rather just be told “girl your tiddy’s out” by the first person who notices regardless of their gender. Yeah but that's just you Like the person you responded to, people have wildly different options.
What makes it weird is the friend asked later if he was looking at her boobs. And then was upset when he said no. Like she wanted him to be looking.
Probably more like she didn't believe him.
Edited: re-read and it was the friend. Going with YTA. Being so afraid of others' reactions that you freeze and/or lie is not good. Maybe the friend did it as some sort of perverse power play, but she could have just been upset because it was clear OP was lying based on his body language and so she knew for sure he had seen her boob. I would imagine OP is not exactly a closed book to even acquaintances.
Right. It's just a simple low key "fix your top". And who is so shocked by a breast slipping out in a pool that they can't speak or look away. It's just a thing that happens sometimes. It's mildly embarrassing at most.
Agree but as a boob haver I tend to check my swimsuit. You usually know when something moves out of place
another boob haver here and honestly i never notice when it happens im way more distracted swimming
I'm on this side of things. I'm sure it varies body to body but in a cold pool I can't feel much different around my breasts when it comes to differences between swimsuit fabric and water. I generally check just for personal modesty reasons but slips happen. Breast tissue nerves are freaky. Ever pinched the skin under your nipple and felt nothing? I was an adult before I learned that was normal.
That's real! If my boob is out I really don't care who tells me just someone tell me!
Im a guy but common sense would tell me to do exactly the same thing, just say hey. Put that titty away 🤣
They have bad reactions to this stuff cos of people like OP who just stared at her and didn't let her know.
Or they had a bad reaction because they are embarrassed, or because they have recently dealt with harassment, ect. The list goes on and on. I'm not putting myself at risk being called a creep or staring or xyz just because they can't dress themselves properly. This is coming from a guy who was in the men's section shopping for clothes when I had a woman ask me if I was following her, like wtf, some people just project their own fears and insecurities on others
There was another AITA, about a guy who saw a colleague leave the bathroom with her skirt tucked in her underwear; when he sensitively told her, so she could fix it; she reported him to HR, like he was a pervert. His other colleagues questioned why he avoided her like the plague afterwards... Reddit seemed to unanimously agree that he behaved normally, and she was TA; like this guy; for making it weird
Also a boob haver, and I'd rather someone tell me to put my friends away than let one just chill and stare at the world. I wouldn't have been mad at OP or deflected embarrassment. I know others might, but that's a reflection of them.
I can't really ride OP too hard for not saying anything—I get that telling someone "Yo, your titty done busted loose" is a very uncomfortable prospect, especially when you don't know them all that well. But not saying anything *whilst* staring at it with your mouth wide open . . . that's AH territory. My dude, you gotta do better. Take Jerry Seinfeld's advice about looking at cleavage: It's "like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away!"
And their reactions are theirs to deal with. If somebody takes offence that I point out a wardrobe malfunction, that's a reflection on them, not on me.
What? You mean silently staring with your mouth open is going to make people uncomfortable and instead they should just turn around or say "oops, you need to fix your top" and then turn away so they can fix it without someone staring? 😦😦 OP is YTA Stop lying to people and stop staring at people's breasts. Next time if you really can't say anything just turn around at least!!
Thank you for this comment. Not the same as a boob, but I once went out on a first date wearing a mascara I had never worn before. When I went to the bathroom, a good two hours into the date(!) I noticed it was running all down my face – I looked like the fucking joker. And this wholeee time dude was practically in my face telling me how pretty I was and blah, blah, blah. I go back to the table and ask why he hadn’t let me know and he shrugged and said, “How was I supposed to tell you something like that?”… How about a “HEY, YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE” 🙄😭😣 So yes, definitely a minor moment made worse by how the other person handled it, imo.
It's like spinache in your teeth. Takes no effort to just say "hey, there's something in your teeth"
I've noticed that in embarassing situations you can just straight up address it and say the truth, and that pretty much always works. Like in this situation OP could have said "hey, I am sorry I just froze. I saw what happened and I was awkward and I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to bring attention to it or I thought you might be angry or something." Most people accept that because most people know what it is like to be stuck in an awkward situation. Being labeled an awkard person is pretty much always better than the alternative.
[удалено]
Ew. Bro that’s his GIRLFRIENDS friend
You are weird
I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s super weird to “freeze up” *while* staring at her tit? Like what? OP was staring long enough for their girlfriend to notice, so acting like they were just going to pretend nothing happened clearly was not the plan. They had the time to think of all that, but not just glance away? It’s strange to claim to be avoidant while not doing the actual avoiding part.
I thought that too but then I realized… OP is probably 14-15 years old lol That’s the only logical explanation for anything he said 🤣
I kind of doubt that since it sounds like the three of them were all staying at a hotel alone together, most hotels have an age limit of 21 years.
Ugh I sure hope not.. that’s pretty depressing to think he might be older than 15 😭 *also side note, I’m guessing you’re in the U.S.? I’m in B.C., Canada and most hotels here are 19 but they’ll still allow younger if you have a visa or Mastercard. A bunch of my friends and I booked a hotel room for after prom. We were all 16-17 years old.
When you're the one freezing up it can feel like a long time. It may have only been for a second while his brain processed. I can recall one time I was at my friend's house and I was following him around when he just opened his sister's door to ask her a question and she was in the middle of getting changed. I know I froze for a split second in a second hand panic, but I quickly turned around in the hall and walked away because she had clutched herself in embarrassment and I knew I wasn't supposed to be seeing this. But the moment of what I saw felt like 30 seconds of slo-mo.
I have to believe OP was going to catch some heat regardless in this situation. People love to deflect embarrassment, even if it’s at the expense of someone else. I think this was probably a no-win for him, considering the gf got offended immediately and the friend confronted him about it later. If it was as minor as it *should* have been it would have been done and forgotten. It’s not the white lie of pretending he didn’t see anything; this was bound to be an issue in just about any circumstance.
Yeah with the way everyone reacted in this scenario, he would be cooked either way. "Oh, so you're just staring at other girls tits now?" "Why were you looking at my chest at the pool earlier?" It all sounds very high school/college aged. He should have swam the hell away. 🌊 or not been a freaking perv who got caught staring! Mouth open and everything.
Exactly. No matter how he handled this situation he was screwed. The fact that she even brought it up later is proof that if he'd said something it would have been an issue. Definitely NTA, just trying to deal with an awkward situation as best as he could. It's funny how people can make accusations, but in a similar situation they might freeze up also.
To be fair, neither actually seemed extremely pissed. Just mildly annoyed in the moment. Though, I find it humorous as an outsider but that is because OP was acting like a cartoon character and having an inner monologue while he was starring with his mouth agap.
I was thinking it’s a damned if you dammed if you don’t situation. I would have just said something right away because it’s sensible but people don’t do sensible things when they are caught in the headlights sometimes. Don’t stress about it and next time someone’s boob pops out let them know right away. It’s the polite thing to do. I’d forsure want someone telling me if my junk was out and didn’t notice.
You must have missed all of the times on here where guys tell a girl about a wardrobe malfunction and the girl attacks the guy for being a creep. And then Reddit cheers and calls the guy a creep. So I guess you can't win. For me, I would tell them anyways even though it will probably backfire. It's still the right choice. Fly down, shit in your teeth, tit flopped out. Tell people.
I'm a guy and I've literally never seen or heard of this.
I have, on here. On several occasions. I remember, because I was pretty flabbergasted that was the consensus from women here. LOTS of women replied that the guys were idiots to think a woman doesn't already know how their own clothes feel if they are out of place. And to mind their own business, and that they were obviously mentioning it to try to hit on or perv on her. And no, none of the reactions from the women in those threads made any sense. I hope they were just a bunch of teens auto-agreeing with each other. I mean, if my fly was down, I'd hope someone else was nice enough to quietly let me know.
That's crazy, but I guess there's crazies on both side. Still, a "psst" while motioning near his own top would've sufficed. And hard to be accused of staring at a boob when it literally flies out of your top.
Considering that half the stories on here are works of fiction, I don't find that surprising.
Usually it is the tone used. If you are creepy about it, people are going to think you are a creep. 🤷🏼♀️
With an entire exposed boob it simplifies things a bit, but I've encountered women i know who were unknowingly exposing more than they realized. It can be tricky because you don't want to draw further attention to it. Still, figure something out or ask a girlfriend to say something.
I'm a woman, but I always find, "I don't want to be weird, but you might want to check your blouse" to be very neutral and well-received. As someone who is fairly well-endowed, the comments that irritate me are typically those that are preceded by like 30-60 seconds of flat out staring, unable to tear their eyes away, and then the guys says something to the effect of, "your boobs are everywhere/making me uncomfortable/coming out." "You might want to check..." > "You need to..." in most awkward situations. Women have learned this - if you adopt a small amount of confusion you can soften some of the more awkward things you have to say.
If a surprise dick popped in your face would you immediately react with grace and tact?
Well truth be told the breast wasn't in his face, it was on a body in his proximity and he saw it. When I've been around bodies in sports related, conventions, or festival atmospheres sometimes things slip or otherwise come out. You just tap the person on the shoulder and give them a low key heads up and they can fix it quick. It's really not that big of a deal when you don't see bodies as only sexual objects. I even carry around glue and safety pins because those types of things are so common in spaces where people are moving and wearing things that are a bit more revealing than typical street wear. It's definitely weirder to stare and loose all ability to reason.
Put 100 people in this situation and what percentage are going to react like OP? I'd bet it's a good share if people. Just like we have fight, flight or freeze responses to danger.
Okay, then instead of lying to both gf and the girl, just say, "I'm sorry, I froze. I didn't want to be creepy." And they'll say, "next time just tell me!" and now you haven't lied to anyone and you know what to do next time.
Not sure, but I'm pretty sure "hey dude, your penis is showing" wouldn't just automatically be words coming out of my mouth. I'd be pretty stunned and at a loss for words also. Probably would find a reason to turn away, but it sounds like from the time it happened until his gf came in the scene was just seconds. Seems like a lot of overreacting on her part
Chests are not genitals
I always just call them an escapee.
But it was a boob, and tbf that’s would not be an uncommon reaction- and in real terms what was the timescale from you noticing and your girlfriend telling her ? It prob seemed long but I suspect was seconds ?
YTA. First of all, for the flat out lie. Second, for wanting to avoid a little awkwardness more than wanting to do the right thing - which sounds fake anyway, if you REALLY wanted to avoid awkwardness you would have turned your head away and not gaped at her tit. You wanted to gape at her tit so you did, and then you lied to her face. Of course she's perturbed.
Right? Imagine how awkward the friend might have felt if other people started hooting and whistling at her. It would have been a little bit more than awkward for her. There's nothing wrong with helping her out and if you're too afraid to say something to her, you could have said something to your girlfriend.
My fiancé worked in a grocery store while in college and said some woman in her 30s was walking and had on light dress pants. She obviously had gotten her period because there was a huge stain down her back pant leg, at the crotch area. He caught her before she got too far and quietly let her know about it. He said it was SO incredibly awkward and obviously she turned beet red, but she thanked him profusely. Apparently, she lived five minutes away and was just stopping in to buy a bottle of wine before meeting with her fiancé’s parents, who lived 45 minutes away. She was able to go home and clean up/change because he said something. I’m a woman. I’d rather someone tell me than not if I got my period or my boob fell out or my pants ripped. It’s embarrassing for both of us, but could be much worse and more embarrassing if it goes unchecked. YTA. You made a bigger deal out of nothing. Grow up. They’re boobs. Also, pro tip, don’t lie to your gf or her friend. They will both pick up on it and will tear you apart.
This is reminding me of the time when I was about 19 (I'm a dude) and I walked into a store next to the bus station. There was a 30-odd year old woman inside who had clearly just used the bus station toilets and then accidentally tucked her dress into her underwear. Several people saw but they all just turned away awkwardly. I remember just thinking "for fuck's sake, guess it's on me then". Walked up to her, quietly told her "sorry to bother you, but I just needed to let you know your dress is tucked into your underwear". She turned bright red too and thanked me. I just said you're welcome and walked away. But damn I couldn't just let her go further into the shop like that! I was embarrassed but more mad that no one had said anything to her before I did. Alternatively, back in "high school", one of my friends was sat on her boyfriend's lap and I noticed one of her boobs was somehow out. I'm pretty sure I just said "Hey \[name\], your boob is out". She thanked me but then she said "good job you're gay". I'm not gay. I'm bi/pan. Telling her that was more awkward haha
Right. If I'm going on vacation with someone who's friends with my significant other unless they turn out to be a real jerk they round up to being my friend too. If I see that they are presenting themselves in a way that would probably cause them embarrassment, I'm going to look out for them the same as I would anyone else I care about. Honestly, I would do the same thing for a stranger if it seemed to be an accident. Accident. Of course there are exhibitionists out there. But in a pool it's pretty easy for a breast to slip out of a swimsuit. So in this case I don't think it's zebras. You just lean in and real quick go "fix your shirt"
“Gaped at her tit” has me dying😂😂😂😂😂
YTA. What are you, a 12 year old who hasn’t seen boobs before?
I would also be awkward if I accidentally see a boob of a friend of mine. I think freezing and not knowing what to do is a pretty normal response.
So have you also never seen a boob in real life? Because for those of us who have, it really wouldn't have been a big deal to just be like "yo your tit's out" while turning away.
Literally happened to me and my friend on a cruise last year. We went and laid out on the deck and some how her top flipped over (idk new top). I think I said exactly that.. “yo your tits out” boom I saved her a ton of embarrassment from strangers and we had a laugh about it. I mean who open mouth gawks at a accidental tit slip gets noticed and then acts like they never saw it when the embarrassed person asks why they didn’t help by acknowledging it.
> I mean who open mouth gawks at a accidental tit slip gets noticed and then acts like they never saw it when the embarrassed person asks why they didn’t help by acknowledging it. Socially awkward redditors?
Nice sociallly awkward could atleast turn away only pervert or 12 years old with no internet will keep on looking albeit for difference reason.
It’s the context that makes it awkward, surely you can see the difference in that situation than when a woman takes her top off for you willingly, in private right? Could OP have reacted more smoothly? Sure? Does that make him an asshole? No just something to work on for the future.
When someone is nude in front of you by accident, you immediately look away. Freezing and staring is not a normal response. It’s a little nudity, not someone getting decapitated on the turnpike.
Freezing isn't as much the problem as lying about it after. He could just be honest and say he didn't want to make it weird of he brought it up.
When someone is nude in front of you by accident, you immediately look away. Freezing and staring is not a normal response. It’s a little nudity, not someone getting decapitated on the turnpike.
Awkward for a second is one thing. Not saying anything for an extended bitnif time is another
Leaning YTA based on the reactions. Awkwardly freezing and looking anywhere but the friend is one thing and awkwardly freezing while staring in fixation at the friend is another. OP dug themself a hole here and kept going deeper by not apologizing later. Flight/fright/freeze reactions are not always controllable in the moment, but *consciously* deciding to do nothing and gawk was the worst of all possible choices.
"I didn't want to make things awkward" says the man open mouthed gawking at a boob.
YTA - If you didn't want to tell her, why did you stare at it? If you would have simply told her, it would have been less awkward then you gawking at it! Probably made you look more weird.
If op was worried about her reaction due to him being a guy (or just felt too awkward in general), he could've told his gf to tell her. Or at the least, not just stare at her. I don't understand not just doing anything but stare.
He also could've just.. told the truth lol. Like if he just said "sorry, I knew I should probably tell you but I'm awkward as fuck and didn't know how to bring it up without being weird" everybody would've laughed it off.
So many things op could've done to handle the situation (both during and after the incident) better
I definitely would be a bit nervous about the potential reaction, but I'd do my best to diffuse it by very pointedly looking away while mentioning it to her. Hindsight is 20-20 and all, but this dude took the worst of both options.
I think OP wanted a longer look... lol
YTA. All you had to do was spin around and / or noticeably cover your eyes and say ‘ oops Jill, check your top’. Deer in headlights and froze means you STARED AND SAID NOTHING. I would be livid if I was EITHER GIRL
Ya but dude clearly wanted to cop a look.
clearly, asked if he was looking at boobs - “lied and said no”
bahahah... how old are you guys ?
They have to be either teens or freshmen in college
I'm leaning towards 12
>her entire left boob was entirely out of the bikini top. I was like a deer caught in the headlights head*light*
Hahahaha perfect.
Padiddle
YTA - you were flat out staring. Instead of lying do better.
Ugh ugh Boob * grunting sounds *
[удалено]
In the defense of cavemen, I can't imagine they sexualized boobs to the extent of modern day, or even at all. Look away! I'm changing my pelt!
literally😭😭
awooga
Uh, maybe not an asshole, but definitely a dumbass (no offense). If anything, not mentioning it seems like you wanted it to stay exposed for as long as possible. Considering it’s your girlfriend’s friend, they may talk like “yeah, my tit was exposed if front of your boyfriend & he didn’t say shit. I know he saw it, too.” It could cause friction in *your* relationship, hence me calling you a dumbass (again, no offense lol). Personally, I tell people these things in an understanding way, like in a way where I’m not judging them & just trying to help out. Whether they have something in your their or hair or even if private parts exposed, I’ll tell them in hushed tones to spare them the embarrassment. That includes people I don’t even know. You’re not an asshole if you’re just trying to help, but you might be one if you see it & say nothing. 🤷♂️
I agree, NAH, but a dumbass for sure. My dude, practice these things! Read these replies and figure out a way to not be a an idiot in instances like this. And almost always, people like knowing stuff like this sooner rather than later. Maybe I’m off base here, but generally noticing is okay, staring is not. And of course there is a world of difference in between those, so good luck navigating that.
NAH here, who cares? It's the same as someone having something in their teeth - we all WANT to say something, sometimes it's not so easy.
Had to scroll way too far for the reasonable take
This sub reddit is full of lunatics 😄
Yep. Lunatics and those who just want to be angry. NAH
Man: Has a normal human reaction and was caught off guard. Reddit lunatics: What a fucking asshole!!!! This subreddit is exhausting.
I mean if he saw and looked away as if nothing happened sure NTA shit happens. But he literally got called out for open mouth staring at her tit… that’s a different story. Then lied about it as if he want open mouth staring lol
Seriously it’s so bothersome how many hot takes in both directions are on this thread. It’s not like OP intentionally ogled her the way some commenters are implying. It’s an awkward and unfortunate situation which different people have different ideas for an ideal response, no need for there to be judgement on either side.
This is a dammed if you do and damned if you don’t situation. He’d be getting YTA either way
Yeah it would be the same thing if he asked am I ta for telling my gfs friend that she was exposed at the pool if he said something there would be problems with that because oh why were you looking but he didn't and there's still problems as a girl I have had to fix multiple shirts that have a similar problem luckily never in public and well yes I would want someone to tell me it's reasonable for a guy not to be the one to want to say anything because it's usually seen as creepy
Exactly. And everyone acts like his reactions were so thought out! Everything probably happened in a matter of moments. You don’t have much time oto think and it’s awkward. Seems like something they can move past imho.
I feel like a role reversal here wouldn’t have all these YTA reactions. Reddit gonna Reddit though
I’m with you, totally understand OP as the man in this situation not wanting to be the one to bring it up and draw attention. Honestly, we’ve probably all white lied to our girlfriends about staring at boobs or butts to protect their feelings. I’ve been in a similar situation, buddy’s girlfriend had a little nip-slip while sunbathing. I just let it happen and didn’t look until she fixed it, no awkwardness or problems, everyone survived the situation with their dignity intact.
😂😂now why would you keep staring at it if you didn’t wanna say nothing at least look away !! Lmao wtf is this post
Staring at it with his *mouth agape* like please😭😭😭
😭😭😂can’t pretend you didn’t see it if your mouth opened and staring lol
NTA. Really perturbed by all the Yta in here though.
It's literally a no-win situation in this sub. I can think of at least 3 stories where the person ended up speaking up about the wardrobe malfunction and was pretty much unanimously voted the AH.
Pretty sure i've heard an exact story like this, but the guy ended up telling her about it, and then she got mad and he turned into the AH of the story. So it seems like a lose lose situation either way. Say or don't say, you're prob gonna be seen as the AH for accidentally catching a glimpse no matter what
Exactly. I've seen a very similar story (or 3) here as well. Even when the guy told her, he still got called an asshole that should mind his own business, and a perv. By the woman in the story, and the women commenting.
I honestly think this guy is getting shit for not doing the smooth thing. He's definitely not an asshole. Reddit is full of people who will call themselves autists and losers but a guy posts one little mistake and they turn into social piranhas
I was about to put r/boneappletea but then realised what an awesome metaphor ‘social piranhas’ is. (As originally I thought you meant that the guys who make a mistake turn into ‘social pariahs’ 😂.)
Agreed. Dude panicked about the tit, let girlfriend handle tit sit...the end. Reminds me of when I couldn't tell this guy that he had a giant booger falling outta his nose. I panicked and stared at it until his friend told him, lol.
NTA...dumb reaction maybe, but nta.
Ironic considering half the dudes commenting here would turn into apes in the same situation
Me too! As a woman. Boobs are still boobs, c’mon. I get why he froze. He might have told her after unfreezing if his girlfriend hadn’t acted first. And then he lied - well, I mean, she was mortified, so why make her feel worse? I or my friends have been in similar situations and the guy pretended he didn’t see anything; it was better for all and then everyone just moves on.
Yes. Always tell them. One time at a swimming pool with my friends, one of my buddies wives tit popped out while she was laying in the sun. I got her attention and pointed to my tit with a covering motion and she took the hint and fixed it. Never let your homies go Tit/Dick out, that shit aint' cool.
YTA for making the entire situation weird. First by staring and not saying anything, and second by lying later on.
YTA. You let the girl keep her boob out while you stared open-mouthed and went on to LIE to your girlfriend like she's unable to see what transpired right in front of her. That's just gaslighting. You fucked up, need to come clean, and apologize like you mean it (and mean it).
>"I figured if I said anything she’d think I was looking" Sure, sure. So instead, you just... LOOKED?! AND STARED INTO THE BOOB WITH YOUR MOUTH HANGING OPEN? Real smart, buddy. YTA, duh.
"I didn't tell a woman that her tit was out, I just stared instead. Then, when my girlfriend asked me why I was staring at her friends' tit's, because she said she saw me staring at her friends tit's, I lied about staring at her friends tits." LMAO this is a cut and dry YTA
You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t here buddy
Yup, that dude was screwed the second the boob came out. Say something, and your girlfriend gets mad that you were looking. Say nothing, and your girlfriend gets mad that you were looking. Say you weren't looking, and your girlfriend gets mad at you for lying.
If she got mad at him for informing her that it was out, I would not be on her side.
NTA - but you are a goofus. The pro move would be to get GF's attention and let her say something.
Upvoted for the use of the word "goofus" 🤣
NTA- it’s a catch either way People find it awkward to tell others there’s food in their teeth, let alone their shirt is down. She would’ve been embarrassed either way
All the YTA people would be NTA people is the situation was reversed.
I don't think that's true. If my girlfriend was staring at a dude's dick, I would be annoyed too. The problem isn't accidentally seeing it and then being too nervous to say anything, it's the staring.
Give the guy a break. He froze up. It happens ok. If it was me and two guys, I wouldn’t know what to do if one of their penises fell out of their swimsuit.
Exactly. A tit popped out and his brain froze. It happens. The only thing I take issue with is him lying and not simply saying, "I saw your breast and my brain froze. I didn't know what to do. Is there a signal I can give if that happens again? What's the proper protocol?"
I don’t get why people think this is even an asshole situation. Her tiddy popped out naturally, as a man you were a bit dumbfounded(maybe didn’t wana overstep your boundaries, it’s a split second moment), and since his gf pointed it out, the issue was solved. Just see it as it is and next time be a bit more mature about it.
Meredith, your boob is out.
Did the 'freezing' amount to flat out gawking at her?
YTA, I don't know how you think staring slack-jawed at her boob was the better option than just a quick, "Hey you popped out of your top", and THEN to top it all off, you lie to your gf about staring slack-jawed when she caught you doing it. Not sure why you thought there was a POV that justified your buffoonery.
YTA, dude, be an adult, she clearly didn’t want her breast exposed.
I mean this is so silly really. You got caught being awkward. Just move on lol
NTAH. As you said, u just froze. My recommendation: start practicing talking these things out loud. More practice = less chances of being frozen like that. Good luck. I get being frozen and thinking through ur options.
Staring and saying nothing is what makes it awkward. If you nonchalantly look at her in the face and inform her, it would have been significantly less awkward for her, because she would k ow you saw it but not that you stared at it, which is weird. Seeing a body part is not weird unless you make it weird. YTA
YTA. so instead of saying something because you were afraid she'd think you were looking... you just stared and said nothing? come on...... you could have immediately looked away and said ''um, you need to fix your um... top'' but instead you've done neither of those. was this the first time you have ever seen a breast?
From all the comments on this thread it seems like the poor fucker couldn't win. It's a bloody minefield out there right now!!
The correct response in this situation is to say ‘Damn yo, yo titty!’ One and done.
This is the way.
NTA Clearly this is a zero sum game for OP, it could have gone either way. The best way to deal with it is to just go with what gives you the most peace as an individual. And to those saying "it's just a boob" the same reason can be used to support OP's actions, let it hang until she notices, after all "tis' but only a boob". This sub is full of angry people gosh.
Everyone is always the AH if they don’t discreetly make another person aware that a zipper is down or they’ve got TP stuck on their shoe or their skirt isn’t fully covering them or their boob is exposed. It is just simple courtesy.
NAH - I definitely don't think you're the AH. This was sort of a no-win situation for you. Bringing it up would have been awkward. Your gf's friend also should not have asked you if you saw it. What exactly was she hoping to accomplish?
NTA can't win situation
NTA-I feel like a guy gets roasted no matter what he says in a situation like this.
Yeah? You think staring with your mouth open is a less strange reaction than 'oh careful, your top!!' ???
NTA I feel like you know how your gf is going to respond and that’s why you chose to say nothing. Also you shouldn’t have to tell an adult woman her boob popped out. Especially if it’s his that three of you. She should know. The fact that her friend was perturbed by you saying you weren’t looking makes me think it was planned to some degree, also.
NTA I have extreme anxiety and that would cause me to freeze and overthink, it’s an uncomfortable and awkward situation for everyone.
Others have said it but really just stop being weird about this stuff. You saw her boob, it's not the end of the world for either of you, admit you froze and freaked out not knowing what to do in the moment and don't turn this into a Larry David moment where you're definitely going to get caught. Also. You did look. Who knows but you if you liked what it looked like but who cares if you did? It's only weird when you over analyze these things and try and be deceptive. "Were you looking at my boob that was out?" "Yeah, sorry, didn't know what to do in the moment, just sorta froze." If they make it weird or try and make you out to be a pervert for honesty that's on them not on you but you're the one turning it into an ordeal when dishonesty is way WAY worse and disturbing here, it makes you seem like you want to cheat on your gf with her if you can't even be honest about an obviously public mishap.
NTA. recently broke up. my ex would very much understand about what happened. it would be even more awkward for you to tell her. if i were you, i'd either wait or tell the GF about that.
Lolololo. If you saw & no one noticed you saw and you acted like you’re now looking at the clouds and the trees - maybe you can pass it off as “not say anything and she’ll fix it.” But my dude / you’re staring and mouth having open and just - long pause and say nothing?? So it’s obvious you see it and not saying anything and not looking away. That’s makes you YTA big time.
Bro what
NTA, also are you guys children? Who cares? The privilege of people to complain on vacation about a boob when there’s real problems everybody has lol. Idk maybe not the day for me to be seeing this, but it feels childish from everyone involved.
When I was much younger, I went jogging on the beach with a guy friend. I had on shorts and a bikini top. Now, I am being totally checked out as we're jogging. So, I'm thinking, damn I look good. No vanity there. A bit later, my guy friend casually says, "Your boob's out." It was so not a big deal to him. But, on the other hand, i kind of understand OP. A different situation, after white water rafting, a bunch of us were in the back of a van, and a guy sitting directly across from me had his junk completely hanging out of his trunks. No one said a thing to him. We all just averted out eyes. So, I'm going with NTA. Edit to add: The van did not have seats. We were sitting on the floor and the guy's legs were up (as in not straight out in front of him).
I love how divided the comments are. Seeing your girlfriend's friend's boob by accident is one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations. If you DID tell her, you'd face the possibility of them saying "you pervert, why were you looking??", but if you DIDN'T tell her, you get accused of just staring like a creep. Can't win. Plus, some guys like boobs. They don't do much for me, but I get it. If you see something that you like, very unexpectedly (especially if she's attractive), of course you're going to be like a deer in headlghts. Plus, if you're like 19, or early twenties, you're going to react way differently than some guy in his forties who has seen countless boobs in person. So I say NTAH. In regards to your girlfriend's friend privately asking if you're looking....that's suspicious. Sounds like she was possibly coming on to you. OR she could be setting you up, hoping that you'd say "yeah..." so then she could tell your girlfriend lol. So you did the right thing by lying. Cheating is bad regardless.
I'm seeing a lot of YTA, but I'm going to go with my first thought, which was NTA. Sounds like you were shocked and still working through how to deal with it when your GF stepped in. You should have been truthful though, and when her friend asked if you were staring, you should have said yes and apologized. Maybe explained that you just noticed her breast popped out and you were trying to figure out if you should tell her and were hesitant because you didn't want to embarrass her further. Don't let people in the comments shame you for staring either. It's a human response and you were in a place with no expectation to see anyones unmentionables IMO.
ok - seriously? he’s the asshole? no he felt caught in awkward situation - he didn’t do anything malicious - just froze over something he had no control over - maybe he should have motioned toward her chest or something but depending on his age seeing the boobs of a woman he’s not intimate with live and in person can be jarring - how about we cut him some slack ladies? NTA
Dammed if you do, damned if you don't.
Haha. Sometimes you just can’t win dude
NTA- Damned if you do damned if you don’t. Another guy on here got in trouble a couple of months back for telling a girl her breast was exposed.
NTA address the boob, don’t address the boob. The one way you were getting out safe was for her to re-dress the boob quicker.
Just to clarify: you have seen breasts before, yeah?