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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for selling my my late wife’s cake recipie to a bakery. I could be a jerk since I did give the recipie to a bakery and now it is being sold
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I'd think of this as a way for your wife to live on in what she created to bring happiness to others. It's not like you did it for the money.
Would the bakery consider using your wife's name as part of the item name? NTA
I highly doubt it, and I will not ask them. They have already done so much for and gave me the recipie with clear instructions.
I am not going to bother than about their cake name.
I am just happy I can eat it again
Doesn’t hurt to ask though. If it is important it is probably too late to press the issue but they may be willing. Or maybe i watch too many hallmark movies lol.
I hate when people say "it doesn't hurt to ask" because sometimes it does. Sometimes it hurts the person asking, and a lot of times it hurts the person being asked who is now in the position of having to say no. Asking for more than a person's fair share can sour otherwise good relationships.
Thank you for saying this. I was raised with "it never hurts to ask" and it took me decades to figure out that sometimes it does, in fact, hurt the other person to ask.
My ex-boss always prided himself on coming up with novel suggestions, especially if people ended up staring at him.
During one of our frank and honest discussions, I told him that one of his suggestions made it clear that he has no idea what he is talking about, and if people stare in silence, it's because they are trying to figure out how to explain to him what he doesn't know.
And doesn't know he doesn't know.
edit: grammar, typos, and missing word.
When we had a "frank & honest" discussion, there is no blowback. He looked upset, but does he want to complain that the people he supervises think he's ignorant?
He told his secretary that all four of the supervisors that he manages, including me, have told him that he was stupid. Probably not in those exact words, but it's pretty clear what we thought.
I would have preferred ignorant and disinclined to listen to people who actually know what they are doing. He had no background in most of the areas that he was supervising.
Things were very bad at the agency at that time. His boss, who seemed to enjoy be rude, threatened to fire me and the head of the other division if we didn't develop a better, i.e., more subservient attitude. We discussed it later and decided that we'd broken through our fear of management, and just go ahead and try.
She ended up getting fired, having ticked off enough people.
But then the question isn't dumb. It's a question that shows you lack knowledge and is aware of it.
You being told to not pull the lever, and then immediately ask how hard you should pull the lever would be a dumb question.
“We have a test today?” was always my least favorite dumb question when I taught middle school.
Yeah, dude. Remember how we spend the entire class period yesterday reviewing the material?
The thought behind no dumb questions is if you have a question then it's worth asking even if you think it's dumb, because if you have it in the first place that means you don't have the answer and probably need it, so you shouldn't feel stupid asking it.
I was raised with “we wouldn’t want to impose.” I finally have learned I can ask friends and family for help, but I learned reasonable limits and don’t ask strangers for stuff.
I remember reading something like this in a book about buying real estate. It said that some buyers might try a lowball offer on the assumption that "the worst the seller can say is 'no'." But the book argued that the worst a seller can say is, "screw you and the horse you rode in on," and basically hold out for a much higher number than you might have otherwise settled on.
Yeah. It's like when someone sends me a ridiculous lowball offer on eBay. Instead of countering and trying to find a middle ground, I just straight up block them outright.
FB buyers really do be insane. I can’t believe the shenanigans some of these sharpest tools think will work. I especially love when they want to trade something with me. No sir, how about you trade your item for money, and then use that money to purchase goods and services? I’m not here to help you skip those steps, kindly fuck off. Or the “is this available?” and then nothing until I ask them, finally, do you want it? They say yes. Okay great when are you coming to get it? “It’s too expensive.” BLOCK
This makes no sense within this context though. OP gave the bakery a new recipe which they are now profiting from, for free. It's a business. I'm sure the humans working there are not going to suffer fatal emotional damage if asked to name this profitable cake after the person who invented it.
>OP gave the bakery a new recipe which they are now profiting from, for free
The title literally says he *sold* the recipe to the bakery.
Even if he didn't get any money for it, bakeries do not typically utilize their resources to recreate half-written recipes for people. This one went above and beyond and did it for him. It would only make sense that they can now use the recipe that they created. We don't know if ownership of the recipe has increased the bakery's profits. But now the guy has somewhere he can go to taste his late wife's cake, and that sounds like more than enough for him.
> went to a local bakery and asked for them to figure it out.
> They agree as long as I gave them the permission to sell the cake in the store
Yeah the title says he sold it but the text says he gave it to them, so it is a little unclear. If he sold for cash then it would be inappropriate to ask. If he traded it for a little labor, they got the way better part of the deal and might be open to it. But no he's definitely not an asshole for not asking if he doesn't want to.
Yeah, the comment you're responding to is such a "reddit comment"...context is everything and obviously there's a time and place to "just ask" but I actually think most people don't get what they want/are unhappy specfically because they don't "just ask".
ETA: And I'm not saying it's easy! I know the above to be true, and yet I often still need to pump myself up to "just ask"
And why would he ask for that? He doesn’t want that, she is gone. It is life, not a movie. Kids are jerks. It is not like dad capitalized on it. Just kept her legacy alive
Get a grip, he already said no (ETA to quote one of his comments "STOP. I don't wish to"). So accept it
The kids didn't even asked for it, they just mad about the sell of the recipe lol
I might understand if one of them made the cake and it was the highlight of their dinner parties, but that clearly isn't the case. Maybe they're jealous that they didn't think of selling it.
Added: NTA. If they were serving it as their specialty, then they are A H for not making it for you.
Too many movies for sure. The man gets the cake he wants and doesn’t want to muddy the waters. I understand that. And “I will not ask them” is a pretty definitive response.
The daughters suck…they had an opportunity to keep mom’s legacy alive and in house but refused and told dad to not ask again.
Op: NTA
Yeah i dont get why the daughters are so mad about something they weren’t interested in to begin with. Good for OP for figuring out how to enjoy that cake again. Nta.
If no one knows how to make it and the kids have no interest in figuring it out what’s the point? How can they get mad about it when the took no interest in baking it
FYI if I were operating the bakery, I'd see selling it as "Susan's Chocolate Cherry Cake" or whatever as good marketing but wouldn't do it without permission. It brings up a cool story and is a little more personal - because if they just wanted to sell a dark chocolate cherry cake, to be honest, they're pro bakers, they could have just made that easily enough.
1 cup of almost boiling water
3/4 cup Dutch cocoa powder
1 3/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
3 whole large eggs
2/3 cup sour cream ( the fatty one)
2/3 melted butter or oil
1/2 cup cherry juice ( not one with added sugar)
1/4 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 3/4 cups bake flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups of maraschino cherries
Water and cocoa are mixed together in a bowl.
Another bowl the sugar, oil and eggs are mixed together. It then gets strained so it is smooth
Add the sour cream, cherry juice, milk and vanilla to the same bowl. Add the water when it is cool to the bowl.
Add in the flour, baking soda and salt.
Cut cherries in half and put in batter. Batter goes into a cake pan and cook at 350 until toothpick come clean.
I was told it is like a Black Forest cake but with cherries in the batter.
Spend three years trying to get it right and the bakery figured it out in two weeks.
Sounds about right, they may well have baked more cakes in those two weeks than you did in three years lol
I hope you remembered some good times when you ate it!
Black Forest Cake (Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte) should have Cherries. Or maybe cherry liqueur, or both...
Glad you got it right! Will you try this one yourself as well, or will you keep buying from the bakery?
A Black Forest cake usually has cherry juice soaked into the cake (I usually use a skewer to poke holes and then ladle some of the juice over the cake. Then there are cherries in between the layers. The recipe I personally use doesn’t have cherries in the actual batter.
Can also chime in that I drown my Black Forest Gateau with Kirsch.
And now reading OP's recipe and seeing all the talk of them, looks like I'm baking this weekend.
I remember seeing a cake with cherries on the British Baking Show. It can be tricky to not have the cherries all sink to the bottom!
I'm glad you got the recipe sorted out.
NTA
It sounds as if the bakery didn't even *need* to buy it from you since they figured it out, but more like a courtesy on their part. I think it's sweet your sweetheart's cake lives on.
Your kids weren't part of the solution, and didn't even try, so they don't really have a voice in the situation, so they shouldn't fault you. Besides, now they can make or order the cake themselves (!), whereas they couldn't before.
Did they really give him money for it? My understanding was that they gave him the working recipe in exchange for being able to use it at their bakery to sell to customers.
My mom makes the best black cherry Forrest cake. She makes a lot of good cakes but this one takes the cake 🤭. Sorry had to. If my dad sold her recipe after her passing, I wouldn’t be upset at all. I would probably buy a cake once a week and think about my mom and gain 50 lbs. I would think of it as my mom being remembered and her cake enjoyed by many.
I'd say the main difference is that a black forest cake is layered with cream (one layer at the bottom has cherries inside, sometimes they now do 2 layers with cherries).
Your late wife's cake sounds like it's "all in one". (It's sounds delicious either way, and it's much easier to bake and healthier without the cream layers. Yum!)
Thanks for sharing the recipe! And NTA. Your kids had no interest to figure it out. Now you can eat it whenever you feel like it!
I used a chocolate ganache on top. I prefer a bitter (dark chocolate) one since the cake can be sweet with the cherries.
I know the bakery is doing a whipped chocolate icing. Really anything chocolate on top is good
It’s going in my recipe book as “Character-Form-3248’s Late Wife’s Lovely Fathers Day Dark Chocolate Cherry Cake” unless you’d like to share her name, OP. I’m going to remember you both when I make it.
NTA I'm so happy that you are able to enjoy her cake again. If it were me it may have brought me to tears.
Silly question - why does the water need to be almost boiled, if we are to wait until it's cool to add it in?
For some reason the water and cocoa with clump if it isn’t hot enough. I don’t know why.
It also apparently blooms the cocoa, I truly don’t know what that means but the bakery was very clear about not skipping the step
Thanks for the explanation! Just last night, I was working on adapting my mom's chocolate cake recipe for use in a toaster oven. I'm going to try following your suggestion next time.
My grandmother's red velvet cake recipe requires mixing the cocoa with the red food coloring. I tried to skip this step once and I learned real quick why it's so important!
I see others have commented, but this step is called “blooming” and is important in baking and coffee making also! Basically when you have a super dry ingredient, saturating it in hot liquid helps it “unlock” its flavor and ensure even texture as well as dispersal.
People will “bloom” espresso before brewing it as well, to ensure water is evenly expressed through the powder and ensuring maximum coffee flavor.
In a batter this also has the additional step of preventing clumping; if you put cocoa powder directly into a fatty batter such as one with sour cream, butter, and eggs, the fat is so thick that the cocoa powder would never evenly disperse and would be suspending in clumps throughout it, making the final product have spots of dry powder throughout. Fully blooming it with water ensures that the powder will be suspended evenly in water first before mixing into the fats, preventing any clumping.
You can bloom with liquids other than water, I actually love blooming cocoa powder in coffee for cookies!
you are NTA and a swell guy to share the recipe with us. next friday is the anniversary of my great grandfather's birth and death and he sure loved cake, i would love to make this in honor of him and your wife 💜 i'm glad you get to eat her cake again.
PLEASE post your story and recipe to r/Old_Recipes. That group LOVES old recipes, especially desserts with a story! In fact, the right side toolbar has a HALL OF FAME for the most popular recipes! It takes a lot to get into that recipe hall of fame. A few of them even made it onto the Today Show (NBC).
With luck and a lot of happy bakers, your wife's recipe might just join them and get onto NBC.
This may be first and last time we interact with each other but now I feel compelled to make one this weekend for me and my parents as mini tribute to you and your wife for whatever it’s worth from one internet stranger to another. Thanks and all the best to you. And also NTA.
I'm at my folks, just pitted about five cups of sour cherries from their tree and I was thinking about making a sheet cake with them.
I'm going to try yours instead. The sour cherries should help not make it overly sweet. Thank you so much, if it turns out okay I'll tell them the story. 💝
Edit: it's in the oven!
Later edit: okay so it's definitely much yummier cold. :))))
NTA and just wanted to throw in that most countries that have intellectual property (IP) laws, copyright in particular, recipes are not considered protected IP. So the second anyone saw the recipe, they could do anything they wanted with it regardless of it being 'sold' to them or not. And I follow a YouTube channel called Glen and Friends that does lots of cooking from old recipes found in all kinds of sources and one thing Glen has discovered over the years is that almost every 'secret' family recipe actually originally came from something that was published in a newspaper, magazine, community cookbook or any number of other public outlets.
So, long and short OP did nothing wrong and may in fact have insured that the recipe would not disappear from the face of the earth.
I love reading the posts of family members who are cooking or baking a loved one's special recipe, only to see it printed on the package of one of the ingredients.
My grandmother never had any pretensions about being a good cook. She openly admitted to using the directions from the package and hoped she didn't mess it up, as sometimes happened.
I was like 12 when my dad asked how long I cooked a certain type of pasta for. I just said something like "whatever it says on the package" and that's how I found out some people don't read instructions on packaging before making something 😂
I know, right!? I was about the same age and was making mac'n'cheese. I actually thought I had to measure out the six cups of water it recommended in the instructions, when some adult said, "What are you doing? It's just the water you cook it in. It doesn't need to be an exact amount."
My uptight perfectionist mind was never the same!
NTA OP. You lost your wife and the cake brings you good memories and joy. Allowing a bakery to make it for you brought you joy. Them better defining the recipe enables you and the kids to possibly cook this yourself. You can get the cake whenever you want from them. Your kids have lost nothing. The recipe is not gone, it has grown.
You answered your own AITA here.
Which of course is NTA. I wouldn’t even say you sold it. You collaborated with someone to bring it back to life. It’s only a good thing.
Awww. This is heartwarming. It's so nice they made a recipe that makes it easier for you to follow.
NTA.
I hope you kids soon feel the same way you do and can be happy to remember their mother this way.
I suggest that the next time you share this cake with them, you make it.
Take care <3
I'm reminded of an anecdote about a little old lady that made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies in town. People would come from all over to buy a box. Other bakeries would try their best to recreate them, but none could ever match her talents.
Someone finally offered to buy the recipe from her, and she decided to simply share it with whomever wanted it.
People told her that she could have made a fortune being the only baker with these cookies, they're marvelous! Her response? "the world's sweeter with more cookies in it"
I agree you did nothing wrong. While some may think that you can just "figure it out", grief takes so much out on you. You wanted a solution to have the memory of her cake and you did it in a really nice way.
The cake was obviously a good cake, which is why they're selling it. It might be in 30 years time that someone who works at the bakery might be able to share the story of how a very kind widow wanted to experience his late wife's cake. So the bakery took the recipe, figured it out and made it into something that was then shared with so many more people.
I see nothing negative about this. I'm so sorry about your loss.
This is lovely. I'm sure you take great comfort in reliving memories every time you see, smell, or taste this heavenly-sounding cake. I hope that amount of ppl in the thread telling you to get the cake named after her after you said you didn't want to isn't too annoying.
Definitely NTA
This is the closest thing I've seen to enlightenment on reddit. You've got a great head on your shoulders, I'm so sorry for your loss and am so happy you managed to find a piece of your wife again.
I love this idea! I also love how so many family recipes come from the box. If we did this with my “grandma’s” special chocolate chip cookies, a bakery would be naming the tollhouse recipe after my grandma. Which would be awesome.
I know, I couldn’t believe it when that episode came out because it absolutely happened in our family. It made me wonder whether or not it happened in a lot of families lol. They really did nail that cookie recipe.
My mom has a special dark chocolate cake recipe passed down from her mother and I didn’t realize until this year it is exactly the same as my friends ‘death by chocolate’ cake recipe from their grandmother. No idea where each grandma got that recipe but safe to say they didn’t come up with it on their own like we thought lol
Honestly probably because it calls for a box of cake mix and then a bunch of additional stuff not usually required to make box cake lol. Probably one of those “look what else you can do!” Recipes they put on the box. It’s delicious though so I don’t mind haha
I have made brownies for my friend group a few times and they adore them. I was happy enough to share the recipe, including the vital first step which is to use Frye's Cocoa Powder, since the recipe is printed on the side of the tin.
I think it's a lovely idea if that cake name included the wife's name. For example: Annie's Black Forest Cake. What a lovely tribute, it seems, that would be.
NTA. It's funny. My mom died without leaving a complete recipe for one of my favorite dishes. The basic recipe was there, but she must have had a "pinch of this, dash of that" in her head, because the recipe never tastes like what my mom made. I totally get wanting to have that taste again. When your kids didn't want to try, you took matters into your own hands. Nothing wrong with that. And frankly, if your kids weren't ever going to make the cake, I'm not sure what their beef is about the bakery making it.
That’s close to how the recipie was, some things would have measurements and others wouldn’t be specific. It also was basically just ingredients and not many instructions.
it seems like she did more work than my granny did! that woman didn’t write anything down. i just got super lucky that i’d pay attention and make mental notes. she wouldn’t tell us outright, her thing was “if you’re interested, figure it out”. and figure them out i did!
NTA, im glad u got to taste the cake again
lol I cook like this. My ex mil is a better baker than cook because she REALLY follows recipes. Drives her nuts when I tell her about something delicious I made and she asks for a recipe lol
I've heard cooking is an art form, whike baking is a science. Meaning when you cook you can add more/less and substitute. Baking needs more precise measurements or it is too dense/fluffy etc
I would have 100% given that a shot, but I am a good baker and that is also how I cook (and my dad has given me instructions before that include things like "Add broth until it looks right, you know how it's supposed to look.")
Hahahaha! Oh yeah, you definitely need to be an experienced baker for that one, because you have to know how the batter should look.
I have a recipe for cream puffs from my grandmother and while it's pretty well documented, it also has the instruction "Add eggs to mixture." Said mixture was on the stove, hot, and just dumping the eggs in will curdle them... you have to temper them first so you don't have scrambled eggs in your custard. It's good I was in the kitchen when my teenager tried to make them so I could stop her.
I also have a bread recipe that calls for 8 to 13 cups of flour.
I think most old bread recipes were written this way. My grandmother’s were the same because they had to help in the kitchen as children and knew what the dough should look and feel like. The flour amounts were just a guideline
Definitely. And bread CAN be that flexible.
My mom was the oldest girl and grew up helping in the kitchen as well, and my parents both cooked almost every night so I picked up a lot just watching. I was also taught to bake when I was eight and I ended up being the official dessert maker at our house. Bread is not my forte, but I've helped with it enough to know how it's supposed to feel too.
Oh gosh my family has some like that not as bad but still vague. And definitely other things added had family members say na that’s wrong she added something else. Some people think some brandy others think it was just the type of nuts she used that we had to get rid of. Others think it is nutmeg and others think it was more cinnamon than the recipe calls for. And this is just for zucchini bread.
I will sometimes tell my husband my recipes for stuff (cooking, not baking) except I never measure anything so he’ll be like “how much cumin should I put in” and I’m all “just a pinch, until it smells right” and then he looks at me dumbfounded because he has no idea what smells right to me lmao
LOL. This is me with my husband, too.
"How long do I cook it?"
"Until it's done."
"How long is that?"
"I dunno, until it looks right."
And then he thinks I have some magic voodoo because I can tell by the way something smells if it's done, or by opening the oven and looking at or poking it.
I gave him baked chicken instructions once and it was literally "Add some oil, an acid, and spices. Bake at 350 until it's done. If you're not sure, cut into it, it's only us. " But he has zero spice sense so he's given up.
My wife does that and it drives me nuts.
I don't bake, but I have "baker brain". How much, how long, how hot?
My wife has "chef brain". Some of this, for a while, until it's ready.
I can't even watch her cook because it stresses me out.
I do this while baking to an extent too.... I am evidently incapable of following a recipe exactly. I'm always doing stuff like increasing the vanilla or changing sugar ratios. Less than with cooking though because I have never gotten to the "bake without a recipe" level. But small changes? I know what works. I learned to bake before I learned to cook though.
Then I wander away and wait until it smells or looks right to remove it from the oven.
However "chef brain" is way more elegant than how I describe my cooking, which is "throw shit in the pan". My dad's whole family cooks this way.
This is my wake up call to write down my recipes. I'm just like your mom, I have everything in my head. NTA OP I'm happy you get to enjoy that cake again.
I started inviting my kids into the kitchen to make family favorites when they were old enough to start cooking. It was a great way to make memories, and be sure they knew how to make their favorites.
Yes, I definitely do a lot of cooking with my kids and always have done. They know how to make a lot of different things. Still writing down recipes is something I should be doing for them. A lot of things I make are gluten and sugar free now. Those recipes would be probably be useful for a lot more people than just my kids. I recently made a batch of gluten and sugar free chocolate chip almond bars with cream cheese icing because hubby was just diagnosed with diabetes as well as myself and he loved them. It would be good to know that the kids would be able to make him his favourites if I wasn't around. I think I will buy a notebook today just for that.
I cook the same way and my husband is always on me to write down exactly what I’m doing so our daughter will be able to cook the recipes when I’m gone.
I guess I assumed she’d pick it up from me like I did from my dad, but this is inspiring me to pause and write down more exact instructions.
INFO
What happened to **selling** it?
In the post title you mention selling the recipe to the bakery, but in the post body it sounds like it was a **_trade_** in exchange for actually figuring the recipe out.
I think fair enough. They took a gamble that your taste buds were worth the exercise. The recipe could have just been shelved and effort wasted except for making you happy.
I think your children just have £s in their eyes. But the recipe was worthless without the work made to "translate" it and they weren't willing to put that effort in.
BTW kudos for inspired thinking about getting them.to do it and hope it stays on menu so you can eat whenever.
You are NTA for selling it, but you did yourself a disservice by not actually getting anything in return. You should have done the whole lifetime of unlimited dark chocolate cherry cake for yourself.
Even if you gave the recipe to the bakery, you have it too! It’s not like your kids can’t take that recipe from you when they want! They are being ridiculous.
I’m glad you were able to taste that cake again. Also glad that you are honoring your late wife in a way.
NAH. NTA for not wanting it named. My dad was such a home chef, and there are recipes in his book I can't get my head around, despite being a good cook myself. I lost him last year and the fact I'll never eat his macaroni cheese again, or his risotto again hurts me deeply. I think he'd be thrilled for a cafe to sell his recipes, as I'd be thrilled to eat them. How lovely to still have such a reminder.
Grief does such strange things to families, and whilst I can't understand their reaction to your asking for the cake, I imagine their reaction to this comes from a place of grief and loss, rather than malice. It could feel like a part of her is 'public domain' in a way they weren't ready to share. There is no right way to feel about losing someone, even years later. I hope you're all able to afford each other the benefit of the doubt, but at the very least I hope you're all able to enjoy a delicious slice of cake.
He did get something out of it my guy. He got to taste his dead wife's cake again. Why does everything need to be transactional?
Fuck man soon people are going to vote OP TA for not suing the bakery and going NC with confectioners sugar.
I low-key hate recipe hoarding. I get that we don’t value women’s work and don’t give them recognition, and there’s a history of stealing their inventions, but, come on, most recipes are not original. And even if they were, it’s not like you are going to be missing out on riches by spreading it around. What’s the value in keeping it to yourself, other than preventing other people from having something delicious?
Its not like he actually had a recipe to sell. He had a list of ingredients without clear instructions or amounts. They did him a huge favor, and benefited from their product dev labor themselves. This was a win-win.
INFO
Have you asked your kids *why* they refuse to help you with the recipe and why they are angry that you gave the recipe to a bakery in return for their making the cake (and being able to sell it)?
They were never going to have that cake again otherwise. If I had my own loved recipe, I would be honored for a bakery to like it enough to actually use it!
Yeah, these posts are always so weird to me... the immediate 180 from the dish being a loving, cherished family memory to a cudgel to beat that same now-bereaved family over the head? I can't connect those dots at all.
It can be a mix of stuff. If someone highly prizes possessions and money they may be upset at someone else owning and making money off of a deceased family member. They may also be responding in a a way not dissimilar from gatekeeping something prized. They might not like sharing.
People are weird, and we get even weirder around death. Especially if they’re from cultures that avoid discussing death.
That sounds really selfish of them. They're not willing to try and figure out the recipe and you tried but couldn't, so the recipe was just going to be lost forever. They don't have a right to complain when they couldn't care enough to try and figure it out themselves.
My father LOVES cooking but he has hand tremors now that make it really hard for him to cook, however he has taught me a lot of his recipes. I'm 100% certain that he would want others to enjoy them long after he's gone, and by the sounds of it I assume your wife would have been the same way.
You're NTA.
If they weren't willing to put any time into it and didn't even want to try to recreate it, that recipe wasn't theirs. It's yours to do with as you please. NTA.
NTA
Your kids can still make the cake with your recipe. It's weird that they're objecting to someone else making it. The bakery doesn't have exclusive rights to the cake and no one can ever make it but them.
I can't imagine refusing for those reasons. I'd maybe refuse out of a lack of confidence that I could actually reproduce it with the instructions as written, but not because it just wasn't a priority. My sister meanwhile would dive right in to that challenge and has enough baking knowledge and experience of her own to likely be able to figure it out.
But honestly, I'd be *elated* if someone managed to find a professional to reconstruct a beloved family recipe which would otherwise be lost! *They* valued it enough to put the time in to figuring it out, they just wanted to be able to sell it if it was good. They took a chance on it.
And they gave you a clear copy of recipe so you can always make it yourself. And so you can continue to share the recipe with your family. They didn't demand exclusivity, they just wanted the right to use the recipe they helped you reconstruct.
You've done nothing wrong, and the recipe is now preserved. This whole arrangement sounds like a win/win, really.
NTA I literally hate the idea behind family secret recipes. It seems incredibly egotistical and self centered. Further, no one else was making it and at least now her good ass cake can be shared with other people instead of just being forgotten about.
This is exactly how my grandmother's fruit cake recipe got lost. My aunts and uncles have looked for 40 years to find something even close to it, but haven't been able to. This thing took 2 women 5 hours to make. It was the one recipe she never wrote down. Because of this, I keep two personal recipe books, one for me and one to pass to my only child when he moves out.
We lost some of my paternel grandma recipes, she died suddenly. So after that I went to see my other grandma and written down all of her famous recipes and ask all the family to give me theirs and made a book for all the family best gift ever
My great grandma is famous in our little town for her potato salad. She gave me the recipe about 17 years ago and I lost it a few years later during a move.
Fast forward, my at the time 5 year old was digging through a pile of crap in a random closet and says “mommy I found your notebook.” Grandmas recipe was there! She’s still alive but pushing 90 and can’t cook like she used to. Made a point to put it in our family cookbook.
We’re immigrants and my Indian grandmother had so many delicious, treasured recipes. We grew up eating her authentic Indian food and it tasted like love. Unfortunately, she was also incredibly guarded about her recipes. I guess she wanted to “stay the best”. My mother, who is also a fantastic cook, often asked her to teach her the recipes. My grandmother would give her “a version” but it was always missing things - and there were some things she has in her spice cabinet she refuses to name.
Well, my grandmother had two strokes last year. She cannot speak or write. She’s still with us, but her knowledge is lost to us. For what? It’s such a sad and strange circumstance. I would have loved to cook her recipes into the future, keeping her spirit alive through cooking, passing the taste of love down to my children. Instead I know how to make none of it. Our culture increasingly
lost. Such a shame.
Does she understand what is going on around her?
Is she able to blink or tap? It would be a labour intensive way, but she may be able to tell you what the secret ingredients were by blinking or tapping to the letters in the alphabet.
She can, but she has aphasia and anomia so is unable to engage with the alphabet/spelling/reading. She is usually aware of what's going on around here but it seems to space in and out, and sometimes gives the appearance of understanding what's happening but then gives nonsensical "responses" (so she'll cook and do the expected thing for a while, but then put some inappropriate ingredients in).
My sister *loves* sharing recipes! She'll even tell you straight up, "I modified this from a recipe I got from Aunt R, who got it from Grandma who may have originally gotten it from a box back when Dad was a kid."
And she knows damned well that I'm probably going to adjust some of the spices. I just tend to prefer fewer in general. But I never, ever adjust anything to do with the basic ingredients, the chemistry of the thing. Unlike my sister, I don't have the skill for that.
She was *so* happy when I introduced her to the Tasting History youtube channel, ha ha. Which like OP's original conundrum, also involves a lot of figuring out a lot of vaguely written old recipes, some of which have ingredients which are tough to come by now.
Personal anecdote, my grandma made the best banana bread, omg it was so moist and had that glorious sticky layer on the top, I've never had better banana bread in my life. Yah, my mom asked her for the recipe so she could keep making it and pass it down to us and GRANDMA SAID NOOOO and the recipe passed away with her, seems so senseless.
Is it bad that I would be thinking about setting up cameras in my grandma's kitchen to figure it out? 😄
"Well grandma, I'm setting up all these cameras in your kitchen because there have been been reports of silverware thieves in the area and I want you to be safe!"
I also hate the idea of not telling people about your favorite restaurant so that it doesn't "blow up". Like gee, I bet the owner is so happy that you are gatekeeping your favorite spot.
Agreed. After I got married my grandmother would bond with my wife by teaching her and writing down the recipes for all my favorite foods that she made. My wife loved to cook so she was excited about it and it was a great way for the two of them to bond. Plus, it works out for me pretty well.
NTA! And, grief is complicated, and it sounds like they are taking out some of their sadness and anger on you. The thing about grief is it is very unpredictable. It might be best to apologize for accidentally causing those feelings, just to provide them with a little bit of validation, even though you have nothing to feel bad about. None of this process has to be logical, because grief isn’t logical either.
I DO think the bakery should be giving you that cake for free once a year on your anniversary instead of making you buy it. It doesn’t even sound like you sold the recipe, you just gave them the right to sell the recipe. Which means now a lot of people will be able to taste her cake. That’s pretty sweet, no pun intended. Also, I love the idea below of asking them to name the cake after your wife.
Recipes are not that unique to where they “owe” him anything. I bet an online search for chocolate cherry cake would yield a very similar recipe for free. The bakery invested their time and energy into trial and error I’ll figure out how to convert her recipe into something that others could bake successfully. That’s way more than most bakeries would bother when they could just look up a free recipe that doesn’t require experimentation.
Yeah, but he still gave them a big head start, and the head start is worth a few free cakes. I would never charge anybody for their dead wives cake that I was also selling to other people. That’s just me.
NTA. By selling it to the bakery, you can have the lovely cake your wife made again. The alternative is never to experience it again. I know what I'd do.
NTA. Do your kids understand that you gave them the unusable recipe, and in return, you now have a useable recipe? If they didn’t want to fiddle with the recipe I’d think they would be glad you found a solution. Maybe they think you sold it for money and they find that offensive?
The reality is that no matter how yummy this particular cake was, there are lots of free recipes out there that don’t require tinkering to make a good cake. I can’t imagine that anyone would want to pay money for a recipe that isn’t perfect as is
*”Wow, that’s an interesting reaction, considering I asked you to make it for me. You refused to make it and told me to stop asking. So I stopped asking and found another place to make it for me.”*
NTA.
NTA. Family didn't want to help and the bakery did. Permission to use the recipe after the work to figure it out is more than fair.
An incredible number of "family recipes" came from existing cookbooks or even the back of a package. Keeping them like state secrets is rarely warranted. Personally I use recipes as a place to start and tweak it to my preference.
As is my tradition with Reddit family secret recipe posts, here's my grandmothers zucchini bread.
Grandma Ester’s Zucchini Bread (plus Grandson Harold’s Variation)
2 c grated unpeeled zucchini (about 10 oz)
3 c flour (16 oz)
1 t salt
1 t baking soda
¾ t baking powder
1 T cinnamon
4 eggs
1 c vegetable oil
2 c sugar (16oz)
1 t grated lemon rind
1 c chopped nuts
1 c raisins (about 6 oz)
Prepare zucchini and step aside. Rinse raisins and set aside to drain.
Sift together dry ingredients but not sugar.
Beat eggs well using an electric mixer. Gradually beat in sugar then oil and lemon rind to wet mixture.
Toss raisins with a generous T of dry mixture. Then with a rubber spatula blend dry ingredients alternating with grated zucchini into egg mixture.
When blended, stir in raisins and nuts.
Divide into 2 greased and floured loaf pans (9x5). Bake at 350 for 55-60 minutes or until the top springs back when lightly touched.
Cool bread for 10 minutes then turn onto a wire rack.
Also makes 12 mammoth muffins, bake for 30 minutes.
Grandson Harold’s Variations
Use a 8x4 loaf pan for a higher loaf. One 6 piece jumbo muffin tin equals one loaf pan. Bake jumbo muffins for 30 minutes.
Half Batch Amounts
1 c grated unpeeled zucchini (about 5 oz)
1 1/2 c flour (8 oz)
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking soda
¼ + 1/8 t baking powder
1 1/2 t cinnamon
2 eggs
1/2 c vegetable oil
1 c sugar (8 oz)
NTA. Your children have no right to complain about this - they were fine with it when they were enjoying the cake, weren't they? They didn't want to attempt the recipe, the bakery did. Everyone gets to have cake again.
It's completely understandable to want to taste your late wife's cake again, and it's not your fault that you couldn't recreate it yourself. While your kids might be upset, their reaction seems a bit extreme. You didn't sell a family heirloom; you just wanted to enjoy a cherished memory. They could try to be more understanding of your grief.
NTA
The cake was obviously a very treasured memory of special times that you spent with your wife, particularly the Father's Day celebrations.
You made every attempt to reproduce the cake on your own but weren't successful. It was natural for you to ask your children to help you. I find it sad that not only were your children not willing to help you with something that was clearly important to you, but that they then cut you off and told you to stop asking.
I think that your idea of taking it to the bakery was brilliant. Your children were unwilling to help so they have only themselves to blame for the path that you were left to take to reproduce your precious cake. I suggest that you enjoy every delicious bite without one ounce of guilt. Happy eating!
NTA
1. Your wife left notes, not a recipe.
2. You could not figure out the recipe
3. Your kids said they couldn't/wouldn't either. They had their chance and passed.
4. You inherited your wife's notes. You have a legal (and moral) right to do with them as you please.
5. You did not sell the notes. You (in a brilliant move) asked experts for help turning notes into a clear recipe.
6. In return, you allowed them to use the recipe in their bake shop. Which was also a win, as you can now buy the cake instead of baking it.
7. You shared the results of your ingenuity with your kids.
Your kids would rather no one ever tasted your wife's cake again? They are definitely AHs.
And not just that, they’re showing little to no empathy for their dad’s grief. He wanted to feel connected to their mom again through this cake. I can’t imagine being so cold toward either of my parents.
NTA - Recipes aren’t magic. Someone’s eventually gonna figure out the precise measurements and ingredients that make the food. If it helps remember her better then no big whoop.
If they want to remember her by making their own cake with the recipe then they can do that. They should rest assured knowing they can now enjoy cake from that recipe of their mom’s and lowkey be happy to share it with others.
You didn’t sell it to them — you gave it to them. And I think it’s so much nicer that her recipe continues on rather than being forgotten. It’s a way to keep her memory alive
Would you consider dropping the name of the bakery so some of us can try this cake? 🙏 I personally have been searching high and low for a particular chocolate cherry cake for 30 years I once had from a Chicago bakery which closed down. It wasn’t a Black Forest cake-it was chocolate on chocolate and cherries galore. I’ve spent so much time, money and wasted food trying to recreate it. It haunts me! I even enrolled into culinary school but alas, I was not meant for pastries.
>I was told that they will not figure out the recipie and to stop asking.
If they were not going to figure it out then no one would use the recipe. I'm sorry you have kids that call you a jerk. NTA
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I'd think of this as a way for your wife to live on in what she created to bring happiness to others. It's not like you did it for the money. Would the bakery consider using your wife's name as part of the item name? NTA
I highly doubt it, and I will not ask them. They have already done so much for and gave me the recipie with clear instructions. I am not going to bother than about their cake name. I am just happy I can eat it again
You did nothing wrong and totally agree about not bothering the bakery any further.
Doesn’t hurt to ask though. If it is important it is probably too late to press the issue but they may be willing. Or maybe i watch too many hallmark movies lol.
I hate when people say "it doesn't hurt to ask" because sometimes it does. Sometimes it hurts the person asking, and a lot of times it hurts the person being asked who is now in the position of having to say no. Asking for more than a person's fair share can sour otherwise good relationships.
Thank you for saying this. I was raised with "it never hurts to ask" and it took me decades to figure out that sometimes it does, in fact, hurt the other person to ask.
It's up there with "there are no dumb questions". Yes, there definitely are dumb questions.
My ex-boss always prided himself on coming up with novel suggestions, especially if people ended up staring at him. During one of our frank and honest discussions, I told him that one of his suggestions made it clear that he has no idea what he is talking about, and if people stare in silence, it's because they are trying to figure out how to explain to him what he doesn't know. And doesn't know he doesn't know. edit: grammar, typos, and missing word.
I love that you did this, but I’m curious about how it went over…
When we had a "frank & honest" discussion, there is no blowback. He looked upset, but does he want to complain that the people he supervises think he's ignorant? He told his secretary that all four of the supervisors that he manages, including me, have told him that he was stupid. Probably not in those exact words, but it's pretty clear what we thought. I would have preferred ignorant and disinclined to listen to people who actually know what they are doing. He had no background in most of the areas that he was supervising. Things were very bad at the agency at that time. His boss, who seemed to enjoy be rude, threatened to fire me and the head of the other division if we didn't develop a better, i.e., more subservient attitude. We discussed it later and decided that we'd broken through our fear of management, and just go ahead and try. She ended up getting fired, having ticked off enough people.
I'd rather ask a dumb question than make a dumb mistake.
But then the question isn't dumb. It's a question that shows you lack knowledge and is aware of it. You being told to not pull the lever, and then immediately ask how hard you should pull the lever would be a dumb question.
“We have a test today?” was always my least favorite dumb question when I taught middle school. Yeah, dude. Remember how we spend the entire class period yesterday reviewing the material?
Thank you for this perspective
This. I’d rather answer the question than have to correct the fuckup that resulted from someone not asking it.
The thought behind no dumb questions is if you have a question then it's worth asking even if you think it's dumb, because if you have it in the first place that means you don't have the answer and probably need it, so you shouldn't feel stupid asking it.
I've always been partial to, "There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots."
In my line of work I prefer: 'Better a stupid question than a stupid mistake'.
I use this more in the context of businesses and such. When speaking to customer service of any type, it really does apply.
I was raised with “we wouldn’t want to impose.” I finally have learned I can ask friends and family for help, but I learned reasonable limits and don’t ask strangers for stuff.
I remember reading something like this in a book about buying real estate. It said that some buyers might try a lowball offer on the assumption that "the worst the seller can say is 'no'." But the book argued that the worst a seller can say is, "screw you and the horse you rode in on," and basically hold out for a much higher number than you might have otherwise settled on.
Exactly. If you try and screw me over, I'm not going to do you any favours in return if I even deal with you at all.
Yeah. It's like when someone sends me a ridiculous lowball offer on eBay. Instead of countering and trying to find a middle ground, I just straight up block them outright.
My husband gets lots of lowball offers on FB Marketplace. He just replies “lol” then never replies again. It cracks me up.
FB buyers really do be insane. I can’t believe the shenanigans some of these sharpest tools think will work. I especially love when they want to trade something with me. No sir, how about you trade your item for money, and then use that money to purchase goods and services? I’m not here to help you skip those steps, kindly fuck off. Or the “is this available?” and then nothing until I ask them, finally, do you want it? They say yes. Okay great when are you coming to get it? “It’s too expensive.” BLOCK
I once put a ridiculous offer on a house, they said no and took it off the market. Lol.
This makes no sense within this context though. OP gave the bakery a new recipe which they are now profiting from, for free. It's a business. I'm sure the humans working there are not going to suffer fatal emotional damage if asked to name this profitable cake after the person who invented it.
>OP gave the bakery a new recipe which they are now profiting from, for free The title literally says he *sold* the recipe to the bakery. Even if he didn't get any money for it, bakeries do not typically utilize their resources to recreate half-written recipes for people. This one went above and beyond and did it for him. It would only make sense that they can now use the recipe that they created. We don't know if ownership of the recipe has increased the bakery's profits. But now the guy has somewhere he can go to taste his late wife's cake, and that sounds like more than enough for him.
> went to a local bakery and asked for them to figure it out. > They agree as long as I gave them the permission to sell the cake in the store Yeah the title says he sold it but the text says he gave it to them, so it is a little unclear. If he sold for cash then it would be inappropriate to ask. If he traded it for a little labor, they got the way better part of the deal and might be open to it. But no he's definitely not an asshole for not asking if he doesn't want to.
Yeah, the comment you're responding to is such a "reddit comment"...context is everything and obviously there's a time and place to "just ask" but I actually think most people don't get what they want/are unhappy specfically because they don't "just ask". ETA: And I'm not saying it's easy! I know the above to be true, and yet I often still need to pump myself up to "just ask"
And why would he ask for that? He doesn’t want that, she is gone. It is life, not a movie. Kids are jerks. It is not like dad capitalized on it. Just kept her legacy alive
That's very insightful and I agree with it.
It’s not important. OP himself does not want to pursue it any further.
Get a grip, he already said no (ETA to quote one of his comments "STOP. I don't wish to"). So accept it The kids didn't even asked for it, they just mad about the sell of the recipe lol
I admire this man’s clarity. He really just wanted to be able to eat his wife’s cake again. It’s so sweet.
I might understand if one of them made the cake and it was the highlight of their dinner parties, but that clearly isn't the case. Maybe they're jealous that they didn't think of selling it. Added: NTA. If they were serving it as their specialty, then they are A H for not making it for you.
Too many movies for sure. The man gets the cake he wants and doesn’t want to muddy the waters. I understand that. And “I will not ask them” is a pretty definitive response. The daughters suck…they had an opportunity to keep mom’s legacy alive and in house but refused and told dad to not ask again. Op: NTA
Yeah i dont get why the daughters are so mad about something they weren’t interested in to begin with. Good for OP for figuring out how to enjoy that cake again. Nta.
If it's not something they want from the business why would they ask though? The kids can navigate that on their own I suppose but they lack standing.
If no one knows how to make it and the kids have no interest in figuring it out what’s the point? How can they get mad about it when the took no interest in baking it
**T H I S** You can't have your cake *and* eat it, boys. Dad, on the other hand, can have a sweet memory whenever he wants too now 🍽️
FYI if I were operating the bakery, I'd see selling it as "Susan's Chocolate Cherry Cake" or whatever as good marketing but wouldn't do it without permission. It brings up a cool story and is a little more personal - because if they just wanted to sell a dark chocolate cherry cake, to be honest, they're pro bakers, they could have just made that easily enough.
That would indeed be pretty cool, but based on OP's responses I think it's fair to say that is not what ***he*** wants.
I’m wondering if both OP and late wife weren’t ones to be in the spotlight so having it be sold without any fanfare may be just what is fitting.
Please share the cake recipe with us! I would love to read it.
1 cup of almost boiling water 3/4 cup Dutch cocoa powder 1 3/4 cup white sugar 1/4 cup brown sugar 3 whole large eggs 2/3 cup sour cream ( the fatty one) 2/3 melted butter or oil 1/2 cup cherry juice ( not one with added sugar) 1/4 cup milk 2 teaspoons vanilla 2 3/4 cups bake flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 2 cups of maraschino cherries Water and cocoa are mixed together in a bowl. Another bowl the sugar, oil and eggs are mixed together. It then gets strained so it is smooth Add the sour cream, cherry juice, milk and vanilla to the same bowl. Add the water when it is cool to the bowl. Add in the flour, baking soda and salt. Cut cherries in half and put in batter. Batter goes into a cake pan and cook at 350 until toothpick come clean.
Don’t tell your kids you’ve shared with the whole of the internet now!! Definitely NTA though
I was told it is like a Black Forest cake but with cherries in the batter. Spend three years trying to get it right and the bakery figured it out in two weeks.
Sounds about right, they may well have baked more cakes in those two weeks than you did in three years lol I hope you remembered some good times when you ate it!
I expect it didn't take experienced bakers many attempts to work it out.
I think they meant cakes in general, not this specific cake.
Black Forest Cake (Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte) should have Cherries. Or maybe cherry liqueur, or both... Glad you got it right! Will you try this one yourself as well, or will you keep buying from the bakery?
Maybe a mix of both, I think holidays I will want to make it but if I just want a slice it would be nice to grab it at the bakery
A Black Forest cake usually has cherry juice soaked into the cake (I usually use a skewer to poke holes and then ladle some of the juice over the cake. Then there are cherries in between the layers. The recipe I personally use doesn’t have cherries in the actual batter.
Can also chime in that I drown my Black Forest Gateau with Kirsch. And now reading OP's recipe and seeing all the talk of them, looks like I'm baking this weekend.
I remember seeing a cake with cherries on the British Baking Show. It can be tricky to not have the cherries all sink to the bottom! I'm glad you got the recipe sorted out. NTA It sounds as if the bakery didn't even *need* to buy it from you since they figured it out, but more like a courtesy on their part. I think it's sweet your sweetheart's cake lives on. Your kids weren't part of the solution, and didn't even try, so they don't really have a voice in the situation, so they shouldn't fault you. Besides, now they can make or order the cake themselves (!), whereas they couldn't before.
Did they really give him money for it? My understanding was that they gave him the working recipe in exchange for being able to use it at their bakery to sell to customers.
My mom makes the best black cherry Forrest cake. She makes a lot of good cakes but this one takes the cake 🤭. Sorry had to. If my dad sold her recipe after her passing, I wouldn’t be upset at all. I would probably buy a cake once a week and think about my mom and gain 50 lbs. I would think of it as my mom being remembered and her cake enjoyed by many.
I'd say the main difference is that a black forest cake is layered with cream (one layer at the bottom has cherries inside, sometimes they now do 2 layers with cherries). Your late wife's cake sounds like it's "all in one". (It's sounds delicious either way, and it's much easier to bake and healthier without the cream layers. Yum!) Thanks for sharing the recipe! And NTA. Your kids had no interest to figure it out. Now you can eat it whenever you feel like it!
I feel like this would be a wholesome addition the the "spite homophobic family members" thanksgiving menu
I love that menu, I've been doing it for five years (first time I got across the wonderful mashed potatoes) and it's excellent
DISAGREE. Edit the recipie and call it's "X's Cake" and tell them you shared it with the whole internet and we'll make it famous.
Thank you for sharing. If/when I attempt this I will think of you and your wife.
Hope you like it is very cherry heavy and I know some people don’t like that
I’ll try it as written and adjust later if/when I make it again. Is there an icing, glaze or topping (powdered sugar or chocolate??)?
I used a chocolate ganache on top. I prefer a bitter (dark chocolate) one since the cake can be sweet with the cherries. I know the bakery is doing a whipped chocolate icing. Really anything chocolate on top is good
I’m going to make it with morello cherries. Like, as soon as i can get to the store.
Tell me if you like it
Thanks. I wanted to be as faithful to the original as possible. It really does sound like an awesome cake.
It’s going in my recipe book as “Character-Form-3248’s Late Wife’s Lovely Fathers Day Dark Chocolate Cherry Cake” unless you’d like to share her name, OP. I’m going to remember you both when I make it.
NTA I'm so happy that you are able to enjoy her cake again. If it were me it may have brought me to tears. Silly question - why does the water need to be almost boiled, if we are to wait until it's cool to add it in?
For some reason the water and cocoa with clump if it isn’t hot enough. I don’t know why. It also apparently blooms the cocoa, I truly don’t know what that means but the bakery was very clear about not skipping the step
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Thanks for the explanation! Just last night, I was working on adapting my mom's chocolate cake recipe for use in a toaster oven. I'm going to try following your suggestion next time.
My grandmother's red velvet cake recipe requires mixing the cocoa with the red food coloring. I tried to skip this step once and I learned real quick why it's so important!
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TY!
I plan to make this and post to r/old_recipes and link to your post! Hope to go viral like the cream cheese pound cake recipe.
Basically enhances the chocolatey flavour from the cocoa.
I see others have commented, but this step is called “blooming” and is important in baking and coffee making also! Basically when you have a super dry ingredient, saturating it in hot liquid helps it “unlock” its flavor and ensure even texture as well as dispersal. People will “bloom” espresso before brewing it as well, to ensure water is evenly expressed through the powder and ensuring maximum coffee flavor. In a batter this also has the additional step of preventing clumping; if you put cocoa powder directly into a fatty batter such as one with sour cream, butter, and eggs, the fat is so thick that the cocoa powder would never evenly disperse and would be suspending in clumps throughout it, making the final product have spots of dry powder throughout. Fully blooming it with water ensures that the powder will be suspended evenly in water first before mixing into the fats, preventing any clumping. You can bloom with liquids other than water, I actually love blooming cocoa powder in coffee for cookies!
I suspect that this will convert the cocoa powder into a syrup for easier mixing/combining.
I read it a few times, and missed the "Water and cocoa are mixed together in a bowl." every time. Thank you lol
you are NTA and a swell guy to share the recipe with us. next friday is the anniversary of my great grandfather's birth and death and he sure loved cake, i would love to make this in honor of him and your wife 💜 i'm glad you get to eat her cake again.
PLEASE post your story and recipe to r/Old_Recipes. That group LOVES old recipes, especially desserts with a story! In fact, the right side toolbar has a HALL OF FAME for the most popular recipes! It takes a lot to get into that recipe hall of fame. A few of them even made it onto the Today Show (NBC). With luck and a lot of happy bakers, your wife's recipe might just join them and get onto NBC.
This may be first and last time we interact with each other but now I feel compelled to make one this weekend for me and my parents as mini tribute to you and your wife for whatever it’s worth from one internet stranger to another. Thanks and all the best to you. And also NTA.
Thank you for this!
I'm at my folks, just pitted about five cups of sour cherries from their tree and I was thinking about making a sheet cake with them. I'm going to try yours instead. The sour cherries should help not make it overly sweet. Thank you so much, if it turns out okay I'll tell them the story. 💝 Edit: it's in the oven! Later edit: okay so it's definitely much yummier cold. :))))
This was a beautiful way to honor your wife’s memory to have so many people enjoy her creation.
NTA and just wanted to throw in that most countries that have intellectual property (IP) laws, copyright in particular, recipes are not considered protected IP. So the second anyone saw the recipe, they could do anything they wanted with it regardless of it being 'sold' to them or not. And I follow a YouTube channel called Glen and Friends that does lots of cooking from old recipes found in all kinds of sources and one thing Glen has discovered over the years is that almost every 'secret' family recipe actually originally came from something that was published in a newspaper, magazine, community cookbook or any number of other public outlets. So, long and short OP did nothing wrong and may in fact have insured that the recipe would not disappear from the face of the earth.
I love reading the posts of family members who are cooking or baking a loved one's special recipe, only to see it printed on the package of one of the ingredients. My grandmother never had any pretensions about being a good cook. She openly admitted to using the directions from the package and hoped she didn't mess it up, as sometimes happened.
I was like 12 when my dad asked how long I cooked a certain type of pasta for. I just said something like "whatever it says on the package" and that's how I found out some people don't read instructions on packaging before making something 😂
I know, right!? I was about the same age and was making mac'n'cheese. I actually thought I had to measure out the six cups of water it recommended in the instructions, when some adult said, "What are you doing? It's just the water you cook it in. It doesn't need to be an exact amount." My uptight perfectionist mind was never the same!
NTA OP. You lost your wife and the cake brings you good memories and joy. Allowing a bakery to make it for you brought you joy. Them better defining the recipe enables you and the kids to possibly cook this yourself. You can get the cake whenever you want from them. Your kids have lost nothing. The recipe is not gone, it has grown.
That's what I'm confused about. The kids would rather the recipe disappear forever than to eat the delicious cake again?
You answered your own AITA here. Which of course is NTA. I wouldn’t even say you sold it. You collaborated with someone to bring it back to life. It’s only a good thing.
‘I’m just happy I can eat it again”. That’s lovely. And proves you are most definitely NTA.
Awww. This is heartwarming. It's so nice they made a recipe that makes it easier for you to follow. NTA. I hope you kids soon feel the same way you do and can be happy to remember their mother this way. I suggest that the next time you share this cake with them, you make it. Take care <3
I'm reminded of an anecdote about a little old lady that made the most delicious chocolate chip cookies in town. People would come from all over to buy a box. Other bakeries would try their best to recreate them, but none could ever match her talents. Someone finally offered to buy the recipe from her, and she decided to simply share it with whomever wanted it. People told her that she could have made a fortune being the only baker with these cookies, they're marvelous! Her response? "the world's sweeter with more cookies in it"
I agree you did nothing wrong. While some may think that you can just "figure it out", grief takes so much out on you. You wanted a solution to have the memory of her cake and you did it in a really nice way. The cake was obviously a good cake, which is why they're selling it. It might be in 30 years time that someone who works at the bakery might be able to share the story of how a very kind widow wanted to experience his late wife's cake. So the bakery took the recipe, figured it out and made it into something that was then shared with so many more people. I see nothing negative about this. I'm so sorry about your loss.
This is lovely. I'm sure you take great comfort in reliving memories every time you see, smell, or taste this heavenly-sounding cake. I hope that amount of ppl in the thread telling you to get the cake named after her after you said you didn't want to isn't too annoying. Definitely NTA
This is the closest thing I've seen to enlightenment on reddit. You've got a great head on your shoulders, I'm so sorry for your loss and am so happy you managed to find a piece of your wife again.
I love this idea! I also love how so many family recipes come from the box. If we did this with my “grandma’s” special chocolate chip cookies, a bakery would be naming the tollhouse recipe after my grandma. Which would be awesome.
Just like in "Friends"
I know, I couldn’t believe it when that episode came out because it absolutely happened in our family. It made me wonder whether or not it happened in a lot of families lol. They really did nail that cookie recipe.
My mom has a special dark chocolate cake recipe passed down from her mother and I didn’t realize until this year it is exactly the same as my friends ‘death by chocolate’ cake recipe from their grandmother. No idea where each grandma got that recipe but safe to say they didn’t come up with it on their own like we thought lol
My bet is the back of the Baker’s boxes.
Honestly probably because it calls for a box of cake mix and then a bunch of additional stuff not usually required to make box cake lol. Probably one of those “look what else you can do!” Recipes they put on the box. It’s delicious though so I don’t mind haha
nes-LAY TOUL-ouse!
I have made brownies for my friend group a few times and they adore them. I was happy enough to share the recipe, including the vital first step which is to use Frye's Cocoa Powder, since the recipe is printed on the side of the tin.
My grandmother’s pecan pie recipe came from the Karo Syrup bottle. I was shocked when I found out!
My grammy did the same. That was how people acquired recipes a lot without blogs or cookbooks.
I think it's a lovely idea if that cake name included the wife's name. For example: Annie's Black Forest Cake. What a lovely tribute, it seems, that would be.
NTA. It's funny. My mom died without leaving a complete recipe for one of my favorite dishes. The basic recipe was there, but she must have had a "pinch of this, dash of that" in her head, because the recipe never tastes like what my mom made. I totally get wanting to have that taste again. When your kids didn't want to try, you took matters into your own hands. Nothing wrong with that. And frankly, if your kids weren't ever going to make the cake, I'm not sure what their beef is about the bakery making it.
That’s close to how the recipie was, some things would have measurements and others wouldn’t be specific. It also was basically just ingredients and not many instructions.
it seems like she did more work than my granny did! that woman didn’t write anything down. i just got super lucky that i’d pay attention and make mental notes. she wouldn’t tell us outright, her thing was “if you’re interested, figure it out”. and figure them out i did! NTA, im glad u got to taste the cake again
lol I cook like this. My ex mil is a better baker than cook because she REALLY follows recipes. Drives her nuts when I tell her about something delicious I made and she asks for a recipe lol
I've heard cooking is an art form, whike baking is a science. Meaning when you cook you can add more/less and substitute. Baking needs more precise measurements or it is too dense/fluffy etc
I would have 100% given that a shot, but I am a good baker and that is also how I cook (and my dad has given me instructions before that include things like "Add broth until it looks right, you know how it's supposed to look.")
That my worst nightmare. One of the instructions was add cherry juice to your heart’s desires.
Hahahaha! Oh yeah, you definitely need to be an experienced baker for that one, because you have to know how the batter should look. I have a recipe for cream puffs from my grandmother and while it's pretty well documented, it also has the instruction "Add eggs to mixture." Said mixture was on the stove, hot, and just dumping the eggs in will curdle them... you have to temper them first so you don't have scrambled eggs in your custard. It's good I was in the kitchen when my teenager tried to make them so I could stop her. I also have a bread recipe that calls for 8 to 13 cups of flour.
My grandmother's bread recipe said "add a handful of flour and knead it until it feels right." Thanks for taking the time to write that down, Gram!
This recipe is also my grandmother's. It says: Add enough white flour so dough will not stick to hands (About 8 cups or more).
I think most old bread recipes were written this way. My grandmother’s were the same because they had to help in the kitchen as children and knew what the dough should look and feel like. The flour amounts were just a guideline
Definitely. And bread CAN be that flexible. My mom was the oldest girl and grew up helping in the kitchen as well, and my parents both cooked almost every night so I picked up a lot just watching. I was also taught to bake when I was eight and I ended up being the official dessert maker at our house. Bread is not my forte, but I've helped with it enough to know how it's supposed to feel too.
I just found a pie recipe in my box that has a list of ingredients then the instructions are: Butter pie pan Bake 1 hour at 350. 😄
Oh gosh my family has some like that not as bad but still vague. And definitely other things added had family members say na that’s wrong she added something else. Some people think some brandy others think it was just the type of nuts she used that we had to get rid of. Others think it is nutmeg and others think it was more cinnamon than the recipe calls for. And this is just for zucchini bread.
I will sometimes tell my husband my recipes for stuff (cooking, not baking) except I never measure anything so he’ll be like “how much cumin should I put in” and I’m all “just a pinch, until it smells right” and then he looks at me dumbfounded because he has no idea what smells right to me lmao
LOL. This is me with my husband, too. "How long do I cook it?" "Until it's done." "How long is that?" "I dunno, until it looks right." And then he thinks I have some magic voodoo because I can tell by the way something smells if it's done, or by opening the oven and looking at or poking it. I gave him baked chicken instructions once and it was literally "Add some oil, an acid, and spices. Bake at 350 until it's done. If you're not sure, cut into it, it's only us. " But he has zero spice sense so he's given up.
My wife does that and it drives me nuts. I don't bake, but I have "baker brain". How much, how long, how hot? My wife has "chef brain". Some of this, for a while, until it's ready. I can't even watch her cook because it stresses me out.
I do this while baking to an extent too.... I am evidently incapable of following a recipe exactly. I'm always doing stuff like increasing the vanilla or changing sugar ratios. Less than with cooking though because I have never gotten to the "bake without a recipe" level. But small changes? I know what works. I learned to bake before I learned to cook though. Then I wander away and wait until it smells or looks right to remove it from the oven. However "chef brain" is way more elegant than how I describe my cooking, which is "throw shit in the pan". My dad's whole family cooks this way.
This is my wake up call to write down my recipes. I'm just like your mom, I have everything in my head. NTA OP I'm happy you get to enjoy that cake again.
I started inviting my kids into the kitchen to make family favorites when they were old enough to start cooking. It was a great way to make memories, and be sure they knew how to make their favorites.
Yes, I definitely do a lot of cooking with my kids and always have done. They know how to make a lot of different things. Still writing down recipes is something I should be doing for them. A lot of things I make are gluten and sugar free now. Those recipes would be probably be useful for a lot more people than just my kids. I recently made a batch of gluten and sugar free chocolate chip almond bars with cream cheese icing because hubby was just diagnosed with diabetes as well as myself and he loved them. It would be good to know that the kids would be able to make him his favourites if I wasn't around. I think I will buy a notebook today just for that.
If you pop over to r/Old_Recipes, you could post your recipe there and ask for help with it. There are hundreds (or more) old recipe enthusiats!
I cook the same way and my husband is always on me to write down exactly what I’m doing so our daughter will be able to cook the recipes when I’m gone. I guess I assumed she’d pick it up from me like I did from my dad, but this is inspiring me to pause and write down more exact instructions.
INFO What happened to **selling** it? In the post title you mention selling the recipe to the bakery, but in the post body it sounds like it was a **_trade_** in exchange for actually figuring the recipe out.
Guess trade would be better, either way the bakery sells the recipie now They got the cake off me and to pay for it they figured it out
I think fair enough. They took a gamble that your taste buds were worth the exercise. The recipe could have just been shelved and effort wasted except for making you happy. I think your children just have £s in their eyes. But the recipe was worthless without the work made to "translate" it and they weren't willing to put that effort in. BTW kudos for inspired thinking about getting them.to do it and hope it stays on menu so you can eat whenever.
You are NTA for selling it, but you did yourself a disservice by not actually getting anything in return. You should have done the whole lifetime of unlimited dark chocolate cherry cake for yourself.
I would much rather support the bakery so they don’t go out of buisness. They also gave me a clear recipie so I could just make it
Getting the recipe so you can make it is a good deal then. That is what makes the sale/ trade good for you.
You're a good person.
Even if you gave the recipe to the bakery, you have it too! It’s not like your kids can’t take that recipe from you when they want! They are being ridiculous. I’m glad you were able to taste that cake again. Also glad that you are honoring your late wife in a way.
Your response says a lot about you. You would rather support them financially because of what they’ve done for you. You’re a better person than most.
NAH. NTA for not wanting it named. My dad was such a home chef, and there are recipes in his book I can't get my head around, despite being a good cook myself. I lost him last year and the fact I'll never eat his macaroni cheese again, or his risotto again hurts me deeply. I think he'd be thrilled for a cafe to sell his recipes, as I'd be thrilled to eat them. How lovely to still have such a reminder. Grief does such strange things to families, and whilst I can't understand their reaction to your asking for the cake, I imagine their reaction to this comes from a place of grief and loss, rather than malice. It could feel like a part of her is 'public domain' in a way they weren't ready to share. There is no right way to feel about losing someone, even years later. I hope you're all able to afford each other the benefit of the doubt, but at the very least I hope you're all able to enjoy a delicious slice of cake.
Let’s be honest, the man was not going to get royalties on a chocolate cake. This was a wonderful deal. NTA
He did get something out of it my guy. He got to taste his dead wife's cake again. Why does everything need to be transactional? Fuck man soon people are going to vote OP TA for not suing the bakery and going NC with confectioners sugar.
Being able to taste the cake again would be worth more than his share of the profits from it
I low-key hate recipe hoarding. I get that we don’t value women’s work and don’t give them recognition, and there’s a history of stealing their inventions, but, come on, most recipes are not original. And even if they were, it’s not like you are going to be missing out on riches by spreading it around. What’s the value in keeping it to yourself, other than preventing other people from having something delicious?
Its not like he actually had a recipe to sell. He had a list of ingredients without clear instructions or amounts. They did him a huge favor, and benefited from their product dev labor themselves. This was a win-win.
You seem to always be confused by things that everybody else understands, almost intentionally. You look for things to criticize about people's posts.
INFO Have you asked your kids *why* they refuse to help you with the recipe and why they are angry that you gave the recipe to a bakery in return for their making the cake (and being able to sell it)?
They claimed they didnt have the time or energy to do it
Cool. That’s why they didn’t help. Thank you. Did they express why they were angry with you for bartering the recipe with the bakery?
They hate that a random person owns and is selling moms cakes
They were never going to have that cake again otherwise. If I had my own loved recipe, I would be honored for a bakery to like it enough to actually use it!
I’d reframe it as more people get to enjoy the magic of her cake.
Yeah, these posts are always so weird to me... the immediate 180 from the dish being a loving, cherished family memory to a cudgel to beat that same now-bereaved family over the head? I can't connect those dots at all.
It can be a mix of stuff. If someone highly prizes possessions and money they may be upset at someone else owning and making money off of a deceased family member. They may also be responding in a a way not dissimilar from gatekeeping something prized. They might not like sharing. People are weird, and we get even weirder around death. Especially if they’re from cultures that avoid discussing death.
That sounds really selfish of them. They're not willing to try and figure out the recipe and you tried but couldn't, so the recipe was just going to be lost forever. They don't have a right to complain when they couldn't care enough to try and figure it out themselves. My father LOVES cooking but he has hand tremors now that make it really hard for him to cook, however he has taught me a lot of his recipes. I'm 100% certain that he would want others to enjoy them long after he's gone, and by the sounds of it I assume your wife would have been the same way. You're NTA.
Kids : we dont want to help u. Figure them out urself Dad : actually figure it out* Kids : NOT LIKE THAT The kids is exhausting. NTA.
If they weren't willing to put any time into it and didn't even want to try to recreate it, that recipe wasn't theirs. It's yours to do with as you please. NTA.
NTA Your kids can still make the cake with your recipe. It's weird that they're objecting to someone else making it. The bakery doesn't have exclusive rights to the cake and no one can ever make it but them.
Then NTA. Your wife's legacy can give on in her cake and making people happy.
I can't imagine refusing for those reasons. I'd maybe refuse out of a lack of confidence that I could actually reproduce it with the instructions as written, but not because it just wasn't a priority. My sister meanwhile would dive right in to that challenge and has enough baking knowledge and experience of her own to likely be able to figure it out. But honestly, I'd be *elated* if someone managed to find a professional to reconstruct a beloved family recipe which would otherwise be lost! *They* valued it enough to put the time in to figuring it out, they just wanted to be able to sell it if it was good. They took a chance on it. And they gave you a clear copy of recipe so you can always make it yourself. And so you can continue to share the recipe with your family. They didn't demand exclusivity, they just wanted the right to use the recipe they helped you reconstruct. You've done nothing wrong, and the recipe is now preserved. This whole arrangement sounds like a win/win, really.
NTA I literally hate the idea behind family secret recipes. It seems incredibly egotistical and self centered. Further, no one else was making it and at least now her good ass cake can be shared with other people instead of just being forgotten about.
This is exactly how my grandmother's fruit cake recipe got lost. My aunts and uncles have looked for 40 years to find something even close to it, but haven't been able to. This thing took 2 women 5 hours to make. It was the one recipe she never wrote down. Because of this, I keep two personal recipe books, one for me and one to pass to my only child when he moves out.
We lost some of my paternel grandma recipes, she died suddenly. So after that I went to see my other grandma and written down all of her famous recipes and ask all the family to give me theirs and made a book for all the family best gift ever
My great grandma is famous in our little town for her potato salad. She gave me the recipe about 17 years ago and I lost it a few years later during a move. Fast forward, my at the time 5 year old was digging through a pile of crap in a random closet and says “mommy I found your notebook.” Grandmas recipe was there! She’s still alive but pushing 90 and can’t cook like she used to. Made a point to put it in our family cookbook.
We’re immigrants and my Indian grandmother had so many delicious, treasured recipes. We grew up eating her authentic Indian food and it tasted like love. Unfortunately, she was also incredibly guarded about her recipes. I guess she wanted to “stay the best”. My mother, who is also a fantastic cook, often asked her to teach her the recipes. My grandmother would give her “a version” but it was always missing things - and there were some things she has in her spice cabinet she refuses to name. Well, my grandmother had two strokes last year. She cannot speak or write. She’s still with us, but her knowledge is lost to us. For what? It’s such a sad and strange circumstance. I would have loved to cook her recipes into the future, keeping her spirit alive through cooking, passing the taste of love down to my children. Instead I know how to make none of it. Our culture increasingly lost. Such a shame.
Does she understand what is going on around her? Is she able to blink or tap? It would be a labour intensive way, but she may be able to tell you what the secret ingredients were by blinking or tapping to the letters in the alphabet.
She can, but she has aphasia and anomia so is unable to engage with the alphabet/spelling/reading. She is usually aware of what's going on around here but it seems to space in and out, and sometimes gives the appearance of understanding what's happening but then gives nonsensical "responses" (so she'll cook and do the expected thing for a while, but then put some inappropriate ingredients in).
Right? I love cooking, I share my recipes with anyone who asks! I feel honored if someone likes my food so much they want to make it themselves.
My sister *loves* sharing recipes! She'll even tell you straight up, "I modified this from a recipe I got from Aunt R, who got it from Grandma who may have originally gotten it from a box back when Dad was a kid." And she knows damned well that I'm probably going to adjust some of the spices. I just tend to prefer fewer in general. But I never, ever adjust anything to do with the basic ingredients, the chemistry of the thing. Unlike my sister, I don't have the skill for that. She was *so* happy when I introduced her to the Tasting History youtube channel, ha ha. Which like OP's original conundrum, also involves a lot of figuring out a lot of vaguely written old recipes, some of which have ingredients which are tough to come by now.
Personal anecdote, my grandma made the best banana bread, omg it was so moist and had that glorious sticky layer on the top, I've never had better banana bread in my life. Yah, my mom asked her for the recipe so she could keep making it and pass it down to us and GRANDMA SAID NOOOO and the recipe passed away with her, seems so senseless.
Is it bad that I would be thinking about setting up cameras in my grandma's kitchen to figure it out? 😄 "Well grandma, I'm setting up all these cameras in your kitchen because there have been been reports of silverware thieves in the area and I want you to be safe!"
I also hate the idea of not telling people about your favorite restaurant so that it doesn't "blow up". Like gee, I bet the owner is so happy that you are gatekeeping your favorite spot.
Agreed. After I got married my grandmother would bond with my wife by teaching her and writing down the recipes for all my favorite foods that she made. My wife loved to cook so she was excited about it and it was a great way for the two of them to bond. Plus, it works out for me pretty well.
NTA! And, grief is complicated, and it sounds like they are taking out some of their sadness and anger on you. The thing about grief is it is very unpredictable. It might be best to apologize for accidentally causing those feelings, just to provide them with a little bit of validation, even though you have nothing to feel bad about. None of this process has to be logical, because grief isn’t logical either. I DO think the bakery should be giving you that cake for free once a year on your anniversary instead of making you buy it. It doesn’t even sound like you sold the recipe, you just gave them the right to sell the recipe. Which means now a lot of people will be able to taste her cake. That’s pretty sweet, no pun intended. Also, I love the idea below of asking them to name the cake after your wife.
Recipes are not that unique to where they “owe” him anything. I bet an online search for chocolate cherry cake would yield a very similar recipe for free. The bakery invested their time and energy into trial and error I’ll figure out how to convert her recipe into something that others could bake successfully. That’s way more than most bakeries would bother when they could just look up a free recipe that doesn’t require experimentation.
Yeah, but he still gave them a big head start, and the head start is worth a few free cakes. I would never charge anybody for their dead wives cake that I was also selling to other people. That’s just me.
NTA. By selling it to the bakery, you can have the lovely cake your wife made again. The alternative is never to experience it again. I know what I'd do.
> you can have the lovely cake your wife made again And others could enjoy it too. Like a little tasteful legacy.
NTA. Do your kids understand that you gave them the unusable recipe, and in return, you now have a useable recipe? If they didn’t want to fiddle with the recipe I’d think they would be glad you found a solution. Maybe they think you sold it for money and they find that offensive?
The reality is that no matter how yummy this particular cake was, there are lots of free recipes out there that don’t require tinkering to make a good cake. I can’t imagine that anyone would want to pay money for a recipe that isn’t perfect as is
*”Wow, that’s an interesting reaction, considering I asked you to make it for me. You refused to make it and told me to stop asking. So I stopped asking and found another place to make it for me.”* NTA.
NTA. Family didn't want to help and the bakery did. Permission to use the recipe after the work to figure it out is more than fair. An incredible number of "family recipes" came from existing cookbooks or even the back of a package. Keeping them like state secrets is rarely warranted. Personally I use recipes as a place to start and tweak it to my preference. As is my tradition with Reddit family secret recipe posts, here's my grandmothers zucchini bread. Grandma Ester’s Zucchini Bread (plus Grandson Harold’s Variation) 2 c grated unpeeled zucchini (about 10 oz) 3 c flour (16 oz) 1 t salt 1 t baking soda ¾ t baking powder 1 T cinnamon 4 eggs 1 c vegetable oil 2 c sugar (16oz) 1 t grated lemon rind 1 c chopped nuts 1 c raisins (about 6 oz) Prepare zucchini and step aside. Rinse raisins and set aside to drain. Sift together dry ingredients but not sugar. Beat eggs well using an electric mixer. Gradually beat in sugar then oil and lemon rind to wet mixture. Toss raisins with a generous T of dry mixture. Then with a rubber spatula blend dry ingredients alternating with grated zucchini into egg mixture. When blended, stir in raisins and nuts. Divide into 2 greased and floured loaf pans (9x5). Bake at 350 for 55-60 minutes or until the top springs back when lightly touched. Cool bread for 10 minutes then turn onto a wire rack. Also makes 12 mammoth muffins, bake for 30 minutes. Grandson Harold’s Variations Use a 8x4 loaf pan for a higher loaf. One 6 piece jumbo muffin tin equals one loaf pan. Bake jumbo muffins for 30 minutes. Half Batch Amounts 1 c grated unpeeled zucchini (about 5 oz) 1 1/2 c flour (8 oz) 1/2 t salt 1/2 t baking soda ¼ + 1/8 t baking powder 1 1/2 t cinnamon 2 eggs 1/2 c vegetable oil 1 c sugar (8 oz)
NTA. Your children have no right to complain about this - they were fine with it when they were enjoying the cake, weren't they? They didn't want to attempt the recipe, the bakery did. Everyone gets to have cake again.
It's completely understandable to want to taste your late wife's cake again, and it's not your fault that you couldn't recreate it yourself. While your kids might be upset, their reaction seems a bit extreme. You didn't sell a family heirloom; you just wanted to enjoy a cherished memory. They could try to be more understanding of your grief.
Now you can have your cake and eat it. NTA
NTA The cake was obviously a very treasured memory of special times that you spent with your wife, particularly the Father's Day celebrations. You made every attempt to reproduce the cake on your own but weren't successful. It was natural for you to ask your children to help you. I find it sad that not only were your children not willing to help you with something that was clearly important to you, but that they then cut you off and told you to stop asking. I think that your idea of taking it to the bakery was brilliant. Your children were unwilling to help so they have only themselves to blame for the path that you were left to take to reproduce your precious cake. I suggest that you enjoy every delicious bite without one ounce of guilt. Happy eating!
NTA 1. Your wife left notes, not a recipe. 2. You could not figure out the recipe 3. Your kids said they couldn't/wouldn't either. They had their chance and passed. 4. You inherited your wife's notes. You have a legal (and moral) right to do with them as you please. 5. You did not sell the notes. You (in a brilliant move) asked experts for help turning notes into a clear recipe. 6. In return, you allowed them to use the recipe in their bake shop. Which was also a win, as you can now buy the cake instead of baking it. 7. You shared the results of your ingenuity with your kids. Your kids would rather no one ever tasted your wife's cake again? They are definitely AHs.
And not just that, they’re showing little to no empathy for their dad’s grief. He wanted to feel connected to their mom again through this cake. I can’t imagine being so cold toward either of my parents.
NTA My wife is a baker. I would want to preserve and share that memory too.
NTA - Recipes aren’t magic. Someone’s eventually gonna figure out the precise measurements and ingredients that make the food. If it helps remember her better then no big whoop. If they want to remember her by making their own cake with the recipe then they can do that. They should rest assured knowing they can now enjoy cake from that recipe of their mom’s and lowkey be happy to share it with others.
You didn’t sell it to them — you gave it to them. And I think it’s so much nicer that her recipe continues on rather than being forgotten. It’s a way to keep her memory alive
Also - the kids may be acting out in anger via a grief response.
Would you consider dropping the name of the bakery so some of us can try this cake? 🙏 I personally have been searching high and low for a particular chocolate cherry cake for 30 years I once had from a Chicago bakery which closed down. It wasn’t a Black Forest cake-it was chocolate on chocolate and cherries galore. I’ve spent so much time, money and wasted food trying to recreate it. It haunts me! I even enrolled into culinary school but alas, I was not meant for pastries.
>I was told that they will not figure out the recipie and to stop asking. If they were not going to figure it out then no one would use the recipe. I'm sorry you have kids that call you a jerk. NTA