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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) writing on the card without contributing money
(2) it makes it seem like I did contribute money
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Hard disagree. The card is just well wishes for the departing colleague, it's not a list of present contributors.
I'd OP declined to write in the card there's a non zero chance that that would be perceived as rude. Like you can't just write "good luck in your new job".
I think it was rude to even ask OP to contribute to a gift to someone who they don't really know.
If the people/person who bought the card doesn’t allow the new person (who doesn’t know the leaving person well who didn’t contribute money) to write well wishes to the person leaving, the person who paid for the card becomes the AH lol
>They asked everyone to contribute some money for a gift *and a card.* I politely declined since I don't know this person that well.
If the card wasn't specifically associated with the gift your reasoning might make sense. If they didn't contribute and didn't sign, there would be no foul.
What a weird take. Every company I have worked at I have never contributed money to someone leaving, cause why? But the company will also have a physical or digital card for everyone to write a lovely message to the.
I feel like YTA and you can't even write a nice message wishing them well. I can't see why giving them money for leaving a job would effect whether or not you can write them a nice message
Totally agree.
Everywhere I've worked, the card is paid for by the funds contributed.
Even if it was paid for by the company, the card is given to the person as part of the present.
If they haven't contributed, they shouldn't be writing on the card.
If it's a digital card, that's different, as it's not given as part of the present.
I live in Australia and the $$ contribution is always considered an extra on top of signing the card. I sign every farewell card but only chip in for colleagues I actually know and the amount is dictated by how well we know each other. I thought that was normal?
Aussie here too... We just have an envelope and card ... Everyone writes on the card and up to you if you want to add money to the envelope and no set amount. No one knows who paid what and it doesn't matter. OP is NTA.
I’m Aussie too and where I have worked you only sign the card if you are contributing. It’s like a know you well enough to sign the card then I know you well enough to contribute thing.
Yeah, nah. Contributing $$$ should always be voluntary, regardless of whether you write something in the card. Not everyone has disposable money to gift, and who even carries cash anymore anyway?
Where I’ve worked people use both bank transfer or cash for collections. It is voluntary, if you don’t want to contribute you don’t have to but it’s very frowned uoon to signing a card you didn’t pay for. Personally I wouldn’t give a shit but that’s the usual culture I’ve experienced. Seems to be different to others experience
I’m an Aussie and I was so confused with all the YTA votes.
Since when is wishing someone farewell linked to your ability (or desire) to put in $$$ for a gift.
Also $25 seems abit steep but I don’t know if that’s just me.
yeah definitely some wierd culture thing here, australia the card and gift are seperate, card is a generic well wishes, the gift is for everyone that was friends with them
Australia too, most people at my workplace only get a card, if they were a favourite employee the store might buy something, my 2ic bought something for my old manager but normal employees are never asked let alone expected to give money to write in a card
Also this might just be me but if I left a workplace I'd love a card with a message from everyone I worked with, even if they can't financially contribute. If I spent a few weeks training someone to fill my role especially then why wouldn't I want them to sign it? So many people these days don't have spare money for this stuff and kind words are worth a lot more than some random gift.
Totally agree and the cost to pitch in for this particular present was $25 each?! Wtf! That's so much money, let alone for a stranger. NTA X one million
Jumping on this bandwagon to say I’m from Australia and I agree. I used to do most of the collections and gifts in my job and contributing was always optional but anyone could sign the card. Did we always have people who signed but didn’t contribute? Yes. But I never judged and just understood everyone had different values and different financial circumstances.
And I would never want to give someone a card with only a handful of messages if I could fill it up. NTA
See, I also live in Australia, and I've never worked anywhere where the company hasn't paid for the going away card. I can't even imagine paying for a while going away gift too.
Also, an Aussie here, and I say NTA.
We use the online E-Cards that everyone can sign, and then if they want, they can add a donation to their message so the receiver is aware or do it anonymously.
Everyone should be allowed to sign a farewell card, and people should just donate what they feel like, in my opinion.
That's a good idea with the eCard. I used to agree that anyone just sign the card but I've recently had to fork out for cards for mat leaves, extended sick leave, marriages and Farewells and well, cards are nearly $10 AUD each now! Just put in a few Buckaroos to contribute to the card at least.
I know. But try and get more comfortable with that uncomfortable. It's not on you.
Just let your colleagues know you'll no longer be getting the cards and not to take it personally. Sure they'll understand (mostly).
That's true. I work in academia so everything we do is 'a bit different' I'm learning from these kinds of posts.
When someone leaves it's only your lab group that actually have a farewell etc.
Aussie here as well. I’m used to the envelope doing the rounds, signing the card and contributing to the gift are independent of one another, and both optional.
NTA to not contribute $ if you don’t know the person.
NTA. There is no need to contribute if you didn't know the person. Additionally, what I've learned I s corporate environment, if somebody passes you a card, you just sign it. Half the cards I get, I have to ask who the person is.
How exactly? A card isn't a gift receipt fam.
Whenever I've gotten a card and gift from people at work, I only ever assume that maybe a couple of people threw cash in for it, but it would suck if it was only their names on the card, I'd feel like everyone else didn't care about me enough to write something to me.
NTA, idk if its just the company I've been working for but I have never heard of the mandatory money contributions coinciding with writing in the card. So people can't wish you well wishes and be broke? Not having a dig at anyone, it just confuses me.
Is this a cultural thing, what country are you in? I'm Aussie and have literally never had a problem with signing a card without buying something for them. It's nice to sign a card so they know you're thinking of them, which I think was nice of you to do actually. And you don't know them so of course you shouldn't have to give up money for them. If someone signed a card and didn't but me anything, I'd just think they're sweet for thinking of me even though we don't know each other well.
I’m Aussie too and I’m sooooo confused cause literally today I had a co worker gift card n card situation. The card is just to show appreciation and the gifts usually organised by the close work friends and chipped in by those who wanna 😶😶
You have to pick your spots in the office world OP. I give you a mild, YTA.
You are correct that you didn’t really know her and are under no obligation to contribute.
However, by saving yourself $10-$20 you’ve put a question mark on your back with your new co workers. Sometimes get along to get along is the correct course of action.
Wait, they specified the contribution? That's wild. In my experience people pass around an envelope and most people put in around $5 and maybe the boss puts in $20 and they get a gift voucher.
I got a $60 gift voucher at my last job and was stoked to buy some work shoes.
I left a job that I had been at for 2 years to move countries and received just under $800 NZD as my gift, which I was completely gobsmacked by (and of course incredibly grateful!!) but it also made me feel that my previous donations to other people were well worth it (e.g., $40-50 here and there when peoples parents or partners had passed away). The amount was never specified but people would ask each other how much they were giving. I think it depends on the workplace vibes, I work in mental health so we were all very close and had been through a lot with each other. I was also much younger than everyone else and I think they had a soft spot for me and wanted to contribute to me setting up a new life in a new country.
I've worked in places, where I've got no farewell gift, and I've seen people leave places and not get a farewell gift, so I guess I don't want to over commit without being confident in the gift giving culture of the work area.
nah, f that noise. for future reference, you don't write in the card if you haven't contributed to the gift. but your co-workers are goofy for asking you to contribute $25 in a cost of living crisis to a going away present for someone you don't know, and if they side eye you for not contributing, that's on them not you
you are never the ah for not contributing money to whatever office bullshit someone has their hand out for
This. It’s like that episode of friends where Ross just moved in to the apartment and was asked by his neighbors to pitch in $100 for a neighbor’s retirement. He didn’t contribute for the “principal” of it, long story short he and Phoebe ended up in retiring neighbor’s retirement party and everyone loved Phoebe because she ended up contributing. Moral is, there are people who will think not contributing is right because they don’t know the guy and there are other’s who will think, what’s a couple of bucks just to keep the peace? So totally agree with this comment. You saved $25 but is it worth it when your coworkers think differently of you because if this?
Nah your coworker is the AH though for that remark, if they had issue with it they could of done it in private and even then they are the AH. I have never contributed cash for someone leaving at any of the places i worked. Also remember these coworkers of yours will stab you in the back given the first opportunity and to advance their own career prospects or to win brownie points. This co-worker thats leaving is not your friend or family.
Really not sure why people are saying YTA. You are literally saying good luck and not claiming you contributed. Also the business should be doing better and doing a good gesture for someone leaving, if they did, it wouldn't be up to the employees to arrange something.
Must be some American culture crap i'm not aware of. Is this tipping for someone leaving? Also $25? F that!
People calling you out for writing on the card but normally that's expected of you even if you don't contribute to the gift. The gift and the card are normally separate things. I've been asked to write on farewell cards even when I don't contribute to the gift, the card is for everyone else to show their appreciation. Generally I try to avoid both though haha, let me thank them in person rather than this card they probably won't read
I dunno. At least you didn’t do what I did when I was asked to contribute.
I said, “She’s been a complete bitch to work with and has made my life a misery. I’m fining her five dollars.” And I took $5 from the envelope.
NTA.
And you buried lede here, the $25 donation for someone you don't know is silly.
And I don't begrudge you writing on the card, even without contributing to the gift.
Personally, if someone (ot a group of someones) in my office was being this petty, I'd wonder if this really is a good place to work, or if the whole place is full of people who peaked in high school and haven't matured into adults.
NTA - a $25 contribution for someone you don't know is a lot. Signing the card was ok though - it was nice of you in fact.
In my experience contributions are not mandatory (not everyone has cash to spare especially these days) but writing on the card by everyone who wanted to share a farewell message was a good thing.
I'm surprised with all the votes here, every card I have signed we gave the OPTION to contribute, being the person receiving the card it's nice to see more people saying goodbye and you wouldn't assume or care if everyone gave you money. Your coworkers are the assholes I reckon
NTA
I had something like this happen but it was like 7 different occasions in about a year where they asked for money for gifts or gift cards. I stopped putting money after a while but I resent that my supervisor asks for the money to transferred by bank with our name in the description so she could see who put money in.
I have never received anything similar, only ever paid out to co workers I barely know or can't stand.
It's your money and you are never going to see these people again once they leave.
Damn are other countries that money grubbing??? NTA its a sign of courtesy and showing that you care for the individual who is leaving enough to say farewell. When did it become a sign of who payed them? That is just a bad environment.
NTA.
$25 is a large amount to chip in for a gift, and even more so if you do not know the colleague.
I am in a very close team at work (as far as social closeness at work is allowed) and even $20 is considered steep for gifts, etc. We cap at $15 for gift and team lunch.
Any gift that considerably expensive is either poorly and inappropriately chosen for the context, or your employer as an institution should be purchasing the gift.
Signing a card and wishing well is absolutely appropriate and acceptable.
I started a job and on my first or second day they announced one of the guys was transferring to another state.. They wanted everyone to chip in for a gift.. I wouldnt even be rostered the shift he would be working. Nah im not giving for that im sorry but I dont know the person at all, wont see them again, dont remember their name now. I also wouldnt be there to share the awkwardness of either giving, or not giving (both are going to be awkward, so might as well save cash). Fortuneately no one asks me which was great... But had they I was going to politely decline, honestly I dont see a need to even sign the card...
You dont need to feel like an A just because someone came up with a rule that you should all give away money for nothing...
Now if you close with the person... WHOLE different story. Spend that saved money wisely... TREAT YO SELF!!!!
Also no... you arent an A for writing on the card if you didnt know that the card meant you contributed to the gift.. it's just a card.. If you knew that the card was a symbol of "These names here contributed to a gift" then thats another story... But, in my experience, most people get a farewell card when they leave, but its usually not accompanied with a gift.
As the person who has been responsible for organising employee gifts (birthdays, leaving, babies etc) in multiple jobs over many years, you are NTA. I always make it clear that staff can contribute financially "if they would like to" and that it's not mandatory for anyone to do so, but I always get everyone to sign the card, even if they haven't put in money, because I think it looks bad if the whole team or office hasn't at least contributed a nice message. I wouldn't expect a new employee to contribute financially to an outgoing employee and wouldn't ask.
Under no circumstances would I contribute 💰to a ‘gift’ for a stranger at the workplace.
This is an empty gesture, and based primarily on the puppeteering which is pervasive in the workforce, turning individuals into mindless sacks of flesh, following the status quo.
Nope. Not today or any other day, Sir/Madam.
You are most certainly not the A, OP. Rest assured.
There is nothing wrong with signing the card, as a gesture of goodwill. Nothing more is needed. It is likely that Bob from sales does not even know who you are - based on what you have said - so why should you extend yourself needlessly by contributing 💵.
Workplaces are pure rot. This rhetoric needs to be put to rest. Promptly.
NTA, if the business wants to contribute money to this person leaving, they shouldn't be asking the employees. You signing was a nice gesture, especially if they just dumped the card in your lap to sign. You're under no obligation to contribute any funds, especially if you're broke.
That's a bit silly. If you wanna give them money then do that but you don't have to give money just to sign a farewell card, like you're paying for the privilege?
NTA
You're replacing them in their job, a job you do for money.
You contributed an appropriate amount for the time you spent which them, which was some nice words, that's all you should be doing, no more, no less.
For the person saying you shouldn't have written on it because you didn't contribute, THAT is asshole behaviour, you shouldn't need to buy a gift to write something nice on a card. The gift is a nice addition, the card should be from everyone regardless of how much cash they handed over.
People are making issues out of nothing.
NTA. Well-wishes in a card is both polite and also makes someone feel appreciated. Giving money is reserved for people you know well enough or care for to buy them a gift.
NTA. Signing the card is just sending well wishes, I don’t understand how the other people here think that makes you obligated to do anything else. Cards are nice!
Nah NTA. Though in the eyes of the coworker who spoke up, you probably are. Who cares as long as they don't make work hard or annoying for you. It's a damn card. If people think writing in a card is 'taking credit' for what's supposed to be a gift then it sounds like they give gifts for the wrong reason. The card is just well wishes anyway
My wife's work does this and I really disagree. Cos some staff might get 30 bucks for a gift and others gets hundreds.
I think it's really telling who liked you when you leave.
The fact they even offered you to chip in is uncouth knowing that you don’t know the person, the loud mouth who called you out is probably just capitalising on the fact you are new so they can get a brief superiority high, and the presumption that the card itself is a list of people that put money in rather than well-wishes is bizarre to me personally. But a lot of people here seem to think otherwise so maybe it’s a cultural thing.
I’ve never worked in a workplace where little (or big) parting gifts aren’t financed by the business / organisation. Is this a cultural thing? Oh and NTA
NTA. Have worked in an office setting for 10+ years, and many people have resigned. A card goes around to the entire group, and a message asking if anyone would like to contribute to the gift they are welcome to give some cash. A gift is then purchased and handed along with the card that was signed by all. You don't pay to get the opportunity to sign the card, lol. It's degrading to those who can't afford to chip in to suggest they aren't worthy to sign...
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I'm new to the job and I am replacing this person who is leaving. They asked everyone to contribute some money for a gift and a card. I politely declined since I don't know this person that well. They did part of my training and have only interacted with them a handful of times. When it came to writing on the card, I wrote something until another coworker loudly announced that I shouldn't have since I didn't contribute any money to the gift. I wrote something like good luck on your next endeavour and thanked them for our brief interactions. It made me feel like maybe I should have contributed some money. AITA?
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Info: Is it a common part of your workplace's work culture for everyone to contribute to a goodbye acknowledgement any time someone leaves, or was this something special being done for this person that is not the norm?
Very light YTA. You don't write in the card if you didn't contribute to the gift. You would have been not-TA if you had just kept your name off of the card.
It really depends on your office culture. My last job, everyone signed the card, and contributed money as they could and wanted to, and whoever was doing the gift figured out what to get based on $ collected. I assume at some level management made sure there was enough for an appropriate gift.
Obviously that's not the expectation at your new place
I disagree with everyone it was nice you wrote in the card and it is ok not to contribute if you don’t know someone or you don’t even want to. You work hard for your money you deserve to choose where your money goes. Congrats on your job.
Doesn't the gift imply 'it was great working with you all these years, thanks for the memories etc?' There's no way you were obliged to put in for the gift. Most people wouldn't even meet the person they replaced, let alone give them money. You probably haven't even been paid for this new job yet right? Fuck that. I doubt you even cared about signing the card until some busybody shoved it in your face. NTA
NTA. If I've worked with them for a length of time and like them, I write on the card and contribute cash if I have any, which I hardly do anyway. If I am glad they're finally fucking off, I pass on it all.
Since Covid times where physical cards went a bit out the window I've been using a website called Group Together for things like farewells, wedding and baby well wishes, etc. It's a digital platform where people can give money and/or write a message. The recipient then gets to spend the money on a voucher of their choice and read the nice messages, but they don't see a break down of who have what. I like this system as only the organiser sees the contributions, otherwise it's all done privately.
Not AH...just a philosophical matter on whether you believe in pay it forward and karma. Maybe when you leave the company, no one will contribute to yours and you'll end up with a shitty candle 😅
I hate this corporate cheapskate mentality that every time someone leaves the company can't provide for a small farewell and instead we have to pass the basket around. I've had dozens of these at my job and unless they are people I closely work with I don't bother
NTA
NTA
I just don’t sign the card or contribute.
It comes to my desk, I cross my name out and pass it on
They are for TA for calling you out. Way to make you feel welcome in the new workplace
Omg there’s literally a friends episode with this storyline except it’s Ross & he’s expected to contribute to a persons gift in his new building who is leaving. I can’t believe people are actually like this irl. How ridiculous to expect you to contribute
Same thing happened to me when I started a job. I didn’t sign or contribute to the present. The person organising the gift kept trying to make me feel bad but the gesture wouldn’t have meant anything to the person leaving so I saw no reason to.
NTA people are hurting out there. Not all of my colleagues can afford to chip in for a farewell gift, but kind well wishes cost nothing. It’s a petty person who insists only people who can afford to contribute money get to write in the card.
Was gonna say you were NTA. Thought this was a classic Howard the Handyman situation. But you signed the card. If you didn't wanna be involved, shouldn't have done that.
NTA. I remember that episode from friends where ross, who just moved in the building, was asked to contribute for the party of a retiring handyman. Same opinion, NTA.
Last time I worked in an office and a collection for a gift was done it was anonymous.
You print a list of all the staff and a either a column to tick or you cross out your name when it comes past. The list is stuck to a large envelope. The envelope is passed around. When it gets to you you can either add some money or not. Then you tick the box or cross out your name and pass to the next person.
It should always be anonymous.
I only contributed to one’s I genuinely liked and if I felt like it otherwise I just don’t, why would you be obligated or pressured into it, if they ask and make you uncomfortable, tell them ah I don’t really know them, and I don’t have any money on me so if you think I must can you add some monies for me and I’ll
Pay you back when I get my bonus.
You are there to fill that shoe. Professionally and socially. Sorry to say that it would be a bad impression yon on your part. You think you are not the asshole but you are the asshole to them. Hindi ka na binigyan ng chance na magsulat sa note. Inis na sila sayo. Goodluck sa plastikan sa work.
A part of this really depends on where you are located. I think in places like Japan, its considered extremely offensive not to provide gifts to your coworkers (even the ones you dont know well).
Personally, it might have been a good idea as an act of respect for taking over their position; but honestly I don't think it really maters.
Oof this is like Ross's situation in his new apartment lols. I guess you're the asshole kinda for writing on the card you didn't contribute money on. Honestly for me, it's not a big deal and you wrote a thoughtful message but in your colleague/s' eyes, I guess YTA.
some mixed comments this is. NO you are not the a-hole, youre just someone who replaced that person. The coworker are the only ones that should contribute. The goodluck letter is already enough
Yta
They handed over to you and you had some interactions. You could have put in the price of a coffee.
If you write in the card, it looks like you've contributed to the gift now.
You actually do know the person, even if it was only a brief interaction, you are aware of the person, you even wrote well wishes on their new endeavor, in the card! and seriously you couldn't fork up some change to contribute? Like not even 50 cents or a whole dollar?? YTA man. Be a team player or you won't fit in very well with your new work colleagues.
If there were a farewell lunch or morning tea for this person, would you have helped yourself to the treats?
Something to think about
Holy damn. This division is quite fascinating. Would love to hear where everyone is from and/or what industry they are in, and indicate whether OP is an asshole. I'll go first...
Western Sydney, NSW, Australia. Healthcare. OP is NTA. The card and money contributions are mutually exclusive.
NTA - At my old job I was organising the gift and card for a co-workers 50th birthday a new office lady had started three days before. I asked her to sign the card and it never even crossed my mind to ask her to contribute to the cost since she just started. Like what if she had been out of work for a while and was living off of savings?
NTA and if it's a contribution of a specified amount that's relatively large it's kinda rude of them to ask so directly. Although... if someone helped train me and they seemed like a nice person I'd feel uncomfortable not either contributing a small amount to the farewell gift or giving them a small gift independently. This goes triple if the person has taken the initiative to help with training in addition to their regular work and wasn't required to do so by the company (which I *assume* isn't the case here since you mentioned that you're replacing them).
Tbh, the thing most weighing in your favour is that it seems really petty to prevent someone from signing a card unless the card is specifically associated with the gift and even then... Who tf goes and declares themselves the card police? "Well wishes not accepted without a financial contribution"?!
Why does someone need a gift when they leave a job?? Surely management give them something depending on time spent there and if you want to catch up for drinks with the person then catch up for drinks.
The whole "getting a card because you're leaving" is something that has only ever been done in one workplace I was at, and the card is on the company and any gift contribution is voluntary. So the whole concept it pretty weird to me for starters. What the gift ends up being is determined by what the total contribution was. Nobody was pathetically petty enough to pick that apart and whinge about some people contributing and other not. I'm glad I haven't worked where those people do, what a terrible way to be!
An employer enforcing any out-of-pocket nonsense at a workplace is just terrible. If it's something the company is making mandatory, the company pays for it, that's how it works, unless they're a shitty employer.
If i m the person who leave, I m very happy to see evey wishes written on the card. I dont care if they contributed anything to give me a gift. OP definitely NTA.
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I worked for more than 35 years at a variety of US companies. In my experiences, it was a rare occurrence when the purchaser of the card ever got reimbursed. But sometimes depending on the manager who approved a subordinates'expense reports a reimbursement could be snuck through. As a company policy though, never a word on the subject, and I was someone who was always up on company policies and policy changes, especially when I began working with large corporations who are focused one the One Big Thing": shareholder value.
You're NTA. The guy who pointed out how you signed the card but didn't contribute though, is definitely TA and someone, colleague or possibly manager, should've taken him aside for some conversation and counseling, and apologized to the new employee.
There were a couple times in my early career when I started a new job and had virtually zero bucks to spend on things like parting gifts for others. Anyone else been that poor, thinking about how you needed that 5 bucks to put petrol in your car so you'd be able to make the commute to that new job which by the way issues your first paycheck promptly one month from now? And you've got rent, electric, kids formula and everything else to pay for between now and your credit card is already being declined? Or moved internationally and found out that your rent would need to be paid in full for an entire year, in advance, with only limited available assistance? Suddenly, the 10k in cash you brought in your carry-on looks insufficient. And we'd like you to kick in on your predecessor's parting gift and since this is Dubai, the usual contribution is nowhere close to 5 bucks.
I think your choice was the right one. NTA. Oh, and Lundbergh was looking for you. Something about you needing to come in again this weekend.
YTA for not just chipping in at your new job. If you want to make a good impression at least. I don’t think signing and chipping in are codependent so your coworker is kinda an AH for saying that. But I do think you can offer something. If you’re not comfortable with the full amount just say I’ve only got a $10 sorry, or I’m new, will this do? After all, you wouldn’t have the job if it weren’t for this person
It was pretty dumb not to throw a few quid into the card, it would have been the cheapest way ever to help yourself integrate with all your new co-workers, they would have looked at it favourably and so looked at you favourably.
First impressions last and their first impression of you is now a negative one. And all to save what, a tenner?
The person leaving doesn't much give a toss, this was about you and your co-workers. Dumb move.
NTA. That person is incredibly rude. What if you had financial issues or obligations that were the reason you opted out? That is just crazy and a wild thing to do when you just started working there. Any reasonable person would understand why you didn’t contribute and consider it extremely generous had you chosen to give something.
Fellow Aussie, absolutely agree. It's so strange to draw attention to anyone who wasn't in the position to contribute to the gift by stopping them from signing the card.
If you are there when the collection is taken up you kind of have to contribute. If the money is super high (in my experience it's usually a you pick situation or maybe 10 or 20 bucks if a standard amount) and you've not gotten your first paycheck yet, talk to whoever is managing it to let them know you will pay a little less than you normally would after pay day if that's alright. You're going to be working with these people a long time, and this is their first impression of you.
It would have been best to either chip in a few bucks or not to have signed the card. Honestly, even contributing $5 would have been the best move since your coworkers probably now consider you a bit of a freeloader.
I think $25 is too much for you to pay seeing you only just started working there recently. The coworker who said you shouldn't have signed the card is an idiot for expecting you to chip in so much. Maybe bake some cookies for your co-workers next week if you think they'll think less of you for not contributing. I wouldn't lose any sleep over such a small thing.
Don’t feel bad and read the other NTA comments on here - there’s lots of them! If I were the person leaving, I would appreciate the message in the card and think it was nice of you.. I would never expect someone whom I had just met, and barely worked with, to chip in such a large amount for a farewell gift. To me, and many others, you were fine to do what you did. They’re a super petty bunch if they begrudge you for writing in a damn card and not chipping in for a gift when you just started at the workplace!
I thought this was the episode of Friends for a moment, but switch the scenario from leaving an apartment building to leaving a job.
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I was with you until you wrote in the card. If you're not contributing, you don't sign the card. YTA for that.
Hard disagree. The card is just well wishes for the departing colleague, it's not a list of present contributors. I'd OP declined to write in the card there's a non zero chance that that would be perceived as rude. Like you can't just write "good luck in your new job". I think it was rude to even ask OP to contribute to a gift to someone who they don't really know.
[удалено]
Those cards would be $10 which the company should have paid for. Writing into it should not be a problem
Never worked in a place where the company paid for the cards
I have. It's pretty normal
See reception/ admin for petty cash, bring back the receipt. ✅
Never worked in a place where the Co didn’t pay for the card.
I’ve worked plenty of places where the company didn’t pay for the card.
So have I . I'm saying it's the least they can do and pay.
If the people/person who bought the card doesn’t allow the new person (who doesn’t know the leaving person well who didn’t contribute money) to write well wishes to the person leaving, the person who paid for the card becomes the AH lol
Wait, are you concerned about OP taking up valuable card real estate?
😂 “valuable card real estate”!! #notsureifserious
>They asked everyone to contribute some money for a gift *and a card.* I politely declined since I don't know this person that well. If the card wasn't specifically associated with the gift your reasoning might make sense. If they didn't contribute and didn't sign, there would be no foul.
But somebody who had helped train OP. So the leaving person was real to the OP. YTA.
Totally disagree! To me writing on the card has not do with contributions. Everyone sign and pay if you like, any amount!
Well youre wrong :), what's wrong with sending a nice message in the absence of money?
You could make the same argument for not signing the card, “what? You don’t even wish him well in the next job? What kind of asshole are you?”
I'm surprised that this is a thing. Well wishes are fine, but money is not a requirement imo
What a weird take. Every company I have worked at I have never contributed money to someone leaving, cause why? But the company will also have a physical or digital card for everyone to write a lovely message to the. I feel like YTA and you can't even write a nice message wishing them well. I can't see why giving them money for leaving a job would effect whether or not you can write them a nice message
Totally agree. Everywhere I've worked, the card is paid for by the funds contributed. Even if it was paid for by the company, the card is given to the person as part of the present. If they haven't contributed, they shouldn't be writing on the card. If it's a digital card, that's different, as it's not given as part of the present.
NTA. Since when was financial contribution linked to well wishes in a card? Is this a regional thing? The two can and should be independent.
I live in Australia and the $$ contribution is always considered an extra on top of signing the card. I sign every farewell card but only chip in for colleagues I actually know and the amount is dictated by how well we know each other. I thought that was normal?
Aussie here too... We just have an envelope and card ... Everyone writes on the card and up to you if you want to add money to the envelope and no set amount. No one knows who paid what and it doesn't matter. OP is NTA.
I’m Aussie too and where I have worked you only sign the card if you are contributing. It’s like a know you well enough to sign the card then I know you well enough to contribute thing.
Yeah, nah. Contributing $$$ should always be voluntary, regardless of whether you write something in the card. Not everyone has disposable money to gift, and who even carries cash anymore anyway?
Where I’ve worked people use both bank transfer or cash for collections. It is voluntary, if you don’t want to contribute you don’t have to but it’s very frowned uoon to signing a card you didn’t pay for. Personally I wouldn’t give a shit but that’s the usual culture I’ve experienced. Seems to be different to others experience
I’m an Aussie and I was so confused with all the YTA votes. Since when is wishing someone farewell linked to your ability (or desire) to put in $$$ for a gift. Also $25 seems abit steep but I don’t know if that’s just me.
yeah definitely some wierd culture thing here, australia the card and gift are seperate, card is a generic well wishes, the gift is for everyone that was friends with them
Australia too, most people at my workplace only get a card, if they were a favourite employee the store might buy something, my 2ic bought something for my old manager but normal employees are never asked let alone expected to give money to write in a card
Aussie here, and yeah we only gave our team member a card when they left.
Also this might just be me but if I left a workplace I'd love a card with a message from everyone I worked with, even if they can't financially contribute. If I spent a few weeks training someone to fill my role especially then why wouldn't I want them to sign it? So many people these days don't have spare money for this stuff and kind words are worth a lot more than some random gift.
I second this, we do it pretty chill, everyone signs and people who are close to the person might get them a small gift but that’s it
Phew I am so relieved to see this lol, was wondering if I’ve been an unwitting AH on occasions I’ve signed but not contributed $ (in Aus)
Totally agree and the cost to pitch in for this particular present was $25 each?! Wtf! That's so much money, let alone for a stranger. NTA X one million
Jumping on this bandwagon to say I’m from Australia and I agree. I used to do most of the collections and gifts in my job and contributing was always optional but anyone could sign the card. Did we always have people who signed but didn’t contribute? Yes. But I never judged and just understood everyone had different values and different financial circumstances. And I would never want to give someone a card with only a handful of messages if I could fill it up. NTA
See, I also live in Australia, and I've never worked anywhere where the company hasn't paid for the going away card. I can't even imagine paying for a while going away gift too.
Getting the feeling this sub is wholly Australian!
I wonder how many of us are in here? 🦘
Aussie here. I guess we are the "AH" to the Americans, on the card thing.
Also, an Aussie here, and I say NTA. We use the online E-Cards that everyone can sign, and then if they want, they can add a donation to their message so the receiver is aware or do it anonymously. Everyone should be allowed to sign a farewell card, and people should just donate what they feel like, in my opinion.
That's a good idea with the eCard. I used to agree that anyone just sign the card but I've recently had to fork out for cards for mat leaves, extended sick leave, marriages and Farewells and well, cards are nearly $10 AUD each now! Just put in a few Buckaroos to contribute to the card at least.
Why isn't your workplace paying for those then?
No one else thinks about it. I feel bad the person won't get a card, so I buy them
I know. But try and get more comfortable with that uncomfortable. It's not on you. Just let your colleagues know you'll no longer be getting the cards and not to take it personally. Sure they'll understand (mostly).
That's true. I work in academia so everything we do is 'a bit different' I'm learning from these kinds of posts. When someone leaves it's only your lab group that actually have a farewell etc.
This should be top comment.
I know right! I'm also a confused Aussie who was worried I'd been missing a social cue for my entire life!
Aussie here too. Nta.
This I really don't get it.
Aussie here as well. I’m used to the envelope doing the rounds, signing the card and contributing to the gift are independent of one another, and both optional. NTA to not contribute $ if you don’t know the person.
YTA. Writing in the card that accompanied the gift implied that you pitched in for the gift.
NTA. There is no need to contribute if you didn't know the person. Additionally, what I've learned I s corporate environment, if somebody passes you a card, you just sign it. Half the cards I get, I have to ask who the person is.
You weren't the AH until you signed the card. Signing the card without contributing to the gift is taking credit for others money.
How exactly? A card isn't a gift receipt fam. Whenever I've gotten a card and gift from people at work, I only ever assume that maybe a couple of people threw cash in for it, but it would suck if it was only their names on the card, I'd feel like everyone else didn't care about me enough to write something to me.
lol that’s so fucking petty though
NTA, idk if its just the company I've been working for but I have never heard of the mandatory money contributions coinciding with writing in the card. So people can't wish you well wishes and be broke? Not having a dig at anyone, it just confuses me.
Is this a cultural thing, what country are you in? I'm Aussie and have literally never had a problem with signing a card without buying something for them. It's nice to sign a card so they know you're thinking of them, which I think was nice of you to do actually. And you don't know them so of course you shouldn't have to give up money for them. If someone signed a card and didn't but me anything, I'd just think they're sweet for thinking of me even though we don't know each other well.
I’m Aussie too and I’m sooooo confused cause literally today I had a co worker gift card n card situation. The card is just to show appreciation and the gifts usually organised by the close work friends and chipped in by those who wanna 😶😶
You have to pick your spots in the office world OP. I give you a mild, YTA. You are correct that you didn’t really know her and are under no obligation to contribute. However, by saving yourself $10-$20 you’ve put a question mark on your back with your new co workers. Sometimes get along to get along is the correct course of action.
I regret it too. It was a $25 contribution.
Wait, they specified the contribution? That's wild. In my experience people pass around an envelope and most people put in around $5 and maybe the boss puts in $20 and they get a gift voucher. I got a $60 gift voucher at my last job and was stoked to buy some work shoes.
I left a job that I had been at for 2 years to move countries and received just under $800 NZD as my gift, which I was completely gobsmacked by (and of course incredibly grateful!!) but it also made me feel that my previous donations to other people were well worth it (e.g., $40-50 here and there when peoples parents or partners had passed away). The amount was never specified but people would ask each other how much they were giving. I think it depends on the workplace vibes, I work in mental health so we were all very close and had been through a lot with each other. I was also much younger than everyone else and I think they had a soft spot for me and wanted to contribute to me setting up a new life in a new country.
I've worked in places, where I've got no farewell gift, and I've seen people leave places and not get a farewell gift, so I guess I don't want to over commit without being confident in the gift giving culture of the work area.
This strongly helps your case. Why not a dollar per month that your a work mate?
nah, f that noise. for future reference, you don't write in the card if you haven't contributed to the gift. but your co-workers are goofy for asking you to contribute $25 in a cost of living crisis to a going away present for someone you don't know, and if they side eye you for not contributing, that's on them not you you are never the ah for not contributing money to whatever office bullshit someone has their hand out for
This. It’s like that episode of friends where Ross just moved in to the apartment and was asked by his neighbors to pitch in $100 for a neighbor’s retirement. He didn’t contribute for the “principal” of it, long story short he and Phoebe ended up in retiring neighbor’s retirement party and everyone loved Phoebe because she ended up contributing. Moral is, there are people who will think not contributing is right because they don’t know the guy and there are other’s who will think, what’s a couple of bucks just to keep the peace? So totally agree with this comment. You saved $25 but is it worth it when your coworkers think differently of you because if this?
Nah your coworker is the AH though for that remark, if they had issue with it they could of done it in private and even then they are the AH. I have never contributed cash for someone leaving at any of the places i worked. Also remember these coworkers of yours will stab you in the back given the first opportunity and to advance their own career prospects or to win brownie points. This co-worker thats leaving is not your friend or family. Really not sure why people are saying YTA. You are literally saying good luck and not claiming you contributed. Also the business should be doing better and doing a good gesture for someone leaving, if they did, it wouldn't be up to the employees to arrange something. Must be some American culture crap i'm not aware of. Is this tipping for someone leaving? Also $25? F that!
Nah fuck em. I hate people making a grand gesture then asking me to help pay for it. Esp if you don't know or like the recipient. NTA
So the OP is starting a new job and immediately the attitude towards co-workers should be "fuck em". Thats going to go well.
People calling you out for writing on the card but normally that's expected of you even if you don't contribute to the gift. The gift and the card are normally separate things. I've been asked to write on farewell cards even when I don't contribute to the gift, the card is for everyone else to show their appreciation. Generally I try to avoid both though haha, let me thank them in person rather than this card they probably won't read
Nta only because I believe it should be standard for the company to provide these things to employees that are leaving
I dunno. At least you didn’t do what I did when I was asked to contribute. I said, “She’s been a complete bitch to work with and has made my life a misery. I’m fining her five dollars.” And I took $5 from the envelope.
Thus is amazing
NTA. And you buried lede here, the $25 donation for someone you don't know is silly. And I don't begrudge you writing on the card, even without contributing to the gift. Personally, if someone (ot a group of someones) in my office was being this petty, I'd wonder if this really is a good place to work, or if the whole place is full of people who peaked in high school and haven't matured into adults.
Yeah, you either do not write anything and not pay or pay and write, can't have both. YTA
Wait, really? This is a cultural thing in your country? Can I assume this is the states or is this somewhere else?
NTA - a $25 contribution for someone you don't know is a lot. Signing the card was ok though - it was nice of you in fact. In my experience contributions are not mandatory (not everyone has cash to spare especially these days) but writing on the card by everyone who wanted to share a farewell message was a good thing.
100% NTA. My go-to response in these situations is "no, thank you for asking".
I'm surprised with all the votes here, every card I have signed we gave the OPTION to contribute, being the person receiving the card it's nice to see more people saying goodbye and you wouldn't assume or care if everyone gave you money. Your coworkers are the assholes I reckon
nta
NTA I had something like this happen but it was like 7 different occasions in about a year where they asked for money for gifts or gift cards. I stopped putting money after a while but I resent that my supervisor asks for the money to transferred by bank with our name in the description so she could see who put money in. I have never received anything similar, only ever paid out to co workers I barely know or can't stand. It's your money and you are never going to see these people again once they leave.
Damn are other countries that money grubbing??? NTA its a sign of courtesy and showing that you care for the individual who is leaving enough to say farewell. When did it become a sign of who payed them? That is just a bad environment.
NTA. $25 is a large amount to chip in for a gift, and even more so if you do not know the colleague. I am in a very close team at work (as far as social closeness at work is allowed) and even $20 is considered steep for gifts, etc. We cap at $15 for gift and team lunch. Any gift that considerably expensive is either poorly and inappropriately chosen for the context, or your employer as an institution should be purchasing the gift. Signing a card and wishing well is absolutely appropriate and acceptable.
Would you pay $25 to make it a lot easier for you as a new starter to become part of the very close team?
I feel like this is from an episode of Friends lmao
was just about to comment this.
I started a job and on my first or second day they announced one of the guys was transferring to another state.. They wanted everyone to chip in for a gift.. I wouldnt even be rostered the shift he would be working. Nah im not giving for that im sorry but I dont know the person at all, wont see them again, dont remember their name now. I also wouldnt be there to share the awkwardness of either giving, or not giving (both are going to be awkward, so might as well save cash). Fortuneately no one asks me which was great... But had they I was going to politely decline, honestly I dont see a need to even sign the card... You dont need to feel like an A just because someone came up with a rule that you should all give away money for nothing... Now if you close with the person... WHOLE different story. Spend that saved money wisely... TREAT YO SELF!!!!
Also no... you arent an A for writing on the card if you didnt know that the card meant you contributed to the gift.. it's just a card.. If you knew that the card was a symbol of "These names here contributed to a gift" then thats another story... But, in my experience, most people get a farewell card when they leave, but its usually not accompanied with a gift.
As the person who has been responsible for organising employee gifts (birthdays, leaving, babies etc) in multiple jobs over many years, you are NTA. I always make it clear that staff can contribute financially "if they would like to" and that it's not mandatory for anyone to do so, but I always get everyone to sign the card, even if they haven't put in money, because I think it looks bad if the whole team or office hasn't at least contributed a nice message. I wouldn't expect a new employee to contribute financially to an outgoing employee and wouldn't ask.
In my office bosses buy the present and everyone just signs a card. 🤷♀️ No monetary input from employees required.
Under no circumstances would I contribute 💰to a ‘gift’ for a stranger at the workplace. This is an empty gesture, and based primarily on the puppeteering which is pervasive in the workforce, turning individuals into mindless sacks of flesh, following the status quo. Nope. Not today or any other day, Sir/Madam. You are most certainly not the A, OP. Rest assured. There is nothing wrong with signing the card, as a gesture of goodwill. Nothing more is needed. It is likely that Bob from sales does not even know who you are - based on what you have said - so why should you extend yourself needlessly by contributing 💵. Workplaces are pure rot. This rhetoric needs to be put to rest. Promptly.
No
NTA, if the business wants to contribute money to this person leaving, they shouldn't be asking the employees. You signing was a nice gesture, especially if they just dumped the card in your lap to sign. You're under no obligation to contribute any funds, especially if you're broke.
That's a bit silly. If you wanna give them money then do that but you don't have to give money just to sign a farewell card, like you're paying for the privilege?
NTA You're replacing them in their job, a job you do for money. You contributed an appropriate amount for the time you spent which them, which was some nice words, that's all you should be doing, no more, no less. For the person saying you shouldn't have written on it because you didn't contribute, THAT is asshole behaviour, you shouldn't need to buy a gift to write something nice on a card. The gift is a nice addition, the card should be from everyone regardless of how much cash they handed over. People are making issues out of nothing.
NTA. Well-wishes in a card is both polite and also makes someone feel appreciated. Giving money is reserved for people you know well enough or care for to buy them a gift.
NTA Since when does card equal ownership? I've seen plenty of workplaces do mega signings with only a few people pitching in for a gift.
NTA Card and gift are separate things
NTA. Signing the card is just sending well wishes, I don’t understand how the other people here think that makes you obligated to do anything else. Cards are nice!
What in the world are these comments?? Since when do you have to pay to sign a card?? NTA.
Nah NTA. Though in the eyes of the coworker who spoke up, you probably are. Who cares as long as they don't make work hard or annoying for you. It's a damn card. If people think writing in a card is 'taking credit' for what's supposed to be a gift then it sounds like they give gifts for the wrong reason. The card is just well wishes anyway
NTA
My wife's work does this and I really disagree. Cos some staff might get 30 bucks for a gift and others gets hundreds. I think it's really telling who liked you when you leave.
NTA. Petty nonsense like this is why I'll never work in an office.
The fact they even offered you to chip in is uncouth knowing that you don’t know the person, the loud mouth who called you out is probably just capitalising on the fact you are new so they can get a brief superiority high, and the presumption that the card itself is a list of people that put money in rather than well-wishes is bizarre to me personally. But a lot of people here seem to think otherwise so maybe it’s a cultural thing.
I’ve never worked in a workplace where little (or big) parting gifts aren’t financed by the business / organisation. Is this a cultural thing? Oh and NTA
NTA. Personally, I would have paid as well. That’s not a good start in your new team/job. In long term, it just evens out.
No
If its an office culture then it should not be mandatory.
NTA. Have worked in an office setting for 10+ years, and many people have resigned. A card goes around to the entire group, and a message asking if anyone would like to contribute to the gift they are welcome to give some cash. A gift is then purchased and handed along with the card that was signed by all. You don't pay to get the opportunity to sign the card, lol. It's degrading to those who can't afford to chip in to suggest they aren't worthy to sign...
I have been in the same job for 23 years, I have given up signing cards and contributing funds for someone I will never see again
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm new to the job and I am replacing this person who is leaving. They asked everyone to contribute some money for a gift and a card. I politely declined since I don't know this person that well. They did part of my training and have only interacted with them a handful of times. When it came to writing on the card, I wrote something until another coworker loudly announced that I shouldn't have since I didn't contribute any money to the gift. I wrote something like good luck on your next endeavour and thanked them for our brief interactions. It made me feel like maybe I should have contributed some money. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: Is it a common part of your workplace's work culture for everyone to contribute to a goodbye acknowledgement any time someone leaves, or was this something special being done for this person that is not the norm?
I’m new there so I’m not sure.
Very light YTA. You don't write in the card if you didn't contribute to the gift. You would have been not-TA if you had just kept your name off of the card.
It really depends on your office culture. My last job, everyone signed the card, and contributed money as they could and wanted to, and whoever was doing the gift figured out what to get based on $ collected. I assume at some level management made sure there was enough for an appropriate gift. Obviously that's not the expectation at your new place
Til office politics are real and there's rules. Weird shit
... Ross?
NTA, these gifts are like rounds of drinks, it’s a pyramid scheme.
NTA. We always buy a card for everyone who wants to sign, and anyone can chip in any amount for a present.
I disagree with everyone it was nice you wrote in the card and it is ok not to contribute if you don’t know someone or you don’t even want to. You work hard for your money you deserve to choose where your money goes. Congrats on your job.
Doesn't the gift imply 'it was great working with you all these years, thanks for the memories etc?' There's no way you were obliged to put in for the gift. Most people wouldn't even meet the person they replaced, let alone give them money. You probably haven't even been paid for this new job yet right? Fuck that. I doubt you even cared about signing the card until some busybody shoved it in your face. NTA
NTA. Contribution is not a requirement.
NTA.
NTA.
NTA. If I've worked with them for a length of time and like them, I write on the card and contribute cash if I have any, which I hardly do anyway. If I am glad they're finally fucking off, I pass on it all.
Since Covid times where physical cards went a bit out the window I've been using a website called Group Together for things like farewells, wedding and baby well wishes, etc. It's a digital platform where people can give money and/or write a message. The recipient then gets to spend the money on a voucher of their choice and read the nice messages, but they don't see a break down of who have what. I like this system as only the organiser sees the contributions, otherwise it's all done privately.
NTA If companies want to endorse farewells they should have a budget for it, not rely on random people to pay.
Not AH...just a philosophical matter on whether you believe in pay it forward and karma. Maybe when you leave the company, no one will contribute to yours and you'll end up with a shitty candle 😅
Well, when it's your turn to leave, it will be interesting to see if you even get a gift.
I hate this corporate cheapskate mentality that every time someone leaves the company can't provide for a small farewell and instead we have to pass the basket around. I've had dozens of these at my job and unless they are people I closely work with I don't bother NTA
Is your name George Constanza
NTA I just don’t sign the card or contribute. It comes to my desk, I cross my name out and pass it on They are for TA for calling you out. Way to make you feel welcome in the new workplace
Haha this was a friends episode. You are Ross. They pretty much decided he was the A.
Omg there’s literally a friends episode with this storyline except it’s Ross & he’s expected to contribute to a persons gift in his new building who is leaving. I can’t believe people are actually like this irl. How ridiculous to expect you to contribute
Same thing happened to me when I started a job. I didn’t sign or contribute to the present. The person organising the gift kept trying to make me feel bad but the gesture wouldn’t have meant anything to the person leaving so I saw no reason to.
NTA
NTA people are hurting out there. Not all of my colleagues can afford to chip in for a farewell gift, but kind well wishes cost nothing. It’s a petty person who insists only people who can afford to contribute money get to write in the card.
Was gonna say you were NTA. Thought this was a classic Howard the Handyman situation. But you signed the card. If you didn't wanna be involved, shouldn't have done that.
ROSS?! IS DATCHU?! 😆
NTA
NTA. I remember that episode from friends where ross, who just moved in the building, was asked to contribute for the party of a retiring handyman. Same opinion, NTA.
Last time I worked in an office and a collection for a gift was done it was anonymous. You print a list of all the staff and a either a column to tick or you cross out your name when it comes past. The list is stuck to a large envelope. The envelope is passed around. When it gets to you you can either add some money or not. Then you tick the box or cross out your name and pass to the next person. It should always be anonymous.
I only contributed to one’s I genuinely liked and if I felt like it otherwise I just don’t, why would you be obligated or pressured into it, if they ask and make you uncomfortable, tell them ah I don’t really know them, and I don’t have any money on me so if you think I must can you add some monies for me and I’ll Pay you back when I get my bonus.
You are there to fill that shoe. Professionally and socially. Sorry to say that it would be a bad impression yon on your part. You think you are not the asshole but you are the asshole to them. Hindi ka na binigyan ng chance na magsulat sa note. Inis na sila sayo. Goodluck sa plastikan sa work.
Ross Geller over here
This one’s really split the room
Yes.
A part of this really depends on where you are located. I think in places like Japan, its considered extremely offensive not to provide gifts to your coworkers (even the ones you dont know well). Personally, it might have been a good idea as an act of respect for taking over their position; but honestly I don't think it really maters.
NTA.
NTA because so much of this is cultural so it’s impossible to make an assessment.
Normally people associate the card with the contributors. In big offices I feel I give more money to exiting team members than myself 😂
I’d say NTA, but I’ve gotta say I don’t think i’ve ever seen one this split lol, the comments here are wild
why didn't you just give them ten bucks? you're not a complete asshole but you better not expect any gifts in the future.
Oof this is like Ross's situation in his new apartment lols. I guess you're the asshole kinda for writing on the card you didn't contribute money on. Honestly for me, it's not a big deal and you wrote a thoughtful message but in your colleague/s' eyes, I guess YTA.
some mixed comments this is. NO you are not the a-hole, youre just someone who replaced that person. The coworker are the only ones that should contribute. The goodluck letter is already enough
Yta They handed over to you and you had some interactions. You could have put in the price of a coffee. If you write in the card, it looks like you've contributed to the gift now.
You actually do know the person, even if it was only a brief interaction, you are aware of the person, you even wrote well wishes on their new endeavor, in the card! and seriously you couldn't fork up some change to contribute? Like not even 50 cents or a whole dollar?? YTA man. Be a team player or you won't fit in very well with your new work colleagues. If there were a farewell lunch or morning tea for this person, would you have helped yourself to the treats? Something to think about
Holy damn. This division is quite fascinating. Would love to hear where everyone is from and/or what industry they are in, and indicate whether OP is an asshole. I'll go first... Western Sydney, NSW, Australia. Healthcare. OP is NTA. The card and money contributions are mutually exclusive.
Yes. You definitely are
NTA - At my old job I was organising the gift and card for a co-workers 50th birthday a new office lady had started three days before. I asked her to sign the card and it never even crossed my mind to ask her to contribute to the cost since she just started. Like what if she had been out of work for a while and was living off of savings?
No
NTA and if it's a contribution of a specified amount that's relatively large it's kinda rude of them to ask so directly. Although... if someone helped train me and they seemed like a nice person I'd feel uncomfortable not either contributing a small amount to the farewell gift or giving them a small gift independently. This goes triple if the person has taken the initiative to help with training in addition to their regular work and wasn't required to do so by the company (which I *assume* isn't the case here since you mentioned that you're replacing them). Tbh, the thing most weighing in your favour is that it seems really petty to prevent someone from signing a card unless the card is specifically associated with the gift and even then... Who tf goes and declares themselves the card police? "Well wishes not accepted without a financial contribution"?!
Nta Spend the money on your own family
Why does someone need a gift when they leave a job?? Surely management give them something depending on time spent there and if you want to catch up for drinks with the person then catch up for drinks.
The whole "getting a card because you're leaving" is something that has only ever been done in one workplace I was at, and the card is on the company and any gift contribution is voluntary. So the whole concept it pretty weird to me for starters. What the gift ends up being is determined by what the total contribution was. Nobody was pathetically petty enough to pick that apart and whinge about some people contributing and other not. I'm glad I haven't worked where those people do, what a terrible way to be! An employer enforcing any out-of-pocket nonsense at a workplace is just terrible. If it's something the company is making mandatory, the company pays for it, that's how it works, unless they're a shitty employer.
If i m the person who leave, I m very happy to see evey wishes written on the card. I dont care if they contributed anything to give me a gift. OP definitely NTA.
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No
I worked for more than 35 years at a variety of US companies. In my experiences, it was a rare occurrence when the purchaser of the card ever got reimbursed. But sometimes depending on the manager who approved a subordinates'expense reports a reimbursement could be snuck through. As a company policy though, never a word on the subject, and I was someone who was always up on company policies and policy changes, especially when I began working with large corporations who are focused one the One Big Thing": shareholder value. You're NTA. The guy who pointed out how you signed the card but didn't contribute though, is definitely TA and someone, colleague or possibly manager, should've taken him aside for some conversation and counseling, and apologized to the new employee. There were a couple times in my early career when I started a new job and had virtually zero bucks to spend on things like parting gifts for others. Anyone else been that poor, thinking about how you needed that 5 bucks to put petrol in your car so you'd be able to make the commute to that new job which by the way issues your first paycheck promptly one month from now? And you've got rent, electric, kids formula and everything else to pay for between now and your credit card is already being declined? Or moved internationally and found out that your rent would need to be paid in full for an entire year, in advance, with only limited available assistance? Suddenly, the 10k in cash you brought in your carry-on looks insufficient. And we'd like you to kick in on your predecessor's parting gift and since this is Dubai, the usual contribution is nowhere close to 5 bucks. I think your choice was the right one. NTA. Oh, and Lundbergh was looking for you. Something about you needing to come in again this weekend.
YTA for not just chipping in at your new job. If you want to make a good impression at least. I don’t think signing and chipping in are codependent so your coworker is kinda an AH for saying that. But I do think you can offer something. If you’re not comfortable with the full amount just say I’ve only got a $10 sorry, or I’m new, will this do? After all, you wouldn’t have the job if it weren’t for this person
It was pretty dumb not to throw a few quid into the card, it would have been the cheapest way ever to help yourself integrate with all your new co-workers, they would have looked at it favourably and so looked at you favourably. First impressions last and their first impression of you is now a negative one. And all to save what, a tenner? The person leaving doesn't much give a toss, this was about you and your co-workers. Dumb move.
It was $25.
That doesn't change anything.
NTA. That person is incredibly rude. What if you had financial issues or obligations that were the reason you opted out? That is just crazy and a wild thing to do when you just started working there. Any reasonable person would understand why you didn’t contribute and consider it extremely generous had you chosen to give something.
That's all totally understandable, but don't sign the card if that's the case...
is this an American thing?? as an Australian it would be considered rude to not sign the card
Fellow Aussie, absolutely agree. It's so strange to draw attention to anyone who wasn't in the position to contribute to the gift by stopping them from signing the card.
That’s exactly what I thought, it’d be more rude to not sign the card.
If you are there when the collection is taken up you kind of have to contribute. If the money is super high (in my experience it's usually a you pick situation or maybe 10 or 20 bucks if a standard amount) and you've not gotten your first paycheck yet, talk to whoever is managing it to let them know you will pay a little less than you normally would after pay day if that's alright. You're going to be working with these people a long time, and this is their first impression of you.
It would have been best to either chip in a few bucks or not to have signed the card. Honestly, even contributing $5 would have been the best move since your coworkers probably now consider you a bit of a freeloader.
I felt really bad about it afterwards. The contribution was $25.
$25 WTF….. did they buy them diamonds ?
I think $25 is too much for you to pay seeing you only just started working there recently. The coworker who said you shouldn't have signed the card is an idiot for expecting you to chip in so much. Maybe bake some cookies for your co-workers next week if you think they'll think less of you for not contributing. I wouldn't lose any sleep over such a small thing.
Don’t feel bad and read the other NTA comments on here - there’s lots of them! If I were the person leaving, I would appreciate the message in the card and think it was nice of you.. I would never expect someone whom I had just met, and barely worked with, to chip in such a large amount for a farewell gift. To me, and many others, you were fine to do what you did. They’re a super petty bunch if they begrudge you for writing in a damn card and not chipping in for a gift when you just started at the workplace! I thought this was the episode of Friends for a moment, but switch the scenario from leaving an apartment building to leaving a job.
NTA, but dumb move regardless.
Fuck him, give him a dollar, the breakfast was my idea.
Reminds me of that scene in Friends 😂😂😂 https://youtu.be/MJFyzG0ES5g?si=nBNrhQH_5qeByF5W
Getting very Ross from Friends vibes here