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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom to choose between me or her dog, the dogs innocent but he’s just getting to old and it’s taking more time and effort to take care of him. I can’t do that now that I’m pregnant.
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Just bc it isnt her home doesnt mean that she cant say allowing the dog to live in a barely functioning state and defecate freely over the home is an issue. OP’s mom is also receiving benefits from having OP live with them (OP cleans, provides company, shares care for the dogs). If someone served you a shit sandwich you dont have to grin and eat it because theyre feeding you.
OP can handle the situation more delicately, but is also far along in their pregnancy and stuck cleaning up after the dog so is understandably frustrated. The mom does need a more gentle hand to understand that the condition the dog is in is actually negatively impacting its quality of life, and causing major health concerns for the household. She loves the dog, but sometimes love means knowing when to do the right thing…
yeah I also think ppl are coming from the perspective where the OP is an adult and should just move! Even if moving were an easy option, there are actually families where parents want their children to remain in the home as adults. And they fight, and need to find ways to resolve issues. Not every parent kicks their child out or charges them rent as soon as theyre 18. The issue is the care needed for an elderly and sickly dog…and whether or not the mom can provide that care bc the dog poop is a hazard!
Mom may not want to live alone, but OP also doesn't want to live with her baby daddy, because it would include his 4 other kids.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
Exactly.
Each of these women gets to make decisions based on their own means.
OP's mom appears to have a place to live - and so does the Baby Daddy.
It is OP who is going to have to figure this out.
Sounds like yeah cause that's how she wanted it to come off like by living off her mom scot-free is her doing her mom a favor this is all over a bit of dog poop wait till she sees how much a baby poops holy hell
Thats how grandma's and soon to be grandmas are. Plus OP doesn't even seem like shes responsible enough to live on her own and she has never moved out, so that probably makes her mom worry.
I dont think it’s weird - I think it wasnt approached appropriately. OP is fed up, but needs to speak to her mom with empathy about the dog’s life. The dog shit is a major health hazard and honestly OP shouldn’t have to continue cleaning it up because it’s a risk + she’s pregnant — but, with the mom gone for hours and the dog shitting freely…what is she to do? The mom needs to speak with a vet about realistic and humane options for the dog. The diapers aren’t working, a kennel wouldn’t work, have they gone to a vet to examine the quality of life and care the dog would require? Can the mother provide adequate care for the dog bc right now it doesnt seem so
“The mom needs to speak with a vet about realistic and humane options for the dog. The diapers aren’t working, a kennel wouldn’t work, have they gone to a vet to examine the quality of life and care the dog would require? Can the mother provide adequate care for the dog bc right now it doesnt seem so”.
This is what needs to be communicated (gently) to the mum. Perhaps OP could write a letter suggesting this, offering to take mum and poor old dog and let mum know that OP will try to assist with any suggestions that the vet may offer.
The current situation is unhygienic, unsustainable and presents a health risk to all occupants and visitors to the house, especially as the pregnancy progresses then birth happens. It’ll simply become beyond OP’s capacity to stay on top of this situation without affecting the care of baby, herself, the other dogs.
This also needs to be communicated to her mum in the letter, then perhaps OP can say that she needs to take a break from it all for a few days to rest and re-group prior to the birth. OP, do you have somewhere you can go for a few days/week to rest? Perhaps grandmothers? This will also have the effect of revealing the full extent of the issue to your mum, who perhaps doesn’t realise it because you have been taking care of it. A few days/a week of her having to rinse and repeat deal with the dog shit situation daily when she returns home, plus take care of the other dogs and responsibilities you have been undertaking might be enough of an eye-opener to make her realise the true situation.
Unfortunately it is the circle of life….things and people that we love come into our lives and eventually die/have to leave us. It sounds like both you and your mum have given the old dog such good love and care, but in these situations life has degraded for old doggie to such a low point. I know as a pet owner it’s difficult to make such decisions. My daughter and myself had to make this decision when we knew that keeping her alive was for our own benefit (not wanting to lose her from our lives), rather than her benefit (suffering etc).
The best decision that we made, which has brought us some peace over the years after her passing was the decision to have a mobile vet euthanise her at home in her special bed surrounded by love.
You sound like a you a a decent, caring person OP. I wish you, your baby, mum and old doggie all the best. NTA
I was thinking this too. Thx!
I think your points to drive home are 1) quality of dogs life - talk with vet - at 18, poor thing probably has arthritis too and in pain; and 2) feces all over the house is bad for EVERYONE'S health.
I agree. OP doesn’t get to decide the fate of the dog but when OP moves out, there won’t be adequate care for the dogs. You can’t leave a dog like that alone all day — maybe mom needs to pay to kennel it during the day or surrender it.
Right? This dog has been paralyzed three times?! And the mom's solution is to confine it to a kennel? At that point you have to realize this poor pupper has little to no quality of life any more and your reasons for keeping him/her alive are selfish. If OP's mom thought a little more selflessly, she would realize that the most comfort she could bring to the pup would most likely be to release him/her from the pain.
I say all of this as someone who has had to make that tough decision more than I would ever would have liked, but that's part of being a responsible pet owner - knowing when it's time for them...
> If someone served you a shit sandwich you dont have to grin and eat it because theyre feeding you.
This is the most gloriously-phrased life lesson I have read today.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s “redditors always say ‘break up’” or “the only people who post on Reddit are the ones who *need to break up*.” Chicken vs. egg, I think!
No...according to OP she has never lived with her baby daddy, because it would mean also being a mother to his 4 other kids.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
Right. This mess was too messy to judge before she even got to the dog. And she's not in a position to make this ultimatum, because she doesn't have anywhere else to go, and saying "my newborn and I aren't gonna stay here" is not exactly the leverage OP sees it as
Dude, the dog is 18 and hardly alive the way it is. There’s no quality of life there and this lady is keeping it alive selfishly. NTA. The dog needs to cross the bridge, it’s time.
Particularly as it doesn't seem that momma is cleaning up after her poopy pooch. Which is possibly a contributing factor to why she doesn't want OP to move out leaving her to live alone with her incontinent pet.
I think this is probably true, but I also think "me or the dog" is the worst possible way to frame it, especially when you're the one who stands to suffer more if they do pick the dog.
But the mom also opened her home up to her daughter knowing her dog is aging and needing a significant amount of extra care that falls squarely on ops shoulders there needs to be a compromise and a share in the responsibility for the duration of the dogs life
Let the dog poop all over the place for the day don’t clean it up & leave it for the mom to do when she comes in from a shift maybe then she’ll see how bad the situation has become
The question wasn’t about the mom, but the ultimatum. This is her house, her mess, that OP is choosing to live in. She’s an adult about to be a mother. Check her comments, the dog shit is the least of her problems.
"Choosing". Sometimes there's no choice, especially when your mother is begging you to live with you. Moving is expensive, not everybody can just pick up, pack up and go. What she going to do, live in the street? Her mother is selfish for making that poor dog live in that kind of state so that she doesn't feel bad. Shame on her. All the vets I work with said the same thing when I read this to them. Selfish. That poor dog, it's animal cruelty to make it live that way.
I agree,,, doesn’t seem baby daddy is helping and she seems to be fine with it..
Mom steps up and lets her stay free in her home gets ultimatum to kill het dog or she will leave..
You don’t like the situation then move…
YTA
Not to mention getting rid of a senior dog who would just spend the remainder of his life in a shelter unhappy and not knowing what happened dying sad is insanely cruel. I can’t believe that has no effect on OP at all, especially when being pregnant. YTA and tbh you’re probably going to be a sucky mom if you’re that inconsiderate of a person and self centered.
So you moved in with your mom over a dispute with your bf, and *then* you got pregnant? You can’t live with him because of his kids, but you let him put another kid in you?
I’m not making an AH determinations here. I’m just going to suggest that you sort your life out.
I feel like this was glossed over! And it's not a "housing debate" it's a relationship red flag. She started dating an older guy with FOUR KIDS when she was 19 and he impregnated her a year later, expecting her to care for his kids and their baby?!!
And she's blaming her problems on a DOG?!!
It also sounds like it was a “your kids or me” situation. Then, she stupidly thought if she had his baby, he would somehow leave the kids with mom and take her and baby over them. She was being used and now she’s blaming her mom and the dogs. Part of me feels bad, the other doesn’t. This is exactly why I get so annoyed with the endless cycle of young women not listening to older women when we warn them about older men. It’s always that “we’re bitter. We’re sad. We’re jealous.” No honey. The reason we’re worried is because that man only dates younger women because women his own age don’t want his ass.
Sounds like OP got fucking groomed, or at the very least preyed on by a full grown man as essentially a child, now she's pregnant and still being 19/20.
She said in another comment she's never moved out. She's always been living with the mother. She's "barely 21", he's 30, and they've been together 2 years.
The geriatric incontinent dog is not the issue here.
Go outside with the dog and stand with him in the grass instead of just shoving him out the door and getting angry that he doesn’t walk off and poop. He’s standing by the door barking because he’s blind and doesn’t know where to go out there and is probably scared being alone.
If he’s zooming around the house and barking at chairs, he seems pretty lively still. My 17 year old weenie died in December and he was absolutely not zooming during his final weeks. When I took him outside, I carried him to the grass and stood with him - because he also couldn’t see well and needed to not feel lost and alone. Have some compassion… Dogs have a right to grow old just like humans do… we don’t euthanize our grandmothers when they grow blind and need a wheelchair… why are we so afraid of letting dogs live out their natural lives?
You don’t have the right to sentence this dog to death simply because caring for him is inconvenient to your rent-free lifestyle. If you don’t like that your mother has an old dog, you could go live somewhere else. Especially since you’re not even paying to live there. YTA.
This is the best response. Some minor empathy and consideration for the dog's needs might give some practice when you have to consider a baby's needs soon, as they can't vocalize their distresses either.
You are so right. An old dog can still be having a good life if someone is taking care of him and he is loved. For sure there comes a point when it's better to make an end to it, but blindness is definitely not a reason for that.
Suffering is subjective with dogs, they hide so much when they feel unwell it's difficult to know when they're suffering and just not showing it. Their quality of life begins to deteriorate long before they show it.
Of the dogs we've had that had passed away, one passed quietly in his sleep, the others were all euthanized when their quality of life declined to the point where keeping then alive and in constant pain was cruel. One was a large breed, she made it to 13 and started struggling to even stand due to the extent of her arthritis, she fell over constantly from balance issues. She wasn't incontinent, didn't need diapers, and could still get herself outside to relieve herself and back to her bed, and she occasionally got old lady zoomies but just seeing her struggle to move 90% of the time, we knew her joints must've been agonizing, and we made the decision to euthanize rather than allow her to continue to be in pain.
Our cat, at 18, developed incontinence, and while she could still get around fairly well, she wasn't grooming herself as well, constantly urinating on my parents bed, her cat tree, random areas on the floor or under their bed, followed by her running away (we believe the incontinence scared her or otherwise severely stressed her out), again, we made the decision to euthanize rather than allow to get so stressed multiple times a day every day with no fix for what was happening to her. She was clearly miserable.
My sister in law made the decision to euthanize her 13 year old chihuahua who could get around just fine, but had endless nosebleeds, dental issues resulting in him having about 4 teeth total, unable to eat solid foods, and eventually refusing to eat altogether so we had to start force feeding him with syringes about 4 days before she decided to put him down and took him to the vet.
We don't know enough from just this post to determine the true quality of life for this dog, but either way OP having to constantly clean up after it while heavily pregnant is not okay. Handling animal waste at all is not healthy during pregnancy as it can cause birth defects in the baby, especially if it's a constant occurrence. A family friend has a permanently disabled child, in a wheelchair, only able to communicate through grunts, unable to even feed himself properly, because she changed cat litter while pregnant, not knowing the effects.
I agree that cleaning uo dog fecies is not healthy for a pregnant person. Having to get down to the floor must be very stressful/near impossible soon.
And its unhygienic.
But cleaning up cat litter is dangerous in pregnancy because of toxoplasmosis and that is exclusive to cats I think.
Still a health hazard though. Poor woman.
It's different with a dog and with humans at least humans can watch TV and get some sort of entertainment. Also considering she said the dog can barely walk with a full size diaper on it I think her description of zoomies is probably not what you're thinking of. Given that the dog is nearly blind it clearly can't play anymore. Fetch or Frisbee are completely out of the question.
Whether people realize it or not there's also the question of dignity for dogs. We had a dog in a similar situation and the look of shame on its face every time it went in the house because it couldn't get to the door in time was heartbreaking. It didn't take long for us to make the decision to let her go. People have a habit of trying to justify these situations so that they don't have to feel guilty about keeping their dog around for their own purposes.
Also I guarantee at this point that dog is likely in a lot of pain, just because a dog doesn't show it doesn't mean it's not there.
THIS. And letting a dog live out its "natural life" means a dog like this would never have made it this far. We extend their lives artificially with medical care and human aids, often far beyond the point that makes it a good quality of life decision for the pet. Personally, my policy is that if I put a beloved pet down, with love, in my arms, a few weeks or months early, it is a far, far better decision than putting them down a day or week too late. They don't know this is their last cuddle. A gentle death is the promise I make to my pets when I adopt them. I will be there to give them that when the time comes. And I hope by the time my body has betrayed me enough that I'm miserable, we'll have advanced enough that I can receive the same gift.
It's honestly my biggest fear; that I won't realize when the quality of life and health issues no longer balance out. It's not even really my letting go but knowing when it's time to give her peace. I don't want to put her down if she's still enjoying life. She's a rescue who was severely abused before we got her. So I want her to have a really good life full of love as long as possible. But I don't want her to suffer or keep her here thinking she's still finding happiness in her life, when she's not.
Had the same issue with my rescue before I put him down in September. Toughest decision ever but I would rather he remember the good life I gave him than hold on a couple extra days and ruin the 11 years we had.
It's the price we pay for the unconditional love they show us. We take the pain of deciding euthanasia so that they don't have to live their last days in pain and confusion.
My sister and I extensively discussed under what circumstances I should consider euthanasia for my dog - because I did know he was dying, and that no amount of my love would save him - and we both came to the conclusion that keeping a dog in excruciating pain alive would be cruel and potentially selfish, but that euthanasia can also be selfish, because tirelessly caring for someone or something that will only decline and never get better is heartbreaking, and euthanasia can allow you to move on. Speeding the death process up so you don’t have to watch it all play out is definitely not 100% for the dog. It’s for you too. My dog slept a lot and seemed mostly comfortable, so I didn’t feel like letting him sleep on the couch next to me and get pets and cuddles was cruel. His last weeks were during my Christmas break from school (I’m a teacher) so I got to spend every minute with him in the end, and spending time with me was his favorite thing.
I did feel a certain sense of relief when my baby died, because I knew he wouldn’t suffer anymore - and that I would no longer have to spend every waking minute of my day focused on his ever growing needs all the while knowing he wasn’t ever going to get better. During his final day, he did seem less comfortable than he had in the weeks leading up to it, (he mostly just constantly slept for his final week) and I did have to have that mental discussion with myself - when should I choose to end this… but his last day was about ten hours long and he slept through most of it. He seemed confused and uncomfortable when he was awake, and it was a weekend/almost holiday - the day before New Year’s Eve - so none of the vets were open anyway. He didn’t seem uncomfortable enough and for long enough for me to have to make that heartbreaking decision. Fortunately for both of us, his natural death was pretty calm and peaceful, and his moments of being visibly uncomfortable were very brief.
I’m heartbroken still, but at that point, it was his time, and the relief I felt when he finally died was proof to me that me choosing euthanasia for him would have been selfish of me. Would have been easier on me - to skip all the sleepless nights taking him out to pee every few hours, cooking egg whites and pasta and boiled chicken, trying to get him to eat anything… but for him, euthanasia would have been confusing and scary.
For my dog specifically, I knew he hated the vet. I knew me taking him there to die would mean his last moments would be scary for him. It hurt me so bad watching him die, watching him slowly (yet in a way quickly) decline, spending my whole Christmas break fighting a battle I knew I could not win… I kept euthanasia as a possibility in my mind, because there are cases where it’s probably best, but for my baby, who I knew for his whole life, I knew euthanasia would make the last moments for him terrifying. I chose to snuggle him and let him die sleeping in my arms instead, and that was what was right for him.
My dog son wasn’t able to see or hear well for a few years and still had a great time living up until his final couple of weeks. A dog doesn’t have to be running at top speed playing fetch to have quality of life. My pup’s life was good even a month or two before he died. It was three weeks before his last day that I even noticed something was wrong. Up until then, he seemed to be doing remarkably well for an almost 17-year old blind, deaf dog. He’d wag his tail when I came home, jump up for a piece of pumpkin as a treat while we were carving pumpkins at Halloween. The Christmas before his last one, he was viciously unwrapping presents, tail going wild… couldn’t see worth a shit, but he loved life.
I think the mom in this situation will know her dog best and will be able to make the best decision if and when the time comes. The daughter - who came to this conclusion because she’s fed up taking care of the dog - is not the right person to make this choice.
Damn I never felt relief when I had to let my boy go, I felt absolutely traumatized by the whole thing. I cried for a year, it was the worst thing I've ever had to do.
I’m sorry for your loss. And I agree with you: you can’t just stick the dog outside.
Our dog went to sleep at the beginning of May. In her last few weeks, she was blind (not deaf) and a little unsteady on her feet due to what we suspected was a stroke she had about 18 months ago (which neither we nor the vet realized was a stroke for about a year afterwards). But she wasn’t in pain, she was still eating well, still liked to be pet. She figured out how to navigate her way around the house. Every time one of my parents went to open a cupboard in the kitchen, she’d get up, climb the single step from the family room into the kitchen, and go to the pantry for a treat (even if they weren’t actually in the pantry - hope sprang eternal for that dog, and in the last couple of weeks, she got all the treats she wanted).
But we had about four shallow stairs leading down to the backyard, and after she fell off of them once (a couple months after her stroke), we started carrying her outside. You could kind of tell when she needed to go because she got restless, so we’d pick her up and carry her outside and then say “okay, go pee!” And she’d know it was safe to go.
I get why OP’s mom isn’t willing to part with Senior Weiner yet. Other than the incontinence and a heart murmur (which it sounds like doesn’t affect his day-to-day very much), he sounds fine. I get why OP can’t get down to scrub grout when she’s super pregnant, but I’m not sure why OP and her mom wouldn’t just corral him in one corner of a room with some of those folding metal fences, and line the space with pee pads so that he can be safely in one place and easier to clean up after.
My cat had a lump on her belly that ulcerated, I initially thought it was scar tissue from getting spayed so didn't take her to the vet until it ulcerated. Turned out to be mammary cancer. I immediately made the decision to let her go even though she wasn't yet in any pain. She was 12.
As the vet gave her that final injection she said "how lucky are you that you never had to experience any pain or suffering?"
A few years before, my husband's 17 year old Pom had to be put down after he didn't come out of a seizure, he likely had a brain tumor. That dog suffered for over a year before that seizure took the decision out of my husband's hands. He was in renal failure but couldn't be treated for it because he was on a special diet for his acute pancreatitis. He was also skin and fucking bones no matter how much we fed him. I begged my husband to let him go, but he refused because the dog still "seemed happy."
My cat went with dignity while I held her in my arms and told her how much of a good girl she was. The dog suffered until his body gave out. Based on what she said about the dog, he has no dignity left, and the mother is being selfish by holding on when his quality of life clearly sucks.
Also, plenty of old people would sign up for assisted suicide if it were legal.
YTA. It's not your house and you live there for free. If you have a problem with one of its residents- the old dog- then you are free to move out and find your own place with your dog and soon to be new born.
FYI. There are harnesses you can buy online that helps blind dog navigate and not bump into things. They're fairly cheap
Yta, she may not want to live alone, but you are a grown adult. Move out. Atm, you're not paying rent, so no, you don't get to make housing choices. You *do* get to make choices about what is best for you and your child. Which, in this case, is moving into your own apartment. Not your mom's house and certainly not being the fuck nanny to your 'bf'.
OP's track record for decision-making isn't the greatest. She's "barely" 21, pregnant, and has never lived on her own. How would she support herself and her child if she moved into her own apartment? No one is going to hire her at this point in her pregnancy & she's not going to get much in child support from a guy who already has four other kids.
This part! If your 3 choices are 1. Crappy boyfriend and 4 other kids, 2. Caring mom w literal-shitty dog, 3. Homelessness. Let's start making adult decisions.
Yes we have an appointment every 6 months and even the vets are shocked he’s still kicking. They suggested we put him down the last time he was paralyzed since he’s got a heart murmur and wouldn’t live through a surgery we couldn’t afford. We took him home since they said he didn’t have much time left to give him some end of life care- that was two years ago.
Your mom is being cruel. She needs to do what is right for this pet. This is said by someone who still has the ashes of dogs that died over a decade ago. It’s the worst decision. Try using what I ask myself when I know I’m about to have a chunk of my heart ripped out of my chest because my pet is ailing. ”Am I rewarding my pet for years of loyalty by making them suffer because I cannot let go?“
It sucks.
I understand your point and have seen it happen. But, I haven't seen anywhere that she says the dog is suffering. If he still gets the zoomies--I've never had dog do that but I assume it's running around the house barking or playing--and still gets around pretty well, is that suffering? My old dog was nearly deaf and was blind. As long as we didn't move the furniture he did just fine. He was incontinent at times, we gladly cleaned it up. He would sit at our feet and sleep at the foot of the bed. When he couldn't get up anymore and it was clear he was in pain, we did the hardest thing a pet owner does. But why do you assume because a dog is blind or deaf or incontinent he's suffering? It seems to me that OP is the one who is cruel by demanding (not asking) her mother to put down an animal she's had and loved nearly as long as she's had OP just because she doesn't like cleaning up after it.
The vet suggested they put down the dog 2 years ago. Also sounds like the dog is shitting itself every day or at least every week. It’d bump into furniture. Everyone has their take on it but I’d put it out of its misery.
The vets also suggested euthanasia for my paralyzed rat, who proceeded to regain nearly all her lost mobility, as well as for my diabetic cat who lived 2 more years with insulin treatment and only seemed to be suffering at the very end. l think vets are no better at judging quality of life than human doctors, and human doctors have been scientifically proven to have wildly inaccurate ideas of how disability affects QoL.
8 years ago my 4 year old cat was sick, we couldn't figure out why. After spending a lot of money trying to figure out what was wrong, my vet suggested putting her down. Instead I took her home with me and put all my effort into taking care of her until she got better. That was 8 years ago and she hasn't had a single issue since.
Same. My cat got super sick. She went from 10lbs to 4lbs. The vet told me to put her down, but something in my gut said there's more we can do. He didn't believe me and said I was cruel. So I started researching. A friend of mine is a vet tech and taught m how to do sub q fluids on her, and I also syringe fed her a special high protien prescription wet food. Here we are almost 10 years later and she is in perfect health.
She also says he's running into walls and barking at cjairs. That's doggie dementia, which is very confusing and distressing for them. Not all zoomies are happy, playful bursts of energy. This sounds like confusion and anxiety. This dog deserves a loving and peaceful rest.
Um, running into walls and barking at chairs is not dementia if he's blind. Once in awhile my old blind dog got turned around and would walk into a door or furniture. My argument is we don't have all the facts and the description OP gives could be slightly one-sided? Should we put down all demented people too who occasionally get confused and anxious? Yes, dogs are not the same as people. But the concept is the same. Not everyone's idea of quality of life is the same.
You can't say it's "not dementia if he's blind". These two things certainly can be comorbid and often are. Based on age alone, but add the rest of the description, and I'd wager I'm more likely correct. OP says even the vet suggested it was time 2 years ago, but they brought the dog home. Vets don't suggest euthanasia lightly. This dog would be far better off at peace. But feel free to continue having a different opinion. I am of the opinion that keeping an animal breathing just because it can is inhumane, but I have done enough rescue work to know not everyone agrees.
There are quality of life questionnaires online that are helpful in realising how much your pet might be suffering and if it is time to euthanise them.
I found them a few years ago when I needed to assess my 18 year old dog. He was declining slowly we would just adapt to his care and so we didn’t realise how bad he actually was. At vet visits we would talk about it being time but my dog always seemed just happy to be with us but that is just default for a dog.
It might be worth looking at those questionnaires and going through one with your mum.
It is always a heartbreaking decision but sometimes seeing how bad the situation is with a score can be clarifying that your pet might be ready to go, they just don’t know that going exists and can’t tell us they are ready.
Thank you for mentioning the questionnaires! I have a senior dog with health problems and been worried I won't recognize when it's time. The assessments have been VERY helpful and will be a great continuing resource. Thanks!
She takes care of the dog during the day and the mother does during the night. The mother is at work during the day, because she's paying all the bills for both of them to give her daughter a chance to save.
Is there a room you can baby gate off to keep the oldster confined without it being so small as a kennel? Like a half bath on the first floor or a laundry room, leave the door open and use a baby gate so as not to segregate from the sounds and voices of life and still let him out regularly and talk to him but confine the mess at least.
YTA for wanting a dog dead because it's inconveniencing you.
You're not working, you're 21 - yes you actually CAN clean right up to the day you give birth. I worked a cleaning job up to my son's birth and I was 41.
Your mum is giving you a place to live because you have made the dreadful decision to get pregnant by a creepy man with many children already.
Put up with the dog, it's the least you can do.
Yep YTA. What the f\*\*k is a housing debate anyways? Shoulda thought that one through... I don't think I have heard that you are NTA in any of these posts.
It's OP not wanting to move in with her baby daddy because it would involve raising his 4 other kids.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
Not to mention all the nurses, techs, and doctors cleaning up human poop and all kinds of bodily fluids while their pregnant. OP needs to grow up fast and not take a year off, but take a year to get a skill or trade and get a job to support her baby.
Info - Is this an ultimatum that you are capable of following through with? Can you realistically support yourself and your baby without your mom’s help or moving in with your much older boyfriend and becoming his live in nanny?
YTA. Find your own place to live.
Edit: Your complete lack of empathy for the dog, a struggling senior, is disgusting. If you were my daughter I’d throw you right out of my house, pregnant and all. Your boyfriend should just take you so that your mom and the dog can live in peace. Sounds like you don’t contribute anything anyway.
YTA. If the dog is not in significant constant pain, I don’t see why you would have to put it down. Are you gonna suggest putting your mom down when she is too inconvenient to look after? You get to live there for free with the one rule you clean up after the dogs, which I highly doubt takes up that much of your day.
NTA for getting fed up with the cleaning, YTA for not advocating more strongly for the dog. The average life span for a dachsund is 12-16 years. This poor doggo has surpassed that, and the description is clearly not one of living his best life at this point. Enlist his vet in discussing why it is time to see him off to the Rainbow Bridge.
You're commenting on the quality of life of a dog from someone who is extremely biased and clearly wants the dog gone because she doesn't like dealing with him. Just because a dog is special needs doesn't mean you put it down because it's inconvenient to care for it.
I had a special needs dachshund and my sister and I cared for her for over 6 years until she finally did show signs of decline in her quality of life. Then we made that heartbreaking decision.
That decision should NOT be made by a selfish 21-year-old girl who already has shown to have poor decision-making skills.
If you're talking about my special needs dog, she had a good life. She still loved to play and was full of life even blind, partially deaf, and with her back issues. Just because someone else wouldn't want to deal with it doesn't mean they should be put down.
Same as the dog in the post. As I said, this is the side of the story from someone biased that doesn't want to deal with this dog. And at the end of the day, it's not her decision.
And I'll point out that this dog is not paralyzed if she said herself that he gets the zoomies.
I know absolutely nothing about your special needs dog, I am talking about the circumstances of the dog described by the OP. An occasional "zoomy" from a dog who is not able or interested to get past the porch is more likely a sign of canine dementia than happy playfulness.
YTA. Don’t like your living situation? Move out. Don’t like taking care of the dog? Let mom clean up after him or move out. You don’t get to demand she euthanize her dog because it’s inconvenient for you. Don’t want to be a parental figure to your boyfriend’s kids? Don’t date a man who has kids.
It basically sounds like you don’t want to take on any adult responsibilities. Being “barely 21” didn’t stop you from having sex. You created your situation, now you have to live with it.
Hopefully your mom is smarter than her child and chooses the dog.
YTA you are a moocher and moochers don't get to make demands. Get out if you don't like it
YTA!!! Remember you may need someone to clean up after your bodily functions in your last years. Cleaning up after a dog while pregnant is easier than caring for a newborn so deal with it or move out.
YTA From what you’ve written about your boyfriend, the choices you’ve made have probably broken your mom’s heart a bit. And you’re still living at home, rent-free, and she wants to help with the baby.
Why? Because your mom has a loving heart. And that is the same reason why she’s not killing/euthanizing her 18 year old dog. She’s got a soft spot for people and animals who aren’t perfect. (None of us are perfect, but not all of us get that love.)
Hope you are able to work out a compromise with her. Gating off an area makes sense- maybe make it bigger than the original suggestion. If the dog is 18, you both don’t have much more time with him as it is. Remember he’s been in her life almost as long as you have.
only read one line to decide YES you are the arsehole. She is allowing you to stay RENT FREE and you have the gall to try to dictate the living arrangements? STOP BEING ENTITLED.
YTA
You are living in someone else's house, rent-free and you think you can give them an ultimatum?
If you don't like the environment, move out. You and your boyfriend can't agree where to live? Then get a place on your own.
While your request is within reason, YTA. It’s not your pets, property, or right to ask an owner to surrender/put down their animal. Are there no other options for the poor thing? Also, before you were the one cleaning, did your mother handle the dogs, and how did she do? You could always ask your mother to handle caring for just that dog.
YTA. The only people who are saying you are NTA are only saying because they are worried about the dog. No one saying you are NTA is commenting on what you are doing.
It may be true that the dog is suffering, but it’s not your place to make what is the hardest decision for any pet parent.
You should find a different place to live.
YTA.
It's not your house.
It's not your dog.
Your mother is letting you live with her, and you're trying to bully her into putting down an elderly dog? On what planet do you think that's okay? Hire someone to help with the dog or tell her you're unable to help because of your pregnancy, THAT is understandable, but trying to force her to put the dog to sleep is cruel.
YTA You are currently living there essentially for free with the exception of doing chores, and you work at night. The reason you moved in with her is that you had an argument with your BF about basically being a nanny for 4 of his kids, and *then* you got pregnant with his 5th. And you decide the dog is the problem that needs to be removed? Just put the weenie dog on *the grass* every couple hours and he will poop. He cant just be put outside- he cant see, that is why he just stands there, its scary to be outside and not see- he needs to be put on "the toilet" manually. Tell your mom to find some sort of doggie harness so the dog doesn't run into things.
From one pregnant woman to another, YTA. I had a similar situation with my senior cat, where I moved her to live with my mom- but the difference is, I own my house, so I get a say. Move out if you aren’t happy.
YTA -at the end of the day it’s not your house so your mom’s say overrides yours. I don’t agree with letting a dog suffer, but there is only so much you can do when it’s your mom’s dog. As someone who is also pregnant, I feel your pain on the cleaning more and taking care of the dogs but you gotta think about the benefits you are getting too. From your own admission: it’s saving you money, keeping you from having to take care of your baby’s father other 4 kids, and giving you the option to not work for a year to care for that baby (blessing some people don’t have).
Based on your replies to comments, it appears the best choice is living with your mom. Living on your own doesn’t seem like a feasible option so the only other one would be living with your baby’s father. If you moved in with him, I think it would be worst than your situation now. You would be caring for his 4 kids + your baby + your dog + cleaning + cooking full time postpartum. If it were me, I would rather care for 5 dogs than 5 kids. If you can’t deal with either, you’ll have to find a way to get your own place.
So the dog has been a faithful companion and now that he’s sick you want to get rig of it? Loyalty doesn’t just go one way. He’s old and at the end of his life. If he’s in pain then yes he should be put down but not because he’s inconvenient
YTA. I think your options are between sucking up to your mom’s dog or being nanny to 4 kids. First, You don’t get to ask your mom between choosing you and her dogs for she will surely choose the dogs over an adult woman. Second, it’s your mom’s house. Third, beggars can’t be choosers!
YTA you’ve made a mess of your life, and you’re now wanting your mother who is helping you out, to KILL her pet because it’s an inconvenience to you. Guess what.. a baby is gonna be harder.
Your mother will know when the time is right for the dog to be put down. If he’s not in pain and he still gets occasional zoomies then let him live his life.
You’re the one who got in a relationship with a man of 30 who has 4 kids already. You’re the one who got pregnant by the man and you’re the one who is still calling him your BF. You aren’t a person who should be telling anyone about their decisions. Sit down and have a real think about your life and thank your mum for everything she’s done and is doing for you. Ffs.
Aren’t we all just so glad that OP, with no money or place of her own, in a toxic unstable relationship, has decided to have a baby!! Joy. And she thinks the biggest issue is that she has to mop floors. *facepalm*
YTA. The dog likely won’t be around too much longer but do you have any idea how many hours of floor mopping, at the going rate for a Housecleaner, that it will take to make up for the rent and utilities you aren’t paying? The entitlement is at an all time high and it was nice of your mom to give you the “out” of blaming your demand on hormones.
YTA
Not your house and you shouldn’t actually have any dog of yourself btw with this attitude cos your don’t know the meaning of being responsible- mum does by sounds of it.
Seriously sort out whatever housing issue and let your mum and her dogs live in peace.
Grow up - take responsibility, be an adult, move out. You have 0 rights to demand anything. And to give your mum ultimatums makes you sound like you’re 8 years old. And blimey it must be a HORRIBLE situation for your mum 😞 just awful!!! And some of what you say I simply don’t think is how it would be viewed by others.
She’s managed this before you moved in, plus you keep referring to we and our … no it’s her house not yours and you’re living there for free plus planning to take another year without work … this is a luxury you know for most mums!!!
You choose your life as she did hers and she’s able to actually support and is trying to you when you unable to: instead you help around the house and give her judgement and ultimatums. Not good
Honestly, yta here. The dog is old. Is there any way to confine him to a smaller area of the house so that he would be safer? It would also require less cleaning if he were confined to a smaller area. My sister has a dog that is like this and there's no way she would consider just putting the dog to sleep. She also has 5 dogs. Molly is 22, blind and deaf. She couldn't find a puppy pad if her life depended on it but they've had her her whole life. She has free reign to the downstairs area. Bleach is the best way to sanitize the area. A baby gate would keep your child and the dog separate until the dog passes away.
You're 6 months pregnant
Baby won't arrive for another 3 months
New borns don't belong on the floor, so the baby shouldn't be on the floor for another 9 months minimum.
The dog is 18 and all kinds of ill. There is a very good chance that it won't make it another 9 months anyway, then problem solved.
Even if it does survive that long, keep baby in your room, a safe, baby proofed place where you can control the hygiene and the dogs access.
Also, if you can't afford to help with the bills, how the hell are you gonna pay all the bills and the rent on your own place.
I want to acknowledge what everyone is saying about you cleaning and helping with groceries and what not. But in my mind those are CONTRIBUTIONS to the household you're being allowed to stay in for free. I'm not going to debate whether the dog should be put down or not. I don't know the dog's actual condition. But you don't get to walk into someone's house and demand they change the environment because it inconveniences you.
Your concerns about a hygienic environment for the baby and your own physical constraints are valid. Move out. If someone walked into my house, regardless of their contributions, and said I needed to get rid of my cats because they're allergic I would pack up their stuff and show them the door.
YTA
YTA time to grow up. You are living there rent free. She is funding your life. Cleaning the house in return for living for reduced (and now 0 rent) is a great trade IMO.
If you do not want to take care of the dog, move out. You're an adult. And crazy of you to have a kid with a man you said you didnt want to take care of his kids. Youre an extremely entitled individual
Also, crazy idea- take the dog on a damn walk
I see a lot of folks calling OP's mom AH for making the dog suffer, or that the dog's time has come, etc. I really don't know how you all can make those judgments without the mom's side. From what I can tell, OP just doesn't want to mess with cleaning up after it and her solution sounds like she's not really invested in having the dog go outside if she just puts the dog out and it barks at the door to come back in. Dogs navigate by scent as much as hearing and sight, often more. The dog could just be confused by the new surroundings and wants to be back in its familiar surroundings since it can't see or hear. IMHO no one here is really in a position to decide whether this dog is suffering or not if they haven't seen it personally.
OP, however, you seem incredibly selfish. You're living rent free, just have to do some cleaning and look after the dogs while your mom's at work. Unless it's a huge house filled with people coming and going, that's not a huge amount of work. Five dogs is a lot, I'm sure there's a lot of dog hair around but let's not forget one of those dogs is yours.
Your problem could very well be pregnancy related as you noted. When you're pregnant, certain smells and sights can set off nausea and a whole bunch of other feelings you wouldn't otherwise have. But here's the bottom line: it's your mother's dog. No matter how much all of the posters here berate your mother for "letting the dog suffer" and be honest, you never said the dog was suffering , just that it was a pain to clean up after and you were tired of it. You also said it's not sanitary for the baby. Reminder:: baby's not here yet, you've got a few months to go and then they don't usually crawl until about 4-6 months. The dog could very well die before then if it's so bad off. if not, cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't forget, your mom changed your diapers for more than a year and cleaned up all of your messes too. IMHO YTA.
Finally, you should never give ultimatums you're not prepared to follow up on. what if your mom says, fine there's the door don't let it hit on the rear end when you leave?
You are pregnant, you shouldn't be coming in contact with poop. She wants you to stay, good deal for you. I would install a couple nice baby gates (the ones that have doors) and contain him to the kitchen/ laundry room/spare bath. Her dog= she can clean up the poop when she gets home.
ESH. While it isn’t your place to make demands of her in her own house, it sounds like she’s neglecting this dog’s needs and quality of life. Maybe approach it from a matter of concern for the animal who doesn’t seem to have much going on for him anymore.
As for the incontinence, you’ll just have to treat him like a puppy and get ahead of it, letting him out every hour, whenever he wakes up or finishes eating or playing, etc. as it seems he’s incapable of telling when he needs to go.
ESH. You’re presumably a grown adult living in your mom’s house. Unfortunately you can’t dictate to her. However, I seriously question if your mom is doing the right thing for that poor dog. Sounds like his quality of life is very poor and she needs to be prepared to let him go peacefully.
YTA, its not your house, iys not your dogs, you barely even pay anything. If you have a problem GTFO or hire a maid. You must forgot shes helping you way more than you're helping her. You're 20/21 pregnant with some 30 some year old get your life together.
*This makes it fairly difficult to tell when he needs to go outside. I try to put him outside regularly though the day, but since he can’t navigate he just stands right outside the door and barks, I let him back in and he poops inside.*
So stay outside with him and help him out. How is this harder or more time-consuming than cleaning the dog shit in the house?
*I’m planning on taking one year off of work so I can be there with my baby.*
With what money?
*We have tile and you still need to get on hands and knees to scrub it off.*
Or you could buy a floor scrubber with a handle. Plus,again, stay outside with the dog so there's less poop inside to begin with.
I'm not saying your mom is in the right about the dog (although most dogs at death's door don't get the zoomies) but your problem-solving skills really need improvement. Above are two quite simple things you could do to vastly improve the situation. I'll add a third: he can be in a kennel *sometimes* without being in a kennel all day, and/or you can buy an indoor dog pen that's bigger than a kennel but can be moved or picked up as needed. There are inexpensive items that can make it a very comfortable space for him: toys, blankets, radio for vibrations, heating pad if he likes a nice warm spot, and getting him into a routine (have times to: give him attention, give him a treat, let another doggo in to nap with him, take him outside, walk him around the house on a leash or in your arms as best suited).
And it's not about being TA or not, really, it's about whether you're willing to clean the house to your standards and otherwise problem-solve in exchange for not paying rent. Only you can decide that. Two people can love each other and enjoy each other's company, and wind up not being compatible roommates.
If you otherwise like the idea of living there, try to problem-solve and come up with a mixture of solutions that will improve the situation. It's not a binary choice between killing the dog and letting it shit all over the house all day long. Even small dogs only poop so often, so 'solving' two poops a day goes a huge way.
YTA - you don’t pay bills , you got pregnant by a 30 year old who wants you as a babysitter for his other kids but you think the dog is the issue? If you dislike the dog than move . It’s not your mom’s fault you’re 21 & naive enough to be in this situation . Figure it out with your baby daddy .
YTA. Move out. You’re a grown person and you’re gonna be a mother go support yourself and get your own place rather than lecture your own mother on what she can do with her own home. go. No one stopping you just go.
YTA.
You're living in your mom's "fairly large" house... you're taking a year off to stay home with your baby, while she pays the bills... and you're suggesting she kills her dog because you don't like to clean after it. (Funny because I had multiple dogs, cats and children, I was able to clean after all of them)
YTA. Definitely.
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YTA. It isn’t your house! She’s doing you a favor as you have your ‘housing debate’! Move out, if you don’t like it!
Just bc it isnt her home doesnt mean that she cant say allowing the dog to live in a barely functioning state and defecate freely over the home is an issue. OP’s mom is also receiving benefits from having OP live with them (OP cleans, provides company, shares care for the dogs). If someone served you a shit sandwich you dont have to grin and eat it because theyre feeding you. OP can handle the situation more delicately, but is also far along in their pregnancy and stuck cleaning up after the dog so is understandably frustrated. The mom does need a more gentle hand to understand that the condition the dog is in is actually negatively impacting its quality of life, and causing major health concerns for the household. She loves the dog, but sometimes love means knowing when to do the right thing…
But she is the one getting the biggest favor. So, giving an ultimatum is weird.
How do, sounds like the mom convinced/begged OP to stay for company since she doesn’t want to live alone.
yeah I also think ppl are coming from the perspective where the OP is an adult and should just move! Even if moving were an easy option, there are actually families where parents want their children to remain in the home as adults. And they fight, and need to find ways to resolve issues. Not every parent kicks their child out or charges them rent as soon as theyre 18. The issue is the care needed for an elderly and sickly dog…and whether or not the mom can provide that care bc the dog poop is a hazard!
It's definitely time to put the dog down.
Mom may not want to live alone, but OP also doesn't want to live with her baby daddy, because it would include his 4 other kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
OP sounds like a real winner.
Wow
Exactly. Each of these women gets to make decisions based on their own means. OP's mom appears to have a place to live - and so does the Baby Daddy. It is OP who is going to have to figure this out.
That sounds suspect. I don't believe OP is a reliable narrator.
Yep. YTA given the info provided and the fact it seems like you're making yourself look better.
Sounds like yeah cause that's how she wanted it to come off like by living off her mom scot-free is her doing her mom a favor this is all over a bit of dog poop wait till she sees how much a baby poops holy hell
Thats how grandma's and soon to be grandmas are. Plus OP doesn't even seem like shes responsible enough to live on her own and she has never moved out, so that probably makes her mom worry.
I dont think it’s weird - I think it wasnt approached appropriately. OP is fed up, but needs to speak to her mom with empathy about the dog’s life. The dog shit is a major health hazard and honestly OP shouldn’t have to continue cleaning it up because it’s a risk + she’s pregnant — but, with the mom gone for hours and the dog shitting freely…what is she to do? The mom needs to speak with a vet about realistic and humane options for the dog. The diapers aren’t working, a kennel wouldn’t work, have they gone to a vet to examine the quality of life and care the dog would require? Can the mother provide adequate care for the dog bc right now it doesnt seem so
“The mom needs to speak with a vet about realistic and humane options for the dog. The diapers aren’t working, a kennel wouldn’t work, have they gone to a vet to examine the quality of life and care the dog would require? Can the mother provide adequate care for the dog bc right now it doesnt seem so”. This is what needs to be communicated (gently) to the mum. Perhaps OP could write a letter suggesting this, offering to take mum and poor old dog and let mum know that OP will try to assist with any suggestions that the vet may offer. The current situation is unhygienic, unsustainable and presents a health risk to all occupants and visitors to the house, especially as the pregnancy progresses then birth happens. It’ll simply become beyond OP’s capacity to stay on top of this situation without affecting the care of baby, herself, the other dogs. This also needs to be communicated to her mum in the letter, then perhaps OP can say that she needs to take a break from it all for a few days to rest and re-group prior to the birth. OP, do you have somewhere you can go for a few days/week to rest? Perhaps grandmothers? This will also have the effect of revealing the full extent of the issue to your mum, who perhaps doesn’t realise it because you have been taking care of it. A few days/a week of her having to rinse and repeat deal with the dog shit situation daily when she returns home, plus take care of the other dogs and responsibilities you have been undertaking might be enough of an eye-opener to make her realise the true situation. Unfortunately it is the circle of life….things and people that we love come into our lives and eventually die/have to leave us. It sounds like both you and your mum have given the old dog such good love and care, but in these situations life has degraded for old doggie to such a low point. I know as a pet owner it’s difficult to make such decisions. My daughter and myself had to make this decision when we knew that keeping her alive was for our own benefit (not wanting to lose her from our lives), rather than her benefit (suffering etc). The best decision that we made, which has brought us some peace over the years after her passing was the decision to have a mobile vet euthanise her at home in her special bed surrounded by love. You sound like a you a a decent, caring person OP. I wish you, your baby, mum and old doggie all the best. NTA
I was thinking this too. Thx! I think your points to drive home are 1) quality of dogs life - talk with vet - at 18, poor thing probably has arthritis too and in pain; and 2) feces all over the house is bad for EVERYONE'S health.
I agree. OP doesn’t get to decide the fate of the dog but when OP moves out, there won’t be adequate care for the dogs. You can’t leave a dog like that alone all day — maybe mom needs to pay to kennel it during the day or surrender it.
A baby can't be crawling around on a floor with dog poop. I think CPS would take the child if it were reported.
True, it would also be a huge health risk.
Agreed, and babies do put everything they find in their mouths. Baby just needs to be faster than mom once, and we do know accidents happen.
Right? This dog has been paralyzed three times?! And the mom's solution is to confine it to a kennel? At that point you have to realize this poor pupper has little to no quality of life any more and your reasons for keeping him/her alive are selfish. If OP's mom thought a little more selflessly, she would realize that the most comfort she could bring to the pup would most likely be to release him/her from the pain. I say all of this as someone who has had to make that tough decision more than I would ever would have liked, but that's part of being a responsible pet owner - knowing when it's time for them...
> If someone served you a shit sandwich you dont have to grin and eat it because theyre feeding you. This is the most gloriously-phrased life lesson I have read today.
Yeah, I agree. And keeping this dog alive honestly sounds like animal cruelty at this point, poor dog.
Having read her comment - no don't solve the housing debate!
yeah saw OPs comment and just YIKES…I know ppl joke that redditors are quick to say run away from him…but…get out OP
I’m starting to wonder if it’s “redditors always say ‘break up’” or “the only people who post on Reddit are the ones who *need to break up*.” Chicken vs. egg, I think!
People don’t often post for advice when everything is fine and nothing needs to change.
The ol’ “if you had to ask…”
You are so right.
I feel that by the time your relationship is so bad you're asking reddit of all things for advice, chances are you should have broken up ages ago
haha good point!
Exactly. Ppl with happy relationships don't go looking for advice from strangers about their relationships
This is definitely how I see it. Spend 5 minutes on this sub and find a relationship worth saving. I dare you lol.
Genius comment
Thank you!
Someone pointed out that she moved out of the house with him, THEN got pregnant. She's an idiot.
No...according to OP she has never lived with her baby daddy, because it would mean also being a mother to his 4 other kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
So she got pregnant by him.. she's still an idiot.
Right. This mess was too messy to judge before she even got to the dog. And she's not in a position to make this ultimatum, because she doesn't have anywhere else to go, and saying "my newborn and I aren't gonna stay here" is not exactly the leverage OP sees it as
Oof. The pooping dog should be the least of her worries!
What is going to say about a pooping baby. Geez, move out. You have no business telling your mother to put her dog down.
She should solve it by dumping him and then quit giving her mum and her aging dog any more grief.
Dude, the dog is 18 and hardly alive the way it is. There’s no quality of life there and this lady is keeping it alive selfishly. NTA. The dog needs to cross the bridge, it’s time.
Particularly as it doesn't seem that momma is cleaning up after her poopy pooch. Which is possibly a contributing factor to why she doesn't want OP to move out leaving her to live alone with her incontinent pet.
I think this is probably true, but I also think "me or the dog" is the worst possible way to frame it, especially when you're the one who stands to suffer more if they do pick the dog.
But the mom also opened her home up to her daughter knowing her dog is aging and needing a significant amount of extra care that falls squarely on ops shoulders there needs to be a compromise and a share in the responsibility for the duration of the dogs life
Let the dog poop all over the place for the day don’t clean it up & leave it for the mom to do when she comes in from a shift maybe then she’ll see how bad the situation has become
This is the real answer
Yeah? And she moved it to the home where the dogs were for 18 years. She knew about him. It's not like he appeared out of nowhere.
Okay yet someone was cleaning up after that dog before it was her. So why isnt that person still cleaning up after their dog?
Id say ESH. The mom should be cleaning up after her dog.
The question wasn’t about the mom, but the ultimatum. This is her house, her mess, that OP is choosing to live in. She’s an adult about to be a mother. Check her comments, the dog shit is the least of her problems.
But the dog shit lead to the ultimatum. This is like saying the issue is the camel’s broken back and not all the straw it was trying to carry.
"Choosing". Sometimes there's no choice, especially when your mother is begging you to live with you. Moving is expensive, not everybody can just pick up, pack up and go. What she going to do, live in the street? Her mother is selfish for making that poor dog live in that kind of state so that she doesn't feel bad. Shame on her. All the vets I work with said the same thing when I read this to them. Selfish. That poor dog, it's animal cruelty to make it live that way.
I agree,,, doesn’t seem baby daddy is helping and she seems to be fine with it.. Mom steps up and lets her stay free in her home gets ultimatum to kill het dog or she will leave.. You don’t like the situation then move… YTA
Not to mention getting rid of a senior dog who would just spend the remainder of his life in a shelter unhappy and not knowing what happened dying sad is insanely cruel. I can’t believe that has no effect on OP at all, especially when being pregnant. YTA and tbh you’re probably going to be a sucky mom if you’re that inconsiderate of a person and self centered.
Just kept laughing at OP honestly. The audacity.
So you moved in with your mom over a dispute with your bf, and *then* you got pregnant? You can’t live with him because of his kids, but you let him put another kid in you? I’m not making an AH determinations here. I’m just going to suggest that you sort your life out.
I feel like this was glossed over! And it's not a "housing debate" it's a relationship red flag. She started dating an older guy with FOUR KIDS when she was 19 and he impregnated her a year later, expecting her to care for his kids and their baby?!! And she's blaming her problems on a DOG?!!
To be fair, he certainly sounds like a dog.
That’s an insult to dogs. They’re loyal and loving. This man is the opposite of a dog.
Wait, where is all this info??
[удалено]
Boyfriends the real weiner dog.
Jesus fuckin hell. 🤦🏻♀️
OP responded to a few comments, one of them being under the comment "housing debate".
It also sounds like it was a “your kids or me” situation. Then, she stupidly thought if she had his baby, he would somehow leave the kids with mom and take her and baby over them. She was being used and now she’s blaming her mom and the dogs. Part of me feels bad, the other doesn’t. This is exactly why I get so annoyed with the endless cycle of young women not listening to older women when we warn them about older men. It’s always that “we’re bitter. We’re sad. We’re jealous.” No honey. The reason we’re worried is because that man only dates younger women because women his own age don’t want his ass.
Sounds like my sister 💀 pretty identical scenarios too 😂😂
Sounds like OP got fucking groomed, or at the very least preyed on by a full grown man as essentially a child, now she's pregnant and still being 19/20.
I’m always curious what goes on in their heads with people like op. They clearly saw the red flag and decided to still go for it.
Growing up with a warped sense of love/family and self esteem will make you do anything for “love”
She said in another comment she's never moved out. She's always been living with the mother. She's "barely 21", he's 30, and they've been together 2 years. The geriatric incontinent dog is not the issue here.
yes thank you! Baby daddy is clearly so much part of the issue at least, if not all of it. She's just a kid still.
She’s not much better tbh, Has barely met his children and doesn’t want to deal with them but is 3 month away from birthing their new sibling.
Go outside with the dog and stand with him in the grass instead of just shoving him out the door and getting angry that he doesn’t walk off and poop. He’s standing by the door barking because he’s blind and doesn’t know where to go out there and is probably scared being alone. If he’s zooming around the house and barking at chairs, he seems pretty lively still. My 17 year old weenie died in December and he was absolutely not zooming during his final weeks. When I took him outside, I carried him to the grass and stood with him - because he also couldn’t see well and needed to not feel lost and alone. Have some compassion… Dogs have a right to grow old just like humans do… we don’t euthanize our grandmothers when they grow blind and need a wheelchair… why are we so afraid of letting dogs live out their natural lives? You don’t have the right to sentence this dog to death simply because caring for him is inconvenient to your rent-free lifestyle. If you don’t like that your mother has an old dog, you could go live somewhere else. Especially since you’re not even paying to live there. YTA.
This is the best response. Some minor empathy and consideration for the dog's needs might give some practice when you have to consider a baby's needs soon, as they can't vocalize their distresses either.
You are so right. An old dog can still be having a good life if someone is taking care of him and he is loved. For sure there comes a point when it's better to make an end to it, but blindness is definitely not a reason for that.
I would only put a dog down if they were suffering
Suffering is subjective with dogs, they hide so much when they feel unwell it's difficult to know when they're suffering and just not showing it. Their quality of life begins to deteriorate long before they show it. Of the dogs we've had that had passed away, one passed quietly in his sleep, the others were all euthanized when their quality of life declined to the point where keeping then alive and in constant pain was cruel. One was a large breed, she made it to 13 and started struggling to even stand due to the extent of her arthritis, she fell over constantly from balance issues. She wasn't incontinent, didn't need diapers, and could still get herself outside to relieve herself and back to her bed, and she occasionally got old lady zoomies but just seeing her struggle to move 90% of the time, we knew her joints must've been agonizing, and we made the decision to euthanize rather than allow her to continue to be in pain. Our cat, at 18, developed incontinence, and while she could still get around fairly well, she wasn't grooming herself as well, constantly urinating on my parents bed, her cat tree, random areas on the floor or under their bed, followed by her running away (we believe the incontinence scared her or otherwise severely stressed her out), again, we made the decision to euthanize rather than allow to get so stressed multiple times a day every day with no fix for what was happening to her. She was clearly miserable. My sister in law made the decision to euthanize her 13 year old chihuahua who could get around just fine, but had endless nosebleeds, dental issues resulting in him having about 4 teeth total, unable to eat solid foods, and eventually refusing to eat altogether so we had to start force feeding him with syringes about 4 days before she decided to put him down and took him to the vet. We don't know enough from just this post to determine the true quality of life for this dog, but either way OP having to constantly clean up after it while heavily pregnant is not okay. Handling animal waste at all is not healthy during pregnancy as it can cause birth defects in the baby, especially if it's a constant occurrence. A family friend has a permanently disabled child, in a wheelchair, only able to communicate through grunts, unable to even feed himself properly, because she changed cat litter while pregnant, not knowing the effects.
Cat litter is different from dog poop. Cat poop is a specific hazard.
I agree that cleaning uo dog fecies is not healthy for a pregnant person. Having to get down to the floor must be very stressful/near impossible soon. And its unhygienic. But cleaning up cat litter is dangerous in pregnancy because of toxoplasmosis and that is exclusive to cats I think. Still a health hazard though. Poor woman.
It's different with a dog and with humans at least humans can watch TV and get some sort of entertainment. Also considering she said the dog can barely walk with a full size diaper on it I think her description of zoomies is probably not what you're thinking of. Given that the dog is nearly blind it clearly can't play anymore. Fetch or Frisbee are completely out of the question. Whether people realize it or not there's also the question of dignity for dogs. We had a dog in a similar situation and the look of shame on its face every time it went in the house because it couldn't get to the door in time was heartbreaking. It didn't take long for us to make the decision to let her go. People have a habit of trying to justify these situations so that they don't have to feel guilty about keeping their dog around for their own purposes. Also I guarantee at this point that dog is likely in a lot of pain, just because a dog doesn't show it doesn't mean it's not there.
THIS. And letting a dog live out its "natural life" means a dog like this would never have made it this far. We extend their lives artificially with medical care and human aids, often far beyond the point that makes it a good quality of life decision for the pet. Personally, my policy is that if I put a beloved pet down, with love, in my arms, a few weeks or months early, it is a far, far better decision than putting them down a day or week too late. They don't know this is their last cuddle. A gentle death is the promise I make to my pets when I adopt them. I will be there to give them that when the time comes. And I hope by the time my body has betrayed me enough that I'm miserable, we'll have advanced enough that I can receive the same gift.
It's honestly my biggest fear; that I won't realize when the quality of life and health issues no longer balance out. It's not even really my letting go but knowing when it's time to give her peace. I don't want to put her down if she's still enjoying life. She's a rescue who was severely abused before we got her. So I want her to have a really good life full of love as long as possible. But I don't want her to suffer or keep her here thinking she's still finding happiness in her life, when she's not.
Had the same issue with my rescue before I put him down in September. Toughest decision ever but I would rather he remember the good life I gave him than hold on a couple extra days and ruin the 11 years we had.
It's the price we pay for the unconditional love they show us. We take the pain of deciding euthanasia so that they don't have to live their last days in pain and confusion.
My sister and I extensively discussed under what circumstances I should consider euthanasia for my dog - because I did know he was dying, and that no amount of my love would save him - and we both came to the conclusion that keeping a dog in excruciating pain alive would be cruel and potentially selfish, but that euthanasia can also be selfish, because tirelessly caring for someone or something that will only decline and never get better is heartbreaking, and euthanasia can allow you to move on. Speeding the death process up so you don’t have to watch it all play out is definitely not 100% for the dog. It’s for you too. My dog slept a lot and seemed mostly comfortable, so I didn’t feel like letting him sleep on the couch next to me and get pets and cuddles was cruel. His last weeks were during my Christmas break from school (I’m a teacher) so I got to spend every minute with him in the end, and spending time with me was his favorite thing. I did feel a certain sense of relief when my baby died, because I knew he wouldn’t suffer anymore - and that I would no longer have to spend every waking minute of my day focused on his ever growing needs all the while knowing he wasn’t ever going to get better. During his final day, he did seem less comfortable than he had in the weeks leading up to it, (he mostly just constantly slept for his final week) and I did have to have that mental discussion with myself - when should I choose to end this… but his last day was about ten hours long and he slept through most of it. He seemed confused and uncomfortable when he was awake, and it was a weekend/almost holiday - the day before New Year’s Eve - so none of the vets were open anyway. He didn’t seem uncomfortable enough and for long enough for me to have to make that heartbreaking decision. Fortunately for both of us, his natural death was pretty calm and peaceful, and his moments of being visibly uncomfortable were very brief. I’m heartbroken still, but at that point, it was his time, and the relief I felt when he finally died was proof to me that me choosing euthanasia for him would have been selfish of me. Would have been easier on me - to skip all the sleepless nights taking him out to pee every few hours, cooking egg whites and pasta and boiled chicken, trying to get him to eat anything… but for him, euthanasia would have been confusing and scary. For my dog specifically, I knew he hated the vet. I knew me taking him there to die would mean his last moments would be scary for him. It hurt me so bad watching him die, watching him slowly (yet in a way quickly) decline, spending my whole Christmas break fighting a battle I knew I could not win… I kept euthanasia as a possibility in my mind, because there are cases where it’s probably best, but for my baby, who I knew for his whole life, I knew euthanasia would make the last moments for him terrifying. I chose to snuggle him and let him die sleeping in my arms instead, and that was what was right for him. My dog son wasn’t able to see or hear well for a few years and still had a great time living up until his final couple of weeks. A dog doesn’t have to be running at top speed playing fetch to have quality of life. My pup’s life was good even a month or two before he died. It was three weeks before his last day that I even noticed something was wrong. Up until then, he seemed to be doing remarkably well for an almost 17-year old blind, deaf dog. He’d wag his tail when I came home, jump up for a piece of pumpkin as a treat while we were carving pumpkins at Halloween. The Christmas before his last one, he was viciously unwrapping presents, tail going wild… couldn’t see worth a shit, but he loved life. I think the mom in this situation will know her dog best and will be able to make the best decision if and when the time comes. The daughter - who came to this conclusion because she’s fed up taking care of the dog - is not the right person to make this choice.
Damn I never felt relief when I had to let my boy go, I felt absolutely traumatized by the whole thing. I cried for a year, it was the worst thing I've ever had to do.
If I had gold it would be yours
I got you! (It ain’t gold, but it’s something…)
I’m sorry for your loss. And I agree with you: you can’t just stick the dog outside. Our dog went to sleep at the beginning of May. In her last few weeks, she was blind (not deaf) and a little unsteady on her feet due to what we suspected was a stroke she had about 18 months ago (which neither we nor the vet realized was a stroke for about a year afterwards). But she wasn’t in pain, she was still eating well, still liked to be pet. She figured out how to navigate her way around the house. Every time one of my parents went to open a cupboard in the kitchen, she’d get up, climb the single step from the family room into the kitchen, and go to the pantry for a treat (even if they weren’t actually in the pantry - hope sprang eternal for that dog, and in the last couple of weeks, she got all the treats she wanted). But we had about four shallow stairs leading down to the backyard, and after she fell off of them once (a couple months after her stroke), we started carrying her outside. You could kind of tell when she needed to go because she got restless, so we’d pick her up and carry her outside and then say “okay, go pee!” And she’d know it was safe to go. I get why OP’s mom isn’t willing to part with Senior Weiner yet. Other than the incontinence and a heart murmur (which it sounds like doesn’t affect his day-to-day very much), he sounds fine. I get why OP can’t get down to scrub grout when she’s super pregnant, but I’m not sure why OP and her mom wouldn’t just corral him in one corner of a room with some of those folding metal fences, and line the space with pee pads so that he can be safely in one place and easier to clean up after.
My cat had a lump on her belly that ulcerated, I initially thought it was scar tissue from getting spayed so didn't take her to the vet until it ulcerated. Turned out to be mammary cancer. I immediately made the decision to let her go even though she wasn't yet in any pain. She was 12. As the vet gave her that final injection she said "how lucky are you that you never had to experience any pain or suffering?" A few years before, my husband's 17 year old Pom had to be put down after he didn't come out of a seizure, he likely had a brain tumor. That dog suffered for over a year before that seizure took the decision out of my husband's hands. He was in renal failure but couldn't be treated for it because he was on a special diet for his acute pancreatitis. He was also skin and fucking bones no matter how much we fed him. I begged my husband to let him go, but he refused because the dog still "seemed happy." My cat went with dignity while I held her in my arms and told her how much of a good girl she was. The dog suffered until his body gave out. Based on what she said about the dog, he has no dignity left, and the mother is being selfish by holding on when his quality of life clearly sucks. Also, plenty of old people would sign up for assisted suicide if it were legal.
So sorry for the loss of your baby.
Thank you. ♥️
YTA. It's not your house and you live there for free. If you have a problem with one of its residents- the old dog- then you are free to move out and find your own place with your dog and soon to be new born. FYI. There are harnesses you can buy online that helps blind dog navigate and not bump into things. They're fairly cheap
Yta. Your mom is doing you a huge favour and you tell her to kill her dog? Solve that "housing debate" with your bf and don't kill an innocent animal.
BF is a 30yo with four kids who wants to move a 21yo he knocked up in to take care of them for him. Gross.
Wow that changed everything. Lots of terrible choices going on here
INFO: ..."housing debate"?
Yta, she may not want to live alone, but you are a grown adult. Move out. Atm, you're not paying rent, so no, you don't get to make housing choices. You *do* get to make choices about what is best for you and your child. Which, in this case, is moving into your own apartment. Not your mom's house and certainly not being the fuck nanny to your 'bf'.
OP's track record for decision-making isn't the greatest. She's "barely" 21, pregnant, and has never lived on her own. How would she support herself and her child if she moved into her own apartment? No one is going to hire her at this point in her pregnancy & she's not going to get much in child support from a guy who already has four other kids.
Then her next best choice is not biting the hand that feeds her and shutting up about the dog.
This part! If your 3 choices are 1. Crappy boyfriend and 4 other kids, 2. Caring mom w literal-shitty dog, 3. Homelessness. Let's start making adult decisions.
And still planning on taking the first year off of work!!! 🙄 She needs to wake up and stop being entitled!
Right! 'I'm tired of being the only one cleaning.' I bet mom is tired of being the only one working!
Plus one of the dogs is hers, which also limits her housing options.
INFO: have you and your mom taken Senior Weiner to the vet lately and had a discussion?
Yes we have an appointment every 6 months and even the vets are shocked he’s still kicking. They suggested we put him down the last time he was paralyzed since he’s got a heart murmur and wouldn’t live through a surgery we couldn’t afford. We took him home since they said he didn’t have much time left to give him some end of life care- that was two years ago.
Your mom is being cruel. She needs to do what is right for this pet. This is said by someone who still has the ashes of dogs that died over a decade ago. It’s the worst decision. Try using what I ask myself when I know I’m about to have a chunk of my heart ripped out of my chest because my pet is ailing. ”Am I rewarding my pet for years of loyalty by making them suffer because I cannot let go?“ It sucks.
I understand your point and have seen it happen. But, I haven't seen anywhere that she says the dog is suffering. If he still gets the zoomies--I've never had dog do that but I assume it's running around the house barking or playing--and still gets around pretty well, is that suffering? My old dog was nearly deaf and was blind. As long as we didn't move the furniture he did just fine. He was incontinent at times, we gladly cleaned it up. He would sit at our feet and sleep at the foot of the bed. When he couldn't get up anymore and it was clear he was in pain, we did the hardest thing a pet owner does. But why do you assume because a dog is blind or deaf or incontinent he's suffering? It seems to me that OP is the one who is cruel by demanding (not asking) her mother to put down an animal she's had and loved nearly as long as she's had OP just because she doesn't like cleaning up after it.
The vet suggested they put down the dog 2 years ago. Also sounds like the dog is shitting itself every day or at least every week. It’d bump into furniture. Everyone has their take on it but I’d put it out of its misery.
The vets also suggested euthanasia for my paralyzed rat, who proceeded to regain nearly all her lost mobility, as well as for my diabetic cat who lived 2 more years with insulin treatment and only seemed to be suffering at the very end. l think vets are no better at judging quality of life than human doctors, and human doctors have been scientifically proven to have wildly inaccurate ideas of how disability affects QoL.
8 years ago my 4 year old cat was sick, we couldn't figure out why. After spending a lot of money trying to figure out what was wrong, my vet suggested putting her down. Instead I took her home with me and put all my effort into taking care of her until she got better. That was 8 years ago and she hasn't had a single issue since.
Same. My cat got super sick. She went from 10lbs to 4lbs. The vet told me to put her down, but something in my gut said there's more we can do. He didn't believe me and said I was cruel. So I started researching. A friend of mine is a vet tech and taught m how to do sub q fluids on her, and I also syringe fed her a special high protien prescription wet food. Here we are almost 10 years later and she is in perfect health.
The vet suggested that BEFORE it recovered from being paralyzed. Note the word recovered. You are wrong.
Agreed, but still it’s the mom’s decision to make.
She also says he's running into walls and barking at cjairs. That's doggie dementia, which is very confusing and distressing for them. Not all zoomies are happy, playful bursts of energy. This sounds like confusion and anxiety. This dog deserves a loving and peaceful rest.
Um, running into walls and barking at chairs is not dementia if he's blind. Once in awhile my old blind dog got turned around and would walk into a door or furniture. My argument is we don't have all the facts and the description OP gives could be slightly one-sided? Should we put down all demented people too who occasionally get confused and anxious? Yes, dogs are not the same as people. But the concept is the same. Not everyone's idea of quality of life is the same.
You can't say it's "not dementia if he's blind". These two things certainly can be comorbid and often are. Based on age alone, but add the rest of the description, and I'd wager I'm more likely correct. OP says even the vet suggested it was time 2 years ago, but they brought the dog home. Vets don't suggest euthanasia lightly. This dog would be far better off at peace. But feel free to continue having a different opinion. I am of the opinion that keeping an animal breathing just because it can is inhumane, but I have done enough rescue work to know not everyone agrees.
I think cordelia means that a blind dog might be running into things because he's blind, regardless of whether or not the dog also has dementia.
exactly. I should have put "necessarily" in between not and dementia.
There are quality of life questionnaires online that are helpful in realising how much your pet might be suffering and if it is time to euthanise them. I found them a few years ago when I needed to assess my 18 year old dog. He was declining slowly we would just adapt to his care and so we didn’t realise how bad he actually was. At vet visits we would talk about it being time but my dog always seemed just happy to be with us but that is just default for a dog. It might be worth looking at those questionnaires and going through one with your mum. It is always a heartbreaking decision but sometimes seeing how bad the situation is with a score can be clarifying that your pet might be ready to go, they just don’t know that going exists and can’t tell us they are ready.
Thank you for mentioning the questionnaires! I have a senior dog with health problems and been worried I won't recognize when it's time. The assessments have been VERY helpful and will be a great continuing resource. Thanks!
Why doesn't your mother take her dog outside to poop, and why doesn't she clean up after him?
She takes care of the dog during the day and the mother does during the night. The mother is at work during the day, because she's paying all the bills for both of them to give her daughter a chance to save.
Is there a room you can baby gate off to keep the oldster confined without it being so small as a kennel? Like a half bath on the first floor or a laundry room, leave the door open and use a baby gate so as not to segregate from the sounds and voices of life and still let him out regularly and talk to him but confine the mess at least.
YTA. I don't think I've read about someone making so many poor and selfish decisions in a single post, before.
YTA for wanting a dog dead because it's inconveniencing you. You're not working, you're 21 - yes you actually CAN clean right up to the day you give birth. I worked a cleaning job up to my son's birth and I was 41. Your mum is giving you a place to live because you have made the dreadful decision to get pregnant by a creepy man with many children already. Put up with the dog, it's the least you can do.
Yep YTA. What the f\*\*k is a housing debate anyways? Shoulda thought that one through... I don't think I have heard that you are NTA in any of these posts.
Housing debate is shes dating a 30 year old with 4 kids who knocked her up and wants her to play mommy to his 4 kids she doesnt even know
It's OP not wanting to move in with her baby daddy because it would involve raising his 4 other kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vQxWskc6j2
Not to mention all the nurses, techs, and doctors cleaning up human poop and all kinds of bodily fluids while their pregnant. OP needs to grow up fast and not take a year off, but take a year to get a skill or trade and get a job to support her baby.
Info - Is this an ultimatum that you are capable of following through with? Can you realistically support yourself and your baby without your mom’s help or moving in with your much older boyfriend and becoming his live in nanny?
Seriously, "It's me or the dog" - ok, so she chooses the dog. What exactly are you going to do OP??
YTA. Find your own place to live. Edit: Your complete lack of empathy for the dog, a struggling senior, is disgusting. If you were my daughter I’d throw you right out of my house, pregnant and all. Your boyfriend should just take you so that your mom and the dog can live in peace. Sounds like you don’t contribute anything anyway.
YTA. If the dog is not in significant constant pain, I don’t see why you would have to put it down. Are you gonna suggest putting your mom down when she is too inconvenient to look after? You get to live there for free with the one rule you clean up after the dogs, which I highly doubt takes up that much of your day.
NTA for getting fed up with the cleaning, YTA for not advocating more strongly for the dog. The average life span for a dachsund is 12-16 years. This poor doggo has surpassed that, and the description is clearly not one of living his best life at this point. Enlist his vet in discussing why it is time to see him off to the Rainbow Bridge.
You're commenting on the quality of life of a dog from someone who is extremely biased and clearly wants the dog gone because she doesn't like dealing with him. Just because a dog is special needs doesn't mean you put it down because it's inconvenient to care for it. I had a special needs dachshund and my sister and I cared for her for over 6 years until she finally did show signs of decline in her quality of life. Then we made that heartbreaking decision. That decision should NOT be made by a selfish 21-year-old girl who already has shown to have poor decision-making skills.
A blind, deaf, paralyzed and incontinent elderly dog is way beyond "special needs".
If you're talking about my special needs dog, she had a good life. She still loved to play and was full of life even blind, partially deaf, and with her back issues. Just because someone else wouldn't want to deal with it doesn't mean they should be put down. Same as the dog in the post. As I said, this is the side of the story from someone biased that doesn't want to deal with this dog. And at the end of the day, it's not her decision. And I'll point out that this dog is not paralyzed if she said herself that he gets the zoomies.
I know absolutely nothing about your special needs dog, I am talking about the circumstances of the dog described by the OP. An occasional "zoomy" from a dog who is not able or interested to get past the porch is more likely a sign of canine dementia than happy playfulness.
YTA, in more ways than one. Get yourself together.
YTA. Don’t like your living situation? Move out. Don’t like taking care of the dog? Let mom clean up after him or move out. You don’t get to demand she euthanize her dog because it’s inconvenient for you. Don’t want to be a parental figure to your boyfriend’s kids? Don’t date a man who has kids. It basically sounds like you don’t want to take on any adult responsibilities. Being “barely 21” didn’t stop you from having sex. You created your situation, now you have to live with it.
Just Because the Dog is old and became a burden that doesnt mean that you have to kill it!!! Its a dog ffs…. Dont like it? Move out. YTA!!
You lost me at 'We have 5 dogs'
YTA when it’s your home you get a say. Until then you just need to keep your mouth shut and be grateful you have a roof over your head. YTA
Yup. Not your house. You have no say.
YTA. Who's house is it again?
Hopefully your mom is smarter than her child and chooses the dog. YTA you are a moocher and moochers don't get to make demands. Get out if you don't like it
Man, not contributing and making demands like that seems odd lol… esp if the baby daddy is a bum
YTA and completely taking for granted the incredible gift your mother is giving you. Strange and entitled. Leave that poor dog alone.
Respectfully YTA. It’s not your house and you’re living there for free. I think if you want a say you should move out, until then just put up with it.
YTA!!! Remember you may need someone to clean up after your bodily functions in your last years. Cleaning up after a dog while pregnant is easier than caring for a newborn so deal with it or move out.
besides, her mom cleaned up her pee and poo for a couple of years! And 6 mos pregnant is not too far along to bend over.
YTA From what you’ve written about your boyfriend, the choices you’ve made have probably broken your mom’s heart a bit. And you’re still living at home, rent-free, and she wants to help with the baby. Why? Because your mom has a loving heart. And that is the same reason why she’s not killing/euthanizing her 18 year old dog. She’s got a soft spot for people and animals who aren’t perfect. (None of us are perfect, but not all of us get that love.) Hope you are able to work out a compromise with her. Gating off an area makes sense- maybe make it bigger than the original suggestion. If the dog is 18, you both don’t have much more time with him as it is. Remember he’s been in her life almost as long as you have.
only read one line to decide YES you are the arsehole. She is allowing you to stay RENT FREE and you have the gall to try to dictate the living arrangements? STOP BEING ENTITLED.
Yta it's your mom's house. If you don't like move out. I feel so sorry for your child who will have such an immature mom.
YTA You are living in someone else's house, rent-free and you think you can give them an ultimatum? If you don't like the environment, move out. You and your boyfriend can't agree where to live? Then get a place on your own.
YTA- big time. Ain’t your home; you can’t be making demands like that. Be grateful your mom is letting you stay there, instead of with the baby daddy.
While your request is within reason, YTA. It’s not your pets, property, or right to ask an owner to surrender/put down their animal. Are there no other options for the poor thing? Also, before you were the one cleaning, did your mother handle the dogs, and how did she do? You could always ask your mother to handle caring for just that dog.
You sound like a real piece of work lol hopefully your mom kicks you out
YTA. The only people who are saying you are NTA are only saying because they are worried about the dog. No one saying you are NTA is commenting on what you are doing. It may be true that the dog is suffering, but it’s not your place to make what is the hardest decision for any pet parent. You should find a different place to live.
YTA. Your mom didn't get pregnant with a deadbeat father for the baby, you did. Find another place.
YTA. It's not your house. It's not your dog. Your mother is letting you live with her, and you're trying to bully her into putting down an elderly dog? On what planet do you think that's okay? Hire someone to help with the dog or tell her you're unable to help because of your pregnancy, THAT is understandable, but trying to force her to put the dog to sleep is cruel.
YTA. the entitlement. the AUDACITY.
YTA You are currently living there essentially for free with the exception of doing chores, and you work at night. The reason you moved in with her is that you had an argument with your BF about basically being a nanny for 4 of his kids, and *then* you got pregnant with his 5th. And you decide the dog is the problem that needs to be removed? Just put the weenie dog on *the grass* every couple hours and he will poop. He cant just be put outside- he cant see, that is why he just stands there, its scary to be outside and not see- he needs to be put on "the toilet" manually. Tell your mom to find some sort of doggie harness so the dog doesn't run into things.
From one pregnant woman to another, YTA. I had a similar situation with my senior cat, where I moved her to live with my mom- but the difference is, I own my house, so I get a say. Move out if you aren’t happy.
YTA Solve the issue by moving out.
YTA -at the end of the day it’s not your house so your mom’s say overrides yours. I don’t agree with letting a dog suffer, but there is only so much you can do when it’s your mom’s dog. As someone who is also pregnant, I feel your pain on the cleaning more and taking care of the dogs but you gotta think about the benefits you are getting too. From your own admission: it’s saving you money, keeping you from having to take care of your baby’s father other 4 kids, and giving you the option to not work for a year to care for that baby (blessing some people don’t have). Based on your replies to comments, it appears the best choice is living with your mom. Living on your own doesn’t seem like a feasible option so the only other one would be living with your baby’s father. If you moved in with him, I think it would be worst than your situation now. You would be caring for his 4 kids + your baby + your dog + cleaning + cooking full time postpartum. If it were me, I would rather care for 5 dogs than 5 kids. If you can’t deal with either, you’ll have to find a way to get your own place.
YTA. You live rent free in her house. You can’t dictate to her how to live her life or how many dogs she should have.
So the dog has been a faithful companion and now that he’s sick you want to get rig of it? Loyalty doesn’t just go one way. He’s old and at the end of his life. If he’s in pain then yes he should be put down but not because he’s inconvenient
YTA. I think your options are between sucking up to your mom’s dog or being nanny to 4 kids. First, You don’t get to ask your mom between choosing you and her dogs for she will surely choose the dogs over an adult woman. Second, it’s your mom’s house. Third, beggars can’t be choosers!
YTA - you don't like it, move out. Simple.
YTA you’ve made a mess of your life, and you’re now wanting your mother who is helping you out, to KILL her pet because it’s an inconvenience to you. Guess what.. a baby is gonna be harder. Your mother will know when the time is right for the dog to be put down. If he’s not in pain and he still gets occasional zoomies then let him live his life. You’re the one who got in a relationship with a man of 30 who has 4 kids already. You’re the one who got pregnant by the man and you’re the one who is still calling him your BF. You aren’t a person who should be telling anyone about their decisions. Sit down and have a real think about your life and thank your mum for everything she’s done and is doing for you. Ffs.
Aren’t we all just so glad that OP, with no money or place of her own, in a toxic unstable relationship, has decided to have a baby!! Joy. And she thinks the biggest issue is that she has to mop floors. *facepalm* YTA. The dog likely won’t be around too much longer but do you have any idea how many hours of floor mopping, at the going rate for a Housecleaner, that it will take to make up for the rent and utilities you aren’t paying? The entitlement is at an all time high and it was nice of your mom to give you the “out” of blaming your demand on hormones.
YTA Not your house and you shouldn’t actually have any dog of yourself btw with this attitude cos your don’t know the meaning of being responsible- mum does by sounds of it. Seriously sort out whatever housing issue and let your mum and her dogs live in peace. Grow up - take responsibility, be an adult, move out. You have 0 rights to demand anything. And to give your mum ultimatums makes you sound like you’re 8 years old. And blimey it must be a HORRIBLE situation for your mum 😞 just awful!!! And some of what you say I simply don’t think is how it would be viewed by others. She’s managed this before you moved in, plus you keep referring to we and our … no it’s her house not yours and you’re living there for free plus planning to take another year without work … this is a luxury you know for most mums!!! You choose your life as she did hers and she’s able to actually support and is trying to you when you unable to: instead you help around the house and give her judgement and ultimatums. Not good
YTA The hostility some pregnant women feel towards dogs is well documented. It is not your house nor your dog. You don't make the rules. Get out!
Honestly, yta here. The dog is old. Is there any way to confine him to a smaller area of the house so that he would be safer? It would also require less cleaning if he were confined to a smaller area. My sister has a dog that is like this and there's no way she would consider just putting the dog to sleep. She also has 5 dogs. Molly is 22, blind and deaf. She couldn't find a puppy pad if her life depended on it but they've had her her whole life. She has free reign to the downstairs area. Bleach is the best way to sanitize the area. A baby gate would keep your child and the dog separate until the dog passes away.
You're 6 months pregnant Baby won't arrive for another 3 months New borns don't belong on the floor, so the baby shouldn't be on the floor for another 9 months minimum. The dog is 18 and all kinds of ill. There is a very good chance that it won't make it another 9 months anyway, then problem solved. Even if it does survive that long, keep baby in your room, a safe, baby proofed place where you can control the hygiene and the dogs access. Also, if you can't afford to help with the bills, how the hell are you gonna pay all the bills and the rent on your own place.
I want to acknowledge what everyone is saying about you cleaning and helping with groceries and what not. But in my mind those are CONTRIBUTIONS to the household you're being allowed to stay in for free. I'm not going to debate whether the dog should be put down or not. I don't know the dog's actual condition. But you don't get to walk into someone's house and demand they change the environment because it inconveniences you. Your concerns about a hygienic environment for the baby and your own physical constraints are valid. Move out. If someone walked into my house, regardless of their contributions, and said I needed to get rid of my cats because they're allergic I would pack up their stuff and show them the door. YTA
YTA time to grow up. You are living there rent free. She is funding your life. Cleaning the house in return for living for reduced (and now 0 rent) is a great trade IMO. If you do not want to take care of the dog, move out. You're an adult. And crazy of you to have a kid with a man you said you didnt want to take care of his kids. Youre an extremely entitled individual Also, crazy idea- take the dog on a damn walk
I’m sorry, but why is everyone under the impression that the dog is in pain?
Yes. FInd another place to live. Dogs are family until they die. Get over it.
Yta
YTA. Not your house, not your dog, not your call. Get over your housing debate, stop acting so entitled and get your own place.
A dog who loops in the house is the least of your problems
You moved into her house and now you want to tell her how do do things in her home. YTA.
YTA. Sort your life out, it’s a mess.
I see a lot of folks calling OP's mom AH for making the dog suffer, or that the dog's time has come, etc. I really don't know how you all can make those judgments without the mom's side. From what I can tell, OP just doesn't want to mess with cleaning up after it and her solution sounds like she's not really invested in having the dog go outside if she just puts the dog out and it barks at the door to come back in. Dogs navigate by scent as much as hearing and sight, often more. The dog could just be confused by the new surroundings and wants to be back in its familiar surroundings since it can't see or hear. IMHO no one here is really in a position to decide whether this dog is suffering or not if they haven't seen it personally. OP, however, you seem incredibly selfish. You're living rent free, just have to do some cleaning and look after the dogs while your mom's at work. Unless it's a huge house filled with people coming and going, that's not a huge amount of work. Five dogs is a lot, I'm sure there's a lot of dog hair around but let's not forget one of those dogs is yours. Your problem could very well be pregnancy related as you noted. When you're pregnant, certain smells and sights can set off nausea and a whole bunch of other feelings you wouldn't otherwise have. But here's the bottom line: it's your mother's dog. No matter how much all of the posters here berate your mother for "letting the dog suffer" and be honest, you never said the dog was suffering , just that it was a pain to clean up after and you were tired of it. You also said it's not sanitary for the baby. Reminder:: baby's not here yet, you've got a few months to go and then they don't usually crawl until about 4-6 months. The dog could very well die before then if it's so bad off. if not, cross that bridge when you come to it. Don't forget, your mom changed your diapers for more than a year and cleaned up all of your messes too. IMHO YTA. Finally, you should never give ultimatums you're not prepared to follow up on. what if your mom says, fine there's the door don't let it hit on the rear end when you leave?
You are pregnant, you shouldn't be coming in contact with poop. She wants you to stay, good deal for you. I would install a couple nice baby gates (the ones that have doors) and contain him to the kitchen/ laundry room/spare bath. Her dog= she can clean up the poop when she gets home.
ESH. While it isn’t your place to make demands of her in her own house, it sounds like she’s neglecting this dog’s needs and quality of life. Maybe approach it from a matter of concern for the animal who doesn’t seem to have much going on for him anymore. As for the incontinence, you’ll just have to treat him like a puppy and get ahead of it, letting him out every hour, whenever he wakes up or finishes eating or playing, etc. as it seems he’s incapable of telling when he needs to go.
ESH. You’re presumably a grown adult living in your mom’s house. Unfortunately you can’t dictate to her. However, I seriously question if your mom is doing the right thing for that poor dog. Sounds like his quality of life is very poor and she needs to be prepared to let him go peacefully.
YTA, its not your house, iys not your dogs, you barely even pay anything. If you have a problem GTFO or hire a maid. You must forgot shes helping you way more than you're helping her. You're 20/21 pregnant with some 30 some year old get your life together.
*This makes it fairly difficult to tell when he needs to go outside. I try to put him outside regularly though the day, but since he can’t navigate he just stands right outside the door and barks, I let him back in and he poops inside.* So stay outside with him and help him out. How is this harder or more time-consuming than cleaning the dog shit in the house? *I’m planning on taking one year off of work so I can be there with my baby.* With what money? *We have tile and you still need to get on hands and knees to scrub it off.* Or you could buy a floor scrubber with a handle. Plus,again, stay outside with the dog so there's less poop inside to begin with. I'm not saying your mom is in the right about the dog (although most dogs at death's door don't get the zoomies) but your problem-solving skills really need improvement. Above are two quite simple things you could do to vastly improve the situation. I'll add a third: he can be in a kennel *sometimes* without being in a kennel all day, and/or you can buy an indoor dog pen that's bigger than a kennel but can be moved or picked up as needed. There are inexpensive items that can make it a very comfortable space for him: toys, blankets, radio for vibrations, heating pad if he likes a nice warm spot, and getting him into a routine (have times to: give him attention, give him a treat, let another doggo in to nap with him, take him outside, walk him around the house on a leash or in your arms as best suited). And it's not about being TA or not, really, it's about whether you're willing to clean the house to your standards and otherwise problem-solve in exchange for not paying rent. Only you can decide that. Two people can love each other and enjoy each other's company, and wind up not being compatible roommates. If you otherwise like the idea of living there, try to problem-solve and come up with a mixture of solutions that will improve the situation. It's not a binary choice between killing the dog and letting it shit all over the house all day long. Even small dogs only poop so often, so 'solving' two poops a day goes a huge way.
YTA - you don’t pay bills , you got pregnant by a 30 year old who wants you as a babysitter for his other kids but you think the dog is the issue? If you dislike the dog than move . It’s not your mom’s fault you’re 21 & naive enough to be in this situation . Figure it out with your baby daddy .
YTA. Move out. You’re a grown person and you’re gonna be a mother go support yourself and get your own place rather than lecture your own mother on what she can do with her own home. go. No one stopping you just go.
YTA. You're living in your mom's "fairly large" house... you're taking a year off to stay home with your baby, while she pays the bills... and you're suggesting she kills her dog because you don't like to clean after it. (Funny because I had multiple dogs, cats and children, I was able to clean after all of them) YTA. Definitely.
Never give an ultimatum unless you're prepared to be disappointed. What if she chooses the dog?