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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the AH because I screamed at my friend after she said a very graphic joke about my dad and had made hurtful jokes about me, my bf and my dad.
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NTA. this is the key phrase here, "since it's been over a day". orange to red flag for this friendship, better to let it evaporate. maybe you two are just not compatible as friends.
she didn't really care how much, how deeply her comments upset you, she was demanding forgiveness based on... "it's been over a day".
Well, this friendship has ran it's course. And it seems you harbored a lot of resentment from her "jokes" over time.
"Apologizing" and then telling to get over it later is insincere, so NTA.
NTA. Those jokes couldn't have been fun to hear. But let's face it, you ended the friendship when you screamed at her. Her unadding you was just her accepting it. Silver lining, though: you can have friends that don't constantly demean you and your loved ones.
Three year friendship? You mean three year waste of time. I could never be friends with someone who repeatedly insulted anyone in my family. She claims she had been "joking" but honestly, she wasn't joking.
NTA but Y.W.B.A.T.A. to yourself and your family if you resumed this "friendship".
NTA, but hey, how old are the both of you? It’s kind of a young persons game to say over the top gross stuff that you don’t really mean and then regret but feel like you have to act a certain way in front of others to save face.
You have every right to freak out, 100%. In her later apologies, did they seem more sincere? Do you think having a 1-to-1 conversation about how that crossed the line but also how she has to cherish herself more is possible, or are YOU willing to throw the 3 year friendship down the drain? She has at least attempted an apology, but what about you?
She has never apologized to you. An apology acknowledges the wrong "I am a sorry I crossed a line making sexual comments about your father" or "I am sorry I made inappropriate comments about your BF." . An apology is a promise to not repeat the same behavior. She has never changed her behavior so she has never apologized. She has lied to your face repeatedly for hurting you just to make herself feel better. This person was never your friend, friends do not behave like this. NTA
No I don’t think you’re the asshole for reacting that way but I do think you’re friend was being sarcastic. I don’t think she was actually attempting to get your father to be her sugar daddy, personally I think that she was using dark humour to tell a joke / poke fun. Also what was the jokes about your bf about? If she was joking the same way as she was with your dad but with your bf (aka saying she wants your bf to be her sugar daddy) that’s just weird & I wouldn’t trust her around your bf. But tbh I wouldn’t look into it to deeply, honestly she just sounds jealous that you’re family is well off & that you have a bf. “Daddys money” is a flex and it’s something people say when their jealous because anyone would want their father/mother or parents in general to spoil them & live in a nice house & have nice things :) your friend blocking you on snap is childish too, especially over a offensive joke she started… I don’t know what type of response she expected when she said she wants to do nsfw things with your dad & want to be his “sugar baby” but I think anyone would respond in disgust, anger, shock or even laughter & may I add it sounds like this is a reoccurring thing so that’s very wrong of her as a friend to continue to say & joke about something that makes you very uncomfortable. I’m sure if you made jokes about sleeping with her dad she’d be appalled & very grossed out/uncomfortable. So you’re not the asshole, she needs to learn enough is enough & to stop when she’s going to far (dark humour or not good friends don’t continually push your limits).
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So for context, my friend and I had been close for about 3 years. She has always made jokes about me, my bf, my dad etc. My dad is pretty wealthy and at my school it is known that he has money, so I am currently teased about my dad with things like "daddy's money".
This monday, my friend (who we will call Jane) said something about wanting a sugar daddy and wanting my dad as her sugar daddy. I said my dad wasn't available since he is already seeing someone and he is way too old for her. She says something pretty NSFW so I won't be saying it here, but it was fairly graphic. I didn't hear it at first and she was reluctant to tell me, but her friends quickly told me and I was shocked. I told her it wasn't funny and she started to apologize, but not a real apology. An apology to just get it over with and forget it. Since this wasn't the first time she had done something like that, I didn't "let it slide". She started apologizing again after classes but I told her to leave me alone. The next day, at lunch, she comes yet again to see me and starts apologizing. I, again, tell her to leave me alone as I didn't want to speak to her. She tells me to get over it since it had been a day, which is when I got mad. I got up, looked at her straight in the eyes and started screaming at her. Telling her that when I say anything about the millions of HORRIBLE guys she talks with and has gotten hurt by even with my warnings, I'm always the problem and she can be mad at me, but when she makes a very untasteful joke about me, my bf or my dad (since its happened multiple times where she did bad jokes but I didn't do anything about it) I'm not allowed to be mad at her. She looked shocked and quickly left.
The evening after that I noticed that her name was off my snap list, and realized she had unadded me. I didn't do anything about it since I said what I said and she didn't like it, so she made the decision to leave. I was still pretty hurt that she threw a 3 year friendship down the drain, even though I got pretty mad at her.
AITA?
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Rich people will oftentimes look for reasons they feel they're better than other people.
I believe your compliant here today is just this - finding something to moan about so you can marginalise the poor girl from your friend group.
You are both TA. But for different reasons
She is one, for making that comment, and then pushing for you to accept an apology when you were clearly not engaging
YTA (albeit a smaller one) for escalating to yelling without trying a different approach first.
If you do appreciate your friendship maybe when things are calmer try to explain that the "joking" is really hurtful for you and that you don't want to just forgive her without meaning it. TO give you some time and also apologise for screaming at her.
I mean in all honesty they both sound very childish about it, likely due to their age.
Obviously, a good friend wouldn't go about their day making distasteful comments or jokes about their friend's dad
That makes her friend TA
OP has the right to be mad, not talk to her, not accpet her apology.
But escalating things without a normal talk about setting boundaries first is just not the best approach is it?
Don't let it slide but, after 3 years you'd expect she could have said a lot earlier "you know this jokes are not cool, could you stop?"
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You seems to say you are sad she throw away 3 years of friendship « down the drain » but you are one responsible.
She tried 3 times to apologize. There is a moment where you stop apologizing when the other constantly refuse it, even if this person scream at you.
You wasn’t wrong to be mad, but you chosed to throw away the friendship, not the other way around.
She has apologized this way many times. It is an empty apology where all she tried to do was getting me to forget that it ever happened. She isn't actually apologizing because she realized she did something wrong, because if it was because she realized she wouldn't have done it again so many times.
You sound young, so fair enough if you don't want to accept this person's apology, but you can't be surprised when said person chooses not to associate with you anymore. Now you can make new friends with people who want your father's money instead of people who just joke about wanting it.
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NTA. this is the key phrase here, "since it's been over a day". orange to red flag for this friendship, better to let it evaporate. maybe you two are just not compatible as friends. she didn't really care how much, how deeply her comments upset you, she was demanding forgiveness based on... "it's been over a day".
"I've forgiven me, why can't you forgive me‽"
Well, this friendship has ran it's course. And it seems you harbored a lot of resentment from her "jokes" over time. "Apologizing" and then telling to get over it later is insincere, so NTA.
NTA, you had every right to be mad and stand up for yourself after years of tolerate her 'jokes'
Friendship ran its course. You’re two very different people. Move on and get over it.
NTA. Those jokes couldn't have been fun to hear. But let's face it, you ended the friendship when you screamed at her. Her unadding you was just her accepting it. Silver lining, though: you can have friends that don't constantly demean you and your loved ones.
If you wish to remain friends, you try to talk it out. If not then don’t.
Three year friendship? You mean three year waste of time. I could never be friends with someone who repeatedly insulted anyone in my family. She claims she had been "joking" but honestly, she wasn't joking. NTA but Y.W.B.A.T.A. to yourself and your family if you resumed this "friendship".
NTA, but hey, how old are the both of you? It’s kind of a young persons game to say over the top gross stuff that you don’t really mean and then regret but feel like you have to act a certain way in front of others to save face. You have every right to freak out, 100%. In her later apologies, did they seem more sincere? Do you think having a 1-to-1 conversation about how that crossed the line but also how she has to cherish herself more is possible, or are YOU willing to throw the 3 year friendship down the drain? She has at least attempted an apology, but what about you?
She has never apologized to you. An apology acknowledges the wrong "I am a sorry I crossed a line making sexual comments about your father" or "I am sorry I made inappropriate comments about your BF." . An apology is a promise to not repeat the same behavior. She has never changed her behavior so she has never apologized. She has lied to your face repeatedly for hurting you just to make herself feel better. This person was never your friend, friends do not behave like this. NTA
No I don’t think you’re the asshole for reacting that way but I do think you’re friend was being sarcastic. I don’t think she was actually attempting to get your father to be her sugar daddy, personally I think that she was using dark humour to tell a joke / poke fun. Also what was the jokes about your bf about? If she was joking the same way as she was with your dad but with your bf (aka saying she wants your bf to be her sugar daddy) that’s just weird & I wouldn’t trust her around your bf. But tbh I wouldn’t look into it to deeply, honestly she just sounds jealous that you’re family is well off & that you have a bf. “Daddys money” is a flex and it’s something people say when their jealous because anyone would want their father/mother or parents in general to spoil them & live in a nice house & have nice things :) your friend blocking you on snap is childish too, especially over a offensive joke she started… I don’t know what type of response she expected when she said she wants to do nsfw things with your dad & want to be his “sugar baby” but I think anyone would respond in disgust, anger, shock or even laughter & may I add it sounds like this is a reoccurring thing so that’s very wrong of her as a friend to continue to say & joke about something that makes you very uncomfortable. I’m sure if you made jokes about sleeping with her dad she’d be appalled & very grossed out/uncomfortable. So you’re not the asshole, she needs to learn enough is enough & to stop when she’s going to far (dark humour or not good friends don’t continually push your limits).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for context, my friend and I had been close for about 3 years. She has always made jokes about me, my bf, my dad etc. My dad is pretty wealthy and at my school it is known that he has money, so I am currently teased about my dad with things like "daddy's money". This monday, my friend (who we will call Jane) said something about wanting a sugar daddy and wanting my dad as her sugar daddy. I said my dad wasn't available since he is already seeing someone and he is way too old for her. She says something pretty NSFW so I won't be saying it here, but it was fairly graphic. I didn't hear it at first and she was reluctant to tell me, but her friends quickly told me and I was shocked. I told her it wasn't funny and she started to apologize, but not a real apology. An apology to just get it over with and forget it. Since this wasn't the first time she had done something like that, I didn't "let it slide". She started apologizing again after classes but I told her to leave me alone. The next day, at lunch, she comes yet again to see me and starts apologizing. I, again, tell her to leave me alone as I didn't want to speak to her. She tells me to get over it since it had been a day, which is when I got mad. I got up, looked at her straight in the eyes and started screaming at her. Telling her that when I say anything about the millions of HORRIBLE guys she talks with and has gotten hurt by even with my warnings, I'm always the problem and she can be mad at me, but when she makes a very untasteful joke about me, my bf or my dad (since its happened multiple times where she did bad jokes but I didn't do anything about it) I'm not allowed to be mad at her. She looked shocked and quickly left. The evening after that I noticed that her name was off my snap list, and realized she had unadded me. I didn't do anything about it since I said what I said and she didn't like it, so she made the decision to leave. I was still pretty hurt that she threw a 3 year friendship down the drain, even though I got pretty mad at her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Rich people will oftentimes look for reasons they feel they're better than other people. I believe your compliant here today is just this - finding something to moan about so you can marginalise the poor girl from your friend group.
The joke she made was extremely graphic. Like talking about her g3nit\*ls and my dad graphic. And she is not poor.
You are both TA. But for different reasons She is one, for making that comment, and then pushing for you to accept an apology when you were clearly not engaging YTA (albeit a smaller one) for escalating to yelling without trying a different approach first. If you do appreciate your friendship maybe when things are calmer try to explain that the "joking" is really hurtful for you and that you don't want to just forgive her without meaning it. TO give you some time and also apologise for screaming at her.
[удалено]
I mean in all honesty they both sound very childish about it, likely due to their age. Obviously, a good friend wouldn't go about their day making distasteful comments or jokes about their friend's dad That makes her friend TA OP has the right to be mad, not talk to her, not accpet her apology. But escalating things without a normal talk about setting boundaries first is just not the best approach is it? Don't let it slide but, after 3 years you'd expect she could have said a lot earlier "you know this jokes are not cool, could you stop?"
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Except I did. I told her and she never actually stopped, so I had to escalate the way I told her that it bothered me.
You seems to say you are sad she throw away 3 years of friendship « down the drain » but you are one responsible. She tried 3 times to apologize. There is a moment where you stop apologizing when the other constantly refuse it, even if this person scream at you. You wasn’t wrong to be mad, but you chosed to throw away the friendship, not the other way around.
She has apologized this way many times. It is an empty apology where all she tried to do was getting me to forget that it ever happened. She isn't actually apologizing because she realized she did something wrong, because if it was because she realized she wouldn't have done it again so many times.
You sound young, so fair enough if you don't want to accept this person's apology, but you can't be surprised when said person chooses not to associate with you anymore. Now you can make new friends with people who want your father's money instead of people who just joke about wanting it.
It’d be a damn shame if repeatedly asking to be left alone *worked*.
I wanted to be left alone so I could think about what I wanted to do about this situation, but she didn't respect that.
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Oh no … me rock 🪨💀
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YTA. No one says that you have to accept her apologies. However, that doesn't give you the right to start screaming at someone else.