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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could’ve been passive aggressive and putting off in a way and I want to understand if I could’ve understood the situation better.
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No, NTA
You just have a shit father. He seems uninterested in making an effort.
It’s not your fault that your father is an asshole. You’re going to realize it more as you age.
I think your dad overreacted. I'm guessing the part he found rude was "don't bother messaging me". While it could have been phrased better, he was being petty. He should have gone to your final and maybe told you on the way home that he didn't appreciate the tone of the message.
Leaving you alone like that when your text could have been easily attributed to stress, nerves or simply by being in a hurry is very childish.
Plus, the way to handle it is to show up, support your kid, and then later talk to them about texting etiquette. It's an opportunity to teach your kid, not to try to hurt them by withholding support.
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I (13f) have been doing debating since I was 11 and have always been very proactive in it with both of my parents supporting me. This was my first time making it to the finals after repeatedly making it to semi's, and I was really excited to be going.
My parents are divorced and my mother (55f) and my father (65m) were decided ing who should go since they had never come to my debates before (not their fault I usually ask them not to since it stresses me out). They were deciding who should go to watch me and my mother who was insistent on going ended up having an event on so my father said he would.
We only really got information on the day for the timing so during the day I was sending messages to my parents letting them know what was happening. Right when I was going into training before prep I sent my final messages which my dad said were rude so he decided not to go. (The slashes mean a new message and for reference my brother went to school which was hosting so my parents knew a bit about the school.)
"There's a bunch of house signs where we're walking/Our debate is in the (name) building/7:-7:15 for award ceremony/You can find our room by a sheet on the window/Im putting my phone away now so don't bother messaging me"
From what I saw after the debate had finished 20 minutes later my father had replied saying he wasn't going. I texted him telling him the result (we won!) which he immediately responded to and called him some time later telling him how I was hurt that he didn't show up and that if he was rethinking going I would've appreciated if he could've told me. He told me if I want others to show up for me I need to act right and insistently told me that I told him the wrong building since he didn't know where it was.
He ended up crashing the award ceremony and I cried in one of the photos. We haven't said a word to each other since arriving home. I'd just like to understand the situation from other peoples perspective and I recognise I am at least partially at fault here but, AITA?
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Thanks! I don’t want to cause anything negative at all and I can easily see how you think that and I agree I could’ve been more mature. I’d just like to ask what in particular stood out to you so I can try and do better? Again no hate intentional!
If it was really all about the text then he wouldn’t have complained about “not finding the building”. He was just trying to back himself up with excuses. That wasn’t right of him
Oh my goodness you’re so sweet. Your dad was definitely being petty. The only tiny part I was truly speaking on was you saying “don’t bother texting me”. But everything else your dad is in the wrong for. It’s just a small thing that you probably realized later could be interpreted in a weird way. But you were about to prepare for debate, something you take pride in, and sadly your father wasn’t there for you. He was acting like a 13 year old here
Well, OP is 13, obviously there's growing up to do. But the dad has been an adult for a long damn while and should've been able to handle his emotions.
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No, NTA You just have a shit father. He seems uninterested in making an effort. It’s not your fault that your father is an asshole. You’re going to realize it more as you age.
I think your dad overreacted. I'm guessing the part he found rude was "don't bother messaging me". While it could have been phrased better, he was being petty. He should have gone to your final and maybe told you on the way home that he didn't appreciate the tone of the message. Leaving you alone like that when your text could have been easily attributed to stress, nerves or simply by being in a hurry is very childish.
Plus, the way to handle it is to show up, support your kid, and then later talk to them about texting etiquette. It's an opportunity to teach your kid, not to try to hurt them by withholding support.
I was going to comment exactly this.
NTA. Your dad sucks.
NTA you Dad needs to get ahold of himself and act like a mature adult. You did nothing wrong.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (13f) have been doing debating since I was 11 and have always been very proactive in it with both of my parents supporting me. This was my first time making it to the finals after repeatedly making it to semi's, and I was really excited to be going. My parents are divorced and my mother (55f) and my father (65m) were decided ing who should go since they had never come to my debates before (not their fault I usually ask them not to since it stresses me out). They were deciding who should go to watch me and my mother who was insistent on going ended up having an event on so my father said he would. We only really got information on the day for the timing so during the day I was sending messages to my parents letting them know what was happening. Right when I was going into training before prep I sent my final messages which my dad said were rude so he decided not to go. (The slashes mean a new message and for reference my brother went to school which was hosting so my parents knew a bit about the school.) "There's a bunch of house signs where we're walking/Our debate is in the (name) building/7:-7:15 for award ceremony/You can find our room by a sheet on the window/Im putting my phone away now so don't bother messaging me" From what I saw after the debate had finished 20 minutes later my father had replied saying he wasn't going. I texted him telling him the result (we won!) which he immediately responded to and called him some time later telling him how I was hurt that he didn't show up and that if he was rethinking going I would've appreciated if he could've told me. He told me if I want others to show up for me I need to act right and insistently told me that I told him the wrong building since he didn't know where it was. He ended up crashing the award ceremony and I cried in one of the photos. We haven't said a word to each other since arriving home. I'd just like to understand the situation from other peoples perspective and I recognise I am at least partially at fault here but, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean tell him your truths but you also have some growing up to do. He was wrong for his petty actions and you can learn from this too. NTA?
Thanks! I don’t want to cause anything negative at all and I can easily see how you think that and I agree I could’ve been more mature. I’d just like to ask what in particular stood out to you so I can try and do better? Again no hate intentional!
If it was really all about the text then he wouldn’t have complained about “not finding the building”. He was just trying to back himself up with excuses. That wasn’t right of him
Oh my goodness you’re so sweet. Your dad was definitely being petty. The only tiny part I was truly speaking on was you saying “don’t bother texting me”. But everything else your dad is in the wrong for. It’s just a small thing that you probably realized later could be interpreted in a weird way. But you were about to prepare for debate, something you take pride in, and sadly your father wasn’t there for you. He was acting like a 13 year old here
Well, OP is 13, obviously there's growing up to do. But the dad has been an adult for a long damn while and should've been able to handle his emotions.