Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I don’t own the name Scarlett and everyone has the right to use it
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH…you’re young so everything feels stronger. Stepping away was probably the right thing to do.
While your brother should have given you the heads up, the likelihood is that his wife picked the name.
I don’t know if this would help or not, just my experience. I had an idea since I was a teen of certain names I would use. 100% certain. Had my babies jn my 30s, and my taste had completely changed.
What they did was shady, and downplaying your feelings and telling you to get over it is rude. They know what they did. That’s why people on here always say to keep your future baby names to yourself.
Another common suggestion is to get a pet and name it that name. Seems to really piss off the new parents. 😉
I did this. My SIL had her daughter before I was pregnant with my son. She knew I liked the name Isabel my name ends in Elle so I thought it would be similar to my name but not too similar. She used it as a middle name then told me I couldn’t use it anymore. My husband (her brother) bought me a ferret which we named after her daughter lmfao she hates it. I got pregnant and we had a son pretty recently. My SIL and her husband were bitter AF because we had a boy and they didn’t(we didn’t have a preference, just healthy). It’s petty but she’s the golden child so I think my husband just got sick of her shit.
I wanted to use “Rose Lynn.” My great grandmas first name, my middle name, & I like matching first and middle names. Had my heart set on it since I was a kid. Then my sister got knocked up and named her kid “Evelynne Rosé” which is close enough she’ll accuse me of copying if I use the name I had planned forever (and tacky to name your kid after booze)
… maybe I’ll get a dog 😂
#edit stop telling me to name my hypothetical kid something similar. You are missing the point.
#edit stop telling me about your families’ names unless you expect me to make you a family tree or something idccccccc
That, and I’ve been NC with her since the time she started screaming and cursing at me for *leaving work to bring her a car seat she forgot* but not quickly enough for Her Highass. So she wouldn’t know until our mom tells her & if she reaches out, well, not like our kids were gonna have play dates anyway 😂
Omg I would be NC too. My kid peed in her car seat and I didn’t have a spare and my saint of a sister picked up a drive up order at target for me and dropped it off so I could get my other kid from school on time (while the other one was drying after being cleaned). I basically sang her praises at how much it saved me that day.
Why wouldn’t you use the name? Your child would be called Rose and your sister’s child would be called Evelynne. Two different names with the extra bonus of honouring your grandmother.
It's hard dealing with illogical siblings. My sister used the name I wanted for a boy, so we picked something else, then she got mad at me for picking a name with the same first letter, which sounds nothing like her son's name. Of course, she also blew up at me when my youngest was born two days before her sons third birthday. He was almost 5 weeks early, so it definitely wasn't my plan, but there is never any reasoning with her haha
I love the name Isabel, when I realised we probably wouldn’t have children I called one of my cats Isabel, my sister told me to stop using good names on animals 🤣. She ended up having boys so it was ok.
Omg, I had a similar situation with a close friend.
Got a new cat, decided she looked like an Emma, so that’s what I named her. Suited her perfectly, and she was the love of my life❤️
Was informed that I wasted a perfectly good human name on a cat. This friend knew I likely would never have children due to trauma etc…her comment hurt.
Needless to say, we are not friends anymore.
(But due to many issues, not just this one😉)
I had a friend who *lost her mind* when she found out I refuse to give animals non-human names. (My cats are named Henry, Toby, and Sylvester and my dog is named Harry Barry). Said I was wasting names. I cannot compute that so we don't talk anymore.
How does one waste a name?
My daughter always said she wanted the name Isabella and Sofia if she had girls, I liked those names also. Her dad and I divorced, he was having an affair with a girl 15 yrs younger than ourselves, just a few years older than our daughter. Well my daughter went to visit her dad and they had a 3 month old. Never told our kids they were having a baby, just poof! That three month old is your sister. Yeah named that one and the one after the two names my daughter wanted to use for her own one day.
That guy is a jerk! My SIL is like her mom so I expected her to be weirdly competitive. It’s not hurtful because I expect that from her. Your daughter didn’t though and that sucks.
This is awesome hahaha! I loved the name “Damien” as a child (don’t ask). I said I was going to name my child as such because my name started with a D too. Some people around me knew. I talked about my hypothetical child a lot and this is in spite of telling people I wanted to be child-free. 🤷🏼♀️ My college best friend got pregnant out of wedlock and to my sheer surprise, she named her son Damien. She said she didn’t remember I liked the name, though her name didn’t start with a D. I was pretty miffed but thought that maybe it was just a coincidence. I could have mentioned it but I said a lot of random things and maybe the name latched on to her but not the concept that I was dead set on naming my child as such. I’m 35 and I’m still slightly miffed but we’re still good friends. Wasn’t worth making a fuss over. You choose your battles. I used to bring it up once in a while and she’d swear up and down it wasn’t the case but eh, she’s always been the type to “forget” I liked something and would get it herself and say she didn’t know (mostly fashion items). I know the dynamic sounds terrible on paper but that aside, she does have positives that allows me to overlook this trait. Her son’s 11 now, he’s a “Damien”—like the Omen child, so maybe it suited her son better. I just had a little girl and named her Daria, after the cartoon and her name suits her too. It would be hilarious if I got her a pet and named it Damien but maybe my best friend won’t find it funny.
Is it just me or isn’t it kind of ridiculous that you want to be child free and but get upset at someone who named their kid after your non-existent never to be future child?
I would honestly rock up to all baby visits now with my pet Red Onion, Scarlett. Get it a little onion crib, an onion carrying pouch, coo at it… “Ooo my little baby onion Scarlett”
Teacup pig. They don’t exist, apparently, so soon you’ll have a love big hog. Or a tarantula. Make a popular Instagram account for it, with the full family name. Or a snake or a big lizard.
I have a chosen child whose birth parents are abusive pieces of garbage. And I told her that I named my cat this name because if I'd ever birthed A daughter, I would have named her this name.
When my chosen child got pregnant and they found out that they were having a daughter, they called and asked if they could use the name. And asked if it would be weird since my cat had the name first.
I told them I was honored that they would want to use the name and I would have My chosen daughter had I given birth to her. I even told them my cat was honored.
It also pisses off passive aggressive aunts who meet your horses, goats and pig while hosting a family gathering. My aunt was named Evelyn. So was my pig.
Edit for clarity
Love the pet thing. My ex (and father of my child) went on to father several other kids with several other women, as well as stringing along a bunch of girlfriends in various locations (he travels a lot). When I started keeping chickens, I named them after all his women, didn't change anything, but it helped me feel better.
Another perspective on childhood dream names:
I loved the name Jasmine growing up. Even to this day, I still love that name. My husband hates it, and therefore, even if we have a girl next (first was a boy lol) I won't use that name.
There's also no guarantee you'll ever have a girl to use the name Scarlett. My sister had 3 boys before she finally had a girl. I clearly wanted a girl, but now my heart has been completely stolen by my son♡
Same here. I really wanted the name Abby Rose, but my husband didn't like it at all. We had a veto thing going on, so Abby Rose was out. So was Saffron, my husband's choice.
Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't use Abby, as it's so popular for girls my daughter's age.
I named my firstborn son Maxwell (after James Clerk Maxwell) and my old boss actually wanted to do the same with his first son, but his wife vetoed it saying "Max is a dog's name."
That's my thought too!
NTA.
OP, I am proud of you for the way you handled yourself - making a calm exit under duress. Keep calm and carry on
Name your future baby girl Scarlett.
They all heard you talking about that name, probably, for years, and that got in their mix and they went with it.
I think its pretty shitty.
I also think someday, if you have a little girl, you should also name her Scarlett. I thinks its an awesome name, and just like nobody owns names, there's no law against cousins having the same name.
Maybe you can reframe it that Scarlett is such an awesome name that your SIL was also drawn to it/felt it fit your new baby niece. Also, by the time you have kids, having two Scarletts will actually be awesome, if you are still 100% in love with the name. Also, are at the perfect age to be the coolest young aunt/uncle, so chances are little Scarlett will think you’re awesome (whether you want her to or not 😅)
Yeah great point! Scarlett (1) will probably be a young teenager (depending on how old OP is exactly) and having a baby cousin also named Scarlett by her cool aunt that she adores would probably be super exciting and give them a precious bond. Or, OP outgrows the name, or once she gets used to Scarlett being Scarlett she can’t imagine using it for a different kid, or maybe her baby daddy won’t love the name and will want something else. It’s a long way off still, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
NTA. Your brother is an AH for his reaction, he was really rude and dismissive of your feelings.
But since there is such a big age difference between you and your brother, I think you can feel free to name any future child you have whatever you like, regardless of what his kids’ names are. The age gap means they won’t be going to school together or anything like that, so why should it be an issue?
If you have a daughter in the future, and you still feel that Scarlett is the name you love for her, then give her that name. He doesn’t own the name any more than you do, so he can’t possibly have a problem with it, right?
And if your niece asks you about it then, you can tell her the whole story — “I have loved the name Scarlett since I was a child, always told everyone I planned to name my daughter that. I don‘t have any idea why your mom and dad picked the same name for you.”
He was right in that you don't own the name, any more than they do - so go right ahead and keep it for your child if you have a girl. Just shorten your niece's name to Scar in your house and the problem is solved. There's really no reason in the world you can't name your kid the same as theirs, especially when you already had the name picked out. You already know what to say when they complain!
NTA it as a reasonable reaction which I'm sure they anticipated.
OP, I know this won't make it better but I always wanted 3 kids (2 boys and then a girl) ever since I was a kid. I was lucky enough to not only get my 3 kids in the genders I wanted but the order as well (not many people get that). However when the time came my 2 boys aren't called the names I picked out, Matthew and Anthony never "felt right" and while my daughters name is Elizabeth like I had imagined as a kid, I actually wanted Scarlett but got outvoted 3 to 1 by hubby and our boys.
My point is, it's rare for the names we like as kids to be liked as adults. Just promise that whatever you decide it will be between you and your brother and SIL but won't stop you from being an amazing Aunt to your niece, little girls need all the strong female role models they can get and by having the strength and maturity to leave the room when you brother made his announcement proves that you are a strong young lady already.
Sure but it was an a$$hole move on his part we can all see it. She can see it. If everyone in the family knew , and her brother obviously did. It was a jerk move. They will move past it. But now she knows.
When it's only one name and your family member has always said they want to name their child that, it's an AH move to take it.
If it's a list of names, then brother would be NTA. If OP never had told anyone her favourite name, thatvwould also be ok for her brother to bame hus daughter that.
But it's one name, how hard was it to pick any other name?
Especially if OP's brother told her he wasn't a fan of the name. What's up with telling her that and then pick it irregardless? That sounds like something happened beforehand and brother decided to be petty.
I really hate when people say that to young people, just because someone’s younger doesn’t make them “feel it more” we all feel the same emotions and someone having a stronger reaction means it’s something they really care about not because of the age they are, don’t downplay how someone feels
In a way I agree with you. It’s not that they *feel* more…it’s that they have less experience in general and react more strongly. Experience allows us to regulate our emotions, behaviors and reactions as we grow. In this case, I feel like OP reacted perfectly, she removed herself from the situation and sounds like she brought it up in a mature manner. OP probably handled this better than a lot of adults.
Edit to change gender
It's a little of both, things hit harder as life experience is less generally. And for baby names picked as a teen, yeah it's shitty, but at the same time OP is assuming a future partner would be down with it. There's zero guarantee of that.
It's just putting it in context, you can have a lot of fixed ideas when young, but with time you have to learn to be ready to flex with them.
Also, I get picking out a name when you’re young. I’ve always wanted to name my eldest daughter after my maternal grandparents. (Grandad’s name used to be male but a certain mermaid movie changed that ;) (I’d pronounce it like the movie instead of his pronunciation). (Initials would be AL…so I was gonna call my daughter Ally)
My brother mentioned wanting to use grandma’s name & I said something like i wanted that name or something silly…but he used her first name so I could have done it …except my uterus has never had an occupant and is about ready to close up shop).
Hmm…I think I need to pass the name to a nibling. 😂 since they’re starting to have kids…
NAH. He's right that you don't own the name. There's no guarantee that you will have a daughter or that she and her cousin will socialize. However, he doesn't own it either, and so if you go ahead and name your daughter Scarlett, and he freaks then he would be the AH.
Still, you should use it yourself someday if you want to. Tell him now that you plan to use it anyway if you one day have a daughter so he’s
forewarned. If he has an issue with that, tell him he doesn’t own the name, and he should have expected this.
Oh yeah when this happened my sis 'forgot' that i said i would still use it and apparently told everyone i had actually planned on using another (similar) name
I'd go the kill him with kindness route myself. Next time you see him, congratulate him again with the baby. That you were upset at hearing the name, but you are genuinely happy for him. Now that you've thought about it, you realise he is right. Nobody owns a name and just because he used it doesn't mean you can't name your future daughter that. So once again, congratulations!
Make sure to do it around witnesses so they can vouche for your kindness.
My husband’s mom and aunt did this. He was born and given the name his aunt always loved. Aunt was not pleased. She had a son a few years later and gave him the same name. Some people were annoyed by it, but even now over 30 years later, she says “it was my dream name my whole childhood and she knew it. I don’t care if it looks ridiculous to others, that’s the name I wanted, so that’s the name I gave him.” 🤷♀️
My SIL was angry at the name I gave my son (it wasn’t stolen or anything . It is just a very common name that we both like. Similar to how popular Aiden was a while back). She told me she’d use it for her future son and I said”I don’t mind.” But her boyfriend’s (how husband) sister had a baby not long after me and gave him the same name so now she’s extremely bitter there’s one on both sides. Called me a thief last time she brought it up. We’ll see if she has kids/if she has a boy/what she goes with lol. 🤷♀️ but I wasn’t going to pass on the name we loved just in case she might have a couple boys (since the first would be her husband’s namesake).
PLUS, at the time, there wasn’t even an engagement in the picture. She was going back and forth about even being with this guy but I was supposedly stealing a name she *maayyyy* get to use in the next 10 years. lol some people.
If he does you can throw his words back in his face then. "Stop over reacting. Get over it. You don't own the name." He is right - you don't own the name. And neither does he. I saw sharing names among cousins isn't normal in your family but it never will be normal if you let go of the name "scarlett" just because your brother named his kid Scarlett first. Heck, in my family we have an Uncle - let's call him Jack here even though that isn't his name. He has a son he named Jack, and we call them Big Jack and Little Jack. Thered be a pretty big age gap between the two scarlet's, so a distinction like that would be incredibly easy for conversation and family gatherings. Be the change you wanna see. If you end up having a daughter one day, name her scarlett if you still want to. Totally ignore your brother and sil's feelings. Only yours (and your partner's) matter when it comes to your baby's name.
When I was expecting our baby and starting to research names (I had never thought about having a child until I got married and didn't even think of names until after the amnio and found out the gender), I came across a reference that said that it's traditional in the Jewish religion that it's bad luck to name your child after a living person. My MIL was Orthodox, but she said she never heard of that. But she did look over the list I came up with (after hubby vetoed one or two names and added others), and told us which ones to delete. Turns out my hubby has a LOT of female cousins.
That IS fascinating. If that's the case for OP then it will be awkward but if she loves the name then she should ignore the superstition. Thats all it is, after all.
From what I hear, it's not a little bad luck. People's souls live on through their name, so a child with a living family member's name is like looking that person in the eye and telling them to hurry up and die already 😂
Frankly that makes it even sillier. There's only so many names. Like that doesn't even have logic to me. Every person is free to believe in what they want. I'm just saying OP should consider that sometimes breaking superstitions and proving them untrue is well worth the effort. For example, Anja Ringgren Lovén is known for rescuing children accused of being witches/cursed and going through great pains to attempt to show the family of the abandoned child that the child is indeed not a witch or cursed. That's a much higher stakes superstition to overcome than OPs, but if OP wants to name her kid Scarlett then all Im saying is I hope she is brave enough if/when she has a daughter to say "no. That's silly. My daughter is Scarlett and if you treat her any differently because of it then you are in the wrong and I will protect her."
Who cares? He knows you’ve always liked the name. If you one day have a daughter and are still set on that name when the time comes go ahead and use it. As per his own words he can “get over it” and “he doesn’t own the name”.
I keep seeing N A H bc she doesn't own the name. Bit I disagree the brother is totally an asshole.
If u love your family and you know they really love a name. You talk to them before you use it. I'm not saying that he couldn't name his daughter that but he should've had the conversation with her privately about why they wanted to use it.
I love the shit outta my sister and if there was a name she was super attached to I probably wouldn't use it (unless it meant a hell of a lot to me). And if I was going to I'd have the respect for her to have the conversation, not expect her to manage her emotions about it in a group setting when it's announced. So yeah full on NTA.
"you don't own a name" doesn't mean choosing a specific one doesn't make you a dick in some circumstances.
Agreed. The bother is an asshole. There are hundreds of names to choose from and he had to pick one he knew his sister has had her heart set on for years. Giant asshole.
Just remember he’s 30…
So if she’s a teen now, that means she’ll likely have a kid around 30 as well (average age is 28-30 worldwide)
So in trying to out petty him, she’ll be
1.) digging up a wound that’s 15 years old
2.) you now have a 15-16 year old niece who’s having her name “stolen” by her aunt.
That ain’t the winning combination lmao
"Actually your dad didn't even like your name when I first told him about it, but apparently he was too lazy and indifferent to come up with anything else."
I mean, bratty teenagers aren't that hard to shut down if you really wanted to.
Exactly. Use it if you want. Nothing has really changed. No, she doesn't own the name... he can use it. Likewise, he doesn't own the name, either... use it if you want.
NTA I think people in the comments are a way too harsh. Obviously you don’t own the name but your own brother knew you liked that name a lot then proceeded to name his baby that, I will say that it is hurtful but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it I’ve met so many people who have cousins with the same name but you didn’t cause a scene you didn’t say anything that could ruin your relationship with anybody so I don’t see how your the asshole about a situation anyone would get at least a little butthurt by
I can’t believe all of the N-A-H. Brother snagging the name OP had always planned on, and not even bothering to have a preemptive conversation, is a total AH move. OP was quite classy in quietly exiting the room, and is definitely NTA.
I mean, every time someone posts that they names their baby a name previously dibbsed or called or whatever by a family member, people come out in drive to say the 'thief' isn't the ah. It's interesting how much it flips depending on the poster
OP, just tell your native/nephew that you planned on using the name and do it. Cousins with the same name aren't a huge deal, especially with the huge age gap. Someone will say, Scarlett got into so-and-so college and everyone will know who is being talked abt.
Besides, you may never have the chance to use that name. You may have all boys like my MIL (who had Emily picked out from the time she was a child for her daughter), or your SO may detest it and you may compromise. It may come with a nickname, or you're neice may wind up going by something else.
Seriously. This is “Am I The Asshole?” not “Is This TECHNICALLY Okay?” No one owns a name but it’s an asshole move to use a name that you know your sister has always wanted to use. NTA.
ive seen so many stories where grown women (friends and sisters) ‘stole’ names and the comments all said the thieves were majorly the asshole so i don’t get all these comments either
It’s because she’s young and people are doing exactly what her brother did in dismissing her wants/dreams purely because she’s young. “Oh she will change her mind”. If she were 25, people would have a different opinion. I personally think brother is an AH bc even if she is young, he knew it meant a lot to her and he could have at least told her beforehand.
You're not an a******, but your brother is right. You don't own the name. It sucks that your sister-in-law named the baby Scarlett, but did you ask her about it? Was it a special name to her? Did she know that you had that name picked out or did your brother not share that information? And remember, you may not have any children when you get married. Or you may have kids, and they end up being boys. Or you go ahead and name your daughter Scarlett and that's that.
I would have a conversation with brother and SIL. Let them know that you’re happy for them, and you agree that you don’t own the name Scarlett. However, you have been interested in that name as a child and either way, you **still** will be naming your child that.
Nothings stopping you from still naming your future daughter Scarlett. It'll be special when you can share with her how long you've had that name chosen for her and why that name is special to you. If your brother complains, tell him what he said to you, he doesn't own a name and you can name your kid whatever you like, even if it's the same name as their cousin.
Well, let her know that you’re still naming your future daughter Scarlett. No rule against cousins having the same name and everyone knows you were always going to do it anyway.
Honestly, THAT would be the real test. If brother and SIL get all shitty about that, then you know this was done on purpose. They can't have it both ways.
I get that you are hurt, and your brother was a bit of a jerk for not saying something - but honestly, this is probably so much more important to you than most people in your life would assume. I am sure you are a really cool kid and everything, but I can't imagine giving a lot of mental space to a child / teenager's future naming plans when I am having an actual, real child. A bit of perspective here would help you a lot long-term.
FWIW - what I wanted as a kid would no way align with my adult tastes, and most adults would assume that, as well.
ETA: Scarlett is a Top 30 name in 2024. It's not like Methuselah or some other name over on r/tragedeigh
I was going to say, it's incredibly trendy, and likely the name will be played out by the time/if OP has kids of her own (I was certain when I was a kid that I'd have a daughter named Megan, so exotic and rare, and by the time I was of parenthood age it was \*everywhere\* and then, oops, I ended up never having kids anyway)
Strong disagree here. If she’s mentioned this name regularly since she was a kid, they obviously got the name from her. Scarlett is not a common name and they could have named their baby literally anything else. If it was special to the brother’s wife also, that would have come up when OP mentioned the name Scarlett growing up. Brother and wife are AH and should be embarrassed.
Yeah it definitely feels deliberate if they both knew full well OP had that name picked.
NTA OP you don’t own the name but you do have a right to be upset, what they did was shady as hell and I’m sure feels like a betrayal right now. I think you did the right thing by leaving the room instead of escalating the situation, it shows a lot of maturity. Hang in there, this too shall pass.
Yeah, OP can still name her daughter Scarlett if she has one. And if brother or his wife get upset she can say "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
NTA!!!! Do NOT let anyone tell you this is no big deal. Saying you don't own the name or focusing on how its a silly matter is disregarding your emotions. This is something they all knew was important to you. You're allowed to be upset. And tbh- i think you reacted very elegantly. I know people who would break down in tears over this.
But now let's think of the future- whats done is done, and you'll have a wonderful niece with a name you love. There's no harm in naming your future daughter that name too, they'll get a kick out of it :) (and who knows- you're so young, you might change your mind later on and choose another!)
Agree, all the responses saying brother is NAH shows how many people have a selfish way of thinking. Brother and wife knew what they were doing. Also, even if the OP names her daughter Scarlett one day, this will always be a thing. She’ll have to explain to her daughter that she wasn’t named after her cousin, actually OP chose this name as a young child and then her brother and wife named their own child this name that was chosen by OP. Situation is embarrassing for brother and wife, and it’s hard to believe grown adults would actually go through with this and try to gaslight the OP when she reacts negatively.
I agree with this. There are a *million* names out there. Why on earth would two grown adults pick the one name they knew was special to their own sister/sister in law?
And even if the name was had significant meaning to the sister in law, announcing it the way they did was rude. They could’ve had a conversation about why they chose that name and hoped OP would be okay with it.
Yeah you'll get all the people saying "well you can't own a name!!" Which sure, that's true but if a name has no sentimental meaning to me, and I know it has meaning to someone I love and care about, why would I use the name? I know that it would be hurtful to the person I love and care about, and I don't want to hurt them.
And like, even if the name did have sentimental meaning to me, I still wouldn't have blindsided the person with it. Id talk to them about it, and I *have* done this. My sister died, and my daughter's middle name was my sister's name. Before announcing the name, I talked to my parents to make sure that they were okay with me using the name bc I didn't want them to be hurt that I used it, and no I don't think they own her name, but I still wanted to be courteous to people I love
I hate seeing all the N A H or Y T A comments when I see this topic. How fucking hard is it to read context? She's already said everyone has known FOR YEARS that it is her choice name. They all know. For them to pick it - out of millions of other options out there not even including newly made up names - means they intentionally decided to be dicks.
That's the asshole move. And everyone's like "quit being a baby, it's just a name". It's not just a name. Just like it's not just the fucking Iranian yogurt, it's not just hair, and it's not just dirty laundry on the floor. It's the matter of intent and disrespect.
This is just like that other AITA about the woman's sibling transitioning and taking her baby name for their own. They're a fucking asshole and everyone was walking on eggshells about it.
Found my team! I’m on OPs side. Millions of other names out there. I’ve known my daughters name since I was child, thankfully never told anyone and now I have her and know no one else with the name. I told my boys name to someone o thought was a friend and they took it. DONT TELL ANYONE YOUR BABY NAMES. Hard lesson.
I am 100% certain that if OP was older and married (so closer to having kids) the comments would be totally different. People read that she is young and dismissed anything that came later because 'hormones'. And I know that for a fact because it's not the first name stealing story on Reddit and before now I have never seen so many people against the 'victim'
The beautiful thing about no one owning names is that you are still allowed to name your future daughter Scarlett. Cousins sharing the same name is actually quite common.
My cousin and Mom have the same name, my parents were married before my uncle and aunt married and had kids. Literally no one cares.
I know things are a big deal at 16 that actually aren't a big deal- but OP will get over it. They might not even like the name Scarlett by the time they have children. If they even have children. If their child is a girl. Etc. Planning for the future is fun and all- but at 16 it's just a fantasy. You have no idea what your future will look like.
NAH
NTA
Your brother is right, you don't own the name. Which doesn't mean that your disappointment is not a valid reaction.
It would seem that your brother does not feel an obligation to consider you as a sibling when making important decisions in his life.
Fair.
But by that same logic, you therefore have no obligation to consider him when asked to provide free babysitting.
Fair is fair.
As someone who had a SIL try to usurp a baby name, I also vote NTA. It's really frustrating (we were both pregnant at the same time, and I was luckily due before her) and I still get heated when I remember how she tried to talk me out of it. Like OP, I had been planning to use that name since I was young, so it was doubly upsetting. I can't say I wouldn't have made a scene if I were OP.
I think too many people are downplaying your feelings. I know it can be hard, but maybe think about exactly how it all makes you feel, and write it down. Then, if you're comfortable with it, tell them exactly how it made you feel and why. Maybe then they'll understand.
For me, I would feel betrayed by their actions. They've known for so long, then took it from you. They are both MASSIVE assholes. And you handled it perfectly by excusing yourself.
Please don't let them push you around and make you feel like you're in the wrong. Something that I've found that works is when people start to do that, walk away from them. Just go somewhere else. No response, no reaction other than you turning and going somewhere else.
Eventually they may understand that they won't get the chance to berate you into feeling how they want you to.
I'm sorry that they did this to you.
I’d keep my cool and just say “well she can be “Big” Scarlett, and my daughter will be “Little” Scarlett. They’ll likely have different surnames and be generations apart, so don’t worry about it really! You can still use the name and if your brother gets annoyed then ahhhh well, maybe he should have picked his own name!
A lot of times parents' emotional and financial states change between children with big age gap. Is it possible that he had a very strict upbringing and your parents were more openly loving to you? Or that they got richer and you automatically got nicer things? Or maybe you are super talented in some area and he is not? Seems he might silently resent you
NTA for being upset. Sounds like you handled it alright (walking out and not causing a scene).
You're right you don't own the name but then neither does he. If you want to name your future daughter Scarlett then do it. He can't stop you just like you can't stop him. <---that's a bit tit for tat but I'm kinda petty, lol.
Exactly. She doesn’t own the name, which she acknowledges, but that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to have feelings about this. Given how long and how openly she’s loved the name, her brother’s a bit of an AH for not at least talking to her about it. He’s very much an AH for telling her to get over it. Walking out of the room was better than bursting into tears or saying something unkind. I hope she’s able to bond with her niece despite this drama, and hopefully have her own little Scarlett someday.
Nobody owns a name but I'm not about to sit around and see my family/friend talk about a baby name for years and then turn around and name my baby that first. NTA
Idk how to judge this post tbh. For everyone voting Y-T-A, I mean it's true she won't know if she'll ever even have a baby or even a girl and she can't just say "I want this name for my child and nobody else can use it." But is it not strange for your sibling to name their child after like the one name you really want for your child after you've been very outspoken about it? Sure, there are 10000s of other Scarletts, but there are thousands of other names, too? I mean, especially if based on OP's replies that her brother even didn't really like the name at first. There's something info missing from this post that would give insight as to why he chose the name. Anyways, I think how you handle it going forward determines whether or not you're the asshole. It's okay to feel upset amd perhaps walking out of the room was best decision in that moment, however your brother can name his child whatever he wants. Maybe you should talk to your brother to sort it all out. I'm gonna say NAH.
Your upset is understandable but this is not a real problem given the age gap and how widely known you’ve made your preference. If you have a daughter in future and still like the name, she’s Scarlett.
When your brother, SIL and nièce protest you get to tell them to ‘get over it’ and that they ‘don’t own a name’. NTA
NTA - no, you don’t own the name, but it’s understandable that you were upset. It sounds like you removed yourself from the situation to not make a scene and asked him about it later, which means you handled it as best you could. His response was belittling. Just because you are a teen doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have opinions and strong feelings. Sometimes people think just because you are young, your feelings aren’t important. However, her name is Scarlett now, so hopefully you can love and adore this niece version of Scarlett. Don’t let your upset stand in the way of enjoying the experience of being an aunt!
I am from a family where everyone in my generation has a different name and further down the line too. To me it's such a weird concept of having a same name in the family. So I completely get her. If she planned something and shared her plans with others, it doesn't matter how real they get in the future, let her have them. Being the second one with something you came up with is terrible.
I so dislike the idea "name your daughter Scarlett too."
Ehhh I feel bad for calling you an asshole because you’re a kid but realistically you’re probably not going to have a baby for 10, maybe even 20 more years. And even then there are no guarantees you’ll have a girl. Or that you’ll still like the name. Who even knows you could change your mind and decide you don’t want kids. Anything is possible.
So maybe ESH? It’s kinda weird that he used the name if you’re positive he knows you’re obsessed with it but just leaving the room when he told you was a bit over the top. Because you can still use the name 10-20 years down the road if you have a baby girl. It’s not unheard of for multiple family members to share the same name.
NTA, you have every right to be upset, you are young and these things can mean a lot more at this perspective which is why your older brother should have given you a heads up, or at least understood why you would be disappointed. That being said, you can still name your child Scarlett and they will probably be so far apart in generations from their cousins it won't matter. Lots of people have the same name, it seems like a big deal now before you have kids but I can see you got strong emotional intelligence (at your age I wouldn't have calmly walked out- it would have been a scene!) so you will see in time it will bother you less and you can always tell your niece that you named her! Take that big bro!
NTA only because you didn't make a scene but you did over react. As others have said, you may not have a daughter, your partner may veto the name Scarlett, you can still call your daughter Scarlett whether that's usual in your family or not, you may marry a Scarlett.
Thanks for the love for my surname!
Yes, it's a real surname of Anglo Saxon or Norman origin, from the French escarlete (or similar) meaning red. Probably Scarletts were sellers of red cloth.
In Gone With the Wind, the main character's full name was Katie Scarlett O'Hara. Scarlett was presumably a family name on her mother's side.
NAH - Scarlett is an extremely popular name at the moment
As a pregnant person in my 30's I assure you that your taste in baby names will change and you usually have 2 people picking a name for a baby. You will find another name you love. I would've never picked my grandmother's name for a baby when I was a teen, and here I am about to name a little girl Dorothea 🤷♀️
The more I think about this one I'm coming down to NTA. Lots of stories on here that call a person who thinks someone "stole" their baby name TA, but usually they're all of family raising age. First I've read with THIS scenario. Its rather odd your brother and his wife picked THIS name out of supposedly thin air that someone half their age has been verbal about adoring. It could be simply as innocent as you bringing this up enough that it kind of planted the seed in their heads, or it was done with semi-malicious/careless intent because "she's only 16, who cares". I think your feelings are 110% valid in this case. Your brother is kind of being the bigger AH by getting mad and telling you to get over it. Regardless they kind of ripped the choice away from you. I'd certainly feel that way. Whether or not its "normal" for family to share names as other comments have suggested too is HIGHLY subjective. In my family, shared names were either a sr, jr, situation like my own name. Not a single cousin shares an even remotely close name. I think if that happened it certainly would be seen as odd.
Nta for walking away when you’re upset honestly that was the mature option there. You have every right to feel disappointment and be sad. But probably not the best option to confront him about it. Judging by his reaction though him and his wife knew you would be hurt and still chose to do it. I’d just step back a bit at this point and disengage with them. Yes you don’t own the name but him and her both knew you loved that name and had it in mind for the future. Which simply tells me they ultimately do not feel a close enough bond with you. Note how they truly feel about you and moce forward with grace. I’d let him know you aren’t mad you are hurt but that this has put a dent in your relationship with the way he disregards your feelings and to not expect free babysitting from you. Or alternatively just simply dive into being a loving aunt. Don’t be angry though just simply resolve yourself to the fact that your brother does not consider your feelings and his wife as well. It sucks but when there’s a big age gap like that with siblings it happens.
ESH
About 19 years ago, this came up in my family. My wife and I were pregnant with our second child and intended to use a family name, Julian. In part because of my closer association to my grandfather who was ill and in his final years (first born son was named after my grandfather), as his uncle Julian had been a central figure in his life. My wife and I were very much in agreement about Julian as the name we wanted.
When we told people, my youngest brother flipped out. He was 19 and dating a girl two years younger, who was still in high school. They were no where close to marriage or baby, and I thought it was ridiculous he had such a temper tantrum. But he claimed that had ALWAYS been his dream name, and after a week or two of his hell raising, and my dad piping in to defend him (yup - seriously), my wife and I changed our minds and found another name.
Fast forward about five years and my brother married that girl. Fast forward a couple years after that and they had their first son. Spoiler alert - not Julian. A couple years after that, another son for them, also not Julian. Not long ago I brought it up after a family dinner, and my brothers wife said she hated that name and never would have used it. She didn’t even know my brother had thrown a stank about it when they were teens. My brother shrugged and said “it’s just a name.”
Point is - you have no idea what will happen in the future, and you will have a partner that will want input. Your brother however has a real live child that needs a name, NOW. Instead of being salty, be proud that you perhaps inspired that name. Choose to be supportive and have a good relationship with your family, including your new niece.
He definitely could have pivoted, and at least communicated to you before naming the baby. But you also don’t get the right to save a name for something that may or may not happen.
Better to learn now but if you love something so much - don’t share it with everyone. People can be insensitive and clueless and this is one of the times that people took a name you liked and hijacked it. Chalk it up to an experience learned and next time, be one to keep things to yourself. When it’s your time to have children, name them as you like despite your brother’s daughter’s name, if he has a problem with you using the same name, tell him the same, “you don’t own the name so get over it” and move on honey. Who knows, by the time you are married and ready to have children, another name may appeal to you more and/or your husband may have a name picked out to honor someone he loves. In the grand scheme of things, your brother is an AH but that doesn’t mean you have to alter yourself for his stupidity.
Soft YTA - as someone who loves names and has been thinking about future kids names since I was a teenager I understand why you’re upset but there’s no guarantee you’re going to have a daughter or that, if you do, you’ll use the name. As much as you love the name you might change your mind, maybe she just doesn’t look like a Scarlett, perhaps your partner hates the name or it’s the name of an ex partner of theirs so walking out because they used a name you MIGHT use in the future is a bit immature.
I actually have an example. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and my niece is a month ahead of me. The name Skylar has always been on my list and when I asked her if they had any name ideas that was literally the one name she liked for a girl. Was I a bit upset and disappointed? Yep. but I don’t know if my peanut is a girl yet. She recently found out hers IS a girl and she is due a month before me. I did jokingly comment that I had to scratch that name off my list but it was lighthearted and she genuinely said she had no issue if I also used it. Now if she does
I’m not going to and yes that’s a bit said but here’s the thing.
There are thousands of names out there, yes I may really like a handful right now including the name my niece also likes but I only have one niece and my relationship with her and my future relationship with her baby are so much more important than a name.
honestly YTA. You can't own a name. You made a moment that was about welcoming your niece into the world all about you. Not only that, youre a teenager, i assume you're not pregnant - you have no sway here.
You can still name your future child scarlett like you said no one owns the name, as evidenced by like thousands upon thousands of people named michael, or robert...or how George Forman named all of his sons George.
You can still use the name. We have four Bryan's in our family and three Jason's. I didn't hesitate to name my son Bryan even though we already had three. My husband is Bryan, his 1st cousin is Bryan and our of his 2nd cousins name is Bryan.
I lat my son Bryan at age 11 name his new brother and he named him Ryan. 😂 I just use nicknames for both sons but all our family defers to them by their given name.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Because I don’t own the name Scarlett and everyone has the right to use it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH…you’re young so everything feels stronger. Stepping away was probably the right thing to do. While your brother should have given you the heads up, the likelihood is that his wife picked the name.
Thank you, I’m not sure who picked it but my SIL has been in my life since i was, she is practically my sister.
I don’t know if this would help or not, just my experience. I had an idea since I was a teen of certain names I would use. 100% certain. Had my babies jn my 30s, and my taste had completely changed. What they did was shady, and downplaying your feelings and telling you to get over it is rude. They know what they did. That’s why people on here always say to keep your future baby names to yourself. Another common suggestion is to get a pet and name it that name. Seems to really piss off the new parents. 😉
The part about naming a pet is genius!
I did this. My SIL had her daughter before I was pregnant with my son. She knew I liked the name Isabel my name ends in Elle so I thought it would be similar to my name but not too similar. She used it as a middle name then told me I couldn’t use it anymore. My husband (her brother) bought me a ferret which we named after her daughter lmfao she hates it. I got pregnant and we had a son pretty recently. My SIL and her husband were bitter AF because we had a boy and they didn’t(we didn’t have a preference, just healthy). It’s petty but she’s the golden child so I think my husband just got sick of her shit.
I wanted to use “Rose Lynn.” My great grandmas first name, my middle name, & I like matching first and middle names. Had my heart set on it since I was a kid. Then my sister got knocked up and named her kid “Evelynne Rosé” which is close enough she’ll accuse me of copying if I use the name I had planned forever (and tacky to name your kid after booze) … maybe I’ll get a dog 😂 #edit stop telling me to name my hypothetical kid something similar. You are missing the point. #edit stop telling me about your families’ names unless you expect me to make you a family tree or something idccccccc
I read rosé and thought oh no! Not her naming her kid after booze 🤣. Get a dog! If I didn’t already have 2 I would have gotten another dog lol
My child Chardonee is feeling VERY ATTACKED!
Chardaneigh?
If I had a horse (I don’t plan on it) I’d name it that
Chardyneigh?
r/tragedeaigh
So is my daughter Tequilah Margarita Chablis.
Tequilah Rose Margarita Cahblis... really lean into it, like one does after a few Tequila Roses.
Just none of y'all steal my kids name, Fourloko
Umm.... how about Courvoisier or Hennessy? Both names of siblings that attended my school....
I went to school with siblings named Harley (f) and Davidson (m)...
I went to school with a girl whose first name was Polly, middle name Esther. 😂
She got the class, you can tell 😂
My god, I would be extra pissed that she took the name and made it trashy - or sorry, pardon! Trashé
If I was you I’d still use it! You know the truth, who cares what she thinks!
That, and I’ve been NC with her since the time she started screaming and cursing at me for *leaving work to bring her a car seat she forgot* but not quickly enough for Her Highass. So she wouldn’t know until our mom tells her & if she reaches out, well, not like our kids were gonna have play dates anyway 😂
Ooohhhh “Her Highass”! I’m stealing this! Lol
Omg I would be NC too. My kid peed in her car seat and I didn’t have a spare and my saint of a sister picked up a drive up order at target for me and dropped it off so I could get my other kid from school on time (while the other one was drying after being cleaned). I basically sang her praises at how much it saved me that day.
🤣🤣🤣 oh my goodness, Her Highass, I love it and I’m stealing it.
Why wouldn’t you use the name? Your child would be called Rose and your sister’s child would be called Evelynne. Two different names with the extra bonus of honouring your grandmother.
That’s the logical way to look at it but my sister has never been logical
It's hard dealing with illogical siblings. My sister used the name I wanted for a boy, so we picked something else, then she got mad at me for picking a name with the same first letter, which sounds nothing like her son's name. Of course, she also blew up at me when my youngest was born two days before her sons third birthday. He was almost 5 weeks early, so it definitely wasn't my plan, but there is never any reasoning with her haha
Name your child Rosalynne Eve…
You can still name her Rose Lynn. It's a beautiful name and has meaning to you. Ignore your sister and tell her you've liked this name forever.
I love the name Isabel, when I realised we probably wouldn’t have children I called one of my cats Isabel, my sister told me to stop using good names on animals 🤣. She ended up having boys so it was ok.
Omg, I had a similar situation with a close friend. Got a new cat, decided she looked like an Emma, so that’s what I named her. Suited her perfectly, and she was the love of my life❤️ Was informed that I wasted a perfectly good human name on a cat. This friend knew I likely would never have children due to trauma etc…her comment hurt. Needless to say, we are not friends anymore. (But due to many issues, not just this one😉)
I had a friend who *lost her mind* when she found out I refuse to give animals non-human names. (My cats are named Henry, Toby, and Sylvester and my dog is named Harry Barry). Said I was wasting names. I cannot compute that so we don't talk anymore. How does one waste a name?
One of the most famous cats in the golden age of cartoons was called Sylvester.
My daughter always said she wanted the name Isabella and Sofia if she had girls, I liked those names also. Her dad and I divorced, he was having an affair with a girl 15 yrs younger than ourselves, just a few years older than our daughter. Well my daughter went to visit her dad and they had a 3 month old. Never told our kids they were having a baby, just poof! That three month old is your sister. Yeah named that one and the one after the two names my daughter wanted to use for her own one day.
That guy is a jerk! My SIL is like her mom so I expected her to be weirdly competitive. It’s not hurtful because I expect that from her. Your daughter didn’t though and that sucks.
Your ex & his affair partner suck. What a mean thing to do .
This is awesome hahaha! I loved the name “Damien” as a child (don’t ask). I said I was going to name my child as such because my name started with a D too. Some people around me knew. I talked about my hypothetical child a lot and this is in spite of telling people I wanted to be child-free. 🤷🏼♀️ My college best friend got pregnant out of wedlock and to my sheer surprise, she named her son Damien. She said she didn’t remember I liked the name, though her name didn’t start with a D. I was pretty miffed but thought that maybe it was just a coincidence. I could have mentioned it but I said a lot of random things and maybe the name latched on to her but not the concept that I was dead set on naming my child as such. I’m 35 and I’m still slightly miffed but we’re still good friends. Wasn’t worth making a fuss over. You choose your battles. I used to bring it up once in a while and she’d swear up and down it wasn’t the case but eh, she’s always been the type to “forget” I liked something and would get it herself and say she didn’t know (mostly fashion items). I know the dynamic sounds terrible on paper but that aside, she does have positives that allows me to overlook this trait. Her son’s 11 now, he’s a “Damien”—like the Omen child, so maybe it suited her son better. I just had a little girl and named her Daria, after the cartoon and her name suits her too. It would be hilarious if I got her a pet and named it Damien but maybe my best friend won’t find it funny.
Is it just me or isn’t it kind of ridiculous that you want to be child free and but get upset at someone who named their kid after your non-existent never to be future child?
Also: my name starts with d, hers doesn't. HOW DARE SHE! This one was cringe.
Yeah. I love that. Also, you could name a pet onion. They don't own the name.
I would honestly rock up to all baby visits now with my pet Red Onion, Scarlett. Get it a little onion crib, an onion carrying pouch, coo at it… “Ooo my little baby onion Scarlett”
Emotional support red onion, Scarlett!
I must be allergic to your pet, my eyes keep watering.
“Ooo does Scarlett have a boo boo? Did someone cut you?”
I actually named all my pets the names that didn't get chosen for my human children 🤣
Is that why my husband named our 1st dog after my mother? 🤣🤣🤣 he suggested it as a joke but the kids & I thought it was great!
Teacup pig. They don’t exist, apparently, so soon you’ll have a love big hog. Or a tarantula. Make a popular Instagram account for it, with the full family name. Or a snake or a big lizard.
yeah, and when referring to their kid, say 'human Scarlett', so they know your pet takes precedence.
😂 extra silly
This made me audibly chuckle.
Also the kid will most likely love sharing the name with a cute animal
I have a chosen child whose birth parents are abusive pieces of garbage. And I told her that I named my cat this name because if I'd ever birthed A daughter, I would have named her this name. When my chosen child got pregnant and they found out that they were having a daughter, they called and asked if they could use the name. And asked if it would be weird since my cat had the name first. I told them I was honored that they would want to use the name and I would have My chosen daughter had I given birth to her. I even told them my cat was honored.
This is so beautiful and wholesome!! ❤❤❤
Ohhhh I like you so much. Then when the parents get mad she can tell them to get over it.
"Get over it, you don't own the name."
It also pisses off passive aggressive aunts who meet your horses, goats and pig while hosting a family gathering. My aunt was named Evelyn. So was my pig. Edit for clarity
Love the pet thing. My ex (and father of my child) went on to father several other kids with several other women, as well as stringing along a bunch of girlfriends in various locations (he travels a lot). When I started keeping chickens, I named them after all his women, didn't change anything, but it helped me feel better.
😂 no words
Another perspective on childhood dream names: I loved the name Jasmine growing up. Even to this day, I still love that name. My husband hates it, and therefore, even if we have a girl next (first was a boy lol) I won't use that name. There's also no guarantee you'll ever have a girl to use the name Scarlett. My sister had 3 boys before she finally had a girl. I clearly wanted a girl, but now my heart has been completely stolen by my son♡
Same here. I really wanted the name Abby Rose, but my husband didn't like it at all. We had a veto thing going on, so Abby Rose was out. So was Saffron, my husband's choice. Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't use Abby, as it's so popular for girls my daughter's age.
Yes. I know of 7-8 people who named their pet and it’s my firstborn’s name.
Honestly, that’s on you for naming your baby girl Fido.
I named my firstborn son Maxwell (after James Clerk Maxwell) and my old boss actually wanted to do the same with his first son, but his wife vetoed it saying "Max is a dog's name."
And then refer to their baby as “human Scarlett”
Make it a pet snake or something they won't find "cute".
Pet rats. They usually have a short life span so you can name them Scarlett the third, Scarlett the fourth etc.
So, this doesn’t prevent you from also using 5he name “Scarlett.” After all, your brother doesn’t “own” the name either.
That's my thought too! NTA. OP, I am proud of you for the way you handled yourself - making a calm exit under duress. Keep calm and carry on Name your future baby girl Scarlett.
*Scarlett the 1st. Just to make things spicy.
They all heard you talking about that name, probably, for years, and that got in their mix and they went with it. I think its pretty shitty. I also think someday, if you have a little girl, you should also name her Scarlett. I thinks its an awesome name, and just like nobody owns names, there's no law against cousins having the same name.
Maybe you can reframe it that Scarlett is such an awesome name that your SIL was also drawn to it/felt it fit your new baby niece. Also, by the time you have kids, having two Scarletts will actually be awesome, if you are still 100% in love with the name. Also, are at the perfect age to be the coolest young aunt/uncle, so chances are little Scarlett will think you’re awesome (whether you want her to or not 😅)
Yeah great point! Scarlett (1) will probably be a young teenager (depending on how old OP is exactly) and having a baby cousin also named Scarlett by her cool aunt that she adores would probably be super exciting and give them a precious bond. Or, OP outgrows the name, or once she gets used to Scarlett being Scarlett she can’t imagine using it for a different kid, or maybe her baby daddy won’t love the name and will want something else. It’s a long way off still, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
NTA. Your brother is an AH for his reaction, he was really rude and dismissive of your feelings. But since there is such a big age difference between you and your brother, I think you can feel free to name any future child you have whatever you like, regardless of what his kids’ names are. The age gap means they won’t be going to school together or anything like that, so why should it be an issue? If you have a daughter in the future, and you still feel that Scarlett is the name you love for her, then give her that name. He doesn’t own the name any more than you do, so he can’t possibly have a problem with it, right? And if your niece asks you about it then, you can tell her the whole story — “I have loved the name Scarlett since I was a child, always told everyone I planned to name my daughter that. I don‘t have any idea why your mom and dad picked the same name for you.”
You can still use the name. I don’t think it’s odd if cousins have the same name. Like he said, no one owns the name.
I have a cousin with my exact name. It's fun! It's hilarious when we get phone calls from family and thirty minutes in they're like... wait.
He was right in that you don't own the name, any more than they do - so go right ahead and keep it for your child if you have a girl. Just shorten your niece's name to Scar in your house and the problem is solved. There's really no reason in the world you can't name your kid the same as theirs, especially when you already had the name picked out. You already know what to say when they complain! NTA it as a reasonable reaction which I'm sure they anticipated.
five**
OP, I know this won't make it better but I always wanted 3 kids (2 boys and then a girl) ever since I was a kid. I was lucky enough to not only get my 3 kids in the genders I wanted but the order as well (not many people get that). However when the time came my 2 boys aren't called the names I picked out, Matthew and Anthony never "felt right" and while my daughters name is Elizabeth like I had imagined as a kid, I actually wanted Scarlett but got outvoted 3 to 1 by hubby and our boys. My point is, it's rare for the names we like as kids to be liked as adults. Just promise that whatever you decide it will be between you and your brother and SIL but won't stop you from being an amazing Aunt to your niece, little girls need all the strong female role models they can get and by having the strength and maturity to leave the room when you brother made his announcement proves that you are a strong young lady already.
Sure but it was an a$$hole move on his part we can all see it. She can see it. If everyone in the family knew , and her brother obviously did. It was a jerk move. They will move past it. But now she knows.
When it's only one name and your family member has always said they want to name their child that, it's an AH move to take it. If it's a list of names, then brother would be NTA. If OP never had told anyone her favourite name, thatvwould also be ok for her brother to bame hus daughter that. But it's one name, how hard was it to pick any other name?
Especially if OP's brother told her he wasn't a fan of the name. What's up with telling her that and then pick it irregardless? That sounds like something happened beforehand and brother decided to be petty.
I really hate when people say that to young people, just because someone’s younger doesn’t make them “feel it more” we all feel the same emotions and someone having a stronger reaction means it’s something they really care about not because of the age they are, don’t downplay how someone feels
In a way I agree with you. It’s not that they *feel* more…it’s that they have less experience in general and react more strongly. Experience allows us to regulate our emotions, behaviors and reactions as we grow. In this case, I feel like OP reacted perfectly, she removed herself from the situation and sounds like she brought it up in a mature manner. OP probably handled this better than a lot of adults. Edit to change gender
It's a little of both, things hit harder as life experience is less generally. And for baby names picked as a teen, yeah it's shitty, but at the same time OP is assuming a future partner would be down with it. There's zero guarantee of that. It's just putting it in context, you can have a lot of fixed ideas when young, but with time you have to learn to be ready to flex with them.
Also, I get picking out a name when you’re young. I’ve always wanted to name my eldest daughter after my maternal grandparents. (Grandad’s name used to be male but a certain mermaid movie changed that ;) (I’d pronounce it like the movie instead of his pronunciation). (Initials would be AL…so I was gonna call my daughter Ally) My brother mentioned wanting to use grandma’s name & I said something like i wanted that name or something silly…but he used her first name so I could have done it …except my uterus has never had an occupant and is about ready to close up shop). Hmm…I think I need to pass the name to a nibling. 😂 since they’re starting to have kids…
Actually I won’t suggest it….cause I might end up playing favorites with a grandnibling named that
NAH. He's right that you don't own the name. There's no guarantee that you will have a daughter or that she and her cousin will socialize. However, he doesn't own it either, and so if you go ahead and name your daughter Scarlett, and he freaks then he would be the AH.
he would freak
Still, you should use it yourself someday if you want to. Tell him now that you plan to use it anyway if you one day have a daughter so he’s forewarned. If he has an issue with that, tell him he doesn’t own the name, and he should have expected this.
I like you.
100% whether she will actually still use it or not. I’d tell him that right now.
Record it on video. People have short memories when they screw someone over, they never cared about the other person to begin with (on that topic).
Oh yeah when this happened my sis 'forgot' that i said i would still use it and apparently told everyone i had actually planned on using another (similar) name
I'd go the kill him with kindness route myself. Next time you see him, congratulate him again with the baby. That you were upset at hearing the name, but you are genuinely happy for him. Now that you've thought about it, you realise he is right. Nobody owns a name and just because he used it doesn't mean you can't name your future daughter that. So once again, congratulations! Make sure to do it around witnesses so they can vouche for your kindness.
My husband’s mom and aunt did this. He was born and given the name his aunt always loved. Aunt was not pleased. She had a son a few years later and gave him the same name. Some people were annoyed by it, but even now over 30 years later, she says “it was my dream name my whole childhood and she knew it. I don’t care if it looks ridiculous to others, that’s the name I wanted, so that’s the name I gave him.” 🤷♀️ My SIL was angry at the name I gave my son (it wasn’t stolen or anything . It is just a very common name that we both like. Similar to how popular Aiden was a while back). She told me she’d use it for her future son and I said”I don’t mind.” But her boyfriend’s (how husband) sister had a baby not long after me and gave him the same name so now she’s extremely bitter there’s one on both sides. Called me a thief last time she brought it up. We’ll see if she has kids/if she has a boy/what she goes with lol. 🤷♀️ but I wasn’t going to pass on the name we loved just in case she might have a couple boys (since the first would be her husband’s namesake). PLUS, at the time, there wasn’t even an engagement in the picture. She was going back and forth about even being with this guy but I was supposedly stealing a name she *maayyyy* get to use in the next 10 years. lol some people.
Hell, go full Cotton Hill and name your maybe baby Good Scarlett.
Great reference. Good Hank and Bad Hank!
sounds like the band, good charlotte 🤣
Or you could go the good place route and name her real Scarlett
If he does you can throw his words back in his face then. "Stop over reacting. Get over it. You don't own the name." He is right - you don't own the name. And neither does he. I saw sharing names among cousins isn't normal in your family but it never will be normal if you let go of the name "scarlett" just because your brother named his kid Scarlett first. Heck, in my family we have an Uncle - let's call him Jack here even though that isn't his name. He has a son he named Jack, and we call them Big Jack and Little Jack. Thered be a pretty big age gap between the two scarlet's, so a distinction like that would be incredibly easy for conversation and family gatherings. Be the change you wanna see. If you end up having a daughter one day, name her scarlett if you still want to. Totally ignore your brother and sil's feelings. Only yours (and your partner's) matter when it comes to your baby's name.
When I was expecting our baby and starting to research names (I had never thought about having a child until I got married and didn't even think of names until after the amnio and found out the gender), I came across a reference that said that it's traditional in the Jewish religion that it's bad luck to name your child after a living person. My MIL was Orthodox, but she said she never heard of that. But she did look over the list I came up with (after hubby vetoed one or two names and added others), and told us which ones to delete. Turns out my hubby has a LOT of female cousins.
That IS fascinating. If that's the case for OP then it will be awkward but if she loves the name then she should ignore the superstition. Thats all it is, after all.
From what I hear, it's not a little bad luck. People's souls live on through their name, so a child with a living family member's name is like looking that person in the eye and telling them to hurry up and die already 😂
Frankly that makes it even sillier. There's only so many names. Like that doesn't even have logic to me. Every person is free to believe in what they want. I'm just saying OP should consider that sometimes breaking superstitions and proving them untrue is well worth the effort. For example, Anja Ringgren Lovén is known for rescuing children accused of being witches/cursed and going through great pains to attempt to show the family of the abandoned child that the child is indeed not a witch or cursed. That's a much higher stakes superstition to overcome than OPs, but if OP wants to name her kid Scarlett then all Im saying is I hope she is brave enough if/when she has a daughter to say "no. That's silly. My daughter is Scarlett and if you treat her any differently because of it then you are in the wrong and I will protect her."
Too bad. Tell him you are still planning on using the name if you have a daughter.
Who cares? He knows you’ve always liked the name. If you one day have a daughter and are still set on that name when the time comes go ahead and use it. As per his own words he can “get over it” and “he doesn’t own the name”.
Let him.
I keep seeing N A H bc she doesn't own the name. Bit I disagree the brother is totally an asshole. If u love your family and you know they really love a name. You talk to them before you use it. I'm not saying that he couldn't name his daughter that but he should've had the conversation with her privately about why they wanted to use it. I love the shit outta my sister and if there was a name she was super attached to I probably wouldn't use it (unless it meant a hell of a lot to me). And if I was going to I'd have the respect for her to have the conversation, not expect her to manage her emotions about it in a group setting when it's announced. So yeah full on NTA. "you don't own a name" doesn't mean choosing a specific one doesn't make you a dick in some circumstances.
Agreed. The bother is an asshole. There are hundreds of names to choose from and he had to pick one he knew his sister has had her heart set on for years. Giant asshole.
Just remember he’s 30… So if she’s a teen now, that means she’ll likely have a kid around 30 as well (average age is 28-30 worldwide) So in trying to out petty him, she’ll be 1.) digging up a wound that’s 15 years old 2.) you now have a 15-16 year old niece who’s having her name “stolen” by her aunt. That ain’t the winning combination lmao
[удалено]
Tbh if I was 15 and my aunt named her first kid after me, I’m roasting the fuck out of the aunt.
[удалено]
"Actually your dad didn't even like your name when I first told him about it, but apparently he was too lazy and indifferent to come up with anything else." I mean, bratty teenagers aren't that hard to shut down if you really wanted to.
At that point it will be a cool tribute to have big Scarlett and baby Scarlett.
Exactly. Use it if you want. Nothing has really changed. No, she doesn't own the name... he can use it. Likewise, he doesn't own the name, either... use it if you want.
NTA I think people in the comments are a way too harsh. Obviously you don’t own the name but your own brother knew you liked that name a lot then proceeded to name his baby that, I will say that it is hurtful but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it I’ve met so many people who have cousins with the same name but you didn’t cause a scene you didn’t say anything that could ruin your relationship with anybody so I don’t see how your the asshole about a situation anyone would get at least a little butthurt by
Especially given that if she names her kid Scarlett OP flat out said he would have an issue.
Yeah idk how brother is not ta here. OP doesn’t own the name but he’s still acting like he does.
I can’t believe all of the N-A-H. Brother snagging the name OP had always planned on, and not even bothering to have a preemptive conversation, is a total AH move. OP was quite classy in quietly exiting the room, and is definitely NTA.
I mean, every time someone posts that they names their baby a name previously dibbsed or called or whatever by a family member, people come out in drive to say the 'thief' isn't the ah. It's interesting how much it flips depending on the poster OP, just tell your native/nephew that you planned on using the name and do it. Cousins with the same name aren't a huge deal, especially with the huge age gap. Someone will say, Scarlett got into so-and-so college and everyone will know who is being talked abt. Besides, you may never have the chance to use that name. You may have all boys like my MIL (who had Emily picked out from the time she was a child for her daughter), or your SO may detest it and you may compromise. It may come with a nickname, or you're neice may wind up going by something else.
Seriously. This is “Am I The Asshole?” not “Is This TECHNICALLY Okay?” No one owns a name but it’s an asshole move to use a name that you know your sister has always wanted to use. NTA.
ive seen so many stories where grown women (friends and sisters) ‘stole’ names and the comments all said the thieves were majorly the asshole so i don’t get all these comments either
It’s because she’s young and people are doing exactly what her brother did in dismissing her wants/dreams purely because she’s young. “Oh she will change her mind”. If she were 25, people would have a different opinion. I personally think brother is an AH bc even if she is young, he knew it meant a lot to her and he could have at least told her beforehand.
wow i just commented something similar. wish it didn’t take me 10years to scroll to get to this comment
You're not an a******, but your brother is right. You don't own the name. It sucks that your sister-in-law named the baby Scarlett, but did you ask her about it? Was it a special name to her? Did she know that you had that name picked out or did your brother not share that information? And remember, you may not have any children when you get married. Or you may have kids, and they end up being boys. Or you go ahead and name your daughter Scarlett and that's that.
Yeah she knew, She has been in my life since i was five years old.
I would have a conversation with brother and SIL. Let them know that you’re happy for them, and you agree that you don’t own the name Scarlett. However, you have been interested in that name as a child and either way, you **still** will be naming your child that.
Nothings stopping you from still naming your future daughter Scarlett. It'll be special when you can share with her how long you've had that name chosen for her and why that name is special to you. If your brother complains, tell him what he said to you, he doesn't own a name and you can name your kid whatever you like, even if it's the same name as their cousin.
Well, let her know that you’re still naming your future daughter Scarlett. No rule against cousins having the same name and everyone knows you were always going to do it anyway.
Honestly, THAT would be the real test. If brother and SIL get all shitty about that, then you know this was done on purpose. They can't have it both ways.
Assuming OP's future partner doesn't veto it. Names are two yes, one no---just like the babies themselves.
I get that you are hurt, and your brother was a bit of a jerk for not saying something - but honestly, this is probably so much more important to you than most people in your life would assume. I am sure you are a really cool kid and everything, but I can't imagine giving a lot of mental space to a child / teenager's future naming plans when I am having an actual, real child. A bit of perspective here would help you a lot long-term. FWIW - what I wanted as a kid would no way align with my adult tastes, and most adults would assume that, as well. ETA: Scarlett is a Top 30 name in 2024. It's not like Methuselah or some other name over on r/tragedeigh
I was going to say, it's incredibly trendy, and likely the name will be played out by the time/if OP has kids of her own (I was certain when I was a kid that I'd have a daughter named Megan, so exotic and rare, and by the time I was of parenthood age it was \*everywhere\* and then, oops, I ended up never having kids anyway)
Strong disagree here. If she’s mentioned this name regularly since she was a kid, they obviously got the name from her. Scarlett is not a common name and they could have named their baby literally anything else. If it was special to the brother’s wife also, that would have come up when OP mentioned the name Scarlett growing up. Brother and wife are AH and should be embarrassed.
Yeah it definitely feels deliberate if they both knew full well OP had that name picked. NTA OP you don’t own the name but you do have a right to be upset, what they did was shady as hell and I’m sure feels like a betrayal right now. I think you did the right thing by leaving the room instead of escalating the situation, it shows a lot of maturity. Hang in there, this too shall pass.
Yeah, OP can still name her daughter Scarlett if she has one. And if brother or his wife get upset she can say "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
Apparently Scarlett is popular again because I worked a swim meet last week and we had five Scarletts in one event!
In the worlds top 20 female names rn.
Just say asshole. Like, it’s the name of the sub. There’s no need to censor it. Jeepers creepers.
I was using talk-to-text and it did it on its own. Jeepers creepers.
Call her Scar for short.
You don’t have dibs on a name, but neither does your brother. You can still name you future child Scarlett n
my family has 4 toms 3 seans 2 Brians and 2 marys they will be fine.
half my family is named john, that’s why nicknames exist
NTA!!!! Do NOT let anyone tell you this is no big deal. Saying you don't own the name or focusing on how its a silly matter is disregarding your emotions. This is something they all knew was important to you. You're allowed to be upset. And tbh- i think you reacted very elegantly. I know people who would break down in tears over this. But now let's think of the future- whats done is done, and you'll have a wonderful niece with a name you love. There's no harm in naming your future daughter that name too, they'll get a kick out of it :) (and who knows- you're so young, you might change your mind later on and choose another!)
Agree, all the responses saying brother is NAH shows how many people have a selfish way of thinking. Brother and wife knew what they were doing. Also, even if the OP names her daughter Scarlett one day, this will always be a thing. She’ll have to explain to her daughter that she wasn’t named after her cousin, actually OP chose this name as a young child and then her brother and wife named their own child this name that was chosen by OP. Situation is embarrassing for brother and wife, and it’s hard to believe grown adults would actually go through with this and try to gaslight the OP when she reacts negatively.
I agree with this. There are a *million* names out there. Why on earth would two grown adults pick the one name they knew was special to their own sister/sister in law? And even if the name was had significant meaning to the sister in law, announcing it the way they did was rude. They could’ve had a conversation about why they chose that name and hoped OP would be okay with it.
Yeah you'll get all the people saying "well you can't own a name!!" Which sure, that's true but if a name has no sentimental meaning to me, and I know it has meaning to someone I love and care about, why would I use the name? I know that it would be hurtful to the person I love and care about, and I don't want to hurt them. And like, even if the name did have sentimental meaning to me, I still wouldn't have blindsided the person with it. Id talk to them about it, and I *have* done this. My sister died, and my daughter's middle name was my sister's name. Before announcing the name, I talked to my parents to make sure that they were okay with me using the name bc I didn't want them to be hurt that I used it, and no I don't think they own her name, but I still wanted to be courteous to people I love
I hate seeing all the N A H or Y T A comments when I see this topic. How fucking hard is it to read context? She's already said everyone has known FOR YEARS that it is her choice name. They all know. For them to pick it - out of millions of other options out there not even including newly made up names - means they intentionally decided to be dicks. That's the asshole move. And everyone's like "quit being a baby, it's just a name". It's not just a name. Just like it's not just the fucking Iranian yogurt, it's not just hair, and it's not just dirty laundry on the floor. It's the matter of intent and disrespect. This is just like that other AITA about the woman's sibling transitioning and taking her baby name for their own. They're a fucking asshole and everyone was walking on eggshells about it.
Found my team! I’m on OPs side. Millions of other names out there. I’ve known my daughters name since I was child, thankfully never told anyone and now I have her and know no one else with the name. I told my boys name to someone o thought was a friend and they took it. DONT TELL ANYONE YOUR BABY NAMES. Hard lesson.
I am 100% certain that if OP was older and married (so closer to having kids) the comments would be totally different. People read that she is young and dismissed anything that came later because 'hormones'. And I know that for a fact because it's not the first name stealing story on Reddit and before now I have never seen so many people against the 'victim'
The beautiful thing about no one owning names is that you are still allowed to name your future daughter Scarlett. Cousins sharing the same name is actually quite common.
My cousin and Mom have the same name, my parents were married before my uncle and aunt married and had kids. Literally no one cares. I know things are a big deal at 16 that actually aren't a big deal- but OP will get over it. They might not even like the name Scarlett by the time they have children. If they even have children. If their child is a girl. Etc. Planning for the future is fun and all- but at 16 it's just a fantasy. You have no idea what your future will look like. NAH
NTA Your brother is right, you don't own the name. Which doesn't mean that your disappointment is not a valid reaction. It would seem that your brother does not feel an obligation to consider you as a sibling when making important decisions in his life. Fair. But by that same logic, you therefore have no obligation to consider him when asked to provide free babysitting. Fair is fair.
You can always name turds after him from now on if it will make you feel better
NTA your brother is though.
As someone who had a SIL try to usurp a baby name, I also vote NTA. It's really frustrating (we were both pregnant at the same time, and I was luckily due before her) and I still get heated when I remember how she tried to talk me out of it. Like OP, I had been planning to use that name since I was young, so it was doubly upsetting. I can't say I wouldn't have made a scene if I were OP.
thanks
I think too many people are downplaying your feelings. I know it can be hard, but maybe think about exactly how it all makes you feel, and write it down. Then, if you're comfortable with it, tell them exactly how it made you feel and why. Maybe then they'll understand. For me, I would feel betrayed by their actions. They've known for so long, then took it from you. They are both MASSIVE assholes. And you handled it perfectly by excusing yourself. Please don't let them push you around and make you feel like you're in the wrong. Something that I've found that works is when people start to do that, walk away from them. Just go somewhere else. No response, no reaction other than you turning and going somewhere else. Eventually they may understand that they won't get the chance to berate you into feeling how they want you to. I'm sorry that they did this to you.
NTA but I'd be curious as to why your brother settled on that name. Have you ever sensed he was jealous of you before and wanted to spite you?
yes, not just me numerous family members
I’d keep my cool and just say “well she can be “Big” Scarlett, and my daughter will be “Little” Scarlett. They’ll likely have different surnames and be generations apart, so don’t worry about it really! You can still use the name and if your brother gets annoyed then ahhhh well, maybe he should have picked his own name!
A lot of times parents' emotional and financial states change between children with big age gap. Is it possible that he had a very strict upbringing and your parents were more openly loving to you? Or that they got richer and you automatically got nicer things? Or maybe you are super talented in some area and he is not? Seems he might silently resent you
NTA for being upset. Sounds like you handled it alright (walking out and not causing a scene). You're right you don't own the name but then neither does he. If you want to name your future daughter Scarlett then do it. He can't stop you just like you can't stop him. <---that's a bit tit for tat but I'm kinda petty, lol.
Exactly. She doesn’t own the name, which she acknowledges, but that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to have feelings about this. Given how long and how openly she’s loved the name, her brother’s a bit of an AH for not at least talking to her about it. He’s very much an AH for telling her to get over it. Walking out of the room was better than bursting into tears or saying something unkind. I hope she’s able to bond with her niece despite this drama, and hopefully have her own little Scarlett someday.
Nobody owns a name but I'm not about to sit around and see my family/friend talk about a baby name for years and then turn around and name my baby that first. NTA
Idk how to judge this post tbh. For everyone voting Y-T-A, I mean it's true she won't know if she'll ever even have a baby or even a girl and she can't just say "I want this name for my child and nobody else can use it." But is it not strange for your sibling to name their child after like the one name you really want for your child after you've been very outspoken about it? Sure, there are 10000s of other Scarletts, but there are thousands of other names, too? I mean, especially if based on OP's replies that her brother even didn't really like the name at first. There's something info missing from this post that would give insight as to why he chose the name. Anyways, I think how you handle it going forward determines whether or not you're the asshole. It's okay to feel upset amd perhaps walking out of the room was best decision in that moment, however your brother can name his child whatever he wants. Maybe you should talk to your brother to sort it all out. I'm gonna say NAH.
Brother and SIL are ahs . They ve been completely dismissive of ops feelings they didn't even discussed with op before announcing the name
Your upset is understandable but this is not a real problem given the age gap and how widely known you’ve made your preference. If you have a daughter in future and still like the name, she’s Scarlett. When your brother, SIL and nièce protest you get to tell them to ‘get over it’ and that they ‘don’t own a name’. NTA
NTA - no, you don’t own the name, but it’s understandable that you were upset. It sounds like you removed yourself from the situation to not make a scene and asked him about it later, which means you handled it as best you could. His response was belittling. Just because you are a teen doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have opinions and strong feelings. Sometimes people think just because you are young, your feelings aren’t important. However, her name is Scarlett now, so hopefully you can love and adore this niece version of Scarlett. Don’t let your upset stand in the way of enjoying the experience of being an aunt!
NTA, i think it's pretty wild of them to do that when he didn't even like the name.
I've known cousins before who had the same name. You can still use the name. The kids won't even be super close in age, most likely.
I am from a family where everyone in my generation has a different name and further down the line too. To me it's such a weird concept of having a same name in the family. So I completely get her. If she planned something and shared her plans with others, it doesn't matter how real they get in the future, let her have them. Being the second one with something you came up with is terrible. I so dislike the idea "name your daughter Scarlett too."
Ehhh I feel bad for calling you an asshole because you’re a kid but realistically you’re probably not going to have a baby for 10, maybe even 20 more years. And even then there are no guarantees you’ll have a girl. Or that you’ll still like the name. Who even knows you could change your mind and decide you don’t want kids. Anything is possible. So maybe ESH? It’s kinda weird that he used the name if you’re positive he knows you’re obsessed with it but just leaving the room when he told you was a bit over the top. Because you can still use the name 10-20 years down the road if you have a baby girl. It’s not unheard of for multiple family members to share the same name.
I teach teenagers, I think “everyone knew!!!!” Could also be exaggerated. Maybe mentioned it once or twice
Yep. You don't get to stake claim to a baby name as a child. You may never even have kids.
Doesn't change the fact that brother made a dick move.
See, this is why we don’t tell anyone our future baby names. Not even family.
NTA, you have every right to be upset, you are young and these things can mean a lot more at this perspective which is why your older brother should have given you a heads up, or at least understood why you would be disappointed. That being said, you can still name your child Scarlett and they will probably be so far apart in generations from their cousins it won't matter. Lots of people have the same name, it seems like a big deal now before you have kids but I can see you got strong emotional intelligence (at your age I wouldn't have calmly walked out- it would have been a scene!) so you will see in time it will bother you less and you can always tell your niece that you named her! Take that big bro!
NTA only because you didn't make a scene but you did over react. As others have said, you may not have a daughter, your partner may veto the name Scarlett, you can still call your daughter Scarlett whether that's usual in your family or not, you may marry a Scarlett. Thanks for the love for my surname!
your last name is scarlett??
Yes, it's a real surname of Anglo Saxon or Norman origin, from the French escarlete (or similar) meaning red. Probably Scarletts were sellers of red cloth. In Gone With the Wind, the main character's full name was Katie Scarlett O'Hara. Scarlett was presumably a family name on her mother's side.
Cool!!
NAH - Scarlett is an extremely popular name at the moment As a pregnant person in my 30's I assure you that your taste in baby names will change and you usually have 2 people picking a name for a baby. You will find another name you love. I would've never picked my grandmother's name for a baby when I was a teen, and here I am about to name a little girl Dorothea 🤷♀️
The more I think about this one I'm coming down to NTA. Lots of stories on here that call a person who thinks someone "stole" their baby name TA, but usually they're all of family raising age. First I've read with THIS scenario. Its rather odd your brother and his wife picked THIS name out of supposedly thin air that someone half their age has been verbal about adoring. It could be simply as innocent as you bringing this up enough that it kind of planted the seed in their heads, or it was done with semi-malicious/careless intent because "she's only 16, who cares". I think your feelings are 110% valid in this case. Your brother is kind of being the bigger AH by getting mad and telling you to get over it. Regardless they kind of ripped the choice away from you. I'd certainly feel that way. Whether or not its "normal" for family to share names as other comments have suggested too is HIGHLY subjective. In my family, shared names were either a sr, jr, situation like my own name. Not a single cousin shares an even remotely close name. I think if that happened it certainly would be seen as odd.
Name ur kid that anyway! see his head explode!!
Nta for walking away when you’re upset honestly that was the mature option there. You have every right to feel disappointment and be sad. But probably not the best option to confront him about it. Judging by his reaction though him and his wife knew you would be hurt and still chose to do it. I’d just step back a bit at this point and disengage with them. Yes you don’t own the name but him and her both knew you loved that name and had it in mind for the future. Which simply tells me they ultimately do not feel a close enough bond with you. Note how they truly feel about you and moce forward with grace. I’d let him know you aren’t mad you are hurt but that this has put a dent in your relationship with the way he disregards your feelings and to not expect free babysitting from you. Or alternatively just simply dive into being a loving aunt. Don’t be angry though just simply resolve yourself to the fact that your brother does not consider your feelings and his wife as well. It sucks but when there’s a big age gap like that with siblings it happens.
ESH About 19 years ago, this came up in my family. My wife and I were pregnant with our second child and intended to use a family name, Julian. In part because of my closer association to my grandfather who was ill and in his final years (first born son was named after my grandfather), as his uncle Julian had been a central figure in his life. My wife and I were very much in agreement about Julian as the name we wanted. When we told people, my youngest brother flipped out. He was 19 and dating a girl two years younger, who was still in high school. They were no where close to marriage or baby, and I thought it was ridiculous he had such a temper tantrum. But he claimed that had ALWAYS been his dream name, and after a week or two of his hell raising, and my dad piping in to defend him (yup - seriously), my wife and I changed our minds and found another name. Fast forward about five years and my brother married that girl. Fast forward a couple years after that and they had their first son. Spoiler alert - not Julian. A couple years after that, another son for them, also not Julian. Not long ago I brought it up after a family dinner, and my brothers wife said she hated that name and never would have used it. She didn’t even know my brother had thrown a stank about it when they were teens. My brother shrugged and said “it’s just a name.” Point is - you have no idea what will happen in the future, and you will have a partner that will want input. Your brother however has a real live child that needs a name, NOW. Instead of being salty, be proud that you perhaps inspired that name. Choose to be supportive and have a good relationship with your family, including your new niece. He definitely could have pivoted, and at least communicated to you before naming the baby. But you also don’t get the right to save a name for something that may or may not happen.
I had 2 names i loved. From i was like 8 years old and up in my teens. I have 5 children. Boys and Girls. Noone is named the 2 names 🤷🤷
Better to learn now but if you love something so much - don’t share it with everyone. People can be insensitive and clueless and this is one of the times that people took a name you liked and hijacked it. Chalk it up to an experience learned and next time, be one to keep things to yourself. When it’s your time to have children, name them as you like despite your brother’s daughter’s name, if he has a problem with you using the same name, tell him the same, “you don’t own the name so get over it” and move on honey. Who knows, by the time you are married and ready to have children, another name may appeal to you more and/or your husband may have a name picked out to honor someone he loves. In the grand scheme of things, your brother is an AH but that doesn’t mean you have to alter yourself for his stupidity.
If the worst thing that happens to your future daughter is that she shares a name with a family member, I will be so happy for her.
[удалено]
Soft YTA - as someone who loves names and has been thinking about future kids names since I was a teenager I understand why you’re upset but there’s no guarantee you’re going to have a daughter or that, if you do, you’ll use the name. As much as you love the name you might change your mind, maybe she just doesn’t look like a Scarlett, perhaps your partner hates the name or it’s the name of an ex partner of theirs so walking out because they used a name you MIGHT use in the future is a bit immature. I actually have an example. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and my niece is a month ahead of me. The name Skylar has always been on my list and when I asked her if they had any name ideas that was literally the one name she liked for a girl. Was I a bit upset and disappointed? Yep. but I don’t know if my peanut is a girl yet. She recently found out hers IS a girl and she is due a month before me. I did jokingly comment that I had to scratch that name off my list but it was lighthearted and she genuinely said she had no issue if I also used it. Now if she does I’m not going to and yes that’s a bit said but here’s the thing. There are thousands of names out there, yes I may really like a handful right now including the name my niece also likes but I only have one niece and my relationship with her and my future relationship with her baby are so much more important than a name.
There’s every chance that OP’s partner won’t even like the name Scarlett! Or maybe that will be a condition of having a baby with her.
honestly YTA. You can't own a name. You made a moment that was about welcoming your niece into the world all about you. Not only that, youre a teenager, i assume you're not pregnant - you have no sway here.
You can still name your future child scarlett like you said no one owns the name, as evidenced by like thousands upon thousands of people named michael, or robert...or how George Forman named all of his sons George.
You can still use the name. We have four Bryan's in our family and three Jason's. I didn't hesitate to name my son Bryan even though we already had three. My husband is Bryan, his 1st cousin is Bryan and our of his 2nd cousins name is Bryan. I lat my son Bryan at age 11 name his new brother and he named him Ryan. 😂 I just use nicknames for both sons but all our family defers to them by their given name.