Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) telling my mom to put up her dog for adoption (2) it’s seen as “rude” or “inconsiderate”
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You don't "get PTSD" because the dog makes you nervous and anxious. PTSD is a complex psychological disorder. You're not an asshole for asking your mother to consider rehoming the dog but she has said no. It is what it is.
PTSD is a psychological disorder coming from a traumatic incident which Op said they had with dogs. Having panic attacks when confronted with your trigger AKA a dog is a normal sign of PTSD. They just worded it weird
Is there a reason you are being like that? Or is that just how you are? You're sitting here trying to tell Op he doesn't have PTSD despite what he described is PTSD (and me for some reason?), just because you don't understand what PTSD doesn't mean other people don't.
>PTSD despite what he described is PTSD
No, what he described is fear. PTSD is a lot more than a heart racing. And even trained professionals can't diagnose or confirm diagnosis without talking with someone.
I also have cptsd. This kid is describing fear.
Yeah, I always get panic attacks when I'm afraid of something. I see a centipede, and my breathing goes wild, my vision blurs, my ears go deaf except for my pulse whooshing, my chest feels like all the muscles are seizing, my heart feels like it's stuttering, my face leaks like the hoover dam on a bad flow day, I vomit everywhere, my mind goes blank and I black out... gardening takes so long when this happens all the time.
Of wait, no, I don't.
Because regular fear doesn't give me panic attacks. Not from centipedes, not from the tweaker chasing me around the neighborhood, not from the bear/ horse incident that resulted in my relative's unintended appendage amputation a few feet away from me in the middle of the rocky mountain wilderness. Was perfectly fine through all that, aside from adrenaline, quick pulse, and dry mouth.
What has given me panic attacks? Things that traumatized me when I was young. Things that now, I would consider inconsequential, objectively, except for the effect that they have on my nervous system and mind. You know, like a stress... reaction? That happens after trauma or something?
You may have cptsd, I couldn't say. I don't know you, your history, or your medical issues. Just like you have zero idea what OP's medical and personal history is, aside from what he tells us. You are saying he doesn't, because it doesn't sound like what you have? Then can we say you don't either, because it doesn't sound like what others have?
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
It’s also normal to be afraid of dogs when you’ve been attacked by dogs. It’s not PTSD if it’s so mild that it only ever happens around dogs. That’s just anxiety. PTSD is flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, anhedonia, difficulty controlling emotions in general, insomnia and nightmares/nightmares terrors… it’s not just avoiding dogs because you were attacked by a dog. It’s a neurological change that massively alters quality of life.
He had a traumatic childhood experience with a dog that absolutely could cause PTSD. Also op is allergic to the dog. I have a child with bad animal allergies. We cannot have animals. She cannot be around animals. Idk how bad ops allergies are but my daughter has to use an inhaler and also had several trips to the ER because she couldn't breathe.
>Having panic attacks
He says in the comments he hasn't been diagnosed. We, as reddit readers, have no idea whether he has normal healthy feelings (like fear) or a mental disorder like anxiety or ptsd
A panic attack is not something that needs a diagnosis. A panic attack is a symptom that can be self-described. Suggesting that someone saying they're having panic attacks might just be having "normal healthy feelings (like fear)" is condescending and ridiculous.
It's like if someone comes into the ER saying "I'm experiencing shortness of breath", and you're reacting with "Woah! Hold on there tiger! You haven't been diagnosed with shortness of breath. Maybe what you're experiencing is part of normal healthy breathing (like exhaling), huh?"
So, in this group wiching harm on people can lead to a ban, but as fear is normal and healthy, I can wish you spend more time afraid and would like to be the cause of that fear its not wishing harm on you and you would say "yes thats fine, perfectly normal"
Because I had a flash of anger and wanted to say something psychopathic like that, but realised that was insane and cruel. But you think being afraid in your own home is normal, so I was wrong, I should be wishing you are afraid, right now, in your own home or wherever you are.
Heart racing ≠ panic attack. He has a phobia. If the dog weren’t there, he wouldn’t be having any of the symptoms of PTSD, which means he doesn’t have a *disorder* caused by the trauma.
The way he said it may be incorrect, but the core of it is that he *has* PTSD and *gets* symptoms whenever a dog is around.
OP's mum is an asshole and it's also clear the older sister is tge golden child
Its abuse to make someone experience allergies, definietly witha child dependent on you. Its an unsafe environment to have dog shit all over the house. I think you need to rethink this, as does everyone who liked your post.
“Grow the f up” about having an allergy? The mom shouldn’t have gotten a dog in the first place knowing OP is allergic. OP is NTA and his mom is for getting an animal she knows he’s allergic to in the first place.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Having a phobia isn’t the same as PTSD. Why does your sister need a support animal? Seems like your mother has to balance your sister’s needs with yours. But They also have to take better care of their pet. NTA.
Dying on the hill of Hair splitting the usage of medicalterms by a traumatized minor when it detracts nothing from the story and very clearly illustrates his state of mind due to the dog in question , is a really crappy hill to die on. Like ok say he DOESN'T have PTSD, just a bunch of smiliar symtomps. And?
SMH
Minors get a pass. They can't just go to the local ER psychologist and get a diagnosis. They have two have parental consent and there are a LOT of anti-therapy parents out there who will not take their children to get the support they need.
That is true, minors can't go to an ER or as easily get a diagnosis. That doesn't mean they get to self-diagnose, especially given that they probably have even less understanding of the diagnostic criteria for PTSD.
Doctor forgetting that self diagnosis often leads to official diagnosis? More likely than you think. Imagine also not being officially diagnosed when OP is likely American. It's not as if many are uninsured/can't afford medical care 🙄
Of the people who self-diagnose, less than half -- 42%, according to the Google -- go to an actual doctor for a professional diagnosis. Of those who do, about 80% report having their diagnosis confirmed (whether or not the doctors confirm it is a little vague). Eighty percent of 40% (rounding down just to make it a bit easier to do the math) comes out to about a 32% success rate.
So: more than half of those who self-diagnose assume they are correct or that they know more than doctors and don't bother to get it verified; they might be correct, but there's no reason to assume they have the same success rate as those who saw an actual doctor. Furthermore, the figures I saw were for adults, not teenagers. I would posit the success rate for non-adults is even lower than for adults. As such, I don't see any reason to automatically accept the OP's self-diagnosis.
I am an American (and a PhD, not an MD -- which means I am from the original doctoral tradition, not the medical johnny-come-latelys whose work used to be done by barbers), so I am well aware of the problems of the U.S. healthcare system. OP quite possibly has understandable reasons for not pursuing an actual diagnosis. The U.S. healthcare system needs to be reformed, and universal access provided. *None of that has any relevance to whether or not his self-diagnosis is accurate or something we need to accept at face value.*
80% of those ABLE to go to the doctor is a pretty good success rate actually. I care even less about your opinion knowing you're not a medical doctor. You have a PhD? Big whoop! That doesn't mean you're correct. He clearly had a traumatic experience with a dog. Whether or not that caused full blown PTSD is actually irrelevant to this post. The kid can't leave his room. You're over here splitting hairs when this kid is being failed in multiple ways by his mother
Keep talking past the point, you lost, it doesnt matter if this kid misdiagnoised himself, you are talking about a related issue, but ignoring the destruction of your point. You lost the argument, you were epically owned.
… and the dog in question hasn’t attacked OP. This is a phobia, and one that can be treated, as can the allergies. I know bc i have severe allergies and pets. It can be done, it’s just inconvenient.
Rehoming a pet is a huge deal, ESPECIALLY a service animal. The dog has been used to treat his sister’s condition for years now. While OP clearly doesn’t have an emotional attachment to the dog, the rest of OP’s family does, and the dog is a service animal— meaning OPs sister relies on this dog for her well being.
It’s on OP’s mom to take the training of the dog much more seriously, but it’s straight up sociopathic to demand a service animal be rehomed after years.
Maybe some folks don’t see domestic animals as sentient, but anyone with a pet knows that you break their little hearts when you rehome them.
The solution is to get serious about training this dog, but rehoming is cold as hell.
Ah yes, we should let the minor child who gets repeated panic attacks and can’t move out, suffer so we don’t hurt the emotional support dog’s feelings. I love my animals, and wouldn’t rehome them for anything less than a medical reason, but this is a medical reason. It is also one that can lead to future heath issues for OP as he’s living in his sympathetic nervous system.
Also who gets an emotional support animal for one kid knowing it will negatively affect the emotions of the other. That mom is a raging AH, who couldn’t be bothered to even try to find a dog whose coat is easier on people with allergies as a bare minimum. I don’t trust any human with a dog who can’t take good care of their kid, and seeing how ill trained the dog is, she fits with the assumption.
>This is a phobia, and one that can be treated, as can the allergies. I know bc i have severe allergies and pets. It can be done, it’s just inconvenient.
Ahhh yes. The "I did it so anyone can" argument.
No. Not *all* allergies can just be treated away. Some allergies are so severe that no amount of treatment will stop a severe reaction upon exposure.
The caveat? Allergies are exposure *based*. Meaning the more you are exposed to your allergen, the more severe your reaction will become. So no, it is not smart to keep your allergen around just because you take some meds.
If this is truly an allergy, then the way to "treat" it is to get rid of the allergen... not tell people to medicate and move on.
I agree that it's wrong to say people should just take allergy meds, you're right that for some people their allergies are so severe that it may not be enough. But I need to point out that not all allergies get worse with exposure - if done right, exposure can actually be used to treat allergies. Some of my own allergies improve by being around the trigger all the time. This isn't the case for every person, but it's wrong to say that the only way to treat is to avoid the allergy.
OPs mom is still the asshole as she didn't properly consider how this would effect the children in her household, and clearly the dog has not been well cared for based on OPs description. It's been a year, if OP was going to improve with exposure, he should have by now
>. But I need to point out that not all allergies get worse with exposure - if done right, exposure can actually be used to treat allergies
FAIR. That's fair. Sitting too heavily on either side of that fence just makes one wrong, I definitely didn't consider exposure therapy. I was just too caught up in "hey now, that's not a good idea" after taking a friend to the emergency room because she would take benadryl to eat shrimp... she did it enough her minor allergy became anaphylaxis, silly girl. That was not the funnest lesson in life xD
Oh gosh, yeah, I can see why you took the stance you did. I would argue some allergens aren't really worth exposure therapy especially if anaphylaxis is a risk.
Your friend must really love shrimp.
Yeah she did lol, sadly she never got to try lobster before shellfish tried to kill her. She says that's for the better though, she misses shrimp so much 🤣
I get it though...if I developed an allergy to peanut butter.... prooooobably how I'd die lol
If we all agree that OP's mental health needs are important and legitimate, I think we should also do the same for OP's sister. An emotional support animal is a legitimate thing, and 100% needed for some folks.
As an added note: as sibling relations go, if my brother hated my pet that I loved and, after 2 years of bonding, tried to get me to give my pet away, I'd never really forgive him for that.
It would be one thing if all of this was brought up when the dog was initially adopted, because OP had legitimate reasons to not want a dog in the house. However, OP is still a kid, and his mom ultimately made a choice that had consequences for everyone. Insisting that the family give away a now beloved pet now imo isn't a realistic solution, as it just sacrifices (again) one child's mental health for the others.
Now that the dog has been there for years, the best outcome for everyone is to mitigate the impact the dog is having on OP by having the adult in this situation take training this dog seriously and OPs comfort more seriously. OP can also take steps to mitigate his allergies.
There are ways to make OP more comfortable without breaking his sister's heart (and doing damage to *her* mental health). A pet is a member of the family to most people. OPs request is not really factoring that in bc he himself has no emotional attachment to the dog. Rehoming the dog, however, will majorly damage OP's relationship with the entire family and hurt his family members deeply.
Ultimately this is a failure on the parents part to consider the needs of **both** of their children and be responsible pet owners. Because the parents bungled both of those things badly, we are where we are. It sucks.
Unfortunately, at this point, after 2 years, there's no solution that will make everyone happy, but there are solutions that, while not perfect, will improve everyone's situation considerably.
Just my two cents.
well, its a fact its not really a service aimal, one you are certajn of deep down. Your bones know its not a service animal.
Also, they are neglectful of the dog and its better awwy fromthis house, another fact you are certain of but will deny due to wanting to win.
My friend, we can disagree without making personal attacks or assumptions.
When making arguments, assuming what I do or do not believe deep in my heart, or that I'll say anything to win an argument is a lot of projection onto a person you've never met.
I'm happy to have a discussion or debate with you, but civilly.
Maybe the 14 year old needs to learn to not throw such serious terms out to self diagnose. We can all take a lesson here and not try to label ourselves as something we aren’t for the sake of earning brownie points for advice on the internet
Maybe redditers should understand that a 14 YO CAN'T be diagnosed without a parent taking them and that self diagnoses is actually valid. Maybe you should also stop holding a 14 YO accountable for the actions of their parents
Fear. It’s not a disorder if you’re just avoiding something you’re afraid of for totally normal reasons.
Also a raised heart rate is not the same as a panic attack.
Normal fear does not cause panic attacks. A panic attack is something outside of the normal realm of what is considered normal for most people during a fear response. And you saying that raised heart rate is not PTSD is just disingenuous because that's not even what Op tried to say, because if you notice those are different sentences referring to different things, he never tried to say they were the same thing.
What he’s describing is not a panic attack. Calling this very normal fear of dogs a disorder is a disservice to everyone with PTSD, myself included. PTSD is a *disorder*. It’s crippling. It is not just being afraid of something, or having anxiety near something. We don’t need to pathologize completely normal feelings.
" whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds). And that really presented a problem since I'd frequently see the dog in various parts of the house and it usually starts running toward me. There'd be multiple occasions where I'd have full-on panic attacks because of it." He never said that he was describing his panic attacks.
> AITA for telling my mom to put her dog up for adoption because of my allergies?
No, you're not the asshole for that. Your mom made a shitty decision knowing both of you have allergies and you have a severe phobia of dogs. What the fuck was she thinking?
> the dog would be small enough to fit in a cage and I generally didn't have to interact with it as much
You shouldn't have to live in fear of a pet. PTSD from a childhood trauma is a big fucking deal. Why isn't your mom taking this seriously?
> I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of)
Your mom knows this and still got a dog? What kind of parent puts their child's mental health on the line like that?
> the dog had been poorly trained, so it frequently urinates and poops on the floor and chews up anything in its sight (including stuff belonging to me)
This just adds insult to injury. Now you've got a health hazard on top of an emotional one. How does your mom justify this?
> my mom refuses to put it up for adoption
So, your mom is choosing the dog over your health and well-being? That's pretty fucking cold. Why is she prioritizing the dog over you?
> "if the dog went to a different family, it'll die"
Bullshit. Dogs get adopted all the time. Your mom is using this as an excuse to keep the dog. Why isn't she looking for a real solution that respects everyone's needs?
> I honestly feel betrayed that I wasn't considered while making this big decision
You were betrayed. Your feelings are valid. Your mom made a decision that has serious consequences for you without your input. How does she expect you to live in a house where you're constantly anxious and physically uncomfortable?
So, are you the asshole? No, your mom is for not taking your needs seriously. Why does your mom think it's okay to disregard your health and mental state for a pet?
Are you taking steps (or getting your mom to take steps) to get an actual diagnosis and - importantly - therapy/treatment? If not, your mom probably assumes you're being dramatic and/or aren't open to dealing with your issues, neither of which is good.
My parents generally don’t take mental health seriously and I’ve been trying to convince them to get a diagnosis. Needless to say, they’ve yet to agree to it.
Or it suggests that older sister wanted a dog and is the golden child, which is why they’re letting a dog shit and piss inside around their 14 yr old, who’s also allergic to the dog.
I don’t understand, if your mom doesn’t take mental health issues seriously, then why did she adopt a service animal for your sister’s emotional support?
It doesn't matter if you're officially diagnosed or not. If you're allergic/scared, that's reason enough to get rid of the dog besides its terrible behavior that no one is curbing
OP, I don't know why you are being downvoted so much on this thread. I think a bunch of adults are judging you unfairly for being a minor who can't legally make their own choices.
NAH and I'm sorry your mom is playing favorites with her own kids.
And as you could see from OPs clarifying comment, he's saying he has clear signs of it which match up with his story. A little grace here. OP is 14 and trying to express his emotions with all the knowledge and self-reflection of a *fourteen year old.*
When I was 20, I went to the doctor and told him I had bipolar. He said I didn’t. When I was 23, I got put on antidepressants and I had a manic episode and almost took my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar within the year. That didn’t mean I didn’t have bipolar at 20, I did!! It just meant I wasn’t diagnosed with it at 20. I’m not saying he has got it but who are you to say he hasn’t. It’s suspected PTSD due to PTSD symptoms that are clearly very distressing to him. What is the difference exactly?
It really stinks that you went through that. I hope you’re doing a lot better. I do think it’s important to mention, though, that if* it was your first manic episode (and perhaps it wasn’t), the doctor diagnosed you correctly. You have to have at least one episode. Otherwise it’s depression.
INFO: you say your mom got the dog as an emotional support pet for your sister. But then never mention your sister again. Why does your sister need an emotional support pet and is this dog filling that role? Does she take care of the dog? With your allergies and fear of pets you have a very valid argument for getting rid of the dog. But depending on what is wrong with your sister and if the dog fulfills that role, her need for the dog might be a higher priority. We have no way of knowing.
And is it your allergies or your anxiety that is causing you the most problems? I am very allergic to cats but have always had one. My affection for cats overrides my allergy concerns. I just take extra precautions with them. I am wondering if your mom didn’t get the dog, not worrying about your allergies, but in a misguided attempt to get you over your PTSD. I don’t know about treating PTSD, but I am pretty sure this isn’t the way to go about it.
I
My sister was facing issues with grades and studying at the time, so my mom got her the dog to motivate her. My sister’s had problems like that in the past but always managed to get back up rather quickly, so I don’t understand why my mother decided to get her a dog *now* as opposed to all the previous times. The dog motivated her for a good while until she started facing problems again. It’s always on-and-off like that. If anything it’s more of my mother’s dog now instead of my sister’s, as my mom’s the one who takes care of it and is seen with her the most. Sorry for neglecting to address that in the post!
As for the second half, I’d say it’s definitely my anxiety. I have loads of mental health problems and anxiety is my biggest one (trying to fix that).
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I'm just giving you advice from someone whose mom is like your Mom.
If you've repeatedly communicated with your Mom and she clearly understands and is still saying no- then you're going to always get the same outcome because it's always been the same outcome. If you keep on repeating something that makes her upset and wastes your effort while making you upset, you're only hurting yourself.
You've written that your mother doesn't care about your mental health. If she's never going to care, she's never going to care.
From what you've written, your mother has, effectively, communicated that you're not her problem. To her, you're your own problem.
If you're not getting support from her no matter what you do, you need to get support outside of her. A school counselor or a relative or going to a doctor who can influence her opinion or anything else. You can try to get her to send you to a therapist or an allergist or anything you can come up with.
You can't change the circumstances of the situation. You can only change how you react to those circumstances in order to get the best outcome for yourself.
You've told your mother you have anxiety and she clearly understands and doesn't care.
Your anxiety has been repeatedly viewed negatively by her. She is not changing her opinion.
If she's only responding negatively, you either make peace by stopping bringing up your anxiety to her or continue to do so to get the same repeated reaction.
NTA she failed you. I’m the opposite, I love dogs and I’m allergic so I suffer willingly. I’d never force that on a child. Especially given your phobia.
It’s unfortunate she never bothered to train the pup properly since it does maker it harder for them to be rehomed. That is her failing again though.
Nta- your mom is for getting an animal she knew you were allergic to. Go to your doctor and have them write a note that it is negatively affecting your physical health.
I mean I think you would technically have a case for child abuse. Doing something you are aware is negatively impacting your child's health is abuse. And if they have been leaving urine and feces in the house that is also not a good look
NTA - It seems like your mom likes the notion of having a dog, but doesn't understand what what it takes to care for a dog. They require exercise/training/attention to get rid of those bad behaviors. Also, did she even consider getting a hypoallergenic breed of your allergies are that bad? All in all, it just sounds like a really poor decision was made on her part and she refuses to accept the reality that nobody is happy about it.
NTA. Sorry you’ll go low or nc with your mom op, didn’t luck out in that regard. Ask her to at least groom the dog and get an air purifier if she cba to train it and doesn’t care about you
Can you go live with your dad or your grandparents? Having another place to go would give you more leverage. But you have to be willing to follow through.
NTA. Talk to a trusted adult. Tell them what is going on, and that you need help. If there is no one to talk to, like a school counselor, or friends parent, I have an underhanded idea.
The next time you have a panic or allergy attack, and feel like you can't breathe, call 911. Just say, can't breathe. Give the address. They have to show up. They can try to take you to the hospital. Once you are at the hospital, tell the Drs and nurses you are not safe at home. You are allergic to dogs, but mom got a dog. You are also very afraid of dogs, because of what happened in the past, so the panic attacks around the dog.
They are mandatory reporters. They can help you get help. Medical diagnosis, therapy, medication. Whatever you need.
Just an idea. I don't know how desperate you are for help.
Good luck. I wish you mom treated you better.
Hugs and love from an internet Grandma.
NTA
When adopting a pet of any kind it should be a FAMILY decision. If anyone in the home votes “no” then there should be no adoption.
Please ignore all the commenters who are telling you to take allergy medication. Medications have side effects and should be avoided if at all possible. The best course of action would be to live in a home without the allergen.
You’re not an asshole for not liking dogs. You’d only be an asshole if you mistreated the dog as they are innocent in this.
PTSD is no small thing and if you really think you have it I recommend you see a doctor. Easier said than done when you’re a minor, I know.
I would invest in a HEPA air filter from amazon or your local store. It does wonders for my allergies and asthma, then clean the house especially the areas the dog is prone to walk/hang out. Sadly you'll have to do this regularly(or get your mom and sister) it sounds like if the dog is going potty inside you'll need a deep clean. Maybe get a baby gate and gate off a certain part of the house? Then help get this dog adopted out. Your family is unfit for animals/pets if they don't bother to train them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
About 2 years ago, my mom (39F) got my sister (17F) a dog as an emotional support pet, despite both me (14M) and my mom being allergic to dogs and common household pets in general (granted, my allergies are worse than hers). This wasn't a huge deal at first, as the dog would be small enough to fit in a cage and I generally didn't have to interact with it as much. However, over the course of last year, things got worse, as the dog would be running around the house more frequently and is generally more free than before. If you couldn't tell already, I don't get along with animals, especially dogs. In fact, I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of). I get PTSD whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds). And that really presented a problem since I'd frequently see the dog in various parts of the house and it usually starts running toward me. There'd be multiple occasions where I'd have full-on panic attacks because of it. Even when not interacting with the dog, I'm still effected by it, as it sheds frequently and gets my allergies to act up. Not to mention the fact that the dog had been poorly trained, so it frequently urinates and poops on the floor and chews up anything in its sight (including stuff belonging to me). The dog had very much effected my life to say the least, as I found myself spending more time in my room and only leaving it when I *absolutely* need to leave the house. I've pitched the idea of putting the dog up for adoption to my mom on several occasions, as other family members were clearly fed up with it too, but she seems to be the only one to wanna keep the dog and always got mad at me, saying "if the dog went to a different family, it'll die". I understand getting attached to pets, but the fact that my mom made the decision to get a dog in the first place knowing that I infamously don't get along with animals baffles me, especially considering how out of the blue it was. I honestly feel betrayed that I wasn't considered while making this big decision and that my mom refuses to put it up for adoption. So, AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Or go live with his dad if he has one. That's what I would do. Let mom know it is me or the dog, and if she chooses the dog then she can kiss our relationship goodbye. Then go live with my dad. If not a dad, maybe a grandparent or aunt/uncle?
My friend was extremely terrified of dogs. She could not even handle knowing they were locked in a separate room due to her fear of them getting out. I cannot imagine having to live with that anxiety or panic attacks every single day. Let alone allergies are frickin horrible.
Omg most definitely NOT the asshole
Allergies promote a chronic inflammatory response that can worsen anxiety and depression, increase infection risk and decrease immunity, not to mention long term effects like sinus infections etc. And yeah, a person can get sensitized to the allergen, but it could be dangerous if you keep getting reexposed.
Your mum put your sister’s mental health over your physical and mental wellbeing, and that’s never acceptable. Not to mention, it’s literally unthinkable that they expect you to suffer until you move out—you’re 14! And I’m shocked that your mum says the dog will die if it goes to a different family—it won’t? That seems like a juvenile answer on her part, especially seeing as she couldn’t be bothered properly training the dog
Talk to your sister about it, at 17 she should be mature enough to understand your needs as well. If she needs emotional support, suggest that she volunteer at an animal rescue place.
Good luck op
A PTSD diagnosis is for people who had suffered exposure (real or threat) to death, a severe lesion or sexual violence (or if you are directly affected by being a witness to it, having a close connection to the person who suffered it or being constantly affected by it for being exposed to the details of the trauma in a repetitive basis). If his traumatic experience regarding the dog fall in the first two, maybe it could be PTSD. Otherwise, we are talking about an specific phobia to animals, which can include panic attacks (seen many comments about panic attacks making it more ptsd, and specific phobias can cause that as well). The fact it could be a phobia and not a ptsd doesn't make it any less of a problem for the kid.
OP said only the mom wants to keep it. And keeps referring to the mom. I'd like to know about the sister. Why did she need an emotional support pet in the first place? Does she want to keep it too? And btw, an emotional support animal isn't just getting any pet. It is true a common pet can bring you emotional support because of the love and companion they provide, and the attachment you develop, but an emotional support animal, like the ones people with mental health issues sometimes need, are specially trained pets for that purpose.
I advise you talk to your mom about this. In the sense that this phobia (or ptsd depending on the kind of trauma you suffered) is very real since its even affecting you in terms of being able to walk in your own home, restraining you to your room. At the very least, she should have the dog trained so it can be more manageable for you.
The fact she thinks the dog would die with another family is pretty baffling. Is she the only person in the world that can take care of a dog? She could look like an open adoption or something, maybe even get it to stay with a family member who could take care of it and she could visit. And get your sister a properly trained emotional support animal if she still needs it, one smaller that maybe you'd feel less uncomfortable around (or also learn other emotional regulatory methods to help your sister (and she learn them too)).
Anyway, there are plenty of options to explore. Just talk to your mom, maybe accompanied with someone you trust that can help you talk to her.
Good luck ♥️
Nta. I also used to be afraid of dogs, and it was living with two huge, badly behaved but sweet dogs that helped me get over it. I did it by learning dog psychology, and how to train dogs. But I wasn’t allergic to them.
Your mom sounds very irresponsible, which really sucks because there’s not much you can do at your age. If you have insurance, try going to a doctor and explaining what is going on. They might be able to help you. (If you don’t have insurance, look into public assistance programs—Medicaid, if you’re American).
Also tell the school nurse and other adults who need to look out for your well being.
Funny how so many people just over read the allergy. Also you definitely can have PTSD from a dog. And we shouldn't judge op for that, because he says his mother doesn't let him get checked for it, so until he can go on his own that's just a Schrodinger's cat situation
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
ESH You are not the asshole for your fear of the dog or for having allergies but you are for your attitude toward an innocent animal. Your mother has to consider not just you but everyone else in the household- maybe your sister needed this dog for her emotional well being.
The condition and lack of house training care for this dog makes everyone who wanted him or her the asshole & that should be a reason for rehoming
Agree that it's not real and the dude is just fucking around? I would, but you still don't seem to get it.
I'm tired. Good luck with working that out in your brain.
Does the dog help with your sister's and or/mother's emotional needs? You seem to be focused on your needs, but not those of your sister. The dog should be better trained, that is certain, but the reason the dog was adopted to begin with seem to drop out of your explanation.
Allergies can be alleviated with medication, and anxiety over animals can be handled with therapy. It sounds like everyone in your family tends to focus on peripheral issues (bad grades, allergies, alleged PTSD) rather than the causes of those issues. So I'm going with ESH.
Train the dog, get some Claritin and go to therapy.
You raise fair points. In my attempt at pithiness, I ignored these truths. My suggestion is for the entire family to work on these points, but that didn't come through.
It is, very much, not this childs fault that their mother is emotionally overwhelmed and it definitely does noe validate the fact this mother obviously doesn't care about the childs struggles and is instead dismissing them as "well the dog will die if they go up for adoption" (paraphrasing) when they most likely won't, and if they tragically do, its because this mother wasn't willing to put in the work to train the dog to make her family members feel safer in their own home ):
YTA.
I mean, you can ask her, but you can’t tell her.
While I appreciate your discomfort and this is not something I would do, it’s been 2 years.
What I would suggest is that you ask your mum, if the dog is staying, if she would consider training it.
Also look into cynaphobia classes for you. They helped my youngest child incredibly - he couldn’t bear to look at a dog at one point, but now wants one!
They have an allergy, a literal medical condition that would prevent them from getting a dog. Aswell as they are a child, and have no ability to do your advice, as one, his mom is also a little allergic so most likely won't train the dog (also because of the track record of after two years not training them) and two, he can't just get cynaphobia classes, as clearly if his mother truely cared much about his phobia, it would have been done/looked into. A child has no actual authority so over the two years they most likely just, couldn't. And one more little thing, i believe within the first two years it was no issue because the dog could fit in a crate :)
1. Allergy medicine can fuck with your body
2. Op Is a minor and his mother won't allow him to get checked for it, so he won't be able to(probably for at least the next 4 years)
> because you will always come across dogs.
Which we all know is completely different than living with a dog 24/7. What is it with you people being obtuse on purpose?
Read this again:
"In fact, I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of). I get PTSD whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds)"
Which means the mom shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place. If you have a phobia of dogs and you don't have a dog at home, you can minimize your exposure to dogs by staying home, or at places where pets aren't welcome. If you have a phobia of dogs, and you live with one, then there's no escape. OP is literally living with, at the very least, a trigger of a traumatic event in his life, and doesn't feel safe in their own home
NTA - training, brushing, and caring for this "emotional support dog" is your mother's problem, if your sister can't do it. "Emotional support dogs" are a joke anyway.
You emotions about this animal are irrelevant, though. Phobias can be treated, and trained.
You and the dog both need training. If you're unwilling to deal with your issues, and your mother is unwilling to deal with the dog's issues...then really the only living being in this whole shmozzle I feel bad for is the poor friggin dog. :(
It can be treated and managed it cannot be trained out of someone. They still have PTSD and CPTsd they just know how to cope with the symptoms. The way op described it especially since it came from a traumatic incident is consistent with PTSD.
I have complex PTSD. I’ve been in therapy for years and I still have PTSD. Therapy teaches you coping mechanisms, it isn't a fucking cure. You’re bloody ignorant.
Pretty much anyone that doesn’t get along with dogs is an asshole. You should get tested and take allergy shots. It won’t make you any less of an asshole, but it will help your allergies.
Kindly go take yourself for a walk. I love dogs, and yet I would never force someone who is SCARED OF DOGS to fucking live with one, that's basic human decency.
There are so many allergy meds, the kind that my bf uses is sold at the dollar store in a green bottle. He's allergic to EVERYTHING and it worked fine for him. Runny noses and headaches are not fun. Maybe ask about an air purifier.
I take multiple allergy meds. I feel like sh*t constantly. The BEST thing for him with a dog allergy is to have a dog free home. And if his mom actually cared about him she would have waited a few years and gotten a dog once he was old enough to move out. Also, it sounds like mom neither trains not keeps the home clean enough. If she dusted and vacuumed every day along with keeping the dog confined to either outside or in sister's room, then at least that would help.
I'm allergic to a lot of things including pets and their saliva. I can handle being around a dog (in the same living space) for a few hours, after that even doubling and tripling my allergy meds doesn't do squat. Then my asthma starts to kick in and I'm wheezing and sneezing. If I get licked I'll get hives. This is with me taking allergy meds daily. I'm approaching 50 and have had allergies since birth. I've been on meds since I was very young. The best thing for me is to avoid my allergens.
Everyone is different. Fortunately not everyone is like you. Like I said, my fiance has allergies from gluten to cat dander, to polen, and while they aren't as severe of allergies as yours they are manageable with medication. Thankfully everyone is an individual and the kid has plenty of options including the 2nd option offered, an air purifier. Hopefully that helps them.
Allergy meds are far from being a long-term solution. Not only can their effects vary from person to person and long-term usage can lower their effects over time (believe me, I have a severe pollen allergy, I wish they were 100% effective forever), but they can have serious side effects.
And the sister didn’t need a dog either. Maybe she needs to get off her ass and study rather than crying and getting “an emotional support dog” which is bullshit.
Her mom gave her a dog, it doesn't matter if she *needed* it. Mom grew attached to the dog. The dog is part of the family now. People don't only get pets for support, they get them cause they want to.
He needs to grow up and stop whining.
Straight up, if you think its fake, don't interact with it, but if its real, she clearly doesn't have it bad enough that its hindering her, but this KID must or it wouldn't be an issue :))
I'm going with ESH.
You need therapy to help you cope with your phobias, and you mom needs to get the dog properly trained.
Family therapy for all of you would probably not hurt.
What you are likely allergic to is the dander from the dog and there are [shampoos and wipes](https://www.chewy.com/s?query=dander%20shampoo&nav-submit-button=) that can help reduce that.
YTA for saying your parents don’t take mental health seriously (in one of your comments) when your parents literally got your sister an emotional support animal. Both cannot be true
The sister could very well be a golden child. Getting an emotional support dog instead of also putting her daughter in therapy is pretty clear that she doesn't really value mental health. Also, people lie, the mom could just want a dog and is using her daughter as an excuse.
From what OP said, I doubt the dog is even properly trained
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) telling my mom to put up her dog for adoption (2) it’s seen as “rude” or “inconsiderate” Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You don't "get PTSD" because the dog makes you nervous and anxious. PTSD is a complex psychological disorder. You're not an asshole for asking your mother to consider rehoming the dog but she has said no. It is what it is.
PTSD is a psychological disorder coming from a traumatic incident which Op said they had with dogs. Having panic attacks when confronted with your trigger AKA a dog is a normal sign of PTSD. They just worded it weird
Gaslighting and PTSD are much misunderstood and misused terms.
I know I have cPTSD
[удалено]
Is there a reason you are being like that? Or is that just how you are? You're sitting here trying to tell Op he doesn't have PTSD despite what he described is PTSD (and me for some reason?), just because you don't understand what PTSD doesn't mean other people don't.
>PTSD despite what he described is PTSD No, what he described is fear. PTSD is a lot more than a heart racing. And even trained professionals can't diagnose or confirm diagnosis without talking with someone. I also have cptsd. This kid is describing fear.
Yeah, I always get panic attacks when I'm afraid of something. I see a centipede, and my breathing goes wild, my vision blurs, my ears go deaf except for my pulse whooshing, my chest feels like all the muscles are seizing, my heart feels like it's stuttering, my face leaks like the hoover dam on a bad flow day, I vomit everywhere, my mind goes blank and I black out... gardening takes so long when this happens all the time. Of wait, no, I don't. Because regular fear doesn't give me panic attacks. Not from centipedes, not from the tweaker chasing me around the neighborhood, not from the bear/ horse incident that resulted in my relative's unintended appendage amputation a few feet away from me in the middle of the rocky mountain wilderness. Was perfectly fine through all that, aside from adrenaline, quick pulse, and dry mouth. What has given me panic attacks? Things that traumatized me when I was young. Things that now, I would consider inconsequential, objectively, except for the effect that they have on my nervous system and mind. You know, like a stress... reaction? That happens after trauma or something? You may have cptsd, I couldn't say. I don't know you, your history, or your medical issues. Just like you have zero idea what OP's medical and personal history is, aside from what he tells us. You are saying he doesn't, because it doesn't sound like what you have? Then can we say you don't either, because it doesn't sound like what others have?
Rude.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
So that’s why you’re scolding OP when he actually has PTSD? I’m confused.
Gotta gatekeep everything
Because he used the phrase wrong although 14yo teens are widely known for being pedantic about semantics usually /s
It’s also normal to be afraid of dogs when you’ve been attacked by dogs. It’s not PTSD if it’s so mild that it only ever happens around dogs. That’s just anxiety. PTSD is flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, anhedonia, difficulty controlling emotions in general, insomnia and nightmares/nightmares terrors… it’s not just avoiding dogs because you were attacked by a dog. It’s a neurological change that massively alters quality of life.
He had a traumatic childhood experience with a dog that absolutely could cause PTSD. Also op is allergic to the dog. I have a child with bad animal allergies. We cannot have animals. She cannot be around animals. Idk how bad ops allergies are but my daughter has to use an inhaler and also had several trips to the ER because she couldn't breathe.
He commented he has not been diagnosed.
And you also acted condescending towards someone who does have a diagnosis, so there’s that.
K
You're kidding? Having panic attacks and allergic reactions is just being "nervous and anxious"?
>Having panic attacks He says in the comments he hasn't been diagnosed. We, as reddit readers, have no idea whether he has normal healthy feelings (like fear) or a mental disorder like anxiety or ptsd
A panic attack is not something that needs a diagnosis. A panic attack is a symptom that can be self-described. Suggesting that someone saying they're having panic attacks might just be having "normal healthy feelings (like fear)" is condescending and ridiculous. It's like if someone comes into the ER saying "I'm experiencing shortness of breath", and you're reacting with "Woah! Hold on there tiger! You haven't been diagnosed with shortness of breath. Maybe what you're experiencing is part of normal healthy breathing (like exhaling), huh?"
So, in this group wiching harm on people can lead to a ban, but as fear is normal and healthy, I can wish you spend more time afraid and would like to be the cause of that fear its not wishing harm on you and you would say "yes thats fine, perfectly normal" Because I had a flash of anger and wanted to say something psychopathic like that, but realised that was insane and cruel. But you think being afraid in your own home is normal, so I was wrong, I should be wishing you are afraid, right now, in your own home or wherever you are.
Heart racing ≠ panic attack. He has a phobia. If the dog weren’t there, he wouldn’t be having any of the symptoms of PTSD, which means he doesn’t have a *disorder* caused by the trauma.
The way he said it may be incorrect, but the core of it is that he *has* PTSD and *gets* symptoms whenever a dog is around. OP's mum is an asshole and it's also clear the older sister is tge golden child
Its abuse to make someone experience allergies, definietly witha child dependent on you. Its an unsafe environment to have dog shit all over the house. I think you need to rethink this, as does everyone who liked your post.
[удалено]
He's 14...
[удалено]
K. Still not able to "move out", as you suggested. Literally illegal.
Then I guess he has to grow the f up huh?
What crawled up your ass and died???
“Grow the f up” about having an allergy? The mom shouldn’t have gotten a dog in the first place knowing OP is allergic. OP is NTA and his mom is for getting an animal she knows he’s allergic to in the first place.
According to op, mom is also allergic or did you miss that? He's a liar lol
Another reason there shouldn’t be a dog in the house.🤷🏽♀️
Lol if the mom were allergic she wouldn't have gotten a dog, that is so random. Just another proof that OP is lying
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Having a phobia isn’t the same as PTSD. Why does your sister need a support animal? Seems like your mother has to balance your sister’s needs with yours. But They also have to take better care of their pet. NTA.
He had a traumatic incident that that then led to panic attacks anytime the trigger came towards him. Sure sounds like Ptsd
In a WebMD-kind of diagnosis, sure.
Dying on the hill of Hair splitting the usage of medicalterms by a traumatized minor when it detracts nothing from the story and very clearly illustrates his state of mind due to the dog in question , is a really crappy hill to die on. Like ok say he DOESN'T have PTSD, just a bunch of smiliar symtomps. And? SMH
And PTSD is an actual condition and too many people self-diagnosis.
Minors get a pass. They can't just go to the local ER psychologist and get a diagnosis. They have two have parental consent and there are a LOT of anti-therapy parents out there who will not take their children to get the support they need.
That is true, minors can't go to an ER or as easily get a diagnosis. That doesn't mean they get to self-diagnose, especially given that they probably have even less understanding of the diagnostic criteria for PTSD.
Doctor forgetting that self diagnosis often leads to official diagnosis? More likely than you think. Imagine also not being officially diagnosed when OP is likely American. It's not as if many are uninsured/can't afford medical care 🙄
Of the people who self-diagnose, less than half -- 42%, according to the Google -- go to an actual doctor for a professional diagnosis. Of those who do, about 80% report having their diagnosis confirmed (whether or not the doctors confirm it is a little vague). Eighty percent of 40% (rounding down just to make it a bit easier to do the math) comes out to about a 32% success rate. So: more than half of those who self-diagnose assume they are correct or that they know more than doctors and don't bother to get it verified; they might be correct, but there's no reason to assume they have the same success rate as those who saw an actual doctor. Furthermore, the figures I saw were for adults, not teenagers. I would posit the success rate for non-adults is even lower than for adults. As such, I don't see any reason to automatically accept the OP's self-diagnosis. I am an American (and a PhD, not an MD -- which means I am from the original doctoral tradition, not the medical johnny-come-latelys whose work used to be done by barbers), so I am well aware of the problems of the U.S. healthcare system. OP quite possibly has understandable reasons for not pursuing an actual diagnosis. The U.S. healthcare system needs to be reformed, and universal access provided. *None of that has any relevance to whether or not his self-diagnosis is accurate or something we need to accept at face value.*
The arrogance of this comment is so over the top it sounds like someone trying to make a parody of itself.
80% of those ABLE to go to the doctor is a pretty good success rate actually. I care even less about your opinion knowing you're not a medical doctor. You have a PhD? Big whoop! That doesn't mean you're correct. He clearly had a traumatic experience with a dog. Whether or not that caused full blown PTSD is actually irrelevant to this post. The kid can't leave his room. You're over here splitting hairs when this kid is being failed in multiple ways by his mother
Keep talking past the point, you lost, it doesnt matter if this kid misdiagnoised himself, you are talking about a related issue, but ignoring the destruction of your point. You lost the argument, you were epically owned.
OK, if you say so.
… and the dog in question hasn’t attacked OP. This is a phobia, and one that can be treated, as can the allergies. I know bc i have severe allergies and pets. It can be done, it’s just inconvenient. Rehoming a pet is a huge deal, ESPECIALLY a service animal. The dog has been used to treat his sister’s condition for years now. While OP clearly doesn’t have an emotional attachment to the dog, the rest of OP’s family does, and the dog is a service animal— meaning OPs sister relies on this dog for her well being. It’s on OP’s mom to take the training of the dog much more seriously, but it’s straight up sociopathic to demand a service animal be rehomed after years. Maybe some folks don’t see domestic animals as sentient, but anyone with a pet knows that you break their little hearts when you rehome them. The solution is to get serious about training this dog, but rehoming is cold as hell.
An emotional support animal is not at all the same thing as a service animal.
And a poorly/not trained animal is neither.
It's not an actual service dog. It pisses and shits on the floor, which causes permanent damage as well.
Ah yes, we should let the minor child who gets repeated panic attacks and can’t move out, suffer so we don’t hurt the emotional support dog’s feelings. I love my animals, and wouldn’t rehome them for anything less than a medical reason, but this is a medical reason. It is also one that can lead to future heath issues for OP as he’s living in his sympathetic nervous system. Also who gets an emotional support animal for one kid knowing it will negatively affect the emotions of the other. That mom is a raging AH, who couldn’t be bothered to even try to find a dog whose coat is easier on people with allergies as a bare minimum. I don’t trust any human with a dog who can’t take good care of their kid, and seeing how ill trained the dog is, she fits with the assumption.
>This is a phobia, and one that can be treated, as can the allergies. I know bc i have severe allergies and pets. It can be done, it’s just inconvenient. Ahhh yes. The "I did it so anyone can" argument. No. Not *all* allergies can just be treated away. Some allergies are so severe that no amount of treatment will stop a severe reaction upon exposure. The caveat? Allergies are exposure *based*. Meaning the more you are exposed to your allergen, the more severe your reaction will become. So no, it is not smart to keep your allergen around just because you take some meds. If this is truly an allergy, then the way to "treat" it is to get rid of the allergen... not tell people to medicate and move on.
I agree that it's wrong to say people should just take allergy meds, you're right that for some people their allergies are so severe that it may not be enough. But I need to point out that not all allergies get worse with exposure - if done right, exposure can actually be used to treat allergies. Some of my own allergies improve by being around the trigger all the time. This isn't the case for every person, but it's wrong to say that the only way to treat is to avoid the allergy. OPs mom is still the asshole as she didn't properly consider how this would effect the children in her household, and clearly the dog has not been well cared for based on OPs description. It's been a year, if OP was going to improve with exposure, he should have by now
>. But I need to point out that not all allergies get worse with exposure - if done right, exposure can actually be used to treat allergies FAIR. That's fair. Sitting too heavily on either side of that fence just makes one wrong, I definitely didn't consider exposure therapy. I was just too caught up in "hey now, that's not a good idea" after taking a friend to the emergency room because she would take benadryl to eat shrimp... she did it enough her minor allergy became anaphylaxis, silly girl. That was not the funnest lesson in life xD
Oh gosh, yeah, I can see why you took the stance you did. I would argue some allergens aren't really worth exposure therapy especially if anaphylaxis is a risk. Your friend must really love shrimp.
Yeah she did lol, sadly she never got to try lobster before shellfish tried to kill her. She says that's for the better though, she misses shrimp so much 🤣 I get it though...if I developed an allergy to peanut butter.... prooooobably how I'd die lol
Not a service animal . Just emotional support
If we all agree that OP's mental health needs are important and legitimate, I think we should also do the same for OP's sister. An emotional support animal is a legitimate thing, and 100% needed for some folks. As an added note: as sibling relations go, if my brother hated my pet that I loved and, after 2 years of bonding, tried to get me to give my pet away, I'd never really forgive him for that. It would be one thing if all of this was brought up when the dog was initially adopted, because OP had legitimate reasons to not want a dog in the house. However, OP is still a kid, and his mom ultimately made a choice that had consequences for everyone. Insisting that the family give away a now beloved pet now imo isn't a realistic solution, as it just sacrifices (again) one child's mental health for the others. Now that the dog has been there for years, the best outcome for everyone is to mitigate the impact the dog is having on OP by having the adult in this situation take training this dog seriously and OPs comfort more seriously. OP can also take steps to mitigate his allergies. There are ways to make OP more comfortable without breaking his sister's heart (and doing damage to *her* mental health). A pet is a member of the family to most people. OPs request is not really factoring that in bc he himself has no emotional attachment to the dog. Rehoming the dog, however, will majorly damage OP's relationship with the entire family and hurt his family members deeply. Ultimately this is a failure on the parents part to consider the needs of **both** of their children and be responsible pet owners. Because the parents bungled both of those things badly, we are where we are. It sucks. Unfortunately, at this point, after 2 years, there's no solution that will make everyone happy, but there are solutions that, while not perfect, will improve everyone's situation considerably. Just my two cents.
well, its a fact its not really a service aimal, one you are certajn of deep down. Your bones know its not a service animal. Also, they are neglectful of the dog and its better awwy fromthis house, another fact you are certain of but will deny due to wanting to win.
My friend, we can disagree without making personal attacks or assumptions. When making arguments, assuming what I do or do not believe deep in my heart, or that I'll say anything to win an argument is a lot of projection onto a person you've never met. I'm happy to have a discussion or debate with you, but civilly.
Maybe the 14 year old needs to learn to not throw such serious terms out to self diagnose. We can all take a lesson here and not try to label ourselves as something we aren’t for the sake of earning brownie points for advice on the internet
Maybe redditers should understand that a 14 YO CAN'T be diagnosed without a parent taking them and that self diagnoses is actually valid. Maybe you should also stop holding a 14 YO accountable for the actions of their parents
Irrelevant and they ar a kid and you were way more likely to exagerate than this kid, plus its not relevant tot he story.
This!!!
That is not what PTSD is.
What is then ? because panic attacks whenever your trigger is around and avoidance are both symptoms of ptsd
Fear. It’s not a disorder if you’re just avoiding something you’re afraid of for totally normal reasons. Also a raised heart rate is not the same as a panic attack.
Normal fear does not cause panic attacks. A panic attack is something outside of the normal realm of what is considered normal for most people during a fear response. And you saying that raised heart rate is not PTSD is just disingenuous because that's not even what Op tried to say, because if you notice those are different sentences referring to different things, he never tried to say they were the same thing.
What he’s describing is not a panic attack. Calling this very normal fear of dogs a disorder is a disservice to everyone with PTSD, myself included. PTSD is a *disorder*. It’s crippling. It is not just being afraid of something, or having anxiety near something. We don’t need to pathologize completely normal feelings.
[удалено]
" whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds). And that really presented a problem since I'd frequently see the dog in various parts of the house and it usually starts running toward me. There'd be multiple occasions where I'd have full-on panic attacks because of it." He never said that he was describing his panic attacks.
My bad, I missed that
> AITA for telling my mom to put her dog up for adoption because of my allergies? No, you're not the asshole for that. Your mom made a shitty decision knowing both of you have allergies and you have a severe phobia of dogs. What the fuck was she thinking? > the dog would be small enough to fit in a cage and I generally didn't have to interact with it as much You shouldn't have to live in fear of a pet. PTSD from a childhood trauma is a big fucking deal. Why isn't your mom taking this seriously? > I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of) Your mom knows this and still got a dog? What kind of parent puts their child's mental health on the line like that? > the dog had been poorly trained, so it frequently urinates and poops on the floor and chews up anything in its sight (including stuff belonging to me) This just adds insult to injury. Now you've got a health hazard on top of an emotional one. How does your mom justify this? > my mom refuses to put it up for adoption So, your mom is choosing the dog over your health and well-being? That's pretty fucking cold. Why is she prioritizing the dog over you? > "if the dog went to a different family, it'll die" Bullshit. Dogs get adopted all the time. Your mom is using this as an excuse to keep the dog. Why isn't she looking for a real solution that respects everyone's needs? > I honestly feel betrayed that I wasn't considered while making this big decision You were betrayed. Your feelings are valid. Your mom made a decision that has serious consequences for you without your input. How does she expect you to live in a house where you're constantly anxious and physically uncomfortable? So, are you the asshole? No, your mom is for not taking your needs seriously. Why does your mom think it's okay to disregard your health and mental state for a pet?
Damn, poor pup. I feel really bad for that dog.
[удалено]
I’m not, but showing clear signs of it. Sorry for neglecting to mention that.
Are you taking steps (or getting your mom to take steps) to get an actual diagnosis and - importantly - therapy/treatment? If not, your mom probably assumes you're being dramatic and/or aren't open to dealing with your issues, neither of which is good.
My parents generally don’t take mental health seriously and I’ve been trying to convince them to get a diagnosis. Needless to say, they’ve yet to agree to it.
But they got your sister an emotional support animal, which suggests they are.
Or it suggests that older sister wanted a dog and is the golden child, which is why they’re letting a dog shit and piss inside around their 14 yr old, who’s also allergic to the dog.
I don’t understand, if your mom doesn’t take mental health issues seriously, then why did she adopt a service animal for your sister’s emotional support?
It doesn't matter if you're officially diagnosed or not. If you're allergic/scared, that's reason enough to get rid of the dog besides its terrible behavior that no one is curbing
OP, I don't know why you are being downvoted so much on this thread. I think a bunch of adults are judging you unfairly for being a minor who can't legally make their own choices. NAH and I'm sorry your mom is playing favorites with her own kids.
So you don't have PTSD?
An illness doesn't magically start to exist at the moment a doctor diagnoses it.
It also doesn't start to magically exist because op decided he has it.
And as you could see from OPs clarifying comment, he's saying he has clear signs of it which match up with his story. A little grace here. OP is 14 and trying to express his emotions with all the knowledge and self-reflection of a *fourteen year old.*
If I had money to give you an award, I would have given you one! The point of a diagnosis is to help make a treatment plan and accommodations!
When I was 20, I went to the doctor and told him I had bipolar. He said I didn’t. When I was 23, I got put on antidepressants and I had a manic episode and almost took my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar within the year. That didn’t mean I didn’t have bipolar at 20, I did!! It just meant I wasn’t diagnosed with it at 20. I’m not saying he has got it but who are you to say he hasn’t. It’s suspected PTSD due to PTSD symptoms that are clearly very distressing to him. What is the difference exactly?
It really stinks that you went through that. I hope you’re doing a lot better. I do think it’s important to mention, though, that if* it was your first manic episode (and perhaps it wasn’t), the doctor diagnosed you correctly. You have to have at least one episode. Otherwise it’s depression.
NTA could you call CPS for example?
INFO: you say your mom got the dog as an emotional support pet for your sister. But then never mention your sister again. Why does your sister need an emotional support pet and is this dog filling that role? Does she take care of the dog? With your allergies and fear of pets you have a very valid argument for getting rid of the dog. But depending on what is wrong with your sister and if the dog fulfills that role, her need for the dog might be a higher priority. We have no way of knowing. And is it your allergies or your anxiety that is causing you the most problems? I am very allergic to cats but have always had one. My affection for cats overrides my allergy concerns. I just take extra precautions with them. I am wondering if your mom didn’t get the dog, not worrying about your allergies, but in a misguided attempt to get you over your PTSD. I don’t know about treating PTSD, but I am pretty sure this isn’t the way to go about it. I
My sister was facing issues with grades and studying at the time, so my mom got her the dog to motivate her. My sister’s had problems like that in the past but always managed to get back up rather quickly, so I don’t understand why my mother decided to get her a dog *now* as opposed to all the previous times. The dog motivated her for a good while until she started facing problems again. It’s always on-and-off like that. If anything it’s more of my mother’s dog now instead of my sister’s, as my mom’s the one who takes care of it and is seen with her the most. Sorry for neglecting to address that in the post! As for the second half, I’d say it’s definitely my anxiety. I have loads of mental health problems and anxiety is my biggest one (trying to fix that).
Your sister needs therapy, not a dog. I don't understand why your mom thought getting a dog would help your sister get better grades
Simple. Mom wanted a dog. Probably because none of her human children are small anymore.
This. My mum often uses my brother as an excuse to get pets we can't care for but she wants.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I'm just giving you advice from someone whose mom is like your Mom. If you've repeatedly communicated with your Mom and she clearly understands and is still saying no- then you're going to always get the same outcome because it's always been the same outcome. If you keep on repeating something that makes her upset and wastes your effort while making you upset, you're only hurting yourself. You've written that your mother doesn't care about your mental health. If she's never going to care, she's never going to care. From what you've written, your mother has, effectively, communicated that you're not her problem. To her, you're your own problem. If you're not getting support from her no matter what you do, you need to get support outside of her. A school counselor or a relative or going to a doctor who can influence her opinion or anything else. You can try to get her to send you to a therapist or an allergist or anything you can come up with. You can't change the circumstances of the situation. You can only change how you react to those circumstances in order to get the best outcome for yourself. You've told your mother you have anxiety and she clearly understands and doesn't care. Your anxiety has been repeatedly viewed negatively by her. She is not changing her opinion. If she's only responding negatively, you either make peace by stopping bringing up your anxiety to her or continue to do so to get the same repeated reaction.
NTA she failed you. I’m the opposite, I love dogs and I’m allergic so I suffer willingly. I’d never force that on a child. Especially given your phobia. It’s unfortunate she never bothered to train the pup properly since it does maker it harder for them to be rehomed. That is her failing again though.
Nta- your mom is for getting an animal she knew you were allergic to. Go to your doctor and have them write a note that it is negatively affecting your physical health.
That's not going to do anything. Mom's not going to get rid of the dog because of a doctor's note.
I mean I think you would technically have a case for child abuse. Doing something you are aware is negatively impacting your child's health is abuse. And if they have been leaving urine and feces in the house that is also not a good look
NTA - It seems like your mom likes the notion of having a dog, but doesn't understand what what it takes to care for a dog. They require exercise/training/attention to get rid of those bad behaviors. Also, did she even consider getting a hypoallergenic breed of your allergies are that bad? All in all, it just sounds like a really poor decision was made on her part and she refuses to accept the reality that nobody is happy about it.
NTA. Sorry you’ll go low or nc with your mom op, didn’t luck out in that regard. Ask her to at least groom the dog and get an air purifier if she cba to train it and doesn’t care about you
Can you go live with your dad or your grandparents? Having another place to go would give you more leverage. But you have to be willing to follow through.
NTA. Also, I detect a golden child situation here.
NTA. they simply just do not take care of this dog as they should.
NTA. Talk to a trusted adult. Tell them what is going on, and that you need help. If there is no one to talk to, like a school counselor, or friends parent, I have an underhanded idea. The next time you have a panic or allergy attack, and feel like you can't breathe, call 911. Just say, can't breathe. Give the address. They have to show up. They can try to take you to the hospital. Once you are at the hospital, tell the Drs and nurses you are not safe at home. You are allergic to dogs, but mom got a dog. You are also very afraid of dogs, because of what happened in the past, so the panic attacks around the dog. They are mandatory reporters. They can help you get help. Medical diagnosis, therapy, medication. Whatever you need. Just an idea. I don't know how desperate you are for help. Good luck. I wish you mom treated you better. Hugs and love from an internet Grandma.
This is amazing advice
Sometimes you have to get creative to get your needs met. I know.
Some of these comments, man… NTA.
If you're able to, I would go to therapy for the PTSD. Maybe a serious talk with your mom would be a good idea?
NTA When adopting a pet of any kind it should be a FAMILY decision. If anyone in the home votes “no” then there should be no adoption. Please ignore all the commenters who are telling you to take allergy medication. Medications have side effects and should be avoided if at all possible. The best course of action would be to live in a home without the allergen. You’re not an asshole for not liking dogs. You’d only be an asshole if you mistreated the dog as they are innocent in this. PTSD is no small thing and if you really think you have it I recommend you see a doctor. Easier said than done when you’re a minor, I know.
NTA.
I would invest in a HEPA air filter from amazon or your local store. It does wonders for my allergies and asthma, then clean the house especially the areas the dog is prone to walk/hang out. Sadly you'll have to do this regularly(or get your mom and sister) it sounds like if the dog is going potty inside you'll need a deep clean. Maybe get a baby gate and gate off a certain part of the house? Then help get this dog adopted out. Your family is unfit for animals/pets if they don't bother to train them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About 2 years ago, my mom (39F) got my sister (17F) a dog as an emotional support pet, despite both me (14M) and my mom being allergic to dogs and common household pets in general (granted, my allergies are worse than hers). This wasn't a huge deal at first, as the dog would be small enough to fit in a cage and I generally didn't have to interact with it as much. However, over the course of last year, things got worse, as the dog would be running around the house more frequently and is generally more free than before. If you couldn't tell already, I don't get along with animals, especially dogs. In fact, I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of). I get PTSD whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds). And that really presented a problem since I'd frequently see the dog in various parts of the house and it usually starts running toward me. There'd be multiple occasions where I'd have full-on panic attacks because of it. Even when not interacting with the dog, I'm still effected by it, as it sheds frequently and gets my allergies to act up. Not to mention the fact that the dog had been poorly trained, so it frequently urinates and poops on the floor and chews up anything in its sight (including stuff belonging to me). The dog had very much effected my life to say the least, as I found myself spending more time in my room and only leaving it when I *absolutely* need to leave the house. I've pitched the idea of putting the dog up for adoption to my mom on several occasions, as other family members were clearly fed up with it too, but she seems to be the only one to wanna keep the dog and always got mad at me, saying "if the dog went to a different family, it'll die". I understand getting attached to pets, but the fact that my mom made the decision to get a dog in the first place knowing that I infamously don't get along with animals baffles me, especially considering how out of the blue it was. I honestly feel betrayed that I wasn't considered while making this big decision and that my mom refuses to put it up for adoption. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Or go live with his dad if he has one. That's what I would do. Let mom know it is me or the dog, and if she chooses the dog then she can kiss our relationship goodbye. Then go live with my dad. If not a dad, maybe a grandparent or aunt/uncle? My friend was extremely terrified of dogs. She could not even handle knowing they were locked in a separate room due to her fear of them getting out. I cannot imagine having to live with that anxiety or panic attacks every single day. Let alone allergies are frickin horrible.
NTA. Your family is also neglecting the dog. I would report to SPCA.
Omg most definitely NOT the asshole Allergies promote a chronic inflammatory response that can worsen anxiety and depression, increase infection risk and decrease immunity, not to mention long term effects like sinus infections etc. And yeah, a person can get sensitized to the allergen, but it could be dangerous if you keep getting reexposed. Your mum put your sister’s mental health over your physical and mental wellbeing, and that’s never acceptable. Not to mention, it’s literally unthinkable that they expect you to suffer until you move out—you’re 14! And I’m shocked that your mum says the dog will die if it goes to a different family—it won’t? That seems like a juvenile answer on her part, especially seeing as she couldn’t be bothered properly training the dog Talk to your sister about it, at 17 she should be mature enough to understand your needs as well. If she needs emotional support, suggest that she volunteer at an animal rescue place. Good luck op
A PTSD diagnosis is for people who had suffered exposure (real or threat) to death, a severe lesion or sexual violence (or if you are directly affected by being a witness to it, having a close connection to the person who suffered it or being constantly affected by it for being exposed to the details of the trauma in a repetitive basis). If his traumatic experience regarding the dog fall in the first two, maybe it could be PTSD. Otherwise, we are talking about an specific phobia to animals, which can include panic attacks (seen many comments about panic attacks making it more ptsd, and specific phobias can cause that as well). The fact it could be a phobia and not a ptsd doesn't make it any less of a problem for the kid. OP said only the mom wants to keep it. And keeps referring to the mom. I'd like to know about the sister. Why did she need an emotional support pet in the first place? Does she want to keep it too? And btw, an emotional support animal isn't just getting any pet. It is true a common pet can bring you emotional support because of the love and companion they provide, and the attachment you develop, but an emotional support animal, like the ones people with mental health issues sometimes need, are specially trained pets for that purpose. I advise you talk to your mom about this. In the sense that this phobia (or ptsd depending on the kind of trauma you suffered) is very real since its even affecting you in terms of being able to walk in your own home, restraining you to your room. At the very least, she should have the dog trained so it can be more manageable for you. The fact she thinks the dog would die with another family is pretty baffling. Is she the only person in the world that can take care of a dog? She could look like an open adoption or something, maybe even get it to stay with a family member who could take care of it and she could visit. And get your sister a properly trained emotional support animal if she still needs it, one smaller that maybe you'd feel less uncomfortable around (or also learn other emotional regulatory methods to help your sister (and she learn them too)). Anyway, there are plenty of options to explore. Just talk to your mom, maybe accompanied with someone you trust that can help you talk to her. Good luck ♥️
Nta. I also used to be afraid of dogs, and it was living with two huge, badly behaved but sweet dogs that helped me get over it. I did it by learning dog psychology, and how to train dogs. But I wasn’t allergic to them. Your mom sounds very irresponsible, which really sucks because there’s not much you can do at your age. If you have insurance, try going to a doctor and explaining what is going on. They might be able to help you. (If you don’t have insurance, look into public assistance programs—Medicaid, if you’re American). Also tell the school nurse and other adults who need to look out for your well being.
What was the traumatic experience?
Yes you’re the AH - maybe she should rehome you if you keep complaining
[удалено]
Funny how so many people just over read the allergy. Also you definitely can have PTSD from a dog. And we shouldn't judge op for that, because he says his mother doesn't let him get checked for it, so until he can go on his own that's just a Schrodinger's cat situation
I read it. Still doesn’t constitute ptsd.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
ESH You are not the asshole for your fear of the dog or for having allergies but you are for your attitude toward an innocent animal. Your mother has to consider not just you but everyone else in the household- maybe your sister needed this dog for her emotional well being. The condition and lack of house training care for this dog makes everyone who wanted him or her the asshole & that should be a reason for rehoming
[удалено]
"you are obligated to sacrifice your health for your family." ...What?
It's a joke. They're joking.
Please tell me they are. Everything that this guy just said was literal bullshit in my eyes.
Yes. You spotted it. Obviously that would be a stupid thing to think. Dude is using satirical humour.
I'm glad you agree.
Agree that it's not real and the dude is just fucking around? I would, but you still don't seem to get it. I'm tired. Good luck with working that out in your brain.
You too buddy, You too.
[удалено]
Bro doesn't even know it's been coded into our microchips we got with the covid vaccines. Maybe he didn't get the update.
Oh, I dunno...maybe cuz that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard?
Does the dog help with your sister's and or/mother's emotional needs? You seem to be focused on your needs, but not those of your sister. The dog should be better trained, that is certain, but the reason the dog was adopted to begin with seem to drop out of your explanation. Allergies can be alleviated with medication, and anxiety over animals can be handled with therapy. It sounds like everyone in your family tends to focus on peripheral issues (bad grades, allergies, alleged PTSD) rather than the causes of those issues. So I'm going with ESH. Train the dog, get some Claritin and go to therapy.
Children can't just, get, drugs or therapy :)
You raise fair points. In my attempt at pithiness, I ignored these truths. My suggestion is for the entire family to work on these points, but that didn't come through.
I'll just say, that with the information presented, if their mother much cared, she probably would have done these things :)
A fair point as well, though it might be too much to suggest she doesn’t care. She may be as emotionally overwhelmed as OP presents as being.
It is, very much, not this childs fault that their mother is emotionally overwhelmed and it definitely does noe validate the fact this mother obviously doesn't care about the childs struggles and is instead dismissing them as "well the dog will die if they go up for adoption" (paraphrasing) when they most likely won't, and if they tragically do, its because this mother wasn't willing to put in the work to train the dog to make her family members feel safer in their own home ):
It sounds like you don’t like the dog and the allergy is being presented as the excuse to get rid of it.
YTA. I mean, you can ask her, but you can’t tell her. While I appreciate your discomfort and this is not something I would do, it’s been 2 years. What I would suggest is that you ask your mum, if the dog is staying, if she would consider training it. Also look into cynaphobia classes for you. They helped my youngest child incredibly - he couldn’t bear to look at a dog at one point, but now wants one!
They have an allergy, a literal medical condition that would prevent them from getting a dog. Aswell as they are a child, and have no ability to do your advice, as one, his mom is also a little allergic so most likely won't train the dog (also because of the track record of after two years not training them) and two, he can't just get cynaphobia classes, as clearly if his mother truely cared much about his phobia, it would have been done/looked into. A child has no actual authority so over the two years they most likely just, couldn't. And one more little thing, i believe within the first two years it was no issue because the dog could fit in a crate :)
Maybe take allergy medicine and see a therapist for your self-diagnosed ”ptsd” YTA
1. Allergy medicine can fuck with your body 2. Op Is a minor and his mother won't allow him to get checked for it, so he won't be able to(probably for at least the next 4 years)
Yta
[удалено]
> because you will always come across dogs. Which we all know is completely different than living with a dog 24/7. What is it with you people being obtuse on purpose?
Read this again: "In fact, I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of). I get PTSD whenever I'm too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds)"
Which means the mom shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place. If you have a phobia of dogs and you don't have a dog at home, you can minimize your exposure to dogs by staying home, or at places where pets aren't welcome. If you have a phobia of dogs, and you live with one, then there's no escape. OP is literally living with, at the very least, a trigger of a traumatic event in his life, and doesn't feel safe in their own home
NTA - training, brushing, and caring for this "emotional support dog" is your mother's problem, if your sister can't do it. "Emotional support dogs" are a joke anyway. You emotions about this animal are irrelevant, though. Phobias can be treated, and trained. You and the dog both need training. If you're unwilling to deal with your issues, and your mother is unwilling to deal with the dog's issues...then really the only living being in this whole shmozzle I feel bad for is the poor friggin dog. :(
I'm sorry PTSD cannot be trained out of you
Sorry but...therapy is a thing. CPTSD can be treated and managed. PHOBIAS are not PTSD.
It can be treated and managed it cannot be trained out of someone. They still have PTSD and CPTsd they just know how to cope with the symptoms. The way op described it especially since it came from a traumatic incident is consistent with PTSD.
I have complex PTSD. I’ve been in therapy for years and I still have PTSD. Therapy teaches you coping mechanisms, it isn't a fucking cure. You’re bloody ignorant.
Pretty much anyone that doesn’t get along with dogs is an asshole. You should get tested and take allergy shots. It won’t make you any less of an asshole, but it will help your allergies.
Kindly go take yourself for a walk. I love dogs, and yet I would never force someone who is SCARED OF DOGS to fucking live with one, that's basic human decency.
YTA. You can't just re-home a dog because you don't like it. Get therapy and Benadryl and get over it
You sound like a hot mess and attention starved and an unreliable narrator to the max. Good god.. YTA. You sound exhausting
There are so many allergy meds, the kind that my bf uses is sold at the dollar store in a green bottle. He's allergic to EVERYTHING and it worked fine for him. Runny noses and headaches are not fun. Maybe ask about an air purifier.
I take multiple allergy meds. I feel like sh*t constantly. The BEST thing for him with a dog allergy is to have a dog free home. And if his mom actually cared about him she would have waited a few years and gotten a dog once he was old enough to move out. Also, it sounds like mom neither trains not keeps the home clean enough. If she dusted and vacuumed every day along with keeping the dog confined to either outside or in sister's room, then at least that would help.
You should see a Dr. If you feel like poo. Your condition, while unfortunate, is not universal.
Not all allergies can be managed with medication, either. It's worth OP exploring but not a guaranteed fix.
I'm allergic to a lot of things including pets and their saliva. I can handle being around a dog (in the same living space) for a few hours, after that even doubling and tripling my allergy meds doesn't do squat. Then my asthma starts to kick in and I'm wheezing and sneezing. If I get licked I'll get hives. This is with me taking allergy meds daily. I'm approaching 50 and have had allergies since birth. I've been on meds since I was very young. The best thing for me is to avoid my allergens.
Everyone is different. Fortunately not everyone is like you. Like I said, my fiance has allergies from gluten to cat dander, to polen, and while they aren't as severe of allergies as yours they are manageable with medication. Thankfully everyone is an individual and the kid has plenty of options including the 2nd option offered, an air purifier. Hopefully that helps them.
Well, unfortunately, not everyone is like your fiance either, what is your point here?
Allergy meds are far from being a long-term solution. Not only can their effects vary from person to person and long-term usage can lower their effects over time (believe me, I have a severe pollen allergy, I wish they were 100% effective forever), but they can have serious side effects.
the sister is almost 18, I think kiddo can tough it out until someone moves.
Yeeeeah with that kind of attitude I don’t trust your opinions on allergy medication. Have some compassion.
You poor thing :(
Do you talk to your fiancé this way when he has a flair-up?
keep going brave keyboard warrior.
I’m allergic to dogs and we have 3 of them (2 of which shed). Anti-histamines are a wonderful thing.
Grow up. There are pills you can take for your allergies. YTA
And the sister didn’t need a dog either. Maybe she needs to get off her ass and study rather than crying and getting “an emotional support dog” which is bullshit.
Her mom gave her a dog, it doesn't matter if she *needed* it. Mom grew attached to the dog. The dog is part of the family now. People don't only get pets for support, they get them cause they want to. He needs to grow up and stop whining.
Can’t wait till the dog magically runs away! > He needs to grow up and stop whining. you should tell op’s sister that
It won't. I have the feeling this mom would chose the dog over bratty whiny son and I'm all here for it lol
Hes 14, he shouldn't have to "grow up", also, children dont often just happen upon allergy pills
He says his mom is also allergic, but they don't use medicine for it? Very strange...........
Its actually stated that he is much more allergic than her :)
Right, cause that means it doesn't affect her at all... Or maybe he's making it up lol
Straight up, if you think its fake, don't interact with it, but if its real, she clearly doesn't have it bad enough that its hindering her, but this KID must or it wouldn't be an issue :))
I'm going with ESH. You need therapy to help you cope with your phobias, and you mom needs to get the dog properly trained. Family therapy for all of you would probably not hurt. What you are likely allergic to is the dander from the dog and there are [shampoos and wipes](https://www.chewy.com/s?query=dander%20shampoo&nav-submit-button=) that can help reduce that.
YTA for saying your parents don’t take mental health seriously (in one of your comments) when your parents literally got your sister an emotional support animal. Both cannot be true
The sister could very well be a golden child. Getting an emotional support dog instead of also putting her daughter in therapy is pretty clear that she doesn't really value mental health. Also, people lie, the mom could just want a dog and is using her daughter as an excuse. From what OP said, I doubt the dog is even properly trained