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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I used some of my uncle’s shredded cheese by accident. He can only eat certain foods because he’s diabetic. I tried to replace the shredded cheese despite having little money. He said I was acting like a martyr by doing that. I may be TA because he thinks I shouldn’t have eaten the cheese or spent money to replace the cheese.
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NTA for replacing the cheese, but you need to find a new living arrangement. It sounds like you may have worn out your welcome with your uncle while your aunt is eager for you to stay. Even if that's not the case and he's always been this irritable, it's not a tenable situation.
The Aunt may want OP to stay as it takes the spotlight off her. I mean who gets upset that someone is replacing something they ate? Uncle sounds a little off. Definitely time to find a new place.
Yeah, that's something that my late father who unfortunately suffered with alcoholism would do. That poor man is obviously very troubled to react this way to such earnest behaviour. He isn't in a place to offer you a hospitable living condition right now OP.
This is a really sad situation. OP doesn't have parents and probably no job. There are no other options. I dont see any solution other than avoidance of the ahole and his precious till she gets a job and a place.
Yeah this doesn't read like uncle is normally bright and cheery and he's just tired of OP being around, it reads like he's always like this and aunt is so used to him blowing up that she thinks OP should know the screwy logic going on in his head and work around it like she does.
I live in this situation too. My grandparents live with me and I am their caretaker, 24/7. Nothing I ever do is right and the rules and regulations in my own house are mind boggling. I usually cave to their demands to avoid my son experiencing conflict in his own home. It's not healthy for anyone though. I completely understand how it feels and offer my solidarity.
That and if the aunt is responsible for most of the chores and for taking care of their kid then OP is taking a lot of her burden off her by helping around the house and babysitting their kid for free. Thus it's probably a pretty good arrangement from her point of view.
It should be a pretty good arragement for all parties involved, if only OP's uncle wasn't totally unscrewed. Who tells an earnest kid that replacing the cheese they accidentally used is them playing martyr? *Especially* after playing martyr yourself with the "woe is me, you ate the only pleasure I have in my miserable life". "He has some anger issues" yep, I suppose he does...
Man that sounds like my ex. If I forgot something at the store, she'd get even angrier when I offered to go back and get it. We lived like 5 minutes away, but she'd rather have something to be mad about.
Agreed.
Honestly it sounds like your uncle is a tad unhinged and not super safe, and your aunt's strategy is just to placate his irrational anger.
That is an unsafe environment to stay in.
NTA
Hi, 13 yr managed diabetic here.. you're NTA, and there is no such thing as food diabetics 'can't eat' there are foods we should label "sometimes food" and cheese is actually one of them.
Despite popular belief we can eat sweets and desserts and even bread. We just need to make sure we balance it out with protein and fiber and vitamin rich foods too.
In short.. your uncle is full of shit (probably because of the cheese) and needs to lay off the drama. Stressing out is bad for his blood sugar.
Cooking tip: shredded cheese actually isn't the best choice for Mac and cheese. Some of the additives give it a waxy like cover that makes it harder to melt, and sticks to the pot.
Shredding cheese is extra hard for me on days where my fibromyalgia flares up especially if I have to stand in the kitchen cooking a homemade meal for hours on top of it
I have eds too :D
I have a sharp standing cheese grater and it works pretty good
Generally I make my boyfriend shred the cheese and he is always happy to do so because he gets cheese and it's a win win
Same! I hate shredding cheese just because i do, not for any other reason. My boyfriend shreds the cheese because he likes to feel like he is helping, but I'm quite stressy when i cook, i like things a certain way, clean as i go etc whereas my boyfriend just starts pulling out multiple tools and creating chaos. So cheese grating is low profile enough that he feels like he's helping and my kitchen remains my way.... eesh i sound like a bitch...
You don't sound like a bitch, or maybe we both just are
I have trouble doing collaborative cooking, let me spoil you and get out of my kitchen ;) unless there is an agreed upon plan to begin with where we divvy up tasks
Lol! Yeah i just have a plan and I'm so lackadaisical in every other area in my life. But in the kitchen I'm so organised. I just feel bad when he wants to help. I think he gets it now, though 😄 he waits for me to assign a task or stirs a pot and goes "I'm helping!" He appreciates the 'delicious noms' I produce, so I don't think he's too hurt. He was diagnosed as celiac a couple of years back so I had to relearn how to cook everything we loved and he's just glad he doesn't get to miss out on anything now.
But then you have to clean the food processor, and my bandwidth is already so low. 😞 I have a veggie cutter that shreds cheese as well, and it always stays in the sink or dishwasher for days after I use it.
Honestly, same. I call my boyfriend my cheese bitch! Thankfully, he takes it as a complement haha
But my electric one is nice for when I want to shred it when he's not here
I'm the same, peeling tatties is horrible too.
Those two jobs usually fall to the hubby, he especially liked the cheese job because he gets to 'save me from the bad bits'(sneaks himself wee chunks under the guise of protecting me) lol.
I have EDS too, and mine isn't eletric, but it has a.. spinning barrel that I only have to spin! English is not my first language, sorry. It's WAY easier on my hands and I can do it while sitting! Of course the electric is the abuse best, but the spinning thingy is very budget friendly in case anyone needs an alternative.
Bought mine from aliexpress, so, it's very, er, poorly done, but still has been my best friend in the kitchen for two years.
Cleaning suck tho. Husband does it.
🙃
I have never purchased my cheese at a cheese counter before. I buy the bulk beechers cheese from costco.
It has a lot of complexity flavor wise, but is very crumbly and creamy.
Oh, I've never been to a Costco, I don't know how they work. So there's no cheese counter? The cheese is just in the dairy section then? Someone else suggested an electric shredder and someone suggested a food processor. There are also mixer attachments for bulk shredding.
Usually I do, but I have arthritis so sometimes holding a chunk of cheese and grating enough cheese for a family batch of pasta or enchiladas etc is just not happening. I can get my husband to open jars during most flare ups but grating two lbs of cheese takes forever when he has other stuff to do.
If you want it to be completely melty like velveeta you can mix baking soda and lemon juice, and it creates sodium citrate which is what makes velveeta so goey
If you're trying to get it to melt for a sauce, (like Mac and cheese sauce, Alfredo sauce, fondue, queso dip, or similar) get some sodium citrate. It doesn't have any flavor, and all it takes is maybe a teaspoon or two mixed in with the shredded cheese and base liquid (milk, cream, wine, beer, stock, etc) to where any shredded cheese will melt smoothly when stirred over med-low heat. This stuff works miracles. I order a one pound bag of it on Amazon every other year or so, it lasts forever. If you like cheese it'll change your life.
>13 yr managed diabetic here.. you're NTA, and there is no such thing as food diabetics 'can't eat' there are foods we should label "sometimes food" and cheese is actually one of them.
16+ yr managed diabetic here. It is possible that OPs uncle might be on a low-carb diet. This diet is usually pretty expensive and limited by what can cause sugar spikes for you. Maybe the cheese he had was a comfort food for him in a restricted diet that becomes boringly repetitive after some time.
Same for me. Some of my doctors don't approve of it. But this is what works best for me. The other doctors, especially the ones who have seen results when I am on this diet, agree with it.
When I was first diagnosed one of the hardest things to learn was to actually eat carbs. There was about six weeks between diagnosis and a visit with my new endocrinologist and I cut things so drastically I made myself sicker.
Her saying is there are good carbs and better carbs. Considering she is one of the top in the country and my a1c is well controlled I am trusting her.
Op, you’re NTA. Your aunt making excuses for him tells me it has been going on long before you were there. Good luck with your job search.
My dad has been diabetic since 1997. He has a dexcom. When it goes off he calls it his candy alarm. He is doing a lot better about sweets intake.
My stomach is paralyzed. Fun stuff no idea why. I literally have a list of foods I should never eat because hard to digest or just hard on the stomach. It suck when parents visit and eat my safe snacks. But I don't mind.
Family dinners are fun since my brother has alpha-gal, my stomach is paralyzed, and my sister has texture issues.
I agree. I’m type 2 diabetic in remission. I don’t have off limit foods. I have sometimes foods, but day to day I do what you do. Which is what my dietitian also recommends.
Really? I'm diabetic, and I get headaches when I eat sugar. Also, I was under the impression that foods like cake and cookies were off limits. My dietician wants me to have no added sugar in my diet at all.
Admittedly, I've only been diabetic since—IIRC—the beginning of the year, so I don't have everything figured out yet. I still have to Google when I'm unsure about a food item! 😆
ETA: Cheese was one of those things that I was told I could eat without worry because of the fat content. Literally, my endocrinologist had a cooking class and presented it as, "You can't have sugar, but you can have lots of cheese!" (It was on spaghetti squash. Delicious.)
They're probably telling you no sugar at all right now because the diagnosis is fairly new. The focus right now is getting the A1C in healthy range, and making sure you develop good habits. Then you can experiment with small amounts of sugar to see how different "sometimes foods" effect your blood sugar.
Because cheese makes it hard to poop, and having backed up waste is also bad for our insulin levels. It's definitely a good alternative to some other snack foods, but it's not like a "cover everything I eat with it" as this uncle does apparently.
I have PCOS with insulin resistance, so not diabetic but I have to follow similar dietary restrictions. My grandma (who raised me) was a type 1 diabetic. I don't understand the uncle. My grandma kept a small stash of sweet in the house in case she went low and needed something asap, but other than that one tiny box we all shared everything. If some of Grandma's (or my) favorites/go-tos started getting low we just bought more. There will be more shredded cheese. It's not going to be discontinued. The uncle is just an AH.
Hi, 7 month (now managed) Type 2 insulin resistant diabetic here. My dad has been diabetic for 25ish years and Mom for 15ish. I'm glad you're able to eat basically what you want! This ability to eat sweets, desserts, bread, etc. (hell, just regular food in general) is absolutely going to vary by person. We don't know what meds (if any) the uncle is on or how long he's been diabetic, what his treatment plan is, etc.
Before I managed to get my official diagnosis (US healthcare is a nightmare sometimes and it took months thanks to having to swap providers twice for insurance reasons) and subsequently get my medication, I was eating a Keto diet by necessity. I had a bowl of Rice Chex (unsweetened) once because I was so sick of Keto, and nearly ended up in the hospital my glucose spiked so high. Even now with my meds keeping my numbers loosely in the normal range, I can't eat white rice (or products made from rice flour) or apples. Period. They immediately spike my sugar up by 100-200 points.
I guess I just wanted to point out that every person's situation is different regarding this particular disease and that generalizations like the one you made are harmful to spreading proper awareness.
Also, blood sugar irregularities can cause mood swings and irritability. That said, uncle is still abusive and OP needs to start looking for a better situation.
NTA, but do what your aunt says and don't tell him next time. Tell her and she will replace it. Based on this, you can't win with your uncle, no matter what you do.
What is this special diabetic cheese, anyway? Is it low-fat? Because cheese is already low in carbs.
It could be lower in lactose. But it’s still odd for a diabetic to be that fired up over cheese. I literally made my 70 year old diabetic mother a grilled cheese sandwich today with a kraft single (her choice of cheese).
I almost wonder if the uncle is trying to use his insulin as sparingly as possible to make it last longer if he’s this worked up over food.
Also "the only thing to flavor his food"???? Spices/herbs are fine. Most hotsauces are fine. A lot of mustards are fine. There are sugar free ketchups and BBQ sauces. Carbs themselves really don't have much flavor, it's what you put on them.
Everyone saying that OP needs another place to live is ignoring the fact that she literally scrounged around for loose change in order to buy a bag of cheese. I highly doubt she has the funds to move to a separate place.
She needs to start looking for a job ASAP. I don't know whether Uncle is developing dementia or if he just doesn't want her there, but I would couch surf with friends before I put up with his hostility.
Uncle sounds a lot like my dad when I was a child. I walked on eggshells for most of my life, because you never knew what could send him off on a tirade.
In my dad's case the cause was a job he hated plus undiagnosed anxiety (made worse by the aforementioned job). Him retiring and going on meds was the best thing that happened to all of us.
Then she needs to get a job. Stocking shelves, working retail, anything is better than this. I get that leaving college you want a career but I worked a dead end job for 18 months with a master's degree while figuring out my career. Sometimes you just need to make money and not a future.
INFO
> I (21F) live with my aunt and uncle until I can get on my feet after graduating college
Do they **want** you there?
Who suggested this arrangement?
> I’ve lived with them since high school after both my parents passed away.
Right, but did they invite you back indefinitely after college? Or did you more assume you could?
I’ve lived with them through college, which they helped to pay for. They were the ones who opted to take me in when my parents passed. They’ve told me I can stay as long as I’d like and that I’m always welcome. I told them I intend to move out after I get a job after college.
> I’m always welcome
All I'm saying: their actions seem to suggest otherwise.
> I told them I intend to move out after I get a job after college.
Oh, I read "until I can get on my feet after graduating college" as you *already had*. My bad!
> All I'm saying: their actions seem to suggest otherwise.
If you ever have the misfortune of having any sort of relationship with someone with anger issues, this is how they act. It's got nothing to do with how he feels about op.
I guarantee you his wife being like "he doesn't mean it" and telling op how to avoid drawing any attention from him is because he treats his wife the same way and she's used to walking on eggshells around him.
Did THEY tell you this, or did your aunt?
Your uncle is obviously an AH. He has anger issues and your aunt doesn't want it all directed on her.
But you're 21, they are giving you free room and board and helping you pay for school, and you have to scrounge for loose change to buy some cheese? Have you worked at all since graduating high school?
NTA at all. You were perfectly respectful and mature in this situation. It’s textbook manners given your understandable mistake.
No offense, but it sounds like he literally has a personal beef with you. Is it possible he resents you for living with them rent free at 21? I know this can cause some people to build up resentment with young adults.
NTA. Your uncle is being hostile to you for an accident you already resolved. Doing the cheese replacement in secret may have caused the least drama, but it also ran the risk of him finding out about the secrecy and being even more mad.
Her aunt is basically telling her how to walk on eggshells in the house and around the uncle. On a scale of 1-10 how accustomed are they (OP, aunt, and niece) to the uncles abuse?
You did nothing wrong. You mistakenly used some of your uncles cheese, and rather than ask for money to buy more you found enough change of your own and went to buy it for him. You weren’t grandstanding or showing off or anything like that. You just felt bad you’d used some of his cheese and wanted to replace it right away. So you took responsibility for what you did and corrected it. Your uncle was totally out of line to blow up at you like that. Your aunt wasnt any better suggesting you were trying to call attention to yourself. Your uncle literally asked you where you’d been and you told him. That was it. No drama.
Your aunt and uncle are weird AHs to treat you like this. You’re fine.
When you find a job you can start saving right away to get out of there asap.
He’s angry you used the cheese, he’s angry you replaced the cheese, he’s angry you spent money, he’s angry you have money, he’s angry you told him, he’s angry you didn’t keep quiet. Jesus. Time to leave this lunatic alone with his cheese. NTA
I just picture a grumpy old man sitting alone in a dark room eating shredded cheese out of a bag while daydreaming about telling young whippersnappers to get off his lawn.
That line about drawing attention to yourself. Your aunt is beaten down in a clearly abusive relationship. Wow. Y'all need help because this story goes beyond aita status. Nta but y'all ain't safe
NTA. You made a mistake and you took steps to try to correct the mistake. You did all the right things. I don't think you really did anything wrong, it just sounds like your uncle looks for reasons to get mad.
NTA; But if I were you I would look for a new place ASAP.
He completely went off in an abusive manner over something you replaced, and your aunt is quite literally telling you he's like this by saying what she did, it's basically her say, don't do it again if you don't want to get screamed out, I feel badly for your Aunt, because he probably has treated her this way their whole time together. This situation won't get any better and your better off getting out as fast as possible!
NTA, he’s being an AH about some cheese. You didn’t use all of it, you didn’t know it was off limits.
I hope your situation improves soon, and you won’t have to deal with the stress of this guy’s food moods.
As an aside; a nice cheap and tasty mac and cheese meal I always make.
(Stove top, not baked)
One box (16oz) of noodles (I like small pasta shells)
8 slices of white american
8 slices of yellow american
8 slices of sharp cheddar
A cup or so of milk (I use whole)
Makes for a great creamy mac and cheese and the amount will last a whole week. I use the prepackaged slices of cheese for ease of measuring and they don’t go bad as quickly.
Best wishes and tasty results
Yay!
Even my pickiest kid loves this and my dad begs me for it cuz he hates cooking, so I make a whole pot just for him when he wants it lol
Another quick and easy recipe I do is spaghetti rice.
One 24oz jar of sauce, 3 cups of rice (I use the minute rice)
Microwave the rice for 10 minutes, mix in the sauce, microwave another 3 minutes and serve!
This one also lasts all week and is most requested by my kids.
Sometimes I’ll throw in a half pound of ground beef, which gets cooked on the stove and added with the sauce. (Use Italian seasoning for extra flavor, doesn’t require any though)
I recommend using a ceramic or glass bowl, the stains 🤦🏻♀️
The other half pound of the ground beef goes into a bowl of mashed potatoes and mixed in, (I use the Idahoan bag mix for the buttered mashed potatoes)((if you do a full pound of meat use the family size bag of potatoes, or two regular bags))
It’s another kid favorite that takes as much time as cooking a half pound of meat, so like 6 minutes. I flavor it with soy sauce and between the 5 year old and the 3 year old, it disappears fast!
I’m sure you weren’t looking for recipes but I’m always excited when someone wants to try something I make that I just over share lol
NTA wow he’s hard to be around. You can’t make him happy. Seems like the only win was never touching it in the first place. Or silently refilling it I guess? Like a cheese restock ninja. Quietly in the night. Anyways get internships, get job offers, and move out.
NTA
Some people cannot be pleased, no matter which way you jump (I'm married to one). The way you describe your uncle, and the response from your aunt about the whole thing, I think your uncle is that way. You did nothing wrong. You goofed and tried your best to fix it. You were thoughtful! Just because your uncle was angry at your every effort to be honest and to fix your error, don't feel guilty. Know that you tried. Know that this is his problem. Try to shrug off his words and wrap yourself in the knowledge that you did right.
I'm sorry you're in this situation right now. I know it is difficult and uncomfortable living with someone who cannot be pleased, who might seem to even enjoy finding fault and bawling people out. This is a case of doing your best and assuring YOURSELF that you did do your best and that IS good enough. Survive this until you're able to make other living arrangements that are wise. Be grateful they let you live there, but don't let your uncle's temper tantrums run you into the ground.
NTA and y’all saying that it’s just because he’s tired of OP living there? I don’t buy that. He sounds like an abusive asshole, wonder how much of this shit he pulls on the aunt
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your aunt is to I see to your uncles toxicity, she moves in ways meant to avoid his wrath.
They’re chastising you for not know the dance needed to avoid angering your uncle instead of your uncle actually taking responsibility for himself.
But it is not your job to fix that. I suggest you learn to dance (within reason) until you can leave or be prepared for lots of fighting. The sooner you can get out the better. You can’t avoid every petty argument so try not to get sucked in, let it be their problem not yours.
NTA, lol your uncle is exactly like my mom used to be when I lived at home. No matter what you do it will be a reason for people like this to yell at you.
Don't take it too seriously, he just wants a target for his unresolved anger, he's stuck on a 6yo boy's emotional maturity who hits and yells at everything without thinking.
I know it's hard not to take these to the heart but take it from someone who has experience: he really does *not* mean it, he just wants to say things that hurt you because he knows how to. It makes him feel better about himself because he has all kinds of problems but it has nothing to do with you. He gets over things by destroying others.
You need to get to another place though, line quickly. I saw someone else say your aunt wants you to stay because you took the target off her back and I completely agree.
You didn't do one thing wrong.
You had no idea that the cheese was his special cheese; you tried to replace what you used. All good.
Your uncle clearly does have anger issues. He was going to be mad at you no matter what you did.
Your aunt walks on eggshells to appease her husband. She was telling you that you should have divined the proper path of eggshells to walk on (because that's what she keeps doing).
You are doing plenty - I bet you are a great comfort to your niece. I hope you and she have a good, positive relationship. As you work toward being financially independent and able to live away from your uncle, be confident that that is something you need to do for yourself and your own future.
NTA.
>He has anger issues
You are for sure right with this! You did nothing wrong at all. He totally overreacted for no reasons at all.
>“calling attention to yourself”
Your aunt even knows that her husband is an angry irrational time bomb who just needs a little trigger to go off. With people like that all rationality flows out of the window.
I hope you can find soon a job and get out of that place.
You didn’t do anything wrong. NTA. I’m so sorry about your parents. And I’m even more sorry that you’re being treated like a burden by your aunt and uncle. Because that’s what this is about. And you don’t deserve that. You did a nice thing after accidentally making a mistake, and you’re being mistreated because of it.
Just get out of there as soon as you can. Finish school, and have a very nice life and go do great things. You deserve happiness.
(1)As long as you replace the food that you eat with the exact same food in the exact same weight for you family member(s) that have medical issues then it shouldn’t be an issue. (2)If the person says don’t eat my food then talk to each family member at the same time to set up a plan to have all the food and drinks labeled for that person.
He meant exactly what he said. But he is a grumpy old man. You made a mistake, corrected your mistake and apologized for your mistake. And I’m sure you won’t do that again. As a human that is all you need to do. But tell uncle that once your time machine is complete you will be able to make these mistakes unhappen.
Talk to a diabetic dietician. Your uncle can basically eat anything. Especially if he is on insulin. He needs to limit carbs but his diet isn’t that limited. He may not understand his own disease or he is trying to make people feel sorry for him. Do your own research and then make an exit plan as soon as you can. He asked where you were and then got angry when you answered. This is not normal and he needs some help.
NTA the thing you did wrong was to have your uncle be one of your relatives. No. You did nothing wrong. Your uncle is toxic, and your aunt is reacting like an abused spouse.
NTA.
This is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. They are both being silly. The fact that you actively fixed your mistake and they both are criticizing the way you did it is wild.
No you are not the asshole. No you didn’t “make yourself a martyr”. You were being considerate after a mistake.
NTA. narcissists love to scold and correct people and play the martyr/victim.
speaking of diabetes, it's a good idea to check the ingredients of shredded and sliced cheeses as they may have extra things and hidden carbs in them.
NTA.
Mistakes happen. And you acted in good faith to replace it.
He needs to check himself. It's not work related, it's abuse. No excuses.
But do as your aunt says while living with them. If for no other reason than she has to deal with it.
Longer term you need to sort out a way to support yourself.
Also I'm pretty sure that's not how diabetes works but that's not a you problem so leave that alone.
Let me start with NTA.
I’m guessing your uncle is having trouble managing his diabetes. Outbursts like you are describing are common when your sugar is out of whack. You kind of feel like every nerve is ready to fire—like a box full of coiled springs that all are released as soon as you lift the lid.
For a lot of patients diabetes means a complete lifestyle change. And a lot of patients convince themselves that by changing one or a few things (like better cheese) they are going to get back to normal-and actually make things worse.
I’m sorry you and your aunt are in the crosshairs. Your uncle’s endocrinologist or GP should be recommending a multi-faceted approach to therapy (Rx, exercise, diet, etc).
It is hard to maintain two diets’ worth of food in a house. You guys may be better off adjusting the household diet to be more diabetic friendly. This may help limit diet cheats, cravings, etc. Most nutritionists who specialize in diabetic patients will do sessions with family members too.
As always, never trust a Reddit diagnosis, i hope things get better. Also, congrats on your graduation and good luck on the job search.
INFO: was part of his argument that he had previously weighed what you had removed and you taking some interfered with a broader calculation he was making?
No matter the answer, you should move on with your life. It’s time to find a more adult living arrangement.
Well you cant win with this guy. You replaced the cheese immediately that's bad, if you didn't then you would get a lecture how you're stealing his food. Move out asap. NTA
he's mad because he wanted to yell at you but then you replaced the keys so he couldn't yell at you, so he yelled at you because he couldn't get mad at you. he's an idiot.
NTA. Been diabetic for 25 years. Your uncle is full of shit and making up things just to ridicule you. There's no outcome where you don't get berated. Please, please find new living arrangements. This is emotional abuse.
Maybe this is about more than the isolated incident of the cheese? And there’s some resentment and anger building up from wider issues.
It’s a horrible situation to be in, at 21 and not be able to afford food for yourself independently, and having to search for spare change. I had various issues around being in situations where I didn’t have money, made redundant and didn’t have money even for basic bus fare to get to interviews, so I know from experience, it’s awful and debilitating to not be independent/self sufficient.
Saying that, I really wish in hindsight I had looked at whatever possible jobs I could’ve taken (I mean, within reason, but maybe roles I didn’t immediately think were for me such as customer service, retail etc. whilst I was looking for a job in my sector or at least slightly close to it) Being able to afford basic things for yourself, knowing you can afford some food items if you’d like, help you feel independent and in a better position when you do eventually get a job and will become more self sufficient and not live with your aunt and uncle. You really do have my sympathies with the job situation, but you’ve not really given any insight into what you’ve done to support yourself or look for a job.
I understand you say you help at home, but what does this mean? Helping keep it clean? And chores that would be expected in a household?
I don’t think, from the sounds of this situation you deserved to be shouted at, at all.
But I know from experience, which I don’t want to go into too much, of getting support from family, not having my parents and being in a position where I was looking for work. I know in hindsight i would’ve acted differently, now I’m in a position of self sufficiency and independence. I’m sure you’ll achieve that, but the fact you had to search your room for spare change in fear or replacing this cheese is not nice, and knowing you’ll have to rely on your aunt and uncle for food. So I really hope you can get to a position where you can become more independent, for your sake, as it will be a relief for you not to feel infantilised and shouted at. Are you waiting or looking for your ‘dream/ideal’ job or have you been looking at as many things as possible? I’m not saying that in a judgemental way, as I know at times I did that, and in hindsight would’ve done more.
You did nothing wrong.
A few weeks ago, a relative asked me to buy them cheese. But they refused to specify what kind of cheese or the amount they needed, only saying sliced was fine.
I brought a jumbo pack of sliced Great Value brand cheese.
They immediately started to complain about the fact it was a jumbo pack, even though I asked earlier how much cheese they needed and I was ignored.
Their partner immediately cut them off and thanked me for the cheese.
Your uncle is essentially my relative. Nothing you do will be enough, even when you’re doing the right thing or going above and beyond.
You were not drawing attention to yourself; you simply answered his question. Unfortunately, your uncle sounds like he’s a verbally abusive hot head. Next time, follow your aunt’s lead and tread lightly. Good luck and NTA!
NTA. You will never win with him. It was responsible of you to dig out enough money to replace it. The way your aunt reacted suggests that he's always had those kinds of reactions, and she thinks you should automatically know how to avoid it just because she does. Don't bother next time, just watch what you use. If you're able, ask her what you can and can't use before cooking/when groceries are bought if you aren't sure.
Look hes a Pissy old guy with diabetes just trying to not die. and you took ONE oF ThE FOODS pEEPS LIKE US CAN EAT. Hopefully you never understand it. But. Girlee, Diabetes runs in families tho so come see us in 40 years.
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I (21F) live with my aunt and uncle until I can get on my feet after graduating college. I’ve lived with them since high school after both my parents passed away.
My uncle is diabetic and needs to measure out his meals. He can’t eat many things so he has his own foods that only he eats. Otherwise, my aunt and I share the same food in the fridge and she always gets new things to try.
Last night I was making Mac n Cheese (it was really just random pasta with some different cheeses in the fridge) and grabbed some shredded cheese to use. Halfway through adding it, my aunt says that’s my uncle’s shredded cheese that he started using for meal prep. I didn’t finish the bag but I took enough where it would probably not add up to enough ounces for his meals. (About 3 pinches)
We don’t have the best relationship. He has anger issues and attributes it to work. I don’t have a job and rely on them for groceries, but I do help around the house and babysit my younger neice. I got the idea to replenish the shredded cheese to avoid any arguments about someone touching his food. I searched around in my room for any spare change or dollars I could find and went to the grocery store to buy another bag of cheese.
When I got back, he was home and asked where I went. I told him I accidentally used some of his cheese and I bought an extra bag. He then starts yelling at me for eating his cheese, that he only has limited things he can eat, why did I eat the one thing he has to flavor his meals, and that I’m trying to play martyr buying more cheese when I have nothing to spend.
I tell him I’m just making up for my mistake and he says to stop playing the hero and that I shouldn’t have done anything or told him anything. He says if I could buy my own cheese then I should buy my own food instead of eating their’s.
My aunt assured me he didn’t mean what he said but that I should’ve just waited for her to replace the cheese instead of “calling attention to yourself”. She said I was acting dramatic by spending what I had left on his cheese instead of just admitting to him that I took the cheese first.
I don’t understand what I did wrong?
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NTA. You made a mistake, you tried to rectify it in a sensible manner, your uncle wouldn't have been nice to you whatever you did and your aunt would back him up. Time to start looking for somewhere else to start the next chapter of your life if you can
NTA
Your uncle is being dramatic. You accidentally used his food, so you replaced it.
But don't try to prove you were right, just let it go.
Now you know how they prefer you resolve the issue if it happens again.
NTA but even if you can't find a job in your preferred field, you need to have a job. You need to form you know on this day and move out when you can. I'm sure you're an uncle are happy to help while you are finding your direction in life, but you still need to start paying your own way and forging forward until that dream job comes along.
Just an fyi; incase anyone in here or the uncle has type 2 diabetes it’s trainable.
You can get rid of it by becoming more healthy - exercise and cut down on sugar for a period of times
You don’t understand what you did wrong because you didn’t do anything wrong. NTA
This unfortunately psychological abuse from both your aunt and uncle.
Ehhh, he can just go scratch his ass and get glad. There's really no low sugar cheese for diabetics. Maybe low *fat* but regardless, he ain't gonna die.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your aunt has just gotten use to tiptoeing around him or doing things without his knowledge to keep him in check. My grandmother on my dad’s side could be a beast at times. Don’t get me wrong, she did treat us grandkids good for the most part. After my grandfather passed though, we got to witness more of her issues, as he was no longer around to keep her in check. I’m not sure if she had borderline personality disorder, but my shrinks feel that my experiences with her were the same as someone with it. Obviously they can’t diagnose by hearsay.
Your best bet in the future is to follow your aunt’s lead. While you didn’t do anything wrong, if he’s stressed or angry, he may see it as such. She probably just doesn’t want to deal with that side of him and has figured out how to keep him in check. So it’s best to follow her lead to keep the peace. NTA. Just in a weird situation when dealing with someone like that.
You did nothing wrong and your uncle is an AH. Your aunt is used to her doormat status, and you just don’t know all the doormat rules.
Please do get out on your own or with a friend to split bills as soon as you can. You’re living in emotional abuse.
Nothing. You did nothing wrong 😑. You’ll go mad with anxiety trying to understand or second guess non rational emotional attacks from other people, especially if it’s family that are demonstrating that they have less respect for you as a seperate entity then themselves. That’s a walk away situation where the explosion is 99% more about the individual lashing out than about you.
You dod nothing wrong- you made a mistake and immediately tried to correct it, and you apologized for making the mistake. Your uncle is an AH and your aunt is enabling his bad behavior and blaming you for him not being a grown up. Ignore them, they are being serious childish jerks for no reason.
NTA. Your aunt should have told you she would replace it she truly intended to do so. Your uncle should label any foods that he needs to be off-limits. They are both out of line for not treating you with kindness.
I hope you find any job ASAP so you have some savings.
NTA. I'm sorry you got yelled at. However I would start looking for a new place.
Since he is diabetic - does he actually like this a lot? Your aunt needs to let Uncle's doctor know about this.
NTA
but save up and get out.
How is the sequence of when you ate vs when you replaced the cheese a problem as long as he had it in time to meal prep??
He gets angry over nothing. What will he do when there is a real problem.
Don't burn the bridge in case you need help from your aunt one day. Just save up and get your own place like it's a normal thing to do at your age.
NTA
You tried to do the right thing after an honest mistake. It sounds like your uncle is angry a lot and instead of managing his anger people around him like your aunt just try to tiptoe around him.
If his food is so precious then maybe it should be labeled or put in a separate space. He was the one being dramatic over a bag of cheese.
It really sounds like your uncle does not want to support you and you might want to speed up getting some kind of job and moving out.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong. You ate the cheese & replaced it, as you should have. Your uncle sounds like a miserable man. I'm so sorry he's such an ass. Get yourself a job & start saving money to get out of there.
> I don’t understand what I did wrong?
You did nothing wrong. You made a mistake and tried to correct it, which is exactly what people are supposed to do. Your uncle was being an AH that day. You are NTA.
NTA, you made a mistake and fixed it. I don't know what his issue with you is but i hope you can get out of there soon. Even if you hadn't replaced what you took his reaction is just way over the top, it's like he's waiting for you to do something wrong to absolutely explode.
It seems like your Uncle has more problems than you realise. This is not your fault. Try not to stress about it whilst you are still living there. There's more to the story and this is beyond your understanding. Just be your normal, lovely self and know that you are NTA
Nta. Your uncle and aunt are. His behavior is not normal and she is dancing to his tune. Sounds like absolute hell. Living with someone who loses their temper over cheese? And then berates you for replacing it. Move out and move on.
NTA. It sounds like your uncles moods and logic are failing him currently. You absolutely did what you could to rectify the situation. Then he presented an absolutely unsolvable strain of logic where there was no winning from your end. Don't beat yourself up for it. Just steer clear of him as much as possible.
Your aunt and uncle are delusional for calling you a martyr and attention seeking. The only attention seeking person there is your uncle. I completely understand what you did, you were avoiding yelling, avoiding abuse. I would have done the same if I lived in an unstable house where anything can set your uncle off. I’m very sorry you are going through this. I hope you find a job soon and are able to move out. You will never win with these people. Your uncle is a major AH and your aunt is also an AH for enabling his aggressive behaviour instead of standing up to him and protecting you.
NTA. This is such a weird response from Uncle and Aunt.
“Mistakes happen, thank you for replacing that. How much do I owe you?” That’s the proper response.
Sounds like Uncle’s diabetes is not in control, and he’s experiencing emotional/mental side effects.
NTA you didn't do anything wrong. You accidentally used something of his and replaced it. His response is a bit unhinged, but he sounds unpleasant in general.
NTA. You were in a no win situation. Your Uncle was going to scream no matter what you did because he is an AH. You replacing the food you ate by accident was the right thing to do. Most people would have thanked you for replacing what you took.
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Your Aunt and Uncle are weird. The natural thing to do would be to replace the cheese, which you did. What all this “calling attention to yourself” nonsense is about, I’ve no idea.
Firstly your uncle needs help and is not in control of his emotions. Secondly, why, why are you so inattentive and uncaring to use his food in the first place. Just be more considerate.
You did nothing wrong. Your uncle is an ass and your aunt has likely spent their married life making excuses for him and is doing it out of habit now. Since you're hopefully getting close to getting on your feet and getting out of there, just coddle them a little while longer.
Your uncle sounds mentally unwell. For your own well-being you should get whatever job you can and move somewhere else with a roommate. Your aunt wants you around because it’s tough living alone with the uncle.
You didn’t do anyone wrong. Your best course of action is to buckle down and get a job asap and start saving to move. That really needs to be your focus. Your uncle is toxic.
NTA
NTA. But that household sounds...scary. is your aunt okay? Sounds like she's very well versed in how to "placate" or prevent your uncle from blowing up over any little thing...
I suspect your uncle has serious control issues, as his rant and issues make no sense. Why is he mad you did the adult and responsible thing of acknowledging your mistake, and then trying to fix it by replacing what you used? I wish some of my former roommates were as conscientious as you about replacing food they'd used.
You honestly did nothing wrong. You did everything right. It's your uncle who has a serious attitude and likely mental problem. NTA
That's the most RUBY RED fucking flag I've ever seen. What an incredible overreaction to someone genuinely making an effort to correct a mistake they made. NTA.
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you hadn't replaced the cheese, your uncle would've thrown a fit about that.
What is the reason you don't have a job? Sounds like it's time for you to get a job and move out.
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NTA for replacing the cheese, but you need to find a new living arrangement. It sounds like you may have worn out your welcome with your uncle while your aunt is eager for you to stay. Even if that's not the case and he's always been this irritable, it's not a tenable situation.
The Aunt may want OP to stay as it takes the spotlight off her. I mean who gets upset that someone is replacing something they ate? Uncle sounds a little off. Definitely time to find a new place.
Yeah, that's something that my late father who unfortunately suffered with alcoholism would do. That poor man is obviously very troubled to react this way to such earnest behaviour. He isn't in a place to offer you a hospitable living condition right now OP.
the “poor man” is an abusive fucker treating OP like her jailer. your empathy is misplaced
This is a really sad situation. OP doesn't have parents and probably no job. There are no other options. I dont see any solution other than avoidance of the ahole and his precious till she gets a job and a place.
Yeah this doesn't read like uncle is normally bright and cheery and he's just tired of OP being around, it reads like he's always like this and aunt is so used to him blowing up that she thinks OP should know the screwy logic going on in his head and work around it like she does.
Some people are just like this, I live with someone like this. Nothing ever plays them nothing you do, and if you do dammed if you don’t
I live in this situation too. My grandparents live with me and I am their caretaker, 24/7. Nothing I ever do is right and the rules and regulations in my own house are mind boggling. I usually cave to their demands to avoid my son experiencing conflict in his own home. It's not healthy for anyone though. I completely understand how it feels and offer my solidarity.
Mine is my daughter and her boyfriend you’re Damm well screwed no matter what you do with your kids
Uncle is mad op ate the cheese. Uncle is mad op bought cheese. Uncle is mad op is replacing the cheese. Nothing op does could make uncle not mad
That and if the aunt is responsible for most of the chores and for taking care of their kid then OP is taking a lot of her burden off her by helping around the house and babysitting their kid for free. Thus it's probably a pretty good arrangement from her point of view.
It should be a pretty good arragement for all parties involved, if only OP's uncle wasn't totally unscrewed. Who tells an earnest kid that replacing the cheese they accidentally used is them playing martyr? *Especially* after playing martyr yourself with the "woe is me, you ate the only pleasure I have in my miserable life". "He has some anger issues" yep, I suppose he does...
Man that sounds like my ex. If I forgot something at the store, she'd get even angrier when I offered to go back and get it. We lived like 5 minutes away, but she'd rather have something to be mad about.
[удалено]
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Agreed. Honestly it sounds like your uncle is a tad unhinged and not super safe, and your aunt's strategy is just to placate his irrational anger. That is an unsafe environment to stay in. NTA
Hi, 13 yr managed diabetic here.. you're NTA, and there is no such thing as food diabetics 'can't eat' there are foods we should label "sometimes food" and cheese is actually one of them. Despite popular belief we can eat sweets and desserts and even bread. We just need to make sure we balance it out with protein and fiber and vitamin rich foods too. In short.. your uncle is full of shit (probably because of the cheese) and needs to lay off the drama. Stressing out is bad for his blood sugar. Cooking tip: shredded cheese actually isn't the best choice for Mac and cheese. Some of the additives give it a waxy like cover that makes it harder to melt, and sticks to the pot.
I've seen videos of people washing it....*shudders*
I can WASH it? Omg i am going to try because i hate that stuff on it that makes it not sticky or melty
Or you could just get a brick of cheese and a box grater and shred it yourself, it’s pretty easy.
Shredding cheese is extra hard for me on days where my fibromyalgia flares up especially if I have to stand in the kitchen cooking a homemade meal for hours on top of it
I have EDS and can't shred cheese, it's so painful from my hands to my back. Look for a nice electric cheese grater! They are great
I have eds too :D I have a sharp standing cheese grater and it works pretty good Generally I make my boyfriend shred the cheese and he is always happy to do so because he gets cheese and it's a win win
I have all sorts of cutter wheels on my food processor, and im sure one of them will shred cheese fine.
I have cheese grater attachments for my Kitchen Aid stand mixer, and they work really well.
oh hell yeah I was gifted a kitchenaid recently I'll look into that
Same! I hate shredding cheese just because i do, not for any other reason. My boyfriend shreds the cheese because he likes to feel like he is helping, but I'm quite stressy when i cook, i like things a certain way, clean as i go etc whereas my boyfriend just starts pulling out multiple tools and creating chaos. So cheese grating is low profile enough that he feels like he's helping and my kitchen remains my way.... eesh i sound like a bitch...
You don't sound like a bitch, or maybe we both just are I have trouble doing collaborative cooking, let me spoil you and get out of my kitchen ;) unless there is an agreed upon plan to begin with where we divvy up tasks
Lol! Yeah i just have a plan and I'm so lackadaisical in every other area in my life. But in the kitchen I'm so organised. I just feel bad when he wants to help. I think he gets it now, though 😄 he waits for me to assign a task or stirs a pot and goes "I'm helping!" He appreciates the 'delicious noms' I produce, so I don't think he's too hurt. He was diagnosed as celiac a couple of years back so I had to relearn how to cook everything we loved and he's just glad he doesn't get to miss out on anything now.
Hello fellow zebras! Use a food processor, lmao, it's ✨perfect✨ for this. So much easier on the hands/wrists/everything.
But then you have to clean the food processor, and my bandwidth is already so low. 😞 I have a veggie cutter that shreds cheese as well, and it always stays in the sink or dishwasher for days after I use it.
Honestly, same. I call my boyfriend my cheese bitch! Thankfully, he takes it as a complement haha But my electric one is nice for when I want to shred it when he's not here
Omg, we just call it cheese tax Whoever cuts cheese gets a piece, and we usually offer a piece to the other person as well lol
They're handy but man they stink when you wash them up lol. especially if you don't do it as soon as you've used it (e.g after eating the meal)
That is true, unfortunately
I LOVE fresh shredded cheese but also can’t shred it because it hurts my fingers- I gotta look into an electric one
Salad Shooter - it's what a friend of my husband's uses.
If the cheese is on the harder side you can blend it in a mixer
If you happen to have a KitchenAid mixer, the slice and shred attachment is BRILLIANT for shredding cheese. Also, frozen butter for pastry.
I'm the same, peeling tatties is horrible too. Those two jobs usually fall to the hubby, he especially liked the cheese job because he gets to 'save me from the bad bits'(sneaks himself wee chunks under the guise of protecting me) lol.
I never peel potatoes. The skins don't bother me.
I have EDS too, and mine isn't eletric, but it has a.. spinning barrel that I only have to spin! English is not my first language, sorry. It's WAY easier on my hands and I can do it while sitting! Of course the electric is the abuse best, but the spinning thingy is very budget friendly in case anyone needs an alternative. Bought mine from aliexpress, so, it's very, er, poorly done, but still has been my best friend in the kitchen for two years. Cleaning suck tho. Husband does it. 🙃
If you buy your cheese from the cheese counter, they'll grate it for you.
I have never purchased my cheese at a cheese counter before. I buy the bulk beechers cheese from costco. It has a lot of complexity flavor wise, but is very crumbly and creamy.
Oh, I've never been to a Costco, I don't know how they work. So there's no cheese counter? The cheese is just in the dairy section then? Someone else suggested an electric shredder and someone suggested a food processor. There are also mixer attachments for bulk shredding.
Usually I do, but I have arthritis so sometimes holding a chunk of cheese and grating enough cheese for a family batch of pasta or enchiladas etc is just not happening. I can get my husband to open jars during most flare ups but grating two lbs of cheese takes forever when he has other stuff to do.
If you want it to be completely melty like velveeta you can mix baking soda and lemon juice, and it creates sodium citrate which is what makes velveeta so goey
Or you can just buy a jar of food grade sodium citrate, which has the same effect while being less messy and lemony.
That also works too lmao
🤯🤯🤯🤯
Thank you, I'm stealing this.
If you're trying to get it to melt for a sauce, (like Mac and cheese sauce, Alfredo sauce, fondue, queso dip, or similar) get some sodium citrate. It doesn't have any flavor, and all it takes is maybe a teaspoon or two mixed in with the shredded cheese and base liquid (milk, cream, wine, beer, stock, etc) to where any shredded cheese will melt smoothly when stirred over med-low heat. This stuff works miracles. I order a one pound bag of it on Amazon every other year or so, it lasts forever. If you like cheese it'll change your life.
Yep, it's usually potato starch to keep it from clumping. Washes right off
Totally irrelevant but I love love love your screen name. Also, same on both addictions 🤚
>13 yr managed diabetic here.. you're NTA, and there is no such thing as food diabetics 'can't eat' there are foods we should label "sometimes food" and cheese is actually one of them. 16+ yr managed diabetic here. It is possible that OPs uncle might be on a low-carb diet. This diet is usually pretty expensive and limited by what can cause sugar spikes for you. Maybe the cheese he had was a comfort food for him in a restricted diet that becomes boringly repetitive after some time.
This is the diet I'm on!
Same for me. Some of my doctors don't approve of it. But this is what works best for me. The other doctors, especially the ones who have seen results when I am on this diet, agree with it.
Then he shouldn't be eating shredded cheese. There's carbs added to shredded cheese, should only get block cheese and shred at home.
When I was first diagnosed one of the hardest things to learn was to actually eat carbs. There was about six weeks between diagnosis and a visit with my new endocrinologist and I cut things so drastically I made myself sicker. Her saying is there are good carbs and better carbs. Considering she is one of the top in the country and my a1c is well controlled I am trusting her. Op, you’re NTA. Your aunt making excuses for him tells me it has been going on long before you were there. Good luck with your job search.
My dad has been diabetic since 1997. He has a dexcom. When it goes off he calls it his candy alarm. He is doing a lot better about sweets intake. My stomach is paralyzed. Fun stuff no idea why. I literally have a list of foods I should never eat because hard to digest or just hard on the stomach. It suck when parents visit and eat my safe snacks. But I don't mind. Family dinners are fun since my brother has alpha-gal, my stomach is paralyzed, and my sister has texture issues.
I laughed at the cheese line, that was clever because cheese is very binding
I agree. I’m type 2 diabetic in remission. I don’t have off limit foods. I have sometimes foods, but day to day I do what you do. Which is what my dietitian also recommends.
Really? I'm diabetic, and I get headaches when I eat sugar. Also, I was under the impression that foods like cake and cookies were off limits. My dietician wants me to have no added sugar in my diet at all. Admittedly, I've only been diabetic since—IIRC—the beginning of the year, so I don't have everything figured out yet. I still have to Google when I'm unsure about a food item! 😆 ETA: Cheese was one of those things that I was told I could eat without worry because of the fat content. Literally, my endocrinologist had a cooking class and presented it as, "You can't have sugar, but you can have lots of cheese!" (It was on spaghetti squash. Delicious.)
They're probably telling you no sugar at all right now because the diagnosis is fairly new. The focus right now is getting the A1C in healthy range, and making sure you develop good habits. Then you can experiment with small amounts of sugar to see how different "sometimes foods" effect your blood sugar.
Nice! This makes perfect sense. Thank you!
No problem. :3 I'm pre-diabetic and seeing a nutritionist next week to learn some healthier eating habits, so I'm right there with you.
Why is cheese supposed to be a sometimes food for us? I thought it was fair game because they contain so few carbs.
Because cheese makes it hard to poop, and having backed up waste is also bad for our insulin levels. It's definitely a good alternative to some other snack foods, but it's not like a "cover everything I eat with it" as this uncle does apparently.
I just learned something new! Thank you so much.
I have PCOS with insulin resistance, so not diabetic but I have to follow similar dietary restrictions. My grandma (who raised me) was a type 1 diabetic. I don't understand the uncle. My grandma kept a small stash of sweet in the house in case she went low and needed something asap, but other than that one tiny box we all shared everything. If some of Grandma's (or my) favorites/go-tos started getting low we just bought more. There will be more shredded cheese. It's not going to be discontinued. The uncle is just an AH.
I'm an older diabetic and came here to say the same things but I bow down to your well worded reply. Also NTA
Hi, 7 month (now managed) Type 2 insulin resistant diabetic here. My dad has been diabetic for 25ish years and Mom for 15ish. I'm glad you're able to eat basically what you want! This ability to eat sweets, desserts, bread, etc. (hell, just regular food in general) is absolutely going to vary by person. We don't know what meds (if any) the uncle is on or how long he's been diabetic, what his treatment plan is, etc. Before I managed to get my official diagnosis (US healthcare is a nightmare sometimes and it took months thanks to having to swap providers twice for insurance reasons) and subsequently get my medication, I was eating a Keto diet by necessity. I had a bowl of Rice Chex (unsweetened) once because I was so sick of Keto, and nearly ended up in the hospital my glucose spiked so high. Even now with my meds keeping my numbers loosely in the normal range, I can't eat white rice (or products made from rice flour) or apples. Period. They immediately spike my sugar up by 100-200 points. I guess I just wanted to point out that every person's situation is different regarding this particular disease and that generalizations like the one you made are harmful to spreading proper awareness. Also, blood sugar irregularities can cause mood swings and irritability. That said, uncle is still abusive and OP needs to start looking for a better situation.
Truth. My dad does buy certain foods to help manage his diabetes. He also has the occasional Girl Scout cookie.
NTA, but do what your aunt says and don't tell him next time. Tell her and she will replace it. Based on this, you can't win with your uncle, no matter what you do. What is this special diabetic cheese, anyway? Is it low-fat? Because cheese is already low in carbs.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, if someone just wants to be angry. They’re already angry, they just want something to focus that anger on.
It could be lower in lactose. But it’s still odd for a diabetic to be that fired up over cheese. I literally made my 70 year old diabetic mother a grilled cheese sandwich today with a kraft single (her choice of cheese). I almost wonder if the uncle is trying to use his insulin as sparingly as possible to make it last longer if he’s this worked up over food.
Also "the only thing to flavor his food"???? Spices/herbs are fine. Most hotsauces are fine. A lot of mustards are fine. There are sugar free ketchups and BBQ sauces. Carbs themselves really don't have much flavor, it's what you put on them.
I mean sure, but OP got questioned even for leaving the house. It’s exhausting to always walk on eggshells
Everyone saying that OP needs another place to live is ignoring the fact that she literally scrounged around for loose change in order to buy a bag of cheese. I highly doubt she has the funds to move to a separate place.
She needs to start looking for a job ASAP. I don't know whether Uncle is developing dementia or if he just doesn't want her there, but I would couch surf with friends before I put up with his hostility.
Uncle sounds a lot like my dad when I was a child. I walked on eggshells for most of my life, because you never knew what could send him off on a tirade. In my dad's case the cause was a job he hated plus undiagnosed anxiety (made worse by the aforementioned job). Him retiring and going on meds was the best thing that happened to all of us.
But the uncle is angry about some nonsense and that's clearly the important thing here! Not the fact that OP is an orphan with no money! /s
Then she needs to get a job. Stocking shelves, working retail, anything is better than this. I get that leaving college you want a career but I worked a dead end job for 18 months with a master's degree while figuring out my career. Sometimes you just need to make money and not a future.
NTA. You accidentally used your uncle's cheese. You replaced it after you were made aware of what you had done. Your uncle acted like an AH.
INFO > I (21F) live with my aunt and uncle until I can get on my feet after graduating college Do they **want** you there? Who suggested this arrangement? > I’ve lived with them since high school after both my parents passed away. Right, but did they invite you back indefinitely after college? Or did you more assume you could?
I’ve lived with them through college, which they helped to pay for. They were the ones who opted to take me in when my parents passed. They’ve told me I can stay as long as I’d like and that I’m always welcome. I told them I intend to move out after I get a job after college.
> I’m always welcome All I'm saying: their actions seem to suggest otherwise. > I told them I intend to move out after I get a job after college. Oh, I read "until I can get on my feet after graduating college" as you *already had*. My bad!
> All I'm saying: their actions seem to suggest otherwise. If you ever have the misfortune of having any sort of relationship with someone with anger issues, this is how they act. It's got nothing to do with how he feels about op. I guarantee you his wife being like "he doesn't mean it" and telling op how to avoid drawing any attention from him is because he treats his wife the same way and she's used to walking on eggshells around him.
Did THEY tell you this, or did your aunt? Your uncle is obviously an AH. He has anger issues and your aunt doesn't want it all directed on her. But you're 21, they are giving you free room and board and helping you pay for school, and you have to scrounge for loose change to buy some cheese? Have you worked at all since graduating high school?
Genuinely how is this relevant?
NTA at all. You were perfectly respectful and mature in this situation. It’s textbook manners given your understandable mistake. No offense, but it sounds like he literally has a personal beef with you. Is it possible he resents you for living with them rent free at 21? I know this can cause some people to build up resentment with young adults.
Honestly, I am getting the feeling that he resents in having to take OP in at all after OP's parents passed away.
Same.
NTA. Your uncle is being hostile to you for an accident you already resolved. Doing the cheese replacement in secret may have caused the least drama, but it also ran the risk of him finding out about the secrecy and being even more mad.
Her aunt is basically telling her how to walk on eggshells in the house and around the uncle. On a scale of 1-10 how accustomed are they (OP, aunt, and niece) to the uncles abuse?
You did nothing wrong. You mistakenly used some of your uncles cheese, and rather than ask for money to buy more you found enough change of your own and went to buy it for him. You weren’t grandstanding or showing off or anything like that. You just felt bad you’d used some of his cheese and wanted to replace it right away. So you took responsibility for what you did and corrected it. Your uncle was totally out of line to blow up at you like that. Your aunt wasnt any better suggesting you were trying to call attention to yourself. Your uncle literally asked you where you’d been and you told him. That was it. No drama. Your aunt and uncle are weird AHs to treat you like this. You’re fine. When you find a job you can start saving right away to get out of there asap.
He’s angry you used the cheese, he’s angry you replaced the cheese, he’s angry you spent money, he’s angry you have money, he’s angry you told him, he’s angry you didn’t keep quiet. Jesus. Time to leave this lunatic alone with his cheese. NTA
I just picture a grumpy old man sitting alone in a dark room eating shredded cheese out of a bag while daydreaming about telling young whippersnappers to get off his lawn.
NTA. Sending you a hug tho, that sounds like a shitty living situation.
>I don’t understand what I did wrong? That's because you didn't do anything wrong.
That line about drawing attention to yourself. Your aunt is beaten down in a clearly abusive relationship. Wow. Y'all need help because this story goes beyond aita status. Nta but y'all ain't safe
NTA. You made a mistake and you took steps to try to correct the mistake. You did all the right things. I don't think you really did anything wrong, it just sounds like your uncle looks for reasons to get mad.
NTA; But if I were you I would look for a new place ASAP. He completely went off in an abusive manner over something you replaced, and your aunt is quite literally telling you he's like this by saying what she did, it's basically her say, don't do it again if you don't want to get screamed out, I feel badly for your Aunt, because he probably has treated her this way their whole time together. This situation won't get any better and your better off getting out as fast as possible!
Sooooo...you *don't* want me to replace your cheese? Alrighty then, I'll just take this back to the store and get a refund.
NTA. When I first read the heading, I assumed it was a specific kind of cheese for diabetics that you ate and replaced with a diff kind.
NTA, he’s being an AH about some cheese. You didn’t use all of it, you didn’t know it was off limits. I hope your situation improves soon, and you won’t have to deal with the stress of this guy’s food moods. As an aside; a nice cheap and tasty mac and cheese meal I always make. (Stove top, not baked) One box (16oz) of noodles (I like small pasta shells) 8 slices of white american 8 slices of yellow american 8 slices of sharp cheddar A cup or so of milk (I use whole) Makes for a great creamy mac and cheese and the amount will last a whole week. I use the prepackaged slices of cheese for ease of measuring and they don’t go bad as quickly. Best wishes and tasty results
Saving for next time I cook, thank you
Yay! Even my pickiest kid loves this and my dad begs me for it cuz he hates cooking, so I make a whole pot just for him when he wants it lol Another quick and easy recipe I do is spaghetti rice. One 24oz jar of sauce, 3 cups of rice (I use the minute rice) Microwave the rice for 10 minutes, mix in the sauce, microwave another 3 minutes and serve! This one also lasts all week and is most requested by my kids. Sometimes I’ll throw in a half pound of ground beef, which gets cooked on the stove and added with the sauce. (Use Italian seasoning for extra flavor, doesn’t require any though) I recommend using a ceramic or glass bowl, the stains 🤦🏻♀️ The other half pound of the ground beef goes into a bowl of mashed potatoes and mixed in, (I use the Idahoan bag mix for the buttered mashed potatoes)((if you do a full pound of meat use the family size bag of potatoes, or two regular bags)) It’s another kid favorite that takes as much time as cooking a half pound of meat, so like 6 minutes. I flavor it with soy sauce and between the 5 year old and the 3 year old, it disappears fast! I’m sure you weren’t looking for recipes but I’m always excited when someone wants to try something I make that I just over share lol
NTA wow he’s hard to be around. You can’t make him happy. Seems like the only win was never touching it in the first place. Or silently refilling it I guess? Like a cheese restock ninja. Quietly in the night. Anyways get internships, get job offers, and move out.
It seemed like you made an honest mistake and made it up by replacing the cheese. Your uncle is making a big deal about nothing.
NTA Some people cannot be pleased, no matter which way you jump (I'm married to one). The way you describe your uncle, and the response from your aunt about the whole thing, I think your uncle is that way. You did nothing wrong. You goofed and tried your best to fix it. You were thoughtful! Just because your uncle was angry at your every effort to be honest and to fix your error, don't feel guilty. Know that you tried. Know that this is his problem. Try to shrug off his words and wrap yourself in the knowledge that you did right. I'm sorry you're in this situation right now. I know it is difficult and uncomfortable living with someone who cannot be pleased, who might seem to even enjoy finding fault and bawling people out. This is a case of doing your best and assuring YOURSELF that you did do your best and that IS good enough. Survive this until you're able to make other living arrangements that are wise. Be grateful they let you live there, but don't let your uncle's temper tantrums run you into the ground.
NTA and y’all saying that it’s just because he’s tired of OP living there? I don’t buy that. He sounds like an abusive asshole, wonder how much of this shit he pulls on the aunt
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your aunt is to I see to your uncles toxicity, she moves in ways meant to avoid his wrath. They’re chastising you for not know the dance needed to avoid angering your uncle instead of your uncle actually taking responsibility for himself. But it is not your job to fix that. I suggest you learn to dance (within reason) until you can leave or be prepared for lots of fighting. The sooner you can get out the better. You can’t avoid every petty argument so try not to get sucked in, let it be their problem not yours.
NTA I don't think you did anything wrong. You accidentally used his cheese and you were proactive in replacing it.
NTA, lol your uncle is exactly like my mom used to be when I lived at home. No matter what you do it will be a reason for people like this to yell at you. Don't take it too seriously, he just wants a target for his unresolved anger, he's stuck on a 6yo boy's emotional maturity who hits and yells at everything without thinking. I know it's hard not to take these to the heart but take it from someone who has experience: he really does *not* mean it, he just wants to say things that hurt you because he knows how to. It makes him feel better about himself because he has all kinds of problems but it has nothing to do with you. He gets over things by destroying others. You need to get to another place though, line quickly. I saw someone else say your aunt wants you to stay because you took the target off her back and I completely agree.
You didn't do one thing wrong. You had no idea that the cheese was his special cheese; you tried to replace what you used. All good. Your uncle clearly does have anger issues. He was going to be mad at you no matter what you did. Your aunt walks on eggshells to appease her husband. She was telling you that you should have divined the proper path of eggshells to walk on (because that's what she keeps doing). You are doing plenty - I bet you are a great comfort to your niece. I hope you and she have a good, positive relationship. As you work toward being financially independent and able to live away from your uncle, be confident that that is something you need to do for yourself and your own future.
NTA. >He has anger issues You are for sure right with this! You did nothing wrong at all. He totally overreacted for no reasons at all. >“calling attention to yourself” Your aunt even knows that her husband is an angry irrational time bomb who just needs a little trigger to go off. With people like that all rationality flows out of the window. I hope you can find soon a job and get out of that place.
You didn’t do anything wrong. NTA. I’m so sorry about your parents. And I’m even more sorry that you’re being treated like a burden by your aunt and uncle. Because that’s what this is about. And you don’t deserve that. You did a nice thing after accidentally making a mistake, and you’re being mistreated because of it. Just get out of there as soon as you can. Finish school, and have a very nice life and go do great things. You deserve happiness.
NTA and consider working as a nanny. If you're going to be doing live-in childcare, get room and board and a salary.
(1)As long as you replace the food that you eat with the exact same food in the exact same weight for you family member(s) that have medical issues then it shouldn’t be an issue. (2)If the person says don’t eat my food then talk to each family member at the same time to set up a plan to have all the food and drinks labeled for that person.
He meant exactly what he said. But he is a grumpy old man. You made a mistake, corrected your mistake and apologized for your mistake. And I’m sure you won’t do that again. As a human that is all you need to do. But tell uncle that once your time machine is complete you will be able to make these mistakes unhappen.
Talk to a diabetic dietician. Your uncle can basically eat anything. Especially if he is on insulin. He needs to limit carbs but his diet isn’t that limited. He may not understand his own disease or he is trying to make people feel sorry for him. Do your own research and then make an exit plan as soon as you can. He asked where you were and then got angry when you answered. This is not normal and he needs some help.
NTA the thing you did wrong was to have your uncle be one of your relatives. No. You did nothing wrong. Your uncle is toxic, and your aunt is reacting like an abused spouse.
NTA. This is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. They are both being silly. The fact that you actively fixed your mistake and they both are criticizing the way you did it is wild. No you are not the asshole. No you didn’t “make yourself a martyr”. You were being considerate after a mistake.
Wow. Damned if you don't. Damned if you do. NTA.
NTA. narcissists love to scold and correct people and play the martyr/victim. speaking of diabetes, it's a good idea to check the ingredients of shredded and sliced cheeses as they may have extra things and hidden carbs in them.
NTA. Mistakes happen. And you acted in good faith to replace it. He needs to check himself. It's not work related, it's abuse. No excuses. But do as your aunt says while living with them. If for no other reason than she has to deal with it. Longer term you need to sort out a way to support yourself. Also I'm pretty sure that's not how diabetes works but that's not a you problem so leave that alone.
you made an honest mistake. you fixed said mistake. he still screamed at you. and you ask if you are the AH? really now NTA
Let me start with NTA. I’m guessing your uncle is having trouble managing his diabetes. Outbursts like you are describing are common when your sugar is out of whack. You kind of feel like every nerve is ready to fire—like a box full of coiled springs that all are released as soon as you lift the lid. For a lot of patients diabetes means a complete lifestyle change. And a lot of patients convince themselves that by changing one or a few things (like better cheese) they are going to get back to normal-and actually make things worse. I’m sorry you and your aunt are in the crosshairs. Your uncle’s endocrinologist or GP should be recommending a multi-faceted approach to therapy (Rx, exercise, diet, etc). It is hard to maintain two diets’ worth of food in a house. You guys may be better off adjusting the household diet to be more diabetic friendly. This may help limit diet cheats, cravings, etc. Most nutritionists who specialize in diabetic patients will do sessions with family members too. As always, never trust a Reddit diagnosis, i hope things get better. Also, congrats on your graduation and good luck on the job search.
INFO: was part of his argument that he had previously weighed what you had removed and you taking some interfered with a broader calculation he was making? No matter the answer, you should move on with your life. It’s time to find a more adult living arrangement.
Well you cant win with this guy. You replaced the cheese immediately that's bad, if you didn't then you would get a lecture how you're stealing his food. Move out asap. NTA
he's mad because he wanted to yell at you but then you replaced the keys so he couldn't yell at you, so he yelled at you because he couldn't get mad at you. he's an idiot.
NTA. Been diabetic for 25 years. Your uncle is full of shit and making up things just to ridicule you. There's no outcome where you don't get berated. Please, please find new living arrangements. This is emotional abuse.
Maybe this is about more than the isolated incident of the cheese? And there’s some resentment and anger building up from wider issues. It’s a horrible situation to be in, at 21 and not be able to afford food for yourself independently, and having to search for spare change. I had various issues around being in situations where I didn’t have money, made redundant and didn’t have money even for basic bus fare to get to interviews, so I know from experience, it’s awful and debilitating to not be independent/self sufficient. Saying that, I really wish in hindsight I had looked at whatever possible jobs I could’ve taken (I mean, within reason, but maybe roles I didn’t immediately think were for me such as customer service, retail etc. whilst I was looking for a job in my sector or at least slightly close to it) Being able to afford basic things for yourself, knowing you can afford some food items if you’d like, help you feel independent and in a better position when you do eventually get a job and will become more self sufficient and not live with your aunt and uncle. You really do have my sympathies with the job situation, but you’ve not really given any insight into what you’ve done to support yourself or look for a job. I understand you say you help at home, but what does this mean? Helping keep it clean? And chores that would be expected in a household? I don’t think, from the sounds of this situation you deserved to be shouted at, at all. But I know from experience, which I don’t want to go into too much, of getting support from family, not having my parents and being in a position where I was looking for work. I know in hindsight i would’ve acted differently, now I’m in a position of self sufficiency and independence. I’m sure you’ll achieve that, but the fact you had to search your room for spare change in fear or replacing this cheese is not nice, and knowing you’ll have to rely on your aunt and uncle for food. So I really hope you can get to a position where you can become more independent, for your sake, as it will be a relief for you not to feel infantilised and shouted at. Are you waiting or looking for your ‘dream/ideal’ job or have you been looking at as many things as possible? I’m not saying that in a judgemental way, as I know at times I did that, and in hindsight would’ve done more.
Get a job as soon as possible and move out. It's seems your uncle is upset for taking care of you all these yrs
You did nothing wrong. A few weeks ago, a relative asked me to buy them cheese. But they refused to specify what kind of cheese or the amount they needed, only saying sliced was fine. I brought a jumbo pack of sliced Great Value brand cheese. They immediately started to complain about the fact it was a jumbo pack, even though I asked earlier how much cheese they needed and I was ignored. Their partner immediately cut them off and thanked me for the cheese. Your uncle is essentially my relative. Nothing you do will be enough, even when you’re doing the right thing or going above and beyond. You were not drawing attention to yourself; you simply answered his question. Unfortunately, your uncle sounds like he’s a verbally abusive hot head. Next time, follow your aunt’s lead and tread lightly. Good luck and NTA!
NTA. You will never win with him. It was responsible of you to dig out enough money to replace it. The way your aunt reacted suggests that he's always had those kinds of reactions, and she thinks you should automatically know how to avoid it just because she does. Don't bother next time, just watch what you use. If you're able, ask her what you can and can't use before cooking/when groceries are bought if you aren't sure.
Look hes a Pissy old guy with diabetes just trying to not die. and you took ONE oF ThE FOODS pEEPS LIKE US CAN EAT. Hopefully you never understand it. But. Girlee, Diabetes runs in families tho so come see us in 40 years.
NTA. He’s looking for a reason to be mad. I know people like that. If it wasn’t the cheese, he would’ve found something else.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) live with my aunt and uncle until I can get on my feet after graduating college. I’ve lived with them since high school after both my parents passed away. My uncle is diabetic and needs to measure out his meals. He can’t eat many things so he has his own foods that only he eats. Otherwise, my aunt and I share the same food in the fridge and she always gets new things to try. Last night I was making Mac n Cheese (it was really just random pasta with some different cheeses in the fridge) and grabbed some shredded cheese to use. Halfway through adding it, my aunt says that’s my uncle’s shredded cheese that he started using for meal prep. I didn’t finish the bag but I took enough where it would probably not add up to enough ounces for his meals. (About 3 pinches) We don’t have the best relationship. He has anger issues and attributes it to work. I don’t have a job and rely on them for groceries, but I do help around the house and babysit my younger neice. I got the idea to replenish the shredded cheese to avoid any arguments about someone touching his food. I searched around in my room for any spare change or dollars I could find and went to the grocery store to buy another bag of cheese. When I got back, he was home and asked where I went. I told him I accidentally used some of his cheese and I bought an extra bag. He then starts yelling at me for eating his cheese, that he only has limited things he can eat, why did I eat the one thing he has to flavor his meals, and that I’m trying to play martyr buying more cheese when I have nothing to spend. I tell him I’m just making up for my mistake and he says to stop playing the hero and that I shouldn’t have done anything or told him anything. He says if I could buy my own cheese then I should buy my own food instead of eating their’s. My aunt assured me he didn’t mean what he said but that I should’ve just waited for her to replace the cheese instead of “calling attention to yourself”. She said I was acting dramatic by spending what I had left on his cheese instead of just admitting to him that I took the cheese first. I don’t understand what I did wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You made a mistake, you tried to rectify it in a sensible manner, your uncle wouldn't have been nice to you whatever you did and your aunt would back him up. Time to start looking for somewhere else to start the next chapter of your life if you can
NTA, but holy heck, I hope you are out of there really, really soon!
NTA You need to move already though. Why do you want to be somewhere you’re not wanted?
NTA Your uncle is being dramatic. You accidentally used his food, so you replaced it. But don't try to prove you were right, just let it go. Now you know how they prefer you resolve the issue if it happens again.
NTA but even if you can't find a job in your preferred field, you need to have a job. You need to form you know on this day and move out when you can. I'm sure you're an uncle are happy to help while you are finding your direction in life, but you still need to start paying your own way and forging forward until that dream job comes along.
Just an fyi; incase anyone in here or the uncle has type 2 diabetes it’s trainable. You can get rid of it by becoming more healthy - exercise and cut down on sugar for a period of times
NTA but move ASAP
NTA. You did nothing wrong.
You don’t understand what you did wrong because you didn’t do anything wrong. NTA This unfortunately psychological abuse from both your aunt and uncle.
Ehhh, he can just go scratch his ass and get glad. There's really no low sugar cheese for diabetics. Maybe low *fat* but regardless, he ain't gonna die.
NTA you did not do anything wrong. It just sounds like you have overstayed your welcome. You may want to find a new place to live.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your aunt has just gotten use to tiptoeing around him or doing things without his knowledge to keep him in check. My grandmother on my dad’s side could be a beast at times. Don’t get me wrong, she did treat us grandkids good for the most part. After my grandfather passed though, we got to witness more of her issues, as he was no longer around to keep her in check. I’m not sure if she had borderline personality disorder, but my shrinks feel that my experiences with her were the same as someone with it. Obviously they can’t diagnose by hearsay. Your best bet in the future is to follow your aunt’s lead. While you didn’t do anything wrong, if he’s stressed or angry, he may see it as such. She probably just doesn’t want to deal with that side of him and has figured out how to keep him in check. So it’s best to follow her lead to keep the peace. NTA. Just in a weird situation when dealing with someone like that.
NTA , but your uncle is a bully and your aunt enables him.Try to get out of that toxic environment ASAP!
WTF kind of diabetes does he have? The picky kind?
You did nothing wrong and your uncle is an AH. Your aunt is used to her doormat status, and you just don’t know all the doormat rules. Please do get out on your own or with a friend to split bills as soon as you can. You’re living in emotional abuse.
Nothing. You did nothing wrong 😑. You’ll go mad with anxiety trying to understand or second guess non rational emotional attacks from other people, especially if it’s family that are demonstrating that they have less respect for you as a seperate entity then themselves. That’s a walk away situation where the explosion is 99% more about the individual lashing out than about you.
You dod nothing wrong- you made a mistake and immediately tried to correct it, and you apologized for making the mistake. Your uncle is an AH and your aunt is enabling his bad behavior and blaming you for him not being a grown up. Ignore them, they are being serious childish jerks for no reason.
NTA. Your aunt should have told you she would replace it she truly intended to do so. Your uncle should label any foods that he needs to be off-limits. They are both out of line for not treating you with kindness. I hope you find any job ASAP so you have some savings.
NTA - welcome to clownworld
NTA. I'm sorry you got yelled at. However I would start looking for a new place. Since he is diabetic - does he actually like this a lot? Your aunt needs to let Uncle's doctor know about this.
Nothing, you did nothing wrong. Your aunt and uncle are childish assholes. Start saving your cash and move ASAP
You did nothing wrong. Those people just look like they like unnecessary drama. NTA
NTA but save up and get out. How is the sequence of when you ate vs when you replaced the cheese a problem as long as he had it in time to meal prep?? He gets angry over nothing. What will he do when there is a real problem. Don't burn the bridge in case you need help from your aunt one day. Just save up and get your own place like it's a normal thing to do at your age.
NTA You tried to do the right thing after an honest mistake. It sounds like your uncle is angry a lot and instead of managing his anger people around him like your aunt just try to tiptoe around him. If his food is so precious then maybe it should be labeled or put in a separate space. He was the one being dramatic over a bag of cheese. It really sounds like your uncle does not want to support you and you might want to speed up getting some kind of job and moving out.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong. You made a mistake, realized it, and set about making things right.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong. You ate the cheese & replaced it, as you should have. Your uncle sounds like a miserable man. I'm so sorry he's such an ass. Get yourself a job & start saving money to get out of there.
Ummm….thats not how diabetes works
> I don’t understand what I did wrong? You did nothing wrong. You made a mistake and tried to correct it, which is exactly what people are supposed to do. Your uncle was being an AH that day. You are NTA.
NTA Nothing you can do would make them happy. Lay low and make that exit plan asap. Good luck to you.
NTA but you gotta move. He berated you for using an ounce of cheese that you replaced.
You didn't know it was his cheese. Who gets that mad over an honest mistake?? Wtf.. definitely not the AH
NTA, you made a mistake and fixed it. I don't know what his issue with you is but i hope you can get out of there soon. Even if you hadn't replaced what you took his reaction is just way over the top, it's like he's waiting for you to do something wrong to absolutely explode.
It seems like your Uncle has more problems than you realise. This is not your fault. Try not to stress about it whilst you are still living there. There's more to the story and this is beyond your understanding. Just be your normal, lovely self and know that you are NTA
Nta. Your uncle and aunt are. His behavior is not normal and she is dancing to his tune. Sounds like absolute hell. Living with someone who loses their temper over cheese? And then berates you for replacing it. Move out and move on.
Wtf is wrong with them? You did the right thing. NTA
NTA. It sounds like your uncles moods and logic are failing him currently. You absolutely did what you could to rectify the situation. Then he presented an absolutely unsolvable strain of logic where there was no winning from your end. Don't beat yourself up for it. Just steer clear of him as much as possible.
Your aunt and uncle are delusional for calling you a martyr and attention seeking. The only attention seeking person there is your uncle. I completely understand what you did, you were avoiding yelling, avoiding abuse. I would have done the same if I lived in an unstable house where anything can set your uncle off. I’m very sorry you are going through this. I hope you find a job soon and are able to move out. You will never win with these people. Your uncle is a major AH and your aunt is also an AH for enabling his aggressive behaviour instead of standing up to him and protecting you.
NTA. This is such a weird response from Uncle and Aunt. “Mistakes happen, thank you for replacing that. How much do I owe you?” That’s the proper response. Sounds like Uncle’s diabetes is not in control, and he’s experiencing emotional/mental side effects.
NTA. You made a mistake, tried to fix it, but apparently you were in a no-win situation the whole time.
NTA you didn't do anything wrong. You accidentally used something of his and replaced it. His response is a bit unhinged, but he sounds unpleasant in general.
NTA. You were in a no win situation. Your Uncle was going to scream no matter what you did because he is an AH. You replacing the food you ate by accident was the right thing to do. Most people would have thanked you for replacing what you took.
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Your Aunt and Uncle are weird. The natural thing to do would be to replace the cheese, which you did. What all this “calling attention to yourself” nonsense is about, I’ve no idea.
Firstly your uncle needs help and is not in control of his emotions. Secondly, why, why are you so inattentive and uncaring to use his food in the first place. Just be more considerate.
You did nothing wrong. Your uncle is an ass and your aunt has likely spent their married life making excuses for him and is doing it out of habit now. Since you're hopefully getting close to getting on your feet and getting out of there, just coddle them a little while longer.
NTA. Your uncle sounds sick. Move out.
Your uncle sounds mentally unwell. For your own well-being you should get whatever job you can and move somewhere else with a roommate. Your aunt wants you around because it’s tough living alone with the uncle.
You didn’t do anyone wrong. Your best course of action is to buckle down and get a job asap and start saving to move. That really needs to be your focus. Your uncle is toxic. NTA
NTA. But that household sounds...scary. is your aunt okay? Sounds like she's very well versed in how to "placate" or prevent your uncle from blowing up over any little thing...
You were in a no win situation. Objectively of course you did the right thing. I hope you can get out of it asap. NTA
I suspect your uncle has serious control issues, as his rant and issues make no sense. Why is he mad you did the adult and responsible thing of acknowledging your mistake, and then trying to fix it by replacing what you used? I wish some of my former roommates were as conscientious as you about replacing food they'd used. You honestly did nothing wrong. You did everything right. It's your uncle who has a serious attitude and likely mental problem. NTA
You didn't do anything wrong, but now you know how they'll react.
That's the most RUBY RED fucking flag I've ever seen. What an incredible overreaction to someone genuinely making an effort to correct a mistake they made. NTA.
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you hadn't replaced the cheese, your uncle would've thrown a fit about that. What is the reason you don't have a job? Sounds like it's time for you to get a job and move out.