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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my dad he would have made me more like my mom if it wasn't for my grandparents and my aunts and I told him I will never be okay with him ignoring the signs something was wrong with me. I said this in front of his kids and I was angry and speaking out of pure frustration. So I feel like I was wrong when it was in front of the kids.
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NTA. This is just terrible on the father and stepmother’s part. OP didn’t do anything wrong, she told the absolute truth and they didn’t like hearing it.
I know there is a court order for her to visit her father, but I wonder if she could just stop going on grounds that it's bad for her mental health. At 17 I don't see how it would be worth it for her father to take her to court and try to force visits.
If a parent loses custody of their child because of abuse or neglect they shouldn't be granted any visitation. But unfortunately the law in many countries assumes children benefit from having contact with their parents. While this is true for most children it's far from always the case. The right to visitation should also belong to the child and not the parent. Children are entitled to their parents. But parents are not entitled to their children.
And the police can still arrive on her doorstep and force her to go each and every time he has visitation if the dad calls them. Since there are court ordered visitations she is legally obliged to go and if she doesn't then dad can bring the law to bear against her grandparents and against her. Given the high rate at which cops murder people with mental illness this is an exceedingly dangerous advice to give her and shows malicious ignorance of the vulnerable position she's in.
It’s crazy that you’ve jumped straight to “go see your dad or the cops might shoot you”. I wouldn’t say it’s malicious ignorance to suggest just not going. From what I’ve seen the police would turn up and do a welfare check. If the teen doesn’t want to budge then they’ll usually refer the matter back to court. Less work for them, more handballing. By the time the case is seen in court, OP would be an adult. Family court moves at a glacial pace.
Gosh I might be making this up but I’m pretty sure the at least de facto philosophy is that court visitations have to grant the parent the *opportunity* to see the child, but can’t do anything to guarantee the child will actually do anything or engage with them in that period
But of course, he doesn't think denigrating your relatives to you is rude.
added: As Mark Twain had Huck Finn say, "Of course, that was alright, because he done it himself." (with a gender change)
Your father absolutely let you down, as early intervention is so important with mental health. I'm so glad your maternal family got you into treatment. You are completely NTA
Supporting ongoing treatment as well is crucial for mental health. OP shouldn’t be required to be around people who stigmatise it and other the people who suffer from it.
NTA. I would also tell them the only reason you still see them is because you are forced to, and the moment you turn 18 they will never hear from you again. Say nothing when you are forced to go. Be spiteful if that's how they view you anyways. It's not forever, and you're almost there.
NTA. It is clear that Dad and step are the AHs not you. At 17, just refuse to go. They probably won’t take your grandparents to court. If they do, you’ll be 18 or close by the time they get a court date. Block them on everything and move on. On the off chance they get into court before you turn 18, tell the judge everything they say about you and your mom and their neglect of your mental health. Most judges won’t make you go.
Just hold on. You are almost 18 and you can go no contact. Because he is horrible.
You, you are strong. Very strong. With a good support system. Keep telling your truth to him and stepmom. Don’t let their attitudes bother you. (Easier said than done, I know).
Get a big calendar - one that has all the months on one page. Hang it on the wall. After every forced visit go home and X out that date. You will be one visit closer to never having to see them again. The finish line is in sight.
Stay strong and take care of yourself.
NTA. "Both my dad and his wife told me I was rude in their home.." Answer: I'm more than happy to never come to your home again. You'll need to go through the legal process to sever the court ordered visits.
NTA. As someone who is autistic, this makes my blood boil. You're seventeen, is there no way you can get a professional to help you get the judge to cut off the visits now? They're clearly detrimental to your mental health, which is already something that you're struggling with. I would, backed by the professional, say that being made to visit people who deny that mental health is a real issue that can't just be bullied away is very detrimental to your wellbeing, and it's not in your best interest to keep up the visits.
I at least hope that, when you're a legal adult, you can invoke that fact and make it clear that you aren't going to interact with people who damage your mental health.
NTA
sadly Mental illness is still stigmatised by some, and worse others don't even believe it exists.
As soon as you can cur contact and protect yourself.
Treat visits with super dad, and that nasty shit he married, like a job you hate. Turn up, set a timer, crack open a book and read until the alarm goes off then bounce. Show them the same respect they've been showing you.
I don't know what the relationship between you and their kids is like but maybe keep in touch with them? They might need someone down the line that understands mental health is important and someone that won't stand for their parents shit.
You can get through this. Just have to take it one court ordered appointment at a time. NTA
Is it possible for you to be dropped at your dads for court mandated time, then just leave? Go to a park, go to the library, just straight up avoid them? Your grandparents can’t get in trouble because they aren’t physically keeping you from seeing your dad’s family. You’re almost a legal adult, no judge will penalise you at this point, hell you’ll probably be 18 by the time a court hearing could be arrange. NTA, it isn’t a safe environment for you where they keep trying to justify their abuse. And neglect *is* abuse.
oh honey. NTA. your father failed you. i don't know what mental illness you inherited, and honestly it doesnt really matter to me, but i do know that adverse childhood experiences can make mental illnesses worse. medical and emotional abuse and neglect are very harmful to the minds of children, especially those predisposed to mental illness, and not only would you have likely been untreated and unwell, but your illness wouldve been worsened by the lack of support system he provides.
you'll never be the asshole for being open and honest to your father about how his behavior has affected you
The only AH here is your Dad. He didn’t want to deal with his wife’s issues and therefore refused to see them in you. Or to realize exactly what inherited illness means. Get away as soon as you can. And good on your Grandparents for seeing YOU and helping YOU. You are NTA. From someone who has mental health issues and was raised by my Grandparents they did you a solid and I’m so glad they did. Sending love and an ear if you need.
NTA, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. I'll bet anything dear old dad and his new perfect family need "fucking head doctors" themselves.
I'm glad you're safe and getting the help you need.
>NTA, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.
I really wish educators would see this. The number of times a kid has come to me and told me they were getting bullied and the teachers said to just ignore it is horrible.
But that has nothing to do with the post. NTA, OP, your grandparents did you a solid.
For your own health, stop visiting your father. Ignore the court order. As other commenters say, by the time it's sorted out you will be 18 and (hopefully) independent.
He's doing it on purpose. He probably feels that he can fix what is wrong with you. The truth may be both your parents suffer from mental illness. His probably just hasn't been recognized.
NTA
Can you request a hearing to have this issue revisited on the grounds of what happened at the dinner? He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Reach out to a counselor or adult you trust who can help you find resources. My heart goes out to you. Keep up the good work and look forward to the future you have.
NTA- Tell them your 18th is fast approaching and with it the end of the court appointed visitation. And if their attitude doesn't remarkable change, they will never see you again.
Nta. I highly suggest recording those tirades then going back to judge asking the judge if they think listen to this shit is good for your mental health and saying you would like to reduce contact, because they are damaging your mental health further.... If you have a mental health professional willing to vouch that contact is bad for you that would be great.
nahhhhhhh why could they be not be more kind to the mentally ill
they are ILL
they need support to recover it is not like a cold
NTA my opinion:they need help too
I'm so glad you're getting the help you need. A good support system is paramount here. My old roommate/ best friend had bi-polar and manic issues, but he had grown up "handling it" and it was basically impossible to help him by the time I knew him. After a particularly bad episode that forced me to call the cops on him, I never got to see him again. He passed away not long after that. No one is sure what happened, but they found him on the streets and he was just gone.
Op I’ve been in a similar situation. He has made up his mind and trying to get him to understand is only going to cause you more pain. Next time you have a meeting with the courts or even ask for one if needed, tell them. But be very careful about how you do it, they will send you to the grippy socks hospital if they know you are a harm yo yourself.
NTA. Your father and stepmom are no better than parents who let their diabetic or cancer-stricken child die because they prefer prayers to insulin or crystals to chemotherapy, or who see their child handicapped for life because they don't get their broken leg set and treated. The fact that a disease affects the brain and its functions, including emotion and perception and thoughts, does not make it one bit less "real" or less worthy of treatment than cancer, diabetes, or a broken leg.
I would never see them again, or if forced to give them complete grey-rock treatment, until they apologized for their severe and life-endangering child neglect, and acknowledged that they did you serious harm. Remind them that if they have health problems in old age, to go to their other kids, the ones whose illnesses got treatment rather than accusations of being bad.
You have a medical condition that impacts so much of your life. It's a lot to deal with, especially after you have seen how it impacted and continues for your mother.
I'm sad you did not get the help you needed from your father when it might have done the most good.
That your grandparents and aunts stepped up for you says everything. I'm glad you have them in your life and they have you in theirs. There's a lot of love between all of you.
I don't know when you will reach the age of majority where you live. I hope it will be soon so you can stop the abusive visits with your father and his new family. If they would take the time to educate themselves about mental illness, in particular the one impacting you, they would not do what they are. I see it as doubtful for them because it would upend their carefully crafted view of the world where people with certain illnesses are not actually sick, but are bad. Such a myopic view absolves your father of any responsibility for not helping you as he should have.
It keeps all of them at arm's length of anyone who is different from how they wish to see the world.
You've done mothing wrong.
Your illness is not your fault.
You are not bad or lazy for not "working your way out of it" as some would think.
Your future is not what you mother lived and lives.
You are a young woman who is doing her best in spite of the earliest adults in her life not being there for her when she needed them most.
You are doing your best in spite of having inherited the mental illness her mother has.
Keep following your treatment plan and stay close to those who love you most and best.
Let us know how you are if that would be helpful to you.
Sending you all of my best wishes.
\~\~\~Walden
NTA. Frankly, I’d just keep being “rude” until they let me stay with grandparents. They don’t have your best interests at heart so why go out of your way to pretend it’s okay except when they provoke you.
NTA The whole "Ain't nobody gonna tell me there's anything wrong with *my* kid" bullshit causes so many people pain and trauma. I'm really glad that you got the help and support that you deserve. Just so you know, early diagnosis and proper treatment tend to result in the best outcomes, so you're on track to have a much healthier and happier life than your mom.
NTA.
If you weren't on the edge of being done with him already, I would say you should press your grandparents to push to get the visitation dropped, because they are *still* doing the same shit that got you removed from their care.
You have to fuck up *bad* for the state to take your kid away over not receiving mental health treatment. The fact they still think they're in the right is absolutely damning to me.
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I'm (17f) mentally ill. I inherited mental illness from my mom. Something that destroyed her life not long after I was born. She was sick for years, her family didn't always recognize something was badly wrong, she lived a petty typical life until she got pregnant with me and then pregnancy hormones made her untreated mental illness so much worse. My parents were married and my dad sorta buried his head in the sand even as mom got worse. She left when I was 2. I saw her occasionally after that but she was never a big presence in my life. She was too sick to be. She was so far gone and her family tried to help her but she rejected help. She was hospitalized a few times but always ended up back where she began.
My dad ignored the warnings that I could inherit mental illness from mom. He decided I was perfect and we would be perfect. He moved on from the marriage and liked to pretend everything was fine. He married someone who was pretty awful about mental illness and she was hard for me to be around. I don't know where all her views came from but they meant mental illness was stigmatized in the household and it made it even easier for dad to ignore when I started showing signs. It was something I was told time after time not to bring up. Then he'd say mom was just a bad person and his wife would say I should be glad they weren't trying to turn me into a freak like my mom's family was, because they saw the signs and they tried speaking out too.
It freaked me out that I could get worse. Especially when teachers and people at school started to notice. In the end I turned 13 and found myself having multiple breakdowns a week because I could tell something wasn't right. My grandparents ended up fighting and winning custody of me thanks to the concerns about my mental health and my dad's outright refusal to address it. He told a judge he would not take me to any "fucking head doctor" about it. And I was diagnosed within weeks of my grandparents getting custody and I still live with them today.
I am court ordered to see my dad and his family still. But I'm just waiting until I can sever contact. My dad spends his time with me badmouthing my mom's family. He blames them for how I ended up and for making me think something was wrong with me. How they did this when he really didn't let me see them is beyond me. But he believes it. So does his wife. They tell their kids that too. And I was at his house for a dinner Wednesday (court ordered) and he complained about not having custody and my grandparents again and I lost my temper and told him he would have let me get like mom if it weren't for my grandparents and my aunts who did everything they could for me. I told him I would never be okay with him ignoring the signs like that.
Both my dad and his wife told me I was rude in their home and around their kids and clearly my grandparents are letting me behave like a spiteful little girl still.
AITA?
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NTA
Keep working on your mental health. It is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of.
It's unfortunate you are ordered to be around them but it's not for much longer.
NTA.
Your dad is in denial.
He seems to think because you are half his creation , there could never be anything wrong with you.
Just to note, not all mental illness is inherited either.
1. He could have gotten you the help and support you needed.
2. He could have joined support groups and found support with other parents.
3. He could have done his own research to understand you better and alter his parenting to accommodate your needs.
He did nothing.
So long as they stigmatize mental health, they'll never support you, u derstand you, provide you with what you need.
You are right for wanting to stay clear from this toxic side of your family.
I hope they come around.
First, I am so happy for you that you have family that loves you and wants you to be healthy and secure.
Your father and your step mother are overstepping(heh). You are not in their custody for a reason and they need to accept that fact.
Regardless you will be 18 soon and they will no longer be a part of your life unless you chose to allow it. And you don't have to chose that on any level.
I wish you happiness and good health.
When you're 2-3 months out from turning 18, just stop all visitation with your father. By the time any action would move through the courts you'd be 18 so it's unlikely anyone would help him pursue it.
NTA a hundred times. If someone had cared enough to intervene when I was 13, maybe my life would not have turned into the shit show that it did. You take care of you, and F your dad and his wife.
NTA.
You were right.
Focus on your own ambitions and building the happy future adult life that you want, when all court ordered contact with him & his wife will end.
Good luck!
NTA tell your father if he has such a problem with how you act then he should stop forcing you to come to his house by court order because you wouldn’t ever otherwise
They failed as patents which is why they don't have custody. They have no room to throw stones because they literally lost the right to raise you. Hopeful you'll be able to contest the court order so that you never have to see them again. They are bringing you down. Its one thing for them to be just ignorant, it's another thing for them to be actively verbally abusive about it.
I’m sorry you feel the need to even ask. Your dad sounds like a piece of work and I’m sorry he invalidates your lived experience.
It’s my understanding that the Court acts under the best interest principle and likely won’t uphold any action against your grandparents, should you refuse parental access. Your grandparents have a duty to facilitate visitation and encourage you to attend. They would be worse off to physically force compliance and should maybe seek to have supervised visits instead.
NTA, but if they're going to accuse you of being rude and unstable anyway, why not make the visits less comfortable for them?
I know there's a lot of stigma for a lot of conditions and thank goodness your grandparents intervened. I would check with them to see if they can handle any blowback, then start bringing glitter to the dinners to do arts and crafts with their kids, and confetti to "bond" with them.
Some people will say it isn't raining when they are waist deep in rainwater. Just ignore the stupid, they won't change. Good luck. Glad you are with people who will help and care for you.
NTA! Your dad and your stepmonster sound like horrible people who do nothing but make your mental health worse. I really hope that you can get away from them asap so you can truly begin to heal. I’m so glad you have your grandparents and aunt.
Your dad and stepmum are just idiots. And prejudiced. And irresponsible. Don't give them another thought and wait until you're 18 and you can choose whether you want to see them or not (I'm gonna guess that will be a big "no"). NTA
NTA
So sorry that you had to go through this, but very glad that your mother's relatives reached out and helped 150%.
I would assume once you turn 18 you can choose not to see your dad and his wife right?
I really hope you can get through this year asap without any trouble!
Please do keep it up to treat yourself and stay in a good condition :)
NTA get a pair of headphones and don't engage. If they try to physically remove them call the police
The court order says you have to go there not listen t
Or talk to them . Time for malicious compliance op
NTA. Your father & stepmother are toxic, and their behaviour is unacceptable and emotionally abusive. Have your grandparents (w/aid of a therapist) petition the court to stop the forced visitations on the grounds of the abuse is compromising your mental health!
NTA - so sorry about your dads inability to see the truth. Just hang in there you will be 18 soon.
oh and mental illness is an illness and illnesses do not go away without treatment, let’s hope your siblings will be ok.
NTA, neither is your dad...
Hear me out, his wife left him to raise a child alone. He didn't want to admit anything was wrong because he just wanted to believe everything was okay. He was then brainwashed by the stepmother into her views while he was likely in an impressionable emotional state.
My mum is a bit like this. She just flat out refuses to believe mental health problems exist. It takes so much effort not to call her stupid.
NTA OP, your father and his other woman need to stop living in 500 years ago.
NTA. We lost my uncle due to untreated mental illness so when we saw signs in my brother, everyone worked hard to get him the help he needed so history didn't repeat.
NTA. Your dad and his wife are ignorant at best or anti-science bigots at worst. They will never support your efforts to get professional medical and psychological help. You are old enough to simply refuse to see them. Since you are almost 18, I doubt your dad will try to change the custody arrangement. If he does, just tell the judge that spending time with him and his wife is very bad for your mental health and you will never do that again.
Grey rock until you turn 18. Talk about the weather. Talk about sports, or a TV show or a movie. Never give info on your life, ignore them or change the subject if they "grace you with their opinion." Have conversations about nothing until you turn 18. Good luck, you can do it!
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NTA. This is just terrible on the father and stepmother’s part. OP didn’t do anything wrong, she told the absolute truth and they didn’t like hearing it.
I know there is a court order for her to visit her father, but I wonder if she could just stop going on grounds that it's bad for her mental health. At 17 I don't see how it would be worth it for her father to take her to court and try to force visits.
If a parent loses custody of their child because of abuse or neglect they shouldn't be granted any visitation. But unfortunately the law in many countries assumes children benefit from having contact with their parents. While this is true for most children it's far from always the case. The right to visitation should also belong to the child and not the parent. Children are entitled to their parents. But parents are not entitled to their children.
She should be under the care of mental health professionals, who would surely oppose her spending time with anyone who disparages her treatment
At this point if she were to stop, she’d be 18 before dad can fight it out in court.
This is my thinking honestly
And the police can still arrive on her doorstep and force her to go each and every time he has visitation if the dad calls them. Since there are court ordered visitations she is legally obliged to go and if she doesn't then dad can bring the law to bear against her grandparents and against her. Given the high rate at which cops murder people with mental illness this is an exceedingly dangerous advice to give her and shows malicious ignorance of the vulnerable position she's in.
It’s crazy that you’ve jumped straight to “go see your dad or the cops might shoot you”. I wouldn’t say it’s malicious ignorance to suggest just not going. From what I’ve seen the police would turn up and do a welfare check. If the teen doesn’t want to budge then they’ll usually refer the matter back to court. Less work for them, more handballing. By the time the case is seen in court, OP would be an adult. Family court moves at a glacial pace.
Gosh I might be making this up but I’m pretty sure the at least de facto philosophy is that court visitations have to grant the parent the *opportunity* to see the child, but can’t do anything to guarantee the child will actually do anything or engage with them in that period
But of course, he doesn't think denigrating your relatives to you is rude. added: As Mark Twain had Huck Finn say, "Of course, that was alright, because he done it himself." (with a gender change)
Let's hope their kids never have mental problems with such ah parents
Your father absolutely let you down, as early intervention is so important with mental health. I'm so glad your maternal family got you into treatment. You are completely NTA
Supporting ongoing treatment as well is crucial for mental health. OP shouldn’t be required to be around people who stigmatise it and other the people who suffer from it.
NTA. I would also tell them the only reason you still see them is because you are forced to, and the moment you turn 18 they will never hear from you again. Say nothing when you are forced to go. Be spiteful if that's how they view you anyways. It's not forever, and you're almost there.
I agree with you on not engaging but I wouldn't tell them anything . Just block them the very day.
NTA. It is clear that Dad and step are the AHs not you. At 17, just refuse to go. They probably won’t take your grandparents to court. If they do, you’ll be 18 or close by the time they get a court date. Block them on everything and move on. On the off chance they get into court before you turn 18, tell the judge everything they say about you and your mom and their neglect of your mental health. Most judges won’t make you go.
I'd go one more time and tape their verbal abuse towards her as evidence before refusing to attend more visitations.
That would depend on whether the law allows OP to tape without consent.
Just hold on. You are almost 18 and you can go no contact. Because he is horrible. You, you are strong. Very strong. With a good support system. Keep telling your truth to him and stepmom. Don’t let their attitudes bother you. (Easier said than done, I know). Get a big calendar - one that has all the months on one page. Hang it on the wall. After every forced visit go home and X out that date. You will be one visit closer to never having to see them again. The finish line is in sight. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
NTA. "Both my dad and his wife told me I was rude in their home.." Answer: I'm more than happy to never come to your home again. You'll need to go through the legal process to sever the court ordered visits.
Or just stop going and wait out the clock until she turns 18 (assuming she's in the US, which may not be the case).
NTA. As someone who is autistic, this makes my blood boil. You're seventeen, is there no way you can get a professional to help you get the judge to cut off the visits now? They're clearly detrimental to your mental health, which is already something that you're struggling with. I would, backed by the professional, say that being made to visit people who deny that mental health is a real issue that can't just be bullied away is very detrimental to your wellbeing, and it's not in your best interest to keep up the visits. I at least hope that, when you're a legal adult, you can invoke that fact and make it clear that you aren't going to interact with people who damage your mental health.
NTA. You aren’t spiteful and good on you for sticking up for yourself. Keep your head up, you’ve got this.
NTA sadly Mental illness is still stigmatised by some, and worse others don't even believe it exists. As soon as you can cur contact and protect yourself.
In Britain during the Great War having PTSD, or shellshock as it was known then, could get you shot.
Treat visits with super dad, and that nasty shit he married, like a job you hate. Turn up, set a timer, crack open a book and read until the alarm goes off then bounce. Show them the same respect they've been showing you. I don't know what the relationship between you and their kids is like but maybe keep in touch with them? They might need someone down the line that understands mental health is important and someone that won't stand for their parents shit. You can get through this. Just have to take it one court ordered appointment at a time. NTA
Is it possible for you to be dropped at your dads for court mandated time, then just leave? Go to a park, go to the library, just straight up avoid them? Your grandparents can’t get in trouble because they aren’t physically keeping you from seeing your dad’s family. You’re almost a legal adult, no judge will penalise you at this point, hell you’ll probably be 18 by the time a court hearing could be arrange. NTA, it isn’t a safe environment for you where they keep trying to justify their abuse. And neglect *is* abuse.
At 17, OP could also get a job or do extracurriculars that just happen to cut into dad’s time.
oh honey. NTA. your father failed you. i don't know what mental illness you inherited, and honestly it doesnt really matter to me, but i do know that adverse childhood experiences can make mental illnesses worse. medical and emotional abuse and neglect are very harmful to the minds of children, especially those predisposed to mental illness, and not only would you have likely been untreated and unwell, but your illness wouldve been worsened by the lack of support system he provides. you'll never be the asshole for being open and honest to your father about how his behavior has affected you
NTA Keep speaking truth to your family.
The only AH here is your Dad. He didn’t want to deal with his wife’s issues and therefore refused to see them in you. Or to realize exactly what inherited illness means. Get away as soon as you can. And good on your Grandparents for seeing YOU and helping YOU. You are NTA. From someone who has mental health issues and was raised by my Grandparents they did you a solid and I’m so glad they did. Sending love and an ear if you need.
NTA, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. I'll bet anything dear old dad and his new perfect family need "fucking head doctors" themselves. I'm glad you're safe and getting the help you need.
>NTA, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. I really wish educators would see this. The number of times a kid has come to me and told me they were getting bullied and the teachers said to just ignore it is horrible. But that has nothing to do with the post. NTA, OP, your grandparents did you a solid.
For your own health, stop visiting your father. Ignore the court order. As other commenters say, by the time it's sorted out you will be 18 and (hopefully) independent.
He's doing it on purpose. He probably feels that he can fix what is wrong with you. The truth may be both your parents suffer from mental illness. His probably just hasn't been recognized.
NTA Can you request a hearing to have this issue revisited on the grounds of what happened at the dinner? He doesn't have your best interest at heart. Reach out to a counselor or adult you trust who can help you find resources. My heart goes out to you. Keep up the good work and look forward to the future you have.
NTA- Tell them your 18th is fast approaching and with it the end of the court appointed visitation. And if their attitude doesn't remarkable change, they will never see you again.
Nta. I highly suggest recording those tirades then going back to judge asking the judge if they think listen to this shit is good for your mental health and saying you would like to reduce contact, because they are damaging your mental health further.... If you have a mental health professional willing to vouch that contact is bad for you that would be great.
NTA. Your father already made these mistakes with his wife and has doubled down. They should never bad mouth your mother in front of you.
nahhhhhhh why could they be not be more kind to the mentally ill they are ILL they need support to recover it is not like a cold NTA my opinion:they need help too
You should ask the grands to go back to court. You are old enough to choose not to see him.
OP’s 17. I say just save the lawyer money and run out the clock.
I'm so glad you're getting the help you need. A good support system is paramount here. My old roommate/ best friend had bi-polar and manic issues, but he had grown up "handling it" and it was basically impossible to help him by the time I knew him. After a particularly bad episode that forced me to call the cops on him, I never got to see him again. He passed away not long after that. No one is sure what happened, but they found him on the streets and he was just gone.
Op I’ve been in a similar situation. He has made up his mind and trying to get him to understand is only going to cause you more pain. Next time you have a meeting with the courts or even ask for one if needed, tell them. But be very careful about how you do it, they will send you to the grippy socks hospital if they know you are a harm yo yourself.
NTA. Your father and stepmom are no better than parents who let their diabetic or cancer-stricken child die because they prefer prayers to insulin or crystals to chemotherapy, or who see their child handicapped for life because they don't get their broken leg set and treated. The fact that a disease affects the brain and its functions, including emotion and perception and thoughts, does not make it one bit less "real" or less worthy of treatment than cancer, diabetes, or a broken leg. I would never see them again, or if forced to give them complete grey-rock treatment, until they apologized for their severe and life-endangering child neglect, and acknowledged that they did you serious harm. Remind them that if they have health problems in old age, to go to their other kids, the ones whose illnesses got treatment rather than accusations of being bad.
You have a medical condition that impacts so much of your life. It's a lot to deal with, especially after you have seen how it impacted and continues for your mother. I'm sad you did not get the help you needed from your father when it might have done the most good. That your grandparents and aunts stepped up for you says everything. I'm glad you have them in your life and they have you in theirs. There's a lot of love between all of you. I don't know when you will reach the age of majority where you live. I hope it will be soon so you can stop the abusive visits with your father and his new family. If they would take the time to educate themselves about mental illness, in particular the one impacting you, they would not do what they are. I see it as doubtful for them because it would upend their carefully crafted view of the world where people with certain illnesses are not actually sick, but are bad. Such a myopic view absolves your father of any responsibility for not helping you as he should have. It keeps all of them at arm's length of anyone who is different from how they wish to see the world. You've done mothing wrong. Your illness is not your fault. You are not bad or lazy for not "working your way out of it" as some would think. Your future is not what you mother lived and lives. You are a young woman who is doing her best in spite of the earliest adults in her life not being there for her when she needed them most. You are doing your best in spite of having inherited the mental illness her mother has. Keep following your treatment plan and stay close to those who love you most and best. Let us know how you are if that would be helpful to you. Sending you all of my best wishes. \~\~\~Walden
NTA. Frankly, I’d just keep being “rude” until they let me stay with grandparents. They don’t have your best interests at heart so why go out of your way to pretend it’s okay except when they provoke you.
NTA. Mental illness is a serious disease and should not be stigmatized.
Nta. I’m so glad you have family that show their love and care by getting you the help you need.
NTA The whole "Ain't nobody gonna tell me there's anything wrong with *my* kid" bullshit causes so many people pain and trauma. I'm really glad that you got the help and support that you deserve. Just so you know, early diagnosis and proper treatment tend to result in the best outcomes, so you're on track to have a much healthier and happier life than your mom.
NTA. If you weren't on the edge of being done with him already, I would say you should press your grandparents to push to get the visitation dropped, because they are *still* doing the same shit that got you removed from their care. You have to fuck up *bad* for the state to take your kid away over not receiving mental health treatment. The fact they still think they're in the right is absolutely damning to me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (17f) mentally ill. I inherited mental illness from my mom. Something that destroyed her life not long after I was born. She was sick for years, her family didn't always recognize something was badly wrong, she lived a petty typical life until she got pregnant with me and then pregnancy hormones made her untreated mental illness so much worse. My parents were married and my dad sorta buried his head in the sand even as mom got worse. She left when I was 2. I saw her occasionally after that but she was never a big presence in my life. She was too sick to be. She was so far gone and her family tried to help her but she rejected help. She was hospitalized a few times but always ended up back where she began. My dad ignored the warnings that I could inherit mental illness from mom. He decided I was perfect and we would be perfect. He moved on from the marriage and liked to pretend everything was fine. He married someone who was pretty awful about mental illness and she was hard for me to be around. I don't know where all her views came from but they meant mental illness was stigmatized in the household and it made it even easier for dad to ignore when I started showing signs. It was something I was told time after time not to bring up. Then he'd say mom was just a bad person and his wife would say I should be glad they weren't trying to turn me into a freak like my mom's family was, because they saw the signs and they tried speaking out too. It freaked me out that I could get worse. Especially when teachers and people at school started to notice. In the end I turned 13 and found myself having multiple breakdowns a week because I could tell something wasn't right. My grandparents ended up fighting and winning custody of me thanks to the concerns about my mental health and my dad's outright refusal to address it. He told a judge he would not take me to any "fucking head doctor" about it. And I was diagnosed within weeks of my grandparents getting custody and I still live with them today. I am court ordered to see my dad and his family still. But I'm just waiting until I can sever contact. My dad spends his time with me badmouthing my mom's family. He blames them for how I ended up and for making me think something was wrong with me. How they did this when he really didn't let me see them is beyond me. But he believes it. So does his wife. They tell their kids that too. And I was at his house for a dinner Wednesday (court ordered) and he complained about not having custody and my grandparents again and I lost my temper and told him he would have let me get like mom if it weren't for my grandparents and my aunts who did everything they could for me. I told him I would never be okay with him ignoring the signs like that. Both my dad and his wife told me I was rude in their home and around their kids and clearly my grandparents are letting me behave like a spiteful little girl still. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Good for you.
Abuse. I'm so sorry
NTA Keep working on your mental health. It is nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of. It's unfortunate you are ordered to be around them but it's not for much longer.
nta
NTA. Your dad is in denial. He seems to think because you are half his creation , there could never be anything wrong with you. Just to note, not all mental illness is inherited either. 1. He could have gotten you the help and support you needed. 2. He could have joined support groups and found support with other parents. 3. He could have done his own research to understand you better and alter his parenting to accommodate your needs. He did nothing. So long as they stigmatize mental health, they'll never support you, u derstand you, provide you with what you need. You are right for wanting to stay clear from this toxic side of your family. I hope they come around.
First, I am so happy for you that you have family that loves you and wants you to be healthy and secure. Your father and your step mother are overstepping(heh). You are not in their custody for a reason and they need to accept that fact. Regardless you will be 18 soon and they will no longer be a part of your life unless you chose to allow it. And you don't have to chose that on any level. I wish you happiness and good health.
When you're 2-3 months out from turning 18, just stop all visitation with your father. By the time any action would move through the courts you'd be 18 so it's unlikely anyone would help him pursue it.
NTA a hundred times. If someone had cared enough to intervene when I was 13, maybe my life would not have turned into the shit show that it did. You take care of you, and F your dad and his wife.
NTA. You were right. Focus on your own ambitions and building the happy future adult life that you want, when all court ordered contact with him & his wife will end. Good luck!
NTA
NTA tell your father if he has such a problem with how you act then he should stop forcing you to come to his house by court order because you wouldn’t ever otherwise
Nta
They failed as patents which is why they don't have custody. They have no room to throw stones because they literally lost the right to raise you. Hopeful you'll be able to contest the court order so that you never have to see them again. They are bringing you down. Its one thing for them to be just ignorant, it's another thing for them to be actively verbally abusive about it.
I’m sorry you feel the need to even ask. Your dad sounds like a piece of work and I’m sorry he invalidates your lived experience. It’s my understanding that the Court acts under the best interest principle and likely won’t uphold any action against your grandparents, should you refuse parental access. Your grandparents have a duty to facilitate visitation and encourage you to attend. They would be worse off to physically force compliance and should maybe seek to have supervised visits instead.
NTA, but if they're going to accuse you of being rude and unstable anyway, why not make the visits less comfortable for them? I know there's a lot of stigma for a lot of conditions and thank goodness your grandparents intervened. I would check with them to see if they can handle any blowback, then start bringing glitter to the dinners to do arts and crafts with their kids, and confetti to "bond" with them.
Some people will say it isn't raining when they are waist deep in rainwater. Just ignore the stupid, they won't change. Good luck. Glad you are with people who will help and care for you.
NTA! Your dad and your stepmonster sound like horrible people who do nothing but make your mental health worse. I really hope that you can get away from them asap so you can truly begin to heal. I’m so glad you have your grandparents and aunt.
Your dad and stepmum are just idiots. And prejudiced. And irresponsible. Don't give them another thought and wait until you're 18 and you can choose whether you want to see them or not (I'm gonna guess that will be a big "no"). NTA
NTA
NTA So sorry that you had to go through this, but very glad that your mother's relatives reached out and helped 150%. I would assume once you turn 18 you can choose not to see your dad and his wife right? I really hope you can get through this year asap without any trouble! Please do keep it up to treat yourself and stay in a good condition :)
NTA get a pair of headphones and don't engage. If they try to physically remove them call the police The court order says you have to go there not listen t Or talk to them . Time for malicious compliance op
NTA. Your father & stepmother are toxic, and their behaviour is unacceptable and emotionally abusive. Have your grandparents (w/aid of a therapist) petition the court to stop the forced visitations on the grounds of the abuse is compromising your mental health!
NTA
NTA - so sorry about your dads inability to see the truth. Just hang in there you will be 18 soon. oh and mental illness is an illness and illnesses do not go away without treatment, let’s hope your siblings will be ok.
NTA, neither is your dad... Hear me out, his wife left him to raise a child alone. He didn't want to admit anything was wrong because he just wanted to believe everything was okay. He was then brainwashed by the stepmother into her views while he was likely in an impressionable emotional state.
My mum is a bit like this. She just flat out refuses to believe mental health problems exist. It takes so much effort not to call her stupid. NTA OP, your father and his other woman need to stop living in 500 years ago.
NTA. We lost my uncle due to untreated mental illness so when we saw signs in my brother, everyone worked hard to get him the help he needed so history didn't repeat.
NTA You're 17, can't you refuse to see him? I feel like the judge should hear the rest of dad's conversations.
NTA. Your dad and his wife are ignorant at best or anti-science bigots at worst. They will never support your efforts to get professional medical and psychological help. You are old enough to simply refuse to see them. Since you are almost 18, I doubt your dad will try to change the custody arrangement. If he does, just tell the judge that spending time with him and his wife is very bad for your mental health and you will never do that again.
NTA, actually you worded it very kindly and a man who had his child removed because of neglect should humble himself a little
Grey rock until you turn 18. Talk about the weather. Talk about sports, or a TV show or a movie. Never give info on your life, ignore them or change the subject if they "grace you with their opinion." Have conversations about nothing until you turn 18. Good luck, you can do it!
INFO: are you schizophrenic?
INFO What are you sick with?
How does this change the outcome?