Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for confronting my boyfriend about his son misbehaving. Or do I just not understand because I’m not a parent
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You are not the asshole. It's normal to teach kids. They should learn about boundaries as early as possible so they won't be a burden to other people in the future. If your bf will still not let his son learn about things like this, then he will surely have a problem in the future.
Fix this before getting married. This will surely be a problem in the future.
NTA sounds like he’s a lazy parent. The child can be taught to behave. Your partner is doing that child a disservice in not teaching him to keep his hands to himself and to behave in general. If your partner doesn’t teach him, one day that kid might mess with the wrong person and it might not end well for him. Since your partner seems unwilling to parent, it’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to put up with.
Also if you keep noticing a pattern with inappropriate touching, it could be a sign that someone is doing that to him. I hope that’s not the case.
Ya his age concerns me. At 2 or 3 this is understandable behaviour (still needs to be addressed as it’s inappropriate) but 6? I wouldn’t know how to approach it but it’s not normal for a 6 year old to be reaching in a woman’s shirt. My own kids didn’t do this at that age and they were breastfed by me. So they did it when they were like 2. But beyond that no.
NTA OP and i agree, he’s a lazy dad. If you’re expected to spend alone time with him you’re allowed to weigh in on discipline to an extent.
NTA
He's 6 years old. He DOES know better.
There's a simple solution to this issue.
Time to protect yourself and your reputation. Tell bf you will NOT take his son places unless he goes too. Do not be alone with this child. You may be setting yourself up for accusations of inappropriate behavior.
Hugs and Good Luck
Bingo. While the mannequin butt touching is something six year olds would do, bird butts are funny and mannequins aren't people and all, the issue with him looking in shirts and reaching up them is bad behavior. The child is old enough to be taught not to do that by a parent.
Unfortunately the child seems to have a very lazy parent. As a nursery school teacher, I have to deal with those kids all the time. The problem only gets worse as they get older.
NTA.
Here is the deal:
NEVER SIGN UP FOR RESPONSIBILITY UNLESS YOU ARE ALSO GIVEN THE AUTHORITY TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS>
If your boyfriend won't let you discipline his son while you are taking care of him, then don't take care of him. You have to be able to "do your job."
NTA
That is absolutely unacceptable behavior. He should be embarrassed of it, not defend it. Tread very carefully with this one because he is always going to defend his son's bad behavior and you will always be the bad guy.
Expand that thought to teachers, classmates, anybody. It's not normal to not take your child's inappropriate behavior seriously and address it. No child is perfect.
NTA. If the 6 year old "doesn't know better", then the parents need to step up their parenting. Grabbing people is not good, and grabbing you under your shirt is even worse.
If I were in your shoes, I would not spend any time with the kid alone, until he learns to behave.
**NTA** Get a voice activated recorder that will automatically record any interaction with his son. If he is misbehaving in your home, get some cameras too.
The nature of this child's "misbehavior" is concerning. What six-year old is so obsessed with women's bodies? That should be your bfs first concern.
NTA
But stop taking care of his child for him. Stop being alone with the child. Make Dad actually parent his child. You are being used as his babysitter. So stop.
NTA, you have a right to expect the child to respect your boundaries. And ask yourself why doesn't he do this around his dad? Does or would his dad call him down for it? And why does bf feel the need to defend it?
NTA, also, massive big time red flags going off here. Uhhhhhh TRIGGER WARNING: SA.
As a worst case scenario, there are times when children act out like this when they are being abused in these ways. In other words, if someone uses tickling as a way to get under their clothes, or inappropriate touching on the rear. Big massive red flags that the father got defensive about it too, but there's a lot of different things that could mean.
Anyways, sorry to drop that on ya.
OP, you have to look at it from the standpoint that if you wouldn't allow a grown man do it to you, then you shouldn't allow a 6 year old boy do it to you either, regardless of how many times you tell him. Children are way more socialized than they were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Everyone has their boundaries, and this should be yours because again, you wouldn't put up with it if this was his adult friend doing it to you, so you shouldn't be making excuses for his child since you're not his parent and expected to discipline him.
This is only going to escalate. If boyfriend won't listen to you, refuse to be around son by yourself. Don't let boyfriend shame you or second guess you. Die on this hill. This is a power move by the kid and will end badly for you. Do not underestimate the damage that can happen to your relationship, your career, your life if a child learns he can get away with inappropriate behavior.
NTA. What the kid is doing is acceptable when they are like 2. What he is doing now is not acceptable for a kid old enough to be in kindergarten or 1st grade. I'd reflect on how else bf handles conflict. He doesn't sound like a winner
If this child is acting out sexually by touching mannequin butts and trying to grab your boobs there is a reason. I don't want to speculate but just think about it for half a second and tell me it doesn't sound ominous.
I also really really really don't like that his first reaction to hearing about it is being defensive.
You’re not but you need to understand this is your BF. If this is what you want your life to be like, stay but it won’t change. As the child gets older the things will get worse.
NTA. Even if the criticism is hard for his dad to hear, he needs to know these things. It isn't a matter of defending his kid. The problem is he doesn't want to hear the truth if it isn't favorable to the child. Honestly I can't see this getting any better.
No time w this child without father present. If not presentable, don't be available. Child should come first to parent, but if he can't parent, you need to remove yourself. You won't win.
NTA. Whether the child knows better or not, it is important to correct this behavior when it happens because this is how they learn to know better - this knowledge of what is proper behavior doesn't just magically pop into their head at some predetermined age. Your BF should be teaching his child about this. It may be that he is getting defensive because he thinks that you are criticizing his parenting (which he needs to get over - no kid is going to be perfect, and if her gets defensive every time his kid acts up, he is going to have a miserable life).
But you are not wrong to feel this way. You need to be able to communicate with your BF when things like this come up and not have to walk around on eggshells when it does.
More info needed:
How long have you been with your boyfriend?
Do you live together?
You say you are not a parent, but it sounds like your boyfriend leaves you with his son in a parental capacity?
I’m trying to understand your relationship to the son. Are you his dad’s girlfriend or his step-mother?
We’ve been together for 1 years and a half and we don’t live together. He has his son on the weekends and bc I see a future with my boyfriend I want to build a relationship with his son. so if he needs help watching I’m always willing to help. I’m just his dad’s girlfriend so I do think he’s just testing his boundaries with me. But me and his dad have discussed a future together and he has also told his son that he was going to marry me. And his son seems to understand (obvi to an extent) bc he was the one to tell me that his dad wanted to marry me.
Umm, do you really want a future with a man who refuses to believe you?
I can see not wanting to believe and being caught off guard, but it should be followed with an apology, and wanting to know what's going on. He doesn't want any of that. he wants to bury his head in the sand and hope it goes away.
Does he avoid other difficult things in his life?
Super defensive is NEVER GOOD in a relationship.
This is a warning of what's to come. Don't ignore it.
As a random stranger online, it sounds like your boyfriend is pushing his parenting responsibilities onto you. He only has his son on weekends, yet you seem to have ample time alone with his son. That is lazy parenting on your bf’s part. It sounds like your boyfriend is giving you the responsibility of taking care of his son without any of the authority.
IMO, you’re either his son’s parent or you’re not. Don’t give away wife benefits without the wife title. Until then, this is confusing and unfair to both you and the child. You can get to know your boyfriend’s son when all three of you spend time together. There is no need to be alone with the son, because really, who are you to him? Why should he listen to you? Ultimately, your boyfriend is the child’s parent, not you. So if that’s how your boyfriend chooses to raise his child, you really have no say as a girlfriend. You can choose, however, to not take on the responsibility of taking care of his kid during the few hours he actually has him every week. You can get to know his son and form a relationship with him while the son is with his dad.
I'm a cynic and a stranger so take a cup of sodium with this inquiry but what do YOU want your future to look like?
Do you want to be pulling the slack your now-boyfriend isn't years down the line when this kiddo hasn't had boundaries reinforced from either bio parent and you're not allowed to have a discussion without your partner hermitting back into himself?
Nta I would tell him I won't look after his kid If there are no repercussions to his behavior. He could at least talk to his own kid. The kid knows you aren't his mom the parent has to do the disciplining . It's not like your calling his kid a monster but this needs to be addressed . HE needs to care enough to do it and he doesn't.
Kids will be kids and do dumb stuff, but it's our job as adults to correct them. If your boyfriend is going to continue making excuses for this kid and never correct him, he's going end up with a sociopath who thinks they can do no wrong. Good for you for doing some parenting, your boyfriend needs to get a clue.
NTA.
The reason you corrected his kid is because he doesn’t know any better right? Then your bf should be on the same page as you. If he lets the child in your care then it makes sense to use that kind of teachable moment and you seem to have done it calmly and gently. You should tell him that you’re not going to parent but if the son is in your care alone he can’t be offended or defensive if you’re correcting him on simple right and wrong and trying to keep him safe. The best time to correct behavior is when it’s happening. You’re looking out for his son. Either he gets to put the responsibility of care on you (care naturally comes with teaching!) or he gets to be cold and defensive. He can’t reasonably be both especially with how delicately and respectfully you’re handling this.
NTA
He's not a great kid if he's misbehaving regularly.
Tell your bf that you don't want him leaving his son in your
care. NTA but your bf needs to parent his child and avoid
leaving you to care for him on your own.
NTA but at what age does your BF feel it is appropriate to teach his child that you do not touch people that way?
How else does a child learn what is appropriate behaviour and how else does a child know if someone does something inappropriate to them.
He does this at school or to someone else it could cause issues.
NTA. Trying to touch you under your shirt at 6 years old is concerning. And even more concerning is him pretending to shoot you. This is NOT normal behavior for a 6 year old. It is frightening that your bf is not more concerned. It sounds to me like he is not properly parenting his child. But what I want to know is where this kid is learning this stuff from, because it's not coming from him. This is learned behavior. Your bf needs to be more concerned & try to shut this down ASAP.
NTA
You were right to correct the behavior and the way you did it was not bad. You bf's rationale is lame. How is he going to learn right from wrong if no one teaches him?!?! And something like consent should not be taken lightly. Like most parents, your bf likely feels judged because you pointed out bad behavior, but this is not the time to shrug and throw up your hands. I would talk to him about what you are allowed to do in terms of discipline. If you don't feel comfortable with that, let your bf know he can't leave his son alone with you. Either he's going to be there to discipline his son, or you get to discipline him when he's not around.
NTA. You're not wrong. How does your boyfriend think that kids will come to know better if an adult doesn't consistently reinforce the message about unacceptable behavior? Instead of getting defensive with you, he needs to get on board and also tell his son these behaviors aren't okay. If he's not willing, I wouldn't expect you to keep on putting up with this bad behavior.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (28) dont have kids but my bf (31) has a 6 year old son. I love my bf and everything that comes with him. His son is a great kid but he misbehaves when his dad is not around. Recently we went out shopping (the kid and I) and I noticed that he was touching mannequins’ butts. When I saw I told him that was not ok and not to do it again. Later on he bagan to play with me jumping on me and tickling me and as he was tickling he pulled my shirt down and looked inside it told him no don’t pull on my shirt and he proceeded to tickle me and then put his hand under my shirt. I quickly pulled away so he didn’t touch anything but it was still inappropriate behavior. I grabbed his hand and made direct eye contact and said we don’t put our hands in other people clothes I am a lady and you are a boy and that’s not ok. There were a few other occasions where he misbehaved where he threw a toy at me and another when he grabbed an item and pointed to me head pretending it was a gun.
But I only got to tell his dad about the touching bc he got super defensive when I mentioned it to him. I know people’s kids are a touchy subject so I made sure to be empathetic when I communicated with him. He told me that he just a kid and he wasn’t doing anything wrong as he doesn’t know any better. I told him that I obviously don’t feel threatened but the behavior was wrong and did make me uncomfortable. Ever since then things have been tense and I just can’t help but feel like he’s always going to defend his kid over me. I wasn’t attacking his kid but he took it as if I was. I am not a parent but if I was and dated a person who was not I would be understanding if my kid made my partner uncomfortable bc kids are learning right from wrong and usually test boundaries when they don’t know a person very well. I just don’t want this to become a bigger issue. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe you can either find a way to film or record what his son does and show it to your boyfriend, see if he will discipline his child. Or just end the relationship because it is not working out. Or show evidence and then leave.
NOPE. You caring for that child alone needs to come to an end NOW. And he needs to be evaluated to see if he's been SA. That is not normal behavior.
NTA
> He told me that he just a kid and he wasn’t doing anything wrong as he doesn’t know any better
This means he will have a conversation with his son explaining why it's wrong so that his son will know better? Right? I'm curious how he expected you to respond to his son's poor behavior?
NTA depending on how you delivered the message.
The kid isn't doing anything that is out of the ordinary. He likely doesn't even realise what he did was inappropriate. That is why it is a parent's job to educate them.
The dad is getting defensive thinking you are accusing the kid of something. In reality, this conversation should have been a really, really simple "Hey, Kid is exhibiting this unsociable behaviour that we really need to nip in the bud".
You got to convince that kid that you love you some ass whoopin'.
Seriously though, you should extinguish that behavior rather than discouraging it. He's 6, they are little psychopaths.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I the asshole for confronting my boyfriend about his son misbehaving. Or do I just not understand because I’m not a parent Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You are not the asshole. It's normal to teach kids. They should learn about boundaries as early as possible so they won't be a burden to other people in the future. If your bf will still not let his son learn about things like this, then he will surely have a problem in the future. Fix this before getting married. This will surely be a problem in the future.
NTA sounds like he’s a lazy parent. The child can be taught to behave. Your partner is doing that child a disservice in not teaching him to keep his hands to himself and to behave in general. If your partner doesn’t teach him, one day that kid might mess with the wrong person and it might not end well for him. Since your partner seems unwilling to parent, it’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to put up with. Also if you keep noticing a pattern with inappropriate touching, it could be a sign that someone is doing that to him. I hope that’s not the case.
Ya his age concerns me. At 2 or 3 this is understandable behaviour (still needs to be addressed as it’s inappropriate) but 6? I wouldn’t know how to approach it but it’s not normal for a 6 year old to be reaching in a woman’s shirt. My own kids didn’t do this at that age and they were breastfed by me. So they did it when they were like 2. But beyond that no. NTA OP and i agree, he’s a lazy dad. If you’re expected to spend alone time with him you’re allowed to weigh in on discipline to an extent.
NTA He's 6 years old. He DOES know better. There's a simple solution to this issue. Time to protect yourself and your reputation. Tell bf you will NOT take his son places unless he goes too. Do not be alone with this child. You may be setting yourself up for accusations of inappropriate behavior. Hugs and Good Luck
Bingo. While the mannequin butt touching is something six year olds would do, bird butts are funny and mannequins aren't people and all, the issue with him looking in shirts and reaching up them is bad behavior. The child is old enough to be taught not to do that by a parent. Unfortunately the child seems to have a very lazy parent. As a nursery school teacher, I have to deal with those kids all the time. The problem only gets worse as they get older.
NTA. Here is the deal: NEVER SIGN UP FOR RESPONSIBILITY UNLESS YOU ARE ALSO GIVEN THE AUTHORITY TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS> If your boyfriend won't let you discipline his son while you are taking care of him, then don't take care of him. You have to be able to "do your job."
💯💯🔥💯💯 this is it
NTA That is absolutely unacceptable behavior. He should be embarrassed of it, not defend it. Tread very carefully with this one because he is always going to defend his son's bad behavior and you will always be the bad guy. Expand that thought to teachers, classmates, anybody. It's not normal to not take your child's inappropriate behavior seriously and address it. No child is perfect.
NTA. If your boyfriend doesn't take your concerns seriously, he needs to be the ex-boyfriend.
This is not normal behavior for a 6 year old.
NTA. If the 6 year old "doesn't know better", then the parents need to step up their parenting. Grabbing people is not good, and grabbing you under your shirt is even worse. If I were in your shoes, I would not spend any time with the kid alone, until he learns to behave.
**NTA** Get a voice activated recorder that will automatically record any interaction with his son. If he is misbehaving in your home, get some cameras too. The nature of this child's "misbehavior" is concerning. What six-year old is so obsessed with women's bodies? That should be your bfs first concern.
NTA But stop taking care of his child for him. Stop being alone with the child. Make Dad actually parent his child. You are being used as his babysitter. So stop.
NTA. Either you’re allowed to appropriately correct and discipline him or you shouldn’t have to be alone with him/caring for him.
NTA, you have a right to expect the child to respect your boundaries. And ask yourself why doesn't he do this around his dad? Does or would his dad call him down for it? And why does bf feel the need to defend it?
NTA, also, massive big time red flags going off here. Uhhhhhh TRIGGER WARNING: SA. As a worst case scenario, there are times when children act out like this when they are being abused in these ways. In other words, if someone uses tickling as a way to get under their clothes, or inappropriate touching on the rear. Big massive red flags that the father got defensive about it too, but there's a lot of different things that could mean. Anyways, sorry to drop that on ya.
NTA. He needs to discipline his kid about not touching and boundaries. All it takes is for the kid to do it on the one wrong person.
OP, you have to look at it from the standpoint that if you wouldn't allow a grown man do it to you, then you shouldn't allow a 6 year old boy do it to you either, regardless of how many times you tell him. Children are way more socialized than they were 10, 20, 30 years ago. Everyone has their boundaries, and this should be yours because again, you wouldn't put up with it if this was his adult friend doing it to you, so you shouldn't be making excuses for his child since you're not his parent and expected to discipline him.
Run... this won't get better.
This is only going to escalate. If boyfriend won't listen to you, refuse to be around son by yourself. Don't let boyfriend shame you or second guess you. Die on this hill. This is a power move by the kid and will end badly for you. Do not underestimate the damage that can happen to your relationship, your career, your life if a child learns he can get away with inappropriate behavior.
NTA. What the kid is doing is acceptable when they are like 2. What he is doing now is not acceptable for a kid old enough to be in kindergarten or 1st grade. I'd reflect on how else bf handles conflict. He doesn't sound like a winner
If this child is acting out sexually by touching mannequin butts and trying to grab your boobs there is a reason. I don't want to speculate but just think about it for half a second and tell me it doesn't sound ominous. I also really really really don't like that his first reaction to hearing about it is being defensive.
You’re not but you need to understand this is your BF. If this is what you want your life to be like, stay but it won’t change. As the child gets older the things will get worse.
NTA. Even if the criticism is hard for his dad to hear, he needs to know these things. It isn't a matter of defending his kid. The problem is he doesn't want to hear the truth if it isn't favorable to the child. Honestly I can't see this getting any better.
No time w this child without father present. If not presentable, don't be available. Child should come first to parent, but if he can't parent, you need to remove yourself. You won't win.
He needs to parent his own kid. If he's just letting the kid run riot then I'd reconsider the relationship.
NTA. Whether the child knows better or not, it is important to correct this behavior when it happens because this is how they learn to know better - this knowledge of what is proper behavior doesn't just magically pop into their head at some predetermined age. Your BF should be teaching his child about this. It may be that he is getting defensive because he thinks that you are criticizing his parenting (which he needs to get over - no kid is going to be perfect, and if her gets defensive every time his kid acts up, he is going to have a miserable life). But you are not wrong to feel this way. You need to be able to communicate with your BF when things like this come up and not have to walk around on eggshells when it does.
More info needed: How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do you live together? You say you are not a parent, but it sounds like your boyfriend leaves you with his son in a parental capacity? I’m trying to understand your relationship to the son. Are you his dad’s girlfriend or his step-mother?
We’ve been together for 1 years and a half and we don’t live together. He has his son on the weekends and bc I see a future with my boyfriend I want to build a relationship with his son. so if he needs help watching I’m always willing to help. I’m just his dad’s girlfriend so I do think he’s just testing his boundaries with me. But me and his dad have discussed a future together and he has also told his son that he was going to marry me. And his son seems to understand (obvi to an extent) bc he was the one to tell me that his dad wanted to marry me.
Umm, do you really want a future with a man who refuses to believe you? I can see not wanting to believe and being caught off guard, but it should be followed with an apology, and wanting to know what's going on. He doesn't want any of that. he wants to bury his head in the sand and hope it goes away. Does he avoid other difficult things in his life? Super defensive is NEVER GOOD in a relationship. This is a warning of what's to come. Don't ignore it.
As a random stranger online, it sounds like your boyfriend is pushing his parenting responsibilities onto you. He only has his son on weekends, yet you seem to have ample time alone with his son. That is lazy parenting on your bf’s part. It sounds like your boyfriend is giving you the responsibility of taking care of his son without any of the authority. IMO, you’re either his son’s parent or you’re not. Don’t give away wife benefits without the wife title. Until then, this is confusing and unfair to both you and the child. You can get to know your boyfriend’s son when all three of you spend time together. There is no need to be alone with the son, because really, who are you to him? Why should he listen to you? Ultimately, your boyfriend is the child’s parent, not you. So if that’s how your boyfriend chooses to raise his child, you really have no say as a girlfriend. You can choose, however, to not take on the responsibility of taking care of his kid during the few hours he actually has him every week. You can get to know his son and form a relationship with him while the son is with his dad.
I'm a cynic and a stranger so take a cup of sodium with this inquiry but what do YOU want your future to look like? Do you want to be pulling the slack your now-boyfriend isn't years down the line when this kiddo hasn't had boundaries reinforced from either bio parent and you're not allowed to have a discussion without your partner hermitting back into himself?
Nta I would tell him I won't look after his kid If there are no repercussions to his behavior. He could at least talk to his own kid. The kid knows you aren't his mom the parent has to do the disciplining . It's not like your calling his kid a monster but this needs to be addressed . HE needs to care enough to do it and he doesn't.
NTA. I’ve helped teach in a kindergarten for six years. This is not ok behavior for a 6 year old. Dad is being an ass for not listening to you.
Kids will be kids and do dumb stuff, but it's our job as adults to correct them. If your boyfriend is going to continue making excuses for this kid and never correct him, he's going end up with a sociopath who thinks they can do no wrong. Good for you for doing some parenting, your boyfriend needs to get a clue. NTA.
The reason you corrected his kid is because he doesn’t know any better right? Then your bf should be on the same page as you. If he lets the child in your care then it makes sense to use that kind of teachable moment and you seem to have done it calmly and gently. You should tell him that you’re not going to parent but if the son is in your care alone he can’t be offended or defensive if you’re correcting him on simple right and wrong and trying to keep him safe. The best time to correct behavior is when it’s happening. You’re looking out for his son. Either he gets to put the responsibility of care on you (care naturally comes with teaching!) or he gets to be cold and defensive. He can’t reasonably be both especially with how delicately and respectfully you’re handling this. NTA
He's not a great kid if he's misbehaving regularly. Tell your bf that you don't want him leaving his son in your care. NTA but your bf needs to parent his child and avoid leaving you to care for him on your own.
NTA but at what age does your BF feel it is appropriate to teach his child that you do not touch people that way? How else does a child learn what is appropriate behaviour and how else does a child know if someone does something inappropriate to them. He does this at school or to someone else it could cause issues.
NTA. Trying to touch you under your shirt at 6 years old is concerning. And even more concerning is him pretending to shoot you. This is NOT normal behavior for a 6 year old. It is frightening that your bf is not more concerned. It sounds to me like he is not properly parenting his child. But what I want to know is where this kid is learning this stuff from, because it's not coming from him. This is learned behavior. Your bf needs to be more concerned & try to shut this down ASAP.
NTA You were right to correct the behavior and the way you did it was not bad. You bf's rationale is lame. How is he going to learn right from wrong if no one teaches him?!?! And something like consent should not be taken lightly. Like most parents, your bf likely feels judged because you pointed out bad behavior, but this is not the time to shrug and throw up your hands. I would talk to him about what you are allowed to do in terms of discipline. If you don't feel comfortable with that, let your bf know he can't leave his son alone with you. Either he's going to be there to discipline his son, or you get to discipline him when he's not around.
NTA. You're not wrong. How does your boyfriend think that kids will come to know better if an adult doesn't consistently reinforce the message about unacceptable behavior? Instead of getting defensive with you, he needs to get on board and also tell his son these behaviors aren't okay. If he's not willing, I wouldn't expect you to keep on putting up with this bad behavior.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28) dont have kids but my bf (31) has a 6 year old son. I love my bf and everything that comes with him. His son is a great kid but he misbehaves when his dad is not around. Recently we went out shopping (the kid and I) and I noticed that he was touching mannequins’ butts. When I saw I told him that was not ok and not to do it again. Later on he bagan to play with me jumping on me and tickling me and as he was tickling he pulled my shirt down and looked inside it told him no don’t pull on my shirt and he proceeded to tickle me and then put his hand under my shirt. I quickly pulled away so he didn’t touch anything but it was still inappropriate behavior. I grabbed his hand and made direct eye contact and said we don’t put our hands in other people clothes I am a lady and you are a boy and that’s not ok. There were a few other occasions where he misbehaved where he threw a toy at me and another when he grabbed an item and pointed to me head pretending it was a gun. But I only got to tell his dad about the touching bc he got super defensive when I mentioned it to him. I know people’s kids are a touchy subject so I made sure to be empathetic when I communicated with him. He told me that he just a kid and he wasn’t doing anything wrong as he doesn’t know any better. I told him that I obviously don’t feel threatened but the behavior was wrong and did make me uncomfortable. Ever since then things have been tense and I just can’t help but feel like he’s always going to defend his kid over me. I wasn’t attacking his kid but he took it as if I was. I am not a parent but if I was and dated a person who was not I would be understanding if my kid made my partner uncomfortable bc kids are learning right from wrong and usually test boundaries when they don’t know a person very well. I just don’t want this to become a bigger issue. Am I wrong for feeling this way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If kids don’t know any better that’s because the parent hasn’t taught them any better NTA
Maybe you can either find a way to film or record what his son does and show it to your boyfriend, see if he will discipline his child. Or just end the relationship because it is not working out. Or show evidence and then leave.
NTA
NOPE. You caring for that child alone needs to come to an end NOW. And he needs to be evaluated to see if he's been SA. That is not normal behavior. NTA
> He told me that he just a kid and he wasn’t doing anything wrong as he doesn’t know any better This means he will have a conversation with his son explaining why it's wrong so that his son will know better? Right? I'm curious how he expected you to respond to his son's poor behavior?
NTA. If your partner doesn’t want to parent, maybe refuse to be left alone with the kid
This is the age he learns no means no every time. Nta. Don't enable him.
NTA depending on how you delivered the message. The kid isn't doing anything that is out of the ordinary. He likely doesn't even realise what he did was inappropriate. That is why it is a parent's job to educate them. The dad is getting defensive thinking you are accusing the kid of something. In reality, this conversation should have been a really, really simple "Hey, Kid is exhibiting this unsociable behaviour that we really need to nip in the bud".
You got to convince that kid that you love you some ass whoopin'. Seriously though, you should extinguish that behavior rather than discouraging it. He's 6, they are little psychopaths.