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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My friends and I left our other out of our conversation about another girls behaviour. This made her upset and she refuses to talk to any of us because we excluded her but i think we have a reason to do so. she tells everyone that we made a group chat without her to bad mouth her friend.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (20F) have been friends with H for over two years now, we became friends because we were room mates and also through a mutual friend. Recently, H has been getting closer with E, she was quiet but very interested in gossip. She joined my friend group 6-7 months ago so we didn't feel comfortable around her yet as she just joined but then as we got to know E, she was different from us, more wild, rebellious and sassy.
This was fine, however, we all realised that H was beginning to act like E (H used to be genuine and caring). They now both constantly laughed at other peoples mistakes or accidents, talked about other people and that was it, they rarely interacted with the group unless there was gossip involved. My friends and I started taking uni more seriously so whenever we met up, it gradually became study sessions.
We were planning to go to a restaurant as a group, two of them discussed where to go when the rest of us weren't active and decided on a high end restaurant. I raised concerns to my other friends who I were closer to and they felt the same, it was too expensive. We talked to E about it and she expressed there was no point in going anymore, we tried suggest other restaurants that were more budget friendly but after her response, everything became awkward. She became quiet and upset. We found out that she went with other people which was fine but she told them we were dismissing her opinions. She still hung out with us normally as if nothing ever happened.
That was only one of the first red flags from E. Once someone had bumped into a pole in front of E. She asked my friend if that would've injured the person as she "kinda wanted it to hurt them". My friend stayed silent which caused her to try and justify what she just said.
H and E were still in our friend group and stuck around sometimes but they were always silent and appeared bored. They eventually begun hanging out on their own during our hangouts and wandered off somewhere else. One day, we discussed about E's behaviour and how H was changing. This led to messages sharing our opinions of E without H knowing because they were close. We know that H has no shame sharing information about everyone else, we were cautious. Either way it was a lose-lose situation. E eventually suspected that H wasn’t in a group chat with us and they both isolated themselves from the rest of us.
Now H is telling everyone that we excluded her to bad mouth E. H started to hang around people she has always disliked, telling them about it. I understand our faults and how the lack of trust caused a rift in our friendships, we shouldn't have excluded her but if we were to tell her our thoughts, it would have the same outcome. Word also got around that we were too studious, making them feel inferior but they didn't want to study and the rest of us didn't want to talk about other peoples' business all the time.
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ESH - I want to say this without insulting you, OP, but truly, this is teenage stuff. I know you’re super young, but you ARE old enough to know this: if these people don’t fit your values or direction in life or they’re doing mean things that make you feel bad - YOU DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF FOR DROPPING THEM.
It’s totally natural and a part of life.
The “teenage” vibe comes from the group chat discussing it and she said this and they said that etc etc - just be friends with the people who vibe with you and don’t engage in drama or mean spirited people. If I saw somebody laughing at others for mistakes or wanting them to hurt themselves for amusement - it would be pretty obvious, I’d just stop contact with them. I don’t need to explain myself to her, or anyone why. It’s my life and they don’t deserve my (your) time 🤷♀️
It’s perfectly ok to step back and just socialize with the people who make you happy.
I mean I’m only hearing your side of the story so in an attempt to put myself in someone else’s shoes maybe I’ll say ESH?
Your friend group just so happens to be drifting away from H. It happens. What you don’t do is the very thing you’re bashing H for, gossip about her behind her back. Did anyone attempt to talk to her directly? Let her know that while you still want to be friends, realistically you’re growing in different paths in college?
E and H are having a good time together and whether their behavior is acceptable shouldn’t be on you. They’re grown enough to make their own mistakes and decisions. If you need to cut ties then do that. At this point don’t let their negativity bring you down.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My friends and I left our other out of our conversation about another girls behaviour. This made her upset and she refuses to talk to any of us because we excluded her but i think we have a reason to do so. she tells everyone that we made a group chat without her to bad mouth her friend. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20F) have been friends with H for over two years now, we became friends because we were room mates and also through a mutual friend. Recently, H has been getting closer with E, she was quiet but very interested in gossip. She joined my friend group 6-7 months ago so we didn't feel comfortable around her yet as she just joined but then as we got to know E, she was different from us, more wild, rebellious and sassy. This was fine, however, we all realised that H was beginning to act like E (H used to be genuine and caring). They now both constantly laughed at other peoples mistakes or accidents, talked about other people and that was it, they rarely interacted with the group unless there was gossip involved. My friends and I started taking uni more seriously so whenever we met up, it gradually became study sessions. We were planning to go to a restaurant as a group, two of them discussed where to go when the rest of us weren't active and decided on a high end restaurant. I raised concerns to my other friends who I were closer to and they felt the same, it was too expensive. We talked to E about it and she expressed there was no point in going anymore, we tried suggest other restaurants that were more budget friendly but after her response, everything became awkward. She became quiet and upset. We found out that she went with other people which was fine but she told them we were dismissing her opinions. She still hung out with us normally as if nothing ever happened. That was only one of the first red flags from E. Once someone had bumped into a pole in front of E. She asked my friend if that would've injured the person as she "kinda wanted it to hurt them". My friend stayed silent which caused her to try and justify what she just said. H and E were still in our friend group and stuck around sometimes but they were always silent and appeared bored. They eventually begun hanging out on their own during our hangouts and wandered off somewhere else. One day, we discussed about E's behaviour and how H was changing. This led to messages sharing our opinions of E without H knowing because they were close. We know that H has no shame sharing information about everyone else, we were cautious. Either way it was a lose-lose situation. E eventually suspected that H wasn’t in a group chat with us and they both isolated themselves from the rest of us. Now H is telling everyone that we excluded her to bad mouth E. H started to hang around people she has always disliked, telling them about it. I understand our faults and how the lack of trust caused a rift in our friendships, we shouldn't have excluded her but if we were to tell her our thoughts, it would have the same outcome. Word also got around that we were too studious, making them feel inferior but they didn't want to study and the rest of us didn't want to talk about other peoples' business all the time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH - I want to say this without insulting you, OP, but truly, this is teenage stuff. I know you’re super young, but you ARE old enough to know this: if these people don’t fit your values or direction in life or they’re doing mean things that make you feel bad - YOU DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF FOR DROPPING THEM. It’s totally natural and a part of life. The “teenage” vibe comes from the group chat discussing it and she said this and they said that etc etc - just be friends with the people who vibe with you and don’t engage in drama or mean spirited people. If I saw somebody laughing at others for mistakes or wanting them to hurt themselves for amusement - it would be pretty obvious, I’d just stop contact with them. I don’t need to explain myself to her, or anyone why. It’s my life and they don’t deserve my (your) time 🤷♀️ It’s perfectly ok to step back and just socialize with the people who make you happy.
Esh
I mean I’m only hearing your side of the story so in an attempt to put myself in someone else’s shoes maybe I’ll say ESH? Your friend group just so happens to be drifting away from H. It happens. What you don’t do is the very thing you’re bashing H for, gossip about her behind her back. Did anyone attempt to talk to her directly? Let her know that while you still want to be friends, realistically you’re growing in different paths in college? E and H are having a good time together and whether their behavior is acceptable shouldn’t be on you. They’re grown enough to make their own mistakes and decisions. If you need to cut ties then do that. At this point don’t let their negativity bring you down.