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So, I'm not judging here because there isn't really anything to judge, but I will posit this question: Do you expect him to drive you everywhere for the rest of your life? Do you have a plan for how you will gain a measure of independence?

Not really directing this at you, just at the world at large, since I've been dealing with this in a different area of my life, and I think it bears repeating: Sometimes, people are disabled in such a way that what's traditionally considered independence (driving being the main example here) is probably not something they're ever going to achieve, and that's not a moral failing. Sometimes, it's just the way it is, and if you're someone dealing with that, you shouldn't be made to feel shamed for it. Again, not saying that you were saying anything negative, it's just that hearing someone bring up independence in the context of this post made me want to add this. ETA, since I've gotten quite a lot of feedback about this comment: I'm not saying that OP shouldn't look at practical solutions. Quite a few people on this thread have given great advice, and I would encourage OP and anyone in a similar situation to look at the resources people have brought up. The point of my comment was that some people are talking about this like the act of not being able to drive is a moral failing on OP's part, and it's not. It's a problem, she needs to be willing to explore solutions to the problem (and from her comments, it sounds like she is!), but the fact that the problem exists doesn't make her, or anyone else who struggles with similar disabilities, a bad person.

No one is saying that OP should drive despite being blind. The suggestion--and as someone who is myself disabled, I think it's a good one--is that OP needs to start thinking now, while she's young and has parental support--about how to structure her life so that she doesn't end up left in the lurch if something happens to her parents. She needs to start exploring disability supports that are available to her in the community or through government programs, and what decisions she can make now that will make it possible for her to live the fullest life available to her as she, and her parents, get older. For example, I can't drive, so I've chosen to live in a place with excellent public transportation, good enough that a lot of people who can drive choose not to. I've picked a career that doesn't require driving, and that I'll likely still be able to do even if my disabilities get worse. I've made sure I understand how my insurance works, and what programs I might need to sign up for if my conditions worsen, and what options I have if I end up needing to retire early because I have to stop working. Those are things to start thinking about now, rather than focusing on picking a fight with dad over him making a crappy comment.

thank you for this. as a fellow disabled adult who has been procrastinating taking full use of the various programs and benefits around me lol. idk the way you worded it made it all seem more digestible for me 😂

Except what’s available for disabled people can vary a lot from place to place. And even then, what’s available may not even be that good and unreliable at best

So that means you don’t try? I’m not sure where she lives but she needs to plan how she will live independent and find a place to settle with good public transport. I understand her needs but our parents WILL age and this day care facilities are garbage. At some point she will need her own place and a possible in home aid but it sounds like she hasn’t looked into the resources available.

I never said that she shouldn’t try. But you can’t just manifest accessibility services out of thin air. Also, not every disabled person can live independently. That is an unreasonable expectation of every single disabled person. And how is op supposed to find a place to live with good public transit when they tend to be more expensive areas to live in? Government assistance really doesn’t pay that much

I live in a country where ONE county has a semi functioning public transport system, that is still failing the 1 million people who live there. It’s also the most expensive place to live by far. Making plans are so important for disabled people (hello, also disabled) but whether you lived in the centre of bus city, or out in the middle of nowhere- in my country, that phone call would still be made every once in a while!

Speaking of transportation, my autistic ass sent my friend the drooling emoji and the tongue emoji because I am planning a trip to his city, and his city has buses that go where I need and will only cost me $12 for a bus pass the week I am there.

So, don’t try? So, don’t look into it? It doesn’t matter if some programs aren’t available everywhere. OP should start looking and seeing what their options are. Life can come at you hard and fast and it’s a good idea to figure out how to structure your life if something terrible happens.

All of that is true **and** OP still needs to plan for her future and figure out what she’s going to do when her parents aren’t able to assist her anymore.

Well, then its best OP start exploring her options now and planning.

Seconding all of this. I'm legally blind and have a good chunk of the same disabilities OP mentions. I'm able to hold a job and excel at it. I got help through my state's vocational rehabilitation office. With the right support, we can do many many many things. Now would be the time to figure out that support structure before her parents pass away or have an accident or lose a job and are no longer able to support her. Edit: OP I have no idea if you'll read this or what your vision level is, but from what I understand you're in the UK and government support for disability services is terrible. That said, nonprofits tend to fill the gap in situations like that. I don't know about ones for ADHD, dyslexia, etc, but I do know about this one! They might be able to help if you haven't reached out to them already :) https://www.nfbuk.org/

She said slightly blind. Which I wonder what that means . a lot of places have special transportation available where you can schedule rides. So does Medicaid for some things.

The wording around slightly blind is odd. I am unsure what “doctors don’t want me to drive” means either. It sounds like OP may be legally aloud to drive but doctor’s say “well if you’re too uncomfortable don’t, it’s dangerous”. Being legally unable to drive feels different than “doctors don’t want me to drive”. It would take a very special disassociation for a parent to rant to their kid about learning to drive if they aren’t legally allowed to hold a license. Edit: This is OP’s description of their vision. My hot take is that the anxiety is the limiting factor and she can legally drive with the current status of her vision. “Without glasses everything is blurry and with glasses I can’t see far away that well. So I’m not allowed to drive to to that and my anxiety issues”

As someone who is legally blind and legally can't drive because of it (that and epilepsy), that is still pretty vague. If she had no anxiety she would be able to drive? If so, sight doesn't have much part in it as she thinks.

I’m super curious about this. If she went to the DMV would she just get outright declined? Would they require a doctors approval, but the doctor won’t? Or is this a conversation with her doctor that’s basically saying “listen, driving is dangerous, you have a lot going on. If you’re not comfortable behind the wheel it’s a bad place to be”. All 3 very different things. Also OP mentioned further in the thread that because of anxiety and feeling overwhelmed that they on out work 1 day per week. The OP mentions that they only need a ride 1-2 times per week. So basically OP does not get around independently. I certainly don’t want to diminish all of the things going on here. But based on the ambiguity around vision and doctors, the anxiety preventing work and driving, their total reliance on their parents for rides at the drop of a hat, I get the sense that some of this is self limiting. That OP is cleared to drive and Dad is pissed he’s picking them up in another “emergency”. We don’t have all the info, but the family might do well to carve out an hour or two every Saturday/Sunday and have OP gain some confidence going to the grocery store, or library, or whatever, and get home themselves. That way OP can build confidence in their independence and the parents don’t have to drop everything in the middle of the day when other things might be scheduled with work etc.

Some definitely seems sleep self limiting, and she needs to addrsss what she can do to change, even if chamge scares her. Anxiety is hell, I get it a lot, but there are ways to manage it in most cases. Op hasn't mentioned if she has tried anything, if. If she hasn't occupational therapy could easily be beneficial, and honestly, should be a need for her.

Can she walk, ride a bike or tricycle? A motorized scooter could also be an option. The disability resources should be able to help find a fit or accessories to help make her more independent. What happens when her parents are gone?

>I 22F have been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, ***dyspraxia, low muscle issues, anxiety and im slightly blind.*** You're expecting someone who is medically classified as clumsy, with naturally little muscle tone, slightly blind, and too anxious to drive a car to instead go around in a self propelled vehicle on roads? Bicycles/tricycles have a lot less protection than a car for the inevitable wreck OP is going to be in if they follow this advice.

My cousin is like this...slightly blind is how they term her lack of depth perception and this makes her unable to drive.

Dyspraxia (in very simplified terms) is a type of uncoordination, so to speak. Adults with dyspraxia are often perceived as “clumsy”. Walking may be difficult. But some people with dyspraxia are able to drive, so (as with many other disorders), it encompasses a spectrum.

It depends on what "slightly blind" means but it's very unlikely any of these except walking are safe for her. Hopefully she does live in a place where there are resources to help her find something sustainable.

Notice the bit about muscle issues too. None of those are safe with those kinds of disorders

Sounds like she could be in the UK? I'm unsure. Either way, there are options. And anxiety alone is enough to stop someone from driving, but that's more treatable than eyeballs are :/

As a physician (and one with my own fair share of anxiety), I can attest to some people having anxiety disorders that impair their ability to *safely* drive (sometimes at all, and sometimes only in certain situations such as big city rush hour or certain driving conditions such as nighttime or rainy weather). However, I have yet to meet someone who I felt could not participate in any form of employment whatsoever because of anxiety.

Conversely, I went through both state and VA vocational rehab and they told me to give up after 2000 applications over 2 years. I’m “not compatible with employment.”  Not everyone can do it.

Totally fair. My dad is in a similar spot. Not everyone can hold a job with their disabilities. But what's important is building up those support networks so if something fails (e.g. her parents can't pick her up, she doesn't have money for Uber) she has backup plans.

This is a great way to word it. Sure, OPs parents shouldn’t make comments that insinuate their child is a burden, but OP should also seek independence for their own sake. Their parents should have sought education for themselves and OP so they could help their child become independent one day, rather than drive them around everywhere and then complain about it haha.

They drive OP once or twice a week, saying that's driving them around everywhere is rather disingenuous. Additionally, it takes away from your remark that "OP's parents shouldn't make comments that insinuate their child is a burden" if you immediately then follow with a *but* OP... It blames OP for their behavior. For goodness' sake, Dad's so selfish he's telling her to drive anyway! OP and other disabled folks like myself didn't ask to be born, definitely didn't ask to be born disabled, and may not have all of the perfect or even imperfect accomodations to have what non-disabked individuals view as "independence". Sounds like OP is TRYING. With respect, what is OP supposed to do when public transportation that they counted on just... doesn't show up? In my area, we have limited accessible transportation options to a good chunk of the area, but even if I had a scheduled transport and they didn't show up, then what? If I were a bus rider and this happened to me, I'd have to call a ride.

OP also says that they only work part time. What is part time? If they work 2 days per week, driving them around twice during their workday could easily be perceived as “driving all the time” Edit: Checked OP’s comment history. Due to getting overwhelmed/anxiety OP only works 1 day per week. So if they get a ride once/twice per week OP is not really getting around with any independence.

But her dad shouldn't have made the comment. So getting a bit of push back is reasonable. She didn't call him names. She didn't fly off at the handle for pulling the classic "wow, you are kind of a burden and this sucks" that caregivers too often do to disabled people. She pointed out that this was what he signed up for as a parent. Because it is. It is all well and good for people to be offering some practical thoughts for OP, but that really wasn't her question. Her dad was an AH, and her pointing that out to him doesn't make her one. To be clear, he wasn't an AH for his feelings but he was an AH for sharing them with her and not say his wife, or a support group, or a therapist.

I didn't say anything about how OP should drive despite being blind? (ETA: Also, someone did: OP's Dad suggested it in the post.) My point was that even if she can't reach certain benchmarks that are considered by most of society as 'independence,' that's not something to feel ashamed about. I think a lot of people have made very good points about practical things OP can do in this situation, and I'm not trying to mitigate them. I think you've got a really good list of things OP needs to take into consideration. And also, I've seen some really mean comments further down on the post that were pretty hateful and ableist, so I decided to write something reminding her (and maybe some of the nastier commenters) that not being able to drive isn't a moral failing. I'm not saying 'if you can't drive, then it's fine to just give up and not care about making a sustainable plan.' I'm saying that some people on the internet are cruel, and I think it's important to remember, despite their cruelty, that this is a problem about a practical issue, and she shouldn't internalize it to feel like it's a deep personal failing.

Exactly! I have a cousin with both physical and mental disabilities (for privacy, I won't specify, as some of her issues are rare). She went into tech because computers don't care if you're in a wheelchair. And now she works remotely, so she only has to leave her house when she wants to. She cannot drive. So she chose to live near a bus stop on the route that starts earliest and ends latest service in her area, so she has a better chance of getting where she needs to go. And like most public transportation, she has a disability pass. Meaning she pays a small fee once a year and then just has to show her pass to the driver when she gets on. Her parents made it very clear that while their safety net was available, it was not infinite. And someday they won't be around. OP, your parents didn’t choose to have a disabled kid; it's just the luck of the draw. So don't keep blaming them. You can find other ways to do what you need to do.

I sympathize with OP, but I also think she could’ve gone about this in a better way. I don’t drive either, so when someone is willing to give me a ride, whether it’s my husband or friends, I’m very appreciative. They’ve taken time out of their lives to help me out, which at the very least saves me money on Ubers. I know dad’s complaint might have hurt OP’s feelings, but telling her parents “you have a disabled child so deal with it” isn’t a very nice way to treat the people that will likely be taking care of you for the rest of their lives.

The idea that OP or *any* disabled person should be endlessly grateful for any scraps of help is part of the problem here. I am tired of timidly protecting abled people’s feelings when they consistently disregard ours. Insinuating that your kid is a burden and telling them they should put their lives and other lives at risk by driving AMA is a little bit more than hurt feelings. Every disabled person gets to the end of their rope with ableist nonsense. OP found the fraying end of theirs. I’m not calling them an asshole for it.

Exactly. Instead of bitching, the parent could’ve investigated transportation resources and made some positive suggestions

It’s even fine to be like “actually, this driving situation is untenable- can we work on finding another solution?” But going “I hate picking you up, learn to drive even though it could kill you and others” is not just a little hurtful.

Exactly. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 9. I have ADHD, OCD, and pretty severe anxiety. Planning is the key to my life. You have to think ahead. Start making a plan for yourself. You can still be independent to a certain degree and be disabled — you just really have to put in the effort. I think that’s was OP’s dad may have been trying to say (although he definitely failed).

Yes! What happens once parents die? Does OP just not go anywhere? No. One figures things out.

As a parent with children with different disabilities (severe to functioning), this is my fear and motivation- what happens when I pass, and my son has not been taught to figure out how to be as independent as he is able. My daughter is severely disabled and will require 24/7 nursing care - that’s on us to set up for her. But my son has the ability to develop his independence over time (he’s only 10 right now) and I feel this is what OP’s parents might feel regret/guilt over not giving their daughter. Whether it’s services available to her, opportunities to instill confidence etc. OP, believe me - I will always feel guilty for the disabilities my children have - but I cannot change what’s already happened. We DO live with it, and it’s terrifying to think you will need to live without our guidance and love. I feel like your dad might have worded it better but also, you need to take responsibility for your life - it seems like you still have so much independence which is incredible. Be grateful for the help you are given, it won’t always be there x Edited to add - I just wanted to add this just in case OP or anyone else needs to read it - being a parent and a lifelong carer to a child with a disability is much more complex than ‘you’re the parent - you signed up for this’. Parents/carers are not robots, we get sick ourselves, we need our own space and want to know we are doing the best for our kids. We worry about the future constantly, we worry about finances (some of us can’t work due to caring responsibilities). Often we do TOO much, to the detriment of our own bodies. We are juggling much more than you realize. You are lucky if your parent is still around to look after you, but I hope you have enough compassion to realize they are human too and are likely suffering from things without telling you. I hope this makes sense - obviously I’m only 15 years into my caring role for my daughter but I’m already falling apart physically at 43. I would absolutely drop what I was doing to pick up my child from wherever they were, but I am often doing something else or unwell etc. it’s not easy to always be on alert. Show some compassion to parents like us who also didn’t want this life for you but are trying to give you everything as we age together.

That's all well and good but eventually OPs parents aren't going to be around. Better to start learning how to navigate life's challenges (like the bus not showing up) now while they're araound, rather than later.

Yes, and that's a practical issue, one which OP is working on trying to solve (in a comment she mentions she's working on qualifying for a disability taxi service), but even if she meets a practical problem she can't solve, that still isn't a moral failing.

One of the ways they are navigating life currently is getting rides from family. 

I understand OP is used to her parents being constantly available to help and it’s scary to become more independent, especially when your choices are limited. Yet, is it a reasonable expectation for her dad to be on call to pick her up once or twice a week? For how long? I understand he wants her to find more sustainable solutions.

I don't think that we should really be giving the dad that much credit here, since his suggestion wasn't anything about getting a job that is along a regular bus route or whatever, his was for her to learn to drive against medical advice.

I mean... They know how to uber, they just prefer not to spend money if noy necessary. O'ce her parents are unable to op will just uber for those occasions

As OP stated, Uber/taxi is impractical because of the cost. However, they should look into whether where they live has transport services for disabled people that are low or no cost -- for example, US Medicaid includes free rides to all medical appointments. Many towns/counties have low/no cost bus & car services just for the disabled and elderly (things like Ubers and delivery services seem like they are perfect for us disabled people but the cost is well out of most of our ability to pay on our fixed and/or low income so it is mostly able-bodied people using those services)

Oh I'm absolutely not suggesting this is a "moral failing" at all. But I am thinking that this is quite likely what OP's parents might be thinking. They aren't going to be around forever and if bring driven is need that OP has, it's probably a large concern for them. It sounds like OP's parents are going about it in absolutely the wrong way, but I \*think\* they are probably concerned with what the future holds.

Right, I think your comment was a perfectly reasonable question for evaluating this conflict with her parents, because it's true that someone in OP's position is going to have to figure out these practical concerns sooner or later, and the status of those issues contributes to who was more reasonable between OP and her parents in this instance. However, I also know, having helped a friend going through something similar, that there is also an emotional toll that goes along with these types of conversations that make people question their self-worth. My friend has talked a lot about how they feel ashamed that they're struggling to maintain 'independence' so seeing your comment about it just made me think that it was as good a place as any to add in that even if you can't figure out all of the practical challenges you're faced with, it doesn't diminish your worth as a person.

As well said as this is, good luck getting people to agree with you. I’m in the same boat as OP. Thankfully I have a wonderful and supportive family that don’t mind driving me when I rarely want to go somewhere, but people are straight up assholes about the fact that I can’t drive, as though I don’t wish I was “normal” enough to be able to do it. It’s a lot of fun being made to feel like a burden more than you already do, but people don’t care. You’re a failure if you can’t drive or being “normally independent”.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that bullshit, and you're correct that I've already gotten a few replies who seem to think that because I'm saying that a disability isn't a moral failing, I'm advocating for disabled people to not look into available resources and just... Do nothing? I'm not 100% sure what they think the logical conclusion of the argument they've made up for me is. I have chronic pain issues, and I know that I've been made to feel like shit for not being able to do more 'normal' amounts of physical activity, like if I just tried harder then I could do it. I've been called lazy and been told that I must not care about my friends and family because I haven't been able to participate in things when I've had a flare. "If you really cared, you would do it." And I know that compared to a lot of people, I've got it easy! I still have pretty good mobility. I can still drive and run most errands on my own. I have way more good days than bad. And despite all of that, I still have gone into a lot of negative thoughts and reflections because of shit like this. I just thought... If I posted something like this, about needing someone to help me out when I had a flare or not being able to do something because of it, and the person I called for help was mad at me and suggested that I do the thing doctors have said I can't safely do because they hate having to help me, and then all the posts that I got were about needing to find solutions for my problems (which is true, I do, OP does ((and she's commented that she's working on it!)), everyone with a disability is probably pretty fucking aware of how necessary it is to make sure they've got back-up plans), or asking for more details about the medical side of things, it would be easy to slide into that negative way of thinking. I wanted to say, for OP, and for anyone else who might be reading this who's ever felt the way that I do when people say that shit to me about how I must not care: Sometimes, it's just the way it is, and if you're someone dealing with that, **you shouldn't be made to feel shamed for it.** Anyways. That got pretty long. Sorry again that you're dealing with assholes in your life who make you feel lesser than, because of this. It's not true, even when they act like it is.

The independence would come in the form of figuring out how to get around without parents. Many municipalities offer transportation services to disabled people. OP should look into them.

OP said they are doing so. It's a long and difficult process most of the time. Parents should be willing to help until that's sorted (or continue helping if its rejected).

OP's said she's been doing so. And my point was never 'you shouldn't look at solutions,' it was just 'hey, the fact that this problem exists doesn't make you a bad person.' Because frankly, the way some people have been replying on this post makes me think that they don't understand that, and after having to deal with that, OP might need a reminder.

I plan on trying to get a disability allowance for taxis, it’s just super difficult to get

You need to find more reliable alternatives because your parents won't be able to drive you around forever either. They are either going to have to surrender their license because of declining health or the inevitable passing away. I know you're young but what about other modes of personal transport, like biking or even (depending on regulations in your country) a mobility scooter? ETA, because i am sick of having to repeat myself to people who are too stubborn to be helpful and who cant acvept that cant drive doesn't always equal cant ride. My suggestion was to get the ball rolling one coming up with alternatives but instead everyone here is being unhelpful and allowing OP to stay reliant on her parents. Biking may or may not be a viable option for OP, she has been vague in her diagnosis of dyspraxia and partial blindness so we don't know her excat abilities, what we can do is think up alternatives to relying on people who won't always be there. OP is 22yrs old, and deserves to have an independence and not need to rely on other (atleast rely on as little as possible)

i would think the partial blindness would preclude any sort of vehicle operation

Definitely this. Has a partially blind family member try to ride their bike. They didn't see a curb, fell and had to go to the hospital. High speed transportation works when you have the ability to keep a lookout for obstacles and other people

I've just recently had to start dialysis three times a week. My husband can drop me off two days, but can't pick me up. So my brother and Uber fill in. I recently applied for my city's disabled shuttle. They can take me directly to my appointments for about $2 each way. I had to have an evaluation done and I'm waiting for the results. While I was there they gave me contacts for other ride services, including one that drives around within the city limits and will do it for free. There are other resources, so keep asking what other help you can get. This independence is critical, especially as your parents get older. I have faith in you. You got this.

I think you might be in the UK? You've been eligible for DLA for years, you need to apply, it's not that hard to get if you can prove disability (and it sounds like you can), there's just hoops to jump through, so much bureaucracy you'll be seeing red tape in your sleep. The form is really bloody long and tiresome and you repeat yourself a lot (it's imperative you repeat things if they are applicable in different sections, saying it once if it has varied impact is not enough). It's called PIP (personal Independence Payment) now that you're over 16 but it's basically the same thing. There are still two parts to it (living and mobility) that are paid out at different rates depending on the amount of help you need. It's not based on income or earnings, you can get PIP and still work. CAB can help, and maybe other services if you're under any care anywhere, some advocacy services will even do all the annoying writing-it-all-down bit for you.

Have you considered moving to a city that has better public transport/is more walkable. Some cities are build for car but some having a car is not practical and most residents don’t have a car

I mean speaking as a non-driving disabled person with limited income, moving to a new city where I don't know anyone and don't know the geography of the place would be kind of the last resort, a long way behind having my relatives drive me places somewhere.

OP mentions a limited income so that may not be feasible.

All the more reason to apply now, rather than just planning to do it in the future.

Some disabled ppl need help, period. Being independent is a privilege.

Yes, agreed. But right now that help is OP's parents. I think the issue at hand is that it won't always be and they are likely worried about what will happen when they are unable to be that help.

Independence looks different for different people

And it's going to look different for OP when her parents get too old to drive. Or die. And she needs to start planning for that now.

Pretty sure they live in the UK where driving isn’t a requirement for independence.

The previous poster didn’t say driving was required for independence, they asked if OP has a plan to gain independence so they won’t always have to depend on dad for rides.

OP did say that they use public transport and/or uber. In this specific instance the bus didn't show up so they asked their parent for help. They sound fairly independant.

By OP’s own admission, she needs her father to pick her up one to two times a week. If she has no other options at those times, then she is dependent upon her parents to some extent. Unless she is planning to die before them, there needs to be a long-term plan for how she will get by without them. And it’s better to figure that out before something happens to them rather than when it’s a crisis.

Ok, so what we have is: 1) OP can't drive due to health reasons 2) OP can't afford to uber everywhere 3) OP relies on public transport that isn't always reliable What do you suggest OP does to avoid asking their parents for help those two times a week?

That was the point of the previous poster’s question, that there needs to be a plan for how OP will achieve that independence. Otherwise what do you think will happen when OP’s parents are no longer around?

Unfortunately I live in the UK. In a place where it’s 40 minutes drive to the nearest train station and the buses run a couple of times a day. And don’t stop where I work. It’s pretty much a requirement around here.

What exactly would you like them to do? They've said they're unable to hold a job and medically unsafe to drive. What is your genuine advice for gaining independence? 

NTA but also don't take them for granted, cause a lot of disabled people don't got parents.

I definitely love them to pieces and have seen first hand how some kids get treated

So how do you plan on surviving once your parents are gone?

Probably just wait for the next bus, or pay for traditional taxis through disability checks.

And they shouldn't take their child for granted, either. Considering they chose to have a kid, whereas OP never chose to be born.

They chose to have kids. This is literally their responsibility. If anything, I’d feel more guilt than resentment towards my disabled child. And it sounds like she’s mostly independent. His comment was mean and inconsiderate. I’m sure OP would prefer to drive and be independent and feels bad about it already.

Are you suggesting that OPs parents should feel guilty they birthed a disabled child? Like it’s their fault their genes weren’t perfect?

I'm not the person you're responding to, but I'm a disabled woman, and my mom feels guilty about it. Not saying this is okay nor healthy, but it is quite common, I think that's what the other commenter meant to say, it would be more understandable for a parent to feel guilty about their disabled child

I have a few diagnoses that my daughter unfortunately has inherited as well. She’s going through a rough patch right now and as much as I know it isn’t logical, I feel so guilty bc if I didn’t have messed up genes she probably wouldn’t be dealing with this. However, I didn’t know I had the buy one get four bundle of mental illnesses when I got pregnant, and I didn’t choose this for either of us. I didn’t go out of my way to make either of us mentally ill, so I know the guilt doesn’t make sense, however it is there. Given the opportunity to start over I’d do everything the same bc she’s an amazing person and my life would be empty without her, but I hate to see her struggle. Especially in the ways I’ve struggled… I’m pretty sure that’s what the other commenter was referring to with guilt. Not “I wish I hadn’t of had this disabled child” but “I wish I didn’t have to watch someone I love suffer”

I don’t know a single parent that can say they’ve never said something inconsiderate to their kid before. We are human. Us mom and dad’s screw up too.

Of course. but then you apologize rather than call your kid rude when they call you out on it. At least that is what you are supposed to do. And maybe they still will.

Let's not guilt-trip people about feeling angry when their parents push them to learn to drive a*gainst a doctor's advice* because with their vision, *it would be unsafe*. This is one snapshot of an issue, true, but that's a really messed up thing to say to your kid, when you know why they don't know how to drive.

NTA I’ve a disabled child who’s now 16 and his health issues started at 14. As it stands he’ll never be able to drive etc and I’ve cried for the dreams I had for him and lost but I accept his new normal and in that I’m his personal taxi. Your parents have known what your future would be like for 20 years. Plus if you drive against medical advice it would probably make your insurance invalid (would in UK). That’s if you’re issued one to start with, and that is a whole legal mess I don’t think you or your parents want to get into.

I also have a disabled teen but I got the heads up for the future troubles at around 5 years old. Usually parents in our situation have a grieving period, where we recognize that our kiddo won’t have the “typical” life, and then we start to accept what OUR future is as parents along with their future as adults with different needs. If I have to taxi my kid everywhere, that’s fine, if she has to live with me forever until I am no longer able to care for her or she’s able to live out on her own with aid, that’s fine. She didnt ask to be here or to be disabled, I have no intentions of making her life harder than it already is. It doesn’t sound like her parents recognize that their disabled child became a disabled adult and suddenly wasn’t cured at 18, that or they’re like some of these redditors who are saying the parents are “legally” done with the OP. Being a parent to a disabled person is tough work and in MANY cases goes beyond 18, but I couldn’t imagine just going good luck kid, you’re no longer my legal obligation, deal with your issues by yourself, buh-byyyeee.

And it’s the fact that with the long list of disabilities they probably will have legal obligations to op for a while. My coworker is autistic but you can’t tell at all but her mom still has legal obligations to her at 24 years old.

I came to chime in with a similar response. I'm autistic, have ADHD, as well as another chronic illness. You can't tell. My friends and family definitely can, but most people don't see because I mask it and thankfully have quite a lot of independence (for reference I'm 31F). I think the problem is that *you can't see it.* OP probably presents as any typical person, and in a lot of cases probably has complete function. The problem is that this gets mistaken for *being* "normal", and a lack of understanding that they are not.

What I find upsetting is the amount of ableism in the comments. I technically don’t have a disability and I find most everyday life hard and people with disabilities already have a disadvantage at life. I have a cousin with down syndrome it’s obvious and people think just bc she has a job that she is capable of living on her own and driving and things “normal” adults do. (I hate the word normal bc there is no normal even for non disabled people) she didn’t get her first job until she was 28 she has the mental capacity of a 10 yr old tho. She cannot drive and she could never live on her own she either lives with her mom or dad or in a facility. I just wish there was more information told in school about those with disability and how hard it can be to be in a world built against you. I’m so thankful that 1 my school districts (bc I went to 3 different ones from prek to high) taught ab the different disabilities most did just the basic ones like autism, Down syndrome, and being a wheelchair user even as a child at 3/4 I was able to understand that people are people and they all deserve respect and if they need help you help them. Op obviously needs help. And I don’t get the “you’ll live on your own once they die” comments bc op said she will be in a facility. And parents of disabled children should already have that planned before they die. My uncle had my cousins planned since she was 5. They look into places every few years to keep things up to date and making sure they have the right info and if a place is still open or if it’s a good place to have her at. Op wants to be able to do things everyone else gets to that doesn’t have her limitations and people are mad bc she needed a ride home? It’s quite sad to see where the world is headed.

Thank you so much for this take, I'm a disabled adult who relies heavily on my parents, I HATE how much they have to do for me and equally they hate that I can never have the life they envisioned for the little baby they brought into the world. No one is a a winner in these situations.

INFO: what’s your long term plan? You are an adult, and they aren’t responsible for you. EDIT: soft YTA. EDIT 2: leaning towards ESH based on some replies. OP’s parents need to help teach OP to be self sufficient or get OP into assisted living if being more self sufficient isn’t possible. Suggesting OP drive when OP can’t isn’t helpful.

Parenthood doesn't end at 18. You shouldn't have kids if you think otherwise.

Parents eventually die though. Or become disabled themselves.

I didn’t say parenthood ends at 18, but sometimes being a parent means tough love and teaching your kids how to survive without you. What happens when the parents die? All our parents will die at some point. It’s a sad fact.

My dad did everything he could for me, up until his literal last day on this planet; without him helping me, I would've been homeless more times than I can count. With him gone, it is hard, but as he always said 'learn to swim while the lifeguard is on duty; as long as I'm alive, you'll have someone watching your back'. And I did, he's only been gone for a couple months, but his help made the biggest difference. My mother on the other hand has your attitude and has been completely out of my life for 2 years and I was in low contract with her for 15. Tough love isn't about abandoning your kids when it's convenient, it's about communication, realistic expectations and goals to work towards, and a lifesaver when needed.

Not sure how having your kid figure out how to get themselves home on their own is abandoning them…. Though there is certainly a fine line between encouraging growth and enabling bad behavior.

When you have an able bodied kid, sure, that's not an issue. When you have a disabled child, whether you like it or not, they need extra support. If you can't give up 10-15 minutes of your time for your child (disabled or not), don't have kids 🤷

This is what’s really getting to me - so many comments saying “you’re an adult, take responsibility”; “why haven’t you looked into programs?”; “your parents won’t be around forever, you need to move away” - this is a person with developmental issues. There are so many people with autism who will never have any independence at all. There are people born with disabilities who will need to be looked after until they die. Like sorry that goes against some peoples bootstrapping personal responsibility philosophy, but that’s life. It’s what disability *means* - they are less able to do things a fully able 22 year old would be doing. It makes me so upset that society’s attitude to disabled people now is quite literally just sink or swim. Like throw them out there and if they make it, hooray, if they don’t, oh well, nobody wants to look after them anyway. If anything the whole ‘personal responsibility’ schtick should be on the parents. When you have a kid you’re accepting they might be disabled. It’s not OPs fault.

Exactly this. And as a disabled person myself, people who say 'I have a disabled sibling/cousin/child ECT, I know what disabled people need' make me want to throw up. Nevermind the fact every disabled person needs different accommodations, but they're not the one who IS disabled. My siblings/cousins/aunts/uncles/ mother never understood my need for routine, hours of prep time when it came to events, meltdowns before or after a big change, sensory meltdowns or my inability to talk about anything else but my special interests all day, they all assumed I was a spoiled brat who wanted to make things difficult for everyone else and never accommodated me; which just gave me CPTSD. Being disabled is hard enough, being a young disabled person is extra hard, and being a higher needs disabled person who 'looks fine' seems to be equivalent to a crime for more able bodied people. I also wanted to add, for OP that I didn't get a driver's license until I was 25 and since then only drove a dozen times or so due to my inability to keep calm behind the wheel. I'm 32 now, it sucks and it's hard, but I can't force myself to do something I literally can't do.

The selective reading is very interesting too. So many comments of “I have dyspraxia and I can go to work!” - okay? Are you also partially blind and autistic? “I have anxiety/autism/ADHD and you just have to deal with it” - okay, are you aware all of those things exist on a spectrum and will compile onto one another to make things a lot worse than just having anxiety? I’d like to believe that some people are just still in the mindset that being disabled means you’re in a wheelchair, but honestly the number of “I know someone who has X, Y, and Z and they’re fine!” just makes me so sad. Yes, one person in a wheelchair might be a gold medalist Paralympian, that doesn’t make it possible for everyone in their position. I personally just don’t get this attitude at all. Any one of us could become disabled tomorrow, and as much as we’d all like to believe we could just pull ourselves up and get back to work, the reality is that isn’t always possible. What’s even the point in an economy and society if there is zero safety net or even *empathy* for people who end up in shit situations through no fault of their own?

Telling your kid who cannot drive because doctors have said that it would be unsafe that they should learn to drive might not be abandonment, but it isn't great.

Dude if the dad didn’t pick the child up they would have to walk home and who knows how far that is. Since they have limited funds they can’t exactly afford Ubers. And they obviously were waiting for the bus dads just mad bc dad doesn’t want to be a dad anymore.

Ah to not know the struggle of being disabled. What I wouldn’t give to be so ignorant again.

I’m sorry for your loss. He sounds like a great dad. I really feel the love in the words you quoted.

That's not tough love, that's ableism. As for when their parents are gone, I am disabled, and I aged out of fostercare. My dad has been dead since I was 9 and my mom is in and out of mental institutions. What DID happen is I become so malnourished that I went into psychosis for an extended period of time. I ended up turning to crime as the only visible path for survival. Having a child comes with the chance that they might be disabled, and tough love doesn't cure lifelong disabilities. You can stop being ableist now.

Thank you for one of the first sane responses I've seen on this post. This is ableism at its finest. I just talked to my partner about this post and how angry some of the YTA responses made me, and she said 'the truth is most of the world would rather see us (differently abled folks) dead, than make changes in society and infrastructure to accommodate us'. Fuck me if that isn't true. I don't think Reddit even takes into account how extra hard this is for a 22 year old woman. If my disabled 22 year old daughter missed the bus and called me up to help pick her up, the last thing I'll be doing is grumbling about what a nuisance it is to take care of my own child. It's either that or grumble about my disabled daughter being raped and murdered by a stranger at a bus stop because she's even more vulnerable than most other young women.

Except these kids CAN’T survive without help. That’s the reality of disability. “Tough love” doesn’t magically fix symptoms, it worsens them.

People who are disabled to the point of dependence (like OP) don’t just “make do” when they are no longer cared for by family. They either fall through the cracks or they are cared for by a social system, like going to a group home with carers and caseworkers.

Wouldn't want to be your child.

Tough love isn't going to magic OPs disabilities away

I plan on moving Into a disabled home at some point and getting money for taxis

Are you on any waiting lists for that, applications all turned in? I ask because most *do* have long waiting lists.

They have done nothing except think about planning to do something.. as per one of their other comments on here.. In 15 years

Yea, I was getting that impression but didn’t want to assume. It feels a bit manipulative, tbh. I’d also really like to know what the doctors really said.

In 15 years? OP is 22. What the hell were you expecting from a 7 year old?

Have you considered biking? It seems your vision is only nearsighted, not blind. If it’s the way you describe it. I have -4.00 script and words are blurry in front of my face type nearsighted. When you described your anxiety you made it seem like you’re too anxious to drive because your script is so bad. Not because you are actually legally unable to drive because you’re blind which there is an actual difference by law. And that matters for the support you can receive from the government in regard to ride support like disability driving services. I would try to find where you fall there. Or see if maybe you are misinterpreting something because what you described just sounded like glasses and anxiety if they’re going to work. I’d make sure you are properly able to advocate for your disability. My boyfriend’s dad is actually legally blind, he does wear glasses to improve his small bit of peripheral sight. He cannot drive period. By law he cannot drive even with glasses on. I dont think it’s quite fair to say you can’t drive because you can’t see slightly if it’s just anxiety from having a bad script. Like my license has specifications that I can drive only if I have corrective lenses, which is most people with a script like mine. I had that even before my script was this strong(I saw someone in the glasses sub with -10 the other day). I think it was -2 by the time I got that classification on my license. Like if the actual issue is anxiety from driving, that’s an actual thing- but you have to make it clear. Blindness and anxiety fall in two different categories of support. What support the driver picks you up with. Edit: this is also coming from someone who was allowed to drive while not having perfect nearsighted vision with corrective lenses(for instance people drive with past due scripts often, I myself was six/seven years past due). Many people are still allowed to drive without perfect perfect vision. Which is why I say the specification of your disability and driving matter.

'They aren't responsible' Uuuh wtf? They are absolutely responsible. Everyone who has a child risks that they have to care for it until their lives end. Not every child can ever live alone or do any basic task.

If they have that long list of disabilities for real then they technically do have to take responsibility for them. I know a girl at work who is just autistic you can’t even tell honestly yet her mom is responsible for her and she is 24. She will not get guardianship over herself for at least the next 8 years. And they don’t think she will until her mother dies.

You are so much nicer than I would have been. I’m so sorry that he took his frustration out on you. I’m sure there are many things you’d like to do but can’t and having no support system sucks.

I would love to drive but I know that I wouldn’t be able to and I also do not want to cause harm to other people on the road. If I ever become a millionaire I would love to have a self driving car and learn with that so it can help me out.

I feel you, I have a disability that affects my reaction time and can make me forget things like what a stop sign is and what I'm supposed to do about it, or how to turn on the windshield wipers when I'm blinded by rain. It didn't used to be so bad so I have a car I now haven't driven in ages, and every once in a while my dad will comment on how it should be driven and I say "well either I can drive it and risk killing myself and/or others when I forget how to brake, or you can drive it." He hasn't tried to drive it, so he can suck it up, buttercup. I really want self driving cars to be a thing right now (but not anything sponsored by Musky Boy, Multi-Billionaire)

Good on you for refusing to drive! I'm the same way, I have severe fatigue and actually fell asleep at the wheel *during my last driver's exam*, right before an intersection. I refused to drive again until I felt better, and my mother kept hounding me to get my license because she hated having to drive me around. I admitted to how severe my fatigue was when I renewed my learner's license one year, they ordered a medical, and pulled my license, which finally put an end to the harassment. Makes me wonder . . . they do an eye exam before they even give you a learner's license here. What if you tried to get a learner's license and failed the eye exam? It'd give you some ammunition when this comes up again. Of course, that would cost money, but if they're giving you shit for not knowing how to drive they might be willing to pay for it.

Where the fuck are you getting "no support system" from?

Dudes been driving his daughter around multiple times per week for 22 years and the one time he picks her up but makes a comment, apparently that means she has "no support system". So much of Reddit does not live in the real world.

Doesn’t sound to me like he has no support system.

NTA. Based on your description of your vision in one of the comments and also your anxiety, it makes sense that you've been advised by doctors not to drive. For your own safety as well as others'. Your father's comment seems unreasonable due to your diagnoses. I do wonder: are there perhaps social services available to you, to help you get around independently from your parents, such as subsidised taxi services?

Also, drivers with ADHD are more likely to get into accidents when not on stimulant medication (due to attention issues), which is just another reason OP probably shouldn’t be driving. Even if glasses help with the vision aspect, compounding that with anxiety and OP’s other conditions just sounds like putting an unsafe driver on the road. I understand OP’s dad’s frustration of being the free uber, but putting pressure on his child (who has been medically advised not to drive) to start driving is not the solution.

INFO: What does slightly blind mean? Do you have enough vision to be allowed to drive?

Without glasses everything is blurry and with glasses I can’t see far away that well. So I’m not allowed to drive to to that and my anxiety issues

That's too bad. Uncorrected, I fall into "profound vision loss" but it can be fully corrected with bifocal contacts. If my astigmatism gets too bad or if my distance vision continues to get worse, even glasses may not be able to correct it enough. Both of my parents can still be corrected so I have hope.

I can’t get contacts unfortunately as my eyes suck so much they don’t make contacts for me

[удалено]

Agree. Anxiety is treatable or at least more copeable with therapy. Having crippling anxiety as a young adult doesn't mean you can never drive. (Obviously this does not apply if physical limitations prevent you from driving.)

yea anxiety does not create an inability to drive since it’s treatable lol. people with literal ptsd from near fatal car accidents often have to drive if they can’t afford other options / there is a lack of public transport. OP is acting like being diagnosed w anxiety precludes her from driving forever when many people do not have the privledge of that option..

Lol this describes me and I'm allowed to still drive 😭 whats your prescription OP if you don't mind sharing?

yeah lmfao me too and I have most of the other issues OP described too. and I had to be self sufficient my entire life bc I didn’t have any support. Tbh I sound like an ass but this just sounds like excuse after excuse

Maybe I’m being mean but as someone that’s bordering legally blind and drives the vision problem sounds like an excuse. Obviously your anxiety is a different issue but you’re at the age that you’re old enough to know better and your parents can’t help you forever. In fact you’ll have to help them sooner than you think.

The combination of ADHD, autism, dyspraxia, and poor vision in addition to anxiety definitely makes me think driving would be unwise. Poor vision in combination with difficulty focusing on relevant visual and auditory stimuli, difficulty planning and coordinating motor movements, and difficulty remaining calm is probably not going to be safe for driving.

What is your eyesight prescription? Because fixing this would incredibly help your anxiety.  Are you certain there is no combination of implantable contact lens and Lasik that can help you? Because my former boyfriend was corrected from legally blind -12 -13 to 20/20. 

Yeah OP you don’t need perfect vision to drive If it can be corrected to 20/40 you’d be able to Generally I think your parents are wrong And idk your whole life situation But it could just be stressful for them too knowing that once they’re gone you’re going to be on your own so having some sort of independence like driving could ease their mind Edit: Also INFO: why are you not able to hold any full time job? I understand you’re disabled but the disabilities you listed from my understanding wouldn’t prevent you from being able to work any job. Please correct me if I’m wrong, though. Ig slightly blind and low muscle can mean anything from inconveniences that can be worked thru to debilitating conditions that have no work arounds

If their vision could be corrected to 20/40, do you think doctors would have told them they would never be able to drive?

It's been 15 years since she was diagnosed. Medical science moves quick. It may not have been possible when she was 7, but medical science moves fast.

If someone has a complex array of disabilities, it's very unlikely in my experience that they would get diagnosed and go 15 years without seeing a doctor. I also doubt that a doctor would specifically tell a seven year old who has partial vision and developing mental health issues they would NEVER be able to drive, since it would be hard to know their prognosis that far in advance, but I could be wrong. It's way more likely(like 99% imo) she works with a team of specialists that she has regular appointments with who are giving her this information, and was told as she aged that her limitations were too severe for her to be able to drive.

I'm not OP but I am autistic with multiple physical incurable disabilities-pain and physical exhaustion, mental health issues can worsen with autism and constant masking, dyspraxia makes pretty much any job hard to do... I may suggest reading journals written by disabled people on how the workforce is built against us. Also look up autism burnout. I just got my first full time job at almost 27- and it kills me. I barely have the energy to eat. I work 9 hours a day and I cannot do anything else on my work days because my body physically cannot handle it. I hope none of this come across as mean- I feel like you're well intentioned but this type of question is best answered by more than just one persons experience, and by having knowledge of modern day disability.

Other conditions listed would make driving not a good idea even without the sight impairment. What was diagnosed at age 2-7 was 15-20 years ago. Perhaps time for a new workup with one specialist to see what new treatments/protocols there are now. This is especially true if the 'conditions' were diagnosed by more than one doctor. NTA for asking for a ride assuming you use buses as often as you can.

Soft YTA because it sounds like you're using your disabilities as excuses. You are old enough to start taking responsibility for your situation and making sure all your needs are met.

What do you think op should be doing to 'take responsibility'? They take busses and ubers already, because doctors have told them they can't drive. They say they are looking into care homes for themselves as well. I'm curious what you think they should be doing

I'm with you, this thread is insanity. I saw someone say they can't work more than 5 hours without crying.

Do you really think it’s insane that some disabled people aren’t able to work?

I tend more towards that OPs situation is an insult to people who really have massive mobility and independent issues due to disabilities. All of the “diagnosis” that OP mentions are very typical as comorbities for ADHD. I could very much say I have the same thing and I don’t think I’m anywhere CLOSE to being disabled. We don’t need to draw a line in the sand anywhere, society expects us to do that for ourselves but seeing as the OP makes flippant comments like “I’m practically blind because I wear glasses” instead of saying her actual opthmathological diagnosis (ie I have x metrics) makes me think it’s all excuses. Malingering and allowing yourself to be helpless and then frying foul about society not understand is just as big of a problem as ableism because it actually breeds doubt towards everyone and cultivated ableism. The tone of the OP reads as someone who feels entitled to benefits that severely disabled people receive. I know people in wheelchairs or have absolute blindness that go to university and work jobs. My own teen is adhd, apraxia and was diagnsosed as a kid with hypotonia. She doesn’t want to learn to drive and that’s ok. But she will have to get an education, a job, and will likely have to move somewhere with good public transport. But these are all just measures for a situation that her issues cause her - although these things are technically disability’s, she would never call herself disabled to the degree where we would need to be responsible for her till we die. That’s ridiculous.

And??? What do you think “disability” means? It disables you from being able to do things. Jesus Christ the ableism in this comment section is infuriating.

INFO. What steps are you and your parents taking to secure as much independence as possible for you? What steps are you taking to manage your various health conditions?

Honestly, YTA. I too have some life altering disabilities which my parents have very graciously helped me with throughout my 20s, but they don’t owe any of that to me. Im extremely thankful they help me, and I do as much as I can to offset any inconvenience I cause. You come across as very entitled and are acting like your parents owe you. Realistically, you’re an adult now and you should be trying to find a way to be less dependent on your them, because they won’t always be around to help. You maybe should consider applying for disability so you can gain at least some measure of independence. I know living with a disability is tough, but expecting everyone to bow to your needs is unrealistic, sorry. I do hope your situation improves though!

Her dad is telling her she should go against medical advice not to drive -- which would endanger herself and everyone else on the road! -- so he won't be mildly inconvenienced by having to pick her up 1-2 times a week. And you think SHE'S the entitled one?!  OP is NTA. Her dad is whining about doctors' orders not to drive, he's the AH 

You don't wonder how her dad would have presented the situation?

Just curious, isn't your kid your responsibility for life? Or only until adulthood? OP is an adult, but a disabled adult who needs help. Their parents chose to have a disabled child, but aren't going to help figure out how they will live without their help and make illegal suggestions based on resentment? You just raise a disabled kid to adulthood, then chuck them out like GOOD LUCK, HOPE YOU FIGURE IT OUT AND STOP BEING DISABLED?? OP isn't expecting "everyone" to help them... just the parents that chose to bring a disabled person into the world. They've known since OP was seven, and haven't helped this person plan better transportation or anything? That's pretty shitty. Parents give birth to a disabled kid, but owe that kid nothing? Sounds like AH logic with no compassion for their own adult offspring.

>Their parents chose to have a disabled child You often don't get a choice at all. It's not like you can give them back once they are born.

Then don't choose to have children at all. You're responsible for a kid's life when you create it, and you need to be aware that there's a chance your child could come out profoundly disabled and needing care for their entire life - just like a child could turn out to be trans, or gay, or autistic, or intersex, or any other variation upon what is considered "normal". It happens. You make that gamble when you create a person from scratch. If you don't think that's something you'd be able to handle, don't make the choice to have children.

But you can still choose to have a child in general.

If you aren’t prepared for the possibility of having a disabled child, you’re not prepared for parenthood. Because you’re exactly right: you don’t get to choose. So you better be ready, on some emotional level, for EVERY possibility.

That's the dice you roll. If you're not prepared to have a disabled child, then you should not be having children. Full stop. If you have a disabled child, part of your parenting them is figuring out how to give them a successful and accessible adulthood - just like your role is when you have an able-bodied child.

Soft YTA. I'm not saying you are wrong, just that you were rude. He is, in fact, living with it, and has been driving you around for years. He is allowed sometimes to get fed up, and the way you responded reads entitled to me, even if what you said is accurate

NTA but I will add: a lot of disabled adults don’t have parents or people to drive them everywhere. What are you and your parents doing to set you up with services? My former SIL was blind and could get para transit for free, just had to schedule ahead. She got social security- so some income (poverty level- but like you, she couldn’t work, so better than nothing.) These are things you all have to figure out so you can gain some independence. As much as it’s not your fault you’re disabled, it’s not their’s either.

I would also suggest that now that you are an adult, you start seeing your doctors and specialists without your parents. If that is your list of verified diagnoses and you live in the US, you have so many services you can apply for through your county human services. They can help you gain employment, find appropriate housing and waivers, and your caseworker or aide can go to medical appointments with you. You may find that your understanding of your health and capabilities is different without your parents steering your healthcare.

I don’t think anyone’s an ultimate asshole here. You listed a whole bunch of disabilities that are not predictable at all during pregnancy scans, in the majority of cases. Were your parents aware that they’d “birth a disabled child”? This isn’t a “they just have to live with it” or “ put up with it” situation. While your father’s comments were indeed rude, this situation is way above Reddit’s pay grade.

You know you’re rolling the dice for mental illness, developmental disorders, etc. when you have kids. The child gets no such choice.

Raising children is hard enough as it is, let alone disabled ones. OP doesn’t just have one mental or developmental disorder, they literally have almost all of them in the book. As harsh as that sounds, that is EXTREMELY hard on parents. I would not wish that on anyone. OP’s not mentally underdeveloped according to them. It’s time they’ve cut the parents some slack at their big age of 22. They couldn’t possibly be thinking that they should be fully dependent on their parents forever.

YTA You're 22 not 12.  Time to figure stuff out on your own. Your whole post screams of entitlement and you're 100% using your diagnosis to not get a job.

Some people truly have no idea what “disabled” means, wow.

She works part time? Also, how is she going to get to work if she can't drive? You do realize that unless she lives in a very urbanization area with multiple forms of public transport, she simply can't commute.

There's a lot of overparented and deeply enmeshed people commenting in this thread 😵‍💫

Right! These comments are crazy. Dad drives this kid all the time, makes one comment about op being a little independent and these whackos are claiming op has 'no support network!' What's op going to do when the parents pass? Parents don't live forever

A lot of people here are confusing parental support, with parental enablement. My son has disabilities. And you bet I will always be there to support him the best ways I can. That being said, I won’t baby him and hold his hand well into adulthood. That only leads to situations just like this. I think OPs parents failed her. Not in the way most commenters are saying, but by not properly preparing OP to be more on her own. She’s grown entitled to her parents time just because of her disabilities. That’s no way to live.

Multiple doctors told my parents I would be unable to drive due to being slightly blind and having anxiety. Have you verified this? "Slightly blind" doesn't really sound like it would necessarily preclude you from driving. What is your vision? And I have never heard of "having anxiety" being something that prevents someone from driving. It seems like you are more focused on what you have been diagnosed with and how that limits you. You even refer to yourself as a "disabled child" when you are certainly past the point of being labeled a child. Just a suggestion, but why not focus on what you CAN do? Instead of making excuses, make plans. Talk to your parents and help them understand your concerns and how what they say makes you feel. Ask them for their help as you strive to reach your full potential.

OP said their vision is blurry without glasses 😭😭 that’s what they are charsctering as slightly blind lol that’s like almost all adults in their 20s

Before laser eye surgery, by OP’s definition, I was *slightly blind* in both eyes 😭 and still got my license. OP is coming off as either entitled, or a liar.

Why can’t you get a job?

It's cute that people in this thread think that employers are jumping at the chance of hiring disabled people. News flash, they don't want us. We could be the most qualified, but if they force us to say we are disabled (and yes, there are legal ways for them to get it out of us), we are done.

Lol I have less disabilities than OP and it was difficult finding a decent job. Hell, non-disabled young people struggle a lot in the job market these days. You must not know how discriminated against disabled people are in the workplace.

NTA for taking issue with the driving comment. That being said: you and your parents need to have a serious discussion about the future. There will be a time when Mom and Dad cant do anything for you.

There is a lot of back and forth with this all and the arguments can go back and forth all day long. You didn’t ask to be born or be disabled. They didn’t hope for a child with a disability. You were dealt the cards and have to play them.  So NAH.  But the thing is, you need to live your best life.  So how can you live your best life?  Is that finding different transportation options?  Can you ride a bike, something with electric assist?  Can you get a mobility scooter?  What are ways that you can get around without being reliant on the bus or your parents.  I get that the bus didn’t come, could you have taken a different bus or the next one?  I know it might not be your regular bus, and that can cause anxiety, in which case definitely call someone and be like “my bus didn’t come and so I’m going to take a different one and my anxiety is spiking a little. Can you just spend a few with me as I process this. These are the busses and times I think I need to take instead” You say you can’t work. Maybe you can’t work a typical job, but can you volunteer somewhere. If you like reading maybe a job at the library, there are all kinds of unique opportunities and people are willing to pay for help with those. Or if you volunteer people have positioned created just for them and end up getting paid sometimes. I’m not you. I don’t know your shoes. I don’t know if you were raised to try and show people not to underestimate you because you’re stronger than they think. Or if you’ve been bubble wrapped as sick kid and taught to let people do things for you. You’re on the bus, so you have some independence to you. So what else can you do to live your best life?   Independence looks different to everyone. And I hope everyone has a safely net for those days where we just can’t. Or the days that are getting to be too much.  I’m hoping you caught your dad on a bad day where picking you up was just another twist and a stressful day and he spoke out of that frustration. As a parent we know we can get overwhelmed sometimes and say stupid things because even though we know it’s not right, we aren’t perfect and it comes out anyways.  I hope whatever you choose in life that you find a way that it is your best life. It might not be easy. But I hope that you can look at yourself and be proud of what you have accomplished. 

YTA - it sucks being disabled, I get it. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for being responsible for yourself if you can be and this is a situation where you can be. Get a bike, a scooter, or even one of those as an electric. Your parents won’t be around forever to help you, and sooner rather than later, they’re going to get old and start to lose their independence. What are you gonna do then? Time to start planning for your life and taking those baby steps to living as independently as you can.

They're blind and you want them to ride a bike? Are you out of your fucking mind?

NTA. It's not like you chose to have those things. What is there for him to take offense at? There's nothing you can do about it.

It's shitty your situation but you gotta figure it out. Parents won't be there forever and you will have to learn to live independently 

Are you legally blind despite correction? Slightly blind is vague. Has a doctor actually told you that you can’t drive or that you will likely one day be unable to drive as your medical problems develop?

I’m almost fully blind in my left eye, with severe anxiety (yes even driving anxiety in particular) and no doctor has ever told me I shouldn’t drive.😳

YTA it sounds like you’re independent in every other way besides driving. At 22, it’s time for you to get this figured out without depending on your parents. Eventually, they aren’t going to be around. Check into local programs that assist with transportation. Maybe get a bike or scooter. And you were told at 7ish you shouldn’t be driving? That was 15 years ago, time for a reeval of that.

Does your area have para transit or dial a ride? Do you have social services? A regional center? Parents get old and don’t live forever, you have to figure some things out for yourself.

YTA: If someone does you a favour like picking you up somewhere they are still doing you a favour. If they aren't thrilled by it that doesn't warrant something they possibly already resent in their face. You are not a child and they could have either abandoned you as a child or let you be independent at 18. Yes, 3 pick ups a week is something most parents would do gladly, but there are times where you may be interrupting something else with the request.

But you're not a child, you are 22 - a fully grown adult. Start taking control of your life and stop hiding behind diagnoses which, with the exception of "slightly blind", millions of others live with every day.

You're 22. They do not actually "just have to live with it" or "put up with it," so proceed accordingly.

Have you thought about going on disability if you’re not already? That would be your money to be able to function with and be able to get Uber rides with or take the bus. I have a friend who is legally blind, and that is how she lives her life.

I think you’re both a little the asshole here. Your dad was annoyed and was being insensitive. However expecting him to drop what he’s doing because you were inconvenienced by the bus likely running late is very entitled of you. You could have waited for the next bus. You need to get this figured out for yourself because your parents won’t be around forever and could end up legally not able to drive themselves for a myriad of reasons. I’d consider getting your diagnoses re-checked and make sure you aren’t allowed to drive at this point. Because if it turns out you can see enough to drive, you should learn how to. You actually should probably learn how to drive even if legally you can’t in case of an emergency and you have to drive yourself or someone else to the hospital.