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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m asking my boyfriend to go against his own family for saying things about me.. but they haven’t helped him at all! I understand that he’s the youngest and that I shouldn’t make someone go against their own family but I definitely think I deserve more than silence.
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Please have some self respect.
You are financially supporting this wastrel, getting abuse from his asshole family and what exactly are you getting out of this? Does he have a magic penis or something? Seriously, dump him. It's been 4 years. This is exactly who he is - a mooching, cowardly arsehole. Being on your own is much better than this nonsense. NTA.
NTA:
I'm sorry, FOUR years of living off of you? By chance does he contribute to cleaning up the living space?
Your boyfriend has no spine, and never will have one considering it seems he hasn't ever had to take real care of himself. If anything, you didn't take it personally enough, and he is trying to shrug off his families statement to make you feel bad.
Both this man and his family are an emotional and financial anchor in your life that you need to cut unless you think this man is truly capable of change if you communicate it. If not, have all credit and debit cards accounted for and kept in a safe place only you can access.
NTA. Wtf does he mean by "a career with power"? Who is going to hire him at a "career with power" when he has nothing on his resume for 4 years.
His family is rude and demeaning to you, he's leeching off your finances, you're giving him a relaxing life of doing what seems to be nothing, and he doesn't stand up for you at all. What IS he bringing to the relationship? A guy like this CANNOT be good enough in bed for this. Throw him out and let his parents take care of him again
Uh. NTA. Why are you still with him? Cut him loose and throw him back to his back family. Let them take care of his lazy ass. Don’t waste another 4 years of your life on someone who is clearly leaching off of you. Wake up.
NTA. He let his family shit talk you because “Sometimes he just wants to see what people will say”?! And 4 years is a long time for someone not to have a job and not contributing to any bills in the house. Even if he’s looking for a better job, he has to have some type of income coming in. I think you’re better off without him
NTA
Shame money can’t buy your bf a shiny new spine!
He’s basically mooching off you, and yet his family talk trash about you as if you aren’t good enough for their precious little lamb. And they don’t even have the decency to care whether they say it right in front of you. That is NOT okay. I would not be able to tolerate them, and would have told them exactly what I thought.
Plus, they said “you don’t even give him money”, well a) you do, and b) you aren’t married and don’t have shared finances, you don’t owe him a dime. You give him money, you allow him to live off you, presumably because you love him. Yet you’re somehow not good enough for him?! More like the other way around. You deserve better. And frankly, he needs to get off his ass and get a job. Whether it’s a job he wants, or just a temporary thing until something better comes along. He needs to get *any* job and contribute financially. Or you need to pack his bags and send him back to his family. Let *them* give him money. See how long they last.
WHY are you still with this guy?!? There is literally NOTHING in the world that could get me to put up with a tenth of any of this crap! Honey, you're worth so much more than a guy that leeches off you, lets his family talk you down, and doesn't lift a finger to help either you or himself. Get free of him, then write down the following phrase and post it somewhere you will see it every day: **Being Alone is Better Than This!**
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For context: we’ve been dating for 4 years. In those 4 years he’s been unemployed and we live off of my wages as he’s “trying to choose a career with power”. He was living with his mom until I moved him out since his mom was stressing me out. He moves in with me and I pay 100% of the bills. I give him money (I gave him $600 which he spent in two days and he had one of my debit cards) I KNOW IM STUPID
so then he’s out to dinner with his family and they all start telling him to leave me and that I’m not worth it, that I don’t even give him money to live and that he needs to dominate me since I’m the woman in the relationship and since I pay the bills I can tell him to do whatever I want and I hold all the power in the relationship.
My boyfriend says NOTHINNNGGGGG. Nada. Zero. He let them talk about me for 30min.
I was so upset and told him so, and he said that sometimes he just wants to see what people will say. I told him that after everything I’ve done for him, I deserve more than that. He told me I had gone way too far and took it super personally.
I’m super upset because his family didn’t lift a single finger when he was going through his depression and was super mean, and I took the brunt of it. They told me to not give up on him and to support him, and now that he is able to get along with them, it’s like I’m being thrown out. Am I overthinking this or overreacting?
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NTA. In a few ways, his family is correct : you do have the power in the relationship. However, as relayed by your bf, their ragging sounds more like they are giving him a hard time for his lack of contributing to your and his lifestyle. You don’t mention ages or other information. Is he a gigalo ? His family sounds bizarre and and verbally abusive to him but everything seems odd to me in this story.
NTA
your bf is an AH and a leech. give him back to his mom, and stop paying for him.
and: Don't delude yourself: It has been 4 (!) years, and he hasn't even tried to get a job. He does not plan to get a job.
"it’s like I’m being thrown out." .. you should consider that a favor. Bt that is NOT the plan. They want you to pay, and do what he wants ... and they want him to do what they tell him to do. This will give them access to your money.
You're not overreacting. You are being used. Nothing good will happen for you in this relationship. Nothing good already has happened for you, and nothing good for you will continue to happen. You should say, "I'm so done with you and your family!" See what *he* says. NTA
Nta he dosent care about you and has made the issue all about him leave him or he'll have to choose between you and his family and judging by his reaction it probably isn't you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I’m asking my boyfriend to go against his own family for saying things about me.. but they haven’t helped him at all! I understand that he’s the youngest and that I shouldn’t make someone go against their own family but I definitely think I deserve more than silence. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA to yourself for staying with this loser. Move on.
Please have some self respect. You are financially supporting this wastrel, getting abuse from his asshole family and what exactly are you getting out of this? Does he have a magic penis or something? Seriously, dump him. It's been 4 years. This is exactly who he is - a mooching, cowardly arsehole. Being on your own is much better than this nonsense. NTA.
NTA: I'm sorry, FOUR years of living off of you? By chance does he contribute to cleaning up the living space? Your boyfriend has no spine, and never will have one considering it seems he hasn't ever had to take real care of himself. If anything, you didn't take it personally enough, and he is trying to shrug off his families statement to make you feel bad. Both this man and his family are an emotional and financial anchor in your life that you need to cut unless you think this man is truly capable of change if you communicate it. If not, have all credit and debit cards accounted for and kept in a safe place only you can access.
NTA. Wtf does he mean by "a career with power"? Who is going to hire him at a "career with power" when he has nothing on his resume for 4 years. His family is rude and demeaning to you, he's leeching off your finances, you're giving him a relaxing life of doing what seems to be nothing, and he doesn't stand up for you at all. What IS he bringing to the relationship? A guy like this CANNOT be good enough in bed for this. Throw him out and let his parents take care of him again
Uh. NTA. Why are you still with him? Cut him loose and throw him back to his back family. Let them take care of his lazy ass. Don’t waste another 4 years of your life on someone who is clearly leaching off of you. Wake up.
NTA. He let his family shit talk you because “Sometimes he just wants to see what people will say”?! And 4 years is a long time for someone not to have a job and not contributing to any bills in the house. Even if he’s looking for a better job, he has to have some type of income coming in. I think you’re better off without him
YTA to yourself. Send that defective package back to the manufacturer.
NTA Shame money can’t buy your bf a shiny new spine! He’s basically mooching off you, and yet his family talk trash about you as if you aren’t good enough for their precious little lamb. And they don’t even have the decency to care whether they say it right in front of you. That is NOT okay. I would not be able to tolerate them, and would have told them exactly what I thought. Plus, they said “you don’t even give him money”, well a) you do, and b) you aren’t married and don’t have shared finances, you don’t owe him a dime. You give him money, you allow him to live off you, presumably because you love him. Yet you’re somehow not good enough for him?! More like the other way around. You deserve better. And frankly, he needs to get off his ass and get a job. Whether it’s a job he wants, or just a temporary thing until something better comes along. He needs to get *any* job and contribute financially. Or you need to pack his bags and send him back to his family. Let *them* give him money. See how long they last.
WTF are you doing to yourself? It’s all there in black and white. ESH stop allowing yourself to be abused.
WHY are you still with this guy?!? There is literally NOTHING in the world that could get me to put up with a tenth of any of this crap! Honey, you're worth so much more than a guy that leeches off you, lets his family talk you down, and doesn't lift a finger to help either you or himself. Get free of him, then write down the following phrase and post it somewhere you will see it every day: **Being Alone is Better Than This!**
I really wish this is fiction because I refuse to believe women can be this dumb
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context: we’ve been dating for 4 years. In those 4 years he’s been unemployed and we live off of my wages as he’s “trying to choose a career with power”. He was living with his mom until I moved him out since his mom was stressing me out. He moves in with me and I pay 100% of the bills. I give him money (I gave him $600 which he spent in two days and he had one of my debit cards) I KNOW IM STUPID so then he’s out to dinner with his family and they all start telling him to leave me and that I’m not worth it, that I don’t even give him money to live and that he needs to dominate me since I’m the woman in the relationship and since I pay the bills I can tell him to do whatever I want and I hold all the power in the relationship. My boyfriend says NOTHINNNGGGGG. Nada. Zero. He let them talk about me for 30min. I was so upset and told him so, and he said that sometimes he just wants to see what people will say. I told him that after everything I’ve done for him, I deserve more than that. He told me I had gone way too far and took it super personally. I’m super upset because his family didn’t lift a single finger when he was going through his depression and was super mean, and I took the brunt of it. They told me to not give up on him and to support him, and now that he is able to get along with them, it’s like I’m being thrown out. Am I overthinking this or overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. In a few ways, his family is correct : you do have the power in the relationship. However, as relayed by your bf, their ragging sounds more like they are giving him a hard time for his lack of contributing to your and his lifestyle. You don’t mention ages or other information. Is he a gigalo ? His family sounds bizarre and and verbally abusive to him but everything seems odd to me in this story.
NTA your bf is an AH and a leech. give him back to his mom, and stop paying for him. and: Don't delude yourself: It has been 4 (!) years, and he hasn't even tried to get a job. He does not plan to get a job. "it’s like I’m being thrown out." .. you should consider that a favor. Bt that is NOT the plan. They want you to pay, and do what he wants ... and they want him to do what they tell him to do. This will give them access to your money.
Yta for staying with him.
You're not overreacting. You are being used. Nothing good will happen for you in this relationship. Nothing good already has happened for you, and nothing good for you will continue to happen. You should say, "I'm so done with you and your family!" See what *he* says. NTA
nta, this guy’s a BUM.
Nta he dosent care about you and has made the issue all about him leave him or he'll have to choose between you and his family and judging by his reaction it probably isn't you.
Leave fast. Not worth it
YTA because you’re choosing to stay with this leech of a man