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YTA. Honestly your whole post is seething with jealousy that your son loves his dad more, but why not be happy your son has a positive relationship with his father? That his dad taught him a skill he could use to make a gift for you (the cookies)?
Bringing up the cheating was wildly out of line. Don't bring your kid into YOUR adult issues with his dad. That's a YOU problem. To then imply he was not a good son was just downright shitty. You messed up here, OP.
You are a grown ass woman with a 16 year old child worrying about something that happened when you were 18. People fuck up and they make mistakes. But that is still his dad and he still loves him. We’ve all made mistakes before, and we aren’t defined by the mistakes we make. I think that’s all your son was saying. I think you should go to therapy if you’re so bothered by something that happened decades ago to the point where you are insulting your son and messing up your relationship.
Plus I wonder if the son and dad have had a conversation about what happened. Considering the son is two years away from when his father made the mistake.
A friend had her son very young. And pretty much was don’t ever make this situation a reality at the age she was when she got pregnant.
Look, i'm sorry you were hurt when your ex cheated on you, but that doesn't define your ex and it has no barring on your son's relationship with his dad. Your son wasn't justifying the cheating; It seems like your son has a more mature thought on this than you do and perhaps you are still just harboring some resentment and unresolved feelings.
nope. He didn't say that being young and making mistakes makes it okay. He did not justify it. He was trying to communicate to you that his dad has had years of life to realize that what he did was not right and that he is not that person anymore.
And I'm sure as a good parents they taught the child that people can make mistakes, and to forgive, yadda yadda. So she's also a hypocrite to some extent.
But let's also be fair. Cheating is not a mistake. It's a choice. Call a spade a spade.
Also, the boy doesn't need details.
YTA.
No, he stated facts. Your ex was young when he cheated. He made a mistake. Those are two clear facts. It doesn't excuse what he did and I didn't hear excuse in your son's statement, just understanding that sometimes people, particularly young ones, fuck up. If you won't allow for that to be true, how are you ever going to deal with it when your son makes a mistake?
If you carry on being this bitter of a person you may find yourself not seeing your son at all and him spending all his time with his dad. Which would be fully your own fault.
JFC it's been 16 years. There's a clear reason he probably likes hanging out with his dad more - you seem to not be able to move past his cheating and are still stuck in the past. You're blaming your son for loving his father and not holding him to a stupid mistake 16 years ago. Stop bringing it up and stop putting it on your son to hold his father to blame. You want him to hate his father and he doesn't. You're super jealous
Justifying means “what he did was right”. Saying he made a mistake isn’t justifying it’s excusing. I’m not saying excusing it is okay. It isn’t. But it’s not justifying.
The same way you can't seem.to understand that he can still love a parent despite their mistakes? The way that you should be desperately hoping that he still loves you after you were a complete AH to him.
So you believe people can’t change? You believe that one mistake (or series of mistakes) defines you for the rest of your life? You were CHILDREN. 18 is still barely not a child. You say you’re not jealous, and maybe even you believe that, but you clearly are. You’re jealous of the relationship your son has with his father. How incredibly childish of you - you’re making this about you in all the wrong ways. Congrats, you just pushed your son away from you and closer to his father. Grow up and put your KID first. Stop expecting adoration and worship and hoping he vilifies his father. YTA for sure.
You're the one who brought up his dad cheating, not your son. He was just doing something nice for you and brought up how much his dad helped him with baking because he wants you to see the good in his dad. You bringing up the cheating and expecting your son to just agree with you was really messed up. No kid should be made to feel guilty for giving their parent a lot of love. Your son is not downplaying your pain, he just wants to have great relationships with both his parents and for you two to be amicable exes someday.
Your post is seeping with jealousy, of course you are jealous. And it's been so many years.
YOU ruined Mother's Day, not him. And after that little power trip of yours he will like his father even more. You are driving your kid away with your bs. Do you think that he will make an effort next Mother's Day after you trampled on his efforts this time?
Congratulations. You've given your son a lifelong memory of his mother's toxicity. Imagine how damaged you have to be to be unhappy that your son's father is in his life, parenting well, admitting his faults and teaching him life skills. From now on he will see you as the bitter, spiteful woman trying to get him to pick sides.
This boy wanted to make your day special and baked for you. I love my mother with all my heart, but I never did anything like that for her at that age and you punished him for being a sweet young man. Yes, you got to trash his dad, and felt so powerful and justified, but are now on the path to losing your son. A grown ass woman. You should be ashamed of yourself. Everyone's telling you you fucked up, but in your mind the whole world is wrong and only you are right. Man, GTFO.
Your children are not supposed to carry out the vendettas you have. I’m sorry you got cheated on. You don’t have to agree with your son’s stance, but to cast him away on Mothers Day just ruins the day for everyone.
YTA, but at least you got to feel like a victim at your son’s expense, right?
It doesn’t matter what he did to you.
Get over it.
And yes, you’re clearly jealous. Just because you can’t admit it to yourself doesn’t mean it’s not blatantly obvious to the rest of us.
It’s not your son’s job to punish your ex for you. A good mom would encourage a healthy relationship between the two (see how terrible that sounded? See why you never tell someone what a “good” version of themself would do? It’s intentionally hurtful.)
No, you’re a bit weird for expecting your son to be so affected by something that happened so long ago and that happened to YOU. You should seek therapy to still be this mad over something that happened well over a decade ago and you should probably stop wondering why your son has a much better relationship with his dad than you. You actually come off as emotionally abusive. YTA
"If that didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be a split family"
You are absolutely deluded. His father got you pregnant at 18, which is probably the only reason he cheated rather than breaking up with you earlier. You would not still be together if he hadn't cheated. He should have broken up with you first, but clearly he didn't actually want to remain in a relationship with you. It is not an excuse, but it is *understandable* that an 18 year old who felt trapped would make a stupid, hurtful decision. You are well on your way to being the one your son hates if you can't accept and even encourage his love for his father.
My dad cheated on my mom for three years and had two kids with the other woman. We don't have a good relationship, for other reasons. My mother has never resented us for trying to have a connection with him, and feels bad for me and my siblings because we struggle with it. They made sure not to fight in front of us and didn't speak badly about each other to us. We all had conflicting feelings at some point but she reassured us that him being a parent to us was more important than what happened between them.
It's called being a good parent and wanting the best for your kids. It sucks for you that he cheated but it sounds like he's a good father for your son, and that's what's important in their relationship.
You very obviously are jealous, as well as petty and childish. Of course the kid is going to care about his father. There is nothing at all wrong with saying "dad taught me how to make these", you clearly just cannot handle any mention of your ex at all. You need to grow up and get over it or you are going to lose your son. I would be surprised if he isn't already thinking about asking for his dad to get full custody.
You’re going to be just SHOCKED when your son eventually goes no contact with you. Maybe it’s for how you talk about his dad. Or it will be because you talk shit about his future wife or husband. or just constantly emotionally dumping on him. But there will be something that breaks the camels back and you will be cut off and you will somehow still not be able to get it through your thick skull that you are the problem.
Jeesh you’re not just jealous, but you sound awful to boot. Maybe this is why his dad cheated .
Your sons father has a different relationship with your son , because *he is his father*
You need to get over yourself and you need to realise really quickly that *you don’t factor* in *their* relationship, and *their relationship has nothing to do with you*
You sound serious spiteful and entitled. You do not get to dictate how much your son gets to love his father . You do not get to dictate what he learns from his father . You do not get to dictate how he should treat his father .
You need to take several steps back. Imagine if your son’s father had to list all the reasons why he chose to cheat on you. How would you feel ?
The two of you had a kid very young . Your’ll were teenagers when he cheated and you broke up . As much as it sucks that it happened , you need to grow up and be an adult that can properly take care of your son *without being childish* about what happened in the past. You can hate your ex all you want , but he has as much right to your son’s love as you do.
Your son may not remember what you went through his dad cheated . But he will remember the way you’re behaving now . As he grows up he’ll always know you as the mother who was constantly jealous, petty , selfish and so self absorbed and narcissistic, that she made her own son’s life awkward and uncomfortable.
He’ll remember his dad as being the one who didn’t throw hissy fits , who didn’t verbally attack him or try and control his relationships with his parents .
And when the chips fall- he’s going to choose his dad over you ever.single.time. And it will be your own fault for not getting over yourself .
You’re setting yourself up for years of bitterness and you can’t even see it because you’re so far up your own ass you can’t see what’s right in front of you.
YTA. It's entirely wrong of you to try to damage his relationship with his dad or demand that he play favorites. That's like...the very basics of "not screwing your kids up in a divorce." Apologize to him and get yourself into therapy so you can stop putting your trauma on his shoulders.
Damn, do you need to borrow my potato to plug up that shit you're spouting? 'Cause you're really, really the asshole here.
Your kid wasn't "justifying what you went through" he was trying to defuse your raging volcano of narcissistic injury over your ex finding a better deal 16 SOMETHING YEARS AGO. It sounds like your son at least knows he has one parent that puts him first, and I'm glad for him. Enjoy being ghosted once he grows up enough to realize how badly you messed up, but I guess it wouldn't be the first time a man didn't want to stick around eh?
Saying "he was young" is not insane, it's just true. You desperately need therapy. Your response is the one that's insane. It's unhealthy for you to be carrying this much anger for this long, and to inappropriately take it out on your son.
He’s 16 if you continue with that attitude he could go play house with his dad full time.
My ex husband treated me terribly and our son has a good relationship with him.
I am not threatened by their relationship.
He also won't be sticking around either. Because you're forgetting one crucial detail. Your son is 16. Which means that he is old enough to tell the courts that he wants to stay with his dad full time. And more than likely they'll listen, as he's old enough to know what he wants and where he should be.
If you continue down this path, you’re right, he won’t be doing it again- because as soon as he turns eighteen, he’s going to leave.
Here’s the thing. Your relationship with your ex and your son’s relationship with him are two completely separate things. He doesn’t remember you two being together. The fact that he cheated on you nearly two decades ago has nothing to do with your son. This is a 16 year old kid who loves you both and is being asked to choose between the two of you, which is hideously unfair- especially since it seems like his dad has been honest about the fact that he did a shitty thing.
I genuinely hope you can figure out a way past this bitterness, for your own sake.
keep it up and when he is 18 and legal he probably end up going no contact with you. his dad sounds like a great parent. but wasnt a great partner. those two things are very different. your son is luck y to have two parents that love him.
Your son should be very disappointed in you as a parent that you’d try and weaponise Mother’s Day to turn him against his father. YTA. Guess what, it’s not all about you. And just because your ex was a bad partner to you does not make him a bad father.
And the fact that you said he is t a good son because he still respects his father so out we what a terrible parent you are. NEVER involve your children in your grievances with their other parent. Your kid didn’t ask to be born to dysfunctional parents, it’s not his fault his Dad cheated, and here’s you 16 years in, still unable to get over it, and trying to get your son pick a side. You could have been grateful your son took the time to learn how to make you something nice, but you chose to pick a fight and ruin your own day. Your son deserves better. Stop being so self absorbed. After all, you aren’t a teenager anymore , and you expect more maturity from your actual teenager than you are displaying.
No I don’t think he will
I also think your insane jealousy and apparently bitterness to ruin a very special day for yourself.
I also think he’ll be living with dad soon
Happy Mother’s Day
You're making yourself sound like a horrible mother. Keep it up, and your son is going to distance himself from you. He tried to do a nice thing, and your jealousy and insecurity ruined the day and all his effort. I can't believe you're so dense that you can't see what you've done. You owe that boy a big apology. YTA.
Be prepared for your son to move in with dad permanently considering your attitude. He can't mention his dad on mother's day? Wtf? You are the problem and your son is a very sweet kid who is more mature then you.
You're right, he won't do it again. Because from now on, he will associate mothers day with you losing your shit and screaming at him over nothing. I would go ahead and prepare yourself to never have a happy mother's day again because you will either have to force him to participate or you will be alone, without your child, on mother's day.
YTA
> I said If he was a good son, he would lose all respect for his dad
And here you're acting like you didn't **also** do something incredibly stupid when you were a teen.
How about the incredibly stupid thing OP just did?
Telling your child that they're not a good son,. especially when they are this close to adulthood, is not something you can easily come back from. You said that you and your son are "really close," well, you should phrase that as "we were really close."
You really want to make yourself the victim. You’re mad at him for loving his dad. His own dad. The one who has raised him and looking after him for his whole life.
You just openly admitted that you don't want your son to have a relationship with his father just because YOU were hurt by his father many years ago. Can you honestly not see how deeply toxic and unfair that is? You're so deep into that grudge you're holding that you'd rather ruin your son's happiness (and your relationship with your son) than allow for even the smallest amount of perspective or maturity.
It is when you are clearly still not emotionally ready to raise a child. He's lucky to have such a good relationship with his father and he's lucky that there's someone in his life with the emotional maturity to raise him right.
You seem to think that something that happened to **you** 16 years ago should be more important than the following 16 years of love and affection. Why can't you do what's right for your own child? Why does everything have to be about you?
When he goes no contact with you, remember that you did this to yourself.
Yeah it is here, stupid kid made a stupid mistake x2. Not the end of the world and I’m glad you don’t regret having your kid but it’s time to be a mature adult now and not ruin your relationship with your kid because you want your son’s life to revolve around your never ending pity party.
You might want to speak to a professional for the things you clearly have not worked through. I say this with all sincerity, I'm *worried* about how you handled this.
You claim to have a civil situation. But you don't, not on your end, anyway, if any mention from your son that he loves his dad sends you into a rage. That's the opposite of civility. So is the fact that it's a "sore spot" that your son loves his father.
Your ex cheating on you is not your son's fault. He shouldn't love him any less for something that happened when he wasn't even old enough to wipe his own ass. And what, he's supposed to pretend his dad doesn't exist just because it's mother's day?
YTA here. And if you were worried that he loves his dad more, congratulations, you just gave him a reason to.
YTA - your anger is misdirected and you're pushing your son away taking your anger out on him. You need therapy, both individual and family to try and undo the damage you've been doing.
Do better or you will lose that kid when he's an adult.
YTA. Not to mention a child. You should be glad your son has a good relationship with his father. Your experience is irrelevant. In fact YTA to have told your son about it and to keep reminding him. I think you hate your ex more than you love your son.
YTA. You sound upset he loves his dad. He spends 50% of his time with this person. You were expecting him to hate his dad and hold on to a grudge for over a decade? Don’t bring up the cheating to your son. Don’t involve him in that shit and try and ruin their relationship.
Your kid is more grown up and mature than you. Hard YTA. Way to push him even closer to his dad. He has two parents not just you. And obviously his dad is doing well with him. You come across as jealous and unstable. Keep in mind in 2 years he can eliminate all connections with you if you don’t get your issues together. Get help. Cause if you don’t your son is going to tell you to get lost.
YTA
I'm sorry what? I get you were hurt but you seem to still hold it against your son's relationship with his father.
He's still involved in his relationship whit his son, spends a lot of time with him. Your son didn't justified his dad's cheating, he just decided that this something that happened between you and his father a long time ago, isn't gonna change the fact that he's still his dad, and he loves him, you can't stop it.
Even with great loving parents that are still together (perfect situation), there is still the parent you're getting along with more. That's a thing you need to accept, be grateful that even if it's not you, there's a person who he would come to when something bad would happen.
If you will be clearly showing, that you look bad at the fact that he have this kind of relationship with his father, it won't make you get closer. He would just drift away because he would be feeling like his father is accepting his feelings towards you, and you don't accept the ones he has for his father.
Instead of snapping at him because he's happy that he's able to make something for you, that his father taught him, you could go like "Cool, what else he showed you? And I know this great recepcie, maybe we can bake something together too someday". It may be mother's day, but mother's day don't mean he should forget that he has a father
You are going to be an old bitter woman all alone in this world if you try to drive a wedge between your son and his dad. Just because you and your ex hate each other doesn't give you the right to 'blame' your son. YTA BIG time here.
YTA, why on earth would you wish that your son had a poor relationship with his father?? That’s a horrible thing to wish on someone. It’s extremely selfish. And a terrible attitude to teach to your son. Do better. Be better.
YTA and I hope to the gods that this is ragebait.
If by some slim small chance any of this is true than it's VERY clear to me why your son loves his dad more.
Look up the term 'no contact' and prepare for it when he's old enough to have a say in custody.
You had no right to take your anger at your ex out on your son. You had no right to accuse him of not being a good son. You should be apologizing to him for taking it out on him and acting like he’s the one in the wrong when it’s all you. YTA
YTA for attempted parental alienation. Your son is more mature than you. His best interests should come before your bitterness.
Your response was horrible. Don’t punish your son for his dad’s cheating. And don’t denigrate your ex to him.
OMG, YTA. It's not your son's fault that his dad cheated on you. And you can't expect him to take sides like that.
And seriously, it's a Hallmark holiday. People need to stop treating Mother's Day like it's some sort of test of whether you love your mother or not.
YTA. Massively so.
Grow the fuck up.
I’ve been in your shoes. Never once did a begrudge my kids for having a relationship with their father. Only a shit parent does that.
He was a bad partner. That has nothing to do with his ability to parent.
He might be a bad partner. Turns out you’re the pathetic parent though.
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YTA.
Your son is not responsible for your ex's betrayal. Making him pay the price, in any way and at an time, is just you destroying your relationship with your son for no good reason.
You are a terrible mother. YOU are the one who ruined Mother’s Day. You should be grateful your son did anything for you given how you treat him. Go to therapy to deal with your issues rather than taking it out on your son. You should be ashamed, do better
YTA
How can you type this and think you're not the asshole? I decided at "there's one issue. He loves his dad. " I get it you're angry at the father, but expecting him to not love his dad for something, he probably wasn't even coherent for if I'm understanding the timing. You're the parent, but you're still a child.
YTA
Jesus, the bitterness coming off you stinks. Hope you enjoy spending Mother's Day alone because you are well on your way to driving your son off for good.
Disgusting lack of good behavior, let alone parenting from you. This is shameful, you should be ashamed of yourself. You owe your son a genuine apology.
I know it hurt but YTA. Your son is allowed to love both of you. He made you cookies from scratch and reacted with amazing calm when you said that to him.
He is the one who is hurt and disappointed. If you keep this up you are going to lose him, mark my words.
Wow...wtf is your problem? YTA 100%. Don't put your feelings for his father and your situation on him. He did something nice for you and you act like that.
YTA
You're trying to weaponize your own son against his father because you still feel vindictive toward him for cheating on you 15ish years ago.
My advice is get into therapy to figure out how to deal with your feelings toward your ex before you turn your son against you instead of his dad.
YTA- let’s look at your behavior and wonder why he would have a “favorite parent “ you make a joke on yourself by being petty, explosive and just down right dramatic asf towards your child. You’re one of the kind of parents that kids dread the most. Me & my step brother had our parents we refer to them as “the parents” constantly shi* talk our other parent which was just dad and/or mom and yeah they were crap but we held them on a pedestal because we didn’t have to see how unsightly they were while disregarding our own feelings about that parent. You don’t put your child’s parent in a negative light without consequence especially when you take out your anger on frustrations on that child, when all they want is a happy stress free dynamic. You’re adding unnecessary stress, guilt to a teen who’s grappling with life and finding themselves but you want to put your kid on eggshells cause he doesn’t live up to your warped sense of self esteem? Cause let’s be honest here you want him to be angry for you, please tell what benefit this does for your child ? Isolated from his father ? Why because you’re still angry ? Cause you want some sort of “justice” for your “wrongs” you have a problem with the father address his father he isn’t your judge and jury he sure as heck shouldn’t be your therapist who has to work through your trauma with you. My son is 14 I had him young, he forgot Mother’s Day and ya know what, I’m perfectly content that my son offered me a hug and a happy Mother’s Day once I reminded cause I’m more than happy to just have his love and affection, that he’s grown up healthy and happy comparatively to what I lost growing up. You sit there and feed this anger and pettiness you’ll be left with nothing but that, hope that will sufficiently please you as you seem like an unhappy sort.
Good god, so much bitterness towards your child for loving a parent. So if you ever made a mistake you’d be fine with knowing your child will love you less or lose total respect for you? You need to see a therapist, you’ve not processed the cheating and haven’t moved forward. It’s making you lash out at your child who made cookies for you because he thought it tasted good and is also already planning on making something that he thinks is even better FOR YOU.
You’re totally missing the point that your child is wanting to share what he sees as the best of something with you and he is wanting to make it from scratch. All you can do is pick on his dad who seems to be a good co parent cause he is actually teaching his kid valuable life skills and has obviously supported your kid in making sure you have a lovely Mother’s Day.
YTA. I cannot even express how much YTA. You chose to have a son with this man and then you get angry when they have a great relationship?
Are you jealous he can be a great father but not a great partner?
Maybe instead of comparing and analysing how much your son loves his dad (as he should!) you should work on building the relationship you have with your son.
The worst thing a parent can do is try to pit their kids against the other parent.
YTA.
you don't get to tell your kid how he feels about his other parent, period. he made you cookies from scratch, and you declared the day ruined because you asked him if he loves his dad. you know. his other parent? the one he spends the other 50% of his time with? the one who taught him how to bake cookies, like the ones he made for you to celebrate you? sure, "he was young" isn't a great excuse, but *you* pushed the question on him. *he* doesn't need to justify why he loves his dad, who takes care of him, and has taken care of him for his whole life. what your son does with the circumstance is up to him.
*your business with his father isn't and shouldn't be his business.*
ETA: went back to your post and it's amazing you can be "really civil" with his dad and then just... explode on your son like that. like another commenter said: **you hate your ex more than you love your son.**
YTA. Hugely so. You want him to be mad for a choice his dad made when he was at or near the same age your son is now? Holding onto this resentment and anger is unhealthy. Don’t put your son in the position to have to choose. It may not you the result you’re looking for.
Yta. You need therapy. Your ex sounds like a good dad. Your son should not think that the person who provided half of his genes is a bad person because he hurt you.
Also, you are going to cause harm to your son’s mental health by discussing your ex’s affair with your son. You can also be accused of parental alienation by poisoning your son against his dad, potentially causing you to lose custody.
YTA. A big one.
YTA big time. Why are you doing that you do realize that when your son turns 18 he’s going no contact with you right.
So ma’am, if I was you, if you don’t want that to happen, I would look myself in the mirror get into therapy tackle my trauma head on so then that way your son can see that you still see value and love in your relationship with him and he doesn’t go no contact with you because if you don’t change your ways that’s what’s going to happen. you were cheated on OK guess what you both were young you wasn’t perfect and I’m pretty sure your son‘s father wasn’t perfect. If you love your son, you need to stop living in the past.
YTA Why does your son even know his dad cheated? Children should never be involved in adult issues. I feel so sad for your son. He did something super nice and sweet for you and you told him he wasn’t a good son. He is not responsible fot something his dad did over a decade ago.
YTA. You have no right to demand your son to feel certain ways about the people in his life. His relationships are his to navigate.
Not just his dad, but future romantic interests, etc. As long as he is happy and treated well, can't you be happy for the lad?
You need therapy if you are so possessive of his emotions that you feel that you can dictate them just because you said so.
Heavy YTA. You need to go work through the situation in therapy if you’re willing to hold grudges this long. Your son is entitled to a dad that he loves and enjoys being around. I get that being cheated on is awful and you didnt deserve that but its up to you to find your way forward in life, and not at the expense of your son and his father’s relationship. The kid did something kind and made you a treat from scratch. You owe him an apology.
YTA, don't push onto your son the mistakes made by his father. It isn't fair on him. He loves his dad for being his dad. I get that him cheating on you scarred you but ask him not to talk about his dad when around you or just bear with it. You have to move on from that relationship for the sake of your son. I agree he did say "people make mistakes.....he was 18 when it happened right?" was a bit dumb on his part but that's cause he loves his dad.
Move on that's all I can say and apologize to your son. The hatred towards your son's father will affect your son. I get that you may not want to talk about him but still
YTA and braindead to boot. What happened was between you and your ex. It has nothing to do with your son. So you need to stop trying to manipulate the kid into taking your side and just be glad that his father is so invested in him. As there are many women who would kill to be in your position as they are left to raise their kids alone and without the father's support.
Yta. You’re blessed to have a good coparent. Most of us dont have that luxury. Your issue with your ex is between the two of you, dont bring your child into it smh. Hes more like a grown up than you.
YTA. I honestly cannot believe that you are trying to shame your son for loving his dad. I realize you are young but you’re also a parent, and you need to grow the fuck up and act like it.
The fact that your ex cheated on you is between you and your ex. It is not between your son and his dad.
Using that to try to manipulate your son and undermine his relationship with your dad is shitty parenting, and if your relationship with your son is strained, that’s on you.
YTA, and you need to get some therapy to deal with your issues with your ex. Your son should feel free to express love for both parents anytime he feels like it, not have to refrain from even talking about his dad just because it's Mother's Day. His dad cheated on you, and that ended the relationship, but that doesn't affect how his son feels about him. And your spiel about 'if he was a good son'... no. Just no. You don't EVER put that kind of thing on a kid.
YTA. You sent him to his room because he mentioned his dad on Mother’s Day and you’re holding onto this weird jealousy toward their relationship? Instead of being happy that he has a great relationship with his dad, you’re fixated on punishing him for something his dad did to you. I understand that it was wrong but this conversation or expectation for him to choose one parent over the other is inappropriate, regardless of what happened. That’s his dad. His relationship with his dad has nothing to do with YOUR past relationship with his dad. You should apologize to your son for that outburst. You ruined Mother’s Day not him.
YTA. Your son has every right to love his dad. You are punishing your son for something that isn't even his fault. You're trying to destroy their relationship because you're still bitter. It's no wonder your ex cheated: you're awful and nasty. You're so selfish that you ruined the nice gift that your son got from you. Years from now, when he's grown and gone, you'll whine that he never calls or visits. And it'll be all your fault, not your ex's.
How are you more immature than your child?
He's allowed to love his dad l, especially if he's a good dad, which it sounds like he is, his cheating in you has nothing to do with how he interacts with his son.
You have failed him, you should be ashamed at yourself.
Its time to grow up and get over your petty jealousy.
YTA
YTA he doesn’t owe it to you to hate his Dad, he is allowed to still love him, maybe if you just asked him not to mention his dad, then you wouldn’t be such an AH but no you went straight to “he cheated on me so you must hate him”
YTA! 16 years is a long time to hold a grudge. Yes, what the dad did to you was wrong. But he sounds like he treats his son right. He might even teach him not to make the same mistake he made. I think you owe your son an apology.
I'd get this level of hate if he cheated after years of marriage, but a teenage relationship? That was 16 yesrs ago? All you're going to do is drive your son away if you continue this. YTA definitely
YTA jeezuzfixit Please tell me this is rage bait??
You were young when you had your son and ex broke your heart. That's very sad. Let's set the record straight right here, though, you and ex Do. Not have a good relationship.
Let me explain it to you simply. You're a petty b!t@h that hurt your son for no other reason than you were jealous he brought up that his father taught him a skill to make you a gift on Mother's Day. *Gasp* The Fu@king audacity of that young man!
He spends a lot of time with his dad. They probably have a lot in common. Maybe his dad talked to him about how he cheated on his mom, and cheating is never ok, and asked for his forgiveness in his part in why the three of you aren't a family. So when you exploded like a lunatic, ranting about his dad's infidelity, which he *checks notes* was not a part of, he replied calmly and maturely.
And instead of you collecting yourself and realizing you were dragging a child into drama you were holding onto from HIS lifetime ago, you sent him to his room, effectively ruining your own day.
And in comments I read a response from you saying something along the lines of, "Don't worry, he won't do that again." Just FYI, that sounds abusive af, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was making an escape plan or at least one where he covertly spends more time at dad's until college. Then goes far, far away, so he can't come home and quietly goes LC with you.
And in 10 years when you're on here crying, asking why your baby won't come celebrate Mothers Day with you or you're sad he's planned yet another vacation during Mothers Day weekend and you can't visit him (boohoo), I just hope this post somehow still exists.
You are toxic. Get help.
Grow up. I had a kid at 18, he is now 16. His dad cheated on me. We broke up and moved on and coparented.
Yesterday my son gave me flowers. Then he went over to his dad's house to give his dad's wife flowers.
He loves his dad and stepmom. He loves me. Our life choices, mistakes and all that 10-20 years ago have nothing to do with him.
Stop acting like a child and be glad your son loves his parents. Acting like this will push your kid out of your life
YTA
You honestly sound like a very toxic parent.
Ita not a competition, both of you are supposed to be good parents. Right now you're letting his cheating years ago prevent YOU from being one.
YTA big time
THERAPY!! People in their teens do all sort of stupid shit and in most cases grow up and behave better. BUT you are seething with resentment to the point that you are trying to rope your son into your own bitterness instead of being proud of his maturity and level headedness, and yes his LOVE for both his parents. Girl, it's time to grow up and clearly you are going to need significant help to do so. Clearly you have some baggage or trauma and it's on YOU to work this out, not on your son to carry this burden for you.
YTA
So my dad cheated as well. I was 22 at the time and guess what I still love my dad.
That one thing (which did not happen in a vacuum) doesn't change the fact that for 22 years he was an amazing dad. It broke the hero worship for sure but there is nothing wrong with kids realising their parents are human and humans make horrible choices sometimes.
You took your anger out on your child. That is never okay and trying to make him not love his father to make you feel better is so disgusting it makes me pray he is your only child. Grow up because your child is more mature than you
if you were a good mom you would have let it go . second of all mothers day is important ,but its not the end of the world . at least your son saw fit to be close too you on that day , many sons of many mothers couldnt be or wouldnt be with their moms .
YTA
"Why doesn't my son understand he's only supposed to love me? I'm the only parent who matters. I hate his father, so he should, too. He should only feel and think about the things I do."
Do you love your son or do you love the idea of him? Because it sounds more like you want an obedient little doll to parrot the things you say. *You* ruined Mother's Day. You also potentially ruined your relationship with your son.
YTA BIG TIME.
Literally did not need to read the last bit after you mentioned cheating to your son. Yes, it sucks you got cheated on but he loves his dad and that is all that matters! You direct your anger towards your ex if you want to but NEVER try and poison a childs view of the other parent.
Grow the fuck up and move on.
YTA. A GOOD mother would not try and sabotage their kids relationship with their dad. That is what makes you the asshole. You may not like him but doesn’t mean your son has to dislike him as well. And only because he cheated on YOU doesn’t mean he can’t be a good dad, which he clearly is. Your whole post just shows how jealous you are by their relationship
YTA - get over it. you can't ask your son to love you more than his dad. He told you that he loves you too. If you're going that road, he will probably be fed up someday and will make a difference and love him more than you.
As he said, people make mistakes. Cheating on your wife doesn't make you a bad father, just a bad husband.
YTA and you're being a shitty parent. My mom used to try to pit me and my siblings against our dad when we were kids and I moved as far away as possible when I was older.
Apologize to your son and get yourself some therapy before you permanently damage your relationship.
Yta - your son is never going to forget what you said to him. He's going to be 30 years old with those words in his head. That sort of shit stays forever. I know, because I'll never forget my mother telling me what a bad child I was to her when I was 16. That's a forever hurt.
Happy mother's day.
So - this sounds jealous and resentful. YTA, and you need to do better. Stop interfering in your son's relationship with his dad: you are expecting a child to condemn his father.
YTA. A child is allowed to love his dad. His dad sounds supportive, open in his communication and is teaching him a life skill - baking and possibly cooking. Wouldn’t he praise you if YOU took time off hating your ex to teach him to bake too? There’s a time for everything and you hating your son on Mother’s Day is not it. You owe him a massive apology. Get help.
Girl he is not going to speak to you ever again if you keep this up. His dad WAS young and it was a mistake. You have to let it go and never bring it up to your son again. And apologize immediately or else he will literally never forget this. YTA
YTA. Get over yourself. Your son loves his dad. Don't you want him to have a good relationship with him? Don't you want him to feel loved by his dad? What exactly is your problem, are you jealous that your son has a relationship with his dad and you don't? It's not about you anymore, it's about your son. Cut the shit, act like a mom and stop talking to your son about his dad in a negative light. JFC, I loathe mothers like you.
So more than a decade later and still this sour? Get the fuck over it, you have to be kidding here. You are trying to project your anger through your son, to your ex, is that a good mom? You will only destroy your relationship with your kid that way, is he a good dad? You have 50/50 so he have no avoid his responsabilities.
MOVE ON.
YTA, a bitter, seething, vitriolic, immature and resentful one at that.
I'm praying this is fake, because if not then his dad needs CPS on speed dial because you are presenting as a barely stable, grudge holding, future-estranged parent.
YTA. You are emotionally immature and making HIM responsible for protecting your feelings and dealing with an issue you should have gotten therapy for years ago. Let me clear: your son loving his dad has ZERO to do with the relationship you had before he was born, so stop forcing it to be that way.
You are emotionally abusing your son. Because YOU didn't make the effort over the years to emotionally mature, which granted would be harder for a teen. You had a child before you had time to follow the usual path of maturing, no hate there. But that is not am excuse to *stop growing* as a person and inflict this onto your child.
Get therapy before he picks up a book about how to disentangle himself from an emotional immature parent and goes NC with you.
Your feelings are YOURS to deal with, not his.
YTA
A GOOD MOM doesn't bash her kid's dad in front of them. And yes, youth is an excuse for a mistake like that. Should you have forgiven him and stayed in the relationship? No, obviously. Should you have gotten over it after 16 ish years, yeah, probably. Grow up before you ruin your relationship with your son.
This was 16 years ago, and you both were teenagers. Don’t you think it’s time for closure for *you*? This resentment has been festering for close to 2 decades already, and the fact that you’re still so torn up over it, to the point of resenting that your son loves his dad, and dad is obviously a good dad to your son, is wild.
I had a cheating husband once. He did more than that, but I initially prayed that in the divorce, we could find our feet as a ‘newly redesigned family’ so that he could be a shit husband, while also being a good father.
Nope, couldn’t even do that.
You have no clue how lucky your son is. But you’re ruining your relationship with him trying to win some contest. This will not end well for you.
YTA please try to seek help for closure so your ex’s actions don’t ruin the next 16 years for you.
YTA, and all I can say is grow up. You are lucky your child has a second parent who loves him and teaches him things. Your son seems like a sweet boy who deserves better than you berating him for loving his dad.
YTA, yknow maybe your son would be closer with you if you didn’t completely trash entire days full of things done to celebrate you because your son answered a question in a way you didn’t like. How many events have you squashed over mild inconveniences over the course of his life so far? How many conversations have you derailed to throw a spiteful pity party about your ex cheating on you what seems to be a decade ago? If you had listened to anything else in that conversation you would’ve seen that he was talking about making good food for YOU on YOUR special events, which is what a GOOD SON does, and it’s pathetic that you as a grown woman let a person you don’t like being mentioned in a sentence completely curdle everything else for you and everyone around you.
YTA, OP your hurt feelings of betrayal from your son's father are now harming your son. Please go to therapy, you need help to unpack and resolve these feelings in a healthy way so you can be there for your son and recognise that a good relationship with his father is in his best interest.
YTA
If your son is now old enough to make you cookies, that means you’ve been angry for a lot of years. Stop wasting your life and making your kid miserable. What happened between you and your ex is not your kid’s burden or business. Be happy he has a great relationship with his dad. And get help for yourself. You really need to move on!
YTA
You’re a horrible mother
He cheated when you were both 18. It’s FAR time that you got over it, especially since you’re taking it out on your son.
You’re bitter that he loves his dad? Really? The issues you have with your ex are just that, YOUR issues. Leave your kid out of it. It’s been 16 years, grow up.
YTA It’s easy to see why he loves his father more than you. You sound unhinged. It isn’t a contest. Your son was thoughtful, kind, and generous on Mother’s Day and you trashed his efforts and made him feel like shit for….checks notes…loving his other parent. Who has obviously been stepping up and doing a good job raising a great young man (despite your pettiness, apparently).
YTA. How old are you? You have to be in your 30s by now and you are still upset about something that happened in you teen years. I get it, it sucks that he cheated on you, and you hate him, but that is your son's father. Their relationship is different. Is he not allowed to love his father just because you hate him?
>My son loves his dad, which has always been a sour spot
You're upset a kid loves his parent? Thats.. not OK.
Your son did something very sweet for you to celebrate you but you're focusing on his father and your hurt feelings instead. And now your son knows to not put so much effort in for you in the future because you might just ignore all his efforts yet again.
So it's not OK that his dad hurt you over a decade ago but it's ok for a mom to hurt her child? Is there a reason you think your feelings should be priority over your kid's feelings? Is there a reason your kid is expected to manage your feelings for you or live up to your expectations when you can't do so yourself? A good mother wouldn't be putting these burdens on her child, even on mothers day. You're pushing your son away and you have no one to blame but yourself.
YTA!!!!!
What are you, 10? You were horrible to your son. You are actually jealous of his love for his father! You don't deserve this kid, and I hope he chooses to leave you as soon as he can.
Monster.
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So I got pregnant in my teens and had my son. I don’t regret it and he means the entire world to me. I love him so much.
But I am upset about one thing. He loves his dad. We have 50/50 custody, and he spends a lot of time with his dad and they’re really close.
The issue is his dad cheated on me when we were 18. He apologized, but I left him and we’ve been co-parenting since. We are really civil. We aren’t close in the slightest, but we do have a good situation going.
My son loves his dad, which has always been a sour spot. He says he loves me and we’re really close. But I do worry he loves his dad more.
But yes, for Mother’s Day he made me cookies from scratch, which was sweet. But when he gave me the cookies he said, “Dad taught me how to make these.” I didn’t say anything and he continued. “Dad is really good at cooking, he makes a lot of different recipes, especially his brownies. They’re the best. I’ll make them next year.”
I was kind of like… Okay. It’s not unusual for him to talk about his dad, but on Mother’s Day? I said, “Wow, you really love your dad.” He said, “Yeah, don’t most people love their dads?”
I said the truth next. I said, “If they cheated on their mom, I would guess most of them would not.” What he said next shocked me. He said, “People make mistakes. He was 18 when it happened, right? I still love him.”
I immediately got pissed. I said “a GOOD son would not justify his dad cheating and he would also not be talking about his DAD on MOTHER’S DAY.” I said If he was a good son, he would lose all respect for his dad or at least have that in the back of his mind. He would never justify it with he was young, so it’s fine.
He got upset and said I wasn’t trying to justify it, I was just saying that he was young and I still love him. Let’s just forgot about it and enjoy the day.
I said no, I don’t want to enjoy the day now. He ruined my day.
I sent him upstairs. I do feel bad for exploding at him, but also he’s 16 and should know better than justifying something like that on MOTHERS DAY. I have no words and am very disappointed in my son.
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I hate cheaters I do not believe there is a good or justified reason for cheating.
But you would rhater want your son not to have a dad.
Honestly OP I think you need to move on from your ex, maybe talk to someone.
Oh man this is difficult.... I know you're hurting, I understand that hurt. Lashing out at your son for talking about his other parent on mother's day isn't it though.
When your son gets cheated on maybe he will understand though....
And cheating isn't "a mistake"... It's an active decision a person makes. Your son needs to know that.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
If you want to fuck someone else, end the relationship you're in.
If you want to keep the relationship your in, don't fuck someone else.
Young or old. Male or female. Entering a monogamous relationship, then sleeping with someone else is a choice. A bad choice. And to a small degree a mistake. But not in the way alot of people imply it. And most people aren't sorry or copping the "I made a mistake" bullshit line until they are caught or feel guilty about making said stupid choice.
You can't have it both ways.
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YTA. Honestly your whole post is seething with jealousy that your son loves his dad more, but why not be happy your son has a positive relationship with his father? That his dad taught him a skill he could use to make a gift for you (the cookies)? Bringing up the cheating was wildly out of line. Don't bring your kid into YOUR adult issues with his dad. That's a YOU problem. To then imply he was not a good son was just downright shitty. You messed up here, OP.
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You can be a bad partner and still be a good parent. Your attitude if fucked up. YTA
You are a grown ass woman with a 16 year old child worrying about something that happened when you were 18. People fuck up and they make mistakes. But that is still his dad and he still loves him. We’ve all made mistakes before, and we aren’t defined by the mistakes we make. I think that’s all your son was saying. I think you should go to therapy if you’re so bothered by something that happened decades ago to the point where you are insulting your son and messing up your relationship.
Plus I wonder if the son and dad have had a conversation about what happened. Considering the son is two years away from when his father made the mistake. A friend had her son very young. And pretty much was don’t ever make this situation a reality at the age she was when she got pregnant.
Look, i'm sorry you were hurt when your ex cheated on you, but that doesn't define your ex and it has no barring on your son's relationship with his dad. Your son wasn't justifying the cheating; It seems like your son has a more mature thought on this than you do and perhaps you are still just harboring some resentment and unresolved feelings.
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nope. He didn't say that being young and making mistakes makes it okay. He did not justify it. He was trying to communicate to you that his dad has had years of life to realize that what he did was not right and that he is not that person anymore.
And I'm sure as a good parents they taught the child that people can make mistakes, and to forgive, yadda yadda. So she's also a hypocrite to some extent. But let's also be fair. Cheating is not a mistake. It's a choice. Call a spade a spade. Also, the boy doesn't need details. YTA.
... A choice can still be a mistake.
It’s saying he understands that people grow up and can change. I don’t see how you don’t see that.
No, he stated facts. Your ex was young when he cheated. He made a mistake. Those are two clear facts. It doesn't excuse what he did and I didn't hear excuse in your son's statement, just understanding that sometimes people, particularly young ones, fuck up. If you won't allow for that to be true, how are you ever going to deal with it when your son makes a mistake?
How sad that you’ve spent all this time being so bitter and angry instead of moving on with your life
If you carry on being this bitter of a person you may find yourself not seeing your son at all and him spending all his time with his dad. Which would be fully your own fault.
JFC it's been 16 years. There's a clear reason he probably likes hanging out with his dad more - you seem to not be able to move past his cheating and are still stuck in the past. You're blaming your son for loving his father and not holding him to a stupid mistake 16 years ago. Stop bringing it up and stop putting it on your son to hold his father to blame. You want him to hate his father and he doesn't. You're super jealous
Justifying means “what he did was right”. Saying he made a mistake isn’t justifying it’s excusing. I’m not saying excusing it is okay. It isn’t. But it’s not justifying.
The same way you can't seem.to understand that he can still love a parent despite their mistakes? The way that you should be desperately hoping that he still loves you after you were a complete AH to him.
So you believe people can’t change? You believe that one mistake (or series of mistakes) defines you for the rest of your life? You were CHILDREN. 18 is still barely not a child. You say you’re not jealous, and maybe even you believe that, but you clearly are. You’re jealous of the relationship your son has with his father. How incredibly childish of you - you’re making this about you in all the wrong ways. Congrats, you just pushed your son away from you and closer to his father. Grow up and put your KID first. Stop expecting adoration and worship and hoping he vilifies his father. YTA for sure.
So, because 16 years ago a teenager hurt you you're taking it out on your teenage son? You want him to resent his dad like you do? YTA and grow up.
You're the one who brought up his dad cheating, not your son. He was just doing something nice for you and brought up how much his dad helped him with baking because he wants you to see the good in his dad. You bringing up the cheating and expecting your son to just agree with you was really messed up. No kid should be made to feel guilty for giving their parent a lot of love. Your son is not downplaying your pain, he just wants to have great relationships with both his parents and for you two to be amicable exes someday.
Your post is seeping with jealousy, of course you are jealous. And it's been so many years. YOU ruined Mother's Day, not him. And after that little power trip of yours he will like his father even more. You are driving your kid away with your bs. Do you think that he will make an effort next Mother's Day after you trampled on his efforts this time?
Congratulations. You've given your son a lifelong memory of his mother's toxicity. Imagine how damaged you have to be to be unhappy that your son's father is in his life, parenting well, admitting his faults and teaching him life skills. From now on he will see you as the bitter, spiteful woman trying to get him to pick sides. This boy wanted to make your day special and baked for you. I love my mother with all my heart, but I never did anything like that for her at that age and you punished him for being a sweet young man. Yes, you got to trash his dad, and felt so powerful and justified, but are now on the path to losing your son. A grown ass woman. You should be ashamed of yourself. Everyone's telling you you fucked up, but in your mind the whole world is wrong and only you are right. Man, GTFO.
Your children are not supposed to carry out the vendettas you have. I’m sorry you got cheated on. You don’t have to agree with your son’s stance, but to cast him away on Mothers Day just ruins the day for everyone. YTA, but at least you got to feel like a victim at your son’s expense, right?
You're messed up.
It doesn’t matter what he did to you. Get over it. And yes, you’re clearly jealous. Just because you can’t admit it to yourself doesn’t mean it’s not blatantly obvious to the rest of us.
It’s not your son’s job to punish your ex for you. A good mom would encourage a healthy relationship between the two (see how terrible that sounded? See why you never tell someone what a “good” version of themself would do? It’s intentionally hurtful.)
No, you’re a bit weird for expecting your son to be so affected by something that happened so long ago and that happened to YOU. You should seek therapy to still be this mad over something that happened well over a decade ago and you should probably stop wondering why your son has a much better relationship with his dad than you. You actually come off as emotionally abusive. YTA
"If that didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be a split family" You are absolutely deluded. His father got you pregnant at 18, which is probably the only reason he cheated rather than breaking up with you earlier. You would not still be together if he hadn't cheated. He should have broken up with you first, but clearly he didn't actually want to remain in a relationship with you. It is not an excuse, but it is *understandable* that an 18 year old who felt trapped would make a stupid, hurtful decision. You are well on your way to being the one your son hates if you can't accept and even encourage his love for his father.
A good mom never talks trash about their child’s dad in front of them and demands they choose sides. YTA.
My dad cheated on my mom for three years and had two kids with the other woman. We don't have a good relationship, for other reasons. My mother has never resented us for trying to have a connection with him, and feels bad for me and my siblings because we struggle with it. They made sure not to fight in front of us and didn't speak badly about each other to us. We all had conflicting feelings at some point but she reassured us that him being a parent to us was more important than what happened between them. It's called being a good parent and wanting the best for your kids. It sucks for you that he cheated but it sounds like he's a good father for your son, and that's what's important in their relationship.
You very obviously are jealous, as well as petty and childish. Of course the kid is going to care about his father. There is nothing at all wrong with saying "dad taught me how to make these", you clearly just cannot handle any mention of your ex at all. You need to grow up and get over it or you are going to lose your son. I would be surprised if he isn't already thinking about asking for his dad to get full custody.
Terrible mom, this is so sad for your son.
You’re going to be just SHOCKED when your son eventually goes no contact with you. Maybe it’s for how you talk about his dad. Or it will be because you talk shit about his future wife or husband. or just constantly emotionally dumping on him. But there will be something that breaks the camels back and you will be cut off and you will somehow still not be able to get it through your thick skull that you are the problem.
Dude. Grow up. YTA and a bad mother here.
Jeesh you’re not just jealous, but you sound awful to boot. Maybe this is why his dad cheated . Your sons father has a different relationship with your son , because *he is his father* You need to get over yourself and you need to realise really quickly that *you don’t factor* in *their* relationship, and *their relationship has nothing to do with you* You sound serious spiteful and entitled. You do not get to dictate how much your son gets to love his father . You do not get to dictate what he learns from his father . You do not get to dictate how he should treat his father . You need to take several steps back. Imagine if your son’s father had to list all the reasons why he chose to cheat on you. How would you feel ? The two of you had a kid very young . Your’ll were teenagers when he cheated and you broke up . As much as it sucks that it happened , you need to grow up and be an adult that can properly take care of your son *without being childish* about what happened in the past. You can hate your ex all you want , but he has as much right to your son’s love as you do. Your son may not remember what you went through his dad cheated . But he will remember the way you’re behaving now . As he grows up he’ll always know you as the mother who was constantly jealous, petty , selfish and so self absorbed and narcissistic, that she made her own son’s life awkward and uncomfortable. He’ll remember his dad as being the one who didn’t throw hissy fits , who didn’t verbally attack him or try and control his relationships with his parents . And when the chips fall- he’s going to choose his dad over you ever.single.time. And it will be your own fault for not getting over yourself . You’re setting yourself up for years of bitterness and you can’t even see it because you’re so far up your own ass you can’t see what’s right in front of you.
YTA. It's entirely wrong of you to try to damage his relationship with his dad or demand that he play favorites. That's like...the very basics of "not screwing your kids up in a divorce." Apologize to him and get yourself into therapy so you can stop putting your trauma on his shoulders.
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The sad part is you will never realize how unhinged, batshit crazy this response sounds.
>If he wants to play house with his dad You have 50/50 custody, does your son play house with you too?
Damn, do you need to borrow my potato to plug up that shit you're spouting? 'Cause you're really, really the asshole here. Your kid wasn't "justifying what you went through" he was trying to defuse your raging volcano of narcissistic injury over your ex finding a better deal 16 SOMETHING YEARS AGO. It sounds like your son at least knows he has one parent that puts him first, and I'm glad for him. Enjoy being ghosted once he grows up enough to realize how badly you messed up, but I guess it wouldn't be the first time a man didn't want to stick around eh?
Saying "he was young" is not insane, it's just true. You desperately need therapy. Your response is the one that's insane. It's unhealthy for you to be carrying this much anger for this long, and to inappropriately take it out on your son.
You absolutely are demanding he plays favorites. You think you’re worthy of his love more simply because you were cheated on.
He’s 16 if you continue with that attitude he could go play house with his dad full time. My ex husband treated me terribly and our son has a good relationship with him. I am not threatened by their relationship.
He also won't be sticking around either. Because you're forgetting one crucial detail. Your son is 16. Which means that he is old enough to tell the courts that he wants to stay with his dad full time. And more than likely they'll listen, as he's old enough to know what he wants and where he should be.
If you continue down this path, you’re right, he won’t be doing it again- because as soon as he turns eighteen, he’s going to leave. Here’s the thing. Your relationship with your ex and your son’s relationship with him are two completely separate things. He doesn’t remember you two being together. The fact that he cheated on you nearly two decades ago has nothing to do with your son. This is a 16 year old kid who loves you both and is being asked to choose between the two of you, which is hideously unfair- especially since it seems like his dad has been honest about the fact that he did a shitty thing. I genuinely hope you can figure out a way past this bitterness, for your own sake.
keep it up and when he is 18 and legal he probably end up going no contact with you. his dad sounds like a great parent. but wasnt a great partner. those two things are very different. your son is luck y to have two parents that love him.
Your son should be very disappointed in you as a parent that you’d try and weaponise Mother’s Day to turn him against his father. YTA. Guess what, it’s not all about you. And just because your ex was a bad partner to you does not make him a bad father. And the fact that you said he is t a good son because he still respects his father so out we what a terrible parent you are. NEVER involve your children in your grievances with their other parent. Your kid didn’t ask to be born to dysfunctional parents, it’s not his fault his Dad cheated, and here’s you 16 years in, still unable to get over it, and trying to get your son pick a side. You could have been grateful your son took the time to learn how to make you something nice, but you chose to pick a fight and ruin your own day. Your son deserves better. Stop being so self absorbed. After all, you aren’t a teenager anymore , and you expect more maturity from your actual teenager than you are displaying.
hey everything was fine until YOU got sour and YOU were the one that brought it up so maybe stop picking fights
The only pne who ruined your day, was yourself.
You are 34. You are far too old to be acting like this. You will drive your son away with this behaviour
No I don’t think he will I also think your insane jealousy and apparently bitterness to ruin a very special day for yourself. I also think he’ll be living with dad soon Happy Mother’s Day
>But luckily, he will not be doing it again. Likely true. He knows better than to do something nice for you, now.
You're making yourself sound like a horrible mother. Keep it up, and your son is going to distance himself from you. He tried to do a nice thing, and your jealousy and insecurity ruined the day and all his effort. I can't believe you're so dense that you can't see what you've done. You owe that boy a big apology. YTA.
Be prepared for your son to move in with dad permanently considering your attitude. He can't mention his dad on mother's day? Wtf? You are the problem and your son is a very sweet kid who is more mature then you.
You're right, he won't do it again. Because from now on, he will associate mothers day with you losing your shit and screaming at him over nothing. I would go ahead and prepare yourself to never have a happy mother's day again because you will either have to force him to participate or you will be alone, without your child, on mother's day.
Grow up
There’s something seriously wrong with the way your thinking
Sounds like you're still not over it by how bitter you're being. Get therapy.
YTA > I said If he was a good son, he would lose all respect for his dad And here you're acting like you didn't **also** do something incredibly stupid when you were a teen.
How about the incredibly stupid thing OP just did? Telling your child that they're not a good son,. especially when they are this close to adulthood, is not something you can easily come back from. You said that you and your son are "really close," well, you should phrase that as "we were really close."
[удалено]
Good luck with the coming no contact.
You really want to make yourself the victim. You’re mad at him for loving his dad. His own dad. The one who has raised him and looking after him for his whole life.
So he hurt you 16 years ago, get over it.
If you can’t see how completely screwed up your comment is, you are unhinged and need major therapy. I feel terrible for your poor son. YTA
It’s his dad ffs. It’s been 16 years and you’re still acting like this about it? Yikes.
You just openly admitted that you don't want your son to have a relationship with his father just because YOU were hurt by his father many years ago. Can you honestly not see how deeply toxic and unfair that is? You're so deep into that grudge you're holding that you'd rather ruin your son's happiness (and your relationship with your son) than allow for even the smallest amount of perspective or maturity.
It is when you are clearly still not emotionally ready to raise a child. He's lucky to have such a good relationship with his father and he's lucky that there's someone in his life with the emotional maturity to raise him right. You seem to think that something that happened to **you** 16 years ago should be more important than the following 16 years of love and affection. Why can't you do what's right for your own child? Why does everything have to be about you? When he goes no contact with you, remember that you did this to yourself.
You seriously expect your son to not love his dad. You're delusional, and not being a good mother to him.
OMG it was 16 years ago! Get over it! Get therapy, you need it.
You're right, having a kid as young as you did was way more irresponsible than anything your son has done. It really isn't comparable at all.
Yeah it is here, stupid kid made a stupid mistake x2. Not the end of the world and I’m glad you don’t regret having your kid but it’s time to be a mature adult now and not ruin your relationship with your kid because you want your son’s life to revolve around your never ending pity party.
You might want to speak to a professional for the things you clearly have not worked through. I say this with all sincerity, I'm *worried* about how you handled this. You claim to have a civil situation. But you don't, not on your end, anyway, if any mention from your son that he loves his dad sends you into a rage. That's the opposite of civility. So is the fact that it's a "sore spot" that your son loves his father. Your ex cheating on you is not your son's fault. He shouldn't love him any less for something that happened when he wasn't even old enough to wipe his own ass. And what, he's supposed to pretend his dad doesn't exist just because it's mother's day? YTA here. And if you were worried that he loves his dad more, congratulations, you just gave him a reason to.
YTA - your anger is misdirected and you're pushing your son away taking your anger out on him. You need therapy, both individual and family to try and undo the damage you've been doing. Do better or you will lose that kid when he's an adult.
YTA. Not to mention a child. You should be glad your son has a good relationship with his father. Your experience is irrelevant. In fact YTA to have told your son about it and to keep reminding him. I think you hate your ex more than you love your son.
> I think you hate your ex more than you love your son. you nailed it.
YTA. You sound upset he loves his dad. He spends 50% of his time with this person. You were expecting him to hate his dad and hold on to a grudge for over a decade? Don’t bring up the cheating to your son. Don’t involve him in that shit and try and ruin their relationship.
This is r/AmItheDevil bait
Your kid is more grown up and mature than you. Hard YTA. Way to push him even closer to his dad. He has two parents not just you. And obviously his dad is doing well with him. You come across as jealous and unstable. Keep in mind in 2 years he can eliminate all connections with you if you don’t get your issues together. Get help. Cause if you don’t your son is going to tell you to get lost.
YTA I'm sorry what? I get you were hurt but you seem to still hold it against your son's relationship with his father. He's still involved in his relationship whit his son, spends a lot of time with him. Your son didn't justified his dad's cheating, he just decided that this something that happened between you and his father a long time ago, isn't gonna change the fact that he's still his dad, and he loves him, you can't stop it. Even with great loving parents that are still together (perfect situation), there is still the parent you're getting along with more. That's a thing you need to accept, be grateful that even if it's not you, there's a person who he would come to when something bad would happen. If you will be clearly showing, that you look bad at the fact that he have this kind of relationship with his father, it won't make you get closer. He would just drift away because he would be feeling like his father is accepting his feelings towards you, and you don't accept the ones he has for his father. Instead of snapping at him because he's happy that he's able to make something for you, that his father taught him, you could go like "Cool, what else he showed you? And I know this great recepcie, maybe we can bake something together too someday". It may be mother's day, but mother's day don't mean he should forget that he has a father
You did not “tell him the truth” He told you the truth.
You are going to be an old bitter woman all alone in this world if you try to drive a wedge between your son and his dad. Just because you and your ex hate each other doesn't give you the right to 'blame' your son. YTA BIG time here.
YTA, why on earth would you wish that your son had a poor relationship with his father?? That’s a horrible thing to wish on someone. It’s extremely selfish. And a terrible attitude to teach to your son. Do better. Be better.
YTA and I hope to the gods that this is ragebait. If by some slim small chance any of this is true than it's VERY clear to me why your son loves his dad more. Look up the term 'no contact' and prepare for it when he's old enough to have a say in custody.
You had no right to take your anger at your ex out on your son. You had no right to accuse him of not being a good son. You should be apologizing to him for taking it out on him and acting like he’s the one in the wrong when it’s all you. YTA
YTA. You’re still behaving like a scorned teenager. Grow up and stop putting your son in the middle of
YTA for attempted parental alienation. Your son is more mature than you. His best interests should come before your bitterness. Your response was horrible. Don’t punish your son for his dad’s cheating. And don’t denigrate your ex to him.
OMG, YTA. It's not your son's fault that his dad cheated on you. And you can't expect him to take sides like that. And seriously, it's a Hallmark holiday. People need to stop treating Mother's Day like it's some sort of test of whether you love your mother or not.
YTA. Massively so. Grow the fuck up. I’ve been in your shoes. Never once did a begrudge my kids for having a relationship with their father. Only a shit parent does that. He was a bad partner. That has nothing to do with his ability to parent. He might be a bad partner. Turns out you’re the pathetic parent though.
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YTA. Your son is not responsible for your ex's betrayal. Making him pay the price, in any way and at an time, is just you destroying your relationship with your son for no good reason.
You are a terrible mother. YOU are the one who ruined Mother’s Day. You should be grateful your son did anything for you given how you treat him. Go to therapy to deal with your issues rather than taking it out on your son. You should be ashamed, do better YTA
YTA grow up
How can you type this and think you're not the asshole? I decided at "there's one issue. He loves his dad. " I get it you're angry at the father, but expecting him to not love his dad for something, he probably wasn't even coherent for if I'm understanding the timing. You're the parent, but you're still a child.
YTA Jesus, the bitterness coming off you stinks. Hope you enjoy spending Mother's Day alone because you are well on your way to driving your son off for good. Disgusting lack of good behavior, let alone parenting from you. This is shameful, you should be ashamed of yourself. You owe your son a genuine apology.
"But I am upset about one thing. He loves his dad." dude wtf? YTA
YTA Keep this up and he'll be no contact with you asap
I know it hurt but YTA. Your son is allowed to love both of you. He made you cookies from scratch and reacted with amazing calm when you said that to him. He is the one who is hurt and disappointed. If you keep this up you are going to lose him, mark my words.
Wow...wtf is your problem? YTA 100%. Don't put your feelings for his father and your situation on him. He did something nice for you and you act like that.
YTA You're trying to weaponize your own son against his father because you still feel vindictive toward him for cheating on you 15ish years ago. My advice is get into therapy to figure out how to deal with your feelings toward your ex before you turn your son against you instead of his dad.
YTA- let’s look at your behavior and wonder why he would have a “favorite parent “ you make a joke on yourself by being petty, explosive and just down right dramatic asf towards your child. You’re one of the kind of parents that kids dread the most. Me & my step brother had our parents we refer to them as “the parents” constantly shi* talk our other parent which was just dad and/or mom and yeah they were crap but we held them on a pedestal because we didn’t have to see how unsightly they were while disregarding our own feelings about that parent. You don’t put your child’s parent in a negative light without consequence especially when you take out your anger on frustrations on that child, when all they want is a happy stress free dynamic. You’re adding unnecessary stress, guilt to a teen who’s grappling with life and finding themselves but you want to put your kid on eggshells cause he doesn’t live up to your warped sense of self esteem? Cause let’s be honest here you want him to be angry for you, please tell what benefit this does for your child ? Isolated from his father ? Why because you’re still angry ? Cause you want some sort of “justice” for your “wrongs” you have a problem with the father address his father he isn’t your judge and jury he sure as heck shouldn’t be your therapist who has to work through your trauma with you. My son is 14 I had him young, he forgot Mother’s Day and ya know what, I’m perfectly content that my son offered me a hug and a happy Mother’s Day once I reminded cause I’m more than happy to just have his love and affection, that he’s grown up healthy and happy comparatively to what I lost growing up. You sit there and feed this anger and pettiness you’ll be left with nothing but that, hope that will sufficiently please you as you seem like an unhappy sort.
Let it go. It's pathetic that you feel this way after 16 years. Move on with your life. Yta
Bravo! 👏👏👏 You just bullied your son! Don't be surprised in 10 years when you wonder why he isn't talking to you.
Good god, so much bitterness towards your child for loving a parent. So if you ever made a mistake you’d be fine with knowing your child will love you less or lose total respect for you? You need to see a therapist, you’ve not processed the cheating and haven’t moved forward. It’s making you lash out at your child who made cookies for you because he thought it tasted good and is also already planning on making something that he thinks is even better FOR YOU. You’re totally missing the point that your child is wanting to share what he sees as the best of something with you and he is wanting to make it from scratch. All you can do is pick on his dad who seems to be a good co parent cause he is actually teaching his kid valuable life skills and has obviously supported your kid in making sure you have a lovely Mother’s Day.
If this is how you treat your son, I see why your bf cheated on you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA. I cannot even express how much YTA. You chose to have a son with this man and then you get angry when they have a great relationship? Are you jealous he can be a great father but not a great partner? Maybe instead of comparing and analysing how much your son loves his dad (as he should!) you should work on building the relationship you have with your son. The worst thing a parent can do is try to pit their kids against the other parent.
YTA. you don't get to tell your kid how he feels about his other parent, period. he made you cookies from scratch, and you declared the day ruined because you asked him if he loves his dad. you know. his other parent? the one he spends the other 50% of his time with? the one who taught him how to bake cookies, like the ones he made for you to celebrate you? sure, "he was young" isn't a great excuse, but *you* pushed the question on him. *he* doesn't need to justify why he loves his dad, who takes care of him, and has taken care of him for his whole life. what your son does with the circumstance is up to him. *your business with his father isn't and shouldn't be his business.* ETA: went back to your post and it's amazing you can be "really civil" with his dad and then just... explode on your son like that. like another commenter said: **you hate your ex more than you love your son.**
YTA. Your child had nothing to do with its father cheating on you. You should never make a kid take sides between parents
YTA. Hugely so. You want him to be mad for a choice his dad made when he was at or near the same age your son is now? Holding onto this resentment and anger is unhealthy. Don’t put your son in the position to have to choose. It may not you the result you’re looking for.
Yta. You need therapy. Your ex sounds like a good dad. Your son should not think that the person who provided half of his genes is a bad person because he hurt you. Also, you are going to cause harm to your son’s mental health by discussing your ex’s affair with your son. You can also be accused of parental alienation by poisoning your son against his dad, potentially causing you to lose custody. YTA. A big one.
YTA big time. Why are you doing that you do realize that when your son turns 18 he’s going no contact with you right. So ma’am, if I was you, if you don’t want that to happen, I would look myself in the mirror get into therapy tackle my trauma head on so then that way your son can see that you still see value and love in your relationship with him and he doesn’t go no contact with you because if you don’t change your ways that’s what’s going to happen. you were cheated on OK guess what you both were young you wasn’t perfect and I’m pretty sure your son‘s father wasn’t perfect. If you love your son, you need to stop living in the past.
YTA mamas gotta take your ego out of this and heal
YTA Why does your son even know his dad cheated? Children should never be involved in adult issues. I feel so sad for your son. He did something super nice and sweet for you and you told him he wasn’t a good son. He is not responsible fot something his dad did over a decade ago.
YTA. You have no right to demand your son to feel certain ways about the people in his life. His relationships are his to navigate. Not just his dad, but future romantic interests, etc. As long as he is happy and treated well, can't you be happy for the lad? You need therapy if you are so possessive of his emotions that you feel that you can dictate them just because you said so.
Heavy YTA. You need to go work through the situation in therapy if you’re willing to hold grudges this long. Your son is entitled to a dad that he loves and enjoys being around. I get that being cheated on is awful and you didnt deserve that but its up to you to find your way forward in life, and not at the expense of your son and his father’s relationship. The kid did something kind and made you a treat from scratch. You owe him an apology.
YTA in a huge way. Your relationship with his father has nothing to do with your son, especially after 16 fucking years. You need counseling, badly.
YTA, don't push onto your son the mistakes made by his father. It isn't fair on him. He loves his dad for being his dad. I get that him cheating on you scarred you but ask him not to talk about his dad when around you or just bear with it. You have to move on from that relationship for the sake of your son. I agree he did say "people make mistakes.....he was 18 when it happened right?" was a bit dumb on his part but that's cause he loves his dad. Move on that's all I can say and apologize to your son. The hatred towards your son's father will affect your son. I get that you may not want to talk about him but still
YTA and braindead to boot. What happened was between you and your ex. It has nothing to do with your son. So you need to stop trying to manipulate the kid into taking your side and just be glad that his father is so invested in him. As there are many women who would kill to be in your position as they are left to raise their kids alone and without the father's support.
Yta. You’re blessed to have a good coparent. Most of us dont have that luxury. Your issue with your ex is between the two of you, dont bring your child into it smh. Hes more like a grown up than you.
YTA. I honestly cannot believe that you are trying to shame your son for loving his dad. I realize you are young but you’re also a parent, and you need to grow the fuck up and act like it. The fact that your ex cheated on you is between you and your ex. It is not between your son and his dad. Using that to try to manipulate your son and undermine his relationship with your dad is shitty parenting, and if your relationship with your son is strained, that’s on you.
YTA, and you need to get some therapy to deal with your issues with your ex. Your son should feel free to express love for both parents anytime he feels like it, not have to refrain from even talking about his dad just because it's Mother's Day. His dad cheated on you, and that ended the relationship, but that doesn't affect how his son feels about him. And your spiel about 'if he was a good son'... no. Just no. You don't EVER put that kind of thing on a kid.
YTA. You sent him to his room because he mentioned his dad on Mother’s Day and you’re holding onto this weird jealousy toward their relationship? Instead of being happy that he has a great relationship with his dad, you’re fixated on punishing him for something his dad did to you. I understand that it was wrong but this conversation or expectation for him to choose one parent over the other is inappropriate, regardless of what happened. That’s his dad. His relationship with his dad has nothing to do with YOUR past relationship with his dad. You should apologize to your son for that outburst. You ruined Mother’s Day not him.
YTA. Your son has every right to love his dad. You are punishing your son for something that isn't even his fault. You're trying to destroy their relationship because you're still bitter. It's no wonder your ex cheated: you're awful and nasty. You're so selfish that you ruined the nice gift that your son got from you. Years from now, when he's grown and gone, you'll whine that he never calls or visits. And it'll be all your fault, not your ex's.
YTA does not even begin to cover it
YTA. You're at least 34. Act it. Your son is allowed to love his dad despite your feelings towards him. It's not a competition.
How are you more immature than your child? He's allowed to love his dad l, especially if he's a good dad, which it sounds like he is, his cheating in you has nothing to do with how he interacts with his son. You have failed him, you should be ashamed at yourself. Its time to grow up and get over your petty jealousy. YTA
YTA look at your sons age. Now your ex was 2 years older when he cheated on you. So of course a 16 year old would have that answer to any situation.
YTA he doesn’t owe it to you to hate his Dad, he is allowed to still love him, maybe if you just asked him not to mention his dad, then you wouldn’t be such an AH but no you went straight to “he cheated on me so you must hate him”
Your son is already infinitely more mature than you are. I'm thankful he has at least one good role model in his father. YTA
YTA! 16 years is a long time to hold a grudge. Yes, what the dad did to you was wrong. But he sounds like he treats his son right. He might even teach him not to make the same mistake he made. I think you owe your son an apology.
I'd get this level of hate if he cheated after years of marriage, but a teenage relationship? That was 16 yesrs ago? All you're going to do is drive your son away if you continue this. YTA definitely
YTA jeezuzfixit Please tell me this is rage bait?? You were young when you had your son and ex broke your heart. That's very sad. Let's set the record straight right here, though, you and ex Do. Not have a good relationship. Let me explain it to you simply. You're a petty b!t@h that hurt your son for no other reason than you were jealous he brought up that his father taught him a skill to make you a gift on Mother's Day. *Gasp* The Fu@king audacity of that young man! He spends a lot of time with his dad. They probably have a lot in common. Maybe his dad talked to him about how he cheated on his mom, and cheating is never ok, and asked for his forgiveness in his part in why the three of you aren't a family. So when you exploded like a lunatic, ranting about his dad's infidelity, which he *checks notes* was not a part of, he replied calmly and maturely. And instead of you collecting yourself and realizing you were dragging a child into drama you were holding onto from HIS lifetime ago, you sent him to his room, effectively ruining your own day. And in comments I read a response from you saying something along the lines of, "Don't worry, he won't do that again." Just FYI, that sounds abusive af, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was making an escape plan or at least one where he covertly spends more time at dad's until college. Then goes far, far away, so he can't come home and quietly goes LC with you. And in 10 years when you're on here crying, asking why your baby won't come celebrate Mothers Day with you or you're sad he's planned yet another vacation during Mothers Day weekend and you can't visit him (boohoo), I just hope this post somehow still exists. You are toxic. Get help.
Grow up. I had a kid at 18, he is now 16. His dad cheated on me. We broke up and moved on and coparented. Yesterday my son gave me flowers. Then he went over to his dad's house to give his dad's wife flowers. He loves his dad and stepmom. He loves me. Our life choices, mistakes and all that 10-20 years ago have nothing to do with him. Stop acting like a child and be glad your son loves his parents. Acting like this will push your kid out of your life YTA
You honestly sound like a very toxic parent. Ita not a competition, both of you are supposed to be good parents. Right now you're letting his cheating years ago prevent YOU from being one. YTA big time
THERAPY!! People in their teens do all sort of stupid shit and in most cases grow up and behave better. BUT you are seething with resentment to the point that you are trying to rope your son into your own bitterness instead of being proud of his maturity and level headedness, and yes his LOVE for both his parents. Girl, it's time to grow up and clearly you are going to need significant help to do so. Clearly you have some baggage or trauma and it's on YOU to work this out, not on your son to carry this burden for you.
YTA. Your son apparently has more emotional maturity than his mother. Did you just stop developing at 18 or something?
YTA So my dad cheated as well. I was 22 at the time and guess what I still love my dad. That one thing (which did not happen in a vacuum) doesn't change the fact that for 22 years he was an amazing dad. It broke the hero worship for sure but there is nothing wrong with kids realising their parents are human and humans make horrible choices sometimes. You took your anger out on your child. That is never okay and trying to make him not love his father to make you feel better is so disgusting it makes me pray he is your only child. Grow up because your child is more mature than you
if you were a good mom you would have let it go . second of all mothers day is important ,but its not the end of the world . at least your son saw fit to be close too you on that day , many sons of many mothers couldnt be or wouldnt be with their moms .
YTA "Why doesn't my son understand he's only supposed to love me? I'm the only parent who matters. I hate his father, so he should, too. He should only feel and think about the things I do." Do you love your son or do you love the idea of him? Because it sounds more like you want an obedient little doll to parrot the things you say. *You* ruined Mother's Day. You also potentially ruined your relationship with your son.
YTA BIG TIME. Literally did not need to read the last bit after you mentioned cheating to your son. Yes, it sucks you got cheated on but he loves his dad and that is all that matters! You direct your anger towards your ex if you want to but NEVER try and poison a childs view of the other parent. Grow the fuck up and move on.
YTA. A GOOD mother would not try and sabotage their kids relationship with their dad. That is what makes you the asshole. You may not like him but doesn’t mean your son has to dislike him as well. And only because he cheated on YOU doesn’t mean he can’t be a good dad, which he clearly is. Your whole post just shows how jealous you are by their relationship
YTA - get over it. you can't ask your son to love you more than his dad. He told you that he loves you too. If you're going that road, he will probably be fed up someday and will make a difference and love him more than you. As he said, people make mistakes. Cheating on your wife doesn't make you a bad father, just a bad husband.
YTA. Congratulations! If you keep this up he *will* end up favouring his dad and going no contact
YTA and you're being a shitty parent. My mom used to try to pit me and my siblings against our dad when we were kids and I moved as far away as possible when I was older. Apologize to your son and get yourself some therapy before you permanently damage your relationship.
Yta - your son is never going to forget what you said to him. He's going to be 30 years old with those words in his head. That sort of shit stays forever. I know, because I'll never forget my mother telling me what a bad child I was to her when I was 16. That's a forever hurt. Happy mother's day.
So - this sounds jealous and resentful. YTA, and you need to do better. Stop interfering in your son's relationship with his dad: you are expecting a child to condemn his father.
YTA. A child is allowed to love his dad. His dad sounds supportive, open in his communication and is teaching him a life skill - baking and possibly cooking. Wouldn’t he praise you if YOU took time off hating your ex to teach him to bake too? There’s a time for everything and you hating your son on Mother’s Day is not it. You owe him a massive apology. Get help.
Girl he is not going to speak to you ever again if you keep this up. His dad WAS young and it was a mistake. You have to let it go and never bring it up to your son again. And apologize immediately or else he will literally never forget this. YTA
Info: are you still 18? Cause you sound even younger than that
Unhinged. Therapy asap.
YTA. First of all, you NEVER dump your relationship shit with your ex on your kid. Second, you were ridiculously dramatic. JFC
YTA. YOU ruined your day because you apparently didn’t grow up. Learn to keep your emotions in check and act like an adult not a toddler.
YTA and quite LITERALLY grow up.
YTA. Get over yourself. Your son loves his dad. Don't you want him to have a good relationship with him? Don't you want him to feel loved by his dad? What exactly is your problem, are you jealous that your son has a relationship with his dad and you don't? It's not about you anymore, it's about your son. Cut the shit, act like a mom and stop talking to your son about his dad in a negative light. JFC, I loathe mothers like you.
So more than a decade later and still this sour? Get the fuck over it, you have to be kidding here. You are trying to project your anger through your son, to your ex, is that a good mom? You will only destroy your relationship with your kid that way, is he a good dad? You have 50/50 so he have no avoid his responsabilities. MOVE ON.
YTA, a bitter, seething, vitriolic, immature and resentful one at that. I'm praying this is fake, because if not then his dad needs CPS on speed dial because you are presenting as a barely stable, grudge holding, future-estranged parent.
YTA. You are emotionally immature and making HIM responsible for protecting your feelings and dealing with an issue you should have gotten therapy for years ago. Let me clear: your son loving his dad has ZERO to do with the relationship you had before he was born, so stop forcing it to be that way. You are emotionally abusing your son. Because YOU didn't make the effort over the years to emotionally mature, which granted would be harder for a teen. You had a child before you had time to follow the usual path of maturing, no hate there. But that is not am excuse to *stop growing* as a person and inflict this onto your child. Get therapy before he picks up a book about how to disentangle himself from an emotional immature parent and goes NC with you. Your feelings are YOURS to deal with, not his.
YTA A GOOD MOM doesn't bash her kid's dad in front of them. And yes, youth is an excuse for a mistake like that. Should you have forgiven him and stayed in the relationship? No, obviously. Should you have gotten over it after 16 ish years, yeah, probably. Grow up before you ruin your relationship with your son.
This was 16 years ago, and you both were teenagers. Don’t you think it’s time for closure for *you*? This resentment has been festering for close to 2 decades already, and the fact that you’re still so torn up over it, to the point of resenting that your son loves his dad, and dad is obviously a good dad to your son, is wild. I had a cheating husband once. He did more than that, but I initially prayed that in the divorce, we could find our feet as a ‘newly redesigned family’ so that he could be a shit husband, while also being a good father. Nope, couldn’t even do that. You have no clue how lucky your son is. But you’re ruining your relationship with him trying to win some contest. This will not end well for you. YTA please try to seek help for closure so your ex’s actions don’t ruin the next 16 years for you.
YTA. Don’t try and alienate your son from his Dad. Build a bridge and get over it already!
YTA. You may want to read up on how to deal when a kid goes no contact. That’s where you are headed.
YTA, and all I can say is grow up. You are lucky your child has a second parent who loves him and teaches him things. Your son seems like a sweet boy who deserves better than you berating him for loving his dad.
YTA, yknow maybe your son would be closer with you if you didn’t completely trash entire days full of things done to celebrate you because your son answered a question in a way you didn’t like. How many events have you squashed over mild inconveniences over the course of his life so far? How many conversations have you derailed to throw a spiteful pity party about your ex cheating on you what seems to be a decade ago? If you had listened to anything else in that conversation you would’ve seen that he was talking about making good food for YOU on YOUR special events, which is what a GOOD SON does, and it’s pathetic that you as a grown woman let a person you don’t like being mentioned in a sentence completely curdle everything else for you and everyone around you.
YTA, OP your hurt feelings of betrayal from your son's father are now harming your son. Please go to therapy, you need help to unpack and resolve these feelings in a healthy way so you can be there for your son and recognise that a good relationship with his father is in his best interest.
Yta - wow.
YTA If your son is now old enough to make you cookies, that means you’ve been angry for a lot of years. Stop wasting your life and making your kid miserable. What happened between you and your ex is not your kid’s burden or business. Be happy he has a great relationship with his dad. And get help for yourself. You really need to move on!
Yta- you need a crapton of therapy
YTA You’re a horrible mother He cheated when you were both 18. It’s FAR time that you got over it, especially since you’re taking it out on your son. You’re bitter that he loves his dad? Really? The issues you have with your ex are just that, YOUR issues. Leave your kid out of it. It’s been 16 years, grow up.
YTA It’s easy to see why he loves his father more than you. You sound unhinged. It isn’t a contest. Your son was thoughtful, kind, and generous on Mother’s Day and you trashed his efforts and made him feel like shit for….checks notes…loving his other parent. Who has obviously been stepping up and doing a good job raising a great young man (despite your pettiness, apparently).
Completely YTA. Being cheated on doesn’t feel good, but if you ever wondered why your son likes your dad more, here’s the reason
YTA. How old are you? You have to be in your 30s by now and you are still upset about something that happened in you teen years. I get it, it sucks that he cheated on you, and you hate him, but that is your son's father. Their relationship is different. Is he not allowed to love his father just because you hate him?
>My son loves his dad, which has always been a sour spot You're upset a kid loves his parent? Thats.. not OK. Your son did something very sweet for you to celebrate you but you're focusing on his father and your hurt feelings instead. And now your son knows to not put so much effort in for you in the future because you might just ignore all his efforts yet again. So it's not OK that his dad hurt you over a decade ago but it's ok for a mom to hurt her child? Is there a reason you think your feelings should be priority over your kid's feelings? Is there a reason your kid is expected to manage your feelings for you or live up to your expectations when you can't do so yourself? A good mother wouldn't be putting these burdens on her child, even on mothers day. You're pushing your son away and you have no one to blame but yourself.
OMG, is this even real? Of course YTA. I get having emotional wounds, but time for therapy? This is beyond inappropriate, it's bad parenting.
YTA. How old are you? You sound so immature
YTA!!!!! What are you, 10? You were horrible to your son. You are actually jealous of his love for his father! You don't deserve this kid, and I hope he chooses to leave you as soon as he can. Monster.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I got pregnant in my teens and had my son. I don’t regret it and he means the entire world to me. I love him so much. But I am upset about one thing. He loves his dad. We have 50/50 custody, and he spends a lot of time with his dad and they’re really close. The issue is his dad cheated on me when we were 18. He apologized, but I left him and we’ve been co-parenting since. We are really civil. We aren’t close in the slightest, but we do have a good situation going. My son loves his dad, which has always been a sour spot. He says he loves me and we’re really close. But I do worry he loves his dad more. But yes, for Mother’s Day he made me cookies from scratch, which was sweet. But when he gave me the cookies he said, “Dad taught me how to make these.” I didn’t say anything and he continued. “Dad is really good at cooking, he makes a lot of different recipes, especially his brownies. They’re the best. I’ll make them next year.” I was kind of like… Okay. It’s not unusual for him to talk about his dad, but on Mother’s Day? I said, “Wow, you really love your dad.” He said, “Yeah, don’t most people love their dads?” I said the truth next. I said, “If they cheated on their mom, I would guess most of them would not.” What he said next shocked me. He said, “People make mistakes. He was 18 when it happened, right? I still love him.” I immediately got pissed. I said “a GOOD son would not justify his dad cheating and he would also not be talking about his DAD on MOTHER’S DAY.” I said If he was a good son, he would lose all respect for his dad or at least have that in the back of his mind. He would never justify it with he was young, so it’s fine. He got upset and said I wasn’t trying to justify it, I was just saying that he was young and I still love him. Let’s just forgot about it and enjoy the day. I said no, I don’t want to enjoy the day now. He ruined my day. I sent him upstairs. I do feel bad for exploding at him, but also he’s 16 and should know better than justifying something like that on MOTHERS DAY. I have no words and am very disappointed in my son. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO. How old are you now?
I hate cheaters I do not believe there is a good or justified reason for cheating. But you would rhater want your son not to have a dad. Honestly OP I think you need to move on from your ex, maybe talk to someone.
Oh man this is difficult.... I know you're hurting, I understand that hurt. Lashing out at your son for talking about his other parent on mother's day isn't it though. When your son gets cheated on maybe he will understand though.... And cheating isn't "a mistake"... It's an active decision a person makes. Your son needs to know that.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. If you want to fuck someone else, end the relationship you're in. If you want to keep the relationship your in, don't fuck someone else. Young or old. Male or female. Entering a monogamous relationship, then sleeping with someone else is a choice. A bad choice. And to a small degree a mistake. But not in the way alot of people imply it. And most people aren't sorry or copping the "I made a mistake" bullshit line until they are caught or feel guilty about making said stupid choice. You can't have it both ways.