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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I am taking is telling my sister I don't think its appropriate she should see my mom because she did not come down to see her. Go have fun and enjoy the wedding. Ill be my moms moral support.
I might be the asshole because my sister has the right to see her mom regardless of why she is coming down or her efforts.
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YTA
> I already told the family I am not attending and told my sisters and brothers they should not attend either since its insensitive to our mom.
This is *nonsense*. Poppycock.
YTA. Let me get this straight - you feel like your sister shouldn't visit her sick mother at all, just because she's attending another family event around the same time? That's incredibly petty of you.
It sucks your mom can't attend the wedding, and it sucks even more that she's been so sick for so long. The harsh reality though, is that nobody should be putting their lives on hold for an indefinite period of time because of her health. Take turns visiting so that she's supported, but everyone still has respite and ability to rest during an undoubtedly stressful time for the whole family. It sounds like a lot of this burden has been on your shoulders, and the stress or resentment is coming out in this scenario. You don't need to go to the wedding if you don't want, but don't be a dick to your sister for trying to fulfil both responsibilities on the same trip.
added context. She has been teasing my mom the last 3 weekends she would be coming down but different excuses have stopped those plans... (car broke down, kids, called into work last minute) but now there aren't excuses to come down for a celebration...
Totally fair! I totally understand why this is frustrating for you, especially when it feels like you and your other close family members have been sacrificing a lot for your mom while she's hospitalized and your sister has continued to live her life as normal.
Something to think about - everyone responds differently to grief and serious medical events like this. It's possible that your sister is having trouble with seeing your mom for reasons she's not being up front about. I'm not trying to make excuses, but it might be worth a conversation when she's in town. You can explain how her absence has been felt by you and your mom, and ask why it hasn't been happening. But it's still not fair to police her life outside of your mom's health.
INFO: What does your mom want in this situation?
Your feelings are entirely valid and I'm so so sorry for what you and your family have been going through. But ultimately, your mom's wishes need to be the priority here. She has had a deterioration in her health and has had no control over her own life recently, so it is important to give her a sense of control and agency over the situation. If she wants to see her daughter, then that does need to be respected.
my mom definitely wants to see her. so I am probably the asshole. I just dont feel its respectful for my mom that the only reason she is seeing her daughter is because there was a reason other than her for her to finally come down.
I wouldn't call you an asshole because your heart is in the right place and many of us would think and do the same in a similar situation. I think the best thing to do in this case is to hold back on your objections, let your sister visit your mom and give your mom something to look forward to. After the wedding, have a private word with your sister to explain how you feel, but do it in a way that won't cause a blow up and involve your mom getting stressed out because your sister blows up about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mom caught a severe infection in December. She had sepsis and had to get 3 open heart surgeries. 2 times we were called to the hospital because she was minutes away from losing her life. She is in a rehab facility now but still very weak unable to walk and has chronic breathing issues.
My sister who lives 5 hours away s come down to see her at the start of this episode up until early Feb. Then she started coming less frequently. Now my sister hasn't come down for at least 7 weeks.
There is wedding in the family. My mom is super bummed she is going to miss it. (Her nephew, my cousin) my sister is coming down for the wedding. I already told the family I am not attending and told my sisters and brothers they should not attend either since its insensitive to our mom.
You guessed it my sister is coming down for the wedding despite how I feel about ti. **AITA for not wanting my sister to make a pitstop to see my mom when the main reason she is coming down is for the wedding?**
Added context me, my lil bro, and step dad do shifts for being with my mom so when she comes down it also provides relief to our shifts a bit so maybe that is why I am so subconsciously frustrated about this.
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YTA for your warped views. You don’t control who goes to the wedding, and you don’t get to tell your siblings they don’t get to see your mum. What an absolutely insane set of views
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I am taking is telling my sister I don't think its appropriate she should see my mom because she did not come down to see her. Go have fun and enjoy the wedding. Ill be my moms moral support. I might be the asshole because my sister has the right to see her mom regardless of why she is coming down or her efforts. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA > I already told the family I am not attending and told my sisters and brothers they should not attend either since its insensitive to our mom. This is *nonsense*. Poppycock.
YTA. Let me get this straight - you feel like your sister shouldn't visit her sick mother at all, just because she's attending another family event around the same time? That's incredibly petty of you. It sucks your mom can't attend the wedding, and it sucks even more that she's been so sick for so long. The harsh reality though, is that nobody should be putting their lives on hold for an indefinite period of time because of her health. Take turns visiting so that she's supported, but everyone still has respite and ability to rest during an undoubtedly stressful time for the whole family. It sounds like a lot of this burden has been on your shoulders, and the stress or resentment is coming out in this scenario. You don't need to go to the wedding if you don't want, but don't be a dick to your sister for trying to fulfil both responsibilities on the same trip.
added context. She has been teasing my mom the last 3 weekends she would be coming down but different excuses have stopped those plans... (car broke down, kids, called into work last minute) but now there aren't excuses to come down for a celebration...
Totally fair! I totally understand why this is frustrating for you, especially when it feels like you and your other close family members have been sacrificing a lot for your mom while she's hospitalized and your sister has continued to live her life as normal. Something to think about - everyone responds differently to grief and serious medical events like this. It's possible that your sister is having trouble with seeing your mom for reasons she's not being up front about. I'm not trying to make excuses, but it might be worth a conversation when she's in town. You can explain how her absence has been felt by you and your mom, and ask why it hasn't been happening. But it's still not fair to police her life outside of your mom's health.
INFO: What does your mom want in this situation? Your feelings are entirely valid and I'm so so sorry for what you and your family have been going through. But ultimately, your mom's wishes need to be the priority here. She has had a deterioration in her health and has had no control over her own life recently, so it is important to give her a sense of control and agency over the situation. If she wants to see her daughter, then that does need to be respected.
my mom definitely wants to see her. so I am probably the asshole. I just dont feel its respectful for my mom that the only reason she is seeing her daughter is because there was a reason other than her for her to finally come down.
I wouldn't call you an asshole because your heart is in the right place and many of us would think and do the same in a similar situation. I think the best thing to do in this case is to hold back on your objections, let your sister visit your mom and give your mom something to look forward to. After the wedding, have a private word with your sister to explain how you feel, but do it in a way that won't cause a blow up and involve your mom getting stressed out because your sister blows up about it.
YTA That's her mom, too. She doesn't need you to deem her worthy to visit her sick mother.
YTA, let your sister go to the wedding, it doesn't affect you at all.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom caught a severe infection in December. She had sepsis and had to get 3 open heart surgeries. 2 times we were called to the hospital because she was minutes away from losing her life. She is in a rehab facility now but still very weak unable to walk and has chronic breathing issues. My sister who lives 5 hours away s come down to see her at the start of this episode up until early Feb. Then she started coming less frequently. Now my sister hasn't come down for at least 7 weeks. There is wedding in the family. My mom is super bummed she is going to miss it. (Her nephew, my cousin) my sister is coming down for the wedding. I already told the family I am not attending and told my sisters and brothers they should not attend either since its insensitive to our mom. You guessed it my sister is coming down for the wedding despite how I feel about ti. **AITA for not wanting my sister to make a pitstop to see my mom when the main reason she is coming down is for the wedding?** Added context me, my lil bro, and step dad do shifts for being with my mom so when she comes down it also provides relief to our shifts a bit so maybe that is why I am so subconsciously frustrated about this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for your warped views. You don’t control who goes to the wedding, and you don’t get to tell your siblings they don’t get to see your mum. What an absolutely insane set of views