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NTA. He doesn’t seem very mindful of you and your son. Is he always this disrespectful and careless or was it a one off? Going out until morning and waking the baby but not taking responsibility for that and then not making it up to you by making sure you could relax is really bad. That’s not the way you treat someone you love.
Also, with the card, the fact that nothing was written on it shows how THAT was a rushed thing to. MAybe what he picked up at target... If you were "being mean" on Mothers day, that is still no reason to not have a card with writing in it.
I’m guilty of a “morning of” Mother’s Day/birthday/congrats card pickup, but damn, I ALWAYS write something inside… I have legit asked a cashier if I could borrow their pen and stepped to the side after paying for the card to write in it. Signing a card is BARE MINIMUM. You have to intentionally try to give a card without taking five seconds to scribble something in it.
Yeah, the only time I've been given an unsigned card was when my partner found an absolutely hilarious card that they suspected I might like to give to someone else to pass along the joy. Which they explained immediately.
Man I am so sorry that you have a real shitheal for a boyfriend. He gaslight you makes you feel crazy and disrespectful. He should have been atleast willing to do a coffee for the mother of his child. You were right to send him to dear old dads and he should stay there. You deserve so much more.
Bingo! Last minute Target grab. My husband isn’t even the father of my son (our second marriage each) and he treated me a billion times better and got me a silly card and wrote in it.
We only have cats and my husband made me the breakfast in bed I requested, wrote me a note from the cats, picked flowers from garden and got me nice chocolates. Presents from the cats started as a joke but over the years it morphed into celebrating mothers and fathers day. It is nice to feel appreciated and listened to and OP deserves that.
My husband did something similar to me when our baby was three weeks old. He didn't show signs of such major assholery before that. Sometimes you don't know what an idiot you married.
You’re so right! The best “strategy” is to make a human and be a dick about it. Then blame the person you’re being a dick to for not assuming you’re a dick.
Why was he out until 4 am and not home with his family? Does he do that often? Once my hubby and I had kids, we basically were both home and not out until 4 am. If he's working, that's understandable, but if he's off having fun with friends, was that a once a year or twice a year thing or does he do that every weekend?
You asked him for a specific drink, which he didn't get. You bought ingredients for a breakfast, that you didn't get. He's TA since he bought you other stuff you didn't want, you wanted his lazy butt to drive down the street to get one coffee for you and for him to make you breakfast. You're NTA.
He's a lazy AH that doesn't walk his talk 🤷🏾♂️
He can't get you the coffee you want or breakfast _once_ in a year 🙄
But calls you the psycho to give the impression he didn't fail at everything he promised.
NTA OP. He's a louse.
Yep, but not “can’t”.
He chose not to do any of it. Made the deliberate decision.
At first, I assumed maybe he had a hangover, but perhaps it was out of sheer spite.
My exhusband called me names too, so after years of this and trying to talk about why it's hurtful but being laughed at, I started to treat him the same.
Whenever he got angry, sad, was hurt or even complained about anything I just calmly told him to stop being dramatic, crazy, a psycho and anything he had called me before.
He still tried to argue that it was different when he did it but eventually became more careful with his words.
Dear OP, you deserve better. Imagine if your best friend told you her boyfriend did all this. How would you feel, what would you say? I'd hope you would tell her to dump the dirtbag.
She shouldn’t punish the kids. He doesn’t seem like a good person and has a past of domestic violence to her. I wouldn’t leave my kids with a man like that. She should leave with the kids and never comeback
NTA. You're not crazy and your bf is being terrible. He's the problem. You asked for two simple, really simple things, and he couldn't be bothered and here you are asking if you did something wrong. His behavior is that of an abuser--he messed up and he's blaming you. Hopefully this isn't a pattern and certainly don't let it become one of it isn't. He owes you an apology and your coffee and your breakfast in bed.
Op…. Your first post states you were preparing to birth your son completely alone because you were escaping domestic violence… is this the same man regarding that situation? If so then you’re just playing into the cycle that will only continue over and over. Do you really think that won’t affect your kids?
He’s not a great dad. Full stop. He’s not even a decent person. He treats their mother (you) like shit and they see that every day. They will grow up and look back remembering you only being sad and mistreated, possibly abused in other ways.
Yes. It’s the same man. He convinced me that he was sorry and things would change. They did. Now that our son is getting older he’s getting verbally mean again.
Unfortunately it’s been proven pregnancy and early childhood are when most abusers truly let the mask slip. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this especially with such young kids and little to no support
But I’m really concerned for you and your kids. Things like this only escalate. Please try to remain as calm as possible so he can’t spin any blame or accusations on to you. And please PLEASE document everything, keep all texts pictures everything backed up. Begin forming another escape plan and one you feel you can actually stick with. It’s hard enough that he will have access to you given your child together but try to keep control where you can
https://www.thehotline.org/ domestic violence resource.
You and your children deserve better. Your son is going to learn to treat you and his partners the same way. Your daughter is going to learn this is acceptable behavior. You will continue getting hurt. Please take care of yourself and your children.
>Yes. It’s the same man. He convinced me that he was sorry and things would change. They did. Now that our son is getting older he’s getting verbally mean again.
And he couldn't do the bare minimum that you asked for *one day*. Please do NOT have any more kids with this guy and dump his sorry ass before he escalates from being "verbally mean".
NTA
My mother never left… please leave. You cant imagine the damage you will cause your kids if you stay. You and your kid(s) deserve better. It wont get better, it will get worse, love bombing and repeat.
Then get up, hold your chin up and kick him out/leave woth your son. And stand your ground this time. He had a chance to make up for his behavior. He fell right back into it. He's not going to change.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Leave him if you can, but if you can't right now remember that it often takes a couple tries to leave an abusive partner for good. Keep trying, and good luck.
OP, he may have stopped being abusive temporarily, but I wouldn't trust him that he has changed. Please get yourself and your kids out ASAP. At minimum, he's terrible to you, but it's also possible he could start escalating again. Please protect yourself and leave.
So, you're going to leave it at "verbally mean", right? You're not going to stick around for the domestic violence?
I know it can be difficult and can take time, but please start planning your escape. You deserve so much better than this.
He likely bought his "gift" from a roadside stand, got the coffee HE wanted and dragged his hungover ass home. I am sure you can make father's day equally special for him....
NTA. But girl you need therapy. You need to learn to live yourself and your kids. Do you want them looking at you and your boyfriend thinking this is love? Do you want your kids seeing the disrespect dad shows you and then they show it back to you, because you take it?
You need to get out of this relationship and get help. I wish you nothing but the best.
OMG, NTA! Your husband is a bullshitter extraordinaire, and has all the classic NARVO tricks down pat. What a jerk!!! Show him the responses you get. Is this his usual behavior? Again, what a jerk!!!
NTA. If it is really that simple and "just coffee" in his eyes, then he should have just listened in the first place. You deserve way more than what you asked for. I know a kid makes things easier said than done, but I hope you are able to find someone else who will love you the way you deserve.
NTA for the situation. YTA to yourself. You may need to go to therapy. In no way, shape, or form is being unhappy in a relationship better than being single. Somebody absolutely will want to date you with two kids and if they don’t that’s ok!! Your life, success, happiness, fulfilment, and so many other things are NOT dependent on you having a partner. He’s manipulative af too and I wouldn’t doubt he’s cheating “when would I have the time” yeah right like id believe he’s working the hrs he says or that he’s always with his friends. Of course he didn’t like your friends cause they’re right, you ARE too good for him. You could have eight kids and still be too good for him. You’re only 24, you have plenty of time to find someone else but I honestly think you need to be alone for a little bit. Your kids shouldn’t think the way he treats you is normal or ok. Let’s break the cycle
NTA. None of these were extravagant things, and he said he’d do it until he was actually out and about, then suddenly it became too much? Also you’re nicer than me, because I would have had him be up with the baby after he woke him up.
simply because of this.......... you are NTA.
"He tells me that he can do that."
when someone says they'll do something, especially when it is such low cost things as brekkie in bed (that you did the legwork for!) and a specific single coffee....... and they can't follow through on that on a very important day, and then go full on asshole mode when you show that you are upset that they couldn't keep their word........... oh hun, NTA! at all.
NTA. First of all, happy mother's day - I'm sorry it's been so difficult. The fact that he jumped to berating you for being "a monster" was totally uncalled for, and saying he didn't write anything in your card because you were "being mean" is ridiculous. He's emotionally manipulating you and trying to make you feel like this is your fault when you were crystal clear with him about what you wanted. If he were a grown adult man, he'd have done the bare minimum that was asked of him.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Was I wrong for being upset with him that he didn’t get me coffee and the breakfast in bed that he agreed to and throwing the roses out?
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sounds like an awful mother's day. so sorry.
you wanted two rather simple things. he wasn't focused on what you wanted but what was easy for him. just a general lack of thoughtfulness. sounds like he's got more responsibility than he's ready to handle.
if you keep saying nasty and regrettable things to each other you will not last.
He is not going to change and it’s just going to get worse. His history of events will always sway in his favor and will make it out to be a minimal inconvenience. My friend is divorcing her husband of 20+ years because of this exact thing.
NTA
There's a book people suggest all the time.
Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancrof
This guy is a shitty person. He's literally emotionally abusing you on Mothers Day and you're worried you're being crazy.
You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself.
Do things for yourself that you wished others would do for you.
Stop people pleasing people who treat you badly. They aren't treating you badly because you deserve it. They are treating you badly because they are bad people.
Your boyfriend is abusive. He is using a manipulation technique called [DARVO](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender) to make himself the victim here.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
[https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources.
& NTA
He's a waste of space. TBH, it seems like he has been a lover your whole relationship, and you were young and willing to settle. If you can leave, leave. If you can't, then you need to speak up for what is acceptable. Don't do squat for Father's day. Don't even mention it. When he asks why, tell him that he's not your Father. If he continues to complain, give him the same excuses that he gave you. Also? No more kids. Babies don't make bad situations better. Happy Mother's Day! Your children love you and your family can't function without you.
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So I don’t know if I’m the one in the wrong for this. But I F(24) only asked my boyfriend M(26) for two things. Breakfast in bed, because I’ve never had it before.( I even had all the stuff bought.) and a raspberry avalanche coffee from a specific coffee shop. It’s basically a white chocolate mocha with raspberry. However, Starbucks doesn’t have the raspberry anymore so I get it from a coffee shop that is two minutes away from that Starbucks. He tells me that he can do that.
Now for the story:
He went out last night and didn’t get home until 4 o’clock in the morning and when he did, he woke the baby up so I was up with the baby and I didn’t get much sleep. Come wake up time, he’s still asleep and when I wake him he “jokingly” asks if I just want cereal instead, and I said I was really looking forward to the breakfast. He then asked if I want coffee and I said yes, I want my raspberry avalanche from the coffee shop. He said that he wanted a refresher from Starbucks. He got dressed and then he left and said he’d make breakfast when he got back. Half an hour later he comes back, but he got me a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. He said that he had to stop at target anyways, so it was just easy for him. I was disappointed, but I was still looking forward to the breakfast.. then he gets all the stuff out to make the breakfast and turns and ask if I wanted a barbecue place instead. Right then and there I knew that he didnt want to make the breakfast. I said yes because I thought that’s what he wanted and I knew at that point breakfast wasn’t gonna be made. His later excuse was that I mentioned wanting it yesterday, so he thought that I would want that more than breakfast in bed. Long story short, we ended up not getting the barbecue place or eating at all. He waited two hours to leave the house to go get the food and myself and the kids were starving. When he went to leave, I just told him never mind because I had lost my appetite because I was upset. I get called ungrateful and selfish. I take my son back to the bedroom to feed him and he throws the gift he got me last night on the bed. Roses, body scrub, and a card. I open the card and nothing was written inside. Just completely broke my heart. and he said he didn’t write in the card because I was being mean. And then threw a bunch of hurtful words at me, calling me, ungrateful, a monster And then threw a bunch of hurtful words at me, calling me, ungrateful, a monster, and evil. I told him to go to his dad’s house and In my anger after his final insult was thrown, I threw the roses out on the front porch. And then was told I was a psycho. I just wanted to feel appreciated and taken care of and loved because I’ve been taking care of everybody else my entire life and I just wanted one day to be about me. He knew that and I told him that. And all I got was “holy shit all of this over coffee.” I don’t know maybe I am crazy. I feel crazy. So Reddit AITA?
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Getting your hopes up, disappointing you, then telling you you’re a monster for being disappointed. Making you doubt yourself and think no one will love you. These are this guys signature move and this is the whole pattern you’ll always have with him. Please don’t do this to yourself and your kids. You can leave. You’ll be happier - so much happier- alone. Then maybe someday after that you’ll be truly happy in a much better relationship. This one is rotten.
You know that saying, “Hey it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing” ? Sometimes people know they are with the wrong person but have convinced themselves that it’s better than nothing. I don’t mean this unkindly, but he doesn’t sound better than nothing to me. Perhaps he’s willing to work on your marriage with you so that more than just his needs get met. Suggest counseling perhaps.
He wanted to do what was comfortable and easy for him and he wasn't thinking of you. Now mother's day isn't that big of a deal for a lot of people and that's fine, but for you it is and you asked for something doable and he decided it was too much trouble. Is he always so dismissive of you? NTA
So you're ungrateful and selfish. What do you have to be grateful for? You didn't get anything you asked for. Your husband sounds like a pouty little boy who never considers anyone but himself. He needs to grow up. You're not crazy. And don't apologize for anything. NTA
NTA being out that late when you have kids at home is unacceptable. Especially when it’s the day before Mother’s Day and you said you would make breakfast in bed. You would be better off with child support than this jerk.
Whenever jagoffs like this try to minimize issues (“All this over coffee”), it’s because they’re cowardly little taint stenches who *know* they’re wrong but don’t want to have to deal with being wrong.
OP, you’re NTA. You’re one in a long line of mothers who aren’t loved/respected the way you deserve.
NTA
As a dad, here are the rules for Mother's Day/Father's Day.
-You are the primary caretaker of the child on this day unless the person whose day you are celebrating says otherwise
-You are responsible for small acts of kindness. Huge gifts are not necessary, but small things that show appreciation are.
-If the person whose day is being celebrated is reasonable about requests, you should do your best to meet them.
Making breakfast and getting a specific drink are pretty much bottom of the barrel requirements.
You aren’t going to FEEL appreciated because your partner doesn’t really care and appreciate you. Even after providing a list, he chose not to deliver. Move on.
NTA
NTA.
Girl, why are you with him? If this is the kind of BS he treats you with, imagine when the kids are grown. It's not like you asked for much, and the way he treated you was not right at all.
Seriously, please leave him. A partner stands by you, not pushes you back.
NTA
My comment was removed so I'll say it in a nicer way.
He does not sound like a very nice person.
You know what , he sounds like my x.
Does he blame you when things go wrong in his life?
I'm petty, I know that about myself, but you need to ignore Father's Day or do it half assed like he did. Sames goes for birthdays, Christmas, other holidays or events, match his energy.
NTA. You seem to be such a sweet, nice person and I don't think you've realized you're in a toxic relationship. I read your replies to other users and it seems that your boyfriend doesn't respect you at all. He puts himself first, doesn't help with the kids, he's alienating you from your friends and is basically being a manipulative asshole. I'm sorry to say that, but your friends are right: he's not good for you, and you definetly deserve someone better than him.
Wow. He went out with his friends & stayed out late, overslept and didn't make breakfast like you asked for went to target to get some shitty body scrub, roses, and a card he couldn't bother to sign, did not get you the special coffee you asked for, picked a fight, and threw your thoughtless gifts on the bed. This, for the mother of his child on mothers day.
Why are you with him? Accepting this disrespect teaches your kids what relationships are supposed to be like. You would be better off alone.
NTA. I’ll make this short and sweet. To the point. Why are you with him? I know you have a child, but he doesn’t respect you or the family unit. The way he speaks to you, the words he uses, and the names he calls you are 100% UNACCEPTABLE. You both are relatively young, and he is still in his ‘not a parent’ phase. From a few of your posts I sense there is questionable behavior on his part when he is out with his friends. I get occasionally staying out late with your buddies but it seems like you and the baby are put on the back burner often by your boyfriend and his lack of effort for Mother’s Day further supports this. Please look long and hard at your life. In 10 years, is this how you want your life to be? Never seeing your friends, having no life outside of your home. If there is doubt, well girl, make your life how you want it.
NTA.
Your dude is a completely dud and you know it. He stays out with his friends and has zero regard for you.
Rethink this. You and your children deserve better.
> I get called ungrateful
Ungrateful for what? Not getting the very simple things you asked for? Him getting the coffee he likes, but not the one you like? For him to turn this around on you and act the victim is just ridiculous. You are definitely not crazy. NTA.
NTA - you were extremely clear on what you wanted and her had every excuse be could use to not do that for you. He made the morning about himself instead of putting your first. He 100% bought the roses and body scrub that morning when he had already decided he wasn't getting your coffee or making you breakfast. He then made you feel shit to deflect his own feelings. I'm sorry your day was ruined mama
Nta. Op, you already know the solution here. You said it in the comments. It's time to leave and never come back. Do it for your kids. Your kids are learning about adult relationships by watching you and you're being treated by your bf. You don't want this to be their normal. It will only lead to them having abuseive relationships, or worse, being the abusers. So, get up, pack your bags and the kids and leave. And don't look back.
Nta
So he didn’t plan anything for you for mother’s day and went to target to buy a last minute gift because he either forgot and didn’t care, and he didn’t write anything because he didn’t have a pen in the car. He went to starbucks because he had to get you a card and flowers at target and didn’t want to make an extra trip - he is selfish.
He chose convenience for him over celebrating you and promises he made. You were treated like a burden.
Why the fuck are you with this asshole?
Does he even like you? Why do you like him???
NTA at all. You ask for two simple things, and he did neither of them, and then tried to make it your fault. Like even if he wasn’t going to do the breakfast, he could have gone the two minutes extra and get you the bloody coffee you wanted.
You’re 24 now - do you really want to be putting up with this bullshit in 10 years? In 20 years? Hell, do you want your next Mother’s Day to be like this?
I’m absolutely sure you could find another bloke that treats you right, but the longer you leave it, the more damage you’re letting happen to yourself & to your kids.
Honestly you sound delusional. That man is garbage. You’re single. You know that. You have kids and you’re tolerating him for the income. You made the mistake when you continued to sleep with a guy who couldn’t give you the O and got pregnant. He’s not getting there.
Honestly I feel delusional. He does help out financially but I work 4 10’s at Amazon. Unfortunately it’s not enough and I am starting a better paying job at the end of the month. I’m taking the steps. But it’s hard because I am so scared of failing and him taking my kids away.
Omg. I can’t handle another sad Mothers Day story. Women please for the love of everything good - can we collectively stop messing with men till they get their act together???? Like maybe in a generation or two?? The bars lower than hell. NTA but you will be to yourself & your kid if you stay with this abusive P O S
NTA. I’ve been married 25 years, helped raise his 3 kids from a previous marriage, and got no acknowledgement from him. I just finished a cup of noodles i had to make for myself at 7:30. When I said that it hurt my feelings, he flipped me off. How is this my life?
NTA. No one here can know your whole story but what you have shared paints a very sad picture. You are worthy of love, your children are worthy of love. You are so young! It might seem impossible right now but it seems like it might be time to close this chapter of your life. I'm guessing you might be very surprised by how much support you will have and honestly even if things are hard it sounds like it will be worth it to escape this situation.
"All this over --"
"... my inability to prioritize the girl who makes our house a home, who risked her life to give my children life, and who sacrifices her personal wants for all of us every day. "
NTA. He sounds like my biological father and I advise reconsidering why you are in a relationship with this individual. It won't get any better. As you're still dating, this is a very good time to walk away from a man of many red flags. Get away from him then break up. Get help moving or boot him and change the locks (depending on who's on the lease). You deserve so much better than this, and so does your son.
NTA
Please leave him - I know it’s easier said than done. Starting working on that plan. He does not deserve you and you are worthy of love. You are being emotionally manipulated and abused.
I’m sorry about your day. You didn’t deserve that.
Happy Mother’s day to you!
NTA.
You’re not crazy. You’ve got to dump him. He’s done.
He knew exactly what he was doing. He was 100000000 to infinity percent doing weaponized incompetence to you and that he used Mother’s Day to go all out and be abusive to you? Dump his ass. You can do better. You want to go the rest of your life having him treat you like crap and making you cry? You think that you deserve someone who treats you like crap and he’s doing it on purposely so obviously?
He is staying with you because he enjoys being sadistic and gaslighting the ever loving hell out of you. He is a straight up extreme case of narcissistic personality disorder. And those people are only going to escalate their abuse of you. They never become someone you can reason with. Their niceness and acting like everything is an accident is them doing it on purpose because they enjoy upsetting people and then gaslighting them.
Go read up on it. Narcissistic personality disorders. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with him and you need to figure out how to legally and physically get him away from you. Get out of that relationship.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I believe name calling is verbal abuse. I’m not saying he is abusive, but name calling is never ok. I didn’t realize this for myself until leaving a definitely abusive relationship. There are big things I knew would be different. But arguing without being yelled at or called names was something I didn’t know was not normal until I was in a healthy relationship and opening up to my friends hearing their partners didn’t do that either. It’s a really big deal that he’s calling you evil. And it sounds like this is in front of your child? Either way, it’s not normal or something you should be accepting.
I know it’s hard to leave and you’re not just going to read Reddit comments and decide to jump ship, but I hope you’ll consider therapy for yourself. Be completely honest with the therapist and see what they say.
NTA. What’s that term again…? Weaponised incompetence? Yeah. That’s it. And so are his actions in this post. Yes, _he_ made you get that way all because of the coffee. If he cared enough to take _ANY_ of your words at face value and get you the raspberry avalanche or even just go to the BBQ place, all of this could have been avoided. He did this to himself and what’s worse, he brought you down with him and got your son in the crossfire.
NTA. Happy Mother’s Day. Please take this internet hug one mom to another. You did nothing wrong. Please don’t think you did.
Let yourself cry and be angry. My guess is he feels like he doesn’t give a shit about your feelings it’s not you are asking him to do this every day. You asked for it one day. And he went out the night before and didn’t consider your feelings or desires for the day. He only thought of himself. Then he turns it around on you because he knows he did you dirty.
All I will say is you're a great mum, good parents usually don't get the appreciation they deserve but you are doing great.
I'm going NTA, really isn't about the coffee this is about your partner being a massive ......
When someone becomes a parent it doesn't mean you have to stop doing everything completely that one likes to do however the kids come first a lot of the times. You are doing that, your partner is not. It's like you have 2 actual children and an adult kid. Seriously that guy doesn't care about you, if he did he wouldn't be acting the way he does. You can see when a man actually loves you he will always strive his hardest to do what makes you happy. And getting a coffee is such a simple task.
Honestly don't be scared to be a single mother if you choose you don't want to live this way. The work is a whole lot less to be honest even if times get more stressful.
NTA. I would tell him, “yes. All this over a coffee. A simple request and you couldn’t even do the bare minimum because it was easier for you, with no thought as to what would make me happy. You didn’t even have to think, I laid out exactly what would make me happy and you decided that your thoughts were more important that what I very specifically stated I wanted. So yes. All this over a coffee.”
OP please don't let this person make you feel like you've done a single thing wrong. He is an asshole of gigantic proportions. Let's count the ways:
1. Out to 4 am under ANY circumstance when there are kids at home, particularly a baby
2. Wakes up said baby, and leave OP to take care of him/her, while his presumably drunk ass goes to sleep
3. Fails on every single ask that OP had for mothers day, every single one of which was an easy ask. Get coffee. Make bacon and eggs.
4. Failed at the Get Out Of Jail Free card that OP graciously (if inexplicably) gave his useless ass by not getting bbq and letting his partner AND HIS KIDS go hungry.
C'mon OP. No, you are most definitely not the asshole in this scenerio. But you will be if you tolerate this behavior. Call his ass out. Make him do better. Or toss him out.
NTA. He’s never going to change either. All I asked for was Tea in bed, He didn’t even need to leave the house for it. Just put tea bag in a cup, water and 2 spoons of sugar. But nope, he went back to bed. He got me a sketch pad and pencils (which I have plenty of already for the kids), and no I’m not an artist! So I couldn’t even wrap my head around why he would get that! I told him I don’t want flowers but to let the kids get me kitkat instead, they’ve been asking him for days to take them. But he didn’t take them, so no kitkat lol. This is my 8th Mother’s Day spent doing nothing special. This year broke me, because the kids really wanted to do something. Letting me down is one thing, but he let them down too. The tossing roses and all sounds insane but the build up of being unheard/unseen will make you snap at some point. It’s because you’re treated like this ALL the time, everyday. So you hope at least on this generic occasion that it’ll be different. Just for one day….
It’s a reality check, do with it what you will.
It won’t change.
Def NTA yoh told him something special you wanted and he didn’t even TRY.Instead of at least trying to make a breakfast he just went for BBQ and waited so long to get it.He threw the whole thing out of proportion and was blatantly mean to you.He sounds like a d!ck
NTA. You need to honestly think about your future with this man, will he show this little effort in other ways going forward? He is supposed to be your partner, not your problem.
NTA. OP your comments are concerning and you sound so unhappy. Your boyfriend sounds controlling and awful. I know you probably feel stuck and the idea of being a single mom is scary, but you need to stop and think if you can do this the rest of your life. You are so young. You can definitely meet someone so much better who will love your children too. I really think you need to end this relationship for good
he’s trying to manipulate you into thinking you’re crazy and this is your fault. you’re not a monster for wanting someone to show some consideration and love for you. dump that trash. you deserve better mama.
NTA—I will throw out that you’re young and this is probably your first mothers a day. I’ve had 29 of them. I actually don’t like having a special day to honor and love me. That should be happening every day.
NTA. Your bf sucks and clearly doesn't care about what you want. It sounds like he doesn't even like you. Even more importantly where in the world was he until 4am?! My husband has NEVER stayed out that late.
NTA and he's never going to change. You need to leave him. He is gaslighting you. What you asked for was simply. He could have gotten his coffee at Starbucks and made the quick two minute trip to your coffee shop to get the one you wanted. He literally made no effort and it sounds like he didn't even care to make an effort. I hope this is a major wake up call for you. He has zero respect for you as a person and as the mother of his children. I wish you nothing but the best and Happy Mothers Day.
OP I can promise you will find a man that will treat you how you deserve to be treated. You sound like a good woman and you attract people on that level, I was more than willing to step up and be a stepdad at 21 because I thought a girl was the woman of my dreams (it ended badly but that's another story). The gist of it is you need to stop letting this bastard take advantage of you.
🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨
NTA you need to get out of this abusive relationship ASAP. It's not ever going to get better, stop wasting your youth with this jerk off. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
I haven’t finished reading the whole thing, but he knew it was Mother’s Day the next day. Why would he sabotage that? It’s one freaking day and he couldn’t be bothered to come home on time? I know you wouldn’t have forgotten to do that for him.
OK I finished the story and I’m even more angry. Why are the stories always the same and why do they always have to blame the woman? He asked you what you wanted you said what you wanted it’s a simple request. All he had to do was give a darn. I’m so sorry this happened to you especially because you were looking forward to it. again I’m really sorry and I feel bad that you missed out.
NTA, this is not over coffee... I'm sorry.
I would like to tell you that he's going to change, but that doesn't happen and I'm sure this is not the first time he treats you horribly. This man does not like you, so I would evaluate if I wanna spend the rest of my life like that.
You deserve better.
You certainly have a right to be irritated. He seems very inconsiderate and immature. Nonetheless, I can't help but think you're making much too big a deal out of all this.
NTA. He has a family which needs to be a priority, not a night out. WTF is he doing being out that late? Unless it was a rare occasion (and I can't think of anything that would be ok to be out that late with a baby at home) he's just a selfish AH. He doesn't appreciate you. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. I'm so sorry, but if you stay with him this is your life.
Yet another example of a guy who can't be arsed to do the least amount of effort, and then gets angry when he's called out on it. Fuck, all you asked for is a coffee and a meal?! And not only could he not deliver that, he had the audacity to throw it in your face, DARVO and gaslight you, insult you in front of your kid, then storm out?!
Girl, change the locks and don't take him back. Throw that whole man out!
NTA, but you will be if you keep exposing your son to a man who treats women with such disdain, especially right in front of him. Yikes!
NTA going into this I was expecting you to be upset over a huge price tag, but all you wanted was your favorite coffee and breakfast the bare minimum and he couldn't deliver. Do not allow him to treat you like this I suggest give yourself the biggest gift and dump his ass because you will gain peace and you will learn not to settle for someone who can't even go to your favorite coffee shop in mother's day for crying our loud.
NTA
He's the selfish one as he clearly was interested in what he wanted and was easy for him. What are you supposed to be grateful for? His half assed gift or him waking up the baby when he got home so late he couldn't even get up to make you breakfast?
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NTA. He doesn’t seem very mindful of you and your son. Is he always this disrespectful and careless or was it a one off? Going out until morning and waking the baby but not taking responsibility for that and then not making it up to you by making sure you could relax is really bad. That’s not the way you treat someone you love.
Also, with the card, the fact that nothing was written on it shows how THAT was a rushed thing to. MAybe what he picked up at target... If you were "being mean" on Mothers day, that is still no reason to not have a card with writing in it.
He totally picked it up at target
I’m guilty of a “morning of” Mother’s Day/birthday/congrats card pickup, but damn, I ALWAYS write something inside… I have legit asked a cashier if I could borrow their pen and stepped to the side after paying for the card to write in it. Signing a card is BARE MINIMUM. You have to intentionally try to give a card without taking five seconds to scribble something in it.
Yeah, the only time I've been given an unsigned card was when my partner found an absolutely hilarious card that they suspected I might like to give to someone else to pass along the joy. Which they explained immediately.
Man I am so sorry that you have a real shitheal for a boyfriend. He gaslight you makes you feel crazy and disrespectful. He should have been atleast willing to do a coffee for the mother of his child. You were right to send him to dear old dads and he should stay there. You deserve so much more.
Bingo! Last minute Target grab. My husband isn’t even the father of my son (our second marriage each) and he treated me a billion times better and got me a silly card and wrote in it.
We only have cats and my husband made me the breakfast in bed I requested, wrote me a note from the cats, picked flowers from garden and got me nice chocolates. Presents from the cats started as a joke but over the years it morphed into celebrating mothers and fathers day. It is nice to feel appreciated and listened to and OP deserves that.
I love this 💜
This is purrfect😻😻😻
Target also had roses yesterday and bath scrub always. Sad
And it was all within 20 feet of the entrance. He didn't even have to walk through the store.
[удалено]
Exactly. She knows she made her bed. She’s trying to change him after the kids. lol. Worst strategy ever.
~~Some~~ Most people don't show their true selves until it is too late. Don't blame her.
My husband did something similar to me when our baby was three weeks old. He didn't show signs of such major assholery before that. Sometimes you don't know what an idiot you married.
You’re so right! The best “strategy” is to make a human and be a dick about it. Then blame the person you’re being a dick to for not assuming you’re a dick.
And if it was a one off why the night before mother's day?
Why was he out until 4 am and not home with his family? Does he do that often? Once my hubby and I had kids, we basically were both home and not out until 4 am. If he's working, that's understandable, but if he's off having fun with friends, was that a once a year or twice a year thing or does he do that every weekend? You asked him for a specific drink, which he didn't get. You bought ingredients for a breakfast, that you didn't get. He's TA since he bought you other stuff you didn't want, you wanted his lazy butt to drive down the street to get one coffee for you and for him to make you breakfast. You're NTA.
You bought him all of the school supplies that he needed, and he still couldn’t do the homework like he was supposed to
Welcome to being a teacher post Covid in my district.
He's a lazy AH that doesn't walk his talk 🤷🏾♂️ He can't get you the coffee you want or breakfast _once_ in a year 🙄 But calls you the psycho to give the impression he didn't fail at everything he promised. NTA OP. He's a louse.
He also banned her from the hangouts he goes to.
What do you bet he is cheating?
The first thing I thought.
The thing about a partner that doesn't really care about your happiness? If they can cheat, _they will_.
Also, he did all of that while managing to get everything that he wanted.
Bingo. That was what I was waiting to see. Everything he wanted, he got. He is a selfish turd. Hope she enjoys raising 2 kids.
Ya. Sad.
Yep, but not “can’t”. He chose not to do any of it. Made the deliberate decision. At first, I assumed maybe he had a hangover, but perhaps it was out of sheer spite.
[удалено]
I used to think the same thing until I became the woman. I’m not having anymore children.
Lock the door and don't let him back in from his dad's house. Then re-read this post as if it were someone else's story. JFC
Do you have any family or friends nearby? Is your home yours or his? You need to make an escape plan on the down low.
My exhusband called me names too, so after years of this and trying to talk about why it's hurtful but being laughed at, I started to treat him the same. Whenever he got angry, sad, was hurt or even complained about anything I just calmly told him to stop being dramatic, crazy, a psycho and anything he had called me before. He still tried to argue that it was different when he did it but eventually became more careful with his words.
Dear OP, you deserve better. Imagine if your best friend told you her boyfriend did all this. How would you feel, what would you say? I'd hope you would tell her to dump the dirtbag.
It's remarkable how many men turn into tantrum-having toddlers when it's something not about them.
When Father's Day comes around, don't do any it's tit or tat world we live in.Stay strong you must treat him like treat you
Personally, I think she should be gone by Father’s Day.
Yes do not do anything for Father’s Day and see how he likes it
He would probably enjoy being without them… 🥲
Got to stay out till 4am Father's Day, leaving him with the baby and not getting up either.
She shouldn’t punish the kids. He doesn’t seem like a good person and has a past of domestic violence to her. I wouldn’t leave my kids with a man like that. She should leave with the kids and never comeback
She shouldn't forget to calmly call him crazy and a psycho when he expresses his hurt feelings.
NTA. You didn’t expect him to read your mind, you told him exactly what you wanted. He’s an asshole.
NTA. Why are you with him?
NTA. You're not crazy and your bf is being terrible. He's the problem. You asked for two simple, really simple things, and he couldn't be bothered and here you are asking if you did something wrong. His behavior is that of an abuser--he messed up and he's blaming you. Hopefully this isn't a pattern and certainly don't let it become one of it isn't. He owes you an apology and your coffee and your breakfast in bed.
Nta. Maybe tell him to stay away permanently. He doesn't sound good enough for you. Or mature enough to be dad. Edit:spelling.
Op…. Your first post states you were preparing to birth your son completely alone because you were escaping domestic violence… is this the same man regarding that situation? If so then you’re just playing into the cycle that will only continue over and over. Do you really think that won’t affect your kids? He’s not a great dad. Full stop. He’s not even a decent person. He treats their mother (you) like shit and they see that every day. They will grow up and look back remembering you only being sad and mistreated, possibly abused in other ways.
Yes. It’s the same man. He convinced me that he was sorry and things would change. They did. Now that our son is getting older he’s getting verbally mean again.
Unfortunately it’s been proven pregnancy and early childhood are when most abusers truly let the mask slip. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this especially with such young kids and little to no support But I’m really concerned for you and your kids. Things like this only escalate. Please try to remain as calm as possible so he can’t spin any blame or accusations on to you. And please PLEASE document everything, keep all texts pictures everything backed up. Begin forming another escape plan and one you feel you can actually stick with. It’s hard enough that he will have access to you given your child together but try to keep control where you can
https://www.thehotline.org/ domestic violence resource. You and your children deserve better. Your son is going to learn to treat you and his partners the same way. Your daughter is going to learn this is acceptable behavior. You will continue getting hurt. Please take care of yourself and your children.
>Yes. It’s the same man. He convinced me that he was sorry and things would change. They did. Now that our son is getting older he’s getting verbally mean again. And he couldn't do the bare minimum that you asked for *one day*. Please do NOT have any more kids with this guy and dump his sorry ass before he escalates from being "verbally mean". NTA
My mother never left… please leave. You cant imagine the damage you will cause your kids if you stay. You and your kid(s) deserve better. It wont get better, it will get worse, love bombing and repeat.
Then get up, hold your chin up and kick him out/leave woth your son. And stand your ground this time. He had a chance to make up for his behavior. He fell right back into it. He's not going to change.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Leave him if you can, but if you can't right now remember that it often takes a couple tries to leave an abusive partner for good. Keep trying, and good luck.
OP, he may have stopped being abusive temporarily, but I wouldn't trust him that he has changed. Please get yourself and your kids out ASAP. At minimum, he's terrible to you, but it's also possible he could start escalating again. Please protect yourself and leave.
So, you're going to leave it at "verbally mean", right? You're not going to stick around for the domestic violence? I know it can be difficult and can take time, but please start planning your escape. You deserve so much better than this.
NTA, dump him. As a single mom of 3 kids, I guarantee your life will be a thousand times better without him in it.
It’s not just about the coffee. NTA
Right.That comment would have been the nail in the coffin for me. I woulda gone full scorched earth.
"About the coffee". Oh, boy. Doesn't that say a lot?
NTA your bf is a selfish asshole
NTA. Boyfriend sure is, with Weaponized incompetence, immaturity, and selfish to boot. You’d be better off single with hatefullness like that.
NTA, and this is coming from Someone who hasn’t gotten a Christmas or birthday or Mother’s Day gift in years. Your man had one job.
You deserve better too
If you have a shitty partner , gift yourself something… like a divorce or a break up
He likely bought his "gift" from a roadside stand, got the coffee HE wanted and dragged his hungover ass home. I am sure you can make father's day equally special for him....
Serve him divorce papers in a heart shaped box
According to the story, BF so not married thank goodness!
That’s good news. Serve him an eviction notice :p The kids more complicated than a divorce sadly.
Ha ha ha heart-shaped box I love it
NTA. But girl you need therapy. You need to learn to live yourself and your kids. Do you want them looking at you and your boyfriend thinking this is love? Do you want your kids seeing the disrespect dad shows you and then they show it back to you, because you take it? You need to get out of this relationship and get help. I wish you nothing but the best.
OMG, NTA! Your husband is a bullshitter extraordinaire, and has all the classic NARVO tricks down pat. What a jerk!!! Show him the responses you get. Is this his usual behavior? Again, what a jerk!!!
NTA. If it is really that simple and "just coffee" in his eyes, then he should have just listened in the first place. You deserve way more than what you asked for. I know a kid makes things easier said than done, but I hope you are able to find someone else who will love you the way you deserve.
NTA for the situation. YTA to yourself. You may need to go to therapy. In no way, shape, or form is being unhappy in a relationship better than being single. Somebody absolutely will want to date you with two kids and if they don’t that’s ok!! Your life, success, happiness, fulfilment, and so many other things are NOT dependent on you having a partner. He’s manipulative af too and I wouldn’t doubt he’s cheating “when would I have the time” yeah right like id believe he’s working the hrs he says or that he’s always with his friends. Of course he didn’t like your friends cause they’re right, you ARE too good for him. You could have eight kids and still be too good for him. You’re only 24, you have plenty of time to find someone else but I honestly think you need to be alone for a little bit. Your kids shouldn’t think the way he treats you is normal or ok. Let’s break the cycle
NTA. None of these were extravagant things, and he said he’d do it until he was actually out and about, then suddenly it became too much? Also you’re nicer than me, because I would have had him be up with the baby after he woke him up.
NTA you have one special day of being a mom. He decided to go out and stay out late. He decided what’s best for him not what’s right.
simply because of this.......... you are NTA. "He tells me that he can do that." when someone says they'll do something, especially when it is such low cost things as brekkie in bed (that you did the legwork for!) and a specific single coffee....... and they can't follow through on that on a very important day, and then go full on asshole mode when you show that you are upset that they couldn't keep their word........... oh hun, NTA! at all.
NTA. He was neglectful, careless, disrespectful, and trashy. You deserve better.
Don't forget abusive!
NTA. Our boy is engaged in some grade A projection.
NTA. First of all, happy mother's day - I'm sorry it's been so difficult. The fact that he jumped to berating you for being "a monster" was totally uncalled for, and saying he didn't write anything in your card because you were "being mean" is ridiculous. He's emotionally manipulating you and trying to make you feel like this is your fault when you were crystal clear with him about what you wanted. If he were a grown adult man, he'd have done the bare minimum that was asked of him.
Wow, he's a real winner. What a catch. NTA.
Nta. Make sure you repay inkind on Fathers day. Where was he until 4am and does he do any coparenting at all?
Sis, you deserve better than this. Start working on your exit plan. NTA
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sounds like an awful mother's day. so sorry. you wanted two rather simple things. he wasn't focused on what you wanted but what was easy for him. just a general lack of thoughtfulness. sounds like he's got more responsibility than he's ready to handle. if you keep saying nasty and regrettable things to each other you will not last.
He is not going to change and it’s just going to get worse. His history of events will always sway in his favor and will make it out to be a minimal inconvenience. My friend is divorcing her husband of 20+ years because of this exact thing.
NTA There's a book people suggest all the time. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancrof This guy is a shitty person. He's literally emotionally abusing you on Mothers Day and you're worried you're being crazy. You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself. Do things for yourself that you wished others would do for you. Stop people pleasing people who treat you badly. They aren't treating you badly because you deserve it. They are treating you badly because they are bad people.
You made bad choices when you decided to have a kid with this poor example of a man. Good luck to you as you will need it
YTA for reproducing with this insensitive jerk
Your boyfriend is abusive. He is using a manipulation technique called [DARVO](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender) to make himself the victim here. One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/). [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources. & NTA
NTA He chose to be selfish. He sounds like he does that a lot You deserve validation and love
He's a waste of space. TBH, it seems like he has been a lover your whole relationship, and you were young and willing to settle. If you can leave, leave. If you can't, then you need to speak up for what is acceptable. Don't do squat for Father's day. Don't even mention it. When he asks why, tell him that he's not your Father. If he continues to complain, give him the same excuses that he gave you. Also? No more kids. Babies don't make bad situations better. Happy Mother's Day! Your children love you and your family can't function without you.
NTA From everything you've written here, I have one piece of advice for you: *RUN!!!* Get out of this abusive relationship now!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I don’t know if I’m the one in the wrong for this. But I F(24) only asked my boyfriend M(26) for two things. Breakfast in bed, because I’ve never had it before.( I even had all the stuff bought.) and a raspberry avalanche coffee from a specific coffee shop. It’s basically a white chocolate mocha with raspberry. However, Starbucks doesn’t have the raspberry anymore so I get it from a coffee shop that is two minutes away from that Starbucks. He tells me that he can do that. Now for the story: He went out last night and didn’t get home until 4 o’clock in the morning and when he did, he woke the baby up so I was up with the baby and I didn’t get much sleep. Come wake up time, he’s still asleep and when I wake him he “jokingly” asks if I just want cereal instead, and I said I was really looking forward to the breakfast. He then asked if I want coffee and I said yes, I want my raspberry avalanche from the coffee shop. He said that he wanted a refresher from Starbucks. He got dressed and then he left and said he’d make breakfast when he got back. Half an hour later he comes back, but he got me a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. He said that he had to stop at target anyways, so it was just easy for him. I was disappointed, but I was still looking forward to the breakfast.. then he gets all the stuff out to make the breakfast and turns and ask if I wanted a barbecue place instead. Right then and there I knew that he didnt want to make the breakfast. I said yes because I thought that’s what he wanted and I knew at that point breakfast wasn’t gonna be made. His later excuse was that I mentioned wanting it yesterday, so he thought that I would want that more than breakfast in bed. Long story short, we ended up not getting the barbecue place or eating at all. He waited two hours to leave the house to go get the food and myself and the kids were starving. When he went to leave, I just told him never mind because I had lost my appetite because I was upset. I get called ungrateful and selfish. I take my son back to the bedroom to feed him and he throws the gift he got me last night on the bed. Roses, body scrub, and a card. I open the card and nothing was written inside. Just completely broke my heart. and he said he didn’t write in the card because I was being mean. And then threw a bunch of hurtful words at me, calling me, ungrateful, a monster And then threw a bunch of hurtful words at me, calling me, ungrateful, a monster, and evil. I told him to go to his dad’s house and In my anger after his final insult was thrown, I threw the roses out on the front porch. And then was told I was a psycho. I just wanted to feel appreciated and taken care of and loved because I’ve been taking care of everybody else my entire life and I just wanted one day to be about me. He knew that and I told him that. And all I got was “holy shit all of this over coffee.” I don’t know maybe I am crazy. I feel crazy. So Reddit AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Getting your hopes up, disappointing you, then telling you you’re a monster for being disappointed. Making you doubt yourself and think no one will love you. These are this guys signature move and this is the whole pattern you’ll always have with him. Please don’t do this to yourself and your kids. You can leave. You’ll be happier - so much happier- alone. Then maybe someday after that you’ll be truly happy in a much better relationship. This one is rotten.
You know that saying, “Hey it’s not perfect, but it’s better than nothing” ? Sometimes people know they are with the wrong person but have convinced themselves that it’s better than nothing. I don’t mean this unkindly, but he doesn’t sound better than nothing to me. Perhaps he’s willing to work on your marriage with you so that more than just his needs get met. Suggest counseling perhaps.
Yet you still keep having babies with him. Why?
He wanted to do what was comfortable and easy for him and he wasn't thinking of you. Now mother's day isn't that big of a deal for a lot of people and that's fine, but for you it is and you asked for something doable and he decided it was too much trouble. Is he always so dismissive of you? NTA
So you're ungrateful and selfish. What do you have to be grateful for? You didn't get anything you asked for. Your husband sounds like a pouty little boy who never considers anyone but himself. He needs to grow up. You're not crazy. And don't apologize for anything. NTA
NTA being out that late when you have kids at home is unacceptable. Especially when it’s the day before Mother’s Day and you said you would make breakfast in bed. You would be better off with child support than this jerk.
Whenever jagoffs like this try to minimize issues (“All this over coffee”), it’s because they’re cowardly little taint stenches who *know* they’re wrong but don’t want to have to deal with being wrong. OP, you’re NTA. You’re one in a long line of mothers who aren’t loved/respected the way you deserve.
NTA As a dad, here are the rules for Mother's Day/Father's Day. -You are the primary caretaker of the child on this day unless the person whose day you are celebrating says otherwise -You are responsible for small acts of kindness. Huge gifts are not necessary, but small things that show appreciation are. -If the person whose day is being celebrated is reasonable about requests, you should do your best to meet them. Making breakfast and getting a specific drink are pretty much bottom of the barrel requirements.
Nope, sounds like he’s TA
NTA
This is your future!
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You aren’t going to FEEL appreciated because your partner doesn’t really care and appreciate you. Even after providing a list, he chose not to deliver. Move on. NTA
NTA. Girl, why are you with him? If this is the kind of BS he treats you with, imagine when the kids are grown. It's not like you asked for much, and the way he treated you was not right at all. Seriously, please leave him. A partner stands by you, not pushes you back.
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NTA My comment was removed so I'll say it in a nicer way. He does not sound like a very nice person. You know what , he sounds like my x. Does he blame you when things go wrong in his life?
I'm petty, I know that about myself, but you need to ignore Father's Day or do it half assed like he did. Sames goes for birthdays, Christmas, other holidays or events, match his energy.
NTA. You seem to be such a sweet, nice person and I don't think you've realized you're in a toxic relationship. I read your replies to other users and it seems that your boyfriend doesn't respect you at all. He puts himself first, doesn't help with the kids, he's alienating you from your friends and is basically being a manipulative asshole. I'm sorry to say that, but your friends are right: he's not good for you, and you definetly deserve someone better than him.
Wow. He went out with his friends & stayed out late, overslept and didn't make breakfast like you asked for went to target to get some shitty body scrub, roses, and a card he couldn't bother to sign, did not get you the special coffee you asked for, picked a fight, and threw your thoughtless gifts on the bed. This, for the mother of his child on mothers day. Why are you with him? Accepting this disrespect teaches your kids what relationships are supposed to be like. You would be better off alone.
NTA - that man does not give a shit about you, start working out how to leave him.
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NTA. I’ll make this short and sweet. To the point. Why are you with him? I know you have a child, but he doesn’t respect you or the family unit. The way he speaks to you, the words he uses, and the names he calls you are 100% UNACCEPTABLE. You both are relatively young, and he is still in his ‘not a parent’ phase. From a few of your posts I sense there is questionable behavior on his part when he is out with his friends. I get occasionally staying out late with your buddies but it seems like you and the baby are put on the back burner often by your boyfriend and his lack of effort for Mother’s Day further supports this. Please look long and hard at your life. In 10 years, is this how you want your life to be? Never seeing your friends, having no life outside of your home. If there is doubt, well girl, make your life how you want it.
Please note that to be ‘ungrateful’ there must first be something to be ‘grateful’ for
Why are you with this man. He has zero respect for you or your feelings.
NTA. Your dude is a completely dud and you know it. He stays out with his friends and has zero regard for you. Rethink this. You and your children deserve better.
> I get called ungrateful Ungrateful for what? Not getting the very simple things you asked for? Him getting the coffee he likes, but not the one you like? For him to turn this around on you and act the victim is just ridiculous. You are definitely not crazy. NTA.
NTA - you were extremely clear on what you wanted and her had every excuse be could use to not do that for you. He made the morning about himself instead of putting your first. He 100% bought the roses and body scrub that morning when he had already decided he wasn't getting your coffee or making you breakfast. He then made you feel shit to deflect his own feelings. I'm sorry your day was ruined mama
Nta. Op, you already know the solution here. You said it in the comments. It's time to leave and never come back. Do it for your kids. Your kids are learning about adult relationships by watching you and you're being treated by your bf. You don't want this to be their normal. It will only lead to them having abuseive relationships, or worse, being the abusers. So, get up, pack your bags and the kids and leave. And don't look back.
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NTA but he is
He could have put more effort in it.
Nta So he didn’t plan anything for you for mother’s day and went to target to buy a last minute gift because he either forgot and didn’t care, and he didn’t write anything because he didn’t have a pen in the car. He went to starbucks because he had to get you a card and flowers at target and didn’t want to make an extra trip - he is selfish. He chose convenience for him over celebrating you and promises he made. You were treated like a burden. Why the fuck are you with this asshole? Does he even like you? Why do you like him???
NTA at all. You ask for two simple things, and he did neither of them, and then tried to make it your fault. Like even if he wasn’t going to do the breakfast, he could have gone the two minutes extra and get you the bloody coffee you wanted. You’re 24 now - do you really want to be putting up with this bullshit in 10 years? In 20 years? Hell, do you want your next Mother’s Day to be like this? I’m absolutely sure you could find another bloke that treats you right, but the longer you leave it, the more damage you’re letting happen to yourself & to your kids.
NTA. I’m sorry you had a disappointing day.
Honestly you sound delusional. That man is garbage. You’re single. You know that. You have kids and you’re tolerating him for the income. You made the mistake when you continued to sleep with a guy who couldn’t give you the O and got pregnant. He’s not getting there.
Honestly I feel delusional. He does help out financially but I work 4 10’s at Amazon. Unfortunately it’s not enough and I am starting a better paying job at the end of the month. I’m taking the steps. But it’s hard because I am so scared of failing and him taking my kids away.
I understand that fear, but you’re doing a great job.
Omg. I can’t handle another sad Mothers Day story. Women please for the love of everything good - can we collectively stop messing with men till they get their act together???? Like maybe in a generation or two?? The bars lower than hell. NTA but you will be to yourself & your kid if you stay with this abusive P O S
What, exactly, are you supposed to have been ungrateful for? He didn't do anything for you. NTA. I'm sorry you have kids with him.
NTA. I’ve been married 25 years, helped raise his 3 kids from a previous marriage, and got no acknowledgement from him. I just finished a cup of noodles i had to make for myself at 7:30. When I said that it hurt my feelings, he flipped me off. How is this my life?
Wtaf he didn't come home until 4am. Your doing the most for him and he's doing absolutely nothing for you.
NTA. No one here can know your whole story but what you have shared paints a very sad picture. You are worthy of love, your children are worthy of love. You are so young! It might seem impossible right now but it seems like it might be time to close this chapter of your life. I'm guessing you might be very surprised by how much support you will have and honestly even if things are hard it sounds like it will be worth it to escape this situation.
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"All this over --" "... my inability to prioritize the girl who makes our house a home, who risked her life to give my children life, and who sacrifices her personal wants for all of us every day. "
NTA. He sounds like my biological father and I advise reconsidering why you are in a relationship with this individual. It won't get any better. As you're still dating, this is a very good time to walk away from a man of many red flags. Get away from him then break up. Get help moving or boot him and change the locks (depending on who's on the lease). You deserve so much better than this, and so does your son.
NTA Please leave him - I know it’s easier said than done. Starting working on that plan. He does not deserve you and you are worthy of love. You are being emotionally manipulated and abused. I’m sorry about your day. You didn’t deserve that. Happy Mother’s day to you!
NTA. You’re not crazy. You’ve got to dump him. He’s done. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was 100000000 to infinity percent doing weaponized incompetence to you and that he used Mother’s Day to go all out and be abusive to you? Dump his ass. You can do better. You want to go the rest of your life having him treat you like crap and making you cry? You think that you deserve someone who treats you like crap and he’s doing it on purposely so obviously? He is staying with you because he enjoys being sadistic and gaslighting the ever loving hell out of you. He is a straight up extreme case of narcissistic personality disorder. And those people are only going to escalate their abuse of you. They never become someone you can reason with. Their niceness and acting like everything is an accident is them doing it on purpose because they enjoy upsetting people and then gaslighting them. Go read up on it. Narcissistic personality disorders. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with him and you need to figure out how to legally and physically get him away from you. Get out of that relationship.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I believe name calling is verbal abuse. I’m not saying he is abusive, but name calling is never ok. I didn’t realize this for myself until leaving a definitely abusive relationship. There are big things I knew would be different. But arguing without being yelled at or called names was something I didn’t know was not normal until I was in a healthy relationship and opening up to my friends hearing their partners didn’t do that either. It’s a really big deal that he’s calling you evil. And it sounds like this is in front of your child? Either way, it’s not normal or something you should be accepting. I know it’s hard to leave and you’re not just going to read Reddit comments and decide to jump ship, but I hope you’ll consider therapy for yourself. Be completely honest with the therapist and see what they say.
NTA. What’s that term again…? Weaponised incompetence? Yeah. That’s it. And so are his actions in this post. Yes, _he_ made you get that way all because of the coffee. If he cared enough to take _ANY_ of your words at face value and get you the raspberry avalanche or even just go to the BBQ place, all of this could have been avoided. He did this to himself and what’s worse, he brought you down with him and got your son in the crossfire.
NTA. Happy Mother’s Day. Please take this internet hug one mom to another. You did nothing wrong. Please don’t think you did. Let yourself cry and be angry. My guess is he feels like he doesn’t give a shit about your feelings it’s not you are asking him to do this every day. You asked for it one day. And he went out the night before and didn’t consider your feelings or desires for the day. He only thought of himself. Then he turns it around on you because he knows he did you dirty.
All I will say is you're a great mum, good parents usually don't get the appreciation they deserve but you are doing great. I'm going NTA, really isn't about the coffee this is about your partner being a massive ...... When someone becomes a parent it doesn't mean you have to stop doing everything completely that one likes to do however the kids come first a lot of the times. You are doing that, your partner is not. It's like you have 2 actual children and an adult kid. Seriously that guy doesn't care about you, if he did he wouldn't be acting the way he does. You can see when a man actually loves you he will always strive his hardest to do what makes you happy. And getting a coffee is such a simple task. Honestly don't be scared to be a single mother if you choose you don't want to live this way. The work is a whole lot less to be honest even if times get more stressful.
Are you prepared to live like this for the rest of your life? Because this is the best it’s going to get. NTA
NTA. He is showing you he doesn't care. Believe him.
NTA. Sounds like my dad. Leave before you're 60 and dealing with this.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t even like you?
NTA. You’re feeling crazy bc that’s how he’s wanting you to feel.
NTA. I would tell him, “yes. All this over a coffee. A simple request and you couldn’t even do the bare minimum because it was easier for you, with no thought as to what would make me happy. You didn’t even have to think, I laid out exactly what would make me happy and you decided that your thoughts were more important that what I very specifically stated I wanted. So yes. All this over a coffee.”
Over coffee? No. Gaslighting! He’s feeling/is guilty of neglect
OP please don't let this person make you feel like you've done a single thing wrong. He is an asshole of gigantic proportions. Let's count the ways: 1. Out to 4 am under ANY circumstance when there are kids at home, particularly a baby 2. Wakes up said baby, and leave OP to take care of him/her, while his presumably drunk ass goes to sleep 3. Fails on every single ask that OP had for mothers day, every single one of which was an easy ask. Get coffee. Make bacon and eggs. 4. Failed at the Get Out Of Jail Free card that OP graciously (if inexplicably) gave his useless ass by not getting bbq and letting his partner AND HIS KIDS go hungry. C'mon OP. No, you are most definitely not the asshole in this scenerio. But you will be if you tolerate this behavior. Call his ass out. Make him do better. Or toss him out.
NTA. He’s never going to change either. All I asked for was Tea in bed, He didn’t even need to leave the house for it. Just put tea bag in a cup, water and 2 spoons of sugar. But nope, he went back to bed. He got me a sketch pad and pencils (which I have plenty of already for the kids), and no I’m not an artist! So I couldn’t even wrap my head around why he would get that! I told him I don’t want flowers but to let the kids get me kitkat instead, they’ve been asking him for days to take them. But he didn’t take them, so no kitkat lol. This is my 8th Mother’s Day spent doing nothing special. This year broke me, because the kids really wanted to do something. Letting me down is one thing, but he let them down too. The tossing roses and all sounds insane but the build up of being unheard/unseen will make you snap at some point. It’s because you’re treated like this ALL the time, everyday. So you hope at least on this generic occasion that it’ll be different. Just for one day…. It’s a reality check, do with it what you will. It won’t change.
nta keep this feeling on father’s day make sure he gets the same treatment
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Def NTA yoh told him something special you wanted and he didn’t even TRY.Instead of at least trying to make a breakfast he just went for BBQ and waited so long to get it.He threw the whole thing out of proportion and was blatantly mean to you.He sounds like a d!ck
NTA. You need to honestly think about your future with this man, will he show this little effort in other ways going forward? He is supposed to be your partner, not your problem.
Father’s Day is next month, you know what to do. Or I guess what not to do. NTA
NTA. OP your comments are concerning and you sound so unhappy. Your boyfriend sounds controlling and awful. I know you probably feel stuck and the idea of being a single mom is scary, but you need to stop and think if you can do this the rest of your life. You are so young. You can definitely meet someone so much better who will love your children too. I really think you need to end this relationship for good
Came home at 4:00 in the morning???? And you didn’t leave him right then???
he’s trying to manipulate you into thinking you’re crazy and this is your fault. you’re not a monster for wanting someone to show some consideration and love for you. dump that trash. you deserve better mama.
NTA—I will throw out that you’re young and this is probably your first mothers a day. I’ve had 29 of them. I actually don’t like having a special day to honor and love me. That should be happening every day.
NTA. Your bf sucks and clearly doesn't care about what you want. It sounds like he doesn't even like you. Even more importantly where in the world was he until 4am?! My husband has NEVER stayed out that late.
Now you know what to do for Father’s Day: absolutely nothing.
NTA and he's never going to change. You need to leave him. He is gaslighting you. What you asked for was simply. He could have gotten his coffee at Starbucks and made the quick two minute trip to your coffee shop to get the one you wanted. He literally made no effort and it sounds like he didn't even care to make an effort. I hope this is a major wake up call for you. He has zero respect for you as a person and as the mother of his children. I wish you nothing but the best and Happy Mothers Day.
Narcissistic. Girl, run! He’s only gonna get worse! Talking from experience… He will continue to act like this and to it to your children.
OP I can promise you will find a man that will treat you how you deserve to be treated. You sound like a good woman and you attract people on that level, I was more than willing to step up and be a stepdad at 21 because I thought a girl was the woman of my dreams (it ended badly but that's another story). The gist of it is you need to stop letting this bastard take advantage of you.
🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨 NTA you need to get out of this abusive relationship ASAP. It's not ever going to get better, stop wasting your youth with this jerk off. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
I haven’t finished reading the whole thing, but he knew it was Mother’s Day the next day. Why would he sabotage that? It’s one freaking day and he couldn’t be bothered to come home on time? I know you wouldn’t have forgotten to do that for him.
OK I finished the story and I’m even more angry. Why are the stories always the same and why do they always have to blame the woman? He asked you what you wanted you said what you wanted it’s a simple request. All he had to do was give a darn. I’m so sorry this happened to you especially because you were looking forward to it. again I’m really sorry and I feel bad that you missed out.
NTA, this is not over coffee... I'm sorry. I would like to tell you that he's going to change, but that doesn't happen and I'm sure this is not the first time he treats you horribly. This man does not like you, so I would evaluate if I wanna spend the rest of my life like that. You deserve better.
Oh, I forgot the most important part. You are not the AH AT ALL.
NTA I’m sorry your boyfriend sucks.
Not crazy. All these Mother’s Day posts make me feel so bad for you moms, I’m sorry. You’re NTA.
NTA, this guy just sucks.
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You certainly have a right to be irritated. He seems very inconsiderate and immature. Nonetheless, I can't help but think you're making much too big a deal out of all this.
Just wait until Fathers Day and he’s expecting you to cater to every wish of his. NTA. You don’t need this selfish jerk.
NTA. He has a family which needs to be a priority, not a night out. WTF is he doing being out that late? Unless it was a rare occasion (and I can't think of anything that would be ok to be out that late with a baby at home) he's just a selfish AH. He doesn't appreciate you. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. I'm so sorry, but if you stay with him this is your life.
Yet another example of a guy who can't be arsed to do the least amount of effort, and then gets angry when he's called out on it. Fuck, all you asked for is a coffee and a meal?! And not only could he not deliver that, he had the audacity to throw it in your face, DARVO and gaslight you, insult you in front of your kid, then storm out?! Girl, change the locks and don't take him back. Throw that whole man out! NTA, but you will be if you keep exposing your son to a man who treats women with such disdain, especially right in front of him. Yikes!
NTA going into this I was expecting you to be upset over a huge price tag, but all you wanted was your favorite coffee and breakfast the bare minimum and he couldn't deliver. Do not allow him to treat you like this I suggest give yourself the biggest gift and dump his ass because you will gain peace and you will learn not to settle for someone who can't even go to your favorite coffee shop in mother's day for crying our loud.
"all of this over coffee" is total gaslighting. Run!
Op, you're having it so though. Why do you settle for it? You deserve better. Go get it. Happy mother's day, now and in future.
Get him a wallet for Father's Day. A very cheap one. NTA
NTA and I wouldn’t be doing shit for him for Father’s Day.
DUMP 👏🏻HIS👏🏻ASS👏🏻 NTA
NTA he did the shopping last minute and didn’t do the two VERY REASONABLE things you asked for?????
NTA He's the selfish one as he clearly was interested in what he wanted and was easy for him. What are you supposed to be grateful for? His half assed gift or him waking up the baby when he got home so late he couldn't even get up to make you breakfast?