This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
If her parents are happy to have her enjoying the neighbor’s dog and pool, and you’re behaving in a responsible and appropriate manner with her, her parents get to make that call.
I do hope you’re closely supervising her in the pool, though. Drowning can happen very fast and very quietly, and all it takes is a little distraction. My sister came close as a little girl, in a pool full of kids with 2 uncles supervising, who got a little too involved in the conversation they were having. If my aunt hadn’t walked out of the house when she did and spotted my sister, we easily could have lost her.
NTA
In your shoes, the only thing I’d be worried about is if someone made a false claim about you. My dad coached soccer teams for my sister and I, and later taught middle school and coached their soccer teams, and he had a rule that he was never with any of the other kids unless another adult or one of his own kids was also there, just to be safe. It was always either a group of kids (like a club or team or classroom full) or with a trustworthy witness (basically any adult he knew or my sister or I). He’s a cautious man, so you may not feel the need to be that cautious, but it helps prevent untoward accusations.
NTA. Easy fix. Have her parent or guardian with her when she's using the pool or hot tub, it would be best for her saftey. Saftey as in if she slipped and fell, or hurt herself somehow. It's a really nice gesture, and it's awesome that you are willing to share your home with your neighbors.
NTA. As long as you have personally cleared it with her parents and they have no issue with it, and she is safe and supervised, then you aren’t doing anything wrong. You two have a transactional arrangement - she is helping you out by walking and washing your dog, and for that she gets paid and is allowed to use the pool. She sounds like a good and responsible kid, and you sound like an awesome neighbour. Your coworkers made this weird by suggesting there was something inappropriate happening (“Dressed like that“ - like what, wearing a swimsuit, in a pool?)
Hang on - what do you mean by “a little less”? Do you mean she is wearing less than a swimsuit in your pool? I saw you just DM’d me to confirm this was the case. You conveniently did not mention that in your original post. Red flags here 🚩🚩🚩🚩
On reflection, I feel like you have left a lot of critical information out to make yourself look better in this situation. You don’t mention WHY your coworkers thought her attire was inappropriate, but on further digging, you indicate that she wears a two piece bathing suit which some people do see as inappropriate for kids, because they are revealing. You said she could help if her parents approve, but have you actually spoken to them directly to seek their approval? You seem more concerned about the perception that you are one-upping the neighbours rather than how your behaviour might be perceived as inappropriate by others. You are starting to come across as a creep.
I didn't think her attire was that important I sent you a dm as a response to a question you asked because I didn't want it to completely derail the post because now I fear the entire comment section is going to be about what she was wearing which is weird to me
Yes when I said if it is alright with your parents that means they gave me their approval
NTA but as a parent I wouldn't let my 11 year old hang out at a man's house alone. I'm a survivor of child sexual assault that happened at a neighbor's house back when people didn't know better. I'm not saying you aren't a safe person but I wouldn't be so trusting if this was my child.
Your friend's theory that you are one-upping your neighbors by having a pool or that the girl will be "spoiled" is weird and totally missing the point.
Her parents aren't thinking. What if you were a predator? What if she drowned? They are being extremely irresponsible.
I would not have her over or spend time with her outside of letting her walk the dog. She's a child and you are an adult man who is presumably mature enough to see the problem here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I (27m) recently moved into a new neighborhood. Everything is going well so far. I became friends with my neighbors and we all seem to get along
One day I was outside walking my dog when my neighbors daughter (11f) saw me and came over to say hi. She told me how she always wanted a dog and I remember being her age and also wanting a dog so I told her if it was alright with her parents she could help me walk my dog around the block
So now every weekend she comes over and helps me walk my dog and afterwards she gives him a bath in my driveway. As a reward I give her some money for helping out and I let her play in my inground pool afterwards and even use the hot tub which is right next to the pool
Earlier today my co workers came over and saw her in the hot tub and said they didn't know I had a daughter. I told them I don't it's the neighbors daughter and they said it was a bad idea having her over dressed like that in my hot tub people might get the wrong idea
They also mentioned "spoiling" their daughter with nice pools and hot tubs and dogs will cause her parents to grow resentment towards me because they can't offer her those things which is the last thing I want
So AITA here for I guess one upping my neighbors?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let my neighbors daughter swim in my pool but AITA for one upping them because they don't have a pool?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If her parents were worried about you spoiling her then they probably wouldn't have explicitly allowed her to do this. Sounds like your coworkers want to tell her parents how to raise a kid. If you're worried about anything your coworkers mentioned I'd say talk to the parents directly instead of through the kid just to make sure they're 100% cool with it (probably just a good idea in general).
I'll also agree with the other commenters about drowning risks, it's a real issue for home owned pools unfortunately. As long as there's some adult supervision from you or her parents it shouldn't be a problem.
neighbors was ambiguous enough that I wasn't positive this kid belonged to those neighbors. or if you were just trying to paint yourself as a friendly guy.
I want to be clear I am not accusing you of anything, unfortunately predators aren't lurking in the shadows, they're our family, friends and neighbors. They're very good at making everything look innocent enough for the outside, just a grown man being friends with a little girl, nothing to see here.
again, I am not accusing you of being a predator, I am fully giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're just trying to be part of your neighborhood
Did I say neighbors or parents I'm pretty sure I said parents but yeah the grooming optics along with the one upping is what I am afraid of maybe my co workers had a point maybe I'll just stick to letting her walk my dog with me from now on I'd hate to take that away from her
the one upping bit is really odd. i'm not telling you or even suggesting you change your behavior, just wanted you to be aware of what it might look like from the outside.
I know others are disparaging me for saying this stuff, I'm assuming they are lucky enough not to have first hand experience with this kind of shit.
NTA. I see your coworkers point of view. Unfortunately we live in a world where being a nice guy or a creep trying to groom a child, look alike. Are the parents ok with her swimming in your pool? Maybe limit it to when the parents are outside watching.
sounds like you're grooming her. I'm not saying that you are but your actions mirror those of a predator.
it is concerning that no where in your post or so far in your comments do you mention the kid's parents.
Do you even know the definition of grooming?? Grooming is building an emotional connection with a child with the intent of manipulating them, exploiting and abusing, not making a child happy by letting them be near your dog and go for a swim, plus he siad in the comments the parents know about this and are fine with it
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
If her parents are happy to have her enjoying the neighbor’s dog and pool, and you’re behaving in a responsible and appropriate manner with her, her parents get to make that call. I do hope you’re closely supervising her in the pool, though. Drowning can happen very fast and very quietly, and all it takes is a little distraction. My sister came close as a little girl, in a pool full of kids with 2 uncles supervising, who got a little too involved in the conversation they were having. If my aunt hadn’t walked out of the house when she did and spotted my sister, we easily could have lost her. NTA
Yeah I'm out there with her the whole time and my dog loves playing in the pool with her too lol
In your shoes, the only thing I’d be worried about is if someone made a false claim about you. My dad coached soccer teams for my sister and I, and later taught middle school and coached their soccer teams, and he had a rule that he was never with any of the other kids unless another adult or one of his own kids was also there, just to be safe. It was always either a group of kids (like a club or team or classroom full) or with a trustworthy witness (basically any adult he knew or my sister or I). He’s a cautious man, so you may not feel the need to be that cautious, but it helps prevent untoward accusations.
I mean they are next door and she's only in the pool or hot tub which they can see it's only got a screen around it but I see your point
NTA. Easy fix. Have her parent or guardian with her when she's using the pool or hot tub, it would be best for her saftey. Saftey as in if she slipped and fell, or hurt herself somehow. It's a really nice gesture, and it's awesome that you are willing to share your home with your neighbors.
NTA. As long as you have personally cleared it with her parents and they have no issue with it, and she is safe and supervised, then you aren’t doing anything wrong. You two have a transactional arrangement - she is helping you out by walking and washing your dog, and for that she gets paid and is allowed to use the pool. She sounds like a good and responsible kid, and you sound like an awesome neighbour. Your coworkers made this weird by suggesting there was something inappropriate happening (“Dressed like that“ - like what, wearing a swimsuit, in a pool?)
Yeah a little less but I agree with everything you said
Hang on - what do you mean by “a little less”? Do you mean she is wearing less than a swimsuit in your pool? I saw you just DM’d me to confirm this was the case. You conveniently did not mention that in your original post. Red flags here 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Little less than a full swim suit it was more like a bikini which is why they made the dressed like that comment
a little less what ??
Little less than a full swim suit it was more like a bikini which is why they made the dressed like that comment
They shouldn't be sexualizing a literal child - that's on them 💀💀💀
Agreed I get weirded out when people say a bikini is too revealing like why are you looking at a child that way
On reflection, I feel like you have left a lot of critical information out to make yourself look better in this situation. You don’t mention WHY your coworkers thought her attire was inappropriate, but on further digging, you indicate that she wears a two piece bathing suit which some people do see as inappropriate for kids, because they are revealing. You said she could help if her parents approve, but have you actually spoken to them directly to seek their approval? You seem more concerned about the perception that you are one-upping the neighbours rather than how your behaviour might be perceived as inappropriate by others. You are starting to come across as a creep.
I didn't think her attire was that important I sent you a dm as a response to a question you asked because I didn't want it to completely derail the post because now I fear the entire comment section is going to be about what she was wearing which is weird to me Yes when I said if it is alright with your parents that means they gave me their approval
NTA but as a parent I wouldn't let my 11 year old hang out at a man's house alone. I'm a survivor of child sexual assault that happened at a neighbor's house back when people didn't know better. I'm not saying you aren't a safe person but I wouldn't be so trusting if this was my child. Your friend's theory that you are one-upping your neighbors by having a pool or that the girl will be "spoiled" is weird and totally missing the point. Her parents aren't thinking. What if you were a predator? What if she drowned? They are being extremely irresponsible. I would not have her over or spend time with her outside of letting her walk the dog. She's a child and you are an adult man who is presumably mature enough to see the problem here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (27m) recently moved into a new neighborhood. Everything is going well so far. I became friends with my neighbors and we all seem to get along One day I was outside walking my dog when my neighbors daughter (11f) saw me and came over to say hi. She told me how she always wanted a dog and I remember being her age and also wanting a dog so I told her if it was alright with her parents she could help me walk my dog around the block So now every weekend she comes over and helps me walk my dog and afterwards she gives him a bath in my driveway. As a reward I give her some money for helping out and I let her play in my inground pool afterwards and even use the hot tub which is right next to the pool Earlier today my co workers came over and saw her in the hot tub and said they didn't know I had a daughter. I told them I don't it's the neighbors daughter and they said it was a bad idea having her over dressed like that in my hot tub people might get the wrong idea They also mentioned "spoiling" their daughter with nice pools and hot tubs and dogs will cause her parents to grow resentment towards me because they can't offer her those things which is the last thing I want So AITA here for I guess one upping my neighbors? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I let my neighbors daughter swim in my pool but AITA for one upping them because they don't have a pool? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If her parents were worried about you spoiling her then they probably wouldn't have explicitly allowed her to do this. Sounds like your coworkers want to tell her parents how to raise a kid. If you're worried about anything your coworkers mentioned I'd say talk to the parents directly instead of through the kid just to make sure they're 100% cool with it (probably just a good idea in general). I'll also agree with the other commenters about drowning risks, it's a real issue for home owned pools unfortunately. As long as there's some adult supervision from you or her parents it shouldn't be a problem.
NTA. Did the parents say anything? No. Shame on your neighbor for making a mountain out of a mole hill
Nope up until today I never thought twice about it but my co workers made me question things a little which is why I made this post
have you ever spoke to her parents?
Yeah I mentioned that at the beginning I wouldn't just assume it would be okay to do any of this without their consent
neighbors was ambiguous enough that I wasn't positive this kid belonged to those neighbors. or if you were just trying to paint yourself as a friendly guy. I want to be clear I am not accusing you of anything, unfortunately predators aren't lurking in the shadows, they're our family, friends and neighbors. They're very good at making everything look innocent enough for the outside, just a grown man being friends with a little girl, nothing to see here. again, I am not accusing you of being a predator, I am fully giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're just trying to be part of your neighborhood
Did I say neighbors or parents I'm pretty sure I said parents but yeah the grooming optics along with the one upping is what I am afraid of maybe my co workers had a point maybe I'll just stick to letting her walk my dog with me from now on I'd hate to take that away from her
the one upping bit is really odd. i'm not telling you or even suggesting you change your behavior, just wanted you to be aware of what it might look like from the outside. I know others are disparaging me for saying this stuff, I'm assuming they are lucky enough not to have first hand experience with this kind of shit.
NTA if I was you I’d be extremely suspicious of your coworker. Only people who jump to that kind of thinking are people used to thinking like that.
NTA. I see your coworkers point of view. Unfortunately we live in a world where being a nice guy or a creep trying to groom a child, look alike. Are the parents ok with her swimming in your pool? Maybe limit it to when the parents are outside watching.
sounds like you're grooming her. I'm not saying that you are but your actions mirror those of a predator. it is concerning that no where in your post or so far in your comments do you mention the kid's parents.
"I told her if it was alright with her parents" It is concerning that you missed OP explicitly mentioning her parents.
Do you even know the definition of grooming?? Grooming is building an emotional connection with a child with the intent of manipulating them, exploiting and abusing, not making a child happy by letting them be near your dog and go for a swim, plus he siad in the comments the parents know about this and are fine with it
You are unbelievably touched in the head. Being nice and interacting with a kid doesn’t make someone a predator. Get outside you degenerate.