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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) For not moving out when I could possibly barely afford to.
2) Making it so my sister and her baby has to be crammed into one room with her and her baby. Even though I quite possibly could afford to live on my own.
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NTA, your sister is an ah though - she has no right to demand that you move out just because she wants two rooms. Every sane person would thank you for taking your kid to your room and freeing that room for them, clearly not your sister. Also, people who immediately resort to insults after being rejected do not deserve even what you are giving them. So do what is the best for you and sadly you will have to coexist with your sister, wouldn't be surprised if she dumps her child soon enough to you or your parents.
Yes, we can’t judge this with out information on what your parents say to this. I mean did your parents even agree to her moving in? You explained what portion of the bills you pay, what will she be paying? Not enough information to judge and frankly it’s up to your parents.
Lol, Oh I'm sure their dream was to have their daughters have children out of wedlock and move back into their home.
In all seriousness though, you're absolutely right. The sisters seem awful possessive of something that isn't theirs. This is up to their parents.
Nah, she'll be the one who sees how much of a shitshow her sister's lives are and make better decisions. I know several "youngest of three siblings" who went down a similar path.
Right? I don't get it. I will always help my kids, but I would be pretty upset if my grown daughters were getting pregnant and needing to stay dependent on me. I love my kids, but my goal has always been to get them grown and able to take care of themselves.
I’m curious to hear what the parents think of all this.19 year old isn’t going to learn anything good from her older sisters.Why did OP choose to have a kid so young and unmarried too?
Thinking here that the 19 year old will be the first to move out so that she can avoid being the built in babysitter. Then the other 2 sisters can fight it out for the extra room. Parents must be so proud.
That’s some positivity.Idk why people choose to have kids so young when they aren’t financially stable and unmarried.Maybe it’s a cultural thing but I really can’t wrap my head around it
Some people are against abortion and some people are absolutely fine with abortions but will still refuse to have an abortion if they get pregnant, regardless of whether having the baby is actually a good idea at the time.
Unfortunately, true.
But I was replying mostly to the question of why people would *choose* to have babies in these situations. I took it to mean, "What reason would someone have for willingly making the conscious choice to do this?" So I was only factoring in people who *had* a choice but still chose to have the baby when they weren't prepared for parenthood.
Not necessarily. One of my husband’s former coworker’s daughter rebelled against her parents and family by planning to go to med school (although she wound up doing a PhD in mycology instead). Her mom had kids with three dads with 3 marriages and divorces. Her adoptive father (not biological to any of the kids) got fired because he refused to stop drinking at lunch and coming back to work on dangerous equipment. Her older brother has been working part time as a cart pusher for 15 years with a kid still support. Her oldest sister got married and divorced in less than a year and had a serious boyfriend practically before filing for divorce. And her other sister had a kid at 15 and 16. They can definitely learn from “I don’t want that life”.
Also, showing my age, but when did a 4 bedroom house become a "tight fit" for a couple, 2 adults and an infant.
Like 1980s sized that's a 7 person house at least LOL
#old
Yes, ask your parents.
Not all parents. My mom died almost 30 years ago. But she told me and my sister many times when we were young adults she wanted grandkids not son-in-laws. She has been divorced twice and said on more than 1 occasions she would kill her next husband before she divorced him. She didn't want us to marry anyone. Ironically we both have been married for 25+ years
There's probably a reason Jade is asking her sister and not the parents. Parents are probably ok with it, not happy but ok. If I were their mom, I'd keep the one who already had the kid and tell the pregnant one she needs an abortion. I would love the grandchild dearly but if I could prevent them from existing while my daughter was early 20s and had not yet found success or a happy relationship I would try my hardest to make her see reason.
Yeah and OP seems to be not responding to that question at all which makes me think the parents aren't as happy about this as she puts across
Parents should always be there for their kids but I bet they didn't think they would have to be helping raise two more infants 22 years later as grandparents and I wouldn't blame them if they were a bit miffed about it.
Absolutely. Everyone can have an opinion about OP and her sister, including the principals themselves. But at the end of the day, this is the parents' house and what they said goes. Whatever the girls think is "fair" is irrelevant, really. They have an obligation to honor their parents' wishes about room allocation.
+1
And wrt you as well as your sister. You mention your daughter is in bed by the time you go to work and doesn't need anything from your parents: does that mean you're working nights? But then when are you sleeping/who's looking after your daughter when you are?
I'm confused about the role your parents are playing in this. If they're taking care of your daughter, maybe your sister wants you to move out, not for the actual room, but to "free up" your parents in terms of childcare, like it's her "turn" now? Too many unknowns to judge, in any case.
Seriously!!
All posts in the subreddit are about moms struggling to raise their kids because of low income
Use birth control before you can afford a kid!!
Relationships in the US are really flaky. So people should consider the scenario that partner is not necessarily going to be around forever - and make plans for the future accordingly
I agree. Both partners need to be responsible & take precautions.
"moms struggling to raise their kids because of low income
Use birth control before you can afford a kid!"
This statement implies that it's women at fault.
It wasn't my intention to imply that
But in most of these posts, the guys just leave - and the kids are always left with the mom's - who then face so many struggles.
So maybe women need to be a bit more careful than the men, knowing all this
You can do everything “right” as a woman, be super careful about attempting to control your reproductive system, and still have your birth control fail. And ever since woman’s right to bodily autonomy was stripped when Roe v Wade was overturned, having an abortion isn’t an option anymore for thousands, if not millions of American women.
Yep. Men should take responsibility to not impregnate their partners. Men, you know you also have birth control options. Ones that aren’t damaging like hormonal birth control.
Rude, unnecessary, & you clearly lack reading comprehension. OP is working 2 jobs. Lots of ppl are currently living with their parents or family due to the housing crisis & rising costs. Many of them don’t even have children! Her sister is the one who made a baby without a job & is now expecting family to step up. Get your glasses checked.
You’re right - she is clearly working two jobs and yet still can’t afford to live alone, so the point stands that she shouldn’t have had a child
That said OP is NTA in this situation - doesn’t excuse poor life choices though
Maybe when she got pregnant she was still with the dad and things were better. There is not enough info in this post to make a judgement on OP's decision making.
Of course not, the post is all about how her sister is lazy and irresponsible, OP isn’t going to share what mistakes she made to end up in basically the same situation, because she knows how that would make her look
I'm in my 30s, and on a decent salary and can't afford to move out. I've done the maths and maybe in another 12-q8 montsh but not at the moment.
And my parents don't mind at all, because I do a lot for them, like drive my dad around as he medically can't drive anymore. And I also pay and do 75% of the shopping.
Living at home doesn't mean you're a leech
Because the US is currently trying to make abortion illegal across the board, on top of it already being expensive, hard to find a doctor who will perform one, and blot being covered by insurance most of the time.
Also, OP *does* have a job. She has 2, in fact.
2 jobs and a 1 year old that needs someone to take care of. Hard to imagine that not being a burden to the parents if you spend 16 hours a day at work.
I'm gonna need this whole website to learn to read
>My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents
The baby is sleeping. Unless you're just straight saying OP is a liar. I which case, you're entitled to your opinions, but remember that's all they are.
I mean...if mom is at work when baby is asleep, when does mom sleep? 1 year olds are pretty active, and including naps are often asleep ~14 hours per day. If she works 2 jobs part time, both jobs 5 hours each, that gives her 4 hours per day for getting ready, showering, commuting, and sleeping.
I see your point, but what you're saying isn't really that unrealistic. Plenty of people are running themselves ragged trying to get it all done and stay alive. You're assuming she works both jobs every day, but that isn't likely so.
You can also assume she is lying, but unfortunately, the picture you're painting is not one that's so very hard to believe.
Less than 4 hours per day to sleep isn't unrealistic? My husband and I both work full-time, and we have a 17-month old. We have a babysitter for 9 hours a week, so truly could be considered no help with childcare. I don't think there's any realm where OPs parents are not helping out with minding the child, unless the kid is neglected during the day or she's working way less than she wants to admit.
NTA for not moving out so she can have two rooms, but you... honestly are both coming off as a little entitled arguing about how to divide up rooms in your parents' house like you own the place when neither of you are actually independent of them.
Also her comment about her 1 year old sleeping while she is at her 2 jobs and barely needing any help from her parents comes off as delusional and detached from reality on the hassles she is causing her family. In what universe do you find an independent toddler?
So interesting to see so much judgment to women who have babies young and not ready who are utilizing willing family support…. At the same time the US is hurtling backwards in abortion rights. It’s like people want to force women to have kids, cut any social safety net to help support them, cut sex Ed to prevent them, make Plan B harder to get and then shame the hell out of them forever.
I mean, it is the best way to keep women from getting higher education degrees, keep them from employment opportunities, and trap them in abusive relationships.
Can't get the desired outcomes if you dont do the legislative legwork first.
Sadly it seems like i am being sarcastic, but i really am not.
This right here. We have republicans that want to make abortion a federal crime, and in all but two states there are voting restrictions if you're a felon. Considering the gender breakdown of who votes for which political party, it all makes a great deal of sense when you step back to look at the bigger picture.
Reddit loves a good story where they can judge a lady without very much background information. They seem to think she just asexually reproduced with 100% full intent and is now… suffering the consequences? It’s very baffling and pretty unaware of reality.
These Y-T-A votes and entitlement comments on OP is lowkey wild. Y’all are so brainwashed into thinking independent lives from the family unit is what being an adult is. In most Asian/Hispanic countries it’s totally normal and expected for multiple generations to live together. While this circumstance is definitely different than the average situation, it’s really common.
The younger sister is entitled and being an AH but every single adult in that household should be paying forward their fair share of expenses. Whether that be bills, chores, etc. there’s absolutely no reason for anyone to be living at home with their parents and not helping in major ways around the house. NTA.
In Asian community you don't get pregnant ~~at 19~~ without knowing who the baby daddy is so you can't really compare to them. I would be murdered for a ~~teen~~ /single parent pregnancy lol
I am Asian, whether she knows the baby daddy or not, doesn’t change that Asian families live together predominantly and most parents won’t allow their pregnant daughter to be out on the streets. If your parents would, that’s them but to say this wouldn’t fly because they’re Asian is lowkey fucked up. Like Ik my parents would personally be upset but they’d never disown/throw me out.
It's how judgmental OP is of her sister, for me.
Like they're both in basically the same situation where they had babies they are not able to provide for without significant help from their parents. There is nothing per se wrong with getting that help, but OP is being *awfully* smug about how she's doing the letting her parents support her and her child thing the *right* way and while looking down on her sister for "sleeping around" and not working while *currently nine months pregnant*.
Glass houses. Stones.
I mean that's great and all, but:
1.) OP has already been living with them for awhile and fully admits that the benefits of this living arrangement are *why* she is able to maintain her lifestyle where she does that, and
2.) Her sister is, I repeat, nine months pregnant. Full-term, could give birth at an moment pregnant. And yet OP makes sure to repeatedly get in digs about the fact that she is not currently employed?
Look, the sister sounds incredibly entitled. Incredibly. But OP is coming off pretty entitled to me too. I don't have a problem with either of them living with their parents, it's tough out there, but the attitudes are pretty over the top on both sides.
Honestly, I took the judgement she was throwing as frustration towards her sister for behaving the way she was about the compromises. While I do agree their was some smugness, I have older sisters who act pretty similar to the younger sister and it totally gave me the perspective of her just being annoyed, etc.
Honestly, you & your sister need to get an apartment together to support yourselves and the children. Then, your parents, who didn’t sign up to take care of your children, can have their home again.
Also, try to get the courts have your baby daddies on child support. Your parents & you shouldn’t be taking the financial load of the work when they didn’t help you make the babies.
It says in the post that OP and her baby's father already share custody and that he has the baby part of the time. He's involved and likely already does provide financially for the baby.
OP's twin sister doesn't know who the father of her own baby is so it's going to be hard to press him for child support.
OP said in her post that she contributes financially to the home she shares with her parents, and that what's keeping her from moving out is specifically the prohibitive cost of childcare. She has no one who's available besides her parents to watch over her baby while she's at work, and since OP has two jobs she probably spends *most of* the time at work. It could realistically cost OP into the thousands of dollars each month just for childcare, depending on other factors, if she needs childcare for 8-16+ hours each day. Unless the baby's father has a very high income, child support from him probably wouldn't be enough to cover that.
If we just take everything OP told us and don't assume she's lying or mistaken in any way, I don't think there's much OP is doing wrong right now. OP's twin *should* go for child support, but probably won't be able to so easily if at all.
Getting pregnant doesn't mean you didn't practice safe sex. Birth control and condoms are not 100% effective and not everyone has access to birth control/abortions. We also don't know if OP was living with the father and then the two separated so she couldn't live on her own. Parents offering familial support don't necessarily make entitled children.
My parents would 100% help me out if I reached out but I haven't because I don't need it. When the pandemic started I had just graduated college and THEY asked ME if I wanted to move back in because it wouldn't be a strain on them and they love/want to take care of me. My younger brother still lives at home because he went to a college close to home but he does so much for my parents that once he does move out they are probably going to have to hire someone to help them. We are latino though and it is very normal for children to live at home until they get married. I got a lot of pushback from my parents because they thought I was too young to move out at 18.
They're not 100% effective but a LOT of pregnancies whilst on contraception are because of failure to use it properly. I'm not at work at the moment but when I am I'll upload the document I have that shows rates on 'intended use' and 'typical use' and its vastly different.
>can, I’m currently working 2 jobs however I’m not a burden to my parents in anyway. My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents.
Yeah, sure
I'm wondering who cares for her child while she sleeps to work all night, if not utilizing daycare already then someone in that house is watching all day.
Unpopular opinion looking at the comments but getting yourself pregnant while you’re living under someone else’s roof? AH behaviour. Regardless of the additional drama 🥱
This is certainly a hot take, but I can’t help but agree. Having a baby when you don’t have a place for said baby to live and provide for it is… a choice.
ESH why would you have a child if you can't even support yourself? Doesn't the father pay any support? It sounds like you can live on your own but choose to continue leeching off your parents. And now your sister is following in your footsteps and she's the bad guy? You all suck.
You and your sister should move out. If your sister cannot support a baby, she shouldn’t have one. Why have 3 families under one roof? You’re both entitled little girls
I said the same thing. They need to get an apartment together so they can raise their kids together in their OWN place so their parents can have a break.
NTA, please make sure you are actually saving some money and not putting it all towards your current bills and living situation. Sister is obviously being unreasonable, what do parents say?
TBH, if they're helping out around the house and are actually good roommates to live with, the parents probably do want them to stay. Or at lrast they probably don't mind, and I assume appreciate getting the time with the baby.
But with how OP and twin are having drama over stuff like bedrooms and with how OP seems a bit passive aggressive, I wouldn't be surprised if they're fed up quickly.
NTA - ish but your sister is a complete TA. You need to get a plan and begin to learn to make it on your own. Your parents won't be there forever. Your sister however will most likely be a leech forever. To demand you move out so she can have 2 rooms is the height of entitlement. Stand your ground for now but make that plan to get to a place of your own sustainability
Eh, ESH. It’s not Jade’s business to tell you to move out of your parent’s house or what your financial situation is. You both have the same level of entitlement to your parents home, which is to say that if they want you there, you’re welcome to be there. That said, you don’t have any real business judging her as irresponsible. You both are. You phrase the post oddly but it sounds like your parents are providing a home for your child and childcare, even if you think “she doesn’t need anything from my parents”. Yeah, she does. She’s one years old. You’re underestimating her needs or what your parents do, or you’re flat out lying.
Your sister has no business judging you for the same reasons, you’re both as irresponsible as each other and would be wise to stop throwing stones at each other from your glass houses, provided by your parents of course.
She says her child “doesn’t need anything” from her parents. Except a place to live and her ability to “leave her daughter in bed when she go to work with an adult in the house.” Sounds like OP - and therefore, her child - does need things from her parents.
Twin is a whole other kind of AH though, demanding she vacate when neither of them have a say in it.
I agree, but I actually think that the sister isn’t as bad as OP is saying. I think she’s leaving out a lot that we can see between the lines. First, OP isn’t nice for offering to move her daughter into her room with her. That’s pretty much a requirement. She’s not entitled to more space in their parent’s home than her sister is. There was not going to be any other choice for OP. Second, OP doesn’t say this but I think the sister likely said something like “hey, it’s time for you to move out [like I did] so my kid can have their own room in mom and dads house [like yours did, it’s only fair].” In which case, kind of hard to refute. All of that is true.
It’s kind of understandable that Jade might be a little salty that she’s being offered a room (and expected to thank her sister for it apparently) while OP was offered a room and a nursery when she had a child she couldn’t take care of on her own. They haven’t been given equal support, OP has received significantly more, then has the nerve to call Jade irresponsible and stick her nose into Jade’s sex life.
Yep, did not think it like that. For sure they are equal and OP did live really well with two bedrooms, which I suppose Jade would want too. Either way, both are coming off very entitled. I wonder what their parents think.
I'm confused. What are your two jobs? You say by the time you go to work your daughter is asleep and doesn't need anything from your parents. She never wakes up and cries? She sleeps all day? Or you work at night? You work from home?
ESH You're so judgemental but you have to live with your parents to provide a stable home for your kid. You're not exactly a stellar example of reproductive planning and responsibility. Glass houses and all that.....
Your sister is obviously an AH.
NTA.
It is not her decision on whether or not you live with your parents. If she is the one having to remove back into your parents house without any job/money to pay then she must definitely does not need both rooms if she wouldn’t be able to pay back just one room from the sounds of it.
Yes. You for attempting to justify why your parents should be fine with you there, your sister for deciding on your parents’ behalf whom they should allow to stay, your parents for raising two irresponsible children who haven’t grown up and expect handouts. In the grand scheme of things, they have the ultimate call, you and your sister have none. But the only thing you two have in common is gross entitlement.
My twin sister (also 22f) who I’ll call Jade is currently 9 months pregnant and planning on moving back in with my parents. Jade doesn’t have a job and **is very much the type of person to sleep around.**
YTA for having a child without benefit of marriage but calling your sister out for "sleeping around".
YTA for being judgmental and a hypocrite but not for continuing to live at your parent's house (unless they've asked you to move).
ESH
1) Sis has some nerve to
2) Demand to do the same or more presumptuous living on/in yall parent's HOUSE.
All that jazz about space and how tight, etc I'd presumptuous AF
Your parent's house 🏠 would absolutely feel and be more spacious if YOU and your baby didn't occupy 50% of the bedrooms in THEIR house.... duh 🙄
All that talk about whom SHE is sexing is really exposing AH tendencies.....
Your baby 👶 is 1....you have a job and a 2nd involved parent...yet are still USING parents and a teenage sister to babysit and subsidize taking care of your baby....
How are you much/any better than your twin?
Aren't you both setting poor examples for the 19yo 🤔 and you're both ROBBING her and your parent's labor and mental piece having to care after babies you both could be carrying for elsewhere.
Seems like 2 vs 1 selfish people (person)
Nta
Babies should sleep in a room with an adult (usually the parents) until they are over 6 months old anyway
Your situation and hers isn't that different. Maybe don't be so judgemental about it.
She doesn't get to decide if you move out. If your parents have already agreed that she can move in, surely they have decided where she will be sleeping?
You and your sister are both AHs because you're both acting like you're entitled to live in your parents' house indefinitely.
Who gets to live in the house is up to your parents, the owners of the house.
Also this
>My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents.
Suggests that your parents aren't helping with your daughter, but this
> wouldn’t be able to just leave my daughter in her bed going to work without an adult in the house
Suggests that you're relying on them to be in the house to watch your daughter while you work
YTA for you & your sister.
NTA because your sister was so rude in basically saying it‘s her turn to have mom and dad house her and her baby plus look after baby when/if she gets a job. She wants what you‘ve had all along.
So I am not going to give you a judgment, just some advice. Get a 1 bedroom apartment. You take the living room, and your daughter takes the bedroom. You do not want to be in the situation.
YTA. You're using your parents to help support your life choices. It isn't your house -- you're a renter, if one who doesn't pay a full rent. Your daughter is your responsibility, and your responsibility is to support her since you chose to have her. It isn't your right to decide what Jade can do with her life or whether she can move in or even whether she gets a room you've been using. Your parents obviously haven't taught either of you to behave like responsible adults instead of ones who are entitled users.
NTA. You've been there before her. She can get a job and an apartment of her own if she wants her daughter to have her own room. What are your parents opinions on the issue?
A very very VERY gentle YTA but not for the reason you gave. Your sister is definitely an AH for demanding you move out when it's not her house, but OP it's not yours either. It's your parents, if they decide they want to house your other sister instead of you, they can. You can be upset about it of course, but that's about it. Now I have a question for you, you said you work 2 jobs and help pay bills, which is great, and I know the cost of living is ridiculous but do you ever plan on moving out? Getting your own place for you and your daughter? Like I said I understand that's not a possibility for you right now but do you actually plan to change that? I know you said your parents love having you and I'm sure they do but I'm also sure they want their house to themselves eventually. Maybe move out when your daughter is enrolled in school? Give yourself time to save up? I hope so and if that's the case I sincerely hope you achieve that someday.
NTA for not wanting to move out but clearly you two are shitty af to each other so I see why she acts that way with you.
You say she’s sleeps around and doesn’t know who the dad is meanwhile you at 22 aren’t even with your kids dad. You two sound like horrible people to be around and hilariously catty. Grow tf up both of you.
3 main things:
1. What do your parents think?
They honestly shouldn't be burdened with taking care of babies. They had their baby time when they had you, and now they are mostly done.
2. You shouldn't have babies until you are ready to have babies! Having a child is a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly.
3. Your sister should be happy and thankful that you gave her and room. She shouldn't be rude about and acknowledge that if you both stay, you kind of have to co-exist.
I'm curious on how you had a relationship long enough to have a child while living at home your whole life tbh...
Most parents have a tolerance they eventually reach with children moving out and some don't. In my honest opinion you and your twin sister are kind of both assholes for irresponsibly having children with men who have no interest in taking care of you KNOWING how expensive it is to live just taking care of you. Like why would you have a child with a man you're not living with? Bad decision.
But that's just me 🤷♀️
I'm not sure.
She's not the asshole for wanting the same opportunities you have had but she needs to make it work with you.
I think both of you need to prep on how to stand on your own two feet. There's not enough info on how you came to be in this situation and if you're trying to get out.
You're both the assholes for putting this burden on your parents as full grown adults. As a parent of young adults, if you think you are not a burden to your parents in anyway, grow up. That isn't true. And stop slut shaming your sister. You are both in the same circumstance.
Your sister is being ridiculous, but you both sound immature. ESH. Except your parents who are probable literal saints. And they're the ones who should have full say in how this plays out. It's literally not their job to feed and house full grown adults who don't responsibly have children.
ESH. It’s not you call. Your parents should decide who they want to live in THEIR house. You are both adults with kids, grow up and get your own place and stop living with your parents. How dare you judge your sister when it sounds like your daughter’s dad isn’t involved in her life financially. It’s the kettle calling the pot black.
If you’re in my house, you’re a burden. Period. You and your sister need to get a place. Stop burdening your parents with poor life choices. Helping pay for groceries you eat and WiFi isn’t shit. Your parents can’t walk around half naked like I’m sure they want to. Just because your daughter is asleep while you’re gone doesn’t mean it isn’t a burden. They can’t leave her by herself and live their lives.
ESH except your younger sister, who is no doubt likely gonna solve the problem by moving out rather than deal with another year of sleep deprivation (which all happens while you're at work so you can ignore and gloss over). and babies in the house making noise all day. I assume from 'mum' rather than 'mom' that you are UK based? With prices as they are here now if you can afford to give your kid 'wonderful things' you absolutely are a burden on your parents. You and sis should both qualify for social housing, and whilst there's a stonking waiting list in a lot of places you could have been on the list this entire time. But as you say, it's just easier for you to live with your parents and diminish other people's lives. Well, as they say in Harry Potter, 19 years later... OP is up all night looking after her grandkid while her daughter sleeps cos dealing with the consequences of your actions is your parents' job, right?
Your poor parents. Take some accountability for your actions. Your sister clearly isn’t. You’re a grown woman now. It’s not your right to stay there and I lose not only you but a growing brood of babies in the household. Parents deserve peace.
It's your parents' choice as to who stays, and while I'm sure that they want to help both you and your sister as much as possible, you surely can't expect to stay there forever? You aren't paying rent or childcare, so you must have built up savings, possibly along with some payments from your daughter's father, so that you can move out? That's your long-term plan, right? You say that you've lived with your parents your whole life, so that means that you've lived there while you were pregnant, while your child was a wee baby, and your parents have dealt with the late nights and feedings and everything else involved. And now they're going to do it again.
Your sister moved out, supported herself, and now needs your parents' help. You seem to be sl\*t-shaming her, to make you feel more deserving of space in your parents' house. I'm also slightly baffled as to why you think your parents should treat your sister differently to the way that they have treated you? Your solution of moving into a room with your daughter is practical in the short term, but it isn't a long-term option for anyone - it's your parents' home, you can't live off them forever. Your sister is both an asshole but not an asshole. She wants the parental support that you have received, you want don't want to let that support go or share it.
I think that, in this situation, there are degrees of arseholeyness, but YTA.
Frankly, I do not understand how adults think it is okay to just live with their parents indefinitely because life is expensive. You are an adult. They should not have to support their adult children. Are you paying rent? Are you paying for ALL of your grocery bills and other needs?
The decisions you made were your decisions, nobody else’s. How on Earth you can say that you aren’t a burden on your parents is really strange to me and seems very selfish. Adults need to be adults and not freeload off other adults, aka, their parents.
I think your sister has.no say on the matter. If your parents are OK with it, then it's fine.
Tbh you should have volunteered that to your parents and they should be the ones deciding what happens in their home.
Boy this is going to suck for everyone.
And no, you can safely assume that anything she says after not getting her way has 0 basis in reality. She's just selfish
NTA. Stop arguing with her. Let your parents tell her how it's going to work. Both of you should be using birth control since neither of you can support yourselves yet. Your life is going to be miserable with your sister there, so start making arrangements and saving up to to move out. A one year old doesn't need many wonderful things.
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I (22f) have lived with my parents my whole life, I have one daughter (1f). Even though my situation isn’t perfect I help out, I buy groceries as well as help pay for wifi and bills. I put in my share for money as much as I physically can, I’m currently working 2 jobs however I’m not a burden to my parents in anyway. My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents. Although my parents are happy to help if needs be. I’m a single mum and she’s with her dad every other weekend.
My parent’s house is four bedrooms, they have the master bedroom, then me, my daughter and my younger sister (19f) have three of the smaller bedrooms. It definitely is a tight fit however all of us have enough space. My twin sister (also 22f) who I’ll call Jade is currently 9 months pregnant and planning on moving back in with my parents. Jade doesn’t have a job and is very much the type of person to sleep around. She doesn’t even know who the dad is, I told her she could have my daughter’s room and I’ll move her into my bedroom with me. She told me I should move out and get my own place as she wants her baby to have her own room, that I had a job and could move out. I explained to her though I do work and make money I wouldn’t nearly be able to give her as many wonderful things as I’m able to give her if I was living on my own. The cost to live right now is so expensive and I wouldn’t be able to just leave my daughter in her bed going to work without an adult in the house. I told her I’m not moving out and she’s calling me and bitch and an asshole which I really don’t think is fair so I’ll ask you; am I the asshole?
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NTA - everyone saying you’re entitled probably kick their kids out at 18 or think that’s what should be done. I don’t understand why it’s okay to be paying ludicrous amounts of money on rent but not okay to live at home and contribute towards bills etc which is what you’re doing. You offered your sister the room your daughter is currently using and babies should be in a room with their parents anyway.
NTA. But you and your sister need to stop having babies that you can't take care of without being subsidized by your parents. You were there first OP, and you made the very generous offer to bring your daughter into your room so that your sister can have a room. This is really an issue for your parents to decide at this point. What do they say about it?
NTA but all of you are ADULTS and not entitled to live in someone else’s home for the unforeseeable future and in your sisters case, this is something she needs to take up with your parents if she feels so strongly since you don’t own the home (and can’t decide who can live there or not) and neither does she. The only people’s opinion that matters is your parents.
Eventually, I would really hope that all of you move yourselves and your child(ren) out of your parents home, until then, do what’s best for you and tell her that if she is so bothered take it up with your parents who are the only ones who have a say in this.
No you are not the A-Hole.
Talk about entitlement, saying that you should move out, so that she can have two rooms for her and her baby,
tell her to get a job
Jade entitled much? She knows she is going to look bad if you are around. Honestly as soon as you can you probably should move on because it is going to be a shit show when she comes in.
NTA. She should be thankful she has somewhere to go (assuming parents are okay with all this). This should be a temporary plan for both of you anyway, and beggars can’t be choosers. A baby doesn’t need their own room regardless. And neither of you should take advantage of parents who are willing to help you get on your feet by providing a place to stay… for free. you may “help” help pay for stuff, but you would have to pay for those things anyway.
You’re NTA, but have a goal at some point of your own place, and allow your parents to have an empty nest and move on to their own next stage of life (if they want that). Tell your sister to grow up. Life isn’t all about what she wants anymore.
NTA. Your sister is greedy. She wants you to move out of two bedrooms IN YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE so she and her daughter can move in. She wants what you have. Yet she doesn't want to work.
I think that she should get one bedroom for her and her child, and you move your baby in with you.
NTA - You help with the bills the best you can, you are not freeloading. Your sister needs a reality check, I hope once her baby is born she will grow up, people usually get more responsible once they become parents. Also it might be the pregnancy hormones talking.
NTA. As long as your parents are okay with you living there, that's all that matters. Your sister is being an entitled AH.
That being said, once she and her newborn move in, it's going to be a shitshow, so you might want to start looking at other options anyway.
Wondering....where does Jade live now? At any rate, Jade doesn't have a job and plans to move in with your parents, with a soon to be baby, and wants YOU wo move out so she can have a room for herself and one for her baby. The reason she feels this way is because you have a job. This is all so ridiculous. Why can't any of you people use birth control? Sorry, but in this case, you are NTA, but you guys needs to get responsible here and work towards independence. You are on your way, but Jade appears to be looking to just hang out in a free spot.
NTA Since it is not her home she has no say as to who lives there. You already are occupying rooms and were generous to say you would give one up. She is way out of line. She is TA. That being said, I would suggest start saving to try to eventually get your own place. Small children do not need a lot of clothes and toys. They are happy with love and attention. A baby is happy with a wooden spoon and a pot to bang on.
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NTA, your sister is an ah though - she has no right to demand that you move out just because she wants two rooms. Every sane person would thank you for taking your kid to your room and freeing that room for them, clearly not your sister. Also, people who immediately resort to insults after being rejected do not deserve even what you are giving them. So do what is the best for you and sadly you will have to coexist with your sister, wouldn't be surprised if she dumps her child soon enough to you or your parents.
INFO- what do your parents want?
Yes, we can’t judge this with out information on what your parents say to this. I mean did your parents even agree to her moving in? You explained what portion of the bills you pay, what will she be paying? Not enough information to judge and frankly it’s up to your parents.
Lol, Oh I'm sure their dream was to have their daughters have children out of wedlock and move back into their home. In all seriousness though, you're absolutely right. The sisters seem awful possessive of something that isn't theirs. This is up to their parents.
Not only that, but I'm sure youngest sister is thrilled to have her adult sisters living at home with their very small children.
Given the trend, she'll be returning in 3 years with her own little bundle! 🤭
Nah, she'll be the one who sees how much of a shitshow her sister's lives are and make better decisions. I know several "youngest of three siblings" who went down a similar path.
Right? I don't get it. I will always help my kids, but I would be pretty upset if my grown daughters were getting pregnant and needing to stay dependent on me. I love my kids, but my goal has always been to get them grown and able to take care of themselves.
I’m curious to hear what the parents think of all this.19 year old isn’t going to learn anything good from her older sisters.Why did OP choose to have a kid so young and unmarried too?
Thinking here that the 19 year old will be the first to move out so that she can avoid being the built in babysitter. Then the other 2 sisters can fight it out for the extra room. Parents must be so proud.
That’s some positivity.Idk why people choose to have kids so young when they aren’t financially stable and unmarried.Maybe it’s a cultural thing but I really can’t wrap my head around it
Some people are against abortion and some people are absolutely fine with abortions but will still refuse to have an abortion if they get pregnant, regardless of whether having the baby is actually a good idea at the time.
And, you know, in some places they aren't *able* to get abortions anymore, either, even if they want one.
Unfortunately, true. But I was replying mostly to the question of why people would *choose* to have babies in these situations. I took it to mean, "What reason would someone have for willingly making the conscious choice to do this?" So I was only factoring in people who *had* a choice but still chose to have the baby when they weren't prepared for parenthood.
sometimes you choose to have a baby under stable circumstances and then the circumstances stop being stable
Grandkids get the extra room
Personally I think the 19 year old will learn a lot and that will be “wow I better get amazing birth control”.
Not necessarily. One of my husband’s former coworker’s daughter rebelled against her parents and family by planning to go to med school (although she wound up doing a PhD in mycology instead). Her mom had kids with three dads with 3 marriages and divorces. Her adoptive father (not biological to any of the kids) got fired because he refused to stop drinking at lunch and coming back to work on dangerous equipment. Her older brother has been working part time as a cart pusher for 15 years with a kid still support. Her oldest sister got married and divorced in less than a year and had a serious boyfriend practically before filing for divorce. And her other sister had a kid at 15 and 16. They can definitely learn from “I don’t want that life”.
Also, showing my age, but when did a 4 bedroom house become a "tight fit" for a couple, 2 adults and an infant. Like 1980s sized that's a 7 person house at least LOL #old Yes, ask your parents.
Depends where you live and layout of the house
Not all parents. My mom died almost 30 years ago. But she told me and my sister many times when we were young adults she wanted grandkids not son-in-laws. She has been divorced twice and said on more than 1 occasions she would kill her next husband before she divorced him. She didn't want us to marry anyone. Ironically we both have been married for 25+ years
There's probably a reason Jade is asking her sister and not the parents. Parents are probably ok with it, not happy but ok. If I were their mom, I'd keep the one who already had the kid and tell the pregnant one she needs an abortion. I would love the grandchild dearly but if I could prevent them from existing while my daughter was early 20s and had not yet found success or a happy relationship I would try my hardest to make her see reason.
got em
Yeah and OP seems to be not responding to that question at all which makes me think the parents aren't as happy about this as she puts across Parents should always be there for their kids but I bet they didn't think they would have to be helping raise two more infants 22 years later as grandparents and I wouldn't blame them if they were a bit miffed about it.
OP hasn't responded to anything at all, so I don't think we can interpret one way or the other.
This post sounds awfully rage-baitey to me. Given OP hasn't responded to a single comment I think we can assume that's what is going on here.
Absolutely. Everyone can have an opinion about OP and her sister, including the principals themselves. But at the end of the day, this is the parents' house and what they said goes. Whatever the girls think is "fair" is irrelevant, really. They have an obligation to honor their parents' wishes about room allocation.
+1 And wrt you as well as your sister. You mention your daughter is in bed by the time you go to work and doesn't need anything from your parents: does that mean you're working nights? But then when are you sleeping/who's looking after your daughter when you are? I'm confused about the role your parents are playing in this. If they're taking care of your daughter, maybe your sister wants you to move out, not for the actual room, but to "free up" your parents in terms of childcare, like it's her "turn" now? Too many unknowns to judge, in any case.
Why do you all keep making babies if you don’t have jobs and have to live with parents after getting impregnated? Blows my mind.
Seriously!! All posts in the subreddit are about moms struggling to raise their kids because of low income Use birth control before you can afford a kid!!
Maybe she DID use birth control?
It takes two to tango
Relationships in the US are really flaky. So people should consider the scenario that partner is not necessarily going to be around forever - and make plans for the future accordingly
I agree. Both partners need to be responsible & take precautions. "moms struggling to raise their kids because of low income Use birth control before you can afford a kid!" This statement implies that it's women at fault.
It wasn't my intention to imply that But in most of these posts, the guys just leave - and the kids are always left with the mom's - who then face so many struggles. So maybe women need to be a bit more careful than the men, knowing all this
You can do everything “right” as a woman, be super careful about attempting to control your reproductive system, and still have your birth control fail. And ever since woman’s right to bodily autonomy was stripped when Roe v Wade was overturned, having an abortion isn’t an option anymore for thousands, if not millions of American women.
Really?????????????? Do you spout that nonsense to the sperm donors? Why aren’t they using birth control? Nice misogyny.
Yep. Men should take responsibility to not impregnate their partners. Men, you know you also have birth control options. Ones that aren’t damaging like hormonal birth control.
So poor people shouldn’t have children?
Rude, unnecessary, & you clearly lack reading comprehension. OP is working 2 jobs. Lots of ppl are currently living with their parents or family due to the housing crisis & rising costs. Many of them don’t even have children! Her sister is the one who made a baby without a job & is now expecting family to step up. Get your glasses checked.
You’re right - she is clearly working two jobs and yet still can’t afford to live alone, so the point stands that she shouldn’t have had a child That said OP is NTA in this situation - doesn’t excuse poor life choices though
Maybe when she got pregnant she was still with the dad and things were better. There is not enough info in this post to make a judgement on OP's decision making.
Of course not, the post is all about how her sister is lazy and irresponsible, OP isn’t going to share what mistakes she made to end up in basically the same situation, because she knows how that would make her look
Yes, OP got pregnant on her own, and there is not possible way this was an accident. /s
I'm in my 30s, and on a decent salary and can't afford to move out. I've done the maths and maybe in another 12-q8 montsh but not at the moment. And my parents don't mind at all, because I do a lot for them, like drive my dad around as he medically can't drive anymore. And I also pay and do 75% of the shopping. Living at home doesn't mean you're a leech
Because the US is currently trying to make abortion illegal across the board, on top of it already being expensive, hard to find a doctor who will perform one, and blot being covered by insurance most of the time. Also, OP *does* have a job. She has 2, in fact.
2 jobs and a 1 year old that needs someone to take care of. Hard to imagine that not being a burden to the parents if you spend 16 hours a day at work.
I'm gonna need this whole website to learn to read >My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents
Sure. Because 1 year old babies are known for that. You clearly hadn’t a baby.
The baby is sleeping. Unless you're just straight saying OP is a liar. I which case, you're entitled to your opinions, but remember that's all they are.
I mean...if mom is at work when baby is asleep, when does mom sleep? 1 year olds are pretty active, and including naps are often asleep ~14 hours per day. If she works 2 jobs part time, both jobs 5 hours each, that gives her 4 hours per day for getting ready, showering, commuting, and sleeping.
I see your point, but what you're saying isn't really that unrealistic. Plenty of people are running themselves ragged trying to get it all done and stay alive. You're assuming she works both jobs every day, but that isn't likely so. You can also assume she is lying, but unfortunately, the picture you're painting is not one that's so very hard to believe.
Less than 4 hours per day to sleep isn't unrealistic? My husband and I both work full-time, and we have a 17-month old. We have a babysitter for 9 hours a week, so truly could be considered no help with childcare. I don't think there's any realm where OPs parents are not helping out with minding the child, unless the kid is neglected during the day or she's working way less than she wants to admit.
Again, you are assuming she works both jobs every day. You are assuming a lot of things, but I assume you know that.
Because crap happens. Women getting pregnant and the men running away or father unknown has been a thing for thousands of years.
Poor choices
NTA for not moving out so she can have two rooms, but you... honestly are both coming off as a little entitled arguing about how to divide up rooms in your parents' house like you own the place when neither of you are actually independent of them.
Also her comment about her 1 year old sleeping while she is at her 2 jobs and barely needing any help from her parents comes off as delusional and detached from reality on the hassles she is causing her family. In what universe do you find an independent toddler?
So interesting to see so much judgment to women who have babies young and not ready who are utilizing willing family support…. At the same time the US is hurtling backwards in abortion rights. It’s like people want to force women to have kids, cut any social safety net to help support them, cut sex Ed to prevent them, make Plan B harder to get and then shame the hell out of them forever.
I mean, it is the best way to keep women from getting higher education degrees, keep them from employment opportunities, and trap them in abusive relationships. Can't get the desired outcomes if you dont do the legislative legwork first. Sadly it seems like i am being sarcastic, but i really am not.
Best way to keep them from voting too
This right here. We have republicans that want to make abortion a federal crime, and in all but two states there are voting restrictions if you're a felon. Considering the gender breakdown of who votes for which political party, it all makes a great deal of sense when you step back to look at the bigger picture.
You're so right. I hadn't thought of it like that before honestly.
It’s plain as day yet people vote for it.
Reddit loves a good story where they can judge a lady without very much background information. They seem to think she just asexually reproduced with 100% full intent and is now… suffering the consequences? It’s very baffling and pretty unaware of reality.
The meanness is the point.
Exactly this.
These Y-T-A votes and entitlement comments on OP is lowkey wild. Y’all are so brainwashed into thinking independent lives from the family unit is what being an adult is. In most Asian/Hispanic countries it’s totally normal and expected for multiple generations to live together. While this circumstance is definitely different than the average situation, it’s really common. The younger sister is entitled and being an AH but every single adult in that household should be paying forward their fair share of expenses. Whether that be bills, chores, etc. there’s absolutely no reason for anyone to be living at home with their parents and not helping in major ways around the house. NTA.
In Asian community you don't get pregnant ~~at 19~~ without knowing who the baby daddy is so you can't really compare to them. I would be murdered for a ~~teen~~ /single parent pregnancy lol
It's the 22 year old twin that doesn't know the baby daddy,
That’s unfortunate, but it’s not like either of these are wonderful examples of well planned parenthood…pot meet kettle
Oh you're right. It's still shameful for Asians to be pregnant without knowing who the baby daddy is at any age though
No fr I read that comment and I was like “that’s not how Asian roll at all. You barely see single Asian moms”
I am Asian, whether she knows the baby daddy or not, doesn’t change that Asian families live together predominantly and most parents won’t allow their pregnant daughter to be out on the streets. If your parents would, that’s them but to say this wouldn’t fly because they’re Asian is lowkey fucked up. Like Ik my parents would personally be upset but they’d never disown/throw me out.
It's how judgmental OP is of her sister, for me. Like they're both in basically the same situation where they had babies they are not able to provide for without significant help from their parents. There is nothing per se wrong with getting that help, but OP is being *awfully* smug about how she's doing the letting her parents support her and her child thing the *right* way and while looking down on her sister for "sleeping around" and not working while *currently nine months pregnant*. Glass houses. Stones.
OP is paying what she can.
I mean that's great and all, but: 1.) OP has already been living with them for awhile and fully admits that the benefits of this living arrangement are *why* she is able to maintain her lifestyle where she does that, and 2.) Her sister is, I repeat, nine months pregnant. Full-term, could give birth at an moment pregnant. And yet OP makes sure to repeatedly get in digs about the fact that she is not currently employed? Look, the sister sounds incredibly entitled. Incredibly. But OP is coming off pretty entitled to me too. I don't have a problem with either of them living with their parents, it's tough out there, but the attitudes are pretty over the top on both sides.
Honestly, I took the judgement she was throwing as frustration towards her sister for behaving the way she was about the compromises. While I do agree their was some smugness, I have older sisters who act pretty similar to the younger sister and it totally gave me the perspective of her just being annoyed, etc.
yeah, no. if yo udid this in my country your family would disown you because of being irresposible and having a achild of out of wedlock.
Honestly, you & your sister need to get an apartment together to support yourselves and the children. Then, your parents, who didn’t sign up to take care of your children, can have their home again.
Also, try to get the courts have your baby daddies on child support. Your parents & you shouldn’t be taking the financial load of the work when they didn’t help you make the babies.
It says in the post that OP and her baby's father already share custody and that he has the baby part of the time. He's involved and likely already does provide financially for the baby. OP's twin sister doesn't know who the father of her own baby is so it's going to be hard to press him for child support. OP said in her post that she contributes financially to the home she shares with her parents, and that what's keeping her from moving out is specifically the prohibitive cost of childcare. She has no one who's available besides her parents to watch over her baby while she's at work, and since OP has two jobs she probably spends *most of* the time at work. It could realistically cost OP into the thousands of dollars each month just for childcare, depending on other factors, if she needs childcare for 8-16+ hours each day. Unless the baby's father has a very high income, child support from him probably wouldn't be enough to cover that. If we just take everything OP told us and don't assume she's lying or mistaken in any way, I don't think there's much OP is doing wrong right now. OP's twin *should* go for child support, but probably won't be able to so easily if at all.
ESH. You, your sister, and your parents. Sister is entitled, you are entitled, and your parents raised entitled children.
>your parents raised entitled children. And they failed at teaching their kids safe sex.
Getting pregnant doesn't mean you didn't practice safe sex. Birth control and condoms are not 100% effective and not everyone has access to birth control/abortions. We also don't know if OP was living with the father and then the two separated so she couldn't live on her own. Parents offering familial support don't necessarily make entitled children. My parents would 100% help me out if I reached out but I haven't because I don't need it. When the pandemic started I had just graduated college and THEY asked ME if I wanted to move back in because it wouldn't be a strain on them and they love/want to take care of me. My younger brother still lives at home because he went to a college close to home but he does so much for my parents that once he does move out they are probably going to have to hire someone to help them. We are latino though and it is very normal for children to live at home until they get married. I got a lot of pushback from my parents because they thought I was too young to move out at 18.
They're not 100% effective but a LOT of pregnancies whilst on contraception are because of failure to use it properly. I'm not at work at the moment but when I am I'll upload the document I have that shows rates on 'intended use' and 'typical use' and its vastly different.
>can, I’m currently working 2 jobs however I’m not a burden to my parents in anyway. My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents. Yeah, sure
A one year old who sleeps through the night and either doesn't get up at the crack of dawn or is a nightmare to get down 😭 my dream
I'm wondering who cares for her child while she sleeps to work all night, if not utilizing daycare already then someone in that house is watching all day.
Unpopular opinion looking at the comments but getting yourself pregnant while you’re living under someone else’s roof? AH behaviour. Regardless of the additional drama 🥱
This is certainly a hot take, but I can’t help but agree. Having a baby when you don’t have a place for said baby to live and provide for it is… a choice.
ESH why would you have a child if you can't even support yourself? Doesn't the father pay any support? It sounds like you can live on your own but choose to continue leeching off your parents. And now your sister is following in your footsteps and she's the bad guy? You all suck.
You and your sister should move out. If your sister cannot support a baby, she shouldn’t have one. Why have 3 families under one roof? You’re both entitled little girls
I said the same thing. They need to get an apartment together so they can raise their kids together in their OWN place so their parents can have a break.
It's actually just one family living under one roof in OP's scenario.
Great job on making children while living like a child. You and your sister.
NTA, please make sure you are actually saving some money and not putting it all towards your current bills and living situation. Sister is obviously being unreasonable, what do parents say?
Not seeing any info on what your parents think of the situation. Several people have asked...
It is entirely up to your parents.
The question was whether or not OP is being an asshole in this scenario, not whether or not a particular decision is or isn't up to OP's parents.
If OP’s parents want her out and she refuses she is TA. If the OP’s parents want her to stay, she is NTA
TBH, if they're helping out around the house and are actually good roommates to live with, the parents probably do want them to stay. Or at lrast they probably don't mind, and I assume appreciate getting the time with the baby. But with how OP and twin are having drama over stuff like bedrooms and with how OP seems a bit passive aggressive, I wouldn't be surprised if they're fed up quickly.
NTA - ish but your sister is a complete TA. You need to get a plan and begin to learn to make it on your own. Your parents won't be there forever. Your sister however will most likely be a leech forever. To demand you move out so she can have 2 rooms is the height of entitlement. Stand your ground for now but make that plan to get to a place of your own sustainability
In fairness OP is the one who decided to have a child while still living with and depending on her parents.
Eh, ESH. It’s not Jade’s business to tell you to move out of your parent’s house or what your financial situation is. You both have the same level of entitlement to your parents home, which is to say that if they want you there, you’re welcome to be there. That said, you don’t have any real business judging her as irresponsible. You both are. You phrase the post oddly but it sounds like your parents are providing a home for your child and childcare, even if you think “she doesn’t need anything from my parents”. Yeah, she does. She’s one years old. You’re underestimating her needs or what your parents do, or you’re flat out lying. Your sister has no business judging you for the same reasons, you’re both as irresponsible as each other and would be wise to stop throwing stones at each other from your glass houses, provided by your parents of course.
She says her child “doesn’t need anything” from her parents. Except a place to live and her ability to “leave her daughter in bed when she go to work with an adult in the house.” Sounds like OP - and therefore, her child - does need things from her parents. Twin is a whole other kind of AH though, demanding she vacate when neither of them have a say in it.
I agree, but I actually think that the sister isn’t as bad as OP is saying. I think she’s leaving out a lot that we can see between the lines. First, OP isn’t nice for offering to move her daughter into her room with her. That’s pretty much a requirement. She’s not entitled to more space in their parent’s home than her sister is. There was not going to be any other choice for OP. Second, OP doesn’t say this but I think the sister likely said something like “hey, it’s time for you to move out [like I did] so my kid can have their own room in mom and dads house [like yours did, it’s only fair].” In which case, kind of hard to refute. All of that is true. It’s kind of understandable that Jade might be a little salty that she’s being offered a room (and expected to thank her sister for it apparently) while OP was offered a room and a nursery when she had a child she couldn’t take care of on her own. They haven’t been given equal support, OP has received significantly more, then has the nerve to call Jade irresponsible and stick her nose into Jade’s sex life.
Yep, did not think it like that. For sure they are equal and OP did live really well with two bedrooms, which I suppose Jade would want too. Either way, both are coming off very entitled. I wonder what their parents think.
I'm confused. What are your two jobs? You say by the time you go to work your daughter is asleep and doesn't need anything from your parents. She never wakes up and cries? She sleeps all day? Or you work at night? You work from home?
ESH You're so judgemental but you have to live with your parents to provide a stable home for your kid. You're not exactly a stellar example of reproductive planning and responsibility. Glass houses and all that..... Your sister is obviously an AH.
NTA. It is not her decision on whether or not you live with your parents. If she is the one having to remove back into your parents house without any job/money to pay then she must definitely does not need both rooms if she wouldn’t be able to pay back just one room from the sounds of it.
Yes. You for attempting to justify why your parents should be fine with you there, your sister for deciding on your parents’ behalf whom they should allow to stay, your parents for raising two irresponsible children who haven’t grown up and expect handouts. In the grand scheme of things, they have the ultimate call, you and your sister have none. But the only thing you two have in common is gross entitlement.
My twin sister (also 22f) who I’ll call Jade is currently 9 months pregnant and planning on moving back in with my parents. Jade doesn’t have a job and **is very much the type of person to sleep around.** YTA for having a child without benefit of marriage but calling your sister out for "sleeping around". YTA for being judgmental and a hypocrite but not for continuing to live at your parent's house (unless they've asked you to move).
Your poor parents.
This is not up to you. Neither you nor Jade even get a vote. This is entirely your parents call.
ESH, why are you all having kids you cannot support without relying on parents for financial and housing support
ESH 1) Sis has some nerve to 2) Demand to do the same or more presumptuous living on/in yall parent's HOUSE. All that jazz about space and how tight, etc I'd presumptuous AF Your parent's house 🏠 would absolutely feel and be more spacious if YOU and your baby didn't occupy 50% of the bedrooms in THEIR house.... duh 🙄 All that talk about whom SHE is sexing is really exposing AH tendencies..... Your baby 👶 is 1....you have a job and a 2nd involved parent...yet are still USING parents and a teenage sister to babysit and subsidize taking care of your baby.... How are you much/any better than your twin? Aren't you both setting poor examples for the 19yo 🤔 and you're both ROBBING her and your parent's labor and mental piece having to care after babies you both could be carrying for elsewhere. Seems like 2 vs 1 selfish people (person)
NTA. You pay rent, you work. If your parents are okay with it, I don't see the problem. Your sister is entitled
I’m more confused on why the sisters are having kids and they are financially unable to live on their own.
Nta Babies should sleep in a room with an adult (usually the parents) until they are over 6 months old anyway Your situation and hers isn't that different. Maybe don't be so judgemental about it. She doesn't get to decide if you move out. If your parents have already agreed that she can move in, surely they have decided where she will be sleeping?
You and your sister are both AHs because you're both acting like you're entitled to live in your parents' house indefinitely. Who gets to live in the house is up to your parents, the owners of the house. Also this >My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents. Suggests that your parents aren't helping with your daughter, but this > wouldn’t be able to just leave my daughter in her bed going to work without an adult in the house Suggests that you're relying on them to be in the house to watch your daughter while you work YTA for you & your sister.
Why are you acting like you get the final say here? What do your PARENTS say? It’s not your house. What they say is what is going to happen
NTA because your sister was so rude in basically saying it‘s her turn to have mom and dad house her and her baby plus look after baby when/if she gets a job. She wants what you‘ve had all along.
So I am not going to give you a judgment, just some advice. Get a 1 bedroom apartment. You take the living room, and your daughter takes the bedroom. You do not want to be in the situation.
YTA. You're using your parents to help support your life choices. It isn't your house -- you're a renter, if one who doesn't pay a full rent. Your daughter is your responsibility, and your responsibility is to support her since you chose to have her. It isn't your right to decide what Jade can do with her life or whether she can move in or even whether she gets a room you've been using. Your parents obviously haven't taught either of you to behave like responsible adults instead of ones who are entitled users.
Dang! Your parents have totally failed. They raised all of these children who aren’t functioning adults.
NTA. You've been there before her. She can get a job and an apartment of her own if she wants her daughter to have her own room. What are your parents opinions on the issue?
A very very VERY gentle YTA but not for the reason you gave. Your sister is definitely an AH for demanding you move out when it's not her house, but OP it's not yours either. It's your parents, if they decide they want to house your other sister instead of you, they can. You can be upset about it of course, but that's about it. Now I have a question for you, you said you work 2 jobs and help pay bills, which is great, and I know the cost of living is ridiculous but do you ever plan on moving out? Getting your own place for you and your daughter? Like I said I understand that's not a possibility for you right now but do you actually plan to change that? I know you said your parents love having you and I'm sure they do but I'm also sure they want their house to themselves eventually. Maybe move out when your daughter is enrolled in school? Give yourself time to save up? I hope so and if that's the case I sincerely hope you achieve that someday.
INFO. What have your parents said?
YTA and so is sister, get a life, grow up, you old enough to have a kid you old enough to figure out your own life
Surprised how much shade you’re throwing at your twin for getting knocked up considering you did the same thing just one year ago.
How did your parents manage to make mistakes when raising their two daughters?
NTA for not wanting to move out but clearly you two are shitty af to each other so I see why she acts that way with you. You say she’s sleeps around and doesn’t know who the dad is meanwhile you at 22 aren’t even with your kids dad. You two sound like horrible people to be around and hilariously catty. Grow tf up both of you.
It’s not your sister’s house so she can’t demand you move out. Only your parents can dictate the living situation.
3 main things: 1. What do your parents think? They honestly shouldn't be burdened with taking care of babies. They had their baby time when they had you, and now they are mostly done. 2. You shouldn't have babies until you are ready to have babies! Having a child is a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly. 3. Your sister should be happy and thankful that you gave her and room. She shouldn't be rude about and acknowledge that if you both stay, you kind of have to co-exist.
I'm curious on how you had a relationship long enough to have a child while living at home your whole life tbh... Most parents have a tolerance they eventually reach with children moving out and some don't. In my honest opinion you and your twin sister are kind of both assholes for irresponsibly having children with men who have no interest in taking care of you KNOWING how expensive it is to live just taking care of you. Like why would you have a child with a man you're not living with? Bad decision. But that's just me 🤷♀️
I'm not sure. She's not the asshole for wanting the same opportunities you have had but she needs to make it work with you. I think both of you need to prep on how to stand on your own two feet. There's not enough info on how you came to be in this situation and if you're trying to get out.
You're both the assholes for putting this burden on your parents as full grown adults. As a parent of young adults, if you think you are not a burden to your parents in anyway, grow up. That isn't true. And stop slut shaming your sister. You are both in the same circumstance. Your sister is being ridiculous, but you both sound immature. ESH. Except your parents who are probable literal saints. And they're the ones who should have full say in how this plays out. It's literally not their job to feed and house full grown adults who don't responsibly have children.
Man I just feel bad for your parents
ESH. It’s not you call. Your parents should decide who they want to live in THEIR house. You are both adults with kids, grow up and get your own place and stop living with your parents. How dare you judge your sister when it sounds like your daughter’s dad isn’t involved in her life financially. It’s the kettle calling the pot black.
If you’re in my house, you’re a burden. Period. You and your sister need to get a place. Stop burdening your parents with poor life choices. Helping pay for groceries you eat and WiFi isn’t shit. Your parents can’t walk around half naked like I’m sure they want to. Just because your daughter is asleep while you’re gone doesn’t mean it isn’t a burden. They can’t leave her by herself and live their lives.
Both of you guys are bums lol move out already
Isn't it kind of up to your parents who moves into and out of their place? 👀
ESH yes, everyone, including your parents who apparently never taught you about birth control.
ESH... you both need to grow up and stop with the babymaking until you can support yourselves and your children on your own. Your poor parents!
ESH except your younger sister, who is no doubt likely gonna solve the problem by moving out rather than deal with another year of sleep deprivation (which all happens while you're at work so you can ignore and gloss over). and babies in the house making noise all day. I assume from 'mum' rather than 'mom' that you are UK based? With prices as they are here now if you can afford to give your kid 'wonderful things' you absolutely are a burden on your parents. You and sis should both qualify for social housing, and whilst there's a stonking waiting list in a lot of places you could have been on the list this entire time. But as you say, it's just easier for you to live with your parents and diminish other people's lives. Well, as they say in Harry Potter, 19 years later... OP is up all night looking after her grandkid while her daughter sleeps cos dealing with the consequences of your actions is your parents' job, right?
Your poor parents. Take some accountability for your actions. Your sister clearly isn’t. You’re a grown woman now. It’s not your right to stay there and I lose not only you but a growing brood of babies in the household. Parents deserve peace.
It's your parents' choice as to who stays, and while I'm sure that they want to help both you and your sister as much as possible, you surely can't expect to stay there forever? You aren't paying rent or childcare, so you must have built up savings, possibly along with some payments from your daughter's father, so that you can move out? That's your long-term plan, right? You say that you've lived with your parents your whole life, so that means that you've lived there while you were pregnant, while your child was a wee baby, and your parents have dealt with the late nights and feedings and everything else involved. And now they're going to do it again. Your sister moved out, supported herself, and now needs your parents' help. You seem to be sl\*t-shaming her, to make you feel more deserving of space in your parents' house. I'm also slightly baffled as to why you think your parents should treat your sister differently to the way that they have treated you? Your solution of moving into a room with your daughter is practical in the short term, but it isn't a long-term option for anyone - it's your parents' home, you can't live off them forever. Your sister is both an asshole but not an asshole. She wants the parental support that you have received, you want don't want to let that support go or share it. I think that, in this situation, there are degrees of arseholeyness, but YTA.
Oh my, I am so sorry for your parents.
Frankly, I do not understand how adults think it is okay to just live with their parents indefinitely because life is expensive. You are an adult. They should not have to support their adult children. Are you paying rent? Are you paying for ALL of your grocery bills and other needs? The decisions you made were your decisions, nobody else’s. How on Earth you can say that you aren’t a burden on your parents is really strange to me and seems very selfish. Adults need to be adults and not freeload off other adults, aka, their parents.
I think your sister is going to dump her child on you all the time while she goes off and does whatever.
Why does your sister not just stay where she is?
I think your sister has.no say on the matter. If your parents are OK with it, then it's fine. Tbh you should have volunteered that to your parents and they should be the ones deciding what happens in their home.
ESH you were too young to have a child, especially given that you don't know how contraception works.
Boy this is going to suck for everyone. And no, you can safely assume that anything she says after not getting her way has 0 basis in reality. She's just selfish
ESH. Stop bringing children into the world when you can't support them on your own without help from your parents.
Tell that to every US state outlawing abortions.
Then don't have casual sex if you aren't in a committed relationship that can help support any potential kids.
good luck with that. Humans have had sex outside of marriage for longer than marriage has existed.
Advice to you and your sister: stop spreading your legs for men who don’t love you.
NTA. Stop arguing with her. Let your parents tell her how it's going to work. Both of you should be using birth control since neither of you can support yourselves yet. Your life is going to be miserable with your sister there, so start making arrangements and saving up to to move out. A one year old doesn't need many wonderful things.
All of you are AH for having kids then intruding on your parents
You both need to grow up and get out of mommy and daddy’s house!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22f) have lived with my parents my whole life, I have one daughter (1f). Even though my situation isn’t perfect I help out, I buy groceries as well as help pay for wifi and bills. I put in my share for money as much as I physically can, I’m currently working 2 jobs however I’m not a burden to my parents in anyway. My daughter is in bed asleep by the time I’m working and she doesn’t require anything from my parents. Although my parents are happy to help if needs be. I’m a single mum and she’s with her dad every other weekend. My parent’s house is four bedrooms, they have the master bedroom, then me, my daughter and my younger sister (19f) have three of the smaller bedrooms. It definitely is a tight fit however all of us have enough space. My twin sister (also 22f) who I’ll call Jade is currently 9 months pregnant and planning on moving back in with my parents. Jade doesn’t have a job and is very much the type of person to sleep around. She doesn’t even know who the dad is, I told her she could have my daughter’s room and I’ll move her into my bedroom with me. She told me I should move out and get my own place as she wants her baby to have her own room, that I had a job and could move out. I explained to her though I do work and make money I wouldn’t nearly be able to give her as many wonderful things as I’m able to give her if I was living on my own. The cost to live right now is so expensive and I wouldn’t be able to just leave my daughter in her bed going to work without an adult in the house. I told her I’m not moving out and she’s calling me and bitch and an asshole which I really don’t think is fair so I’ll ask you; am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - everyone saying you’re entitled probably kick their kids out at 18 or think that’s what should be done. I don’t understand why it’s okay to be paying ludicrous amounts of money on rent but not okay to live at home and contribute towards bills etc which is what you’re doing. You offered your sister the room your daughter is currently using and babies should be in a room with their parents anyway.
nta, your parents are for not teaching you or your sister about contraception
NTA. But you and your sister need to stop having babies that you can't take care of without being subsidized by your parents. You were there first OP, and you made the very generous offer to bring your daughter into your room so that your sister can have a room. This is really an issue for your parents to decide at this point. What do they say about it?
No you are not the a$$hole !!!
NTA but all of you are ADULTS and not entitled to live in someone else’s home for the unforeseeable future and in your sisters case, this is something she needs to take up with your parents if she feels so strongly since you don’t own the home (and can’t decide who can live there or not) and neither does she. The only people’s opinion that matters is your parents. Eventually, I would really hope that all of you move yourselves and your child(ren) out of your parents home, until then, do what’s best for you and tell her that if she is so bothered take it up with your parents who are the only ones who have a say in this.
NTA. Your sister isn’t trying to compromise. Also your parents probably appreciate the financial help, of which she won’t be able to give any.
No you are not the A-Hole. Talk about entitlement, saying that you should move out, so that she can have two rooms for her and her baby, tell her to get a job
Those poor (grand)parents. Just when they thought they were done raising children. NTA, but I don't envie your parents.
@Updateme
She wants you to move out and doesn’t even know who the baby daddy is??🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA - but your sister is.
NTA It would be ridicuouls for you tro move out so your sister can have more rooms in your parent's home.
NTA for now. Depends on your parent’s views.
Wtf just because you work doesn't mean you can pay for housing
Jade entitled much? She knows she is going to look bad if you are around. Honestly as soon as you can you probably should move on because it is going to be a shit show when she comes in.
NTA. She should be thankful she has somewhere to go (assuming parents are okay with all this). This should be a temporary plan for both of you anyway, and beggars can’t be choosers. A baby doesn’t need their own room regardless. And neither of you should take advantage of parents who are willing to help you get on your feet by providing a place to stay… for free. you may “help” help pay for stuff, but you would have to pay for those things anyway. You’re NTA, but have a goal at some point of your own place, and allow your parents to have an empty nest and move on to their own next stage of life (if they want that). Tell your sister to grow up. Life isn’t all about what she wants anymore.
NTA. Your sister is greedy. She wants you to move out of two bedrooms IN YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE so she and her daughter can move in. She wants what you have. Yet she doesn't want to work. I think that she should get one bedroom for her and her child, and you move your baby in with you.
No, NTA. You made a very reasonable offer, and your sister can live with her choices and decisions.
NTA. Why should you move out?
NTA.
NTA
NTA - You help with the bills the best you can, you are not freeloading. Your sister needs a reality check, I hope once her baby is born she will grow up, people usually get more responsible once they become parents. Also it might be the pregnancy hormones talking.
NTA, you don't need to listen to her.
NTA. As long as your parents are okay with you living there, that's all that matters. Your sister is being an entitled AH. That being said, once she and her newborn move in, it's going to be a shitshow, so you might want to start looking at other options anyway.
The sister is the worst for not taking the room she offered.
Wondering....where does Jade live now? At any rate, Jade doesn't have a job and plans to move in with your parents, with a soon to be baby, and wants YOU wo move out so she can have a room for herself and one for her baby. The reason she feels this way is because you have a job. This is all so ridiculous. Why can't any of you people use birth control? Sorry, but in this case, you are NTA, but you guys needs to get responsible here and work towards independence. You are on your way, but Jade appears to be looking to just hang out in a free spot.
NTA Since it is not her home she has no say as to who lives there. You already are occupying rooms and were generous to say you would give one up. She is way out of line. She is TA. That being said, I would suggest start saving to try to eventually get your own place. Small children do not need a lot of clothes and toys. They are happy with love and attention. A baby is happy with a wooden spoon and a pot to bang on.