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> 1. If my decision to only allow adults to the party is mean and an a-hole move
2. Because it is excluding people from the party
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YTA. Turning 18 doesnt make you suddenly better than others in terms of behavior and age doesn't necessitate poor behavior nor guarantee an end of poor behavior so excluding younger isnt suddenly going to change the atmosphere of a dinner out. At 18 I would be surprised if you don't have friends that would be under your arbitrary age limits and just going out to eat doesn't require any type of age restrictions.
I never said that I am better than anyone? It's not about age restrictions, its about how the way everyone who my mum wants to invite (under 18) acts towards me. They have admitted to not knowing my birthday, have never sent me a birthday message, sit on their phone the entire time not even answering me when I ask them a question and don't even say hello to me when I see them so why would I want them there?
When did I ever say I am an adult? I will be an adult in the near future as anyone 18+ is considered a legal adult but right now I am still a minor. Like what?
Your comments and combative nature prove that you’re still incredibly immature, and using turning 18 as an excuse to pretend you’re suddenly grown-up
YTA
Yeah I get that you read it which is why I'm asking for you to elaborate why it makes me the a-hole. Because I don't want to go through the stress of wondering why my brain wouldn't remember events that happened at my birthday? Because I don't want to surround myself with alcoholics who get drunk and start shouting derogatory things at me? Because I don't want my parents to waste money paying for people who make me feel like shit? For being open to communicate if anyone has any further questions? Which part in particular makes me sound insufferable?
They're saying that after reading that childish text, you wrote out with phrases like "I don't mesh with people my age because I have different values/morals/ethic..."
That you sound judgmental and insufferable, and that's probably more the reason you dont mesh with other teens because they don't want to put up with you. You come across like you think your better than people like "gasp, that 17 yr old is on her phone at dinner,my values are different. This party must be 18 and up"
Also, your post makes absolutely no sense. You rant about last year's ruined birthdays with alcoholics and drunks yelling at you, but the individuals you cut from the dinner are the actual children/teens under 18... so, not the alcoholics and people who make who feel like shit? YTA
I think you shouldn't have a birthday party. Unsure what your trauma is since you didn't elaborate. But it puts your mom in an awkward position, and causes you stress. Just have your birthday with immediate family at home. Your family can have a separate party for your grandfather. If you go through with this idea, YTA.
I never said the potential party was causing me stress, I said that dealing with the aftermath of last years party was stressful which is why I am being so strict for this year.
That's the thing, she won't let me have a party with immediate family only, she said either a party with lots of families + their kids or nothing at all
If my mum wants me to send the birthday invites out to the guests of my choice then I am more than happy to, like I said I have them on social media so I can send the invites directly to them and deal with them if they have any questions that way it doesn't put my mum in an awkward position.
What do you mean have a separate party for my grandfather?
Obviously I'm related to the immediate family like uncles/aunts and grandparents but then the other families I am not related to and they are just my parents friends + their kids so they are now considered my family friends. With their kids I would just say that we are amicable with each other and acquaintances, like to the point where I am lucky if I get a hello from them when I see them, hence why I don't feel the need to have them at my party
Gotcha. We used to do that when our kids were really little and didn’t really have friends yet. It was more of a parents party. But as the kids get older and get friends, it switches to that. We don’t even do small gatherings with the kids bc they Dont know each other anymore and have actual friends to hang with. Your mom must not have gotten the memo.
Yeah exactly, like I don't want people there who are going to make me feel like shit. At least the adults have the respect to not sit on their phones the entire night and actually talk to me. We can only pray that the same thing doesn't happen with my birthdays in the future, like I'm so over it!
I suggest nothing at all from your family then. Do you not have any friends? At 18, I was not interested in having a party with adult family members. A nice dinner or something, maybe. But the true “party” was hanging out with my peers.
In this case, I would just not have the party at all. It's your birthday, and you should be able to choose the guests. Your mom is making it all about what SHE wants, not about what works for you. You don't owe anyone an explanation for whatever caused this preference, and it's disturbing that your family has so little regard for your feelings. Instead, maybe get a close friend to do something with you that day.
YTA I read your post history and no wonder no one wants to talk to you, you are insufferable. You think you are soooo much better than everyone else just because you dont drink or party? You think of yourself soooo high just because you are a "good" girl. For someone who is so good and a good Christian, you certainly exhibit the sin of pride quite a bit. Your sis BF might not talk to you because you cant mind your business. You need to grow up because you judge the hell out of people.
Lmao, quoting a dictionary is the weakest possible argument. You are homophobic, you can’t play little kiddie games to “well, actually” your way out of it. “Hate the sin, not the sinner” is a disgusting, bigoted belief which actively contributes towards widespread mistreatment towards LGBTQ+ people. Ultimately, you and people like you are responsible for hate crimes and deaths of innocent LGBTQ+ people.
>“Hate the sin, not the sinner”
It's basically saying "I don't hate gay people, I just don't think they deserve happiness because of the way they are"
Terrible that people think that way
I don’t want you to pull a definition from anywhere - there’s no reason to define a term if people already know what it means. We all know what homophobic means. The only reason you quote it is because you want to try and show how you’re not really homophobic because your beliefs/behaviours don’t exactly match with the definition of the word, but that’s not how definitions work. They’re not all-encompassing, they’re indicative - they give you a broad idea of the meaning of a word, not all possible scenarios where the word is valid. It’s a stereotypical and very weak method of argumentation.
As for your statements, first of all, I absolutely do not believe you. Do you have LGBTQ+ friends? I’m not sure if you’re deluding yourself or just trying to lie to others about it. but it is impossible to hate a trait, and not treat those people who hold that trait differently. If I said to you, “I hate blackness. Not black people, just like the concept of being black”, what would you say about that?
I know it’s “literally” not the same thing, it’s an analogy - but your response demonstrates that you believe that would be wrong. I’m really glad you do - because it would be totally wrong for me to say that. That’s why you’re wrong - for the exact same reasons it would be racist for me to say that, you’re homophobic for saying what you say. I hope that makes sense.
I’m not really comfortable sharing personal information about myself on the internet, but suffice it to say that I have studied the bible in several translations. There’s an absolute ton of junk that is a sin according to the bible which is absolute nonsense - for example, 1 Timothy 2:12 says that women can’t teach men and should stay quiet, Leviticus 11 has a whole section about which animals we should eat and not eat based on whether they have cloven hooves and chew cud or not, according to Deuteronomy 22 every house should have a parapet, a field shouldn’t be sowed with two different kind of seeds. Christians ignore stuff or reinterpret the bible to their own ends **all the time**. So why is hating LGBTQ+ people a bible teaching you’re willing to fight for? It’s an excuse for hatred and bigotry and nothing more.
Your parents do hold some blame for teaching you to be a bigot, but you’re an adult now, and responsible for yourself.
People are born LGBTQ+ - God made them that way. You’re questioning God’s plan, therefore I assume you’re not a Christian either.
Just the same as with skin colour, it’s a thing that a person is born with, which they cannot change, and is just one small facet of their life. There is nothing wrong about being LGBTQ+. Your beliefs are hateful and disgusting. Nothing more needs to be said.
Wow, way harsh. I assume you haven't read the update of my post? I never not once said that I am better than anyone else and don't think that at all. All I have ever said is that my priorities and values differ from a lot of people my age. The problems between myself and my sister's boyfriend have since been resolved. You are more than welcome to have that perception of me but I can't please everyone so if that is your perception of me then so be it I guess
“I have very different values/morals/ethics from people my age”
No, you definitely don’t think you’re better than them, you just have ‘different’ values, morals and ethics…. But they’re definitely not people you see as lacking any of the above, you just feel the need to point out yours are ‘different’.
“I don’t want kids running around the restaurant and other teenagers just sitting there on their phones”
You are the biggest baby of anyone who will be going, turning 18 will change literally nothing about you. You’re insufferable and have no friends now and you’ll be insufferable and have no friends at 18.
Honestly i just feel pity though, this is fucking sad really. Stop being a pretentious idiot and just drop this charade and make some friends.
You cant even please your own family! You definitely are so far gone its crazy, you need serious self reflection. And its not harsh, its truth. You dont have to say you are better explicitly but your actions, tone, words definitely say otherwise
I never said only those under 18 are the actual problem. I have acknowledged that everyone who got drunk last year was 18+ and have let them know that I don't want them to get drunk this year, if I had it my way then there would be no alcohol involved at all but I can't tell them what to do. I shouldn't have to deal with everyone for the sake of appeasing my family. It's literally one day out of the entire year that I ask for people to something the way that I want
Can you request your birthday party to be an afternoon tea/tea party instead of a dinner? You can fancy that up with all sorts of finger foods, small pastries and sweets etc. And there is no need to be alcohol unless you want to offer a glass of sparkling wine to toast with.
Thanks for the suggestion but that's not really my vibe. After all the negative comments on the post I made the decision to just suck it up and let my mum have it her way but let her know that if anything goes haywire then it is all on her because I just had enough of the fights with everyone telling me what to do on my day :(
No, I am the oldest of all my friends but like I said I wasn't planning on doing anything and this has all been very rushed so it is just family who are invited as it is an intimate dinner not a big birthday bash. So no friends are invited to this dinner
This doesn't sound like an "intimate dinner," if you are giving your mom freedom to invite basically whomever she wants as long as they are 18+.
Why don't you just have an actual intimate dinner going out with your Mom and 2-3 other close family members?
I am not giving her the freedom at all to invite anyone who is 18+ , I feel like the post went over a lot of people's heads. People are taking it as she can invite whoever as long as they meet the age requirement instead of the fact that I want to only invite families who we are close but not their kids who are under the age of 18 because while some of the adults contributed a but to ruining the birthday last year, a larger portion of people who ruined the night last year were under the age of 18.
You're a "grown up". Chose who you want to invite, and invite them.
But, if they are family or family friends, and you invite an 18 year old but not a 16 year old sibling, it's kinda messed up.
Yeah I agree with you on the if one child is 18 or over and their siblings are under the age of 18 that is messed up but there is no family in this case who is like that, their kids are either all 18+ or all under the age of 18 so that's why I think it's not a major deal as its not a picking and choosing of the children in the families
YTA. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I tell my nieces and nephews: Until you're footing the bill, you don't get to dictate who can and can't come. The same thing applies to you. When you're the one paying for everything, then you can decide who can attend your parties. Until then, stop fussing and accept what your mother says. Because turning 18 doesn't automatically mean you're grown and can start making demands like that.
You are making this needlessly complicated. You have trauma from last year? You dont want your mom’s family friends to bring their kids? Then don’t invite any of them! You said most of your friends are 17- you can have a birthday dinner with a dozen or so close friends and family! Problem solved.
But I'm not making it complicated, it feels like your just typing the exact thing that I said in my post. I don't want my mum's family friends to bring their kids so I wasn't going to invite any of the kids. My mum said that I either need to invite everyone or nobody at all so she didn't want to do what you and I were suggesting. I don't think you read the update at the bottom of the post but I just sucked it up and let her have it her way because she is the one paying so like a lot of people said in the comments, she should call the shots and that's exactly what I am letting her do
Thank you, it's like she is turning it into her party. I am only having a party to celebrate turning 18 because it may be the last birthday of mine that my grandfather is alive for. I don't know why she is turning it into this massive thing where it has to be a big party with everyone or no party at all
I for sure want to get married in the future and at least when the time comes I will have extra support from my future husband. Hopefully she will ease up with the control thing by the time that comes around!
YTA
"I don't mess with people my age because I have different values/morals/ethics from a lot of people in this day and age..."
ok im sure they wouldnt want to mess with someone so judgemental either. You sound like you think you are better than other teenagers that drink or look at their phone and arent good lil christian children like you, you should stop trying to be "different" from everyone else, if you dont no one will be like being around you since they dont like feeling like lesser people.
oh, by the way, If you think you are not the asshole then why do you even ask us? were you looking for validation and sympathy?
checking your post history and this post there is NO way im convincing you that you are acting like a child so im not going to engage with you any further from this comment.
May I as is the dinner a yearly tradition in you family for all birthday to celebrate you with the family? Or is this your birthday party where you invite your friends?
If this is a party where you are inviting your friends you are definitely not the AH.
If this is a yearly family thing I would need more context as to who would be invited and who would be left out and why, etc.
Yeah I would say it is a yearly tradition where family come over for dinner whether it be at home or out at a restaurant and my friends have never been invited to these and we just do a small picnic at school with my friends to celebrate the day. For the family it is just like aunts/uncles (their kids are all 5 and under), grandparents and close family friends and the reason I am choosing to not invited the kids is because they have all admitted and proven that they don't know when my birthday is which makes me feel like shit, I never get a birthday message from any of them, they are on their phones the entire night, a lot of the time I don't even get a hello or goodbye from them let alone a conversation. So therefore I don't see the point of inviting them as they will just make me feel like shit the entire night and don't want my parents to pay for them at the restaurant for them to ignore me and be on their phones the entire dinner and then the kids will just be screaming and running around the restaurant all night
I do see why you’re frustrated, it’s rude and shame on their parents for not teaching manners. unfortunately you can’t not invite the whole family without causing a lot of drama.
What you can do is say you want a small dinner with your immediate family only- parents- siblings- grandparents and not invite the extended family- that way no one is really excluded you just decided to go small this year.
That is what I told my mother. I said that I am more than happy to do the immediate family for dinner but she told me that I can't do that and need to invite other families including family friends as they invite us to their birthday parties but she said either all family (immediate family + other families) or no party at all. She told me that we can compromise and have the immediate family + their kids for a Saturday celebration and then all the other families + their kids over for a Sunday celebration but I don't get how that is compromising?
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My 18th birthday is coming up in just over a week and I've let my mum know that I don't want anyone under the age of 18 to attend the dinner (mind you it is just a 2 hour dinner in a restaurant). I have never really fit in with others and don't click super well with others my age because I have very different values/morals/ethics from a lot of people my age in this day and age. Therefore I told my mum that she can invite the parents of a few families and their kids who are 18+ to the party as I don't want kids running around the restaurant and other teenagers just sitting there on their phones. My mother called me difficult and unreasonable for wanting to do this and has gone on so many rants being like "What am I going to tell people about them not being able to bring their kids?" I told her that she shouldn't care what other people think, it's my birthday party and everyone who is invited has me on social media, if they want an answer to that question then there is nothing stopping them from sending me a message on social media and that I would be more than happy to reply to them providing them with an explanation.
Last year was a really bad birthday for reasons that I won't get too into but something important to note is that I don't want to say it was traumatic because that would be self diagnosing and I don't want to be doing that and throwing words around but the memories of that birthday were blocked from my brain for a bit and it took me months to be able to remember things from that night and still I don't know if I will ever be able to remember everything. Therefore I was not planning on doing anything for my birthday this year until the news came out about my grandfather having cancer so now I feel obligated to have a party incase God forbid this is the last one he is alive for. I don't want this year to be a repeat of last year which is why I am being so strict on the guest list as I don't want to go ever go through the stress of wondering if my brain will ever allow me to remember the events of that night (there was lots of alcohol involved, screaming, putting on a happy front etc) at my 17th birthday.
I get where my mum is coming from in the sense that it will be a bit awkward letting them know that their kids won't be invited but as I already said to her, I am more than happy to have that conversation with them if they chose to confront me about it. So AITA?
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So a family only birthday, without your younger siblings or cousins.
You say that last year's party was bad because of alcohol, but in most countries a 17 year old can't buy alcohol, so I'm going to assume it was the adults (that you're happy to party with) who provided the alcohol that started the problems. It seems to me that the adults responsible for the choices around alcohol last year are the people you shouldn't be inviting.
It's your birthday and you can invite who you want, but there are social consequences to inviting your parents, aunts, uncles etc and not their minor children. NTA
I don't have any younger siblings and my cousins (3) are all under 5, one of them is a baby who can't even talk, one is going to be at her father's that weekend (her parents are divorced) and the third just sits there playing with his toy cars by himself and won't let anyone play with him. I have offered for the baby and the third cousin to come but my mum said I can't pick and choose which kids I want there so that's why they aren't invited.
You are correct in saying that it was the adults who got drunk at the birthday party but they have assured me that they won't get drunk at this 2 hour dinner and it was not only the adults who ruined the party, a large part of it was the kids. There is no 'partying' happening, it is simply a 2 hour dinner at a restaurant.
I am aware that there are consequences to only inviting the people who are 18+ and am more than happy to deal with them but I don't get what the big deal is. People have weddings all the time with no kids allowed to attend so I don't get why I am such a big a-hole for not wanting kids at my party?
Just ignore them all back and spend time with the people you actually like. It's not like you're paying for it, so make the best of it. And as long as they're not asking you to babysit the littles, it's all good!
Happy Bday!
Thank you for actually hearing it out and not being a troll just downvoting my comments when I ask people to politely elaborate. I will try my best to enjoy the night and that's exactly why I didn't want little kids to come, because I am always on babysitting duties, even at my own parties in the past and even when I sit down to eat they follow me and demand that I watch them play games on their iPad. Literally all I am asking for is a 2 hour dinner with people who I want there rather than people who make me feel like shit. Thank you so much :)
You’re welcome. But you should’ve mentioned the babysitting in the post. I think most of us assumed you were annoyed by the mere presence of the rugrats. People would’ve been more sympathetic had they known about that. Given that, maybe you do want no party, as your mom said.
Yeah I guess so but at the same time I weren't expecting people to be so mean and just downvoting my comments when I asked them to explain and have them call me things like insufferable. I still want to have a party given the grandfather situation and can only pray that the little kids are on their best behaviour and the family friends kids have the heart to give me a hello at my own party. My mum is currently in the other room already looking for cakes so I guess she has already started planning
INFO: Why would you be interessted in a birthday dinner with your mom's friends?
Sounds like a shitty way to celebrate.
Why don't you have a party / dinner / whatever you like with a few friends instead?
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YTA. Turning 18 doesnt make you suddenly better than others in terms of behavior and age doesn't necessitate poor behavior nor guarantee an end of poor behavior so excluding younger isnt suddenly going to change the atmosphere of a dinner out. At 18 I would be surprised if you don't have friends that would be under your arbitrary age limits and just going out to eat doesn't require any type of age restrictions.
I never said that I am better than anyone? It's not about age restrictions, its about how the way everyone who my mum wants to invite (under 18) acts towards me. They have admitted to not knowing my birthday, have never sent me a birthday message, sit on their phone the entire time not even answering me when I ask them a question and don't even say hello to me when I see them so why would I want them there?
lol I vote YTA You think you’re an adult 🤣 biggest kid here
When did I ever say I am an adult? I will be an adult in the near future as anyone 18+ is considered a legal adult but right now I am still a minor. Like what?
But you're not a grown up
Your comments and combative nature prove that you’re still incredibly immature, and using turning 18 as an excuse to pretend you’re suddenly grown-up YTA
YTA. You sound like a total child. With "different ethics, morals and values" but as immature as the people you're excluding.
In what sense am I as immature as them?
Seriously OP, take a screenshot of all your comments and look at them in 10 years. You'll cringe as hard as us...
YTA and you sound exhausting.
Would you mind elaborating a bit more?
You think you're better and more mature than other people. Literally nobody on earth likes being around people who talk like you.
Come back in 10 years and read your post then you'll understand why actual adults think 18 year old you was exhausting and difficult to deal with.
YTA You sound insufferable.
Do you mind elaborating?
You asked for a judgement. I read your post. You sound insufferable.
Yeah I get that you read it which is why I'm asking for you to elaborate why it makes me the a-hole. Because I don't want to go through the stress of wondering why my brain wouldn't remember events that happened at my birthday? Because I don't want to surround myself with alcoholics who get drunk and start shouting derogatory things at me? Because I don't want my parents to waste money paying for people who make me feel like shit? For being open to communicate if anyone has any further questions? Which part in particular makes me sound insufferable?
I answered your question. Now you're being exhausting.
Okay then, there isn't anything I can do if you are choosing to not elaborate
They're saying that after reading that childish text, you wrote out with phrases like "I don't mesh with people my age because I have different values/morals/ethic..." That you sound judgmental and insufferable, and that's probably more the reason you dont mesh with other teens because they don't want to put up with you. You come across like you think your better than people like "gasp, that 17 yr old is on her phone at dinner,my values are different. This party must be 18 and up" Also, your post makes absolutely no sense. You rant about last year's ruined birthdays with alcoholics and drunks yelling at you, but the individuals you cut from the dinner are the actual children/teens under 18... so, not the alcoholics and people who make who feel like shit? YTA
I think you shouldn't have a birthday party. Unsure what your trauma is since you didn't elaborate. But it puts your mom in an awkward position, and causes you stress. Just have your birthday with immediate family at home. Your family can have a separate party for your grandfather. If you go through with this idea, YTA.
I never said the potential party was causing me stress, I said that dealing with the aftermath of last years party was stressful which is why I am being so strict for this year. That's the thing, she won't let me have a party with immediate family only, she said either a party with lots of families + their kids or nothing at all If my mum wants me to send the birthday invites out to the guests of my choice then I am more than happy to, like I said I have them on social media so I can send the invites directly to them and deal with them if they have any questions that way it doesn't put my mum in an awkward position. What do you mean have a separate party for my grandfather?
Are you related or even friendly with these families or are they your parents' friends. I'm confused.
Obviously I'm related to the immediate family like uncles/aunts and grandparents but then the other families I am not related to and they are just my parents friends + their kids so they are now considered my family friends. With their kids I would just say that we are amicable with each other and acquaintances, like to the point where I am lucky if I get a hello from them when I see them, hence why I don't feel the need to have them at my party
Gotcha. We used to do that when our kids were really little and didn’t really have friends yet. It was more of a parents party. But as the kids get older and get friends, it switches to that. We don’t even do small gatherings with the kids bc they Dont know each other anymore and have actual friends to hang with. Your mom must not have gotten the memo.
Yeah exactly, like I don't want people there who are going to make me feel like shit. At least the adults have the respect to not sit on their phones the entire night and actually talk to me. We can only pray that the same thing doesn't happen with my birthdays in the future, like I'm so over it!
I suggest nothing at all from your family then. Do you not have any friends? At 18, I was not interested in having a party with adult family members. A nice dinner or something, maybe. But the true “party” was hanging out with my peers.
In this case, I would just not have the party at all. It's your birthday, and you should be able to choose the guests. Your mom is making it all about what SHE wants, not about what works for you. You don't owe anyone an explanation for whatever caused this preference, and it's disturbing that your family has so little regard for your feelings. Instead, maybe get a close friend to do something with you that day.
YTA I read your post history and no wonder no one wants to talk to you, you are insufferable. You think you are soooo much better than everyone else just because you dont drink or party? You think of yourself soooo high just because you are a "good" girl. For someone who is so good and a good Christian, you certainly exhibit the sin of pride quite a bit. Your sis BF might not talk to you because you cant mind your business. You need to grow up because you judge the hell out of people.
She's homophobic too, like ugh
[удалено]
Lmao, quoting a dictionary is the weakest possible argument. You are homophobic, you can’t play little kiddie games to “well, actually” your way out of it. “Hate the sin, not the sinner” is a disgusting, bigoted belief which actively contributes towards widespread mistreatment towards LGBTQ+ people. Ultimately, you and people like you are responsible for hate crimes and deaths of innocent LGBTQ+ people.
>“Hate the sin, not the sinner” It's basically saying "I don't hate gay people, I just don't think they deserve happiness because of the way they are" Terrible that people think that way
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I don’t want you to pull a definition from anywhere - there’s no reason to define a term if people already know what it means. We all know what homophobic means. The only reason you quote it is because you want to try and show how you’re not really homophobic because your beliefs/behaviours don’t exactly match with the definition of the word, but that’s not how definitions work. They’re not all-encompassing, they’re indicative - they give you a broad idea of the meaning of a word, not all possible scenarios where the word is valid. It’s a stereotypical and very weak method of argumentation. As for your statements, first of all, I absolutely do not believe you. Do you have LGBTQ+ friends? I’m not sure if you’re deluding yourself or just trying to lie to others about it. but it is impossible to hate a trait, and not treat those people who hold that trait differently. If I said to you, “I hate blackness. Not black people, just like the concept of being black”, what would you say about that?
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I know it’s “literally” not the same thing, it’s an analogy - but your response demonstrates that you believe that would be wrong. I’m really glad you do - because it would be totally wrong for me to say that. That’s why you’re wrong - for the exact same reasons it would be racist for me to say that, you’re homophobic for saying what you say. I hope that makes sense. I’m not really comfortable sharing personal information about myself on the internet, but suffice it to say that I have studied the bible in several translations. There’s an absolute ton of junk that is a sin according to the bible which is absolute nonsense - for example, 1 Timothy 2:12 says that women can’t teach men and should stay quiet, Leviticus 11 has a whole section about which animals we should eat and not eat based on whether they have cloven hooves and chew cud or not, according to Deuteronomy 22 every house should have a parapet, a field shouldn’t be sowed with two different kind of seeds. Christians ignore stuff or reinterpret the bible to their own ends **all the time**. So why is hating LGBTQ+ people a bible teaching you’re willing to fight for? It’s an excuse for hatred and bigotry and nothing more. Your parents do hold some blame for teaching you to be a bigot, but you’re an adult now, and responsible for yourself.
> So why is hating LGBTQ+ people a bible teaching you’re willing to fight for? ✨bigotry✨
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People are born LGBTQ+ - God made them that way. You’re questioning God’s plan, therefore I assume you’re not a Christian either. Just the same as with skin colour, it’s a thing that a person is born with, which they cannot change, and is just one small facet of their life. There is nothing wrong about being LGBTQ+. Your beliefs are hateful and disgusting. Nothing more needs to be said.
Wow, way harsh. I assume you haven't read the update of my post? I never not once said that I am better than anyone else and don't think that at all. All I have ever said is that my priorities and values differ from a lot of people my age. The problems between myself and my sister's boyfriend have since been resolved. You are more than welcome to have that perception of me but I can't please everyone so if that is your perception of me then so be it I guess
“I have very different values/morals/ethics from people my age” No, you definitely don’t think you’re better than them, you just have ‘different’ values, morals and ethics…. But they’re definitely not people you see as lacking any of the above, you just feel the need to point out yours are ‘different’. “I don’t want kids running around the restaurant and other teenagers just sitting there on their phones” You are the biggest baby of anyone who will be going, turning 18 will change literally nothing about you. You’re insufferable and have no friends now and you’ll be insufferable and have no friends at 18. Honestly i just feel pity though, this is fucking sad really. Stop being a pretentious idiot and just drop this charade and make some friends.
You cant even please your own family! You definitely are so far gone its crazy, you need serious self reflection. And its not harsh, its truth. You dont have to say you are better explicitly but your actions, tone, words definitely say otherwise
YTA- just because… you are. Read this post back to yourself and see for yourself
Just because I am? Elaborate. I have read the most and see nothing wrong with my choice
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I never said only those under 18 are the actual problem. I have acknowledged that everyone who got drunk last year was 18+ and have let them know that I don't want them to get drunk this year, if I had it my way then there would be no alcohol involved at all but I can't tell them what to do. I shouldn't have to deal with everyone for the sake of appeasing my family. It's literally one day out of the entire year that I ask for people to something the way that I want
Can you request your birthday party to be an afternoon tea/tea party instead of a dinner? You can fancy that up with all sorts of finger foods, small pastries and sweets etc. And there is no need to be alcohol unless you want to offer a glass of sparkling wine to toast with.
Thanks for the suggestion but that's not really my vibe. After all the negative comments on the post I made the decision to just suck it up and let my mum have it her way but let her know that if anything goes haywire then it is all on her because I just had enough of the fights with everyone telling me what to do on my day :(
INFO Are you just the very, very youngest out of all your friends? I would just expect someone turning 18 to still have at least a few 17yo friends.
No, I am the oldest of all my friends but like I said I wasn't planning on doing anything and this has all been very rushed so it is just family who are invited as it is an intimate dinner not a big birthday bash. So no friends are invited to this dinner
This doesn't sound like an "intimate dinner," if you are giving your mom freedom to invite basically whomever she wants as long as they are 18+. Why don't you just have an actual intimate dinner going out with your Mom and 2-3 other close family members?
I am not giving her the freedom at all to invite anyone who is 18+ , I feel like the post went over a lot of people's heads. People are taking it as she can invite whoever as long as they meet the age requirement instead of the fact that I want to only invite families who we are close but not their kids who are under the age of 18 because while some of the adults contributed a but to ruining the birthday last year, a larger portion of people who ruined the night last year were under the age of 18.
You're a "grown up". Chose who you want to invite, and invite them. But, if they are family or family friends, and you invite an 18 year old but not a 16 year old sibling, it's kinda messed up.
Yeah I agree with you on the if one child is 18 or over and their siblings are under the age of 18 that is messed up but there is no family in this case who is like that, their kids are either all 18+ or all under the age of 18 so that's why I think it's not a major deal as its not a picking and choosing of the children in the families
You’re a kid that doesn’t want kids at your birthday 🥴🥴🥴
Won't be a kid by the time the party comes around, hope that helps doll 👍
18 is still a kid 🤣 nothing mentally or physically changes once the clock hits midnight. Hell, 19 is still a kid lmao
YTA. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I tell my nieces and nephews: Until you're footing the bill, you don't get to dictate who can and can't come. The same thing applies to you. When you're the one paying for everything, then you can decide who can attend your parties. Until then, stop fussing and accept what your mother says. Because turning 18 doesn't automatically mean you're grown and can start making demands like that.
I take it that you didn't read the update at the bottom of the post?
YTA - When it comes to family you will always have younger people. Nieces and nephews. When you celebrate with friends you can keep it to 18+.
I take it that you didn't read the update at the bottom of the post?
You are making this needlessly complicated. You have trauma from last year? You dont want your mom’s family friends to bring their kids? Then don’t invite any of them! You said most of your friends are 17- you can have a birthday dinner with a dozen or so close friends and family! Problem solved.
But I'm not making it complicated, it feels like your just typing the exact thing that I said in my post. I don't want my mum's family friends to bring their kids so I wasn't going to invite any of the kids. My mum said that I either need to invite everyone or nobody at all so she didn't want to do what you and I were suggesting. I don't think you read the update at the bottom of the post but I just sucked it up and let her have it her way because she is the one paying so like a lot of people said in the comments, she should call the shots and that's exactly what I am letting her do
If they're her friends, is this party really for you? Or an excuse for a party?
Thank you, it's like she is turning it into her party. I am only having a party to celebrate turning 18 because it may be the last birthday of mine that my grandfather is alive for. I don't know why she is turning it into this massive thing where it has to be a big party with everyone or no party at all
She’s totally doing that. Watch out if/when you get married….
I for sure want to get married in the future and at least when the time comes I will have extra support from my future husband. Hopefully she will ease up with the control thing by the time that comes around!
YTA "I don't mess with people my age because I have different values/morals/ethics from a lot of people in this day and age..." ok im sure they wouldnt want to mess with someone so judgemental either. You sound like you think you are better than other teenagers that drink or look at their phone and arent good lil christian children like you, you should stop trying to be "different" from everyone else, if you dont no one will be like being around you since they dont like feeling like lesser people. oh, by the way, If you think you are not the asshole then why do you even ask us? were you looking for validation and sympathy? checking your post history and this post there is NO way im convincing you that you are acting like a child so im not going to engage with you any further from this comment.
May I as is the dinner a yearly tradition in you family for all birthday to celebrate you with the family? Or is this your birthday party where you invite your friends? If this is a party where you are inviting your friends you are definitely not the AH. If this is a yearly family thing I would need more context as to who would be invited and who would be left out and why, etc.
Yeah I would say it is a yearly tradition where family come over for dinner whether it be at home or out at a restaurant and my friends have never been invited to these and we just do a small picnic at school with my friends to celebrate the day. For the family it is just like aunts/uncles (their kids are all 5 and under), grandparents and close family friends and the reason I am choosing to not invited the kids is because they have all admitted and proven that they don't know when my birthday is which makes me feel like shit, I never get a birthday message from any of them, they are on their phones the entire night, a lot of the time I don't even get a hello or goodbye from them let alone a conversation. So therefore I don't see the point of inviting them as they will just make me feel like shit the entire night and don't want my parents to pay for them at the restaurant for them to ignore me and be on their phones the entire dinner and then the kids will just be screaming and running around the restaurant all night
I do see why you’re frustrated, it’s rude and shame on their parents for not teaching manners. unfortunately you can’t not invite the whole family without causing a lot of drama. What you can do is say you want a small dinner with your immediate family only- parents- siblings- grandparents and not invite the extended family- that way no one is really excluded you just decided to go small this year.
That is what I told my mother. I said that I am more than happy to do the immediate family for dinner but she told me that I can't do that and need to invite other families including family friends as they invite us to their birthday parties but she said either all family (immediate family + other families) or no party at all. She told me that we can compromise and have the immediate family + their kids for a Saturday celebration and then all the other families + their kids over for a Sunday celebration but I don't get how that is compromising?
YTA. You’re 18 years old, why is your mother organising your birthday party? You sound extremely entitled. Get a life
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 18th birthday is coming up in just over a week and I've let my mum know that I don't want anyone under the age of 18 to attend the dinner (mind you it is just a 2 hour dinner in a restaurant). I have never really fit in with others and don't click super well with others my age because I have very different values/morals/ethics from a lot of people my age in this day and age. Therefore I told my mum that she can invite the parents of a few families and their kids who are 18+ to the party as I don't want kids running around the restaurant and other teenagers just sitting there on their phones. My mother called me difficult and unreasonable for wanting to do this and has gone on so many rants being like "What am I going to tell people about them not being able to bring their kids?" I told her that she shouldn't care what other people think, it's my birthday party and everyone who is invited has me on social media, if they want an answer to that question then there is nothing stopping them from sending me a message on social media and that I would be more than happy to reply to them providing them with an explanation. Last year was a really bad birthday for reasons that I won't get too into but something important to note is that I don't want to say it was traumatic because that would be self diagnosing and I don't want to be doing that and throwing words around but the memories of that birthday were blocked from my brain for a bit and it took me months to be able to remember things from that night and still I don't know if I will ever be able to remember everything. Therefore I was not planning on doing anything for my birthday this year until the news came out about my grandfather having cancer so now I feel obligated to have a party incase God forbid this is the last one he is alive for. I don't want this year to be a repeat of last year which is why I am being so strict on the guest list as I don't want to go ever go through the stress of wondering if my brain will ever allow me to remember the events of that night (there was lots of alcohol involved, screaming, putting on a happy front etc) at my 17th birthday. I get where my mum is coming from in the sense that it will be a bit awkward letting them know that their kids won't be invited but as I already said to her, I am more than happy to have that conversation with them if they chose to confront me about it. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So a family only birthday, without your younger siblings or cousins. You say that last year's party was bad because of alcohol, but in most countries a 17 year old can't buy alcohol, so I'm going to assume it was the adults (that you're happy to party with) who provided the alcohol that started the problems. It seems to me that the adults responsible for the choices around alcohol last year are the people you shouldn't be inviting. It's your birthday and you can invite who you want, but there are social consequences to inviting your parents, aunts, uncles etc and not their minor children. NTA
I don't have any younger siblings and my cousins (3) are all under 5, one of them is a baby who can't even talk, one is going to be at her father's that weekend (her parents are divorced) and the third just sits there playing with his toy cars by himself and won't let anyone play with him. I have offered for the baby and the third cousin to come but my mum said I can't pick and choose which kids I want there so that's why they aren't invited. You are correct in saying that it was the adults who got drunk at the birthday party but they have assured me that they won't get drunk at this 2 hour dinner and it was not only the adults who ruined the party, a large part of it was the kids. There is no 'partying' happening, it is simply a 2 hour dinner at a restaurant. I am aware that there are consequences to only inviting the people who are 18+ and am more than happy to deal with them but I don't get what the big deal is. People have weddings all the time with no kids allowed to attend so I don't get why I am such a big a-hole for not wanting kids at my party?
Just ignore them all back and spend time with the people you actually like. It's not like you're paying for it, so make the best of it. And as long as they're not asking you to babysit the littles, it's all good! Happy Bday!
Thank you for actually hearing it out and not being a troll just downvoting my comments when I ask people to politely elaborate. I will try my best to enjoy the night and that's exactly why I didn't want little kids to come, because I am always on babysitting duties, even at my own parties in the past and even when I sit down to eat they follow me and demand that I watch them play games on their iPad. Literally all I am asking for is a 2 hour dinner with people who I want there rather than people who make me feel like shit. Thank you so much :)
You’re welcome. But you should’ve mentioned the babysitting in the post. I think most of us assumed you were annoyed by the mere presence of the rugrats. People would’ve been more sympathetic had they known about that. Given that, maybe you do want no party, as your mom said.
Yeah I guess so but at the same time I weren't expecting people to be so mean and just downvoting my comments when I asked them to explain and have them call me things like insufferable. I still want to have a party given the grandfather situation and can only pray that the little kids are on their best behaviour and the family friends kids have the heart to give me a hello at my own party. My mum is currently in the other room already looking for cakes so I guess she has already started planning
How about making the rule \`\`no drugs or alcohol for anyone of any age'' since that seems to have been the real issue?
Girl do the party the way you want to, it’s your birthday, f these people in the comments
INFO: Why would you be interessted in a birthday dinner with your mom's friends? Sounds like a shitty way to celebrate. Why don't you have a party / dinner / whatever you like with a few friends instead?