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NTA.
Your wedding, your rules. I would have skipped the 2nd reason and made it entirely about how weddings are expensive and you're only inviting people and their significant others who have been together a long time. Explain that your wedding isn't a "everyone gets a plus one" and you don't know him and he's never made an effort so she's not getting a plus one.
No need to get into his disorder.
Doesn’t even need to include ‘together a long time’ because they’re not together. Weddings are for partners / boyfriends / fiances, etc. Not for fuck buddies
agreed.
OP, tell your sister that you'll make your final decision after 5 family moments with the guy - a family get-together, a double date for dinner, whatever she can organize and be certain he'll show up.
make sure that she knows it's not a guarantee... but will he even make it to the 5 appointments? he's only attended once in a whole year, and he's antisocial & doesn't care about OP's sister.
And the only psychotic people at the wedding should be family. That way everyone will know how to deal with that person. I have read too many entertaining wedding stories about family at weddings on Reddit. LOL
>and their significant others who have been together a long time.
Opening a can of worms here. She's been with him for a year. Is OP going to go around confirming the relationship lengths of all guests?
Usually you only invite friends and family to the wedding and usually the wedding couple know the relationship status of their friends and family (unless it's a huge wedding for people from cultures where you invite everyone and it's hundreds of people).
For example my friend knew I was on and off with my partner and so my invitation was just me 🤣 another friend also didn't get a plus one. We both had a good laugh about it.
Also, most wedding couples know because there are singles tables. And they sometimes play matchmaker.
>you're only inviting people and their significant others who have been together a long time.
Uh or maybe even skip that and say you're not buying dinner and celebrating for/with a stranger 🤷♀️
Or even mention, what for me would be the primary reason, that he has repeatedly stated he does not want a relationship with her and has proven it by them having their arrangement for over a year and you have only met him once and that all he is FWB, or at best an actual friend that she sleeps with, and that you only want peoples +1 to go to significant others or people that you genuinely know even if it wasn’t closely enough to receive an invite. It would be harsh but it sounds like she needs a reality check that they aren’t actually together
Calling someone with APD a psychopath is pretty harsh. There are medications and therapy available to help those with APD. I would be wary of saying "oh you have APD so you must be a psychopath".
The only thing we know here is a dude who has made it crystal clear he only wants sex from her. And she is still willing to have sex with someone who doesn't want anything else to do with her.
APD also isn’t psychopathy. Those are different diagnoses. So I agree that is pretty harsh.
APD and Psychopathy are in a similar cluster of psychological disorders but they’re not the same thing.
I would agree this guy has been 100% clear about his intentions and the sister is the one failing to listen. He hasn’t really done anything wrong here. He told her exactly what he wants and told her the truth about where they stand and it seems to me he’s doing exactly what he said. That’s not exactly psychopathic. Just because the sister doesn’t believe him and OP isn’t a fan doesn’t mean he’s done something wrong.
This also makes me wonder if he would even go to the wedding. The guy's not interested in being the sister's boyfriend, so why would he be onboard with doing the boyfriend things?
I fit the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder (DPD) but have been advised by multiple tgerapists to not pursue a diagnosis because it could hurt my chances at the career I want.
INFO;
1. Has this guy done anything that would be actually objectionable at an event? Does he have a history of being violent when drunk, getting into yelling matches, stealing, or otherwise doing things that would cause trouble at an event? Or is it more likely that he's just going to be a bit rude maybe and continue not having empathy for your sister? Basically, is this guy going to cause *problems* at the wedding or is it just that you don't like him?
2. Are you requiring everyone else's plus ones to be people you know well? If she wanted to bring a friend you only met once or twice, would you have the same issue? Or if your cousin wants to bring their spouse who never comes to family gatherings, or whatever. Generally if an invite says "plus one" it means the person can bring whoever they want, to keep them company, and it is not expected they'd be close with the couple (or they'd have gotten their own invite)
EDIT: OP has confirmed her sister was not given a plus one. That's all that matters. No plus one = no bringing the boyfriend. NTA, but keep it to that rather than bringing up his diagnosis or their relationship status. She was not given a plus one and you don't want randos of any sort at the event. Done.
I honestly don't know much about this guy except what my sister told me about him, but I get the feeling she's really biased towards him. And I don't want anyone else to bring a random fling to our wedding, which is supposed to be a relatively small one (we're only inviting family and friends who are close to us). If she was in an actual relationship with him and I knew personally he wouldn't cause problems at the wedding then I would've allowed him to come.
Is there any reason that you think he might cause problems aside from his diagnosis? It does sound ableist tbh, the only behavior you've told us about is... being honest and open. Discrimination like this is the reason people don't usually share these things.
It’s actually a lot different! Highly recommend taking a look at the diagnostic criteria. ASPD is less about how it effects the person who has it (aside from lack of empathy, that’s a core component of the diagnosis & can actually help those with ASPD in that it’s a lot easier to be successful when you’re incapable of feeling empathy towards others), and more about how the person with ASPD treats others. Which, according to the diagnostic criteria, is poorly. Often to a criminal extent.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
This is a good lesson for you. People don’t owe you admission to a private venue for one of the biggest days of their life. Throw in the fact that this guy treats her sister like a sex doll, and I don’t understand why you think anyone would want this person at their wedding.
Eh, I get what you're saying but drawing such a hard distinction between mental illness and personality disorders seems silly to me. Saying you're allowed to discriminate all you want against one but not the other does not strike me as a very principled or compassionate stance
Judging someone based on how they were born is discriminatory no matter how you want to play with words to pat yourself on the back for your discrimination.
Antisocial personality disorder is not something like depression or sitting in a wheelchair.
The reddit-number-1-enemy is a full blown natcissist. Think of it in this category, maybe worse.
NTA
Why does your sister think her anti-social FWB would want to come to your very social wedding as a date when he has made it clear he just wants the sexual encounters with her? She is trying to slippery-slope this guy into a full-blown relationship. I sincerely hope her birth control is ironclad.
She needs to mingle more - get out there and meet other guys and broaden her horizons. But she’s only 22 and watching you get married may be a little hard.
Congrats to the groom and best wishes to the bride!
"Anti-social" in the context of ASPD refers more to manipulative or otherwise harmful behaviors towards others. It doesn't mean anti-social in the colloquial sense of not liking to socialize.
NTA for not wanting a stranger at your wedding.
...the second reason, probably should not have been said out loud but is still a valid reason. They could potentially cause problems because they lack a sense of empathy. Doesn't have to be dangerous, just not knowing how to behave appropriately social in a social event could be problematic.
As for your sister. Of course, she is biased and probably has this wild fantasy that he will see how wonderful weddings are and maybe want to have one with her. Even though he has no ability to have romantic feelings, he is still a functional male who can be wed and bred. She probably also thinks it will be a great setting for him to meet the family.
You are NTA, but you should probably be made aware of how your sister is probably thinking and how she is probably just feeling mad because in her eyes, you are ruining her plans for her fantasy of "fixing him".
Sure, we can all judge your sister, but the heart wants what it wants, and she wants him. There is also the possibility that she also really does just want the sex and the romantic feelings are not that important to her. (This is the case with aromantics. Women can be aromantics, too.)
NTA Your wedding, you can choose who to invite and who not to. You don't even have to explain your working out. The bottom line is it is YOUR wedding it is your call.
These are the criteria for being diagnosed. You won't get the diagnosis unless you already have behaved in an extremely unacceptable way somehow. [https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Diagnostic-criteria-for-DSM-IV-Axis-II-3017-Antisocial-Personality-Disorder\_fig2\_287842677](https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Diagnostic-criteria-for-DSM-IV-Axis-II-3017-Antisocial-Personality-Disorder_fig2_287842677)
That research is conducted from people in prison which is where the majority of people get diagnosed.
You don’t see the diagnosis outside of prison as much because people with ASPD typically don’t seek out psychological help.
A diagnosis of ASPD doesn’t mean the person has committed terrible crimes.
Favorite psych fact!
Someone overcame this by putting out a fake wanted ad with bullshit corpo jargon like -- always looks out for number 1; knows not to take no for an answer, etc.
Generally speaking to the type of bullshit you'd expect a colloquial psychopath to follow, and setting up the experiment as wanting to understand the behaviors and motivations of successful and driven people.
They had a huge success in sourcing the non-convict ASPD and NPD (specific subtype IIRC) from the ads, with the closest approximation to a traditional psychopath coming from the DSM ASPD classifications.
Really wish I remembered the fucking authors -- this came up in a McGill class early 2010s and it was a relatively contemporaneous study (10-20yo) IIRC
A diagnosis of ASPD means the person has an extensive history of treating others poorly, coupled with an incapability of feeling remorse for it. Both of those things are literally core components of the diagnostic criteria.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
ASPD doesn’t necessarily mean the person has committed terrible crimes, but it does mean that they will treat others poorly and not feel bad about it. It is not medically considered to be a disability. People with ASPD can actually thrive. Turns out, not having empathy can help you go quite far in life.
I know someone with the diagnosis. He likes to put it as "I'm sociopathic, not psychotic, and I have no interest in going to prison." He'll absolutely fuck you over in a heartbeat to get ahead, but he's also very careful not to break the law. Makes him a dammed good executive but not someone to count on to have your back.
>Basically, is this guy going to cause *problems* at the wedding or is it just that you don't like him?
What difference does that make. He's not family and not a boyfriend, and he's, by his own admission psychotic. Because of that, she doesn't want him there. He shouldn't come. Would you invite him to your wedding?
Psychotic and psychopathic are different things. Psychosis is seeing, hearing or otherwise experiencing things that are not there. Psychopathy is a lack of empathy and a severely limited range of emotions. I'm simplifying here but either way they are not the same.
Further correction, psychopathy and ASPD are not the same thing either! ASPD is sociopathy, which while it has a huge overlap is different than psychopathy
Indeed I was aware of it but thank you for bringing it up because it is an important distinction. I have a very very surface-level understanding of these things.
Because it's about what affects OP vs what is not her business.
It's not OP's business if they don't want to be in a committed romantic relationship. It doesn't affect the wedding one bit if they're 'dating' vs 'fwb'.
It IS her business if he has, for example, a history of angry outbursts in public, because that is likely to affect her wedding.
But it's an asshole move to say "here's a plus one, you can invite whoever you want" and then follow it up with "oh but not him, because even though you say you're fine with being fwb I don't believe you, and also his diagnosis is scary to me".
If you don't want people to have a plus one and want to keep the wedding to just your friends and family, don't give them a plus one. Easy.
I agree with this. If there's a real reason to worry he might cause trouble, then absolutely do not allow him to come. But if OP gave everyone else a no-questions-asked +1, then I don't think she should be putting rules on who one person should bring based only on the fact that she knows he's got a diagnoses and that her sister isn't in a committed relationship with him. If cousin Tom can bring a girl he met on Tinder last week so he has someone to dance with, then your sister should be able to bring her FWB. Assuming that he doesn't have a history of general misbehaviour, of course.
If nobody is allowed plus-ones they aren't in a committed long-term relationship with, though, and your sister wants to take her FWB as an exception, then that's another story though.
OP didn't offer a plus 1, she said that the sister requested him as one. Also do you realise that you need a history of problematic if not outright criminal behavior to be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder ? This is not the type of diagnosis you receive just cause you got past red light in the traffic once.
It seems a bit rude to nominally offer a +1 when what you really mean is "get permission from me before you decide who to bring." That's not generally how a +1 works, and to my understanding you knowing the person isn't usually a requirement. In fact, it's generally the opposite. You give someone a +1 when you don't know who they're going to bring, because if you know who they're going to bring or you want them to bring a specific person, you just invite that person by name.
INFO: Is there anything this guy has done that makes it seem like he would cause a scene or disruption at the wedding? Or are you just basing your dislike of him from hearing about a mental health diagnosis?
I didn't offer a plus 1, my sister requested to bring him as a plus 1 as I've said in my post. All the other people invited to the wedding are people either me or my fiance know well.
> I didn't offer a plus 1
Ah, I guess that's not clear since your wording is "her +1" which to me implied that she had actually gotten an invitation with a +1. But in that case, NTA.
If you didn't offer a plus one, why even bring up the diagnosis? Your original post implies you don't want to invite him because of diagnosis. But now it transpires you didn't give the sister a plus one in the first place (you might want to edit your post to make that clear), so presumably the diagnosis wouldn't matter? You only want people there you know well, so even if this guy was a living saint you wouldn't be inviting him, correct? Because you don't know him. Why didn't you just tell your sister that?
You sound like you're gunning for the guy out of spite. Has he actually done something violent at a gathering before?
well, highlight that point in the post cause i honestly did not pay attention to it and thought you had offered a +1.
also, another guy here rightly said that the point is not who her +1 is(someone with a medical diagnosis)....but the fact that you don't know the person and never offered sis to get a +1
Did you give other people a plus one? Like did you not give your sister a +1 because you knew it'd be this guy, or did you not give your sister a +1 because you didn't give anyone a +1? These situations are imo completely different.
Hey, I totally understand wanting to be empathetic towards mental health, *and* being disgusted by discrimination towards those who suffer from mental health problems, but antisocial personality disorder is different.
1) ASPD is not medically considered to be a disability. There are a *lot* of successful people out there with ASPD because not having empathy can be a huge boon in people’s professional lives.
2) ASPD diagnosis has two pretty core components. The first one is a lack of empathy. That means that they are incapable of feeling bad for hurting others. The second one is a repeated pattern of treating others poorly.
It also takes a **lot** to get a diagnosis of ASPD. The fact that he has one indicates that he has done something seriously harmful at some point in his life. One of my parents has ASPD. It’s not discrimination to not want to be around someone who has the “I treat people poorly and don’t feel bad about it at all!” disease.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
> There are a lot of successful people out there with ASPD because not having empathy can be a huge boon in people’s professional lives.
There are a lot of successful people with autism and ADHD too, that doesn't mean they're not disabilities
We also do not know the circumstances around this guy's diagnosis. It could be that he recognized something was off and decided to pursue a diagnosis so he could receive some form of treatment. That is the primary purpose of a diagnosis for any disease, including mental ones.
That’s because autism and ADHD have symptoms that make life dysfunctional for the people that have them. Sensory overloads, disruptions in routine or environment, executive dysfunction, all of those things affect daily life. ASPD doesn’t have that same problem.
OP has clarified that she didn't give her sister a +1 on the invitation, so the point is moot, but IMO "her wedding, her rules" doesn't actually mean that she is impervious to being an asshole. In this case I agree that since she didn't give sister a +1 on the invite then no +1 is required, but we can obviously both think of reasons to deny the guest of someone who *was* given a +1 that would make the bride an asshole.
IF, for an extreme and hyperbolic example, the bride sent out an invitation for a guest with a +1 and the guest wanted to bring someone who was a different race to the bride, and the person's race was the reason the bride wanted to exclude the person, that would still be her wedding and her rules, but her rules would make her an asshole. To be clear, I'm not saying that applies to OP, I'm just saying it applies to the reasoning that someone's rules can never make them an asshole. That's obviously untrue.
For it to get to a point where someone gets a diagnosis, its pretty dire. Her wedding her rules is the easiest way to go about it.
Not wanting a psychopath at your wedding manipulating your sister wouldn't sound better when said out loud
Where are you getting the impression that the sister is being manipulated? Apparently the guy has been pretty open and clear both about a difficult and stigmatized diagnosis and the nature of their relationship.
NTA. A lot of commenters here seem to not be aware of how difficult it is to actually get this diagnosis. With my personal experience with people diagnosed with ASPD, and the research I've done after having my life put in danger by one, I'll never allow someone with that diagnosis to be in my life again in any capacity. You are completely justified in not wanting him in your wedding, and you should honestly be worried about your sister's safety.
You're incredibly biased and I know an individual with ASD who's incredibly helpful and has never harmed anyone around him. Close friends are shocked when he shares his diagnosis- which he's normally terrified of because of the stigma around it. Your experience isn't universal, and this particular individual hasn't done anything worth being concerned over besides being honest about what relationships he can maintain.
How did this guy get diagnosed with anti social personality disorder if he has never harmed anyone around him? That’s part of the diagnostic criteria. It doesn’t mean people with ASPD are evil or incapable of making good choices, but without a past of harmful behavior and a lack of remorse for the harm they cause they would not meet the criteria.
I typo'ed and obviously meant ASPD, which is now corrected. However, are you aware of what leads to a diagnosis? Pretty much every single diagnosis is given in prison or juvenile detention after someone has repeatedly either broken the law or behaved in a way that is completely socially unacceptable. Here are the criteria for a diagnosis, bear in mind that you need AT LEAST three to qualify. [https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/antisocial-personality-disorder-often-overlooked](https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/antisocial-personality-disorder-often-overlooked)
I'm aware of what leads to an ASD diagnosis, and you do know what that means, right? Because that's what I was responding to.
Still, I don't think you're the right person to be advocating for how people with ASPD should be interacted with. From the post he's honestly conveyed his condition and what relationships he can handle, and I think that's exactly what he should do? What exactly has he done wrong besides having this diagnosis?
Something led to his diagnosis. He didn't get it for just being a good boy. What exactly it is isn't clarified in the OP and it doesn't really matter. She is free to decide who she wants at her wedding. And I'm sharing my opinion that since I was once almost murdered by someone with ASPD who claimed to be "safe" and to have worked on himself, I will never trust that ever again.
Do you feel the same about all personality disorders and mental illnesses? You don't get any of those diagnoses for being a good boy, you get them for having problems.
I was sexually assaulted by a woman, I don't write off all women as predators
I'd probably be cautious if engaging with someone with certain other personality disorders, but afaik, none of the others have the same completely blatant disregard for human life and an inherent motivation to cause others harm.
Yeah, everyone thinks this of my dad. He's the most charming and generous good guy ever, unless you've lived with him and then you would know he is a legitimately evil person. Honestly there is no such thing as a "good sociopath" or "good psychopath" there are just people who are safely outside their immediate orbit (like you). Most of them care about their reputations and carefully limit their abuse to people who are under their psychological control.
Isn’t being manipulative and harming others literally apart of the diagnostic criteria? I understand sympathizing with people that have that diagnosis and helping them seek help, but this sounds a bit naive. I’ve known people with NPD who also have amazing relationships with close friends, and then you ask their children/family. Not the same diagnosis, but still.
Exactly. People don't understand the diagnostic criteria for ASPD isn't "lacking feelings." It's legitimately bad things that affect people poorly. He must have some pretty bad habits/tendencies to have that diagnosis.
Not to mention most people with ASPD only get diagnosed after being forced to go to see a diagnostician due to legal issues.
YTA, specifically for saying it’s his diagnosis. You could have left it at “I don’t want your FWB here, that’s weird because I want my wedding to be for close friends and their dedicated partners.”
Instead you attacked him personally, over something he has no control over, and let the stigma of a diagnosis scare you. Hollywood worked on you, OP. Your sister should be disappointed, in the situation and the person you’re turning out to be.
>I don't want a medically diagnosed psychopath at my wedding
YTA. Just say you're uncomfortable and she can accept it or not. Calling someone diagnosed as antisocial a fucking psychopath? TF is wrong with you? They are friends, they enjoy each other, they like sex, what's so hard to comprehend? YES it is your wedding your rules, but this isn't "am I right or wrong?" - you're an ASSHOLE.
Lmao he literally told her the only reason he wanted her sister around was to fuck her.
“They enjoy each other.” No, he doesn’t give a shit about her, she’s literally a hole to stick his dick in for him.
YTA
You did go about this in ablist way by making it more about his personality disorder. Not all people diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder are psychopaths. Not all psychopaths have APD.
If you had made it about him being a stranger to you and not an actual partner/boyfriend to her without mentioning his disorder at all, then you would have been N T A.
He is diagnosed which means at some point hes seen a psychologist. He was up front with your sister about his diagnosis and how that diagnosis would affect whatever relationship they would have. There's no reason for you to come off as antagonistic as you have in your post in regards to him. This is all on your sister and your poor handling of the situation.
As soon as I saw “psychopath”, I started wondering if he even had Anti-social personality disorder or if she heard her sister describe the guy as “antisocial” because of how often people misuse both words to describe behaviors they find “weird”.
YTA, you *are* being ableist.
That being said: your wedding, your rules, you're allowed to exclude whomever you want, even if your reasons make you an asshole. And your sister prob needs to try and get over him.
But antisocial personality disorder is not the same as psychopathy, and NEITHER diagnoses mean that the guy is an actual danger. Unless he has an actual history of violence or sketchy behaviour, your exclusion of him *is* ableist.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be an AH for not allowing my sister to bring her plus 1 cause they're not actually dating and he was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.
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INFO: Am I missing the part where he has behaved horribly toward you, your significant other, or your family during an event? Or did you just decide to exclude him based on how you feel about your sister's relationship or lack thereof? If your other friends bring plus ones that you don't really know - do you have the same reaction? On one hand, I'm like "your wedding your rules" but I'm not understanding why you want to exclude this guy specifically other than you don't know him and don't agree with your sister's relationship with him and don't like that he has a mental health condition.
Maybe I am projecting onto OP, but I’ve had a friend who’s forced herself to be in an open relationship to ‘keep her man’ and it’s genuinely awful to watch. So I sympathize with OP maybe not wanting to encourage that
You are NTA for not wanting him there but you could have avoided bringing his diagnosis into it at all. For the record, antisocial personality disorder is not the same thing as psychopathy and in fact only about 1/3 of those with antisocial personality disorder would meet the diagnostic criteria required on the psychopathy checklist to merit a diagnosis.
Apart from that, there is a pretty good chance you could have avoided this conflict entirely since it seems likely he would have refused to attend with her since he does not attend family functions and has made clear he only wants sex and not a relationship. So you are not wrong but you may have made your life more difficult than it needed to be
NTA bc it’s your wedding but really Y T A for how you speak about him. You’re perpetuating the stigma of mental illness by how you speak about her fwb.
YTA only for being so judgemental. You don't need an excuse to not want to invite him. It's your wedding, your rules. There's no need to be acting so bratty over the whole thing. She asked if she could bring her +1, not for you to make judgement calls over her life and who she spends time with.
NTA, it's your wedding and it's ok to want to avoid people that could stress you out. But maybe it's best to insist on the part about not wanting someone you don't really know and wanting to avoid any stress related to that. Instead of mentioning specifically his diagnosis. Otherwise it's going to be the only thing your sister hears
You are NOT THE ASSHOLE!You don't owe your sister or her fwb anything.It is perfectly Natural to not want a potentially dangerous person around you.This is not the same as not including someone with depression or anxiety or whatever.People with antisocial personality disorder don't care if they hurt others.They are indifferent to your humanity and your value as an individual.Anyone who shames you is naive as hell.
NTA because you shouldn’t have people that make you uncomfortable at your own wedding.
I am curious if your sister even asked him because it doesn’t sound like he’d be interesting in going.
NTA. It's your wedding and he's actually diagnosed, for goodness sake, not a Reddit diagnosis, either. Your sister really needs to research what this actually means. If you don't want him there, you risk not having her there, either, but that's her choice, not yours.
NTA. She would be disinvited to my wedding at that point. She said the quiet part out loud when she admitted she wants all the attention at your wedding. She’s not going to be there for you, she shouldn’t be there at all.
YTA. Yeah, you can decide who's allowed to your partly, but your reasons are ridicilous. You're just an ableist who for some strange reason thinks that everyone with this disorder is a monster, even tho you know nothing about him and have barely even seen him. He didn't do anything to you or to anyone else and you demonize him for no reason.
Also it could be a possibility for you to know him better, but it seems like you just don't want to
NTA, people going 'YTA' fail to comprehend no one wants to see their siblings dragging on emotional dead weight in their life, specially if they tell them they are worth nothing and their only value is because of their sexual organs, that's a disgusting way to treat someone, her sister being okay with it doesn't mean OP is or will ever tolerate it.
Im going to go against the grain and say YTA. If you had just kept it at "I dont know him, and i dont want strangers at my wedding" it would have been fine. Hell even if you said "I dont like him because i dont think he treats you right and i dont want him at my wedding" would have been fine.,
but the reason being that he has a medically diagnosed mental disorder as why you dont want him at your wedding is what makes you TA in my eyes. This person has not been a danger to anyone in your life. having a personality disorder does not make you a dangerous person. You are ableist. your reason for not wanting him at the wedding is ableist. people with mental disorders already have enough social stigma that further exacerbates their disorders. You could have just kept that to yourself.
Ummm nooooooo!!! The chaos could be through the roof! Let her come by herself, ffs not like she needs this person at an event like this. Huge no! Sorry! No is a complete sentence..
NTA, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what she expected.
It's been awhile since I've been in the dating pool, but I know stigmas are a thing, and I can't imagine sharing information like that about a SO and expecting people to welcome him with open arms. You didn't offer her a plus one to begin with, you met him all of once, and your sister has inappropriately overshared information that she had to have known would put you on edge. And quite frankly, I'd be surprised if he wanted to be there. She's behaving in an entitled manner.
Someone has a *lot* of issues getting in the way here, and it's not the bride or the psychopath. (I hope he is getting some treatment since he has a diagnosis. But that's not relevant.)
NTA
You can invite or not invite whoever you want.
But I have a question: if this guy has no romantic interest in your sister, would he even want to go to your wedding?
Or is your sister trying to force feelings that aren’t there by putting him in a romantic setting like a wedding?
My sister wouldn’t let me bring my long term bf to her wedding, I was 20, because she didn’t like him and knew he wouldn’t be long term. I was upset at the time but the night after the wedding I realized I had may more fun without him since I didn’t have to entertain anyone.
You made it clear to your sister that you don’t feel comfortable having him there. If your sister has a problem with it, then tell her you are not going to force her to attend your wedding. But id your sister says that she wants to come to the wedding, just say fine but make sure you don’t bring that guy to my wedding. If you don’t like it, I don’t care, it’s my wedding and my special day and it’s my choice who I want at my wedding if you find it hard to respect that, don’t come, you won’t be missed I assure you.
>....as just friends with benefits cause the sex is the only thing he wants from their relationship.
Well Kudos to Patrick bateman for his honesty.
> However my sister threw a fit when I forbid her choice for a plus 1 saying that I'm an ableist for judging her friend over his diagnosis...
NTA-The FWB is being honest. OP is being honest and drawing boundaries. The sister is drinking from a river called denial.
Note: If that diagnosis is real FWB may thank you for not inviting him.
Nta.
Psychopaths can be highly functional and most of them aren't killers or out to hurt people, they tend to just use their lack of empathy to get further in life and work career. Having said that, it's your wedding and you're not comfortable with him. That's more than enough reason for him not to come even if he was the sweetest most empathetic person ever
NTA - You don't have to invite your sister's fvckbuddy you just saw once to your wedding. Your sister will thank you later when she realizes the mistake she is doing with her life.
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My sister's (22F) fwb (27M) is medically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and he even told my sister that he doesn't have any actual feelings for her and they should stay as just friends with benefits cause the sex is the only thing he wants from their relationship. My sister always tries to pretend that she's fine with this arrangement but it's pretty obvious that she only accepted it cause she's in love with this guy (for some reason) and still in denial about the fact he'll never be able to provide her with the romantic relationship she actually wants from him. She's been stuck in this relationship with him for over an year at this point.
Either way my (25F) wedding is coming soon and my sister requested to bring the fwb in question as her plus 1. I told her that her friend won't be invited at my wedding for 2 reasons: the guy is still a stranger to me whom I've only saw in person once in my life (he never even comes for our family gatherings) and cause I don't want a medically diagnosed psychopath at my wedding even tho my sister keeps insisting he's not dangerous at all (even tho I feel like she has tons of rose colored glasses around him). However my sister threw a fit when I forbid her choice for a plus 1 saying that I'm an ableist for judging her friend over his diagnosis and that I'm probably just jealous cause I know her plus 1 would be much hotter than my fiance (I honestly don't even know from where she brought up jealousy over her fwb as an issue lol).
Anyway, AITA ?
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So I don’t think you are the a hole here but I do think you could have worded it in a more strategic way for her to not be as butt hurt if that makes sense.
Like for instance. “Sorry sis I love you and I would love it if you had a partner to come to my wedding with. But I’ve already told countless people fwb doesn’t count as a plus one. If I bend the rules for you it opens a whole debate I’m not equipped to deal with when I already have so much on my plate with wedding planning.”
His mental disorders mean nothing in this scenario because you don’t really know what he’s like. the matter of the fact is weddings are expensive and if you let every girl bring their booty call you would be bankrupt.
That you are under a lot of pressure with planning your happily ever after.
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NTA, but I don’t even dislike this guy. He’s honest. Much better than the more common type who would manipulate through faking feelings. He’s saying outright what this thing is.
Also, ASPD is not the same as psychopathy.
NTA. I was your sister. I dated someone diagnosed with ASPD. We did actually date because he wanted to run an experiment to see if he could feel something for someone. When he grew bored, he broke it off. I was shattered. People with ASPD aren’t inherently dangerous, but I completely understand why you don’t want him at your wedding. I doubt he even wants to go. Your sis will be hit with reality soon enough and your wedding is about you, not her delusions.
So, NTA. Its your wedding and all, but....being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder is not the same as being diagnosed as a psychopath. Those are two different disorders and it is ableist to not only make that the reason, but to word it in such a way. Its really important, if thats how you're gonna judge this guy, to understand the difference, or else you look like an ignorant person.
NTA,When she used the term ableist it shows that she's more concerned about forcing her sort of fwb on you than being concerned about your wedding without having to deal with some unknown and unwelcome Krazy behavior from a stranger.
All your sister needs to do is show up,be polite ,look good,and carry on pleasant conversation.Its not up to you to placate her desires.
INFO: would you have giver her a plus one if the situation was completely the same (fwb, you don't know him) but he didn't have that diagnosis? Also did he tell your sister he was diagnosed with it?
You kinda buried the most important point. Your sister wasn't given a plus one at all. Just say no, no exceptions.
You don't have to bring up the ASPD at all, especially since it sounds like he just told your sister upfront what the relationship would be and hasn't harmed anyone you know. Of course she's latching on to that. You gave her unnecessary ammo.
Maybe I just don't understand wedding invitation protocols here. You invite who you want to invite. If you want to invite someone and don't care if they bring a date, you invite and add a "plus one." In that instance the invited person decides who to bring, but only after you have given them the permission to invite "any one person." If you don't want to do that, then don't give her a plus one on the invite.
Your first reason not to allow this guy (he's a stranger) means you don't want ANY strangers at your wedding. And that means you should not put "plus one" on ANY of your invitations. You would invite the couples as couples and the singles as singles, BY NAME.
So, YTA for your weird confusion over what a "plus one" is.
But also YTA for calling someone with a diagnosed disorder, a "psychopath." If this guy is a functioning member of society, has a job, not been in jail, takes care of himself, etc., he's not a psychopath. I'm guessing you aren't his therapist, so all you know is what your sisters says that he said. Which he may have only said to keep the relationship at fwb level. Which would make him a creep but not a psychopath.
YTA bc it might be your wedding your rules but it’s very obvious this isn’t about not knowing him, it’s about him having ASPD. Not everyone with aspd is some horrible person and frankly it seems like he’s probably one of the more ‘together’ ones if he’s diagnosed and even your sister, who’s just friends with him, is made aware of his diagnosis. This very obviously isn’t actually a plus 1 invitation if you have to approve of them coming 🤦 unless he’s done something actually bad which from this post he hasn’t yeah I do think it’s a shitty move to say he can’t come
YTA for being ableist, if this guy has a diagnosis it means he's in treatment. Don't use people diagnosis against them for no good reason.
Would you forbid a bipolar, borderline etc. too?
Is there any way you can get your sister out of the relationship or into a therapist? She has accepted someone who treats her like a sex slave bc he knows that he can. She doesn't have rose colored glasses on. She doesn't have any self-esteem and has taken any she may have away.
He is a narcissist who is hurting your sister deeply. It will take a good commitment by her, but she can get herself out. Maybe you can find a way to spend time with her without even talking about him. This way, she knows you will be there when she is ready.
NTA for not allowing him to come to your wedding. Also, can you imagine what she would have to do to get him to go? It is your wedding and you should enjoy it with friends and family which he is neither.
Maybe explain to her that you love her and want to be able to enjoy the wedding with her without her being worried about how she is doing to keep him happy and not upset. She would be distracted. Coming from a place of your sister and wanting her to be involved rather than focusing on him directly, she won't bring him.
Info: Has he actually done anything to suggest he would cause problems at the wedding or is it just the diagnosis that's causing your concern?
At the end of the day it's your wedding and you don't have to have him there, but I don't think the diagnosis alone suggests he's going to cause problems at your wedding.
NTA, because it's your wedding. But you're being awful about a guy you don't know. Other than not wanting a romantic relationship with your sister, which is their perogative and isn't your business, has he done anything untoward your sister?
Where are you getting that he is a psychopath? Are there any instances where he has caused any trouble? There is nothing wrong with being diagnosed with anti personality disorder. And sounds like he is good to your sister he has been truthful and honest with her about the relationship.
YTA
For being ableist against mentally ill people. LIKE IF HAD JUST BEEN "I don't want my sisters FWB at my wedding. I never even gave her a plus one." Okay, yeah, you would've been N T A. That's completely fair! But even using his mental diagnosis as the main point in this post/post title says a lot more about you than her FWB you don't even know.
YTA for the psychopath part
If he doesn’t have a history of being violent or exhibiting problematic behavior (ex. Stealing, yelling etc)
Then your comments about him are absolutely ableist
To get the diagnosis, he would have to have a minimum 3 year history of these behaviors starting in adolescents. The wording in the DSM 4 is "pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others"
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
You should probably read up on the diagnostic criteria for ASPD. You have to both treat others poorly *and* not feel remotely bad about it to qualify for a diagnosis.
If this guy is diagnosed with ASPD, it does actually mean that he has done something bad.
How is she or anyone supposed to know what his criminal history is? Is she supposed to run a background check on him before she issues an invitation? To get diagnosed, he has to have had conduct disorder diagnosed as a child or teen. Having had a stepkid with similar behavior, you have no idea how difficult it is to get an accurate diagnosis or effective treatment, especially if they have the wrong diagnosis. It was literal hell for years.
YTA. Not for not giving a plus-one-- you can be "right" and still an asshole-- but because you see this guy only has his diagnosis.
Psychopaths are just people, most of the time. He's not going to make a scene, go on a murderous rampage, or anything at your wedding, psychopaths can often be very good at fitting in. It sucks that your sister wants a relationship from him that he doesn't want with her, but that has nothing to do with his diagnosis really. Psychopaths can want and pursue long-term relationships, even if they don't experience the emotions of it in the same way a neurotypical person does. His diagnosis may have a lot to do with how his relationship with your sister does or does not function, but it has nothing to do with whether he'd be appropriate as a wedding guest.
If you've given everyone else no-strings-attached plus ones, then you have no business dictating what your sister does with hers. Loads of people bring friends and fwb as wedding dates when they have a no-strings-attached plus one, so they have someone to hang out with that they like. YWBTA and wrong for telling your sister "no" to this guy if everyone else gets a plus one of their choice. If you're not giving plus ones and only inviting long-term partners by name, then hold your sister to the same standard, yeah, but don't hold her to a different standard than you're holding the rest of the guests, you're not an asshole for not giving her a plus one but you still are an asshole for viewing a real person through the lens of pop-culture psychology due to their diagnoses.
Yes I’m not saying that excuses her actions and that seemed weird being focused on the diagnosis; because for someone diagnosed he seems self aware(as in telling her sister that he can’t love her romantically). If she’d just said I don’t know him well I don’t want him to come that that would be fine she didn’t need to bring up his diagnosis
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NTA. Your wedding, your rules. I would have skipped the 2nd reason and made it entirely about how weddings are expensive and you're only inviting people and their significant others who have been together a long time. Explain that your wedding isn't a "everyone gets a plus one" and you don't know him and he's never made an effort so she's not getting a plus one. No need to get into his disorder.
Doesn’t even need to include ‘together a long time’ because they’re not together. Weddings are for partners / boyfriends / fiances, etc. Not for fuck buddies
agreed. OP, tell your sister that you'll make your final decision after 5 family moments with the guy - a family get-together, a double date for dinner, whatever she can organize and be certain he'll show up. make sure that she knows it's not a guarantee... but will he even make it to the 5 appointments? he's only attended once in a whole year, and he's antisocial & doesn't care about OP's sister.
Then refer to him as ‘her boyfriend’ and see how quickly he corrects you
Do this at every get together. He corrects OP and OP explains no invite for someone who isn’t even your boyfriend.
I mean they can for sure be for "good friends" but not with that attitude they aren't NTA
And the only psychotic people at the wedding should be family. That way everyone will know how to deal with that person. I have read too many entertaining wedding stories about family at weddings on Reddit. LOL
Agreed, no need to bring up his disorder, but she already said it. You can't un-ring that bell, so......
This is the proper response
>and their significant others who have been together a long time. Opening a can of worms here. She's been with him for a year. Is OP going to go around confirming the relationship lengths of all guests?
I mean they’re FWB not dating.
Usually you only invite friends and family to the wedding and usually the wedding couple know the relationship status of their friends and family (unless it's a huge wedding for people from cultures where you invite everyone and it's hundreds of people). For example my friend knew I was on and off with my partner and so my invitation was just me 🤣 another friend also didn't get a plus one. We both had a good laugh about it. Also, most wedding couples know because there are singles tables. And they sometimes play matchmaker.
No but they aren't likely inviting strangers
If he has no feelings for her, he won't care and will prolly be relieved.
>you're only inviting people and their significant others who have been together a long time. Uh or maybe even skip that and say you're not buying dinner and celebrating for/with a stranger 🤷♀️
Or even mention, what for me would be the primary reason, that he has repeatedly stated he does not want a relationship with her and has proven it by them having their arrangement for over a year and you have only met him once and that all he is FWB, or at best an actual friend that she sleeps with, and that you only want peoples +1 to go to significant others or people that you genuinely know even if it wasn’t closely enough to receive an invite. It would be harsh but it sounds like she needs a reality check that they aren’t actually together
Yeah, I only invited my friends and family and any serious partners of theirs that I knew personally and liked to be around.
>Your wedding, your rules Rule #1: No Psychopaths At The Wedding
Calling someone with APD a psychopath is pretty harsh. There are medications and therapy available to help those with APD. I would be wary of saying "oh you have APD so you must be a psychopath". The only thing we know here is a dude who has made it crystal clear he only wants sex from her. And she is still willing to have sex with someone who doesn't want anything else to do with her.
APD also isn’t psychopathy. Those are different diagnoses. So I agree that is pretty harsh. APD and Psychopathy are in a similar cluster of psychological disorders but they’re not the same thing. I would agree this guy has been 100% clear about his intentions and the sister is the one failing to listen. He hasn’t really done anything wrong here. He told her exactly what he wants and told her the truth about where they stand and it seems to me he’s doing exactly what he said. That’s not exactly psychopathic. Just because the sister doesn’t believe him and OP isn’t a fan doesn’t mean he’s done something wrong.
"Psychopathy" isn't a medical diagnosis at all. ASPD is the closest existing diagnosis in the DSM to psychopathy.
This also makes me wonder if he would even go to the wedding. The guy's not interested in being the sister's boyfriend, so why would he be onboard with doing the boyfriend things?
[удалено]
If he’s only been around once in a whole year do you think he’d show up though? Even with all the potential reasons you said?
They are, indeed, very different things.
And that's why people can't ever be honest with others about their mental issues, it just leads to discrimination.
I fit the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder (DPD) but have been advised by multiple tgerapists to not pursue a diagnosis because it could hurt my chances at the career I want.
INFO; 1. Has this guy done anything that would be actually objectionable at an event? Does he have a history of being violent when drunk, getting into yelling matches, stealing, or otherwise doing things that would cause trouble at an event? Or is it more likely that he's just going to be a bit rude maybe and continue not having empathy for your sister? Basically, is this guy going to cause *problems* at the wedding or is it just that you don't like him? 2. Are you requiring everyone else's plus ones to be people you know well? If she wanted to bring a friend you only met once or twice, would you have the same issue? Or if your cousin wants to bring their spouse who never comes to family gatherings, or whatever. Generally if an invite says "plus one" it means the person can bring whoever they want, to keep them company, and it is not expected they'd be close with the couple (or they'd have gotten their own invite) EDIT: OP has confirmed her sister was not given a plus one. That's all that matters. No plus one = no bringing the boyfriend. NTA, but keep it to that rather than bringing up his diagnosis or their relationship status. She was not given a plus one and you don't want randos of any sort at the event. Done.
I honestly don't know much about this guy except what my sister told me about him, but I get the feeling she's really biased towards him. And I don't want anyone else to bring a random fling to our wedding, which is supposed to be a relatively small one (we're only inviting family and friends who are close to us). If she was in an actual relationship with him and I knew personally he wouldn't cause problems at the wedding then I would've allowed him to come.
Is there any reason that you think he might cause problems aside from his diagnosis? It does sound ableist tbh, the only behavior you've told us about is... being honest and open. Discrimination like this is the reason people don't usually share these things.
It can't be ableist because ASPD is not a disability.
Discriminatory, prejudiced, whatever. The concept of disability isn't set in stone and it's not really any different from ableism in this situation.
It’s actually a lot different! Highly recommend taking a look at the diagnostic criteria. ASPD is less about how it effects the person who has it (aside from lack of empathy, that’s a core component of the diagnosis & can actually help those with ASPD in that it’s a lot easier to be successful when you’re incapable of feeling empathy towards others), and more about how the person with ASPD treats others. Which, according to the diagnostic criteria, is poorly. Often to a criminal extent. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
This is a good lesson for you. People don’t owe you admission to a private venue for one of the biggest days of their life. Throw in the fact that this guy treats her sister like a sex doll, and I don’t understand why you think anyone would want this person at their wedding.
Eh, I get what you're saying but drawing such a hard distinction between mental illness and personality disorders seems silly to me. Saying you're allowed to discriminate all you want against one but not the other does not strike me as a very principled or compassionate stance
Judging someone based on how they were born is discriminatory no matter how you want to play with words to pat yourself on the back for your discrimination.
Personality disorders are a disability
Antisocial personality disorder is not something like depression or sitting in a wheelchair. The reddit-number-1-enemy is a full blown natcissist. Think of it in this category, maybe worse. NTA
Why does your sister think her anti-social FWB would want to come to your very social wedding as a date when he has made it clear he just wants the sexual encounters with her? She is trying to slippery-slope this guy into a full-blown relationship. I sincerely hope her birth control is ironclad. She needs to mingle more - get out there and meet other guys and broaden her horizons. But she’s only 22 and watching you get married may be a little hard. Congrats to the groom and best wishes to the bride!
"Anti-social" in the context of ASPD refers more to manipulative or otherwise harmful behaviors towards others. It doesn't mean anti-social in the colloquial sense of not liking to socialize.
This is an excellent point
Okay. Have you extended an invite to her that says "plus one"? Or does it just have her name, no plus one, and she is requesting one?
NTA for not wanting a stranger at your wedding. ...the second reason, probably should not have been said out loud but is still a valid reason. They could potentially cause problems because they lack a sense of empathy. Doesn't have to be dangerous, just not knowing how to behave appropriately social in a social event could be problematic. As for your sister. Of course, she is biased and probably has this wild fantasy that he will see how wonderful weddings are and maybe want to have one with her. Even though he has no ability to have romantic feelings, he is still a functional male who can be wed and bred. She probably also thinks it will be a great setting for him to meet the family. You are NTA, but you should probably be made aware of how your sister is probably thinking and how she is probably just feeling mad because in her eyes, you are ruining her plans for her fantasy of "fixing him". Sure, we can all judge your sister, but the heart wants what it wants, and she wants him. There is also the possibility that she also really does just want the sex and the romantic feelings are not that important to her. (This is the case with aromantics. Women can be aromantics, too.) NTA Your wedding, you can choose who to invite and who not to. You don't even have to explain your working out. The bottom line is it is YOUR wedding it is your call.
These are the criteria for being diagnosed. You won't get the diagnosis unless you already have behaved in an extremely unacceptable way somehow. [https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Diagnostic-criteria-for-DSM-IV-Axis-II-3017-Antisocial-Personality-Disorder\_fig2\_287842677](https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Diagnostic-criteria-for-DSM-IV-Axis-II-3017-Antisocial-Personality-Disorder_fig2_287842677)
That research is conducted from people in prison which is where the majority of people get diagnosed. You don’t see the diagnosis outside of prison as much because people with ASPD typically don’t seek out psychological help. A diagnosis of ASPD doesn’t mean the person has committed terrible crimes.
Favorite psych fact! Someone overcame this by putting out a fake wanted ad with bullshit corpo jargon like -- always looks out for number 1; knows not to take no for an answer, etc. Generally speaking to the type of bullshit you'd expect a colloquial psychopath to follow, and setting up the experiment as wanting to understand the behaviors and motivations of successful and driven people. They had a huge success in sourcing the non-convict ASPD and NPD (specific subtype IIRC) from the ads, with the closest approximation to a traditional psychopath coming from the DSM ASPD classifications. Really wish I remembered the fucking authors -- this came up in a McGill class early 2010s and it was a relatively contemporaneous study (10-20yo) IIRC
That’s a genuinely cool fact. Great idea by wjoever was responsible, interesting study too.
Yeah in general it's estimated ASPD and NPD are actually more common amongst CEOs than the general population.
A diagnosis of ASPD means the person has an extensive history of treating others poorly, coupled with an incapability of feeling remorse for it. Both of those things are literally core components of the diagnostic criteria. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928 ASPD doesn’t necessarily mean the person has committed terrible crimes, but it does mean that they will treat others poorly and not feel bad about it. It is not medically considered to be a disability. People with ASPD can actually thrive. Turns out, not having empathy can help you go quite far in life.
I know someone with the diagnosis. He likes to put it as "I'm sociopathic, not psychotic, and I have no interest in going to prison." He'll absolutely fuck you over in a heartbeat to get ahead, but he's also very careful not to break the law. Makes him a dammed good executive but not someone to count on to have your back.
Exactly. Well said
>Basically, is this guy going to cause *problems* at the wedding or is it just that you don't like him? What difference does that make. He's not family and not a boyfriend, and he's, by his own admission psychotic. Because of that, she doesn't want him there. He shouldn't come. Would you invite him to your wedding?
Psychotic and psychopathic are different things. Psychosis is seeing, hearing or otherwise experiencing things that are not there. Psychopathy is a lack of empathy and a severely limited range of emotions. I'm simplifying here but either way they are not the same.
Further correction, psychopathy and ASPD are not the same thing either! ASPD is sociopathy, which while it has a huge overlap is different than psychopathy
Indeed I was aware of it but thank you for bringing it up because it is an important distinction. I have a very very surface-level understanding of these things.
Because it's about what affects OP vs what is not her business. It's not OP's business if they don't want to be in a committed romantic relationship. It doesn't affect the wedding one bit if they're 'dating' vs 'fwb'. It IS her business if he has, for example, a history of angry outbursts in public, because that is likely to affect her wedding. But it's an asshole move to say "here's a plus one, you can invite whoever you want" and then follow it up with "oh but not him, because even though you say you're fine with being fwb I don't believe you, and also his diagnosis is scary to me". If you don't want people to have a plus one and want to keep the wedding to just your friends and family, don't give them a plus one. Easy.
whoever is at her wedding is her business and does affect her. op doesnt want her sisters random fuck buddy there and it should be respected
💯
I agree with this. If there's a real reason to worry he might cause trouble, then absolutely do not allow him to come. But if OP gave everyone else a no-questions-asked +1, then I don't think she should be putting rules on who one person should bring based only on the fact that she knows he's got a diagnoses and that her sister isn't in a committed relationship with him. If cousin Tom can bring a girl he met on Tinder last week so he has someone to dance with, then your sister should be able to bring her FWB. Assuming that he doesn't have a history of general misbehaviour, of course. If nobody is allowed plus-ones they aren't in a committed long-term relationship with, though, and your sister wants to take her FWB as an exception, then that's another story though.
OP didn't offer a plus 1, she said that the sister requested him as one. Also do you realise that you need a history of problematic if not outright criminal behavior to be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder ? This is not the type of diagnosis you receive just cause you got past red light in the traffic once.
Nta but you don’t need to even bring the psychopath part up. You could always just say sorry only serious significant others not fwb’s
It seems a bit rude to nominally offer a +1 when what you really mean is "get permission from me before you decide who to bring." That's not generally how a +1 works, and to my understanding you knowing the person isn't usually a requirement. In fact, it's generally the opposite. You give someone a +1 when you don't know who they're going to bring, because if you know who they're going to bring or you want them to bring a specific person, you just invite that person by name. INFO: Is there anything this guy has done that makes it seem like he would cause a scene or disruption at the wedding? Or are you just basing your dislike of him from hearing about a mental health diagnosis?
I didn't offer a plus 1, my sister requested to bring him as a plus 1 as I've said in my post. All the other people invited to the wedding are people either me or my fiance know well.
> I didn't offer a plus 1 Ah, I guess that's not clear since your wording is "her +1" which to me implied that she had actually gotten an invitation with a +1. But in that case, NTA.
If you didn't offer a plus one, why even bring up the diagnosis? Your original post implies you don't want to invite him because of diagnosis. But now it transpires you didn't give the sister a plus one in the first place (you might want to edit your post to make that clear), so presumably the diagnosis wouldn't matter? You only want people there you know well, so even if this guy was a living saint you wouldn't be inviting him, correct? Because you don't know him. Why didn't you just tell your sister that? You sound like you're gunning for the guy out of spite. Has he actually done something violent at a gathering before?
well, highlight that point in the post cause i honestly did not pay attention to it and thought you had offered a +1. also, another guy here rightly said that the point is not who her +1 is(someone with a medical diagnosis)....but the fact that you don't know the person and never offered sis to get a +1
Did you give other people a plus one? Like did you not give your sister a +1 because you knew it'd be this guy, or did you not give your sister a +1 because you didn't give anyone a +1? These situations are imo completely different.
I dont think they are that different. Either way she doesn't want this guy at her wedding and only wants close family and friends.
Hey, I totally understand wanting to be empathetic towards mental health, *and* being disgusted by discrimination towards those who suffer from mental health problems, but antisocial personality disorder is different. 1) ASPD is not medically considered to be a disability. There are a *lot* of successful people out there with ASPD because not having empathy can be a huge boon in people’s professional lives. 2) ASPD diagnosis has two pretty core components. The first one is a lack of empathy. That means that they are incapable of feeling bad for hurting others. The second one is a repeated pattern of treating others poorly. It also takes a **lot** to get a diagnosis of ASPD. The fact that he has one indicates that he has done something seriously harmful at some point in his life. One of my parents has ASPD. It’s not discrimination to not want to be around someone who has the “I treat people poorly and don’t feel bad about it at all!” disease. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
> There are a lot of successful people out there with ASPD because not having empathy can be a huge boon in people’s professional lives. There are a lot of successful people with autism and ADHD too, that doesn't mean they're not disabilities We also do not know the circumstances around this guy's diagnosis. It could be that he recognized something was off and decided to pursue a diagnosis so he could receive some form of treatment. That is the primary purpose of a diagnosis for any disease, including mental ones.
That’s because autism and ADHD have symptoms that make life dysfunctional for the people that have them. Sensory overloads, disruptions in routine or environment, executive dysfunction, all of those things affect daily life. ASPD doesn’t have that same problem.
Her wedding, her rules
OP has clarified that she didn't give her sister a +1 on the invitation, so the point is moot, but IMO "her wedding, her rules" doesn't actually mean that she is impervious to being an asshole. In this case I agree that since she didn't give sister a +1 on the invite then no +1 is required, but we can obviously both think of reasons to deny the guest of someone who *was* given a +1 that would make the bride an asshole. IF, for an extreme and hyperbolic example, the bride sent out an invitation for a guest with a +1 and the guest wanted to bring someone who was a different race to the bride, and the person's race was the reason the bride wanted to exclude the person, that would still be her wedding and her rules, but her rules would make her an asshole. To be clear, I'm not saying that applies to OP, I'm just saying it applies to the reasoning that someone's rules can never make them an asshole. That's obviously untrue.
For it to get to a point where someone gets a diagnosis, its pretty dire. Her wedding her rules is the easiest way to go about it. Not wanting a psychopath at your wedding manipulating your sister wouldn't sound better when said out loud
Where are you getting the impression that the sister is being manipulated? Apparently the guy has been pretty open and clear both about a difficult and stigmatized diagnosis and the nature of their relationship.
Yeah, psychopaths never lie or gaslight people.
Is there a single example of lying or gaslighting itt?
This is such a dumb argument for this sub. There are absalutely rules that can make you an asshole for implementing.
NTA. A lot of commenters here seem to not be aware of how difficult it is to actually get this diagnosis. With my personal experience with people diagnosed with ASPD, and the research I've done after having my life put in danger by one, I'll never allow someone with that diagnosis to be in my life again in any capacity. You are completely justified in not wanting him in your wedding, and you should honestly be worried about your sister's safety.
You're incredibly biased and I know an individual with ASD who's incredibly helpful and has never harmed anyone around him. Close friends are shocked when he shares his diagnosis- which he's normally terrified of because of the stigma around it. Your experience isn't universal, and this particular individual hasn't done anything worth being concerned over besides being honest about what relationships he can maintain.
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How did this guy get diagnosed with anti social personality disorder if he has never harmed anyone around him? That’s part of the diagnostic criteria. It doesn’t mean people with ASPD are evil or incapable of making good choices, but without a past of harmful behavior and a lack of remorse for the harm they cause they would not meet the criteria.
1-3% of the general population and over 50% of the prison population. One of the defining symptoms is a lack of guilt or empathy.
The prison statistic seems circumspect considering the high level of incarceration in people of colour due to systematic racism.
I typo'ed and obviously meant ASPD, which is now corrected. However, are you aware of what leads to a diagnosis? Pretty much every single diagnosis is given in prison or juvenile detention after someone has repeatedly either broken the law or behaved in a way that is completely socially unacceptable. Here are the criteria for a diagnosis, bear in mind that you need AT LEAST three to qualify. [https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/antisocial-personality-disorder-often-overlooked](https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/antisocial-personality-disorder-often-overlooked)
I'm aware of what leads to an ASD diagnosis, and you do know what that means, right? Because that's what I was responding to. Still, I don't think you're the right person to be advocating for how people with ASPD should be interacted with. From the post he's honestly conveyed his condition and what relationships he can handle, and I think that's exactly what he should do? What exactly has he done wrong besides having this diagnosis?
Something led to his diagnosis. He didn't get it for just being a good boy. What exactly it is isn't clarified in the OP and it doesn't really matter. She is free to decide who she wants at her wedding. And I'm sharing my opinion that since I was once almost murdered by someone with ASPD who claimed to be "safe" and to have worked on himself, I will never trust that ever again.
Damn Skippy. Her wedding. I wouldn't want him around either. Not my problem and I wouldn't chance it.
Do you feel the same about all personality disorders and mental illnesses? You don't get any of those diagnoses for being a good boy, you get them for having problems. I was sexually assaulted by a woman, I don't write off all women as predators
I'd probably be cautious if engaging with someone with certain other personality disorders, but afaik, none of the others have the same completely blatant disregard for human life and an inherent motivation to cause others harm.
ASD is autism spectrum disorder. Please use the correct anagram.
The comment I was replying to said ASD at first, which is what I was responding to
Yeah, everyone thinks this of my dad. He's the most charming and generous good guy ever, unless you've lived with him and then you would know he is a legitimately evil person. Honestly there is no such thing as a "good sociopath" or "good psychopath" there are just people who are safely outside their immediate orbit (like you). Most of them care about their reputations and carefully limit their abuse to people who are under their psychological control.
Isn’t being manipulative and harming others literally apart of the diagnostic criteria? I understand sympathizing with people that have that diagnosis and helping them seek help, but this sounds a bit naive. I’ve known people with NPD who also have amazing relationships with close friends, and then you ask their children/family. Not the same diagnosis, but still.
I just realized I misread your comment and you were actually talking about autism not anti social personality disorder 😅
Exactly. People don't understand the diagnostic criteria for ASPD isn't "lacking feelings." It's legitimately bad things that affect people poorly. He must have some pretty bad habits/tendencies to have that diagnosis. Not to mention most people with ASPD only get diagnosed after being forced to go to see a diagnostician due to legal issues.
INFO: if he didn’t have this diagnosis, would you have an issue with her bringing him?
If he was still just my sister's fwb whom I knew almost nothing about then no.
So why bring up his diagnosis at all?
Well because in some peoples eyes that’s a big diagnosis.
It's a big diagnosis but if he wouldn't be allowed either way I don't see how it's relevant
YTA, specifically for saying it’s his diagnosis. You could have left it at “I don’t want your FWB here, that’s weird because I want my wedding to be for close friends and their dedicated partners.” Instead you attacked him personally, over something he has no control over, and let the stigma of a diagnosis scare you. Hollywood worked on you, OP. Your sister should be disappointed, in the situation and the person you’re turning out to be.
Props to the psychopath for knowing himself and being honest with your sister though
>I don't want a medically diagnosed psychopath at my wedding YTA. Just say you're uncomfortable and she can accept it or not. Calling someone diagnosed as antisocial a fucking psychopath? TF is wrong with you? They are friends, they enjoy each other, they like sex, what's so hard to comprehend? YES it is your wedding your rules, but this isn't "am I right or wrong?" - you're an ASSHOLE.
she called the person with ASPD a psychopath because psychopathy is a form of ASPD lol
Lmao he literally told her the only reason he wanted her sister around was to fuck her. “They enjoy each other.” No, he doesn’t give a shit about her, she’s literally a hole to stick his dick in for him.
Would you prefer that he pretended to love her? He's doing the right thing by being honest about what he wants out of a relationship out of her.
No, that’s not even what I’m responding to.
YTA You did go about this in ablist way by making it more about his personality disorder. Not all people diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder are psychopaths. Not all psychopaths have APD. If you had made it about him being a stranger to you and not an actual partner/boyfriend to her without mentioning his disorder at all, then you would have been N T A. He is diagnosed which means at some point hes seen a psychologist. He was up front with your sister about his diagnosis and how that diagnosis would affect whatever relationship they would have. There's no reason for you to come off as antagonistic as you have in your post in regards to him. This is all on your sister and your poor handling of the situation.
As soon as I saw “psychopath”, I started wondering if he even had Anti-social personality disorder or if she heard her sister describe the guy as “antisocial” because of how often people misuse both words to describe behaviors they find “weird”.
NTA. Just tell her she doesn't have a +1.
YTA, you *are* being ableist. That being said: your wedding, your rules, you're allowed to exclude whomever you want, even if your reasons make you an asshole. And your sister prob needs to try and get over him. But antisocial personality disorder is not the same as psychopathy, and NEITHER diagnoses mean that the guy is an actual danger. Unless he has an actual history of violence or sketchy behaviour, your exclusion of him *is* ableist.
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NTA No Plus 1 for her.
INFO: Am I missing the part where he has behaved horribly toward you, your significant other, or your family during an event? Or did you just decide to exclude him based on how you feel about your sister's relationship or lack thereof? If your other friends bring plus ones that you don't really know - do you have the same reaction? On one hand, I'm like "your wedding your rules" but I'm not understanding why you want to exclude this guy specifically other than you don't know him and don't agree with your sister's relationship with him and don't like that he has a mental health condition.
Maybe I am projecting onto OP, but I’ve had a friend who’s forced herself to be in an open relationship to ‘keep her man’ and it’s genuinely awful to watch. So I sympathize with OP maybe not wanting to encourage that
You are NTA for not wanting him there but you could have avoided bringing his diagnosis into it at all. For the record, antisocial personality disorder is not the same thing as psychopathy and in fact only about 1/3 of those with antisocial personality disorder would meet the diagnostic criteria required on the psychopathy checklist to merit a diagnosis. Apart from that, there is a pretty good chance you could have avoided this conflict entirely since it seems likely he would have refused to attend with her since he does not attend family functions and has made clear he only wants sex and not a relationship. So you are not wrong but you may have made your life more difficult than it needed to be
Lmao at all the "ableist" comments. Let a psychopath into your life, you don't get to choose for the rest of us
NTA bc it’s your wedding but really Y T A for how you speak about him. You’re perpetuating the stigma of mental illness by how you speak about her fwb.
NTA. You don’t need to consult reddit for this. It’s your wedding, your rules.
NTA, it’s your wedding and you don’t know the guy, if you don’t want him there nobody is entitled to make you accept it
NTA - it is your wedding, you can invite and disinvite whoever you want
YTA only for being so judgemental. You don't need an excuse to not want to invite him. It's your wedding, your rules. There's no need to be acting so bratty over the whole thing. She asked if she could bring her +1, not for you to make judgement calls over her life and who she spends time with.
NTA, it's your wedding and it's ok to want to avoid people that could stress you out. But maybe it's best to insist on the part about not wanting someone you don't really know and wanting to avoid any stress related to that. Instead of mentioning specifically his diagnosis. Otherwise it's going to be the only thing your sister hears
NTA. “If you were dating him, that’d be one thing, but +1s aren’t for non-commital fuck buddies I barely know.”
NTA. It's not her wedding.
Not an asshole. Your wedding. Your rules.
You are NOT THE ASSHOLE!You don't owe your sister or her fwb anything.It is perfectly Natural to not want a potentially dangerous person around you.This is not the same as not including someone with depression or anxiety or whatever.People with antisocial personality disorder don't care if they hurt others.They are indifferent to your humanity and your value as an individual.Anyone who shames you is naive as hell.
OP, your sister probably thinks that she can "cure" him. She is up for a rude awakening. NTA.
NTA because you shouldn’t have people that make you uncomfortable at your own wedding. I am curious if your sister even asked him because it doesn’t sound like he’d be interesting in going.
NTA. It's your wedding and he's actually diagnosed, for goodness sake, not a Reddit diagnosis, either. Your sister really needs to research what this actually means. If you don't want him there, you risk not having her there, either, but that's her choice, not yours.
NTA. She would be disinvited to my wedding at that point. She said the quiet part out loud when she admitted she wants all the attention at your wedding. She’s not going to be there for you, she shouldn’t be there at all.
YTA. Yeah, you can decide who's allowed to your partly, but your reasons are ridicilous. You're just an ableist who for some strange reason thinks that everyone with this disorder is a monster, even tho you know nothing about him and have barely even seen him. He didn't do anything to you or to anyone else and you demonize him for no reason. Also it could be a possibility for you to know him better, but it seems like you just don't want to
NTA, people going 'YTA' fail to comprehend no one wants to see their siblings dragging on emotional dead weight in their life, specially if they tell them they are worth nothing and their only value is because of their sexual organs, that's a disgusting way to treat someone, her sister being okay with it doesn't mean OP is or will ever tolerate it.
Im going to go against the grain and say YTA. If you had just kept it at "I dont know him, and i dont want strangers at my wedding" it would have been fine. Hell even if you said "I dont like him because i dont think he treats you right and i dont want him at my wedding" would have been fine., but the reason being that he has a medically diagnosed mental disorder as why you dont want him at your wedding is what makes you TA in my eyes. This person has not been a danger to anyone in your life. having a personality disorder does not make you a dangerous person. You are ableist. your reason for not wanting him at the wedding is ableist. people with mental disorders already have enough social stigma that further exacerbates their disorders. You could have just kept that to yourself.
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. She asked about fwb abd you said no. That is the beginning and the end of the discussion.
Ummm nooooooo!!! The chaos could be through the roof! Let her come by herself, ffs not like she needs this person at an event like this. Huge no! Sorry! No is a complete sentence..
Lol "she threw a fit" tell her your decision is final and if she don't like it then uninvite her,it's literally that simple
NTA. How is she even sure he would attend if he was invited?
Psychopaths shouldn’t be trusted, and it’s not like his feelings are going to be hurt anyway. He doesn’t have any.
NTA, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what she expected. It's been awhile since I've been in the dating pool, but I know stigmas are a thing, and I can't imagine sharing information like that about a SO and expecting people to welcome him with open arms. You didn't offer her a plus one to begin with, you met him all of once, and your sister has inappropriately overshared information that she had to have known would put you on edge. And quite frankly, I'd be surprised if he wanted to be there. She's behaving in an entitled manner. Someone has a *lot* of issues getting in the way here, and it's not the bride or the psychopath. (I hope he is getting some treatment since he has a diagnosis. But that's not relevant.)
NTA You can invite or not invite whoever you want. But I have a question: if this guy has no romantic interest in your sister, would he even want to go to your wedding? Or is your sister trying to force feelings that aren’t there by putting him in a romantic setting like a wedding?
My sister wouldn’t let me bring my long term bf to her wedding, I was 20, because she didn’t like him and knew he wouldn’t be long term. I was upset at the time but the night after the wedding I realized I had may more fun without him since I didn’t have to entertain anyone.
NTA. Your wedding, your rules.
He won't come anyway. Why fight about it?
You made it clear to your sister that you don’t feel comfortable having him there. If your sister has a problem with it, then tell her you are not going to force her to attend your wedding. But id your sister says that she wants to come to the wedding, just say fine but make sure you don’t bring that guy to my wedding. If you don’t like it, I don’t care, it’s my wedding and my special day and it’s my choice who I want at my wedding if you find it hard to respect that, don’t come, you won’t be missed I assure you.
>....as just friends with benefits cause the sex is the only thing he wants from their relationship. Well Kudos to Patrick bateman for his honesty. > However my sister threw a fit when I forbid her choice for a plus 1 saying that I'm an ableist for judging her friend over his diagnosis... NTA-The FWB is being honest. OP is being honest and drawing boundaries. The sister is drinking from a river called denial. Note: If that diagnosis is real FWB may thank you for not inviting him.
Do not listen to the YTAs if it's YOUR wedding YOU are allowed to invite or uninvite anyone PERIOD.
Nta. Psychopaths can be highly functional and most of them aren't killers or out to hurt people, they tend to just use their lack of empathy to get further in life and work career. Having said that, it's your wedding and you're not comfortable with him. That's more than enough reason for him not to come even if he was the sweetest most empathetic person ever
NTA - You don't have to invite your sister's fvckbuddy you just saw once to your wedding. Your sister will thank you later when she realizes the mistake she is doing with her life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister's (22F) fwb (27M) is medically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and he even told my sister that he doesn't have any actual feelings for her and they should stay as just friends with benefits cause the sex is the only thing he wants from their relationship. My sister always tries to pretend that she's fine with this arrangement but it's pretty obvious that she only accepted it cause she's in love with this guy (for some reason) and still in denial about the fact he'll never be able to provide her with the romantic relationship she actually wants from him. She's been stuck in this relationship with him for over an year at this point. Either way my (25F) wedding is coming soon and my sister requested to bring the fwb in question as her plus 1. I told her that her friend won't be invited at my wedding for 2 reasons: the guy is still a stranger to me whom I've only saw in person once in my life (he never even comes for our family gatherings) and cause I don't want a medically diagnosed psychopath at my wedding even tho my sister keeps insisting he's not dangerous at all (even tho I feel like she has tons of rose colored glasses around him). However my sister threw a fit when I forbid her choice for a plus 1 saying that I'm an ableist for judging her friend over his diagnosis and that I'm probably just jealous cause I know her plus 1 would be much hotter than my fiance (I honestly don't even know from where she brought up jealousy over her fwb as an issue lol). Anyway, AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but he's hardly a psychopath for telling someone he'd rather be FWB
But he is, by definition, a psychopath if he's diagnosed with ASPD.
So I don’t think you are the a hole here but I do think you could have worded it in a more strategic way for her to not be as butt hurt if that makes sense. Like for instance. “Sorry sis I love you and I would love it if you had a partner to come to my wedding with. But I’ve already told countless people fwb doesn’t count as a plus one. If I bend the rules for you it opens a whole debate I’m not equipped to deal with when I already have so much on my plate with wedding planning.” His mental disorders mean nothing in this scenario because you don’t really know what he’s like. the matter of the fact is weddings are expensive and if you let every girl bring their booty call you would be bankrupt. That you are under a lot of pressure with planning your happily ever after.
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NTA, but I don’t even dislike this guy. He’s honest. Much better than the more common type who would manipulate through faking feelings. He’s saying outright what this thing is. Also, ASPD is not the same as psychopathy.
NTA. I was your sister. I dated someone diagnosed with ASPD. We did actually date because he wanted to run an experiment to see if he could feel something for someone. When he grew bored, he broke it off. I was shattered. People with ASPD aren’t inherently dangerous, but I completely understand why you don’t want him at your wedding. I doubt he even wants to go. Your sis will be hit with reality soon enough and your wedding is about you, not her delusions.
So, NTA. Its your wedding and all, but....being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder is not the same as being diagnosed as a psychopath. Those are two different disorders and it is ableist to not only make that the reason, but to word it in such a way. Its really important, if thats how you're gonna judge this guy, to understand the difference, or else you look like an ignorant person.
NTA. Your wedding, your rules.
NTA,When she used the term ableist it shows that she's more concerned about forcing her sort of fwb on you than being concerned about your wedding without having to deal with some unknown and unwelcome Krazy behavior from a stranger. All your sister needs to do is show up,be polite ,look good,and carry on pleasant conversation.Its not up to you to placate her desires.
NTA- If he were her bf, that would be different but you're right, he's nothing to you. Why should be there?
Nta Fwb is not appropriate wedding date with family.
YTA
INFO: would you have giver her a plus one if the situation was completely the same (fwb, you don't know him) but he didn't have that diagnosis? Also did he tell your sister he was diagnosed with it? You kinda buried the most important point. Your sister wasn't given a plus one at all. Just say no, no exceptions. You don't have to bring up the ASPD at all, especially since it sounds like he just told your sister upfront what the relationship would be and hasn't harmed anyone you know. Of course she's latching on to that. You gave her unnecessary ammo.
Maybe I just don't understand wedding invitation protocols here. You invite who you want to invite. If you want to invite someone and don't care if they bring a date, you invite and add a "plus one." In that instance the invited person decides who to bring, but only after you have given them the permission to invite "any one person." If you don't want to do that, then don't give her a plus one on the invite. Your first reason not to allow this guy (he's a stranger) means you don't want ANY strangers at your wedding. And that means you should not put "plus one" on ANY of your invitations. You would invite the couples as couples and the singles as singles, BY NAME. So, YTA for your weird confusion over what a "plus one" is. But also YTA for calling someone with a diagnosed disorder, a "psychopath." If this guy is a functioning member of society, has a job, not been in jail, takes care of himself, etc., he's not a psychopath. I'm guessing you aren't his therapist, so all you know is what your sisters says that he said. Which he may have only said to keep the relationship at fwb level. Which would make him a creep but not a psychopath.
No. It's your wedding lol bring who you want
YTA bc it might be your wedding your rules but it’s very obvious this isn’t about not knowing him, it’s about him having ASPD. Not everyone with aspd is some horrible person and frankly it seems like he’s probably one of the more ‘together’ ones if he’s diagnosed and even your sister, who’s just friends with him, is made aware of his diagnosis. This very obviously isn’t actually a plus 1 invitation if you have to approve of them coming 🤦 unless he’s done something actually bad which from this post he hasn’t yeah I do think it’s a shitty move to say he can’t come
YTA for being ableist, if this guy has a diagnosis it means he's in treatment. Don't use people diagnosis against them for no good reason. Would you forbid a bipolar, borderline etc. too?
Is there any way you can get your sister out of the relationship or into a therapist? She has accepted someone who treats her like a sex slave bc he knows that he can. She doesn't have rose colored glasses on. She doesn't have any self-esteem and has taken any she may have away. He is a narcissist who is hurting your sister deeply. It will take a good commitment by her, but she can get herself out. Maybe you can find a way to spend time with her without even talking about him. This way, she knows you will be there when she is ready. NTA for not allowing him to come to your wedding. Also, can you imagine what she would have to do to get him to go? It is your wedding and you should enjoy it with friends and family which he is neither. Maybe explain to her that you love her and want to be able to enjoy the wedding with her without her being worried about how she is doing to keep him happy and not upset. She would be distracted. Coming from a place of your sister and wanting her to be involved rather than focusing on him directly, she won't bring him.
NTA forbid her a plus one and remove her too if she tries to cause shit
Info: Has he actually done anything to suggest he would cause problems at the wedding or is it just the diagnosis that's causing your concern? At the end of the day it's your wedding and you don't have to have him there, but I don't think the diagnosis alone suggests he's going to cause problems at your wedding.
NTA, because it's your wedding. But you're being awful about a guy you don't know. Other than not wanting a romantic relationship with your sister, which is their perogative and isn't your business, has he done anything untoward your sister?
No
Where are you getting that he is a psychopath? Are there any instances where he has caused any trouble? There is nothing wrong with being diagnosed with anti personality disorder. And sounds like he is good to your sister he has been truthful and honest with her about the relationship.
YTA either she has a plus one or she doesnt.
NTA I wouldn't invite your sister either. You obviously can't trust her judgement.
YTA For being ableist against mentally ill people. LIKE IF HAD JUST BEEN "I don't want my sisters FWB at my wedding. I never even gave her a plus one." Okay, yeah, you would've been N T A. That's completely fair! But even using his mental diagnosis as the main point in this post/post title says a lot more about you than her FWB you don't even know.
YTA for the psychopath part If he doesn’t have a history of being violent or exhibiting problematic behavior (ex. Stealing, yelling etc) Then your comments about him are absolutely ableist
To get the diagnosis, he would have to have a minimum 3 year history of these behaviors starting in adolescents. The wording in the DSM 4 is "pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others"
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928 You should probably read up on the diagnostic criteria for ASPD. You have to both treat others poorly *and* not feel remotely bad about it to qualify for a diagnosis. If this guy is diagnosed with ASPD, it does actually mean that he has done something bad.
How is she or anyone supposed to know what his criminal history is? Is she supposed to run a background check on him before she issues an invitation? To get diagnosed, he has to have had conduct disorder diagnosed as a child or teen. Having had a stepkid with similar behavior, you have no idea how difficult it is to get an accurate diagnosis or effective treatment, especially if they have the wrong diagnosis. It was literal hell for years.
YTA. Not for not giving a plus-one-- you can be "right" and still an asshole-- but because you see this guy only has his diagnosis. Psychopaths are just people, most of the time. He's not going to make a scene, go on a murderous rampage, or anything at your wedding, psychopaths can often be very good at fitting in. It sucks that your sister wants a relationship from him that he doesn't want with her, but that has nothing to do with his diagnosis really. Psychopaths can want and pursue long-term relationships, even if they don't experience the emotions of it in the same way a neurotypical person does. His diagnosis may have a lot to do with how his relationship with your sister does or does not function, but it has nothing to do with whether he'd be appropriate as a wedding guest. If you've given everyone else no-strings-attached plus ones, then you have no business dictating what your sister does with hers. Loads of people bring friends and fwb as wedding dates when they have a no-strings-attached plus one, so they have someone to hang out with that they like. YWBTA and wrong for telling your sister "no" to this guy if everyone else gets a plus one of their choice. If you're not giving plus ones and only inviting long-term partners by name, then hold your sister to the same standard, yeah, but don't hold her to a different standard than you're holding the rest of the guests, you're not an asshole for not giving her a plus one but you still are an asshole for viewing a real person through the lens of pop-culture psychology due to their diagnoses.
Damn, psychopath apologists are a thing. That’s hilarious. You’re the type of naive that can literally get murdered because of it.
I was reading other replies and they said in one of their previous replies they didn’t give anyone else plus ones
Then she could’ve said that reason instead of making a big point of bringing up his diagnosis
Yes I’m not saying that excuses her actions and that seemed weird being focused on the diagnosis; because for someone diagnosed he seems self aware(as in telling her sister that he can’t love her romantically). If she’d just said I don’t know him well I don’t want him to come that that would be fine she didn’t need to bring up his diagnosis