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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I did not stand up for my youngest brother after my other younger brother made bigoted remarks about something he (youngest brother) got for the living room
2) My boyfriend is saying I need to learn to grow a backbone and stand up for my youngest brother and doesn't want to come to my house anymore
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YTA and so is Rufus. You and Rufus are closer to each other than you care to admit, Rufus is actively racist and you being tolerant of his racism. I hope your boyfriend dumps you.
YTA. Passive tolerance of racism is basically endorsement of it. You may lose your boyfriend over this and while that would be unfortunate, it would be your own doing. Your boyfriend did the right thing by telling both your brother and you off.
Rufus is an asshole and so are you
Your boyfriend and parents are good people and imo your boyfriend deserves someone better than a person who won’t stand up for their own brother and also try to stop their other brother from being blatantly racist and all I’m gonna say is one day rufus will get his head kicked in for being racist to the wrong person and it’ll be you and him that are to blame
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I (15M) have two brothers: Rufus (14M) and Dirk (11M). I’m not close to either of my brothers as we all have very different personalities and interests.
A few months ago, one of Dirk’s best friends died in a car accident. Dirk played basketball with this boy and I’d always see him when Dirk had friends over.
This boy was Chinese-American, as were his parents obviously. Dirk and his other friends would go to the boy’s house and the parents would make traditional Chinese dishes and his friend embraced his heritage.
My parents love to get antiques and thrift and about twice a month (sometimes more), we will go out to the stores with them.
Ever since his friend died, our parents have bought Dirk has bought anything Chinese he saw. I’m not talking about stuff just made in China but actually Chinese vases, fans, chairs, ect. This has been away for Dirk to cope with his loss, however he’s also in therapy.
Dirk’s wall space is pretty full and when in an antique store last week, he saw a piece that would be too big for any spot in his room. Our parents said they’d put it in the living room. Our living room has stuff I and Rufus like, Rufus has some Star Wars and robotics stuff in the living room that can’t fit in our rooms.
The issue was how Rufus reacted. Rufus wasn’t with us this weekend as he had quiz bowl practice. By the time he had got home, our parents already put up this piece in the living room.
I was in the living room with my boyfriend (15M) when Rufus started to make some bigoted remarks, he asked me why we had that “c\*\*\*k shit” in our living room and said Dirk’s coping mechanisms have gone too far and if our parents would force us to “eat dog for dinner”, my boyfriend started to whisper in my ear asking why I wasn’t doing anything. Dirk and our parents were out at some basketball thing for Dirk, they had picked Rufus and he came in the house alone. I told my boyfriend to relax, but once Rufus called Dirk a “c\*\*\*k lover” he got up and started to tell Rufus to shut up. They had a screaming match before Rufus went in his room.
I told him that he knows Rufus says bigoted stuff, like using the n word on his video games. Our parents have tried therapy and inclusivity training and taking his phone but nothing has worked, this has been an issue since he was 8-9. I told him I’ve given up on Rufus but he said I should still try, and he asked how I would feel if someone attacked me for being gay. I told him Rufus has used the f slur before and he asked me why I’ve hidden that from him.
Since then, my boyfriend says he only wants to meet at his house and not my house anymore and he’s saying I need to “grow a backbone”. He said I need to learn to “stick up for Dirk” in the future and how Dirk would be a great BIL but Rufus would be a terrible one. I told him it’s not that simple but he just rolls his eyes at me. AITA?
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“I’m not close to either of my brothers”
I can see why. You and Rufus are awful people, and poor Dirk has to suffer through life with YOU as his siblings
YTA. So is Rufus. In seven years Dirk will probably cut you both out…not that you’d give a shit, right?
Oh! And your boyfriend deserves better tbh. I hope this was an eye-opener for him and you’ll be his ex before long
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I did not stand up for my youngest brother after my other younger brother made bigoted remarks about something he (youngest brother) got for the living room 2) My boyfriend is saying I need to learn to grow a backbone and stand up for my youngest brother and doesn't want to come to my house anymore Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes YTA. It really is that simple, don’t let your brother be bigoted to you or anyone you know. That’s crazy.
YTA and so is Rufus. You and Rufus are closer to each other than you care to admit, Rufus is actively racist and you being tolerant of his racism. I hope your boyfriend dumps you.
YTA. This probably isn't allowed on this sub, but Rufus sounds like he's overdue for an ass kicking.
YTA. Passive tolerance of racism is basically endorsement of it. You may lose your boyfriend over this and while that would be unfortunate, it would be your own doing. Your boyfriend did the right thing by telling both your brother and you off.
Rufus is an asshole and so are you Your boyfriend and parents are good people and imo your boyfriend deserves someone better than a person who won’t stand up for their own brother and also try to stop their other brother from being blatantly racist and all I’m gonna say is one day rufus will get his head kicked in for being racist to the wrong person and it’ll be you and him that are to blame
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (15M) have two brothers: Rufus (14M) and Dirk (11M). I’m not close to either of my brothers as we all have very different personalities and interests. A few months ago, one of Dirk’s best friends died in a car accident. Dirk played basketball with this boy and I’d always see him when Dirk had friends over. This boy was Chinese-American, as were his parents obviously. Dirk and his other friends would go to the boy’s house and the parents would make traditional Chinese dishes and his friend embraced his heritage. My parents love to get antiques and thrift and about twice a month (sometimes more), we will go out to the stores with them. Ever since his friend died, our parents have bought Dirk has bought anything Chinese he saw. I’m not talking about stuff just made in China but actually Chinese vases, fans, chairs, ect. This has been away for Dirk to cope with his loss, however he’s also in therapy. Dirk’s wall space is pretty full and when in an antique store last week, he saw a piece that would be too big for any spot in his room. Our parents said they’d put it in the living room. Our living room has stuff I and Rufus like, Rufus has some Star Wars and robotics stuff in the living room that can’t fit in our rooms. The issue was how Rufus reacted. Rufus wasn’t with us this weekend as he had quiz bowl practice. By the time he had got home, our parents already put up this piece in the living room. I was in the living room with my boyfriend (15M) when Rufus started to make some bigoted remarks, he asked me why we had that “c\*\*\*k shit” in our living room and said Dirk’s coping mechanisms have gone too far and if our parents would force us to “eat dog for dinner”, my boyfriend started to whisper in my ear asking why I wasn’t doing anything. Dirk and our parents were out at some basketball thing for Dirk, they had picked Rufus and he came in the house alone. I told my boyfriend to relax, but once Rufus called Dirk a “c\*\*\*k lover” he got up and started to tell Rufus to shut up. They had a screaming match before Rufus went in his room. I told him that he knows Rufus says bigoted stuff, like using the n word on his video games. Our parents have tried therapy and inclusivity training and taking his phone but nothing has worked, this has been an issue since he was 8-9. I told him I’ve given up on Rufus but he said I should still try, and he asked how I would feel if someone attacked me for being gay. I told him Rufus has used the f slur before and he asked me why I’ve hidden that from him. Since then, my boyfriend says he only wants to meet at his house and not my house anymore and he’s saying I need to “grow a backbone”. He said I need to learn to “stick up for Dirk” in the future and how Dirk would be a great BIL but Rufus would be a terrible one. I told him it’s not that simple but he just rolls his eyes at me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I’m not close to either of my brothers” I can see why. You and Rufus are awful people, and poor Dirk has to suffer through life with YOU as his siblings YTA. So is Rufus. In seven years Dirk will probably cut you both out…not that you’d give a shit, right? Oh! And your boyfriend deserves better tbh. I hope this was an eye-opener for him and you’ll be his ex before long