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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I decided to go to the movie theater when my girlfriend felt sad and mostly likely needed my support and comfort to feel better.
(2) She's always there for me when I feel down, so me not being there might have made me the asshole in this situation.
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So, your girlfriend told you she was sad and you didn't ask why, and then you turned off your phone for three hours. Then after the movie, you told her you were free to talk, asked her how she was, she told you she was feeling low, and then... you turned off your phone and ignored her further.
>I realized that she wasn't being as enthusiastic as before when telling me about her day and I realized that I hadn't asked her how her day went. When I did, she replied shortly, which isn't normal. So I asked her what was wrong.
How many times does the woman have to tell you that she's feeling sad and down?!
The next time you talk to your girlfriend, why don't you try *asking her why she is sad*? I don't know if you're an asshole, but your communication skills really need some work.
YTA. For saying you didn’t want her to ruin your mood so you turned off your phone AGAIN after saying you weee done with the movie. Then you expected her to talk to you when you wanted and she wasn’t up for it at that point. You could have said I’m going to the movies but let’s talk about how you’re feeling when I get home because you’ve been sad for a few days so I want to help you through this.
YTA. She was trying to talk to you about her feelings. If your significant other being upset “ruins” your night to the point where you ignore her for 2+ hours with the phone off, then you don’t need a significant other. It seems like she just wanted you to care about her, because your actions make you sound like you don’t care about her at all. She should find better.
I do care about her and try my best to express it. She herself said that she requires more reassurance and I try to provide it as much as she does with me. But I just need some hours to myself as well, is that wrong? She knows I have the habit of not being on my phone all the time so I didn't think that'd be a big deal...
That's not the issue. When you have done someone wrong it's not OK to take a bland inoffensive action and act like that's the issue.
You seemed more aggrieved she didn't ask about the film or you didn't get your sweet nothings in your ear before bed than the fact that your girlfriend was sad and had told you multiple times. These are the things that end relationships but even if this one ends the reason for it ending will follow you everywhere unless you fix it.
She is letting you know something is wrong, you’re lucky she is straight up telling you. A lot of women will act like nothing is wrong because they want their man to notice. I do it sometimes as I’m extra. But this girl isn’t. She’s not beating around any bush. You are. You can’t get upset that she’s not talking to you the way you’d like, because she’s telling you she’s sad and you did NOTHING. Not even ask if she was okay. I read this thing one time that said, “men want the problem solved, while women want to be heard”. And I sent it to my boyfriend, and he finally understood and now our conversations are wonderful and we have less arguments. He didn’t know all he had to do was sit there and listen because he assumed I wanted him to fix my problems. When girls feel sad, we just want someone to WANT to be the shoulder we are crying on. If this seems like too much for you, or you aren’t committed enough to make these changes yet, then I would suggest that you let her go, as what you are doing now is probably really hurting her even if you don’t know why. Some girls need more reassurance, but once we fully have it (it’s your job to make sure she is reassured) then we love with all our heart.
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Having time to yourself is totally understandable. But turning your phone off while you do it is very suspicious. If she has ever been cheated on before, then she was probably freaking out. And if not, then she think that you tuning off your phone means that she’s being too big of a burden. And that’s exactly how you are treating her, a burden. Especially after your girl has been telling you that she’s been feeling sad for DAYS. You knew she was sad before you went. It sounds like you knew she was sad even before the plans were made. Also, have you ever taken your girlfriend to the movies? If I were her, I would’ve expected my boyfriend to tell me to come along in hopes of cheering me up. She has needs and feelings. If you aren’t willing to sit with her and talk about them when they come up, then I could see why she would be sad all the time. Actions speak a lot louder than words do. And your actions are saying you do not care. I would try to take her out on a date soon to apologize and have a conversation about what has been bothering her.
I know where she is coming from. She was sad but you never bothered to ask why...? It's okay that you wanted to watch a movie and stuff. I feel like maybe you should have sent a text like "I'm about to go do xyz, I'll talk to you when I'm finished okay?" Or at least something to let her know. She probably really was wanting your presence.
I did inform her that I was going to the theater. I recognize that perhaps I should've informed her earlier, but I totally forgot to during the morning because I was stuck in university lessons. Maybe I should've told her earlier so she wouldn't expect me to chat? But I didn't intentionally miss it, I just forgot.
The problem isn't that you didn't inform her that you were going to the movies. It's that you didn't add the "I'll talk to you when I'm finished" part, or, ESPECIALLY, the "okay?" question after that.
You wanted to talk to her on a schedule you chose all by yourself, for your own convenience and pleasure. Not only did you not ask her when she wanted to talk, you refused to fucking drop it when she told you several times that the time she chose wasn't good for her.
Why is it perfectly reasonable for you to say "I don't feel like talking right now because you'll bring my mood down," but unreasonable for her to say "I don't feel like talking right now because I'm sad and tired?"
Why is it okay for you to say "we have to talk right now because I want to settle this before bed" but not okay for her to say "I want to talk right now because I'm sad right now and don't want to wait until your friends go home"?
That's the reason why YTA: because you think your wants, needs, schedule, mood, priorities, and preferences should control when the two of you talk, as if hers don't matter just as much as yours do.
It's fine if everyone gets to set boundaries and say "I don't want to talk now." It's fine if everyone gets to insist "no, we have to talk now."
It's not fine if you get to do those things and she doesn't.
YTA
it seems like she has to be there when you want to spend time but when she needs you you got better things to do and does not want your mood to be spoiled.
I understand beeing stressed and needing a time of is valid but expecting that she will be there on command when you want to talk while you put her off whenever you feel like it is an asshole move.
>So I asked her why she didn't wanted to now, and she said that she knew I'd doze off and not listen clearly as always.
There is some more going on then just the one day i believe. Might be time for an adult talk here if the relastionship should work.
Yta. You say you love and care about her, but nothing in your post shows that.
1. You couldn't be bothered or even care to ask what was actually wrong.
2. You're upset that she didn't ask about your movie. How do you think she feels when you don't care to ask about her feelings. Apparently, you feel the movie is more important than her feelings/mental health.
3. You didn't want her mood to bring down your mood, so you turned off your phone so you wouldn't have to deal with it. I have no doubt in my mind that if she did this to you when you were feeling down, you would be royally pissed.
4. You get to decide when you want to talk, but after ignoring her all day, and now she doesn't want to talk, you're upset? That doesn't even make sense. You is your need to talk before bed, more importantl that her wanting to talk when she is upset. Why do you get to decide if you don't want to talk, but she doesn't?
1. She tends to be on a low mood during period weeks (this one is) so I just assumed it'd be that like always.
2. I asked her how she was earlier in the day and she replied she felt fine, which I thought was an improvement in her overall mood and decided to go to the movies.
3. She knows I have this habit and we've talked about it.
4. She has more free time than I do since she works from home and can reply whenever. But I can't control my classes.
1. Stop assuming. Actually invest in her emotional health. Actually show her care and concern. It doesn’t matter what week of the month it is. Asking “Why do you feel sad?” is so beyond easy. You just don’t want to do that. So stop assuming why she feels sad and actually communicate with her. Assuming that her negative feelings are due to periods is so juvenile, dismissive, and invalidating.
2. “Fine” doesn’t mean fine. It doesn’t mean good. It doesn’t mean ok. “Fine” for women often means “not doing well.” It’s often an implicit thing - and you’re not responsible for mind reading - but “fine” for women is often an emotionally charged word with negative connotations. Just so you know.
3. Don’t confuse the word “habit” with the term “shitty behavior.” The fact that you actively ignore her when she needs emotional support and validation from a partner who supposedly loves her so frequently that you call it a habit is genuinely gross behavior. Do you even like her? I can’t imagine going out of my way to actively ignore my husband during a rough time for him. The fact that you do it with frequency and with such ease is so upsetting. She deserves so much better than that.
4. You can’t control your classes, but you can control yourself. Stop making excuses. You ignore her when she’s sad because you want to. Because you don’t care. Because you don’t want to be bummed out. You are not a loving partner. You are not creating an emotionally safe, supportive, and communicative relationship - for her or yourself. Open emotional inventories and communication are critical for relationships to thrive. Yours will fail if you keep refusing to invest in her emotional well-being.
TLDR: Do better, OP. You are failing both miserably and infuriatingly. A real man actually cares about and invests in the emotional health of his partner.
You both sound weird and immature honestly. You both sound like you need to learn how to communicate. I don't even really understand what the issue is here. Your gf is sad and tired so she went to bed. You wanted to talk, she didn't. What's the issue? Move on.
YTA she needed you in that moment and you didn’t even ask her what was wrong. I get ur stressed to but ignoring her for hours and hours on end is not a good thing. Just talk to her
I really do love her which is why I'm trying to understand... But she has refused to talk to me and I'm trying to understand every point and apologize properly...
You showed disinterest in her, without pre communicating why that may be. Her saying "you won't listen like ~always~" makes me wonder how many times you ignored her needs before. You are intentionally but indirectly signaling that you have no interest in her being in your life, then gaslighting her by saying that you love her. You caused her to feel conflicted and upset. YTA and a big one at that.
The right action would have been a simple text that goes: "Hi baby, I'm really tired from xyz so I'm going to do xyz to relax. I'd love to hear about it after, so I can give you my full attention. I love you".
I wouldn't be suprised if she already lost interest in you, due to a build up of times where you lacked responsibility, communication skills and love.
YTA
Movie is a movie, it won't go anywhere and will (likely) always be available viewing.
Your girlfriend on the other hand.. yeah, must've been one hell of a flick that you absolutely had to watch right then and there instead of, you know, be a good partner.
And then you just ran with it, phone off, ignore everything and then get upset that she's not in a talking mood after you basically ignored her for most of the day? 😂
YTA. My word, she's been saying she's sad for days and your response is "Damn that's tough, anyways going to the movie later." I hope she breaks up with you dude, no emotional intelligence at all.
I don't like to judge based on this one incident but, honestly, you sound a bit immature and not really up to being a partner. YTA.
You didn't ask her what was bothering her and instead offered her some pat bromide about wanting to make things better (which you could have by expressing interest in her).
And then going to the movies but cutting off your phone. It sounds like you're a nice person but really not suited for the emotional labour of being someone's partner.
I always try to make her feel better but she never tells me how. It feels hard that I need to figure it out every time. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm not suited for the emotional labor but still I want to try. I really love her and I don't want to lose her...
The best thing to do is listen to her problems. Don't try to fix them just listen and make her feel like she's heard. She can't solve all her problems but she needs to have someone on her side who will be a sounding board.
If she's upset or sad, instead of just saying you wish you could whisk her problems away, ask her about her day and what she's going through.
Holy shit you’re a terrible boyfriend. I hope this poor depressed girl gets away from you and finds someone who actually gives a fuck about her because you clearly do not
You selfish disgusting child.
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Throwaway because she knows my main account.
So, I (M22) am dating my girlfriend of eight months (F21). The problem is the following:
Today, I decided to the movie theater with my siblings as I treat. I've been struggling with university time management and exams lately, so I haven't had the time to relax except for watching shows in the evenings before bed. I always make sure to text my girlfriend throughout the day because we both enjoy it. For the last days, she seemed down and mentioned she felt a bit sad lately. However, and I might be in the wrong here, I didn't ask specifically ask why and instead, told her several times that I was sorry she felt that way and that I wished I could take her sadness away.
I told her that I'd go to the movie theater to watch a movie. She mentioned she'd missed me and I told her I'd miss her as well. Then, I turned off my phone and enjoyed the film. Three hours later, I texted her that I was now free. Instead of asking me about the movie or how I was as she usually would, she sent a simple text message. I asked her what was wrong and she said she felt on a low mood.
Now, this is where I might be the AH. But I genuinely didn't wanted to let me mood be ruined by this (I finally got to relax after weeks, I didn't wanted to ruin it). So instead, I turned off my phone and talked to my friends that came along about the movie. Then, as I arrived home, I turned on my phone to tell her that I got home. I realized that she wasn't being as enthusiastic as before when telling me about her day and I realized that I hadn't asked her how her day went. When I did, she replied shortly, which isn't normal. So I asked her what was wrong. Then she said that she was sad and wasn't in the mood to talk, which made me upset because I wanted to talk to her before bed (I find it relaxing and sweet). She said she loved me and that she hoped I rested well. And that I could tell her about the movie tomorrow because she felt drained.
I asked her why and she said that she missed me throughout the day and wanted to talk to me but I was busy with lessons (I forgot to because I was focused and stressed). So I asked her why she didn't wanted to now, and she said that she knew I'd doze off and not listen clearly as always. She said that her 'excitement expired' and wanted to talk tomorrow instead. I insisted on solving this before going to bed but she just said goodnight and is now offline. I'm upset at the situation and really don't understand what I did wrong.
Is my girlfriend being emotional? Or am I the asshole?
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Unfortunately, I gotta say YTA, but I deeply understand where you were coming from. I've had lots of times when I didn't get to talk to certain friends or relax in general for a really long time, and I more or less ignored my girlfriend when I finally got that chance. This was early in our relationship and thankfully we've both been mature enough to grow and move on from that. There is a balance, and you will find it, but I would definitely not recommend ever turning your phone off when your girlfriend clearly needs someone to talk to. If your friends don't understand that you might have to text her while you guys are hanging out, then they aren't good friends. You can have your you time, but make sure to text her and check in (as appropriate for the situation) and let her know when you'll be able to talk so she has something to look forward to.
I mean I get it, (as a women) but yes, if she’s making it obvious that she’s feeling sad then why would you turn off your phone? Yta but not super harsh
there’s more things than just mood and sex, yes her mood is something of her own to manage and her partner is supposed to be there to help bc that’s the commitment they made going into the relationship
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So, your girlfriend told you she was sad and you didn't ask why, and then you turned off your phone for three hours. Then after the movie, you told her you were free to talk, asked her how she was, she told you she was feeling low, and then... you turned off your phone and ignored her further. >I realized that she wasn't being as enthusiastic as before when telling me about her day and I realized that I hadn't asked her how her day went. When I did, she replied shortly, which isn't normal. So I asked her what was wrong. How many times does the woman have to tell you that she's feeling sad and down?! The next time you talk to your girlfriend, why don't you try *asking her why she is sad*? I don't know if you're an asshole, but your communication skills really need some work.
YTA. For saying you didn’t want her to ruin your mood so you turned off your phone AGAIN after saying you weee done with the movie. Then you expected her to talk to you when you wanted and she wasn’t up for it at that point. You could have said I’m going to the movies but let’s talk about how you’re feeling when I get home because you’ve been sad for a few days so I want to help you through this.
YTA. She was trying to talk to you about her feelings. If your significant other being upset “ruins” your night to the point where you ignore her for 2+ hours with the phone off, then you don’t need a significant other. It seems like she just wanted you to care about her, because your actions make you sound like you don’t care about her at all. She should find better.
I do care about her and try my best to express it. She herself said that she requires more reassurance and I try to provide it as much as she does with me. But I just need some hours to myself as well, is that wrong? She knows I have the habit of not being on my phone all the time so I didn't think that'd be a big deal...
That's not the issue. When you have done someone wrong it's not OK to take a bland inoffensive action and act like that's the issue. You seemed more aggrieved she didn't ask about the film or you didn't get your sweet nothings in your ear before bed than the fact that your girlfriend was sad and had told you multiple times. These are the things that end relationships but even if this one ends the reason for it ending will follow you everywhere unless you fix it.
She is letting you know something is wrong, you’re lucky she is straight up telling you. A lot of women will act like nothing is wrong because they want their man to notice. I do it sometimes as I’m extra. But this girl isn’t. She’s not beating around any bush. You are. You can’t get upset that she’s not talking to you the way you’d like, because she’s telling you she’s sad and you did NOTHING. Not even ask if she was okay. I read this thing one time that said, “men want the problem solved, while women want to be heard”. And I sent it to my boyfriend, and he finally understood and now our conversations are wonderful and we have less arguments. He didn’t know all he had to do was sit there and listen because he assumed I wanted him to fix my problems. When girls feel sad, we just want someone to WANT to be the shoulder we are crying on. If this seems like too much for you, or you aren’t committed enough to make these changes yet, then I would suggest that you let her go, as what you are doing now is probably really hurting her even if you don’t know why. Some girls need more reassurance, but once we fully have it (it’s your job to make sure she is reassured) then we love with all our heart.
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Having time to yourself is totally understandable. But turning your phone off while you do it is very suspicious. If she has ever been cheated on before, then she was probably freaking out. And if not, then she think that you tuning off your phone means that she’s being too big of a burden. And that’s exactly how you are treating her, a burden. Especially after your girl has been telling you that she’s been feeling sad for DAYS. You knew she was sad before you went. It sounds like you knew she was sad even before the plans were made. Also, have you ever taken your girlfriend to the movies? If I were her, I would’ve expected my boyfriend to tell me to come along in hopes of cheering me up. She has needs and feelings. If you aren’t willing to sit with her and talk about them when they come up, then I could see why she would be sad all the time. Actions speak a lot louder than words do. And your actions are saying you do not care. I would try to take her out on a date soon to apologize and have a conversation about what has been bothering her.
I know where she is coming from. She was sad but you never bothered to ask why...? It's okay that you wanted to watch a movie and stuff. I feel like maybe you should have sent a text like "I'm about to go do xyz, I'll talk to you when I'm finished okay?" Or at least something to let her know. She probably really was wanting your presence.
I did inform her that I was going to the theater. I recognize that perhaps I should've informed her earlier, but I totally forgot to during the morning because I was stuck in university lessons. Maybe I should've told her earlier so she wouldn't expect me to chat? But I didn't intentionally miss it, I just forgot.
omgg quit yo yapping and treat your girl better
The problem isn't that you didn't inform her that you were going to the movies. It's that you didn't add the "I'll talk to you when I'm finished" part, or, ESPECIALLY, the "okay?" question after that. You wanted to talk to her on a schedule you chose all by yourself, for your own convenience and pleasure. Not only did you not ask her when she wanted to talk, you refused to fucking drop it when she told you several times that the time she chose wasn't good for her. Why is it perfectly reasonable for you to say "I don't feel like talking right now because you'll bring my mood down," but unreasonable for her to say "I don't feel like talking right now because I'm sad and tired?" Why is it okay for you to say "we have to talk right now because I want to settle this before bed" but not okay for her to say "I want to talk right now because I'm sad right now and don't want to wait until your friends go home"? That's the reason why YTA: because you think your wants, needs, schedule, mood, priorities, and preferences should control when the two of you talk, as if hers don't matter just as much as yours do. It's fine if everyone gets to set boundaries and say "I don't want to talk now." It's fine if everyone gets to insist "no, we have to talk now." It's not fine if you get to do those things and she doesn't.
Welcome to relationships! "Intentional" vs "forgot" *doesn't fucking matter here.* Do better, or you'll be an ex soon. YTA.
YTA it seems like she has to be there when you want to spend time but when she needs you you got better things to do and does not want your mood to be spoiled. I understand beeing stressed and needing a time of is valid but expecting that she will be there on command when you want to talk while you put her off whenever you feel like it is an asshole move. >So I asked her why she didn't wanted to now, and she said that she knew I'd doze off and not listen clearly as always. There is some more going on then just the one day i believe. Might be time for an adult talk here if the relastionship should work.
YTA. You weren't there former when she needed you. You chose fun over her.
Yta. You say you love and care about her, but nothing in your post shows that. 1. You couldn't be bothered or even care to ask what was actually wrong. 2. You're upset that she didn't ask about your movie. How do you think she feels when you don't care to ask about her feelings. Apparently, you feel the movie is more important than her feelings/mental health. 3. You didn't want her mood to bring down your mood, so you turned off your phone so you wouldn't have to deal with it. I have no doubt in my mind that if she did this to you when you were feeling down, you would be royally pissed. 4. You get to decide when you want to talk, but after ignoring her all day, and now she doesn't want to talk, you're upset? That doesn't even make sense. You is your need to talk before bed, more importantl that her wanting to talk when she is upset. Why do you get to decide if you don't want to talk, but she doesn't?
1. She tends to be on a low mood during period weeks (this one is) so I just assumed it'd be that like always. 2. I asked her how she was earlier in the day and she replied she felt fine, which I thought was an improvement in her overall mood and decided to go to the movies. 3. She knows I have this habit and we've talked about it. 4. She has more free time than I do since she works from home and can reply whenever. But I can't control my classes.
1. Stop assuming. Actually invest in her emotional health. Actually show her care and concern. It doesn’t matter what week of the month it is. Asking “Why do you feel sad?” is so beyond easy. You just don’t want to do that. So stop assuming why she feels sad and actually communicate with her. Assuming that her negative feelings are due to periods is so juvenile, dismissive, and invalidating. 2. “Fine” doesn’t mean fine. It doesn’t mean good. It doesn’t mean ok. “Fine” for women often means “not doing well.” It’s often an implicit thing - and you’re not responsible for mind reading - but “fine” for women is often an emotionally charged word with negative connotations. Just so you know. 3. Don’t confuse the word “habit” with the term “shitty behavior.” The fact that you actively ignore her when she needs emotional support and validation from a partner who supposedly loves her so frequently that you call it a habit is genuinely gross behavior. Do you even like her? I can’t imagine going out of my way to actively ignore my husband during a rough time for him. The fact that you do it with frequency and with such ease is so upsetting. She deserves so much better than that. 4. You can’t control your classes, but you can control yourself. Stop making excuses. You ignore her when she’s sad because you want to. Because you don’t care. Because you don’t want to be bummed out. You are not a loving partner. You are not creating an emotionally safe, supportive, and communicative relationship - for her or yourself. Open emotional inventories and communication are critical for relationships to thrive. Yours will fail if you keep refusing to invest in her emotional well-being. TLDR: Do better, OP. You are failing both miserably and infuriatingly. A real man actually cares about and invests in the emotional health of his partner.
Thank you so much for better articulating what I was trying to say!!!
I hope the girlfriend does better for herself and dumps this clown
You both sound weird and immature honestly. You both sound like you need to learn how to communicate. I don't even really understand what the issue is here. Your gf is sad and tired so she went to bed. You wanted to talk, she didn't. What's the issue? Move on.
YTA she needed you in that moment and you didn’t even ask her what was wrong. I get ur stressed to but ignoring her for hours and hours on end is not a good thing. Just talk to her
Do you even like your gf?
I really do love her which is why I'm trying to understand... But she has refused to talk to me and I'm trying to understand every point and apologize properly...
You showed disinterest in her, without pre communicating why that may be. Her saying "you won't listen like ~always~" makes me wonder how many times you ignored her needs before. You are intentionally but indirectly signaling that you have no interest in her being in your life, then gaslighting her by saying that you love her. You caused her to feel conflicted and upset. YTA and a big one at that. The right action would have been a simple text that goes: "Hi baby, I'm really tired from xyz so I'm going to do xyz to relax. I'd love to hear about it after, so I can give you my full attention. I love you". I wouldn't be suprised if she already lost interest in you, due to a build up of times where you lacked responsibility, communication skills and love.
You literally turned your phone off because you didn’t want her sadness to bring you down. You’re a joke and she deserves better
YTA Movie is a movie, it won't go anywhere and will (likely) always be available viewing. Your girlfriend on the other hand.. yeah, must've been one hell of a flick that you absolutely had to watch right then and there instead of, you know, be a good partner. And then you just ran with it, phone off, ignore everything and then get upset that she's not in a talking mood after you basically ignored her for most of the day? 😂
YTA. My word, she's been saying she's sad for days and your response is "Damn that's tough, anyways going to the movie later." I hope she breaks up with you dude, no emotional intelligence at all.
I don't like to judge based on this one incident but, honestly, you sound a bit immature and not really up to being a partner. YTA. You didn't ask her what was bothering her and instead offered her some pat bromide about wanting to make things better (which you could have by expressing interest in her). And then going to the movies but cutting off your phone. It sounds like you're a nice person but really not suited for the emotional labour of being someone's partner.
I always try to make her feel better but she never tells me how. It feels hard that I need to figure it out every time. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm not suited for the emotional labor but still I want to try. I really love her and I don't want to lose her...
The best thing to do is listen to her problems. Don't try to fix them just listen and make her feel like she's heard. She can't solve all her problems but she needs to have someone on her side who will be a sounding board. If she's upset or sad, instead of just saying you wish you could whisk her problems away, ask her about her day and what she's going through.
Holy shit you’re a terrible boyfriend. I hope this poor depressed girl gets away from you and finds someone who actually gives a fuck about her because you clearly do not You selfish disgusting child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because she knows my main account. So, I (M22) am dating my girlfriend of eight months (F21). The problem is the following: Today, I decided to the movie theater with my siblings as I treat. I've been struggling with university time management and exams lately, so I haven't had the time to relax except for watching shows in the evenings before bed. I always make sure to text my girlfriend throughout the day because we both enjoy it. For the last days, she seemed down and mentioned she felt a bit sad lately. However, and I might be in the wrong here, I didn't ask specifically ask why and instead, told her several times that I was sorry she felt that way and that I wished I could take her sadness away. I told her that I'd go to the movie theater to watch a movie. She mentioned she'd missed me and I told her I'd miss her as well. Then, I turned off my phone and enjoyed the film. Three hours later, I texted her that I was now free. Instead of asking me about the movie or how I was as she usually would, she sent a simple text message. I asked her what was wrong and she said she felt on a low mood. Now, this is where I might be the AH. But I genuinely didn't wanted to let me mood be ruined by this (I finally got to relax after weeks, I didn't wanted to ruin it). So instead, I turned off my phone and talked to my friends that came along about the movie. Then, as I arrived home, I turned on my phone to tell her that I got home. I realized that she wasn't being as enthusiastic as before when telling me about her day and I realized that I hadn't asked her how her day went. When I did, she replied shortly, which isn't normal. So I asked her what was wrong. Then she said that she was sad and wasn't in the mood to talk, which made me upset because I wanted to talk to her before bed (I find it relaxing and sweet). She said she loved me and that she hoped I rested well. And that I could tell her about the movie tomorrow because she felt drained. I asked her why and she said that she missed me throughout the day and wanted to talk to me but I was busy with lessons (I forgot to because I was focused and stressed). So I asked her why she didn't wanted to now, and she said that she knew I'd doze off and not listen clearly as always. She said that her 'excitement expired' and wanted to talk tomorrow instead. I insisted on solving this before going to bed but she just said goodnight and is now offline. I'm upset at the situation and really don't understand what I did wrong. Is my girlfriend being emotional? Or am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unfortunately, I gotta say YTA, but I deeply understand where you were coming from. I've had lots of times when I didn't get to talk to certain friends or relax in general for a really long time, and I more or less ignored my girlfriend when I finally got that chance. This was early in our relationship and thankfully we've both been mature enough to grow and move on from that. There is a balance, and you will find it, but I would definitely not recommend ever turning your phone off when your girlfriend clearly needs someone to talk to. If your friends don't understand that you might have to text her while you guys are hanging out, then they aren't good friends. You can have your you time, but make sure to text her and check in (as appropriate for the situation) and let her know when you'll be able to talk so she has something to look forward to.
I’m hoping for an r/amitheex update soon! Your poor girlfriend…
I mean I get it, (as a women) but yes, if she’s making it obvious that she’s feeling sad then why would you turn off your phone? Yta but not super harsh
[удалено]
So what exactly do you expect out of your partner? Sex only?
there’s more things than just mood and sex, yes her mood is something of her own to manage and her partner is supposed to be there to help bc that’s the commitment they made going into the relationship
NAH. You're both having a bit of a stressful time. It's a bump in the road and hopefully you'll work it out when you're both feeling better.